Friends

This effort takes on the toxic friendships and how they effect one's growth. Making a choice to do the task of being alone to see how to move to a better space, maybe!

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SPEAKER_00 0:02

The world is complexed. People are people. As our community is struggling with life itself, I am here in the attempt to approach, discuss, and unpack some of these nagging concerns. Thank you for joining me, your host Fleetwood, as I rethink and respond to the thought of maybe we should just remove the crowd. Hello, everyone. Welcome back for the third attempt for me to unpack something that affects our community. And I am glad you're here. And we want to name this one Friends. Simply name the third installment as Friends. Alright, so we're gonna get into it. And I found a couple of things to be interesting. So let me go through this first run and give you some things that I found and discuss them a little bit with you. So, friends. Who are you around? Who is your source of information? Who provides alignment and correction to you? Correction and alignment to you. So some friendships are based on unhealthy patterns of codependency and or manipulation. Where one person's growth can negatively impact the others. So what I heard in their statement was codependency, and when you begin to outgrow your would-be network, it's frowned upon because it negatively impacts the people of your circle. Now if their expectations, if their expectations are lower than yours, you will get worse. And I think that simply means if you hang around somebody that vibrates lower than you, that has lower expectations in life, a lower trajectory, by default, you'll do the same. I don't know if that's 100% true, but I think the majority of that is true most times because we tend to mirror who we're around. Life will give you what you're willing to settle for. And that is nothing but the truth. If your friends don't expect much from themselves and from you, you won't do much. So if your friends aren't striving to do much in their lives and they're not holding you accountable to be better, nothing much is going to come of it. That's what I heard. And such, surrounding yourself with unhealed friendships can be emotionally draining and prevent personal growth. So whatever capacity you have, they're draining it because of them being unhealthy. And since you're being drained, which typically means you're losing and not replenishing, how can you then grow? Unresolved complex can lead to ongoing negativity, difficulty in forming new relationships, and hinder your ability to move forward. So this is more of the aspect of the click, I believe, because it says difficulty in forming new relationships. So if somebody does not already come in and understand or closely identify with where you are in you all's group, which we are deeming to be uh codependent and unhealthy, then you tend to not let them inside of your group, hence a click. Now, with not having a different aspect or perspective or different voice or different way of seeing things, that makes it nearly impossible to move forward, which means you can't grow because your your aspect and your view are always the same. And you're surrounded by the people who you all see life through the same lens, however distorted or however bright it is, you see it all the same way. And which means going back earlier when it says codependency. Codependency typically most times is tied to drugs or some type of alcohol in lieu of an addiction. So it means you depend on it, you need it to function in any capacity. Now, the way this looks on the other side, now, if you're in a healthy, thriving friendship with people, that same word gets replaced with support because those people don't depend on you, they support you, and you support them. The reciprocity of support and growth is there. So there's no codependency in positive, thriving relate friendships and relationships. But we're sinking the friendships with this. So codependency switches off to support as you gander into getting more positive relationships with people, then you'll notice and hopefully you can accept and understand what support looks like. Some people have never seen a truly supportive network to be able to embrace, understand, and enjoy it. A lot of times it comes with skepticism because of the codependency. Part of the codependency and manipulation is if somebody does something for you, you believe they want something back. You genuinely don't believe that somebody will just support you with no strings attached, and that simply isn't true. That's just the optics that you've been muddled in most of your life. This is why it's so important for you to step out and to really assess yourself and who you're around. Get some more information outside of your normal ways of getting information. Go to some workshops, do some reading, get some different books, and use a different source to give you this information. Don't speak to the same people you're around because they're only going to give you things to support where you are or where you're not. It's crucial to recognize these patterns and prioritize your well-being by either repairing or letting go of such friendships. That's what I was just talking about. You know, being alone is a very scary thing and a very scarce thing for a lot of people. You absolutely need to take some time and not be afraid of being alone. Especially if you have to step back, reconsider, reevaluate the people that are around you. And this includes family. I'm not just going to make this about friends because family are friends as well. You need to step back, you need to disassociate and really get a neutral perspective and step back front of where you can look at your surroundings, look at your people, look at their intent, look at how they affect you. Do they inspire you? Do they harm you? You know, I had a conversation with a friend of mine some years ago, and we're very upset that a long-term friend of theirs, I think it was like 14 years, they got into a disagreement. And the person said, I can't believe that this person betrayed me like that. And I looked and I simply said, I said, Well, you know, and of course they tied it to, you know, we've been friends for 14 years. And I looked at them and I said, Well, what if you made all this means is you made a mistake 14 years ago. People use loyalty as a means to friendship, and that's just not true. Loyalty, it it doesn't lend to friendship when you made the wrong decision because toleration and friendship looks the same. It looks the exact same. A person can tolerate you just as long as they can be your friend. It only comes to a boiling point when they're tolerating you, and now you have no choice but to accept they weren't your friend. So I simply said, what if you made a mistake 14 years ago? And the look on their face was completely blank, like it's foreign. And I was like, you know, that is absolutely possible. People surround themselves, and you know, over the years, you know, we'll make uh conditions for them. You know, you may have a uh let's say you meet a new friend, you get a new job, meet a new friend, and this friend comes around and says, you know, your friend is kind of abrasive, you know, you know, they're kind of rude and abrasive with their words, not very thoughtful with, you know, how they say things. You'll be the meeting and say, Oh, that's just how they are, they're harmless. So now you've acknowledged that you already knew that what your new friend or you know, new friend or new coworker just said to you is true. But you have made concessions all these years with this person and they're around you. You've made concessions. So if somebody just told you what you knew to be true and you have been sticking up for them all of these years, where's your correction as a friend? How did you did you step in as a friend to correct them? Are they correct the bold? Did they listen to you? Did they honor your feelings? Did they even consider how they made you feel in certain situations? Because that's what friends do. When you make sweeping statements like, oh, that's just how they are, you know, they've always been like that. You're accepting somebody's toxicity in your space at the cost of saying they're your friend. But are they really? Will friends embarrass you? Will friends give you bad information? Will friends constantly bend your ear about the dysfunction of their life? Is that really a friend? I I can't say it is or it isn't. I'm just simply asking the question. That's not for me to say that's for you, because the homework is on the person that's listening, the listener. This is your homework. Look around you. And another thing that I hear a lot, and I agree with it, I don't think we hear it enough. If you are the smartest person in your circle, you're in the wrong circle. You're in the wrong circle. We're gonna try to figure this out, and when I come back, we'll get some more information in. And I want you all to process what I just said. Let it sink in, and we'll be right back, friends. All right, well, on this new you know, in this new realm of remove the crowd, I have put a part in here that's I call biblical, where I try to find some scripture, some of God's wisdom on what I'm speaking on in that episode, and hopefully give you a little bit of guidance from the spiritual side. And for this one, I found Proverbs. Proverbs 22, 24, and 25. Proverbs 22, 24, and 25. And I found this to be kind of cool. I'm sorry, it's in the new international versions, but NIV, new international version. I found this to be kind of cool because it's kind of descriptive of what I'm talking about. And Proverbs is actually my favorite book. So this says, 24, advises, advises against befriending or associating with people who are prone to anger, as doing so could lead to learning their harmful behaviors and ultimately trapping oneself in a dangerous situation. I'm gonna read that again. Advises against befriending or associating with people who are prone to anger, as doing so could lead to learning their harmful behaviors and ultimately trapping oneself in a dangerous situation. This is Proverbs 22, 24, 25, NIV. Now it goes on to explain, it says the proverb highlights the importance of carefully choosing one's companions and avoiding those who exhibit destructive patterns of behavior. The proverb encourages a deliberate approach to choosing companions, highlighting the need to prioritize positive influence and avoid those who exhibit harmful traits. Encourages a deliberate approach to choosing companions, highlighting the need to prioritize positive influences and avoid those who exhibit harmful traits. I think that's very self-explanatory. And I spoke about a little bit on you know before the break in. Basically, what it's saying is, and I agree, we all as people, we need really need to take a look at who is around us. And I'm talking about from a friend standpoint, from a family standpoint, from a job standpoint, from a relationship standpoint, because there's another another side to this. You know, sometimes you attract a certain kind of person based on the what you're putting out. So, how can you ever look at yourself to attract a different person if you never take inventory of who you're attracting? You you have to take inventory to see who you surround yourself with and why you keep attracting the same kind of people. How do I get into a different realm of people? Am I ready? What can I do? Or, you know, if you're satisfied or you feel like you're getting all you need from your from all of your networks, then hey, you could turn this podcast off. You know what I mean? But I think the goal is to constantly have yourself around the right people because they're gonna change from setting to setting. The people, specifically who you hang around in church, is gonna differ from who you're gonna hang around at work, which is different with who you're gonna invite to your home. But the the the cohesiveness of how all of them think should closely align with one another. You're not gonna have drama in the church, but have complete utter upward thinking at work. That that that doesn't jive. Or it's like you're playing both hands against the middle. You know, you you want to be able, you want to be a magnet of of positivity. And a lot of people don't know how. And and it's not anybody's fault, I'm gonna say, per se, you don't know, because a lot of us didn't have examples. You know what I mean? We we just didn't. We didn't have examples of how to uh how to show up. You know, a lot of a lot, one of the one of the uh biggest misnomers in the African-American community that I've seen in my personal life over my years is the perception that buying something or wearing something on money gives you class or gives you the right to be uh in a different social setting. And it simply isn't true. I've said this so many times. Um, social settings have everything to do with how you carry yourself, who you know. And and I mean authentically, no. I don't mean name-dropping, I don't mean clout chasing, I mean somebody that genuinely can vouch you and say, hey, this is a good person. And because good people introduce other good people to other good people, and that's how you build a network. Just like, you know, uh uh negative people attract negative people. You know what I mean? It's the same thing. You just use the same energy, but you want to turn a different way. Um, if you I'll tell you what, this is how it looks. So you have uh uh, you may have a guy that works at the post office, and he's been in the post office all this time, and his son gets of age, the first thing he's gonna do is try to get his son into the post office. That's what he's gonna do. He's gonna say, hey, how can I get my son into the post office? Because that's what I'm supposed to do. I'm supposed to make sure that he has a leg up that he can make it. And that's possibly a positive thing for the father to be able to do that for his son. Now, that doesn't mean the son is going to step through that door, but the father has spent his time putting himself in a position where he can now go back and talk to someone and say, hey, is there a way you can look out for my son so that he can provide for himself as he gets into his own life? On the flip side, you have someone who constantly switches jobs because they're always caught up in some mess when they're at the job. They always want to call out, they want to gossip, they hang around in clicks, and all they do is talk about themselves, go off to work and have drinks the same five or six people for the, you know, they just, it's just a mockery of foolishness. And they never look out for anybody but themselves. Or, you know, they'll say, Well, you know, I bring my partner into my girlfriend in because they're cool. And they're cool because they hang out with you at home and you know they think the same way you do. That's why you want them to come in to have your toxicity or your foolishness grow one more. That's the same concept, it's just going different ways on the spectrum of life. So the father that wants to look out for his son is trying to give him a chance on the upside versus the negative coworkers who just want to muddle in what they do and going nowhere. The action's the same, it's just not done on the same side of the spectrum. So you want to be cognizant of how to get your circle, your thoughts, your presence, and your attraction on the upside of friends, on the upside of society. And it's not easy. You know, it's and some people, you know what? To be completely fair, because the world is made up of all people, some people just choose not to do it. And you have to accept the fact if that's something that you want to do and they don't, everybody's not gonna go with you. One thing you're gonna see the most, you know, people struggle with, uh, people struggle with weight loss and things like this and you know, body imaging. I'm gonna tell you the fastest way to lose weight is to choose to do something positive with your life when you have negative people around you. Watch how much weight you lose when you think differently and they realize you're no longer rocking with them. That's the most weight you're ever gonna lose in the fastest amount of time. That's just a fact. Um, but Proverbs says it. 22, Proverbs 22, 24, 25, NIV, it it gives you stern, and and Proverbs is just a book of wisdom. It gives you a stern, stern warning, and also gives you clear verbiage of to what do and what not do when it comes to aligning yourself with people. Friends.

SPEAKER_01 20:18

Instead of checking to see if you all share the same type of trauma, have the same type of mom and daddy issues, like the same type of drink, share the same interest when it comes to music, or like to do the same things, why don't you check to make sure that the person is safe and stable? Mm-hmm. See, I like to check for nervous system compatibility. I want to know exactly how do you regulate your emotions whenever you are under distress, whenever you are in an emotional crisis, exactly what it is that you do. Why? Because if not, I'm either gonna mirror or manage. I'm either going to mirror your emotional state or I'm gonna try to manage your emotional state. So that's gonna end up looking like me becoming hyper-vigilant, anxious, angry, or me being reactive. Me people pleasing, trying to fix you, trying to manage your emotional state, overfunctioning. It's the reason why some of you all stay so dysregulated because of the people that you are around. Are they safe? Are they stable? Emotionally volatile people are typically not safe or stable.

SPEAKER_00 21:03

Friendships, friendships, man, this is this is what we're talking about. Now I'm gonna take a pivot because I spoke on this earlier about uh the the workplace. So I'm gonna use this segment to speak about the workplace a little bit because that's important. A lot of people spend a lot of time there. And I found some information I want to share with you. And it says dealing with a toxic coworker who you also believe is your friend can be challenging. These situations often involve navigating a complex web of workplace dynamics, personal relationships, and potential emotional manipulation. Workplace dynamics, personal relationships, and potential emotional manipulation. To navigate these waters, it's important to separate the quote unquote friend from From the quote unquote toxic behavior, prioritize your well-being and establish healthy boundaries. You may need to consider a transfer to a different department or even a different company. By taking these steps, you can protect your well-being and professional reputation while dealing with a toxic coworker who pretends to be your friend. You know, a lot. And I know they exist. And I think it's far too many of them. And maybe it's because of the type of work I was doing at some point, but that doesn't excuse uh the toxicity in the workplace. To say that a pay grade or a certain type of person promotes toxicity in the workplace isn't fair. But from what I've seen, I can agree, but it doesn't make it fair. But from what I've seen, I agree. Um these environments are perpetuated and they are fertilized by broken people. And these people typically are miserable about something. And they may not all be miserable about the same thing, but they cohabitate in misery, creating this work, this toxic work environment that they all feed. It's almost like a trough where they all come to feed on negative pellets and it's on them. You know, it's it's just negative, and all they do is complain and infester one another's toxicity, and they feed it and it grows. You know, and I don't know how many of y'all may have seen The Green Mile. But when John Coffey went to the warden's house, and when he took the cancer out of his wife, that look on her face, the way she got younger, that's how it looks when you're negative. You can see the anger, you can see the age, you can see the weight on somebody's face. They're always frowning, they're never smiling, they always got these little uh fake sighs or fake laughs, and there's just very little genuine about them because they just genuinely aren't happy. They can't fake something that they really don't feel, they don't know how to feel, they don't care to feel it, they don't think it exists, and it's just a sad, sad thing to see. And it's even sadder to be a part of it. I've had the um I've had the pleasure of growing and being able to speak to some about just seeing things a little differently. And again, I'm not there to try to, you know, turn the tide or be Noah or be Moses or be Jesus. I'm simply saying, because myself, at one point I was probably negative. I was accused of that. So I don't want to come off as a as a you know a a do-gooder. I just want to simply offer you one step at a time, you know? For someone that's been their way most of their lives or for a uh you know length of time, there's a reason that they're their way. So I respect that. You know, something hurt them or something made them feel the way they feel. So that that demands respect. So I just, you know, offer them one thing at a time, and if they come back off from something else, it's hard, man. It's you learn a lot about people being empathetic and understanding them instead of just sitting back saying, why are you this way? Some of them may never open up to you, some of them are gonna cuss you out. But you have a few that may genuinely listen to you. And believe me, in that moment, they won't do it because they don't know how to be receptive. But it doesn't mean they didn't take it with them. And sometimes they'll come back and say, Hey, you know, I thought of what you said, man. It kind of made sense. And just offering somebody a piece of advice without judgment, without any expectations, sometimes that goes a long way. It does. I'm not saying give up on anybody, but for me, just for me, if there's a group of five, I normally try to find the one I think will be the most receptive. And I'll drop the seed with that person. You know what I mean? I'll just drop the seed with that person, and and that's just it. You know, just being a steward of God's word and a steward of, look, I understand where you're at because I was there. So who am I to say you can't grow or you are hopeless? I can't say that. Because if somebody thought that about me, where would I be now? You know, it and you know, I hear a lot where people say you have to accept who people are. And I just don't believe that because if people accepted who I was, then how can I ever be who I am? I I just to breed and fester in people that there's no hope and there's no point of growth or evolution in anybody, I just don't believe in that. I don't believe in saying that's who they are, believe them. To a certain extent, yes. But to the point of giving up on them completely without actually knowing for yourself, I don't believe that. Because if somebody would have given up on me, where would I be now? So I I can't, I can't sign off on that moving forward because God's grace has been too good for me to grow. And yes, you have to want it. I absolutely agree. You have to want it, and it's a lonely thing, and you but all anybody ever wants is a chance. And you have to, you don't have to. If you just give them an inkling of trying to look for a chance, that's all you can do. But to say there's no hope and you haven't checked for yourself, that's not fair. Now, I believe me, there are a lot of people that are heavily entrenched in the foolishness and and they're almost at hopeless, or maybe they just don't understand what I'm saying or how I say it. And that's fine. You know what I mean? You some people respond to you, other people, other people won't. You can have somebody say the exact same thing I said, but they'll receive it. And it's okay. That just means that they're not for you. Everybody's not going to respond to what you say, how you say it, because you all just don't vibe the same. And it's okay. Somebody, somebody will listen or somebody will vibe with you. You don't stop helping or believing in people because one person or two people didn't get your message or didn't understand how you felt or what you were trying to help them with. Don't stop. You just simply keep going and understand, hey, that's how you feel. And I apologize if I offended you and move on. That's it. That's all you have to do. So the whole toxic working environment, um, it's it's a very um, it's a heavy load for a lot of people, you know. And I don't think some people understand that a part that are heavily entrenched in the toxic work environment, they actually look forward to going to work to be toxic. That's the sad part. They say, How was your week? You know, it was boring. Why? I ain't had nothing to get into. Oh, you know how to read a book about how to be better? You know how to read a book about, man, my coworkers constantly talking about, you know, cheating on somebody, or or they're constantly arguing with about their fifth boyfriend or about their baby daddy. It's it's always something negative about what somebody else did, but it's never any self-reflection about the choices they made. Never saw that, huh? You know, it's it's debilitating emotionally. And again, going back to Proverbs, you need to prioritize positive influences and avoid those who exhibit harmful traits, friends. Alright, folks, got a couple more of them. We're gonna be out of here. This is not gonna be a long one at all. Uh, it's pretty cut forward, it's right to right to it, cut right through the chase. So here's another exhibit that I found. I'm gonna share this with you. It states, friendships, while valuable, differ from these, they differ from different forms of bonds in several ways. So the bonds make them different. They differ by the bond in several ways. They are typically characterized by mutual respect, trust, and understanding, and they often involve shared values and experiences, often involve shared values and experiences. Friendships are also more likely to be based on genuine connection and emotional support rather than manipulation or shared goals. That's toleration and friendship. As in many friendships, the development of bonds of friendship is also characterized by reciprocity and exchange. That means a mutual respect, and you don't mind and you don't keep score of who does what, how many times. It's just a natural maturation of friendship. A toxic friendship is a relationship that constantly impacts your emotional and psychological well-being negatively. Let me say that again. A toxic friendship is a relationship that constantly impacts your emotional and psychological well-being negatively. It's characterized by behaviors that erode trust, respect, and support, often leaving you feeling drained, unsupported, and unhappy. Now, this snippet actually just gives you the differences of a friendship versus a toxic friendship. I'm gonna speak of genuine connection and emotional support. Remember, I said earlier about codependency and support. Now, this part comes back and says support rather than manipulation. So there's that word support. Support is very vital to a friendship's existence. Because as you grow, they're gonna be uncomfortable things, there are gonna be some situations that make you uncomfortable, and the reciprocity part is understand that the both of you are there to exchange support. You, and it's not codependent where you lean on them. Every time something happens, let me call and lean on them because I can't do this myself. It's more or less like, hey, I need your suggestion on something. I don't necessarily need things tangible from you. I simply don't run something by you to see your aspect of it because perhaps I'm seeing it wrong. It's not, hey, you got $50 to get me over. That's not what that is. And that doesn't mean that you can't have a financial reciprocity between friends. I'm not saying that. I'm simply saying that what a friend supports, it's not always about something tangible. It's not let me use your car, I can have some money. It's not that sometimes you respect them enough that you simply want to see how they see the same situation so that you can have a better understanding of how to approach it. That's what friends do as well. That's advice, solid advice. So you know who to call and not call because you understand your friends. You know, prayerfully, you understand who's more emotional, who's more logical, and you have to understand which, you know, what outlook you're looking for in the situation, you know who to call. You know, hey, I can call such and such. Or if they don't have the answer, no, somebody they can call, or somebody I may have introduced me to. We're not friends, but they know who I am. That's part of networking on the positive side of being friends. On the negative side, it's meet me at the bar, I got something to tell you, girl, or meet me, you know, hey, homie, uh, let's link up, man. I gotta talk to you about something, man. It's brah blah blah, you know. Again, the actions are the same, but they're on two different sides of the spectrum. So you already know how to do it on the downside of the spectrum. You just have to understand how to authenticate and how to use the same sentiment in the positive light on the other side with the right people. That's the hardest thing. The natural part of humans, it appears the natural behavior of humans, is to do it. It's just the understanding of how to do it on the other side of the spectrum. It seems to be the struggle. Because building the positive friendships, building the positive connections, building a network is the work. You meet these people at school, you meet these people at job fairs, you meet these people at networking events. If you don't go to any of these things, then how are you going to know them? A lot of friendships on the downside are built social media at the club, at a cookout, at some function. And I'm not saying they're full of you know negative influences, but a lot of aspiring people do the same things on a different scale. And sometimes, unfortunately, they monitor who's around them, so you have to have a ticket. And they may, you know, do it in secrecy or, you know, one thing they like to do for sure is to price you out. They love to price you out to ensure that a certain level of people are going to be there. That isn't fair, I agree. But in the same token, I myself have been places where I'm tired of seeing someone who, because they could afford to be there, they're messing the experience up because they don't understand the status quo of how you matriculate in this space. It's so much more than paying for the ticket and showing up. That comes with social events. So much more to it. Because you can buy a ticket doesn't mean you can afford it. And that's just a social economical thought. That's not mine. That's a fact. And a lot of people don't like when I say it. Oh well, it's a fact. This is a fact. Buying something does not mean you can afford it. That's exactly what that means. And I'm I'm ten toes on that. That's just what it is, and I've seen it time and time again, and I really would love to see more people in general, more people understand how to function at a higher level in society. I would love it, but it's not easy, and this is why I'm putting this out here to put your notice. Hey, I understand and let's let's try to put our heads together and figure out, even the people that, you know, let's put our heads together and figure out how to create these conundrums of enjoyment where we can have people come together and we can do our own thing, you know, where I'm not gonna say you have to worry about violence, but I'm simply saying that we should be able to come together and have a good time of authentic people with minimizing the impostors. Because again, when you put a price on something, you have people who want to fraudulently be a part of it because they want to appear to be something that they're not yet. I'm not gonna say they aren't. They're just not there yet. Now, some people are gonna say, well, how do you expect them to get there if they've never around the people? Well, again, that's time by yourself. That's something you do on your time. You don't show up at somebody else's event and then possibly creating a situation where people are uncomfortable. This is why I'm saying that there's certain things you have to do on your own. There's certain things you have to. You you have to do it on your own, and it's it's a very long and lonely task, but it has to be done. Often left feeling drained, unsupported, and unhappy. Toxicity within a friendship. This is just a constant reminder of the two different worlds, and all this really is is trying to identify the people who want more or who want a different aspect of life to simply find better people to be around. It's that simple. I'm gonna get to this last one, and we're gonna get out of here. I really, really appreciate you guys tuning in to remove the crowd. And this friendship thing isn't really that difficult. Like I said before, it's really straight, straight to it. It's not a lot. It's either you want it or you don't, but I appreciate some of the verbiage that I've found and definitely the Bible, where it's giving you it's giving you some insight on how to and what not to, and you have to simply listen and find a way to move within both. You have to find a way not to and find a way how to. And that simply is that's the template of gaining friends, more positive places to be around. It's it's really is that simple. And I'm gonna hit this last one and we're gone. Friends. All right, so we're gonna work on this last one. I'm gonna go take long on this one at all. This is in closing, and again, thank you again for tuning in to the third episode of Remove the Crowd. So, in closing, this simply says, friends, stop your elevation. Now, that suggests that someone's friends may be actively trying to hinder their growth or success. Now, if this is so, this could be due to jealousy, insecurity, or a desire to maintain a status quo within the friendship group. That means the all groups, I shouldn't say all, a lot of groups of friends, there are people who have roles within that group. So if you are at a point where you have the ability to outshine someone and take their place, this is where they're saying they have a desire to maintain the status quo. They want to keep you where you are because they're comfortable with their space, they want to be seen in the light they're in, they don't want to share it with nobody. In that, it implies that the person's friends are not supporting or celebrating their achievements. So that means as you attempt to slowly but surely outgrow them, they want to hinder your growth. They don't want you, they're jealous of your growth. You will make them insecure by your accomplishments that they can't get or won't get, or they just simply want to leave it like it is. They want you to stay beneath them because that's where they think you're comfortable. They want to keep their thumb on you. There's a few things in that that I want to talk about. One of the main things I'm gonna talk about in this is the fear of change. The fear of change is if the person's elevation leads to changes in their relationship dynamics, some friends may resist these changes and try to keep things as they are. That means if you have the nerve to want to be better within our group, I simply can't allow that. Because I'm comfortable with you being in my shadow. I'm afraid of your trajectory, I'm afraid of your greatness within this group. So let me try everything I can to stifle your growth. Let me do everything I can to overshadow your success. Maybe I can say something to attack you personally to discredit everything you're doing to be better because I need you under my thumb. That's the toxicity of your quote unquote friends. The last thing I want to talk about is, and I spoke of this just briefly, maintaining the status quo. Some friends, quote unquote, might feel threatened by the individual's growing success and attempt to keep them from moving forward, potentially through manipulation or negativity. Again, this is the action they want to keep you wherever you are within the quote unquote friendship circle because that's where they want you. Now, believe me, you're getting to some success or getting something done, they already knew you had it within you. But they were predicated on you staying where you were and being comfortable. How dare you talk to somebody else and pour into you and have you go do something that makes you elevate above the group of people that are your friends, that you drink with, that you tell all of your disgusting failures with, and they tell you the same thing, and all of you all share this bond. How dare you talk to somebody and be better? They're gonna find a way to keep you down. They're gonna find a way to keep you down. And this is why I said being alone is paramount to finding your value and what you need to grow. Until you understand to how to authenticate people and who's around you, that means nobody needs to be around you. You really need to push, just get rid of everything and everybody. Now, to be fair, you know what you don't want around you. That's the simplest thing. Even if you don't know how or who or you know where to look for this new, you know, platform person, that's gonna take some time. But in the meantime, you know who you don't, who you don't want around you. And this is where a lot of people fail because they they don't want to be by themselves. Here we go again with people who say, well, I was in the house bored, so I just hung out with her. You know, I was bored, so I just hung out with him. Then you're telling me because you didn't like yourself, you lowered your standard to be around somebody who potentially was going to completely be toxic to you. That alone thing is huge. It is huge. That's why I keep talking about it. It's a real thing. I was in the house bored, so I had to go do something. Or they called me, you know, they rope you back in. Oh, I miss you. The disingenuous, I miss you, and come on go to this cookout. When the fact of the matter is, everybody's mad at them for being so toxic, they want to get you and hide behind, I miss you, and come on go with me to this cookout. Or, you know, come over to my house, meet this cookout, so everybody at the house don't know that everybody else fell out with them. They show up with you. And this is what you do, you constantly interchange toxic environments. So all of them don't know of the fallouts within the toxicity of the core of the people. It's it's exhausting and it's crazy. I don't have anything else with this. You know, it I've I've given this all I got, and I really, really appreciate your time and allowing me to try to unpack this whole concept of friends with you. The concept of friends and the genuineness of a friend is so far removed from what we think we know. I offer and I beg of you to spend some time to really figure out, investigate, and enjoy what making new friends feels like. Qualify what a friend is and don't be afraid to make any new friends. It offers you a new fresh perspective. It offers you new places to go, new ways to think, new hobbies to enjoy. I ask all of you to consider getting a new friend. Until the next time, where I'm going to sit here and attempt to move, remove whatever's going on in this world over our culture. I really, really appreciate you guys stopping in, and I want you to come back and join me again for the next installment of Remove the Crowd.