A Failing System, Custody Wars, & Domestic Violence Led To Her Daughter's Death

Today, I sit down with Christina Ronquillo, a domestic violence survivor and contributing author in the Warriors of Hope anthology. We reconnect after meeting at the book launch and walk through the core themes survivors face behind closed doors—abuse, control, fear, and what it takes to speak up when the system feels stacked against you. 

Ms. Ronquillo shares how being raised in a strict, faith-centered home shaped her view of marriage, endurance, and family, and how those beliefs influenced major decisions as a young mother. We talk through the realities of domestic abuse—financial control, isolation, escalating violence, and the pressure to “stay” even when staying puts you and your children at risk. 

We also unpack the long legal aftermath: custody battles, CPS involvement, protective orders, and how court continuances and systemic gaps can leave victims feeling unheard and unprotected. Ms. Ronquillo explains how advocacy, documentation, the right legal support, and the right people in your corner can change the trajectory—especially when children’s safety is on the line. 

To close, we highlight what she’s building today: her books The Silenced Truth (her life story), Ink and Silence (poetry), and her upcoming project 7:17 Springs of Living Water (paired with music), along with her work in acting and digital marketing. Most importantly, Ms. Ronquillo leaves listeners with a direct call to action: speak up, tell someone, and don’t assume you’re alone—help exists, and your voice matters. If you or someone you know is in danger, call local emergency services; for confidential support in the U.S., you can also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233). 

https://www.instagram.com/connectingwithchristina/

https://www.facebook.com/ramirezronquillo

https://a.co/d/01oVbeHv

Website: https://coupleonukes.com

Exodus, Honor Your Heart, & Nulu Knives: https://www.coupleonukes.com/affiliates/

Want to be a guest on Couple O' Nukes? Send me a message on PodMatch:  https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/1726279485588093e83e0e007

Sign Up For A PodMatch Account: https://www.joinpodmatch.com/coupleonukes

*Couple O' Nukes LLC and Mr. Whiskey are not licensed medical entities, nor do they take responsibility for any advice or information put forth by guests. Take all advice at your own risk.

Transcript

 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another episode of Couple of Nukes. As always, I'm your host, Mr. Whiskey, and today is a reunion episode, though it's her first time on the show. I got to meet today's guest at the launch of the Warriors of Hope. Book in Arizona. I've got it right here. And if you're listening, you can find that in a description below to check out.

It is a book dedicated to the survivors of domestic abuse sexual assault, human trafficking. It is not a lighthearted subject, but this show doesn't shy away from those kinds of conversations. And out of honestly, when I was at that event, every single story was so impactful and, and. It, it almost felt like one-upping.

I felt like every person who came up suddenly had a more tragic story, and today's guest had probably the one that twisted my heart the most, and I'll, I'll let them share that part. Why. But Ms. Ronchi, it's so great to have you here. As I mentioned, you are a survivor and you know, just reading through your chapter, it was, it was very heartbreaking.

It. It was frustrating to see, as we talk about a lot when it comes to domestic violence and abuse, to see the, the judicial system fail to seem to somehow support and prop up the perpetrators and put down the victims. And we've even seen cases, you and I knew one of the people there had been arrested for self-defense against, you know, her abuser.

So it's a, it's a terrible system and I'm sure we'll get, you know, into that today. But thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me and I'm glad to see you again and I loved your story by the way as well. So I think everything, like you said, I think you touched base on it, is everyone felt like it was one up and there was another heart wrenching story.

But I'm glad to be here and I'm glad to share this moment with you. And you know, for some of the survivors at the event, it was the first time they told their story. And you know, they got choked up and teary-eyed and it was a really powerful moment. And one of the things that you and I are gonna talk about today that really shocked me in a good way at the event, was the fact that so many people who were survivors were so filled with faith.

We're so trusting of Jesus Christ and you know, really believed in God when these were people who, in my personal opinion, had every right to be mad at God, to abandon God, to feel like God had abandoned them. Reading your story more than any others. Like how could he let that happen? It's one of those big questions that any survivor has, especially in these stories.

And so I wanna start with, you know, your chapter walks through it, and I'd love to walk through it here, which is you talk about. The foundations of your life, where your story begins and how that kind of set you up for, you know, becoming a very young mother and I'll let you get into that. Yeah. So I left home at a very early age.

I was raised by my paternal grandparents and so they were very old school, strict you know, church on Sundays. You follow the rules and you know, for me, I had already, I didn't know I was adopted until I was. A, a lot older. Mm-hmm. And I really didn't understand it until, I guess like later on in life when I started like seeing my real mom and my real dad and stuff like that.

Like, I finally started to understand and I always felt abandoned and it was always hard because I did, I can't, looking back, now that I'm 42, I cannot say that my life was hard. I made a lot of wrong choices that made my life. Hard. Mm. And that was hard to swallow. That was a hard realization to like really say like, dang, Christina, your life could have been so much different had you would've listened, had you would've followed the rules and done these things.

You know? So when I left home, I ended up meeting my husband, then my kid's dad, and we ended up having four kids and it threw me that life was crazy. He was very abusive. His family were big on drugs and I mean, there was times cops were knocking down doors. You name it, I went through it. I saw it at such a young age and I, and I didn't understand it.

You were only 21 by that point, correct? Yes. So I had four kids. My first one I had her about, I think I was 17, about. I got, I think I was got pregnant at 1600. At 17. And so whenever we separated that was hard because I was raised to keep our families together and I think I stayed and continue to have kids with him because I had the mentality of, you get married, you stay married, you do not divorce.

If, especially if you get married through the Catholic church, you do not divorce. Like, that's just how I was raised. And so I did everything in my power to keep my marriage together. No matter what it was, it was like, you just endure. And, and that's what I did. And so when I separated from him, I was in a custody battle back and forth.

And I did try, you know, whatever it was to try to keep him in the picture, at least with the kids, to at least be a follower to them, because I always say. You can be a horrible husband, but an amazing father. Mm-hmm. And I, and I honestly believe that, and sometimes people just don't work and that's okay.

But it was like he was failing on both ends. And so now I was having to say, okay, what, what are you gonna do? Like. Are you gonna let this keep happening? Like, you know, so I finally said, okay, let's go. And I mean, I went through thousands and thousands of dollars through attorneys and we just never got anywhere.

It was just CPS after CPS calls. And finally one weekend my daughter went with him and she came back home hurt. She was swollen from. Here or down, she could not lift her head. And I was like, what happened? He was like, I don't know. And I was like, what do you mean you don't know? Like she's not gonna swell up on an hour drive home, right?

I mean, literally we lived an hour apart. So I was like, there's no way she's gonna swell up that bad, not be able to pick up her head, not do anything within an hour. So I took her straight to the emergency room and you know, they checked her, they couldn't. Really tell what was wrong. She was too swollen, so we had to go back the next day.

She still wasn't doing good. And it, that continued on for that week. So every day we were at the doctor once or twice a day seeing different doctors doing different tests. By Friday, it was to the point that she was breaking out in splotches everywhere she could. Barely talk. I mean, she was like delusional and we're like, what is going on?

She had fevers and so they finally airlifted her to another hospital and they had a team of doctors fly in from Dallas and other places to get, you know, to check on her to see like what's going on. And they kept us in another room like we could see through the window and see her. Because they didn't know what was wrong with her.

They didn't know was she injured or did she catch a disease, like we just did not know. Right. And so at that time I was like, I mean, I knew she was hurt. Like I, I just knew. And during, so I'm gonna backtrack just a little bit. So like on that, during that week, she wanted to call her dad. And I was like, okay.

So I put her on speaker phone and I let her call her dad, and she told her, dad, I am not your little princess. I'm not your baby girl. I'm not anything to you anymore. Now I know why my mom tried to keep us away from you. And he was like, your mom's just putting that in your head, you know? She's like, no, like this is how I feel.

And he got mad at her and hung up on her. And I'm like, what? You know, like to me that was telling, that was very telling for me. So on Friday when we were there. When we finally, well, when I finally got to the hospital, she looked so much better. I was like, oh my God, she's doing good. She's gonna come home.

And I asked her like what she wanted. She said she wanted a bike. And I was like, baby girl, when you get out, we're gonna get a bike, you know? And they rode her back to start getting her set up in her room and everything. And she coded on on us and they brought her back. And so they kept us in the room next to us.

'cause like I said, they didn't know what was going on with her at first or anything like that. And she was like that. And they said, Hey, if she can make it till the next morning, like she's, she's gonna be okay. She may have some developmental problems or some other stuff from the high fevers, you know, stuff like that.

And I'm like, I don't care. Whatever. Just make sure she's okay. And I remember my grandmother, well, my mother, I call her my mother, so she was there and I hadn't slept. I mean, I hadn't slept in days. Was constantly up with her, you know, making sure she was okay throughout the night and stuff like that. And so I remember my mom just telling me like, go lay down, lay down on the, you know, on the gurney, on the bed or whatever.

She's like, just close your eyes, even if you don't go to sleep, just close your eyes and relax for a minute. And so I said, okay. And I closed my eyes and I guess I fell asleep and. When I was asleep, I saw somebody coming to me and they're telling me in Spanish like, you need to get up. You need to get up.

And I remember like responding to them, like saying, I can't, like I'm tired, you know? And they told me, you need to get up. And when I woke up, I looked up and I got up and I went to the window and I was looking at her and my mom's like, we're gonna go. We'll be back in the morning, you know? In the morning when she wakes up, like she's gonna be okay.

We'll, we will be back in the morning. So I'm like, okay. And as they were leaving, my aunt was about to start leaving and she woke up and I was like, oh my God, she's awake. And she started to ask for me. So I. They let me go in there and I'll backtrack here in a minute. So they let me go in there and her dad just so happened to show up the day that she ended up in the hospital.

I don't know who told him. I don't know who let him know, but I mean, he was literally there within 30, 40 minutes. So I was like, how does he know that she's here? He's not on any of her paperwork, who told him? And I was mad and. The priest there, you know, or the chaplain there. He kind of my like, was a mediator for us, you know?

And to me, like that was not my focus. My focus was her. So I'm gonna sit here and keep my mouth shut and do whatever, because at the end of the day, it's still her dad. But when she woke up, I was like, baby girl, like, you're gonna get better. You're gonna come home. And she tried to talk to me and her dad started over, like, he walked in the room after me and he started talking over me, and she looked at him and she just went, rolled her eyes, like there was, I was like, oh my God.

Like, what was that? You know? And literally right after that she coded and she passed away. That was hard. I'm trying not to cry. Sorry. Yeah, you're, you're, you're good. That was really hard because no child should feel like that. Yeah. No child should feel like that towards their parent, and that, that was hard for me.

Sorry. No, you're you're fine. I get it. I, it is really painful to hear, and I know kind of reading your story, at least from what I get is like. It seems like he didn't get in trouble for it, like they couldn't trace it back to him. Is that correct? Yeah. So I did write another book. It's called the Silence Truth, and that, that goes into a lot of detail of that, but no, okay.

He didn't, he didn't go in or get in any trouble. Like, so whenever they did an interview, my, my kids after she passed away, during her funeral or like the day, the day before her funeral. My youngest was three years old and he could not speak. He, he had trouble speaking. Nobody could ever understand what he said.

And he told us what had happened with her, that she had gotten in trouble because she had, they were jumping out on the trumpling or something and that she was singing K-I-S-S-I-M-G to her brother. And her brother went and told on her. And so he pulled them inside and had asked her like, Hey, what happened?

And you know, told her and she lied. And so from my understanding, you know, he had grabbed her from her chest area and threw her up like on a countertop, and she hit her head on that. And then he, I guess, spanked her or something and then took her into the bedroom. Threw her on the bed, had spanked her and done some stuff, and she came out crying and then she sat on the chair with her brother, you know, crying and stuff.

And that's, that's all I know. I mean, that was from the interview that they did with Harmony Home or, you know, the child advocacy centers. And that, that's how I found out. And I did not even know a lot of that until they interviewed the children. So I didn't know what happened. And I asked her, and she would not tell me.

She would not tell me, but she knew her mom. She knew her mom would go to jail because she was like, mom, I, I am not gonna say it. She just wouldn't. She would not tell me. And she just said that she wanted us to both be happy even if we never talked to each other again. And that's it. And I mean, I remember even a couple of times that we were taking her to the doctor, my mom.

I stopped at my mom's work and my mom always blesses the kids, you know, we're Catholic, so they would do the side of the cross and bless 'em, and my mom would try to ask her and she wouldn't even tell my mom. So that was hard, like learning all of that afterwards, because had I known before, I'm, I'm sure I probably would've been in jail.

I'm, I'm really, probably would've been in jail. Right. But, you know, I, I see it as a blessing. In some aspects because it's like, at least I got to raise my three other boys. I got to be a mother to them. I got to sorry. I got to be there and, and be a part of their lives and really shield them from him and keep them safe.

Because had I ended up in jail, who knows, would've happened. I mean, who knows that he would've even gotten in trouble. I mean, nobody knows, you know? So I think that. That was something I was glad that I found out afterwards for sure. Now, was he, 'cause you had mentioned being 21 at the time, around that age.

Was he older than you or the same age? So we're only a couple of years apart. So I'm 42. He's 44, so I think we're like two years apart. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And so you talked about his family being involved with drugs and, and the cops and then. Was there domestic violence towards you? Did he beat and abuse you or was it just emotional and verbal?

No, it was very bad. I mean, even when I was pregnant with my daughter I, I can't even tell you. I mean, I know it's in my book but at, at this point, I can't even remember. I know I was probably five months pregnant or. Somewhere around that point. I was pregnant and we got into a fight and he put a knife to my neck and you know, he was gonna kill me.

And I was like, do it, do it. Then. Like, if, if that's what you're gonna do, do it. And then he just turned around and he just got that knife in, just slit his arm. And you know, I'm just like, oh my God. And I mean, he did cut my finger, like I have like a scar and stuff on my finger, but, it, it is just one of those things, like he was very abusive and, and I just never knew what was gonna cause it.

You know, he has a child from another girl and it, it was kind of the same thing in which I didn't even learn that he had another child till after the fact that I was pregnant. And then I did not know that they actually lived on the same street. So it was like a set of houses here, a stop sign, and then another set of houses.

And during the whole time he was going over there with her and I had no clue. I mean, I was clueless until. Somebody told me and I was like, wow, are you kidding me? And I, and I caught him, you know, once before, and that was a fight. And, you know, eventually I would fight back. It took me a good while before I finally started fighting back.

But I, I would fight back and we separated, you know, here and there, and then we'd end up right back with each other. And it's like, I, I wish I could go back and. Change it. You know, I left him whenever I was pregnant with my oldest daughter, and I wish I would've stayed gone 'cause it that one mistake of just going back changed my entire life, my family's life.

And that's hard. That's hard. So after the passing of your daughter, you had to continue to fight for custody of the children from him, correct? Yes. So we, we went to court for quite a bit of years and we switched different court systems. So I was living in one in the same town as him, so we were going to court there.

Well, during the time I ended up finding out that, the girl he was seeing worked for the judge, and so what they would do was they would just keep giving us continuances because if they gave us a continuance, then. It would push it out to where he could fight to try to get the children back to try to see the children.

And since CPS was involved and the lady knew exactly what was going on, you know, she knew the details of the kids. She, you know, they, she was at the interviews and stuff like that, and they, during the whole time. Since I had separated him, my kids were seeing a therapist. So the therapist would go to school once a week and go talk to my kids.

They could not tell me anything unless it had to do with me at, at the time. Or if it was something severe, you know? So when we were going to court, I found out that there, we had over like 600 pages, I believe of. Documents from my kids of stuff that he would do to them. And I'm like, why did nobody do anything?

Why didn't nobody tell me anything? You know? And the most was, is, well, he didn't get to see them, he didn't have visitations. But he did, he, he did get to see them. He, and that's why this happened. And had somebody stopped it months and months and months before, or years before, this wouldn't have happened.

Right. So that was hard, that that was very hard. But he did not get in trouble. So whenever we switched court systems and I found out about the girlfriend working there, we switched different court systems and I think there was a year where we. I was married to somebody else. So this is my third marriage. So during the time when my daughter passed away, I was married to somebody else. And we had separated. And that was pretty much the same cycle all over again. So when we separated and my daughter passed away 'cause he left like, I think like the day after my daughter passed away.

He got up and just left and then he came back and I was like, no, I'm not doing this. I'm leaving. You know? And finally we ended up just separating. 'cause I think that just really opened up my eyes. But during that time when we were going to court, it just so happened that I met my husband now who is a police officer.

And thankfully he kind of knew the system. He knew. Who we needed to talk to, what attorneys I needed. And that helped a lot. That really helped me because I was like clueless to this whole system. You know? Like, what do I do? Like they're gonna just keep telling me to continue and continue and I'm spending thousands of dollars.

And he was like, no, you need to get this kind of attorney. You need to do this. And so I started doing that and luckily I found an amazing attorney. And she really advocated for us, you know, she really went the extra mile to get dirt and find out all the things he's doing and all, you know, go back on our story and dig into those files of, you know, all the CPS stuff.

There was times from CPS where. There were so many accusations against me that you would think that I was the abuser, you know? And I was like, how is this fair? Like, how is this fair? How am I getting in trouble and blamed? And there was even a point in time where one of the cops from the town that he lived in, or that we both used to live in and pulled me in and questioned me, and I was like.

What the heck? And I mean, the stories that he was telling me, I was like, you, you really gotta be crazy to be making this stuff up and telling somebody this. And I'm like, is this really what this. You know, their dad is saying about me or is he just, or is this cop just lying? Like, what's going on here? And I went in without my attorney because for me, I had nothing to hide.

I, I, what do I need an attorney for if I have nothing to hide? You know? So I was like, okay, whatever. And a lot during that time, there was a point where I believe it was. It was about a couple years after somebody had came forward and had told us like, Hey, you know, he's been talking about this or whatever, and we ended up having a continuance just during that little point in time.

So that helped get the kids where they still had a, a protective order against him. So he still could not see the kids at any point in time. He could not be around me at any point in time. And that like really helped us. And whenever I told my now husband like, Hey, like they're questioning me, they're doing this.

And he was like, they're gonna try to pin it on you. You know, like Right. They're gonna pin it on somebody. Well. What I did not know and, and this, thank God, I kept notes and I said things to people and I let other attorneys know. But whenever my daughter passed away that day that she had passed away, one of my friends was there with me and she had been there with me throughout the whole ordeal.

And I did not know that as soon as she had passed away and we walked out the halls. The medical examiner needed to talk to us, you know, to kind of see what was going on what medication she had had. Well, my aunt is a nurse and my uncle is a pharmacist, so that was one thing that they told me was like the minute she got sick and was hurt and we went in, they were like, you need to document, we need to took, took her to the doctor.

What doctor you took her to? If you give her medicine, make sure you write down the time of when you gave her medicine. Right. You know. Everything. And so I had all that documented and I told the medical examiner everything, you know, like everything I had, I gave to them, you know, CPS knew about it. Well, the whole time, I guess his family was listening and they called their attorney and he got an attorney.

Mm-hmm. Your daughter hasn't even been gone an hour and you're on the phone with an attorney. What does that tell you? What does that tell me? Right. And I was just like, you got to be kidding me. But it took me years to realize all this because, I mean, I was in shambles, I was a mess. I was in a marriage that was the same cycle.

I just lost my daughter, you know, I didn't know up from down and it was hard and, and I was like. I was just fighting the will to live, and then I still have to raise three boys on top of it and figure out my life. I'm getting divorced again, you know, and I'm trying to figure out what am I gonna do with myself, you know?

And it wasn't until years later, you know, well when I met, so I met my now husband. My daughter passed away in April, and I met him in November. Or actually October. She passed away in, in April, and I met him in October. And then by like December, you know, we were together and we've been together ever since.

So, you know, he went through the whole ordeal with me because it was like literally court case after court case. And, and I'm glad he did because I think he was. That little beacon of light that I needed to get me through it because I did not know the court system. I didn't think that a court system could fail you, but they did.

Am I glad that at least he didn't get visitations anymore and he lost custody to the kids. Yes. I'll take that any day because at least it saves the other three. Right. But ultimately you wanted him locked up, right. Yeah. I mean I do and I still do. And you know, like I said in my other book forgiveness is, is isn't just for him, it's for me.

Because we all make mistakes. We all do things, and I forgiven him. That's not for me. I'm not the judge. I'm not the executioner. That's, that's for God. I believe everything happens. In its own time, and we all pay the price, whether it's in this life or the next. I can tell you right now, from what I know about his life, he's paying, he's paying.

There's a lot of times that I've sat here and I cried and I thought, how's he living such a good life? And I'm over here struggling with these kids, you know, like, I have no help. Like, what am I doing? And then I. Get an update about him or somebody runs into him, you know? 'cause my family, they live in the same town as him, my real dad and, and my sisters and brother.

Well my brother used to, not anymore, but they all lived in the same town and they run into him a lot. And, you know, when I get those updates, it's like, I feel like it's always when I'm down and out sometimes and it is like, God just telling me like, Hmm, no you're not, you're okay. Like your life is not that bad.

You'll be all right. You know? So that helps. That really does help. But I mean, I believe that we all pay and he's, he's gonna pay, and there's some stuff I wanna say. Right. I get, I get what you're saying. Yeah. Because there's, there's more coming and you know, I, I believe that that's God just doing God.

Yeah, for sure. And I do have to untangle the timeline a little bit because there's like three marriages thrown in all of that. So yes. Your, your first marriage was to the father of your kids, correct? Yes. So the first marriage was with him, and I was with him from 17 up to like 21, 22 years old, I believe.

And then after I left him, I went with my second husband who. I grew up with my whole life. His dad actually worked with my dad, so I knew him my whole life. And, you know, I'm not gonna speak badly on him. I will say yes. We both had our issues. We both did stupid things. And it's in my other books.

You can read about it. All my bad dates are there. So I was married to him for I believe like four or five years. Somewhere in between there. I think I was going on five years when, whenever we separated. So that wasn't, my daughter passed away in 2009, so that's when we ended up separating and then I, so everything all at once, it was it, like I literally separated and then a couple months later I ended up, you know, with my second husband and was with him, and then we separated.

And then, like I said, my daughter passed away in April, and then by October I was in a new relationship. Right. And I mean, I've been married to that person for going on 16. Years, I believe 16, 17. Yeah. I actually met him this year. Will be 17. Yeah. Yeah. And so backtracking, what was the time between your first marriage, the divorce, and then getting into your second marriage?

And was the motivation kind of like just really seeking comfort and support? Honestly, I cannot tell you. Okay. I think I was just a lost. Person. I, I always say I had daddy issues. My real dad was, wasn't in my life. I mean, he was there, here and there, but he was in the military. So, you know, there were times that we'd go over there with him and be with him and then, you know, he'd get shipped somewhere and so we'd be with my grandparents, you know, everything just.

Was chaotic. I mean, I had a stable life with my grandparents as as a child. But you know, that was kind of one of those things that I always felt like I was searching for something, you know, like, oh, I need my dad, or I need love, or I need attention. Right. And my grandfather was great because my grandfather was my dad and he was always there.

I think just as we grow up and we're teens, we're lost and we don't understand why. And you know, in our family we didn't talk about those things. We didn't talk about why my mom left us or why my dad was gone. You know, we didn't talk about those things. Those things weren't talked about. So that was hard for me, you know?

And I knew, always knew I was like. Different from the rest of my family. I always say I'm the black sheep and I own it to the fullest because I always knew that I was different. I just didn't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing, you know? So that, that was hard. And so whenever I got into a new relationship, I thought, okay, this is a familiar face.

This is something and somebody I know it's gonna be okay. And it was far from that. You know, that making that decision really shifted my life even more because I made a lot of stupid decisions. I also ended up in jail. But again, I was protecting my children and myself. Yeah. First and foremost. Yeah.

And, and that's fine. You know, I, I'll like I tell my mom, I will wear that badge of pride because. If I go to jail, you're gonna believe that if I went to jail, it's because it was well worth it and I was doing right, the right thing. So I'll take that. So that was hard. And then whenever I separated from him and ended up with my now husband, I can't even tell you how crazy that was because we met online, we met on MySpace.

So a little backstory when I was pregnant with my second child from my first marriage. My sister was getting married, so I, my daughter was a couple months old and I was pregnant again with my second child and my sister was getting married. And I see this guy walk in and I'm like, who is that? He needs to pick up his pants.

And my sister's like, oh, that's, you know, my husband's, brother's best friend. And I'm like, well, you need to tell him to pick up his pants, you know? And I never saw that guy again. Here I am on MySpace and I just so happened to see that person and we requested, we both actually just so happened to request, I requested him and he just so happened to like, I guess he was requesting me or something and we ended up being friends and I was like, oh, okay.

And so we started talking and I ended up going to town where he lived at because I was actually going to school there. And we met up and we started talking. And I'm like, when we started talking, I was like, how did we run in the same circles? And we never met, like we never talked to each other. We never hung out with each other.

Like we didn't e probably even notice that both of us were even in the same spot at the same time. That's how crazy it was. So it was one of those things like, wow. Okay. And I mean, like I said, I, I think it was just one of those divine things. For sure. And I'm writing a new book, which is seven 17 Springs of Living Water.

And it, it's one of those things like I was getting a pass our passports and I looked at the time of his birth and he was born at seven 17. My daughter was born, the one that passed away was born on seven 17. And a lot of my life has revolved around that number. And you think it's just a birthday, right?

It's not just a birthday. It's not just it, it's, it's God doing God, and you just don't notice those things until later on in life. I agree a hundred percent. A lot of the stuff that God has done in my life at the moment, I didn't realize it is taking a look back. And so as I get older and older, I find my faith just growing more and more as I see all of those interconnections more visibly.

And just speaking of birthdays, I was wondering how older daughter was when she passed away. So she was seven going on eight. Yeah. Yeah, she was going, she was going on her eighth birthday, so, and so you had four kids with your first husband, is that correct? Yes. Yes. And have you had any kids since then?

So me and my now husband have two kids. I have a seven and 9-year-old. And then your. Other kids are adults by now, I imagine now. Yeah, so one actually just had a birthday. The youngest one, the baby of, of them just turned 21 yesterday. Wow. Yeah. So they're, they're, it's an 11 year age gap. Right, right, right.

Yeah. But the other three are all grown and married and living life. Right. So you talked about, you know, having a good relationship with your grandparents who raised you and being raised in a very religious household. So how does the pregnancy at 1617 happen? Doing things you shouldn't be doing? Sneaking out?

You know, I, I was always in trouble. Always in trouble. Like I said, I was. I, I know when I was younger, it, it was me. It was not my grandparents. It was not, you know, I just thought. You are so strict. Why do y'all treat my sister better? Why does she get privileges? Why do I not get privileges? You know? And I get it.

I was a wild child and sometimes, I mean, my sister would be the one like sneaking out and I'd be like, oh, you can't go by yourself. I gotta protect you, because she just seems so small and delicate and she does no wrong. And so I would go out with her and then we'd get caught or get in trouble and I'd take the blame and there I was, you know?

But right. It was hard on my parents, and I know it was because they had already raised their kids and, you know, their youngest one, my uncle is like my brother to me. You know, I was, I was raised with him and stuff, so I'm sure it was really hard on them, you know, especially at that age for me to get pregnant because, you know, their other kids were already grown when they had kids, or, you know, at least right on their own or outta the house or whatever.

But I, I, it was hard because I know, like I talk about it in my other book, like my mom sent me to my dad's and I was just like, why is she giving me up? Like, she's right. She's just like my other mother, she hates me, you know? And so when that happened, I think that's kind of what made me spiral. Like, I was like, nobody loves me.

Nobody wants me, you know? And so I was just grabbing for the first thing that. Gave me attention or love and mm-hmm. And that was hard because I, you know, I didn't realize I had a lot of those issues until later on in life, you know, when I went to therapy and started going to school and stuff like that.

That's when I started really learning who I was and learning that mentality of like, okay, you got traumas, you need to fix these things, you know, and that helped. But I mean, it was, it was definitely hard on them. For sure. I wanna share there's a couple quotes from the Bible and this one is Hebrews chapter 12, verse 11, and it says, no discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful later on.

However, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. And in Proverbs, there's also one that basically says, oh, hi will. Score myself saying, I rebuke discipline in my youth, and now it has come back to, you know, bite me essentially. And I think, yeah, oftentimes we don't realize, and I, I get it, you know, we were all teenagers at one point and we told our parents what would, you know, you don't understand and or, you know, maybe other people, but not me.

You know, we always wanna think that we're the special exception. And, and so, you know, mistakes like that do happen. And so you've talked about. A whole bunch here. You know, the marriage timelines, the domestic violence and the abuse. I wanna fast forward to modern day. You've mentioned a couple different books and congratulations on all of those, of course.

And for sharing your story. I think it's really important because as we always talk about, if we recover loudly, others won't die quietly. That is the idea that we are helping people speak up and, and in fact, during that time, during your. First marriage and everything that was going on, did you find it hard to speak up?

Did you feel like you were in financial bondage or that like, what am I gonna do on my own? Or if I speak up things will get worse? How did you feel about that? For me, it was hard then because, one, I can't say that, like being raised with my grandparents, you know. I won't say that it was that we came from money, but we had money.

We, we had enough to get us by. I am sure there's probably hard times that I didn't notice that my parents went through and stuff like that, but we never noticed that. We never saw my grandparents fighting. We never, I've never seen my grandfather ever raise his voice at my grandmother. You know, those are things that I just did not see, you know?

And so when I ended up in a marriage. That was totally opposite from what I was raised on. It was hard because we were on welfare. I could not work. He was so controlling that I could not work, I could not make more money than he did. Like it was, it was very hard. And then being in a domestic violence situation, you know, like I said, I was raised with, the mentality is you are married, you have kids, you stay married.

But my mom didn't know a lot of the things that went on, right? She did. She didn't know how bad it really was. And there was times that even if she kind of maybe had like some inkling or something, it, you know, it's mentality still stay married, like fix it or get away or stay married, whatever, you know, like, so I didn't speak up a lot.

I, I did not speak up. I was always scared of the consequences of like, oh, I'm gonna get in trouble and I'm going to be the one, everybody believes him, he's. He's everybody's nine and shining armor. He, you know, it was just one of those things. So I stayed quiet for a lot. I mean, even after my daughter passed away, I didn't say anything.

Like I wrote, I had been writing the book that I wrote for quite a while, but nobody knew. And I talked to my now husband. Quite a bit of like, should I release it, should I not? Because my thing is, is I never wanted to disparage him or talk bad at him, bad about him, regardless of what he's done. Because like I said, it's not for me to judge or to condemn him or whatever.

But I knew that I had to help people because I had met a girl that worked with me. She had been in the same type of situation in, in a domestic violence. And you know, her mom eventually came and thanked me and I'm like, for what? You know, like, what are you thanking me for? And she's like, you know, you talked to my daughter.

She got outta that relationship. And I think that really opened up my eyes to like, your story matters. It, you make a difference. In other people's lives, and you don't even realize it. You know, sometimes we don't wanna tell our story because we feel like we're trauma dumping on somebody. Mm. Or you know, we're just scared to speak or whatever the case may be, you know?

But there's people out there that needed to hear that at that very moment, and I think that's what got me to tell my story. Okay. So you talked about the kids were interviewed at one point and you fought for a long time for custody, visitation, all this and that. Do they have a relationship with their father now?

What have they kind of said to you now that they're grown? No. They don't. So my middle child, he's like his mother and father. He is, he is my, my little troubled child. But he is he moved down with. His grandparents, which is on his dad's side when he was 16, 17 years old. He was 16 at the time. And he did not wanna go, but, you know, it was just so much going on here and the way he was, you know, it was, it was kind of like repeated patterns of his father.

And that was hard for especially having two new babies, you know, that was the last thing I wanted him to do, was to go over there. But, you know, he kept saying like. He missed that side, like, because he was close to his cousins on that side and his grandmother. And you know, I know that's hard for them and I never wanted to be the person to keep him away either.

And I thought, well, maybe this will kind of like help him see, you know. And so he was with his grandmother and literally within, I wanna say a few months in, he. Got in contact with his dad. And that just, it didn't go well. Mm-hmm. It didn't go well. You know, his dad did come to see there was, there's been times throughout the years that I've talked to his real dad that he's came to see, you know, because of, of the middle child that he's came to my house or picked him up or whatever the case may be.

But now that my son has kind of. Had time there and seen, he gets it now. Right. Okay. He understands it and I'm glad, I'm glad he sees it now that he's still young then when he's older and ends up in the same position that his dad's in. Mm-hmm. Because it's like I told him, I said, son, we all have a choice and I'm never gonna be the one to tell him he can't see his dad.

You know, even if his dad was in jail, if he, if his, he wanted to go see his dad in jail, I'll drive you. You know, if that's what you need to heal, to have questions answered, whatever, I'll do it. You know? But now that he's older, it's like I told him, you can now see what your life would've been like because if you stayed on this path that you were on.

When you're my age in your forties, where do you think you'd be sitting? And I'm glad that he's finally realizing that it's taken him a little time. But I'm glad that it's now when he's in his early twenties and when he's 30, 40 years old. So if he's listening to this good job, you know, I'm glad. But you know, so in addition to the books and of course being a, a mother and a wife, what are you doing nowadays?

So I do acting, I do background acting going to school, writing books. I do a lot of digital online marketing type stuff. So I, I do a little bit of everything right, and I really wanna get into the acting and what the goal is with that and what that has looked like so far. So there's no go on that.

Oh, okay. I, so I actually got in for my kids. My daughter is big into singing and, you know, she loves being in front of the camera and just singing her little heart out and doing things. So we, got into that for her. And I just so happened to get invited to do some stuff, and so I thought, okay, let me try it.

And I did it and I got, they call it the bug and I got the bugs. Right. Right. So I've gotten called back to a lot of, you know, movie set and stuff like that. One just came out, which was landman. So I'm, I'm on that one. And I think you catch me on episode three. And then the other ones, none of them are out yet.

Those will be out this year. So that, that's just that, I mean, it's just one of those things to do on my free time. I don't do it. All the time. I mean, oh, okay. I think this last month or so, I mean, I think I was booked almost like every other day, or if not every day. Okay. So you're slowly making your way towards being in a Marvel movie or DC or something like that.

Yeah, something like that. That would be fun. Yeah. Yeah. So it's just one of those things I just do on my spare time for fun, or you know, when I'm not doing anything else. But a lot of the, a lot of it is. It's just for fun and writing music. That's the other thing that's really big on my list is, is writing music.

So. Alright. And we, we mentioned Warriors Hope, which is the anthology that you and I are both in. And then you mentioned some other books. So I'd like to just kind of review each of those for people to get a feel for what they might want to check out. So the Silenced truth that is the whole my little life story, kind of like my bio.

And the reason I wrote that, like I said, was to change somebody's life, hopefully. Right? And then from the small town that I'm from, you know, a lot of people knew my story, but they didn't know exactly what had happened, you know, or what was going on. My town really came together and came through for me when my daughter passed away.

And I felt like. Writing that story, they were able to kind of get a glimpse into her life or really my life and, and how she passed away and, and really like God because there is a lot of scripture in there and how God really changed my life. And, you know, a lot of the things that we're taught as kids that we don't listen to, you know, like obeying your parents and all of that.

It, it kind of all ties into my life of. Dang, I should have listened and followed the commandments, right? All that. So that's what that story is about. The other one is ink and silence, and that's just poetry. It just has different little poetry things. And I wrote that just for myself. That was just one of those ones like, let me just.

Be mean. Let me just write, let me write all the things that people are scared to say or that wanna say, or things that people do that they wouldn't talk about or maybe they talk about it. So I just wrote that, that's all that is. And then of course, my small chapter and and Warriors of Hope is, is just to give people an idea of that story.

I think it, it's kind of just condensed into a chapter. And then you've got the new one you're working on, correct? Yes. So that one I've actually completed, it's gonna have music with it. Oh, okay. Yeah, so I wrote some songs and it's gonna have music with it. But I am probably not gonna release it until seven 17 because I Oh, okay.

Yeah, I had been trying to release it and let me tell you, everything that could stop me has stopped me, but yeah. Well, I trust in God's timing. You know, I've had, like, my book God versus No Human Spirit was supposed to be out last November, so I've gone on like a year and a couple months now, and I realized that a lot of the, the delays, like God was showing me things that I needed to add into the book or different things.

And so I, you know, we all want our own timeline of course, but I've realized like. God has a timeline for us, even down to public when we publish our books. Yes, and and you know, it's funny that you say that because I had already talked to my mom and you know, she had already read the book and she was like.

Are you gonna release it already? Like, and I'm like, mom, I think I need to release it. You know, on seven 17, well, I had gotten invited to do like I said, I'm Catholic, so I do a lot of AX retreats. And this AX retreat, it is for teens and the topic is children of Light. And it was crazy because I thought.

This all kind of ties into everything, you know, and Right. It was one of those things like, I'm like, okay, I see you, God, I see you working. And then I go to try to release something and it's like, no. And then like I said, that this has to do kind of like, this year will be seven 17, it'll be 17 years that my daughter has been gone.

It's on her birthday, it's on my wedding anniversary. So it's like this number is just, there's something there. There's it, it's divine. It's something that God is like, Hey, I have something for you, but it needs to be on the state. And so I think I'm just gonna wait to, for God's timing, because like I said, right, everything that could go wrong went wrong or gets pushed back or something happens and I'm like, okay, God, I trust you.

I trust you. So. Yeah. And as we wrap up here, while your story was obviously very specific to what you went through, a lot of the themes and a lot of the circumstances are happening all over the world right now. Often behind closed do doors, you know, like. A lot of people don't know what's going on when it comes to domestic violence, to sexual abuse, to verbal and emotional abuse, to child abuse.

And so as we wrap up here, what would be your one main takeaway for everyone? Regardless of which of those situations they're in, to speak up to not be scared to tell somebody, because I think a lot of us. You know, we're either scared of what's gonna happen or we think that we don't have help, or there's not help out there.

And there is, there is a community of wonderful people who will go to the ends of the earth for you to get you out of that situation, to give you at least a little bit of hope or a new beginning. So definitely speak up no matter what it is. Speak up. Your voice matters. We all have a story and you are a walking love letter to this world.

So go share it, share it, speak up because there's people that are here that will fight for you. And I hope people really take that and hear that because I know for many of us, I think we were scared to speak up or scared what people thought and. That is just background noise because once you get to the other side, it is a beautiful thing.

And if you're someone listening to this and you feel like, you know, you haven't been a victim or a survivor in a way that can speak up, you can still speak up by sharing episodes like this, by sharing the books and by being supportive of those survivors who are trying to speak up, by listening to them, encouraging them not pressuring them in a way that oversteps, but encourage them and be supportive and respectful.

So I. Want to thank you, Ms. Royo, for your time today and for everything you're doing to help spread that awareness. Thank you, Mr. Whiskey. I'm glad to have got to share this journey with you. It's been amazing.