I Hate Coochie On The Clock | Chemically Imbalanced Black Girl Podcast

Hey GSG!! (SO sorry the mic rattle in this episode, I SWEAR its the last time you'll se that rinky dink ass mic)

In this weeks episode I talk about: 
•Vet Med & coffee shops have the exact same employees
•Struggling to find a skill or trait that will separate my podcast from others
•Being in a relationship & being a emotionally regulated human isn't possible for me right now
•Hyper sexual women & men make me extremely uncomfortable 
•Euphoria season 3 could've been an email

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:11

Hi guys, welcome back to the show. If you are new here, this podcast is a collection of visual and audio existential crisis thoughts from a chemically imbalanced black girl who is me and my name is Zarya. I'm very excited to be recording this episode, guys. I was looking through my notes and I was like, damn, what the fuck am I gonna talk about? Because I'm trying to put out two episodes a week. One video, one audio. It's not my fault though, because YouTube takes four fucking ever to I thought I turned off my mic. YouTube takes forever to upload a video episode. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I don't know. I'm doing this all by myself. Apparently, I'm doing it in a fucked up way. So if you guys don't get a video episode, I'm trying to at least give you two audio episodes. And I really gotta stick by that because let me tell you about my job. Before we even get into the topics, y'all, I'm so tired of clocking in. Let's just chat for a second, right? Bestie to bestie, FaceTime call. Cool. Also, freshly smoked, just hopped off a blunt, made a frozen margarita. I'm feeling really good, okay? It's gonna be a great episode. I don't really even know if it is, but we'll see. Um, I'm so tired of clocking in, and I love, love helping animals, love saving animals, love it down. But like, can I also be honest? So if you don't know, like if you work in vet medicine, like vet tech, vet assistant, any kennelist kennel tech, like if you work in vet medicine at all, bitch a receptionist, can I ask a question? Why is vet medicine and like barista, why are those employees so similar? I will be everybody asked, go sit down. Sorry, just can't witness me pop my child, but they almost knocked my shit over. But seriously, vet medicine and like baristas, like coffee house cafe type workers, very similar. They them all the way fucking down. Like there is no vet hospital. I'm I'm willing, I'm willing to put money on it. I'm willing to bet a thousand. You can walk into any vet hospital, you'll see green hair, fucking necktat sleeves, fucking you'll see all types of piercings, bitch. You'll smell all types of smells, and then no shade. Mind you, this is no shade. I'm I'm one of the they vems, bitch. I am one of the they thems. But it's it just gets so exhausting at some point because it's just like, why are we working in canary? I'm about to beat the fuck out of my kids. I feel like every time, I feel like they know that I'm recording. Because now you guys are going unpunishment. Get get in the goddamn room, go in the room, go in the room. Every time you guys are asleep all day, and then when mommy picks up the damn camera, it's like we want to go to World War III, and I don't get it. Okay, but yeah, so it gets very overwhelming sometimes working around that specific group of people because it's like, babe, why are we working in ER, vet medicine ER, mind you, and you're easily overwhelmed. Why are we working overnight, 24-hour ER vet, and you don't have a good sleeping schedule? Or you get like high anxiety when anything like alarming happens, or like you know what I'm saying? Like, why did we choose the most hustle and bustle like job if hustle and bustle make you nervous? I don't know. I don't know, guys. I'm really, and that's the thing that's really making me want to like lock in, lock down on the uploads and like putting clips out on TikTok and stuff like that, because I don't want to clock in more than I want people to see me. You know what I'm saying? Because I I always get in this thing, it's like, well, I don't want the podcast to go too viral, you know what I'm saying? Girl, it can go as viral as it wanna be. As long as I don't gotta push clock in anymore, anybody can see this motherfucking podcast, okay? I you know that thing where they say for like what four billion dollars, your family has to watch your whole life from start to finish. That has never that has never been an issue with me. Watch it. Put 3D glasses on while you watch it, because half of what it is is gonna be all motherfuckers fucking with me, okay? Let's let's watch it together, let's hold hands while we watch it, okay? Girl, no, I couldn't. I can't. I'm so tired of fucking clocking in. I get it. I get why people like you know when you hear stories about people dropping they whole shit moving to Cali with $2,000. Although I would never do that, I do understand it, because this shit but for birds. I don't know who, I don't know what type, but it is. Um it's like I like my job, like I like what I do for work. But like I can't just do that without the people. And even when I was a flight attendant, like I loved I don't I don't know if I loved working the flights. I don't know if I like that because like that that was just the people. I don't know if I love that, but I like traveling and stuff like that. It's just like when you have to deal with people and you're serving them of any type, it's just it's just like bitch, I gotta find a skill. Like, I'm over here, I'm checking my body for like a third nipple or some shit. Like, girl, what can get the crowd rocking? Like, I I I cannot clock in, guys. I cannot, I cannot clock in anymore. Like, after 30, I'm gonna start breaking my bones live on the internet because like I don't know, this shit is really for the birds, and I know that's kind of hypocritical because I'm always the type of person that's like like clout chasing and like hype beast and all that shit, like doing shit for the internet has always like rubbed me the wrong way. But like for the money, I get it, I do get it for the money. I do get it for the money for clout and just to have people talking about you and shit like that. I don't understand that. But like doing shit that you know is guaranteed revenue, I'll shut the fuck up. I'ma judge you a little bit. But after I do my pocket watching, I'm gonna be like, oh okay, okay, what can I say? You know what I'm saying? I bitch just got off the clock. Um, so yeah, speaking of on the clock, let's violently change subjects. I was talking to a homeboy of mine who just does not believe like my whole thing with dating. If you don't know, bitch, if this is the first time you ever click on this podcast, you don't know a bitch. I am very like too comfortable with being alone in romantic and platonic um situations. Like, I just for my mental health plural, like I just need to be alone more than your average human, right? And that's gotten me in some trouble with my family, friends, love life, whatever. But it's it's a ness it's a necessity for me because I don't like to have my like crash outs or mental breakdowns in front of people. So like I need to be alone for multiple days at a time. That way I can have those emotions in peace, and then I come back out like, what's up, bitches? Freshly off a Minty B. So um, and so because I'm in that era of my life, I just don't think dating is a good idea because like I don't want to be in the middle of a I'm in here like losing my fucking mind, and like my nigga or my bitch is like, Hey, where you at? We were supposed to go to dinner. Bitch, I have a knife in my throat, and you think I care about steak? I'm about to jump out the window. You think I care about scallops? Fuck dinner. Fuck you, fuck me. Everybody, everybody's gonna die. You know what I'm saying? So it's just like I I just feel like because I need to, because I haven't found another remedy for how I am outside of medicine, because I'm just not gonna be that type of bitch. I wish I would have a regular emotion and somebody say, Oh, you didn't take your medicine. But y'all, I'll air the whole crib out. So it's just like I don't want to take medicine because I can't, I don't want to have natural reactions to shit, and people like that bitch ain't pop a pill today. Like, fuck a pill, fuck a pill. I can't do it. So me taking three, four days by myself is kind of like my Zoloft, you know, that's my trash don't. I just need to be in this bitch by myself so I can do, you know, so forget. Um, but my homeboy does understand that he's like, well, if you found the right person to make you not need that, then you know that'll be good. And I'm just like, why do people get so I don't even know how to describe that, like some shit doesn't need to involve another person, you know what I'm saying? And that be scaring me, low-key, about people who need other people. Did y'all see that post on TikTok where the girl was like, I think I get so easily enraged by people who need their handheld through everything in life or need a buddy through everything in life because I was so violently forced to be independent at such a young age. That is me, because it's just like, what do you mean if I meet a person that don't make me feel like I need to be alone? Bitch, I'ma still need to be alone because that person is near me. Like, I don't understand. Um, and I think it's just people overvaluing like their place in somebody's life, and not even their place as in like them, but like overvaluing like human presence at certain times, you know. When there said there's a time and a place, there's there's literally a time and a place to be with other people, like and I I get that a lot. Like, people are like, Well, how can you just do everything alone? Because like I'm still a person, like if you think that I'm not by myself when I'm alone, you got another thing coming. Cause it's a it's 38 bitches in here that are just like one's tap dancing, the other one's screaming, the other one's trying to like drown in the other. You know what I'm saying? It's 38 bitches in here that I am constantly just like shh shh, huh? What bitch? Okay, okay, you know, like so I know that made me sound so crazy, but it's just like there are some people who just are so okay with being alone, and I think that freaks some people out, like, because I'll have people asking me, like, oh well, would you do this or that and rather be alone? And like, my answer is always just like I would there that you you the anxiety about certain situations and the fear in certain situations only pop up for me when there's another person involved. I could be fucked as long as the day is long, I could be in such a bad situation for myself personally, and like it won't make me feel any type of way because I'm like, I know I can get myself out of it. As soon as you attach me, this situation to somebody else, I'm immediately freaking the fuck out. I'm actually about to cry. I'm already crying, it's okay. So that was something I just found interesting because I don't know. I've always been kind of just to myself, I guess, but I never really looked at it as a bad thing, and I think the older I get, the more people are starting to like uh, you know, people are starting to like feel bad. Like when I was younger, even about having kids, like people always say, like, oh, we'll wait till you find the right man. Like, if if the person is trying to change my mind about the way I feel, then that's that's that's me getting got. That's me letting somebody else fuck with the way I know I feel. That's not right, you know what I'm saying? Like, they need to be able to understand how I feel and leave me to do it, or they need to feel the exact same way and we just process and flow through each other because we know exactly how the other feels. But I'm not in the market for tweaking how the fuck I genuinely feel and think just to be in the presence of another motherfucker. That is not cute to me. I'm so sorry. I'm mm-mm won't do it. I'm so sorry, but um let's get to the other topics. Um speaking of on the clock, this is the this is the point I was trying to wrap up with um my homeboy because one thing I hate about being in relationships with men and women, and this is why I'll be alone for the foreseeable future, is because I don't like to feel like my pussy is on the clock. You know what I'm saying? Like, over sexually men, over sexual women, that shit be making me uncomfortable, and like I'm I'm just gonna say something like because I've had this experience with a woman, it gives like it's teetering, like you got a real sad sexual history, you know what I'm saying? Y'all know what I'm trying to say. All the lesbians and bisexuals, y'all get what I'm trying to say. And for a man, it's just like anything a man do that I find weird is just predatory, you know what I'm saying? Because I'm just like, why do you want to fuck 24-7? You know what I'm saying? Like, get the fuck off of me. I hate feeling like my pussy on the clock. I hate feeling like my pussy on the clock. I really do, I really do, I really do, I really do. And like, I remember I used to date this girl. Oh my gosh, she would get irritated if I didn't like bust her down, like irritated, and I'm not gonna lie, she had some unfortunate experiences with sex in her younger years. But I'm not gonna lie, that that that that was also pissing me off because why am I fucking the trauma out of you? You need to go to therapy. We need to go to therapy, bitch, because now I'm traumatized. Like, I don't like I don't like how hypersexual a lot of people are, and and and usually it's because of some fucked up shit that happened to them. Not all the time, not all the time, just in my experience, bitch. Some people just have sex addictions, and you can't really do anything about that. But um, in my experience with men and women, it has usually stemmed from some type of inappropriacy, and it's just like I can't do that for you. I can't, I can't, I can't because I can't. So me being alone is perfect, you know what I'm saying? If if I was like overly freaked out, if I was younger and I wanted to pop pussy like, you know, a movie theater, but I'm not there yet. I'm uh nor have I ever been, you know what I'm saying? And nor will I be because I don't know. I was about to say something so wild. I'm about to say this coochie is a grandma, but she not, she not, she not a grandma. Okay, she is a very let's change the subject, okay? I don't wanna I don't wanna um member of the family my vagina because I was about to say she is a really um she is a very respectable auntie, okay? Very nice auntie, okay? I don't know. Let's just forget I said that. I'm not gonna edit it out either. I'm gonna you guys are gonna remember that I called my vagina an auntie. Um also what else did I want to talk to you guys about? Oh my gosh, I do want to talk to you guys about the ending of Euphoria. The third season. Girl, I should've listened to y'all. I should have listened to y'all because I saw the comments and shit like that were like this season should have just been an email, bitch.

SPEAKER_00 17:46

I should have listened.

SPEAKER_01 17:56

Bitch, the third season of Euphoria pissed me clean off. And it pissed me off because there were so many characters that weren't in the season that were replaced by characters that for damn sure should not have been in this season. And it made me feel bad for Nate's dad because it just looked like he was hurting the whole time. I was like, he could have had a phone call scene, you know what I'm saying? From his character in the first two seasons to that, it was just hard to watch, you know what I'm saying? Rest in peace, because goddamn. Umules, I don't know. It looked like Jules was off of Bean the whole episode. I mean, her every episode, her mouth was just sliding the fuck off. I don't know what was going on. Like her storyline was stupid. You just fucking a rich nigga, like, okay. We also could have found that out through email. You know what I'm saying? Like, for her to be in the entire season did not make any sense. Her rude didn't fuck, like, there was no like relationship. There was nothing. There was nothing. You know what actually pissed me off? Let's talk about it. This is really why I brought it up. The actual real thing that pisses me off about that pissed me off about the third season of Euphoria is that there's a trope in Lexi that I fucking hate when it comes to movies and TV shows. Because Lexi had this very hard standpoint at the beginning of the season about Christians, about religion in general. Very valid points. They're judgmental, da da da. Damn near kick Rue out for Rue. Rue had one epiphany, and Lexi was like, bitch, you're gonna have to get the fuck up out of here with that. I don't I don't like all that shit, right? Only then to when Rue died, Lexi picks up the Bible and is like, oh, it's actually like beautiful and fascinating. But it only became beautiful and fascinating because she needed something to make her not feel guilty about how she left things with Rue. Further proving that that shit is just a coping mechanism. And if this book or any organized religion or higher being can make you feel like you're justified and what you did, and can't nobody judge you, and this shit really don't matter because it's all up to God, then of course you're gonna lean into that because you don't want to spend the rest of your life feeling bad that you didn't cuss this bitch out and and and said that she was off three beans when she really wasn't, and the next time you heard of her, she was dead. You don't want to go through the rest of your life feeling like that. So you picked up this book, it was like nothing's my fault. Okay, I love it. That trope right there, I fucking can't stand. I really can't stand. It made me so sick. I was just like, Okay. Okay, you know, and I get it, you know what I'm saying? Not to kink shame. I get, I get it, but that's just a trope I really hate. Like, people who feel like that, they make you, it makes you feel like people who are agnostic atheists are just that way and they're waiting to do something bad to be saved by God. But it's just like I have no intentions to do anything bad, and if I did, I'm fine with eating that. Like, I don't need, you know what I'm saying, them weird ass stories to help a bitch get over some some fucked up shit I did. If I do ever some fucked up shit in life, I'm prepared to eat that. Like, I don't need no savior or no nobody to be like, it's okay, only I can judge everybody. No, I'm finna, I'm finna judge me. Don't worry about it. I got it, like, I don't know. I just hate that trope. And I've seen it, I can't remember where else I've seen it. I feel like it was an old M MTV show. But I can't remember right now, because I'm a little high. But I hated that real bad. Real bad I hated that. I did like I did like the way Nate died though. I really heavily enjoyed that. Um Cause I thought Nate should have died from like season one. I was like, just clip him, just clip him. It's alright. I did understand his importance in the series. And I feel like I feel like this is so disrespectful to say. I don't really give a fuck though. It's only disrespectful because y'all are listening. Like, if I was by myself, I'd I'd I'd go the fuck off. But I feel like Sydney Sweeney is like the perfect, like big titty, stupid blonde-haired, blue-eyed bitch. Does that make sense? Like, as me, I've never seen I've never, I don't think I've seen my own titties as much as I've seen Sydney Sweeney's titties. You know what I'm saying? Like, it is so sad to see like what clearly is happening to her in the casting world of Hollywood. You know what I'm saying? And it's crazy because I get secondhand embarrassment. The same second-hand embarrassment I felt when I saw Chloe Bailey and Swarm, I was like, her role played absolutely no, she was good. She's a good actor. But it's just like I know damn well they gave her this part just so they could see that ass shake. Did I enjoy it? Absolutely. But it was just like they could have gave anybody this part, they gave this part to you because this specific scene. And and it worked because I was tuned to fuck in. But I'm not as tuned in to Sydney Sweeney because I don't view white people as fuckable members of society. But as a woman, I'm just like that's weird what they're doing, you know what I'm saying? And it's weird that she letting them, but I don't know. I don't know anything. These are just weird ass, broke ass little opinions from the bitch on her couch, you know? But the season was very Yeah, it was very okay. Like I like the way Ali uh spoiler alert, if y'all don't know, which if you don't know by now, bitch, you don't like the show. You're not gonna watch it, you know what I'm saying? You're not even fucking with it, you know? But I do like the way Ali um avenged Rue. I thought that was really nice. You know, there just wasn't a lot to it, you know. I was just kind of watching it to see how it ended. I knew Rue was gonna die, but like definitely didn't think she would die that peaceful though, so that's really good. That's good they didn't give my bitch like no, you know, I thought she was gonna get like shot or something like that, but it was just eh, I'm glad it's over. I know that everybody else is glad it's over. They didn't even look like they had fun filming this. And Maddie, the bitch you played Maddie looked like they forced her to do every scene she did. She looked irritated the whole show. I was like, that bitch, either her check won't long enough or she really tried to slip out this bitch and that contract had her by her fucking throat. So it was just weird. It was a very weird season. Um, I am gonna wrap up because I know this episode is gonna be long as fuck to edit. Um, and I'm gonna try to get it uploaded by either tonight or tomorrow because I don't think I'll do a lot of editing, just the parts where I was stuttering, but um remind me in the next episode to tell y'all a story because I I wanna know if I'm the asshole about something that happened in my little friend group, which I don't think I am, but like I know y'all will tell me the truth, so we'll talk about it. But guys, if you're listening to this episode, please do me a favor and go on Apple Podcast or Spotify and rate the show. Tell me your favorite things about the show because I don't advertise as much as I should, and I'm over here talking about quit my job, bitch. Who am I? But if you guys will help me, I'm gonna post this on YouTube, so go leave a comment on YouTube, follow me on Instagram, Kimmy Clean Balance Black Girl, everywhere on TikTok. I went TikTok live for my birthday, it was the first time I ever do did it. Um, and there was one girl in there that was so nice to me, I can't remember her name, but love you down. Um, I'm gonna try to do that more. The Patreon is back up with new prices. I don't think, like I said in the last episode, I don't think I'm gonna put the link uh to be available until I have like a couple like episodes up there so that way as soon as you pay the $2, you can start getting content because I don't want you to pay for shit and ain't nothing up there. So just hold out on the Patreon maybe another week. Um I do have a new intro coming. I'm super super excited for you guys to see that. Um, that'll be coming out in maybe two to three more weeks. Um, because the animation just takes a while. Um, I don't know. Yeah, I'm just excited. Like, please have a black bitch out because I cannot continue to clock in. It it's just not gonna work. So I'll try to not I'll try, I will put out an audio episode tomorrow, regardless if this is up or not. That way it'll just be content after content. And if this YouTube decides to take 30 fucking days to upload this, then I'll just put out another audio episode. Fuck it. So I'll see you guys in the next episode.