Lisa's Journey: Part Two

In "Lisa Kesler-Peters Journey of Hope: Part Two," Lisa delves deeper into her inspiring story of overcoming adversity. This episode focuses not just on her struggles with mental health and incarceration, but also on her remarkable journey towards healing and hope. She shares insights from her books "Why I Tried to Die" and "How I Learned to Hide," emphasizing the themes of resilience and forgiveness. Her narrative is interwoven with uplifting messages about the power of self-awareness and the transformative impact of life's challenges. Lisa's story serves as a beacon of hope, illustrating how one can emerge stronger and more hopeful from even the darkest of times.

Visit CalsHope.com | Call or Text 988 for confidential mental health and suicidal ideation support

Transcript

Lisa Kesler-Peters Journey of Hope: Part Two

Milton Dennis: [00:00:00] Hi, folks. Welcome back to Surviving Loss, our Journey of Hope podcast with Lisa Kessler Peters. This podcast is being dedicated to Ian Christopher Radford, who is Lisa's brother that she lost when he was the age of 19 due to unresolved mental health and trauma. And in the words from Lisa is he was a gentle and loving human.

Survived by nine siblings who miss and love him so much. Lisa, so sorry for your loss. Um, and welcome back for part two of the podcast where you can, um, you can share a little bit about your journey of hope. I know, uh, listeners, part one, uh, it was, it was a. It was a tough message, and it was tough to listen to.

I can only imagine, or I can't even imagine how tough it was to, uh, to tell the story. Um, but I'm hoping that that message that's shared with the listeners out there, uh, will resonate with someone where you can, uh, See that, you know, you're not alone in your [00:01:00] struggles and, uh, this part two, um, I want it to resonate with you definitely because I want you to know that there is hope.

I'm sitting here looking at Lisa right now after everything that she's been through and I am impressed. She's a two time author. She has two books out published. Uh, first book is Why I Tried to Die, and her second book is How I Learned to Hide, and she'll get more into that here in a few minutes. But first, we want to welcome her on.

Hey, Lisa, how you doing? Hello, welcome. Yeah, great. And, um, I know the first part was tough. I know it's, it's, it's a hard thing to share your story from, from the person that's endured all of those adversities that you have. Um, but, you know, where you left off in that was the turning point. And, um, you were incarcerated.

What was it that, that turned you around? How did you, what made the change? What made Lisa who she is 

Lisa Kesler Peters: today? [00:02:00] Yeah. So I first want to say, um, this is the part I get excited about sharing. Um, you know, I, I share my truth of what my life was like cause I really, um, want people to one feel, not feel alone. Um, Because like I said, oftentimes trauma wants us, uh, to stay silent and when we start talking about it, it, it loses its power over us.

And so because my struggle for so long was that I was alone in this, that I was the only one that this was happening to, which is not true, you know, as we are, are aware, um, that I want the listeners, um, To know that they are not, they are not alone, um, whether they are a person that suffered, uh, or, or are suffering currently, or also for the loved ones or professionals that, [00:03:00] um, you know, are community members that they just don't understand, you know, they, if you have never struggled with suicide ideation, it's really hard, um, or mental illness, it's really hard to understand why like the why of it.

So that is the reason for the title of my first book, why I try to die a story of trauma, resiliency and restoration is it really, uh, Tells the, the story of the why. Um, so yeah. So now I'm gonna take you back to, uh, the strip cell that I was in, solitary confinement in the, the county prison where I was trying to figure out how to commit suicide.

Um, I was excited about the idea of being successful in suicide, um, which. [00:04:00] Is so wild to even, you know, wrap your head around like what you were excited about being successful at that and like I said at the end of part one is that I really thought that I would be winning that if I could finally and I think that came from That I had attempted suicide so many times, um, more than, you know, I even shared in fullness.

And it was like, it felt like it was a punishment when I, when I, um, lived, you know? And so that was really, uh, I think where that, that came from of like, man, you can't do anything right. You can't even kill yourself right. 

Milton Dennis: Well, yeah, I was going to jump in there a minute ago, but I know that you had an answer to that.

So I didn't jump in about, [00:05:00] you know, that, that thought process of, um, being successful, the, the, the adrenaline rush that you talked about in, in the, uh, part one. Yeah. Um, but. What, what changed all that? Where, what right sided you? 

Lisa Kesler Peters: Yeah. So, um, while I was in that cell trying to figure out how to commit suicide, I, um, audibly heard the voice of God.

And, um, people were like, what? That's not fair. You, you heard God verbally, like usually God.

Um, you know, it's kind of like when a parent talks to a child and they, you know, just tell them softly something, and they're obedient. But I think the reason that God had to be verbal with me is because of my level of doubt, my [00:06:00] level of, you know, Disbelief in him and the fact that I was always yelling at him in prayer, you know, in prayer of of why is this happening?

Why aren't you fixing this? But I never sat still long enough to get an answer when I would be asking all these questions. Now, 

Milton Dennis: when you heard the voice, you heard a clear, audible message. Yeah. Were you, um, were you coaching that message? Were you praying? Were you asking God for answers? You were in the midst of your traumatic experiences and everything that you were going through.

Yeah. Um, hating life. Yeah. And you hear this voice. Yeah. Do you think it was, did you look around for a speaker or something to see if there was something in his salad or somebody was messing with you 

Lisa Kesler Peters: or? No. No. I, there, there was. No [00:07:00] doubt. Like, uh That's what I was going to, I can't even, I cannot even, what I tell people is the voice was so clear and so real that it was realer than you sitting across from me at this table right here.

Like I've got cold chills right 

Milton Dennis: now. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't know if you're bringing the Holy Spirit into this 

Lisa Kesler Peters: room right now. I think so. Cause cause I got the chills too. Yeah. So I mean that was. Nobody could ever convince me. I don't, I don't, I do not care if people believe that I'm nuts for this. It is the realest thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life.

Well, I can say 

Milton Dennis: one thing right now. If that is what turned your life around, it, it had to have been real, you know, and you're going to share that here in a second. But, you know, just. You know, for what you know, you've been through, what I know about you, which is very little, [00:08:00] but what I know about you so far, my gosh, you accomplished some hurdles since you heard that voice.

So that voice was powerful enough to motivate you, to inspire you, and to change your life. Your course and direction, and most of all, your mindset. Yeah. And by doing all that, it built a higher level of resilience of who Lisa Kessler Peters is today. Yeah. So, share that with us. Yeah. Give us 

Lisa Kesler Peters: some of that great energy.

I gotta, I gotta, I gotta tell you. Okay. So. Um, what God said to me and I, in my memory, our memory doesn't remember most of what we take, but I can remember almost verbatim, um, what God said to me and he said, I have seen everything that has happened to you and I know that you are so tired and that you want to come home.

I have not allowed anything to [00:09:00] happen to you for longer than I needed it to for the kingdom of heaven to come to earth in and through your life. And I know you don't want to be here anymore, but if you allow me to, I will give you a new life and you will not experience these things anymore. And to be honest, I had no idea what he was talking about.

I didn't know. I didn't know the word of God. I didn't know, um, what being a Christian even offered. Um, I, I wasn't, I really didn't even have the time like, and, or the space to really like rationalize what was happening. It was this, the power of, I am in the most dirty, filthiest, nastiest place. In the world that I have ever been and I am trying to figure [00:10:00] out how to commit suicide and the creator of heaven and earth comes into that cell, not because I deserved it, not because I asked him to, but because I belong to him.

I now know that I didn't know that prior to that moment and You know, when he, when he offered me what I now know is life, he gave me a new life, right, a reborn life that, um, there was no humans, there was no humans outside my cell, there was no humans in my cell, it was just me and God, um, and when he said that he had seen everything that I had gone through, I also realized, because it was almost like I had, like, like those picture images of like flashes of your life.

I also realized that he had also seen all of the destructive behavior that I had done, that [00:11:00] I had, that he had, that he had seen and witnessed all the self hurt I had done to myself, the negligence that I had done. And even my part that I did play in the criminal behaviors. that led me up to my incarceration.

And so for the first time ever in my life, I realized that I had a reason to ask for forgiveness. Um, there I had sort of built up an entitlement of believing that, well, what I do is nothing compared to what has been done to me. Compared to what my parents and the suffering that I have dealt with, um, by others is nothing compared to, you know, yeah, so I, you know, do engage in drugs and risky behaviors and, you know, all of these things, but I justified [00:12:00] everything because of what I came from.

And so in that moment, I realized there's, there actually is something that you do need to ask for forgiveness. And that had never been Something that I ever contemplated ever in my life, I had believed that all of these things were just done to me and I was 100 percent the victim and that, that there wasn't a part of my accountability and any of this.

And so when he offered me this, I, I had those images in those slots that came through my mind. And then I also thought of my children's. My three children, um, Deacon Katie and Chloe's faces, and I thought, if I leave, then they, too, will suffer. Because they would be without a mother and so that, that, um, that trauma and that [00:13:00] pain and that suffering of believing that nobody loves you and nobody cares, um, would be put on to them.

Milton Dennis: Right. And that's, that's the one thing I say, you know, my brother said, nobody loves him, nobody cares, but I can truly say he was wrong, you know, cause I've never missed someone so much in my life. I've never felt so alone without someone in my life after losing him. So yeah, it's, it definitely, the unknowingly to you, I mean, it's a good thing that you're thinking about talking about it and you realized it, but, uh, unknowingly when you're in the midst of that, you don't, you don't think for one second about others.

Um, and I truly believe that because I believe if my brother would have thought for one second about his family or his daughter or me, his brother or sisters, um, he wouldn't have done it. It was all about the pain that he was in that he was trying to get rid of. 

Lisa Kesler Peters: The pain of living seems [00:14:00] harder than the pain of dying is, is one part I feel about that and to speak to.

Um, the part about family, oftentimes it almost comes, comes across because of the, the deepness of the lie of like that nobody loves and nobody cares is that, um, they believe in they even being me at one point that. The family and the loved ones would be better off because I'm such a burden because I'm always such a burden on the family and I'm, I can't seem to get my life together or whatever those self defeating, self sabotaging thoughts that we think of.

And unfortunately, we do think that all of our thoughts are ours, but there's not, they are not. Right, right. And, and usually once we come into agreement with one lie. Then it starts playing on repeat and repeat. I mean, that's what anxiety within [00:15:00] itself, that's what anxiety within itself, it will tell you is like, you can't stop meditating on this one thing.

Like worst case scenario is going to happen because if you even stop thinking about it for one second, that thing's going to happen. Like it's going to, everything's going to fall down from underneath you. And you know, everything's at risk. You were saying about like how you have. The scales and the balances, right, because that's, that's, it's almost like you feel like you're carrying everything and you have to like constantly, you know, hold it so tightly or that everything's going to get out of balance.

And so when that becomes too great, then it's like, well, then I can't do it. I got to go. I got to be out of here. 

Milton Dennis: Alright. I don't want to get off the subject with, uh, hearing the voice for some reason that's, that's plucking at me. Yeah. Um, because I truly, I I I got cold chills when you were talking about that.

Um, but I know there's a [00:16:00] cliche you don't like. 

Lisa Kesler Peters: Okay. Yes. . . You have a good memory. Uh huh You have a good memory. . 

Milton Dennis: I read, I read a little bit of the book, um, but. We say it a lot. You'll hear a lot of people that's been challenged with it. Um, and I'm not going to say it. You're going to have to say it. I don't want to say 

Lisa Kesler Peters: a cliche that you don't want to hear.

Well, there's two of them that I'll say. Um, that really used to make me feel worse. Um, they do. So, um, when people say that you'll go to hell, if you die, no, it's the other one. Okay. So the other one is that, um, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Right. And so to, uh, a person that's already [00:17:00] feels like, um, They are so weak minded and they can't get it right.

And they, why can't they pull them? Why can't I pull myself up by my bootstraps? You know, why do I always have to be like this? When, you know, somebody says something like that, it actually can be the tipping point for somebody to actually. Be like, well, I don't want to be stronger, right? I want this stuff to stop.

I want to stop being in suffering. I want to stop being in pain. And I love my, my husband, um, David, if, and when you listen to this, I, I love you very much, but I have to actually correct him because he just recently said that to me. Um, I, I've been enduring some, some oppression, adversity, you know, as a person that [00:18:00] reveals the lies, I, I, often, um, I basically make satan very mad with just living my life.

So he tries his best to get me to stop talking. Um, and so my husband just recently said to me, we, God doesn't give us more than we can handle. And I'm like, And you can't say, don't say stuff like that 

Milton Dennis: to people. Right. And, you know, and when I, when I read the book and it, the one cliche that you had that, you know, is kind of disturbing to you or bothers you, um, that one went right in line with it.

Um, you know, God don't give us more than what we can handle. Yeah. But, you know, and I, I don't. I, I look at it a different way. Um, and I, I don't know if I've ever heard this before, cause I can't really say if it's a cliche. I, and it is somewhat in the book of Job, um, where, you know, a lot has happened to me, just like a lot has happened to you.[00:19:00]

But if you ever felt, or do you believe that

you, you were, I don't want to say tested, but Do you feel that you were the chosen one to share this message, because what you've been through, the adversities that you faced, and the strength that you've come out on the other end with, do you feel that you were the chosen one, maybe that's why God talked to you, do you feel that you were the chosen one to go out and share this message that you're sharing today to help people get through the adversities and the struggles they challenge with mental health and suicide ideation?

Lisa Kesler Peters: I, I believe that all of the things that I have gone through, um, have not been in vain that they were. Um, God did not do any of those things to me, but God has to give permission for things to [00:20:00] happen. And I believe that God gave permission for those things to happen because he knows the whole trajectory of your life.

And that's, that's why I said it 

Milton Dennis: the way I said it, that, you know, you were challenged with these and that made you the chosen one to share this message because, you know, you've had to. The, the strength to a level, but you endured you, you pressed on and you're here today, you know, smiling about your book and your great family, your great husband, and there's so much good going on for you right now.

So, and we'll continue to go on. I mean, you've got it, you've got this. Yeah. So I, I feel. You know, everything that I've been, everything that I've been through, you know, I don't think it was in vain. Yeah. And I think my purpose, whether if it's for me or another being or God, or godly, that my purpose is to make a difference in people's lives.

Yeah. And when I came into this, my purpose in the [00:21:00] beginning, I don't set high goals on this end of it. My goal in the beginning was to make a difference in one person's life. Yeah. And get my story on paper. Uh, and then it went to sharing my story. Now, my story is a book, just like, you know, your, your stories are book, two books.

And, and now I've got people telling me that I not only make a difference in their life, I've helped them. Or, even the, the, the craziest thing I ever heard, you saved my life. Uh, when I heard that for the first time, I was, I was floored. And, uh, still get emotional today when I tell the story about that. But, um, you know, it's, You heard this voice.

You're moving forward. Yeah. How's that make you feel? I mean, you're smiling right now. I mean, I was sitting there looking across this table. I talked about my last podcaster, Beeman, and, and here you are. And I tell you, that's why I think this is the pick me up stage of the podcasting world when it comes to talking about mental health, because we share these adversities in the first part [00:22:00] and everybody hears.

Um, How similar in so many different aspects, it might be one, it might be two, or it might be all of them. How similar the adversities that you faced are to theirs and they're feeling alone. But when you come on to the second part of the podcast and you have this inspirational story and folks, if you could see her smile on her face when she talks about this, it's inspiring.

It makes a difference. And, and the listeners are going to love this, this part. So yeah. Go on, go on. Let's burn them up with it. Yeah, 

Lisa Kesler Peters: yeah. So, um, so I, I see, you know, all these clips of my life. So I have a reason to repent and ask for forgiveness. And then I see my children's faces. And, you know, so I, I stand up.

I don't even remember standing up because I had been laying in the bed, you know, as I said, like trying to figure this out. And so somehow I got to my feet. Don't know how that happened. And, um, And I let out this scream, yes, like [00:23:00] this from the deepest part of our soul and our being this, um, yes. And with that, yes, was, uh, the, the sinners.

I'll tell people all day long, you don't need to say a certain prayer. There was no humans to coach me through anything. And I don't think that I said but one word, which was yes. But what came out of my soul and what my heart was Like bleeding out, you know of just all the pain all the suffering all the sorrow all the Everything of oh my gosh, can it actually even be different than this, you know but I just gave him a full yes, it was it was not a 12 percent or a 50 percent or even a 99 percent like I gave 

Milton Dennis: you signed the verbal contract with God.

Yes 

Lisa Kesler Peters: And you know, in a witness with Holy Spirit and Jesus Christ [00:24:00] present. And so I gave him a hundred percent. And in the moment that I screamed that out and I fell to my knees, that the weight. of so much came off of me that my physical ailments due to my concussion, which I ended up being diagnosed with post concussion syndrome on top of having complex PTSD and probably 17 other mental health diagnosis, um, all my physical ailments in that moment came off of me, um, and even most of my mental health, um, um, The symptoms, I'll say the symptoms of my diagnosis were really, um, alleviated.

And the taste of drugs, because at that point, upon my incarceration, I was a full blown drug addict. Because of the amount of [00:25:00] drugs. Um, especially to opiates. And the taste of drugs were removed. I have not done an opiate, um, Adderall, a Benzo, um, or any of the other drugs that I was addicted to or even played with.

I haven't done a single one since that, the day of my arrest. How long has it been? Nine years. Nine years. It has been nine years. Nine and a half. Good for you. Yeah. I, I give God all the glory. Um, He took the taste away, but I had to do the work, you know, and the same for my mental health. Um, I still have, uh, the, the symptoms of PTSD, and I'll tell you, I very specifically say it the way when I say the diagnosis of, um, the symptoms of, it's because What I came to realize after so well, let me say this [00:26:00] first I had realized in that moment and that's so when I had that awakening with God That I was in jail and in prison way before I ever was physically in a prison So first I had so first I had to to mentally get free Before I physically got free, I thought the second that I gave my life to Jesus, they were going to open that door and I was just going to be like, okay, and I really felt like I was like, okay, I got it, you know, like, and, and I was filled with the fire of the Holy Spirit without even being taught what the Holy Spirit was or anything like I was given those gifts without anybody imparting them to me or anything.

Um, and so then started the, the work started the, uh, Figuring out, um, so I had the fire and the desire of God, like, now that I'm free and I have this hope. That there, that like God is real, like I need to tell this to, um, [00:27:00] everybody, but I come to realize that there was so much unlearning I had to do because basically my thought life and everything I had been taught by my parents were lies.

And at that point, I'm 32, I ended up actually turning 33. Years old, which coincidentally is the same age that Jesus was when he died. So I found great comfort, like love, suffering, um, is what I call it of like certain things. And that was one of the beautiful things is that I turned 33 right after coming to know Jesus, which is how old he was when he gave his life.

Um. So talking about the, um, when I talk about one of the things that I learned is that my entire identity was wrapped in my mental health, was, [00:28:00] was wrapped around these, um, labels of being a person that had. PTSD, general anxiety disorder, panic disorder, uh, depressive disorder. Some doctors try to diagnose me with bipolar, but I actually don't carry all the, the symptoms from that.

But, um, all, all of these things is that they became, a person that has suicide ideation is that they became who I was. So I felt hopeless in that that there was anything I could do about it because these are things I know when you're given mental health diagnosis, you're kind of giving them like a stamp of like, this is a permanent diagnosis that you have, um, and even though there are now more given as far as education, [00:29:00] um, um, I don't know that we're quite even yet where we need to be.

If I can be frank with everybody, um, but we shouldn't be giving diagnosis to people with also equipping them with, with knowing. You can still live a fully functioning life and there's so much life to live. Let me help you learn about what that is. So when you're get, when a young person especially is given that you have a diagnosis, it becomes everything, the lens in which you see life.

So there's like that hopelessness. That you see everything in life through so now I am very strategic when I talk about my own life or, but even, you know, how I teach other people and this could even be for physical diagnoses, like Instead of saying, I have this diagnosis, I am a person [00:30:00] that has the diagnosis of, and if you see when I'm doing that, my emotion goes to, from self identifying to separating it from who I am.

Right. So, I am a person that suffers with the symptoms of PTSD, means I am a full, whole human being outside of my PTSD. But I also, am aware that when triggered, I have to be mindful that these are the symptoms that I have to have coping skills and things in place to protect myself when I am triggered.

Milton Dennis: Right. And certain diagnosis, I feel that if you're labeled with that, quote unquote labeled, um, That you, you feel stuck in that. That's how you, that's who you are. You've got to accept it or whatever, and I think you really put it in a great place by putting that off to the side of you and [00:31:00] saying, I am, you know, Lisa Kessler Peters, and I have, and you refer to that as something beside you.

Yes. You're acknowledging that you have something to work with? Yes. To work 

Lisa Kesler Peters: on? Yes. You're not denying it. You're not ignoring it. 

Milton Dennis: But you're not that hopeless label. Correct. That, uh, you know, could just, you know, Crash and burn at any moment. 

Lisa Kesler Peters: Yeah. And I really, you know, want to share with you and the listeners that like starting doing that really has been instrumental in me separating myself and healing and really instead of all of those years that I felt like the symptoms were getting stronger and stronger as far as their Ownership over me that now I feel like I have ownership over them that even when those symptoms come that I feel like I'm still in the driver's seat.

I'm still the one in control. I just have to You know, just like when there's heavy traffic, you know, if [00:32:00] I'm driving fast and then heavy traffic all of a sudden comes up, I have to adjust how I'm moving for what is before me. It's the same thing when it comes to mental health, that when properly educated and equipped to deal with the symptoms that you suffer with, you can just, you can still live a fully functioning life.

You just have to be prepared. ahead of time to how to maneuver when you are triggered and things start, when you start noticing, Oh, like, why are my hands getting sweaty? Why is my heart racing fast? Why do I feel like I can't sit still? You know, certain symptoms as they pop up, how to address those. Sure.

And I'm 

Milton Dennis: You know, mindset resilience, what's going on, you have a diagnosis, but mindset resilience is about stepping up, taking ownership and holding yourself accountable. So you could easily let it get away from you and [00:33:00] let it take over whatever the mental condition may be.

 A lot of us hope, especially. When we go see a medical professional for some help, you know, we think it's a one hit wonder. We're going to walk in there. They're going to say a few words. And, you know, it's like they threw holy oil on us and blessed us and out the door we go and we're good.

Yeah. But it don't happen like that. You know, it may take. You know, multiple different medical professionals may take medication. It may, you know, you may not be happy with the first one that you go sit down and talk to, or they may not connect with you. You'll find one. There's one out there. And I say this all the time, and I'm going to repeat it in every podcast.

But, you know, I know from my, my point of view, and this is my point of view at all, you know, completely not anyone else's. My point of view is, you know, when I first started struggling. And I went to see a, a professional, you know, the, the thought process that I had was, you've never walked a day in my shoes.

[00:34:00] You have no idea what my life has been like, or is like, you don't know how I feel. How can you help me? Yeah. I didn't believe in them. How can you help me when you don't know how I feel? But what I look at now, since what I call my epiphany, what I look at now is. You know, these professionals dedicated their life to make a difference in others lives.

So they know what it takes to get to know you, find out where your troubles are, and find out what the best, best source of treatment's going to be for you. Uh, whether it's therapy or medication or what it might be, but we have to trust in them. But they've dedicated, the key point is they get, they dedicated their life to making a difference by getting this education, taking on this, this career, um, to help people.

So you know, these are passionate, caring people, so we have to trust in them. And we can trust them and they do work. But we have a little level of ownership and accountability ourselves. [00:35:00] We have a maintenance program that we have to be on. I mean, look at it this way, folks. If you don't put brakes or tires on your car, you don't change the oil in it, it's going to blow up.

Yeah. It's going to blow up. You know, we're, we're a living machine as well. You know, we got to be maintained. We got to have the, the, the daily, monthly, weekly medicine, whatever, maintenance, whatever it might be. Yeah. But, uh, you know, it's, you know, we, we can still crash and burn. 

Lisa Kesler Peters: Yeah. And I had that same, um, thought about therapists earlier on, um, when I was in foster care and stuff, they basically mandated that I would, you know, go to the therapy and I would sit there.

Arms crossed. You didn't have no buy in at that time. And I was just pissed off to even be there and that was the exact thought that I would think is that this person has no idea what I have been through, they're not willing to tell me anything about their lives and they think that I'm going to [00:36:00] sit here and just spill the most painful things and So, you know, I didn't deal with it because obviously I didn't have myself open and ready, um, and that is actually one of the things that I started doing also while Incarcerated is taking advantage of Every support group every I actually even signed up to be on the therapeutic Block So there was two choices for the women.

You could be, um, a regular in your cell or you could be in a therapeutic community. Um, sounds lovely. It's still very much prison. Um, but you do get to work a program, um, and take the time to really do that. Self evaluation. Um, and look at, uh, you know, your accountability to show up for yourself [00:37:00] because you get what you put in.

You know, if you, if you come to a group or to a individual therapy session with that, with the attitude of. This is BS and these people can't tell me nothing. I already know, and I'm telling you stuff that I used to think, you know, um, these people can't tell me nothing. They don't know nothing about where I come from.

These people probably come are probably come from rich to, you know, two parent households and silver spoon. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The whole nine right. 

Milton Dennis: Yeah. 

Lisa Kesler Peters: That's our thought process. That's what we think. But also what I realized. Now is that you can have the most prettiest family, you can have the most money, you can have both parents, you can have a mental and mental health and suffering and you know, all those things that.

not visible, for us to see, um, happen in every economic, um, you know, class. And it comes [00:38:00] across the board. Nobody is eliminated. Same with substance use disorder. It does not discriminate against anybody. It can hit us all. Right. 

Milton Dennis: Great. No, I mean, you have every walk of life affected by mental health, you have every walk of life dying by suicide or attempting suicide.

So it does. It does not discriminate and, um, you know, it's, so let's, let's hear a little bit about what you're doing now with the, like the books. How did the books make you feel when you put, I know how I felt, how did you feel when you first completed your book and you published that book and you said, I'm getting my message out there, not right off 

Lisa Kesler Peters: the press.

Yeah. Well, let me first say that. Even though I knew since I was 11 that I was supposed to write a book. Did you? Once, yes I did. Once I, before the story was even written, right? Um, but [00:39:00] once I wasn't a person that had been justice, criminal justice impacted, I did not want a single person to even know that I was alive still.

Like, and I'm not saying that from a mental health perspective. I'm saying that from a shame perspective of I wanted them to think that That person had died. Right. So, um, I actually Did not pursue until kind of directed by, by God got, I first felt like I was led to be a social media influencer, which I was for some years.

Um, I now am not even really on social media, but, um. So first, and I, so when I felt called to be a social media influencer, I'm like, but I don't want anybody to know who I am, but I will share my hope because I want everybody to have this freedom. [00:40:00] So I actually, that's where Lisa redeems came from, which is my website, Lisa redeem.

com. And, um, that was the name that I first did. everything by as far as like marketing this new human being of a redeemed Lisa Kessler Peters. Well, I wasn't Peters then I was just Lisa Kessler before I got married. So, um, so when God told me about starting to speak in public and to write my book and I'm like, I almost threw a tantrum.

I'm like, Now, you know that I don't want anybody to know who I am, um, and I don't want it to be about me, which sometimes they can come across like we're trying, we have an agenda of like, look at me and what I'm doing. And that is for both of us. That's like the furthest from the truth. We don't care if nobody ever knows our name.

But [00:41:00] if they know the message and they get the hope of the, the keys of information that we want to share with them so that they can have that freedom. Right. So that's why he got my yes. Um, he had to walk me through it. Well, first he told me, that's why you're perfect for the job because of being a humble individual that I desire.

I do not desire for people to Be like, oh my goodness, look at how wonderful. She is, but that's why he's like, you know, you're, you're perfect for the job. Um, but then I had to go through a process of really examining that shame and that rejection. Cause one thing when you write a book is that it can be used for good, bad and ugly.

Same for this podcast or anytime that I speak is that, you know, most people love it, but you don't ever know if somebody is going to hate you. So you have [00:42:00] to be. For me, I had to be healed enough. To, and I, I, um, started implying this own message it, I'm very big in like self talk and, um, you know, speaking things into existence.

And I teach this to those that I mentor and I walk with in my every day is that it's none of my business what people think of me. So that kind of sets me free. from the fear of rejection when I'm doing these things. And so, when I published my, my first book, it was about that one, like you said in the beginning.

Uh, when you first start, you're like, if it even just helps one human being, it's all worth it. Right, absolutely. And then once I realized, you know, the, the feedback, um, when I sat down to write book number one, It flowed out of me so quickly. Like [00:43:00] it it danced off of my fingers. Book two was not that that easy But like when it was time for book one I mean that flow of just how that came out and and oftentimes my my feedback from people that have read it is That they feel like I am in their living room or their, their bedroom, wherever they're reading and I'm just having a conversation with them.

Like, I, I don't speak over people's heads, but if, even if you're a doctor or a psychiatrist, psychologist, whatever, you know, your degree is, that it's implicable to you. But also if it's somebody with a seventh grade reading level that never even got to finish high school, that they also can read that same information and gain, um, That same knowledge and information.

Milton Dennis: Well, um, there's a couple things that you talked about during part one of the [00:44:00] podcast. Um, and when I'm sitting here talking to you about your, the second part of the podcast, you know, what this, what this journey means to you. this journey of hope, um, your connection with God now. Um, you know, these, these chains of events were just one right after another.

And how have you closed that chapter? With, I know you made a statement earlier and I, you know, I was writing all these downs, but you said a statement about that chapter and who you are now. How do you view that chapter of your life? 

Lisa Kesler Peters: When you say that chapter, do you mean my incarceration or just the beginning of my life, my childhood, 

Milton Dennis: from your childhood all the way, all the way up, you used a phrase and I want to let you explain that.

Yeah. 

Lisa Kesler Peters: Um, so I really believed that, um, I had to, so [00:45:00] the very things that I thought would destroy me and kill me, um, When looking back on them after encountering God, I realized that there was a hand, almost like a hand of protection that things could have been way worse than they were. Um, I have gone through a very deep, Um, self awareness and process of forgiving, um, every single person, including myself.

Um, and I would actually take one person at a time, each situation that I needed to as memories would pop up, um, and I would feel that. Hyper arousal, like, um, response in my body [00:46:00] to, um, examine why is that making you feel that way, Lisa, and really coming to understand that as an, as a neglected and abused child, I often found full faults in my parents because we have this false idea that Our parents are supposed to have their selves together.

I didn't realize that when my parents had me, they were teenagers, they weren't adults, they weren't full, fully functioning. And they were actually just going from what they were taught. So they came from households that had alcoholism, mental health. So it really is like a, you know, uh, uh, a snowball of, we live our lives and we say, okay, I don't want to be like my parents.

We might gleam some stuff from that. [00:47:00] But then we realize in some of the language that we use that we might say stuff actually similar to what our parents and we're like, Oh no, why did I say that? You know, but we think that we're doing a better job. So like each generation, um, gets a little bit, potentially gets a little bit, um, But as far as putting to rest my, my childhood, I have gone through a very deep healing, um, to know none of it happened in vain.

Those people did the best they could with what they could, even though they were. wrong. They were abusive. They shouldn't have done those things. So I'm not taking ownership for their behaviors, but I'm setting me free and I'm setting them free. Um, I also realized the shame and the different things that they, like my dad died in his addiction to alcoholism and, but our relationship was [00:48:00] healed.

And as you know, even just from what I shared, right. For people to know that I had a restored relationship with my father when he passed they'd be like, well How did you ever come to forgive him? Because just as I am a sinner my father was a sinner my biggest prayer for him is that he would come to know the Lord before he passed and he did and Great.

I realized that he his life was suffering like life and addiction is suffering and my My dad's shame for what he did to me, um, and the other things that he did and the things that were done to him. You know, we don't, we don't think about that, um, but my dad was severely abused. And so, we have so much compassion for a child when they make bad choices, but then when that child never heals and they become an adult, we think, well, lock them up and throw away the key.

They're no good. They're [00:49:00] a menace to society. That's a, that's a great 

Milton Dennis: point. And I think. Are you familiar with the ACE scores? 

Lisa Kesler Peters: Yes, I score a 10. I have the highest score you can have on that. I scored a 9. 

Milton Dennis: Yeah. So you know exactly where I'm coming from. So, you know. Professionals out there, don't hold me accountable for this, but I'm going to make a statement.

I'm not a medical professional. I do not have a PhD, but I'm a subject matter expert on what I've been through and what works for me. So I, I did the ACE score, the ACE score, and I truly believe that the adverse childhood effects that you are impacted with 18 years old. Um, controls more of your life's direction than what they call, quote unquote, it's hereditary or it's genetic.

I think that ACEs has more impact on it. And another thing that I've done with that is I used to always blame myself for this as part of my recovery, as part of what I call my epiphany in 2019, where [00:50:00] I seen the other side and tore down this wall. But one of the other things that I. that I was able to free myself of was my self blame of everything that I was struggling with.

And I'm like, wait a minute. It's not my fault. Yeah. You know, this, the, and the ACE ACE scores, adverse childhood effects, explain it to you. You were impacted. You have trauma. You have a PTSD, so to speak of these impacts that happened in your life. So, you know, folks out there that struggle and, you know, Don't beat yourself up about it.

Don't blame yourself for this. Um, you know. If you're in therapy, talk to your therapist about the ACE scores, um, it may be something that can give you direction or understanding of some of the, uh, challenges you have or the ideation, but, um, you know, I truly believe that, uh, a lot of what I experienced was the adverse childhood effects and I carried that into my adulthood, but I was, I was able to [00:51:00] overcome it just like, you know, you've overcome, you know, a lot of it.

And, but we're, it's, it's like I said, that the work's not done. Yeah. Yeah. You know, we will still have to work on this all of our life. All of our lives. Um, but that's, that's just part of being human now. I mean, it's, you know, you just, you work on it. It's like, okay, you know, I need, I need, I need to always stay that better person.

Now, don't get me wrong. I, I, I have meltdowns. I get ticked off. I, you know, I still have, you know, some, some temper issues, but nowhere near like I was, you know, Five, 10 years ago. Yeah. You know, five, 10 years ago, I was, I was evil cause I was hurting. 

Lisa Kesler Peters: Yeah. And that education piece, like you were speaking to the adverse childhood experiences, like that.

So I believe that education is power and like really learning. So that's actually what. So I touch on [00:52:00] ACEs in my first book, or I just mention it to basically anybody can go online and you can, can take it. But in book two, I really go deeper into really, it's not about saying like, I score really high, so I get a free pass to just not, you know, not overcome.

Even though there are certain things. If you, if you look in and I examine it and in my, um, second book, How I Learned to Hide, Unraveling Shame and Rejection, it actually will, um, Um, show you and explain how people with high ACEs scores, we are at a lot, a lot larger percentage to get, um, disease and have issues, illnesses, um, have, uh, shortened longevity of life by 20 years, um, and really struggle relationally, struggle financially, all of those things.[00:53:00]

However, I don't come into. agreement that I'm, my life's going to be shortened and that I'm going to be sick, but what it has done instead, and this is the empowerment piece of what I really, an equipping piece that I want to give away is that use it as education of, okay, Because I am at risk of all of these things, because of what I went through, it's so important that I take care of my mind, body and soul, you know, so really putting all of those things into practice for, for me, trying to exercise and drink enough water and eat well and take vitamins and do whatever I can to reverse Those adverse childhood experiences that I can try to, you know, heal myself instead of just saying, well, that's just That's just what it 

Milton Dennis: is.

Accept it. It's the normal. Accept it. [00:54:00] Yeah. Now, you know, I had trouble when I, when I seen that I was a nine on the score. It bothered me, um, because I'm like, oh my gosh, what disease am I getting? Oh my gosh, I'm never going to be able to, you know, cope with the mental health. It's always going to be stuck with me.

Yeah, it's kind of always be stuck with you, but it's manageable. Yeah. But I think what got me through it, there was another test that I took about resilience. Yes. 

Lisa Kesler Peters: That's the second part, right? Yes. Like this, like the second part of this podcast. Yeah. The hope part, right? The hope part. 

Milton Dennis: Yeah. And when I took that resilience test, I scored way above average.

And, and I know you can chime in on this. One of the things that I said as a child all the time, if some, for some reason, I just scored extremely high on the resilience, but I was practicing resilience before I even knew what the heck it was. Wow. I was. Changing my mindset before I knew what mindset was.

And I think one of the biggest and most powerful things that I said to myself, and I can remember as young as 10, 11, 12, saying this, and I [00:55:00] clearly remember saying it at 12, but I want better, I'll get better, I'll have better. I had goals, I had plans to get out of this mess. Um, didn't know how, didn't know when, and uh, to be quite honest with you, it didn't occur until 55 years later.

Yeah. Or, well, 50 years later. Yeah. So, you know, it's, it's a lot later in my life after all these adversities, um, that I finally. Realize how to manage it and cope with it. Mm-Hmm. . So, you know, folks, it's doable. You, you can, you can do it. Yeah. You have to work with your mindset. Yeah. You're 

Lisa Kesler Peters: never behind beyond hope.

Right. 

Milton Dennis: Right. Yeah. You're never beyond hope. Mm-Hmm. . And if you get up in the morning and, and you say, man, this is gonna be a horrible day. Or you say, you know, my cup's only half full all the time. You look at the downside of the negative, everything, you're gonna set the tone for that day. Yeah. But if you look at the positive of my cups, at least my cups half full all the time.

Yeah. [00:56:00] Or. Man, this is going to be great, a great day. And one of my quotes is, you know, stay positive, make the day amazing. And your quote is, 

Lisa Kesler Peters: yeah, today is a good day, a good day for a good day. There you go. 

Milton Dennis: Yeah. So, well, with that, um, Lisa, I can't thank you enough. I mean, like I said several times during this podcast, the previous podcast, you know, there's so many people out there who are going to inspire with this story and I know we could sit here and go on for hours, but folks, I'm going to let Lisa take over to tell about the books and, and whatever she's got going on as far as that is, because I don't want to mess it up for her.

This is her promotion. Go ahead, 

Lisa Kesler Peters: Lisa. Yeah. So you can, um, buy my books on any. Major Realtor, but you can also go to my website at LisaRedeem. com. L I S A R E D E E M E D. com. My first book is Why I Try to Die, a story of trauma, resiliency, and restoration. And my second book is Why, How, [00:57:00] How I Learn to Hide, Unraveling Shame and Rejection.

And if you're thinking, well, I just heard her story, why do I need To read it. Um, there's way more in, in the books than, uh, you heard here. Absolutely. And I give, um, even more practical tips on how to overcome yourself. And, um, and book number two, specifically, I really. go into the mental health diagnoses and bring them down to an easy reading level so that we can really understand them and, um, really help to overcome impractical ways of Um, yeah, I might have to deal with this diagnosis for the rest of my life, but now it is manageable that I can, um, live fully.

And, you know, both me, um, and Milton are really big on the signs on the motivational signs and [00:58:00] You know, I used to hate positive affirmations. I thought they were nonsense and they weren't real, um, but they actually do work. So whether you use scripture or you just, you know, you can just Google positive affirmations and you can write them on mirrors.

You can write them on post its, put them in your bathrooms, on your mirrors, in your car, um, in your children's bedrooms. You can put them anywhere at work, um, because we do have a lot of power in our, our words and in our thought life. So even if you don't believe it for today, tell yourself, I'm going to be okay.

I'm safe. Things are going to get better. And, um, it really has been, uh, a pleasure and an honor to, um, have you tune in and to listen and, uh, just, just know that you are not alone and that you can always come back. Um, from anything [00:59:00] that has been done to you or that you have even done to yourself. And my story is proof of that.

And, um, as wonderful of a human being as I am, I really am not that special. We all can have this very same life that I have been given. 

Milton Dennis: Well said. So, before I close, I want to go deep in your heart with something. Okay. I want you to reach down for a message to those struggling from Lisa Kessler Peters, from the bottom of your heart, from the pain that you felt.

What message could you share with them that would motivate them to make it another day? 

Lisa Kesler Peters: Yeah. Um, That you are so loved beyond what you can ever imagine. And even though you feel alone and you feel like nobody cares, I promise you, um, you might not see them in front of you. You [01:00:00] might not know who they are.

Um, But the one that created you loves you more than you can ever imagine. And if you have been abused or hurt or harmed in any way, you may never get a sorry. Um, I was never given, uh, an official, I'm sorry, remorseful, repentant statement, but that doesn't mean that you have to hold unforgiveness. Because it really will just continue to feed poison into your body.

So on behalf of all of the people that will never say sorry to you, I am sorry on behalf of them and I apologize to that child inside of you that will never get that apology. 

Milton Dennis: Well said. Lisa, thank you so much. Uh, we appreciate your message. Keep up the great work. You're an inspiration to many. Um, folks, there you have it.

Lisa Kessler Peters and her podcast and her books. She's doing great work out there. [01:01:00] So, I want to thank you for listening. Uh, I want to say a special thanks to Four Corner Strategies for their uh, production of this podcast. Uh, again, it's not edited for um, uh, nothing but Uh, levels, sound levels, uh, the, all the ums, the ahs, the train, the background, you're going to hear that, you know, this is true, raw and uncut.

And um, you know, folks, I just, I just want to tell you, I mean, if you listen to this and, and you hear Lisa's story, I mean, it's, it's plain and simple. You know, we matter. You matter. We can make it. We can get through it. Um, we can be here for another day and get, and get through all of this together. Uh, there's a lot of resources out there and don't be afraid to reach out to 988 if you ever need it.

And if you were interested in any of our other podcasts, you can follow us on any major website or podcast site, or you can follow me on calshope.com or miltondennis. org. Thank you for listening. God bless. [01:02:00]