This episode features my amazing client, Caryn Gale. Caryn shares her experience finding out she was a BRCA carrier in her 50s and her emotional journey thereafter. She reached out to me after her hysterectomy. Through boudoir and my group coaching program, we created a healing space for her to say goodbye to her breasts and learn how to embrace her new body post-mastectomy. Her biggest fear was not knowing how she would feel about herself and if she could still be a woman even without her uterus, ovaries, fallopian tubes, and breasts. Tune in for this very important and vulnerable conversation that we can all relate to in some way.
Book a free boudoir discovery call here:
https://calendly.com/rebeccasigala/boudoir-discovery-call
To be added to The New Sexy waitlist: rebecca@rebeccasigala.com
I would love to hear from you on Instagram!
https://www.instagram.com/rebeccasigalaboudoir
This episode features my amazing client, Caryn Gale. Caryn shares her experience finding out she was a BRCA carrier in her 50s and her emotional journey thereafter. She reached out to me after her hysterectomy. Through boudoir and my group coaching program, we created a healing space for her to say goodbye to her breasts and learn how to embrace her new body post-mastectomy. Her biggest fear was not knowing how she would feel about herself and if she could still be a woman even without her uterus, ovaries, fallopian tubes, and breasts. Tune in for this very important and vulnerable conversation that we can all relate to in some way.
Book a free boudoir discovery call here:
https://calendly.com/rebeccasigala/boudoir-discovery-call
To be added to The New Sexy waitlist: rebecca@rebeccasigala.com
I would love to hear from you on Instagram!
https://www.instagram.com/rebeccasigalaboudoir
Hello. Welcome to the Body Image Revolution. Today I have an incredible guest here, my client Caryn, who lives in Israel. She is a 56 year old woman who is married and has a beautiful family here of children and grandchildren. She loves to travel and take walks and be in nature and spend time with her family and friends. And I don't wanna ruin the story for you, so I'm going to let her share her story in her own words. There's been a lot of ups and downs and a lot of really beautiful realizations, and it's really just been an honor to be on this journey with her. And we will get started. Hello, Caryn. Hi. Thank
Caryn Gale:you for having me today. It's been, you're great to
Rebecca Sigala:connect with you. It's been so amazing. We, connected back in October, is that correct? How many months ago is that now? Right. Wow.
Caryn Gale:Not so long ago, but, uh, it feels like it feels like we've been on this journey together for, for a longer time.
Rebecca Sigala:Absolutely. Yeah. I feel like I've really known you forever at this point and have just grown to absolutely adore you. And I am so excited for other people to know your story because throughout the months and the time that we've, you know, spent together, you continually inspire me and I'm just excited for other people to hear what you have to say. So can you tell me a little bit about. Why you reached out to me in the first
Caryn Gale:place? Well, I have to go back a little bit further. About a year ago, just at a random doctor's appointment, I was asked if I wanted to participate in a genetic study that was covered by the cupa, and I happily agreed and didn't even ask what was being tested at the time. Fast forward three months and just, uh, about nine, 10 months ago, I got a call letting me know that I tested positive for the B R C A one gene mutation and. I didn't even know what it was. I, wow. In the back of my mind, I remember hearing Angela Jolie talking about it, breast cancer. And I was really stunned, shocked, surprised, uh, of course. And it was, it was hard to hear. I started researching what it was and how I could even be connected and met with the geneticist and realized that even though BRCA is really known for its breast cancer and ovarian cancer more research has been done in the past years. And its much more for reaching and includes pancreatic cancer and skin cancer now as well. And unfortunately my family history does include that. Uh, so after meeting with a geneticist it became clear that I needed to. Take action and, uh, wow.
Rebecca Sigala:It was really a miracle that you even got tested in the first place.
Caryn Gale:I feel so grateful that I made it the 56 years healthy and without any issues, and I am glad that I was tested. I encourage others to be tested as well, and yes, I feel empowered by the results that I received because I somebody who wants to do all that I can to stay healthy and feel good. Yeah, and you
Rebecca Sigala:literally saved your own life, which is incredible. Working
Caryn Gale:on it,
Rebecca Sigala:working on what
Caryn Gale:I'm working on, it's staying healthy and living long and enjoying life. Yeah.
Rebecca Sigala:Yeah. You're doing an amazing job, so, You had all of these overwhelming and mixed feelings about the answers to the test. And then what, what did you start to think about, how did you think about a boudoir session? Why did you reach out to me?
Caryn Gale:I actually joined, uh, your Facebook group years ago. Many years ago. Many years ago. And I was just a lurker. I'm not a huge social media person, but I was really drawn to your, when you reached
Rebecca Sigala:out to me, I like, I didn't even recognize your name. That's how much of a lurker you were. Like, we never even connected.
Caryn Gale:I, I probably never even liked to post. Even though in my mind I liked it and I really connected with a lot of things that were posted in your group. I. At first thought when I joined, wow. You know, I'd love to do one of these boudoir sessions, but I wasn't in a good place for it and it didn't seem like the right time. Uh, yeah, fast forward many years. After that I was remarrying and I thought, wow, maybe now is the right time, but it still wasn't the right time. I really felt it was something I wanted to do for me, and I just didn't have the time or mind space for it. When I started this journey, after meeting with the geneticist, I realized that I had to make some life changes which included two surgeries. Mm-hmm. Uh, the first surgery I did was a full hysterectomy back in October, and then I had to decide to do a prophylactic double mastectomy. They were really big decisions and hard decisions to very big decisions to make. And, uh, I am very fortunate and grateful that my family and my husband have stood behind me. But in a time like that, it's sometimes, you know, you need more. And I, I did the first surgery in October and it was successful. I kind of felt that since I was already in menopause, having the hysterectomy wasn't quite as devastating as it could have been. Right. And I was home recovering on the couch literally days after the surgery, I think maybe three days, four days after having the procedure. And I was of course on my phone and your group, uh, you had posted something in it and I looked at it and read it. I, I don't remember what the post was and I. This is the moment and I, wow. I
Rebecca Sigala:think it was like something about being like never the right time or something like that.
Caryn Gale:Right? It could, it definitely could have been. And I just hit, you know, reply privately and I sent you a message and I typed up a little bit of my story, so hard to write in a little Facebook Messenger message. And I thought, I'm gonna push send and see what happens. Maybe you don't respond. Maybe this isn't the right time. Maybe you're gonna think I'm crazy. Uh, you know, right after a surgery. No way. And, uh, we actually scheduled a meeting for just a few days later and I was still looking forward to it. And unfortunately I had a complication with the surgery. I remember and send you a message from the emergency room saying, I'm in the emergency room being readmitted to the hospital. We're gonna have, oh my gosh, phone. I hope that's ok.
Rebecca Sigala:I was like, of course. And then that was also the moment that I was like, This is happening. Like this is something that's really important. It's important to you, so much so that you're telling me from the emergency room that we can't meet right now. And I was like, okay. Like whenever the time comes, it will come.
Caryn Gale:So the time did come and yes
Rebecca Sigala:it did. Not very much later, not
Caryn Gale:much later, a few days later, we had that first meeting and I felt our connection was immediate. Yeah, it was great to talk to you. I felt that there were so many things that we were really connecting on, on the same wavelength thoughts, similar thoughts. And without hesitating, I signed up for the session.
Rebecca Sigala:Um, you did something that I really remember from that was I asked you if you are scared or if there's any fears, if there's anything holding you back from doing a boudoir session. And you're like, everything else is scary. This is not the scary thing.
Caryn Gale:That was true. I, I definitely felt like this was going to be the beautiful thing and a field field of things that were just really not so pretty. And, um, yeah,
Rebecca Sigala:I, so what was the main driving force for signing up for a boudoir session at the time?
Caryn Gale:You know, I don't know when I signed up, if I really fully. Understood what was going to happen in the session or what I needed. I was still really early on the journey and we did meet for a bit of coaching beforehand and I was meeting with doctors still setting up the second surgery. So I was, I think you
Rebecca Sigala:flew to America. There was like a lot going
Caryn Gale:on at the time. There was a lot going on at the time. And we decided to just pick a date and, uh, that was in December right before Hanukah and just, you know, that would be our target. And you were amazing telling me that if I needed flexibility, I needed to change it, anything came up, we would. But sure, I kinda, it was good for me to have that goal to, you know, start that journey at the time. And,
Rebecca Sigala:and what was that journey? what was the, obviously it's so deep and so layered, it's hard to even articulate, but what was that?
Caryn Gale:I believe in my mind, I had reached out to a therapist that I had talked to in the past and we both agreed that meeting again really wasn't the right support I needed at the time. She was there for me and we were definitely in touch and I really felt that I needed something else. And I started to realize that maybe this journey using boudoir photography was, was a way to, to, for therapy for me. It was offering me support. And once I started thinking about that and we had our coaching call and I did go to America where I wanted to buy things for the boudoir session I started thinking about what did this mean to me? Yeah. And. when we spoke it became apparent that a lot of the boudoir session was going to be, a goodbye to my breasts. Yeah, I had a love hate relationship with them for a lot of years.
Rebecca Sigala:And, uh, yeah, and we really talked a lot about that too, what your relationship was with your breasts up until that point.
Caryn Gale:Definitely. And it was a process of letting go. I didn't know, I didn't want it to be a sad session. I went to America and I remember standing in Victoria's Secrets surrounded by just so many options, thinking like, how do you pick? And my eye caught a bra that, uh, had a beautiful red satin bow with a beautiful sparkly clip on it. And immediately I thought to myself, I want this to be a celebration. And yes, I, I remember writing to you saying, I bought this bra and it feels like I want my breasts to be a gift. They were a gift to me that I had an opportunity to use so many years. And it's like I'm wrapping them up in a big bow. And I wanna be happy, I wanna celebrate, you know, the feeling of having had them all these years. I definitely had good times I nursed my children, which was just a miracle. And, uh, they served me well, but it was time. They really
Rebecca Sigala:did. They really did. And I it's so interesting to be faced with this, this choice that you're making, that you're getting a mastectomy and you're not gonna have breast anymore. And it's like, Kind of a wake up call, like, oh, what was my relationship with my breasts all along? And especially for someone who understands that complicated relationship with your breasts, like maybe feeling like they're big or bras don't fit me very well, or whatever it was for you. It was just like, oh wait, I actually don't want to lose them.
Caryn Gale:Right. until you face that you know, it's true. Many times I thought at the end of the day, they're heavy. My back hurts. Right. I've had enough. But, uh, when you actually have to make that decision, then you start to appreciate something that all of a sudden you won't have anymore and Right. Hard, a really hard realization to
Rebecca Sigala:come. Yeah, it makes a lot of sense. And so this session, this boudoir session was really celebrating and honoring your breasts, your body, how far you've come on this journey. And I did really like that differentiation of, I don't want this to be a sad session. I want this to be really a celebration. And especially during a time that was so difficult emotionally, you carved out this space for self-care, for play and fun and feeling beautiful and sexy. And while it was very meaningful, the energy of the day was very lighthearted. It
Caryn Gale:definitely was. it was a beautiful day. I mean, I'll admit I was scared beforehand. I was anxious. I didn't know what I was getting myself into. I thought about calling up and postponing the date, but I had the surgery date hanging over me. I don't know if had, I had even exactly closed the date for the surgery quite yet when we had the session, but I knew it was looming close, so it wasn't something I could push off indefinitely. Yeah. And so I definitely got into the car that day and arrived with a lot of mixed emotions. I got there. I parked, I sat outside for a few minutes and then I remember coming in. from the moment I opened the door to your studio, the sun was pouring in from, the windows. And it was, it was so heartwarming inside and out. It, it was just a beautiful feeling and you just welcome me so warmly and beautifully. It was the first time we were really meeting in person and, uh, yeah, I had written a few days earlier at your suggestion, a goodbye letter to my breasts. And that was a hard journey. Um, yeah, and difficult to do, but it was really so empowering for me. I really, uh, learned a lot by writing that letter. Did it feel like closure? Um, s I felt in a safer place. I felt like I had grounded myself and was coming more at peace with what was happening in my life. Right. Oh,
Rebecca Sigala:I do remember you said something like you had so many emotions, which I mean completely understandable, and you were kind of sorting through them, but then through this experience you mentioned that you started to see the beauty and like where you were at
Caryn Gale:Exactly. I definitely had that letter really help me find beauty in this whole situation that I was, you know, going through. And, uh, I came with my bag of purchases and all kinds of things that I thought
Rebecca Sigala:to add. So colorful, all these fun things
Caryn Gale:and definitely and, uh, I didn't know what to expect. It, it was beautiful from the start from the cinnamon Danish that smelled so amazing that you thought to buy for me and, uh, the cup of tea. But we started with hair and makeup with Rhonda, and that was just really wow. She made me feel beautiful. Uh, and I even connected with her in so many different ways as we spoke, and it just felt like such a safe and comfortable space that I was in. I, I have a lot of vulnerabilities and I was afraid yeah, that I wouldn't be able to relax. I wouldn't be able to open up, I wouldn't, uh, feel comfortable at all. And we hadn't even started taking pictures and I already was like, wow, this feels great. Like
Rebecca Sigala:it was, oh my god, such a good, I remember that moment after hair and makeup was done, and you're like, Ooh, like I look good. Like I'm ready for this. You know? And not, that doesn't mean that all nerves went away, but like, you were ready and we were connected and like you said, present. And I really love how you've noticed like all these little things and have so much gratitude and appreciation for things. Have you always been like that?
Caryn Gale:I am very, very grateful for all, all things in my life. I family, so beautiful friends. I definitely have a lot of appreciation for all the
Rebecca Sigala:good. did that come forward more on this journey, or was it just really always how you were,
Caryn Gale:I don't know that, that's a hard question. I'd like to think that I've always been grateful, but when you're faced with, uh, these kind of decisions in life, You know, there's a fork in the road. Uh, you can definitely take this information and put your head in the sand and just hope nothing bad is gonna happen to you. Right. But I've always, I've always felt strong and resilient and empowered and always have tried to do what I can. And, and this was just something that I didn't feel like I could sit still and let go. Yeah. And so
Rebecca Sigala:that's so, so incredibly inspiring to me. Okay, so you did this session, it was amazing and it truly was. And then how, how did you feel like right afterwards, like even before you got the pictures, because it was, you know, a month or a month and a half before you even received the
Caryn Gale:pictures? I didn't wanna leave your studio. Um, that's so
Rebecca Sigala:cute. I love
Caryn Gale:that. It was such a, it was such an experience for me. Like I didn't wanna walk out the door. I, I so clearly remember that I even saved my cinnamon danish for the end. And I sat and drank another cup of tea and ate it with you. And, uh, I remember leaving and I thought, well, you know, I'm gonna take a few pictures with my phone, camera outside while I still have my hair and my makeup done. It's a beautiful background. And I got in the car. I didn't even really wanna drive away. And I actually had a call with the doctor scheduled right after that, and that kind of dropped me right back into reality. And I moved forward. I, I really. I thought that that might have been the end of our relationship. I'd get my album, I'd have my surgery. We had talked about a possible follow up session after, after, after my Brads were gone. But I really, you know, I didn't want it to end and, uh, it was ending. So I was on my way and with the, you know, hope that you had said that possibly the pictures would be ready for me to review. Before the surgery.
Rebecca Sigala:Before the surgery, I remember you were also kind of debating, oh, do I want to look at them before the surgery or after? But it was pretty clear that you wanted to see them before.
Caryn Gale:Definitely in the end, that was really the best thing too. So it worked out.
Rebecca Sigala:Yeah. Amazing. Okay. So it was not the end of our journey, which I'm so thrilled and honored about. I started to launch my program, the New Sexy, and you started to see all the information about that coming out. How, how did you feel about that? What kind of happened from there? Let's tell our listeners,
Caryn Gale:well, I'm gonna back up. You actually had a program before The New Sexy that you I did. That you offered for free. Yes. And uh, it was during Hanukah and I, I was busy with a million family obligations and fun things planned. I believe you had a three day session and I, I missed you. And I figured out that one session I was actually available and I said to myself, I'm gonna make the effort to go. I have so much going on in my life. And I was in the middle of meeting with the surgeon, the plastic surgeon, making final decisions about the upcoming surgery. Not really feeling very settled about everything. And it was just a few weeks away and I called into a call that you had, uh, going on that evening. It was a group of women that I immediately felt at ease with everyone. In the group. We went around and introduced ourself. I, of course, wasn't up to mentioning to anybody anything really so personal in my life. It was still, you know, just a, an initial meeting and you had a topic planned for that night. I don't exactly remember if the topic was our body or feeling good about our body, but, uh, you had a little program planned and it was a series of, I think, 12 pictures that you put up on our screens to look at.
Rebecca Sigala:And I think it was like examining our body belief.
Caryn Gale:Something like that. And, uh, 12 pictures came up. You had talked about it beforehand and you had told us that you wanted us to look at the pictures and pick three that we connected with for some reason, to look at them all. But you know, what, what were our feelings? And I had decided before you even put up the pictures that I wanted, First look at people's faces and not their bodies. I really didn't know what to expect, which is kind of what you do
Rebecca Sigala:in real life as well. Right?
Caryn Gale:It's true. And I was really seeking just happiness and I thought, I'm gonna look at the faces and I'm gonna try to connect with the people who feel the happiest to me, cuz that's really what I was seeking at that moment. And you put up the pictures and I really just looked at everybody's face and immediately connected with three pictures that were in that series of one that the woman, her eyes were even smiling. It was like such joy on her face. And I remember, and then after looking at their faces, uh, we had our journals out and you had given us a few prompts. I looked at everyone's body especially the three women that I picked, and the first woman that I picked, that I really connected with that had such joy on her face. Had no
Rebecca Sigala:breasts. She just, she just, it's so powerful. Hearing it again is so
Caryn Gale:powerful. I, I, I was so taken aback. In that moment, uh, I could barely look at my other two pictures that I picked. One was a woman with a baby who was kind of smiling down at her chow, and a, another one that I, I don't even clearly remember, but I just, I, I was stopped kind of dead in my tracks, and I started writing about this picture. I remember writing like, how could she be so happy and not have any breasts and right. She, she looked just, when I looked at her face, there was no moment where I thought, is this really a woman? Is this a man? You know, I, I didn't identify with her body at all. It was just her beauty right in her face and so many
Rebecca Sigala:things that also because of the joy that she was emanating.
Caryn Gale:Absolutely. And I was having so many personal struggles with my decisions for the surgery that it really changed my way of thinking up until
Rebecca Sigala:that. Right. Cause you were pretty much planning on getting reconstruction and, I mean, just because that's what most people do. Right. Exactly. And how did this help you in your decision making process?
Caryn Gale:Well, I looked at that picture and I was already at the plastic surgeon. We were already scheduling for reconstruction, but I just didn't feel good about that decision. The surgery for reconstruction that was an option for me was over 24 hour surgery. Oh my gosh. That just didn't sit well with me. And I
Rebecca Sigala:started, it was like you were already, you were having these feelings already that you didn't, it was already want the reconstruction.
Caryn Gale:Right. I wasn't so much, I didn't want the reconstruction. I didn't wanna be a part of that whole process, like it was just to change my journey so completely. And I, I just didn't feel good about it. Uh, and one of the things pushing me to reconstruction was, That's pretty much what everybody expects, thinks that you're going to do. And, uh, even, even the doctors expected that. So I just felt like that's what I had to do.
Rebecca Sigala:I, in that picture, was it kind of like, I'm gonna be okay, or I could be okay. I could think it was more that I,
Caryn Gale:I could be okay. I could be happy and have no breasts, and I could still be a woman. It was, oh my god, really an awakening for me. I, I really a turning point in my journey.
Rebecca Sigala:I, when you told me that, I was like, that is the most badass decision
Caryn Gale:ever. Wow. It was, I, I started questioning everything. And I, you know, did what, what I usually do. I went online and I bought a book about being flat. I posted in a support group that I'm in online and I started asking questions, you know, is anybody, did anybody not do reconstruction? what are the options out there? How do you feel? What is it like? And what
Rebecca Sigala:was the resounding response to that?
Caryn Gale:A lot of support, a lot of people out there that do not do reconstruction. And what started becoming apparent, the reconstruction journey is, is rough. I learned things. The surgeon or the plastic surgeon both did not share with me. That really helped me change my decision and feel good about it. Uh, simple things besides the length of the surgery and a four to six month recovery which were already weighing on me, I didn't realize that with reconstructed breasts, you have no feeling or sensation at all. They're just kind of two lumps that hang off of you. They don't maintain temperature. And on average, this is the average woman who goes for reconstruction, has an average of seven surgeries just to get them right. Damn,
Rebecca Sigala:that is so many surgeries.
Caryn Gale:N no one told me that. and it could be you have seven surgeries. I, I spoke with the woman who had 14 and I spoke with people who had many surgeries and then ended up flat because, It just didn't work. There are just a lot of factors that people don't take into consideration. A lot of people, even in my own journey, said to me, you're so lucky. You're getting a boob job. You're gonna have new breaths. I can't
Rebecca Sigala:believe people say that. I cannot believe people equate the two like that. That's not what's happening here.
Caryn Gale:Right? They don't understand that you take everything off and you start again, so you're not really enhancing what you have or changing it around. It's a different journey and, uh, it's not,
Rebecca Sigala:it's, I mean, I guess it still is elective surgery. You're still deciding to do it, but it's not for aesthetic purposes.
Caryn Gale:Exactly. I bought a book. I started asking a lot of questions. I went back to the doctor. And interestingly enough, when I went back to the surgeon after reading up and deciding, you know, what I think flat is for me I came in for my appointment and she said to me immediately, I was really surprised you were even considering reconstruction when you came in and I spoke to you. I thought that you were not going to do any reconstruction, and was surprised. So maybe she knew me better than I did myself.
Rebecca Sigala:Wow. Was that validating that she said that?
Caryn Gale:It, it, it really was. it really was very validating. It's a hard decision. I mean, honestly, up until the minute I was going into the operating room, you keep second guessing yourself, questioning yourself, but I had a lot of support. I had a lot of validation and I thought I was in a good place. And yeah.
Rebecca Sigala:So speaking of exactly, speaking of, you got to be a part of this community that I created called The New Sexy. And what were your thoughts about that and what was your experience?
Caryn Gale:Well, initially I was totally resistant. After your,
Rebecca Sigala:you sent me an email, like I didn't even reach out to you. You just sent me an email and said, this looks great, but it's not the right time for me. And I was like, exactly. Actually, I was thinking about you, Caryn.
Caryn Gale:So that's exactly what happened. I attended that one class and it really was such an impetus for, you know, all of my decisions moving forward, changing things around. And then you talked about the new sexy that was coming out and I thought, wow, you know, being in that community that could be a great support for me, but I'm having surgery. I'm going to be, you know, busy recovering even without doing any reconstruction. It's a six week recovery. Right. So I wanted to go in as healthy as I could be and as strong as I could be. I was coming off of a. Surgery, you know, a few months earlier. And I really felt that the community you were offering was so supportive. So I wrote to you and I told you, sign me up for the next one. This one. By the next one I'm gonna be ready. And you said, well, let's talk. We did, we haven't talked. Let's set up a time. Let's talk the two of us. And we did speak, and it just became really clear when we were talking that, you know what, there's never a good time. There wasn't a good time for these surgeries to begin with. There wasn't a good time to get this, uh, result. You know, it's never going to be a good time. And, uh, I said, okay, sign me up. And we moved forward and I joined the community. Yeah.
Rebecca Sigala:Uh, and one of, I, I remember like one of your biggest fears, correct me if I'm wrong you said, I don't know how I'm gonna feel after the surgery.
Caryn Gale:Right. That's that's very true. You know, you can kind of plan everything up till the minute before, but when you wake up from the surgery and you open your eyes and you look down, it's, it's nothing that you can be prepared for. I often say to people, unless you have experienced it yourself firsthand, then you really don't know. So, as much support as I was getting as many groups that I was in you really just don't know until you wake up yourself and that's what you're faced with. So, wow. I was also unsure if I was even going to share what was going on in my life in the group. I didn't know Right. How the group was going to go and if I was gonna feel comfortable enough if I wanted to Right. Reveal that that's what I was doing. I mean, I definitely have body issues, so it. Going to be a good thing for me just overall in life. And so I, I wasn't really sure where, where I was, and I don't think I even revealed. I believe that we had three meetings before my surgery was scheduled. And the first one for sure, I wasn't going to say anything, but even in the first session when we all came together, six women that I've never seen before in my life that our past did not cross in any which way. Um, all different
Rebecca Sigala:ages, stages in life.
Caryn Gale:Exactly. Different issues with our bodies. Although there was definitely a lot of common themes and common factors. I already felt like a connection with so many people in our first call. Yeah. I hung up from that first session and I. Best decision ever. Like, what was I thinking? This is like what I need. I'm, I'm not, you know, I have a lot of support, but I'm really not doing any kind of like therapy and not that this is therapy and that's what I'm looking for, but wow, this is like a really great community for me to be in. Um, yeah,
Rebecca Sigala:it still wasn't, I felt that right away as well. I felt like that connection right away. So What did the community and going through the course, because you were like very diligent about being there, showing up, doing the coursework, even though it's not super like academic or anything like that, but you were really showing up for yourself. What did it give you before your surgery?
Caryn Gale:So one thing I immediately took away from the group and then still really important to me today, and I believe we spoke about on the first call, was investing in yourself. Mm-hmm. Realistically, uh, over the years I've. Always invested in myself. I'm not always who I put forward first. I'm, you know, it's, it's just what happens I think as a mother as a wife, as a friend, sometimes you're you,
Rebecca Sigala:yeah. We're kind of, we're conditioned to be caregivers and to be selfless and generous and kind, and not necessarily be that to ourselves, but only to everyone else around us. That is kind of what we're subliminally
Caryn Gale:taught. So I had been toying with the idea of hiring a personal trainer to kind of whip me into shape before the surgery. I do love to walk and I love to be active, but it was a different feeling. I wanted to be strong physically, emotionally, be as prepared as I could for the surgery. And I hung up from that first session and I had somebody's name that people had recommended and I sent her, a message saying, you know, like in a nutshell my story and that I had surgery coming up in three weeks. And I know I'm a little bit late to the game, but you know, is she available? I wanna start tomorrow. And she wrote back and she found time for me and I started working with her. I was coming to the weekly sessions and I was just, that's incredible looking, looking to put myself in the. Best possible place I could be physically, mentally. When we had the second session, I didn't reveal on that call either about what you didn't. Oh my gosh. It was only at the third, the third session, which actually happened to be, I believe, the night before my surgery. Wow. That I talked about it. Uh, we had opportunity on the call for individuals to have some coaching or some time where other people could listen and then also respond at the end. And it just felt like it was a place to share and I really needed, I felt safe. It did, it really did feel safe. And I had such an amazing response. I, I wasn't looking for pity and I wasn't looking for people to feel bad for me. Yeah. Um, and it was good that I had those other classes to kind of let people get to know me and, and who I was. So by the time. The day before the surgery. And I revealed it to the group what was going on in my life. They were just so amazing there for me. One of my big concerns before going into the surgery was, am I gonna be a woman when it's over? Yeah. Um, am I gonna feel feminine? Am I gonna feel beautiful? Here, I just had a hysterectomy three months before, and now I was removing my breasts, like what was left that made me a woman. So everybody in the call said to me, we only see you from the shoulders up and you're beautiful and there's no question that you're a woman. And that's not gonna change. And it was such a good feeling for me going into the surgery. Having that session the night before where here I thought, why would I ever even be able to schedule in, go into a session the night before the surgery? But it was the best thing for me. And the surgery took place and I woke up after it was over, look down. I took a deep breath and it was okay. I was just so grateful to survive, survive both surgeries, and it was the moment that I thought it's behind me. I, I just have to move forward. I, I just need to move on. I have so much to be grateful for and this can't hold me back.
Rebecca Sigala:Yeah. And I think. It's so easy for other people to see that resiliency and that strength in you. I remember when I was listening to your fears about, am I gonna move forward? How am I gonna feel? And I was like, you've been through so much, like, so much more than you've even shared here. And I know that you have that strength within you, and I see that power within you. But then when we're going through it ourselves and we go through all the emotions and the ups and downs, like sometimes it's hard to see that. So having people that can reflect that back to you is just really, really powerful. And I'm so glad that you had that
Caryn Gale:support. I did. And. the group continued to support me in so many ways. One of the hardest things to do is to leave the house. You know, it's great. You have the surgery, you're recovering, but, uh, you know, you go to doctor's appointments or the hospital, it was winter. You're wearing your big bulky coat. Who's really going to see you? I see in a. Lot of the support groups I'm in, people talk about how it's weeks and weeks and weeks and they just are afraid to go out. How do you go back to work? You know, is everybody staring at you? And I decided pretty early on in my recovery that I was going out on a date night with my husband. He, you know, as a caregiver you go through a lot too, and he really deserved a break. And, I got dressed, which wasn't easy. putting on clothes on a very different body, especially, you know, you don't realize just how much your breast may be cover up, um, or better focal point. Now all of a sudden you see your stomach, you see your pee, you see all kinds of things you don't wanna see. and I got dressed and I was afraid about getting out the door. And uh, the first thing I thought of is I'm gonna take a picture and put it in the group. Yeah.
Rebecca Sigala:Oh my gosh. I remember that picture. It was so
Caryn Gale:beautiful. We have an amazing WhatsApp group that, uh, continues when we don't have our, sessions and, I took a picture of myself, which was already big and The first thing I did was post it in that group and I got such amazing love and support. one person said something that so resonated with me. when I actually was out. She told the story of, getting married and, uh, wearing a wig for the first time, after being married. And she woke up the next morning at the hotel and she had to leave the hotel room in a wig that she had never in her life worn before. And she was so self-conscious and her new husband said to her, nobody's looking at your wig. And it looks completely natural and just be confident. And, uh, everyone's looking at us because we're newly married and we're just so happy together. Aw. And
Rebecca Sigala:right. I remember her sharing.
Caryn Gale:And so I went out and even though I felt like everybody's looking at my chest, after a while I started kind of trying to follow people's eyes or tried to kind of follow what was going on. And I thought, n nobody even cares. Like it's, wow, it's not even what they see. so we actually had a great, uh, quiet evening out, and that was really a big turning point for me in getting. Back to work, back to getting dressed, being confident to go out. I had a lot of people who came to visit me. It was a, a long recovery, and had its own complications. Uh, but people came over. and it was hard, you know, for people to see me that first time. Uh, some did not know that I was not doing reconstruction, so they were a bit taken aback and I just, I just felt so grounded and at peace with my decision. And I got back the pathological reports that were all clear and clean, and I was so relieved that I was healthy and I was in a better place. and I had so much love and support from so many people that it was, it was good and I was really
Rebecca Sigala:incredible. And also, yeah, you have love and support from other people, but you literally created that for yourself by setting up all these different structures and things and boundaries and communicating with people all leading up to your surgery during and after. And it wasn't just like, I'm gonna sit back and let other people take care of me. It's like I'm taking care of myself. And that is also why you were able to feel that support so
Caryn Gale:strongly. definitely. the course continued on for many more weeks after the surgery. And there were topics and things that we covered that really, really, helped. Get to where I am today. I, I'm still, where
Rebecca Sigala:is that, where are you today? Tell me, Caryn, this is just such an incredible
Caryn Gale:story. I definitely feel like I'm after, it's after, I am feeling good. I'm feeling healthy. I'm still not a hundred percent recovered yet, and I'm not sure how long that will take, physically and mentally, but I just finished the new sexy, uh, 12 week course and that was so empowering and so meaningful and so many amazing connections that when you offered a year long program as a follow up, I just immediately wanted to jump on that bandwagon. Um, yeah. I'm so happy that so many of the others in the group are, continuing on. it will be more, I think of a maintenance program and, and that's what I need now. I need that right check in and that support and that love and, and there will be things that come up and I continued to invest in me. I'm right.
Rebecca Sigala:That is what you just told me last week or the week before, that investing in yourself is your number one priority, which is wow, such a huge shift. It's, how do you feel about your body right now? Is it different than before? How do you feel about your beauty, your sexuality? Like how are you relating to it? What thoughts do you have?
Caryn Gale:Well, I recently got my album, the final, proof of it before we're going to print. Yes. And I looked at those pictures and they're still really Wow. And they're still me. even though I don't look like that, they still really hold, uh, plays in my heart that's, you know, slightly broken, but slightly repaired. Mm-hmm. Uh, but I'm feeling, I'm feeling good. I, I'm getting dressed, I'm getting out. I'm not the same. Me, it's, it's harder, it's harder to put the foot out the door. Some days it's harder to pick my clothes. it was, definitely cleansing to go through my closet. tried every lasting on, gathered up my whole drawer and collection of bras from exercise bras to boudoir session bras to everyday brass. and, uh, I pretty much purged everything. that wasn't going to make me feel good. Uh, yeah, I feel, I feel good. I feel grounded. I feel like, I am investing in me. I'm still with the personal trainer. I'm building strength inside and out. I'm happy to be continuing on with the group and, it's a journey. And I also wanna
Rebecca Sigala:mention that like, you know, as much a support as you have received, you've given so much in the group. And just on our last call, it was so clear how many people felt that you were such a rounding, beautiful calming presence, and that they gained so much from you and from the help and support that you gave them. And from your story and for just honestly being you, which is so incredible that it wasn't just, oh, I'm gonna show up and get the support. It was like such a beautiful relationship and connection that you cultivated there and that we were able to do together.
Caryn Gale:it was such an amazing final session. Um, so it was so empowering. It was so meaningful to share with others, hear their thoughts and share our own. and it was really refreshing and I read
Rebecca Sigala:like five pages of wins of celebrations that you guys had over the last 12 leagues. How did that feel for you and did you have any favorite wins of your own?
Caryn Gale:So it definitely. Was really emotional for me. I didn't at first know if you were reading wins of individual people, you know, by category. And then I started realizing that you're just reading everyone's wins. And some of them were clearly mine. Um, yes, but there were so many that were everyone's, maybe it was somebody's at one point, but, it, it was just, uh, really wow. And for me to see where I started and where I ended, was, was really eye-opening. And,
Rebecca Sigala:um, what do you think the biggest change is for you or the biggest transformation?
Caryn Gale:The biggest change for me is that I'm prioritizing investing in me. Um, yeah, I'm gonna be the best me that I can be, healthy, grateful. And, I just, I just.
Rebecca Sigala:There is one thing that stuck out to me. One win that stuck out to me, and I don't know if it sticks out to you, please let me know, but you said, I don't feel less beautiful than I did before my mastectomy.
Caryn Gale:and that is so true, and it's definitely very big for me. I don't feel like, I've lost anything because I don't have my breasts. They, they weren't my identity. they weren't who made me, they were a part of me and I'm sad that they're gone. but I don't think that I, I still feel, you know, I'm a woman. I'm dealing with all the issues other women deal with, of course. For good or for bad.
Rebecca Sigala:Oh
Caryn Gale:my gosh. And, you know, and
Rebecca Sigala:I, you saying that just like literally fills my heart with so much joy and. Excitement for you and your life and your future and yeah. Wow. It's really incredible the way that you showed up for yourself
Caryn Gale:and I have to say that I'm so grateful for you, Rebecca, because mm-hmm. When I look back on this journey, and I think that if it didn't take the turn that it did, Sending you that message about the boudoir session and all that happened since then. I, I don't really believe that I'd be in the place I am today. Wow. It, it really made a big difference in my life and that I am so grateful for. And, that's definitely one of the reasons I feel comfortable sharing my story here with you. Mm-hmm. And, um, another reason I am sharing the story is that I hope that other women who are listening to it will take the initiative and go get tested for the R C a. If you're in,
Rebecca Sigala:it's free. That's actually what I was gonna ask you. First of all, thank you so much for expressing that gratitude. There's really no words. I just, I'm so honored and also very grateful for you and for our connection and for the divine timing, literally divine timing. is that the message that you want women to hear
Caryn Gale:right now? definitely. I, I think two messages. One, go get tested even if you don't have a family history. I mean, I at the time wouldn't have thought to get tested if somebody told me it was a breast cancer, ovarian cancer, or there are plenty of people I've met that have no cancer in their family history. It's just, uh, if you're an Ashkenazi woman, it's something that is included now. And I encourage you to get tested and I encourage you if, God forbid, you get a result that you do have a mutation, don't put your head in the sand. There's so many ways to proactively help yourself and there's so much support out there. And, as women, we are strong and we are resilient, and we want the best for everyone and for ourselves. And so, yeah, you know, move forward. It's, it's, uh, the best message.
Rebecca Sigala:Beautiful, but an incredible note to end on. I know that this is gonna help so many women, whether or not they're in the exact, circumstances as you. just hearing your story and how you handled things with so much compassion and love for yourself is truly inspiring. And yeah, everyone, go get tested. Thank you so much, Karen. Thank you for being here today. Thank you. Hey guys, Rebecca here. I'm so grateful that Karen was able and willing to come on this podcast and share her experience and her story with us in such a vulnerable and authentic way. The transformation that she went through. With boudoir and my group coaching program was absolutely amazing from going from a complicated relationship with her body and feeling fearful about the body changes and also feeling uncertain about what that means for her femininity to owning all of that and loving herself through it is just. It literally fills me with joy and it is these types of stories that inspire me to continue to do the work that I do with so much passion. I have a lot of love and respect for Karen. Her gratitude for the little things in life and her resiliency really stand out to me, especially as I have gotten to know her more. And. I hope that this conversation inspires you to, number one, get tested as she mentioned, but also to realize that it is possible to really love your body regardless of the changes that it will go through, because that is one thing for sure in life. Our bodies will always change whether it's. More drastic, like going through a mastectomy or having another kind of surgery, or just the simple fact that our bodies age and things change. When Karen said that she feels just as beautiful now without her breasts as before the surgery, she is not bullshitting you. And of course that comes with a lot of other emotions, but that's completely normal and okay. And the fact that she allowed herself to feel her feelings. Deeply supported through this crucial time in her life is why she has the mindset she does today. I also wanna mention that Karen is 56 years old, and I only mentioned that once in her introduction, and we never mentioned it again because in a lot of ways her age is irrelevant. She's vibrant and beautiful and sexy, and she's making herself her number one priority. What a queen. Society tells us that by a certain age we can't be those things anymore. And a lot of women have told me that they feel irrelevant, unseen and underappreciated by a certain age, but this is part of the revolution. We're reclaiming our bodies, not just between the ages of 16 and 23, but literally forever. It is not too late, and you are definitely not too old to love your body, to do a boudoir session, to do the things that you want to do in life. Okay, my loves, whether you're 25 or 60, whether you're smaller or larger, whether or not you love the way you look right now, you are worthy, right freaking now. To talk to me about a boudoir experience either in Israel or New York. You can book a free discovery call in the show notes. And for those of you who are interested in this amazing group coaching program, the New Sexy that we spoke about in this episode, please email me at rebecca@rebeccasigala.com to get on the wait list. It's launching for the second time this June, and it's going to be epic. Okay. Bye guys. Talk to you all soon.