Episode 252 -- Jayden Alexander -- Grit On The Mat, Grace At Home

Grit doesn’t always shout; sometimes it packs snacks, lays out a quilt by the mats, and shows up anyway. We sit down with jiu-jitsu competitor and young mom Jayden Alexander to trace a line from a leaky-roof gym in small-town Mississippi to a high-standard room at 10th Planet Atlanta—and the mindset that made that leap possible. Jayden’s story is raw and practical: training 24 hours a week, serving tables to fund the dream, and raising a four-year-old who knows the gym as home.

What stands out is her shift from emotion to analysis. With coaching from Sean Applegate, Jayden learned to strip away the drama of losing and study the film of her own choices—what worked, what didn’t, and why. That same lens steers her parenting and her schedule: decide, act, iterate. No waiting for perfect conditions; no excuses. She shares how systems make the impossible doable, from her daughter’s mat-side routine to boundaries that protect learning in a room built on respect. The result is a life that fits her goals rather than fights them.

We also get into tradeoffs, co-parenting across states, and the service industry grind that sharpened her patience. Jayden’s take on wants vs needs is no-nonsense, and her view on “manifesting” is grounded in sweat equity: show up as your best, serve others, and watch doors open. She tells the story of how one standout shift led to a job that now flexes around training and competition. Through it all, she treats certainty like a practice—something earned in reps, not granted by luck. If you’re chasing performance, balance, or simply a reason to stop complaining and start building, this conversation will meet you where you are and nudge you forward.

If this resonated, follow, share with a friend who needs the push, and leave a 5-star review so more people can find the show.

Music "STOMP" used by permission of artist Donica Knight Holdman and Jim Huff

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:20

Welcome to Stacked Keys Podcast. I'm your host, Amy Stackhouse. This is a podcast to feature women who are impressive in the work world or in raising a family or who have hobbies that make us all feel encouraged. Wanna hear what makes these women passionate to get up in the morning, or what maybe they wish they'd known a little bit earlier in their lives? Grab your keys and stomp to your own drum.

SPEAKER_01 0:53

It's a great big world that I won't see, and a whole lot of things that I won't be. All I gotta do is count one, two, three. Whatever you do, it ain't nothing on me.

SPEAKER_00 1:15

So I am super excited today. I have a special guest with me. She is a dynamo. I hear all about her from other people, and I see her in action, and I cannot wait to dive in and meet more of Jaden Alexander. Welcome. Hello, hello. I am excited to have you. So, right out of the gate, let's get started. How do people know you, both personally and professionally?

SPEAKER_06 1:43

Um, I would say, I mean, I think I think if I were to describe myself wrapped up, people would probably just say, oh, well, she's that mom who does jujitsu full time. Um that that's mainly I'm I train um around 24 hours a week in jujitsu. I work 30 hours a week as a server, and then every other time in between that, I have my daughter. So I'm it's work jujitsu and mom, and that's about it, wrapped in a nutshell.

SPEAKER_00 2:19

So and that's a lot. That is a lot, that takes a lot of dedication in each area. So you're also a little tiny dynamo. So talk about being a woman in jiu-jitsu, being small, and um committing yourself so much to it.

Starting At A Tiny Gym In Mississippi

SPEAKER_06 2:38

Yeah, it's a lot. Um I love it though. I honestly I would say the jujitsu side of my life is like the easiest. Um, because I mean I love it. Um, it's yeah, I don't know, it's a lot. Um, luckily, I am I also trained at a really good gym. It can be hard being a girl in the sport for sure. Mainly just, yeah, everybody being so much bigger, it puts a big toll on um my body more than anything. Um, so I have to spend a lot of time outside those things as well over recovery and doing things that try to keep everything pulled together. I'm carrying a lot of weight, these big boys all the time. So uh and then wagging a four-year-old around when I'm not doing that. Um, but yeah, it's yeah, it's hard. Um sorry, my brain, I'm like, give me a second. You're fine. What got you into it? Um, so I was 17 when I started. I'm 24 now. I was 17 when I started. Uh, I was emancipated when I was uh 16. So I was like living on my own. I was house hopping a little bit um through like a few different um like relatives. I had a few relatives that I hadn't really known growing up, but I was househopping a little bit when I was 16 and then um got was get honestly just getting into trouble, spending time running around, little bad friends. Uh I didn't really have any direction. I just very just whatever came across my path, I guess. I was just I wouldn't I didn't care, I would just get into it. So um I was 17 and some of my friends at the time were like, oh yeah, we're we're gonna learn to fight. There's this little box in place, and and we're gonna all go fight each other. And um I had I had older brothers growing up as well, and then all my other siblings were older, so I was usually mute most I was used to mostly being around like boys and stuff like that. And so I was like, Oh yeah, like I'm not scared, like I'll fight y'all. I don't care if y'all are boys, like I'll go learn to fight. And they're like, they're like, okay, well, whatever. So I went to the went to this little bitty gym and came in. Um this gym was in the middle of nowhere, Mississippi, Pontong, Mississippi. I mean, I think the room was like it was like a 12 by 14 room, so it was literally a corner with mats in it. And it was supposed to be like a utility closet, like a big utility closet for a weight lifting gym. And they had jujitsu mats in there, like three bags hanging in for their for their boxing class. Um, and it was so funny because every time it would rain, every time it would rain in there, we'd have to pick like all the mats up and mop it up because rain would just pour through the roof. Like when I tell you it was like a hole in the wall, but the people there were so sweet. My coach, it was uh Brian White and Kristen White, some of the most loving people ever. And honestly, I just came in and I was so nervous because there was no girls there other than Kristen popping in and out. Um, and uh I was like, I'm gonna train here. I I know I'm a girl and there's no girls that train here, but uh but I train here now, and I thought I had to be like some type of way. And the coach was like, Well, yeah, okay, that sounds fine. Like, come on, I don't care. So all my all my little friends that I my friends that I was running around with, uh, they quit like two days later. And uh, I was like, Well, this is what I'm gonna do for the rest of my life now. This is it, this is all, this is all I want right here. And I stuck with it. Um, I'm so yeah, I'm still doing it today, but it all started right there. And uh I fell in love with it.

SPEAKER_00 6:45

So when you hear the word competition, what how do you feel?

SPEAKER_06 6:53

Oh, I love competition. Oh, it makes me it just it makes me so excited. I if I could, I would compete, I mean, every weekend as much as my body could handle it. That's what I would do. Um, just the adrenaline, um getting ready for those competitions and those moments when you're alone and it's right before your match and everything's quiet. Like my mind is like the most quiet right before I get to go out on the mat. It's it's like the best feeling ever. Then you just get to go out there and there's no breaks. You just get to throw everything that you that you want and that you've been working towards in the gym, like in the room, and you throw it all at this like one opponent that's standing in front of you. I I love it. It's it's definitely um, I mean, yeah, it it's like that little fire that I have inside me. I don't I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 7:54

Um well you've had some good mentors pouring into you.

Mentorship And An Analytical Mindset

Transferring Mat Lessons To Life

SPEAKER_06 8:00

Yes, I I really have. Um uh my coach now, uh Sean Applegate, very, very, very good coach. Um, it was crazy. I feel like I've really I've been at Sean's gym for two and a half years now. Um, maybe we're getting a little bit, yeah, maybe, maybe a little bit more than that. I think I think around two and a half years. And honestly, that was like a huge thing that I had to learn um from blue to purple. What was crazy is when I first came to 10th Planet Atlanta, 10th Planet Atlanta, I probably should not have even had my blue belt. I feel like I had to re-earn my blue belt, even though I didn't get rebelted. I feel like I had to re-earn my blue belt like the first year I was there. Yeah. And then the second year was actually like uh blue to purple. But um, I mean, yeah, like, but that that big year, my blue belt era, if you will, was a lot of mentality. Um, just remembering that everything in the jujitsu room, it's easy. I feel like, especially as a girl, to like get emotional about um, like your goals and stuff like that, and to like I felt like I was behind a lot, and I would get really emotional about it when I would lose. I would get really just beside myself, and it was a lot of tears. And one thing that really has stuck with me that Sean has taught me more than anything is like you have to look at these challenges and these things that you have to learn, these things that you have to go through, you have to look at them analytically and take your emotion out of it. It's like it's okay that that you want these things that you want to be good, it means you care, it means that you care. You know, getting emotional about losing or like on days that you train hard and you feel like you're not up to par. Getting emotional about it means that you care, but it also hinders you from moving forward um in a lot of ways. So, one of the biggest things he's taught me is that like you have to take your emotion out of things, be super analytical. You look at things like, okay, this is what I did, this is what I did wrong. Cool. Now we know that. What's the next thing we do? Let's focus on the the what, the why, the where, and break these things down so that we can just act instead of getting so wrapped up in how we feel about it, you know? And that has been that has helped me compete. I I have applied that to my regular life outside of jujitsu so much. Yeah, so much. Even with like, even with Elity and like my parenting and stuff, I've applied it to that. It's like, you know, like yeah, like okay, like I'm annoyed, I'm I'm dealing with her, and I'm like, okay, I'm annoyed. Let's take that out of it. What is actually happening right now? What needs to be done, and then do it. And so, yeah, that's been like, I feel like more than anything, that's what I've learned from him and from Ryan too. Like, Ryan's taught me that a lot. Um, so yeah, that's that's been like the biggest thing. Really good, really good people, really good mentors. Um, Sean's wife, uh, Tori. Tori has helped me a ton. Um, mainly with urgency. I would say that when I first met Tori, I was definitely somebody who was it was easy for me to procrastinate on like a lot of things because I not because I didn't want to do them, but because I uh would I'm a I'm a big overthinker. I overthink everything. Uh and it's it comes from a place of me wanting to do things right. Like it's like if I'm putting my time and my energy into this, I don't want to mess up, like I don't want to make mistakes, I want to do things the right way. But what would happen a lot of times is I you know I think and I think and I think and then there's no action. And something that Tori has taught me a lot too, and that we've talked about a lot, and that I see her do is it's like you decide, like you decide what you want to do, you look at it, you make the most educated decision, and then you have to just do it. Like, if you do the wrong thing, well, cool. Now you know not to do that, but you you have to try something, you can't just be stagnant, and you have to plan. So I think uh my life is a lot of that. I have to uh it's something that I've struggled with with the past two years, but that I'm getting a lot better at. I just have a lot on my plate between LED and working and going to the gym and planning, not procrastinating, taking the emotion out of it, and just trying to be more like almost like a robot when it comes to some of these things. So um, I feel like that's what's made me like the person I am now, is just like I'm just going forward, forward, forward. And I do I do attribute a lot of that to Sean and Tori.

SPEAKER_00 13:06

Yeah. Well, you know, I hear a lot of people in the jiu-jitsu world talk about um you leave your personal life off the mat when you get there because you can't you can't focus, you've got to have all your attention on the mat. Yes, and when you come off the mat, those lessons that you just learned on the mat come with you and they really do apply to your daily life. Yes, that's what you're talking about.

Systems For Training With A Toddler

SPEAKER_06 13:31

Yep, absolutely. And it's it is I think um um what's the word I'm looking for? Oh, yeah, like knowing how to compartmentalize all those things is like super important because um, like an analogy, anal, like an analogy I'll use, it's like I am like one person, but I have several different hats that I have to wear for like the several different jobs that I have. So it's like when I'm at jujitsu, I have to take my mom hat. The most I you can't ever take the mom hat all the way off because Elity's with me the whole time. She she starts kindergarten next year, so things will change uh I won't have her with me 24-7, but um, so I can't take the like the mom hat all the way off, but I do have to have a lot of things planned so that when I go to jujits to jujitsu, I can like kind of take that hat off and put my jujitsu hat on. It's like my because if I'm in jujitsu class and I'm thinking about all these other things, I'm thinking about like what I gotta do for work or what I gotta cook or like trying to handle Elity or do all these things, then there's really no sense in me being in class if I can't fully submerge myself in that and utilize the time that I have sectioned for jujitsu to soak in all of that information um as it's coming in. So, like with Elity, Elity's been Matt's side since she was three months old. Yeah, I love that.

SPEAKER_00 15:01

I love that.

SPEAKER_06 15:04

Yeah, yes, and it's so sweet because she loves the gym. Like the gym is her home. Like she wakes up and she's like, We're going to the gym. I'm like, yeah, and she comes in and she gives everybody fist bumps. And um, but like our whole routine is like we wake up, I let her, you know, we eat breakfast, we get dressed, yada yada yada, and then she packs her snack, she packs her toys for the gym. Um the days that she's allowed to have her tablet, she packs her tablet, and then she comes in, shoes off, and she has her like whole little own corner of the gym where like there's a big quilt laid out, and she knows like the quilt is the perimeter, you know. And then for the two hours that I'm in class, I'm obviously right there, right there with her, but she it's like her own little time to just fully submerge herself in like her games that she brought and her little snacks and you know, whatever she needs. So unless she has to go potty or whatever, but that's like a system that we had to train for a long time. There was many, many days where it's like we just have to get up and leave because she's you know throwing a fit or not we're wanting to like run out on the mat and be crazy.

SPEAKER_00 16:14

I mean, she's a little baby, so so you've kind of built your community too to go, okay, this is who Jaden is. And if we want Jaden, this is how we have Jaden. So did you find hard to find that strength in yourself to go, this is who I am, I like it. And then just go over there.

Building Respect In A High-Standard Room

SPEAKER_06 16:36

I don't I don't it wasn't hard for me like internally. I think it was more of just like it's just consistency and have me just having to be on top of the ball. It was it was more more than that, it was more like um, okay, this is the room that I want to be in. These are the skills that I need to be learning. How do I change literally everything around in my life so that it's balanced and like a well-oiled machine so that I can focus and continue to pursue jujitsu uh like professionally because that that's like the goal, right? Like I want to do this professionally, I want to make money with it. Um, I want to continue to travel and eventually I would love to be on like larger promotions and stuff like that. So the community Sean runs like a very tight room. Um, honestly, I think that's why he's able to pump out like high-quality athletes, is because there's a standard in the room for like you come in, you listen. Um because the and not even because he says that, it's because the information that he's giving is so valuable. People come in and they want to hone in and listen. I mean, it's like the information is so good, right? And there's just a respect in the room, you can feel it uh that comes with that. So for me, when I first came and visited um the gym, it was more of like, I have so much respect for this room. If I want to be the type of athlete that I want to be, I need to be in this room. And so that means I have to situate all these areas that could hinder me from that, yeah, and make them a well-oiled machine. So, like with Elity, that's why I was immediately like, okay, I have to have systems into play, I have to be on top of this. Um, that way I'm like being respectful to the room and people aren't getting distract, like other people aren't getting distracted when they're coming in to train. And everyone's been super loving with Elity, but also I feel like it was more of like, I have to do whatever I have to do to make sure things are in order. Um for no other reason, other than I just want to train and I want to be the best. One of like I want to be a high-level female athlete so bad that I'll do whatever it takes to make this work. Um, and I think because people see that out of me, that I want to do what's right, and that I want to be someone who contributes to the community, and I want to be someone who's dependable and reliable and someone who is respectful. I feel like because I'm like that, you know, obviously they also hold that respect for me. And so it it all meshed together really well. Um, but I do think it comes from a place, I think it comes from a place of resilience out of me because there are so many times where I'm just like, I don't know how I'm doing this. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:46

Yeah. Jaden, have you always been like that? Have you always had that deep down resilience and trying to figure out, hey, I don't like my circumstance, I'm gonna change it.

SPEAKER_06 19:56

Yeah, for sure. I've I've always been like that. Um, even when I was little, I mean, it was a big thing. Um, when I moved out away from my parents, I played I played, or even when I was really little, I've always played sports. So um I played t-ball all the way through eight t-ball and then into softball all the way through uh eighth grade, and then I played basketball, same thing. Like I did like the little upward kids basketball all the way through eighth grade, and it was like the same thing. I was like four playing t-ball, and my mom said that I would be standing out there with my hands on my hips, and all the other little four-year-olds were like rolling around in the grass and not paying attention. She said I turned and looked at this lady, and her like son was like rolling around in the dirt, and I was like, Your son needs to listen. We're playing a game, we're playing ball. And my mom was like, Hey, daddy Catherine, you can't say you can't. You can't tell people how to parent their kids. I was like, fours. So I've always been very like, I want to do this, this is what I want to do. Um, and I'm just gonna do whatever has to be done in order to get that get that situated.

Resilience From Childhood To Now

SPEAKER_00 21:09

Yeah. So you said when we started out that you were emancipated when you were young, I mean six 16. Yeah. That's a big choice, a big, big deal. And now you're a mom. So how do you how do you look at that and go, hey, I want this for my child, I want this for me. And I mean, that's a that's a lot of head stuff to deal with.

Balancing Identity: Athlete And Mom

Head, Heart, And Gut In Decision-Making

SPEAKER_06 21:36

Yeah, it is. Um, especially to I was really young when I had Elity, obviously. I was um I was uh eight, nineteen when she was born. So that's been a really big battle for me um internally. One, I I didn't have a lot of support, so I feel like that's another reason like I latched onto jujitsu so hard as. because it's been the most reliable, like consistent thing in my life ever. So it's like for me when I was 16 and that or I was 17 and I found that it was like, oh, this is the thing that's here every day. And it's like my thing and no one can take it from me, you know? Um and then when I had Elity, um it's a lot having it's a lot having a baby. I was out for a year or two. I I could not train when I was pregnant with her. I was so nauseous. Um I threw up from the time I woke up to the time I went to sleep until I was like six months pregnant. Like it was not sick. Yeah. Yeah yeah that's right. Yeah six months pregnant. It was terrible um but it it is hard for me to balance sometimes my my thoughts behind it have always been this though um I was really young when I had Elity so I never felt like it was right for me to just give up on the jujitsu stuff and give my entire life to just being a mom even though there's a huge part of me that wants that I mean how can you not like it's that's my child you know I I want to give all of my time I would be totally content just waking up and staring at her and doing whatever she was going to do all day every day. Yeah um but because I had her so young you know she's gonna be full grown just about by the time I'm you know in my 30s and then it's like she's already going to be grown about to you know do whatever go to college whatever she wants to do and then I'm like 30 and I'm like wow I just gave up on all this jujitsu stuff and now like what do I want to do now? Like who am I outside of being a mom you know um so my whole thing is that I feel like it's a disservice to just to to just do the mom thing and I also felt like it's obviously like I I try to find I try to find the balance between those things because I'm losing my train of thought. Give me a second how am I I feel like I forgot what you asked me yeah but it's just how how you're being a mom and the decisions you made to make changes in your family and to be independent right okay how's that working for you with with having yeah let me say that a little bit different let me think because this is like this has been a really big part um this has been a lot of my battle like uh it's a lot on me um because I sack I sacrificed a lot of time with like I sacrificed a lot of one-on-one time with Elity to do the jujitsu stuff um and when I'm not doing jujitsu and I'm not at work I mean me and her like she is she is my best friend everything outside of jujitsu is about her even like going to work and the money and stuff it it comes right back home to me taking care of her and stuff like that you know um but Jason what you said earlier comes the jujitsu comes right back to her because here she's setting her little corner I mean the discipline that you're instilling in her to be a part of a room to be a part of society to be a part of other people's lives I mean I know the joy that she brings to people the smile she puts on their faces I mean that that is is a parenting decision that you're making yeah she does and she and she loved it like I said she loves that there too like that's that's like her home away from home you know so um so do you listen to your head or your heart or your gut um initially my heart always wants to pull forward first right like that's what I was talking about earlier like I'm really bad about like I mean I'm not really bad about about it but it's easy to get swept up in like feelings right like I'm like oh that's where the jujitsu stuff and the mom stuff too like I I'll start to feel like guilty like I'm like oh she spends so much time in the gym but then my head is like yeah like this is also good for her she has a community she gets to play here um the discipline is good for her so like that's all my head my gut 100% I know I know what I'm doing is good and in this balance I know that it's just there is like this pull I there's this constant pull between being my own individual outside of motherhood and being a mother that that's what I was trying to say earlier. There's there's a I am constantly trying to find the balance between doing something for myself as an individual because just because you have a child doesn't mean that you're not still your own person. Like there's still things that I want to do for myself. There are dreams that I want to accomplish that are just for me. Like the jujitsu stuff is just for me. And then and also a message that I always want Elity to see was that no matter how much stuff I had on my plate I was still able to grind and figure all this stuff out and be balanced and accomplish these things with jujitsu and I hope that will like inspire her when she gets older too one I hope that she takes things really slow as she gets older um and doesn't put too much responsibility on herself like at an early age like that I had a lot of responsibility on me like super early on so that's a huge thing too is like Elodie will always have my support out no matter what she wants to do like I'm there. So she'll always have me and that's also a big thing. Yeah but um I hope that she sees me continue to accomplish my goals and do all these things despite everything and be like you know what like my mom could do all that and she took care of me and she did all this stuff and like I can do whatever I want like I've got people behind me. She'll have she'll have this massive community of jiu-jitsu people who love and who care about her and who support her and I mean she's everybody's little buddy like she they love when Elodie Rank pops through that door like it's it's great.

SPEAKER_00 28:53

So yeah somebody having a rough day she makes it a little brighter.

Support Systems And Safe Counsel

SPEAKER_06 28:58

Yeah so I do listen to I feel like it's easy for me to get swept up in my heart but I I try to I'm trying to be really analytical about things and make sure I'm checking all the boxes in every aspect of my life when it comes to like being a mom and and doing the jujitsu stuff. Yeah well Sean will be proud that you're political aspect so where do you go when you have a problem um um I mean probably Ryan honestly probably my boyfriend um he's been he's been a huge a huge pillar uh in my life as I try to figure all this out um some like a reason I really I feel like Ryan a really big part of me like growing up has been him being there but not making decisions for me or doing things for me and for the first time I've in my life I feel like he's somebody who will listen and like let me talk through things and then at the end of it he's like what do you want what do you think is the best decision for you like I don't I feel like a lot of people that care about you they want to they want to tell you how to do things and they want to be like this is what you should do and because I care about you you need to listen to me you know I'm older than you I know what I'm saying blah blah blah and I don't he's never been that way to me it's always been what do you want for your life? Who do you want to be and then if he wants to relay some of his experiences in his life he'll do that and then he'll be like okay like what are you gonna do about it you know are you gonna put your big girl pants and get it done or are you gonna are you gonna slack off and and and then you're not gonna reach your goals like what do you want to do? And he leaves the ball in my court and I think I mean yeah he's my he's my best friend so I mean I really have a lot of respect for him uh in that aspect. So when I have a problem I always feel safe to go to him and be like okay this is what is going on this is how I feel about it um and I can like you know whine and whine about it or whatever. And then at the end of it he's like okay well what are you gonna do about it? And I'm like well well I'm gonna get it done you know so I'm gonna complain first and then yeah so uh I usually go to him me and my mom have gotten um a little bit closer since I've gotten a little bit older too we didn't talk for like a really long time um but over the past like over the past like year really I would I would say me and my mom have like reconnected a lot. It's been really nice to talk with her as well over this past year. So that's been nice. We we were estranged for quite a bit so that's been good too to have her to to lean on a little bit here and there.

SPEAKER_00 32:09

Yeah so that's that's good.

Snacks, Service Work, And Reality

Wants vs Needs And Wasted Time

Tradeoffs, Missed Moments, And Co-Parenting

Certainty, Manifesting, And Hustle

SPEAKER_06 32:11

What always makes you smile uh snacks no wonder you and Becca are friends snacks Becca's known in the jujitsu world for having food in her bag yes I I am a that is my one of my love languages is food for sure it doesn't matter it's like oh like friends are getting together food you know or uh oh I'm sad food uh or like oh my gosh I'm so excited let's go get food I I love food so I love to eat which is hard when you do jujitsu because um when I have to cut weight a lot I'm am not able to indulge as I would like but I do I'm I'm a big foodie I love food well and you're in the service industry so that kind of um you you know how to be hospitable you know how to treat people when they are out so talk to me about that side of your career life uh well does it just pay the bills or is it something you love? No yeah it's just something I do to get the bills paid honestly people people are rude people the food service industry makes it's the complete opposite of the community that I deal with oh wow on the jiu jitsu side of things like it's man and I don't know if it's like the area or if it's like I feel like this is like a consistent statement from food servers but people are incredibly entitled and they are mean so a shame so when I go into work it's definitely all work no play it's very much I feel like I have to dissociate a little bit and just once again I'm like I just have to change the hat that I'm wearing and I have to be like okay I just have to sell food and not like and do a good job. That that's all I have to do and I just try to brush everything off because there are so many nights where I come home and I'm just like I hate this I wish I could only do two kids too I never want to work ever again anywhere ever um the things that I run into working in the food industry is absolutely insane. Like the situations with people I mean some of the stories I have are just absolutely crazy you wouldn't even believe what you're hearing um feel like people have a bad day and they just want to come in and eat good food and then make their bad day other people's problems feel like uh oh I think I messed my phone up hold on oh there we go you're back yeah I feel like yeah so the food food industry I do not like that at all um I look forward to the day where I can be educated enough to teach jujitsu so that I can make money doing that make money competing um and leave the food industry far far behind me most people I know who have been in it and they're no longer have no real desire to go back to no yeah it's terrible uh yeah but I mean it ought to be a requirement for everybody in the whole country to at least serve at one one I think it'd change the way we are I think so too I think it'd make them a lot nicer um a lot more grateful it's just I don't know yeah I don't know I don't like it one bit it's not good what do you think the difference between our wants and our needs is wants and our needs I mean I think the biggest difference is um I'm trying to think of the word what's necessary and what's not necessary like like want like what do I want it it's more of like okay well you know is this is this something that you have to have to survive is this something that is gonna permanently change your trajectory or is this something that you just you could have it or you could not and then your needs it's like no I I have to have this this is this dictates my everyday you know food food sleep schedule like those those are needs you have to have those things wants are like you know especially with like a mom or like an athlete I would love an off day I would love in other words just but that's something that I want I want to just spend today getting to sleep like super late and not wake up and clean and make all the breakfast and uh you know go do all the little mundane things around trying to keep your schedule together those those all those little things are are your needs but I I don't I don't know yeah I don't know that's a that's an interesting question well what would you say is the biggest waste of time biggest waste of time um biggest waste of time I mean biggest waste of time is complaining about the things that you have to do in like your situation that's like that's that's the biggest waste of time is oh oh this stuff's hard like oh I don't I don't want to go to work oh I don't I don't want to wake up early and do all these things before um having to go to practice or like all that is fluff the complaining complaining and wishing things were easier is is fluff you you have to ignore that of course you would if things were easier you would be bored if things are super easy and laid out and super easy to do and you could just breeze through your everyday you would be so bored. I I feel like that is consistent throughout all humans. If we didn't have little hurdles to get over and like hard things to go through and things that we had to learn we we would all be so incredibly bored and we would get into trouble. So like complaining about your struggle is the biggest waste of time. Everybody has things that they struggle with there's always going to be something hard that you have to overcome in order to move forward stop complaining about it. Stop wishing you weren't going through it you just have to tuck your head down and go straight through like get over it. Do the hard stuff so that you can get to where you want to go and then guess what when you get to where you want to go you're gonna want to go somewhere different and there's gonna be more hard stuff that you have to go through. That's just life. So I'm I feel like a very younger much younger version of me was very much like I don't know why things have to be hard I don't understand why I have to it's not fair. I don't know why I have to figure all this stuff out and that is that is the biggest waste of time. You're not gonna make it you're not gonna make it anywhere if you can't just accept things exactly how they are and put one foot in front of the other and that's that's for everybody honestly that's pretty good advice from both your toddler to the oldest person that you come in contact with have you ever missed out on something that you really really wanted to do if you have what what was that uh yeah for sure there's um trying to think there's I mean there's a lot of stuff even with the even just being a mom like when you have a child you prioritize that little person over 90% of things right you know like um I know me especially when like I first first became a mom there was a lot of just like we're not going anywhere because we have to be in bed early like Elity needs to be in bed early or there's several nights where I feel like a lot of people my age they want to go out and they want to do things and they want to spend their weekends doing this or that and um because a lot of my friends my age don't have children. So or even like a lot of my friends who are like in their 30s they they a lot of people don't have children. So it's like they they want to go out and do this and that and I'm like I'm not dragging my toddler into Taco Mac at 1130. You know what I'm saying? And after practice after practice I'm not dragging my toddler into Taco Mac at 1130 for wings like we're going home we're going to sleep um so I feel like there's a lot of interactions that I miss out on like a lot for like there's several times where um there's several times where I mean I've also missed out on some things with Elity that I really wanted to do. Like I mean there have been several times around like the holidays where I wanted to go do this or do that with her and it's like well I have a competition the week before Christmas so it's like I'm I'm cutting weight. I can't I can't go like eat all these things and eat this sugar with her or do whatever because I I have to be ready. I have to still be going to class and so I once again I feel like I try to find balance but I definitely feel like I've sacrificed a lot of jujitsu stuff for her and I've also sacrificed you know some things with like holidays and stuff like that for jujitsu. So I I try to find the balance um once again I think that's just that's just life though you can't you can't do it all I mean you could try but you gotta give and there's give and take so well you're you have to co-parent as well so that takes a whole nother I I've I've kind of always looked and thought I don't know if I could I mean there's times when you have to make a concession that it isn't one you want to make. With uh Just pertain to like co-parenting and yeah, co-parenting. I would say I feel like I had it a little easier with the co-parenting than what some people might have. Um me and Elodie's dad. Um when it comes to everything regarding her, when it comes to how we parent her, her schedule, um, what we expect out of her, like day-to-day. Thankfully, when it comes to all of that, we're 100% on the same page. Um, so that's a huge help. Um, because I don't ever have to worry about like fighting him on things regarding her. Um, so that's that honestly, I feel like I'm very fortunate in that area because if I was having to fight all these other battles just to like get things done, um, and then me and him were at each other's throats all the time, that would be I don't know if I could handle it. But luckily, you know, when she goes and spends her time over there, things pretty much stay the same for her. She's just in a different um place. I will say we do have to drive a lot. So her um dad is still in Mississippi. I live in Georgia, so we drive to Birmingham for the long, I mean, for two years, we drove two weeks on and two weeks off. We would meet in Birmingham, swap her, she'd stay over there for two weeks, and then she'd come back to me for two weeks. So that was a ton of driving. Yeah, wow. Um, but yeah, so I I'm not sure if I have honestly, I think if I had co-parenting advice, it would be if you both put the your child first, you have to put your child first. Like they they did not ask, one, they did not ask to be here, and two, they absolutely didn't ask for y'all to be arguing with each other. So when you have that this commitment of a child, you have to put them first, and I feel like that makes getting along a little bit easier. We definitely still scream at each other every now and then, but uh luckily that's not like a huge uh it's not a huge, huge hurdle for me.

SPEAKER_00 46:20

So well that's good. That's good. So you have a lot of dreams, a lot of goals. What what's the difference in wishing and realizing your dreams?

The Job Breakthrough Story

Do The Work, Leave The Complaints

SPEAKER_06 46:37

Jiu Jitsu has been interesting in that aspect because it never has felt like jujitsu and my goals with jujitsu have never felt like a dream. Like it's never felt out of reach to me. I guess is what I mean by that. It's never felt like it's never felt like I might not accomplish those things. So for me, any my me and like my I guess like the feelings that and the thoughts that I have about jujitsu, they've always felt incredibly certain. Um, it's like yeah, like that's that's what I'm gonna do. Like it's already done. Internally inside me, my goals and the things that I want to accomplish, I've already I've already accomplished them, even though they haven't happened yet. Those things have always felt certain to me. And then I feel like the proof of that is the decisions that I make every single day to do what I have to do to be there, to show up, to have my mind wrapped around it. Um so I don't I I don't ever feel like the jujitsu stuff is something that I've that I wish for, that I'm like, God, I just I want that. It's like no, like I already have it. It's there the time. I just have to wait for that clock to tick down and keep showing up. But I will have those things, like, period. But it is the fire that burns inside of me. I don't know, like it's it's just my thing. Like it's it's what I do. I'm good at it. I'm gonna be better at it, like, even better at it. I think about it all day long. Like I'm excited, like I'm ready to go to practice like every day, even when my body hurts, even when I'm tired, even when I'm having to spend time in the weightlifting room doing all this like recovery stuff, just so that I can go to practice and my body not be falling apart, even though I walk into the room and everybody is bigger than me and everybody's heavy, like it doesn't matter. It doesn't ever feel like it's out of reach for me. And if it ever were to feel like it started to slip out of reach, I would grab it and put it in a chokehold until it like it submits to me. Like it's mine. I'm serious. So I don't know. Like the Jiu Jitsu thing, I'm like, no, like I will have it. I do not care. I don't care about my situation. I don't care all like all this. What if, oh well, this could happen. That's not gonna happen. I'm going to go out there. I'm going to win. I'm going to get on these bigger promotions. I'm going to do a good job. And it's because I love it. I have a good community. I feel like I don't know. I'm some people don't believe in some of the woo-woo like like manifesting. Like I know that that's like some people are kind of like turned off to that word or whatever. Um, but I'll give you an example of how I just feel like things line up for me with the jujitsu stuff. So before before I worked at the job that I'm at now, um, I worked at a different steakhouse. Um, and I was a bartender, and I like went to bartending school. I went to like a week-long bartending school so that I could get this job as a bartender. And the schedule was not great. I was missing like three classes a week. So I was only getting to train. Um, really, I was really only getting to train like Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and that that was really it. I was missing um like Thursday and Friday and Saturday, and then some, you know, we don't train on Sunday. So I but I was working on Sunday and I wouldn't really have time to go lift or do any of this stuff, and it was really bad, and I was really stressed out, and I literally just doubled down, and I mean you could call it manifesting, you could call it praying. I guess it's it's whatever you want to call it, but I was like, I will train full time and I will make more money. Like it was crazy because I was like working these shifts too, and it was like a lot of the time I was coming out and breaking even. Like once I paid a babysitter, yeah, like I would go to work and work like nine hours and then come back and be and have made$20 after I paid the babysitter. So I had a really good friend who was helping me start to babysit Elity so that that way I was still making some money on some of those shifts. Um, I had a lot of people that that tried to pitch in and like really helped me like take care of Elity while I had to go to work, and that was really kind. But I was like, I don't know how this is gonna work out, but I remember the moment where I went from, can you hear my washing machine? Hold on. No, I can't. Oh, okay. It's singing because the the Oh yeah, you're done.

unknown 52:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 52:02

Um, but anyway, I remember the moment that I went from worrying, like, oh my god, how am I gonna get to the rest of these classes again? Like, how am I gonna do this and how am I gonna pay these bills? And how am I gonna get this stuff? I remember going from that to sitting down and being like, things work out for me. This the things that I want with jujitsu, me, the dedication I have to taking care of Eldie and making sure that she's taken care of is there, things work out for me, things will be fine. I remember uh switching from all that worry to this calm confidence, this determination and this peace. And I was like, I'm just gonna do the best I can do. I went to work that night, and I was like my best self when I went to work. Like, I was like, I'm gonna go in, I'm gonna take good care of these people, I'm gonna make drinks so fast on this service bar, and I'm gonna, I'm just gonna go above and beyond. Went to work, did that. Lady, into the bar. Uh, excuse me, can you come over here? I was at work with with five other bartenders. Uh, you, can you come over here? I was like, Yeah. She starts asking me about the wines, blah, blah, blah. And she goes, How much money do you make here? And I was like, you know, I told her how much, and then I told her my situation with Elity, and then she was like, Oh, is this all you do? I told her about my situation with jujitsu and how I need this, like, I wish I had like this special schedule, and I need to make this much, and I need to have this much time off. And she goes, You want a job? You can have all of that. Came to my bar that I was working at. There were five other people there working their butt off. She picked me out. That's the job I have now. I train full time, I make plenty to take care of me and Elity. And anytime I need to compete or I need time off so I can cut weight, it's done. Like she she lets me off work, no questions asked. Um I mean, it was in it's insane. And I was just like, see, I knew it.

SPEAKER_00 54:17

But I mean, that doesn't come with hard work. That doesn't come.

Superpower Fun & Closing

SPEAKER_06 54:21

No, that was like uh that was like yeah, that was like my gut. It was just like so that's what I'm saying. I just feel like I don't know, it's just made for me.

SPEAKER_00 54:32

But I mean, I guess my point is you're not sitting there going, Oh, come to me, come to me, come to me. No, no, you're out there hustling and making the best of every single situation.

SPEAKER_06 54:41

Yeah, I just show up and I want to do a good job, and I want to show people that I can like whatever I say that I'm gonna do, I want to do it and I want to do it extremely well. Like, I want to be there for Elity. I want to be a good mom, I want to be like a rock for her. Um I want to be good at jujitsu for myself. I want to show up a hundred percent for myself. And then when I have this time scheduled out to go to work and make money to fund all of this, I want to be a good employee. I want my bosses to like me. I want my customers to get everything that even though I hate it, like even if I don't like to do it, I'm going to do it because it's what needs to be done. And I feel like as long as I stick to that, then I will get everything I need in life because there's no sense in complaining, there's no sense in slacking and then expecting everything to work out. You just have to have a good schedule. You kind of have to take your emotion out of it, and you have to hit full send, and things will work out. Hard things, bad things will still happen. It's life, it's inevitable, but one foot in front of the other, just deal with it. Just deal with it. And I feel like that's how I've gotten to where I am today. So that's the that's the scrappy in me. That's where that scrappy came from.

SPEAKER_00 56:11

Yeah, well, I like it, and I think a lot of people need a dose of that. So we've talked about a lot of different stuff. Jaden, does is there anything we missed that you want to make sure we talk about?

SPEAKER_06 56:25

I don't think so. I think I think that's just like the main thing. I feel like yeah, I feel like I don't know. Yeah, I feel like that was all. Uh I really appreciate you having me on here. It's been it's been good to talk. I've I've sometimes I babble with my words. I feel like I have to like breathe out.

SPEAKER_00 56:46

Absolutely. Absolutely great. And I appreciate it. I appreciate you. I appreciate your time. I appreciate your influence because there are a lot of young moms out there that don't believe in what they're doing and um and and take a battle beat up for it. And and I appreciate you um shining some light on your thoughts on it because I I think that can be empowering. How do people follow you?

SPEAKER_06 57:09

So you can follow me on Instagram at Jaden Scrappy10 P. So that's J-A-Y-D-E-N-S-C-R-A-P-P-Y, and then the number 10 and then the letter P. So Jaden Scrappy10 P um on Instagram, and then um I have a Facebook as well, but most all my competition updates, life updates and everything are on Instagram. I post on there a pretty good bit.

SPEAKER_00 57:36

So Okay, awesome. Got one more question for you. Yeah, if you had a superpower, you have 24 hours. I already know that you need more than 24 hours, but if you only have 24 hours and you chose a superpower, what would it be? How would you use it? And why would it be your choice?

SPEAKER_03 57:54

Oh, a superpower. I only had twenty-four hours to use it. Yep.

SPEAKER_06 58:19

Oh gosh. I don't know if I would be a hero or a villain if I had a superpower. My first thought was oh I would be uh I could walk through things and I would rob a bank and then all my problems would be solved because I would have money.

SPEAKER_00 58:36

Oh man.

SPEAKER_06 58:37

That's terrible though. That was my that was my first thought, and I was like, no, that's really bad.

SPEAKER_00 58:44

Okay, try again.

SPEAKER_06 58:46

Okay, so let me think. Uh huh.

SPEAKER_00 58:57

Anybody say that one.

SPEAKER_06 59:00

Well, I was like, well, uh yeah, I was like, no, I can't say that. That's really not nice.

SPEAKER_00 59:05

Let somebody follow this. But see, you're still wanting to do, you don't want it given to you. You want to go get it.

SPEAKER_06 59:13

Well, I'll just I'll just take it. It's funny because when I'm at work, I joke all the time. People start like when the customers start really irritating me at work. I'm like, I'm like, you know, we could just start robbing this. I don't mean that. I don't mean that.

SPEAKER_00 59:30

You don't. I'm probably gonna cut that.

SPEAKER_06 59:32

I'm just I'm just getting mad. I just get I just get ill. That's all.

SPEAKER_00 59:38

I get I'm hot, I'm very hot headed, so that's why I have to woo how that's why you need jujitsu, so you can just kill them.

SPEAKER_06 59:45

Right, it's an outlet. Oh, yeah, for sure. I get hostile, like there are even times when I've been like sick, and uh when I'm sick, I I have to miss like a couple days of practice, and by the end of that like third or fourth day that I was sick, I'm like, I am going to go grab someone and fight them for no reason. Like, that's I I have to train, I I have to get it out of me.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:09

Um so back to the question. You're okay. Yeah, yeah. Superhero.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:13

Sorry, yeah, superheroes, superhero, uh, superpower. I guess I guess the other one would be to um I guess the other one would be like to teleport. Because I don't want I only have 24 hours to use it. I don't know. Maybe maybe teleport. I guess teleport. I guess you could go see a lot of cool places in like 24 hours. Yeah. Uh yeah, you just hop around and just I guess.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:49

Yeah, maybe.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:53

Or fly. It would be flying. I would probably I would probably fly. If I had only 24 hours, I would choose the fly. That's what it would be. And then I would I mean, I would just do all the weird stuff you could do if you would fly. I would go everywhere just for like 24 hours. That'd be kind of cool. I think that would probably be it.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:11

There you go. Thank you. It's been awesome. I appreciate you.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:15

Yeah, thank you so much for talking with me. That was that was fun.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:26

To the bees of my own trouble.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:41

Find Stat Keys Podcast on Spotify, SoundCloud, and iTunes, or anywhere you get your favorite podcast, listen. You'll laugh out loud, you'll cry a little, you'll find yourself encouraged. Join us for casual conversation that leads itself based on where we take it, from family to philosophy to work to meal prep to beautifully surviving life. And hey, if I can ask a big favor of you, go to iTunes and give us a five rating. The more people who rate us, the more we get this podcast out there. Thanks. I appreciate it.