This episode is a vulnerable interview with my beautiful client, Jessika. Jessika used to think negatively about her body from the first moment she woke up in the morning. She was struggling with feeling confident with her husband, her relationship with food, and being able to be present in her body in general. As she began The New Sexy, several months pregnant with her fourth child, she hoped that the program would offer her the ability to tap into the unconditional love she was always looking for.
The New Sexy is open for enrollment now.
Sign-up for a free discovery call:
https://calendly.com/rebeccasigala/the-new-sexy-discovery-call
I would love to hear from you on Instagram!
https://www.instagram.com/rebeccasigalaboudoir
This episode is a vulnerable interview with my beautiful client, Jessika. Jessika used to think negatively about her body from the first moment she woke up in the morning. She was struggling with feeling confident with her husband, her relationship with food, and being able to be present in her body in general. As she began The New Sexy, several months pregnant with her fourth child, she hoped that the program would offer her the ability to tap into the unconditional love she was always looking for.
The New Sexy is open for enrollment now.
Sign-up for a free discovery call:
https://calendly.com/rebeccasigala/the-new-sexy-discovery-call
I would love to hear from you on Instagram!
https://www.instagram.com/rebeccasigalaboudoir
Hello, gorgeous souls. Welcome back to the Body Image Revolution. This wasn't originally going to be a podcast episode, but I recently interviewed my incredible client, Jessika, about her experience in my group coaching program, The New Sexy, which is open for enrollment right now. And honestly, it's just such a beautiful story and filled with all these gems that we can use as inspiration on our own journey. So I decided to share it with all of you, and I'm so excited for you to hear a little bit more about Jessika and her story, and just listen in on this incredible conversation. Just to give a little bit of background, Jessika lives in the United States and actually half of the last round of the program was in America and half was in Israel. And it was so cool to have so many different women from all different places with unique perspectives that were brought to the table. We learned so much from each other. Jessica is an Army wife, which means she moves around a lot and she is a mama to four beautiful children. She is so much fun. She always brought smiles to our faces, even in the middle of really deep and serious conversations. She's so smart and spiritual and creative, and it was an honor to guide her through this part of her journey and help her go from thinking negatively about her body from literally the moment she woke up in the morning to actually accessing unconditional love for her body within herself so that she could be more present as a wife and a mother, and experience more joy in her life. I think you are all going to really relate and love her just as much as I do. Enjoy. Hey Jessica. Thank you so much for joining me today. I'm so excited to have this conversation with you.
Jessika Armstrong:Of course. Thank you so much for the opportunity.
Rebecca Sigala:Yay. Okay, so we're going to be talking today. For those of you who don't know, we're gonna be talking about the new sexy and Jessica's experience within it, starting it, what her story is, and just sharing, you know, all of that with you guys, and hopefully we're gonna just be as like real as possible. Just be ourselves, and we hope that you gained some insight about yourself through this and learn about the program. So I guess my first question for you, Jessica, is like, take me back to before January. I think we spoke in like December, right? What was that like for you? What was your body image like? What was your life like? Tell me about that a little bit.
Jessika Armstrong:That's a really good question. Cause when I stop to think about what it was like back then, it's crazy to think about how different it was from how I feel now. And I didn't think it was that bad. I thought like I was just so used to it. But now I can see like how bad it was back then. I struggled so badly with my body image in particular that it was affecting my physical health. It was affecting my mental health, it was affecting my emotional health, my marriage, like everything. A little snapshot into like where I was in my life at that time. I had experienced a really traumatic divorce where there was different types of abuse involved that did cause me to have a lot of trauma involving my body and the way that I viewed my body and the way that I felt my worth, and the way that my body image directly related to my worth, my value as a human being, ah, yes, which logically I know is incorrect, but it still felt very real inside myself. And so then going through a lot of therapy and thinking that I was really good with that. But then being a single mom, getting remarried into a safe relationship was a completely new experience that made me feel self-conscious and at war with my body in a way that I didn't expect where I felt ashamed of what I had to offer and ashamed to of like the scars and the effects of motherhood as well as like, time and aging and like things like that that I was very aware of. And. I remember,
Rebecca Sigala:we think like when we go to, from like a bad circumstance to something good automatically, everything is amazing and it doesn't always work like that. And I think one thing that I've noticed with shifts like that is sometimes it's hard to even like receive the good or like to be present in your body and like, like just, just see it, you know? And so I really relate to that. I really get that.
Jessika Armstrong:Exactly because there I was finally at last in the safe relationship with a good man who thought I was beautiful and was faithful to me, and wonderful to me. And I thought that's all I needed to be happy. And here I was having it and I wasn't happy. I didn't feel beautiful. I didn't, I couldn't receive anything that he was saying to me or the way he was treating me and keeping me safe. I could not trust it or receive it. And I knew that was a me problem. Like I knew that was something I needed to, to look into. And then we, I discovered that we were having a honeymoon baby. So then, um, all the effects of pregnancy and the body changing and the postpartum, like coming up, like looming over me, was coming up. So I had a lot of I knew that the year ahead of me was going to include a lot of extreme ups and downs for my body image. Yeah. And so that's kind of where I was at at the start of the
Rebecca Sigala:What would, like, what would like an average day look like for you? How did your body image at the time impact your day-to-day life?
Jessika Armstrong:From the minute I woke up, like literally the second I opened my eyes, maybe even before I opened my eyes, I would immediately be aware of like my husband beside me and like, if I had like, slunched down on my pillow and my, my double chin was showing, or like, you know, and just being like, oh no. Oh no. Like, uh, like, uh, that's like so embarrassing. Like, like from the second my eyes opened or even right before they opened, I was already ashamed and aware. Like so obsessed with like the way I was presenting myself, like if I was taking up too much space, if I was like looking at a flattering angle or not. And like what that would mean if I didn't. It was
Rebecca Sigala:Like a lot of it had to do, I mean, you also felt it yourself when you looked in the mirror and things like that. Yes. But a lot of it also had to do with like, him seeing you in a certain way.
Jessika Armstrong:Exactly. So like interacting with him, like, I would be fine not thinking about it. And then as soon as him, representing someone else's point of view would come into the room, I would suddenly be like, oh, like I have to like suck in my stomach, or I have to like do this or that. Do that. Or I would pass by a mirror. Any reflection, like even walking like my girls into the school and catching my reflection in the, in the window or walking by a mirror in my house, like when I go to the bathroom or like anything. Yeah. Um, was just like really painful and difficult and it would like take me away from the happiness, the peace that I was just having in the moment or just like living my life and suddenly make me panic and like feel so many dark thoughts toward myself of unworthiness and embarrassment. And if I saw like pictures that I was tagged in, like as I was scrolling through social media that day, if I saw any pictures uploaded of an event or anything, it would sometimes send me into a panic attack that would cause me to literally start crying or like just like a very physical reaction. And feel so humiliated just for existing and just like, and that
Rebecca Sigala:It was consuming a lot of your heart and mind like a lot on a consistent basis. And like you said, you didn't feel like safe to exist in your body.
Jessika Armstrong:Exactly.
Rebecca Sigala:Wow. Okay, so I'm so glad that, like you found me. How did you even come to my group in the first place?
Jessika Armstrong:That is a really good question. Cause it was so many years ago that I'm not sure exactly how I stumbled upon it. If somebody added me or if I like saw one post and immediately was like, yes, like I need this. I saw that. You were kind of based out of Israel and my family, like that's where my heritage is from and everything. And I was like, oh, that's so awesome. And so I was drawn to that. But then I saw your beautiful work in some of your photographs and I was like, oh my goodness. And I'd kind of secretly been like trying to plan like maybe a boudoir photo shoot for my. Someday. So I was getting a lot of inspiration from the beautiful poses and the lighting and I was like, I could do that. I could do that. Like look at these like beautiful women, like I think I could do this. And reading your, having your posts come across my feed, like over the years was always so empowering and so helpful and I, it would always. Like in, instantly turned my day around. And then I saw that you were posting about like this program that you were gonna try and I had not really interacted a whole lot. Like
Rebecca Sigala:I remember you typed like, I'm so interested, like. I'm basically in. I was like,
Jessika Armstrong:Yeah, yeah, exactly. Because I was like, oh man. And I remember telling my cousins, like on Marco Polo, like the video app, and I was like, okay, God, there's this woman that I follow. She's so amazing. Like I would give anything to like fly out to where she is and work with her, but like I'll never, I know in this lifetime I'll never be able to work with her. But that would be a dream of mine. Like I feel like she's just so, like she res I resonate with her so much. Like I. But I know I can't. Mm-hmm. But then as soon as I saw that this program was available and like and I could participate remotely, I was like, I like, I must like this is the opportunity of a lifetime.
Rebecca Sigala:That's amazing. That's amazing. So did you have any, like once we spoke, did you have any fears going into The New Sexy was like maybe about the emotional side of it or the investment? Or were there things that were like, kind of holding you back that you had to overcome to decide to do this?
Jessika Armstrong:I definitely felt the fear of like, what if it doesn't work for me? You know, like, what if, what if I go through it and nothing changes? Like what if I'm just, so, cuz I had also convinced myself like, uh, it's not just the run-of-the-mill body image, you know, trouble that we all have, like, I've experienced such severe trauma, like, will I ever, will I be able to like fully participate? I remember also being afraid of yeah, the investment, like on the financial aspect and like wondering, oh, also just where I was in my life. I was like, is now really the best time? Like, I know,
Rebecca Sigala:yeah. I'm just thinking that like you were about to give birth and I was like, wait, but this actually could be the best time for that kind of support.
Jessika Armstrong:Right. I, I remember thinking like, I'm about to invest this money and I really wanna get the most out of it, but really can I, if I'm gonna have a baby and like, and I'm gonna be postpartum and I might have to miss some things, and, and upon like discussing it with my husband and pondering it further, I did come to that conclusion as well that there was really no better time to befriend my body and heal my body and like have, go on that healing journey with my body.
Rebecca Sigala:Yeah. As your body is changing so drastically from week to week and then mm-hmm. Going through labor and trusting your body and like being postpartum is something that a lot of women really struggle with in the body image arena, and i, I completely agree. I think that's really amazing how it went from like, this is like maybe the worst time to No, this is the best time.
Jessika Armstrong:Exactly, exactly.
Rebecca Sigala:Amazing. Okay, so then you started, did you have a certain, like goal in mind? Did you imagine that, you know, you would have a certain kind of result from going through the three months? In the beginning.
Jessika Armstrong:I remember not having anything too specific, but I definitely had a concept in my mind of how I desired to feel and how that conceptualized day-to-day want. I wanted that to feel different, um, where the first thought of my mind, and it wouldn't take up so much of my energy and my time, and it wouldn't yeah, stop me from like, holding myself away from a husband who desired me and like was reaching out to me and like wanted to connect with me and like be intimate with me or like hold me or just interact with me at all. And like being able to receive that and be free to be in the moment and the blessings I was being given without. Immediately canceling them out because of something.
Rebecca Sigala:Yeah. Like this inner voice of like, you're not enough, or there's something wrong with you, or you're broken, or whatever. Narrative.
Jessika Armstrong:Exactly. Ability. Let shouting off. Yes. Like the ability to take a picture or post a picture without humiliation and like to even be like touched by him without having to like make sure that like it felt okay. Like you know what I mean? Like this kinda thing. Yeah. I just wanted to be free.
Rebecca Sigala:Like it was, it's almost like when you're thinking about what he's thinking about, you're always like outside of yourself. You can't really like be in your body.
Jessika Armstrong:Exactly.
Rebecca Sigala:Wow. Okay. Did you ever try doing anything before The New Sexy in terms of body image specifically?
Jessika Armstrong:Um, yes. So I had worked on like some belief breakthrough exercises with like different mentors that were helpful, like as long as I was them, but they wouldn't, like, they weren't as lasting. Also, like the perpetuation of like continuing to experience traumatic events in my life kind of just kept me backsliding and spiraling. Mm-hmm. And so I would find myself back at square one constantly. And that was, that was pretty rough. But I was like aware of body positivity and had tried to like embrace. But it almost felt contingent like, oh, what? I really want that, but until I get that, I'm not going to accept my body in this, in this way as it is right now. It was always like, I manifest and believe I can get there someday, that I can look like that someday that I can release these things that will get me there.
Rebecca Sigala:Right? Like only like. The body image, the positive body image will come if my body changes in the way that I want it to. And like I'm manifesting like this kind of body plus positive body image, is that what you're saying?
Jessika Armstrong:Yes, yes, yes. It wasn't, I wasn't able to fully grasp or lean into or feel genuine when embracing and loving myself and my body as it was in that moment. It was always about the future and some unobtainable form.
Rebecca Sigala:Yeah. And I relate to that. I'm sure a lot of women relate to that. So it makes a lot of sense that that's how you felt. So what was your experience? What was it like to be in The New Sexy? I know that's a big question.
Jessika Armstrong:Yeah, no, I, I loved it. I personally have no qualms or problem, like being in a group, especially a group of women. Like I always feel so safe to be around women cuz we've all had different experiences, but we all have womanhood in common and that kind of has a connotation in this world with like the media and just the way that we're raised and like, body positive culture and body toxic culture like that we've all experienced in one way or another. So like, just knowing that everyone's gonna know where I'm coming from to a certain extent made me feel safe. Yeah. You were a wonderful facilitator. I felt like everyone was feel heard. No, of course. Like thank you for like, letting us be apart because we all took turns, feeling heard. And then also the ability to experience and learn from everyone else's story in such a way that could not have happened if we didn't feel safe to be vulnerable. And if we didn't have that safe space to share and partake as well as to give and beautiful, uh, that was really special.
Rebecca Sigala:So, so special. Were you surprised by like different perspectives that you gained from the other women?
Jessika Armstrong:Yes, because there was a lot of different walks of life like all different stages of life. So there were women that were dealing with things that I have dealt with before, and now they're on the other side of it. I was hearing stories from women who were living completely different lifestyles than me that I may never experience, but being able to glean and understand that, like, no matter where, no matter where, no matter what it looks like, we all want the same things. We all are having the same conversations with ourselves inside of our head. Yeah, and like that was both so validating and so heartbreaking too, but it was very eye-opening as well.
Rebecca Sigala:Amazing. So it helped you not feel as alone in your struggle. Even, even, even if it was like such a different circumstance or they were living such a different life, you could always somehow relate to what they were going through.
Jessika Armstrong:Exactly.
Rebecca Sigala:That's so beautiful. Do you remember like, The first breakthrough you had in the program where you're like, oh, like I'm thinking about something different, or I'm doing something different in my life.
Jessika Armstrong:I think it was one of our conversations that we had somewhere along the way where we were discussing like"sexy", like the word sexy and like what it means.
Rebecca Sigala:Yeah. I love that call. That was the best call. Yes. And I wasn't even planning it. And you was just like, came, came to be.
Jessika Armstrong:It was perfect. All my life, like as so many others, like I would think of the word sexy to mean a very, very, very specific thing. And I didn't think that the word could apply to me because sexy in my head was strictly sexual. Sexy was also a beauty standard. Only certain people could be sexy, anyone could be beautiful. Anyone could even be pretty, anyone could be, you know, attractive. But sexy is reserved for women who fit the beauty standard. Who that like, I guess like sex appeal or whatever. And like
Rebecca Sigala:Right. Who's, who's desirable maybe in the eyes of men, like the male gaze.
Jessika Armstrong:Exactly. Exactly.
Rebecca Sigala:Which is also like kind of like a flawed way of seeing it, cuz there's so many men in the world who are attracted to different kinds of women and that is a fact. But there is this concept of the male gaze where it's like we're filtering everything through, is this person going to find us desirable?
Jessika Armstrong:Totally. Yeah. It's so much of that, and so bringing that into a new context and redefining the word as The New Sexy made me feel a whole, like, it made me feel so much more aware and intentional about my moments of confidence and safety and peace and these other words that I would associate with like deep joy and like wholeness, but bringing the word sexy into that. Meaning exuberant and feminine and balanced and like all these things made me realize that when I'm living my life that way, when I'm in alignment with myself living my truth and giving myself a safe space, I am sexy. Like that is sexy. And everyone always says over and over and men are always saying the same thing. Like, oh, it doesn't matter what you look like. Confidence is the most sexy thing. It's the most attractive thing. And like that inner glow, like that's such a simple way of putting it, but it's true. Anyone, man, woman, like. Media or not like you can see that, and it like shines forward from someone who's feeling sexy. Not inherently sexual, but like that new definition of like, sure of your skin. Yeah. Like safe in your skin, comfortable in your skin. You know, like all those, all those wonderful things.
Rebecca Sigala:It was like, it gave you, it gave you permission to step into that for yourself.
Jessika Armstrong:Yeah, very much so.
Rebecca Sigala:Wow, that's so cool. And I remember we had like a bunch of definitions of how we, how we redefined sexy and then you were telling us about your birth, which happened partway through The New Sexy, and I was like, that is literally the definition of sexy. You had the sexiest birth ever. You were in body super sexy, am present and confident, and you trusted your body like, that's amazing. Did you feel, did you, could you like connect that word sexy to those moments of giving birth?
Jessika Armstrong:Absolutely I could. Like, I felt like such a goddess. It was so amazing. I just felt like so grateful for my body and so in tune with my body and like, I felt so free to be in the moment and feel like the gratitude and the power like surging through me and like it helped me a lot. Having practiced in the program, like in The New Sexy program, having practiced stepping into that mindset of like just being friends with my body and not working against my body was super helpful through labor and childbirth. Yeah. Cause that's kind of the main key is getting out of your way, not overthinking and being able to surrender to your body like and
Rebecca Sigala:Surrender. That was a big one. That was a big definition that we brought up. Wow.
Jessika Armstrong:Yeah, it's huge. So having practiced that mentally, it was very helpful throughout my home birth experience where I was really put to the test. It was very long. It was a grueling labor, uh, but I felt so sexy, like even like hour nine, like I. Between contractions, like I shouted, I was like, I am a goddess. Like I'm so amazing. Like I like was so exhausted, but I could feel how powerful. And I was so excited and proud of myself for like the way I was handling it and that I was stepping into that like,
Rebecca Sigala:Yeah. And I mean, that just brings me such deep joy because having those moments of feeling so embodied and sexy and like a goddess, especially when you're giving birth. Literally changes you forever. It's like this incredible, powerful thing that you did that you can always access back inside of yourself. Cuz you're like, I did that. I did that.
Jessika Armstrong:It really, really changed my perception of my postpartum body as well. Like it,
Rebecca Sigala:Yeah. Tell me about that. So, cause you were, you've been pregnant before and you've gone through postpartum before. So how was it different this time? Oh yeah. After going through the program,
Jessika Armstrong:And this was also my first time having a baby with this husband. Yeah. So like, you know, it's not like he had seen me pregnant and given birth so many times before. This was his first time, his first child ever. Right. So I was like self-conscious about that. I had so many like, anxiety about it. Yeah. Leading up to it. But when the time really came, yes, those thoughts were sometimes present and yes, I was like, Ooh, like a little overwhelmed at like, some of the changes in my body. But the way that he supported me through the labor and the way that I supported myself and like held space for myself, made me feel so, so I could see myself, catching myself, if that makes sense. Like instead of doing,
Rebecca Sigala:I remember you mentioning that like in the program, like almost like you're mothering yourself, you are supporting yourself, you are taking care of yourself, you're being that person that maybe you didn't have.
Jessika Armstrong:Yes. It was almost like I was kind of gentle parenting myself, where I would catch myself having a disparaging thought and then being like, no, no, we don't talk that way, that's not kind. Like we, we don't say that, you know, like, and being like, oh, okay. And like, I would catch myself trying to do something like walk out of the room backwards so that he wouldn't like see my cellulite or like, or be a certain way until he left before I like rolled over so that I wouldn't like, you know, these little things. And then I would catch myself and be like, no, it's okay. I'm okay. I'm safe here. And slowly like that started to go away. As well as like, I remember like sitting next to him and like I was kind of slouching down on the couch and we were just relaxing and like my belly was just like, you know, doing its postpartum thing, like just being kind of like soft and like, and really stretchy.
Rebecca Sigala:Yeah. Its postpartum thing.
Jessika Armstrong:Yes. You know what I mean.
Rebecca Sigala:Of course.
Jessika Armstrong:Instead of immediately like, oh no, like he can see my stomach like being soft, like, I need to grab the blanket really fast. I just stopped and I put my hands on it and I looked down at it. Mm-hmm. He was like, are you okay? Like, what's going on? Because he saw me put my hands on my belly and like, and looked down and he was like, Pain, like, are you all right? And I was like, oh no, I'm fine. I'm just like, I'm just looking at his, his old home. Oh, that was like, I know that doesn't sound like a lot, but it was like, it's such a healing moment like that. I never, ever thought that I could be so vulnerable and allow myself to be witnessed that way. And not only just like, not mind, but like embrace it so fully and have him like just like laugh and also put his hands on my belly as well and like, thank me for carrying his child and like it just felt like. And I would not have had that experience with him if I had quickly grabbed the blanket and covered myself up or like shut down, um, emotionally and that way, like it just like opened up a whole new way of living and like a whole new level of peace that I did not yet have access to.
Rebecca Sigala:Wow. Yeah. I think sometimes we don't realize that it's not, when we do the body image work, it's not just taking away the bad feeling, but it's giving you so much, it's, it's opening the doors to possibilities and opportunities and memories and so many beautiful moments. That's just so beautiful and profound. And I think that any woman, any woman who has given birth will think the same thing.
Jessika Armstrong:Absolutely.
Rebecca Sigala:So beautiful. Thank you so much for being so vulnerable. You're so beautiful. Like your vulnerability is just like, The most beautiful thing and it shines so brightly, and having you as a part of the community was incredible. Like I couldn't even imagine. That whole experience without you or without any single one of the women in there. It was just, it felt so divinely orchestrated and so meant to be, and I don't know, just like seeing your face every time and like all of your expressions and your, your openness and your self-awareness and just like what you had to offer other women too was just. Beyond. So like I hope you really know how much I loved having you there.
Jessika Armstrong:Thank you.
Rebecca Sigala:Of course. What part of the program did you learn the most from? I mean, you mentioned the other women. Was there other parts of the program that were helpful to you on your healing journey?
Jessika Armstrong:Yes. The program itself. The modules. There were so many paradigm shifts and realizations and epiphanies that I was having about things that I thought I had already considered or learned before. But then they were brought into new, new perspectives and new questions were asked, and I ended up having to ask myself a lot of questions that made me dig deeper than I ever had before. Like for example, like being shown images of things that we perceive to be flaws, like different flaws. And being like, is this woman beautiful? And I could say like, of course. Of course. Like, she's beautiful. Of course. And then being asked, okay, so would you want to look like her? Mm-hmm. And having that be, you know, like a rhetorical question, but it really like shook me and it was like, and my immediate response was like, no, I wouldn't. And, but if you think it's beautiful, then why not? You know, like why, why do you think that? Who put that in your head? Where did that come from? Why do we do that? Like these. Like really just like completely broke up the old foundation and like laid new gravel, like
Rebecca Sigala:Right. It was almost like you were able to see, like you're definitely able to see the beauty in other women, but then when you would actually come down to like the cellulite or the boobs that are not perky or whatever it was, looking at those, that still brought up emotions for you. Like you could see the beauty in like an entire woman, but then like looking at those things that we perceive as imperfections, you realize that you still have some thoughts about them. Absolutely. Was that it?
Jessika Armstrong:Yeah, it was. It was totally all about that. And And one of the things that I feel like all the women had in common was we were able to be so supportive and loving and gracious to each other, but had the hardest time offering that to ourselves. And so seeing, um, checking in every week as a part of the program and being able to share with one another, like what was our win? What would we say was the setback? Or like if we had any, you know, like maybe a low point in the week that we wanted to share or learn from or like bring up to the group for feedback or whatever it was. And like hearing. Like hearing the different wins and like hearing the different, like things that were like that maybe to someone else would sound so small, but to us as a group and like as a sisterhood, like being so excited to celebrate those wins and knowing what they truly represented and what they truly meant. It's like, yeah, okay, so what You had like two servings of, you know, dinner. Okay, alright, fine. But like then knowing the content, what that specific woman had gone through and like, like yes, you did it like, you know, being able to.
Rebecca Sigala:Or like I walked past the mirror and I didn't say something mean to myself, or I was able to be a little bit more present when I was intimate with my husband or whatever. Like just these little tiny shifts, which were actually huge ones, and we recognized that in each other.
Jessika Armstrong:It was wonderful. It was wonderful to see their progress being made. And then even when there were times where progress was not made, where maybe someone felt like they had backslid a lot or not been as, you know, intentional and like letting, letting there be a space to hold space for that. It was just awesome. Like, I didn't feel any pressure to be at a certain point or healed at a certain point with everyone. I didn't feel like I was ever behind just because I wasn't, you know, like right. Same experience as someone else. Like it felt really comfortable the way that it was facilitated, felt very comfortable to be exactly where I was and that that was enough, and that if I ever felt different that was coming from myself, that was me like judging myself, and it wasn't the program making me feel like I was falling behind.
Rebecca Sigala:That's so, I'm just so glad that you said that cause that's really what I wanted from the beginning. You know, I think people come into the program thinking, okay, I have to get through this course. I have to show up. I have to be an A plus student. And there's like this perfectionism that I think almost every woman deals with in different ways. And I was like, no, this is a place outside of diet culture, outside of the societal messaging that a woman is supposed to be a certain way and we're letting go of that shame and we're just going to show up as we are. And that, is healing in itself. So that means that if you missed a group coaching call or you didn't do every single journal prompt or whatever, that was part of it, being okay with that and already knowing that you're enough. That's really what I wanted from it because I think other programs, you know, that have to do with personal development. There can be like a lot of benchmarks and a lot of tracking for progress and that's not what I wanted for you guys. So I'm so glad that that's what you experienced.
Jessika Armstrong:It was perfect. It was very needful for it to be nice. That was very inspired of you. You were very intuitive for that.
Rebecca Sigala:Mm. Thanks. Thank you so much. Okay, so since The New Sexy, like how has your life changed? And you mentioned that you know, you were in this one place in December before you started in January, and then we went through the three months and you ended the program. What has been possible for you now? What is your day-to-day life now?
Jessika Armstrong:I would say that it's definitely not"perfect". Because we do live in a world where there's,
Rebecca Sigala:We're humans.
Jessika Armstrong:There are still triggers, there's still trauma, there's still people who will say horrible things and like, you know, the media is still the way that it is and like, so we're not gonna be perfect about it. But the concept that I yearned for so deeply, I would say is definitely like instead of just a far away dream that I can never imagine, it feels more within my grasp than ever before. And I'm finding myself recognizing it around me like already here. Like being able to see a picture that somebody posted and try to first look for the beauty in it. Like instead of immediately, I still will feel like, oh no, my arm looked so huge. Like, I'll still have that thought, but then I'll be like, but look at the way I was holding my baby. Like, look at how, like when I look back at that picture, when he looks back at that picture, he'll just be like, oh, my mom was always holding me. Like, and like, that's, that's beautiful. You know, like, and even though I still had feelings about the way that I looked in the photo, I was able to give myself grace and have more compassion and see myself as human and see myself as worthy of these experiences, whether or not like I looked the way I wanted to or wished I could. And definitely like, my marriage. There was so much of my marriage that I didn't realize was connected to this. Like the way that I would shut down or not be completely present or not being able to like just experience like the beautiful parts of my relationship. I was minimizing and holding back so much. Mm-hmm. Simply because, I was feeling so self-conscious and so afraid, even in the most mundane of activities. Like, not even just intimacy, like I didn't realize how much I was missing out on. And like if I can vulnerably share, like even just like last week there was a situation where I was just like relaxing, doing my thing. Not necessarily looking or feeling like super attractive and my husband just like, feeling all the love in his heart like came up to me and was like being so snugly and so sweet, and was trying to initiate intimacy with me. And I was feeling really happy in the moment. And then I caught a glimpse of myself and 100% of the time before The New Sexy, I would've either completely shut down the moment or completely gone into a triggered space in my head where I no longer was there. I wasn't in my body anymore feeling like I could not, I would. I was allowing it to happen because I wanted to be with him and I didn't wanna let him down, but I was no longer enjoying the moment at all. I was feeling, I would feel, so self-conscious and aware, like super hyper aware of like, yeah, the way, oh, like I have to get out of this position instead of just like enjoying the sense
Rebecca Sigala:Or like he's touching this part of me and like wanting to kind of like
Jessika Armstrong:exactly.
Rebecca Sigala:And wanting control that a little bit
Jessika Armstrong:out of that position or like, be where I was. But I looked down at myself and saw it and there was still, I still was displeased, like with what I saw. It didn't like me work any magic. And I was like, oh no. That's not how I wanna be looking. Like that's, that's like so awful. But then I was like, immediately I was like, but guess what? I was sitting here looking like this. And he saw me from across the room and thought I was so beautiful and so worthy and like, and so, like he came up to me and initiated this beautiful moment of connection and like is reaching out and wanting to be with me and touch me and hold me as I am right now. Like that's what inspired him to come over here. Me looking this way. And also like I'm comfortable with the way that I'm sitting back and leaning back right now. This feels comfortable to me. Yeah. And like this makes me feel like he has full access to love me, and I'm like enjoying the sensations that are happening in my body. I'm so grateful to my body to like to live in the body that allows me to feel these sensations, feel this level of connection with somebody. Like what a gift? And then I completely just dismissed it. And stayed where I was, did not adjust myself or like, or like shut down or move myself or, or like move to hide anything. Like,
Rebecca Sigala:Wow, this is huge! This is amazing.
Jessika Armstrong:And I was able to stay completely present in my mind. I was able to completely like just be so uninhibited and feel so sexy. Like Wow. In that moment. And it was like,
Rebecca Sigala:Because you switched the definition of sexy. That's amazing.
Jessika Armstrong:Exactly. Like, and it wasn't because of like the lingerie I was wearing or like, or what I was saying or doing. It was so internal and so personal and it like, we both agreed that even though it was just like a spur of the moment, like normal whatever, that there was something about it that made it one of the best interactions we'd ever had. And I knew it was because.
Rebecca Sigala:Oh my God.
Jessika Armstrong:I knew it was because I had brought myself to the table, like I was fully present and like not holding back cause of my body positivity, like issues.
Rebecca Sigala:Wow. That is so beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing that with us. Wow, amazing. I miss hearing all of your wins. I miss it. Uh, thank you so much. Okay. So. Last question. I think if you could go back and give yourself advice in December, what would you tell yourself?
Jessika Armstrong:Oh, it's hard to pick one thing.
Rebecca Sigala:You're like, I have so much to tell you, girl.
Jessika Armstrong:Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would tell myself like, Hey, you're safe here, because it doesn't matter who or what is like saying or doing the right things like you have a sanctuary inside yourself. Your body is a sanctuary for your spirit and like you can trust your femininity, you can trust your sexiness, you can trust all these things. You are inherently this way. You don't have to do anything to be sexy and to be desirable and to be worthy of love, and be worthy of joy and pleasure, and like good experiences in life. And like I would just really hope she'd listen. I doubt she'd listen, but that's what I'd say because it's true.
Rebecca Sigala:I doubt she'd listen. Like, just take this course, girl.
Jessika Armstrong:Yeah. Like, that's what like, she really, really, really craved and desired to know. And like one of the, one of the key things that clicked for her, like December Jessica, was that there was a huge part of me that wanted it so, so, so, so, so, so, so bad and was like, yes. Like I just want to let go. Like I just want to let go and not care. And just because like, I logically know that I'm so worthy and I'm so beautiful and I'm so powerful.
Rebecca Sigala:You logically know that, right.
Jessika Armstrong:I don't feel it here. And one of the reasons why is because she was so afraid that if she stepped into that light and stepped into that mindset that she would be ridiculed and that the world would be like, why are you, yeah, you're not allowed to celebrate when you look like that. You're not allowed to feel joy or to accept yourself when you look like that. You need to earn it. Mm-hmm. And you haven't earned it.
Rebecca Sigala:So how did you quiet, how did you quiet those voices, those judgmental voices that are outside of you or that you imagine people are having about you?
Jessika Armstrong:I decided to start being vulnerable, and like posting more of myself. Yeah. And that's not, I'm not saying that this is the way that anyone solved that, but for me, like I was paying attention not to like the flaws in the photo, but to the comments of my loved ones. Mm-hmm. And like the comments of friends who all they saw was like a happy mom at the park or like a beautiful wife decided to go on the date with her husband. Like, yeah. And like letting, through the eyes of who I was afraid was judging me, like, give me that love and that feedback and then like letting, and then also like, you know, working on myself and then being very, very, very vulnerable with my new husband and letting him know that that's what I was thinking. Cuz I felt embarrassed to like to tell him what I was afraid of. Cause I didn't want him to think I was accusing him of thinking that way. Right. I didn't want him to know that I was so embarrassed cuz everyone says like, oh, insecurity is so in unattractive to men. You know, like
Rebecca Sigala:Right. That's the, that's the only thing about like confidence is sexy. That kind of makes me question it because I'm like, yeah, okay, yeah, if you can get to that place, but I don't want that to be another thing that women are like, oh my God. Like my whole life I've been bombarded with this idea that I'm not enough and my body's not good enough, and now I'm supposed to be confident to be sexy. Like so I get what you're saying because also there is a different kind of grounded confidence that. Right. We cannot least like shift and work towards.
Jessika Armstrong:Right. And then if I let my partner know that I'm struggling or feeling insecure, will that make them think less of me or will that make them be unattracted to me? Like right. I feel like I share that, you know, like this kind of mentality. But I was really vulnerable with him and I let him know about partway through the program. I was like, I really am so excited for things that I'm learning, but I just can't practice them yet. And he was like, why not? You know, like, I, I love everything I'm hearing. Like, why do you feel like you can't practice them? And I expressed to him like, I'm scared that I'm gonna like, just be this way, but that you'll be secretly like, cringing. Like that. I'll be like being like confident and that I'll like, you know, step into that light and you'll be like, inwardly cringing at me or embarrassed of me, or like, like have this attitude. And he was just like, And like that gave him the opportunity to like, to tell me, he's like, no, like all I want for you is to feel that way. Let go. Like, that's what I want for you. And like, I want to see you be happy. I want to see you feel free. I want you to feel safe in my presence. I want you to feel vulnerable in my presence. Mm-hmm. Like I want that so badly. Like you are so beautiful. Like, it makes me like so sad to like, hear the way that you, like, talk about yourself and the way that you think about yourself because like, you know, like, I don't get that and like, it's so awful. Like, you know, so I like hearing, getting to hear him say it and not just like, I know he does. I know he does, but like hearing him, the person whose opinion I value the most. You know, like my husband, like hearing him say like, I'm not gonna cringe. Like, this is what I want. Like, it would make me happy, was like, okay, maybe I should like listen, like maybe I should, like so that was like being vulnerable
Rebecca Sigala:And having that, having that support is sometimes really, really helpful.
Jessika Armstrong:Yes. Having the support, being vulnerable and just doing it anyways in the way I felt safe.
Rebecca Sigala:Yes, that's important
Jessika Armstrong:At my comfort level, which would vary from day to day. And I wouldn't like judge myself if like one day I felt fine to like walk across the house like an a cute outfit. And then maybe the next day maybe I felt like I needed to put on a little makeup or do something to like help me get there and like, and that was okay. That didn't mean that I. Like having grace and compassion for myself, which was the goal. The whole goal was I just wanna have grace and compassion for myself and be my body's friend. I wanna have peace in my life and not have this rule my life and get in the way of my marriage. And I feel like I've achieved all that, not perfectly, but it's here, like it's present, whereas before it was unobtainable.
Rebecca Sigala:Wow, that's so beautiful. Thank you so much for this. Thank you for sharing and for giving part of your heart to all of us. Is there anything else that you wanna add?
Jessika Armstrong:Um, I would just say, I mean, like, I don't know.
Rebecca Sigala:So would you, like, would you recommend this to like, a specific woman, or all women or women who are struggling with certain things?
Jessika Armstrong:I would recommend this to every single woman. No matter where you are. No matter who you are, no matter your upbringing, your personal struggles, your current struggles. Mm-hmm. Whatever you think getting in the way or like, oh, I'll do it when I'll do it, when I'll do it when like, I promise. That like right now is the best time because whatever you're struggling with right now, that you think you don't have time for this, this will literally give you more energy and like more capability to handle whatever is going on.
Rebecca Sigala:Yeah, like and almost like more time in a way because you're not consumed with all that other stuff.
Jessika Armstrong:Like there are so many things going on in my life that are so extreme and stressful and traumatic that don't have anything to do with body positivity, but because my spirit and my brain and my neurological pathways are not constantly firing away at like self-inflicted trauma from like body positivity, like issues and stuff, and like being harmful to myself, I have the ability to keep my head above water. Because I'm not at war with my own body. You know what I mean? Like it really does
Rebecca Sigala:a hundred percent.
Jessika Armstrong:Yeah. Every facet of my life. So I would recommend this to anyone, everyone, even like young, old, if I had had this knowledge as a child, as a teenager, even. Yeah. But before I got like, please, like it would've changed.
Rebecca Sigala:That's, that's what I was thinking about when I was creating the course, was like, What did, what would've I needed 10, 15, 20 years ago?
Jessika Armstrong:Exactly. I don't think I would've ever fallen for my toxic ex-husband. Like I think I would've like made a healthier, better choices because I would've felt worthy and less likely to fall into a toxic or abusive situation. Like not saying that, not saying that this is gonna like guarantee, like save anyone from that, but just like loving yourself and honoring myself in like in the true form would've changed my life and has changed my life.
Rebecca Sigala:Yeah, and I feel like with everything that you've gone through and overcome and even still continually have to face, like it's part of what makes you, you, and, and I am really excited to see like how that continues to manifest in your life. And like I know even if it's just like, which is a big deal, even if it was just your kids that you're passing this on to. And I know that you have because of like wins that you've shared and things like that, that is like an entire world, like generations to come. But I also get this feeling that there's a lot of other women in the world that you're gonna help with your story and with your healing. I just, I just have a feeling.
Jessika Armstrong:Thank you. I hope so too.
Rebecca Sigala:Amazing. Okay. Thank you so much, Jessika.
Jessika Armstrong:Of course.
Rebecca Sigala:I feel like I could talk to you forever.
Jessika Armstrong:I do. Like we were, it was really easy. I feel like it was just us. I forgot we were recording.
Rebecca Sigala:Yeah. Yay. Okay. All right. Thank you everyone for tuning in. Please feel free to reach out to me or if you have any questions for Jessica, we can definitely direct the questions to her as well and get you your answers. Thank you so much for listening in. I'm so glad that I had the opportunity to chat with Jessika and I really hope that you enjoyed the conversation as much as we did. I wanted to mention that The New Sexy is currently open for enrollment, and it's been amazing to see the women who are signing up, they are all so incredible and I cannot wait to get started this June. So if you are interested in any way, I am actually offering free discovery calls for anyone who wants to explore the idea of the program, and it's really an amazing opportunity for us to connect a little bit and also uncover some of the reasons why you would wanna do the program and what you would want to gain from it. They are really special conversations. They are completely free with no commitment at all, and I will leave the link to the discovery calls in the show notes. I'm so excited to connect with you and thank you again for listening in. I will see you all next week.