"Remove the Crowd"
A thought provoking experience to cover topics and views. Striving to empower a community of people to be better. Say uncomfortable things to bring understanding how to create comfort in the same space ♥️.
"Remove the Crowd"
On your Face
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I'm joined by Ashley & Luci to speak about the attempts at communities.
You're invited to this thought-provoking experience to explore how people view topics of the world. We offer viewpoints and opinions, all in good faith for the sake of growth with one another. Dare to step out of the box and join me, Fleetwood, your host, as we bend the needle to uh Hello, hello, hello. Welcome back to another installment of Move the Crowd. Alright, folks, so we're in season three, second installment, and I made a couple of uh leading a couple of leading suggestions up to this episode. I think my first one was talking about individualism versus community collectivism. And then my last one, the first one of season three, I was speaking on holding back the years about the differences of having a community and not having a community at all. So this one I thought to speak on blending. The we're gonna speak on blending your reality with your perspective growth. And I have my wife and I have one of my lovely sisters that's gonna assist me in unpacking this. And we're gonna name this On Your Face. So I'm gonna let them introduce themselves and we're gonna get right in it.
SPEAKER_01Hey, hey, hey, this is Ashley. Nice to be here. Thank you for having me.
SPEAKER_05Always good to have you, sis.
SPEAKER_00Good evening, good evening. This is Lucy. Okay, okay. Um, it's good to be here.
SPEAKER_05All right, and I'm looking for some more exciting episodes of the clothesline as well, Miss Lucy. What season are you in?
SPEAKER_00Honestly, I'm gonna start from the beginning.
SPEAKER_05So you're starting season two?
SPEAKER_00No, I'm starting all over.
SPEAKER_05Okay. So we look forward to the relaunch of The Close Line.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_05All right. So I entitled this On Your Face, and we're gonna speak, we're gonna be trying to unpack and speak on the blending of what you know to be who you are and where you are, with your perspective of growing into a different community and different activities and just a different life. So first question apprehension, competition, or insecurity? What do you feel is the biggest hurdle of co-ed communities? And I'm specifying co-ed because I'm a huge proponent of family. I've often said that I can always find female groups and female movements and the like, such with males. But for me, it's very difficult to find family or things that are co-ed driven that inspire both of us to grow together without leaving the other behind, or not the insinuation of such either. So I'm gonna let Ashley start off with this. Out of the three things, apprehension, competition, or insecurity, what do you feel is one of the biggest hurdles of co-ed communities?
SPEAKER_01I don't really think I can separate the three because it's different from for everybody in the community. Sometimes in the community it is insecurities because you comparing yourself that ties in with the competition and apprehension. It all to me it all ties in the same because if you feel like, especially if you're insecure with yourself or you feeling some type of way about yourself, the other person's growth or what have you, you might feel like you're in competition with them because you're in this group and you want to be as best as everybody in the group. That makes sense. Um, so it could it could be all three in one for for me. Because like I said, you I might see your growth and you inspire me, but still in the same sense, I'm in competition with you to be better than you. So I think it's a hurdle. Yeah, it's a hurdle because then you start, it starts coming through your behavior, whether it's subconsciously or consciously, it does come through. If if I'm in competition with you, sometimes it can be every time you say something, you do a little slight or you suck in your teeth or something, you know? So it comes out, like I said, subconsciously or consciously, it's gonna come out. And that, you know, it does rub off, or I ain't going over there because all he wants to talk about is his job, or she's talking about how much she made it. Is it's not a bragging sense, is me wanting to share my accomplishments with my group, but then somebody else will spread the biz, I'm bragging.
SPEAKER_05So I think that could be uh you know what I you know what I should have I I think I should have added, I should have maybe put inferiority in there in one of them.
SPEAKER_01Well, that all ties into insecurities too.
SPEAKER_05I agree, but so even if all three of them tie in the same, they're different levels, yes, which one do you think creates the biggest hurdle? Because all of them, one of them may have a bigger effect from your standpoint, which one does more damage to the effort of being having a co-ed community?
SPEAKER_01Competition.
SPEAKER_05Whoa, okay. Competition.
SPEAKER_01Because like I said, if say me and Lucy talking, and she's growing, and I like the stuff that she's growing and she's inspired me, but in the same sense, because I'm not happy with myself, I'm trying to compete with her, but even though it's just not my season to make it to that point of her. And if I'm envious of her or I'm trying to compete with her, her growth is gonna annoy me.
SPEAKER_05Okay, okay, understood.
SPEAKER_01That makes sense, how I responded? Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_05So, okay, so let me throw a curveball at you. How does how does a competitiveness, how does that become a hurdle when you're crossing genders? Because if if you I think the notion that it's a co-ware group means you have prospective brothers in a group as well. So is there a vein that creates competition from sister to brother or vice versa? Is that possible?
SPEAKER_01Yes. So what so I I say that as far as on the way I can see it causing competition between gender roles is if say you and I are in the same career field or what have you. Then it could cause some competition there. I don't think it should play a part. I don't think it should play a part, period, but I feel like it does play a part in that sense.
SPEAKER_05Okay. So you are let's say you're in the group and hypothetically, let's say you're speaking to your brother who is married, and the competition is actually transcended through his wife because they are one. These are the nuances of co-ed groups. So when you when you when you speak to your brother and you spend time with your brothers, you always have to be cognizant of their partner and vice versa.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_05You know, if if if I'm speaking to my sisters, same thing about their husbands. So in this conversation, we're talking about co-ed. How does that how do we monitor not to be offensive or try to diffuse possible situations with our with the spouses of our respective collaboration of community?
SPEAKER_01Start us out with communication, and if you know the stigma of this day and time, I'm gonna say that. Oh, this is just my brother, this is my sister, and that's a lot of the stigmatism. That's what I'm gonna say. Um it's not honest. There's some hidden factors behind there a lot of the time. Yeah, you know, some dead right there. Um, but it it all stims with communication now, you know, in honesty, right? So if I let you know, hey, my wife or my husband have an issue with this, that, and the third, you just gotta set up clear-cut boundaries. But if you set up these boundaries and still have an issue, you need to have a conversation like, hey, what's what is really the problem with this community that I'm in or that we're in? What is what is your real issue with said thing, and then you have to address it from there. Okay. Um, yeah, you have to address it from there.
SPEAKER_05I understand. So having an open dialogue with both of them. I respect. I'm not gonna choose one or the other, but I respect.
SPEAKER_01And don't do it separate.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Okay. You know what?
SPEAKER_05Sounds good. I I think I agree with that. That's pretty cool. Well, my beautiful wife, apprehension, competition, or insecurity?
SPEAKER_00Uh-huh. I'm gonna go for um apprehension, but as Ashley said, they are all intertwined. And I'm gonna say apprehension because you walk into a community or you um are in a community where, say, for instance, this we're talking co-ed, so you have a brother who does have a significant other, and there are some things that may be um shared. And not that the brother is sharing with you, but conversation in general, and you feel like I don't want to become a problem or a hindrance, so it causes you to have apprehension with who you are and how you may feel in that community. So it causes you to have pause and what you're doing and how you come about. So, yeah, apprehension.
SPEAKER_05So does apprehension do you think that's bred from a lack of comfortableness? Or is it I mean I'm not gonna say or it can be uncomfortable. Do you also feel like some people don't value their worth because it's been smothered for so long. So when other people or other situations see your value or see your worth, do you realize it? And does that create apprehension? It's almost like you don't believe that they think you're that cool.
SPEAKER_00Or, you know, they don't believe I mean that could be that that is a possibility. I mean, um personally and my own experiences, you know. And I'm not talking about from people that I've been around for years or I've been in relationship with as far as friendship or sisterhood, brotherhood. Um so I went to Dallas last month, and a lady who I I don't know personally, we just happened to sit in the same area during the conference two nights in a row. And then the final day, they weren't sitting in the same place we had been sitting in. But she made it her business to come and find me. Like she knew exactly where I would be at. And she came to me and she said, I don't care what happens, what goes on, there's something in you. She said, and I'm telling you, she said, everything else may seem like it's going chaotic and going wrong. But what you have in you, what he's placed in you, it is of great value and it is of great need. Do not dimish or cause yourself to be dimmed because others aren't going to be able to understand what just happened with you. Right. So that was somebody I didn't even know. So even I like to dabble when I'm writing, and I can give my writing to somebody that is very close to me and just say, hey, just take a look at this and tell me what you think. And they'll be like, hey, this is good. And I'm looking like, you're just telling me that because of who you are to me, like because we're being so close. So yeah, that that is a part of some of the apprehension. It is.
SPEAKER_01Like, I'm gonna be honest, I had apprehension coming into the fold. This is new for me. Um, and like I said, it was because I didn't feel like listening to you guys, like I felt like, oh, I'm not at that level yet to be a part of that group. But once I got in it and you seen it, I was like, oh no, I'm good. But you do have that little hold on you a little bit.
SPEAKER_05Some good stuff, ladies. Um apprehension, insecurity, competition. I'm gonna say one of the biggest hurdles is gonna be insecurity. And not for the reasons that you may assume or think it's not the average random of insecurity. It's sort of what we already talked about, or we touched on it. I think one of the biggest hurdles with understanding co-ed is um, first of all, we don't have a lot of examples of healthy family outlets. And this is really learning on the fly for a lot of us. We just don't have examples outside of family. And what I've seen and learned over the years, even within families, it's not balanced. So a lot of families are not balanced. And if that's lending to what you think co-ed is, it's gonna stifle your ability to understand being balanced. It's just gonna be in the way. Naturally, and I've said this before, naturally, is you're gonna feel like this new opportunity or these new people are attacking what you know and your heroes. And somebody being your hero and them having a better way or possibly being a better way can absolutely coincide in the same space. It does not mean because your family may have a singe of toxicity or a singe of uh dysfunctioning. It doesn't mean that you have to now say that they aren't your heroes because somebody has a healthier option for you to learn. Both things can coincide. We are taught that it has to be one or the other, and it's just not true. Um a lot of times in sports, you know, they're always talking about LeBron or Jordan. They play two different positions. You have people talking about uh Michael Jackson or Prince. They always want us to make a decision, and we have been ingrained to think two things cannot coincide in the same space. We are taught that if one is great, then the other is not. And it's not true. It just isn't true. So for me, the insecurity of questioning your hero or questioning your lineage or questioning your family, it breeds insecurity within yourself because someone is not related to you, who really doesn't know you or did not know you all of your life, is possibly showing you something that's healthier and it's challenging who you are, who you know, and where you're from. And it just really breeds insecurity from inside out. It it just scares you. And it's like, well, who am I? You know, I went to church last week and we talked, we were talking about Jacob. And he was saying how he wrestled all night with Jesus, and the pastor was emphatic about saying, Who are you? Who are you? And until whatever age you are, until you are ingratiated into this different opportunity to think different, I'm not saying it's healthier, it's better, it's worse, it's just different. Until you get to this point, all you know is what you knew. When you start to have uh different feelings that are possibly um it they make you smile, they make you feel better, when you feel appreciated or you feel recognized, and it didn't come from your family or from your prior network, you're gonna have some questions to that. And I think your insecurity comes to protect you from feeling resentment. Um I'm I don't know how to feel because if I know I feel this way, then I'm gonna resent, well, why didn't you all make me feel this way? And again, here we go again with not believing both things can coincide in the same space. Because somebody gives you a different way or gives you what you feel to be something you never had, whether it's acknowledgement, whether it's respect, or whatever it is, a different level of respect. That does not mean the other family, community person did not respect or did not acknowledge you. This person may just acknowledge you a different way, or they may have the correct words, or maybe you see them and receive them differently because you all have more similarities. There's a lot of different things it can be, but it doesn't have to be one or the other. So for me, it's insecurity. I think that's the biggest hurdle in co-ed trying to get it together. So we're going to get into this next question in a few seconds, but this is called On Your Face. All right, we back. Question number two. Where does the opposite gender benefit your understanding of where you can grow? So for my wife and for my sister, what are the benefits of your brothers showing you how or where you can grow? What are the what are the nuggets you can get from a man that you possibly may not be able to get from a sister? Whether it's them showing you a mirror saying, hey, this is a different lens. So I'm gonna start with Lucy on this one. I just started, it gotta be this one.
SPEAKER_00I didn't say anything. I'm just gonna do the round robin around. Thank you. Um, I think one of the greatest um benefits from having brothers, unlike sisters, and nothing against the women that I consider my sisters.
SPEAKER_05Shadow sisters.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Woo woo.
SPEAKER_05Um I ain't got no time to run them off, but you know.
SPEAKER_00Brothers tend to really understand and look past so much of the emotional, and I can say this from growing up because I have two younger brothers. And shout out many and then it would come to a point where if I was highly emotional, because I am, I'm the emotional one, and not that they aren't, you know, not that they don't have emotions, but even if I was in a state of being upset, and they're just it would, it's so easier for them to brush off the emotion and understand the true nature of me and not live in the emotional place of me at that moment. So they don't get tangled up to in what my emotion is at that moment. They be like, I'm a finger tripping, you know, let her be. She be like, you know, we're gonna be fine. We we let her do what she did. And when she comes off that mountain, then she's gonna be fine. And then it's like what I was trying to say to you was in the moment of your whatever I was dealing with, and I wasn't listening, and then I'm sitting there and I'm like, oh, that does make sense, doesn't it? But feeling unsure in those moments because the emotion is taking so much control. So to be able to have brothers look at you and understand hey, even though we may have seen you in this light right here. You displayed this right here. We know you. We know your true character. So we're not going to allow this right here to take away from um who you truly are. So that's been a benefit to me because they could say to me, Yeah, you know, when we were talking the other day, you know, you just seem to it could be milk. And he was like, Yes, is yesterday that conversation. Ooh, you was crazy. Like I was like, do I need to mix her some drinks or something? Like, I don't, I don't know. Like, do I need to bring like what I need to bring you? What you need? You know what? Send me a text message or everything you want me to bring down the road to you. I'm like, no, you need something.
SPEAKER_04Shout out to the emotional smuggler. The emotional smuggler.
SPEAKER_00But even if I mean, and it's not just, you know, one of them, all of them. And I think that's the the beauty of having brothers. Because, like I said, for me, I'm very emotional. And once I'm out of that emotional storm, the soundness, the words of my brothers, I can play back or I can go back to and say, you know what, I'm in a better headspace right now. You know, can you can we repeat this conversation again? And without any apprehension, they they let me know. And it's like, well, yeah, I knew you was mad, but yeah. Like, I talked to you later, because there's something wrong with you. But I think that's the beauty of it, being able to, for them to honestly see and know the true character of who and what you are, and still move past it. And then they will check me on it too. Like yesterday, you was you need to bring that. Don't bring that back to this table. That's something you need to face and confront. I don't know what causes you to feel like that or what causes you to think like that in that moment. So it's been a plus. So it's it's it helps me carve out time to say, This is what I was doing, this is how I was feeling. Okay. You you gotta work on that one. So, and still being able to be loved, even in that, and I think I've said this on another podcast. For me, equating the absence, conflict to me meant the absence of love. That meant you were taking love away from me if we were in conflict, not understanding that conflict doesn't have to be this destructive thing. It can be healthy. So I, and not that I was shown anything different growing up, but just as life went and I grew in my own relationships, conflict just destroyed so much and so many things. So I I didn't like I don't. I'm I'm not very confrontational. I don't like conflict to a degree. So I sometimes just sit back and be like, yeah, no, I don't want to do that. Yeah, I don't want to do that one. That's I'm not I do that. But yeah, that I'm sorry. But yeah, that's that's what I think they have graced us with just being able to be sounding boards, even in my most emotional places. Okay. Okay.
SPEAKER_05Anything else? That's you cool with that?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I'm good.
SPEAKER_05You want to talk about any benefits? Is that so from a standpoint of being able to have objective creative brothers, is that a is it an absolute benefit?
SPEAKER_00It is. It's an absolute it honestly is. And like you said, being as though they're not it's a a family we're growing outside of the family we were born into. So being able to be in a place, and I'm gonna be a little biased. It's like we're building our own Black Wall Street. So ain't nothing wrong with that. And I'm not talking about them riches and things, but it's the richness and the love and the communication that we have for one another. So it's I'm not talking about monetary, I'm just talking about like the soundness of mind, the soundness of thoughts, like the the respect level that is brought to the table for each and every individual. So that's what I feel like. I when I think about this community, I do.
SPEAKER_03I'm like, hey, we're doing it.
SPEAKER_00We we we want to something good here. And like you said, we're winging it, but it we're trying to make it as healthy as possible because you do you feel sometimes you feel like we miss you, Chuck with the wings. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04I mean some Chuck Chops right now.
SPEAKER_00Yes, yes. So yeah, I mean that I mean it's an absolute benefit. It is.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_00I mean, because you get to be your you get to be you, even with your your flaws in this. And it's not thrown back at you like I'm used to growing up females, you consider friends. Oh my gosh, you did, and it's not that when it's brought to you, it's not brought to you in a way that makes you feel like you can't grow from it, or like there has to be a separation of the friendship because of it.
SPEAKER_05So yeah, you you know, you just hit on something because we you and I talk about this, and I talk about this a lot, and perhaps this may be sort of explaining or maybe this is the segue to what you're saying. You may be, you and Ashley, the both of you may be now getting things from a logical standpoint because we're logical and we're more emotional. So to have things from a logical standpoint, like you're saying, initially you were struggling with it because you were in the emotional part, and once you come down, the emotions come down, the logic goes back up, and then you're like, oh, and it's like it wasn't that bad. But at the moment it was that bad.
SPEAKER_04But but if there's no one there to give you the logic, but that's why you stay on the cliff.
SPEAKER_00But that's why I say I've left about Manny Bail, because they are, and like I said, even though they're younger, they were you're they are younger than me, yeah, even in that though, like they didn't. Whereas I have, if I had sisters, it would be the bickering would go on and go on and go on. Whereas with my brothers, there's no bickering, like there's nobody to argue with. It's like, so they just gonna let me sit over here by myself like this. And that's exactly, but that's what they did. It's like that's for you. I'm not coming over there with you. I'm not about to sit on that island with you. You're gonna sit there when you get yourself together, you'll come back. And I told my mother, I said, I believe that's why you had two sons and not a plethora of daughters, because as you had all girls, no, that wouldn't have been good. So I do I appreciate having brothers. I I do. I I this to me it's an absolute I think it'll have been fine.
SPEAKER_05No, no, Lucy, no, uh Brittany and Tritzy. That's that joke, y'all. I love you, Danny Lewis. Okay, I love you, Danny Lewis. Okay, so you get yourself together.
SPEAKER_01You come on it, it is get it together, let it out. I got a confession on it. Uh uh piggybacking off of what she said. I had that same situation a couple weeks ago. I was in my car.
SPEAKER_04Don't know it.
SPEAKER_01My battery went out at the time. Uh-huh. I didn't know it was my battery. Uh-huh. And I called my good old brother over there. And I sounded like a crazy woman. And not, like you said, not that I don't appreciate my sisters, but they probably would have been crying right with me on the phone. What you're like, what you need me to do? And you know, everything would have been just a snowball of emotions. Yes. You was on the mountaintop. I was, I know, baby, I was about to clip and you was gone. I was trying to jump down.
SPEAKER_05She gone with me.
SPEAKER_01I was gone. But even in that, he let me have my moment. My ugly cry, my side. He let me have it. And then he was like, Well, you hi didn't hear me. I'm just hollering on this phone. He's like, So you all right? All right, so this is what I'm gonna do. We're gonna do this and figure this out and this, this. And it was perfectly fine because it was something small, but it was a snowball effect of other stuff. But in that sense, he's still like, my sister ain't this crazy. She ain't crazy. Exactly. She just she just having the moment.
SPEAKER_05And we're gonna laugh about it. I told you.
SPEAKER_01And don't worry, he said, we're gonna laugh about this later, but I'm gonna let you have your moments. But we're gonna laugh. And I feel like the benefit of them seeing us like that, that lets them know, like sometimes we do whole stuff in that lets them know, hey, you're human, but I can also help you get to where you're going. And for somebody else to see your growth, knowing where you started, yeah, that's a different type of blessing. Yeah. And it's like, I helped her with that, but she did that. It makes you proud. And vice versa, seeing my brothers going through whatever and knowing that I helped them off that clip, it does give you like, okay. But like you said, this Wall Street, we we done grassed out and started something new. Like, well, you know, if I need to go over here, I can go over here, or I can it just gives you different avenues for different things. That was that was a trying morning.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, you you call me a story.
SPEAKER_01And again, I tell you, thank you so much. Bless your heart for putting me back on the cliff.
SPEAKER_05That's what friends are for. Yeah, yeah. It was it was cool, you know. Um, I uh the benefits for me gaining these sisters, and of course my wife as well. So I have it twofold because my sisters, of course, are tight with my wife. So I am in this, and I have never had this. Um I'm I was very vocal and very adamant about not wanting to explore a more uh complete view of life without a wife. I just didn't. I I believe that there's a certain level of life that needs to be shared with someone that you love, and that's what I believed. So once um she agreed to um lighten my burden in life and bless me with her, then I began to do the work. Um I'm very proud of my brothers and my sisters and the things that we do collectively. We all have our struggles and we all are in different places in our testimonies, and I pray that I pray over them every day. And um, I pray for your comfort, I pray for your understanding, and I pray for the vigilance to move past where you typically get stuck. You have to deny yourself yourself to get someone you've never met yourself. Um it's uh it's a lot of different things that I really can say about my sisters. Um I love them all dearly, and I to lean on you all. And I really, really appreciate it. There are times that I absolutely just don't understand, and probably sometimes it's about um my inability to look beyond my pride or look beyond my hurt within the moment is just to see the simplicity of the emotions of the moment. And I have to seek counsel. For me, counsel means cover. Um as long as I'm exposed to the elements, then I'm gonna do whatever it takes to survive. And in those moments, survival is not necessary. Understanding is. I don't want to survive. I want to take cover, regroup, seek counsel, and assess what needs to be done so this doesn't happen again. And I couldn't do it without my sisters. I really couldn't. Um, that phone call about your car was nothing compared to the love you poured into me. That was nothing. Um I was happy to be there for you. I was absolutely flattered and taken aback that you trusted me enough in that moment to call me. Um I thank God that that you did, and and we got through it. Uh, I never had a worry. I was more concerned about you than the moment. The moment was nothing. It wasn't. I was more concerned about you. Um, I need to make sure that all of my sisters and my wife, they're okay. Life is hard, and um one thing I can say about our community is we all uh take on things by ourselves for no reason sometimes. Um we don't I don't think you need to seek counsel from each other, but I think sometimes because we aren't transparent with something before it gets bigger than what it is, it mushrooms into something that can overtake us. And it makes the situation harder. Um we I think I've heard all of us say, I don't want to bother you with my problems. And if you're hurting, then I'm bothered. So either way, I'm bothered. One is an assumption, one is a fact. If you're telling me something's wrong with you, that's you're not bothering me. If something's wrong with you, that bothers me. So your attempt to not bother is not bother me bothers me. So, you know, um I absolutely love you know what we are attempted to do. Uh we're growing. And um, you know, it's it's a slow process because I'm very leery of having um a status quo. I'm not interested in having a huge following of people who possibly are not genuine, who just don't understand what we're doing, they don't have the same mindset. And even for everybody in this, myself included, until you understand the level of work that needs to be done on yourself, even within this group, you're gonna be lost. It's this is a daily struggle just to be better. You you have to not put so much weight on yourself, giving yourself strict demands, and it it's not worth it. Just be better. Being better the next day means I I stay off the phone five minutes less than it did yesterday. You're better. Trying to get yourself grace. Yeah, just just be just just constantly be better slowly. And when you get to a place where you start to feel better about yourself, no matter how much how slowly you invested in yourself, you can see things differently. But as long as you're hurt or responsive or reactive, you only can see what you want to see. You can't see what you need to see sometimes. So I I love all of my sisters dearly, and I love my wife, of course. But this is perhaps one of the greatest things that I've ever been a part of, and I am forever indebted to you all as a whole and individually for loving me, my home, my wife, and each other. It's it's just a phenomenal thing. I look forward to a lifetime with you guys. I really do. You guys are kind of funny.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, we do that.
SPEAKER_05On your face, on your face, welcome back, welcome back. All right, we got one more question, we're gonna get out of here. So, we got some comments too. I'm not gonna just ask a question and run. Let y'all say some things, y'all gotta say some things, but last question. We kind of touched on this already, but I want y'all to be pacific. How has this community or this effort, how has it been to you? And I'm gonna go back to start with Ashley.
SPEAKER_01How has the community been to be? They have been great. They have seen me through some ups, downs, sideways, flip it, rub it to the side. But I appreciate all of them. Like, and they made me see a lot of my value and worth with a lot of different stuff. Um, so that is very appreciative. Like, I guarantee Lulu seen me cry on the lease at least once, twice a week. I mean, but you know that's something I need because uh, you know, I'm the only one in the house besides me and my daughter. So, you know, yeah, you get it at a point where you got to be you gotta have that statue because you don't want your children to feel what you're feeling sometimes. And she explained to me, like I told her, sometimes she needs to see that. But you know, they give you the hugs you need without necessarily physically hugging you. And physically, but the community's been great. I love y'all.
SPEAKER_05Well, I'm sure we love you as well, and I really appreciate the sentiments, and we are very happy that you are growing and you feel the love from us. I mean, it's it's heartfelt. You know, you I for one, I'm I'm crazy about you because how you take care of my wife. Lord knows she needs some help, and you're right there for it. And I appreciate it.
SPEAKER_01That's my that's a little little baby, that's my baby right now. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05I I appreciate it. I appreciate it. Um I'm absolutely positive.
SPEAKER_00Yes, thank you, Ashley. You're welcome, girl. Thank you so much.
SPEAKER_05I'm positive. You have poured into our marriage directly and indirectly, and and and I'm gonna say this for both of us. We appreciate and love you. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01Sure do.
SPEAKER_05All right, ma'am.
SPEAKER_01Sure do. Thank you, girl. And brother. Sure do.
SPEAKER_05We're brothers.
SPEAKER_00We're happy and we're singing and we're cut her. Do do do do.
SPEAKER_04Y'all see what they gotta deal with?
SPEAKER_01Cut imprint. There you go. Okay, great.
SPEAKER_05What just happened? Y'all see what they gotta deal with? Y'all wonder why these wonders got pillows on them on these?
SPEAKER_00Oh, I can incur the community has been a huge asset. Um the community has helped cultivate different places that I did not know had not been awakened within myself. I'm so used to having to be the person that does the bulk of the weight carrying, and here I don't have to like I get checked on. Like nobody is just walking around saying, Well, she good today, she'd be all right. You know, they're they're actively checking, we are actively checking on one another. So that in and of itself has been a huge eye-opener for me. And even now, like me and Ashley were talking probably this past week, being checked on for me is is is different, you know. I'm not used to it. So somebody wanting to make sure that I'm okay, like that, that's that's new for me, you know, outside of my husband, you know, that's and not to say that, you know, my family didn't, but in the midst of everything that was going on in our home, it was never, are you good? And it's so ironic now that we're all not in the same house together. Like my brothers check on me more like and that my nickname is fat girl. So I mean, because I like to eat. So my brothers just called me fat girl. And one of my brothers texted me, he was like, fat girl, just checking on you. And I was like, wow. I remember a time when, you know, that wasn't even, that wouldn't have crossed our minds for one another. Because we was just functioning and just like you said, trying to survive. It it was we were all in survival mode, not even understanding what survival mode really was for us. We were surviving off of something that we had been shown not knowing that wasn't the place we were all end up. And I think we were trying to hold on to be in the same space and place because that's what we saw. So now we drive, we gotta survive to keep it, or are we gonna just Let it just fall to pieces and be like the Titanic out there with Jack on that thing freezing to death. We didn't know we was gonna make it. But we're trying even still, and it's it's hard for us to even do it, not being in the same place with one another, same home with one another. But we're doing something we have never been able to do. And it is, it's it's a blessing because I get keys and I get nuggets from you all that I can then take back to my family. And it is it's working, it's helping, it's allowing us not to be reactive, it's allowing us to have conversations, it's allowing them to say, you know what, I can't call her and say that to her. I can't open up to her, I can be. So it's get you a community, that's all I'm gonna say. Get you some some good people. I mean, I mean some solid people, not no yes people, not no people that's just gonna go with you because oh you you're the big person in the room. Get you some grounded people around you. Because they're not just gonna let you just be. They're gonna cause you to evolve. You wanna be, you wanna be around people who are gonna help you evolve and not just stay stagnant. And this is not what we do in the community. We can call each other out on what we feel may not be the best character trait and go fix it, and as you say, be better. That's it. Get you get you a community.
SPEAKER_01That's it. Sorry.
SPEAKER_05Okay, let me take a stab at this. How has this community been to me? This community was needed on so many different levels. One of the most important things that this community has invoked in me is my need to learn how to follow. I've gotten to a place maybe six months ago, almost a year maybe. I've gotten to a place where all of the wisdom that I've gained from all the mistakes that I've done, I had no more to give. And I had to learn how to follow. I had to actively seek out counseling, seek out life coach, seek out somebody to give me some more directions on how to maintain my efforts that I'm trying to do and be a part of. Um I had to be honest with myself. I just I don't know what to do at this point. Um, the level of love that we're trying to orchestrate in one another goes beyond my mistakes. And I don't have, I just don't have any more to pull from. So I need to go upstream to someone to help me sustain, to help me grow. So I had to understand the value of following. Um, I have to learn to follow, to lead. And I had to learn that. That's something I've never really had to do because I was more of an individualistic person. So my self-goals were always met um substantially, always overachieved because I only cared about myself. Well, of course I cared about myself. I was an only child for a while, and I was an introvert. So that's what I was shown. In the world that I was shown and subjected to, I learned how to thrive without anybody else. And that's a very lonely feeling, and it does not appease my heart. So I had to reconfigure how I thought, how I moved, and what fulfilled my heart. So I became more collective. In my efforts to be collective, I can't go but so far because I just didn't have any examples. So I can't keep pouring wisdom of my failures into other people because it becomes redundant. So I've learned to seek counsel and do some reading, do some different things to really ascertain a different aspect of a higher thought process of how to thrive away from trauma, how to thrive away from dysfunction, how to thrive on a higher mindset. Um I use the analogy of unicorn and horses all the time. One of the main things that I did wrong for so long was speak unicorn to a bunch of horses. And I would get upset that the horses kept laughing and questioning me about me speaking unicorn. Well, I had to learn that there are other unicorns and I had to put keep my unicorn language to myself until I found other unicorns. So when you speak to other unicorns, there is no ridicule for not being a horse. So the community has taught me that. And I really appreciate my sisters. Um, my brothers are just on a whole nother level of love. These guys, um, I appreciate all of their efforts to be better. I appreciate everything that they're doing. I appreciate their struggle. I appreciate their triumph. I appreciate it all. I appreciate this entire community, and I just love everyone to pieces. I look forward to continuously growing it and prayerfully, everyone that's been in the fold with us can ascertain a way to manage that so that we can continue to point to one another, where again, two things can coincide. I don't, I pray that nobody has to make a decision between the two different things because they're not the the two things can coincide. Um, so I'm prayerful that everyone can maintain um the group and bring some other people in. And, you know, I'm looking forward to growing. I'm looking forward to loving on you guys for as long as the Lord has you on this earth and all of us as well. And that's it. Um, you know, I got through there without getting all sappy. I want to stick to the logic and not the emotions. It is a very emotional thing to speak about my love for my community. It's organic, it's true, it's deep, and it means a lot to me. So, for all you guys listening, I love all you guys. I appreciate you guys. I miss all of you all. And look, whatever you guys need, however you need, we are always here for you, and we are always here for each other. I'm gonna pass it back over to the ladies and see if they have any closing comments or they want to comment on something. I want to give a shout out or something, and then I'm gonna close it out. Lucy.
SPEAKER_00Hmm, just gonna say again, get you a community, a healthy community, a community that can thrive and evolve.
SPEAKER_01An honest community.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. People that are, like you said, that'll love you even beyond what you even can comprehend about yourself. Because sometimes what we don't see, others do see. And be able to understand that even if they bring something to you, it's not out of no type of hurt or on wanting to harm you. They genuinely see there is so much more in you, and they're just trying to help you get it out.
SPEAKER_05What you guys says?
SPEAKER_01I thank each and every one of you guys for seeing me. And know that I see you guys. And y'all are so appreciated in so many ways. And I love y'all. Thank you and good night.
SPEAKER_05Okay, Russell's Russell Sennis. God bless, good night. Well, that's gonna end it for this. I pray that everything that was said and discussed this evening did not fall anyone's ears the wrong way. I pray that everything that we said, you know what said out of love, and it was our opinion. And until the next time, I want you guys to always remember to go to God, seek counsel, try to be better, and we will see you all on the next edition of Move the Crowd. And just for the logistical point of this, I do not own the rights to this music. Love you all, and will see you on the next edition of Move the Crowd.
