Episode 242 -- Aylissa St John -- What If Strength Is Just Choosing Yourself, Again

Ready to rewire how you think about competition, confidence, and community? We sit down with jiu-jitsu competitor and water plant operator Aylissa St. John for a candid, energizing conversation about going first—on the mat and in life—and why you should never leave your story to a referee’s perception. From teen wrestling to modern tournaments, Aylissa breaks down how shifting from reactive to proactive changed her results and her mindset. She details a favorite sweep that needs refining, the sting of stalling calls, and the simple rule that keeps her grounded: set the pace, don’t surrender it.

The conversation widens beyond sport into identity, resilience, and belonging. As a Black woman in a male-dominated space, Aylissa names bias without letting it define her ceiling. Cross-training in women-led rooms revived her skill and joy, proving that the right environment can be a growth accelerator. She shares practical ways to build trust in new gyms, manage emotions to avoid injury, and read a room—habits shaped by a disciplined military upbringing and sharpened through real competition.

Aylissa also opens up about choosing divorce in her twenties, the shower epiphany that nudged her toward self-preservation, and the power of boundaries, accountability, and forgiveness without apologies. Then she flips the script on rest and creativity by revealing how crochet—yes, crochet—became a flow-state counterpart to grappling. Her brand, Naughtylicious, turns hats and custom sets into wearable wins, and her approach to customer feedback mirrors her approach to matches: take action, learn fast, keep building.

If you’re chasing better—on the mats, at work, or in your own head—you’ll find tactical insights and real warmth here: lead the exchange, pick your rooms, and choose yourself with intention. Follow Aylissa on Instagram at Aylissa for training and life, and at naughtylicious for custom crochet. If this resonated, tap follow, share it with a friend who needs a push to go first, and leave a quick review so more curious listeners can find us.

Music "STOMP" used by permission of artist Donica Knight Holdman and Jim Huff

Transcript

Speaker 0:20

Welcome to Stacked Keys Podcast. I'm your host, Amy Stackhouse. This is a podcast to feature women who are impressive in the art world, or in raising a family, or who have hobbies that make us all feel encouraged. Want to hear what makes these women passionate to get up in the morning, or what maybe they wish they'd known a little bit earlier in their lives? Grab your feed and start to your own drum. Watched her go through different phases of life and different parts of being an athlete. And um, so I'm just really excited to introduce the audience to Alyssa St. John. Welcome, Alyssa. Hello, good morning, good morning. I am really excited to have you. So right out of the gate, let's tell people who you are. How do people know you both personally and then professionally, what you do in your life to help you do a lot of those things that are the fun things?

Finding Competition And Identity

Speaker 1 1:57

So personally, people either know me through doing jujitsu. So a lot of people that I meet like during competitions, open mats, and kind of just in passing, as far as coming into the gym. And then also like when I go out, I tend to lean towards getting people social media. I just kind of figured that out this weekend because I was hanging out with somebody and they said women make friends very easily when they're out in public. They just kind of like for instance, I competed this weekend. So the guy that came and coached me was like, Women are so weird, they just compete against each other and then later on are like best friends. I'm like, that's just how it goes. It's not a lot of us, so we all are just very friendly with each other, whether we are competition or not. So yeah. So and then professionally I do water. Yeah. Sorry. Professionally, I'm a water plant operator. Um, I've been probably in the water industry since late 2016, early 2017. Um, I haven't really been consistently doing that, but more consistently than not, that's been my professional title, a water plant operator. That sounds important. That's funny. A lot of people say that to me when I tell them what my job is because I think the title sounds really important, but I'm just like it's just water. I just make sure the water, you're able to drink it, use it, shower with it, clean your dishes with it. That's that's it.

Speaker 3:31

Uh that's like a sustenance to life, you know.

Speaker 1 3:34

That is a sustenance, yes. That's true.

Speaker 3:38

Uh, but it's just water. Um you said a couple of things in there that I want to dive into. Um, obviously you're a competitor and that's important to you. Where does that competition spirit come from? Were you competitive as a kid? Or did you just wake up one morning and go, I need this in my life?

Speaker 1 3:59

I wouldn't necessarily say I was competitive as a kid because I as a kid, the biggest thing I didn't like about competition was the the fact that I felt like everyone would be at contention. Like I never liked seeing someone as my adversary. I more so like seeing people just as like at the time younger, probably more so just friendly. I didn't really like the pressures of competing, but around my teenage years, I would say I probably cared a little bit more because I cared more about doing individual sports at the time. Because as a kid, I was a basketball player, I danced, I cheered, had competition cheered. So everything was kind of like a team sport. So I never felt like, okay, the pressure is just on me. So nobody's just expecting me to be anything. But as a teenager, I got into wrestling. So then that's where I'm like, okay, this is me. It's it's me versus me. So whatever I do, if I don't win, it's because I didn't win, not because I can't be like, oh, well, the team sucks. So therefore, by default, I lost. That's where my competition spirit probably came from, doing wrestling and getting into the individual sports of things. And now as an adult, I'm just like, I'm just having fun. Like this weekend, I went out there and at the end of one of my matches, I just laughing, like, this was fun. Like, let's do this again. But whoa, I'm kind of ready to go home too. This is cool, though. But so I don't know. I I don't really say, I don't really have like a competition mindset. I'm just going out there and thinking like it's me versus me, whatever happens to whatever happens out there, like at the end of the day, take it how you're going to take it. If you feel like you didn't play to your best abilities, then take that to you and fix it within your game. Don't sit there and fear and like try to make an excuse to say, hey, look, I messed up, I didn't do this, I didn't do that. So that's kind of where my mindset is now.

Learning To Lead The Match

Speaker 5:59

Yeah. I've always heard Isaac say in in both his own, but um, but also in in coaching, but um that there's something to learn with every match every time you put a toe on that mat. And if you have, you know, you you may not necessarily have the goal to win that particular match. You may have the goal to follow your game all the way. So do you find yourself setting um different types of goals that may not be what out there thinks is the goal?

Speaker 1 6:38

I don't I for some reason I just am like when I step on there, I don't know, I don't really intend on going with a certain goal. Like I never stepped on a mat and been like this is exactly what I'm gonna go for. Cause I see myself more of a defensive player. So it's like, what if they go for this? Oh, I I I probably am gonna do this, or if they go for this, I'm probably gonna do this. So I'm more so think I anticipate a lot of what the other person is doing so I can react off of what they're doing. But as you do jujitsu more and more, you realize that maybe that's not the best game plan. So I'm working my way out of that now. So I'm still learning, like a hey, you got to go in there with some type of something. You can't just always expect them to do this because what happens if they don't do this? What are you gonna do? So those are the things I'm trying to learn to get out of, is like stop waiting for somebody to go first and be first. That's been my biggest thing right now.

Speaker 7:41

I mean, that's that's a big chunk of advice to yourself. I mean, because if you are waiting, I mean, some of these competitions, uh I mean, like how they're doing the um PGF, if it's boring, you get a flag thrown on you. If you're not doing something, making something happen, you're penalized.

Speaker 1 8:04

You are, and I've been penalized a couple of times these last few competitions where I have been, um, where it was we both ended up kind of stalling out, like we're we're wrestling, no one's scoring a point, and they gave it to the other person because they're like, you're not aggressive enough, you didn't go forward enough. You again, like I'm saying, you weren't the first person to make the first move. So therefore, we kind of are inclined to give it to your opponent because we didn't feel like that you went out there and went after it enough. So yeah, I've learned that okay, I never want to leave it to make people feel like, oh, I didn't do enough. The more I can like, the least I can do is put more out there on the line. So I can feel like okay, I didn't just give this person this match by kind of like filtering off and being like, oh no, like if I'm if we're gonna wrestle, I'm just gonna patty cake up there and let her kind of seem like she's a more aggressive one, even though you know I may disagree, like she she might be more aggressive, but is she really doing anything? But right, it just if the ref feels so, the ref feels so. So I have to make it's all about um perception. That's been the that's another word to perception. It's all about perception. If the ref perceives that, okay, you're not being as aggressive as she is, or you're not attacking as much as he is, or you were more so countering and she was more so on the attack, then you're giving it to the ref, and I never want to do that again.

Speaker 9:26

Yeah, yeah, that's kind of a sickening feeling.

Speaker 1 9:29

So yeah, it's been pretty, it's been pretty like heart-wrenching because some of them I'm like, oh man, I just started off and I'm already kind of like, ugh.

Speaker 9:41

Yeah, yeah. I can, I mean, you you almost want to put your hands on your hips and go, oh, you want to see aggressive? You want to see action? I'll show you action. It's you can't do that because then that gets in the way of your mind. And and some of these moves, I mean, they're technical. There is a process to get to them. You don't just get to do a crucifix because you think I'll crucifix. I mean, there's like step one, step two, step three. So uh what's your favorite um move? What what is what are you known for? Or do you have something that you're known for?

Favorite Moves And Fixing Gaps

Speaker 1 10:18

Um I think I I don't even know if this is a real move, but I know I've been doing it since the beginning of time, which is so funny. It's like a I I go for like I want to say like a collar. I try to get a hold of somebody's head and I try to get a hold of their arm. And I try to like butter, I like drop down and try to use my butterfly hooks and sweep them over. Now, successfully, I have never hit this move to where I end up on top. But when I hit this move, the person ends up on the ground. So I'm like, as long as I get up before they get up, yeah, they're gonna give me the points because it's technically a takedown. So I really need to improve on landing on top during that move. And it's been like on the mats, I've hit it a couple of times where I'm like, oh, okay, that's how you end up on top. But every time in competition, I I can watch back a few of my tapes. I'm like, you do this every single time and you never end up on top, but you're comfortable, so you might as well just shoot for it. Because for some reason, for me, I feel like it's working, it's not working like it should have, but it's working enough to where I've gotten a few points off of it every single time.

Speaker 11:28

So well, but the problem is you start doing that and everybody knows it, and and then they get ready for it, and they're like, All right, she's gonna do this to me. I gotta get up before she does.

Speaker 1 11:39

This is true. And I'm like, okay, you gotta do you if you're gonna do it, you gotta you gotta end up on top. So when I do end back up, because I competed this weekend, so all of this is fresh on my mind. So I'm like, okay, when I go back on the on the mat this week, I really need to ask, like, how can I make this move more successful? How can I make this move be more of a jiu-jitsu move and less of like a Hail Mary move? Because really I hit it because I'm like, I don't want to stand up and wrestle with you. If we end up on the ground, I will be perfectly fine. I just don't want to continue to stand up and do this and fighting, you clubbing me in the back of my head, like, I'm ready to end this. So I just really need to ask, like, how can I make this move successful to where I end up on top every single time?

Speaker 12:23

Yeah, that's that is funny that you say that because my goal with my kids is uh get in there and end it, get in there and do what you're supposed to do and end it. And when Isaac was cage fighting, that that was what I started out yelling with. And I mean, you know, they thought I was gonna be this timid mom in the back, and I thought I was too. I thought I couldn't watch, and then the minute it started, it was like step out and here she is. But it's like, you know, it I would yell, end it, son, because the longer you let somebody go, the more disadvantage you start to create for yourself. So now you've been in a lot of rooms training, and and for the listeners who probably kind of know some jujitsu because we've talked about it a lot um and had various guests on, but um, training in different rooms can have advantages and disadvantages, but it can also um be pretty stressful to you as an athlete. How have you handled and coped with that? And and what do you what do you what do you like about it?

Cross-Training And Women’s Rooms

Speaker 1 13:31

So the training in different rooms thing, I I've it's never been stressful for me. I've always been excited to just be in a different room with different athletes, different coaches, and different people. Like lately, I've definitely been going to where I've been cross-training a lot more. I've been going to a lot more women-led stuff. And for me, that's been incredible. I'm just like being in a room with different jiu-jitsu people, hearing people's mindsets and like having different people watch me and comment on stuff that I'm saying, it's made me feel like I'm not as stagnant as I might feel in my mind. Because I've been to a certain point where I'm like, okay, like, where am I going with this? What am I doing with this? Why do I feel like I'm not progressing the way I should? So when I go into different rooms with different people and they're like, hey, you would do really good if you do this, or hey, that was really cool that you did that, it kind of gets me at that mindset of like, okay, you you still enjoy the sport. It's just maybe you need to be around different people, maybe you need to see different looks, maybe you need to be around a different environment that's gonna lift you up right now. Maybe it's just you feel like this because you see your training partners every day, and you're and you're just kind of like, oh wow, they're doing so good, and I'm still falling behind. And what am I doing wrong that they're doing right? So just being in different rooms and being around people and training around different people at different skill levels, and especially around women, that's been my biggest thing right now. Training around women has just been so refreshing because when you're in a room full of women, it's not the same as being in an open mat full of men. Like women are there, we're laughing, we're kicking, we're like, oh, we're dancing to the music. It's funny because like the couple of open mats I've been to with the women, we're all dancing to the music, and then the men will come in and it will just get serious in the room, and everybody's like just okay, the vibes just changed a little bit, the vibes just changed, but that's okay. But like I really have enjoyed being in different rooms for the past few years. It's just been it's been really refreshing, and I feel like that's kind of helped me with my longevity a little bit too.

Speaker 15:46

Yeah, well, it you know, you're in um uh a predominantly male sport.

Speaker 5 15:54

This is true.

Choosing Jiu-Jitsu And 10th Planet

Speaker 15:54

And when you when you go into a room, a lot of times there might be, you know, two women or one, you might be the only one, or you know, it's um they go to this session, but they don't come to that one, and so it's you don't have a lot of choice sometimes. Um, but you did have a choice, choosing what kind of um athletic venture you wanted to be in, and you chose this. Why? It's not a girly girly thing to do.

Speaker 1 16:28

Um I'm definitely not a girly girl. Like this this doesn't come to surprise of no one, surprisingly. Like, nobody is surprised. As far as anybody who knows me, my family, no one is surprised. They're like, okay, this is Alyssa's thing. Because um around 10th grade, I I kind of like told my parents, like, hey, I'm playing basketball because I was a basketball player my virtually my whole life, a vast a basketball player in 10th grade. I was just kind of like, I want to be a wrestler, but I don't want to tell my parents I want to be a wrestler because I don't really know how they're gonna feel about it. So I don't know how long I can get away with it before I had to tell them, like, hey, I'm a wrestler. So 10th grade, 11th grade, I wrestled, and then I kind of moved across the country, and I'm like, okay, I'm ready to just focus on high school. But I had a friend on the wrestling team in San Diego who is a um jujitsu guy, and I had been following him on social media. And in the time at the time I didn't realize this, but around I guess like 2017, 2018 is when jujitsu first piqued my interest. Because I was in the military at the time, and I remember being like, I really want to do something close to wrestling. Like, I miss doing wrestling, but wrestling isn't available for me right now. Like, what's the alternative to that? And I'm looking on his social media and he does jujitsu, and I'm like, oh, I remember him from wrestling. I wonder if wrestling and jujitsu are the same. I'm aware of what jujitsu is because I've watched the UFC, but like, what is it really? So I'm scrolling through his stuff, like, okay, this looks kind of fun. Like, I would want to do something like that. So I look it up in my area around 2018-ish. I go and I talk to them, and then I'm life just kind of happens with my job, and I'm like, I can't do jujitsu right now. But then it just comes up again. The same interest is piqued by the same person, the jiu-jitsu guy that I know. I'm scrolling through Instagram and I'm like, you know what? I want to do jujitsu. This looks fun. I'm kind of bored, I'm kind of a little chubby, I kind of need something to do, and I kind of don't have any friends. So let me try out this. And then I look it up in my area, and that's just how I fell into the 10th planet because the guy that I was looking at on social media was a 10th planet guy. But uh at the time, the first time I looked at it, I didn't know what gym he was at. But the second time, I'm like, 10th planet looks really cool. Like he's 10th planet, 10th planet, 10th planet, 10th planet. So I'm like, okay, I'm gonna look at exactly what he's doing, I'm gonna do exactly what he's doing and see if I can find it over here. So I really just got lucky with 10th planet Perry, and then Steven, knowing the guy that I know, and he we're all talking about the same area of San Diego that we all have coincidentally lived in around the different times, but we all kind of know the area, and then we all know this specific person. So I was just kind of like maybe it was the universe just pushing me to this that I just didn't know until now.

Speaker 19:23

Yeah, it just kind of all blended together. Life can do that. There can be the world is small.

Speaker 1 19:28

The world is small. Like the fact that I met you and I knew this person in San Diego, and I'm meeting somebody in Perry, Georgia that knows him too. Like, that's just so small to me.

Speaker 19:38

Yeah, my dad used to say, You better always behave because somebody knows knows us. And then that's scary to think about.

Speaker 1 19:47

I have found that's another thing to think about. Like, I didn't know that until I moved to the south, how small the world is. Like I've ran into people that I hadn't seen in years, and I'm just like, how are you over here? Like, what is going on? The world is too small. We literally were just on one part of the country. I thought I would never see you again because we're separated by thousands and thousands of miles, and yet you're right here. That's just so strange to me.

Unfairness, Bias, And Resilience

Speaker 20:15

Yeah. Well, and the jujitsu community is pretty tight. It's um, you know, whether you're 10th planet or not, but especially if you're 10th planet, then there's like a uh a welcome mat, you know, for places all over the the world because of of having that affiliation. That's very true. Because I think too that it it there's hard work and grind that goes with that. And either you are, and actually, if you aren't, that reputation goes out there too. So, you know, you you kind of you can go both ways with that. Um, you have done so many things in your life though. I mean, you military, you you're you kind of brave some things by yourself. Um so you've also experienced some things in life probably probably that you wouldn't consider to be fair. What do you think of when you hear the word unfair and how that might intertwine into just overall life?

Speaker 1 21:25

I don't well, so obviously the I mean, it's the race thing at the end of the day for me. Like, unfair has always come down to me, and how it's been explained to me is because I'm always gonna be at a disadvantage. So, like in that mindset of okay, you're always at a disadvantage because you are a black woman, I've never had the opportunity to be like, okay, this is gonna be fair for me. So there's never been a moment in time where I can say, like, I can say whether what's unfair and what's fair, because that might look unfair and fair to a different person, but they don't really know what the experience is like because they may not look like me. So unfair and fair is just such a I don't really know how to feel about it because I don't think I've ever looked at life and being fair on my part. I just have to take it as a how can I make this situation better for me than what it is, because I'm already at the disadvantage. So I just have to like find different ways to to change my perspective on the narrative because it's always gonna be there. The unfair and the biased is always gonna be there. So it's up to me whether I embrace the fact, like, oh man, this is so unfair, or I'm just like, okay, well, let me figure out how to make it work for me. Like, I'm just gonna have to make it work at the end of the day. But that's just how I'm raised as a black person and especially as a black woman. Like, you're not, it's never gonna be fair. That's always as as it's been explained to me. So I don't really know how to explain it.

Speaker 23:05

That is really interesting. And I'm gonna ask this question, and you may not want to go there, but I I cannot imagine. I just cannot imagine because I I feel like I don't see color. But I probably do, but I just don't know that I do. Um I know being a woman, there are times when you know you could just roll your eyes sometimes because of the unsaid. And maybe that's what you're talking about, is that there's just unsaid. And unless you are in it, you you don't know and you can't explain it. But um, but I wish there was a way that we could just wash that away.

Speaker 1 23:55

I do too. I've been in it's crazy because I feel like I've been all around the world, and that's always been prevalent. Like, no matter what, that's always gonna be a a topic of conversation when it comes down to me being a black woman, me being all around the world, no matter what, that's always gonna be a topic of conversation. So it's just kind of like I've learned to just accept it and be like, this is who I am, and your perception of me is either I'm either gonna prove your perception right, or I'm gonna make you think about it completely differently. But either way, you're gonna walk in with those unconscious biases no matter what. Like you're gonna walk in there with your own perceived mind of what you think or how you feel, like I'm going to come off, act, feel, think anything. So I mean, whether I prove you right, whether I prove you wrong, I I just have to live with what however you feel at the end of the day. And there's been times where I've just like I know going in, like these people have these preconceived notions of me just based off of the little things that are said, but they're not saying it in a way that other people might hear as offensive. But me, I'm like, okay, there's a lot of like underlying things that they're trying to say without saying. So I'm not gonna react to it, but I'm gonna keep that in the back of my mind that you already are at the disadvantage because they've already kind of said little things or hinted to little things, and so you just have to go in there and be like, I know they have these biases in their mind and just take it how how you how they take it.

Speaker 25:30

So I can't help but sit here and think, are there times when you just want to just not go? Like just pull your head under the covers and go, I don't want to play this game.

Speaker 1 25:44

It is, it is, but then it's like if I do that, then I I let them win. Like I let them win on that perception of whatever they thought, whether they thought she's not gonna show up or she thinks she's too good to be around us or be in the building with us. Like, I just have to go. I have to suck it up and be like, you don't want to go, but you're gonna go because what is not gonna go, prove to you. Like, what is that gonna do for you if you don't get up and go? If you don't shake it off, what is that gonna do for you? What you just really just let the people in. You let them control your yeah, you can't. And that and I'm like that with everything. Sometimes I'm just like, what am I going to face out in the world today that I need to face today? Like, why does it have to be today? Why can't I just wait till tomorrow? Or why can't I just fold off till next week or the week afterwards? And I'm just like, no matter what, Alyssa, it's always going to be there. So if you don't get up and do it today, it's gonna be twice as much tomorrow, and then twice as much the next day.

Speaker 26:45

So do you think jujitsu helps you clear your mind and get you in a good mindset to face the world?

Speaker 1 26:56

Absolutely, absolutely. I mean, you can't go out in the regular world and choke somebody and try to break their arm and you know, snuggle them and rub your sweat all on them. So to be able to do that in a room legally, that feels great.

Speaker 27:13

I've talked to some of the women, some of the black belt women, and they're all saying, and it's so funny, they say, I can stand there in the grocery store with that an annoying person and think, you know, I could really choke you out. And it just kind of takes the irritant away because it's like, and I'm like, should you really think about that when you're like not on the mat? But I also have talked to my kids and they say when you go to the mat, you have to put everything down. You cannot go, and even on a workout, a daily workout, you can get really injured in your daily workout. And if you don't leave it at the door and come on that mat with as clear head as possible, you get hurt.

Speaker 1 28:01

So words have been spoken. I'm telling you, that's that's so true. If you're overly emotional, if you are letting the day affect you in any type of way and you get on there, you are putting yourself at risk because the emotional instability and the way your body reacts to being quote unquote attacked is is how it's going to like cause the injury. Because I always tell people, you just too, you your your fight or flight is still in the back of your mind. A lot of the times when you're doing this stuff, your fight or flight is still like a oh my gosh, I want to run or I'm gonna freeze or something like that. So when you're already overly emotional, I feel like that might trigger your fight or flight in a negative response. So moves that you usually respond to skillfully, you go emotional, you might do something and be like, I normally don't do that, but I'm not all the way there. So I'm just doing stuff that could cause me injury when I know I shouldn't do that, but I'm elsewhere. I'm thinking about something else, and your fight or flight may kick in and you might do something spazzy. And next thing you know, you know, you have a black eye or your arms hurt or your knees hurt. But I definitely agree with the coming to mat with a clear mindset. Because at the end of the day, like this is still something that your brain is processing as a fight. So if you go in there with emotions already, who knows how your brain's gonna react? Because it's already, your heart rate's already going really, really intensely, no matter how you're feeling whether you're sad or whether you're angry or whether there's something that you're like going through that you're not really talking about, your body's gonna react to something that you normally do regularly in a different way with that emotional, like um the emotions added on to it.

Speaker 29:46

Yeah. Yeah, it it is a physical and mental uh workout.

Speaker 1 29:52

It is.

Speaker 29:54

Yeah. Um, how do you know you can trust someone? You know, you you're you're dealing with people. In your professional world, that you have to trust. I mean, you're trusting different systems. Um, so you have to deal with trust there. You deal with trust in your competitions. So, how how do you know? Do you do you have a trust meter?

Building Trust On And Off Mats

Speaker 1 30:17

Yes. It it's more so sending by and observing. Um, like at competitions, you when you know what mat you're on, you're gonna be like, let me go see what the how this ref is. Because what if, you know, let me make sure that this is this is a a ref that's paying attention and stuff like that. Or when you're going to maybe a newer gym, you're I kind of step back and look around and how people are drilling, or maybe even look around how people are rolling. Because of course, the first person you roll with is gonna be your rolling partner. So you've already kind of established some type of type of trust with them. But as you're doing that, maybe look around the room and see like, okay, how is everybody else rolling? You see somebody, I don't know if I want to roll with them because I don't trust that they're gonna be a hundred percent aware of everything and they might kick me or they might just won't be all over the mat, slinging people from here to there. So it's more sort of like a me, I have to pay attention to everything that's going on in order for me to feel like comfortable or feel like, okay, I'm safe and trust the people in my environment. So the biggest thing for me is like just take a moment, look around, listen to what everyone's talking about too. Because although they might be a good rolling partner, what if they're saying things that aren't something that you really want to hear? So I just have a big thing of a just stop, look, listen, watch, see what's going on, and maybe even ask the people around, like, hey, is so-and-so, like, would you recommend me maybe rolling with them? Or who do you feel like would be a good rolling partner for me? Or you, or even at work, I'm just like, uh, hey, do you? I know you kind of know this person. Like, do you know if maybe they can help me with this or that? I'm a part of me establishing trust definitely is let me ask questions to the people around me too. Or again, let me see what's going on. But I'm very big on asking questions and paying attention to everything that's going on and listening to what everyone is either talking about or maybe picking up on some nonverbals that other people aren't picking up on. That's just a big thing in establishing trust for me. I just have to be aware of everything that's going on, using the what is it like the four senses, the three senses, the the eyes, the hearing and the mouth at that point?

Speaker 32:42

Yeah, yeah. Well, and when you're talking about jujitsu, those mannerisms, you know, just how somebody's moving can give you a sense. Well, did you growing up what was it like? Did your parents um kind of help you get those senses sharpened to find the trust? And you know, do you have siblings or how did you work that out growing up?

Speaker 1 33:11

Well, first, my parents are both veterans. My mom is retired Navy, and my dad is um a veteran. He was in the Navy too. So, just based off of their military experience, they are they put instilled that into me. Like when you walk into a room, you need to pay attention to everything that's going on. Especially now as an adult, my mom will call me and be like, make sure you're not on your phone walking around and pay attention to what's around you. I'm like, mom, I'm okay. Like, I know I'll pay attention. She'll be like, I know you know jujitsu, but I still need you to be aware. This like my mom will call me and be like, Did you hear the news about the girl? And I'm just like, mom, it's okay. So, like, my parents definitely instilled that into me and my brothers. I am the only girl of two brothers. I have an older brother and a younger brother. So my older brother was he's even like that too. He's like, Hey, pay attention to what's going on. And I since I always kind of felt like I wanted to be under him for a little while, everything that he did, I kind of emulated as far as behavior. Like, if I see that he's being quiet and to himself, okay, let me go do what my brother's doing. Let me sit off to the side and be quiet and say to myself, too, or oh, my brother's being social, let me go be social. So picking up on stuff from him and my parents, my military parents, my parents are like, I used to think, like, whoo, I wish y'all would shake this mindset out just a little bit, because this feels like I'm in the military. Like my parents are very, very like my mom is a very anal person, my dad is a very anal person. So everything that every every rule and all the stuff they had, I wouldn't say they were rigid, but I will say they were very much my parents are very straight line and to the point. It's never been sugar coated to me. It's never been like nothing has ever been anything that's like taken in like a sweet way. My parents are gonna tell you it, tell you to it straight, and they're gonna be honest with you. And for some people, it might come off brutally honest. And to us, it just comes off of like my parents aren't my parents don't know how to just give it to you nicely. They're just gonna give it to you straight, and you're gonna have to take a moment and be like, whoa, that was a lot, but thank you for just getting it out there because I'd rather you just tell me than me have this perception of maybe it could have been this and could have been that. They're like, no, this is what it is, this is what it ain't.

Speaker 35:33

So that you know, you appreciate that probably more as an adult than you did as a kid.

Military Upbringing And Directness

Speaker 1 35:42

Yeah, I there was times a kid, I'm just like, yeah, y'all just said that in a nicer way, but then I'm like, you know what? I'm glad you said it the way you said it, because I can't grow up, like I can't grow up thinking everything's peaches and cream, because it it wasn't, especially with my my mom being a woman in the military, like she, I think her world was so, yeah, her world was so cut and dry for her. Nothing would to her was ever taken it sillier as a game because everything to her was so serious. My mom was in the military practically my whole teenage and youth. So, like how she is is just how she this is how she is. She really she joined the military as a teenager, so though she's so rigid and straight and narrow, because that's this is all she knows. Like from 17 to my mom retired at 38, 37. That's all she knows. Yeah, well, so I I appreciate it.

Speaker 36:41

Yeah, but you followed her lead.

Speaker 1 36:43

I did follow her lead in in a kind of in a different way, but I did follow her lead. Yeah. But I I'm inspired by my mom. Like, I don't know a lot of people that have a mother that did what my mother did as far as being in a male-dominated military for 20 years in the military, kind of in a crooked military at some point in time, and have dealt with what she's dealt with and dealt with and the stories that she tells and the things that she's been with. And I'm just like, for a woman this small, you're you're you're you're mighty, like you have, you know, really have gone out there and you've done it, like you've really held it down. I know my mom was like, I've I've been the only girl in many of rooms. So for her, it's just that's so that to me, that's very inspiring to look at. Because my mom doesn't have any fear in her heart, and she doesn't let things intimidate her because she's seen it all, heard it all, been called all types of things, and she lets it roll off her back because she's just like, there's nothing you can say or do to me that hasn't already been said or done to me in tenfold. Like, and that's inspiring to me.

Speaker 37:50

Wow, that is that's inspiring to me. Because I mean, there's you know, a lot of people sit around and wish that they could do something or that they had a voice at the table, or that they, you know, had um an ability for this or that, but but they're wishing it. What do you what do you think the difference in wishing and realizing your dreams might be?

Speaker 1 38:11

It's just as simple as either you do it or you don't. It's all the action behind it. Like wishing is just a wish, but but putting no effort towards it, you're not really, you're just putting out statements to the earth. When you put out statements to the earth, you have to follow through on those statements. So it's a difference between wishing you can catch a dream and actually going out there and catching it. You have to move and catch it and run and actually start going after it.

Speaker 38:39

So yeah. Do you feel like you're beginning to realize some of your dreams?

Speaker 1 38:49

I think I'm starting to begin that feel like a maybe I didn't think this was a a dream in the beginning, but this is where I wanted it to be. This is how exactly how I wanted it to be. It might have not been exactly how I said it, but this is exactly how I thought about it in my head. It might have not been directly how I wanted it to be, but it is what it is. So because a lot of the times I think people get upset because it's not exactly how they thought it was supposed to be, instead of looking at it for what it is. So lately I've been like a man, I'm so upset that this happened. But then I'm like, but wait, this was a good thing. Like, although it's not this, it is this, and that's similar to what you were saying. It's not exactly what you wanted, but is this not good enough? Because I feel like this is what you were saying. This is at least what you were hinting towards. This is where you're at. So why are you so upset that it's not exactly how you wanted it to be? It's happened though. It might not happen perfectly, but it happened. So that's been getting older, that's what I've been realizing. Like, not everything that I put out there has been exactly how I wanted it to be. But in the end, it's ended up exactly how I wanted it to make me feel like perfect. That's exactly how I wanted to feel. That's exactly how I wanted this to make me feel. So it might not have been what exactly what I asked for, but cool. Yeah.

Speaker 40:13

So do you do you find or feel that you are truly being true to yourself? You know, Becca has her stacked intent business, and she talks a lot about you know being authentically you, and that's both in your relationships and your finance and your um nutrition. Do you feel like you are Alyssa, authentically you?

Action Over Wishing And Self-Truth

Speaker 1 40:42

Oh, absolutely. I feel like there can't really be any other me. I can't be any other way. Like I authentically think like I'm being, I feel like I'm being myself. But I will say I feel like that comes with age. I feel like as the closer and closer I get to 30, the more and more I'm like a this is the Alyssa that I am. I I I'm learning boundaries, I'm learning how to speak up for myself. I'm learning that to change my perspective on a lot of things. To I just that is where I've realized, okay, authentically, me comes from me finally opening up my mouth and and saying, hey, this is what I want it to be, and this is what it is, and this is how I am, and having honest conversations with myself, taking accountability for a lot of the things I may have done wrong, or not even may have, that I know I've done wrong. So a lot of that has come with once I finally had that mindset and mindly started processing things like that, like create your boundaries, start taking accountability for the things that you've done, stop holding on to things like either past traumas or anything that's holding you back from being who you want to be. Like take it in stride. Either you either you make the work to do better at it, or you need to let it go. Because waiting on, like for me, my early 20s, I felt like I was waiting on an apology a lot. Now that I'm older, I'm like, sometimes you have to just take have forgiveness in your heart and let it go. Like it, you can't accept an apology all the time. Sometimes you just have to be like, okay, cool. So that's helped me be authentically me by saying, by stop giving myself like the the pity parties and all that stuff and just being like, it is what it is. Alyssa, like this is this is part of the story. Let it roll off your shoulders and just be you, like continue moving forward in your processes of being how you want it to be, how you want your life to be. So that's been really helpful. Like a lot of stuff, I'm just like, I'm so glad I got over it. So I can get out of this darkness and just being me, who I know I am.

Speaker 42:48

So you've had some tough stuff that you've had to do and decide and some lonely spots. Can you talk about any of that and how it's positioned you to where you are today?

Divorce, Agency, And Choosing Joy

Speaker 1 43:02

Yeah, I can. I mean, more recently than I it has been that I got divorced, and that process in itself was very, very difficult. It was emotionally draining, it was taxing. I mean, it's everything that people would describe a divorce to be. Um and processing that has been one of those things where it's like, okay, Alyssa, like this is happening. You have to take it into stride. Everything's fine. I mean, but also now I'm like, okay, what have you learned? And what do you, especially coming into like being divorced before you're 30 gives you a bad rip to people sometimes because it's just like, okay, obviously you married young, you were naive, da-da-da-da-da. But for me, I've just kind of been like a I am glad that I didn't stay in something that I knew was no longer serving me in life in a positive way. Like, I'm glad that I had enough wherewithal to say, just because this is a union by God or in the court in the court of law does not mean that you are forced to have to just stick and stay in it forever. Like, if you know this isn't affecting you in a positive way, or if you know that this isn't gonna work, you do not have to force it. Like, I going through the process, I heard a lot of people say, like, uh, younger people are so quick to want to separate and they don't want to stick it out and they don't want to go through the rough patches and da-da-da-da. And I'm just like uh I get what you're saying, and that's fine, but how how how like why do y'all expect me to stay so miserable and t and wait for it to get better? They're just like, you should have stuck it out, you should have stuck it out. And I'm like, but why should I have stuck it out if I knew in my heart I would never be happy? Like, why am I forced to be like a, oh, I have to make this work because we're in a union? That's not fair. Like, if neither parties are happy, we can't force each other to we can't like what are we doing? Like, two unhappy people together is just gonna make more unhappiness. So why continue to stick out the funk of being miserable instead of just acknowledging, hey, this isn't working and that's okay. It's not gonna work. Let's figure this out, let's figure out how we can make this work. What do we need to do to make this work? Whether we have conversations or whether this just needs to be the end of this, and it just needs to be the end of it. But like, let's not stick this out because people are telling us how wrong we are for feeling the way we feel or going about it the way we're going about it. Let's be true to ourselves and to each other and say, if it's not working, it's not working. We're young enough, we'll work, like it's fine. We at the end of this, we're still going to be able to go out there and make mistakes and find love again and and meet new people and go through this all over again. So let's like not let other people make us feel like this is the end all be all. Oh my God, you're getting a divorce. That's the worst thing that could ever happen. I'm like, no. For me, it was one of the best things I could have made for myself and probably one of the more mature decisions I've ever made in my life to be like, hey, this isn't gonna work. I don't, I don't want to do this anymore. I know you don't want to do this anymore. Let's just be mature about it. That's probably like the divorce has been the maturest adult decision I've ever made in my life. Because it's just like I'm so proud, glad that I chose me at the end of the day. I'm glad I chose my happiness and my sanity and my everything, and not listen to what people were telling me, how wrong I am and all that. I'm glad, and for my ex-husband, I'm glad he chose him too. Because it's like we both knew, and I'm glad we both knew and had enough wherewithal because a lot of the stuff that I was hearing during the time, I'm just like, uh, I'm so glad you're not me. Because you probably would still be going through it. I'm so glad you're not me.

Speaker 47:03

So well, how how did you? What did you grab on to to go? Wait, me, me, did you journal? Did you, you know, what did you do to hear your voice?

Speaker 1 47:18

I didn't, I know I didn't journal. I I think I just I think there's just like maybe a period maybe in the shower. I think I I actually it is a period in the shower where it's just me in there and I'm looking, you just looking at the water, and I'm just like, uh, okay, Alyssa, is are you gonna choose you today? Like, is today gonna be the day where you wake up and be like, this isn't this isn't serving you a positive purpose anymore? And so it it took many of showers, I think, for me to realize, okay, you have to start choosing you because if being in the shower is the only time I feel like I can authentically be myself, that's a problem. So once I get out the shower and the feeling of how I felt in the shower of a okay, I can decompress and I can take this weight off my shoulder for now. And if I get out the shower and I have to put the weight back on, then I'm not choosing me. So I it just took a shower for me to get up and say, I can't carry this weight anymore. Like I can't just keep washing, feeling like I'm washing it off on the shower just to put it all back on, just to walk back out there and dirty myself up again. At one point in time, I was just kind of like, I'm not doing this anymore. Um once I get out of the shower, I'm not carrying this weight anymore. I'm going to let it be known and I'm gonna say it. Hey, today is a day. I'm choosing me. Like I'm sick of having to keep going through this in and out of the shower, putting it back on, taking it off, putting it back on. I don't want to put it back on anymore. Just here, take it. I don't want it anymore. And that, and so a shower, probably like a shower, a very warm shower.

Speaker 49:01

That is such a visual, you know, of the rinsing it off, letting it go down the drain, then thicken it back up. I mean, that is um, because it's hard to to choose us sometimes. We we let other people get in the way, other obligations, um, you know, all of our finances and way of life, and you know, those those choices can add up so quickly. Um, so that's a pretty strong person to be able to do that. So how how would you describe a strong person or a good leader or somebody that you look up toward, whether it's one of your mentors, or how do you describe them and those characteristics?

Speaker 1 49:51

I think a strong leader is a great communicator. And I think a strong leader is somebody who is willing to take accountability, who's willing to um, and also willing to make mistakes, and people who are willing to have some type of empathy towards people. I think that's a big, big thing in a leader. You have to have empathy towards people when you're leading people under you. You have to care about how they feel, and you have to, you know, you have to know the people that you're leading, and you have to go off with certain behaviors. And that's been whether I was in the military seeing my sergeants, how they dealt with each, because all of us are different people. So obviously they have to deal with you differently. So watching them deal with one person to the next and catering to that person, however, they need to be either disciplined as far as like a they know this person is a person that you either have to reprimand right there, right then, or this is the person where you have to reprimand in private, like, hey, let me pull you off to the side so we can talk about how to reprimand you and being able to communicate and being able to just take accountability for your mistakes, empathy, and and you probably you probably have to be strong-willed, you know, you can't you have to let certain things roll off your shoulders. You have to let, you know, you can't and don't let people walk all over you has been a big thing too. You have to be one of those people that can stand on your own. But also, I feel like you have to be one of those people that are willing to stand up for other people. And that's a that's a great leader to me. Because not only do you think about self, but you have to think about the people around you too. A great leader just doesn't sit there and be like a dictator, where it's me, me, me, me, me. They're it's me and them and us, or it's a us. It's always gonna be us, no matter what. They never take themselves out of being the people or out of being the around the people that they lead. They don't just go about everything as a me, me, me. They move as a unit when they're a leader. They think, how can I benefit from this? And also how the people around me can benefit from this. And that's how I would describe a great leader.

Speaker 52:10

Yeah. Where do where do you go when you have to solve a problem?

Aging, Pressure, And Perspective

Speaker 1 52:16

Where do I go? I usually um honestly, I go to my cousin. Me and my cousin are probably best friends. Whenever I am at a road where I feel like I can't solve it, I get her perspective on it. I always like to get people's different perspectives on it to make sure maybe I'm if I'm looking at it wrong or if I'm looking at it right. And she's been, we or her are the same person, but opposite sides of how we interpret things and probably in personalities too. I'm more of the the social one, and she's more of like the quiet one. So I would say sometimes she may be more of the more observant one, where I'm more so the one that's like a friendly one, I guess I'll say. So sometimes I'll just go to her and be like, Am I being irrational about this? Do you feel like I might be going about this the wrong way? And she put like puts a lot of different things in perspective for me. Like, I don't know, I wouldn't really say it like that. Cause I feel like I'm more of the harsh one out of us too. So, like sometimes I'll say something and she'll be like, That's really harsh. I feel like you should really change the way you're thinking about that or the way you're saying that, because that's incredibly harsh. And sometimes to her, I'm like, hey, you gotta be a little more mean, like you gotta tell them, like, you know, like you gotta leave them a little some of your parents coming, your mom coming out in you. Oh, it's funny that you say that because people in my family will be like, Hey, that's a little bit of your mom. I'm like, you know, uh younger me would have been like, Oh, please don't tell me that. But older me, I'm like, okay, well, I'll take it. Because one thing I know my mom won't do is let anybody walk all over her. And I'm okay with that. If that's all you, if that's the personality trait I took for my mom, I'm okay with that. I am okay with that.

Speaker 54:02

So what if you could change one habit about yourself? What what would you change? Something you do, something you feel, something you think.

Adventure, Travel, And Saying Yes

Speaker 1 54:28

Oh, I I I would probably change the way I feel about I would probably say aging a little bit because I it's funny, because like people who it's like inside jokes, but like I always used to joke around with like Taylor at 10 Planet about his age, and I'd be like, Oh, you're an old man, and the and I think that was a little bit of me being like, okay, I'm a little bit scared of aging, just a little bit like I'm scared of getting older because are people gonna expect me to be more wiser? Are they gonna expect me to be a little a lot more quieter? They're gonna expect me to be a lot more something. So it's just kind of like sometimes I wish I looked at me getting older a little bit differently, and also sometimes I wish I didn't think that just because I'm the age that I am that I and don't that I can't make mistakes. Like that's been another thing, too, where it's just like I'm 27 years old, why am I still making this mistake? Oh wow, that's a lot of pressure. It it is a lot of pressure, it it is, and then then I get around older people and they're like, you're 27. Like you still have a lot of life to live. And for me, I'm just like, I'm 27, I should know better. And they're like, it's just different things at the age. Sometimes I feel like I should know better. Sometimes I'm just like, uh, have I done enough at my age? It's just that that I wish I can get out of the mindset of uh age doesn't have a time period for how you have to move about your life. It's just you're getting older, but that doesn't mean that you're missing anything per se. Sometimes it's just, hey, you're getting older and life's still continuing on, but you have time to still figure it out. And I feel like a lot of people my age do that too, where we're just like uh, I'm 27 years old and I don't have a family, or I'm 27 years old and I don't have a house, and it's just like uh, hey, but you're 27 years old and you have an apartment, that's a house. Hey, you're 27 years old and you have a car, that's not the car you want, but hey, at least it gets you to point A to point B. So I just want to break out of the habit of feeling like uh maybe I'm not doing enough, or maybe I'm doing, or maybe I'm just life's moving too fast and I haven't got all this done. And I just want to get out of that a little bit.

Speaker 4 56:42

That's easy. And enjoy my youth.

Speaker 1 56:45

Do what I said and enjoy my youth. I do it sometimes. Sometimes I fear that I haven't enjoyed my youth enough because I'm so worried about what I haven't or had done yet.

Speaker 56:58

But I see you sometimes zipping off for an adventure. And I I mean, do you know kind of in your DNA when you need to go have an adventure?

Speaker 1 57:11

No, I I don't. Me and my cousin, this is this is my best friend. Me and her, we are so my cousin, my aunt is a travel agent, so she posts a lot of travel deals. So me and my cousin follow her on social media. So whenever she posts a travel deal, we'll text each other and be like, Wanna go? Sounds cool. Like, I love it. Adventure you've seen me on. That's how the conversation starts. Like, hey, hey, Jamaica sounds cool. You want to go for my birthday? Like in September, me and her going to Puerto Rico. And this was literally like a I sent her the post that day. I'm like, should we do this? And she's like, Yeah, we're doing this. And we paid for it the next day. I'm like, perfect. Oh wow, perfectly.

Speaker 57:56

Everybody needs a person like that.

Speaker 1 57:59

Oh, yeah. We call each other, like we I tell her, we both tell each other, like, hey, we're always deposit ready, as and we're always ready to make a payment on a trip, a concert, an adventure, whatever it is. We're always ready. Just send me the word and I'll let you know. That's been our biggest thing in life. Send me it and I'll let you know.

Speaker 58:18

Yeah. Well, that's good. I mean, and to be youthful and being able to do those kinds of things, that's actually what sets you up to be able to do them when you're older. It's pretty hard to just start something when you're older, but if you keep that mindset, that's tremendous. So finish this sentence for me. We were put on this earth to be blank.

Speaker 1 58:47

We were put on this earth to. I don't really know. I just feel like I never really thought about why we've been put on this earth. I think I for some reason I'm just like, we're put on this earth to to see how the simulation's gonna go, to see how everything's gonna go and what needs to be, what rules need to be in place, or what needs to be improved, or what doesn't need to be improved, what the plus and minuses. That's probably the first thing that came to my mind for some reason.

Speaker 5 59:41

Let me see.

Speaker 1:00:00

said your internet was unstable. Alright, so we you were saying we're put on this earth to and right as you were finishing up your thoughts there.

Speaker 1 1:00:12

Oh I said I think uh we're putting this earth to as a simulation yeah I got I got that I'm gonna be able to use that at the end so we're gonna assimilate I don't I I really never even thought about it because I don't know I'm just like we woke up and we're here so let's let's just keep on keeping on I never really thought about it I'm gonna ask this question at work because I would love to hear how people think about it.

Speaker 1:00:44

What will we put on there to do it's funny you go back to what your career is and you're sustaining life in a better way for people. You know the fact that you talk about how to speak up for yourself and to to listen to yourself and yet to have some order and to you have these expectations that are pretty big of yourself and of others. So it's kind of kind of interesting the life that you weave so um we've talked about a ton of things gone all over the place is there anything maybe that we haven't touched on that you want to make sure we do and if this were your platform this is your place to say as loudly as you can to everybody who hears it what what would you be saying?

Speaker 1 1:01:44

I will say though Becca is one of those people that helped me be like okay I could do this watching Becca run different businesses or the way Becca leads different rooms has helped me with wanting to like create my own business because I did open my crochet business in November of last year. So watching like being around Becca for as long as I've been around her and listening to some of the stuff she says or listening to or watching how she like self-promotes herself has helped me with the crochet business to me like okay self-promoting myself like I think Becca's Instagram made me be like okay I definitely need to open up an Instagram for my crochet page because at that time I would just kind of word the mouth like oh if you have something that I've made for you kind of just let people know so definitely using Becca as kind of an inspiration to be like okay Becca one thing about Becca is she self-promotes like she will send you a text message an email she'll send you pictures I'm like okay if anything I've learned from Becca is you're you gotta put yourself out there like hey you send out the email send out the promotions talk about it but bring it up if people ask you bring it up stuff like that because being around Becca was definitely like a okay that's good that's good well if you don't tell people I was just scared I was like I'm so scared of people hating my stuff or not that I your feelings get out there. Yeah my feelings of like a I don't want to have a a dissatisfied or disgruntled employee stop me from wanting to put myself out there like that because I'm like I don't want to deal with the the person not employee but customer who is upset that I might have messed up on their on something they asked me to make like that was a big thing that was holding me back but it's a part people are going to be dissatisfied no matter what so I just had to realize that they get what they pay for not that I'm saying I'm making anything wrong but if you tell me to make something and it may not turn out the way you like and you come at me angry or disgruntled I'm just kind of like I'm sorry that you're dissatisfied and let me figure out how I can make this work for you.

Starting A Crochet Business

Speaker 1:04:04

Yeah that's good. All right so let's self-promote a little bit here you're you're talking to me about something that is a passion and that you've turned into a business so tell me about it.

Speaker 1 1:04:17

So my um crochet page right now it's called naughty licious um a lot of the stuff that I crochet or majority of the stuff I crochet is clothes. So I make like shorts, shirts, pants, hats hats have been a really big um seller for me at this moment I make the ruffle hats and the bucket hats and I really been wanting to get into making like the fruit hats. I don't know if you've seen it it's like granny squares with cherries and lemons and stuff like that. I kind of experiment every day with different stuff. So right now I'm making a shirt and the matching shorts and then I also have a customer ordering a whole fairy outfit. So I've made her a ruffle skirt and I'm making her some it's like a fairy shirt with flare arms and I'm making her a bucket hat. So just different stuff I like to I like for people to challenge me. I like for people to ask me like hey do you think you can make this and I'm like I'm gonna try and if I can't I'll let you know like so it's been a lot of people just ordering clothes right now but mostly hats but a lot of people have been hitting asking me about making them regular clothes.

Speaker 1:05:31

Yeah and that takes a lot of time you had to learn how to do this you know this is not a youthful kind of uh craft oh yeah people like to say I have a granny hobby and I'm like absolutely do absolutely do I embrace it but I mean okay why do you what does it do to your head I mean you're also you're beating people up and you're choking them out you're you're you've got that adrenaline rush from that kind of competition you get a a bit of an adrenaline rush when you finish a crochet project how do you marry these two how do they mesh together for me they're both seen as um mental healthers so I see them both as like a I'm doing one to to keep my mind in check.

Speaker 1 1:06:28

So when I'm crocheting you're in a flow state so the only thing that you're thinking about or the only stress you're worried about is the next stitch in crochet you clear or in um jujitsu you clear your mind and the only thing you're thinking about is hey what's the next move after this or what's the next what's the next escape what's the next mission after this something like that. So both of them to me are to just clear my mind. So that's how I've been able to marry the two because I'm either using one to clear my mind and make a shirt or I'm using one to clear my mind and maybe soak you out or something like that.

Speaker 1:07:06

I love it. I cannot wait to share that segment right there with Isaac Becca and Stephen those are the three that popped in my head that are like I can I can see Steven and Isaac having a blast with this so get ready. So I am going to be made fun of but I love them they're gonna love you. They're gonna love you.

Flow State: Grappling And Crochet

Speaker 1 1:07:27

So any any closing thoughts um I'm gonna give you guys appreciation because in the five years that I have known you Isaac Becca and your husband it's been incredible like when I moved across the world Becca even you Isaac everyone everybody as far as her family goes has been just the most supportive people I have met as an adult like it's been insane. Becca opened up her home to me I literally like getting out of the military because I met I I started jujitsu probably like six months after I got out the military Becca is one of the first people I ever met in jujitsu and just meeting Becca after like going through kind of losing that part of my life and that environment and that community that I had for Becca to kind of create another community for me was top tier. Like I didn't expect to come into the civilian world and have somebody open up their arms to me like that. So I love Becca for that like even I have the picture of Becca made it was me, Seth, Steven and Isaac a cake that was like the first time in my adult life I think that someone had baked me a cake in years. So I was just like and she bade me a cake I never had before I was like I've never heard of this cake but I'm thank you so much for making me for making me and then meeting you guys because I think I met you at a competition at the first time and it was Becca did something I said whoa I didn't expect that out of Becca and you were like oh no that's how Becca is you just don't know I was just like okay okay so then meeting you and then you've been very welcoming too and like when I obviously when I got married you you y'all were there Isaac took pictures of my wedding so like your whole family has been just been so from beginning to end with everything that I've had going on in the last five years your family has been a positive and people that I know that like I can lean towards to just give me a positive anything like a hey I'm so proud of you congratulations like your family has definitely been the family that just has done that for me every single with it every accomplishment I've had in the five years one of y'all had been the first person to be like congratulations Alyssa and I greatly appreciate that well I'm telling you it is a pass it on thing I mean we um community is everything if I I think the devil's whole playground is if he can get you off by himself by yourself.

Community, Gratitude, And Support

Where To Follow And Final Ask

Speaker 1:09:56

If he can make you feel like you are alone and nobody loves you nobody wants to cheer for you. When you were talking about something earlier I I almost said well when we were talking about the race thing I I I wanted to say I will be that little person on your shoulder screaming no you've got this because I just cannot imagine not being your cheerleader so um you're doing great I cannot thank you thank you enough for enough but enough for you coming here and being so open and talking and I know that the listeners have gotten something so how do they follow you how do they buy from you how do they become uh an Alyssa cheerleader so my Instagram is just Alyssa underscore um for my personal page that's where I share all my adventures jujutsu stuff and then my um crochet page is naughtylicious underscore um you know if you want to buy a hat if you want to I mean even if you want me to make you something I know people are into the plushies right now so I can try won't be the best at the plushie making but if you want one I'll make you one I think it's awesome. Thank you. This is thank y'all I'm excited I've been wanting to go to the podcast for a minute though I won't lie like I think there's I have literally been like one day Becca's gonna ask me I'm gonna be like absolutely I'm absolutely gonna want I'm so honored well she does a fabulous job of uh setting people up and and getting it done and getting them on the calendar and so I mean I I am you know when you work with people um you you look for their strengths and that is definitely one of her strengths and so um so I'm glad that it worked out thank y'all so much this is cool to my own song gotta dump to my own drone dumb to my own song dumb page find these podcasts on Spotify SoundCloud and iTunes or anywhere you get your favorite podcast listen you'll laugh out loud you'll cry a little you'll find yourself encouraged join us for casual conversation that leads itself based on where we take it from family to philosophy to work to meal prep to beautifully surviving life and hey if I could ask a big favor of you go to iTunes and give us a five rating. The more people who rate us the more we get this podcast out there. Thanks I appreciate it