Incomplete

Attempting to speak on the transition of "Life" to Wife.

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SPEAKER_00 0:01

We are back for another thought-provoking experience to explore how everyday people view topics of our world. We offer viewpoints and opinions all in good faith for the sake of understanding one another as we grow. Inspire yourself to step out of the box by joining me, your host Fleetwood, as you and I bend the needle because I like to uh hello, hello, hello, everybody. Welcome back to Move the Crowd. I'm your host, Fleetwood, and we are in for another installment of my attempt to be better. I'm apologizing up front. You might hear a little bit of wheezing. I am still getting over a cold, and um, I thought not, you know, I just need to get me another episode in. So please forgive me if you know you hear some wheezing, or I just wanted to put that out there. So for this episode, I wanted, I'm going to entitle this Incomplete. In Complete. Once again, welcome you guys back to Move the Crowd, and I'm gonna get right into it. So, what we're trying to talk about now is I'm just gonna try to give you a viewpoint of the lures and the transition of bachelorhood into the life of a husband or life of a suitable mate that's going towards you know marriage or you know. So let's get into it. So enjoying a home, a career, and a few toys with a few visits a week, it it's the life for a man. It's let's just keep it real. If I have a nice home, I have a solid career, I got a few little toys, whatever that may be, motorcycle, sports car, guns, whatever it is. And I and I got a few, you know, reputable women that I can call weekly, bi-weekly, whatever your desire is. That's the life for a man. Or is it? Let's let's look into that. Is that really is that really the life of a man? Or should I that could be the season or step, but is that really the life? You know what I mean? Is that something that you're supposed to park your existence in? Look, let's just be real. It's hard to I don't even know the word. It it's hard to let's just keep moving. I maybe I will talk about this moving down, because I feel like I covered this somewhere in this. So let's just keep going and see if I come back around to the difficulties when facing the quote unquote life of a man. Or is it society says a man needs to provide society? This is a qualifying line that we hear a lot of masculinity being tied to. This is a qualifier, and I'm not I don't have a dog in this fight, but for us as men, we always hear your ability to provide is closely tied to how you are viewed as a man. Now, even within that notion that is true or untrue, or the variations can vary depending on who you're talking to and whom is receiving. Even within that, in our culture, African American, there's a strong line, a strong understanding within our community that ties that notion of providing to material things. Let's get into this. There's we have, we African Americans, we have a very strong belief that whatever a man has or whatever he can show exemplifies his ability to provide. And that's just not true. It's not true. I I think it's it's folklore. It comes from it comes from television. And you know, the sad thing about this is good men that are not drug dealers, they are pimps, they aren't anything, they they make an honest living. It's very heartbreaking that they come across women who have this expectation. Well, you know what? Let me take that back. It's heartbreaking that they believe or they come across women. Let me let me give some ownership to the fellas too, because it's absolutely true. Either they believe or a woman instills in them based on illegal gains, i.e., pimp, drug dealer, numbers, whatever it is, you have to keep up with someone who has illicit funds to keep her interest or to gain her interest. The fact that she instills that in you, andor you believe that in the absence of a woman, that in itself is the toxicity that is one of the main undervanes of the decay of African-American homes. Fellas, let me let me talk to the fellas right now. Fellas, what you can do, what you can buy, what you can provide, what you can ascertain, what you can maintain, has very, very little to do with you being a man. Very little to do with being a man. One of my favorite and greatest men of my life did not have material things, and I can tell you unequivocally, he is one of the wealthiest men I've ever known, I've ever loved, and had ever loved me, and that's my grandfather. There's no comparison to wisdom, there's no comparison to consideration, no comparison to humility, there's no comparison to just being a decent man. Please, please, please, fellas, understand something you can buy, something you can maintain, or something that you can acquire has very, very little to do with you. As a man, to go back to my famous quote of one of my favorite guys as well, men, you are enough. Coming back to ladies, ladies, I know security is a big thing with ladies. You want to feel secure, you know, especially when a lot of our sisters have struggled, and there's this fear, especially if you're a mom, there's this fear of going without or your children suffering and sacrificing. You just are tired or you're very afraid of it. Understand. This is where you really have to hone in your ability to choose a quality man. It may be a slower walk to get to what you think you deserve. You may not ever get to it. But you, ladies, have to give value to security, to decency, to humility, and to the loyalty of the man that loves you. There's value in that without a certain type of ring or a certain type of car or a certain type of bag. Understand that the both of us, our men and our women, we need to calibrate what we view, value, and providing is. Yeah, that man. Incomplete, guys, incomplete. So I there's so much to this that I really can talk about. But there's really not a lot to talk about because all it really is is saying the same thing, but it's specific to a level of sociality, or it's specific to a situation, but they're all you're still saying the same thing, it's just be decent. That's all you're really saying. So this is my attempt to have my plea on my soapbox, just trying to employ men and women again to just understand the value, understand your morals, your values, calibrate them, readjust them, take a different look at what is really important. And sometimes you have to build, not even sometimes, most times, all times, wealth is built, it's not given. Even my grandfather gave me the wealth of wisdom, but I had to learn how to apply it and become better at it. That's me investing in the wealth that was given to me. I can't just take what he said and do it as he did. I'm not him. So come on, guys. For men, and you know what? Let me go. I don't want to come off as if my platform or this episode is to browbeat women, but I only can speak from a man's standpoint. I can be optimistic and empathetic from the ladies, but I'm really trying to stand beside men to give a voice to how they feel and what may be in their head. So when I'm saying things to the ladies that's listening, don't take this as I'm brow beating. Just understand, I'm just trying to be that little voice that men may be saying and what we deal with in this difficult season of transitioning from the life, quote unquote, to the wife, quote unquote. It's man, look, having to deal with the brokenness of a woman's past at the cost, you having to deal with a broken woman at the cost of sacrificing your peace. You see, when you have the toys and the car and the career, you control your temperature, you control the arguments, you control everything that gives you peace. And that's where you get stuck because you think life is great. I'm gonna take that back. To you, life is great, but you it you're still alone though, hence incomplete the brokenness. I just need ladies, I need you to understand. When a man, Jesus, when a man steps to you, he's choosing you, he's saying, I'm willing to sacrifice my peace and take on the brokenness of your heart. Write that down and read it. Anytime you want to pop off, get upset, question him, read that. For any successful man who is gayfully employed, the easy way out is to stay single and to choose who you want to be with. That's the easy way out. I didn't say it's the correct way, it's a very lonely way and it's a very empty way, and it's also an ungodly way. Because any real man who is established, he wants to invest in his legacy. He's choosing you to build his legacy with. You have to understand the choice that he made to choose you to build his legacy with, puts you above all else. And ladies, I'm telling you now, if the man that chose you, that puts you above everything else, doesn't say it, doesn't know how to say it, doesn't say it enough, let me say it to you now. Ladies, you are the choice. You are the other hand, the other half, the other leg, the other vision of his legacy. Everything that he wants to become, he wants to do, he wants to establish, he only wants it with you. You have to understand that. You have to know it. If he hasn't said it, please accept what I just said to you to be true. If you don't believe me, write it down and go ask him. Incomplete.

SPEAKER_01 15:17

Everything in this world that a man wants, got a bank account bigger than the dog to the line. Still now. Pretty faces from the covers of the magazines. From their covers to my covers, wanna lay with me. Famous fortune still I find. Just a war man running out of time.

SPEAKER_00 15:44

Alright, we back. We back, man. That was the first break. You know, this season. I'm I'm instilling, I'm instilling musical interludes to support the title of the song. For you guys that don't know, Move the Crowd. Every episode is actually a song. Every episode is a song. So I decided to put the actual song in because I I put a lot of work in that. I think about the lyrics and what represents it. And so, enough about that. That's a that's my commercial break. Back to your regular schedule program. So, now we were just speaking about the the life, quote unquote. Now, let me let me keep this real with the ladies and men too, because we know this to be true. And some ladies you probably know as well, but let me speak on it. Within the joy of that life, some will use their status and possessions to entice females and or seek attention. Let whoa, let me say it again now. You've got some people that have the quote unquote the joy of that life, not that life, the joy of that life. They will use the status of everything they have. You know, the status, you know, sometimes people know you, they want to drop names and they want to, you know, and their possessions, they want to, they want to posture, they wanna, they want to show you these things, and this is me, and I'm I'm this and I'm that, you know, and and we have these people, and they and they do it with the motive to entice, they want to entice females and will seek attention from whoever gives it to them. To put it plainly, you got some faking people out here, you know. They you all hear faking, ill-gotten gains. There's something we have a lot of people that believe in buying something to complete their brokenness, they want to buy something to fix something that's already broken them. That that it doesn't make you whole. It it it just doesn't. For so long, African American men, um our ladies are catching up. Please keep that real. But for so long, African-American men believe that something they're wearing or something they'll own validates them, and it doesn't, it just doesn't. For me, I can't stand it. I talk about it all the time. I don't care what you bought, which you drive, what you have, if you don't have the substance to sustain what I see, I lost respect for you because you're trying to sell me on an empty box. I I have nothing to say to you. You can't be well dressed and and you speak terribly. You can't be in a luxury car buying a used tire. I that doesn't work for me, and that's just me. I'm not look, you live your life the way you want to live it. Just stay away from me. That's all I'm saying. If you want to pump fake and fool people and go with smoke and mirrors, enjoy it, bruh. Sis, just keep me away from it. That's just not something I want to do. I like solid people who have the patience, the discipline, and the level of themselves to whatever they have, they've earned it. And they understand what comes with that level of sociability. It's called social tears. Because you can pull the money out and buy something, it doesn't mean you can afford it. Because you got keys and can start it up, it doesn't mean you belong in it. These are all facts. Even within that lifestyle, I'm just saying, and and this is what perpetuates that lifestyle. When you have somebody who has possessions or who has everything, nothing says the fool and his goal more than that person. They're using it to manipulate society to get what they need without they have no desire to incorporate their success with someone else so they can elevate their community, they can substantiate their legacy, they have no desire, they just want to sit back and be a cherry picker out of our community. This is when your dating pool is so corrupted because you get men and women like this who have this facade of success and can tell you anything, they have enough language to keep you where you're at till about the second level. But when it comes to authenticating what they're saying and you already have a little bit of feelings, it's already too late. You've been ensnared, you've been snickered, you've been led astray, you've been run amok. Plymouth Rock landed on you. And this is where you have good people who are scarred, who just don't want to believe in anything anymore. And I'm calling them people out, man. I'm calling them out. If you're out here faking, if you're out here living a two-sided dream, if you in a house that's not a home, if you have a Lexus, but you belong in a Ford Taurus, if you have Gucci shoes with pro-kids' feet, I'm calling y'all out, man. You all are killing us. Point blank, period. I mean, serious. But wait, let me not make it all about men. Well, I didn't say Lexus, but let me say one for the ladies. If you have a product bag and smell like helicopter oil, nah, man, stop. That bag is not going to absorb what I see. Same for a man. You guys gotta stop this. You're killing us out here. We, the good people, are. I'm really tired of this. I'm just gonna call it the buck. And if y'all know somebody, hey, send them this podcast. Tell them, look, stop faking. Stop already. The 30-day tags expired. This look, you're either gonna go get the real tags or get rid of the car. But stop driving the car around with bad tags. Please, man. Now, it's so let me go back to same life. It is very hard. I'm going back to your authentic brothers, the ones that have the career, that have the job, that really is on the line of trying to solidify their gains, solidify. Look, right now, I'm at a crossroads. I got some things, but it's starting not to have any importance. It's starting not to mean anything because I want to share with somebody. It's very hard to walk away from that life. You you just man, look, you have a life of commitmentless convenience. It's hard. It's hard to give it up. I know. It's look, man, when you can control everything you want to do, you have to understand somewhere in there is a thin line where your blessings become a curse. You have to understand that as a man, things that you want to do are to be shared with that one person. You get tired of spinning the wheel, whom I call the night. Or there's a concert, you know, and and look, let me use me for an example. I remember there was a Raphael Sadiq concert, and I really wanted to go. And this is just one concert I remember. And I didn't go because I was at a point in my life where I didn't have somebody to share it with. There comes a point for men. There comes a point where you don't want to do things with your Tuesday night girl, or you don't want to do things with Shaw that I just met. I want to do them with my woman. I want it the entire evening. I want to do it with her. I want her to already know. Hey, my baby likes Raphael Sadiq. I saw it. She's gonna call, look, Raphael Sadiq gonna be in town. I went here and got the ticket, so you need to find you something to wear. That's what men like. That's what men like. Their other half, their partner, their helpmate. That's what we need. It's but you the the whole transition of walking away from it is so difficult. And you have to really stand in that season of uncertainty, of newness, of getting familiar with your choice so that you can then sit back and relax and enjoy, you can enjoy the blessing of your choice. It's not gonna happen right away. It's not, but you have to take, you have to have faith, and this is where you need to exemplify yourself as a man. Say, hey, I'm gonna sit here, I'm gonna hold her hand, I'm gonna develop this relationship, I'm gonna develop this. And at some point, she's gonna understand what I need, how I need it, when I need it, and only she can give it to me. Ha! Incomplete.

SPEAKER_01 25:38

I don't wanna be alone there to all of the women, only it's gentle cost, all of the money don't amount to you. I can make believe I have everything, but I can't pretend that I don't see that without you now, my life is incomplete.

SPEAKER_00 26:05

Yeah, incomplete, incomplete. Yes, we are back. All right, look, folks, I'm going into this last leg of this race, and we're getting out of here, man. Look, again, I hope y'all hear me wheezing too much, but man, look, I'm excited about this one. I'm trying to tell you, man. This I'm talking about my life. I'm talking about something I've gone through. I'm I'm speaking of personal endeavors, I'm speaking of personal victories, I'm speaking of I've evolved. Um I'm excited about this, and I want you guys to be excited. I want I pray that something I'm saying is resonating and you want to share this podcast. Hey, listen to this. You know what I mean? All right, let's get into this last leg so I can get out of here. So, the reality of a self-sustaining man is authentically beautiful. The reality of a man that is self-sustaining, the authenticity of it, it's a beautiful thing to see because of the rarity. Because once he reveals himself to you and you stamp him as authentic, that's what makes it beautiful. If you can recognize it. Can you recognize it? It's authentically beautiful. So here's how this works: he makes a choice to elevate his transparency and to let you in so that you can authenticate what he already knows is authentic. As we go through this thing of living, quote unquote, the life, it doesn't matter what somebody else thinks, it only matters what the person you choose thinks. So he's saying, All right, all this time I've had my look, if y'all remember Lennial good times, he always has his coat closed until he finds the woman he wants. Then you'll get his cell, his sales pitch. My name is Lenad. He's going to expose what's in the coat only to one person. Only to one person. So the beauty and the authentication, you you need to understand that. When this man makes a choice at, hey, I want you. And the only reason I keep saying the man is choosing you because that's our job. Y'all can't chase us. We supposed to choose you. Look, I want you. It's a beautiful thing to authenticate a man. The authenticity to authenticate. It's a beautiful thing, the reciprocity in that is beautiful. The fact that he says you and that you can authenticate him. You can say, hey, you know, and and that process may not happen as soon as he reveals himself, but you have to understand you're in that process. How many times, ladies? Let me do me do ladies first. How many times, ladies, have you gone into the authentic authentication process and you didn't realize it? This man is standing here with his coat open like Lenny, and you're not checking out his merchandise. He's standing right here saying, Hey, authenticate me, and you you don't even understand. You caught up in something else. You you you don't even understand, you caught up in something else, and you can't even understand the process you're in. You on the cusp of your forever, and you can't even authenticate them because you are distracted by something else. Moreover, fellas, how many times have you denied authentication to a woman who is open to authenticate you? So this is a tale of two cities, man. I'm not gonna make this about women. You standing here with your coat open and she can't authenticate you. What about the dudes that never open their coat up because they're too busy wanting to show their coat to everybody? I mean, come on, man. You let's keep it real. You have to make a choice saying, This is who I want for my legacy, then you open your coat for her to authenticate you. But how much longer you want her to stand there if you're not gonna authenticate her? Come on, man. Oh, you're not gonna let her authenticate you. So, you know, that goes both ways, you know. It goes both ways. Man, that's if so, ladies, if he reveals himself to you to authenticate him, this is what he's saying. You have the clout to operate on this level. You absolutely need to make a choice to grow. Ladies, when he opens his coat, the message is you have the amount of clout that I need to absolutely be on this level with me, but I need you to grow with me. That part. That part, man, let me tell you something. This is all facts. All facts, authentication, then it's clout, then it's grow. Authenticate, verify, proceed. Man, that sounds like a business being near me. I think we have to put together a business plan. So men at that point, men make a choice to stop the life of no commitment to build. At that very moment, when he opens that coat up, he's saying, I'm making a choice. I'm making a choice to walk away from that life and no commitment to our life and the ultimate commitment. It's a tale of two cities. You guys gotta know, man, how men move. I'm telling y'all, this is a this is a handbook of how men move, transitioning from the life to the wife. Let me tell y'all something, man. I'm I'm giving y'all some good stuff, and I hope y'all understand what we're talking about right here. Because I'm telling y'all some good stuff, man. I'm for real. Whew, man, oh man. So incomplete. Okay, so I wanted to run that last one in there because this last point, I'm gonna sit on this for a minute because this involves the children. This involves what they what they see. So I need to I I want to space on this one a little bit. But this is gonna be the last point. I'm gonna run this up the flagpole and let it fly in the wind, and we're out of here, man. So with the pool, with with the choices being so slim. I mean, when I'm speaking, what I'm talking about for men to validate somebody that you trust with what you have, to trust, to be completely transparent with how much you make, what you have, where you go, how you move. That pool is so minuscule, it becomes addictive, which is the curse to keep your works worthless. It's addictive to stay in the single operandi because the pool is so small. So you give up. You say, man, look, I'm tired. I can't, ain't nothing out there. I'm gonna stay here by myself and keep keep stacking, keep building, I'm gonna get another house, get another property. That's the curse because everything you're getting has no value. It has no worth because you're moving beyond your spectrum of your legacy that you want to do with your person. You you you you have to really hunker down and really polish how you choose a mate, where you go. You man, and I understand how frustrating dating can be. I was there, I was there years ago. It's very frustrating, and the curse of what you have becomes now the curriculum of who you trust. It's a two look, you can't have a nice home, a couple of cars, and and you you you're pretty nice. You can't have them come on your house, not until you what that them. That's no way to live. It's not. You I lived it, I'm telling you so. It's it's difficult. Here's the thing. You don't want your works, meaning your possessions, whatever you're working for, you don't want that to be worthless. Moreover, as difficult as it is, you need to stay open to dating. You need to stay, and look, you want to date with a purpose. My last stretch of dating, which was years ago, is about five years ago, four or five years ago. My last stretch of dating, I always said I'm dating. When I want to go on a date, I'm look, I'm dating for forever. I'm I'm I have a purpose. I don't want to be in a dating pool for an extended period of time. I just don't want to. I'm okay, I got a purpose. I'm I'm out here and I'm dating with a purpose. And no matter how frustrated I get, I look, you make a I'm not gonna say, I don't want to say a bad decision. Because when you choose somebody and they don't show up the way you need them to, that doesn't make it a bad decision. It's just not a good fit. So when when you when you swing and you miss, you have to get back up to the plate. You have to, you have to stay involved and look, reflect. So if you pick somebody, if you go with somebody and they don't work out, and for me, I'm analytical, I was like, well, who they remind me of? Whom somebody I dated before. Then I think, well, what's this? Where did I meet them at? Now I'm checking myself. Some not even sometimes, mostly every time, if you don't move a different way or put yourself in a different situation, you're gonna attract the same kind of people. You have to find a different way to repackage yourself. And I'm not talking about going out here faking. If you need to read more books, if you need to go to a couple of groups, for me, I took some acting classes. If you need to go take some pottery classes, you need to find something to get. And I started watching more things that put me more in touch with my sensitivity. Because, man, look, my level of empathy and sympathy was on negative three. And I knew it was a problem and it was a defense mechanism. I'm not really a hard person, it just was convenient for me to keep people away from me. And that's not how you're supposed to live. You having to take your self-assessments and understand what you need, wherever your weak points are, or whatever you can use and you need some help, get it. The times in between, the swing and the misses, the relationships when you're down and you you that didn't work. Now's a time to go find yet another skill. And maybe that person said it. Maybe that person said, you know, you uh let me see. What can they say? Um you you never listen to me. You you're mean. I don't like how you speak to me. That has value because I guarantee somebody said it before. That doesn't mean that person isn't oversensitive, but there's some truth in that. So that means how you express yourself may be a little too crasp. It may be you may be a little too abrupt. Maybe you need to find a different way to express yourself. So, with the power of the internet, you can Google, you know, softer language. How can I say this another way that doesn't come off so abrasive? You have to do these things to make yourself better at your next swing at the plate. If you go back to the plate with the exact same swing and the exact same pitch, you're gonna have the exact same result. Every time you go back to the plate, every time you go back out to create your forever, send the better you out. Don't send the same one out. Change things up. We're talking about your legacy, we're talking about forever. We're not talking about something to do like you're in high school. Oh man, get no date this week, I'll get what next week. Man, that time is done. We're talking about your legacy, what you're leaving behind, your children, which is that's the segue going into what I was getting ready to say. Now, here's why it's so important to stay open to dating. For those that have children, especially fathers and sons, for those that have children, especially fathers and sons, be careful what you're showing them. Be careful you're not showing them it's okay to self-contain within your own companionship. Let me say it again. Make sure, you see, when you just say, I'm fine by myself, just me and my son, or me and my daughter, you are showing because kids do what they see now, but you say, you are showing them how to survive alone. They are not gonna have any interest or any tolerance of how to work through a relationship because you didn't do it. And they're gonna say, Well, my mom didn't have nobody, my dad didn't have it, it turned off fine. They don't know the emptiness you feel, they don't know the nights you were crying, the frustrations, they don't know that stuff, as they shouldn't. But always remember to believe in love, and you can take your time and lick your wounds, but get back in the fight. And if you have old enough kids, explain to them say, hey, look, it's never a problem or it's never an issue to love somebody, to believe in somebody. However, as you gain wisdom in dating, you apply it to each new attempt to minimize your being hurt and to understand who you're talking to before you talk to them. It's absolutely your responsibility to guard your heart by qualifying who you're talking to. Guarding your heart doesn't mean being rude, closed off, and not willing to be vulnerable within a relationship or situation. That's not proper. That's not what you're supposed to do. It happens, I get it. We're we're we're all human. But if you're doing that, stop it. Just stop it, man. We have the opportunity for forever. You need to sit down and really understand how many people have gone on into senior citizen life or have gone on from this earth because they weren't open to their forever. They went on alone. And you don't have to. And you look, just do the work. Just do the work. It's not, I'm not gonna say it's not hard, but do the work. And know you don't have to have nobody. You know, you know, everybody don't need somebody, I don't need nobody to make me whole. Nobody said that. But for somebody to believe that they can enjoy life by themselves more than with somebody that they love, I don't need to even address that. I don't. Man, old man. Mm-hmm. Well, I appreciate you guys tuning into this episode and let me ramble on about things. And I pray, I pray that anything and everything that I said did not fall on your ears in a harmful way. Everything I said was my opinion. I really appreciate you guys tuning in. Till the next episode of Move the Crowd. You guys stay prayed up, stay loving. Love you guys, and until next time.