Surviving Abusive Love: Gaslighting, Psychological Warfare, PTSD, And Reclaiming Power

Today, I sit down with Whiskey Lynne, a speaker, biker, and trauma recovery mentor who lives her life out loud to inspire others to escape the cycles of abuse. From surviving domestic violence and alcohol addiction to being diagnosed with complex PTSD and conversion disorder, her journey is one of extreme resilience and accountability.

Ms. Lynn walks us through the realities of psychological abuse—gaslighting, trauma bonding, financial bondage—and how she went from being stuck in a toxic marriage to living homeless on a Harley, transforming her life in the public eye to encourage others. We discuss the origins and dangers of gaslighting, the myth of “empaths vs. narcissists,” and the hard truth that many people are trauma-bonded to their past or their partner. Ms. Lynne breaks down what real healing looks like, how to spot love bombing, and how unhealed wounds often manifest in addiction or unhealthy relationships.

We also dive into the overlap between domestic trauma and military PTSD, how childhood pain plays out in adult relationships, and why so many of us become "Captain Save-A-Hoe" without realizing it. Whether you're healing from toxic love, navigating PTSD, or simply seeking freedom from old patterns, this episode offers real tools and lived wisdom. We then close the episode with gratitude, faith, and some behind-the-scenes talk about Ms. Lynne’s upcoming 10,000-mile motorcycle endurance challenge from Florida to Alaska. 

*Fact Check: So, Whiskey Lynne's statement about the origins of gaslighting wasn't entirely accurate. It comes from a British play in 1938, rather than a real life incident.  

https://www.facebook.com/WhiskeyLynne

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*Couple O' Nukes LLC and Mr. Whiskey are not licensed medical entities, nor do they take responsibility for any advice or information put forth by guests. Take all advice at your own risk.

Transcript

 ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another episode of Couple of Nukes, as always, on your host, Mr. Whiskey. And this is not like your traditional episodes where I went somewhere and and, and handpicked a guest.

This was a guest was thrown at me, as you can see. Well, I guess if. If you're listening, you can't see. But, um, whiskey Lynn is our guest today, and as you know, I'm Mr. Whiskey. So, you know, she, she actually reached out to me. I, I love a woman with Drive and actually takes that initiative. So she reached out to me and said, it's meant to be.

And so here she is. So I have to ask you, Ms. Lynn, I always get asked, you know, is whiskey, is that a military phonetic? Is it a, a drink preference? What is it? So I have to ask you, you know, whiskey, why did, why did you choose that? You know, is, is that your drink preference or is that just like that Texas gal kind of spirit?

No, actually it was my, my was my, if you hear the dog ignore the dog, um, it was my drink of choice. Um, and I earned that name. I gave it to myself. But it's actually my biker name. It's my road name. Oh, okay. Um. I gave it to myself almost 20. Is he, can you hear him? I, I can, I can. So that, I mean, there is a dog for everyone paying attention.

I mean, I, he just started, if you give me two seconds, I have my dog him in. It's, doesn't make any noise. Two seconds. Look him to the real world. Right. I'm all about authenticity. And there you go. No, he probably, as soon as I started talking, he's like, oh, I should be in there. So, um, yeah. To, to answer your question, I earned it.

I earned it. My name was whiskey because that was my drink of choice. Um, I was a alcoholic and an alcoholic. I've been, uh, dry and sober for eight months now. Um, but the name stuck and I've just been using it the whole time. And it's kind of funny because I actually have watched the video and saw you explain how you got your name and that you just chose it outta the blue, clear blue sky.

Right. Yeah. I, I chose mine. The way I explain it now is I basically named myself after my demon. Right. So that, that goes into a whole different, whole different conversation now that I quit drinking. Right. And everybody's like, yeah, well, are you gonna keep it? Are you gonna get rid of it? I'm like, oh no.

It's, it's still, you know, that is who, who, what made me who I am. It's who I am, really. And I had to learn to make friends with that demon. Right. Right. It's not separate from me. And even I've been sober for eight months and I still have to own that part of me. Right. And it ended up being, that's the part that center stage right now is whiskey.

Right. So, right. It's funny how it all worked out. There's no mistakes. But yeah, that's, it's still my road name and now it's my, okay. Um, what's the word I'm looking for? Speaker? It's my speaker name and my stage name. That one too for my writing though. It's pen name, pen, but whatever it's called. Yeah. Your pen name, like you're author name.

Yeah, my pen name. There you go. But yeah, yeah. Taking the words outta my mouth. Well, uh, as far as like the, it's your demon, you know, but first off, congratulations on the eight months. You know, I thank you. Who? Yeah, I keep up the good work. That's awesome. But I was gonna say it's slice, just like Batman. I think most listeners, hopefully y'all know who Batman is and, um, he, he, he downed the bat because know that's who he was fighting against, so to speak.

So it's like your Batman, only your, your whiskey lin. And I like, I like the lin part. Smooth, uh, flow smoothly off the tongue. I gotta ask though, was any specific type of whiskey or was all whiskey was fair game? Um. Jim Beam was my preference, but depending on the mood and the amount I was drinking after the first two, it didn't matter.

But I will say, yeah, but it didn't matter what liquor it was after the first two or three. Um, but I will say as I got older, my preference stayed and I started drinking more top shelf stuff. So I grew, my whiskey preferences grew with me. Right. And then eventually I had to own the fact that it wasn't serving me anymore, or it was right.

It wasn't serving, I wasn't willing to let it serve me the way it was anymore. That's, that's the more true statement. Awesome. Awesome. Yeah. I, I, you know, and that ties into my life as well as, as what you do. You know, I come from a domestic violence household where. There was a lot of codependency, financial bondage, trauma, bonding, a lot of stuff.

So a lot of stuff that you speak on. I actually have read a lot of articles about a lot, seen a lot of speakers talk about it because of my mother's situation. As I've said before, on a lot of shows, half her faces made out of metal. 'cause my dad broke her skull. And that was actually part of that tactic to keep her under fear and rule.

Uh, the financial bondage is a big one. Using kids to, uh, also kind of, uh, bond people, you know, because now you got the kids. Uh, so I have a lot of history with that. And also the, the alcoholism, you know, that's something my father is still battling. Something that has really affected my life. Something that also affected the domestic violence in the, in the house a lot too, you know?

I think that the bigger thing we see nowadays is obviously there's still a lot of alcoholism and drug use, um, but now there's a lot more psychological manipulation, gaslighting as, as we've coined it, which I don't know how long that term's been around, but I only discovered it about a year or two ago.

Gaslighting is a big one and, uh, codependency is a big word. So Mitch Whiskey Lynn, I'd love for you to get into what exactly you talk about and, and what you're here to do and who you're here to serve. Absolutely. And do you know where gaslighting came from the term? No, no, I'm not familiar at all. I actually, I know where the term came from.

Well, that's great. I'd love to know. It was in the 18 hundreds and there was a guy who was psychologically abusing his wife, and what he would do is he would, um, what he would do was I. Turn, they had oil lamps back then, and he would turn the oil lamp down and she was like, is there something wrong with the lamps?

The lighting is really weird in here. And he's like, no, there's nothing wrong with the lighting. It must be you. Mm-hmm. Wow. Right. And, and it just, it was literally that brainwashing of, no, there's nothing wrong. There's something wrong with you. No, there's nothing wrong. There's something wrong with me. You, and he did it to the point that he drove her crazy.

And back then the rules and laws were different about insane asylums and what you could do with your wives and everything else. And that's where gaslighting came from. It was literally because of a gaslight and he drove her nuts over the gaslight. That's what gaslighting is. Right. Wow. I would've inflicting that on the other person and then turning it over on them and blaming it on them also.

Right. I, I would've never guessed that. Mm-hmm. You know, it's funny 'cause there there is playful gaslighting too, um, which I would call that more like just. I would call it a different term. Uh, but I remember my buddy texting me gas, uh, last night. He was like, my, my fiance is gaslighting me. I was like, what do you mean?

He goes, well, I asked her if she could clean up everything in the bathroom. And then I went on my phone and then she never moved. And then the whole bathroom was clean and then she was telling me that I cleaned it and I don't remember cleaning it. I think she's gaslighting me. And, um, she was, she was just messing with him.

'cause he's easy to mess with and he, she convinced him that he got up and cleaned the bathroom, not her. And he is like, wait, but I haven't moved the couch. But, um, what's interesting, guess? Well, it's a prime example of how easy it is, right? Right. Especially everyone, we not aware of their own thoughts.

Mm-hmm. And, and because people are so distracted, we live in such a distracting environment that people don't know, you know, stress. And that's why it's, it's, it's easy too when you. A mom, it happens most to women 'cause you're taking care of the kids, you're taking care of the house. If you're working a job, you've got the job, you have all these other things going on and you get stressed if you're not sleeping a lot.

That affects your cognitive ability. But it's interesting on this one ship in the military and the United States Navy, they call it pickling. And I don't remember the origin of that. I think it had to do with the guy's last name. I don't know if his last name was Pickle, but they call it pickling instead of gaslighting.

They're like, you're pickling me. Mm-hmm. So that's just an interesting little side note there. But Ms. Lynn, I'd love for you to get into how, how you talk about gaslighting and the reality of it, uh, to help empower women and men who are in those situations.

Oh, I by all means, and you can just call me whiskey. It's fine. You don't have to go with the Lynn. Um, just whiskey is fine. Everybody's, I'm one, I'm a one word Word person. Okay. I mean, I, I, I, I'll try. It's just. I miss a whiskey, and then my dog is a little whiskey shy and I don't want her to keep popping her head up on screen every time I say the word.

Gotcha. Either one is fine, but most people just go, I just go by whiskey. But, um, from my own background and the things I've had to teach myself and, you know, all the years of therapy and all the other stuff, I had to learn how to break my patterns of my codependency and take full accountability for what I've done in my life because of my wounds.

And, and that's not victim shaming, right? It's because perpetrators are perpetrators and people are gonna do what they do, but it's under understanding. Like when we're children, we don't have a choice about what ha what's happening to us, right? But once we get to be an adult and we understand what had happened to us, it's, it's incumbent upon us as adults to heal those wounds and to acknowledge those things.

And to not complete, not to continue inflicting harm on ourselves and other people. Right? Because somebody who's wounded. Can cause just as much harm as somebody who's wounding. Does that make sense? Of course. 'cause we're reacting instead of the healing, the stuff. So what I do essentially is people reach out to me and I help them identify those patterns and those things that they carry through their, their life and through their social life and family dynamics and everything else.

And teach them what they could do to break the patterns, create new habits, create new cycles, develop new relationships, first of all with themselves because at 99% of the time, it has something to do with your personal inner relationship and not the relationships outside. Once you change this, the rest of it kind of melts itself away.

Uh, you still have to do the work with some people, but for the most part, once you learn boundaries and all those things, it all changes. Right? So that's what I do is I teach, it's mainly women, but there's been some men in there. Teach them how to identify those patterns and to change those things. And a lot of these women are still in these relationships when they reach out to me.

So there have been, just in the last year, there have been dozens and dozens of women who have changed those, those, the, the codependency and the to trauma bonds and all these things that they worked on. And a lot of them end up leaving these relationships. Uh, and that's exactly what happened to myself.

And I was coaching all these women when I realized I was helping somebody, and I realized that I was preaching to the choir, right? I was talking to her and looking at my own marriage, and I'm like, oh, there's a problem here. Right? Right. So then I had to break those things inside me, even, even more. And I literally had to, I escaped my own marriage last year.

So, and then once I, and it was very public, a lot of people knew what was going on. It was all over Facebook. Mm-hmm. And like groups and stuff like that. 'cause I, my, my theory is recover loudly so other people don't die quietly. Mm-hmm. So, okay. All of my stuff has been out in the open while I'm doing this process, while I'm healing, while I am, I spent 10 months homeless on the road on a Harley last year.

'cause when I left I had no, no destination, no plan, no goal, no nothing. I just knew I had to get out. And that turned into this huge thing. Like, it's just amazing. But it was stressful at the time. But because I was doing it publicly, all these other people are like, oh, well, if she can. And I've gotten messages from people who are like, well, if this bitch can do it, I can do it right.

And because I've stood up and done it publicly, other people are like, oh, well I could do this privately. I don't have to do it on Facebook, but I can save myself. Right. So it's been giving incentive to other people to, to change their life and step out. And then, like I know you work with military PTSD, I'm actually, uh, diagnosed with complex PTSD and conversion disorder, which I don't know if you know what that is.

A lot of people don't. No. But I know that, uh, Ms. Whitney, who is sometimes on the show with me mm-hmm. She took A-P-T-S-D test, not for, you know, combat or military PTSD, but just for PTSD in general for, you know, anxiety, for, for relationships and family, you know, because of some of the stuff that's happened with her family and relationships.

Uh, so I don't know specifically what you're talking about, but I do know there are PTSD tests out there for just, you know, the psychological aspect. 'cause a lot of people think military when they think PTSD, but in general it's just a traumatic event. That is still tormenting someone mentally that is affecting them physically as well.

It affects you physically. You know, your, your brain and your body are in sync, and if your brain is not healthy, your body's not healthy. You know? Mm-hmm. If your mind is thinking about these things, you know, I, I had a, there was a woman who witnessed a suicide for a hand of her roommate, and I remember every time she, she went home, she was afraid to open the door because mm-hmm.

Last time she opened the door, you know, there was a dead body in there. Right. You know, that, that stuff I've seen psychological stuff like that, but even in relationships, uh, some of the women I've dated have expressed that they are too afraid to say no because their father would scream at them. They lived in a household where No.

Or they were in a relationship with a different partner where no wasn't an answer, wasn't an option, you know? Yep. Or. I've had women where if I talk any slightly louder, they think that I'm yelling at them. They're not gonna scream because they had a relationship or with a husband or a boyfriend or a father where they, you know, they would yell that that was just like a thing in their household and, and it traumatized them.

I, I've had women who believe they can't cry because of the way they were treated. Mm-hmm. So there's a lot of different types of PTSD and, and trauma out there. Right. And see that, that's one of the reasons I wanted to reach out and speak to you is because you were speaking on the military portion and you had mentioned how you thought there was a connection between the domestic and the p PT and the military.

Right. And I 100% agree with what you were saying, and I'm gonna elaborate that on if, if I, if I may. Of course. Um, and the, let me differentiate this really fast. The 'cause I was diagnosed by Vanderbilt University. Well, no, I was first diagnosed by. Another doctor 10 years earlier with standard PTSD and I didn't treat it.

I'd had it for years and years and years and years, and I went 10 years diagnosed and didn't treat it. Okay. Big. No, no. Let me just say to anybody who's got a diagnosis that has not treated it, get help now because it's gonna come back to bite you in the butt. So it came back bite bit me in the butt.

Right. Um, and Vanderbilt University in Nashville actually did my second diagnosis, which was complex. PTSD, standard PTSD, standard. PTSD is a, a trauma traumatic event that affects you after 90 days. Mm. Okay. So it's just, it's, you didn't get over it. 90 days later, you're still having flashbacks, you're still having all the issues.

It's still making, uh, drastically affecting your life. That's the standard pr, standard definition for PTSD. Okay. Complex. PTSD is multiple different traumatic events generally that progress over time. Right. Uh, captivity is one. Which is one of the things, like you said with ladies domestic is complex. PTSD is in domestic a lot because like.

You're raised in your house, you feel like you're a captive because you can't say no, you can't get out. You're a child, you're young, you know, some marriages, the husband won't let, he controls all the money. She can't get out of the house. She has zero freedom to make her own choices. And it's not just women.

Let's just do that disclaimer now. So that is complex. PTSD, when there's multiple, multiple traumatic events that go on over time and there's a, an element of choice that's taken away, like standard PTSD, for example, military, A bomb goes off, something happens, it's a single event, that's it. Right? And there was no other interaction with it, right?

It's just the event itself. Complex. PTSD is this long, drawn out something else and repeated events, okay? Conversion disorder, um, is essentially, it's shellshock you, you learn about shellshock in high school. So. World War I or World War ii when the, the, um, when warfare changed and we ended up with big guns, big bombs, chemical warfare, all this different stuff, the soldiers and the military men were not trained or accustomed to that.

It was a whole different level of disparity of humanity. Right, right. And brains broke. And that's what happened to me. The brain breaks, it gets so stressed to a point where it doesn't know what to do, so it shuts down. And the actual, so if you ever saw videos of shell shock back in the thirties and forties, they had tremors.

They couldn't stand up, they couldn't speak, had all this crazy, nasty stuff happen to 'em. That's exactly what happened to me when my conversion kicked in. And what it is, is, uh, and now it's called Functional Neurological Disorder. Why? They made it a crazy, stupid, long name beyond me. Right. I just used. But what it is is the physical manifestation of psychological stress.

Hmm. So it's literally a coping mechanism because my, my body and other people's brains have learned to, we had to filter through such a high level of stress that our brain didn't know what to do. So it started coming out phy, physically. Right. So, big question then. The, the question I gotta ask before we get too dark is, mm-hmm.

Is this a type of brain damage that is irreparable or can it be fixed? 'cause that's the thing everyone's gonna want to know. Um, for myself personally, I've had to do it individually. It has not been the system that has helped me. Right, right. And domestic. PTSD doesn't get the acknowledgement that military even does anymore or Yeah.

At this point, right. We're still working on that. Right. And that's one of the reasons I'm like, I need to talk to Mr. Whiskey because you have a platform and I have a platform and, and this, this is, we're in the same war, right? We just came from different battlefields, right. So I don't have the tremors or any of that stuff.

I used to have speech issues, stutter issues, all kinds of stuff. It was really, really bad Nine years ago. I've had to be very, very intentional. I've had to be very, very accountable to myself. I have to have very strong boundaries. I had to learn to say no, because if I push my stress too far, my tremors show up, right?

So I almost no tremors now. It's because I have had to build my world and create my space to a point that this can't happen and this can't happen. And I have hard line rules, right? I'm very judicious about who my friend circles are. I'm, you know, I still have all the PTSD things going on too. I still have the hypervigilance, I still am working with the anxiety and all that.

But all of that has been so intentional in building those tools. It's completely treatable slash curable, but you have to figure out what's works for you. And I think that's why the system's missing it, because it's based on the individual person. Like, and that's what I do, is I coach people to identify these things within themselves.

It, it crosses both lines between the domestic stuff and PTSD, right? So, and also, you know, I have my opinions, right? Everyone can have their own opinion, but the system is also very consumerism based. Very, uh, push medicine, big pharma, right? It's sick care. And so that's one of things. Right. You know, and I actually had an episode on PTSD and the va basically when PTSD after nine 11 first really came back.

Right. We, we spoke about how the Vietnam veterans kept it all to themselves really. Like we knew about PTSD, but it wasn't that big of a deal publicly. Mm-hmm. After nine 11 and in Desert Shield and all that stuff, it was a little more public. And Kin Rock came on the show and he spoke about how the VA just pumped out drugs.

You know, it was like he could go there, pick anyone, any drugs he wanted and he could have them. And he ended up a pill addict in homeless and he mm-hmm. You know, I spoke to him about what you said, uh, how shell shock came about, where, when the military advanced, when warfare changed, I spoke about the unnaturalness, you know?

Mm-hmm. These reactions that we're having, you know, it is a psychological thing. It is. It. You know, because our bodies are, are, are made and, and we're designed to protect ourselves from, from natural things. But the noises, the chemicals, the, you know, lighting from all these manmade weapons and and technology are different.

They affect us differently. And so that's part of the reason why it's hard to find a natural drugging natural chemical, you know, 'cause it's all psychological now. You talked about the, the, the captor, the being captive kind of PTSD and I actually grew up in a household where my father was a narcissistic tyrant.

And it was, the world was dangerous. Uh, leaving the city is dangerous. Leaving the house is dangerous. Mm-hmm. You're not really allowed to have friends. I remember, I, I left the house one time to see a girl. Of course. You know, and, uh, he came out there in a cop car, hunted me down, you know. And even to this day, whenever I was, uh, doing homework with my sisters, I.

My dad would walk by and yell at us to mm-hmm. Sit further away from our books, that if we're too close, we're gonna lose our eyesight. And he was very strict about it, and he yelled at us every day for years. That, and anytime I'm writing something, if anyone walks behind me, I like jump. Um, you know, I like sit up straight.

It doesn't have to be my father even, it's just if someone walks behind me, I, I think it's him. Even though I know my father's hundreds of miles away, thou over a thousand miles away. You know, it's, it's embedded in our nervous system. Right. And, and to our bodies are, humans are built to live in peace and run from a bear occasionally.

Right. Right. We're built to live in peace and run from a bear occasionally, but with some of us, the bear never leaves. Right. And, and we, we were with the bear for so long and now, like in my case, the bear's gone. In my psyche, it's still looking for a bear because there's been a bear there for almost 50 years, you know?

Yeah. So constant, intentional. There's no bear. There's no bear. Look at that pretty puppy. There's no bear. Right? And it's having gratitude for all the other things to pull my focus off of that, but, and that's exactly it. And the reason I brought that up was because you mentioned in one of the other videos I watched you in that Oh yeah, check it out.

Check it out. I don't know where it is, but check it out. It, you were talking about, actually, I think it was your ENTV video is where I saw you first and you were talking about Hello? Now I lost it. It's okay. It will come back. This is part of it, right? That your, your brain just leaves, my brain goes black and everything leaves and it will come back.

But you were talking about, there we go. You were talking about how you thought. That domestic people with domestic issues were running to the military to get away from their domestic issues and they were going in with trauma that hadn't been healed or even identified. That's a big one too. A lot of it isn't identified because if you're born and raised in it, it's what you've always known.

You just know you want something different. Go ahead. I know what I spoke on, well, I actually spoke on is I had a couple episodes, uh, specifically, uh, guess Ricky d Schluter and Shea Spark spoke about this, how Ricky d Schluter grew up. Whenever his dad got angry, he would smash furniture, rip it apart, and he thought everyone's dad did that, you know?

Yeah. And I just spoke actually in my season four premier, I recapped all the takeaways from the past three seasons, and one of the things I focused on was how our parents are our standard of normal, what's normal, and Shea Sparks and I spoke about how. A lot of people end up in toxic relationships because their parents were anyone.

And I harped on my generation how I'm from the generation where everyone's parents are divorced, got married for the wrong reasons, stayed together for the kids, this and that. Mm-hmm. You know, and so we end up in a lot of relationships that are unhealthy, but they're normal to us. You know, they feel comfortable to us.

Actually, I had a, a guest on where it, what, you know, I've, I've, I've talked to women and I've seen women online post about how they're uncomfortable in a healthy relationship. They, they, they're, it's weird because they've been in an unhealthy relationship for so long. Mm-hmm. And so I've talked about that, that conditioning and how it's normal.

And one of the things I said is there's a lot of people in the military Right. Who had that unresolved trauma or, or didn't identify. Right. But also Mike Van Pell from the True Man Podcast was on my show. He spoke about how there's a lot of people getting divorced and then getting married not too long afterward, having never resolved the first divorce.

Or even on a non marriage level, just people jumping from one relationship to the next. I I just gotta forget about her or him or, that's the cycle, right? The cycle, yeah. But the saying goes, the best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody else, which is not true. Right. But it's, you use the next person as a distraction.

And, and I don't wanna, like, I have a lot of respect for the, the women in the military, but I, I'll say this, generally, a lot of them have daddy issues. A lot of them. Oh yeah. Actually go in the military 'cause they like a man yelling at them what to do, which sounds crazy, but you know, I, it doesn't, it's crazy.

Doesn't, but it is not just me who said it. A lot of military members have brought this up to me. Women in the military have brought this up to me. I, I, I sat then I was like, you know that. That is strange. But again, a lot of the women and men in military have a lot of trauma from, from before. And so with the, it's funny you brought that up because I think a lot of the men in the military are in there because they have mommy issues.

That is also true. It's, it's a mother woman. I can't confirm or deny for myself, but, um, it's a overbearing mother and they don't know what to do and it's all these things and they're, they're wounded masculine, right? Mm-hmm. And I actually honest, somebody might, somebody might not agree. Everybody has their own opinion.

I honestly think that the, the military uses that to their advantage. Well, I really do. And that, that brings in that whole, the whole yelling at you and the drill sergeant thing, right? And it's like if you're already have that trauma and you already have those wounds, it's that much easier to control you in the military as, as staff, because you already, you're already lending yourself to that.

You can't tell me they don't know that. Well, you know, it's. It's a yes and no on that one because at the same time, I've seen a lot of young men and women have authority issues developed in the military because they just escaped a household where they were being told what to do, where they were yelling at.

It's like, oh, now you're gonna tell me what to do. I'm now, I'm independent. You know, especially most of the military. I, you know, I always say about 95%, I don't have a percentage, but 18, 19, 17, even a lot of people join when they're 17, 18 to 19, you know? Mm-hmm. So, of course, it's that transitioning point too.

The military is great, but also not great because you're an adult, but you're not an adult. Right. Your, your hand is being held, which is great in some ways, especially because the public education system is a political indoctrination machine and doesn't actually prepare people to live, you know, and be adults.

I love you so much. It's nice. Thank, thank you. I appreciate it. But it's, you know, the military is nice then, because it's like, wow, you know what? Taxes are pretty easy. Well. Military messed up my taxes past two years in a row. But typically, most people don't have problems with their taxes. It's easy. We have housing, we don't have to worry about what we're gonna eat.

Right. Right. A lot of people will get their own places or, or make their own food, but at the end of the day, you will have a place to live. You will have food to eat, and you don't have to worry about those stresses. But then you're also, you know, when you live under someone's house, you live under their rules.

Right. You're as long as institutionalized as in my house. Yeah. You're parent institutionalized regardless of age. I'm the parent, so, mm-hmm. It's, it's certainly a, a situation and part of the issue that I've brought up in the military as well as in, in the society in general, there's no mentorship, right?

Mm-hmm. Our, our, our children are being, uh, raised by social media, which is a tool reflective of how you use it. You control your feed. But when you initially get on those apps, especially as a child. You know, what are they initially shown? And then it goes from there. Especially, yeah. Who's controlling their feet?

Their generations, yeah. Are very poor and addictive. You know, I had a, a 8-year-old the other day, well it was two years ago, but the other day for me, you know, talk to me and my military buddies, they're like, why are my friends so horny? He was talking about porn and he was eight years old. I, I know fifth graders having anal sex, uh, that are, are siblings and my friends.

And it's like, that is crazy. So if that's what they're, they're thinking about what do you think their feet is gonna be? And you have all these, mostly women, uh, that, that's the truth is there's not a lot of men online who have an only fans or whatever, you know, wherever they're showing their images. It's mostly women online who are, you know, I've said before, 'cause women are more mental and men are more visual.

So OnlyFans isn't gonna work for women like it does for men. That's why women are so hell bent on smart novels. That is, that is, wow. That is funny that you said, yeah, we are mental images. You guys are visual images. That's funny because, um, mm-hmm. Even my, my neighbor, she's in her eighties, she reads all smut novels.

It's, yeah. Pretty funny. That's why. But yeah, if you go to Barnes or Nobles or books a million, none of these are sponsors, but they have the section, they'll have like the, the, the motor biker with his abs out and, and then, you know, the low pants line and then it's this, this, and that. And it's always like that dream story of this, this bad guy.

So I, I never realized that. I love that observation. Yeah. So the, that cover builds the picture and then she uses that picture for the rest of the book, right? Yeah, but it's all her building the story in her head. Right? It's not, you guys don't have, you guys don't want to think I can, you're just like, show me, just show me the chest.

Yeah. So that's exactly how it goes. I mean, this is, I mean, legit, I'm real talk, right? I'm all about authenticity. Authenticity, and. Getting the stuff out there. And quite honestly, these kids, and I'm not making assumptions or accusations about your friend's friend or whatever, but these kids that are getting hooked into it really, really early like this mm-hmm.

A lot of it is probably because they have some kind of childhood trauma also. Right? Yeah. And it, it's lending itself to it. And then social media is feeding it, right? Because. The, the mentorship thing is, is, is what I'm trying to focus on, is Yeah. Because they have social media, they don't have parents teaching them what's right or wrong.

A lot of parents are, are neglectful nowadays and then, and angry parents. I apologize, but it's not all of all. But it's not intentionally. There's a lot of neglect and it's because there's a lot of thrown into the technology thrown into the, in, into the void. Right. You know, and I get it. Homeschooling is a lot of work.

Monitoring your, your kid is a lot of work controlling their internet. We can barely control our own time on the internet. You know, how many of us are controlling, healing yourself? Healing yourself so that you can mentor your children is a lot of work. And they would rather be distracted than heal themselves.

Mm-hmm. And since they are not healing themselves, it's not, that's that whole generational curse thing, right? Yeah. That everybody talks about, oh, it's a generational curse and then it's, I don't even honestly think it's passing down the trauma so much as it's passing down the coping mechanisms, right?

Mm-hmm. I come from a long line of alcoholics, right. And so are my children. I passed it on to my kids, you know, and we have real talking conversations about it now, but I had to be open and honest about where I came from and what I caused in my children. Right, right. And now they're in their twenties.

They have to choose for themselves to heal those things too. Right. But it's, it's the same thing. Well, what we need then is to help take some of the stress and responsibility off of these parents to do it by themselves, with mentorship programs, with, but, you know, I spoke with Ms. Whitney on the season for Premier.

I said, you know, the issue with colleges is these guidance counselors, or even high schools, middle school, is these guidance counselors, career counselors, whatever your system has, I, if they even have a system, right? I mean, they're having 15 to 30 kids each. And it's like, it's hard for them on top of their day job and their families at home to mentor each and every single one of these kids in the military.

I said before, your mentor is gonna be the, the, the guy or G who's getting out, who is, who is a, a crap bag sailor and teaches you all the ways to avoid work or, or do wrong or get out, you know, because the people are busy, you know, your mentors are too busy and, and you're kind of just thrown to the side.

So that, that's the big issue, right? And so it's hard for people to heal, uh, from, from traumas or avoid traumas at, at a young age or even into young adulthood because they're not having this available. And there are, you know, this, this new generation has access to all these podcasts and, and, and movies and documentaries and books that a lot of the older generations didn't have.

But it's also like, just knowing they're out there, being actually reaching that, that audience, you know, it takes a long time. Like you're, you're, you're a clear example of that. It could take a long time to even realize this. Mm-hmm. Uh, but it helps when you have an outside party. You had to realize yourself.

But because of people like you who are going out there, you're helping people realize from an outside perspective, a neutral perspective. This is the reality of it. You have to help people see. But part of the issue with that, the rose into glasses, as we call them, you know, you talked about the wounded hurting people.

Because the truth is when you're talking to a woman or a man and you're like, Hey, your relationship is unhealthy, this is bad. Where are they gonna be defensive? Mm-hmm. Of what they care about. Even if they don't care about it, it's not easy for a woman. Like my mom would say, well, there goes 20 years of my life.

You know, sometimes more, sometimes less. Even. Even just a year, three years, especially when you're younger, you're like, that could have been the best three years of my life. You're telling me I'm gonna just throw it all away, like, I am sticking with this person. Like, I've made this commitment, I've invested like we're doing this.

Let me tell you, two days ago, a woman that I've been working with for the last seven months, and she's had other people in her support team. It's not just me obviously, but she got on a one way flight the other day and she left a 38 year marriage. 38 years. Right. And, and it's not easy. It's not impossible, but we think, we always say, I have to see it to believe it.

And that's not true. We have to believe it to see it. And that's why I do what I'm doing out loud. That's why I'm living out loud. Because people, these women have seen that, oh, well if she can do it, I can do it too. Right? Because they're believing it before they're seeing it now. So they, and I actually said something to a friend of mine last night about that, you know, because I still struggle with things and I'm still working on things.

It could be a lifetime battle because the more I heal, the more that comes up, right? It's, it's never ending, but I get through it faster now because I have the tools in place. So it's not as stressful to heal from it as it was, but people are like. Some people are like, you're such a rock star. And everybody's like, you have such a hard life and you've, you've done all this stuff.

And I'm like, they don't know who I was nine years ago when I crashed and burned. Right? They don't know who I was before I crashed and burned and how, how bad it had gotten Then, you know, so for, for Nat, for right now, I could look at myself and say, yeah, I'm healed. Look at how I used to be. I mean, that's never gonna stop for me.

'cause growing is my passion, but it's being real with people and talking to 'em and saying, no, I've been in the dirt. I've been in those trenches. I know what it looks like firsthand. Like the levels of my traumas are pretty extreme and there's a lot of them, you know, but in my mind, God put that on me. I, if I wouldn't have lived and survived through all the things that I've survived through, I wouldn't be able to be that light for other people.

Right. I'm grateful now in my healing process that I am, that I went through all those things. Because those things created who I am. Those things created whiskey, right? Being an alcoholic created the minister named Whiskey who doesn't drink, right? Mm-hmm. Which is just hilarious now. I think I, I'm like, it's a big deal now.

Oh yeah. It's, it's, I chuckled too because, um, I was, people have asked for my origin story or to do a solo episode and it's funny 'cause I was gonna call that episode making whiskey, like, uh, how do you make whiskey? Or something like that. Like you said, making whiskey. Um, yeah, and, and you know, it is, I am a grateful person.

I'm a, you know, I do serve as a preacher every Monday on my other show, radiating Faith, and so mm-hmm. The scripture has saved me a lot and it has helped me be grateful because, you know, it's like, either you or I would rather be who we want to be than, than whiskey, but it's like, at the same time now we have the power to help people, you know?

And so it, it is difficult because, you know, I, I do, I. I am upset with my father for the things he's done to my mother, to my sisters, to me. But at the same time, it, it did form the way for me to be who I am and hopefully help a lot of other people. You know, there was a point in my life where he was trying to, I guess it was gaslighting, um, me to believing that I was the antichrist and that he, I was the spawn of him, like a he that he was Lucifer and some wild stuff.

But, um, yeah, I, I, I don't know what you're saying, but like, looking back at where I was and you said discovering new traumas every day. And, and that is the truth, honestly, because there's a lot of things that I never realized were like, Hey, that's actually manipulation, or that was actually like co controlling or, you know, this wasn't being a good father.

This was him trying to bribe, you know, 'cause a lot of things. Um, trauma bonding is some, is something my mother taught me that it, I've really noticed. It'd be like. For example, uh, my mom was a dog trainer. He had a lot of dogs. And, um, if my dad ended up not liking a dog, typically once they were no longer a puppy and fun, they were responsibility, uh, he would just kill it.

He would shoot them in the backyard or whatever. Mm-hmm. And my mom would cry, and then he would buy her a new one and say, oh, it's okay. Now we have a new puppy. That, that was one form, or like, that's a cycle. Right. I know a lot of couples, that's cycle. Mm-hmm. I know a lot of couples have, they'll, they'll break up, get back together, have a bunch of sex, and, and that's how they're trauma bonded because they're, they're physically intimately bonding with each other.

Love bombing. Yeah. Love. That's another one too, where, um, yep. It's love bombing. My father did it because when my mom met him, he was a police officer. He was a, a, you know, Catholic man from this Catholic Irish family. Everything seemed great. He bought her stuff, dates every day, flowers all the time. Once they were married, boom.

Sometimes it's not even after marriage, sometimes it's after a certain point in their relationship. Mm-hmm. And you used to write me poems every day and now that doesn't happen. You know, and, and don't be mistaken. Right. 'cause I've, I've been accused of it and, and sometimes I want some of the women out there to understand too that there's a difference between love bombing and then just like we're, you know, the relationship is changing, right?

There is a puppy phase, there is a honeymoon phase, right. There's different levels of it. Well, love bombing is a repeated cycle. Yeah. So if, if it's just like, hey, it just doesn't seem as romantic anymore. It's not as glamorous. Don't forget too, that there is a, you know, there the, if you're with someone for years, right?

It's not always gonna be like the, the first few weeks when you're like, wow, this is, this is new. Um, but like you said, whiskey is a cycle, right? Um, so it could also be after, right before every breakup or right after every breakup or every fight, this or that, you know? And so you gotta think and look or, or.

Is your partner getting you flowers or going on dates? Um, whenever, even when it's not convenient? Or is it only after a fight? Is it only after you ask? You know, you have to look at what's the energy involved in it, the, the agenda and the energy, right? Mm-hmm. And so we see what I, I will ask you first some advice here for all our listeners.

Like, what are some of the things we should be looking for to make sure our relationship is healthy, not controlling, or, you know, like signs of gaslighting, signs of love bombing, signs of trauma bonding or financial bondage or, or anything else. All these common tactics, like if you wanna go over the, the common methods that these people will use to hold people captive.

Well, the com common ones are like, love bombing, for example, and, and the, um, gaslighting, some of it is using, especially in a narcissistic relationship, if you start to stand up for yourself, they will use other people against you. So, yeah, be careful who you tell about what you're doing. I mean, what I did, what I had to do, and it doesn't matter who the other person is.

I wanna put that, 'cause we've gotten this really bad dichotomy in social media now about the empaths versus the narcissists. And that's not necessarily true because you can have relationships with two narcissists. You can have a relationship with two wounded empaths and a wounded empath can do some hellacious damage.

Right? It's not just narcissists that run this cycle, it's just codependency. Period. So one of the things is when you start healing yourself, first of all, acknowledge that you need to heal. Because if you're not, and we all need to heal on some level, we all, every person on this planet has PTSD. Right?

Right. Every American who was born before nine 11 has PTSD because we've all all went through and lived the result of nine 11. On some level, we all have, you can ask most 90% of people what they were doing on nine 11, and they know exactly what happened because their brain will go right back there. Right?

It will flash back to nine 11. We all have PTSD because of nine 11. Right? So to understand that there's a, there's something there that you can fix and only you can fix. And usually when we start working on these, I mean, you can get tools and help with it, right? But the acknowledgement working on it solely on you or the individual.

And when we start working on ourselves and really having boundaries and understanding what we'll accept for ourselves, it will start running interference with other people. Have you ever done this where you've changed something about yourself and somebody did not like it? Of course. And part of that course.

Yeah. Part of that is because they're losing who they know you are or who they think you are. Right. Some people are genuinely concerned 'cause of a codependency issue, and some people are concerned because they lost control. Right? So the reaction that somebody does while you're growing will tell you a whole bunch about them, right?

If they, my ex-husband looked at me, said, we were just fine until you found yourself. He said it right to my face. Wow. Yeah. We were fine until you found yourself. So I was perfect for him while I was wounded. But once I started to healing, it was a problem because I wasn't controllable. Right? So pay attention to what people say around you.

Pay attention to energies around people, because a lot of us with wounds also have these gifts where we can understand and we can sense what's going on. Right. The hypervigilance, a lot of people look at it as a curse. To me, it's a gift. I don't miss a thing. I don't miss energies in a room. I don't miss if the door's not locked.

I don't miss anything. Right, right. And, and I've learned that that's my gift. I, I can read people, I, it helps me in my coaching, right? I, I can understand where to take coaching. Does somebody, is this helping them or do we need to go a different direction because they're not picking it up? So things like that is just understanding that all these things that have happened, they suck, but on some level they've happened for us.

What can I do to make that, I call it turning shit into sunshine. It's my own alchemy, right? What can I do to take this pile of shit and turn it into sunshine? And that's different for every person. I would love to give you a cookie cutter something, right? But it's, it's not possible because we are not cookie cutters and all of our experiences are different.

There's little T trauma and big T trauma, right? The big bomb went off. That's big trauma. That's big T trauma, right? Somebody forgot your birthday and your fieldings are hurt. If you're super sensitive, that might, that's probably a little t trauma. It could be traumatic to somebody if that was meant that much to them, you know?

So it's all, it's all dependent on who the person is, so, right. Did that answer your question or was there more to that? No, no, no. That's, that's, that's good. You know, um, surprised your ex-husband said that, that's like a blatant, um, wake up call. Right. Confession, almost. Like That's confirmation. Yeah. And pay attention.

And that, I'm glad you said that. Pay attention. 'cause people tell you, people tell you the truth and Maya Angelou says, when people show you who they are, believe in the first time, people will tell you who they are. And we're like, no, you're fine. That's it. Well, they're like, oh, well I'm such and such, and you're like, no, you're not, honey, you're just fine.

Women do it all the time. Mm-hmm. Men will say, I'm a womanizer, I'm a this, I'm a liar, I'm an alcoholic, I'm a this. And then she's like, no, you're fine. And then she thinks she's gonna fix them. Me and my friends call it Captain Ava Ho. That's, that's, that's funny. Well, I, I can give the, the other perspective.

I, I remember. Okay, well I've never thought of my one ex as a bad person. I, I, I do love her doing that, but it's not good or bad, it's just They are. Yeah. But she said, um, she broke up with me. She said, you're a good person. I'm a bad person. We can't be together. You, you know, you're ambitious. You have goals in life.

I am just a mess. And, and she was a mess. You know, she was on a whole bunch of different pills. She had a lot of trips to hospital, which there's nothing wrong with that. Right. She just needed the help. She's on her journey there. She was on her journey. And, um, I wanted to be there, uh, for her during that.

But, uh, she broke up with me and she said, um, you're, I'm leaving you 'cause you're a good person. I'm a bad person. I remember. That hurt more than anything. I would've rather hurt. I'm a bad person 'cause I can change myself. You can't change other people. Right. So how do you, how do you fix a relationship when they're saying it's because you're a good person?

I, my, my solution was, I said, well I'll be a bad person, you know, of course. 'cause I'm sitting there crying and how many do that? Right. And what ended up happening is later on in life, uh, she got super drunk. Um, FaceTimed me for hours all night. And, um, I actually was typing the whole conversation down why it was happening.

Because I was like, if she doesn't remember this tomorrow, I need her to remember this. Mm-hmm. And um, you know, I, I think she was a bad person 'cause she got drunk. FaceTime me, said all this stuff confessed a lot of stuff that, um, now she denies, but it's interesting. I felt like when she was drunk, she actually said the truth because she said a bunch of stuff that made a lot more sense and, um.

Basically seemed like we were gonna get back together. And then the next day it was like, Nope. Like I was on alcohol. That's literally drugs. Like, nope, not sane. And, and then she was gone again. And, um, I never thought she was a bad person, but, um, that wasn't the nicest thing to do, you know? Um Right. And, and if you have any people Please or wounds Right.

Which are those Captain Ava Hos? I have a lot of those. Yes. Captain Ava Ho is a, is a, is a people pleaser wound. And we feel like we, we feel so internally passionate about helping other people and wanting them to change. Right. And what I learned is we can't change anybody. We can't control anybody, but we can be the example for them to follow.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Right. And I had to, I had to learn and heal to the point where I learned that I don't have to do anything for other people. All I have to do is be me and the people who are ready to change and want to heal. Well do so, and I'm just, I, I said I'm so glad that now I'm the exam the lesson and not the example or I'm the example of not the lesson now, because I used to be, oh, don't be that person.

Right, right. I used to be that person and now everybody's like, oh, well I wanna emulate you. I wanna do what you are doing. And that took a while to get used to, because I wasn't used to accolades and positive feedback and, Hey, you're doing the right thing and Right. I had to learn. It's all a self-worth thing.

And the thing with your friend, there is a self-worth thing. You're bad. I'm good. No, she doesn't feel like she's worthy of your level of goodness. She doesn't see herself there. We can't force people to do that. Yeah. Well, and, and that's one of the worst things about social media. I've had, uh, a, a few of the women I dated said, well, we can't be seen in public because, uh, we're ugly and, and you're good looking.

And I've always been like, why, why do you think that? And that, that's one of the big things with social media is. The unrealistic beauty standards that are set. And again, there's no longer a beauty standard. It's, um, do you have, uh, good parts for sexual activities? Basically, it is like the, the beauty standard is sexualization nowadays, unfortunately.

And so a lot of women feel like if they're not this skinny busty woman, they're, they're worthless, they're ugly. Mm-hmm. Uh, so it's awful. But I was gonna say, I'm captain. Save a single mom, you know, because you captain save a what a lot of time, captain, save a single mom, you know? Yeah. It happens all the time.

But here's the thing is because I was, had such a bad relationship with my father, and I was closer with my mom and my sisters, which my relationship with my mom is all over the place, but I was especially close with my sisters, right? And so I always cared a lot about women. And so the idea of a single mom to me was always the man's fault.

And there's a lot of that blaming in, in our society. Of course, court and social media are pretty against men, and there are plenty of bad men out there. You know, I'm not gonna vouch for all men. But there's plenty of great single fathers. There's plenty of husbands who, you know, there's a, I found out not all single moms are single moms because their husband was in the wrong.

I found out that there are some women who aren't motherly or wifey material at the time. Right. That doesn't mean forever. Right. And so some of the single moms, I was like, I gotta be the guy that stepped up. And then I realized it. It wasn't the guy's fault, it's, it's them and I can't change them, you know?

And unfortunately for me, it's like I can't be an, I can be an example of, I thought I had to be an example of what a good father and husband was, but I realized they need an example of what a good mother is, which is something I can provide other than like, oh, wow. Look at how he is as a stepfather step.

She's my boyfriend. So he is kind of your dad situation. It's like, right, this is, this is a good way to parent, but I, I can't show a woman how to be a, a wife or a mother. Truly, you know? I didn't realize that until you just said, captain save ahoe. But so I learned something of the day, and by the way, captain Save Ahoe Hoe is not a derogatory remark there.

It's, we, it's a joke between myself and friends that we're like, girl, quit trying to save 'em. Quit trying to save 'em. Right? We can't save 'em. And we put ourselves, we throw ourselves on the sword trying to save other people. And what that is, is a wound in us that we need to, we need to search the wound in us that makes us wanna save other people.

'cause it's easier to go out than it is to go in. Well, and you know, my, my mother always harps on me because she is like, you're doing exactly what I did in my relationships. You know, I, I was with your father. 'cause I always thought, you know, we'll, we'll get him back. But who he presented isn't who he is.

You know, when, when they first met and. She just says, I, she, my mother feels like she gave all herself away, not just to him, but to everyone. People clean. Well, how many people are, how many people are their, their true self, especially with swiping right. Or whatever the hell it is. I've never used it, but especially with, with the way the dating scene is world Yeah.

As right. Yeah. And then people jump in the sack so fast they don't know who they're even sleeping with. Right, right. And, and, and people are focused on the wrong thing too. I know there's, there was someone from Gen Z, a woman who posted like, you have to fill out this application before you date me. And, and if you look at it, it's like, how much money are you making travel this and that.

But that's never gonna tell your person's personality or, or, or their intentions. You know, you can worry about money, you can worry about height, but that's not what's important. Right. And, and, and of course, I know women don't just care about height or money, but most women do. That's an important factor.

But it's like, well. Where, where are their true intentions? Who are they really? And like you said with the the virtual stuff, it's so easy to put on that, that facade, that that, that mask and even what are your values? Yeah. What is your value system? And and part of the issue is a lot of the younger generations don't respect intimacy in the bedroom.

So they will sleep with someone on the first date that someone who they think it is and then get bonded. Because sex is a bonding thing. I know that it's been desensitized a lot and a lot of people have desensitized themselves. Can't say that word, desensitized themselves. You just did, um, through pornographic.

Thank you. Thank you. I growing every day. You're welcome. But through pornography, through social media, they, they managed to 'cause our, again, our brains and bodies are connected. So if you take away the value of sex, it, it can impact, it's, it's chemical bonding with you. But at the end of the day, it's still bonding.

So. Women and men are saying, Hey, this person seems great. Sleeping with them, start seeing them, and then they unravel who they really are. But that by that point's too late because you're in that sexual bondage, that emotional bondage. And then from there it develops into, like we said, the financial bondage or whatever it is.

Well, it's not too late, it's just harder to deal with, right? It's not too late. Never too late. We could avoid all of this if people Yes. Actually spent more time getting to know each other. But with the dating apps, it's never, uh, we're gonna be friends first. It's mostly like first date. Um, we've texted a little bit, like I know who you are.

We're, we're, we're a thing, we're, we're dating. Yeah. And um, I, you know what I, I, I can't really preach because I've never been friends with any of my partners. It was, we texted maybe FaceTime, but typically just texted a bit, went on a date, and next thing you know, we're leaving the restaurant boyfriend and girlfriend.

Um, so I, I, and I have been in awful relationships because of that. So I, I'm warning y'all like. You have to actually take the time to get to know someone. But we live in such a fast paced, impatient, no attention span, instant gratification world. And so people aren't taking that time, but look at the headaches that follow.

So that's what I'm, here's one for you. How about an alcoholic with wounds? Right? How many of us just go into a bar, get wasted and get laid, right? And, and it's just a repetitive cycle. And then, and there's either 1,000,001 night stands or suddenly you're in love with a person. You can't remember their name because you were blackout drunk, right?

Yeah. And, uh, Reba McIntyre even did a song like that called, I think his name is John. She doesn't even remember the guy's name. Right. And there's a few of those. I think Carrie Underwood did a song about it too. And it, its substance abuse is huge in, in PTSD and the military breeds it too, right. And between PTSD and domestic and the military and everything else, substance abuse is a, is a coping mechanism.

And sex is sometimes that substance, right? It could be shopping, it could be OCD, it could be hoarding, it could go any direction. Anything that you clinging onto to cope is your addiction. It's your vice. And that's, I, I've ended up becoming an impromptu addictions counselor because of all this. Right? And what I've realized in my own personal thing, I mean some people call addictions a disease.

I understand that we're pre genetically predisposed to some things, right? But on the flip side of that, my personal opinion is that addictions are not the problem. They're the symptom. Yes. They're the symptom of the problem. If we take care of the codependency and we take care of healing these wounds, the addictions go away.

You wouldn't believe how many women I've worked with. Who had massive other addictions going on and they couldn't figure out what was going on. And they fake, they, they solved these other issues of their wounds and the, their identity and, and, and filling those holes in, right? Because that's what codependency is, is trying to fill that damn hole that you don't know what is even there.

And when we pick people out of it, we put substances in it. So, uh, so many of them have, have cured their own addictions because they've healed their codependency. It's still, it's just another codependency. So I'm passionate about this. I just went off the rails a little bit. No, that was, that was perfect actually.

You, something that I talk about a lot. Mm-hmm. Which is negative destressors, such as sex being used, not as an intimate thing, but to get out anger and sorrow to escape the world. A lot of military members do that. You know, people always, you know, sailors go to Japan and sleep with all the Asian women and the.

Like, people don't say, well, why is that? You know, and, and they're like, oh, there's this horny from deployment. I mean, sure, that's, that's, that's one part of it. But another part of it is, is an escape, right? Because sex kind of takes you into its own little world, but sleeping and bedrock, that is a huge thing from the young, your generations.

And it's a huge thing for the military. I know plenty of military members who, if they don't go home and just drink until they black out, they'll just sleep. Their free time is just sleep. They're just always tired and stressed. And it's interesting. What I saw is, is like, think about it. If you wake up and, and your brain, your mind is telling your body, it's a dangerous world out there.

It's a bad world out there, but we're safe in this bed. Why do you think so many people are tired? And that's why they say it's momentum. The more you do, the more you do, the less you do, the less you wanna do because you are, and what you practice in private, you do in public. You are furthering that your bed is home.

It's a safe space. We need to stay there. And you're furthering the idea that the world is dangerous. And that energy deficiency is your body physically trying to anchor you there because your, your body can only control you so much. If you're gonna get outta bed, you're gonna get outta bed. But if you wake up, praise the Lord, while, while I breathe, I hope it's another day, and you go out and get after it, your, your body's gonna be like, I don't wanna stay in this bed.

There's so much to chase out there. And I'm gonna encourage y'all to have that mindset, to have a spirit of appreciation. And if you need more help on that, shameless plug, I have an episode from the Lone Sailor series, combating Chaos with a spirit of Appreciation where I talk about that. And what I'll share from that is, well, Mr.

Whiskey is so hard, the world is such an awful place. And I said, hold yourself accountable to gratitude. And one way you can do that is whether it is sticky notes on your desk or a. Digital log or, or a journal. If you just write at least one thing you're grateful for each day, you know, you'll feel a bit better.

And then you can get to the level where there's two things or three things, or to the level. You don't need to write it. Me, I just share it with God. I, I'll pray throughout the day. God thank you that the sun is shining because my dog won't walk in the rain. You know, that's usually what I'm grateful for.

But also, I, I went over in that episode the stats of how many people just killed themselves today. How many people didn't wake up? You know, how many people were born every day. There is a cycle of life and death going on, and you should be grateful to be alive because there are hundreds of thousands of people who didn't wake up.

And there are even five times that many people who were affected by that person's death. Mm-hmm. And it's all a choice. It is all intention. It's all intention. Amen. Yeah. It's gratitude has become. A cornerstone for me. It, it absolutely has. Because, and like you were saying about family histories and family stories, like that comes back to, uh, it's called effective blaming.

And you, you gave a prime example of it earlier. Effective blaming is when you, if you're gonna get mad at somebody for all the bad shit that happened in your life, you have to thank them for the good things too, because your strengths come from your, your adversities. Right. You don't get stronger because everything's great.

So the worst people in your lives, the worst people in your lives gave you your strongest blessings. Right. So it's your grinning 'cause it's, yeah. 'cause it's like, I, you hate to thank your enemies, you know? It's, um, you gotta thank your enemies 'cause they're the ones that help you grow your friends. And, and, and really your friends help you grow only if they're the true friends that get in your face when you need somebody in your face.

Yeah. Right. Oh yeah. Go through your real friends. They're not the the, and, and if they leave, when you hold them accountable, it shows their character. You know, because I. I held a shit made accountable not too long ago for the way he was talking, and he actually thanked me. He said, Mr. Wishy, you're the first person to hold me accountable out of all my friends, you know?

And I said, it is because I care about you, man. Like I, I, we're supposed to help each other grow. You know, EJ Snyder said, as men, we are called to be a, a, a tribe. And to help each other, you know, to support one another and to hold each other accountable. And, and the Bible says it best gently, you know, hold each other accountable gently, but firmly.

You know, be courageous and guard yourself that you don't fall into the same sin as them. Because whether it's the Bible or gaslighting or a narcissism, a person will try to justify their actions no matter what, especially if that action is controlling you. And so you have to be guarded in, in spirit and mind knowing that they're gonna try to guilt you to manipulate you.

Uh, like you, you mentioned earlier, like when you find yourself. You also find the people in your life who don't want you to find yourself. And that's because they will guilt you of your past. They will, if you are walking a path of redemption, people who are still sinning or whatever it is, whether you're religious or not, they're gonna try to bring up all the past and, and make you feel like you are not able to complete that path of redemption, that you'll never be worthy enough.

And maybe if it's not a redemption path with God and, and, and the Bible, maybe it's a, a new life, a as as as a single man or woman, a or a more independent, boundary filled, respectful relationship with family members or friends. And the truth of what that is, is projection. Because what they're saying is, oh, if you think you're worth enough to leave me, then that must mean that I'm not worthy enough to have you.

And then they're, they are stuck with themselves. That's the truth of that. So I'm gonna keep beating you down so that I can keep telling you you're not good enough to stay or to get you to stay so that I don't have to feel like I'm not good enough. If you leave, that's what that actually means, right?

It's a projection from them onto you. And then as Captain Save Aose, us people pleasers, we're like, oh no, you're totally worth it. Let me show you how worthy you are. And then we just put ourselves right back into the cycle and they're like, oh, good. I'm so glad you think I'm worthy again. Let me love bomb you.

And you know what else it is, is because of all the broken people in the world find these people who they, they think need saving because they, because they have low self-confidence. They're like, all right, so this person with all these issues is easy to, to be with. Well, it's not, it's self-conscious.

Right? You know, it's a of reassurance too, right? It's like, Hey, he's mean to me, but. Could I, could I actually have anyone else? You know? And that's one that can come from manipulation and gaslighting from your partner. But two, it's because of social media. You, you know, you have these unrealistic standings.

You're like, well, this guy must, or a woman must be the best I can do. And, and, and they're right. You know, they said, I can't do better and I can't, you know, it's just hard out there. So you could do whatever you're, you, if you tell yourself you can't, you can't. Right, right. Well, and it's like with my videos or any of the things I do, everything's raw video.

I don't edit anything. My stuff is not clean. It's not sanitized. Like the, if the dog barking and everything else, I laugh about it. I'm like, y'all, it's real life. What do you want? You know? And, and the standard for social media is like, you got five seconds of a dog barking in the middle of your interview.

How dare you? And I'm like, no. There's a damn dog barking. Get over it. Right? It's been 45 minutes and nobody ever thought about that dog again until I brought it up again. Right? Yep. It's not that big a deal, and it's actually a huge deal to show people that being authentic is where it's at, because I don't have to worry about anything.

I just show up and live my life and then move on. I don't have to worry about what I said. I don't have to worry about if I told the truth or nobody, you know, if somebody's gonna believe it or what story I have to keep up in whatever venue I'm in. Yep. Nothing more difficult than keeping, keeping track of life is multiple lies.

Yeah. Yeah. It, it just got, and people pleasers, they, they'll learn it once they start finding their own authenticity, because in order to keep constantly please other people, you have to constantly give up who you are, who you are, because you're fitting their mold, not yours. Yep. Life gets so much easier.

Oh, we so have to do this again. Yeah. Yeah. I was gonna say, so ladies and gentlemen, in a description below, I. For this episode, as well as on my website, you'll find Ms. Whiskey Lynn's picture and all the links to her stuff. But Ms. Whiskey, if you could share with us also who, how to reach out to you and, and what services you offer for us.

And we'll definitely have you back when your, your book comes out of course. But if, if we're someone who wants some relationship advice right now, how can we reach out to you? Well, I am a whiskey Lynn on Facebook, and actually I'm not, I don't charge for my coaching at this point. It's all free and whatever you find on the internet.

And then I help people as they reach out or, you know, different things like that. God brings me, the people who I work with. I don't actually schedule coaching or anything right now. Um, so Whiskey, whiskey, Lynn with an e, both with an E on Facebook is my public figure page. That's me. And then I just launched yesterday as a matter of fact, whiskey Lynn Life Whiskey Lynn Life is my website.

And. We can actually talk about this on a different episode if you want. 'cause it's gonna be a little bit more involved. But I'm doing a 10,000 mile motorcycle challenge in August and I'm riding. Wow. Yeah, it's in two to three weeks. Of, is it from riding nonstop? Riding from Key West Florida to Homer, Alaska?

Have to sleep with the bike. No electronic GPS. No, nothing. It's a just a huge, huge deal. It's an elite endurance challenge. So I was gonna say, you kind of already did it unofficially when you were homeless with your, your bike. I was gonna say, you're trained for, this is easy. This is nothing. All last year I was like, this is great training for Hoka Hay.

This is great training for Ho Hey. 'cause there's a few times last year I was like, I am so gonna die right now. I didn't obviously, and I had to change my mindset, right? So instead of, oh shit, I'm gonna die. It turned into, this is great training for this event. So yeah, I, I'd rather go from Alaska to Florida, be like, it gets nicer along the way.

You're getting, it's getting colder and colder. It's getting, it's gonna go really, really hot to really, really cold. So, yeah. Yeah. I'd rather go from cold to hot. Me personally, but that's, that's just me. Like, you end up in the beach, it's like, all right, I'm gonna go take a suntan nap on the beach now after all that.

Yeah. And you're gonna be like stargazing making, uh, snow angels, I guess. And there's no expressways. It's all two lane back roads and through Indian. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, through Indian Reserv. And I see some nice stuff. All kinds of things. Yeah. So that one's whi whiskey, lin life. And that's my like, what's the word I, yeah, it's just my website and it's gonna have information on there and ways to support me.

And I would love to come back and talk about that more in detail too. Yeah, of course. We'd love to, I assume you're gonna be posting photos and videos to keep us all updated along your journey. There's a whole thing being worked out and mapped out right now. Most people, a lot of people have two years to plan for this by the ti I was on a wait list, I was number 27 when I signed up, and I just got off the wait list last week and I have two, two and a half months to be conditioned.

Raise the money, get everything done, and be on the road. So, heck yeah. And, and you know, knowing guys great will and plan, you're probably gonna meet people along the way who need to hear what you have to say. So. Hopefully you get a, this ministry can inspire some lives on the way too. Absolutely. So we will totally come back and talk about that.

Perfect. Well thank you so much for being on the show. It's been a pleasure. We had a, a lot of great information for our listeners, so I hope this really helps someone. Absolutely. Thank you so much.