The Power Transformation Podcast
The Power Transformation Podcast is where resilience meets real results.
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The Power Transformation Podcast
161. Sobriety, Self-Worth, & Returning to Yourself with Ivy Perez
What happens when childhood challenges, unresolved pain, and a long battle with alcoholism collide? Ivy Perez, author, marathoner, triathlete-in-training, transformational life coach, and founder of Ivy’s Cleaning & Organizing LLC, discovered firsthand, and what followed set her on a powerful path toward healing and wholeness. In this awe-inspiring conversation, Ivy opens up about the winding road to sobriety including the personal wake-up calls that forced her to confront what she’d long tried to numb and how a serious health scare became the unexpected catalyst for emotional healing and self-rediscovery. Whether she’s coaching clients, organizing spaces with intention, or going live for her morning “Cawfee Tawk Time,” Ivy’s message is clear: Recovery isn’t a straight line and it’s never too late to return to yourself.
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It brings me such joy today to be able to interview Ivy Perez, because I know her beyond just this podcast, and she is someone who brings such sunshine and light to everybody's world, including mine. So welcome to the Power Transformation Podcast, ivy Well thank you, ms Alethea.
Ivy Perez:It's so great to be here. I'm so excited, and you know what I get most excited about, because I don't know what's going to come out of this mouth. So let's find out.
Alethea Felton:You certainly have a story of transformation, a story of resiliency and so much more that you're going to share your insights and your wisdom with our audience. But before we dive into that, let's just have a little fun. So let's start with some fun and, ivy, tell us something that perhaps most people now of course, people who are intimately close with you would know. But what is something that most people don't know about you? That might actually totally surprise us. What's a fun fact about you, ivy?
Ivy Perez:thing that came to mind is I don't know what the name of it is called, because we all like I shouldn't say we all, we, a lot of us have, like, a fear of something. There could be a fear of snakes, a fear of heights, a fear of closed spaces, and sometimes I have this fear of going out in public don't know yep, don't know where that's come from.
Ivy Perez:Um, every, it doesn't. It used to happen a bit more when I was younger, and not so much now, but every so often I get this kind of feeling and I'm like, nope, I'm not, I'm not going out today, nope, I'm going to stay inside. It's just kind of weird, but I remember the first time it happened I was in high school and I forget what I needed to do. I lived because we were in we lived in Brooklyn at the time so a lot of the apartments were above stores, so we lived above an insurance agency, so we were a few stores up so I had to do something. Maybe I had to do laundry, because, of course, laundromat was outside and I think that was the case, and I couldn't like. I looked out the window, I go, I can't. Like I felt this, I can't go out, I can't.
Ivy Perez:I paced, I paced for six hours and I'm looking outside and I'm like I can't do it, I can't do it. And then it got to the Ivy. You could do it, ivy, you could do it. I'm like I can't do it. So for six hours, and then I forced myself to go to the corner store to get a milk and then come back home and that's it. And then, once I did, I'm like, oh my God, oh my God, I did it, oh my God, I did it, yeah. So every so often I get this like I don't know what it's called, and it's like this fear of going outside, fear of the public fear of.
Alethea Felton:I don't know Is it? Is it more of a fear, or do you get a premonition or an ominous feeling?
Ivy Perez:No, I think. I think it's more on the fear end of the spectrum.
Alethea Felton:Yeah, yeah, it's interesting for me, and every time it like surfaces, I'm like's more on the fear end of the spectrum.
Ivy Perez:Yeah, yeah, it's interesting for me and every time it surfaces I'm like that's weird. But of course now I can recognize it Exactly, talk myself through it and like, all right, ivy, just come on, let's go. Yeah, yeah, very strange, so yeah.
Alethea Felton:Or maybe it could be. If it's not necessarily fear, it could be. You just don't want to be bothered with anybody's nonsense that day. Thank you for sharing You're like, I don't want to be bothered nonsense, but no, the reason that I'm so impressed by that in a shocking way is because of how social you are and because and we'll talk about this later but with the type of business you have, you have to go out into the public and to know that that's something that you've had a challenge with, but at least you recognize it. That's really interesting. And this leads me to the next question. You can answer it any way that you choose. It's very open-ended, but you go with your gut. Who is Ivy Perez?
Ivy Perez:Ivy Perez. Well, she is complex, she is, she's kind, she's thoughtful, she's very considerate. She is careful with her words, especially when she's in a situation whether it's family or friends or anyone where you get this underlying sense of you have to really be careful with how you speak to someone, because it could be just that little shift that's going to move them in a direction that could make them feel better or move them in a direction that's going to like send them spiraling. So I'm very careful with how I choose my words. I like to laugh. I like to laugh. I'm always smiling.
Ivy Perez:I look at the brighter side of things. I'm always the silver lining kind of person. I'm not the red flag kind of person. I just kind of take things as they come. Sometimes, yes, sometimes I get blindsided. I'm like, oh, I didn't see that coming, because I don't look. You know there. I'm like all right. So I just kind of like go with the flow, go with the punches. I used to go with the flow a lot more when I was younger, just kind of fluttering about until I realized I needed to like reel myself in.
Ivy Perez:And you know, hope is not a strategy. I was the hope. Well, I hope that if I'm just, you know, a good person and I work hard and I do all the right things for me, right by people, things, good things will happen to me, which is true, which is true. But when there isn't a sense of strategy and I always thought of strategy as manipulation, and maybe that can't yes, I always thought of strategy as manipulation, and maybe that can't.
Ivy Perez:Yes, I always thought of strategy as manipulation, and that's just maybe how I grew up. It was just more about a lot of judgment that I heard, you know, from family members. So whenever I don't know, I just really thought that, you know, strategy and sales was a form of manipulation, and I think that's relatively common. But uh, but yeah, I, I like to have a fun. I think more so now. I'm such a homebody, I love being home. I love being home. I could be home all the time, but I have a 12 year old daughter, so she forces me to like all right, I would get out this, go for a bike ride, let's do something, but I could stay home all the time, yeah.
Alethea Felton:I like staying home too, and, and my uh boyfriend, we, we don't live to gather, but I think that's one of the reasons why we enjoy having our weekends together or time spent, because when we were younger, you know, in our respective lives we, we did a lot outside of the house, but, um, and this was prior to us getting together, but now, with us being in our 40s, we're both like being home is great and we may go out to dinner or do a few fun things here and there, but home is so comforting.
Alethea Felton:And I say that because of the fact, ivy, it's such a beautiful thing to be able to say you're fine staying home, which means home is a place of love, it's a place of comfort, it's a place of safety, it's truly where the heart is. And that leads me to wondering, ivy, if we could go back to just a bit of your beginnings, of when home was that place of refuge. And so tell us about where you're from, a little bit about your family upbringing, but how your upbringing, ivy, shaped you or helped to shape you become the woman that you are today.
Ivy Perez:This is a juicy one. This is deep Because, as you were asking, I immediately thought of my childhood in the whole safety thing, because I didn't have that. So, yeah, I did not. So when I was younger, we moved on average every three to four years, and it wasn't because of military, you know, I jokingly say, oh, my mom was a gypsy. But it was because, of course, as a child you don't know these things, what your parents are dealing with. But my dad was into drugs, so my mom would move to get him away from the elements and so, but it doesn't matter, you can go to like the wilderness and a person that is addicted to whatever it is, we'll find that one person, you know the needle in the haystack, that one person, there's this, this sense, that sixth sense, and so you know, wherever we went, I guess you know he would find the people and we'd move again.
Ivy Perez:So my childhood was a lot of moving. There was no communication. So it wasn't as if okay, because I had two younger siblings. It wasn't as if it was like, okay, we're going to move and so we're going to start a new school and that kind of thing. It wasn't that, it was just like, oh, we're moving, that's it.
Ivy Perez:You know you wake up and you're in another town, you know I have to go to another school, and so it was a lot of the start and stop in my life. So there was, you know, speaking of school. You know I started, you know, going to a new school. So now I clam up, I'm quiet, I'm just trying to like blend in quietly. It took me time, probably a few years, and then I start to open up and have some friends, and then there we go, we move again, so clam up again. So it was this open up, close, oh close, oh close, my whole life. So that just became something that I took with me, even as an adult, in and I moved, I, when I was about 30, I moved to Arizona and I was there for 10 years and in those 10 years I probably moved about 12 times. Wow, yes, and it wasn't, it was just, it was natural, exactly.
Ivy Perez:It didn't feel like I think about that now and you think about packing and unpacking and I don't remember any of that, I just don't. It was just something that I did. So, um, so yeah, as far as like stability, I didn't have it. Uh, security, I didn't really feel it. Um, we always had a roof over our head, there was always food, things like that. My mom was always working, my dad he was off. They separated. When I was about I don't even know six-ish, six, eight, which is kind of like the time when a lot of parents tend to separate, he just kind of poof, he was gone, like one day he was gone and that was a whole big, a whole big deal. So just quick, quickly, because of drugs.
Ivy Perez:And I think my mom had a uh, like a card store, like a Hallmark card store, and she had a full-time job. So she's working the job because you know there was the, was the um, the health benefits and all the things and his job. He had some side jobs but his job was to take care of the card shop and one day she said that a little old lady in the neighborhood went up to her and said to her one day like when is your store ever going to be open? And she's like what are you talking about? It's open every day. No, it's never open. Every time I come down because you know how, I don't know like where you're from, or in the childhood, there was the gates, the metal gates that came down yeah, so she was like no the gate was always down and so basically he was taking the things, selling it for his habit, things like that.
Ivy Perez:so I think it was right around that time when she was done you know, she was done, she had it and I remember waking up in the middle of the night and it was pitch black and I just hear like walkie-talkies and lights and there were cops inside our apartment because she, I think she kicked him out and she called the cops and she's well before then or whatever she told them she goes, if you don't come and get him, I'm gonna kill him, that kind of thing. So it was. And then all of a sudden the cops are there and I'm like, huh, what, what's going on? You know, little kid you're, you don't, you don't know what's going on, and then that's it.
Ivy Perez:I didn't see my dad. He was gone and there was no talk about it. There was no like why doesn't dad come around or why does he fall? Yeah? So there was a lot of that. And I did see him years later and he was with someone else and he had a child or whatever. My, my, yeah, my stepbrother. And it took me a long time to kind of just even want to have anything to do with him, because he was the other child, kind of thing we're close, have anything to do with him because he was the other child, kind of thing.
Ivy Perez:We're close, we're close today, and so, yeah, so there were a lot of craziness and so, as a mom now, it is very, very important to me to have that stability for her. So I I was from the time that she was little I didn't, and I purposely chose not, to have a full-time job. I didn't want them because my mom had the full-time and she was gone all the time. So I was the latchkey kid. I was the one that had to clean the house. Now, granted, I was the oldest, with two younger sisters, so I had to take care of them, make sure their homework was done, make sure the house was clean, a lot of responsibility, because my mom was like yeah and uh, and I just was like.
Ivy Perez:I never consciously thought like oh, I never want to have kids. And but there was a part of me that was like I don't, I lost my childhood, I don't want to to have that as an adult.
Alethea Felton:And of course you know, I went through cancer and then I had my child and it's just I and Ivy just real quick, in thinking about what you said earlier about sometimes not wanting to leave the house or go anywhere. I'm definitely not a therapist but as a life coach and just hearing that, it's understandable how there may be some subconscious trauma there that all influenced that.
Ivy Perez:And so that's very possible and I never, I never put those two together.
Alethea Felton:Very possible, that's really incredible, and so your your journey has had so many layers. But one thing that we agree that we talk a lot about and I want to hone in on is this journey that you've had, because you do something every day. That's called coffee talk, and we'll talk more about that as well. But coffee talk is absolutely incredible. It's a live platform on social media, specifically on Facebook, where you do some type of insightful, engaging talk, a chat straight from the heart. It can be more scientifically based one day, or it can be more opinion perspective. It differs, but I love coffee talk and we'll talk more about exactly what that is in a minute.
Alethea Felton:But you recently, ivy, did some of your coffee talk series on alcohol awareness and things of that nature, and a big core of your journey has been based on you being very open and transparent about living with alcoholism and we knowing that it's more than just a person that just can't control drinking. It's deeper than that. It's a disease, and you are recovering, which is so beautiful, and you are sober. But take us back a bit and we'll lead up to coffee talk, all of that. But when you think about even all of the trauma, in a sense, that you went through in childhood. How did you imagine Ivy as a kid, that your adult life would be Ivy?
Ivy Perez:as a kid I didn't think about the future Interesting Okay At all. So it was kind of like, you know I I've said at times you know the question, like when you go for an interview, when you first starting your job search, and they ask you the question where do you see yourself in five years? I needed that question. I gave something that sounded really good for the job. Oh, I see myself doing this here, whatever. It sounded good, which of course they probably knew it was just kind of whatever. But I had no vision and I think it was because there was that constant stop and start and stop and I just didn't know. I didn't know where I was going to end up. I didn't know.
Ivy Perez:Just I just didn't know what tomorrow was going to be and even the family dynamics was very dysfunctional and it was more like, well within my own home, like my dad was gone, my mom was always working, that kind of thing, so I didn't see them fighting at all, but like my mom and her siblings, that was a different story. So that kind of thing it was like fights and arguing and cursing and all the things. And I'm a kid. I'm like what is going on? I hear the judgment from like you know family members, even you know immediate family members. I'm like don't get it. Like we're not perfect, so why would we judge? Like who are you to judge? And this is me as a child. So as I grow up into adulthood, what I do, you know that saying, you know be careful, you know pointing the finger because there's three back at you kind of thing Like I've always known that.
Ivy Perez:Like how can you judge Like there's there's more about you? Always known that, like how can you judge Like there's there's more about you? And so I don't. I don't, I mean, sure we have that little sense of you know, judging and prejudice, and it's just human nature. It isn't bad, but for me I'm like I'm not perfect, I we're all trying to do the same thing. So I always had that within me, just as as a child, I couldn't verbalize it.
Ivy Perez:I know how to verbalize it and I wouldn't verbalize it, that kind of thing you know, you keep it to yourself. So yeah, looking back, as a child, I never thought of oh well, when I grow up I want to be this, when I grow up, I'm going to do this differently. Never once I can't remember, I can't remember. Never once I can't remember, I can't remember.
Alethea Felton:It was just kind of like live for the now.
Ivy Perez:Now, that's powerful in itself, being present. Live for the now. But there's a difference with living for the now because you're almost in survival.
Ivy Perez:You just don't know what's going to happen. And now, as an adult, it's more about being present and living in the now and just observing. You know the landscape of where you are and what you do, kind of noticing and checking yourself in a good way so that you do good for you, and it's the boomerang, and then you know you give out good and it comes right back to you and teaching others that as well, just by your actions, others that as well, just by your actions. You know it's not necessarily going out and like scolding people, like, well, do you know, whenever you say that that that's not going to be, that, that that that I like I don't do that People do that I don't do that, just kind of like, just by me being me, I've always said I don't know where it came from, but I always said I just want to be an example of possibility, I just want to be an example of possibility, that's it.
Ivy Perez:So how that transpires, you know, or where that was going to go, wasn't like I thought I'm going to be an example of possibility in the future when I grow up and when I do this. It was just like, please, god, I just want to be an example of possibility, because I did not see that growing up at all possibility, because I did not see that growing up at all.
Alethea Felton:Wow, and that is so powerful, being an example of possibility, because that's who you have become. Even though you were affirming it then you didn't realize the power that it would have. And I asked you about those childhood dreams and visions if you had any, because I think it becomes really important to your lessons in coffee talk that you may not even be aware of it, but you do open up the idea for people to think and be more, to be open to those possibilities and the dreams of their life. And, like I said, you're very open about your journey. And there came a point Ivy, even prior to these coffee talks and you having your own business that alcohol became more than just a drink. So take us there and describe how that drinking of the alcohol began to shape or control your life.
Ivy Perez:Oh, I love these questions. They're so deep. So alcohol the first time that I drank.
Ivy Perez:I didn't know it was alcohol. I think it was like 10 years old, really Okay. Yes, so it was a New Year's Eve party. My mom went to a friend's house and it was kind of like the adults are downstairs, the kids are upstairs, kind of thing. It's like go go upstairs, go hang out with the kids. Now I was shy so I remember going up and there was like three girls there and they're friends, so they're talking. I just sat there all quiet, I just kind of like looking around, and then they offered me a drink and it was these big bottles. They had three of them and they were two liter, which of course I know now or later. Calvin coolers, do you remember those? Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Yeah, it was like fruit punch. So they were like do you want? Do you want some? And I'm like, okay. So they were the red solo cups and they filled it to the top. I'm like, oh, this is good, this is tasty.
Alethea Felton:Yeah.
Ivy Perez:And so I had one, and then I had two, and then I had three, and then I was sick as a dog and then I was sick, sick, sick as a dog. So that was the first time that I had, you know, had consumed alcohol, and I did it for years after that. The next time was right around seventh grade. Now in that time, so 10th grade I think about my daughter. She's 12 and she's in sixth grade. So 10th grade, fourth grade, like I was little, you know, like when we really think about it, like I was tiny. And so here it is I had alcohol at 10. I got drunk, I got sick, and then the next time it happened I was, I think I was in sixth or seventh grade and I got drunk.
Ivy Perez:But the difference was I, I liked it. I was like I felt this sense of and and a lot of people who you know like, whether it's alcohol or anything else there's this sense of escaping, there's this sense of numbing and feeling nothing and, at the same time, feeling free, and it's such, it's such a wonderful feeling, especially if you come from trauma, if you come from chaos and dysfunction. There's this sense of oh my God, I don't have to think about anything, I don't have to worry about anything, I'm just, I'm just like light, you know. So that was right around seventh grade and then nothing until college. And then in college it was just more of oh, this is what everybody does. They drink to excess and you black out and you fall on your face and you laugh about it, and the next day everybody's joking about it and you go about it, and then the next day you do it again, and every weekend is so. What happened for me was I started to enjoy it. It became the norm in college, but I thought that that was the norm. So after college, I continued drinking to excess, blacking out and all the things, because I thought it was normal.
Ivy Perez:So I had in my 20s, I had two long term relationships and you know, I don't know just drinking a lot. The second relationship, in the um, the latter part of my twenties, he was a little more. It was just, it's just interesting. You know, when we date, you know the, the dynamics in it. The first one, he was cool about it and everything was fine, it was fun. But I think I felt safer with him. In the second relationship it was a little. Now, thinking back, I think he was and probably still is, but I think he was a narcissistic man. But I didn't know that. I just thought, like God he's so mean, like I don't deserve that, and he would put me down and he would say things to me to a point where now I started to say that about myself.
Alethea Felton:Ooh, that's deep.
Ivy Perez:Yes, and I remember one time I was out to dinner with my mom and some friends and I remember verbally that was just kind of casual Like yeah, I'm really selfish, I'm a selfish person. My mom shot me a look and she was like it was like 15 people, she's like don't you ever say that about yourself? And I was like oh, like it almost like woke me up, like oh, because he would say that to me all the time. You're so selfish, you're so selfish. And I'm like why would you say that? Like I'm not doing anything kind of thing.
Ivy Perez:So obviously that didn't go anywhere. But with him the drinking was a little different. It was more to escape. First one drinking having fun, I felt safe. This one drinking I didn't care what you said, I didn't care if you yelled at me, kind of thing. And then now I move into my thirties and that's when, uh, just a lot of the stuff. You know there was abuse for me as a child. I don't even, honestly, I think, anybody who has gone through any kind of trauma. The timeline is always fuzzy. I think it occurred for a few years. It could have been half a year, I don't even know, but I think it was a few years. There was abuse there, so I know, but I didn't at the time that men and so I used it as a tool to get back at at guys whether I was dating them. Typically, if I was dating them, it was almost as if I will hurt you before you hurt me.
Alethea Felton:But the whole thing is, you were the one hurting yourself, wouldn't you?
Ivy Perez:Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely. I was hurting myself, but I didn't know that Exactly, so like I was using it. And then you know, the drinking just got, you know, worse and worse and I and I had fun with it, I enjoyed it. I enjoy drinking and socializing and all the things. But it got to a point where I had a DUI and, okay, I went to Catholic school from kindergarten to high school. I was the good kid, never got in trouble, respected my elders. I still respect my elders. You don't speak ill or talk back to elders, police officers or whatever. You just respect. Whether you agree or not, you respect. Though I was a good kid. And so here it is. Now I'm in my 30s, the drinking's gotten out of control. I have like a little fender bender. Thankfully no one was hurt, but I was arrested and I was charged with DUI and I lost my license for two years. Oh Lord.
Alethea Felton:I know that was a challenge, so it was huge. How old were you then I?
Ivy Perez:think I was no.
Alethea Felton:I was.
Ivy Perez:I want to say about 35, 37.
Alethea Felton:Oh, you need your license.
Ivy Perez:You need to drive. Yeah, yes, and the job that I had at the time, I had to drive people around. So it was, it was very, it was a very challenging time, very challenging time. But I had friends around me that rallied and just helped me. And then I had a girlfriend. She grabbed me by the shoulders because I was just a mess and she was like we will help you.
Alethea Felton:Whatever?
Ivy Perez:you need, we will help you, and I didn't know how to ask for help. I didn't know how to receive help. They helped me, which I was grateful, but I didn't ask for it, and I think at the time people saw that I was it's interesting just like a lost kid, and I was in my 30s. I was just all over the place, and so when that happened, that was very defining, but it still wasn't the thing that stopped me. I stopped for a year. I stopped for a year, and that's when I started to do personal development and just try. I'm just who am I?
Alethea Felton:And also audience for clarity and just to give timeline and it's neither here nor there, but I wanna make this clear she had not yet had her daughter. So this was a different time in Ivy's life because her daughter really changed a lot of her life. I mean, she just really did. But this particular situation of when she was hitting those rock bottom phases were prior to that. And a question out of curiosity that I have for you is we all know someone, and if we don't't we might just have a smaller circle, but a lot of us know someone who's an alcoholic, who who battles with alcoholism. Were you what you would consider putting aside the dvi, but would you have considered yourself as what they call a functional alcoholic?
Ivy Perez:I did not think of myself as an alcoholic at all.
Alethea Felton:Ah, at all, Thank you for saying that Tell us about that.
Ivy Perez:Yeah, I was, and I am the type of person I don't like labels Got you. Sometimes labels are helpful, like if we're dealing with something and medically, and we go to doctor and finally they tell us what it is.
Alethea Felton:You know like yeah, you're gonna yeah.
Ivy Perez:Yeah. So like you're dealing with something, the doctor says, oh, you have this. And you're like, oh, thank God, I'm not going crazy. So there's a label there. So sometimes it works in your favor.
Ivy Perez:But for me, I always knew and maybe this had to do with the foundation of you know, I was in Catholic school. I always knew that I, the spiritual side of me, was bigger than it. That's right. I just always knew it. I just didn't know how to verbalize it. I didn't know how to tap into it. I was just all over the place. I was, I was lost, I was floundering big time for a long time. And so, uh, yeah, it wasn't until and you bring up my daughter too she, she wasn't the reason I stopped either. So I had that. That's that happened in my life late thirties, and then I stopped for a year and then it was one of those oh well, it's, it's been about a year so I could control it. And then one led to two, led to three, and there you go. I'm back at it again. But then I realized during that time I'm like okay, was it? It was during the time of the DIY, when I was like I think I have a problem.
Alethea Felton:And.
Ivy Perez:I said it. I was at the, at the office I was working at the time. There was no one there except one of my coworkers and I set it really low. Well, I was loud enough for him to hear because nobody was there. But I was like I think I have a problem. He spun around his chair so fast. He's like oh, my God Ivy, this is so wonderful. The first thing is just acknowledging that you have a problem, and I was like whoa, whoa whoa, whoa. Whoa whoa, whoa whoa.
Ivy Perez:Like no, I don't have a problem, you know like no, so it was the seed that I planted, that, okay. And then that's when I was just just a little, just a little open, just a little open. So, yeah, we all know somebody that is dealing with it and you could, you could tell them to their you're blue in the face, that you know what they're doing is harming them, but you have to just let them find their way. You know, sometimes you can speak life into them, you can speak love and all these things into them and it does. It plants a seed, but for some people it takes them time. For me it took a long time.
Alethea Felton:So this is a great segue, because for the fact for you to say quietly, I think I have a problem, what was going on in my mind was was there a specific moment that became your personal rock bottom or a wake up call, when you said I think I have a problem? Maybe it didn't happen instantaneously, but recovery, as we know, is not a straight line and that can go with anything that we are battling any addiction, because it can be someone who has an issue with alcohol, someone who could be addicted to sex, someone who can be addicted to eating, overeating, someone who can be addicted to just toxic people, or having to give, give, give, give, give right. Everything can be an addiction in a way, but recovery isn't a straight line. Iv, and so what were some of those harder inner battles that you had to face? Not just with alcohol, but with your own identity and your worth, during the healing process?
Ivy Perez:Well, it actually goes back to and I love these questions. These are like really deep, deep questions. This is really good, because I've been on a lot of podcasts and they're they're great questions, but it keeps it here, I like to go deep.
Alethea Felton:I've always been like that, even prior to the podcast. I was like that even in the classroom as a teacher.
Alethea Felton:Yeah, this is so wonderful because I it just it goes another level deep that I think people need to hear people need to hear this, because this is why I like coffee talk and I might not always comment, but let's be real, girl, we are living, we got. Take politics out of it, take religion out of it. We are living in a time globally, just just not in our country where people are I don't like to use the word broken, but so many people are putting up facades and appearing that hey, I've got it all together and are screaming internally and need to hear conversations like this to say, yo, you're a human being, you can also be spiritual, like your faith is a big part of it. And it could be a person who, whether they're Catholic or not, could really have a strong faith and say I'm struggling with this and, as much as I love God, I don't know how to reconcile this. And so, with your recovery, take us to those inner battles. How did it shape your identity and your worth?
Ivy Perez:Well, like I said, it goes back to when I was in it. So the battle in my mind when I was, you know, during those times drinking, there were times when it got to a point when I was aware of the fact that I had a problem. Now I'm aware I can't stop it. I tried, I tried talking myself, you know, into doing things a little differently. Okay, I've been. You're going to go to this party. There's going to be a lot of alcohol. So when you get there, do you know, try this first, drink water first, and then then go to Sprite or whatever, like I just would, just, and then sometimes I would be sitting in a group and we're just chit chatting. Now, of course, I'm smiling and shit, but in my head I'm looking and I'm going oh my God, she just ordered a drink and she just took one sip and she's been talking for about 50. How do you do that? How do you do that? How do you just take a sip and not? I would have been two drinks in which I would, you know, and it was that constant cost. And I said that to a friend of mine and he was like, really, and I'm like, you don't even know, like I am sitting there while everyone's talking and I can have a conversation, but in my head I'm like, oh my God, I just had three and and you just had one. Like how do you do that? How do you just have a drink and you could put it down? Like how do you have that kind of control?
Ivy Perez:So it was a lot of that a lot of pre talk before going to an event, post talk and all the things, just constant, constant. So there was that and it was exhausting. Exhausting and then fast forward. So now I'm out of I don't want to use the states, but now I'm not in Arizona, I'm back East and I thought it would get better and it really didn't, and so, and it's just interesting, so with friends you're just socializing and you're just having some drinks, but for me it was just more like I'd have a few and I would tell myself, okay, ivy, you're done, like I could feel it, like I know when it's just one more, it's going to put me over the top.
Ivy Perez:Like, ivy, you're done, you're done. And it's almost as if I have no control and I'm grabbing the bottle and I'm pouring, like pouring, and I'm like that's too much, that's too much Like I'm telling my hand that's too much, but I'll drink it. So I'm like, just so many times there were times I had to sleep over friend's house because I couldn't, you know, drink I mean drive or anything like that so so many times, and so there was that constant battle I'm like I can't do this, I can't do this. Then, oh gosh, there's so much. There was in my late 30s. I was going into the service oh thaties I was going into the service.
Alethea Felton:Oh, that's right, I was going into the.
Ivy Perez:I was going into the army. I would say it was like 40 years old, so that's a whole different story. So I started the process in Arizona, um, and it didn't work out. Man upstairs had different plans for me, so move on. Now I'm back East, so I have this pull to go into the military again. I'm like this is crazy. Like now, and it's not even a year later, it's almost a year later I'm thinking to myself this, this is nuts. Now I think I'm crazy because everyone was saying that's, that's just crazy, a girl at your age. And I'm like, ah, I got the pull. I can't, you know, I just have to like go with it. So I go through the whole process again.
Ivy Perez:I'm diagnosed with breast cancer. I remember interviewing with a captain and we had this conversation and he was like I'll let you come in because we don't look too kindly on people who quit. And I was like I'm all in and the only way I don't go in is if something completely out of my control stops. Why I said that I do not know. But then within a few months I was diagnosed with breast cancer. There you go. I can't go in. So I don't go in. I go through this long as a year and a half year, eight months, of this cancer journey that I call it. And I remember one time going to a cancer support group and there was like all these women there and we were going around and they would ask the question of something along the lines of I don't even remember the question, but I remember saying this I look forward to the person that I become when all this is said and done. That's it. It's just something that was given to me. I was like, all right, god, I got cancer, I got to deal with it, I got to go to doctors like three, four or five times a week. That I wasn't you know. I prided myself on being healthy and just going to that yearly exam kind of thing. Now, all of a sudden I'm seeing, you know, the breast doctor, the breast surgeon, the oncologist and all these doctors, radiologists, and I'm like, oh my God, but I went through it and it's done, put it behind me.
Ivy Perez:And then it was the question of do you want to have children? And I'm like no. But then I thought of it and I was like, well, I don't want to grow old and not have a family. I didn't even think I wanted to have a family when I was younger and taking care of my two young siblings, I'm like, no, I do not want kids, I don't want to. No, no, no. So here I was, as I was the fork in the road. You know, it's either yes or no. And so, and it wasn't even planned, it just happened to happen. And so I got pregnant and I was like, all right, this, this is my journey. Now I didn't think I was gonna, you know, have a child.
Ivy Perez:But what's interesting about that? About, I want to say, within the decade prior, maybe five years prior to when she was born, when I was doing the soul searching and diving into person, like who am I? And I did a vision board. Never heard of a vision board. I did a vision board.
Ivy Perez:I remember cutting out pictures and I swear it was an out of body thing Cause I don't remember physically cutting this photo. It was an out-of-body thing because I don't remember physically cutting this photo, but I cut a photo of a little girl and I put it on my vision board and I wish I still had it, because it was a little girl and she was looking down and there was this light that shone on her. She had dark brown hair. It was the cutest little photo and I remember putting it up and going, huh, well, that's interesting. And then didn't think about it. There is a photo and I don't have it, but there was a photo that I took of my daughter when she was like maybe one. She was sitting on the floor by the front door with her head looking down and the light shining down, and I remember looking at this photo and I'm like down and the light shining down and I remember looking at this photo and I'm like oh my God, I got the chills.
Alethea Felton:Oh my God, yeah, I just got chills. I believe that. I believe you, even though you don't have the like quote, unquote proof of it. I believe you 10,000%, because that's real. That is absolutely. Wow, girl. Yeah, I mean our mind things in images.
Ivy Perez:I didn't know that at the time, knowing that now it's very powerful to put pictures up and just look at it, especially if you consciously want something like at the time I was like, well, that's interesting. I don't remember cutting it out, and when I put it up I went you know, but now I'll cut out pictures on purpose. I want this, I want that for my life, kind of thing.
Alethea Felton:So yeah, yeah, that's incredible. B, because I do what's called a vision book. So I have a book. I know that people who are listening aren't going to be able to see it, but I literally have a vision book. And what's amazing is I don't necessarily do these every year, but it's wild and I'll have to talk to you offline one day about how much and a map here, a word map, of how much has come to pass just off of this since doing it. It's absolutely unreal, but I could talk to you for hours, Ivy.
Alethea Felton:But I know that our time is coming to a close, but I wanted to at least touch on this part is while it's still so layered and you all can read about more of her journey and hear her talks and things of that nature. But you turned your life into a platform for purpose coffee talk and, yes, you all. I'm emphasizing coffee because, with my mother being from Jersey and things like that and family up in New York, I understand Ivy's play on words in terms of coffee C-A-W-F-E-E talk. You have turned your life into a platform for purpose coffee talk, multiple best-selling books and a business. And so tell us, though briefly, about Coffee Talk specifically. Where did you come up with that idea, what's its purpose and how can people tune into that?
Ivy Perez:OK, so Coffee Talk. So it's Coffee Talk time, oh OK.
Alethea Felton:I'm sorry, no, no, no, coffee Talk time OK.
Ivy Perez:Because there is Coffee Talks out there. I didn't look into it, I just did it, and then, like six months later. I thought is anyone doing this? And I look it up, there's a lot of people doing it.
Ivy Perez:Oh, okay, okay, there's a lot of people doing it and it's spelled the same way C-A-W-F-E-E. Yes, okay, yeah, so I'm like I didn't know. So, um, I did coffee talk time. Now I had done being in this online space lives before, and lives are not easy. Going live is not easy. Pressing that button initially is like that light goes on. You're like, oh my God, oh my God, everybody's watching me Meanwhile nobody's watching you. You know what I mean. Like maybe a few people. I understand that now, at the time you get this, and then I got to make sure on the back end often.
Ivy Perez:Yeah, yes, and you know, make sure the hair is right and the makeup and this and that, and I just got to a point whatever. But so I started, stopped, started, stopped along the way, and it was about eight months ago. It was in a community breakout room and one of the gals in there was saying how in her community she was doing a 21 day live challenge and I was like I've done those before. I said I should do it again. I'm going to do it, you know, kind of like my own thing, but I'll, I'll kind of keep you posted so you can hold me accountable. I did it for three days, I fell off. I did it for four days, I fell off. And I did it for four days, I fell off. And I'm like, okay, what can I do to stay consistent? Because what I was doing was thinking about well, let me just go about my day and see if something strikes me, maybe I hear something, and then I'll go live. And then, of course, the day happens and then my daughter comes home and then there's dinner and I'm like, forget it, I'm not going live. I'm like I got to do it first thing in the morning. I got to do it first thing in the morning. If I don't get it done, it's not going to get done. So I started doing it and it started.
Ivy Perez:I started to, you know, build that habit of consistency. I'm like, okay, well, I always have my coffee, you know, with me. So I thought, hmm, coffee talk. And then I thought of my cousin, a cousin of mine, when I lived in Arizona, so I was North in, like Phoenix, scottsdale, and she was in Tucson, so it was about an hour and a half away, but we were the only family members. So we grew stronger and she would call me and she'd be like Ivy, you need to come a bit, we need to have coffee talk, we need to have coffee. She would always say that we need, and I would hear coffee. And I'm like, oh, you know, like. But then I thought about it and I was like you know what?
Ivy Perez:It was almost like an ode to her and because I think of her with coffee and I just called it coffee talk time. And and for me I think of Russell Brunson where he said just do it for a year and find your voice. I tried that before. It didn't work. But I thought about that again and I was like, well, if I just keep on, I don't know what I'm going to talk about. I talk about whatever you know. And I look at things. I'm like, oh, that's a good topic. Whatever lands on my heart, sometimes I pray about it. I'm like, can you please give me something? I don't know what to talk about and I'll talk about it. But then I got into themes. You know, maybe that'll help me stick to a topic. And that's how I got into like little themes. Like last month, April was alcohol awareness month.
Ivy Perez:So, I talked about that and and then I play around and I play around with it, but it really is a lot of little things that have helped me and and I hope that it helps other people this morning. Perfect example. I was talking about just finding the strength there's, there's tools, if we recognize them within ourselves, that, if we just tap into it, it's that strength that helps us forge forward even more, because can feel broken, like I did many years ago, and we have those times in our lives where we just feel like we're overwhelmed and drowning. Sometimes it's, you know, just a little period and some people have that underlying every day. They're drowning, kind of thing. But I talked about because what had helped me is just to say thank you.
Ivy Perez:It sounds weird. I talked about because what had helped me is just to say thank you. It sounds weird, it sounds counterintuitive to, like you know, be betrayed, you know, have a life altering experience, and say thank you. And it's not the oh, thank you so much. God. This is so exciting. I'm going to be stronger because I'm going through this. No, it's more like I don't like this. This is scary. I don't know what's going on. I'm like, I feel like I'm going to scream You've got something for me, you've got something for me. I don't know what it is, I just don't like it right now. But thank you, thank you for what's to come. I don't, you know, that kind of thing. We have it within us and it takes time to tap into it. But once we do, it kind of puts us in a higher frequency of abundance, because now we start to feel we can do this, we can get through this. So I share a lot of things like that.
Alethea Felton:Wow, thank you for that, ivy. And how can people follow that? How can people get your books? We didn't even touch on the fact you've been in so many anthologies. You do speaking and your business that could be a show in and of itself. You have your own cleaning company, housekeeping business. I'm so sorry that we didn't even touch on that aspect, but how can people learn more about your journey in terms of following you, in terms of saying, hey, I want to learn more about her. How can I get her books? How can people connect with you.
Ivy Perez:Yes, thank you. So basically I'm mostly on Facebook. I'm slowly transitioning to YouTube, but I'm really just right here on Facebook. You can reach me on Messenger. I live in Messenger. It's the easiest way to contact me. I do have a book coming out. It's an anthology called Taking Off the Shades and it really is, I think, my best work as far as sharing my story, and it's about that proverbial moment where you take off the shades to see clarity in your life, because we all have a moment. Sometimes we have many, many moments, and I share my story of sobriety and that moment when I said I'm done.
Alethea Felton:Wow, I love that Now, as we start to come to a close and I also have your Facebook link in the show notes and all of that I do have one closing question that I'll clump into. No, I have two questions that I'll clump into one question for time's sake, and it's really piqued my curiosity about this. It's twofold. What would you say Ivy to someone right now who is either struggling with addiction, of alcohol specifically or don't believe they can change their life? And then, on the flip side, on the opposite side, for those of us who may not be in recovery, those of us who may not be in recovery, what's something that we often misunderstand about addiction or sobriety?
Ivy Perez:And how can we be better allies to those who are on that path?
Alethea Felton:OK, how much time do we have? Okay, so, um, so let's first talk directly to the person going through the recovery process, or even addiction. What can you say to them, especially if they're really struggling right now?
Ivy Perez:Yeah, I would say to them, especially in this world now with social media, if there's someone that you come across that is has gone through it, it's best to reach out to someone who has gone through it, because there's it's a different speak and they can kind of tap into the things that have that they've gone through, that you can talk about and then they can kind of help you with what has worked for them. So it's either reaching out to someone that you're following, someone you respect, Maybe it's someone that you know in your community, and believe me when I tell you that you may not even know them, but you know of them, you know what they've been through. Let's say me, for example, and you don't know me, but you know that I've gone through what you're going through reach out because that person, like myself, it's almost as if, oh my God, I, absolutely I want to help you.
Ivy Perez:I've been there, I know what you're going through and they will help you in any little way, and it still might take you time before you let it go. Or it takes you to figure out who you are, what you like, what's your purpose and all these things. It's a it's, it's this in between you let it go or you're struggling and then you finally let it go, and then it's like this, finding yourself, and it's a, it's a journey, and then you get to a point you're like, ooh, I feel I feel good about myself for the first time, and that happened to me not too long ago, like not too long ago. And here it is I'm in my fifties.
Alethea Felton:I finally felt like I feel good in my skin for the first time in my life, and that took years, after I let it go and then for someone and for those of us who say a person who might not have had that experience what do we often misunderstand about addiction or even sobriety, and how can we become better allies? All right, so Ooh, that's a toughie, Um and it's okay if you don't have all of them.
Ivy Perez:Yeah.
Alethea Felton:Yeah, and I don't have cause there's so many layers there.
Ivy Perez:But with regard to that, it is just under trying to understand that there is a sense of they can't control it. Some people think like, oh, you know what you're doing. Or like I've talked about the blacking out, and someone will say, well, it's no excuse, you know what you've done. And some people say like, no, I don't remember what I did. I don't remember that happening. That's a thing. That's a thing Not everybody, but that is a thing, and I've said it where I can have full blown conversation. I could drive myself home and wake up and not have any idea of any of it, and that could have been hours, a stretch of hours. So, understanding that it is something, that it's very difficult and it's a struggle and it's a battle, and it's just to be compassionate and have just like a little understanding and just I don't know, just kind of, just be kind.
Ivy Perez:I think kindness goes a long way and, yeah, it just goes along. Just letting someone know like, hey, you ever want to talk, I'm here for you. You don't have to mention the alcohol or anything. It's like dude, let's, let's go for coffee. And maybe it's just a little bit, because there's a sense of there's that wall, the armor, like I'm not going to share anything, keep everything close to my heart. But if you can get to a point where someone is, they get to a point where they get just a tad bit comfortable. They start to open up a little bit, and that's that. Who knows where that can lead if they're open that. So I think kindness and compassion it really goes a long, long way, and understanding that it's a battle. There's different levels to that battle, but it's a battle.
Alethea Felton:Thank you for tuning in to this episode of the Power Transformation Podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to follow or subscribe, leave a five-star rating and write a review. It helps us inspire even more listeners. And don't keep it to yourself. Share it with someone who could use a little power in their transformation. Until next time, keep bouncing back, keep rising and be good to yourself and to others.
