From Party Nights To Purpose: Faith, Sobriety, And Starting Over

The story starts with a simple truth: substances feel like solutions when your identity is shaky and your heart is hurting. Jake opens up about finding alcohol in middle school, wearing the “party guy” mask to fit in, and living a double life as an athlete whose status hid deeper fractures. When college stripped away the sports identity, the spiral accelerated. A minor but piercing moment—getting fired from a part-time job—triggered a deeper look. AA offered structure, but six months of white-knuckling sobriety proved that behavior change without heart change doesn’t last.

Everything shifted with a hesitant, unpolished prayer. On his bedroom floor, Jake asked for help, and a quiet peace answered. That moment powered 14 years of sobriety sustained by meetings, service, and a budding spirituality. But without ongoing care—prayer, Scripture, community—the roots dried out. Law enforcement trauma, family pain, and isolation pulled him away from God, and fear held him sober until PTSD cornered him into a false choice: disappear or numb. Weed to sleep became drinks to forget, and daily use returned with the same old promises that never deliver.

Then came August 12. Jake describes a sudden return of God’s presence that he didn’t earn and couldn’t explain. Since then, he’s rebuilding guardrails that protect peace: honest prayer, counseling, a pastor’s steady wisdom, and friends who show up to pray rather than pour. We speak candidly about dopamine and ADHD, why numbing is seductive but destructive, and how surrender outperforms self-will. The throughline is hope: you are not your addiction, and recovery grows where truth, community, and faith intersect with action.

If you’re stuck in the loop, you don’t have to run. Stand. Reach out to us and we’ll walk with you—without shame, with real help, and with a reminder that freedom is possible. If this resonated, subscribe, share it with someone who needs hope, and leave a review to help others find the conversation.

If you or someone you know is in crisis and at risk of self-harm, please call or text 988, the suicide and crisis lifeline. 

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Transcript

Welcome And Setting The Scene

SPEAKER_00 0:05

All right, welcome back to another episode of the Shared Voices Podcast. I just pray you guys all had a great week. Uh man, I had a powerful week. Got Jake with us today. Hey, Jake.

SPEAKER_01 0:16

Hey Dan.

SPEAKER_00 0:16

Did you have a good week?

SPEAKER_01 0:17

I had a really good week, yeah.

Defining Addiction And Dopamine

SPEAKER_00 0:19

Yeah. You're in Iowa, man. It got cold. It got cold. That it did. But it's that time of year, but it's warming up today, man. We're out here at the ranch again at Godspeed Equine, this beautiful ranch. Out here getting set up, having some laughs this morning, having some fellowship and just a good time catching up with the team. And uh we're just kind of talking on addiction this morning. Jake and I were, and we got Gentry with us, our podcast producer. And so yeah, let's uh talk a little bit about addiction, Jake. We were talking about it a little bit this morning, so let's just kind of continue on that conversation. Um you've had uh you always told me, I think early on that you have an addictive personality. You want to unpack that for me and kind of how that's impacted your life? And what is an addictive personality?

SPEAKER_01 1:03

There's a lot that there's a lot that goes into that, Dan, but uh I do. I I do have uh I would call it more of an extreme. You know, I take things to extremes. Um, and there's you can look at that from a couple different angles. One is, you know, I've got ADHD, which which means you have it as well. Yeah, which means we have a shortage of dopamine. I'm sorry about what you're saying. Well, I mean we have a shortage of dopamine, and so anything that increases dopamine for someone with ADHD, we run the risk of getting addicted to, yeah. More than more than most people. Um, and and so there's you know, there's kind of like the the medical scientific side of explaining it for me, but then there's also I think a huge part of addiction and addictive personalities is is comes from a spiritual deficiency.

SPEAKER_00 1:48

Yeah, and we're not doctors, we're not psychologists, psychiatrists, we're not that. We're just two dudes with a story.

SPEAKER_01 1:53

Yeah, just so you know, we're not professionals, so please don't and I I'm that's what I'm getting at is I'm more comfortable talking about addiction through the lens of a just a spiritual malady or a spiritual deficiency. Yeah, more so than I am talking about the medical terms, because I yeah, I am far from a doctor.

Faith Lens On Recovery

SPEAKER_00 2:11

Well, a lot of the medical terms, a lot of it is you you you fight the addiction with your own your own battle, right? Your own might, your own fight. Like you just fight the temptation, you just don't do it. And when you when you start when you bring Jesus into thing, things change. His name changes things. And um, when you bring uh Jesus into thing, he can break addictions, um, he can break down strongholds. And uh so I've got to see a lot. I know what God's done in my life with my addictions, how Jesus has come in and changed everything. Um, but let's back up just a little bit. Tell me about young Jake growing up. What what what was addictive personality Jake like growing up? How did that impact your high school or college? Or let's kind of go down this road real quick.

SPEAKER_01 2:53

Yeah, I well, I'm glad we're talking about this because the the first couple of times I was on the podcast, I I I kind of left this portion of my story out, but it's it's significant. And the reason I left it out is because I I was still actively addicted in a lot of ways. Oh yeah. Thanks for your honesty. And and now I'm I'm not, I'm sober, you know, three, three months or so removed from it again this time. Praise God. Um, and I have God to thank for that. Only God to thank for that. It was I I truly don't believe we gotta celebrate that.

SPEAKER_00 3:23

I'm sorry. All right, we just everybody calm down, everybody. We're trying to record here. I know you're excited to record, all right. Sorry, Jake. We're just all excited. We're live with the studio now. Get your pets spatered or neutered. Prices right. Oh the commercials. The price is right. You can always end the prices right with a thing. Get your pets spayed or neutered. You don't know what I'm talking about. You got they're probably too young. Anyone that's sorry.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

I've watched the prices right. I don't remember spaying or neutering pets being part of it. It's part of a studio. It's good, it is good advice.

SPEAKER_00 3:58

Yes, but we are excited for you, and I got them calmed down now.

Young Jake: Partying And Identity

SPEAKER_01 4:01

So yeah, everyone relax. Um, but uh yeah, from a I mean from a very early age. I found I found alcohol and and and drugs at a very young age. Um and most I was young. Uh I I I've you know, I don't know the exact age, but middle school, seventh, eighth grade, so probably 13, 13 years old, probably. Uh, and because of some some things I experienced as a kid, some childhood traumas, uh, I I was also looking for a way to just feel better. Um and when I found alcohol at that young age, it made me feel better, it helped me fit in, it helped me forget about some things that I was dealing with. Um it kind of gave me an identity that I was lacking in a way. I could be the the party guy, yeah. You know, and and I could fit in with people that I otherwise didn't fit in with. Yeah. And so I kept, I I ran with that. I ran with that qu quite a bit through the rest of you know middle school and into high school. I kind of lived uh a dual life though, because I played sports and and and I would go through phases where I would get really focused on sports and I wouldn't drink, wouldn't party a lot, but inevitably I'd come back to it, you know. So I kind of had like my party friends, my sports friends, just didn't know, didn't know Jake.

SPEAKER_00 5:27

I knew kind of a chameleon, kind of just changing your colors wherever you fit in.

SPEAKER_01 5:31

Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And then the trouble with that is I put a lot of my identity into the sports. Grew up in a small town where if you play football, you're you're a celebrity.

SPEAKER_00 5:44

Yeah, you're a higher level than the rest of the students.

College Spiral And First Wake-Up Calls

SPEAKER_01 5:47

Yeah, and you could get away with more, like I you know, you can get away with stuff at school. It's it's really kind of a strange culture when I think about it. And it's not okay, is it? No, no, but it it was a it became everything, you know. I was I was this football player, and then I left the small town, went to the bigger town, went to went to school at Iowa, big school, not good enough to play football there, unfortunately. And there goes my identity, right? You know, and so the one the one thing I had that was giving me some balance was just gone. And so then I was all in on the partying, on drinking and partying, and and it quickly quickly spiraled out of control. I actually I got arrested right before I went to Iowa City for OWI. Um, and that was the first time I really remember thinking like maybe this isn't all good, you know, maybe this isn't actually solving all my problems, and maybe it's causing some more. And I briefly considered quitting, uh, but it it didn't last very long. Um, and then I went to Iowa City, went to the University of Iowa, just immersed in this party culture. So you can just about imagine what happened there.

SPEAKER_00 6:54

Mm-hmm. Yeah. I mean, you have all the temptation, you have everything right there. Yeah. And the problem with with addictions and booze and that kind of stuff is it does make you feel better. You can feel you can feel like you can put all your worries aside and you can just be somebody else. Yeah. And it becomes like a safe place and it becomes that like an identity. I was just talking to Christina the other day, we were talking about addiction, and I I remember when I was in junior high or high school, we were drinking beer at a inside of a storage unit because that's what cool kids do. And uh drinking beer, and I remember telling the other kids around me, and once I got a buzz, I said, Man, I remember saying, God, I I God, can you just make me feel like this for the rest of my life?

SPEAKER_01 7:36

Oh, wouldn't that be nice?

SPEAKER_00 7:37

Because I just felt so buzzed, I felt so euphoric, and uh I probably shouldn't have prayed for that because it's been four years, bro. I'm just kidding, but but you know what I mean? Like it's because it's a feeling that is good, and that's the issue with it. But it's only works for a little bit.

AA Attempts And White-Knuckling

SPEAKER_01 7:54

Yeah, yeah. Um, so yeah, I you know, I end up in Iowa City where it's it's you know, first of all, it's very acceptable to be uh addicted and and Badge of Honor. Yeah, it's very accepted and almost expected. And I spent the next couple years, you know, doing the bare minimum at school and just partying as often as I could, and didn't really have too many terrible consequences other than I don't know, my you know, my health, my mental health, my relationships with people. I it I it's not like I was just getting arrested all the time or you know, it's not like I was having a lot of real concrete consequences. Just I wasn't really going anywhere good. Uh and it kind of culminated with me uh losing a job. I got fired from a job, a part-time job at Shields. I got fired because I couldn't be responsible enough to make it there part-time. Hey, I understand, man. And after, you know, like I'd had, you know, I'd I'd messed up relationships, you know, romantic relationships, friendships. I'd messed up, uh, you know, I got arrested. Um, I got in trouble with the login in Iowa City too, once. I had a lot of consequences that you would think someone would stop and say, maybe this is a bad idea. But it wasn't until I got fired from this part-time job that I was like, I I'm gonna be a loser. If I can't have a if I can't keep a job, I I'm not going anywhere. And so I I don't know why that was a thing. Of all things to happen, that was the thing. And so I decided I needed to get sober when I was 20 years old and living in Iowa City. And that's kind of a daunting task. Yeah. Uh, but I went to I went to AAA. Uh, I walked into an AA meeting, I talked to people there. I I thought I was thought I was understanding what needed to be done. Um uh, but I wasn't looking back. Uh and and I wound up staying sober for six months by just going to all these AA meetings, like tons of AA meetings. And the whole time I still wanted to drink. It was it was just miserable. I was just I was I was trying to do it all on my own like will, my own my own self-power. Yeah, I got that. And it was it was awful. Yeah. You couldn't just will it away? Yeah, I think you can relate.

SPEAKER_00 10:04

Yeah, I definitely can relate. Well, sometimes it's hard to quit when you want to keep drinking because it's uh you're in kind of survival mode. It's almost like it becomes for me anyway. When I got really bad, the I mean, getting so drunk and wasted is kind of what made me live the next day because I'd pass out, not that it was healthy or anything like that, but it's it's it's nasty. So you got you got sober for a while.

The Prayer That Brought Peace

Fourteen Years Sober And Drift From Faith

SPEAKER_01 10:29

I did, and then I turned 21. And I thought maybe all those problems were just because it was illegal. That makes that makes no sense. But that's what I told myself. Yeah. And so I went out on a Friday thinking I was gonna buy a couple beers, you know, as a I was an adult, and so it was gonna be different, and I was just gonna have two two beers or whatever, and that's not what happened. I uh went out on that Friday, and then um, you know, the next time I really became aware of what I was doing was it was about three o'clock in the morning on Sunday. I'm walking home through the middle of Iowa City drinking a beer. And I I just had a moment of similar similar to when I got fired from the job that job. I had this moment of like, what am I doing? How am I gonna I can't live like this and make anything out of myself? And it was it was a real I don't know if that was the the spiritual moment necessarily, but that was definitely a a wake-up call. Um, you know, I threw the rest of the beer over over into the bushes and I guess I littered, so I, you know, sorry about that. But uh littering man. Yeah, yeah. I went home and I went back to to AA the next day, and and I I I figured out the part that I was missing from AA, and that that led to 14 years of sobriety, 14 years of continuous sobriety. And the piece that I was missing, Dan, was uh you know, at that time I was only willing to say a higher power. Um, I was I was that's part of AA is you you search for a a higher power of your understanding, uh a God of your understanding, however you wanted to define it. That's a big part of the 12-step program. It's Jesus. But go ahead, it's Jesus now. But at that point, I I I don't remember exactly how I figured out that's the part I missed. I think somebody at an AA meeting just told told me, like, hey, well, have you prayed about it? And I thought, no, I've never prayed voluntarily in my life. I I had to when I went to church as a kid, but I I remember why I left a meeting a couple weeks back into it, you know, after this this weekend out, a couple weeks back into AA, I went to a meeting and someone said something about praying. And I went home, went home to my apartment. I went to my bedroom. I'm like, this isn't gonna work, but I might as well check it off the the list. And I got I I knelt down next to my bed and I prayed to I don't even know what I prayed to or who, but I just said a prayer and I felt this the sense of peace come over me and and calm and almost like warmth. And and and that's what I'd missed that that that for that six months. Uh now at the time I didn't really know what to do with it. I didn't know what it was, I didn't know what to do with it, but I knew that I had tapped into something that was gonna give me some freedom. And it and it did. It did. That's I mean, it lasted 14 years in terms of sobriety anyway. Yeah. Um but it didn't last forever.

SPEAKER_00 13:22

Yeah. So 14 years later, you're copping, you're doing all this stuff. How does how does it all get reintroduced back into your life after you've been away from it that long?

PTSD, Relapse, And Numbing Out

SPEAKER_01 13:34

Yeah, so yeah, during that 14 years, I I spent the first four, four or five years still actively going to AA. Um, you know, I got pretty involved to the point where I was like sponsoring other people, and um, you know, I I was I I actually spoke at some pretty big meetings, told my story in front of some pretty big groups, and I got pretty involved in it. And and what I now know is that I was by doing that, I was I was getting in contact with God and I and I was developing a form of spirituality, but it it I just I just failed to expand on it. I had I had a little little bit of it, failed to expand on it, and then I went and became a cop and I stopped being involved with AA and I stopped, you know, any sort of spiritual growth in my life. And it was only it only took a few years for that to just disappear. It just it just totally went away. And I I could I could point to some experiences I had on on the job for sure, as being part of that. I could point to some personal experiences. Uh my my family during that time went through a really, really rough patch with uh some infidelity that happened between my parents. And I could I could point to a lot of things to blame, but at this point I know it's just because I stopped talking to God. And when you stop talking to God, that's when the enemy tends to show up in your life. Yeah. Uh and so I I stayed sober for a while. Uh for I mean, I'm I'm I'm thinking I lost my faith six or seven years into halfway through that 14 year period. But I stayed sober for the rest of that time, just kind of out of fear of what would happen if I didn't. And my life was not not good during that time. It was okay. There's good parts, bad parts, but then yeah, then I wind up with with PTSD and I and I leave law enforcement, and um my life just spiraled out of control completely quickly. Um as as we s as we know it can.

SPEAKER_00 15:39

Yeah. It doesn't take long, does it?

Return To God And A New Freedom

SPEAKER_01 15:40

Yeah. Um and so I I got to this this point where I didn't want to live, I didn't want to die, I want to, I didn't want to leave my family, uh, but I I I was just suffering so bad with PTSD. And I had at the time I saw two options. I was either going to disappear uh forever, you know, take my own life, or I was gonna resort to drinking and and drugging to numb out. And at the time, those are the only two options I saw. And so even to this day, I think I made the right choice because those are the two options I believed I had. I wish I'd seen a third choice, but I went back to I I started using weed to sleep, and then that led to you know, drinking to sleep, and and before I knew it, I was back in my active addiction. And I I had a period of probably seven months of of drinking and smoking weed every day. Every day. Um and and believe it or not, that didn't help. That didn't help the situation. Oh really? Yeah, that's a lot. Didn't help the situation.

SPEAKER_00 16:46

Gosh, that's weird. Man, you would think drinking and smoking weed would help, but no, huh?

SPEAKER_01 16:50

Kind kind of like you said though, I I I think there's several nights where where that's the that's the only reason that I I was still here the next day. Yeah. Uh and so for that, for that reason, it you can't say it's all bad, but what felt like a solution in the moment made everything so much worse long term.

SPEAKER_00 17:10

Yeah. So here we are now. You've been on a journey uh the last few months. Yeah. Last few months. Like what what what's changed about what's changed about you lately where I just kind of feel like you've you feel like you're I can kind of tell from looking at you, you feel kind of set free. You feel, you feel different, you look different. Um you still got all that addiction in you, or what's what's going on? You changed.

Practical Support, Community, And Boundaries

SPEAKER_01 17:33

No, we talked, you know, August 12th was the day. Um I can't explain, I can't fully explain what happened other than God came back into my life on that day. And I hadn't been doing a lot to to make that happen, but um for whatever reason it I just had a a sudden and profound change where God came back into my life. And it's been these last few months since that happened, it's been a process of me trying to understand what happened. Uh I I think some people come to God by spending, you know, time in the in the in the Bible or at church or around other people, and eventually they find God. Uh for me, it's kind of the other way around. God just all of a sudden appeared, and it's been a process of me understanding what that means and and how to how to continue. I I I just I just want to be able to keep it, you know. I want to be able to keep this relationship. Uh and it's been it's been awesome. It's been the cool, coolest couple months of my of my life, uh in a lot of ways.

Final Encouragement And Invitation

SPEAKER_00 18:39

Well, and everybody, I know I've noticed the change, and a lot of other people in your life have noticed the change, and it's it's it's pretty dramatic and and it's amazing because I always thought I had to will myself to sobriety. I didn't realize that I could literally pray to Jesus and bring it to the feet of the cross and allow Jesus to to change my life. And it wasn't through my might, it wasn't through my power, it wasn't, it was through my surrendering. And I also had to be willing, Jake, to unpack some of the I had to be willing to talk about and unpack some of the reasons as to why I was drinking, why I wouldn't want to be left alone with my own brain. You know, I had to start getting help, I had to start talking, you know, I would started doing counseling, started, you know, I have a personal pastor that I meet with regularly. Like I had to start doing those things and and and I had to start putting my I had to start putting people on my life that wasn't dragging me to bars or to titty bars or to any of that kind of stuff. I needed friends that you know that would pray for me, that would come and you know, if I can't get out of bed that day, come and grab me and get me out of the cycle of suck and pray with me. I didn't need somebody to try to pull me away to go get drunk to forget about it. Yeah, because I felt like I was running and it sounded like you quit running. And if that's if you're listening, just know you don't you don't have to run anymore. You don't have to run. The Bible, when it talks about put on the whole armor of God, it says once you have the whole armor of God on, which is Basically, you're standing, you're standing in Jesus. Once you have that, it doesn't say fight and swing your sword around like you're some lunatic. It says put on the armor of God and stand. Because God is bite, God is fighting our battles for us. You can bring your addictions to him. You can bring your addictions to this organization. You can reach out to us. We can help you build that relationship. But just know you have a direct connection to our Heavenly Father. He loves you. You are not your addiction. You are not the things you are doing. That is not who you are. So we just ask if you're struggling, reach out. Reach out to our organization, talk with Jake, talk with myself, talk with Gentry, talk to any of us. We're here for you, not to guilt or shame you, just to help you guys uh see and see and feel the love of Jesus like we like we get to feel. And not every day is easy as Jake. No, no, it's not.

SPEAKER_01 20:54

The only thing I would add to what you're saying too is these things, these substances, feel like a solution. They feel like a solution in the moment because they numb everything out. Yep. But in the long run, we know we've been there. We know exactly where it goes. And it's and there is no exception. That's where it goes for everyone. It's not a solution. Uh and and if you're dealing with that and you feel alone, we're here.

SPEAKER_00 21:19

Yeah. We're here for you. We're not going to guilt and shame you. We've been through our own dark times. We know it gets messy. We love you, but you don't have to go through it alone. So, guys, thank you so much for tuning in. And Jake, thank you for being on. And I just pray, as you guys go about your week, as you're listening to this, just know every foot, every step you step, everywhere you go, Jesus is with you. He is for you. He has gone before you. You can walk in freedom. Just invite him into it. Invite him into your life, invite him into your everyday because he loves you and he cares about you. Have a blessed week and go be a blessing to somebody else.