Turning a New Leaf Over: Surviving Abuse, Suicide, And Silence

Today, I sit down with Shirley Buck, a trauma survivor, author, and mindset coach whose life story is nothing short of jaw-dropping. Ms. Buck shares how she grew up as the child of two deaf parents, interpreting their divorce at just five years old, surviving an attempted murder-suicide by her mother, and later enduring years of abuse, addiction, and homelessness. Her early life was chaos, but her journey proves that pain can become purpose with the right mindset.

We dive deep into the power of mindset transformation and the pivotal moment Ms. Buck experienced at a baseball game when she asked God for a sign—and received a full rainbow on a sunny day. She shares how this moment affirmed her faith and sent her on a decades-long study of mental resilience, self-love, and positivity. We talk about her refusal to pursue traditional therapy and her decision to heal by learning, reading, and realigning herself spiritually.

Ms. Buck now teaches a 90-day mindset transformation course and helps others rewrite their internal narratives. We discuss the importance of gratitude, positive self-talk, and refusing to dwell in trauma. She shares how her book, Sweet Freedom Whispered in My Ear, tells her life story and offers mindset strategies at the end of each chapter. 

https://www.shirleybuck.com/

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*Couple O' Nukes LLC and Mr. Whiskey are not licensed medical entities, nor do they take responsibility for any advice or information put forth by guests. Take all advice at your own risk.

Transcript

  Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another episode of Couple of Nukes. As always, I'm your host, Mr. Whiskey, and today is going to be some life advice, hopefully some comedy. We always like to have a few laughs here and there, but And we got a beautiful smile on camera. So hopefully we'll have some laughs, but yeah, I'm here with Ms.

Shirley Buck for some life advice. She has her book, but not only her book, her story, her life. And she's going to share with us a little bit of that. You know, if you want the full story that's in her book, and we're gonna have that in the links in the description below, but she's going to give us a little bit about it to connect with y'all.

So, you know, most of my listeners are military and first responders and they've. It's funny, you know, people think the military traumatizes you and that's true, but most military members come in already messed up. You know, I, most of the people I served with, I mean, the family drama and a lot of them and not all of them.

Of course, you got your patriotic, hearty American heroes and stuff. There's a lot of them who ran away from home, you know, they had parents they want to escape or because of the family drama and the childhood trauma, they just weren't prepared for life and they fell back on it.  And then you have people, of course, I had  people who joined for other reasons, like I had a buddy, he's like, I joined so the Navy would pay for me to have a strip club, you know, they're going to be my funding.

So you have some, you have American heroes, you have, you know, traumatized kids.  And then you have, et cetera, you know, at a guy who wanted to open a restaurant where he just had a weed in all the food. He wanted to make like this edible restaurant and him and his strip club guy, we're going to work together to make it a dual business venture.

But yeah, Ms. Shirley, glad to have you here. And it's kind of fitting.  Yeah. Shirley Temple is, is red and you know, you got the, the red leaf and the, the ginger hair. And so it's all, it all kind of ties together. But with that said, Redleaf, you know, you got your book. So tell us a little bit about that as well as, um, whatever parts of your story you want to share. 

Well, um, first of all, I want to say thank you for having me and thank you. Uh, you know, the listeners, the, uh, military and the first responders for all that you do. Um,  it's interesting that you said, you know, some people  join the military because they're getting away from trauma and, um, I never really thought about that, but yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

Once you said that something clicked and I was like, yeah, that does make sense.  Um, I grew up, I was born to deaf parents and, um, that in itself,  you know, um, puts a lot of responsibility on a kid.  Yeah, I interpreted their divorce at five years old, you know, and a bit about my background my mother committed suicide when I was 13, and she had become a abusive alcoholic when I was eight and it kind of led to you know, just  her not being able to cope anymore and and then she tried to take my life as well and  I survived obviously and and um  I moved in with my dad who was remarried to someone else.

She didn't want me to eat there, wash my clothes there. So needless to say, I ended up on the streets with the wrong crowd. I took a job from a man that molested me for two years, trusted a man that said he loved me and wanted to take me away from all of it and, you know, I was pregnant at 15, um,  went through a lot.

I mean, that's like the shortened version, uh, years of, you know, Severe trauma and abuse.  My story, my book will tell you the whole story, but it led to drug addictions, eating disorders,  uh, depression, anxiety,  a lot of things that I, you know, I was pretty much turning to drugs and alcohol for an escape, you know, and I was partying with my friends.

So it was like, Oh, that's cool. It's fun. And I was kind of ignoring all the things that, you know, were really happening beneath the surface. Yeah, so when I was about 23, I was engaged to a great guy and um,  I felt safe for the first time like it was a responsible guy a good guy someone I could trust and Um,  I broke down.

I had a complete nervous breakdown I thought I was going to be institutionalized. I did not think I would make it. I didn't think I would Live  I didn't even think I would want to live like it was the scariest thing in my life And I think once I was safe, I felt safe  like everything  Okay to the surface and and reared its head at me, and I  I don't know I I just broke down I stopped going to work.

I wouldn't leave the house. You know, I just had a really really bad experience  Um, to be honest with you, like,  um, he ended up my husband, so my, my ex husband, he  went and got my niece and my nephew, and he knew that if they were there, I would pull myself together long enough to do, you know, to be present for them.

So he was like, let's go to a white socks game. And  I'm a Cubs fan by the way, but I, uh, I said, yeah, okay, we'll, we'll, we'll go. Oh, and  And I was, had like my own personal talk with God because I was like, well, if you're there, I,  I'm, I need to see a rainbow. I need to, it's a sunny day. There was no rain. I was like, I need to see a rainbow because I can't go on anymore.

I cannot go on anymore. So we went to the game, little sprinkles started out of nowhere. There was this huge full blown rainbow over the stadium and  yeah. And, and it was, uh,  it was mind blowing, you know, even the, the announcers were like, check out this rainbow, like it was on the TV, you know, it was just like this big rainbow and I, I looked at my ex husband who's Stan in the book. 

And, um, his name really isn't Stan. I have to change names, but I had, I looked at him and I said, that's my rainbow. That rainbow is for me. He's like, what are you talking about? So I explained it, but I knew then  that  I had a purpose and I had to do something and I was not going to do traditional therapy or meds.

Not that it's wrong for everybody. It wasn't right for me because I felt like.  I didn't want to go talk to someone who I felt was like super educated, probably never even experienced close to what I experienced and I didn't want to do that.  Um, and later on, I kind of after talking to a lot of people who did go through therapy,  they tend to focus on the problem, you know, and.

The whys, the hows, the what happened. Yeah. And they focus on the problems so much and then they give you your meds to feel better. And, and, like I said, it's not, I'm not knocking it for everybody. I'm just saying. You want to focus on the recovery part. You felt like they focused too much on the issue, not here's what we're going to do. 

Right. Right. And, um, so I just started delving into  self help books. Yeah. And.  The first one I started with I can't even remember the author, but it was the feel good handbook and I really should look up the author because I always tell everybody. I don't know who the author is,  but he,  he's like this clean cut looking guy with this huge smile.

And I don't know, I just picked up the book and it started teaching me. About  mental illness and, um, what, you know, what we would see as irrational fears people had, like people won't leave the house cause they think they're going to be framed for murder and go to prison forever, people will drive two blocks, three blocks and keep checking the grill of their car.

Cause they're afraid they hit someone. There's a lot of different fears out there that maybe. Some of us are not aware of  and I started realizing like oh This is like a lot of people are struggling. A lot of people are going through Something and I didn't I I mean, I didn't want to leave the house and stuff, but I wasn't  fear It was just that I it was fear, but not those kind of fears It was yeah fear that I was gonna go crazy and there was a line in the book that said here Just go ahead and try to go crazy right now at this moment and see if it works You  That was kind of like a aha moment. 

Wait a minute. Okay. Maybe I'm not going to go crazy, you know? So anyway, it just led to me studying.  I, I now about 30 years of studying mindset and mindset transformation and how changing your mindset literally changes your life. And I can give you a lot of examples, but, um, and it led to like  manifestations and the laws of attraction, which doesn't eliminate God.

It just,  God is still source and still who, you know, connected to your inner being. It just kind of takes the organized religion out of it. The, the fear, the guilt, the you're unworthy and you're lucky that God is even considering you, you know?  So, um, yeah, so that, that was. 

Something that helped me heal, overcome, create a life that is successful. And, um, have a loving family. And even my ex husband who I talked about, even though we divorced when my kids were two and four, we're still great friends. We went on a family vacation with our adult kids together just, just last month.

And, uh,  so it's.  It's all by changing my mindset and you know, faith  has a part because you know, if you don't believe something, it's not going to happen. That's even stated in the Bible. Like you have to ask believing. So it, and I, and so that's what I do now. I treat, I teach people how I have a 90 day course that teaches people how to transform their mindset,  you know, instead of focusing on the issue.

Although, you know, my coaching sessions  once a week, If they want to talk about the issues I do, but I, I kind of steer them away and talk about, you know, maybe the strengths they got from it or, you know, the lessons there's a lot of things they, you know, and, and what things we can take ownership for, because there's a lot of things that we are still allowing to happen even when they're not happening to us, or we're letting people treat us a certain way and we're saying they're jerks cause they do this, they do that.

They treat me like this. Yeah.  Well, no one can treat you any way, when you're an adult, not a child, when you're an adult, you know, any way that you don't want to be treated. So taking ownership  is super important.  So, um, that's basically my, my quick version of my story. Right. What I do.  Yeah, and there's, there's a lot of touch upon here.

What I think is interesting is,  this always happens to me, where like, if I read a Bible quote or someone brings it up to me, Throughout that week, other people happened to say that same quote to me and reinforce it. So, last night I was with Johnny T. He runs the Refuge Freedom Stories podcast. And by the time this episode comes out, my episode with him will have been out.

And, you know, his podcast is about real lives changed by the power of God. And at Bible study last night, he said, we focused on this quote, which you almost said it, you almost said it verbatim, you said, without belief, you know, blah, blah. There's a quote that said, without faith, it is impossible to please God, you know, and you have to believe in something.

And it's interesting, because I've talked with other guests, both religious and non religious, who said if, you know,  What happens when you don't believe in anything when you just believe in yourself, you're just living to live, you know But  I just think it's interesting that you reinforce that quote there, but you know That's that's alignment.

That's what alignment is. Yeah. Yeah, it's everything always lines over Yeah on that same path and same mindset So you know and I have to ask were you because you reached out to God? Was that just Out of desperation because of your situation or were you religious at all growing up or before then? Well, my father would take me to church.

Uh, my father wasn't an abusive bad man. He just wasn't father. I took care of him. He didn't take care of me. And, and when he was remarried, he was happy to have me out of the house. Like I left for a summer. He never came and looked for me. So, but he wasn't a bad guy, you know, he would, he would go to church every Sunday and he was actually minister for the deaf. 

Community. So there was a time when I was 10 years. Yeah. When I was 10 years old, he was driving me back home to my mom's house. And he said, do you know that if we've gotten an accident today and you died, you'd go to hell.  And I was like, what? And he's like, yeah, because you're not baptized. So you, you're going to go to hell if we die, you know?

So next Sunday, I'm going to take you to church and you're going to get baptized.  Okay. So  he could have just said that last part,  he could have just said, I'm going to get you baptized. He had to put the fear of God in you to do it. It's not like you were going to say, no, I don't want to do this. Right.

Right. But  that whole week I thought about that. And I thought about, would God really do that to me?  Then I started to think, if he would,  that doesn't really seem like God to me. That doesn't seem like the loving God that I think,  that I talk to, you know, that I, when I'm terrified because my mother's gone for days or hitting me or whatever,  I, I can't see him saying, you know, creating me to go through all this trauma to say, well, you weren't baptized. 

There you go. Yeah. In the flames for eternity. Like, what? That just really, it really made me think.  So when the minister was like, do you believe Jesus Christ is your savior? And I said,  yeah, but I, I don't know that I believe that if I wasn't baptized, I would go to hell. And, and here we're talking in front of the whole congregation and it's like, well, yes, it says in the Bible that if you're not, and I said, well, I think that's kind of a metaphor.

Or I think that like, maybe it just means that we have to renew our lives. You know, become new in God, but I don't think that, like, I think the water is maybe a symbol of that, but I don't think that God, you know, and so I started this and he did not want to have this conversation in front of the congregation, especially with a 10 year old.

So he was like, right.  Well, let's just do the baptism and we'll talk about this later. He was really Disturbed about it and I didn't know how to take that. So I I mean, I guess I went through life kind of questioning  religion and I and I did try myself to read the Bible myself because it's just like  I don't know what's going on, but I, I know that, um,  I don't, I don't think I remember Jesus talking about hell.

I think he talked more about forgiveness and love and, and,  you know, having  meals with prostitutes and the centers and, you know, he didn't come down to hang out with all the high priest. He came down, you know, for the people who needed him.  Um,  So,  I mean, I, I think I struggle with organized religion, but I know that I have a clear connection and, and closeness to God.

So if, I don't know if that, you know, makes sense to you. Yes. Yes, ma'am, it does. You know, because it's actually something we've talked about on the show a lot. You know, because I said, look,  and this was my message to all, you know, non believers or people who had left religion because of the community. I said, you know, and it all stemmed from Ricky DeSaluter when he came on, that episode where he talked about the three miracles performed on his daughter.

You know, he said it's often the case that we reflect who our parents are onto who God is. You know, and  so I was thinking about how people often judge God based on, you know, like, for example, he's Christian and people meet Christians in their lives who aren't good people who aren't perfect people. And then they'll be like, well, if that's God's community, you know, this and that, or A lot of people have issues with the churches and so what I promote a lot on this podcast is I always tell everyone you cannot be a non believer or leave religion if you've never read the Bible yourself.

I said you cannot hate on God without having never read the Bible. I said that's the only way to know who God is, is to read it yourself. understand it yourself. He will help you understand it by yourself. You know, he's not gonna, he did not give us the Bible and say, you know, only, only the priest can interpret this for you.

He gave us the ability to read and he will fill you with the Holy Spirit. And so I'm so glad that you went out there and did that on your own. And I'm glad it wasn't one of those baptisms where he held you under a little extra longer. He's like, we got to get the devil out of her. You know,  you're already in, you're already on dangerous.

area with the ginger hair, you know, they're like, yeah, which, which in the church, dangerous, but that's true. The reason I brought this up in the first place is if you,  when you ask God for a rainbow, did you know that was a sign of his covenant with Noah? With, no, when Noah a was made, yeah, I did, but I don't know that I consciously, I was wondering if it was like a conscious thing or like a unconscious thing.

'cause that like was really true to me. No, I knew, I knew that because like I said, I, I was like, my dad, even when I was really little, drove the bus for the Hammond Baptist Church. Like he was always involved at the church. My mother was Catholic.  And my father was just completely against that. But, um, so I didn't know  a lot about, you know, the stories of the Bible, especially the, you know, when you're in Sunday school as a kid, I  didn't really, I don't think that's why I asked, I think I asked for it because it was a beautiful Sunday and I knew there was going to be no rainbow.

Like, I was like, if he really shows me a rainbow. Then I know for sure and I was expecting maybe seeing a picture of a rainbow or you know what I mean? There's a commercial with a rainbow like I didn't expect an actual Rainbow and I'm talking from one end to the other the most magnificent. Yeah rainbow.

I was like  Wow, okay. Well, I guess he's got some plans for me because I didn't die when I was 13 and uh, You know now he's showing me rainbows. So There must be a reason i'm supposed to be here. So  here I am talking to you  right now  one thing that interested me  and You know, I don't mean this disrespectfully at all to anyone but it's like  you had a deaf on deaf relationship With with both of your parents were deaf, correct?

Both of them You  And so I'm like, what, my question is, why would they do that, you know, and I don't mean in a disrespectful way. It's just like, and I was thinking about, I was like, I guess it makes sense because they have that in common, you know, I assume,  but it's like, now you, now no one can hear anything, you know, and then you as a kid having to take up that role, you know, and bearing all of that.

I'm just interested in, do you know how your parents met? And I'm just curious how two deaf people came to know each other like that. Yeah.  I don't know if it was like, because I know that there are deaf communities that hang out together, you know, and my dad went to a school for the deaf in Jacksonville, Illinois.

My mother just went to a regular high school and she was just pushed through, you know, my dad had a teacher out of sign and he had a teacher out of drive. And, you know, my grandparents would hide her in the bedroom when people came over because they were embarrassed, so she already had super low self esteem. 

Um,  but, um, they met at a beach, that I know. But, so I don't know if it was like a deaf outing or anything like that, but I, I know they met at a beach.  And I think deaf people tend to marry Other deaf people because they really, you know, they get each other. They can communicate with each other easily  They do there is a whole group coda  which  helps Adults that grew up with deaf parents hearing adults.

They grew up with I've never went to a meeting But I know that that's what it's about. And I guess there's a movie out called Coda as well, which I really want to see, I haven't seen yet,  but, um, 

I think people are starting to be aware of.  Uh,  how children grow up with deaf parents because they, they do, I guess anyone with different language barriers, maybe,  but you have to be their voice and their ears. Like you got to make all their phone calls. Like I said, I interpreted their divorce at five years old, you know, friends would come over and be like, where's your toys?

Like, where's your Barbies? And I, Harvey's toys. Like I had a stereo and I danced. That's what I did. I didn't have toys. They didn't even buy toys. Like they didn't, I wasn't a kid to them. I was someone who, I mean, I wrote out my mother's rent checks when the social security check would come in the welfare, you know, the food stamps would come in.

I mean, she tried to take them and sell them for alcohol and stuff, but I, I ran the household. So when she did commit suicide, I carried guilt for a long time. Like I failed, I was supposed to take care of her.  I failed, you know? So that was. That was hard to get over as well. Um,  you know, my dad, the only time he would ever come looking for me is if he had a stack of mail, he needed me to read and explain to him so that he would, you know, find me, even as an adult, you would come over with stacks of mail, you know,  get to my house and, you know, tell me what this was about.

You know, um, Were they born deaf? Like they couldn't talk. My mother was born deaf. My dad became deaf at two years old with spinal meningitis. So  I, I do have a brother that was given up for adoption. I had a half brother when I was nine and he's deaf. So he found me after my dad had passed. Unfortunately, he never got to meet my dad, but, um, he has the spitting image of him and talks like my dad rode a Harley.

He rides, he has three Harleys. It's just, he's, it's insane how much he's like my dad for never meeting him. But, um,  I, I don't know how that would have been growing, he, now he was adopted by hearing people, so I don't, and he said that was difficult, but I don't know how that dynamic would have went with deaf parents and a deaf child,  you know, I'm not, I often wonder like, well, what would that have been like, you know?

Like the movie, The Silent Place? I haven't seen that yet, but I get, I know they can't talk, so they just make hand symbols the whole time, you know? Oh, really? Yeah, it's a movie where aliens invade Earth. Right. And the aliens kill whatever makes noise. So the family that the movie follows his family, that they're completely silent.

They learn how to sign and like, they can't make any noise. They're actually dropping the prequel. I believe this year, like the day they first arrived. I never watched it. My, my mom and sisters watched it. It's, it's definitely interesting because it forced everyone to be completely silent and living. That does sound interesting.

I'd like to see that. Well, I was trying to understand if they were born deaf because you said you had to read for him. Could they not, they weren't able to learn how to read, I guess? No, my, yeah,  my dad could read somewhat. It was like he had like a fourth grade education is what he would say, you know.

Okay. So, there was a time when I was in like eighth grade that I would, you know, there was, Some nights I would be home and  it would make my stepmother nuts to go lock herself in the bedroom or whatever. But  I would sit down and teach him.  Like he would come, he'd have words that he'd have underlined in the Bible, because he wanted to read the Bible, and he'd say, well, what, and he'd have a deaf version, Bible for deaf, where it's a lot easier to understand.

Okay. So, um.  He would say, well, what does this word mean? And I would tell him in sign language, and then he would, you know, try to remember what that means. So I was, I was working with him to teach him how to do that. Um, they could read  very little, like, they didn't really comprehend and that's why I had to read the mail for them and explain what it meant.

And.  Write out the checks and things like that. It was  Yeah, and and I think my mother would have been able to write out checks and stuff It's just that she was always out of it, right, you know So where I came in you learn sign language before you learn English even then if I'm understanding correctly, huh?

Yeah, I mean my grandparents could hear and stuff So I guess I but my my grandmother said that  Like I would come in and sign to them all the time and she's my my uncle my grandfather had some kind of  Trick thing. I don't know and and I would just go in and sign to him and she's like he can hear you So I I guess yeah, I learned sign language before I learned to speak. 

It's it's interesting I'm, just thinking about how like  and and ricky slater and I talked about this like how when you grow up  I mean, especially if you're not exposed to a lot of other families, you think this is normal. Like his dad would get angry and smash stuff around the house or furniture apart.

He thought everyone's dad did that. You know, he thought it was normal. And I was thinking about how there was kids during the pandemic who thought like, Oh, we always wear masks because they were young and they grew up, you know, it was only three years about, but. They thought that was normal. They thought this was the standard or that going to school online was normal.

I'm just thinking  you were raised in a deaf family and you learn sign. And  I wonder like how long, if you were raised with them and then you went out into the real world, how like hearing for the,  well, you would hear.  You would just think humans couldn't talk, I guess. So it's because you could hear animals and other sounds.

No, I mean, there was, there was, there was TV. And there was, you know, so I knew, you know, I wasn't cut off from TV or music or things like that. And, you know, my grandparents and family could hear me. You know,  here. So, um,  I don't, I don't think it was like that. I, I think I may have thought chaos was normal in a family, but I don't know that I, I  think I knew my parents were deaf and there's.

But not everybody's death. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm just saying in general, it'd be an interesting study, you know, see like how  raised, but anyway, um, what I was going to say is, so one of the songs I'm dropping this year is about  the people left behind after someone commits suicide and especially how they feel on the inside, this  guilt they feel, you know, almost like a survivor's guilt kind of thing where it's like, you know, why did they take their life?

What, what did I do wrong? I talked to them. You know, I took care of them and his powerlessness. And so this, you don't have to answer this question if you don't want to, but were there times, um, after your mother's suicide where, because she also attempted to take your life. Were there times where you wish that she had, you know, especially when you were drinking and, and kind of.

Self medicating all of that trauma. You didn't even know you had did you ever think I wish my mom had just taken me with her  No, I don't think I ever felt that. Okay, not once No I I think  I didn't know if I was gonna go on living when I had the nervous breakdown because I was Terrified and every single day was sheer terror in my head That I don't wish on anybody that that was very scary and I'm so grateful to come out of that and right  and and and  I think that maybe I would have I may have went through that so that I can understand others who are struggling  But no, I never I never felt  like I wished she would had taken my life.

I was always  Grateful that she didn't I don't think I had survivor's guilt as much as I had. Um, Guilt that I didn't take care of her properly Like I didn't do a good enough job and she couldn't handle life because I didn't do a good enough job  um, okay,  but I could understand survivor's guilt, you know, but I I  Okay.

I know I don't think that yeah, I was just curious my situation What interests me?  Is that, you know,  I mean, you had all this stuff bottled up for a while, you know, and you said it wasn't until it seems ironic that you were in a safe space that it all came out  and it's interesting how you talk about that because I've seen,  because I'll scroll through on Instagram sometimes and I've had some reels posted by women who were like  in a healthy relationship finally, they had been in like toxic relationships before and how they're just like waiting for this and they're like, Oh, you know, he, you know, Did this and wasn't expecting something or you know, I told him no and I you know, nothing bad happened You know they they're like so used to  the bad stuff what and just like it's almost like some some of them have it like a breakdown because they're like Not used to this safe is the abnormal now and so yeah, but I was thinking of it kind of in a different way how like you were like It's almost like subconsciously your brain was like we are not when you were drinking and partying and everything We are not in a good spot to break down because if we do  Something something bad would happen.

It wasn't till you were in a safe spot. Your body was like, hey, all right We're safe to yeah break down. We have something to take care of us  I think that's our inner being, soul, spirit, whatever you call it. I think that  all of us have a soul  and a spirit from God. And I, and I believe we have guardian angels too.

And I think that it's, it's there to kind of protect us because our bodies do a lot of things on its own to protect ourselves, right?  Forget I a lot of my memory was wiped out like I could remember everything bad My mom did but I can't remember anything good I can't and I think it's because and it's not like she was this monster constantly, you know She was yeah, a very abusive alcoholic.

Yes,  but I remember like my friends that I'm I still know From that I've known since I was nine years old. They're like, oh you remember when your mom brought you that doll from Wisconsin? I like No, I don't remember like you don't remember that like that, you know, there's things that they remember that she did that was nice My memory is totally wiped out.

So that was my brain Because I was so young I had to remember the bad to be okay with her being gone if I remembered the good the pain I'm too bad. That's interesting, too. I think that's like that's almost a gift from God like 

We have the an inner being that protects us and and watches out for us I believe and okay,  I feel like until I was safe  They kept everything  suppressed,  you know, it's it's interesting. So thank you. You set me up to Say one of my favorite quotes, which always makes me happy when I can share one of my favorite quotes So I remember in like 7th or 8th grade We read Julius Caesar the play by Shakespeare and we had to memorize the whole monologue that So, I don't remember someone gives this monologue at You I believe it's Caesar's death, you know, because they, they killed him  and I don't remember any of that except the beginning, you know, fellow countrymen, lemmiers, there was a quote in there that I've always remembered and he said  about Caesar, you know,  the evil a man does lives on after him, the good is often turd with the bones, you know, and he said how it's, you know, it's a shame that  Remember, we bury someone, you know, we just remember the bad stuff and they did so many good things.

They're all just thrown into the to the grave. And we've talked before my pockets. I've talked with, you know, other people how, you know, our mindsets work on momentum. And unfortunately, it's where positivity is an uphill battle. You know, you're trying to take a train uphill and negativity is downhill and it like exponentially grows, you know, where like it's so  easy to be a pessimist rather than an optimist.

And there are people out there who have mastered, you know, optimism and they, nothing can bother them. You know, my dad's grandmother lived to like  99 or a hundred and something. They always asked her like, what did he do? And. She just lived a normal life. She just said she never let anything stress her.

She never worried about a thing, you know, she believed everything was always going to be all right,  which, uh, it's hard to do that. But it's interesting that seeing that you said, even about your mother, how you think in some way,  especially, uh, because of. You know, want to keep yourself safe. How you kind of remembered the bad because that was the best way to to grieve is  interesting.

And I know when I co host this show called Generational Bridge Builders with Stephen Barrow, and he shared a story with me where one of his good friends committed suicide, and Stephen was so frustrated, and he wasn't going to go to the funeral. He was just like,  You know too angry to even grieve  and luckily his wife anger Anger  and emotion.

I think a lot of people feel when someone Commits suicides because it's like you gave up you left me you right, you know There was so much good that could have happened and you Deserted everything, you know, not just suicide drug overdoses alcoholic liver failure anything where you chose You know 

It's it's awful. So, yeah, it's funny when you and that's where my uh, my 90 day program focuses on getting you in the habit of thinking positive because  now more than ever, I think you turn on the TV. It's all bad news. It's all like, Oh, yeah, the billboards all about like, You know, pandemics and crime and like, everything is bad news, bad news.

You know, I, I don't even watch the news. I get an email of  things that are going on, so I'm not completely out of it, but.  My grandma used to say, if you don't want it in your living room, don't turn it on your TV. Cause you're bringing it in your living room. Whether it was a  movie about murder or whatever.

If you don't want it in your living room, don't bring it in there. Don't turn it on your TV. Right? Right. So I don't watch the news because it's just  It's terrible. And it's like, everybody's debating, everybody's fighting, everybody's so mad and you know, you go out in the world and you see so many people that don't even smile and don't even if they're angry, you know, and  most of them are angry about things they can't do anything about it.

It's like, yeah, yeah. Wow. You know. It's mind blowing. So what I do is try to change people's, you know, like simple things that I can tell you examples of is, is just, um,  when I, when, when I would go see clients, I was driving and the city was Chicago was always. A clean city and it was one of the things I always took pride in like I go to different cities and they'd be filthy and our city was always I've never been but I don't know if that's still the case.

I don't think that's still the case. Well, not so much. But so anyway, that's where my point is going. I. Was after COVID, I was driving down the expressway getting back into work, seeing clients all excited. I'm back out here and driving down the expressway. I'd see garbage everywhere. And I'm like, oh, my God, why is there so much garbage and every day that I was driving into the city, I would be pissed off.

So I was like, well, here.  Now I'm someone who pays attention to my scale of emotion. So now I'm I'm feeling okay I'm not feeling good all the time. I'm not feeling happy. I'm not feeling so where are my thoughts going? I'm focusing on this garbage Why am I focusing on this garbage when I can look up at the beautiful skyline in the sky and the trees and  why?

You know, it's it's where you put your perception at where you put your focus you focus on garbage You're gonna get more garbage. You're not gonna feel good You focus on beauty, you're going to get more beauty and you're going to feel better. So,  you know, I make my corner of my life, beautiful, happy. Even when COVID was going on, I, my grandson was just born.

Uh, I think it was about a year old. I took him on bike ride. He never knew the word COVID, you know, we took him on. Bike rides every day. We just kept things, you know, our family would get together and have dinners and play cards and you know, um, we stayed positive through it all knowing everything is going to be okay.

And I don't think that was the case with a lot of people, you know, and, and they were scared and they were, you know, uh, angry and just isolated. And, you know, so,  and then after that it almost seems like  everything Is, you know, we're bombarded with,  you know, even I think we're the only country in the world that actually advertised meds on TV and commercials, like your doctor is supposed to tell you what you need.

It says, go ask your doctor about this, you  know, so I just feel like, um,  getting your mindset in a better. You know, in a good place. And then you align with that's where manifestation and the laws of attraction come in. Because once you get,  once you learn how to transform your mindset, you will see evidence of your life changing and then you learn how to master it.

And it's, it's mostly  it is being aligned, you know, more aligned and your vibration being higher, closer to God, you know, connected to your being. And it's, it's.  It's a wonderful thing and  I'm hoping more people tune in to more positivity. I mean, even nor Norman Vincent Peale wrote, um,  a book, the power of positive thinking.

And that was just simple, like, just think positive. It wasn't even delving deep into anything. And, uh,  I remember my grandmother who lived to be a hundred and she, that was one of her favorite books, you know? So that was, she probably did the same thing was, you know, always thinking positive.  Um, but yeah, you,  when you start to think bad and, and you can't think positive and you're angry, then you're, then it's, it's dis disease, right?

It causes disease. 'cause you're, you're at a dis disease in, you're in your body, in your life. And I like that It causes disease that, you know, and  I do think you live longer if you're happier if you Oh yeah. Have assessed for life. You know, if,  and you  have gratitude in your life.  You know, all those things are important.

So mindset's huge, huge, for sure. You can, you can work out all the time and get your body looking perfect. But if your mind's not in the right place. You're still messing up. You're still not happy. You're still not you know, so It has to be a whole mind body soul connection in order for you to truly Live life and create the life that you desire  Yeah, and it's definitely an inundation of bad news, but there are accounts out there So I follow someone on instagram and i'm sure even the regular television has it that they only cover good news only Positive stories and I like to see more of those, you know You  Mixed in with the broad stream media for news, but they always come around.

I remember my dad used to come home,  you know, he was a police officer for 25 years and he would just,  Share all these awful stories and my mom hated it or he would watch the news and then that would be our meal Conversation and she's like stop talking about all this bad stuff all the time Yeah And I know one of the things I've seen people emphasize is positive self talk and self care and one of the things was like When you get ready in the morning like the night before you write a sticky note Then you put it on your bathroom mirror.

So when you Get ready in the morning says like you're beautiful or today's gonna be a great day and just starting off and that's  one of the big reasons I started my days off for prayer and was always a pair of gratitude. I woke up on my own. My whole body works. You know, I can walk. I didn't die. You know, it was not frozen over, you know, so  it's good to start with a attitude of gratitude.

And like you said, driving, you know, I there was a lot of times I was Commuting back and forth from base. Cause I lived on base, but it was away from the worksite.  And,  you know, I would always,  when I drove, I would always focus on the sunrise or the sunset, or, or look at nature and be like, it's such a beautiful world, you know, not, man, I got to go in the submarine and I got to work for 12 hours and I got to see this guy I don't like at work, you know, which is most of them, but,  you know, yeah, so it's that  using what you look at in life. 

Even, even in war, like I think about  the other side that you're fighting, that these kids are going out there and fighting.  Yeah, you know even the other side. These are someone's sons who are fighting, you know what I mean? And it's like you can't hate the other side because they're doing what they are told to do and it's yeah You know, it's it's a real hard thing And then you have a bunch of kids out there that just like  have to do this.

I I don't know It's it's really tough and my buddy put it best because  I was hating on some, some Middle Eastern countries for stuff going on. And he was like, well, Mr. Whiskey, let me ask you this. Do you think the American government represents the people? Do you think they have your back and your opinion and your feelings in mind and what they're doing?

And I was like, no, not really. And he was like, so what do you think about these other countries that aren't even democratic? You know, we're supposed to be a democracy. We're the most people represented one. He goes, what do you think about these other countries that are dictatorships or whatever they are?

How much less? They're choosing it to go to war to do this and that and and the worst part is like I said, it's kids You know, they're indoctrinated into it, too Yeah, and the people who do these like terrible kamikaze things and stuff. They really think they're serving God  Yeah, like that makes me curious and how God deals with that because they're in their hearts serving God And you know what,  so I'm a huge Godzilla fan, like, right here to my left I've got my whole wall of Godzilla figurines and posters and  when Godzilla minus one came out, first off, one of the best Godzilla movies ever made, it actually follows the story of a Japanese kamikaze pilot during World War II who,  he fakes a maintenance issue with his plane to delay That's Cause he didn't want to do it.

He goes, I don't want to blow up.  Right. And it follows post World War II, the war ends and he goes home  and it follows how everyone was like, you know, we lost the war cause you didn't want to do your mission. You didn't want to sacrifice. And it follows this guilt and this shame that he faced continually.

And it was such an interesting movie because, and maybe there are other movies like that, but this was the first movie I ever saw. were followed.  I mean, the amount of guilt and shame and hatred, you know, his neighbors who were loving neighbors, hate him, you know, our kids are dead because of you. It was,  you know, his parents passed away and they're like, you know, your parents are dead because you didn't want to do your job.

And it's insane to think that,  you know, they're even people who grew up in that culture where they. We're always raised to believe that's such an honor. I mean, at the end of the day, they're human beings. They want to preserve their life, you know Absolutely. It's it's a lot of people don't really  Think that deeply about it.

They just  you know, well, they're just the other side. So we just hate, you know, that's it You know, right?  It's a lot deeper than that. It's not that black and white.  Yeah now  Miss Shirley, so how did you end up, you know after all this trauma get to where you are now, right? Because now you're helping other people.

So at what point in your life Do you have that turning point where you were like, I'm going to help other people now and here's how I'm going to do it.  Well, I've always kind of was, you know, I was kind of a bully to bullies when I was little because,  um, you know,  And I had people find me on Facebook. It was like, thank you so much for what you did for me as a kid.

And I, when we were little and I was like, I barely even remember doing it. But, um, I do remember a few incidents and I  didn't, I would go after bullies cause I'm like, I'm getting beaten to a pulp at home. I'm like, what are you going to do to me? I'm not scared of you. Leave them alone. Like, where do you get off, you know, hitting this person or, you know, You know, bullying them around.

I just always was that kind of person. And I think having deaf parents probably made me more aware of bullies and standing up because I always stood up for my parents all the time too. So, helping people was always. Um, and sometimes to a fault. I was, I was always trying to, 

you know, pull people out of their situations and you, you can't do that unless they really want to change. Right? So I had to learn that. Yeah. Yeah. Because, um, even my grandma would say, surely you can't go down to them. They have to come up to you when you go down to them. You're, you're pulling them, but they don't want to come, you know, and, um, And and that is true.

And a lot of us get caught into that. So I've I've kind of finally learned about boundaries and self love and all that, you know, um, but when I got to this point to where I was able to write the book,  um, people told me for years to write a book for years  and I just.  You know, I'd sometimes try and, you know, but it would just wouldn't happen.

So  I was, I, I'm also a licensed massage therapist and Reiki master. So I was doing this, I had a client and she said, you know what, Shirley, you got to write a book. And it just clicked. I went home and it all poured out of me, but I feel like I had to be at a point where I felt safe enough to share my story, to know I wouldn't allow anyone to prey on me, you know, to think I'm prey because  of the abuse and stuff that I've been through because I was prey early on.

I was that person, you know,  and I had to feel safe enough to say, to know that I, I have my boundaries. I, I, I know who I am. I'm confident. And I also have my family. So, uh, my grandkids, when I had to go back there.  And rewrite because I don't I don't focus there. So to write the book was kind of tough cause I don't like to live that, you know, I don't like to think about it.

I don't like, I don't, it's not my MO to dwell on that.  So my grandkids kept me here when I had to go there cause I have a blast with them and I have them two days a week and I just, I used to have them three days a week, but  I just have so much fun with them and we laugh and joke and play and, and they, they keep me here when I had to go back there.

So, um, okay.  I think now I kind of got on a broader, uh, spectrum of helping people. Uh, I, I have more time. My kids are adults, you know, um, I'm not raising two kids, you know, and I was a single parent since they were two and four. So I, I worked a lot. I was, you know, always just going. But so now is the time for me to do this on a broader spectrum.

I feel safer doing it. I, Feel more confident doing it.  I created this 90 day program that I'm very confident in that  just, it just shifts. People's thinking and once you're in that, after that 90 days. Once you learn how to think this way and look at things and perceive things a different way You don't want to go back.

You don't want to feel the way you used to feel, you know Yeah, but you've got to experience the good before you, you know, decide I don't want to go back there, you know, and  So I guess  You know, it was a process, you know, to, to get where I'm at, but  I was happy and confident and successful long before I decided to write a book.

And because I learned how to use my mindset and have more faith and faith and mindset just goes hand in hand. And I just kept excelling with that and learning more and more and more. And I think I had to learn a lot and I'm still learning. I'm not a master at anything. You know, um, I have a title of Reiki master, but I still feel like I'm still learning.

I don't even like to say that really. But, um,  but it is the title, but,  um,  so  I guess I'm just at a place where I think  it's just time for me to do this. You know,  yeah, i'm transitioning into a whole new  new path. So,  okay. Yes, man, and we Have a link in the description below for your website. Is that the best way to contact you for all our listeners?

Yes. Yeah, surlybuck. com. Yeah,  my book's on there if someone wanted to Uh schedule a free call that's on there. My my calendar's on there. Everything's on the website  Okay, and your book is also on Amazon, correct?  Yes, it's on Amazon and I just found out I was At a hotel because I was doing a book signing in Michigan and the front desk was, oh, what book are you here doing a book signing for?

And I said, oh, sweet freedom whispered in my ear. And they looked it up and they said,  oh, it's it's on Amazon. And it's it's a target in Amazon or target Walmart too. And I was like, really? I didn't even know that. I just found that out as we can, but. So, um, but yeah, it is on Amazon, Sweet Freedom Whispered in My Ear is the title and um, I hope it inspires a lot of people. 

Yeah, and, and who should read it? I mean, who's the best person to pick up this book and read it?  I, well, I think anyone who trauma, who experienced trauma and abuse, because it, not only do I tell my story, but at the end of each chapter I talk about what I gained from that, what I learned. And I also talk about mindset transformation.

So it's not just,  you know, a story of trauma and abuse. It has a lot of good tips in it as well. But I mean, anyone who likes to read a story of someone overcoming, you know, a traumatic past, um,  I, I hope I not kids read it, but I hope some teens, maybe it falls in their hands that. You know, are struggling and think that their life is is doomed to, you know, terrible things.

And I hope that somehow this book gets into their hands. Um, that's. It's huge. I think if  the younger you are,  you know, I think it's best when to start young with this changing your mindset and thinking a different way because then it, you know, you absorb it quicker and it becomes a way of life and  it just will, you know, help you with your decision making and things like that. 

Okay. Well, Ms. Shirley, before we wrap things up here, I'm just curious, do you have anything for the audience, any final message or anything you'd like to share?  Just, uh,  You know, don't focus on the garbage. Focus on the beauty, you know, and, uh,  believe, you know, because there's a lot more out there than we know and,  you know, self love,  please do the work for self love because you can't receive or give love properly without self love.

So,  I think those are a few things that maybe I want people to take away. For sure. I totally agree with that. We've definitely talked on the show before about how I've been put in situations where,  you know, I was with a partner who didn't love themselves and they're kind of relying on me to love them for themselves and for me to love them for me, you know, and kind of being their self confidence.

It's a lot. It's a lot of pressure on somebody to try to do that.  Yeah. And another situation I often find myself in was. Trying to help people who didn't want to help themselves, which you mentioned earlier on that you could even learn the hard way And I've learned the hard way Yeah,  I, I sure did.  . Yeah.

So really, one, it's a learning process, you know? Right, right. And you can't help other people, but first ladies and gentlemen, you gotta help yourself, you know? Absolutely. All right. Well, Ms. Shirley, thank you so much for coming on. I appreciate having you as a guest. Well, thank you for having me. I, I really enjoyed it.

Sailing through the Ocean Blue  Nuclear React Crew,  the,  the Stars.  Through the waves we ride. Jokes and laughter fill the air On this voyage we have to share Working together, side by side As one family we will abide  In the heart of the ship, we reside  Nuclear operators with pride Powering the vessel,  with every stride  Our mission, the source of great pride