Observing Humanity: Vanessa The Vivacious On Happiness, Trauma, & Human Connection

Today, I sit down with Vanessa The Vivacious to explore the complex layers of humanity, mental health, creativity, and resilience. Ms. Vivacious shares how her early life shaped her worldview, beginning with a childhood marked by instability and self-reliance. We discuss how her college years became a turning point, where academic pressure, socioeconomic gaps, and a difficult long-distance relationship led to intense bipolar episodes that ultimately forced her to step away from school. She walks me through the reality of these experiences, highlighting the absence of support systems during a time when mental health resources were limited.

As we move deeper into the conversation, Ms. Vivacious explains her journey into AmeriCorps, her time in Seattle, and the mental health crisis that left her homeless. Her reflections on being both the person serving food in a soup kitchen and then the one receiving it days later provide a powerful look at the fragility of stability. She describes how public perception shifts dramatically when a person loses their home, and how navigating shelters, public programs, and survival taught her more about human behavior than any classroom could. Throughout this period, her mother and brother played pivotal roles in her survival, even as she continued to process the long-term effects of raising herself.

We then transition into her work interviewing strangers across the country, where Ms. Vivacious spent years documenting people’s stories, emotions, and definitions of happiness. She shares how family consistently emerged as the most common source of joy among the thousands of people she spoke with, and how one viewer’s admission that a single video stopped them from ending their life changed the trajectory of her own. This experience led her to create Humanity 2.0, a podcast and video series dedicated to showing the beauty, complexity, and interconnectedness of our lived experiences.

To close the episode, I ask Ms. Vivacious the same question she has asked thousands of strangers: “Are you happy?” Her answer is raw, real, and reflective of everything she has survived. We also discuss the deeper privilege of communication—our ability to connect across time, culture, and circumstance—and how one meaningful conversation can change or even save a life.

https://vanessathevivacious.com/

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*Couple O' Nukes LLC and Mr. Whiskey are not licensed medical entities, nor do they take responsibility for any advice or information put forth by guests. Take all advice at your own risk.

Transcript

 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another episode, a couple of nukes. As always, I'm your host, Mr. Whiskey, and as always, I'm shouting out Pete from Pete versus Anxiety because this is his doing. He sends a lot of people my way. I should pay him. For all the guests he sends my way. But I'm not actually gonna do that 'cause all the guests he sends my way, were technically on my radar or heading my way already.

He just spit up the process. But shout out Pete from Pete versus Anxiety. He was on my show. Spoiler alert. Pete Pete's in anxiety. So spoil alert if you didn't finish that podcast, Pete versus Anxiety, but great guy, he connected me with today's guest and I was on her show all about humanity, and that's what we're gonna be discussing today.

Humanity, the positives, the negatives, what happens when you observe them for a long time. With the intention, the true intention and assignment of observing them, how that changes from just your daily interactions. And we are here with Vanessa, the vivacious. I would love for you to introduce yourself, and most importantly, what does vivacious mean for everyone listening, who doesn't know that word?

'cause, honestly, I thought you were Vanessa, the vicious this whole time. I just realized, ouch. As we got ready for this episode, I said, wait a minute. I hold am having a dyslexic moment. That's not vicious. I guess it was just your personality in in the bio that gave off the vicious, but I misread it, so, oh, so please clarify for everyone.

So, first and foremost, I would also like to shout up. He, I've invented this new sign for him. It's like, kind of like upside down b. I can't really do it, but No, I throw up gang signs in my phone. Can't get canceled. Yeah, yeah. Right, right. Sorry about that. Yeah, so he, he's a, a master networker, that guy.

And I was lucky to meet you through him. Super excited to be here. So vivacious is being full of life and just like really like. Going at everything like full throttle, right? With everything you got, being vivacious, being full of life. It is something that I got as a nickname during college years and it was one of those icebreaker games where you put an adjective to your name.

And that's how that came about, Vanessa, the vivacious. Now I can be vicious sometimes, but I'd rather be vivacious. I think it's a more worthwhile cause. And a little bit about me. I have been doing video and media work since like 2002 and, in various formats. I'm from Texas, born and raised, and I got out every chance I got and traveled the country interviewing strangers and doing nonprofit work probably most of my life.

And this is where we are now. So you talk about these adjectives. Did they have to be alliterative or was that just a personal choice? No, it had to be alliteration. Yes, because supposedly there's like a, a mind game where if you rhyme the word with, another adjective with that letter, it'll help you make a mental connection.

So you'll remember the name. For sure. I think that that is, that's what I'm gonna start to do when I meet people. 'cause I meet so many people at these conferences and they all know Mr. Whiskey. Yeah. It's, for some reason they just, they're like, hat, alcohol, Mr. Whiskey. And it's just like instant. Everyone knows who I am and then I have a list of, 50 people I just met, and I don't know whose name from whose name to whose name, because I'm gonna start attaching Yeah.

Adjectives to them. Maybe not the politest ones, but as long as they have the same letter, that's all that matters. But what was it about your college self that was so full of life and energy and all that? Well, I've always been that way my whole life, just living out loud and just, without reserve.

I, I never knew any other way to live. So I entered college that way, but then it got taken away from me also in college years. So, it's funny that you asked that. During my college years, I had some really, really intense episodes, mental health episodes. And so a lot of my vivaciousness and a lot of my energy was just stripped away.

And it continued for many years actually. Hmm. We will definitely unpack that. And on the note of mental health, I forgot to mention, I'm wearing my quasi transformed weeping profit outfit. I'm not wearing the full weeping profit jacket, but I have the All Black on, which is actually a reference back to when you and I both wore.

All black on this show, and you kind of got the memo, you're kind of astrologically inclined right now with your mm-hmm. Universe shirt on. But it, it works because all those stars are dying. They're, they are dying. So some of them could be dead already. For those of you who dunno what I'm referencing, because light takes so long to travel across such a vast distance.

Some of the stars you see in the sky at night are already dead. Which is such a crazy thought actually. It is a really interesting thought when you think about it. Yeah. But I want to get into, you talk about mental health struggles, college. That's definitely a transitioning time period of everyone's life.

There's a lot of different phases that people go through and they're exploring their identity and their self. A lot of people get into their first relationships or their first real adult relationships. Plus if you're not having your handheld to a degree, you may be adulting for their first time as well with some some support or none.

So what really played into it, would you say it's. Academics, the people, the social interactions, the adulting, a combination of all the above. Hmm, that's a very good question. I want to say that it's everything, but it was more so, relationships and also the socioeconomic surroundings because I'm thrown into this environment with kids that have gone to prep schools.

I went to a private university and I come from a dirt floors, and so I wasn't prepared to, I guess, run at the same pace. I was a first generation college student and I worked a. I, I waited tables to even afford the bus ticket to get there. And as far as like the relationships, I was engaged to someone who had just entered the military and they wanted to make a life for us.

And so they were like, okay, well I'll go off and, enlist in the army and then you go to school and then we will, get back to, to get married. And I wasn't prepared for the separation. And that, that really fed into the depression. And this just the culmination of what became bipolar episodes that were like full blown, like, not just like mania, but like actually having hallucinations and all kinds of craziness go on.

So it was a huge, huge drop and, I remember when I, because I had to go to the hospital for one of them, or a few of them actually. But the first one when I came back to school and I tried to catch up and everybody was so far ahead and, and no one really knew how to work with me. Some people were afraid to work with me as far as like school psychologists because they don't wanna get, in trouble for doing the.

Thing. And then my teachers at this time, this is 2002, so there's not a whole lot of research and a whole lot of medicine around bipolar disorder. So, so it's a really difficult time, right. A lot of the services that you have now didn't exist then. And so, it was a huge learning gap and a huge gap for me as well trying to understand what was going on.

But I remember my therapist at school saying, if you don't drop this relationship, you're going to die. You're going to take your own life or something. You're going to, just have a very unfortunate ending. And so I made the choice to remove myself from that relationship. And things got a little bit better, but then I don't know, like most humans do, you tend to clinging onto another soul.

And so I saw someone else and I was like, oh, I have to know this person. And then there went the next four and a half years. Mm-hmm. I had to very much disagree with the advice you were given. I think that teaches running away and cutting off rather than creating management skills and coping skills that are healthy and mm-hmm.

Dealing with the yes, you could say, oh, well what they were putting forward is root cause destruction, which is getting rid of the cause of all these symptoms, which was the relationship. But I have to disagree. Yeah, that's not, that's my professional, unprofessional opinion. That's my, my official unprofessional opinion.

Yeah. But I definitely disagree with that. What I think is interesting. Is one of the things that you mentioned was the kind of preppy environment and the foundation that everyone had compared to you. And I saw an amazing post today. It was a picture of an orange and a little slice was cut out of it, and in the place was like a piece of onion or garlic.

I'm not a chef, but it, it looked like some kind of food. And the caption said, just because you fit doesn't mean you belong. Because it fit in perfectly in a slice spot, but you could see that it definitely did not belong there. And that can be twisted in very evil ways, of course. But yeah, the point I wanna make is about.

How did you feel in terms of you, you made it to the college environment that they were in. Mm-hmm. That doesn't necessarily meant that you were one of them or were able to catch up to that. So did you have to change the way you dressed, the way you spoke? Did you try to play this game of catch up and fit in, or did you just embrace being different and kind of lean into that?

Or did being different kind of take over and push you more towards those mental health issues? Yeah. So, I thankfully had a group of friends, that I cultivated in that four and a half year period that were extremely different from everyone. They were totally alternative. They listened to punk music, they played video games all night.

They went, out to eat and maybe did a little other activities, but they were the best authentic people I'd ever met. And thankfully. Meeting them saved me, but even without them, I, I can proudly say that I stuck to myself. I, I did not change, I did not, emulate them. I didn't join a sorority.

I just stayed the course and, and. I guess express myself creatively, whether it was music or, or media or poetry or something, anything creative that was my outlet. So anytime I've ever been uncomfortable I just put everything into some, some creative passion of some sort and it makes me feel better.

I don't feel the need to, to match anyone else's energy because I know that authentically we all have our own energies and everyone is comprised of different situations, different moments, different, I guess different issues, right? We all have our own issues and those same issues, and those moments make all of us uniquely beautiful.

So I, I had no reason to tag along or emulate anybody else. But I will say, going back to the not agreeing with the therapist, totally agree with you, but I didn't know better at the time, and that fiance came back. I, I think like a, a year later and was like, Hey, all right, let's get married. And I had to tell him like, I'm sorry, I had to move on.

And that crushed the both of us, and it stayed with me for like 20 years. Mm-hmm. Hmm. Then that relationship that was there, I call it a, a rebound relationship that you were jumping into someone else to try to bury all the emotions. Did that end up becoming a toxic or unhealthy relationship? Oh, a hundred percent.

Okay. Sadly, I, I laugh about it now, but only because it's so funny. He was, he was smart, but he was also an avid gamer and no disrespect to people that played d and d, but he was like on the level of buying $500 figures and just, dice at cost, X amount of money and putting his money and, and concerns into things that were part of a game as opposed to me.

So, yeah. Into our relationship. During the last months, I helped him become a stockbroker. I helped him study for it and everything and, and at that point I had to decide whether I wanted to live a life with love in it or just, money and just be there in that comfort state. And I chose love and I left.

Did you roll for it? Did you roll a dice and get a high enough number to leave or? No, I'm not that cool. No. I just called my brother and he picked me up and took me back home to San Antonio. Okay. All right. Interesting. And you talked about, so what did you, what degree did you graduate college with? I didn't.

I didn't I had to leave in my second year because I ran out of money. Even though I had scholarships and loans, I still didn't have enough money. 'cause it was 30,000 a year and I wasn't getting enough. They would separate my money into quarters, so there was no way to put it all in. Hmm. So, yeah, I went home my second year and then they held onto my transcript for another, I would say probably 15, 20 years.

I don't know. This is 2002. I went back to school finally again at a junior college in 20 19, 20 20. So many years later. I couldn't go back because they held onto my transcript and I owed them $8,000. But then one of our family members passed. Paid off my debt and then went back to school. And funny enough, the junior college professors for this radio, TV film program were some of the best people I've ever met, and I did the most work I've ever done.

I got to direct a a pilot for a Mr. Rogers neighborhood spinoff. It was so much fun. And what was it called? It's not a beautiful day in the neighborhood. That's, that's, that would be my spinoff series. It's not a beautiful day in the neighborhood that, that needs to be the sequel. Totally. We, we did the premise where his grandson moved back to the neighborhood after he died.

And some of the neighborhood residents were Chef Ramsey. Bob the painter, what's his name? Bob. Bob Ross. Mm-hmm. Bob Ross. And then for some reason the little guy with the socks from Harry Potter. Dobby. Yes. Dobby Was there, like the actor? The The puppet. The puppet, yeah. So we had someone play the puppet and he lived outside.

He was homeless. But yeah, there was, there was some crazy characters in that neighborhood. Interesting. Mm-hmm. It's an odd day in the neighborhood. Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah. It really was. But it made me wanna do like a documentary at some point in the future. 'cause it was just so cool researching about him, about Fred Rogers.

Mm. So, so, yeah. I went back to school eventually. I didn't graduate from t the university and won't say it. My goal was finish the two year program at this local college and then get a scholarship to go back and finish it off at the place that took 15 years away from me.

So, I want to unpack that big gap between 2005 and 2019. You've got this, mm-hmm. Huge, huge space where you left, you go back to Texas. What happens from there? From there, I needed purpose. I've always had this affinity for doing good for others, just serving others. It was, the first act of kindness I ever did as a kid.

And then as an adult, having failed at school and having to go home, I wanted to do something to help people still. And so I enlisted in AmeriCorps, which is like domestic Peace Corps, right. And I went to Seattle, Washington, and I was there for a few years. And then I came back home and took care of my mom 'cause she was getting sick.

So,

fun fact, just 'cause I study Hebrew and Greek in the Bible and I found, I was researching the origin of minister versus pastor versus preacher and serving others and helping others in, in Greek. The term for it is dia conno, which I think is just super cool. Instead of. Preacher, saying I'm a, a diakonos, it sounds like a, like an anime move.

So it's a fun fact for everyone. Diakonos, if you like helping others, serving others, you can call yourself that. That's awesome. And yeah. So can you like, put it on your hat, like, embroider it? Well, that would be bad ex It wouldn't be in a lit literative adjective for me, so I'm. Whiskey wise, I guess, I don't know.

I haven't, I haven't gotten the opportunity like yourself to attach any adjectives to me womanizer whiskey, that might work. No, I was just kidding. I'm just kidding. Y'all. I'll, I'll think of something for you for sure, but, but you know what though? I feel like you don't even, you don't even need alliteration though, because when I look at you, I see nothing but big head energy.

Thank you. Yeah. Big. And when hear, hear you mentioned that this before and I was like, that's gonna be a shirt's True. Oh yeah. Like, that and maybe some kind of tagline that's like, can I call you Mr. Yeah. I usually quote I liked how M Knight Shaman for the Glass series, he had a scene where it was like, for Mr.

Glass. He goes, first name, Mr. Last name. Glass. Wow. So sometimes a day, I mean, captain Michael Neely on the podcaster crews the first year round when I performed comedy, he goes, his first name is Mr. His last name is Whiskey, Mr. Whiskey for some comedy time, y'all. Or something like that. Mm. So, yeah, I think it's interesting.

And the, the big hat energy, that might be a t-shirt that could be on brand. But ultimately, if, if y'all take anything away from this episode, remember this. It's not the size of the hat, it's how you wear it. So whether it's a 10 gallon or a 20 gallon, they both are great. The black hats are as good as the white hats.

They both, get the job done for different occasions. And so just keep that in behind telling you that big hat energy at it again. Yeah. Trying to keep a serious face. Why I say all this, but yeah. And lost my train of thought, but yeah. I say vivacious. You say vivacious? No, I say vivacious. Okay.

Vanessa the vi? No, I say vi You say, oh, you say the vi. Yeah, I say vi, I've heard that quite a few times. Vi but I don't correct folks though. I mean, I, it's nice to say it turned into my production company. But during that gap period when I was in Seattle, I, I also lost my job and my assignment and due to another mental health episode I had up there.

And so I spent a little over a year homeless, which is interesting. What I want to mention with that is, so was that mental health crisis related to the prior ones or this was kind of a new manifestation of that?

Yeah, I think I think it had, well, I mean in, in the bipolar world. Episodes can be triggered by just about anything. And so I think it was a mixture of the job, the environments, in the constant rain, the cold. Hmm. I remember we once were assigned to a soup kitchen to feed the people coming in.

And one day I was on the serving in, and a couple days later I was on the other side. Wow. That is one of those. Powerful full circle moments. And so how did you pivot from there? I. I met people on the street that taught me how to use public services, and so that was how I stayed alive and I spent a lot of time writing and watching people and observing the difference that happens when you have a home versus when you don't, and the way that people look at you and disregard you.

People that believe that you're on drugs when you're not people that believe you're panhandling when you're not. I never did it once, never panhandled once, which I'm proud of, but I don't discount those that do, because they have to survive. And I was lucky to meet people in these services that would give me shelter for a day or sometimes a week.

And then that's the same brother that gave me a ride home from college. He also searched for me in the streets of Seattle and took me home or bought me a bus ticket home. So it took me like, I think a little over a week or less than a week, but almost a week to get home on a Greyhound bus from, from Washington State.

And, without money. It's like the longest trip ever because you're not eating that whole time. So it was really interesting to get home. And then once I did get home, I slept for like a month. I didn't wanna go out. At this point, this is like two major failures. This is college failure, this is, failure at working with a major nonprofit.

And so at that point I stayed inside and my mom, she just knew, she just knew how to take care of me. She didn't ask questions, she just brought me whatever I needed. And whenever we'd go out to eat, we'd go at night when no one was around. She just knew how to take care of me and I don't know how she did that, but, that. That too in itself is interesting because I raised myself, but the core moments where I needed a mother, she was there for those. Well, let's go ahead and rewind then to this idea of raising yourself. Mm-hmm. How did that look in your life and why? So I was the baby of six siblings and I think there's like four fathers in between us.

And my mom was a very rolling stone type of woman. And so she had a period with alcoholism. She had a period with attachment to men that was just way beyond what it should be, gambling issues. She had a lot of things. In front of her that kept her from seeing me and at times my siblings. But because I was the last one, I got no kind of mothering.

And thankfully I was smart enough to figure out things for myself as far as getting the resources, getting money that I needed. Sometimes it may not have been legal, but I did what I had to do to take care of myself. And then I started working under the table at 13. So I was able to afford, necessities to take care of myself.

And then I waitressed all the way through high school, and that's what, got me to the college road. But I asked her when I was 18, when I was leaving for college, I took her to breakfast and I asked her why she didn't raise me. And she said, because, because you. Because you didn't need me. You did it yourself.

You didn't need me. There was nothing for me to do. And I'm like, that's not an answer. That's an interesting excuse. Yeah. I was like, dude, but everyone needs a mom. Doesn't matter whether you need 'em or not, you just need someone there. Right. And so, yeah, that was her answer. Otherwise, you end up crushing on older women the rest of your life having struggles with that.

If you're a man or a woman, I guess. I don't know. Oh, interesting. Hmm. Or you joined the military? Actually, I, I had a guess on the show once. She said Every woman in the military has daddy issues and every man in the military has mommy issues. You know what's weird is that. And, and let me ask you, have you come across someone that didn't have either, didn't have the mommy or the daddy?

'cause I didn't have her and my dad died when I was a baby, so I didn't have anyone. I had God when I was little, my brother said our dad's not your dad. You don't have a dad. And just out of nowhere. I said, God's my dad and he's bigger than your dad. And I just walked away and I lived with that.

My dad beat up your dad. Yeah. Yeah. My dad can. My your dad. Well, that is just intuition of knowing. One of my favorite quotes in the Bible actually, because of my family dynamic is, and I'm gonna paraphrase here. I'm pretty sure this is verbatim though, though my father and mother have forsaken me. The Lord God receives me.

And it talks about. Ultimately, you have your earthly biological parents and that's good and all, but you have an ultimate father in heaven who provides for you Jehovah Gyra. So I, there were very few people in the military, and I will say in life in general, who have found, had that classic structure of two parents.

Great relationship with both of them. You wanna take a step further? People who had. Both parents, siblings, and both sets of grandparents all happy. Very rare find not in tv, you'll see in every TV show, and I envied that growing up, but most people have an estranged relationship with at least one of their parents or it's a skewed, proportional relationship to some degree.

Or they just don't have one active in their life at all. I think what's interesting with your dynamic is typically what we see is the youngest sibling. Sibling is super spoiled, no rules, super taken care of. I think there comes a point though. Depending on a number of kids where then the youngest kid just gets left with the older siblings as parents.

So I think it really depends on the age gap and you know how many kids there are. But you know, we also can't speak in general terms 'cause every family dynamic is different. What I will say is the divorce rates, the unexpected pregnancies, the toxic relationships, the abundance of those shattered homes is more now than ever before.

And. A lot of that has to do with politics, with attacks on the traditional family values and also just the drastic sexualization in the world leading to pregnancies and unhealthy relationships, toxic relationships financial bondage. And, I work in domestic violence and pregnancy support and abortion alternatives, and the biggest driving factor behind abortion and people staying in domestic violence or toxic relationships.

Is not being able to afford to raise a child or free themselves. Mm-hmm. And to me, that is what really breaks my heart. The fact that we have people who have private spaceships, not just jets, private spaceships. And we've got people who are killing their own children because of a lack of money. And that's not to say that people who earn their money aren't entitled to it.

Ultimately, they earned it and it's their money. But if they did so immorally. Then that is a conversation that is separate from that. And are we obligated to take care of one another for me as a man of faith? A hundred percent. Even from the non-religious sense talking about humanity.

'cause that's our specialty. I think that we are to take care of one another, just out of the core essence of we're all human beings. Mm-hmm. I think it's interesting that we have this mindset and ability to just hate human beings and, and kill one another and. Be so heartless, mm. In my book, God versus In Domino Human Spirit coming out soon, I talk about emotions.

I talk about one of the cases, people who have killed their siblings over a video game. Mm-hmm. People have killed over even smaller things than that. So the amount of emotions that humans can feel and the decisions they allow them to make, it's just mind blowing when you look at some of these cases for.

Acts of sexual assault and violence and raping to actual murder, to theft. The motivations of the human heart are so interesting to observe, and, and you observed a lot of different motivations and a lot of different acts in humanity. So I'd love to get into that period of your life. Sure.

What would you like to know? Where do you wanna start? Yeah, I was like that. Yeah. Well, I'd like start with the, I guess the, when would you say you first intentionally started observing people? Oh man. Okay. So when I was young and I could afford to do things. I would go to the movies and I would go to the Dollar movie and, and watch whatever was playing because I just loved the hell outta movies and television.

Right? And I would study it, but I would also study the people. And so I would study the people that were watching the film, and then I'd go to the cafe next door after the movie, and I'd think about. The whole movie and the plot and what had happened and the characters. But then I'd also observed the people in the cafe and then it just became this habitual thing of just watching people.

And part of me remembers being completely alone and not really relating to other kids my age, because my thought process and having to take care of myself was like on a far greater level. But, the other part of me thinks about how beautiful it was that I was able to separate myself from everyone else and just watch them and, and figure out, oh, what are their motivations?

Or, these two people love each other, let's, look at what that looks like. And so, it happened very young for me. I, I would say, when I was 13, that was, that was about the time where I, where I started doing that. Mm-hmm. And just speaking of, of people and. The way you talk about your childhood, you kind of didn't have a childhood, you had an adulthood.

Mm-hmm. At childhood. Have you ever tried, consciously or subconsciously to pursue childhood in your adult years or to nurture that childhood wound? Like has it manifested in your life in any way? No, no. 'cause even though I had a difficult surroundings, I still found a way to have like the most fun, whether it was with myself or with other people in the coming years.

Yeah, no, I had some magnificent moments. So I guess my defense for what I didn't have was making the most of what I did, no matter what it was. So a very mature mindset for, a, a job to have. Oh, yeah. So I think that's awesome. And. Whatever happened to you Talked about the rebound toxic relationship you got into.

I'm just curious from there to now, what the relationship journey has been like. Oh man. Well from that period there was a lot of, a lot of revolving doors. It wasn't relationships, it was more so, just people, dates, nights, going out with your friends, in your early twenties. I did a lot of that.

So there was, there was just I guess a lot of like exploration, right? Trying to figure out like what kind of person you want to be with or what kind of person you are. So, that's, that's what my relationship style was like. I didn't meet anyone serious until, until my thirties I guess. And that's the husband that I have now.

And we met, we met on Plenty of Fish.

But, but, but, but, but, but I, I, I premised it by saying it wasn't like a, a hookup though. Every other phish date was for him. He was just trying to find a friend to talk to. And I thought, well, that's interesting. Someone actually using the platonic button for platonic reasons. Okay. And so we were friends for two years and we kept each other's secrets and we told each other things, and then.

We dated for two years and then got married in the fifth year. So that was, I guess, the first time that I actually had someone that I could connect with and, and who could give me, like, I guess they could give me, something valuable, their love and their attention and, out of respect not for wanting something from me.

So that was really new for me. So had you ever tried to. Prior to meeting your husband, had you tried to go find the military fiance that you had dumped originally? Yeah. Yeah. Yes, but I need, I need to know, I knew he was, I needed to know. Oh, oh, okay. I pined for that guy for like 20 years, so, yeah. I mean, but he was always in relationships or something and, and we did finally catch up like last year and, and have it out on Discord and just talk.

And he was like, he was. Beyond that. He was over it like years ago, and he was like, look, we were just kids. And I was like, oh, okay. So pining for no reason. Got it. Thanks. Appreciate that. That that hurt. But yeah, I, I so you're not getting divorced after all? Well, I mean, I was separated, but then we kind of came back around, so I think that we changed so much over time.

Of course, and who we are. Even when you get married, the same, the who you are when you get married is not the same person that you are, 10 years later. We're going on 12 years and we're still different people, but. The foundation of us, the, the two people who told each other things and who helped lift one another, those people are still there.

But we did have a point where we separated 'cause we were fighting too much and I couldn't take it. And then being apart, we hit, we hit a huge reset where we could see ourselves and see each other from 5,000 miles away and have real conversations and. Put the past in the past and move forward with, certain goals and having that discussion, this is what I need, this is what I want, and the other person being responsible and saying, okay.

And then that's how we ended back, back together. But yeah. The military guy didn't care about it anymore as much as I did. That was interesting to see. Right. Well, and I think from his point of view, I mean, you had dumped him and then he tried. To get back with you and you had already moved on. So I can understand his viewpoint to that point.

I do think it's interesting that y'all did end up meeting and catching up and, that's an interesting story on its own. Could, could probably be an episode on its own. Well, I mean, we didn't meet up per se. We just, chatted over Discord. But he was like the one that got away. He was, he was everything.

So, yeah. Yeah, I've been, been there, done that. So I think we, we all have that one who got away the, the one that really breaks us. In fact, I was featured in a book that's coming out where I wrote about my experience with that. So it's definitely leaves the lasting in fact. And yeah, so. We talked about observing humanity.

I know you're the podcast host of Humanity 2.0 currently, and in between what we talked about, which was a young age observing people with your movie theater nights out to hosting in a podcast. There's been a lot of in between as well with just what you did for work. So can you tell us about that and your observation with humanity?

Yes. On that professional side, yeah, a thousand percent. I think it was 2019 or so. I was watching TikTok one day and I saw a video that was so incredibly moving and it was about just asking someone, are you happy? And I thought, damn, that is so awesome. And at the end there was a call to action that said, Hey, join our team.

Be one of us interview strangers about happiness, and I was like, Hmm, well, it could be either a really funny party story one day, or it could be something that's life changing. And it was life changing. I joined as a volunteer to interview strangers. And I went to the mall, my first one, and I got lost in the mall.

And the first person I interviewed was a balloon artist. And of course he was happy, but he just had the most profound things to say. And went home, uploaded it, and then they edited and put it up and someone replied to the video and said, I was planning not to be here tomorrow. And then I saw this and I think I'm gonna stay.

That just changed everything. I was just blown away by that. And so for the next four years 5, 4, 5 I interviewed strangers and I traveled the country and I observed them while interviewing them about happiness and then asking follow-up questions that took me on paths that, that I could never expect, right?

Their family lives, the people they've lost, people they've loved just. All kinds of, of personalities and what I took away from that in between traveling, right. It was just, it was insane. And, I joined their production company as well, and I, I taught 3000 plus creators how to interview strangers, and I taught them how to go out and be video journalists, right?

So I became this like teacher, this production manager, and then I still did the work myself. Well, after all of that time, eventually I got really tired and. I took a break and when I was ready to come back, they were like, well, we've kind of, shifted. I'm like, oh, okay. It's fine. But then I thought about these thousands of hours of footage and things that have never been seen by people.

This, this docuseries. They have 4 million plus followers on all their platforms, and I got to be a part of that. Right. But there's all this footage that no one's ever seen where there's like these gorgeous moments of humanity showing that. It's a crime not to put that out there. And so that's where the Humanity 2.0 series came from, was, let me make a video series that's a companion to this podcast, and then let me interview people.

'cause I've done that for, the last five years. Let me just continue doing that because I know how to do that. But it's not even about the knowing how to do that. It's, it's, it's like breathing, connecting with other humans and being able to share their story and deep dive, but to bring out the humanity in them, it's like breathing to me.

And so, I wanted to continue that and I do that with the podcast. And as soon as I'm able to get, get a set for the year, then I'll get back on the video series and pull all that footage out and put it where it belongs with humanity. So of all these interviews that you have done so far. Specifically the ones about happiness.

What were some of the most common answers? Answers slash themes that you picked up on that really surprised you or didn't surprise you? Oh, family. Family was the most common of them all. But the way that people describe, yeah, yeah, yeah. But the way that people describe their family is like, oh, my mother.

My mother has been there my whole life. My brother, my, my father, my. My parents that I found I'm adopted, like all kinds of family stories. It's like you are looking at a fractal, right? Fractal of light and so many derivatives, but. Each one of them. Just unique snowflakes even. But yeah, family was, was the biggest one.

A lot of sweethearts. Right. My partner completes me, and I, I love that there was always a similar moment amongst every person. Was that when we asked them the final question, which was, if you could share a message with the world, what would that be? People would like. They take a moment to think and you'd see like this little wrinkle, right?

The thinking wrinkle in their head, every single person. And before they gave their profound message to the world, you'd see that little thinking crease. And you can, you can see the gears moving, but you can also see when that clarity comes to them and that message comes to them and their face just washes over like a totally different person, and it's just beautiful to watch.

For sure. I think it's so interesting. One, one of the things that I've done is with every faith-based guest, who is a believer, I've asked them to leave us with a Bible quote. Just what's on their heart right now. Mm. And keeping track of the overlaps and what people say. It's interesting.

There's a lot of ones that people say that are very common and go to, and every now and then you'll get this one. Like, wow, most people didn't even know that quote was in the Bible. And so I think it's so neat to, keep track of those in the same way. I, usually have a big takeaway in every episode.

If we could leave one message, what would that be? And it's always interesting to hear what people say and, and the overlaps and, mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You know what, I, I had to ask, what is humanity to you? Humanity to me is a collective of. All of the experiences that we've ever had rolled into one, but then separated, by the, the lives that we lead.

Yet we're still connected by this thread, so. I just, I just believe that humanity, going to a bad place is just not possible. 'cause we're still all connected. We're all these beings just connected. I mean, from a faith-based standpoint, you can say we're all connected by God, which is totally true.

And for those that are non-believers, but they're more, into physics and such, they can say we're connected by a different kind of thread. But for me, humanity is, is like, we're all one. So we're just a series of complex memories and moments, and there's hope there because even for like a thousand difficult situations that you see everywhere around you, there's, there's far more positive ones that are happening at the same time.

So I, I think that Humanity 2.0, which is us being closer, us being, more kind and compassionate without even thinking about it, I think, we can get there. And so follow up question. The question that you asked for so many years, I'll now ask you, which is happiness, just with a question mark at the end because I don't know the full question.

So, oh, the happiness question, it was just, are you happy? Okay. Are you happy?

Yes. Yes and no. I'm happy that before coming here and the reason why I was late was 'cause I was preparing dinner for my family from scratch because I like to cook for them, especially when I have moments where I'm not working like a horse, 'cause I do that. So I'm happy for that. And being able to still have a table to have them around, I'm not happy because I was supposed to write a script and submit it this morning and I didn't make it.

So I'm not happy about that. But in the grand aspect of things, I should not be here. There are so many times that I should have died and I am here. And so for every day that I wake up, yes, I'm super happy, super happy to be here. No idea why the hell I'm still here, but I, I just make it a point to make everyday mean something.

There's gotta be a reason why we're here. 100%. Well, Ms. Vivacious, thank you so much for your time today. I will have you know what you do in a description below for people to check out your podcast, and we definitely look forward to as we move into 2026 here. The big plans you have with all the video footage and everything else coming out.

And I just want to thank you again for your time today and for guesting. I think this has been a great episode and I would like to have you back on for just I call it breakfast and bs. Just it was a podcast. I wanted to start. When I was working as a waiter. Mm-hmm. Just based off of all the stories.

Yes. 'cause you already know if you were waitressing for that long, we're family. Then you've got stories. Oh hell, I didn't wanna bring them up in this episode. Well, we'll do a separate episode for that. Oh my god, I'm here for it. People don't realize the behind the scenes of the restaurant industry. I've, I've been threatened, almost dead.

There has been felons versus military members in the kitchen. People with grills that say death on them. Mm-hmm. Not the kitchen grill, their, their gangster grill. There have been what happens when the boss has children who work at the restaurant and show up and take the best tables and then leave a mess, but take the money.

There's, there's a lot that goes on. Especially so much drama. So much drama. Yeah. There's a lot of. In-house dating that then furthers the drama and ization with married people. The cook's baby mama. Yeah. I was just about to say, the cook's baby mama comes in to order food, but he's sleeping with the hostess.

The hostess put sparkle, glitter makeup on her cleavage. I, these are real stories. Mm-hmm. So you and I will have an episode about that for sure. But thank you today for sharing about humanity and I think one of the most important. Things about humanity. One of the best parts of privilege that we have compared to any other existing creature is our ability to communicate with one another globally.

From culture to culture, race to race, and to have conversations across generational conversations, generational conversations from people much older to much younger, and to talk beyond time. This conversation might be being listened to right now. And you and I are dead or alive. Maybe we're vivacious full of life.

But I think that's so cool that we have the ability to connect with one another. I think that's something we've lost in the heated political landscape of America is conversation. And in fact, honestly, I'll, I'll come out and say it. We have people being killed for having conversation. Mm-hmm. So I think we need to restore.

Humanity to being a connected connected entity where we are talking with one another. That's the, I feel like that's the bare minimum and a, a privilege and a gift that many abuse, so, mm-hmm. And your show it in itself, it connects with people. What you say resonates with people. And so by you connecting with even just one person, your whole, your whole purpose for being here and having your show, it's worth it.

100%. And you talked about that one-to-one thing. And so I just wanna remind everyone listening that your single interaction with someone today could be very life-changing. This show started from a single conversation. I've had episodes with guests whose suicides were stopped by a single conversation, check in on one another, especially around this holiday season more than ever.

But definitely throughout the year, be checking in on one another, even. More so the people closest to you are sometimes the people hardest to tell that there's something wrong. So ask that question of, are you okay? And go deeper than just a five minute conversation. But again, Ms. Vivacious, so great to have you here and I can't wait to have you back on.

Awesome. Thanks so much for having me. And don't ever lose that big head energy.