#166: Why I'm Not A Doctor

In which Lauren & Mattias learn how to deliver and receive bad news. They review their recent movie night films and discuss various topics such as being a fulltime bank robber and having tooth colds.

Content:

• Opening
• Being sick & story telling
• Weekly check in
• Movie on!
  •  The Longest Yard
  • Victory
• Germans roles in movies
• Intermission
• How to give potentially bad news
  • Bad ways to deliver bad news
    • Random ggod news among the bad
  • How to respond to bad news
  • How NOT to respond to bad news
• Wrap up
  • What's ruining our lives 
  • What we learned today

Chapters

• 0:00 Cold Opens And Cold Season
• 7:20 Gymnastics Spotting And Coaching Wins
• 12:20 Massage, Mustaches, And Miscellany
• 15:45 Movie Night Setup
• 17:30 The Longest Yard: Summary And Reactions
• 24:30 Victory: War, Football, And Tropes
• 31:30 Break And Reset
• 32:30 How To Deliver Bad News: The Framework
• 44:30 Tone Mistakes And Worst Delivery Methods
• 57:30 How To Respond Well To Bad News
• 1:20:30 Weather, Timing, And Boundaries
• 1:31:00 The Absolute Don’ts When Responding
• 1:36:30 What’s Ruining Our Lives And Closing

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:05

In a world where everything is unscripted, there's just roasty, toasty, roasty.

SPEAKER_02: 0:15

I uh I don't want to be here very long.

SPEAKER_00: 0:17

Okay, no, we we don't have to As usual.

SPEAKER_02: 0:22

Feels like I say that every week. Because um I have an excuse and it's usually someone doesn't feel well or I have something to do tomorrow, which I have to wake up.

SPEAKER_00: 0:35

I need to get up early.

SPEAKER_02: 0:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 0:38

Do you want us to start now?

SPEAKER_02: 0:41

We have to open up before we can open up. Wait, I'm also a part of this.

SPEAKER_00: 0:45

I know. I can't see you. That's why I'm waiting for you.

SPEAKER_02: 0:48

Alright, and go.

SPEAKER_00: 0:50

Hello and welcome to Roasty Toasty Ghosty. My name is Matias.

SPEAKER_02: 0:55

My name is Lauren.

SPEAKER_00: 0:56

And we're gonna be your besties for an hour or so. That's likely. Yeah, probably.

SPEAKER_02: 1:04

I'm gonna tell you something.

SPEAKER_00: 1:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_02: 1:06

That you are exactly where you're supposed to be.

SPEAKER_00: 1:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:10

That's right. Um, especially if you weren't planning on learning anything at all. Because that's what you'll get in this episode.

SPEAKER_00: 1:17

Yeah, probably. Or? Probably. Or, yeah. Who knows?

SPEAKER_02: 1:21

Maybe you can relate to this episode.

SPEAKER_00: 1:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:24

And maybe get something out of it.

SPEAKER_00: 1:26

I think I could relate to this episode.

SPEAKER_02: 1:29

You might be able to. That's after the fact. Um, previous uh previous you. Past you could have used the information that we will provide for you today.

SPEAKER_00: 1:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:43

Future you might benefit as well.

SPEAKER_00: 1:46

Probably.

SPEAKER_02: 1:46

Anyway.

SPEAKER_00: 1:48

Okay, so uh how are you?

SPEAKER_02: 1:50

I'm not good.

SPEAKER_00: 1:51

You're not good.

SPEAKER_02: 1:52

I'm not I'm I'm I'm sick. I have a cold this time. It's my turn.

SPEAKER_00: 1:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:57

Yeah. It's kind of this cold is going down the line.

SPEAKER_00: 2:00

Yeah. You took a while.

SPEAKER_02: 2:02

I did. I usually take my time with these things.

SPEAKER_00: 2:05

Yeah, because catching colds. My cold was like two tooth two tooth. Two or three weeks ago, I was gonna say about tooth ago.

SPEAKER_02: 2:15

Tooth, right.

SPEAKER_00: 2:17

And then I had a cold in my tooth.

SPEAKER_02: 2:20

I don't think that's good.

SPEAKER_00: 2:22

No, tooth colds are not fun.

SPEAKER_02: 2:24

That sounds life-threatening. Maybe you should see a doctor.

SPEAKER_00: 2:29

Yeah. Or a dentist.

SPEAKER_02: 2:31

Or a dentist. Or someone who started out as a dentist and then changed their mind and decided to be a doctor. Yeah. Instead.

SPEAKER_00: 2:40

Doctorist.

SPEAKER_02: 2:41

I'm gonna talk like Sick Child today. Because I'm gonna be talking and then in the middle of my sentence, I'm gonna go. And then I'm gonna keep talking because I can't breathe.

SPEAKER_00: 2:50

Sick.

SPEAKER_02: 2:51

Okay. Yes, so you were sick a couple weeks ago and then Sick Child got sick. But you guys kind of were sick at the same time.

SPEAKER_03: 2:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 2:59

And he's been like kind of I feel like I'm whisper talking to. Um, he's been kind of like right on that edge of like kind of sick and just fine. And then after a while, like throughout this week, it got to my life partner and then me.

SPEAKER_00: 3:17

Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_02: 3:18

And here I am.

SPEAKER_00: 3:19

So your life partner got it before.

SPEAKER_02: 3:22

Like just before. Like he was saying that he was having symptoms. He wasn't feeling well, but he doesn't feel well any day ever. He's he's suffering from this handicapped situation he's in. And I don't know what I just said, but I'm sick. Yeah. Is pretty much what I'm trying to say.

SPEAKER_00: 3:40

Yeah, that's the point.

SPEAKER_02: 3:42

That was the point of my story. And wherever I ended up, I meant to get to the point of I'm sick.

SPEAKER_00: 3:48

Yeah, we should make a movie about this.

unknown: 3:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 3:52

It's a compelling story.

SPEAKER_02: 3:54

It really is. I feel like most of my stories are really interesting because I forget what I was saying in the middle of my story, and so I just skip to the end.

SPEAKER_00: 4:04

Yeah, you should do we should make a movie, and you should do the narration like that. Yeah. Uh, you know, with a that sounds good.

SPEAKER_02: 4:17

That's a good idea. Okay. So excuse me if I'm whispering today. I don't really want to scream and I can't really breathe and my nose is stuffed. And I'm having all sorts of difficulties. So I guess I'm gonna be reading later as well.

SPEAKER_00: 4:36

Anyway, cool. You're welcome. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02: 4:40

I want to tell you about my week. Okay. Is that okay if I do that?

SPEAKER_00: 4:44

Yeah. Oh yeah, I'm fine, by the way.

SPEAKER_02: 4:47

Yeah, I don't care. I notice notice how I didn't ask you. Because I know that you're better than me.

SPEAKER_00: 4:53

I am.

SPEAKER_02: 4:54

You're always better than me.

SPEAKER_00: 4:56

Not necessarily, but in some way or another.

unknown: 5:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 5:01

Well, we can both play this game.

SPEAKER_02: 5:04

I guess. Life is a competition.

SPEAKER_00: 5:08

Right now you're better at being sick than I am.

SPEAKER_02: 5:12

Yeah, well, I learn from the best.

SPEAKER_00: 5:15

Well, I I stopped.

SPEAKER_02: 5:18

Yeah, good for you.

SPEAKER_00: 5:20

No.

SPEAKER_02: 5:20

No, um I I took longer to get sick. I don't just get off of an airplane and be like, oh no, I've got a cold.

SPEAKER_00: 5:27

Exactly. You're not that weak.

SPEAKER_02: 5:30

No, exactly. I have a pretty good immune system sometimes. But at the moment it feels like I'm getting sick monthly. Because last month I was sick, like right before our trip. I started getting a little bit better, but I did have a cold there. And this month is January. Yeah. Um, right at the end of January. So I did make it before the deadline. And I got a cold. Yeah. Let's see.

SPEAKER_00: 5:56

Next time's gonna be on my birthday.

SPEAKER_02: 5:59

Yeah. And then we can't do anything. I'm gonna like really suffer next month because it's a short month. And if I'm sick now and I'm still sick in the beginning of February, and then since it's a short month, I only have like a couple of weeks before I have to get sick again.

SPEAKER_00: 6:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 6:17

Oh, I can't catch a break.

SPEAKER_00: 6:18

No, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_02: 6:20

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00: 6:21

But you know, that's the life you chose.

SPEAKER_02: 6:24

It's my new version of that time of the month.

SPEAKER_00: 6:27

Oh, yeah. Uh I didn't I I heard Timothy Month. And I'm like Timothy Month.

SPEAKER_02: 6:35

Who is that? That's my Timothy Month.

SPEAKER_03: 6:42

That's a character name.

SPEAKER_00: 6:51

It should be like a real cranky.

SPEAKER_02: 6:53

Oh my god. He's so dramatic. He's probably gay.

SPEAKER_03: 6:58

Yeah. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02: 7:00

So the month the month I'm gonna tell you about my past month. Okay.

SPEAKER_03: 7:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_02: 7:05

So it started off, it was really nice and warm, and then it was really cold. And then I got sick. Here we are.

SPEAKER_03: 7:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 7:12

I'm gonna tell you about my week though, too.

SPEAKER_03: 7:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_02: 7:15

Last weekend, I went on another course for gymnastics.

SPEAKER_03: 7:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 7:22

And it was so fun.

SPEAKER_03: 7:25

Oh.

SPEAKER_02: 7:25

No, really. I know I sound like I'm being sarcastic, but it's just me being sick. Yeah. But oh my goodness, I had such a good time. Can you please take me seriously? I mean it. I really did. You're sarcastic. Sarcastic. You're sarcastic. In this course, we learned how to spot gymnasts as they were doing like flips and back handsprings and stuff. And it was it was really fun. I went with one of the other leaders, uh, gymnastics leaders from my group, and I am already kind of uh I've been spotting gymnasts for a while now. It's about six years since I started being a leader because Sick Child had been born, and I believe I was required to wait at least three to six months because I believe while I was pregnant with Sick Child, I was already like feeling like I wanted to get back into gymnastics, but I was very pregnant. I couldn't that wasn't an option at the moment. I've been told that you're not supposed to do gymnastics while very pregnant because it could upset the baby, I think. But I would watch my daughter do gymnastics and be like, oh, I want to do that too. So yeah, anyway, my point was that I've been doing this for a while, but I've never actually been like educated on how you're supposed to do it. I've been going off of how uh I remember my coaches spotting me. And a lot of it is just getting the courage to get really close as these people are zooming towards you and like catching them and making sure that they don't hurt themselves.

SPEAKER_00: 9:15

Yeah, don't run away.

SPEAKER_02: 9:16

Don't run away. Because sometimes that's an impulse. That's something that you want to do is just like, no, don't kick me.

SPEAKER_00: 9:25

Or like push them away.

SPEAKER_02: 9:27

Yeah, yeah. No, my habit is that I throw them. I end up taking them and I use their power and throw them like into the mats and stuff. Yeah. Which usually is okay, but it has had its backlashes.

SPEAKER_00: 9:42

Okay. Yeah, usually it seems like they kind of like it.

SPEAKER_02: 9:46

It's kind of fun. Yeah. Not always though. Because sometimes I um I might push them too hard.

SPEAKER_00: 9:52

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02: 9:52

Anyway, my point was that I've already been doing this for a while. And so I was just uh pretty much taking in information and watching my other gymnastics leader, person who I was with, was watching him learn how to do this and making sure that he was pretty much doing it right so that I can trust him. Or if I don't know, if I wasn't able to attend a practice, gymnastics practice, and not have to cancel the gymnastics classes. Anyway, that's what I did. It was lots of fun. Oh my gosh. I left there and I was like so happy.

SPEAKER_03: 10:34

Good.

SPEAKER_02: 10:36

I also got a massage this week, which was really nice. What?

SPEAKER_00: 10:41

No, I I thought you were gonna say a mustache.

SPEAKER_02: 10:44

I also got a mustache this week. It was very, very nice. I'm very proud. And then I shaved.

SPEAKER_00: 10:51

Yeah, okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_02: 10:54

I I saw it and I was like, very nice. Enough of that. Get rid of it. Uh no, that didn't happen. I got a massage. A massage. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 11:03

That's nice.

SPEAKER_02: 11:04

But like I went in and I was just barely starting to feel the cold creep in. So it was like, I probably shouldn't be here, but I really want a massage. And then I got my massage, and it mostly felt good, but like there were points where she was pushing really hard and it like it hurt. And you're supposed to tell them, like, can you not hurt me? But I didn't. I just kind of let her and I took the pain. And then I looked at my back in the mirror afterwards, and I had these really red spots on me because she was pushing so hard.

SPEAKER_00: 11:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 11:39

But it was nice.

SPEAKER_00: 11:40

I mean, I feel like, isn't that when it's most effective, though?

SPEAKER_02: 11:45

I th I don't know for a fact, but I'd like to think that. So that's kind of also why I kind of let her because maybe this is beneficial.

SPEAKER_00: 11:53

We'll see. That's what I uh think. I don't know. I I don't we don't have facts or anything like that. We just not at the moment.

SPEAKER_02: 12:02

We could get facts at some point, but not right now. Remember when we went to get massages together? Yeah. We went to the fish spa. Yep. It was really nice.

SPEAKER_00: 12:12

It was really nice.

SPEAKER_02: 12:14

Alright. Well, there was that, and then I got sick, and now I'm miserable.

SPEAKER_00: 12:19

Oh, yeah. You got a massage.

SPEAKER_02: 12:21

I got massage and then I was miserable. I'm gonna cut all of this.

SPEAKER_00: 12:25

Yeah, okay. We're not gonna have an episode this week.

SPEAKER_02: 12:29

Hello and welcome to Rusty Discussie. I really wanted to start this. I want to talk. It is Friday.

SPEAKER_03: 12:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 12:39

It is January 30th. So that means there's one more day left of January. And then it's February.

SPEAKER_00: 12:49

That's true.

SPEAKER_02: 12:49

I figured that one out by myself. I looked I looked at a calendar.

SPEAKER_00: 12:53

You're so smart.

SPEAKER_02: 12:54

Thank you. What I'm trying to say is that we watched movies.

SPEAKER_00: 12:57

We did.

SPEAKER_02: 12:58

Would you like to move on?

SPEAKER_00: 13:00

Let's move on.

SPEAKER_02: 13:02

Qual Qual Qual. Tonight we watched The Longest Yard and Victory.

SPEAKER_00: 13:12

Yay!

SPEAKER_02: 13:13

You can start. Yeah. Because we watched that one first.

SPEAKER_00: 13:17

Yes. So The Longest Yard. It's a movie with Adam Sander and other people like Chris Rock and uh Burt Reynolds and uh other people.

SPEAKER_02: 13:29

And uh Rob Schneider was in this movie. Yeah. I think he was lost.

SPEAKER_00: 13:33

Yeah. For a few minutes. Or no.

SPEAKER_02: 13:36

It was like seconds.

SPEAKER_00: 13:38

One minute, maybe. And um it feels like I'm missing a lot of people, but there were a lot of people, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 13:45

And a lot of those people I only recognized, but I don't know their names.

SPEAKER_00: 13:49

I'm like Terry Cruz in the street.

SPEAKER_02: 13:50

Oh yeah, he was in this movie too.

SPEAKER_00: 13:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 13:53

He's he's good.

SPEAKER_00: 13:54

Yeah, he's fun. Yeah. Anyhow, uh, there's a lot of people here.

SPEAKER_02: 13:58

Um Steve Austin, sorry.

SPEAKER_00: 14:00

Yes, Stone Cold Steve Austin. Right. Did you? Oh, yeah, cool. Oh yeah, you you watched uh Wrestling.

SPEAKER_02: 14:08

The credits. Oh, okay. Okay, okay. I saw his name in the credits and I was like, oh yeah, that's who Stone Cold is. Yeah. Stonehouse.

SPEAKER_00: 14:17

And then uh Brian Bosworth, who's in the movie Stone Cold from uh 91.

SPEAKER_02: 14:25

Right, it wasn't the same person we were talking about.

SPEAKER_00: 14:27

Okay.

SPEAKER_02: 14:28

Anyway, yeah, anyway, what is this movie about? Uh really bad summary.

SPEAKER_00: 14:32

Bad summary. He drives drunk and gets arrested, uh, Adam Sandler's character.

SPEAKER_02: 14:38

Not stone cold.

SPEAKER_00: 14:40

No, Adam Sandler's character. He's driving drunk and uh gets arrested and uh well he crashes some cop cars and s stuff. And uh then he goes to prison and in prison he um meets the warden and then they uh say like oh let's uh play some football or the uh he assembles a team uh to play against the guards. And uh yeah, that's what the movie is about. Yep. Right?

SPEAKER_02: 15:12

Yeah, cool.

SPEAKER_00: 15:14

What did you think about this movie?

SPEAKER_02: 15:15

I like this movie. I like uh Adam Sandler's movies.

SPEAKER_00: 15:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 15:20

I think they're funny. I uh I know there there's a lot of actors that he likes to uh use in his movies, so they are definitely going to be seen within the next few weeks.

SPEAKER_00: 15:32

Yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_02: 15:34

Yeah, and I like that because a lot of them are really funny. And I I've seen the ending to this movie before. Okay. So it was nice to see the rest of the movie as well.

SPEAKER_00: 15:47

Yeah. It's uh what about you? I do like this movie too. Uh it's it's not just uh about the comedy though, because it has some like dramatic scenes, you know, death and all.

SPEAKER_02: 16:01

Yeah. And of course I got distracted as that was happening. So I I missed what happened, and then I felt bad.

SPEAKER_00: 16:10

Oh, yeah, but I told you.

SPEAKER_02: 16:12

Yeah. And uh without being snarky about it. Yeah. Which is cool.

SPEAKER_00: 16:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 16:18

Why did they have to have that part just as I was getting distracted?

SPEAKER_00: 16:21

Yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_02: 16:22

It was really bad timing.

SPEAKER_00: 16:23

Yeah, why did they that's the movie's fault. It is. Yeah. Bad movie. No.

SPEAKER_02: 16:29

Bad movie because of that one part that was poorly placed.

SPEAKER_00: 16:33

Yeah. No, that scene uh caught me off guard the first time I saw this movie because I'm I'm like, wait, what?

SPEAKER_02: 16:40

It was unexpected.

SPEAKER_00: 16:41

Yeah, it was very you don't think that would happen in a you know, Adam Sandler movie. Yeah. But it did. But I still like the movie. It's um yeah, it's also it's a remake of a movie from s uh 1974, and uh that movie stars uh Burke Reynolds.

SPEAKER_02: 17:02

Oh, okay. So that makes sense why he was there.

SPEAKER_00: 17:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 17:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 17:07

Fun fact.

SPEAKER_02: 17:08

We're not gonna watch that one.

SPEAKER_00: 17:09

I don't know. I haven't planned on uh having any Burke Reynolds movies, but other than Cannonball Run. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02: 17:17

Cannonball Run too.

SPEAKER_00: 17:19

That too. Yeah. But yeah, actually we should. But uh I uh yeah, it's not I haven't made a list yet.

SPEAKER_02: 17:27

No. Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 17:29

Yeah, but I like this movie. I think that's all I had to say. Okay you wanna talk about victory?

SPEAKER_02: 17:36

I do.

SPEAKER_00: 17:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_02: 17:38

This is a movie with Stallone.

SPEAKER_00: 17:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 17:41

Uh he's there, and he is in England, Germany, yeah, Paris, Switzerland.

SPEAKER_00: 17:50

It's all over the place.

SPEAKER_02: 17:52

Maybe Poland.

SPEAKER_00: 17:54

Yeah, m uh I mean the the prison camp or what what what you call it? Uh I don't know.

SPEAKER_02: 18:00

It's not Auschwitz.

SPEAKER_00: 18:01

No, but it's uh German though, so maybe they're in Germany.

SPEAKER_02: 18:06

Maybe. Anyway, Stallone goes to jail and um they are planning a soccer game. Or football. They they call it football, but for the the sake of the fact that we talked about football for the first movie. Yeah, that was American football specific, and this was soccer, European football. Or right. Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 18:31

You could say.

SPEAKER_02: 18:32

Yeah. And Stallone really wants to be a part of it. It's really sad because no one wants him on the team. And then he begs and pleads until they give in and he gets to be goalie.

SPEAKER_00: 18:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 18:44

And the whole time he's trying to escape the prison.

SPEAKER_00: 18:48

It's not just a regular prison, it's more like a Nazi work.

SPEAKER_02: 18:53

Yeah, because it's like World War II or something. Yeah. Time. So there's Nazis. Yeah. They were there, and they were the ones that Stallone and his soccer team were gonna go against some German people. And that's it.

SPEAKER_03: 19:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 19:09

He also wants the rest of the team to escape. And that's that's my summary, I think.

SPEAKER_00: 19:15

Yeah. Good.

SPEAKER_02: 19:16

What did you think about this movie?

SPEAKER_00: 19:17

I thought it was um pretty good. I mean, this is uh not an action movie. It's kind of funny because he's known for his action movies, and now a few weeks in a row, we haven't watched any of his action movies.

SPEAKER_02: 19:32

He did get in a fight in the last movie.

SPEAKER_00: 19:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 19:35

A couple of them.

SPEAKER_00: 19:36

Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_02: 19:37

And this one he was fighting with a ball.

SPEAKER_00: 19:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 19:40

Which is like kind of action.

SPEAKER_00: 19:42

Yeah, and he did get a nosebleed. I missed that part. I guess someone headbutted him or what?

SPEAKER_02: 19:49

I think it was for the drama of the game. Uh I think he got like caught up with the rest of the players that were on the field, and he might have gotten a nosebleed then, and then the Germans scored a point while he was caught up with the others. Oh. That might be when that happened. I don't know. Yeah, but I don't notice these details.

SPEAKER_00: 20:14

No, okay. But anyway, I I still thought it was pretty good. I mean, the the storylines of the movies are kind of similar, and you know me, the that was I thought about that. That they were similar.

SPEAKER_02: 20:29

That's what I think you put them together.

SPEAKER_00: 20:32

Sneaky sneaky.

SPEAKER_02: 20:33

Very sneaky.

SPEAKER_00: 20:34

Yeah, but very clever. Yeah. The thing is, I have not seen this movie before.

SPEAKER_02: 20:39

Oh, okay. I haven't either.

SPEAKER_00: 20:41

No, but I I read what it was about and I'm like, hmm. Sounds familiar. So let's put these movies together and have a sports night.

SPEAKER_02: 20:52

Yay. It's not Super Bowl yet.

SPEAKER_00: 20:56

No, that's true.

SPEAKER_02: 20:57

Hmm.

SPEAKER_00: 20:58

But we got it over with.

SPEAKER_02: 20:59

I guess.

SPEAKER_00: 21:00

Uh so what did you think about this movie?

SPEAKER_02: 21:03

I enjoyed the movie. I did not enjoy the German bad guys.

SPEAKER_00: 21:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_02: 21:09

I feel like Germans are often the bad guys in movies. Is that purely based off of World War II?

SPEAKER_00: 21:16

I don't know, because they were the bad guys in the first World War also.

SPEAKER_02: 21:21

Okay. Because they were bad guys in Pitch Perfect 2. And a lot of the times Germans are just bad guys.

SPEAKER_00: 21:29

Yeah. But yeah, uh, die hard.

SPEAKER_02: 21:32

I mean, in modern days, can we have like modern movies where Germans are not that bad? No, but Because because modern Germans are nice, I think.

SPEAKER_00: 21:43

Have you met a lot of them?

SPEAKER_02: 21:45

No.

SPEAKER_00: 21:46

No.

SPEAKER_02: 21:46

But I feel like they want to put the past behind them and not be constantly called bad guys.

SPEAKER_00: 21:53

Yeah, but you know, I watch this reality show right now.

SPEAKER_02: 21:57

Right. And that one German Is really trying to bring it back, I think.

SPEAKER_03: 22:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 22:04

But that's one out of the millions of Germans out there. And I don't think all of them are like that. I can't I do not want to believe that all of them are annoying.

SPEAKER_00: 22:18

No. No, I I don't think so either. But you know, if a movie is set uh at World War II.

SPEAKER_02: 22:26

Why can't the Germans be the good guys? I want one World War II movie where the Germans are the good guys.

SPEAKER_00: 22:34

Are you a Hitler supporter?

SPEAKER_02: 22:35

No, no, no. I'm not supporting Hitler. Excuse me. No. But I want one movie where like the Germans are trying to be good. And like, I mean, there's gotta be there must have been some Germans that were like, this is not cool, and we're gonna do something about it. I want that movie.

SPEAKER_00: 22:57

Go against Hitler. Right.

SPEAKER_02: 23:00

I want the good guy German of the 1940s.

SPEAKER_00: 23:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 23:05

I want their story. So if you find one of those movies, I want to see it.

SPEAKER_00: 23:10

I'm I'm thinking of the movie The Good German.

SPEAKER_02: 23:13

That's very specific. That's exactly what I'm looking for. The Good German.

SPEAKER_00: 23:18

Yeah, maybe you should look that up.

SPEAKER_02: 23:19

I'm gonna watch The Good German and feel better about the poor Germans.

SPEAKER_00: 23:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 23:25

Not the bad ones, the good ones. Yeah. Because I know that they were bad at one point, but I don't think they're bad anymore.

SPEAKER_00: 23:33

Okay, yeah. But then again, you can say that about the b British.

SPEAKER_02: 23:38

The British have always been bad.

SPEAKER_00: 23:40

Never liked them. They're always bad guys in in movies.

SPEAKER_02: 23:44

Well, they've always been bad guys throughout life. Like all the years. They've never been good people. Maybe. Maybe I I shouldn't have this out in the world.

SPEAKER_00: 23:56

I don't think so. Because uh I mean uh it's very generalizing. Yeah, yes. It is. So I I don't know.

SPEAKER_02: 24:07

The Spice Girls were cool though. And the Beatles.

SPEAKER_00: 24:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 24:11

I like their movies. They're good British people.

SPEAKER_00: 24:14

Yeah. But I mean they do play a lot of more than Germans, the British are bad guys in movies.

SPEAKER_02: 24:22

But if you think about it, really, historically, they're the real bad guys. I don't think uh I mean uh How many countries have they taken over and people they've killed for this?

SPEAKER_00: 24:33

I mean they're not the only ones though.

SPEAKER_02: 24:36

No. No. When you think they're so bad that a whole colony of theirs just like slammed the door and moved out and started their own bad country.

SPEAKER_03: 24:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 24:49

They were like, we also want to be British over here. Yeah. Except we're not being gonna be called British people. We're gonna be Americans.

SPEAKER_00: 24:57

Yeah, they're like, we don't wanna start with a B. We're better than that. We're Americans. A Americans.

SPEAKER_02: 25:04

We're the new bad guys. Hello world. Yeah. Meet your new bad guys.

SPEAKER_00: 25:10

Yeah. We're much better than the British.

SPEAKER_02: 25:13

Yeah. We're better at being bad.

SPEAKER_00: 25:14

Yeah. Okay. Very political.

SPEAKER_02: 25:17

That was my rant on the world. I just want a good German movie.

SPEAKER_00: 25:22

You should try the good German.

SPEAKER_02: 25:24

I'm gonna do that. Maybe. We'll see. Is it on Netflix?

SPEAKER_00: 25:28

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02: 25:29

Alright. Are we good here?

SPEAKER_00: 25:30

I think so.

SPEAKER_02: 25:31

Before we go any further into this topic.

SPEAKER_00: 25:34

We should go further into the break or something.

SPEAKER_02: 25:37

Alright, we're gonna go really far into the break. Yeah. And we'll be right back. Yeah. Bye. See you zoom. Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 25:53

And we're back.

SPEAKER_02: 25:55

Hello.

SPEAKER_00: 25:55

Hello.

SPEAKER_02: 25:56

Uh, alright. It's the second half.

SPEAKER_00: 25:59

Yes, it is.

SPEAKER_02: 26:00

Yes. Uh you know what we're doing today.

SPEAKER_00: 26:04

I do know what we're doing.

SPEAKER_02: 26:05

What is that?

SPEAKER_00: 26:07

That is, uh, I I'm gonna teach. Uh no, we're gonna deep dive on uh how to uh give potentially bad news to a person or people, or yeah, whatever.

SPEAKER_02: 26:22

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 26:22

Okay. Yeah. What were you saying?

SPEAKER_02: 26:24

Nothing.

SPEAKER_00: 26:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_02: 26:26

Um, alright. I am really interested in learning how to do this. Okay. So uh go ahead and start.

SPEAKER_00: 26:34

Yeah, I'm gonna do the reading this time.

SPEAKER_02: 26:36

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00: 26:37

Exciting.

SPEAKER_02: 26:38

Very exciting.

SPEAKER_00: 26:39

Yeah. So giving potentially bad news is less about what you say and more about how you say it. The goal is uh honesty without unnecessary harm. Simple human framework that works in most situations. Work, personal, medical-ish.

SPEAKER_02: 26:59

Medical-ish.

SPEAKER_00: 27:00

Yeah, that's what it says.

SPEAKER_02: 27:02

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 27:03

Awkward life stuff.

SPEAKER_02: 27:05

Oh, okay. So if I was going to tell you, oh, I'm sick.

SPEAKER_00: 27:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 27:11

That's medical-ish, right?

SPEAKER_00: 27:12

I yeah, I guess so.

SPEAKER_02: 27:13

This is potentially bad news.

SPEAKER_00: 27:15

Yeah, I mean, uh this is something I'm really bad at, you know, giving uh bad news to people.

SPEAKER_02: 27:21

Alright.

SPEAKER_00: 27:22

So that's why I wanted to bring it up. I have a question. Yes.

SPEAKER_02: 27:25

If someone says, I have good news and I have bad news, which one do you go for for it?

SPEAKER_00: 27:30

Uh I probably I want to save the good for last, so I I I'd rather take the bad news first.

SPEAKER_02: 27:38

Okay, but what if the bad news is much heavier than the good news? Like it's really bad, bad news, and then the good news is like it doesn't make it much better.

SPEAKER_00: 27:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 27:48

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00: 27:49

Yeah, like the good news is like I found a penny. Okay. The other one is like devastating.

SPEAKER_02: 27:57

Yeah, I found a penny. Wow. No, in the last alone movie we watched last week, he was like, Well, the good news is that I found you food, but the bad news is that it's a pile of horse poop.

SPEAKER_00: 28:12

Oh yeah. Enjoy. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 28:14

I caught that part.

SPEAKER_00: 28:15

Yeah. You remember that.

SPEAKER_02: 28:17

Cool. That one stuck to me.

unknown: 28:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 28:20

It was traumatizing.

SPEAKER_00: 28:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 28:23

Trigger warning.

SPEAKER_00: 28:24

Oh, okay. Yeah, sorry. Um, yeah. So I mean, this uh I'm like I said, I'm really bad at this, uh giving bad news. All right. So that's why I I'm not a doctor. That's the only reason I'm not a doctor.

SPEAKER_02: 28:40

Okay. That's the only reason you decide that I'm not gonna be a doctor. Yeah, that's I don't want to tell you that you're dying.

SPEAKER_00: 28:48

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02: 28:48

So if you consider that to be bad news, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00: 28:52

I have some bad uh I have some good news for you.

SPEAKER_02: 28:57

Good news and bad news. It depends on how you take it. You are dying.

SPEAKER_00: 29:01

Yeah. I don't know your point of view on life. How do you feel about dying?

SPEAKER_02: 29:07

I just I feel like I should know this first.

SPEAKER_00: 29:10

Would you like it or not like it?

SPEAKER_02: 29:13

Give me your point of view here.

SPEAKER_00: 29:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 29:16

Okay, so my potential bad news is that I am sick. Yeah. And as we go, I'm going to learn how to tell you nicely that I'm sick.

SPEAKER_00: 29:27

Okay.

SPEAKER_02: 29:28

Maybe you don't want to be around me right now. Okay, point one.

SPEAKER_00: 29:33

A clear, kind structure. Point one. Prepare the ground.

SPEAKER_02: 29:37

Ugh, alright, the soil beneath me. Yep. In case someone peees.

SPEAKER_00: 29:42

Yeah. Signal that something serious is coming so it doesn't uh land like a punch.

SPEAKER_02: 29:52

Just the heads up.

SPEAKER_00: 29:54

Here's some examples.

SPEAKER_02: 29:56

Coughing is not one of them, I guess.

SPEAKER_00: 29:58

No, not really.

SPEAKER_02: 29:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 29:59

Uh I want to talk about something important.

SPEAKER_02: 30:02

This is very important. You really need to know.

SPEAKER_00: 30:05

Or this might be hard to hear, but I want it to be up front.

SPEAKER_02: 30:10

I want to be in the front. Shotgun.

SPEAKER_00: 30:14

So I can cough on you.

SPEAKER_02: 30:18

This is gonna be really hard to hear. Because I'm whispering before. I can't talk. I lost my voice. This is gonna be really difficult for you to hear. But I want to be up front. I want shotgun.

SPEAKER_03: 30:35

No. Also I'm sick. Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 30:43

Um so yeah, this uh gives the other person uh a moment to brace.

SPEAKER_02: 30:50

Get braces.

SPEAKER_00: 30:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 30:53

To to brace themselves, okay.

SPEAKER_00: 30:56

Yeah, the it doesn't say that, but uh you know what I mean.

SPEAKER_02: 31:00

I guess to prepare themselves for the bad news.

SPEAKER_00: 31:05

Number two. Lead with care, not the verdict.

SPEAKER_02: 31:09

Uh-huh. Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 31:10

Start uh start by show and showing respect or empathy before the news.

SPEAKER_02: 31:17

I really care about you. We're gonna watch the news.

SPEAKER_00: 31:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 31:20

Well yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 31:22

Okay, and here's some examples. Alright. I really value you, which is why I want to be honest.

SPEAKER_03: 31:31

I thought that's what you wanted to say.

SPEAKER_02: 31:41

Wait, hold on. I thought you were gonna say I want to be on top. I really value you, and that's why I want to be on top. Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 31:50

Or you could say, I know this matters to you, but I want to be on top.

SPEAKER_02: 31:58

It's really important for you.

SPEAKER_00: 32:00

Yeah. Uh so this tells them I'm not being careless with your feelings.

SPEAKER_02: 32:08

But no, no, I I really care about you. Yeah, but but things need to change.

SPEAKER_00: 32:15

Yeah. Uh I mean, in a way, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_02: 32:20

Isn't that like kind of a way of disregarding their feelings as well? Like, I know this is important to you, but I don't really care because we're going with this other thing that I want to do. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03: 32:32

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02: 32:32

Okay. That's why the word but is not you're not supposed to use the word buttons.

SPEAKER_00: 32:38

No, no, it they didn't use uh the butt.

SPEAKER_02: 32:41

Oh, okay. They didn't use their butt.

SPEAKER_00: 32:43

No.

SPEAKER_02: 32:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 32:43

I really value you, which is why I want to be honest.

SPEAKER_02: 32:47

Oh, okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 32:48

So uh the butt was my okay.

SPEAKER_02: 32:51

It was your butt? Yeah, it was your butt.

SPEAKER_00: 32:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 32:54

Okay. That's how I that's why I want to be on top.

SPEAKER_00: 32:58

Yeah. That's the way I I think, you know. With your butt. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 33:03

I can know.

SPEAKER_00: 33:04

Be dire uh number three. Be direct direct and clear. Avoid softening so much uh that the message. Sorry. I'm sorry to okay. No, we have to shut up.

SPEAKER_02: 33:19

Try not being soft.

SPEAKER_00: 33:23

Avoid being so hard. No.

SPEAKER_02: 33:26

Wait, am I supposed to be soft or hard? I don't get it.

SPEAKER_00: 33:30

No, avoid softening so much that the message gets confusing. Vagueness hurts more than clarity.

SPEAKER_02: 33:38

That's true. And that leaves a lot of room for misunderstanding. Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 33:43

So, um things aren't ideal right now. That's a no-no.

SPEAKER_02: 33:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 33:49

Uh we won't be able to move forward with this. That's how you're supposed to go.

SPEAKER_02: 33:55

Uh-huh. Yeah. Well, just be straight to the point. Really. Why dance around it for so long? I mean, sure, you can soften it a bit, right? And then like just come straight out. Yeah. With whatever you're trying to say.

SPEAKER_00: 34:08

So short plain language, no overexplaining yet.

SPEAKER_02: 34:13

Yet? I have to overexplain later?

SPEAKER_00: 34:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 34:16

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 34:16

I guess so.

SPEAKER_02: 34:17

Alright.

SPEAKER_00: 34:18

Number four, pause and let it land. Uh people need a beat.

SPEAKER_02: 34:24

A beating? You're supposed to beat them up?

SPEAKER_00: 34:26

Yeah, I think so.

SPEAKER_02: 34:27

Alright, you give them the bad news, and then you just have to beat them up, I guess.

SPEAKER_00: 34:32

Yeah. I like uh the example. I want to stop there for a second. Silence.

SPEAKER_02: 34:39

How long is the silence?

SPEAKER_00: 34:41

It doesn't say.

SPEAKER_02: 34:42

Okay. So uh like a minute and j or just like forever?

SPEAKER_00: 34:47

Yeah, maybe you just leave there.

SPEAKER_02: 34:49

I'm just gonna stop here for a second and then leave and unfriend them and block their phone number and move to a different country and just avoid them for the rest of their life.

SPEAKER_00: 35:00

Yeah, I think so.

SPEAKER_02: 35:01

Okay. Well, that's not being dramatic or anything.

SPEAKER_00: 35:04

No, no, that's perfectly fine. Okay. Uh so yeah, resist the urge to fill the space. This shows respect.

SPEAKER_02: 35:13

Alright.

SPEAKER_00: 35:14

Number five. This is a difficult word.

SPEAKER_02: 35:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 35:17

Acknowledge the impact.

SPEAKER_02: 35:21

I've been hit.

SPEAKER_00: 35:22

Yeah, good. Alright.

SPEAKER_02: 35:25

Is that how you're supposed to respond?

SPEAKER_00: 35:27

No. Name what they've been shot. Yeah. That's what they do in movies.

SPEAKER_02: 35:32

I guess so.

SPEAKER_00: 35:33

Name what they might be feeling.

SPEAKER_02: 35:35

So you have to guess. Yeah. You are okay with this. Yeah. I think.

SPEAKER_00: 35:41

You could do the Jedi.

SPEAKER_02: 35:43

Oh, the mind trick.

SPEAKER_00: 35:44

Yeah, mind trick.

SPEAKER_02: 35:47

You will go home and rethink your life. Yeah. Um You are leaving now. Please go. I don't want to uh deal with your response to my news.

SPEAKER_00: 35:59

So here's some examples. Some examples.

SPEAKER_02: 36:02

What?

SPEAKER_00: 36:03

Here's some examples.

SPEAKER_02: 36:05

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 36:06

I know this is disappointing.

SPEAKER_02: 36:08

Yes.

SPEAKER_00: 36:09

Oh yeah. And uh here comes the examples.

SPEAKER_02: 36:13

These examples are so far disappointing. Yes.

SPEAKER_00: 36:18

Uh I imagine this uh isn't what you were hoping for, is also a way you can say that that's what they say.

SPEAKER_02: 36:26

That's what they said? That's not what you're saying.

SPEAKER_00: 36:28

No, no.

SPEAKER_02: 36:29

I was hoping for better.

SPEAKER_00: 36:30

Yeah, I'm just a messenger.

SPEAKER_02: 36:32

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00: 36:33

Don't shoot me. It feels because then I have to say, I've been shot.

SPEAKER_02: 36:37

But I've already been shot.

SPEAKER_00: 36:38

Oh.

SPEAKER_02: 36:40

You can't get shot right after me.

SPEAKER_00: 36:43

Well, it's okay. It was friendly fire.

SPEAKER_02: 36:45

Oh, okay. I guess that that's the excuse here.

SPEAKER_00: 36:48

Yeah. Number six.

SPEAKER_02: 36:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 36:51

Explain briefly.

SPEAKER_02: 36:53

In two sentences.

SPEAKER_00: 36:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 36:54

150 characters at least.

SPEAKER_00: 36:57

But only after they heard the news.

SPEAKER_02: 37:00

Okay, so I can't start with that.

SPEAKER_00: 37:02

No.

SPEAKER_02: 37:02

Let me start with the background of the story.

SPEAKER_00: 37:04

I'm gonna explain. But excuse me, can I talk for you uh a little bit?

SPEAKER_02: 37:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 37:11

Talk to you.

SPEAKER_02: 37:12

Talk for you.

SPEAKER_00: 37:14

Excuse me. Talk for you. Yeah, I mean that was.

SPEAKER_02: 37:17

Let me let me respond for you so you don't have to do this. I mean This is fine. I'm okay with this. Yeah. Alright, I've been shot.

SPEAKER_00: 37:26

I was gonna name what they might be feeling, so Okay, yeah. Uh no. Um the examples.

SPEAKER_02: 37:34

Okay. The explanation.

SPEAKER_00: 37:36

Yeah. The reason is dot dot.

SPEAKER_02: 37:39

That's and then you just stop talking and leave.

SPEAKER_00: 37:43

That's the reason.

SPEAKER_02: 37:45

Block their number and move to a different country, I guess. So you never actually have to tell them the reason. You just don't really have a reason. That's just how it is.

SPEAKER_00: 37:56

Yeah. I'm sick. And the reason is the reason is, and then just leave.

SPEAKER_02: 38:01

Yeah, that's it.

SPEAKER_00: 38:03

So keep it factual, not defensive or emotional.

SPEAKER_02: 38:08

What if it's not my fault?

SPEAKER_00: 38:10

Then you blame someone else, I guess.

SPEAKER_02: 38:13

Alright, this is actually your fault. If you hadn't done this to me, then I wouldn't have responded the way that I did.

SPEAKER_00: 38:20

Uh-huh. And so then I wouldn't have been shot.

SPEAKER_02: 38:24

Yeah. So next time, just like don't get shot. What? And then I wouldn't have to shoot you.

SPEAKER_00: 38:34

Because everything every time someone gets shot, you shoot them an extra time.

SPEAKER_02: 38:42

Oh, what what was it in was it Zombie Land or something? They did the double double tap. Double tap. That's right.

SPEAKER_00: 38:50

I'm just making sure that you're dead. You're like, oh, you only get got shot once? Double tap.

SPEAKER_02: 38:57

Yeah. Just making sure.

SPEAKER_00: 38:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 38:59

Covering my bases.

SPEAKER_00: 39:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 39:01

And then I have to explain to you why I shot you.

unknown: 39:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 39:06

Anyway. Anyway, so number seven. That's the last one of these.

SPEAKER_02: 39:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 39:13

Um, offer what is possible. End with direction and not dead end.

SPEAKER_02: 39:20

You can exit that way. That's the door. You can leave now.

SPEAKER_00: 39:23

Good. Thank you. You got this.

SPEAKER_02: 39:25

I got this, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 39:27

Yeah. So here's what you can do next. It's an example.

SPEAKER_02: 39:31

Here's what you can do next. I'm gonna let you know. You go to that door right over there. You go through it, you shut the door behind you, and then you're gonna hear a little click, and then you go home. And that's it. Because I don't want to continue this conversation.

SPEAKER_00: 39:45

But this is my home.

SPEAKER_02: 39:46

No. No, it's mine now. And that's the bad news that I'm giving you right now. Haven't you been listening this whole time?

SPEAKER_00: 39:53

Not only did you shoot me.

SPEAKER_02: 39:57

You take my home? Yeah. This is a burglary. Yeah. I think. Yeah. That's why I showed up.

SPEAKER_00: 40:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 40:08

Imagine a robber going into a bank.

SPEAKER_00: 40:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 40:11

Being like, I have some potentially bad news. I am going to steal your money. Dot dot dot. Waiting for the response. Right? And then uh, what am I supposed to say after that? After giving them a minute to think about it.

SPEAKER_00: 40:25

You want to start by saying you want to talk about something important.

SPEAKER_02: 40:30

I need excuse me, everyone, I have an announcement. It's very important.

SPEAKER_00: 40:35

And then then you have to say that uh you really value them.

SPEAKER_02: 40:40

Guys, I really I care about all of you. Really, I really do.

SPEAKER_00: 40:44

Yes. And uh then you have to say that we won't be able to move forward.

SPEAKER_02: 40:51

I can't keep going on like this, guys. I'm broke.

SPEAKER_00: 40:56

Uh and then you want to stop there for a second.

SPEAKER_02: 40:59

Uh let them think like what's going on. Yeah. Because I haven't actually told them what I'm doing here. I'm just making an announcement that I have an announcement to make. Yeah. And I can't do this anymore.

SPEAKER_00: 41:11

And then after that silence, I don't know how long you I'm just gonna get them a few seconds to think, like, what?

SPEAKER_02: 41:18

Yeah. What's going on?

SPEAKER_00: 41:20

Or maybe a minute.

SPEAKER_02: 41:22

A whole minute. Yeah. I have my timer set.

SPEAKER_00: 41:25

Yeah, you're like looking at the watch.

SPEAKER_02: 41:27

Everyone's like awkward silence. What?

SPEAKER_00: 41:31

And then after the silence, after the silence, I just break it to them. You say, I know this is disappointing.

SPEAKER_02: 41:38

This is really disappointing to everyone, even myself. I don't like it either.

SPEAKER_00: 41:42

Yeah, they still don't know what you're talking about.

SPEAKER_02: 41:46

I don't want to do this. I have no choice. I have to rob this bank. I'm going to steal money.

SPEAKER_00: 41:53

Yeah. And then after the the bad news, you say the reason is The reason is because I don't have any money. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02: 42:02

And I need money. I'm going to explain my life story. I was born in poverty, and I grew up and I'm still poor and I'm sick of this life. So I'm going to do something about it, and I'm going to put my kids through college, and I have to rob the bank. And that's why I'm here.

SPEAKER_00: 42:23

Yeah. And then you say, here's what we can do next.

SPEAKER_02: 42:27

This is what we're going to do next. You're going to uh be quiet and open the drawers and give me the cash. And then we can close the drawers and I'm going to walk away. Yeah. And this is it's all gonna be fine if you cooperate. Alright.

SPEAKER_00: 42:44

Good.

SPEAKER_02: 42:44

Then you went through all the steps and uh And then after that I told them what we're gonna do next. Right. Yeah. Okay. Thank you for your cooperation. Have a nice day. Yeah. I'm gonna go now.

SPEAKER_00: 42:57

So yeah, that was that.

SPEAKER_02: 42:59

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00: 43:00

Tone tips that matter a lot.

SPEAKER_02: 43:03

Screaming?

SPEAKER_00: 43:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 43:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 43:06

Uh don't sandwich bad news between fake positivity. Like, but everything's great.

SPEAKER_02: 43:14

It's okay, but it's also kind of like not okay.

SPEAKER_00: 43:18

That's one of the butts. But everything's great.

SPEAKER_02: 43:21

Don't talk about your butt. Unless your potential bad news is actually about your butt.

SPEAKER_00: 43:27

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02: 43:27

Yeah, that's in that case, it has nothing really to do with them unless you have like, I don't know, cancer or something.

SPEAKER_03: 43:33

A big butt.

SPEAKER_02: 43:34

A big butt. I have some bad news for you. I'm just gonna break it to you. My butt is like really big, and there's nothing I can do about it. No. This is disturbing everyone's lives.

SPEAKER_00: 43:48

Yeah. And uh don't over apologize.

SPEAKER_02: 43:52

I'm so sorry.

SPEAKER_00: 43:54

Uh it shifts focus to your discomfort.

SPEAKER_02: 43:58

But I am uncomfortable. Everyone. Uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_00: 44:00

Oh yeah. At the bank.

SPEAKER_02: 44:02

At the bank. I know we're all uncomfortable here. I'm really sorry. I don't mean to. And the awkward silence, I'm really sorry about that. I didn't know what to say.

SPEAKER_00: 44:12

Actually, I have to pee.

SPEAKER_02: 44:13

I really have to pee. Is there a bathroom? Otherwise, I'm going to pee right here. And honestly, I'm not afraid to do it because I I will definitely do it. I'm not going to pee my pants. I'm going to pull my pants down and pee right here. Because that's uh I can I do that. If you're not willing to let me use the bathroom, that's what's gonna happen. Yeah. I won't be sorry anymore. That's all. That's my rant. Thank you. Thank you for listening.

SPEAKER_00: 44:42

Also, don't rush.

SPEAKER_02: 44:44

But I have to pee.

SPEAKER_00: 44:46

Speed feels dismissive.

SPEAKER_02: 44:49

Yeah. Well, do I actually care about how they feel? I have to pee.

SPEAKER_00: 44:53

Yeah. And I mean, you're not there for their feelings.

SPEAKER_02: 44:57

No, I'm there for me.

SPEAKER_00: 44:58

Yeah, you want money.

SPEAKER_02: 45:00

Yeah. And I also have to pee.

SPEAKER_00: 45:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 45:02

So I have to rush.

SPEAKER_00: 45:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 45:04

We have to get through this so I can use the bathroom. Imagine being that one robber who suddenly has to pee while they're robbing a bank.

SPEAKER_00: 45:14

At some point, being so nervous, it's like.

SPEAKER_02: 45:17

Yeah. Nervous. And if you have a bladder like mine that's just like immediately responsive, yeah, it sucks.

SPEAKER_00: 45:25

That could be a scene for our movie.

SPEAKER_02: 45:28

Yeah. Robbing a bank, but suddenly I have to pee. So okay.

SPEAKER_00: 45:33

And uh then don't blame unless responsibility truly matters.

SPEAKER_02: 45:39

It is their fault.

SPEAKER_00: 45:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 45:41

I think. Usually it's not my fault.

SPEAKER_00: 45:43

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02: 45:44

It's society's fault that I'm living in poverty.

SPEAKER_00: 45:47

Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_02: 45:49

It's my mom's fault, I think.

SPEAKER_00: 45:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_02: 45:50

Yeah, I'm gonna blame my mom.

SPEAKER_00: 45:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 45:53

If she had gotten a better job, then I wouldn't be here right now robbing banks.

SPEAKER_00: 45:58

True. Okay. That's the that's always a a good go-to.

SPEAKER_02: 46:04

Yeah, it's mom's fault. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 46:06

Um, so now let's uh shift to the absolute worst ways to tell bad news.

SPEAKER_02: 46:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 46:21

Okay, I'm I'm just gonna jump right into it. Number one, dropping it casually or as an afterthought.

SPEAKER_02: 46:29

Oh hey, by the way, I'm robbing your bank.

SPEAKER_00: 46:31

Oh, yeah. Uh example. Oh, by the way, this probably doesn't matter, but I'm robbing the bank.

SPEAKER_02: 46:40

I stole$20 off of you.

SPEAKER_00: 46:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 46:43

Sorry.

SPEAKER_00: 46:43

This tells the person your feelings didn't even rate preparation.

SPEAKER_02: 46:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 46:49

Number two.

SPEAKER_02: 46:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 46:50

Ambushing them in public or when they're vulnerable. Did I say that right?

SPEAKER_02: 46:55

Vulnerable? Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 46:57

Yeah, good. Like in a meeting, at a party, right before bed.

SPEAKER_02: 47:02

Oh, that's the worst time. Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. But which is the worst way, apparently, to give bad news. But I do not like big conversations as I'm trying to go to bed. My bedtime is very important to me. I want to sleep. I don't want to have conversations while I'm trying to sleep. And also the risk is very high. And this is on you if you bring up anything right as I'm going to bed. I could fall asleep on you as you're giving me your bad news. And then you're gonna have to try again tomorrow.

SPEAKER_00: 47:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 47:35

Because I'm sleeping. Yeah. That's my sleeping time.

SPEAKER_00: 47:38

So you prefer to get bad news in the mornings.

SPEAKER_02: 47:41

Don't ruin my day. Maybe like well, it really depends. Like if it's bad news, but I can like get through it. Or maybe, maybe, yeah. I don't know if it's worth risking ruining my day, but it also gives me the day to like go through it. But then again, I would think, sorry, like afternoon, evening, so I can sleep on it.

SPEAKER_00: 48:05

I was gonna ask, what time at uh well let's see.

SPEAKER_02: 48:10

I have dinner around four or five, and then right after that, I usually have activities. Like they start around, I don't know, six-ish, maybe. So if you were to give me bad news, maybe like three.

SPEAKER_03: 48:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_02: 48:28

I'm gonna say three to give me a good chunk of my day to think about it and send you like questions, like potential questions I might have about whatever the situation is, and then I can sleep on it and then uh give you a better response tomorrow. I think I need to let things sink.

SPEAKER_03: 48:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_02: 48:49

Sink in, not just sink like down the drain and forget about it. But you know. Yeah, yeah. What about you? When would you is there a specific time when you would prefer to get bad news?

SPEAKER_00: 49:02

Right before bed. You think so? No, I don't know.

SPEAKER_02: 49:06

Um So if I like texted you right before I say goodnight, like, oh, by the way, here's some bad news, and you're like, whatever, goodnight. And then read it again in the morning and be like, What?

SPEAKER_00: 49:19

Yeah. I don't know when I I I don't think I want it directly in the morning either, because uh I need to wake up first.

SPEAKER_02: 49:28

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 49:29

So I guess like noon.

SPEAKER_02: 49:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 49:33

I mean it's bright outside and everything, it feels good. And then uh then I get the bad news. And uh I mean I do it on a sunny day or like a bright day.

SPEAKER_02: 49:46

Yeah. Okay. So based off of the weather is really what you're going after. Oh yeah. It's not like the time of day, but it's based on the weather. Because you don't really want bad news on like a day that's already cloudy and rainy and cold and gross. No, no, the because that's just like oh the day's already bad. Let's just make it worse with some bad news.

SPEAKER_00: 50:06

Too depressing.

SPEAKER_02: 50:07

It's not good.

SPEAKER_00: 50:08

Because I mean, on a sunny day, at least you can be like, at least it's good weather.

SPEAKER_02: 50:14

Right. And Swedes are like obsessed with the weather, I think.

SPEAKER_00: 50:17

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 50:18

If you don't know what to talk about, there's always the weather. Yeah. There's always something to say about the weather.

SPEAKER_00: 50:23

Yeah. And often that's where we end, too. I mean, uh it's like what weather we're having, and then that's about that.

SPEAKER_02: 50:33

That's a conversation.

SPEAKER_00: 50:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 50:35

That's a whole conversation thread.

SPEAKER_00: 50:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 50:39

Yeah. And like that's the only thing that strangers are really willing to give their comments on. They're they're not gonna judge you, but they're gonna judge the weather.

SPEAKER_03: 50:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 50:49

Like, oh, I hate the weather, or ooh, it's so nice how it's so warm, it's so nice, and stuff. That's like the only thing that strangers will say.

SPEAKER_00: 50:57

Yeah, that that's the difficult part for me, because I usually don't care about the weather. I don't like what other people like.

SPEAKER_02: 51:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 51:07

Most people don't like cold and snow. I do.

SPEAKER_02: 51:10

And uh so you just have to like pretend.

SPEAKER_00: 51:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 51:14

Just like whatever.

SPEAKER_00: 51:15

It feels like most people like the summer. I don't.

SPEAKER_02: 51:18

Yeah. So if someone says, Oh, this really nice, sunny, warm weather we're having, you're like, Yeah, whatever.

SPEAKER_00: 51:25

I I like the sun. I like it's sunny, but I don't like when it's too warm.

SPEAKER_02: 51:30

Yeah. So you're like me in the winter, I guess. It's nice to look at out the window, but I'd rather be inside.

SPEAKER_00: 51:37

Yeah. I like the w uh, you know, when it's winter uh and sunny.

SPEAKER_02: 51:42

Yeah, but it's freezing outside. That's usually when it's like minus twenty Celsius.

SPEAKER_00: 51:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 51:49

It's like it's been like that. This week it's been so cold.

SPEAKER_00: 51:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 51:54

But I I haven't been outside that much.

SPEAKER_00: 51:56

Well, I've been working, so I I can't really go out that much.

SPEAKER_02: 52:01

But I I've been refusing to go outside.

SPEAKER_00: 52:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_02: 52:04

But it's been cold, trust me.

SPEAKER_00: 52:06

Yeah. Uh oh yeah. Maybe we should. We're gonna read somewhere.

SPEAKER_02: 52:11

Yes.

SPEAKER_00: 52:11

Yeah. So uh don't ambush them in a meeting, at a party, right before bed, while they're stress sick, or grieving. Oh.

SPEAKER_02: 52:22

Okay, yeah. Alright.

SPEAKER_00: 52:24

So I shouldn't tell you bad news right now.

SPEAKER_02: 52:27

Because I'm already feeling like garbage.

SPEAKER_00: 52:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 52:30

And when someone's already grieving, like I know that you're already dealing with something. I have something to add on top of that.

SPEAKER_00: 52:37

Yeah. Well, what what if Okay, let's say you had a a death fairly close, and then someone else dies. Should you not tell them about that?

SPEAKER_02: 52:48

What do you do?

SPEAKER_00: 52:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 52:50

I mean, they're gonna find out eventually.

SPEAKER_00: 52:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 52:52

But are you the right person to tell them?

SPEAKER_00: 52:56

This is why I'm not a doctor.

SPEAKER_02: 52:58

Yeah, like this isn't my business. I'm not gonna tell you. I'm gonna have to do that. You should talk to a doctor. You should talk to another doctor about this. Oh. It was kind of like um, not really like bad news upon bad news, but more like the wrong person telling you that someone died. Cause when my mom died, I like just found out, and then an hour or two later, um, one of uh my old classmates had messaged me and was like, I'm so sorry about your mom. I was like, I just found out myself. Like, why are you telling me this? Like, really? What? I just figured this out. Like, back off for a day at least. Like, uh it was like, how did you know? I just barely got you out.

SPEAKER_00: 53:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 53:54

Ugh. Some people need to mind their own business.

SPEAKER_00: 53:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 53:57

Anyway, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_00: 53:59

Number three.

SPEAKER_02: 54:01

I feel like we're a little bit all over the place.

SPEAKER_00: 54:04

Yeah. Burying the lead.

SPEAKER_02: 54:06

Burying yourself alive.

SPEAKER_00: 54:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 54:08

Burying the lead. Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 54:11

Uh talking for five minutes and then revealing the actual problem. So anyway, we didn't get it.

SPEAKER_02: 54:19

Oh yeah. Okay. So, like, there's whole the the whole backstory for like five minutes, and then well, my point is is that things didn't go well.

SPEAKER_00: 54:28

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02: 54:29

We we didn't get whatever we were trying to get.

SPEAKER_00: 54:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 54:32

I didn't get the job.

SPEAKER_00: 54:33

We didn't get the bank.

SPEAKER_02: 54:34

We didn't we didn't succeed in robbing the bank.

SPEAKER_00: 54:37

No, we didn't get the money.

SPEAKER_02: 54:39

No, I peed myself as well. Worst case scenario when robbing a bank is leaving with nothing and peeing yourself.

SPEAKER_00: 54:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 54:48

You didn't even get arrested. You just like walked out with wet pants and an empty sack.

SPEAKER_00: 54:54

Yeah. And shame.

SPEAKER_02: 54:56

And shame.

SPEAKER_00: 54:57

Walk out shame.

SPEAKER_02: 54:59

My bag isn't filled with money, but it's definitely filled with shame. Yep. If shame could be tangible. Anyway.

SPEAKER_00: 55:07

Number four. Being vague to protect them. Um. Example. Things just aren't aligning right now. What do you mean? Um this forces them to guess what went wrong, blame themselves, r replay the conversation forever.

SPEAKER_02: 55:29

Oh, I feel like we struggle with this specifically.

SPEAKER_00: 55:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 55:34

Um, if I can bring up uh that explains a lot. I feel like that was vague and uh the response was poor.

SPEAKER_00: 55:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 55:45

A very old line now. Oh yeah. It still gets brought up.

SPEAKER_00: 55:50

But what do you mean?

SPEAKER_02: 55:51

I I don't know. Uh yeah. Yeah. I believe when we specifically have bad news to give to each other, we definitely just need to go straight to the point instead of dancing around it and trying to find like pillow words, you know, to cushion it. Just just say it.

SPEAKER_00: 56:14

Say it.

SPEAKER_02: 56:15

Just say it. Yeah. And I think that's the moral of the story today is just say what you want to say. Yeah. And leave the pillow talk for later. Um if that's weird. If that's where you end up, then do that. In the couch, I guess. In the couch, if that's where you end up as well.

SPEAKER_00: 56:35

Yeah, movie night.

SPEAKER_02: 56:36

Yeah. Save the the cushion talk for movie night.

SPEAKER_00: 56:41

Yeah. Okay. Okay. Number five, overexplaining to relieve your discomfort.

SPEAKER_02: 56:48

When really that kind of makes things worse sometimes. Yeah, sure. It might make you feel better, but for them it's just like extending the discomfort.

SPEAKER_00: 56:56

Yeah. So yeah, the the example is let me explain every thought I had over the last six months.

SPEAKER_02: 57:06

That's a lot. And it's gonna take me about six months to get through it all.

SPEAKER_00: 57:10

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 57:11

Because I have a lot of thoughts since then.

SPEAKER_00: 57:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 57:13

I mean And I've spent a lot of time writing down every single little thought that I've had.

SPEAKER_00: 57:18

I'm also publishing a book called My Thoughts.

SPEAKER_02: 57:21

From the last six months.

SPEAKER_00: 57:24

It's gonna be thicker than the Bible.

SPEAKER_02: 57:27

Yeah. And the pages are gonna be thinner. The ink is bleeding through. You can't read it really.

SPEAKER_00: 57:36

They're like see-through pages.

SPEAKER_02: 57:39

My pages are plastic.

SPEAKER_00: 57:42

Uh number six. Making it about you.

SPEAKER_02: 57:46

Well, that's all that's important, is my feelings and things about me.

SPEAKER_00: 57:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 57:51

I mean otherwise I wouldn't be talking to you if I wasn't gonna talk about me.

SPEAKER_00: 57:56

No, yeah, I guess. No, uh, I mean, uh, I'm reading the examples. Okay. This is so hard for me to say.

SPEAKER_02: 58:06

Well, it is.

SPEAKER_00: 58:07

Yeah. I've been losing sleep over this.

SPEAKER_02: 58:10

Feel bad for me.

SPEAKER_00: 58:11

Yeah. I don't know. Do you think I I don't think this is that bad, but I don't know what you think.

SPEAKER_02: 58:18

Maybe that's something to wait with to say. Don't like lead with this is really difficult for me. More like, it's probably gonna be difficult for you. And then later on be like, This is awesome. I had a really hard time saying this because it hurt me too.

SPEAKER_00: 58:35

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 58:36

I think that's a sentence that can wait for when things have settled a bit.

SPEAKER_00: 58:41

I guess. Number seven.

unknown: 58:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_02: 58:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 58:45

No, it's that word again. Softening it until it's misleading.

SPEAKER_02: 58:52

I thought it was bigger.

SPEAKER_00: 58:54

Whoops. Wrong place.

SPEAKER_02: 59:00

I don't think this is the appropriate time for this.

SPEAKER_00: 59:04

False hope is cruel. Yeah. Uh example. Not right now, maybe someday.

SPEAKER_02: 59:18

Where is open eyes going with this situation?

SPEAKER_00: 59:22

Yeah. Oh, and that's when you It's not a competition. That uh that's when you know that someday means never.

SPEAKER_02: 59:31

Aww.

SPEAKER_00: 59:32

So never.

SPEAKER_02: 59:35

So me.

SPEAKER_00: 59:37

Oh uh number eight. That's worse. Yeah. Okay. No, uh delivering it via via via I don't know.

SPEAKER_02: 59:47

Sure.

SPEAKER_00: 59:48

Uh the wrong medium.

SPEAKER_02: 59:49

A different medium, please.

SPEAKER_00: 59:51

Yeah, like break up by text.

SPEAKER_02: 59:54

Oh yeah, you're not supposed to do that.

SPEAKER_00: 59:56

No.

SPEAKER_02: 59:56

But I have done it and it's been done to me. I've also broken up with someone through someone else, through a messenger person.

SPEAKER_00: 1:00:06

Oh, okay. No, I I wouldn't uh do big problem uh like talk about bad news uh via texts, via text. I um I I don't think so.

SPEAKER_02: 1:00:19

I really want to wait an entire week to tell me something bad during movie night when we're supposed to be enjoying the evenings and then be forced to sit here for two hours and talk and then I'm just sad because I got bad news.

SPEAKER_00: 1:00:35

Wouldn't you say it f uh it would be better to uh to do it like face to face?

SPEAKER_02: 1:00:42

I guess so.

SPEAKER_00: 1:00:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:00:44

I mean it it depends on the scale of the bad news. If it was like um like really, really bad and it's something deep and personal between the two of us, like we can't have movie night anymore, then I don't think I'd have a choice. I think I'd have to send you a text because then I wouldn't be allowed to see you anymore.

SPEAKER_00: 1:01:03

Oh, yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_02: 1:01:04

But that would be something that would want to be told face to face.

SPEAKER_00: 1:01:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:01:08

If sometimes you don't really have a choice.

SPEAKER_00: 1:01:10

If I had to say it, then then it would be face to face because no one would be stopping me.

SPEAKER_02: 1:01:16

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 1:01:17

Uh but yeah. I I don't know. I I want to deliver bad news face to face.

SPEAKER_03: 1:01:24

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00: 1:01:24

And but that's also why it mm what makes it so difficult.

SPEAKER_02: 1:01:30

Yeah. Sometimes it's easier to text.

SPEAKER_00: 1:01:32

I know, and that's why I don't want to do it by text.

SPEAKER_02: 1:01:36

You want it to be difficult.

SPEAKER_00: 1:01:38

I want it feels more honest to do it face to face.

SPEAKER_02: 1:01:41

I guess so.

SPEAKER_00: 1:01:43

That's what I that's my Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:01:45

Um I also think it depends on the situation.

SPEAKER_00: 1:01:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:01:48

Like small bad news, like, oh, I didn't get the job that I really, really wanted.

SPEAKER_00: 1:01:53

Yeah, that that's okay.

SPEAKER_02: 1:01:56

I have good news though that I can tell you face to face that I've been waiting to tell you. Okay. Uh I meant to tell you earlier in the recording, but I can tell you now because I remembered.

SPEAKER_00: 1:02:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_02: 1:02:08

I believe I am eligible to apply for the film program that I've been looking at in Stockholm.

SPEAKER_00: 1:02:15

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02: 1:02:16

So uh I'm gonna apply at some point in my life, and it starts in August. We'll see if I get it.

SPEAKER_00: 1:02:23

That's cool.

SPEAKER_02: 1:02:24

Yeah. And in the meantime, I'm going to take other classes so that I'm not just sitting around and doing nothing until then. Um, my uh uh what is it? Career counselor, whatever you want to call her.

SPEAKER_00: 1:02:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:02:40

She wants me to take uh like social studies.

SPEAKER_00: 1:02:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_02: 1:02:45

Because I've taken social studies, but in the States. So like a Swedish version.

SPEAKER_00: 1:02:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_02: 1:02:49

So that could be, I don't know, maybe interesting, but I'm not really that interested. She also wants me to take math too. And over the summer, I was gonna take uh leadership and organization. Oh. And then it's gonna be August.

SPEAKER_00: 1:03:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:03:07

So we'll see if I get in.

SPEAKER_00: 1:03:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:03:09

How cool would that be?

SPEAKER_00: 1:03:10

That would be really cool.

SPEAKER_02: 1:03:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:03:11

And then when you start with the film and everything, you have to invite me to the set.

SPEAKER_02: 1:03:17

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 1:03:17

Good. That's a deal.

SPEAKER_02: 1:03:19

Yes. Alright. Sorry. That wasn't bad news, it was good news.

SPEAKER_00: 1:03:22

That's good news.

SPEAKER_02: 1:03:23

That I told you to your face. Because I've been waiting this whole time to tell you.

SPEAKER_00: 1:03:27

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02: 1:03:27

You're welcome.

SPEAKER_00: 1:03:28

So, yeah, delivering it via the wrong medium. Breakup by text, lay off by slack.

SPEAKER_02: 1:03:36

Huh?

SPEAKER_00: 1:03:36

I don't know what Layoff by Slack. Layoff by Slack.

SPEAKER_02: 1:03:40

I mean, layoff would be letting someone go from their job. Yeah. So like just, oh, maybe what my job is doing to me and just cutting my hours and being like, we'll call you when we need you.

SPEAKER_00: 1:03:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:03:53

I think that's what it means.

SPEAKER_00: 1:03:54

Okay. Yeah. There's not like an app or something called Slack.

SPEAKER_02: 1:03:59

There's a lot of it.

SPEAKER_00: 1:04:00

Because it says Slack with a big S. So I just Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:04:05

Okay. Yeah, that's what we used to use uh in campus. Okay. Because I was campus Slacker. Remember that? And I never got my I n I never got my name tag.

SPEAKER_00: 1:04:15

No.

SPEAKER_02: 1:04:16

I'm still man. Not that anyone can do anything about it now.

SPEAKER_00: 1:04:19

No. I can ask.

SPEAKER_02: 1:04:21

I still deserve my name tag.

SPEAKER_00: 1:04:23

Yeah. How funny would that be?

SPEAKER_02: 1:04:25

Yeah. Hey, can you make a name tag for Lauren?

SPEAKER_00: 1:04:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:04:28

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_00: 1:04:30

Um or sensitive feedback by email.

SPEAKER_02: 1:04:34

Yeah, um, we're gonna talk about this one situation that happened at work where you were uh misbehaving and someone didn't like the way that you were talking to them, even if you were joking but they really didn't like it, they are going to uh sue you, just so you know, just a heads up before you get any papers. And um we're also gonna cut your hours so that you don't have to work with this guy that much.

SPEAKER_00: 1:05:04

Wow, this was really specific.

SPEAKER_02: 1:05:06

It was very specific.

SPEAKER_00: 1:05:07

Uh for a reason?

SPEAKER_02: 1:05:10

No, no, actually, it wasn't that specific. I I just came up with it off the top of my head. Oh, yeah, yeah, sure, sure. I'm not getting cut because of a situation, it's because uh sales. Oh, yeah, is what they said. I don't recall ever doing anything bad ever.

SPEAKER_00: 1:05:28

Yes. I believe you.

SPEAKER_02: 1:05:29

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00: 1:05:32

Uh number nine. Blaming policy, timing, or vague forces. It's just how things are.

SPEAKER_02: 1:05:41

That's just how we do things around here.

SPEAKER_00: 1:05:43

Yeah. Or my hands are tied.

SPEAKER_02: 1:05:45

Nothing I can do about it.

SPEAKER_00: 1:05:46

No.

SPEAKER_02: 1:05:47

Uh it's the higher ups who are making this decision.

SPEAKER_00: 1:05:50

Mm-hmm. Yeah. If I had any say, it wouldn't be like this, but you know.

SPEAKER_02: 1:05:56

That's just how it is. And that's why I have to rob your bank.

SPEAKER_00: 1:06:00

Yeah. My manager.

SPEAKER_02: 1:06:02

My manager, my bank robber manager told me that I had to do this.

SPEAKER_00: 1:06:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:06:08

Uh the mom bus.

SPEAKER_00: 1:06:09

Yeah, I need to fill my quota.

SPEAKER_02: 1:06:11

Yeah. I'm up to five banks this month.

SPEAKER_00: 1:06:15

Number ten.

SPEAKER_02: 1:06:16

Yes.

SPEAKER_00: 1:06:17

Bank number ten.

SPEAKER_02: 1:06:18

Bank number ten.

SPEAKER_00: 1:06:20

Rushing away immediately afterwards.

SPEAKER_02: 1:06:24

I really have to go. Bye.

SPEAKER_00: 1:06:25

Yeah, that's uh the example.

SPEAKER_02: 1:06:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:06:28

Yeah. Good luck.

SPEAKER_02: 1:06:29

Good luck. Goodbye. Um, uh, I got your girlfriend pregnant. Sorry, I have to go by. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's my example. Thank you for listening. And uh let's let's go to the next point.

SPEAKER_00: 1:06:46

Sounded very specific.

SPEAKER_02: 1:06:47

No. I've done this before. That was based off of a life experience. I had to tell my friend that I got their girlfriend pregnant. Also, sorry, and I'm late for work. Goodbye.

SPEAKER_00: 1:07:01

Yeah. Number 11. Yeah. Acting surprised by their reaction.

SPEAKER_02: 1:07:08

Oh my god, why would you get upset about that?

SPEAKER_00: 1:07:11

I th uh I didn't think you'd take it this hard.

SPEAKER_02: 1:07:15

I trusted you.

SPEAKER_00: 1:07:16

I didn't think I I didn't think you'd take it this hard.

SPEAKER_02: 1:07:20

I was expecting softer. It's not a competition. The smallest, you know. Yeah. Anyway. Or softest. I'm softer.

SPEAKER_00: 1:07:31

Smallest bank.

SPEAKER_02: 1:07:32

Smallest bank. The soft bank. Bank of clouds.

SPEAKER_00: 1:07:36

Number 12?

SPEAKER_02: 1:07:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:07:38

Pretending it's not a big deal.

SPEAKER_02: 1:07:41

Well, it's not. No. I just got your girlfriend pregnant. What?

SPEAKER_00: 1:07:44

You'll get over it.

SPEAKER_02: 1:07:46

You couldn't do it yourself.

SPEAKER_00: 1:07:47

It's not that serious.

SPEAKER_02: 1:07:48

That's mean. It's not a big deal. I I did you a favor.

SPEAKER_00: 1:07:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:07:54

Just because you couldn't get her pregnant, what?

SPEAKER_00: 1:07:57

You're welcome.

SPEAKER_02: 1:07:58

You're welcome. I did you a huge favor.

SPEAKER_00: 1:08:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:08:01

Why are you upset?

SPEAKER_00: 1:08:03

Now you can take care of it. Yeah. Now you have something to take care of. Something to do with your life.

SPEAKER_02: 1:08:10

Maybe you can quit your job as a bank robber.

SPEAKER_00: 1:08:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:08:14

Full-time job. Put that on your resume. Yeah. Full-time bank robber for 15 years.

SPEAKER_00: 1:08:22

Yeah. So those were the worst ways to tell someone bad news.

SPEAKER_02: 1:08:28

Okay. I'm gonna keep putting trigger warnings in here because I I feel like the pregnancy thing was uh was sensitive. I'm gonna give the trigger warning after the triggers.

SPEAKER_00: 1:08:39

Oh yeah, yeah. That's good.

SPEAKER_02: 1:08:40

I feel like that's appropriate.

SPEAKER_00: 1:08:42

That's how it should be. Yeah. It's like with the spoiler warnings too. Yeah. We give them afterwards.

SPEAKER_02: 1:08:48

Yeah. Also, spoiler alert. Sorry. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:08:51

Spoiler alert. Yeah. Uh yeah. And uh then you asked appropriate ways to respond to bad news.

SPEAKER_02: 1:09:01

Yes. If you give me bad news, I want to know how I should respond. That's not dramatic or like underplaying, you know, hiding it. I am a hider, I think. Am I wrong? If I get bad news, I I want to process it.

SPEAKER_00: 1:09:20

Yeah, I feel you get very quiet.

SPEAKER_02: 1:09:23

Yeah. I'm processing, and it does take me a long time to process.

SPEAKER_00: 1:09:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:09:28

Um, but I feel like the only time I snap is when like it's like an immediate reaction to someone yelling at me. Yeah. That's when I would overreact. But if I'm given bad news, then I uh I might shut down a little bit just to like process what's going on and think it through and what's next.

SPEAKER_00: 1:09:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:09:48

How do you take bad news?

SPEAKER_00: 1:09:51

What would you say?

SPEAKER_02: 1:09:52

You shut down and get mad instead, I think.

SPEAKER_00: 1:09:56

Maybe.

SPEAKER_02: 1:09:56

If it's like really inconvenient for you, whatever the bad news is, yeah. Then I think you get quiet, but you get m you get upset.

SPEAKER_00: 1:10:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:10:06

I don't know if And then you don't really talk it through until later.

SPEAKER_00: 1:10:11

Yeah. I don't know if I get I get upset probably, yeah. Uh could be uh taken as mad, but I don't think it's mostly upsets upsetting for me. I I I'm not really mad. I yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_02: 1:10:27

Like a disappointment. Yeah. I guess depending on whatever it is.

SPEAKER_00: 1:10:31

Yeah, that's true. Number one.

SPEAKER_02: 1:10:34

The the ways I'm supposed to respond. Yes. Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 1:10:38

Number one. When you're shocked or need time. Okay, so examples are I wasn't expecting that. Uh I need a moment to process.

SPEAKER_02: 1:10:47

Okay, so you have to say that out loud. Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 1:10:51

Or you can say, can I take some time and come back to this?

SPEAKER_02: 1:10:56

That should be okay, right? I think so. Alright. And then what?

SPEAKER_00: 1:11:00

Number two. When you're hurt or disappointed. Uh examples. That's really disappointing to hear. Or I'm feeling pretty hurt by this.

SPEAKER_02: 1:11:10

Oh.

SPEAKER_00: 1:11:12

You know, that ball to my face.

SPEAKER_02: 1:11:15

I'm really disappointed about this.

SPEAKER_00: 1:11:18

I it hurt me.

SPEAKER_02: 1:11:20

It hurt. I've been shot.

SPEAKER_00: 1:11:22

And it hurt me.

SPEAKER_02: 1:11:24

I'm really disappointed. I was hoping it would go better.

SPEAKER_00: 1:11:27

Yeah. Can I take some time and come back to this?

SPEAKER_02: 1:11:31

I don't have time for this bullet wound right now.

SPEAKER_00: 1:11:34

No. I have a I have a bag to rob.

SPEAKER_02: 1:11:38

I do. I have things to do. My day is fully booked, and this was inconvenient for me.

SPEAKER_00: 1:11:45

So let's talk about it later.

SPEAKER_02: 1:11:47

We're gonna talk about this later. I'm gonna tell you about how I didn't like it. Getting shot.

SPEAKER_00: 1:11:53

Yeah. Okay. Number three, this is this sounds like me. Uh, when you don't understand.

SPEAKER_02: 1:12:00

Okay. I won't get it. Yeah. What do you mean?

SPEAKER_00: 1:12:04

Can you help me to understand the reason?

SPEAKER_02: 1:12:06

Why you shot me?

SPEAKER_00: 1:12:08

Yeah. What led you to this decision?

SPEAKER_02: 1:12:12

Let's talk this out.

SPEAKER_00: 1:12:13

Yeah. Or but did you decide something? I would be more shocked about that. True. You made a decision. And this was it? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:12:25

You couldn't come up with anything else.

SPEAKER_00: 1:12:27

Oh my god. You're the worst at this. Uh yeah. I don't know. Number four.

SPEAKER_03: 1:12:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:12:36

When you're when you disagree but want to stay respectful. I see it differently, but I hear your position.

SPEAKER_02: 1:12:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 1:12:45

Or I don't agree, though I appreciate the honesty.

SPEAKER_02: 1:12:49

That you want to shoot me.

SPEAKER_00: 1:12:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:12:51

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 1:12:51

I don't agree with it, but.

SPEAKER_02: 1:12:53

I don't think it's a good idea, but I I kinda see your point of view.

SPEAKER_00: 1:12:58

I implore you to reconsider.

SPEAKER_02: 1:13:01

I'd rather you didn't.

SPEAKER_00: 1:13:03

Number five. When emotions are high.

SPEAKER_02: 1:13:07

Which in this situation I feel like they usually are.

SPEAKER_00: 1:13:10

Yeah. With me.

SPEAKER_02: 1:13:11

Usually.

SPEAKER_00: 1:13:12

Yeah. I don't want to say something I'll regret I'll regret. Uh can we pause?

SPEAKER_02: 1:13:18

For how long? How long do you need before we're gonna come back to this?

SPEAKER_00: 1:13:24

Let's take a break.

SPEAKER_02: 1:13:26

We'll be right back.

SPEAKER_00: 1:13:30

Uh so one minute, maybe.

SPEAKER_02: 1:13:33

Okay, but I've got a timer on. Yeah. In one minute, exactly. You better start talking.

SPEAKER_00: 1:13:39

Another example.

SPEAKER_02: 1:13:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 1:13:41

I need to step away and come back later.

SPEAKER_02: 1:13:44

I like that one. That's also one that I like to do. But I also really enjoy the idea of skipping the comeback later and just leave.

SPEAKER_03: 1:13:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:13:55

And not go back to it. Because I uh I like to avoid the conflict, I think. Despite what you might think about me, I don't like conflict and I will avoid things to the best of my ability. Wow. Do you disagree? No, no. Because I believe that my behavior with you and my life partner has been a lot of avoiding conflict or potential. Like this could go wrong. So I'm just, I'm not gonna do this, and I'm gonna be really careful about what I say. Yeah. Doesn't sound about right?

SPEAKER_00: 1:14:37

Maybe. Alright. But I also think about this one. Uh I need to step away and come back later. If you want to come back later and you don't wanna you wanna shorten it, you can say, I'll be back.

SPEAKER_02: 1:14:51

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 1:14:52

Someone gives you bad news, I'll be back.

SPEAKER_02: 1:14:55

I'll be back. And then when you come back, you say, I'm back.

SPEAKER_00: 1:14:58

Yeah. With uh shortening sunglasses on.

SPEAKER_02: 1:15:02

Right. I'll be back. And then come back with your sunglasses on. I'm back.

SPEAKER_00: 1:15:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:15:07

Um, okay, I have something to say about this one because this has happened to me that I've said I want some alone time. We'll come back to this later. And then the other person will chase me down and try to talk it out right then and there when I need the time to process and sort out my thoughts and feelings.

SPEAKER_00: 1:15:28

Now I'm um um is that person me?

SPEAKER_02: 1:15:31

No. No, no, no, because you're opposite. You zoom away as quick as possible and be like, yes, we will get back to this later. Just I also need to sort out my thoughts and feelings. Um but I believe that I've also been that other person that will chase you down and be like, no, I don't want to go to bed upset with you. I want to talk about this before I go to bed so that I don't wake up still upset with you or that you're still upset with me. Because usually our arguments are late at night, you you know, when we're recording.

SPEAKER_00: 1:16:07

Yeah. Yeah, okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:16:09

I I By the way, subscribe to Roasty Toasty Ghosty and listen to the leftovers so you can get all of this amazing content of us arguing over stupid things.

SPEAKER_00: 1:16:22

Yeah, yeah, it happens, but it's not that often. But uh It's gotten better.

SPEAKER_02: 1:16:27

It used to be really bad. We're okay.

SPEAKER_00: 1:16:30

We're okay, I think. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Uh from my side, we're okay.

SPEAKER_02: 1:16:36

At the moment, I can't think of anything. Good.

SPEAKER_00: 1:16:39

Number six.

SPEAKER_02: 1:16:40

If I really think about it though, I'm sure I can come up with something. But but there was that one time uh earlier today you did say something and I I didn't like it. Anyway.

SPEAKER_00: 1:16:56

I'll be back.

SPEAKER_02: 1:16:59

I'm back.

SPEAKER_00: 1:17:01

I need to find my sunglasses. Number six.

SPEAKER_02: 1:17:05

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 1:17:06

When you accept the outcome, uh even if you don't like it.

SPEAKER_02: 1:17:11

Oh, that's what I'm supposed to do. Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 1:17:14

I'm disappointed, but I understand. I don't love this, but I appreciate you telling me directly.

SPEAKER_02: 1:17:21

I don't love this.

SPEAKER_00: 1:17:22

No. I love other things than this.

SPEAKER_02: 1:17:25

This is not one of the things that I love.

SPEAKER_00: 1:17:27

No, not even not my top ten of things that I love.

SPEAKER_02: 1:17:31

No, this would not land on that list.

SPEAKER_00: 1:17:33

No. Not even. Not even top ten.

SPEAKER_02: 1:17:37

Not even top 100, I think.

SPEAKER_00: 1:17:39

No.

SPEAKER_02: 1:17:39

Maybe top 500. But I have to make this list. I have to write it out so that I know exactly where it lands. I think it would land on number 374.

SPEAKER_00: 1:17:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:17:53

Yeah. Out of my top favorite situations. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:17:58

That I love. Yeah. Yeah. This bad news happened on my top 500. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:18:10

Right there, that's where it ended up.

SPEAKER_00: 1:18:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:18:12

Alright.

SPEAKER_00: 1:18:14

Uh uh did that. Number seven, when you want next steps, what are what are yes. What what are the options from here?

SPEAKER_02: 1:18:27

I like that one. That's usually uh what I ask at the end of interviews. Okay. Like, all right, what's next? What am I supposed to expect after this?

SPEAKER_00: 1:18:36

So you treat interviews as bad news.

SPEAKER_02: 1:18:40

I had to show up in person.

SPEAKER_00: 1:18:42

You just accept uh or expect them to not want to use.

SPEAKER_02: 1:18:47

Yeah, yeah. I just assume that they're not gonna hire me. So what's the next step after this?

SPEAKER_00: 1:18:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:18:53

Are you gonna tell me if I don't get the job, or do I just have to assume after like an hour?

SPEAKER_00: 1:18:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:19:00

Yeah, I didn't get it. Okay. How quick is your decision making?

SPEAKER_00: 1:19:04

Yeah, like ten minutes later. Okay, I didn't get it.

SPEAKER_02: 1:19:07

I guess I didn't get it. Um Imagine having that short of like Patience. Patience. Yeah, after ten minutes. Oh, well, didn't get the job. Oh, guess I have cancer, and no one answered me. I'm just assuming I might as well go tell my family.

SPEAKER_03: 1:19:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:19:26

I I don't know how to tell you guys this, but after two minutes of pause, I don't I I think I have cancer. Yeah. And um trigger warning. Yeah. So you know. Yeah. After the fact.

SPEAKER_00: 1:19:39

Um and uh That guy shouldn't be a doctor.

SPEAKER_02: 1:19:43

You really shouldn't be a doctor.

SPEAKER_00: 1:19:45

He can't even tell me the bad news.

SPEAKER_02: 1:19:47

No. I had to assume the bad news myself. What do we do after this? Uh just assume I'm gonna die soon. I'm giving myself three months.

SPEAKER_00: 1:19:57

Yeah. I'm gonna lay in my bed for three months.

SPEAKER_02: 1:20:01

And you guys have to feed me. Yep. And I'm gonna pull out my hair. And oh my goodness. Sorry. Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 1:20:07

Maybe we can go. No. Okay.

SPEAKER_02: 1:20:12

I mean, with bad news comes bad situations. It should be the expectation we bring up bad things.

SPEAKER_00: 1:20:19

Yeah. Yeah. Uh we'll see what I keep.

SPEAKER_02: 1:20:22

If this is offensive, I'm sorry, but it's also life, and it's not really something to joke about, but sometimes you have to joke about things.

SPEAKER_00: 1:20:30

Yeah. You yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:20:32

I mean, what's like the worst thing that you that can happen to you? Some people would say it's death, and we j joke about that all the time.

SPEAKER_00: 1:20:38

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:20:39

I think it's not always the worst thing that could happen to you.

SPEAKER_00: 1:20:41

No. Uh I think that uh death is probably one of the funniest uh you know uh uh topics uh you can have.

SPEAKER_02: 1:20:52

Sometimes. Depending on the situation.

SPEAKER_00: 1:20:55

Usually what makes me laugh the most is something about death. For some reason, I I find death fun.

SPEAKER_02: 1:21:05

Dark humor.

SPEAKER_00: 1:21:06

It's what we got. Yeah. Oh well. Number eight.

SPEAKER_02: 1:21:10

Oh well.

SPEAKER_00: 1:21:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:21:13

Not much to do about that.

SPEAKER_00: 1:21:14

No. Uh, we're all heading there. Uh number eight. When the the when the delivery was bad.

SPEAKER_02: 1:21:22

Oh, childbirth.

SPEAKER_00: 1:21:24

Oh yeah. Uh so this is what it's a boy. Yeah, so this is what you're supposed to say at childbirth.

SPEAKER_02: 1:21:36

Afterwards, I think. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:21:38

Okay. Afterwards. Uh I wish this had been communicated differently.

SPEAKER_02: 1:21:45

I wish we could have done this differently.

SPEAKER_00: 1:21:47

Yeah, less screaming.

SPEAKER_02: 1:21:48

Uh, yeah. Uh actually I never actually I I never screamed during childbirth.

SPEAKER_00: 1:21:55

Maybe the the kids.

SPEAKER_02: 1:21:56

They screamed. Yeah. But I tried to keep everything inside because I didn't want to be one of those people who screamed.

SPEAKER_00: 1:22:04

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02: 1:22:05

I tried to keep my babies inside. That's why they were all uh late.

SPEAKER_00: 1:22:09

Yeah. You didn't overdue. You didn't want uh people to be bothered with the screams or right.

SPEAKER_02: 1:22:16

And I don't I didn't want people to see me naked.

SPEAKER_00: 1:22:19

No, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:22:20

That too. Yeah. I wasn't at like my top peak of uh attractiveness at the time, so I didn't really want to when they're super pregnant. I wasn't one of them.

SPEAKER_00: 1:22:32

No, okay.

SPEAKER_02: 1:22:33

And uh not super fit. I looked like a balloon.

SPEAKER_00: 1:22:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_02: 1:22:37

And I just wasn't attractive.

SPEAKER_00: 1:22:39

Uh.

SPEAKER_02: 1:22:40

I was fat.

SPEAKER_00: 1:22:41

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02: 1:22:42

Really fat.

SPEAKER_00: 1:22:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:22:44

And then I never really stopped.

SPEAKER_00: 1:22:49

And here we are.

SPEAKER_02: 1:22:51

I take up the majority of this room.

SPEAKER_00: 1:22:54

No, you're not.

SPEAKER_02: 1:22:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 1:22:56

Um so here's another thing you can say at after childbirth. Okay. The timing made this the timing made this harder to hear.

SPEAKER_02: 1:23:08

Mm. Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 1:23:10

When the delivery was bad.

SPEAKER_02: 1:23:12

Okay. Is it because you're deaf from the screaming? Or maybe the timing is difficult to make me hear. Okay, nice.

SPEAKER_00: 1:23:21

Number nine. When you're too upset to be constructive. Did I say constructive?

SPEAKER_02: 1:23:28

Constructive?

SPEAKER_00: 1:23:28

Yeah, I did it. Yeah. I did it too.

SPEAKER_02: 1:23:30

You did it.

SPEAKER_00: 1:23:31

Um what was it? When you're too upset to be constructive.

SPEAKER_02: 1:23:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 1:23:36

Uh I don't have a response right now. Response right now.

SPEAKER_02: 1:23:41

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 1:23:42

Uh I'm not ready to talk about this. That's okay. So yeah. Let's skip this one.

SPEAKER_02: 1:23:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 1:23:49

No, the the those words.

SPEAKER_02: 1:23:51

That was the example. Because my bad news situation that I thought of before you said this was that I like speaking of the weight issue, like I gained 10 kilos. Yeah. And then you say, I don't know how to talk about this right now. Or whatever you said.

SPEAKER_00: 1:24:10

Yeah, uh, I don't have a response right now.

SPEAKER_02: 1:24:12

I don't have a response. I don't even know what to tell you.

SPEAKER_00: 1:24:15

I'm not ready to talk about this.

unknown: 1:24:17

No.

SPEAKER_00: 1:24:18

I'm not ready to talk about your weight.

SPEAKER_02: 1:24:20

No. Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 1:24:22

Let's wait.

SPEAKER_02: 1:24:23

Well, ha. Okay. Okay. Talk about this another time. When you're prepared to talk about my weight. Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 1:24:31

Number 10?

SPEAKER_02: 1:24:32

Yeah. Kilos.

SPEAKER_00: 1:24:33

Yeah, number 10 kilos.

SPEAKER_02: 1:24:35

Alright.

SPEAKER_00: 1:24:36

When you want to protect the relationship.

SPEAKER_02: 1:24:41

Over my weight.

SPEAKER_00: 1:24:44

Um.

SPEAKER_02: 1:24:45

I really care about you, but I gained 10 kilos.

SPEAKER_00: 1:24:48

Yeah. I'm I'm upset, but I don't want to damage our relationship.

SPEAKER_02: 1:24:57

Over my weight. I'm upset that you gained weight, but I don't really want to damage our relationship. So I'm not gonna say much more about it.

SPEAKER_00: 1:25:06

Nope. But you are breaking shares.

SPEAKER_02: 1:25:10

Yeah. You pop the yoga ball.

SPEAKER_00: 1:25:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:25:14

You don't really have anywhere to sit anymore.

SPEAKER_00: 1:25:17

No. We only have one chair right now.

SPEAKER_02: 1:25:20

Yeah. You're gonna have to start standing.

SPEAKER_00: 1:25:23

Um, you can also say, I care about staying on good terms.

SPEAKER_02: 1:25:29

That's why you shouldn't make notes about my weight.

SPEAKER_00: 1:25:32

Okay. Good to know.

SPEAKER_02: 1:25:34

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00: 1:25:35

I'm gonna write that down.

SPEAKER_02: 1:25:37

Alright.

SPEAKER_00: 1:25:38

Yeah, those were the the ten points of that one.

SPEAKER_02: 1:25:43

Alright. But what about the opposite? What are the worst ways to respond to bad news? And this is the last one.

SPEAKER_00: 1:25:50

Number one. Immediate explosion.

SPEAKER_02: 1:25:53

Boom.

SPEAKER_00: 1:25:54

Yeah. Uh yelling, swearing, crying uncontrollably. Uncontrollably.

SPEAKER_02: 1:26:00

Uncontrollably.

SPEAKER_00: 1:26:01

Yeah. Uncontrollably at the person storming out.

SPEAKER_02: 1:26:06

I feel like that's pretty bad. That's a bit dramatic.

SPEAKER_00: 1:26:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:26:09

Have I ever done that? I don't think I've done that.

SPEAKER_00: 1:26:12

No.

SPEAKER_02: 1:26:12

Good. Uh I hope I don't do that ever.

SPEAKER_00: 1:26:15

No. No, you you're m you're more shutting down. Maybe.

SPEAKER_02: 1:26:21

I don't think I've ever yelled at you.

SPEAKER_00: 1:26:23

No?

SPEAKER_02: 1:26:24

Have I ever yelled at you?

SPEAKER_00: 1:26:25

Just for comedic effect, I think.

SPEAKER_02: 1:26:28

Okay. Yeah, I don't think I've like seriously yelled at you, like in an angry tone.

SPEAKER_00: 1:26:34

No, maybe not. Not that I remember.

SPEAKER_02: 1:26:36

Okay, good. Let's keep it that way.

SPEAKER_00: 1:26:38

Two. Two. Personal attacks. You're incompetent. I'm incontinent. Yep. This says a lot about the kind of person you are.

SPEAKER_02: 1:26:47

Oh, okay. That explains a lot.

SPEAKER_00: 1:26:49

Yeah. What do you mean? I don't know. Number three, oh, this is painful.

SPEAKER_02: 1:26:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 1:26:58

Total shutdown.

SPEAKER_02: 1:27:00

Oh, like not even I need to uh process.

SPEAKER_00: 1:27:04

Just yeah. Silent punishment.

SPEAKER_02: 1:27:07

Not good. Don't do it.

SPEAKER_00: 1:27:08

Crossed arms, no response, one word answer for weeks.

SPEAKER_02: 1:27:13

Oh, for weeks. Okay. Because you've done that, but not for weeks.

SPEAKER_00: 1:27:17

No. You also done that.

SPEAKER_02: 1:27:19

Yes.

SPEAKER_00: 1:27:20

So yeah, we're bad at that.

SPEAKER_02: 1:27:22

Yep.

SPEAKER_00: 1:27:23

That's why it was painful, by the way.

SPEAKER_02: 1:27:25

Uh yeah, because you could uh uh relate.

SPEAKER_00: 1:27:29

Yeah. Number four. Knee jerk ultimatums.

SPEAKER_02: 1:27:33

Uh oh, okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 1:27:35

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02: 1:27:36

An ultimatum Yeah, I know what ultimatum, but knee jerk, I don't um I think that's just like uh like a serious ultimatum, just like on the spot kind of decision. Like you have to like make a decision, or I'm leaving you forever. I'm not even gonna think about it. I'm just gonna walk out the door and not come back.

SPEAKER_00: 1:27:57

Examples? If this is happening. How it's going to be, I'm done.

SPEAKER_02: 1:28:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:28:02

Or fix this or else.

SPEAKER_02: 1:28:04

Right. Yeah. Or else.

SPEAKER_00: 1:28:06

Yeah. Uh the thing that just threw me off was the knee jerk. I don't It was a weird word. Yeah, I I don't know what that is really. But I guess it's like uh a reflex.

SPEAKER_02: 1:28:18

Yeah. Right?

SPEAKER_00: 1:28:19

Yeah, yeah, I guess.

SPEAKER_02: 1:28:20

Because it's like when you do the reflex test, you like jerk your knee.

SPEAKER_00: 1:28:24

Okay. I'm guessing. That makes sense. That makes sense now. Cool. Number five. Denial or rewriting reality. That's not what happened. You're remembering it wrong.

SPEAKER_02: 1:28:37

That's gaslighting, I think.

SPEAKER_00: 1:28:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:28:40

I've heard that word and I feel like it's the same thing.

SPEAKER_00: 1:28:42

Yeah. We should watch that movie.

SPEAKER_02: 1:28:44

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00: 1:28:45

Gaslight.

SPEAKER_02: 1:28:46

Is that anything to do with Germans?

SPEAKER_00: 1:28:48

I don't know. I haven't seen it.

SPEAKER_02: 1:28:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 1:28:51

It's an old one. But I mean, since people are talking about gaslighting and everything, maybe we should see it.

SPEAKER_02: 1:28:58

See if it's accurate?

SPEAKER_00: 1:28:59

Yeah, to see what people are referring to.

SPEAKER_02: 1:29:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:29:03

Number six. Deflecting with blame. Deflecting?

SPEAKER_02: 1:29:08

Deflecting.

SPEAKER_00: 1:29:09

Deflecting with blame. Well, if you hadn't.

SPEAKER_02: 1:29:13

If you hadn't done that, then I wouldn't have done this.

SPEAKER_00: 1:29:17

This wouldn't have happened if they had done their job.

SPEAKER_02: 1:29:20

Right. You forced me to do this.

SPEAKER_00: 1:29:23

Yeah, it's your fault. It's not my fault. Number seven. Overintellectualizing.

SPEAKER_02: 1:29:29

Yeah. Overintellectualizing.

SPEAKER_00: 1:29:31

Over-intellectualizing uh overintellectualizing to avoid feeling. Turning it uh into a debate, spreadsheet, or philosophy lecture.

SPEAKER_02: 1:29:44

I have a five-page long list of why you're wrong.

SPEAKER_00: 1:29:50

Yeah. I believe it.

SPEAKER_02: 1:29:51

Yeah. Yeah. Uh in alphabetical order.

SPEAKER_00: 1:29:55

Okay, cool. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:30:02

I'm gonna send it in the mail, in a letter. Yeah. I'm gonna print it out and you can put it on your wall.

SPEAKER_00: 1:30:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:30:08

So that you're reminded of all the reasons why I had to do this to you.

unknown: 1:30:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:30:14

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_02: 1:30:15

And also why it's your fault.

SPEAKER_00: 1:30:16

Yeah. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02: 1:30:17

You're welcome. Just making it clear.

SPEAKER_00: 1:30:19

Number eight. Playing the victim competitively. One more time. Playing the victim competitively.

SPEAKER_02: 1:30:27

Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:30:28

Yay! This is the worst thing anyone's ever done to me.

SPEAKER_02: 1:30:32

That is dramatic. Oh yeah. No one has ever been so mean to me ever in my life like you are right now.

SPEAKER_00: 1:30:41

Hmm. Yeah. It it sounds like a precedent or something.

SPEAKER_02: 1:30:47

Everyone's so mean to me. No one would ever I would never do that to anyone else.

SPEAKER_00: 1:30:52

You're like the worst.

SPEAKER_02: 1:30:54

The worst.

SPEAKER_00: 1:30:56

I always get screwed.

SPEAKER_02: 1:30:58

Is that a bad thing?

SPEAKER_00: 1:30:59

I don't that was my question, too.

SPEAKER_02: 1:31:02

Oh my god, I get screwed all the time, and it's like so annoying. Just like, stop.

SPEAKER_00: 1:31:08

I need a rest.

SPEAKER_02: 1:31:09

I'm exhausted. Everyone's screwing me all the time. Give me a break, man. Two minutes.

SPEAKER_00: 1:31:18

Yeah. Nine. Nine. Nine? Nine. German.

SPEAKER_02: 1:31:24

Nine.

SPEAKER_00: 1:31:24

That means no. Right. No means no.

SPEAKER_02: 1:31:28

That's that's correct.

SPEAKER_00: 1:31:30

Nine. No. Fake acceptance.

SPEAKER_02: 1:31:35

Alright.

SPEAKER_00: 1:31:35

It's fine, whatever.

SPEAKER_02: 1:31:37

Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 1:31:38

And then doing forever.

SPEAKER_02: 1:31:40

Making soup.

SPEAKER_00: 1:31:41

Yeah. Forever.

SPEAKER_02: 1:31:42

For the rest of your life.

SPEAKER_00: 1:31:43

Yeah. Number 10.

SPEAKER_02: 1:31:45

That's all I ever eat now is soup.

SPEAKER_00: 1:31:48

Yep. I have no teeth.

SPEAKER_02: 1:31:49

I just accepted my fate and soup.

SPEAKER_00: 1:31:53

Yeah. Number 10.

SPEAKER_02: 1:31:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 1:31:55

Immediate revenge or retaliation.

SPEAKER_02: 1:31:58

Oh yeah. Oh, that's my favorite. Revenge.

SPEAKER_00: 1:32:01

Sending angry emails, subtweeting, gossiping.

SPEAKER_02: 1:32:04

Stealing the car.

SPEAKER_00: 1:32:06

Quitting the spot.

SPEAKER_02: 1:32:07

The spot. Or on the spot?

SPEAKER_00: 1:32:09

On the uh yeah, quitting on the spot. Yeah. Quitting on the spot.

SPEAKER_02: 1:32:14

Robbing their bank.

SPEAKER_00: 1:32:15

And yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:32:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:32:16

Then quit.

SPEAKER_02: 1:32:17

I quit my job. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:32:20

I quit this uh bank robbing job.

SPEAKER_02: 1:32:22

Yeah. Well, I mean, if someone did something mean to you, it could be like somewhat mean. And then you go all revenge and steal all the money from their bank and make them go out of business. Or whatever happens after banks get robbed. That's revenge. Right? Yeah. Because then it's like you have no money left. Whatcha gonna do? And then they have to go off and rob banks because they have no money. And be like, this is all because that guy robbed my bank.

SPEAKER_00: 1:32:53

Yeah, and you uh who robbed the bank now uh have money so you can start a bank.

SPEAKER_02: 1:33:00

Right. And then deny them like whatever membership or whatever, an account.

SPEAKER_00: 1:33:07

Yeah, loans, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:33:09

Everything. Just deny, deny. And you're the only bank in town now. So they have to like go to the next country and be like, can I please open a bank account? They'll be like, okay, what's the problem? You're like, that other guy robbed my bank and then wouldn't let me open an account at their new bank. So now I have to be over here and open an account here. And my life is so difficult, and I don't even know your language. So life is hard.

SPEAKER_03: 1:33:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:33:35

Now I have to rob banks. Yeah. So I'm really sorry you made me do this.

SPEAKER_00: 1:33:40

Yeah, and you don't understand a word I'm saying.

SPEAKER_02: 1:33:44

Like, why are you here? Like, I have to rob your bank.

SPEAKER_00: 1:33:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:33:48

What are you saying? I'm going to rob your bank. Give me money. Like, I don't understand.

SPEAKER_00: 1:33:54

And if you lose your job and uh get the this bank out of, I don't know, what what did you say? Bankruptcy or huh. Fun a funny word. Uh then you can go to the other place that I was before and rob that guy.

SPEAKER_02: 1:34:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:34:11

And then it's a vicious circle.

SPEAKER_02: 1:34:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:34:14

The circle of banks.

SPEAKER_02: 1:34:16

Viciousness.

SPEAKER_00: 1:34:18

The circle of banks. Okay. Uh number 11. Demanding instant fixes or apologies.

SPEAKER_02: 1:34:28

Fix this now.

SPEAKER_00: 1:34:29

Yes. Apologize.

SPEAKER_02: 1:34:31

Say sorry.

SPEAKER_00: 1:34:32

So what are you going to do right now?

SPEAKER_02: 1:34:35

What are you gonna do about it?

SPEAKER_00: 1:34:36

Nothing.

SPEAKER_02: 1:34:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 1:34:37

Rubber bank.

SPEAKER_02: 1:34:38

Alright. I got your girlfriend pregnant. Say sorry.

SPEAKER_00: 1:34:44

Apologize. What are you gonna do about it? Rubber bank.

SPEAKER_02: 1:34:50

I guess I feel like I have no other options. I wouldn't have done this if you didn't do this to me.

SPEAKER_00: 1:34:58

Yeah. I need to support a family now.

SPEAKER_02: 1:35:01

Yep.

SPEAKER_00: 1:35:02

I don't know. Uh number 12. Making it a public spectacle.

SPEAKER_02: 1:35:07

Oh that's dirty laundry, right? Like put your business out on Facebook.

SPEAKER_00: 1:35:12

Oh, okay. That's what dirty laundry is. Okay.

SPEAKER_02: 1:35:15

Yeah. It's like bad gossip. Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 1:35:19

Looping in others, venting online, or confronting in front of people.

SPEAKER_02: 1:35:25

Yes. I'm gonna make a speech live on Facebook about all the drama that's going on in my life right now. I'm also gonna admit that I've robbed banks.

SPEAKER_00: 1:35:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:35:36

And I got someone else's girlfriend pregnant and impressive though. Yeah. Yeah. At the same time.

SPEAKER_00: 1:35:43

So that's that.

SPEAKER_02: 1:35:44

Oh, that was it.

SPEAKER_00: 1:35:45

That was it. Um, so how do you feel?

SPEAKER_02: 1:35:49

I feel good. Yeah. I feel like that's that's covered everything.

SPEAKER_00: 1:35:54

I think so too.

SPEAKER_02: 1:35:55

Are we all out of sips?

SPEAKER_00: 1:35:56

Soon.

SPEAKER_02: 1:35:57

Well then, as we're nearing the end of this episode, please tell me what is ruining your life.

SPEAKER_00: 1:36:02

Oh yeah, my my hands. Yes. They're so dry. They they crack. Or I mean uh the skins. Yeah, the skin cracks. Uh I I had to to have band-aids on my fingers this week at work because I started bleeding.

SPEAKER_02: 1:36:21

Everywhere. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:36:23

And we're working with books, and bloody books aren't good things.

SPEAKER_02: 1:36:27

They don't sell very well.

SPEAKER_00: 1:36:29

No. So yeah. Uh not good. I don't uh I don't like my hands. And they hurt. And also I broke uh a nail today. That's not nice. That's also part of my hand, so so yeah, my hands are ruining my life.

SPEAKER_02: 1:36:44

Need to do something about that.

SPEAKER_00: 1:36:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:36:46

I I have you been using lotion or anything?

SPEAKER_00: 1:36:50

I was gonna yesterday before bed, but I didn't find the tube. Okay, what's ruining your life?

SPEAKER_02: 1:36:58

My body hurts, and I'm never comfortable due to this sickness. So it kind of makes me sad. Yeah. There's also a spot on my glasses I can't get off. Yeah. Apparently. But that's not relevant. That's all.

SPEAKER_00: 1:37:15

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_02: 1:37:15

Are you out of sips now?

SPEAKER_00: 1:37:17

Uh I'm out of sips and we're out of episode.

SPEAKER_02: 1:37:20

Would you like to wrap this up?

SPEAKER_00: 1:37:22

Let's wrap it up.

SPEAKER_02: 1:37:23

Alright. Thank you for listening to this episode. I have a question though. What did we learn today?

SPEAKER_00: 1:37:28

We did actually learn something, I think. Or did we?

SPEAKER_02: 1:37:32

We did. I believe uh get to the point. Just say the thing.

SPEAKER_00: 1:37:37

Yeah. And uh you shouldn't knock other people's girlfriends and robbing banks.

SPEAKER_02: 1:37:44

That's a good one.

SPEAKER_00: 1:37:45

Yeah, don't do that.

SPEAKER_02: 1:37:47

That's a good thing to take from this episode.

SPEAKER_00: 1:37:49

Yeah. Stop that.

SPEAKER_02: 1:37:51

Just don't. If you ever consider it, just don't.

SPEAKER_00: 1:37:54

Doesn't end well.

SPEAKER_02: 1:37:55

No, I guess not. Alright, well, thank you for listening to this episode. It was fun and educational for once. And uh we'll be back next week, next Tuesday, with a brand new episode.

SPEAKER_03: 1:38:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:38:10

This one's 166.

SPEAKER_03: 1:38:12

Oh.

SPEAKER_02: 1:38:13

So only five episodes 500 episodes to go. Only five more episodes.

SPEAKER_03: 1:38:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:38:19

So we'll be back next week, and that's all. Actually, I do have a question for the people. Send us a text or send us some comments or something, and tell me about some really bad news you've had to deliver. And how did that go?

SPEAKER_00: 1:38:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:38:40

Also, what was the worst news that you've received? Is also something.

SPEAKER_00: 1:38:46

Yeah. Tell us if you did any of these uh examples that we how'd that go for you? Well, was it one of the good or bad?

SPEAKER_02: 1:38:55

Yeah. And we will read it on next week's episode.

SPEAKER_00: 1:39:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:39:00

So we'll be back then. Have a good nice life, I guess.

SPEAKER_00: 1:39:04

Yes. And until next time.

SPEAKER_02: 1:39:07

Goodbye.

SPEAKER_00: 1:39:07

Bye-bye.

SPEAKER_02: 1:39:08

Thank you for listening to the Roasty Toasty Ghosty Podcast.

SPEAKER_00: 1:39:12

If you kinda liked our episode, follow us on the social medias. We are on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube at Roasty Toasty Ghosty Pod.

SPEAKER_02: 1:39:22

And Twitch at Roasty Toasty Ghosty Podcast, where we play live Man Lives every month.

SPEAKER_00: 1:39:27

Consider supporting us on Buzzsprout, where you can find deleted content and our entire movie night lists.

SPEAKER_02: 1:39:35

We hope you enjoyed this episode just as we enjoyed making it.

SPEAKER_00: 1:39:39

And we'll be back with another one next Tuesday on a podcast provider near you.

SPEAKER_02: 1:39:44

Goodbye, Matthias.

SPEAKER_00: 1:39:45

Goodbye, Lauren.