Stacked Keys Podcast
The idea to talk to women who are out there living and making a difference is where the Stacked Keys Podcast was born. There are women who make a difference, but never make a wave while paddling through life. Immediately I can think of a dozen or more who impacted me, but I want more. I want to talk to those I don't know and I want to share with an audience that might need the inspiration to find their own beat. This podcast is to feature women who are impressive in the work world-- or in raising a family -- or who have hobbies that can make us all be encouraged. Want to hear what makes these women passionate and get up in the morning or what they wish they had known earlier in life? Grab your keys and STOMP to your own drum.
Stacked Keys Podcast
Episode 209 -- Shellie Phelps -- Creativity, Community, and Embracing Life's Unpredictability
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What happens when a small-town art teacher discovers the power of creativity and community? Join us for an inspiring conversation with Shellie Phelps, an artist and director of the Chamber of Commerce in Wetumpka, Alabama, who transformed her life from an untrained art teacher to a successful studio owner and community leader. Shellie's passion for art knows no bounds, encouraging self-expression through unconventional tools like silver butter knives and toilet brushes, and her unexpected journey into the chamber world highlights the importance of community connection.
Throughout the episode, Shellie shares personal stories of loss, adoption, and embracing life's unpredictability. We explore the significance of letting go of control and finding peace in the present moment, while also delving into the unique challenges and joys of adoption. Shellie's insights on self-care, spirituality, and resilience offer a comforting reminder that life progresses in seasons, and each phase, no matter how uncertain, will eventually come to an end.
From the calming effects of pottery and nature to the complexities of leadership, this episode explores themes of authenticity, trust, and collaboration. Shellie's reflections on financial responsibility, education, and nurturing children's passions emphasize the value of self-reliance and following one's own path. Whether it's guiding children to discover their identities or marching to the beat of your own drum, Shellie's journey is a testament to the beauty of individuality and finding joy in every unique step of life.
Music "STOMP" used by permission of artist Donica Knight Holdman and Jim Huff
Empowering Women in Work and Art
Speaker 1I'm walking all alone down my yellow brick road and I stomp to the beat of my own drum. I got my pockets full of dreams and they're busting at the seams going boom, boom, boom.
Speaker 2Welcome to Stacked Keys Podcast. I'm your host, amy Stackhouse. This is a podcast to feature women who are impressive in the work world or in raising a family, or who have hobbies that make us all feel encouraged. Want to hear what makes these women passionate to get up in the morning, or what maybe they wish they'd known a little bit earlier in their lives.
Speaker 1Grab your keys and stomp to my own drum.
Speaker 2Whatever you do, it ain't nothing on me, because I'm doing my thing and I hold the key to all my wants and all my dreams like an old song well, I am super excited and I know that our listeners are going to be excited as well and they're going to feel very quickly that they get to know this guest very quickly, because she is quite personable and that's part of her job, but it's who she is as well. So today, phelps, welcome Shelly. Thank you, amy. Well, I'm really excited to have you and we're going to start right out at the gate as fast as we can. Shelly, tell people who you are, both personally and professionally. How do people know Shelly?
Speaker 3Well, that is a loaded question. So I'm Shelly and I, first and foremost, am an artist who happens to also be the director of Chamber of Commerce in Wetumpia, alabama. I'm a mother and I am a passionate community cheerleader.
Speaker 2Yeah, you are. There's my elevator speech I was going to say, that kind of wraps it all into one Artist. I didn't know that. So what kind of art? What's your passion there?
Speaker 3So I was an art teacher for about 15 years. I am not professionally trained. After my mother passed away, a friend of mine encouraged me to be an art teacher and I said, well, I'm neither an artist nor an art teacher. An art teacher. And I said, well, I'm neither an artist nor an art teacher. And, serendipity being real, I ended up landing a job as an art teacher because someone just came out of the woodwork and asked me, and I fell in love with it.
Speaker 3I fell in love with helping people express themselves through their own hands, kind of discovering who they are and being a part of that process discovering who they are and being a part of that process. So I did that for 15 years and along the way, I sort of found my niche with my weird artistic style. And when I moved to Wetumpka in 2017, I decided that I would, for the first time, open a studio, and the people in Wetumpka here scooped me up and loved me, and I've just sort of been rocking and rolling with the Big Fish Art Studio ever since, and so that has been my, my gig here, along with working at the Chamber of Commerce.
Speaker 2I didn't know that.
Speaker 3That's really cool and I taught. I actually started an art program back in 2018 in the county schools here, in two of the elementary schools, because I really think it's important that young people have the opportunity to express themselves. It doesn't matter if you're a student or an adult, or an organization or a whole community. The best way to tell your story is through the arts. That's what gives you flavor, and I think that as a society, we've gotten away from that and we dilute who we are, and so I encourage everyone to find your way to express and just roll on with that yeah, what's your favorite medium?
Speaker 3it depends on the day and my mood. I do paint quite a bit. I paint with my grandmother's silver butter knife because what are you going to do with a silver butter knife besides that? And it makes me feel really happy to have her knife in my hand while I'm painting. But I'll also paint with a toilet brush or my fingers or whatever is, it doesn't matter. I love paper mache, I love mixed media. I have a piece of artwork in my hallway that's really textured and someone said how did you get that texture on the tree? And I said well, I actually just cut some bristles off a broom because I was just in the mood and that moved me and I just kind of get in that creative zone and do whatever. So it's really about just how you feel when you're creating, as opposed to what you get when you're done. So just really free spirited.
Speaker 2Yeah, oh, wow, I like that. And then you've, you're into the chamber world and that is a fast paced, busy world. So how did you step into that role?
Speaker 3how did you step into that role? Interestingly enough, when I got to Wetemka, there was not art in school, and so I thought that's how I ended up opening a studio gallery. And we had at that point, our Main Street director such a visionary, just a brilliant person and she invited me to be part of the team that was helping with the revitalization at downtown and she asked me to paint the first mural here, which I said I would do not, realizing that it was on top of a really tall building and I'm afraid of heights. But anyway, I did. I did paint that first mural and really just got involved with her and her vision and that passion for our community and breathing new life back into Udumka.
Speaker 3And so about two, three years into my move here, some people came to me and said, hey, would you consider being the director of the Chamber of Commerce? And I said, well, I don't know. So I picked up my phone and I said well, siri, what does the Chamber of Commerce do? Because I really had. I had no idea and what I've come to find is that it should just do whatever the community needs. It should just. Our only job at the Chamber of Commerce is to bring people together and to connect people so that they can build relationships, because that's where success is All. Success is relational, and so, although I'm not a business-oriented chamber director, I am a pretty decent relationship builder, and so things have gone pretty well. I've been doing this about six years. I still work tightly with Main Street, still run an art studio, do big events, and so it's great's great wow, wow.
Speaker 2Well, let's jump into this. Not only did you come in at the just coming in and learning, but you came in and hometown makeover came over shortly after that, right.
Speaker 3They did. They did so. Ben and Erin Napier had the hit show Hometown in Laurel Mississippi and over time you know the first three years of that show they didn't really say that it was Laurel Mississippi, and so people across the globe quickly fell in love with them because they're so endearing. And so, back in 2019, the producers of the show out of Toronto RTR Media, and then the talent from the show, ben and Erin they thought well, what if we? I wonder if we could take over a whole town. I wonder if we could do in another town what we're doing in Laurel Mississippi. And so in early 2020, they put an all call out across the US for towns to submit videos. And again, our Main Street director brilliant, a brilliant writer wrote a script about why Wetumpka needed to be chosen for the show. And so our mayor and our mainstream director and myself just told our story and we submitted it and we were chosen. So we were the very first town for hometown takeover.
Speaker 3So, in the middle of a global pandemic, we filmed with Ben and Aaron Napier. They would come in and out of town. The fabulous producers came from all over the US into Wetonga. They fell in love with it. We fell in love with them and we created this television show and none of us had any idea how much work TV is. It sounds glamorous, it is hard work. I have never met anyone that works harder than the producers of a television show Absolutely unbelievable. And because of the pandemic, every time we were on camera we had to be COVID tested two times. So our nose holes will never be the same.
Speaker 3And when the show came out we knew it would be pretty successful because Ben and Erin everyone loves them. But because of the pandemic and people having been cooped up and the craving of community and to be together and the craving of something positive, when our show aired we were the number one show on HGTV and the number two show in all of television. We beat 90 Day Fiance and no one was really prepared. That was yeah, that was it. That really kind of blew everyone's minds. We knew it'd be good, but we didn't know it would be that good. And so we have since then seen that people across the globe have fallen in love with Wetumpka and with the characters that were on the show and they come visit us and they step into the chamber and they speak and they fall in love with Wetumpka and they keep coming back. So we are very blessed to have lots and lots of tourists now and our town is thriving, so it's wonderful.
Speaker 2Yeah, and I mean y'all were able to take something, and because you were visionaries but you also were doers, they found it more attractive. So did you have a plan, or did you put a plan together real quickly, or does that plan continue to evolve?
Speaker 3Well, long before I moved here and I and I do a lot of public speaking across the US because once we were chosen, what we towns and communities started to reach out and say what were you doing, why was Wetumpka chosen, what were you doing differently? Reach out and say what were you doing, why was Wetumpka chosen, what were you doing differently? And so, long before I got here, the people that lived here, the leadership here, had started to construct a plan, beginning with streetscapes, infrastructure, all of those things. We got our Main Street designation in 2015. That was long before I moved here and they the Main Street really started that process.
Speaker 3So everything that we have done up until this point has been on the coattails of those original efforts of the people that started to lay that groundwork, and what's happened over time is that people have bought into that vision, that we now have a massive promotions team through our main street. It used to be three or four people and now they're 30, 40 people show up and they're helping to plan events and there's just a lot of people that want to be part of the positive momentum, and so that has been an ongoing thing with a lot of people working together. We do collaborative events. Currently we're in the middle of planning our downtown Dickens Christmas, where we transform the entire downtown into a historic Christmas village. That obviously takes the efforts of everyone.
Speaker 3No one person can do that. So it's an ongoing vision, an ongoing plan, knowing who we are, staying authentic. All of that, and so that is why we were chosen because we were already doing the work. A TV show cannot come save a town. A TV show can come and pour jet fuel on the people doing the work. Our mayor likes to say that it was like lightning in a bottle when the show aired. You know whoosh so? But we were. We were already here doing the work and that had been going on for a very long time prior, because people love this place.
Speaker 2Yeah, well, and you're right. I mean that community spirit and where everybody comes together, there is something constantly going on in the downtown Wetumpka area. If there is a weekend, that is just a clear weekend. I mean, there's still all the shops and there's all these things that you can walk around and do, but it's unusual for there not to be an event.
Speaker 3It is very unusual and the magic equation that we have learned event planning is very time consuming and it just is very draining for anyone that's ever planned a large scale event. And so the way that it works is that we support each other's events, but different people take the lead on different events. So, for example, main Street just did a massive holiday hop open house downtown last weekend. The Chamber of Commerce takes the lead on downtown Dickens Christmas, and the following weekend the city takes the lead on Christmas, on the CUSA, and we all participate and support those. But sometimes you're the Lone Ranger and sometimes you're Tonto, but that allows us to offer more, because it's like a relay race, basically, and communicate those things. We're doing this and you do this and help one another because we all have the same last name. We're all the same family. We just have different first names, right? So it's about working in collaboration and not in competition.
Speaker 2Well, that's interesting that you use the word competition there not being in competition. Are you competitive by nature?
Speaker 3I am very competitive with myself. I'm very, very self-critical, but I'm not competitive with others. I'm very blessed in the fact that I have this inherent ability to feel joy when other people win and I don't know that everyone else has that, but I just love when other people succeed, when other communities succeed. I do a lot of, I spend a lot of time traveling and helping other communities, even communities in our region, because I just want the best for people. So I don't believe that that is where the magic is in competition. I think we should just all be the best versions of ourselves, that you should just worry about yourself and not about what everyone else is doing, and then just you know, love, love other people where they're at and lift them up. I think that is really more, more my spirit, yeah.
Speaker 2Yeah, Are you where you thought you'd be in your career?
Speaker 3in your life, when you started out as a youngster, right out of school. Oh my gosh, if you had told me, even 10 years ago, that I would be a director of the Chamber of Commerce in a small town in Alabama, I would have told you that sooner the moon would be made of cheese. That is just so far beyond what I ever imagined. So far beyond that. I spent my earlier years doing large practice management, so organizational management. I'm very good at putting systems into place and team building and and all of that.
Speaker 3And then I became an art teacher after my mother passed away. Loved that, loved helping people, young people, be creative. Did a lot of work with that, with nonprofits, women with cancer, and then started at the Chamber of Commerce and working with HGTV and I feel like my worlds have all sort of collided in that now I help communities tell their stories through the arts and lift them up. So I feel like I've sort of been able to take all my hats and put them into one hat at this season of my life, and so it's been lovely.
Navigating Loss, Adoption, and Self-Care
Speaker 2That is. That is and you know I've talked to some people lately about failure and and taking the idea of failure and embracing it. When you hear that word failure, what? What crosses your mind and how do you is your mind and how do you, how do you feel about it? Um, in, in the day-to-day of what you do, and in, and motherhood and relationships, what is, what? Does failure jump out and say to you?
Speaker 3for me, I think sometimes it is just that we have to let go, that there is. There is such peace in letting go of trying to control everything and that has been something in this later season of my life that I have become a lot better at that. I don't need to control everything, and so that it isn't necessarily a failure, it's just a not yet, or how can I? I can't do this, but what can I do? What can I do where I am right now instead of feeling defeated about that?
Speaker 3And I also am a very spiritual person and so I know that when we try and control things, it's very easy to say, oh my gosh, look what I did and I had this great success, look at me.
Speaker 3Whereas when things seem impossible or it just feels so defeating or feels so overwhelming or hard or like you are not doing well, and then it does work out that, then that is where you see the God in it, and that, to me, is where the beauty is in that you know wasn't me that that really is miraculous and I got to be a part of that. So I try not to feel negative about things. I just try and let things be what they are, and I always try and focus on what I can do, not what I can't, because you're always going to have no's and things that don't work out or things that don't turn out the way you planned. And I'm an adoptive mom and I think that that was a life lesson in that too, that you just have to let go and let God, and it most often turns out way better than you could have ever planned anyway, if you could just get out of your way yeah, um, so being an adoptive mom, I mean you've raised the kids, they're grown, they're, they go on.
Speaker 2What kind of feelings and advice and reflections do you have on that? Because sometimes people in their comments put a different spin, that that might not feel so good. So how would? How would you offer encouragement to somebody that might be walking the same path that you did?
Speaker 3oh, that's so funny. So my children, um, my last two sons I have one daughter that is homegrown, and then my sons are adopted from south Korea and they're fantastic. All my kids are great. It was a faith walk of substantial proportion. If you want a lesson in waiting and letting go and relinquishing control, I encourage you to adopt. That will definitely give you your PhD. I was fortunate while I was in the process that I mentored for our adoption agency, and so I met all these brilliant moms that all adopted at the same time that I did, and so we call ourselves the soul sisters and we have remained friends our entire lives and we have remained not judgmental support system. In fact, we were all on a huge chat two days ago about some issues that some of us are having and what advice we have.
Speaker 3I think that, being an adoptive mom, you do get comments that other people do not when your kids don't look like you. I think that, in general, people are curious. They're just curious because it's different and everyone has something to say. I try and use those opportunities to educate. Most of the time, when people say things to me, it is because they are interested in adoption or they have considered it and they're feeling me out. So, rather than responding defensively, which is your instant response when someone says something that feels invasive, is to respond negatively, I just learned to say. That's an interesting question. Why are you asking me that? Because if they're truly interested in adopting, if they feel that call in their heart, then I would be very happy to share my personal story with them and to help them and to point them in the right direction. If they're being inappropriately curious, then I just tell them that that's my children's story and it's not mine to tell, and that you know that, that that that probably is not appropriate. And then, uh, so, so I, that's just sort of how I've learned to handle that. But, uh, most of the time, once people meet our family, once they don't see my kids ethnicity anymore, they just see us as a family. They don't notice the difference because they act just like me and we're just you know, they just don't. They don't notice the difference anymore after a little bit. So, right, you're just family, just families. Family is, you know, family is not about biology. Family is not about biology. Yeah, yeah, that's very true.
Speaker 3But you've had some loss. I mean, you said you lost your mom. And so how do you navigate loss? You're such a happy, outgoing, bright, vibrant person. What does loss feeling look like to you?
Speaker 3You know, I think there are these seasons in our life where there's just tremendous loss. Just, there was a season when my daughter graduated high school, didn't know what she was going to do. I just moved back to Colorado temporarily because my mother was terminally ill, so I lost my mother. I didn't know where I was going to be living. I, my daughter, didn't. There was just. It just felt like one thing after another, almost like when you're standing on the beach and the sand keeps washing out from under you and you think you just kind of get numb to it because you think I can't, I can't take one more thing. And then you know, fortunately in life, everything is in a season. There's a season but eventually it ends.
Speaker 3And so I think for me becoming an art teacher, being able to pour my heart and soul into those kids the first kids I taught were in a school south of Atlanta, and a lot of the kids were from the housing authority, so they were kids that were very, very underserved, and so the way I handled my grief was my mother was the most creative person that I know, and so, rather than focusing on the loss of her, I chose to keep the parts of her that I love the most alive in me, and so that is where the teaching and the creativity and all of that started. My mother always worked in the school system, so I've tried to take those things that we love the most about her and to keep those alive through me so that my children, through me, get to see those things. And so I started some art camps in the housing authority. I would take paint behind the barbed wire to give kids access to the arts that they didn't have it. My friend was a music teacher. She would bring musical instruments and everyone would say, oh my gosh, that's so great of you, shelly, you're so you're, you're, you're helping those kids so much. And you know, every time I would leave and I would cry because I didn't really do it for them, I did it for me because it just it was like balm on my heart to do that. So it was really great.
Speaker 3And my mother was a reenactor and she was the queen of Christmas. She was the queen of Christmas when she passed away. We themed her funeral Christmas in heaven. So the downtown Dickens Christmas every year. I am able to pour my heart and soul in that too, because of my mom. Oh, I love that. That is how I deal with my grief, so yeah.
Speaker 2That's really neat because it um, it's also a giving, which is definitely a thread that that runs through you. I mean, that's part of what you do is is put out for others, Um, can you tell when you need a break, when you need to step away and breathe?
Speaker 3I'm getting better at that. I am getting better at that. I have this saying, and everyone that works in the office will tell you. I'll say I need to go now. I can't people anymore. I can't people anymore. I can't people Because it is. We are servants. If we are doing our job well, we are community servants and we are helping. The way we answer the phone is thank you for calling the Chamber of Commerce. This is Shelly. How can I help? And so anyone that is in a position where you serve or where you help others? This is Shelly. How can I help, and so anyone that is in a position where you serve or where you help others? It is a little emotionally draining, but I paint and I meditate and I hike and I breathe and I spend a lot of time outside and I do the things I know that I need to do. I eat healthy. I try and mind body spirit as much as I can.
Speaker 2That's real.
Speaker 3Mind, body, spirit is real.
Speaker 2Oh, I wholeheartedly agree. Have you always been like that? Or did you have a wake up call? Or did you say, hey, this is what I'm going to do?
Speaker 3You know I have not. In fact we joke, not really. It's not funny that when my oldest daughter, you know, when I was a mom and I being a good mom because I was so selfless, everyone else's needs were before my own, everyone's I cooked fabulous dinners all the time and had people over and I was room mother and I, just I did every. I never said no to anything and I loved and supported everyone. I loved and supported everyone but not myself.
Speaker 3And my daughter, who is now married and a mom, has called me out really hard on that and she said you need to love you the way you love others because you will be a better mother if you're not so tired or feeling like you need to cry all the time because you're just not okay. And it's easy to feel bitter or resentful when your tank is empty. So it's okay to step away and say you know I can't, I can't do that today. Or or I just need, I just need a minute so that I can be a better of better service to others, and that's about finding life balance. And I think as we get older, it's easier to see those things. I think we get wiser. We get wiser as we get older.
Speaker 2Yeah, how did you find balance while your kids were little or while they were growing up?
Discovering Creativity and Resilience
Speaker 3Well, this is funny. So when my kids, when my babies, I brought two babies home my sons are only 22 months apart they told me there was no way to adopt children any closer than three or four years in an age spread and they're 22 months apart. So I had two babies in Alaska and my daughter high school, and so it was dark and I was often yeah, it was dark, it was cold and I was. It was very overwhelming. So I met this kid. His name was Joe, he was a petroleum engineer and he loved pottery and he said you should come sit in my garage and throw pottery and I just fell in love with it.
Speaker 3There's something so calming and centering about having your hands in that clay. So I put a wheel in my garage in Alaska and I put my babies to bed and I would put the baby monitor there and I would sit in my garage and I would throw clay and throw clay and sometimes I would never even make anything. I throw 20 pounds of clay just for that centering feeling of joy, being present and creating just it's like a form of prayer and just refilling my soul. So that is how I and I did a lot of hiking. My kids spent a lot of time in a hiking stroller, did a lot of hiking in Alaska, being outside and just breathing, you know, just trying to find your way five minutes at a time, so sorry.
Speaker 3Momming is hard.
Speaker 2It is hard and you add those environmental elements to it and you can have a disaster in a hurry. The dark, yeah, the dark. And then we visited and I think Isaac was probably two years old at the time and I just remember thinking there's no way I could take 30 minutes to get out of the house putting all these layers on them and then go out and then have to unlayer and I know, as a visitor it's one thing, but I just couldn't imagine doing it. And everybody had the mud rooms and that's how you lived.
Speaker 3When I lived in Alaska, people would say your arms are so buff, do you work out? And I said, all right, I have two babies, right, two toddlers. So imagine, in snow boots and snowsuits, one on each hip. Then I put them into a shopping cart and I have to push the cart, this heavy cart, through the snow because it's not clear like your arms. I was buff because I always had a tape. It's gone up and down the stairs, it's real. Yeah, it's really real. Yeah, I laugh now.
Speaker 2It was kind of hard then, but yeah, yeah, well, and that's a little bit of perspective. You can laugh now. But yeah, I remember that my girls were close in age and I can remember left and right they. But yeah, I remember that my girls were close in age and I can remember left and right. They were the same. I had the same strength in both because you were lifting simultaneously. So are you a heart? Well, let me phrase it this way Do you think it's more important to center your heart or defend your spirit?
Speaker 3Center your heart.
Speaker 1Why Center your?
Speaker 3heart. I believe that when you have that peace in your heart, when you have that sense of self heart, when you have that sense of self, when you have that peace in your heart, when you can feel the God in you, that is where your authenticity is, that is where your confidence is. And I think that if your heart is truly pure and centered and you do have that sense of self and that connection with God, then you are able. All the rest just sort of falls into place, I just think, and you don't care about the outside influence of what society thinks you should be or what someone else has to say, even if they're a miserable human being, because miserable people can be quite cruel. So I think if you just have this really centered, balanced, peaceful, love-filled heart, that all the rest I don't know.
Speaker 2That's my I don't know if that was the question, yeah, it falls into place. I can hear it and see it. You've had to work with a lot of people and you've had to depend on some to be in leadership positions, and you yourself are quite a leader. So what's your description of a good leader? What do you look for in a leader? What impresses you as a leader? What kind of leader are you for?
Leading With Trust and Courage
Speaker 3in a leader? What impresses you as a leader? What kind of leader are you? I think to me, one of the truest signs of a leader is the person that will look you straight in the face and say I don't have the answer to that, I don't know. Acknowledging that you don't know. Acknowledging that you need others.
Speaker 3And true leaders have the ability to bring diversity into a room and listen, let other people take the credit. And that's where the magic happens, when you true leader brings people together, diverse perspectives into a room, people of all different beliefs and ages and ethnicities, and just lets them, doesn't try and control it, just lets people be their brilliant selves and respects that and doesn't feel the need to control the situation. And I think in our community we are very good at that, very, very good at that. When we put all the players together in a room, it's this crazy cross section of people with different strengths and we all not that we all get along, I mean, it's not like we live in Disneyland, for sure but we do all work respectfully in tandem and I think that that is very important, that respect and working toward the greater good with the same mission, respectfully in tandem.
Speaker 3And you know, you'll know that in any ribbon cutting at the Chamber of Commerce, if you'll look at the pictures, I stand on the end. So if they have to crop somebody out, they crop out me. There you go, because I don't care. You know I don't care. I just care that somebody has started a business. They, we've encouraged them to take the risk and it's their life's dream and and we're here to love them through it and to hopefully help them prosper. Uh, so that's not about me, that's about them and that's awesome.
Speaker 2I'm sorry. So, yeah, the leadership is. It doesn't have to be about you, nope, nope, you lead from beside and behind, and sometimes out front.
Speaker 3Sometimes from underneath, just keep pushing, sometimes underneath, there you go, yeah, sometimes Sometimes from underneath, and that's okay, that's okay, just to just to love others more than you love yourself. You know, I think that that is that's where that selfless, servant part comes into play. And, and you know, I have the opportunity to meet a lot of leadership across the U? S and a lot of communities and to meet so many brilliant people with such big hearts doing such inspirational work, and it really is all the same. And the people that are successful are those people that put others first and are super creative and just see the good rather than focusing on the bad, and so yeah Well, how do you know you can trust someone?
Speaker 2A lot of trust has to go into what you're doing. I mean, from the events that you're putting together, the people that you're having come speak, that you're having come speak when you put together one of these seminars where you're really trying to pump people up and really educate and inspire, you've got to put a lot of trust that somebody's going to see your vision all the way through when they come in as a keynote. So how do you know you can trust someone?
Speaker 3Well, I will say this I am very, I try to be very kind and I'm very, very friendly, but I do not trust easily. I, I really my circle of trust is very small. Generally, I will say that I do trust my intuition. I believe our intuition is one of our greatest gifts. Rarely am I wrong about somebody, not that I'm not because I have been, and you know I still continue to. Not Sometimes I'm wrong when I, but generally when I meet somebody and I think wow, when I meet somebody and I think wow, they, when I'm with them, I just feel like there's something so exceptional about them. Or when I feel inspired by them, then I feel like other people will too. And before anyone comes to any sort of, when we do the leadership seminars and there has been a lot of conversation, a lot of vetting goes into that so that I know it is a good fit. So because whenever we it's not just a leadership there's always an overwhelming theme.
Speaker 3You know, the first year we did it was for women. It was called re-imagineagine reimagining ourselves beyond what society tells us. We should be, reimagining ourselves outside of our jobs, reimagining that, and so we needed speakers that would speak to that and sort of it would all resonate with the same message. And it was interesting because you bring people in from all over the US and it just goes together. It's just so perfect. The next time we did it it was about grit, it was about overcoming and when it is hard, and having people come in and tell those stories of resiliency and not giving up and succeeding beyond what was perceived as failure. And so this year was Ignite. You know how do you ignite your passions, ignite your ideas, how do you step beyond that fear? And so it's coming up with an idea and then really just marinating on it and go who do I know whose message or whose story really fits with that, with what we're trying to say in this event? So that's, I'm all about the vibe.
Speaker 2Yeah, well, you've hit the vibe pretty well. What are you afraid of?
Speaker 3in your life Snakes, snakes no, um, fear, um, I I. I will say this I do actually tend to be fairly fearful. Um, there are, there are times and I think that happens to all of us that you think, oh my, my gosh, like I'm absolutely terrified of this. But I have this little mantra, prayer that I do every day and I tell God that if God lays it down in front of me, that I will have the guts to pick it up, no matter how scared I am, whatever it is. And there have been some times that I get phone calls, I get asked to do things or asked to speak places, and it is absolutely, I mean, makes me feel like a deer in the headlights. But I do it anyway because I believe that greatness lives directly on the other side of fear, and if you don't just push through the fear, you're never going to get to the great stuff.
Speaker 3So so many people just sit in their fear rather than their faithfulness, because fear is not from God. We were all created holy, and I mean we're all whole and capable. So just insufficient, we're all sufficient. So that feeling of unworthiness, that's where the fear comes from. So that is not, that's not real. So I just tell myself that it's not real and that my only job is to be a connector and to be mildly sufficient. And then I feel okay, and then I just roll on with it. I'm just here to be sufficient, and whatever I do is better than nothing, and I just let it go. So. But it doesn't mean I'm not afraid, and it doesn't mean that there are not times that I am doing things that I am absolutely scared out of my mind, but I do it anyway, I can assure you Well, and then the other side, you get to kind of build that theory because you survive and and it is right and my kids?
Speaker 3I want to model that for my kids and even my grandson um. Every year I do some sort of adventure on my grandson's birthday, and so last year he turned 13, um. And so I decided to take in zip lining and not really thinking about the fact that I do sometimes have a fear of heights, I wasn't really that, didn't really process. I just had this idea that I was me zip lining over the trees with my grandson and that was going to be so majestic and wonderful. And so we get in the harness and we climb up this thing and we are on this little stand that is so small, it's so small and there's no like barrier. You're just standing there so high up and I can feel the gut-wrenching panic and I think, oh my gosh. So there's an eye bolt sticking out the tree and I stuck my index finger through that eye bolt, thinking somehow that would ground me and help calm my heart. So I was trying to not panic because I didn't want him to see that I was afraid.
Speaker 3And so he he's. He calls me Yaya. He says, yaya, are you scared? And I said, no, I'm not, I'm not scared, I am not scared. So I ziplined the whole, the whole way we had done. I am just thanking God when we are done that I can climb down off that thing, because I, my legs are just shaken, I'm just I'm miserable and so. But I do, I do the whole day. And so we go to lunch and we're sitting there and I looked at him and I said can I tell you a secret? He said yeah, and I said I was absolutely terrified. I said so your birthday gift is this. When you're scared, do it anyway, do it anyway. And so he just laughed. He said oh yeah, you were scared. I could tell your knees were shaking could tell your knees were shaking.
Speaker 2Oh, finger stuck in the hole, oh no, oh my gosh, were you a strong kid? I mean as strong in your mindset and in your will as a kid or as a young adult?
Speaker 3Not at all. I was very much a people pleaser. I think part of that is generational. You know, I joke. In fact I joke that I'm going to write a book because I feel like at this age I was sort of as a little girl. I got asked the first time if I had a boyfriend when I was five because, you know, the only goal for a woman my age was to grow up, get married, have kids, and it was okay if you became a teacher. That really was the message. And then you know, sort of midlife it's women work. And so you know, my mom was basically a stay-at-home mom. She worked part-time in the schools and she did all of that and my dad was the breadwinner and that was how I grew up. And then you know, we've had this societal shift and so I did not speak out. That was not part of that. My dad is a judge. He is very, very prominent in our community.
Speaker 3I got good grades, I did as I was told. I did not rock the boat. I did not want to. I was. That was not a variable in my equation. And then I became a mom and I decided that I wanted to model the behaviors. So I didn't really do it for me. I wanted to model the behaviors of a strong woman for my daughter and that and I have done that. I have done that to the best of my ability. I'm not saying it's perfect, but I've tried hard to morph myself and to evolve through these seasons, because it isn't the message I received growing up and to send a different message to my children that you are whole, you are capable, you are sufficient, and so am I. All of that. But I was not. I was very much a people pleaser and cared what people thought so much, and I don't now, and that's liberating.
Speaker 2Yeah Well, I wonder if people from your past are like who is this? Who is this Shelly? We do not know her.
Speaker 3I mean, I've always been chatty, I've always been chatty, but I'm just.
Speaker 3I think I'm not afraid to say the hard things, yeah, and I never want to hurt people's feelings. But it is okay to speak your truth respectfully. It is okay to voice your needs as a woman. It is okay to say that you don't like things. It's okay to set healthy boundaries for yourself and that is something I have learned much later in life is to set healthy boundaries, and my favorite way of saying that is oh, I'm sorry, that's not a Shelly thing. Then I'm owning it, but I'm also not doing it.
Speaker 3I'm owning that I'm putting it on you, but I'm not doing that. So yeah. So it's just trying to find that balance. You know it's. It'll be interesting to see in the next generation how much they have to pivot and evolve.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah, well it's interesting that you phrase it like that. That's not a Shelley thing. And to have boundaries because in your career it can, it can bleed all over you. I mean it can. Boundaries can be absolutely non-existent. So is it hard for you to do that? Or can you?
Speaker 3you just kind of weigh what's better and what's best that, or can you, you just kind of weigh what's better and what's best? I, I, I will quote our, I will quote our mayor. He has this great saying and it rings in my ear um, before before I say, or engage or or address something, uh, I hear him and he says is it worth sticking that stick in the ant pile? You know, do you? Is it worth stirring up the ant pile over, or is it okay just to let it go? And so there are times that things need to be addressed and I'm willing to put the stick in the ant pile, and there are other times, you're like you know, it doesn't really matter.
Speaker 3But if, for me, I don't handle disrespect well, so I, if I feel like someone's behavior or someone's words are disrespectful, then I need to, for my own wellbeing, address that.
Speaker 3And I have been known to say, um, your tone or your words feel disrespectful to me, yeah, and, and I, and I feel like that is because I'm owning how I feel and I'm not calling anyone names, but I, I'm, it's okay to own that I, that, indeed, that behavior, it feels disrespectful to me.
Speaker 3So I do try to take, take, be accountable, be accountable for what I say and what I do and not to project onto others but, um, to also honor, honor myself, it's. It's okay to protect myself the same way I would protect my children. Yeah, you know, I got when my kids the one of my people that works here she's like my family and my sons went away to college and I didn't cook dinner for like 30 days because I didn't have to and she called me out. She said why is it that every day when your kids are home, you tell me what you were going home to make dinner and now they're gone. Why don't you love yourself enough to make dinner? Ooh bam Woo. So I've tried to do better about that now, but she called me out pretty hard on that.
Financial Responsibility and Education
Speaker 2Yeah, that's interesting, because that's the servant heart in you, and so you have to serve yourself. So what subject makes your brain ache, that you would just run from or don't even want to deal with?
Speaker 4Math yeah math.
Speaker 3I hate it. I don't like math. I don't like any math, I just don't. I mean I'm good at it, I'm good at it, I just don't like any math. I just don't. I mean, I'm good at it, I'm good at it, I just don't like it. The things I don't enjoy I don't enjoy anything to do with money. I am not driven by money. I'm not driven by money. I don't enjoy that. I don't enjoy fundraising. I enjoy things with a purpose and so so, for example, when someone's like, oh, we need you a fundraiser, whereas, oh, let's do a leadership conference, it's really going to inspire people, then I'm like yes, I'm all in.
Speaker 3Let's do that. Let's create a magical Christmas for every child in the region. But let's try and go raise $150,000. I'd be terrible at sales. I'd $150,000. I'd be terrible at sales. I'd be terrible, Amy. I'm just not driven by that.
Speaker 2Well, you've had to handle your own finances, and then you've had to handle the budget of a business. So do you just do it?
Speaker 3I just do it, I do it. I'm very frugal, I'm very, very frugal, I'm very, yes, I'm very, um, I'm very frugal, um, and it I do not enjoy, I just I like knowing things are taken care of. I like, I like that being um. That's my dad in me. My dad raised me like that. Uh, and I, I, I'm very financially responsible. I always have been. My dad told me when I was a very little girl, which is interesting because my mother, you know, basically it was from that generation where, you know, the men were the breadwinners. So I was, I don't know, I was probably 12. My dad said don't you ever expect someone else to pay your bills? And I looked at him.
Speaker 3I said, yes, sir, yeah, and that's the way it's always been yeah so and that's solid advice absolutely don't put yourself in a position um that you can't pivot like. Always be able to take care of yourself. He said always have a skill, always have a skill so you can always get a job, whatever that is, maybe go to college, maybe don't go to college, whatever that is, and you go to college, maybe don't go to college, whatever that is, and you can always change. You can get it, you know, change your career, but always be able to take care of yourself financially. Always be able to take care of yourself financially, especially as a woman.
Speaker 3He was very, very emphatic about that.
Speaker 2Yeah, my dad was really good in the sense that education was super important to him and it was get your education, because you don't know what you need and you don't have time to say, could you wait while I go get that? And so it was be prepared, have something in your toolbox to be able to pull out. And I mean, I came along in the time too. I guess my mom had education. It was so crazy to me. We were looking, my mom passed away and you know you start digging into all these things that you kind of wish you'd talked about before they passed.
Nurturing Children's Passions and Achievements
Speaker 2But her mother was college educated and she was, and her sisters were, and her brother came home because he said a man can survive A woman better have the education. And so he came home from college because her mom couldn't afford to have two in at the same time. Her mom couldn't afford to have two in at the same time. And so it was just it's fascinating to have conversations to see what was important in your family lineage and and then what you put forward. How did you help your children decide who and what they wanted to be?
Speaker 3Well, interestingly enough, I have this weird. I have this weird mindset that I have been entrusted to raise three children. Well, kind of more than that, because sometimes my friends' kids end up at my house too. But I've been entrusted, so they're really not mine, but I've been entrusted, so they're really not mine, I've just been entrusted to raise them, and so I try not to really influence too much.
Speaker 3I've tried very hard to expose my children to as much as possible so that they could sort of figure out who and what they are, whether that's exposing them to lots of language when they were young, lots of travel, lots of different types of foods, lots of just every imaginable thing, just tons of life experience. So that, I mean, I have one that is incredibly musically inclined, one that couldn't carry a tune in a bucket. They both had had the same, the same exposure to things. So, whatever that is, and just allowing them, allowing them to fail, not letting them quit things, you know, wait, finish it out, encouraging them just to try new things, whether you like it or not, you don't know, you don't know, and so, um, we've really done that.
Speaker 3So I have my daughter owned her own business, was very successful, uh, and now has two kids, so she's taking a little break from that. She's a brilliant mom, super about nutrition. She. She and Becca have very much the same mindset about she and Becca have very much the same mindset about food and, oh my gosh, all the things about wellness and just the whole mind, body, spirit, balance. And then I have one that's about to graduate with a degree in economics and political science. He's considering law school, wants to be a lobbyist for education, he loves nonprofit work. And then my youngest son is a brilliant musician, but he is actually has one more year before he goes to medical school. So those are all very different, very, very different. And when they're together they're very different people. But then they're all in the kitchen and they're sarcastic and they're bantering and I think, oh, that's me, that's, that's, that's the me.
Speaker 3And that's allowing them to be who they are, I think, and I don't need my kids to be like me, I just want them to be like them.
Speaker 2Yeah, Well, that's that's fun to see that and see. See those connect. So shelly where? Where do you go when you have a problem, when you've got something, you, you seem like you have it so together and there's just no boulders in the road for shelly um but that's because I'm private amy it is that private um, well, well, but.
Speaker 2But I think that that it would be very insightful for those of us who have more boulders than you may of of what do you, how do you? Well, you talked about your grounding, so I get that, but but where do you go when you have a problem? How do you show a vulnerable side to Shelly, when you're kind of a public figure?
Speaker 3Well, that has been interesting. We talked a little bit about like the role modeling and how you ended up because you did have these women in your life that were well-educated and all that. And so my dad had two sisters that were really I am many, many of them, and they were very strong, outspoken women, very successful, self-made and absolutely disrespected the fire out of them. And so I lost my mother early on and so I really turned to them, especially my dad's younger sister, but she passed away about a year ago and so that has been. You know, when you go, oh gosh, who am I going to pick up the phone to call? Who knows who's known me since I was young? Who knows what I'm going through? Who will honor my confidence? Who is that?
Speaker 3And so, interestingly enough, I have a very best friend who's been my best friend since the college put us together in a dorm room and we have been through thick and thin and she loves me in my worst, on my worst day, and I love her on her worst day, and we joke because we would never judge each other.
Speaker 3I tell her absolutely everything. Her husband laughs They'll be talking about something private and he'll say, oh, that's just yours, mine and Shelly's business, because he knows she's gonna tell me. So I think you need that one person, whoever that is that, that person that just you can trust with anything, to be there for you and not to judge you and to not expect anything. Or is it your friend, because they want something? Or just that one person that you can call and and be your most authentic self? And, um, you know, and I we do, I mean I have a very strong group of friends here, um, which I'm very loving. I could pick up the phone and call lots and lots of people that would always come if I were sad or mad or needed a needed help with something. So I think it's just surrounding yourself with people that you trust and love and creating that network.
Speaker 2But yeah, yeah, anyway, network can grow, but it can also what?
Speaker 3you said you got to have your person.
Speaker 2Yeah, there you go. Yeah, you do, shelley. What are you most proud of? If, today, you had to look back on all of your years, your career, your family, your, your world, what are you most proud of?
Speaker 3my children. Yeah, they're the best people I know, in spite of me. I love that they're the best people I know. They, they work so hard, they work so hard and they are. They are all three so driven and they all three are driven for the greater good and they, they are long after I'm gone. They're hands down. Yeah, I did good, so that's, yeah, my greatest moment.
Speaker 2I like that. What would you tell younger Shelly? What kind of advice? There's a lot of women that listen to this podcast, so what kind of advice would you give a younger Shelly? And then, what kind of challenge might you offer to listeners?
Speaker 3Well, I'm very blessed. I get to speak at a lot of women's leadership summits and so I get asked that question all the time. My advice to myself is this that thing when you are in middle school that makes you so uncomfortable about yourself, that thing that makes you different, that makes you not fit in, that you feel like all the other girls are gonna be so mean to you. That's your superpower. Like what makes you different. Your weirdness is your superpower. Whether you're a sixth grade girl or an organization or community, embrace what makes you different and roll on with your bad self. Just own that crap and quit trying to dilute yourself to fit in. That's gross. You know, pumpernickel will never be white bread and mayonnaise. Just surround yourself with people that love pumpernickel, be pumpernickel.
Speaker 3And I did not do that. I wanted my, I wanted to fit in and I'm just. I mean, you know me, I'm a lot. I am this weird, artsy, uber, creative, out of the box. I mean I. I get told I'm too much all the time and I spent my entire life trying to bottle that, say less, do less, fit in, which is such a waste of years of my life when I could have just been blessing the fire out of people with all this weirdness. So just roll on with your bad self. That's my advice. Just embrace it. Embrace it Go. I know, you know, it's true.
Speaker 2I do. That is very true and quite good advice, Shelly. We've talked about a lot of different things.
Speaker 3Is there anything that we haven't touched on that you want to make sure we do? Really, I think one of the things if I could give advice to anybody is to think about what your skill set is, think about what your passion is and then figure out how you can plug that in to your community, be invested in your community, plug in whether that's being on a promotions team, whatever that is to be a part of that, to be a part, to be a part of that, to be a part of your community's momentum. Don't just sit back and wait for people to decide like, make sure that you are doing the things, whatever that is. I mean, we include master gardeners at our in our events. We included historians, grant writers, magazine writers, whatever. Those are all people that are part of our dream team.
Speaker 3So I think I just encourage people to really just get in the boat. Just get in there and care and do the things with the gifts that you have. Just do the things. Don't be complacent. You have one big, beautiful life. Do something great or at least help.
Speaker 2At least be in the game, huh.
Speaker 3At least be in the game, right, At least be in the game. Everyone's got something to say, but you don't have anything to say if you don't have skin in the game. So if you want to say, but you know you don't have anything to say if you don't have skin in the game. So if you want to help, come on, my door's open. I'll find a place for you any day of the week.
Speaker 2Well, that leads me right into how do people get in touch with you?
Speaker 3Oh, that's really easy. If you type in Shelly Big Fish, I pop up Cause I live downtown and I work downtown and I have a studio and I'm right here at the chamber of commerce. So if you put with Tumpka chamber, I also pop up all my emails, all my phone numbers, and 99.9% of the time I'll stop what I'm doing and I will have a conversation, because every day, if God lays it down in front of me, I will pick it up.
Speaker 2So yeah, I love that, shelly. I have one more question, and that is if you did have a superpower given to you for 24 hours only 24 hours. You can use it personally or professionally what superpower would you choose, how would you use it and why would you choose it?
Speaker 3Well see, now I'm feeling guilty, because the first thing I thought when you said that is oh my gosh, I'd want to be able to sing, because I'm terrible, I can't sing, and I've always wanted, and I'm terrified, to sing in public. And I think if I could really sing, then I could overcome that fear and get beyond it. But superpower no, amy, a superpower, I always dream. In my dreams I can always fly. I think I would enjoy. Uh, I don't know if I was.
Speaker 3I was raised in airplanes, so I think, um, but in my dreams I fly without airplanes. So maybe I could, I could actually do like I do in my dreams. I don't, I don't know what I would do if I had a superpower. You know, I I wish a lot of things. I wish that we had more gardens and that people could eat and that we had access to healthier foods and that there was more art and more music in schools, and that people could eat and that we had access to healthier foods and that there was more art and more music in schools and that all children had access to all the things that make for a rich and beautiful childhood and adult life. But, um, I think if I could wish anything, it'd probably be that I don't know if that's a superpower, but that would be what I would. I would wish that all, all people had access to the really beautiful good things that make life worth living.
Speaker 2So I think that's a superpower. Thank you, shelly, it's been fabulous.
Speaker 3You're fabulous. Thanks for what you do. Blessed to have you in this community for real.
Speaker 2Well, we're glad to be a part of it, for sure. So thank you very much.
Speaker 4Absolutely my own song gotta stomp to my own drum. Stomp to my own song stomp hey. Gotta stomp to my own drum. Stomp to my own drum. Stomp to my own song Stomp hey.
Speaker 1There's a great big world that I want to see and a whole lot of things that I want to be. All I gotta do is count one, two, three To my own drum. Whatever you do, it ain't nothing on me, cause I'm doing my thing, and I hold the key To all my walls.
Speaker 2Find Stacked Keys Podcast on Spotify, soundcloud and iTunes or anywhere you get your favorite podcast listened, you'll laugh out loud, you'll cry a little, you'll find yourself encouraged. Join us for casual conversation that leads itself, based on where we take it, from family to philosophy, to work, to meal prep, to beautifully surviving life. And hey, if I could ask a big favor of you, go to iTunes and give us a five rating. The more people who rate us, the more we get this podcast out there. Thanks, I appreciate it. Bye.
Speaker 1Stop it. Yeah, I've got my pockets full of dreams.
Speaker 4Yeah, and they've been passing out the same thing. Wow, wow, wow Wow.