Stacked Keys Podcast
The idea to talk to women who are out there living and making a difference is where the Stacked Keys Podcast was born. There are women who make a difference, but never make a wave while paddling through life. Immediately I can think of a dozen or more who impacted me, but I want more. I want to talk to those I don't know and I want to share with an audience that might need the inspiration to find their own beat. This podcast is to feature women who are impressive in the work world-- or in raising a family -- or who have hobbies that can make us all be encouraged. Want to hear what makes these women passionate and get up in the morning or what they wish they had known earlier in life? Grab your keys and STOMP to your own drum.
Stacked Keys Podcast
Episode 215 -- Rachel Armstrong -- The Protective Friend Becomes the Empowered Mom
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How do you find joy and purpose when motherhood collides with past trauma? In this deeply moving conversation, Rachel Armstrong takes us on her journey from successful sales executive to full-time mom, revealing the beautiful and challenging transformation that changed her at her core.
"I died the day I gave birth," Rachel shares with striking honesty. This powerful statement opens a window into her experience of completely reshaping her identity through motherhood. Having grown up with an alcoholic mother who passed away in 2019, Rachel brings unique perspective to parenting - she's determined to give her son something she never fully had: peace.
The conversation explores the delicate balance between nurturing others and self-care. As a natural "people pleaser" from her childhood role of maintaining family homeostasis, Rachel candidly discusses her tendency to "pour from an empty cup" and her ongoing work to establish healthy boundaries. Her insights about regulating her own emotions to help her two-year-old son regulate his represent powerful healing across generations.
What makes this episode especially valuable is Rachel's perspective on finding richness in life's simple treasures - her son's laughter, her modest 830-square-foot home, the therapeutic fire pit in her backyard where she finds spiritual connection. She challenges listeners to practice open-mindedness and the willingness to be wrong sometimes, wisdom that extends far beyond parenting.
Whether you're a parent navigating difficult terrain, someone healing from childhood wounds, or simply seeking more authentic connections, Rachel's journey will inspire you to embrace both the struggles and joys that shape who we become. Her message that "peace is coming" offers hope that our most challenging experiences can ultimately lead to our greatest healing.
Music "STOMP" used by permission of artist Donica Knight Holdman and Jim Huff
Podcast Introduction
Speaker 1I'm walking all alone down my yellow brick road and I stomp to the beat of my own drum. I got my pockets full of dreams and they're busting at the seams, going boom, boom boom.
Speaker 2Welcome to Stacked Keys Podcast. I'm your host, amy Stackhouse. This is a podcast to feature women who are impressive in the work world or in raising a family, or who have hobbies that make us all feel encouraged. Want to hear what makes these women passionate to get up in the morning, or what maybe they wish they'd known a little bit earlier in their lives. Grab your keys and stomp to your own drum.
Speaker 1Whatever you do, it ain't nothing on me, because I'm doing my thing and I hold the key to all my wants and all my dreams Like an old song everything will be all right when I let myself go.
Speaker 2Well, I am super excited. Today I have a guest, rachel Armstrong, welcome.
Speaker 3Rachel, thank you, I'm so excited to be here.
Speaker 2Oh, thrilled to have you. So let's get started with. First of all, how do people know Rachel? Who do they know you as both professionally what you might do and then personally.
Speaker 3Gosh, that's a great question right off the rip. A lot of people know me as funny. I would say I'm definitely an entertainer of sorts. I love to make people laugh, I love to have people have fun. You know my dad growing up. When he would tell stories about me he would make the joke that if you can't have fun with me, you can't have fun with anybody. And I sort of I. I let that become my claim to fame, if you will. I like that. It felt like an immense compliment to me. So I would say people feel lighter around me. So they would know me probably first and foremost as the fun and but protective friend I would say oh, wow, yeah, that's a good one to have in your corner.
Speaker 3I hope so. I hope that I do nothing but enrich my friends' lives.
Speaker 2Yeah, wow. So what do you do professionally? What's your world?
Speaker 3I'm a mom. Yeah, so that is my full-time job and world right now, but before I was a mom, I was a sales executive for a metal fabrication company. So definitely a background in connecting with people and educating customers. That was sort of what my preference was. I didn't like to be considered a salesperson, I would like to be considered an educator, of sorts.
Speaker 2But now.
Speaker 3I'm a mom.
Speaker 2Well, and those worlds kind of go together. I mean the fun, the pulling people together, protective you know those and then to blend that into you know those and then to blend that into motherhood. So being a mom can be a lonely place sometimes, but then maybe that your friend groups change the people you surround yourself with changes. What's that been like to transition from being out in the world, seeing lots of people on a daily basis, to being mom?
Speaker 3Extremely difficult, extremely difficult. I never hide that about the transition. I never hide that about my experience. Anytime I have conversations with people, I will tell them it was extremely difficult for me. I will tell them postpartum was extremely difficult on me, because I think it's important to be transparent. Yes, it is the joy of my life. It has changed the entire trajectory of who I am at my core in the most amazing way possible. But getting here was no easy feat. Feeling this way was not an easy way to feel. I did not. I did not feel complete right away by any means. So definitely very, very difficult on me personally.
Speaker 3So, what'd you?
Speaker 2do? How did you? How did you find your way?
Speaker 3Well, god was a big, was a big thing for me. Um, my mom passed away in 2019 and that kind of separated me a little bit for a while and in a very deep way deeper than I'd ever experienced in my life and I just started sort of turning back and saying you know life. And I just started sort of turning back and saying you know, some of this is out of my hands. Like I get it. I don't want it to be. Um, my therapist even was like you know, you're a problem solver at heart. That's what you want to do. You can't problem solve every everything with a baby. You just can't do it. I'm sorry, like I know that that's that would fulfill you.
Speaker 3I know chaos because of how I grew up. Chaos really sends me into fight or flight, and she was like you just you just have to acknowledge where you're at and enjoy what you can, and I know that's really hard, but that's that's just what you have to do. So I started turning back to the word. I started to try exercising again because that keeps me sane. So it was a little bit of, and it was leaning on my husband. It was starting to lean on my husband. I started to try exercising again because that keeps me sane. So it was a little bit of and it was leaning on my husband. It was starting to lean on my husband more than I wanted to at first, because you know, when that baby's born, you're like I'm the mom, I can do it all. It's my job, like that's what I'm supposed to want to and be able to do. So it was just an acknowledgement of no, this is hard and I'm not going to be perfect and it's going to be chaotic, but that doesn't mean I'm doing it wrong.
Losing a Mother, Becoming a Mom
Speaker 2Oh, wow, so losing your mom to go through that. Now, baby was not born then he was not, yet I was not even married yet. Ok, so you were going through some life transitions where you really kind of want mom around.
Speaker 3Oh man, it definitely made me grieve and miss my mom in a profound way, like I obviously grieved her, how she passed was extremely sudden and traumatic. Grieved her, how she passed was extremely sudden and traumatic. So I had already sort of gone through a grieving process, but then, yes, becoming a mom definitely sent me into a little bit of a tailspin with regards to lacking that relationship with her.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah. So that process, I mean there are no timetables, or you know, oh gosh, no. And what's crazy is it can be, you're fine, and then the next moment something happens, or you wish you had that conversation, or so you are you able to go back in your, your mind, and and kind of have the? Well, this is what mom would have told me if she were here. Are you able to do that in your mothering?
Speaker 3Yeah, definitely. I mean you know because of who my mom was. So my mom I'm also always very transparent about this my mom was a horrible but functioning alcoholic, so I can do that, but then I can also go. You know, she wasn't the most reliable source all the time and I accept that about her and I, you know I love that about, about who she was. Almost I learned to love these things about her, especially after she passed away. Not love them in a way that I put her on a pedestal and ignored it, but just kind of an accepting love, like a Jesus type love I accept but love you anyway. So yeah, I mean I do and I don't. At the same time I try to find it, but also I say I'm my own person and she wasn't a super reliable source.
Speaker 2Yeah, wow, man, you've had some real hurdles, some real things that could make you just not confident and you seem, just in the few minutes we've been talking, to have some confidence that I don't know. It's kind of unexplainable unless you've done some really hard work.
Speaker 3I try to. So you know, I think it's my husband laughs because people say that to me all the time and I it's an immense compliment to me and he laughs kind of cause he's like I mean, you don't intimidate me at all and I'm like I know, but you, that's by design right, you're my person. I want to be able to be my vulnerable self around you. That's why this works, that's why I love you and that's why I appreciate what you do for me. You give me that platform and that space to say you know what, today is just not my day. I'm just not well, I'm having a tough time, but then I think that helps people go. I have my person. Now I can go out into the world and say I am confident, I can stand in front of you and help you, I can give advice because I feel, in my soul, happy and at peace yeah but I've been in a lot of therapy yeah, yeah, well, and you know it's.
Speaker 2It's interesting because today, um, therapy is a is not as shunned as maybe it has been in years past. But, um, but it's, it's not. You don't just get to go to an appointment and then it stops there.
Speaker 3It's like no, yeah, work, you know that you have to invest it's like exercise you don't just walk into a gym and then you're done with it. You know, diet goes into it, mentality goes into it. It's like anything in life to me, like yeah, you have to be willing to put in additional work.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 3Yeah, on your own.
Speaker 2When you hear the word unfair, what do you think of?
Speaker 3Wow Gosh, that's tough for me, because I just don't, I, I just think that things are sometimes not going to be fair, and that's it is what it is. That's the way life is, and you, you put your head down and you grid on. So unfair would be life to me. I guess the first word I would think of is life.
Speaker 2Yeah, so have you always thought that way? Or when you were a kid and you saw things happening, did you have a different thought then?
Confidence Through Vulnerability
Speaker 3No, I've definitely always had a certain level of grit to me. Yeah, for sure, I've definitely always been a certain level of grit to me? Yeah, For sure. I've definitely always been tough in some form or fashion. Over time I've gotten tougher with everything that's happened to me, but I've always had a do-it-yourself type of mentality, for sure.
Speaker 2How do you get tougher and not get bitter? No Love yeah.
Speaker 3Love, the right type of love, around you.
Speaker 2So, it is surrounding yourself. Do you believe in that? What is it they say? The people that influence you most is like the five people that are the closest to you or the biggest influencers in your life.
Speaker 3I absolutely agree with that, because I have a small but good quality circle.
Speaker 2Yeah, how do you cultivate that?
Speaker 3Yourself, Making sure you're right with yourself first. I think if you are misaligned in your soul, you're going to find misalignment in your world. Oh wow.
Speaker 2Yeah, I can see that. Are you good at boundary setting? I mean, you know they talk. You hear so much about boundaries right now and it gets kind of trendy maybe, but it's like what I've heard lately is people keep thinking that boundaries are for others, but maybe the boundaries are more for ourselves. So are you good at figuring out your boundaries and then putting them in place as to a way to hold them?
Speaker 3I'm good at knowing what they are. I'm not necessarily great at placing them. I'm because I'm the child of an alcoholic. I'm a people pleaser by nature.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 3So that takes more work for me. That takes a lot of intent on my part to to place boundaries and then hold them.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah, maybe place them, but they keep getting shifted by other people's actions.
Speaker 3Right, and you know my empathy will get in my way a little bit. I'll say you know, man, they yeah, maybe that was just a tough time and it wasn't true to their nature or their character. But so let me just pull it a little bit, just see what they do, and then I'll be a little bit shocked when the behavior remains. Yeah, but my boundary doesn't shift back where it should have been.
Speaker 2Well, tell me about the people pleaser. I mean from the you said being a child of an alcoholic. You've got the people pleaser. I mean from the you said being a child of an alcoholic. You've got the people pleaser aspect to your personality. Is that something that's pretty normal or typical scene? I don't know Definitely.
Speaker 3What does that mean? Why? Yeah, definitely very common. Mostly because your job, or you feel like your job when you're the child of an alcoholic, is homeostasis right, like what can I do to keep the peace, keep everything aligned, because this human is not in alignment. This human is not able to regulate well because they have a disease, they have their chemical imbalance in their brain. So I know they're in misalignment, I know they can't regulate correctly. So what can I do to help them regulate Right? And as a child, that's really not your job for a parent. I know that we some people, would disagree growing up the way I did. I can confidently say that it should not be the child's job to help their parent emotionally regulate. It just shouldn't be so very common in children, in traumatic events as well, to become a people pleaser. It's just because it's innate in you. How can I? How can I fix the situation? How can I help this person regulate? That's so entirely dysregulated that they don't even realize sometimes they are now.
Life as a Child of an Alcoholic
Speaker 2Yeah, wow. So when you grow up and get married, do you find yourself going oh wait, wait, that's not my role here, did you have some of that? That you had to just kind of pull yourself back? Or or maybe your spouse even looked at you and went hey wait, I'm a grown up here.
Speaker 3Definitely I pour from an empty cup regularly I would say negatively empty regularly because it's just what I want to do. I'm, I don't feel as important to me as I should sometimes, and so I will constantly overdo it. And then I'll wake up in the morning and be like man that I just don't have anything to give today. But then, as a mom, you know you don't have a choice, so your feet hit the floor and you give.
Speaker 2Yeah, wow. So what's your check and balance there?
Speaker 3Just checking in with myself and saying, okay, because my initial output is going to be irritation or frustration. So I've tried to get very good at going okay, I'm, I'm irritated. Am I irritated because I need help? Am I irritated for things that because I'm human and it's okay and I'm just irritated? Am I irritated because I had expectations and they're not being met? I just try to run through a checklist of where am I at, why do I feel this way and what can I do to resolve it of where am I at, why do I feel this way and what can I do to resolve it?
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah, wow. So in becoming a mom and seeing other moms that are kind of your age, kind of in you know, got the same age child, do you find that comparison is something that you struggle with? I mean, I can remember with mine we were in a mother's group. We'd never any of us really had exposure to babies. And you wind up in this pregnancy group and then you have babies and then you're kind of together but you're always looking and going well, what's yours doing or what? I wonder if we're okay? Do you do you find that in your groups, or or is that just? You don't have to struggle there.
Speaker 3I am very I actively do not do that and I really work to not do that, because I used to do a lot of comparison before I even had my son and my therapist one day was said to me comparison is the thief of joy. Oh wow, you have to stop, because the only person's joy you're stealing by doing it is yours. So when I had my son especially, I go this is hard, this is really hard, without A me doing that to myself and looking at other kids and wondering if I'm doing it right or wrong based on how my son is in comparison to them. And B it's hard for them too. Without me doing that. I don't need to do it because of both directions. It doesn't. It doesn't enrich anybody's lives by doing that to moms.
Speaker 3I have a lot of empathy and compassion as a mom now for other moms that I did not have before. Oh really, oh yeah, I was that person that was like I'm never giving my son a tablet and he's going to sit like a proper little gentleman at dinner table and you know, you you like to run your mouth before you have kid Mike son's going to sleep in his own bed eight hours a night. It's gonna be great, you know. Then you have a mom and you get humbled very fast and you can either, you know, like not at that humility and say that was my bad. I, you know I had bigger britches on than I should have with it, or you can let it run you over and I just chose to look at it and be like that was wrong. I apologize for running my mouth like I never did in front of people, but just internally I'm like, yeah, your mind, I'm humbled. I apologize, that was wrong.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah, that is true. I can remember looking at people going oh, your child is screaming in here. And then I had one who did that one time and my next door neighbor who was like 80, was in the same store and she just looked at me with that look and I was like, man, I can't do squat. I cannot stop this one, I cannot. And I had three at that point and it was like do I leave? I always thought I would just leave the store. Right, I'm not going to, because it's like my God, I've already gone through all this to get to this point and I can. I distinctly remember that day. And now I do look at people with empathy, real empathy of like, wow, that is not your fault, there is nothing you're doing that's causing that, and not pity or anger but just genuine compassion of and not pity or anger, but just genuine compassion of.
Speaker 3I'm going to keep on moving because, man, I know that's hard and I know you're genuinely doing the best you can and I applaud you for that.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah. I think sometimes we don't get enough of that and social media does not help.
Finding Peace in Femininity and Self-Care
Speaker 3Do you find yourself on social media and trying to needing to pull off of it? Sometimes absolutely so. I actually am on TikTok a lot more than I am on any platform, because I found that I like the algorithm, for whatever reason that TikTok has. It feels like they are very quick to learn the stuff you linger on, the stuff you like and the stuff you comment on in a positive way for me, and so I find a lot of moms that I align with more on there than just random stuff popping up. Obviously, I have the random stuff, but TikTok has been a more positive experience for me than any other social media platform, so I spend a lot more time on there than anything else.
Speaker 2That's interesting, and I guess I don't know that because we didn't of course even have it, and probably for my children's sake you actually can find a community that doesn't have to be in your immediate community, which is kind of you've got the world.
Speaker 3Right, it's a lot less stressful, and I mean the first couple months in the first year, I would say I took a lot more stuff to heart than I do now. Now I feel a lot more settled in who I am as a mom. I know I'm a good mom and so I. I I kind of found myself going. You know what I'm doing it right, I know I am. He's sweet, he listens for the most part. Um, I have a, a home, I have a roof over my head, that has heat, that works. He sleeps in a comfy bed. Like you know, I won the lottery of life at this point, and the more I try to apply other people's stuff, the harder it was.
Speaker 2So I just I rooted myself here and that helped me a lot. I like that. One of my questions was going to be to the effect of rich can mean a whole lot of things to people, and in what ways would you say that you're rich and I?
Speaker 3think yeah.
Speaker 2I mean that.
Speaker 3Yeah, gosh. I mean, my son makes me feel rich, my husband makes me feel rich, my relationship with my dad makes me feel very rich. You know, we live in a little 830 square foot home that was built in like 1989. And I love this little house. We have property for our dog to run on. I adore my neighbors. So I think it's two different things in a way. I think a lot of its perspective and, you know, just appreciation of where you're currently at in life, Because life shifts every day. So if you don't like it, just shift it yourself. Shift where you're at or have patience and see what life's going to offer you.
Speaker 2Yeah, I talked to somebody yesterday and her kids are older and she was saying that when her daughter would come in complaining about something, her go-to statement always was is there something about the situation that you can change, right? And if there is, then let's figure out what that looks like. And that sounds like that might be part of the way you approach life as well.
Speaker 3I'm definitely a problem solver by heart. I will do what I can to fix things. But you know, having my son has also taught me it's okay sometimes to just live in. I call it live in the suck because I don't really know what else to call it. But you know, sometimes it's just hard and it's okay to live in the suck and it's okay to feel feelings and be angry and be sad and cry. It's okay to do all these things. But how can we push forward, even if it's a little, half little baby step? After the fact let's feel this, feel angry, and then how can we just take even one little step?
Speaker 2Yeah, you know there have been movies and you know all the movies about feelings, and I can remember a little game that the kids had that was like designing faces or something along the lines of how you're feeling if you're angry or sad, and and um and. So when you're teaching those concepts to your child, do you feel them too? Do things flash through as you're thinking about? Well, here's what anger feels like to me, or? Yeah, how do you convey that it's okay to have your feelings to a two-year-old or?
Speaker 3he's not two, is he, he's two? He just turned two in November okay, yeah so that's hard.
Speaker 3that's hard for me also because, uh, I'm not a big crier, that's not really typically my outlet, so it's a little bit foreign to me to watch a little human cry so much. Yeah. But so I'm also learning with him. To be be honest with you, I'm learning to regulate my emotions for the sake of helping him regulate his. Oh wow, I was not really given the tools growing up to do it.
Speaker 3So I'm learning with him and the thing that works the best for me is to just sit down on the floor, and sometimes he wants nothing to do with me and that's okay. But then I sort of shift my focus on myself and I go okay, what, what behavior do I want from him right now? Let me model that. Am I wanting him to take big breaths? Let me sit in the floor where he can see me and model this big breath, big breath. Do I want him to? You know, come, look at me and connect with me. Okay, let me model this behavior. So I've learned that the best thing I can do for him to teach him not only is it okay to have these emotions, but are what are, what are healthy coping mechanisms, is to model what I'm what my expectations from him are at that moment.
Speaker 2Yeah, well, that's so great to be learning right alongside and to go hey, I don't know, I didn't get this and I want this for my own child. So do you think a lot of moms probably are in that same?
Speaker 3space. I think so and I would hope so. You know, every, every single child on the face of this earth deserves a good mom, and I would I'll die on that hill. I really genuinely. Obviously, every child deserves a good mom, so I genuinely hope that that's the goal is to give your children, in a positive way, anything and everything that you did not have.
Speaker 2Okay Now, you came from career, you came from an entrepreneurial family, yes, and so do you sometimes feel like maybe I'm not enough, maybe I need to be more than just mom, maybe this is do you. Do you feel like you've lost some of you or not?
Reframing Failure and Being Open-Minded
Speaker 3at all. Yeah, I mean, you know, I told my husband not actually not too long ago that I died the day I gave birth, died the day I gave birth, and part of what I had to cope with and learn was that that's okay, because it's not necessarily a bad thing that that happened. So definitely, I mean, I'm kind of in that transition period currently where I'm like, okay, what can I? I know I don't want to leave him. This is the greatest blessing of my life is to be home with him and it's a huge blessing. So many people don't get to do this. So I know I don't want to put him in daycare or anything, because this is a blessing. But what can I do to fulfill that drive inside of me that maybe motherhood is not currently fulfilling, drive inside of me that maybe motherhood is is not currently fulfilling? So I'm actually it's funny you ask that because I am right now sort of in that space of not feeling lost, but a little bit feeling a little bit lost with regards to what more can I do.
Speaker 2Yeah Well, part of what I've always loved to do is introduce people and connect people and connect ideas. And, rachel, my gosh, you've got the makings of life coach. You have had some life experience, some life training, some walking through some really tall grass, and here you are, you know, a happy mom with the skill set. I mean it's phenomenal. So, yeah, dig into that, but don't, don't give up, because I mean it's not. I mean, goodness you're, you've figured out the difference between wants and needs.
Speaker 3And so, man, yeah, I appreciate that. I mean I got a psychology degree with the intent of being a counselor so I mean it's funny you say that Definitely was always kind of in the back of my mind. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with it, but I definitely could see myself feeling very fulfilled by that career.
Speaker 2Oh yeah, I mean just you alone coming through and dealing with having an alcoholic as supposed to be your role model, and then you know, coming through that and I don't think you're ever always through it. I mean everything. With each stage of life you going to have something new, new come up. Would you say that daily actions really are what make us become who we really are, who we truly are. So our daily actions.
Speaker 3Yeah, I think it's a blend. To be honest with you, I think you know one day is not going to be bad on your person. You need to find a happy medium there, if that makes sense. Like, I think, if we put too much weight on that, then then we can start to go okay, so I did that. Now is that going to be bad? Is that? What's that going to do to my future? So I think so, yes, but I would not personally place too much weight there either.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 3That's interesting, go ahead weight there either.
Finding Richness in Family and Nature
Speaker 2Yeah, go ahead. I think having a good heart will will do wonders for you. I think that's really interesting because I know when you, when you wind up with with teenagers and they're in school or they go into college and you know they're it's like and they're in school or they go into college and you know they're it's like no one bad grade and you have lost the GPA one bad day and you are screwed for life. And that is a mindset that I think a period of time we've gone through. I mean, when I was coming along, flunk it, you'll be fine, my parents didn't think that, but I certainly did and and it's like but then you get, we've gotten to the point now where there is no recovery. And if we keep that mindset of one day, one test, one trial that we have does you in, then, man, that becomes a lot of stress.
Speaker 3It's a lot of pressure and I mean, I think part of it too is growing up with my mom. You know, I saw a lot, of, a lot of various things and I read a lot of books in effort to to do what I could to help her. And when you have a recovering addict alcoholic, whatever it is you definitely don't want them to have that mentality because they can go okay, today I drank whatever. I might as well just continue on Like no, no, that's okay, it's okay that you did that. Everybody makes mistakes. Let's fix it tomorrow. Tomorrow's a new day, you can fix it. You don't have to say I had this bad day, whatever, I might as well just throw it in. Yeah, it's a lot of pressure.
Speaker 2So were you able to apply that to yourself?
Speaker 3Yeah, Well, I definitely don't give myself the amount of grace I give other people.
Speaker 2Yeah, it's a lot easier to give it to somebody else.
Speaker 3It is because you, you have to be willing to look in the mirror and look at your flaws as well as your, your strengths, in order to even begin to give yourself grace. And I think a lot of people struggle with looking at themselves in the mirror and saying, no, this is where I come up short and that's okay. And then saying, but that's okay Cause you know we can, we can fix that.
Speaker 2Yeah, so reality checks, but at the same time blending it with a good dose of grace.
Speaker 4Yes, exactly.
Speaker 2So if you could change one habit, what would it be?
Speaker 3Probably my drinking honestly, definitely. I've always struggled with my relationship with alcohol because, a it's genetic, obviously, and B seeing my mom and everything and the stuff that I've gone through definitely is one of my coping mechanisms. So I kind of I will go through ebbs and flows of it where I won't drink at all and I feel fine and I can do it and that works for me and I feel fine and I can do it and that works for me. And then I'll go out with a friend or something and I'll overindulge and I have a lot of shame around it and I kick myself a lot. And so I would say I would probably say my relationship with alcohol to be completely honest with you.
Speaker 2Wow. So I'm going to ask this and you don't have to answer it, but it seems like you just run from alcohol.
Speaker 3You would want to. It seems like it's, it's struggle you do. And I know a lot of people that don't that. They do that. They say, no, there's no way in hell I'm going to get involved in that, that's, I'm not even going to go down that road. And then you have a lot of people that, yeah, I mean it's the coping mechanism, because it's what you watched being the coping mechanism. It's tough, it's a hard it's hard.
Speaker 2Yeah, I mean that's the whole. It ends with me kind of thing of like it's what you know, it's the, the habit, the okay, the familiar, I guess.
Speaker 3Exactly, and it's you know. It know it's easy to go. Well, I'm not as bad as she was, so yeah, yeah it couldn't be yeah and it's like well, no, I mean, it's poison. No matter how you twist it, it's just straight up poison for your body.
Speaker 2It doesn't matter how you want to word it to yourself yeah you know, tom and I um worked with youth when we were, when we first met, and there came that point where it was like you knew that in so many of these young people's homes they were dealing with alcohol on a level that that we didn't, that it was like, all right, we don't want to go to the grocery store and then be bagging our groceries and not have any idea that we aren't drinking the entire case or, you know, the entire bottle or whatever, and so we kind of we stepped away from it when we were working with youth. And so I think a lot of times they're conscious decisions we make, and then they're unconscious. And do you find yourself, at different times in your life, making an evaluation based on what you're involved in at the time?
Speaker 3Oh yeah, absolutely. I think it's interesting, kind of what naturally will come to you, to your point, without even realizing it. So, yeah, I definitely will. I mean, like I said, I even have ebb and flows with alcohol, based on how my life is going at the time.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 3So, yeah, I can get involved with a different group of friends that is more active than others. Yeah, I can get involved with a different group of friends that is more active than others. And now I'm, you know, researching and buying all kinds of gear and doing all kinds of stuff that I wasn't previously involved with, and sometimes that'll peter out on me, so I definitely see myself doing that Absolutely.
Speaker 2Yeah, so what kind of message do you want to give your son of what kind of human you want him to grow up into being?
Speaker 3Well, I want him to be happy. First and foremost, I would want him to love himself immensely in a way that I've never dreamed of loving myself. I would want that for him and I hope that I will be fundamental in assisting him in figuring out how that feels and looks and works. And I want him to be independent. I want him to not need but want people.
Speaker 2Oh, I like that.
Speaker 3I think it's important. Yeah, makes your relationships, has always made my relationships a lot more valuable has made my relationships a lot more valuable.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's the independence, but yet the desire to, to have the, the relationship, not the, not the desperate need, right, oh?
Speaker 1wow.
Speaker 2Are you a self-talker?
Speaker 3Yes, very much so.
Speaker 2A good self-talker, or do you speak? To yourself that you would not like to hear your son talk to himself probably more talk to myself.
Speaker 3In a way, I would not want him to talk to himself, but I I definitely motherhood has has made me love myself in a way that I've never loved myself before, so I've gotten better about it. A way that I've never loved myself before, so I've gotten better about it. I'm not. I don't bully myself as much as I used to. You would call yourself a bully Of myself. No, really.
Speaker 2Oh wow, unfortunately. Yeah, what's the most rewarding thing that somebody else has ever done for you?
Speaker 1Hmm, yeah, what's the most rewarding thing?
Speaker 3that somebody else has ever done for you. I would say give me the opportunity to stay home with my son. Yeah, my family gave me that opportunity.
Speaker 2It is an opportunity. I like, I like the way you're saying that, um, because a lot of people don't don't get to do that, and then maybe it changes how we greet our morning by realizing, you know it, it's a chance, an opportunity, it's a huge opportunity.
Speaker 3it's a huge opportunity. It's a huge blessing. I will never, ever feel any differently about it. It's taught me that I don't want to go back into an office because that's how I was before, and while I loved the people I worked with, I did not love my job necessarily. So it it very quickly made me realize I do not want to go back into an office. I love the freedom of having my day. I want to work, but I love being here for him.
Speaker 2I love being home.
Speaker 3So that will not change anytime soon.
Speaker 2So what does your day look like? Oh gosh, you probably don't have a typical day. What is a? What is a day look like?
Speaker 3What. What I like to try to have a day look like is we wake up and we brush our teeth, we, you know, I'll get him in a little fresh set of clothes, we'll have some breakfast I do let him watch cartoons while we eat breakfast and then we just we get into chaos. I mean, you never know. I do like to try to work out in the mornings. I find I'm more motivated in the mornings, yeah, so then we do that and we have nap. I'm pretty strict about his nap time, so I always like to try to get him down at noon and then our afternoons it just depends.
Speaker 3Lately it's been tough. We've been inside a lot more. It's cold, I could get him outside, I should get him outside, but you know the bundling him up and everything, and then sometimes he screams at me over a jacket and I'm like, whatever, I don't, you can, we'll just stay inside, then stand tight, then if you don't wear a jacket, then we just won't go out there. So usually in that when it's warm, we go and walk and we have dinner, we go to sleep yeah, and you said something earlier about having a dog do.
Speaker 2Did they have a relationship?
Speaker 3they're starting to have more of one. They were both sort of just would coexist yeah when he, when griffin, was really little. So they're getting. They're getting to be more that way. My husband will take them on a walk in the morning, sometimes when he's here to give me time to myself, and griffin has started to want to walk the dog, so he's becoming more aware of that and they're building one more now than they ever have.
Speaker 2Yeah, well, it comes, I guess. And then it's kind of like the coexisting. They're like oh, you're there, oh you're there. So I tell people we got Tori and our first dog, coco, at the same time. So that was not wise on my part.
Speaker 3I can imagine that would that would have, might have sent me over the edge.
Speaker 2Yeah, it was. It was kind of a lot, but at that point isaac was three and it was like man, if we don't get a dog, he's gonna grow up without a dog yeah he'll have sisters on leashes instead of a dog.
Speaker 3We had Jet for about three years before we had Griffin.
Speaker 2Yeah, so you had some routine there with them. What subject do you least like to talk about?
Speaker 3Politics probably. Oh really, yeah, I don't know anything about it. I don't really research it. I don't know anything about it. You know, I don't really research it. I don't care to. I think our current state right now is not very open-minded when it comes to it, so I don't really enjoy talking to people because it's just. I don't think we're connecting with each other the way that we should in order to do it right now.
Speaker 2Yeah, I can. I can relate with you there, rachel. I was just thinking. I mean some you you were in the professional world and now you're home. Do you find when you're out sometimes that it's hard to find something to talk about with other people?
Speaker 3For me, not really. I'm a very social person. I have, I'm at ease with it, you know I'm. I can walk into a room and not know a single soul there and I'll find somebody to talk to eventually. So for me, not so much. I know the. I know the stuff I want to stay away from obviously politics and religion. You don't touch it and you can pretty much coast from there in my head. Okay, and I'm very open-minded, so I'm hard to offend. I don't really get offended. You know I don't care what you do Short of abuse and neglect. I don't care what you do as a parent. You know you're doing the best for you. Go for it.
Speaker 2But you're sensitive because you can pick up on when somebody's going through something or you care if they're going through something.
Speaker 3But don't tell anybody that.
Speaker 2Don't tell anybody I'm sensitive. Yes, I am, but I mean that's part of what makes you fun, but protect it, I mean that's you know you can, you can have a good time, but when it, when when you're looking at somebody's heart, then then you kind of step out there.
Speaker 3Yeah, definitely. So I mean. Another thing my dad used to like to tell people is if I'm, if I ask you, if you're doing okay, it's not because I I need to know, I already know the. I already know. I'm just giving you the platform to talk about it if you want to.
Speaker 2And that's definitely accurate for me, yeah, that that makes you a special human being, because a lot of people don't, don't have that. They don't, they're not intuitive enough to figure out that something's going on with somebody, and then they're not brave enough to step in it.
Speaker 3It's. It can be draining, but the older I get, the more I see it as a gift and appreciate it for what it is.
Speaker 2Yeah, what do you think you'll always need help with?
Speaker 1Hmm.
Speaker 3I would say grounding myself, I would say grounding myself. I definitely can get ahead of myself or, like I told you, pour from empty cup or I think I'll always need somebody to kind of grab my hand and be like just sit for a second.
Speaker 2Yeah, just sit down for just a second and see how it feels. Do you have something that can kind of pull you back? I mean for I'm thinking immediately of Becca flowers pull her back, I mean she can. She can lose herself in a floral shop, or goodness, take her to a wholesale florist and you're just done. But do you have something like that? That isn't human, but you can find beauty and solace for yourself.
Speaker 3I would say nature in general. You know, I my husband laughs at me, but I can't explain it. For some reason, every single time we go out into our backyard I immediately want to start a fire in our fire pit. I don't know what it is about, the process of it it's so calming to me to stack the wood and get stuff in there that'll light, and the process of lighting a fire and sitting by its warmth. I would say, probably that it will always calm me down.
Speaker 2Can you find that in a candle, or does it have to be that backyard? No, I have to be outside, unfortunately.
Speaker 3I love I love nature, I love being outdoors. I, I tell people all the time I feel the most connected spiritually and in my soul than I will anywhere else outdoors. It's definitely my place, were you like that as a kid. Oh yes, I grew up on a lake with a creek in the backyard. My parents would have to hose me off before I could come inside. I would just be muddy and grimy and I would have lived my best life out there.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2Well, now your kiddo is still pretty young, but do you think he's inclined to that too?
Speaker 3Very much so he loves to be outside, Even when it was freezing cold. He'd be asking me and I'll be like we have to go find a jacket and we have to do all this stuff, but I'm happy. I mean, I'm happy to oblige, but it's very cold out there, friend.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah. Well, and just you know putting your feet in the dirt when you're a little kid, and I think even as an adult it does something. I'm sure there's some scientific research to it.
Speaker 3Well, I mean, it's our lifeblood, right? It's legitimately what we need to live. Our trees and plants and bees and all the things that intricately are woven together to make the air we breathe, yeah, the air we breathe.
Speaker 2Yeah, I was talking the other day about just kind of feeling the chaos, kind of feeling you know you go in and there's no eggs and you know why this and what the and I was looking back at when COVID came through. I had the best garden ever during the first part of COVID and it was like that's what I need. I need a garden again. And Becca got to laughing because she's like you're going to go get goats and go get chickens and have the garden. I'm like no, and do not tell Seth because if he shows up with a goat I will be so unhappy.
Speaker 3Well, they're very good ground maintenance employees. I mean, they do excellent ground maintenance work.
Speaker 2I do not want some neighbor that I don't know call me and say I think your goats are over here.
Speaker 3Yeah well, they probably will find their way over there. And chickens I do love chickens too. I'm very partial to chickens. I had some growing up, really.
Speaker 1Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2I'm just scared to go down that road. I mean, I have hard enough time getting somebody to come here and take care of the dog. Usually when I'm doing that, everybody's brought their dog. So we could have nine dogs here, yeah, and so it's kind of like.
Speaker 3I just I guess my mentality, I would be like I mean, heck, there's already nine dogs, what's four chickens? Like what difference is it? And actually chickens are less maintenance than dogs are, yeah, kind of self-maintenance, especially if they're free range. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2I need to stop. This is just not going to work for me.
Speaker 3And far-fresh eggs taste better than what you can buy in the grocery store.
Speaker 2Well, I know and fortunately we have somebody that that we get them from. But but I'm afraid I mean Becca if they come home she's like hey, you got two dozen I can have. And so you know, it's kind of like I'm not sure that our supply is going to make everyone happy.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2So do you find yourself wanting to do some of those things to reach out? I mean, you can't necessarily in your neighborhood have all of that, but do you find yourself wanting to have a little bit of that type of life?
Speaker 3So I mean, yes, my perfect life would be having a horse, a couple of livestock. Having a farm would be my perfect life. I would love to work on one. I would love to lease out stalls in a stable and I would, you know, do the work for the owners, and they would obviously pay me to do that. Yes, that would be. My dream life is to run a farm.
Speaker 2Oh wow, I didn't picture that.
Speaker 3Really, I rode horses for about 20 years before I had my son. Really I did. I love them.
Speaker 2Oh wow, so, oh wow. So that's an avenue to get back into, is it?
Speaker 3it definitely is. So I've I currently volunteer at a barn right here around the corner from me that it's like it's therapeutic writing sort of yeah, that's what I was thinking yes, so that it's mostly kids with autism and you. It's definitely client-led, so you let. If they don't want to get on that horse that day, we don't do it. So I am doing that right now and I enjoy it and that's definitely filling my cup. But yeah, I would. If we ever hit the lottery, you would know, because we'd be.
Speaker 2I'll keep tabs, um, but that's interesting because it's that therapeutic, it's that giving, it's that you know fun but protective. There's a trend, for sure there's. There's a little bit of loop there of coming right back into you. So how do you know when you can trust somebody? I mean you're talking about working in a therapeutic place and kids with autism. I mean that is, they've got a meter to figure out who to trust. They do. So how do you know what makes you know you can trust somebody?
Speaker 3That's a tough one for me because you know, like I touched on earlier, my mom was not a very reliable source, unfortunately. She, you know when she would drink she would, she would call guys I liked, or she would call my friends, or so there was there was definitely a lot of trust issues among that part and she put me through a lot that I just didn't trust her in general. Not just that, but you know I would come home at 16 and have to talk guns out of her hand type stuff. So I didn't trust my environment, you know. So trust is a hard thing to earn with me.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 3But I'm pretty good at recognizing motives and that helps me kind of bridge gaps with people and figure out okay, did that make you? That doesn't make you a bad person, I'm just I'm unsure, I'm unclear of what your motive wasn't at that exact moment in time. So I thrive very much in predictability and that's that's what I look for. I look for motive, I look for predictability, I looked, I look for stabilization of of how they make me feel on the inside. So I think everybody would be different. But but my trust is is generally found in in motives.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2Do you feel like you have to explain your motives along the way?
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah, it's funny.
Speaker 3You ask that Cause I actually will sometimes I'll say stuff out loud and my husband will be like I trust you, like I it's okay, and I because I actually will sometimes I'll say stuff out loud and my husband will be like I trust you, like I it's okay and I'm like, yeah, no, I know, I'm just.
Speaker 2I'm just talking out loud, maybe more for myself at this point yeah, yeah, that that's interesting and that can be kind of a dynamic in communication of marriage that you guys had to figure out. But I mean, you guys knew each other kind of young, but but at the same time there had to be some communication skills that y'all had to kind of hash out or talk through or oh gosh, yeah.
Speaker 3We, we almost broke up multiple times because of we just we couldn't figure each other out. I mean, he has his own I'll use the word trauma from his life. You know, he grew up the child of an addict on one side, so he saw things too, and we, we found each other. We found common ground there. He saw things too, and we, we found each other. We found common ground there. But then, yeah that now we both bring our own set of complications and complexities and we have different communication styles when it comes to, especially when it comes to, conflict. So, yeah, there was definitely some really immense growing pains when it came to early on in our relationship and still I mean even still now becoming parents uprooted everything we did. It felt like oh, wow.
Speaker 2So what would you tell the couple that's going? We're from two different planets, we don't even think the same. I mean, here you guys, okay, you both had some trauma, you both had some experiences, okay and then there's this couple that one has and one doesn't have any, and then so it doesn't matter which camp you're in, it does not. That's interesting.
Speaker 3It does not.
Speaker 2Oh well, if we were just the same, then maybe we wouldn't have this. But what would you tell that couple to do? How would you forge through?
Speaker 3So I would probably, knowing myself and knowing what I need in moments. You know that old phrase of not going to bed angry, sometimes I have to. I agree with that. To bed angry, sometimes I have to, I agree with that. Otherwise, if I hash this out with you right now, it will not be constructive, it will not be beneficial to our relationship. So sometimes I have to go to bed angry. So that's what I would probably tell them. You know, it's okay. I would not have conversations in the heat of the moment. Knowing who I am, knowing how I grew up, I just I simply refuse to have conversations in the heat of the moment. Take a breath, go to sleep if you need to. I mean nobody, you don't. Now you want to argue tired and angry. No, it's just not a good recipe.
Speaker 2Yeah, that's interesting that you say that, because I have thought that as well. Of like, sometimes Tom and I just go to bed, sometimes I say something, it hits him wrong, he reacts. I'm about to react, and then I think I don't, don't, don't, and then if it's important enough, we come back to it, if it's not, it dissipates.
Speaker 3Exactly. I think it's so important because that's exactly how I am. So I'll go. Okay, I'm going to go lay down and if I still feel this way in the morning, we'll talk about it. But if I sleep it off and I wake up and I'm like you know what, then I let it go.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah. But it is interesting because it's like never go to bed angry and it's like when it's 2 am go to sleep.
Speaker 3Right, I mean, especially back before we had Griffin, we definitely, you know, partied a little bit more than obviously, a lot more than we do now. But I'm like, yeah you, now it's 1, 2 am. We've been drinking, we're tired now, for whatever reason, we're angry Like all of those things added up. No, you just need to lay down and go to bed.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah. So what about parenting? Have y'all had to go? All right, I can remember a conversation that Tom and I had over something, don't even remember what, but I remember looking at him and going don't look in the book, I don't care what the book says, I know, know, and it's like you know, and I I talked to somebody that I used to babysit for and she goes did you tell tom, you wrote the book? And it's like you know that was funny but it wasn't and it's real, because you're like trying to raise this little person and I think we were trying to take his temperature and neither one of us knew how to stick the thermometer up his butt, because that's the way we had to do it 30 plus years ago.
Speaker 3Y'all are welcome, because you got like the ear and the forehead thing now but well, rectal is actually still the most accurate for a certain span of time there early on.
Speaker 2There you go, so who knows how to do that when you're, yeah, it's scary. So how did y'all navigate some of that stuff? Because it's real.
Speaker 3So I'm blessed in the way that my husband would concede a lot and he would just say you know what? A? You're home with him all day, like I go back to work. So if that's what works for you because you're the one home with him, then that's what works for you, because you're the one home with him, then that's what works for you. And be your mom, like it feels like, yeah, you just innately know a little bit more than I do.
Closing Thoughts and Contact Information
Speaker 3So thankfully, he, he, would concede a lot and that's not to say that that didn't put pressure on him, because it did and he would have to look at me and voice that sometimes and say you know, I just feel ignored. I feel ignored right now. I feel like I'm not adding anything because you don't want me to and it's draining. So it was kind of a little bit of both. But I would say I'm I'm blessed to have a husband that would look at me and say you're mom and I feel like you got it that would look at me and say you're mom and I feel like you got it.
Speaker 2Sounds like y'all work on communication a lot.
Speaker 3We try, we definitely try. That is both our weakness and where we pour a lot or try to pour a lot into yeah.
Speaker 2So, rachel, you said something early on about your faith and really turning back, have you had to kind of as a family, figure out what your faith base is, or do y'all kind of go along and sink the same direction? Or what does that look like for a young family?
Speaker 3So I am definitely more spiritual in nature than my husband is, and he understands that there's probably something bigger than maybe what we're able to fathom, but I don't think he's quite figured out what that means for him. So I have always been the way, though, that my son, I want him to believe whatever feels right to him, I will. I talk about my faith, I talk about God, I talk about how God shows up in my life, but I'm not going to look at him and say we're going, we're going to church. That's what you have to do. That's what you have to do to be right with yourself. I just I hope that he finds that, but it would mean more to me if he found it on his own.
Speaker 2Yeah, so it becomes part of the teaching. Like you are anything else.
Speaker 3Yeah, I'm going to mirror it, I'm going to show you what it means for me and then, if that feels right for you, or or adapt it, adapt it to what makes sense for your life. But this is, this is who it is for me, yeah.
Speaker 2Can you tell? I mean, you guys do a little bit of traveling here and there, um, but can you tell when you need an adventure? Can you tell when you need the scenery? Can you tell when you need to get outside and go build a big, big fire?
Speaker 3yeah, absolutely I it's. It's actually usually about weekly for me, like I try to see a girlfriend at least once a week. I try to go do something out of away from my house once a week. I try to do some kind of self-care, something that that makes me feel beautiful once a week. You know, I definitely can feel that bubbling if that's how I describe it like a bubbling in my body, and then can feel that bubbling if that's how I describe it like a bubbling in my body, and then okay, let me purge it. Okay, now I'm back and I can feel it.
Speaker 2Definitely try to do something I would say once a week. Yeah, that's a good goal. You know, you mentioned self-care and I had jotted myself a note to talk about self-care. A lot of times moms feel guilty for self-care. How about addressing that for me?
Speaker 3Yeah, I mean it's tough because I still feel guilty, but I just try to tell myself you know, if I'm not feeling beautiful and I'm not feeling like myself and I'm not feeling loved, then how on earth can I give that to somebody else?
Speaker 4Yeah.
Speaker 3I don't. I don't see how I could. So I'm stepping into my femininity a lot more as a mom than I did before, like I go and get my nails done a lot more often than I did I. I recently went and got eyelash extensions for the first time and fell in love with it, and now I go like every two weeks to maintain them. And I would have never thought to do that in a million years before I had my son. But I love it, I love. I've just I've stepped into my femininity a lot more. That's interesting.
Speaker 2Yeah, that is interesting because that that self-care you're defining it as you go along and what you need today may not have been what you needed two years ago.
Speaker 3Oh, absolutely Two years ago, it probably would have meant going to the gym or something. And now it's like no, I sort of just want to go sit in a chair and let somebody else take care of me.
Speaker 2Yeah, I like that, I like that. So what would you tell younger Rachel? What would you say is coming? What would be your advice to her?
Speaker 3Wow, that's um peace. I would tell her peace is coming, because I did not have a lot of peace in my home growing up. Unfortunately, my dad is a wonderful man, but there's certain gaps that even he could not fill. So I would tell her it's okay to not have a plan for everything, because peace is coming. It's okay to not have a plan for everything because peace is coming.
Speaker 2Wow, and you're a planner, so that's a big deal.
Speaker 3It is a big deal. I wish I was less of a planner, but I am a planner and I think it's funny. I've actually had some of the greatest things in my life happen that were not part of my plan.
Speaker 2Well, that's encouraging. Yes, very so. If you could shout about something really loud, if this were your platform, what would it be all about? What would it be all about?
Speaker 3I would say, probably connecting with people in an open-minded way which I know this is sort of what it's about, but I think that's fundamental right now in where we are with the world is genuinely sitting down and connecting with somebody else, especially somebody that you disagree with. I love connecting with people that I don't necessarily agree with on everything, because it's so vital to see that, okay, we may not agree on that, but we do agree on this, and I would say, 100% of the time, you'd be able to sit down with somebody and find something you can agree on. So I would say that I would say look to prove yourself wrong. Okay, that feels right to me, but how can I prove myself wrong in this moment, in this conversation with this person? Wow, I like that. That's challenging. It's very challenging, especially if you're a competitive person.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah, I don't like to be wrong, I don't like to fail. We were in a conference and I mean I did this mic drop because we were doing like a. It was a virtual conference and they put us off in these little rooms and people were talking about how embrace failure, love failure, and I'm like who?
Speaker 3are you people Like? Absolutely not. No, thank you.
Speaker 2Yeah, I don't like anything about, and now I'm starting to hear it so much that I'm thinking about it going okay. To hear it so much that I'm thinking about it going okay, maybe there's something valid to it.
Speaker 3I'm not there yet, but maybe through failure we do find out the better. I don't know. Or I mean, if you know, maybe a rewiring of what the word is and calling it. You know, slip ups, calling it trips, calling it fumbles, whatever you want to call it. Maybe not, maybe not an outright failure, but maybe I just fumbled the ball and I pick it back up and run a different direction with it. All right, I'll go with that. Maybe wire it, Maybe.
Speaker 2Yeah, reframe that word, because it's the word that I have a problem with and that probably goes back to childhood. You know of like some moment of no, I cannot fail and failing is an end. And all these other people are not seeing it as an end. They're seeing it as a fumble, as a pickup change direction, go.
Speaker 3Yeah, or they're seeing it as a beginning, oh.
Speaker 2I like that, so maybe you fixed my problem of failure. Maybe that's all I needed was somebody to say it differently. Rachel, we've talked about a bazillion different things gone down a lot of different roads. Probably didn't flesh out as much as we need to, but is there something that we haven't touched on or that you want to go a little further with?
Speaker 3Gosh, I mean not that I can think of right now. I'm sure you know when I'm trying to get my son to sleep at 730 tonight, I'll go, man. That's what we should have done, because that seems to be when I'm the most quiet in my mind and I start think of things, but not that I can immediately think of. I feel like covering a bunch of different topics will hopefully reach somebody.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah. So what kind of challenge can you put out there for the listeners?
Speaker 3I would say being open-minded, because I think in this current state of the world right now, just not enough people are, and I think I know a lot of people will say well, I am, well, are you, or are you, up until the moment where somebody disagrees with you. So my challenge to almost anybody right now would be to your point, it's okay to be wrong actually, I know nobody really likes it, it feels funky but maybe reframe that and say you know what. I'm going to try to be wrong in this situation and see where that gets me.
Speaker 2Yeah, I do like that. I'm going to kind of dive into that a little bit more. Well, let's finish up, and let me ask you this If you had a superpower and you got it for 24 hours, you can use it in any way you want to. What superpower would you choose? How would you use it?
Speaker 3And what would be your reasoning in choosing it? Yeah, I would say probably to be able to fix a person's most negative self-talk just by touching them. Oh, wow Would mean a lot to me. I hate how it makes me feel and I have a ton of support around me. I have a village, I have the people I need and I can't imagine what it feels like to not have that around you and to talk to yourself the way that I sometimes will talk to myself. So I would say, to fix, to make somebody feel loved, but just by touching them.
Speaker 2Wow, I like that. That'd be a good busy 24 hours. You'd be kind of worn out at the end of it, I'd be a road warrior and I don't like to do that.
Speaker 3But if I knew I was equipped with it, I would just start, just go pat people on the shoulder and move along.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah, that's good, rachel. If somebody wanted to get up with you, can they follow you on TikTok. Can they get up with you? How, how do they do that?
Speaker 3Yeah, absolutely. So I'll have to check my handle, actually, because I don't know it off the top of my head. But I I'm on TikTok, like I said most of the time, and it's just Rach R-A-C-H-H Armstrong with two Gs at the end. So A-R-M-S-T-R-O-N-G-G at the end is my TikTok and it's mostly voiceovers. I try to be mostly funny. I try to talk about motherhood. I definitely try to. Like I said at the very beginning, I just want to make people laugh and have fun. So the majority of my TikTok is that and I am on there the most. But I do have an Instagram as well and it should be the same, okay.
Speaker 2Yep. Well, thank you. This has been outstanding and I appreciate it so very much.
Speaker 3Well, thank you very much for having me. I had a great time. I'm very passionate about this, obviously, so thank you for having me.
Speaker 4Absolutely got a stomp to my own drum, stomp to my own song stomp. Hey, got a stomp to my own drum, stomp to my own. Find stacked keys. Podcast on spotify soundcloud.
Speaker 2Find Stacked Keys Podcast on Spotify, SoundCloud and iTunes or anywhere you get your favorite podcast listen. You'll laugh out loud, you'll cry a little, you'll find yourself encouraged. Join us for casual conversation that leads itself, based on where we take it, from family to philosophy, to work to meal prep, to beautifully surviving life. And hey, if I could ask a big favor of you, go to iTunes and give us a five rating. The more people who rate us, the more we get this podcast out there. Thanks, I appreciate it.
Speaker 4I got a big drum. Whatever you do, it ain't nothing on me, cause I'm doing my thing and I got the key to all my wants and all my dreams Stomp to my own drum, stomp to my own song. Stomp, hey, gonna put on my boots and move that Stomp to my own drum Stomp to my big drum. Stomp, hey, ooh, yeah, got my pockets full of dreams. Yeah, and they've been passing out the same thing. Wow, wow.