Roasty Toasty Ghosty

#167: Don't Execute Your Children

• Lauren & Mattias • Episode 167

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In which Lauren & Mattias teach how to raise children with ADHD and/or autism. They review their recent movie night films and discuss various topics such as the majority of us wanting to leave and choosing what food to wear.

Content:

  • Opening
    • Party
  • Weekly check in
    • Robot vacuums
  • Movie on!
    •  The Waterboy
    • Get Carter
  • Intermission
  • How to raise children with ADHD and/or autism
    • How to survive school mornings
    • Difference between kids being kids & kids on the spectrum
  • Wrap up
  • What's ruining our lives

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Beginning music - Energetic Prog Rock from AdobeStock
Intermission & ending music - Marshmallow Overload by Avocado Junkie

The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred.
Neither hosts are scientists or historians and all content displayed is strictly for entertainment purposes only. Simply put, not a single word spoken in this podcast is or should be taken seriously.

No ghosties were harmed in the making of this podcast.

SPEAKER_00:

In a world where everything is unscripted, this is roasty, toasty, roasty.

SPEAKER_03:

Are you ready?

SPEAKER_00:

I'm as ready as I can be.

SPEAKER_03:

Alright, let's um ramble a little bit. Okay. For a second.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, we haven't rambled enough.

SPEAKER_03:

No, but this is like the the the after ramble? After the ramble. Okay. The after ramble after the ramble.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay. This is like the after talk, you know, where the after party. Yeah, the commentaries. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

After you've got like the pre-party, and then you've got the after party after the pre-party. Okay. And then you've got the actual party.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, we'll get there.

SPEAKER_03:

Eventually.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. But we usually don't have an after party, you know. After after the party.

SPEAKER_03:

No. Sometimes, but it's not that often. Well, because a lot of us just want to leave.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, we usually. Yeah, a lot of us.

SPEAKER_03:

The majority of us want to leave.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

This is a party that no one really wants to be at. We're all just trying to get out.

SPEAKER_00:

The majority of two people.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Which is like at least one and a half of us. Like, I kind of want to go, but this is kind of fun then at the same time. So I don't know.

SPEAKER_00:

I have want to leave.

SPEAKER_03:

Alright, well, let's open this up then.

unknown:

Oh.

SPEAKER_03:

So close. Yeah. It's not quite.

SPEAKER_00:

No.

SPEAKER_03:

Let's not sleep tonight.

SPEAKER_00:

No.

SPEAKER_03:

You know what? I'm sorry. I want things to like flow a little bit better because it feels like I've got all these like sticky notes and they're all over the place. I just want to put them in order. Okay?

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

So that it just goes smoothly. Like puzzle pieces.

SPEAKER_00:

Sticky notes in your head? Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Not physical.

SPEAKER_00:

No.

SPEAKER_03:

The ones behind my glasses. Oh. The ones that I see here. Okay. My my fancy glasses.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Do I have one on me?

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, it's it's sticking out of the mouth of your face. Oh, yeah. Your forehead mouth.

SPEAKER_00:

Hey, you forehead mouth.

SPEAKER_03:

Yo. Forehead mouth. Alright. Hello and welcome to Roasty Toasty Ghosty, the podcast in which you will learn nothing at all. Because that's where that part is supposed to go.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03:

My name is Lauren.

SPEAKER_00:

And I am Matias.

SPEAKER_03:

And we're gonna be your besties for the next hour or so.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Better, right? Yeah. You put the pizzas together and it's it's all good.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, almost sound professional.

SPEAKER_03:

Almost. We're working on it. Yeah, we'll get it 167 episodes later, and we kind of have an intro.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

If only we could get to it a little bit quicker.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and I don't think we're ever gonna remember to do it like that again.

SPEAKER_03:

No, but I'd like to.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_03:

We've been doing this for like three years.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

That's cool. Anyway.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

A couple months later, just hit me. We've been doing this for like three years. We've had a three-year episode.

SPEAKER_00:

We yeah, we had one.

SPEAKER_03:

We did. Yeah. That one time.

SPEAKER_00:

I remember that.

SPEAKER_03:

When we celebrated three years. Yeah. That was cool.

SPEAKER_00:

I remember it like it was a few months ago.

SPEAKER_03:

Like it was three years ago.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. So we're on our sixth year?

SPEAKER_03:

No, it's only been three years.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03:

It was deja vu. Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, so like the first episode, I'm like, we've been doing this for three years.

SPEAKER_03:

We've been doing this for three years. But are we gonna learn something today? I believe we are going to be saving lives today. This is the episode in which we're gonna save someone's life.

SPEAKER_00:

That's cool.

SPEAKER_03:

It'll be your turn next week.

SPEAKER_00:

My life.

SPEAKER_03:

Your life. We'll save your life next week.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

You're welcome. In advance.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, this week I'm doomed.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, you've got a week to stress.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

And uh you do. You're gonna be freaking out all week. Trust me. Okay. It's fun. It's all a fun game.

SPEAKER_00:

Awesome.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. It's gonna be a thrill. The time of your life.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Is that dirty dancing?

SPEAKER_00:

I believe so.

SPEAKER_03:

You're gonna be doing that all week.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm gonna be Patrick Swayze.

SPEAKER_03:

Dirty dancing.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, lifting gals left and right.

SPEAKER_03:

Yep. Throwing them away.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. And uh tell people that you don't put baby in a corner.

SPEAKER_03:

And then you throw them in the corner.

SPEAKER_00:

You don't. I do.

SPEAKER_03:

No one said you could do this.

SPEAKER_00:

That's my job.

SPEAKER_03:

Matias. Yes. Was your week super boring?

SPEAKER_00:

Kinda, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Cool.

SPEAKER_00:

How was your week?

SPEAKER_03:

My week. I don't know. I feel like things are a little hectic right now. I have been picking up a lot of uh slack at home. Okay. A lot of things.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

And then putting them down and putting them back where they belong.

SPEAKER_00:

Uh for some reason I thought you would say, I've been picking up a lot of kids. That too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Pick them up and put them back down. Somewhere else where they're supposed to be.

SPEAKER_00:

Just yours or other people's?

SPEAKER_03:

Uh both yeah, yeah. Other people's as well. That's my job.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_03:

That's that's my favorite job.

SPEAKER_00:

Uh yeah, that's bullying kids.

SPEAKER_03:

Bullying kids, telling them to do better, and uh throwing them.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Uh a highlight of my week would be well, I had something. Oh yeah. We got a new robot vacuum.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Which is I'm an adult. This is the highlight of my week.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

I got a new toy. Um, it's it's a black lady, and her name is Janice Moplin. Yeah. And I am giving you this right here. This is back damn. My my white man vacuum.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

For a white man. That's Hume. And he's gonna get some surgery, some transplants done, and then he's all yours.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Which is fitting because it's kind of a funny story. You did buy him.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I did.

SPEAKER_03:

It was a funny misunderstanding, I think. Because I think, well, when I asked you for money to buy this robot vacuum, the white one, I think I was like half joking, half not joking. Like, I'm okay either way if you buy this for me.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

And you ended up doing it.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

And then it became a a big drama fast here. And uh, well, we all got used to it.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

And I think that um he will serve you well.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, good.

SPEAKER_03:

The robot vacuum that you bought.

SPEAKER_00:

Thank you. You're welcome. You tested him.

SPEAKER_03:

I did for a while, and I used up his parts.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay, so sorry. This is not what I meant. I used up backdam's parts, and they have to be replaced. It's that bad.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Needs some surgery.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, yeah. Uh transplant.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Okay, so I can get a white male.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And I am a white male. And you have a black lady, but you're not a black lady.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm not.

SPEAKER_00:

No. That's observation.

SPEAKER_03:

I don't like how this feels saying that I have a black lady cleaning things for me.

SPEAKER_00:

No, that's not good.

SPEAKER_03:

She's not a real woman.

SPEAKER_00:

It is she doesn't get paid.

SPEAKER_03:

A robot with a female voice, and she happened to be black colored. Yeah. I didn't I didn't decide that.

SPEAKER_00:

She doesn't get paid.

SPEAKER_03:

She doesn't get paid.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh no.

SPEAKER_03:

She does get water though.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, that's nice.

SPEAKER_03:

She drinks water. Uh, and then she mops.

SPEAKER_00:

So. Yeah. Black cleaning lady.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. And she wipes it up after herself.

SPEAKER_00:

A black cleaning lady that doesn't get paid. Great. That sounds good.

SPEAKER_03:

She gets water though.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

What more could she want?

SPEAKER_00:

I don't know. I hope you'll be happy with your black lady.

SPEAKER_03:

So far, I'm satisfied. Yes. Good. I've had her for a few days now, and I'm happy. Good. Today is Friday. It is. Today is February 6th. February 6th. Fabu Baby is that month where we can't pronounce the month. Fabo Baby.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

6.

SPEAKER_00:

It's a difficult month to say, and that's my month. Yeah. Why do I have to be born in the most difficult month?

SPEAKER_03:

It's a short month and it's difficult to pronounce the month.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. I mean, there's a lot of things that are difficult this month. The weather is also kind of difficult because it's usually snowy and chilly.

SPEAKER_03:

It's been negative degrees Celsius all week. Again. Sick child knows that it's cold due to experience.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

But refuses to dress better in the morning. So yeah. And I think I'm gonna bring this up later. Okay. As well.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Because my week has been difficult parenting-wise.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

My point was is that is February 6th.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_03:

2026.

SPEAKER_00:

That's also true.

SPEAKER_03:

Crazy that it's been a new year.

SPEAKER_00:

It was a while ago, but it didn't feel like New Year's. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_03:

I saw one firework.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I didn't even see it.

SPEAKER_03:

It didn't even I mean, that's usually how you know. It's New Year's. Yeah. And that like didn't even happen, so it didn't it hasn't processed in my head that it's been a new year. Anyway, we watched movies.

SPEAKER_00:

We did.

SPEAKER_03:

Would you like to move on?

SPEAKER_00:

Let's move on.

SPEAKER_03:

Alright. Uh tonight we watched The Waterboy and Mm Mr. Carter. Jack.

SPEAKER_00:

Get Carter. Yeah. Carter Carter. Car Carter.

SPEAKER_03:

Get Carter. Get Carter. And so you can tell me about The Waterboy.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay. So this movie stars Adam Sandler. And uh other people are also in this one. Like Henry Winkler and Kathy Bates and Rob Schneider and other people. Did I miss someone?

SPEAKER_03:

Todd Holland.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Whoever that is.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

But he was there.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, he was. We looked him up.

SPEAKER_03:

We didn't.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

He didn't have a picture on IMDB, though. So I'm assuming nobody really knows who he is.

SPEAKER_00:

No, I guess not.

SPEAKER_03:

Shout out to that guy.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. This movie is directed by Frank Karazzi. Oh fun fact.

SPEAKER_03:

I don't know how you say it. No. But uh he directed Around the World in 80 Days. I bet you did not know that.

SPEAKER_00:

I did not. I'm not a movie nerd or anything like that.

SPEAKER_03:

You did know.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, yes, I did.

SPEAKER_03:

I I recognized his name.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, that's good.

SPEAKER_03:

I get something there.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Very cool.

SPEAKER_03:

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00:

So this movie is about American football. Again.

SPEAKER_03:

Woo! Football.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. The second week in a row.

SPEAKER_03:

Yep.

SPEAKER_00:

With the Adam Sandler playing football.

SPEAKER_03:

How many more Adam Sandler football movies are there?

SPEAKER_00:

I don't I don't think there are more, but I'm not sure. Okay. Either. But not that I know of. Alright. In this movie, he's a water boy and he likes water. His mom is very overprotective. She doesn't like him doing anything. She just wants him to be with her all the time.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm not I'm not smiling. I'm not laughing or anything.

SPEAKER_00:

No, that's good. You shouldn't laugh at that.

SPEAKER_03:

No, no, no, no, no. It's very, very serious. Should be taken seriously.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Uh okay, so he should have listened to last week's episode because he did not tell bad news in a good way, I would say. Probably not. Because he kind of just screamed at her and threw it all right in her face.

SPEAKER_03:

That's what we specifically said not to do.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

That's right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

So yeah, it didn't go over too well. He also likes a girl and then he starts playing uh American football because he uh gets mad at people and tackles them and the coach like that. Um yeah, that's kind of what the movie's about. I don't know. D did I miss anything?

SPEAKER_03:

No, it sounds pretty good.

SPEAKER_00:

What did you think about this movie?

SPEAKER_03:

I like this movie. It's Adam Sandler. So I I like a lot of his movies. I like uh his style and his humor.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. I yeah, most of the time.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

And uh yeah. It was a good movie. I liked it. I've never seen it before. Okay. Which is crazy because I like Adam Sandler. And I mean, I I probably have seen like clips or something if it was playing on TV or something. I might have seen a little bit. But yeah, not the entire thing. What about you?

SPEAKER_00:

Uh I do like this movie. I also have a little bit of a problem with his voice. You know, the thing he does with that talking like that. You know, it's just a nitpick. I I still think the movie's really funny and all, you know, but uh it's just that voice is just a little bit annoying and uh a little bit forced.

SPEAKER_03:

A little exaggerated, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, that too. So yeah, but that's maybe just me.

SPEAKER_03:

Still like I don't think it's just you.

SPEAKER_00:

No, no. But I mean between the two of us, maybe. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay. Yeah. Anything else?

SPEAKER_00:

I don't think I have anything else. But I I did like the movie.

SPEAKER_03:

Good. Alright.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Do you want me to tell you about Get Carter? Yeah. That's what it is. Alright, then I'm gonna tell you. Yeah. Right. This is a movie with Stallone. I didn't recognize any of the other people, so but he was there. And he is somewhat of a detective.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

It's like a mystery story. Someone killed his brother, and he's looking for revenge, and he's gotta figure out who it was and why. Um and he beats up some bad guys.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

And stuff like that.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Yeah. That's that's my bad summary.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

What did you think about the movie?

SPEAKER_00:

I have to say that I think it's an okay movie.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't love it.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh what don't you love?

SPEAKER_00:

Uh the editing.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Because I mean, I don't really like the way uh it shifts at uh certain points and the jump cuts like in a scene he's there and then he's not, and you know, the it's like can't it's it's like they cut between him standing here and then there. Like uh can't you just show him walking there? Or is it for saving time? Is it well I I don't understand the but I feel like this is a thing with the early 2000s movies. That's why I don't I'm not a big fan of the uh 2000s, you know, at the beginning of 2000. I don't know uh w what people were thinking back then, because I'm I'm like uh I don't really like that style. Also, it's kind of dark.

SPEAKER_03:

It's a dark movie. It's I mean the theme is pretty dark.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah, that's true. But I mean that's okay. I I don't mind that as much. It's the editing that bothers me. Some things I didn't really understand what happened. You know, the guy he was fighting on the dance floor. What happened to that guy after that? Because that's the last we see of him, I think. I thought he would be like a bad guy and then then it's like okay, he knocked him down.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00:

In a way it was a letdown. But I guess the movie is okay anyway. I I don't know. What did you think about this movie?

SPEAKER_03:

I also wanted to bring up the editing because I thought that it re represented uh the mood pretty well.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh, because that's kind of like that shaky feeling. That's kind of how I feel when like I have high adrenaline when I'm like doing something that I wouldn't normally do.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Like, I don't know, uh, possibly start conflict.

SPEAKER_00:

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03:

Just not something I usually would do. But if I feel like it's necessary not necessary, necessary, ne necessary, then I'll do it. But that's kind of like the shaky feeling that I would get.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

And like vision kind of goes a little weird.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

But um visually, for someone who's not actually going through those emotions, I can imagine it's or I mean, like, no, I I saw it as well that it was like really weird.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

But I I could relate to the editing.

SPEAKER_00:

So you like the editing?

SPEAKER_03:

I can relate.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

But it it is a little weird for the eyes. Yeah. Yeah. And the the cutting as well is I I agree with you on that part.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. And also, I mean, when you mention the shaky cam, I think the shaky cam is one of the worst things they did for film. I I never liked shaky cam on film.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And uh yeah, especially in like action scenes and stuff. Because I want to see what's happening. That's that's why I like Jackie Chang, because he he shows clearly, everything is clear, you know, see exactly what's happening. But this in the action scenes I I I didn't have a problem, but uh it was more like uh other scenes.

SPEAKER_03:

I guess it worked well with uh I mean uh Shaky Cam uh uh when he got really angry and like the his heart is pounding and everything, like he he's gonna destroy someone.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Yeah. Um Michael Cain is in this movie.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, I guess so.

SPEAKER_00:

It was in Victory from last week.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Mm-hmm. That was that.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm gonna say I like the movie though.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay. You liked it better than me, I guess.

SPEAKER_03:

I think so. Yeah, I think I missed the beginning a little bit, so I started off like what's going on. But yeah, yeah, it was good.

SPEAKER_00:

Also, it kind of reminded me of Payback with Mel Gibson, the movie where he's shot by the guy he's working with. They steal some money and he wants his what is it like$72,000 back. He I mean I feel like uh he's out for revenge. It's also this dark filter to the movie as well. And I I felt like it it feels like they wanna make another payback.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. But it was uh uh it's a remake.

SPEAKER_00:

Remake. Yeah, of a movie from 1971 with Michael Caine in lead role, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_00:

So he has a supporting role in this one, yeah. But kind of fun that they bring back the guy from the original.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, is that all? Yeah, all right. Would you like to take a break?

SPEAKER_00:

Let's take a break.

SPEAKER_03:

We'll be right back.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes. We're back. We're back. Hello.

SPEAKER_03:

Hello, how are you doing?

SPEAKER_00:

How are you doing? No, no, I'm I I'm just copying you. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm I'm I don't like when people do that.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, I'm sorry. Uh I'm doing well.

SPEAKER_03:

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00:

How are you?

SPEAKER_03:

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00:

You're welcome.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm good. I'm better than last week.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

And now you're getting worse.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm worse than last week, but uh I don't think I'm getting worse. I think I had my worst.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

I hope so, at least.

SPEAKER_03:

Um, I went to my first workout yesterday. It's been a while since I've done any exercise.

SPEAKER_00:

Workout.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, I went and did some strength in group training.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

And uh I felt it all night.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

And all day.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. So it's time to get back on that.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. I did some heavy liftings last weekend. And I felt that during the week, like at least uh Monday and Tuesday. And that tells you how often I do. Strength.

SPEAKER_03:

We're gonna get back to it though.

SPEAKER_00:

The heavy lifting?

SPEAKER_03:

Uh at least some exercising.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah, I think we are.

SPEAKER_03:

I feel it coming. Yeah. This this is our year. We cannot repeat last year. We have to get back to wherever we were the year before that. Yeah, we can then do better.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, we kind of screwed it up, you know. The end. Well being uh in the states really well that didn't help.

SPEAKER_03:

No, that uh not like we were making a huge effort throughout the year.

SPEAKER_00:

No, no. Anyway. But you know, the states trip that's uh what it skyrocketed everything. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

We needed somewhere to start.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I mean we need to get fat before we can lose the fat.

SPEAKER_03:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

We need more weight so we can lose more.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Alright. Anyway.

SPEAKER_00:

Let's go with that.

SPEAKER_03:

Transition.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm gonna tell you that my week has been hectic. Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Because I I mentioned before that I've been carrying a lot of the weight of the house for the past, I don't know, few weeks.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh yeah, and you can feel that in your muscles.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh yeah, I'm so sore.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, you're lifting the house.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Every day.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. It's exhausting. And I've gotten to the point where every single morning I want to cry. Okay. It's it's like it's bad. Especially when when certain mornings I feel like everything's going really well. I'm doing everything great. And the way that I'm communicating with my kids to get them ready to go to school has been like amazing. And they're cooperating. And then there's that one moment when we need to get everyone out the door and uh that mood snaps.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

And uh everything melts down.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, you want the you know, what's going on up to that point to it continue that way.

SPEAKER_03:

Right, exactly. All the way out through the door and to the school.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

From my door to the school door. Yeah. Is where I want everything to go really well. Yeah. But it hasn't gone well once.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay. When they're there, you then they can have the meltdowns and everything.

SPEAKER_03:

I mean, I'd rather they didn't.

SPEAKER_00:

No, but it's not your problem.

SPEAKER_03:

No, but they're also not with me. Because I'm their safe place where they feel like they can have the meltdown, which is awful for me.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh I mean, I'm glad that I'm their safe space, but I also need a safe space.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Um, so we have a heavy topic this week. Okay. It's been a while since we've gotten serious about anything.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and we're both heavy, so Right.

SPEAKER_03:

Let's go with that. Let's go with a heavy subject.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Um, today I want to talk about advice on how to care for a child with mental, what would you call them? Like not disabilities, right?

SPEAKER_00:

Uh.

SPEAKER_03:

And maybe not a disorder either. I don't know what to call it.

SPEAKER_02:

Uh.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh spectrum. Mental spectrum. I'm talking ADHD and or autism. Because I'm not going to label my kids, but I feel like these two things might be, you know, misting around them.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

You know? One, two, or both.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm not gonna be specific here. No. But I'm pretty sure that one of them has ADHD, maybe a little autism. Just a slight bit.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Another one of them is like, oddly enough, the more normal one out of the three. Some ADHD though. But surprisingly, more normal. And then the other one is like, there's a lot of autism buzzing around this one. Okay. That I'm noticing.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm not s being specific about which is which though.

SPEAKER_00:

No, but I I'm not even sure what's what those stands for. I don't know what what's uh how you can tell.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm gonna answer that for you.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, because I don't know anything.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay. Anything.

SPEAKER_00:

No, I know nothing. No, that's not movies, so I don't know.

SPEAKER_03:

No, no. Okay. Alright, so what I'm talking about here. So ADHD is uh it doesn't say what it stands for, but it's a brain difference that affects attention, impulse control, and energy regulation, often showing up as distractability, restlessness, forgetfulness, or acting before thinking. Autism is a brain difference that affects how a person experiences communication, sensory input, and social understanding, often involving sensory sensitivity, difficulty with social cues, and a strong need for predictability. Both can include emotional overwhelm, trouble with transitions, intense focus on interests, and behavior that looks like not listening when the brain is overloaded. Neither is caused by bad parenting, and both are lifelong neurodevelopmental differences, not illnesses to be fixed. Uh right.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

So I'm not saying there's a problem with my kids.

SPEAKER_00:

No.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm saying that this is something that I need to learn to deal with. Yeah. And uh the correct way.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, it's like a difficulty.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

In a way. Yeah, it can make things more difficult.

SPEAKER_03:

So that's what we're doing. Let's see. What was I saying? Alright, so advice on how to care for these children.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay. Uh, mindset. We're gonna talk about mindset.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Number one. And of course, everything is brought to you by open eyes.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh that should be assumed by now. Yeah. But I feel like I need to uh put out my resources.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Because it's a resource, I guess.

SPEAKER_00:

I guess.

SPEAKER_03:

Sure. Number one, behavior is communication. If a child isn't listening, melting down, or acting defiant, assume this first. They are overwhelmed, they don't understand the expectation, or they don't have the skills yet to comply in that moment. This refrains discipline from how do I stop this to what is this telling me? Yeah. Number two.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Connection comes before correction. A dysregulated brain cannot absorb instructions. Before teaching, correcting, or disciplining, check, are they calm enough to hear me? And do they feel do they feel safe with me right now? If not, regulation comes first. Words come later. I want to throw this in too. Um, it's really difficult. Just everything.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm just gonna say that everything is difficult.

SPEAKER_00:

End of sentence.

SPEAKER_03:

That's all. No, I mean, they're kids, right? And they're not supposed to be attentive and listen and do anything, right?

SPEAKER_02:

No, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

So it's really it's difficult to uh talk about this without like uh just assuming that they have these what disorders.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

I mean, what's the difference between kids being kids and kids who are on a spectrum? Is really what I'm trying to say.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I understand. I I don't know. Um it's difficult to say.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm adding this to my questions. Okay. Kids being the treadmill. What's the difference between kids being kids and kids being on the treadmill? All right, all right, all right. No, I'm gonna move on. Uh that that's for later.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay, so how to talk so they actually can hear you.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

This is very important. Listen up.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Listen, Lauren. Keep language clear, concrete, and short. Many neurodivergent kids struggle with processing speed and abstract language. So instead of saying, can you please calm down and behave appropriately? We spent like two weeks together, right? How many times did I say something similar to this? Can you please calm down?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Behave. We're at a restaurant.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Calm on.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, but I think I did I tried. Oh yeah, okay. The kids you're talking about.

SPEAKER_03:

Matthias, calm down. So instead of saying that, try feet on the floor, hands to yourself.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, would that really help that much?

SPEAKER_03:

I'm gonna I'm questioning this.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, because I feel like No. Yeah, I I feel like you said something along those lines too, and uh it didn't really help. So No.

SPEAKER_03:

I I'm gonna say no.

SPEAKER_00:

No. Because you it's like you can look with your eyeballs. Right, not your hands. No, exactly.

SPEAKER_03:

Because at least one. At least, I'm not limiting, but I'm saying at least one of my children has a very hard time looking with their eyeballs. Their hands must be included.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

But on the other hand, I'm almost the same. Okay. Which is what I hate about being a parent, is that I am telling them to stop doing things that I do myself.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, so it's like you're telling yourself.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. I mean, I say stop touching everything, and yet every time I go through a clothing store, I have to touch everything. Yeah. I t I touch everything in the clothes store.

SPEAKER_00:

And I mean, the kids take after you.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

They see what you do, they do what you do.

SPEAKER_03:

I know.

SPEAKER_00:

So maybe that's also part of the problem.

SPEAKER_03:

Maybe I should quit smoking. I was wondering why they started. No, I don't smoke, but it was a funny example. I'm trying to be funny. Anyway, continuing. Uh say what you want, not just what you don't. Oh, okay. So don't just say stop or don't do that. I I was thinking more like I want ice cream. I don't want broccoli.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, so don't touch that. I want ice cream.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Hey, we need to get out. I want ice cream.

SPEAKER_03:

Hey, we've had these situations before. Yeah. We need to get cake. We're all leaving this super fun amusement park. We're getting cake.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Because I want cake.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay, so instead of saying don't run, don't run, don't do that, say walk.

SPEAKER_00:

Walk.

SPEAKER_03:

Walk. Walk. Instead of stop yelling, say use a quiet voice.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Same tone. Yeah. Quiet voice.

SPEAKER_00:

Adam San Little.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, that quiet voice. Give one instruction at a time. Multi-step commands often vanish mid-air. So don't say go clean your room, brush your teeth, and get your pajamas on, because that's a list. Uh say first pajamas, next brush teeth.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

And tone matters more than words. Don't use your Adam Sandler voice. They won't get it. Like, I don't think it's funny. Many autistic and ADHD children are exquisitely sensitive to tone. So calm voice is equal to safety. Sharp or rushed voice is a threat, even if the words are polite.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Please still up.

SPEAKER_00:

I mean, if that's a threat, shouldn't they stop them?

SPEAKER_03:

No, they break down or they shut down.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

The either one.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I I feel like even if you say that, I think they would still continue. I mean, if they do something bad, I I don't really feel like they would stop it.

SPEAKER_03:

Maybe I should try to switch it out with a calm voice either way.

SPEAKER_00:

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

I don't know. No. How to increase listening without power struggles. Drop the paper. That's point one. Yeah. If you're holding paper, drop it.

SPEAKER_00:

Drop all the papers. All the papers. Important.

SPEAKER_03:

Very important papers.

SPEAKER_00:

On the floor. Yeah. I meant it was important to drop the papers.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, you need to focus on other things right now. Not these papers.

SPEAKER_00:

Important papers.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh get their attention before speaking.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

I usually do this with loud noises. Okay. Clapping or slamming my hand on the table.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay. I was thinking dance.

SPEAKER_03:

Bands?

SPEAKER_00:

Dance.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, dance.

SPEAKER_00:

You dance for them and then you.

SPEAKER_03:

And then they say, stop, Mom, you're so embarrassing.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, now I got your attention. Listen to me.

SPEAKER_03:

Um so don't speak into the void. You say their name, get eye level, if possible. Alright.

SPEAKER_00:

Hold on. It it depends on which one we're talking about.

SPEAKER_03:

I have one who is easier than the other two.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh one who is like three stories taller than me. And the other one I have to get on my hands and knees, pretty much. Yeah. So I can't talk to all of them at once unless they're all sitting. Um okay. And then after your eye level, you're at eye level.

SPEAKER_00:

After your eye level.

SPEAKER_03:

Wait for a response. Wait for a response like yes or a nod. No response means no processing.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

So unless you're me, and my non-response is more like slow processing.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Use predictability like a superpower. Unexpected transitions are hard. Helpful tools are visual schedules. I've tried that. Nobody looks. Countdown warnings. Five minutes, then clean up. After five minutes, it's like, I didn't even know there was five minutes. Or that went so fast. I'm not ready.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Consistent routines. Still a breakdown every time we say it's time for bed. It's the same routine every single day.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Like morning and evening, it's the same and still it we act like we've never done this before. Okay. But according to open eyes, predictability lowers anxiety and lowers and anxiety. Anxiety.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Literally, it I'm gonna read you the sentence as it's as it is written. Predictability lowers anxiety and lower anxiety increases cooperation. Okay, well that made more sense when I finished the sentence.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Turns out you have to finish the sentence before you can actually realize what it means. Yeah, before judging. You're right. I'm an early judger.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Offer choices, but real ones. Choice gives a sense of control without chaos. Do you want to put on shoes first or jacket first? Avoid fake choices, like do you want to clean up now? If the answer can't truly be no. Alright, cool. Motivate through interest, not pressure. ADHD brains run on interest and urgency, not importance. So turn tasks into games. Cool, now we're playing, and we're gonna take even longer.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Use timers or races against the clock.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Maybe Does that work?

SPEAKER_00:

Do you think that would work?

SPEAKER_03:

I don't know. Well, maybe.

SPEAKER_00:

It sounds like maybe could.

SPEAKER_03:

I think I might test that. Because I know that there was one point I would count down from 10 to see how fast Sick Child could do something. I don't remember what it was, but that got the motivation going to go a little bit quicker.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Yeah, that could be a good strategy, actually.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm gonna I'm gonna consider it.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

After I re-listen to this and remember what I said.

SPEAKER_00:

Or forget about it.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh oh yeah. Tomorrow all of this is gonna be gone. This never happens. And then we listen again, and it's like, oh yeah, we were doing that. Um, okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Then you better listen again.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. You were right. I am going to forget all of this. Yeah. Uh link boring tasks to preferred ones. I don't even know what that means because I don't know what I was talking about.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh, but is it's not bribery, it's neuroscience. All right. Emotional regulation, the hidden foundation. Co-regulate before expecting self-regulation. I still don't know what I'm reading. Children borrow your calm until they can build their own. So sit with them, breathe slowly, and name the feeling. That was frustrating, for example.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

You are lending them your nervous system. So if they're having a hard time, you have to calm be calm with them and name the feeling. So then maybe they can identify their emotions later. Maybe.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Alright. Validate feelings without validating unsafe behavior. You can hold boundaries and empathy. I see you're angry. It's okay to be angry. It's not okay to hit. This teaches emotional literacy, not shame.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay. Now I know.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Good.

SPEAKER_00:

And I promise it's the last time now.

SPEAKER_03:

You've said that before.

unknown:

Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

So that decreases my trust in you.

SPEAKER_00:

But now I know better.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, well, you said that last time too. And you're gonna say it next time as well.

SPEAKER_02:

That's true.

SPEAKER_03:

Discipline! Woo! My favorite subject. I'm really bad at disciplining my kids.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm gonna tell you that. I know that uh in earlier stages of parenting, I wanted to discipline more, but uh the father of my children made me into a bad guy, and his family was on his side. So I had everyone against me when it came to disciplining my children.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay. Uh so then you're just no, I'm not gonna discipline.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, I don't know what like how much is too much. I also I just want to do things the right way, and I don't really know how to do that, especially with the more like emotional and complicated situations. You know, as they get older, especially with my oldest right now, I'm like, I don't even know what to do. I don't know how to take care of a teenager. No one taught me how to do this.

SPEAKER_02:

No.

SPEAKER_03:

I don't rem I mean like I try to think of like how I was as a teenager and how would I have taken care of me?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02:

No.

SPEAKER_03:

I wasn't shown any of this. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02:

No.

SPEAKER_03:

Anyway, uh, discipline that actually teaches. Focus on teaching skills, not punishing mistakes. Ask yourself, do they know how to do this? Can they do it when calm? And can they do it when overwhelmed? If the answer is no, it's a skill gap, not defiance. Okay. Natural consequences over lectures. Uh, they're supposed to be calm, immediate, and related to the behavior. Long explanations often overload and get tuned out. Yeah. Okay, that one I can relate to. I know one of my kids does that, just like tunes out everything when having a talk.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay. A talk. Doesn't really listen at all.

SPEAKER_03:

No, just like zones out, and you can definitely tell that they're zoning out. And then it's like, there's no point in even bothering.

SPEAKER_00:

That must be frustrating.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, yeah, definitely. Uh, let's see. What helps long-term, quietly, but powerfully? Consistent routines. Yeah, did that. Adequate sleep. I do that. I do my very best to get my kids to bed on time. Movement breaks. That's when they have to uh take a break from the screens.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, okay. To move.

SPEAKER_03:

To move. Yeah, okay. I believe so. I think that's what it means.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, I thought it was a break from moving.

SPEAKER_03:

Take a break from moving.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Sit down.

SPEAKER_00:

Sit down. Stop running around.

SPEAKER_03:

Maybe. It could be either way. Yeah. Depends on what kid you have.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, uh, depends on what they are doing.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, I mean, if they're running back and forth all day, then they need to take a movement break.

SPEAKER_00:

If you think they run too much, they need to sit down. If they sit down too much, they need to run.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, it's a balance.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Um sensory supports like headphones, fidget toys, and quiet spaces. Which I believe all of my kids have access to, all of them. Except for the boys who have to share a room. Which I'm hoping eventually we can resolve that. But I mean their spaces are divided as well as we could.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Given our living situation. Clear expectations. I'm pretty sure everyone is very aware of their expectations. They just choose to. Ignore them. And adults who stay regulated even when the child can't. Right. Alright.

SPEAKER_00:

I didn't really understand that.

SPEAKER_03:

Adults who pretty much can stay calm even when the child can't.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh yeah, level-headed, you know.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Alright.

SPEAKER_00:

So you need to be that.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

You need to be calm.

SPEAKER_03:

Right. How do I do that?

SPEAKER_00:

I don't know. Good luck. No.

SPEAKER_03:

Because I my daughter and I have this one thing in common where we react based on emotion instead of like thinking first. Like our reactions are very quick.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

So if I don't know, I've been nice all morning and then sick child decides to lay on the floor on top of his outside clothes instead of putting them on, I react quickly and I snap and be like, that's not okay. This isn't helpful right now. So it's very difficult for me to stay level-headed.

SPEAKER_00:

But I I feel like uh this isn't helpful right now, would be a good way to talk though.

SPEAKER_03:

You would think so. I don't think it gets through.

SPEAKER_00:

No, but wasn't that like uh an earlier thing? What how you could talk to kids?

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, maybe.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I feel like that was one of those, maybe. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03:

I don't know. I don't know. All right. My next question was help me survive mornings getting ready for school. Hopefully this will be more helpful.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

And I need to listen to this part. Rule number one: win the morning the night before. Uh do as much as humanly possible when brains are online. Because a nero neurodivergent brain wakes up like a computer from 1998. The dial tone. Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

So if you wanna use the internet, I guess.

SPEAKER_03:

Then you wake up a neurodividergent child. Okay. Right. You heard me.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I did.

SPEAKER_03:

So uh pick out clothes and place in one stack. These are this is a list of things to do the night before. So pick out the clothes, pack the backpack, uh, lunch decided or prepped, which uh we don't pack lunches here, but we pack snacks. And that has to be done day of because apple. Apple has to be cut in the morning.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

You know this.

SPEAKER_02:

I know.

SPEAKER_03:

You don't prep your apple the night before.

SPEAKER_02:

No.

SPEAKER_03:

No. Because then it's all brown in the next day when you're gonna eat it and like kind of dry on the outside. It's really weird. And then shoes and jacket in one predictable spot. Right. Mornings are for execution, not decisions. Uh yep.

SPEAKER_00:

That sounded dramatic. You shouldn't execute your kids.

SPEAKER_03:

Maybe not. I guess that's what we learned today. Do not execute your children.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Rule number two reduce the morning to a short visible checklist. Not in your head, not spoken, but visible. Think, thrink. What? Thrink.

SPEAKER_00:

Thrink.

SPEAKER_03:

Think three to five steps max. Bathroom, clothes, breakfast, teeth, shoes, and backpack. Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay. For younger kids or autistic kids, pictures help. For ADHD kids, fewer steps matter more than prettier charts.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

That makes sense. Okay. Alright. Alright. All right.

SPEAKER_00:

That makes sense.

SPEAKER_03:

I I've tried doing this before and I've had a child just completely ignore it. Oh my goodness. I'm gonna tell you something. I I make I I create this document. Very pretty. Colors, perfect font, everything, listing out all the things that need to be done. Put it right in front of the doorknob handle. You know, right. I tape it next to because you usually look at the door handle when you open it, I'm assuming. Or like kind of in eye view when leaving the bedroom.

SPEAKER_00:

You'd think.

SPEAKER_03:

You would think so. Or like even on the keyboard, because I'm assuming we wake up and go straight to the computer.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

It was completely ignored. Even on the keyboard, it was just thrown to the side. We don't look at these things, we ignore them. The one on the door, like I didn't even see it. Like, all right, fine. I do like making those documents though.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. I'm I'm just thinking, d don't you if someone would do that to me, I would be like, maybe I should read this because otherwise I'm probably gonna uh you know get in trouble for not reading it.

SPEAKER_03:

But it seems like Not everyone thinks the same.

SPEAKER_00:

No.

SPEAKER_03:

Alright.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Rule number three wake up is equal to regulation, not commands. So the first ten minutes decide everything. Avoid rapid instructions, bright lights immediately, hurry up. That's that's something I say a lot. Hurry up, let's go.

SPEAKER_00:

You're not supposed to say that.

SPEAKER_03:

I guess not. Alright, I've been told now. Try gentle voice, dim light first, physical grounding. So sitting nearby, light touch if welcome. And then one sentence. Good morning. Bathroom first. Uh you're booting a system, not starting a race. Alright. Rule number four use time anchors, not nagging. Because nagging doesn't motivate. It overwhelms. Well, I'm gonna tell you one thing. If you listened to me the first time, then I wouldn't be nagging, would I?

SPEAKER_02:

No.

SPEAKER_03:

If you just acted on what if you just do what I t tell you, which I'm gonna tell you that my daughter got told today by her dentist, you need to listen to your mom.

SPEAKER_02:

Wow.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Because I tell her every morning, every evening, gotta brush your teeth. And then she goes to the dentist, she's like, um, I don't really know how often I brush my teeth. Because she doesn't remember the last time she brushed her teeth before yesterday. Oh wow. Even though I tell her I do tell her, do this, and then I trust that she does it.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Because she's 10 years old.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

I would expect that she can handle it herself. But she ignores me. But today she got told off. Haha. That's what you get. Okay, so instead of overwhelming your children, use a visual timer or countdown clock, which we talked about, a music playlist with known length, or when this song ends, we move to breakfast, which I I have been using as well, because I've been getting sick child up in the morning. It's not an easy task, but I carry him to the living room and I put on uh the kids' channel, and then I say, Okay, well, after this show, it's time to go get breakfast. And sometimes it works, not always.

SPEAKER_02:

No, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Sometimes he's like, okay, and then goes and gets stressed or has breakfast or whatever. And sometimes it's like completely ignoring I'm gonna continue watching TV until I don't know. So yeah, there's them. Rule number five give choices, but only where it helps. So, like, some good choices would be blue shirt or a green shirt, toast or yogurt. Do you want to wear your toast or do you want to wear your yogurt?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Here's some bad choices.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Do you want to get dressed now? That's an obvious no. I don't want to get dressed right now. Are you ready to go? Doesn't look like I'm ready to go. I'm not ready to go. No. Uh if it must happen, don't phrase it like a question. So if I want to know if they're ready, how would I phrase that?

unknown:

I don't know.

SPEAKER_03:

You have to get ready right now is obviously not gonna work out so well.

SPEAKER_00:

No, no, I don't know. Let's play a game.

SPEAKER_03:

Alright.

SPEAKER_00:

That's what you're saying.

SPEAKER_03:

First one out the door gets to go to school. Everyone else is left at home. No, then no one's gonna go out the door.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh no, no, no. I'm terrible at this. Opposites?

SPEAKER_03:

Okay. Last one out the door has to walk.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Rule number six, because I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Break tasks into micro steps. Because get dressed is huge. So try underwear and shirt and then wait. Pants and weight and then socks. Okay. I don't know. I don't know. No. Yeah, um, whatever. Rule number seven, expect dic dicstruction. Sorry. Dick extraction.

SPEAKER_00:

Dickstraction?

SPEAKER_03:

Dretching. No. Uh-uh. Let me try that again. Rule number seven. Expect distraction and plan for it. I can't read this now. ADHD kids don't get distracted. Distraction finds them. I feel like that's an excuse. Prevent it by having no toys visible. Alright, throw them all away. Screens off until completely ready. One room at a time. Backpack stays by the door, not in the bedroom. Well, obviously. We don't do that. Uh remove temptation rather than fighting it.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Rule number eight. Feed first if hunger melts things down. Some kids cannot function on empty fuel. Even a small snack before full breakfast can help. Like a banana, crackers, smoothie, or a protein bite. Cool. A regulated blood sugar level does half the work for you. That might work for some people. Rule number nine use calm, boring repetition. Uh so say the same phrase every morning. Bathroom first, check the list, what's next? Same words, same tone, no speeches. Blah blah.

SPEAKER_00:

I feel like that wouldn't work.

SPEAKER_03:

No? It might kind of feel like nagging after a while, right? If you say the same things over and over again every day.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, not over and over again, but like the same thing every day.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_03:

I don't know. Rule number 10 have a morning exit plan. Decide in advance. What happens if we're late? I don't know. Be late. What gets skipped if time runs out? Getting dressed, I guess. They can go outside without jackets, without clothes. Yeah, well, that's what happens. For example, no teeth brushing lecture. Chew gum in the car. Sick child cannot chew gum. He's not allowed.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

And I don't think my dentist would like to hear that I let the kids chew gum instead of brushing their teeth because they feel like that's an option. Because if you do it once, the next day they're gonna be like, yeah, but yesterday.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, they're gonna be doing that all the time.

SPEAKER_03:

Every morning.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, never brushing their teeth again.

SPEAKER_03:

Right. So I'm I'm gonna go ahead and say, don't do that.

SPEAKER_00:

No, that was a stupid.

SPEAKER_03:

Sometimes these shortcuts can bite you later. Uh especially if it's super convenient for the kids. Breakfast to go kind of is stealing from teeth brushing. Uh shoes on in the car. So you carry the shoes to the car. Walk in the snow to the car and then put your shoes on. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02:

No.

SPEAKER_03:

I also read shoes on the car. Yeah. Put shoes on the car.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

The car needs its shoes tube. Right. I don't know. If a meltdown starts anyway, do not push through. Give up right then and there. Lay down and uh take a nap. I don't know. Pause the demands, is what it actually says.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Lower your voice. Name the feeling. This is hard. You're overwhelmed. I'm overwhelmed. What about me?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Reduce to one step. Alright, just shoes. You don't need a jacket. You know what? No, you're right. You don't need a jacket. We'll just go outside with shoes on.

SPEAKER_00:

I mean, that feels more I mean, if they let them go out without a jacket, bring the jacket, and then they see, oh, maybe I need a jacket and put that on. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03:

Or they just cry because it's cold.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

They still don't want the jacket on. Speaking from experience. Okay. That's all.

SPEAKER_00:

I mean, that's better than uh not putting shoes on.

SPEAKER_03:

I guess so. Because I'm not carrying the child their clothes and their backpack.

SPEAKER_00:

No.

SPEAKER_03:

And try to unlock the car all at the same time.

SPEAKER_00:

No.

SPEAKER_03:

I only have so many hands.

SPEAKER_00:

Two actually.

SPEAKER_03:

Right. Exactly. I'm gonna go to my very, very, very last question here. Which was what I mentioned earlier. What's the difference between kids being kids and kids being on the spectrum? So kids being kids means the behavior is occasional, flexible, and approves improves with guidance. A child on the spectrum shows patterns that are intense, consistent across settings, and tied to sensory overload, communication differences, or a strong need for sameness. Typical behavior bends with context, while autistic behavior often appears even when the child wants to cooperate, but their nervous system is overwhelmed. The key difference is not what the child does, but how persistent it is, how extreme it is, and how much it interferes with daily life.

SPEAKER_00:

So do you feel like it's more towards the ADHD and uh autism? I almost were going to say uh HDMI, but that's not HDMI.

SPEAKER_03:

Is it autism or HDMI? This sounds like a fun game. Yeah. No, we don't have time for a game.

SPEAKER_00:

No. Uh so let me ask you this question instead.

SPEAKER_03:

Alright.

SPEAKER_00:

Would you consider it uh like testing your kids for the Yes.

SPEAKER_03:

And you know what? Kind of a funny story. I'm I'm saying kind of because it's also not that funny. One of my kids actually requested that we uh investigated if they had uh ADHD. And I said, Yes, of course, I'm listening to you and I want to help you. If you think that there's something wrong, then let's look into it. Yeah. Because I know that when I mentioned that I felt different from the rest of my class to my mom, I was ignored and said, No, you're you're normal, you're fine. Even though I was like, I don't know. I'm treated differently and I act differently, and I just feel different from everyone else.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

So I was doing my best to not do that and listen to them. So we had to talk to you have to go through the school to do these things.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

And their teacher referred me to a link with pretty much a whole like application with like a hundred questions. Like there were a lot of questions, not just like multiple choice, but you had to like type in your answers.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03:

And I went through it and I started filling it out, and then I was like, no, my child should probably be here and fill this out with me.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

And well, mom also has ADHD, and we never really got to it because mom didn't um remember. I I saw I I got overwhelmed, said, we'll do this later, and we never did it later. Okay. Uh yeah. So funny, not funny.

SPEAKER_00:

No, okay.

SPEAKER_03:

But yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Is it ever too early to test it?

SPEAKER_03:

I'm not sure. But I feel like it's usually like um the teacher or their doctor who would be like, we should probably look into this. But that's of course for the kids higher up on the spectrum, like completely non-communicative and such.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

But since my kids are maybe not that high up, I mean they communicate in their own ways, maybe not perfectly, but they do their best.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

And they uh get through their school days without much problems that I'm aware of.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

So they're not considered.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

I mean, distraction I feel is normal for kids. Yeah. And even if my kids get distracted a bit easier than other kids, I don't think that's enough for them to be, you know, considered.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, okay. Okay. But do you have been tested or is it I wouldn't say officially.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm not officially diagnosed.

SPEAKER_00:

No.

SPEAKER_03:

But I think that my what sympt now symptoms in quotations are strong enough so that I I don't think I really need to get tested. Like I I'm pretty sure.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

But I don't have it written in my like medical journal that I have ADHD.

SPEAKER_02:

No.

SPEAKER_03:

But I know that my sister will brag pretty much. She'll let the world know that she is autistic. She's very proud of it, I guess.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

That's good. Good for her.

SPEAKER_03:

She pretty much let everyone in the world know when she was on the podcast.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I remember.

SPEAKER_03:

Yep. Yep. Good times.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Okay. I don't know. Um, I I don't have more questions, I think.

SPEAKER_03:

I I feel pretty good about this, I think.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, me too.

SPEAKER_03:

Are you out of sips?

SPEAKER_00:

I'm all out of sips. And that means we're all out of episode.

SPEAKER_03:

Alright. Well, as we near the end of the episode, would you like to tell me what's ruining your life right now?

SPEAKER_00:

Right now. I mean, I do have a few things to pick from now. Okay. Actually. Uh, because I do have this weird cold in your throat. In my throat. I don't I really don't know what what that's about. Cause it's just in my throat and uh uh I don't feel sick. It's just that I uh clear my throat a lot and cough. That's it.

SPEAKER_03:

Weird.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

What else did you have?

SPEAKER_00:

Uh it's also my belt buckle.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

In my fat belly. Right now I feel it.

SPEAKER_03:

Huh.

SPEAKER_00:

It doesn't feel great, but it's gonna feel even worse when I get up and like pull it out from my fat.

SPEAKER_03:

That's a very nice picture in my head.

SPEAKER_00:

You're welcome.

SPEAKER_03:

I believe everyone else has the same very attractive picture.

SPEAKER_00:

You're all welcome. So what's ruining your life? I I mean, we're we've been talking for like uh about one thing. Yeah, for about what could be ruining your life. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03:

Parenting? Yeah yes. I think parenting might actually be ruining my life because it's difficult.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

And you try to do really good, and I'm I'm always like right right there, like uh right on the edge of being really good, and then I just like fall. And um, it's disappointing, and every morning I want to cry.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. That's not good.

SPEAKER_03:

No, I I've heard that's not normal. No. So that's why we're here today to help solve my problems in life. Please, people listening, uh, write in the comments and tell us what's ruining your life because I'm very interested. We did get fan mail.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm gonna read you the fan mail.

SPEAKER_02:

Cool.

SPEAKER_03:

Fan mail. Okay, so here's Heather. She's back.

SPEAKER_02:

Yay.

SPEAKER_03:

She said in her very judgy voice, Oh. I know you didn't ask what's ruining my life, but I'm gonna tell you anyway. Because this one week we did not say Oh, okay tell us what's ruining your life. Like, I you didn't say that, but I'm gonna tell you anyway.

SPEAKER_00:

You're always free to tell us what's ruining your life.

SPEAKER_03:

We're always very interested. Yeah she also has a cough that just won't go away. Oh teas, cough medicine, and cough drops just aren't helping. That's not good.

SPEAKER_00:

No, that's a problem.

SPEAKER_03:

Um, here's my advice stop that. Yeah, and then everything will be better.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

There you go. No AI needed.

SPEAKER_00:

No. I mean, she was coughing when we were there.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

She's always coughing.

SPEAKER_03:

She was coughing the time before that.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Or no, it wasn't the time. Well, the time before that when I saw her.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh.

SPEAKER_03:

This last year.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, she's been coughing for years now.

SPEAKER_03:

Last last year. It's been like two years of coughing.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Have you ever tried like just not?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, maybe you should stop that.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm concerned that you have an addiction to coughing.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Maybe maybe your husband should have an intervention or something.

SPEAKER_03:

Cougher is anonymous. California. CA.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Alright. What did we learn today?

SPEAKER_00:

Parenting.

SPEAKER_03:

Parenting is hard.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Now you know how to parent.

SPEAKER_03:

Also, do not exterminate. Your children was one of the things we said.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, exactly. Don't don't execute your kids.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh yeah. Exterminate their pests. Get them out.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, and also we we learned that um today you've been uh more positive towards the movies than I was.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Both of them.

SPEAKER_03:

That's good.

SPEAKER_00:

I think for me. It's good for you. I like it.

SPEAKER_03:

Alright, would you like to wrap this up?

SPEAKER_00:

Let's wrap this up.

SPEAKER_03:

Thank you all for listening to this very long episode. Uh very heavy and serious episode. But I think it was necessary for everyone. Except for you. You don't care.

SPEAKER_00:

I I don't have kids.

SPEAKER_03:

No. We will be back next Tuesday with another life-saving episode.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, probably gonna be sillier.

SPEAKER_03:

Silly and stuff.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

I guess that's all.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh yeah, I feel like there's more things that I usually say, but I don't know.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

So have a good life.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes. And uh see you next week.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, goodbye.

SPEAKER_00:

Bye-bye.

SPEAKER_03:

Thank you for listening to the Roasty Toasty Ghostie Podcast.

SPEAKER_00:

If you kinda liked our episode, follow us on the social medias. We are on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube at Roasty Toasty Ghosty Pod.

SPEAKER_03:

And Twitch at Roasty Toasty Ghostie Podcast, where we play live man libs every month.

SPEAKER_00:

Consider supporting us on Buzzsprout, where you can find deleted content and our entire movie night lists.

SPEAKER_03:

We hope you enjoyed this episode just as we enjoyed making it.

SPEAKER_00:

And we'll be back with another one next Tuesday on a podcast provider near you.

SPEAKER_03:

Goodbye, Matthias.

SPEAKER_00:

Goodbye, Lauren.

Head Shot

Lauren & Mattias

Host