When you're not in a larger body and not in a small one either, it can present some unique challenges in our society today. In this episode, I share with you what my mid-size experience is like, all the goodness and the insecurities that sometimes come with it. I talk about body shaming, idealizing thinness, representation in the media, caring about what other people think, and body comparison.
I would love to hear from you on Instagram!
https://www.instagram.com/rebeccasigalaboudoir
When you're not in a larger body and not in a small one either, it can present some unique challenges in our society today. In this episode, I share with you what my mid-size experience is like, all the goodness and the insecurities that sometimes come with it. I talk about body shaming, idealizing thinness, representation in the media, caring about what other people think, and body comparison.
I would love to hear from you on Instagram!
https://www.instagram.com/rebeccasigalaboudoir
Hello. It's been a few weeks, my friends. Welcome back to the Body Image Revolution. I really missed you and I'm so excited to be back here on the podcast and in Israel. I have so much to talk to you about. The trip to New York was amazing, and the woman that I had the opportunity to work with and photograph were just, beyond. They were so open and they allowed themselves to be vulnerable and just trust the process. Even leading up to their sessions and during their sessions while I was photographing, I saw them literally blossoming. I could actually notice the shift of when they started to believe different things about themselves and their bodies, and it was just magic. These women are so beautiful. I almost can't believe none of them had ever been photographed before, and most of them never even took a sexy selfie of themselves. I'm like, woman, have you seen yourself? You're so freaking gorgeous. And I love that through my work, I'm able to give them that and help them change the narrative that they have about themselves. it's, I'm not sexy or there's something wrong with my body, or I'm not worthy. To, I am worthy and I'm freaking hot as hell. Anyway, when we were there, I already started getting inquiries for New York, and I think people just think I'm there now, which I kind of love, but I'm still based in Israel most of the time. If you're in America or you're flying to America and want a boudoir experience, please be sure to reach out to me because I'm already starting to book for the next trip. So I want to talk to you about something extremely important and also very vulnerable for me. which is what it's like being a mid-size woman in this world. According to Instagram, my very reliable source, mid-size is generally a size eight to a size 16, but whatever, you don't have to categorize yourself. I just found it helpful because I'm not a skinny woman, at least not right now, and I'm not living in a larger body, and sometimes it's difficult to navigate the body positivity space without understanding where I fall. Which kind of privilege I experience, which kind of discrimination I experience, and just my general experience of the world and how it relates to me and how I relate to it living in the body that I am. The truth is I feel like I can really relate and empathize with almost every single woman. In my adult life, I've been anywhere from a size two to a size 12. My body fluctuates and changes as do a lot of women's bodies, so I know what it's like to have a body at different sizes, and it's just very interesting. The truth is body size has very little to do with how we feel about our bodies. Just because someone is thin doesn't mean they love their body, and just because someone is larger doesn't mean they hate their body. I personally have never loved my body more than I do now. Coming in at a size eight, I'm five two and I have a small frame, so it's definitely delicious and curvy and my boobs are huge right now, and that doesn't automatically mean that I love my boobs or I love my body. I've had to do the inner work to get there and continue to do that inner work. There's definitely been times in my life that my boobs were huge and I didn't like them. I thought they were too saggy and heavy, and they represented the fact that I had gained weight and. At that point in my journey, I thought that was the most horrendous thing possible to gain weight. So it just proves that it doesn't matter what you look like, you can always find things to be insecure about, or you can learn how to find things you really love about your body and see it in a different way. We have to train our brains to think positively because it usually doesn't come naturally for us. Our human brains have something called negative bias, and we automatically go to the things that are lacking or are perceived as bad or wrong. So what I wanna talk to you about today is what it's like to be a mid-size queen. What my experience is like, and how I relate to the world, and how I feel the world relates to me, no matter what size you are. This episode is going to provide you a lot of insight about body image and womanhood, and I think you're gonna learn something about yourself as well. I decided to do this because I actually started to get a bit insecure recently about my body, but mostly annoyed by the way the world sees bodies and it's really affecting me. Basically, one of my friends who's very thin struggles a lot with her body image. And if she gains a few pounds, she starts to say things like, I'm so fat and I feel really heavy. I need to start dieting, taking care of myself more. So as someone who is mid-size or in a larger body, of course this can be triggering, especially if you spend a lot of time with that person. And because we know body image is the foundation of so much in our lives, it comes up a lot. She even asked me at one point if men were actually attracted to curvy or big women, and I'm like, What is happening. Of course, men are attracted to all different kinds of women. not that it matters, but like I'm human. And of course I think these things from time to time, and I know men are attracted to my body, But I still think about all the people who are victims to diet, culture, and look at my body in a certain way, maybe even with disgust. And most of the time it doesn't bother me. But some of the time I just feel that little twinge. And I think it's pretty amazing that at this point it doesn't make me wanna lose weight or change my body, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt a little to think of those ideas and how many people buy into that bullshit. So this is something interesting that I've noticed because I'm mid-size and I'm not in a larger body. People more often say things like, I feel so fat around me because they don't necessarily see me as fat. Not that larger women don't experience that as well. They do, but if you have any kind of awareness, you probably wouldn't talk like that in front of a very large person. Sometimes people even talk about larger bodies around me in a negative light, like she got so big or that can't be healthy. So this affects me as well. It makes me mad and sad and annoyed that this is how most of the world sees larger women, larger people. And then I'm like, well, I'm probably in the overweight category for bmi. I actually don't even know because I threw out my scale a few years ago. But seriously, What do you think about me? What does this person who says, I feel so fat and they're in a smaller body, what are they thinking about me? And then it also goes the opposite way. Sometimes people. Kind of idealize other people's bodies who are thin and toned saying like, oh my God, I wish I had her body. Or, she's so perfect. Or going on and on about them and how beautiful they are. And it's obvious to me that they're idealizing their specific body type and have more of a narrow view of what is beautiful. And And it makes sense that that could affect me. The truth is when women criticize their own bodies, it's normal to wonder what they might think of yours. That's one of the reasons it's so important not to criticize your own body in front of your children because they will forever feel like they can't ever reach that standard, that you have for yourself because it's literally unattainable. The language you use for your body will become part of the narrative they have about their own. And that's really not to shame anyone. This is the society that we're living in and things can be rewired and healed and all of that. But this is just the truth and I hear it so much with my clients and the stories that they tell me about their childhood and their parents' relationships with their bodies, and it just makes so much sense. Another truth is, is that it is possible that my friend doesn't think that way about my body at all, and she thinks I'm completely beautiful the way I am. And maybe people who criticize their own bodies can look at other bodies through a loving lens, but I do think it only goes so far because if you look at your body with that much hate and resentment for looking a certain way, It is indicative of how you see bodies in general, and that's okay too. We've all been brainwashed. I've been there too. It's just super important to be aware of it see how we can change it. I just wanna be super clear that it makes. Complete sense that thin people have just as many body image struggles as women who are mid-size or larger. Because like I said at the beginning of this episode, body image actually has very little to do with how we look. And we live in a society where our bodies will never be enough, and diet culture seeps through every aspect of our lives. So I do not blame my friend for having these thoughts about her body. And at the same time, I just want society to change so badly. I cannot accept the status quo of negative body image. It's literally normal to hate your body, loving your body. That's a revolutionary thing. Anyway, other things I experience as a mid-size woman is clothing not fitting me right, and stores not carrying my bra size. I'm well aware it's a lot easier for me than women in larger body, and that fucking sucks, but it's also annoying for me. It's a huge slap in the face like you are bigger, or in my case, your boobs are bigger than average and it's not even worth it for us to carry your size. I also don't see a lot of representation of my body type in the media. While it is getting better with the body positivity movement, the idealized bodies, the thin and toned, the big butt and tiny waist, those body types are still a huge part of the beauty standard. It's rare to see mid-size women on the cover of magazines. In reality shows, in movies as the beautiful main character, those women are still more often than not, within the beauty standards and mid-size women are severely lacking representation. I want to see more of the size, eight to 16 women rocking it and embracing their bodies and owning their sexualities like the queens they are. And so I do it myself. That's the driving force behind me sharing boudoir images of myself online to give women a model of what it looks like to love and embrace your body, even when it doesn't fit into the rigid beauty standards that have been imposed on us. And do you know what some people say when I post those pictures, you're so brave, or, wow, I can't believe you feel comfortable doing that. Meanwhile, no one would tell a thin person that they are brave for posting a picture of themselves. And it actually doesn't offend me that much, but I think it's kind of silly and actually more sad that it's so out there for someone who has some roles or a belly to embrace their body publicly. And even though I'm a body image coach, my mom still tells me how skinny I am when she thinks I've lost weight or the camera's just angled in a certain way. And I get the occasional, have you lost weight? Or it looks like you lost some weight, good for you. But most of the time people know who I am and what I stand for, and they are very cautious about what they say about my body. And I'm generally pretty confident about my body and I know how to navigate those conversations and create the boundaries that I need to feel safe. And sometimes we even get into discussions about body image and body positivity and all of that. but like most people in the world still think that it's better to be thin. It's prettier, it's healthier, blah, blah, blah. That's why the work that I do is so radical and why we need community around this. The women in the New Sexy, my group coaching program, were literally relieved that they had a sisterhood of women who were like-minded and had their back, and we're working on seeing bodies differently altogether and embracing themselves for where they are at without changing their bodies. It's so healing. I'm actually launching the second round of the new sexy very soon, so keep your eyes open. It's coming next week actually. I'm so excited. In a world where everywhere you look, there's another ad about losing belly fat or dieting. We need to create as many safe spaces as possible, and the most important safe space is within ourselves that it's okay to exist in the world as we are. That there is nothing wrong with our bodies and that we are not horrible people for gaining weight during covid or having rolls on our back or not being a size two. It is not better to be thinner there. I said it. It is not better or more moral or even more beautiful comparing our bodies to other people's. Is literally the worst thing we can do. And you heard today in this episode that I'm not immune to it myself. I have to keep training my brain and using the tools that I've learned and use with my clients to rewire the way we see ourselves. And it's not like once you love your body, you'll just love it forever. It's a constant practice and it is ever evolving. This work doesn't end. Before I end this episode today, I want to mention that as a mid-sized person, I have a lot of privilege in our society today. No one is looking at me and discuss when I eat ice cream in public. My doctors aren't harping on me to lose weight. Instead of giving me proper medical care, I can fit into seats on the airplane, and most of the time, I'm not discriminated against because of my body. And that is a very different experience than people in larger bodies and people in very thin bodies can also have. A hard or a challenging experience because they face a lot of judgments, opinions and comments about their bodies as well. We'll never be perfect until we decide that we are. In my opinion, we are perfect in our imperfections. We are beautiful regardless, and because of our body size and shape we are worthy. And we are women, which means that we've gotta lift each other up and change this world for the better together. Okay. That's it. Love you all. See you next week.