Misdiagnosed and Destined to Lead with Yosi Kossowsky

What if everything they told you about yourself was wrong? At just eight years old, Yosi Kossowsky was handed a label that was never his to carry, and for decades it followed him into every classroom, every relationship, and every room he dared to walk into. Yet somewhere between the rejection, the silence, and the long road nobody saw coming, something in Yosi refused to stay broken. 

Today as an executive development coach and keynote speaker, Yosi stands as a beacon for leaders everywhere, proving that the most powerful thing you can offer the world is the version of yourself that was never supposed to make it. 

Whether you are leading a team, rebuilding yourself, or still fighting your way out of a label that was never yours, this is the conversation that will make you look at every setback in your own life and finally see it for what it truly was.

Connect with Yosi Kossowsky:

• LinkedIn

Transcript

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Alethea Felton: It is with such excitement today that I interview this amazing man, this phenomenal human being, who is a changemaker.

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Alethea Felton: who is helping people to be better versions of themselves and how they show up in the world and lead, and we'll talk more about that. But it is such my honor to have Yossi Kosowski here with me on the Power Transformation Podcast. Welcome, Yossi.

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Yosi Kossowsky: Thank you, Alethea. I am really excited to be here.

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Alethea Felton: Perfect! I'm excited, too. I'm excited to have you here, and just to know that we literally live on

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Alethea Felton: different parts of the world and everything, and that is so incredible to me, to have all of these global speakers and guests and everything, and I acknowledge you, and I'm so glad that we were able to get connected. A mutual friend of ours.

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Alethea Felton: connected us, and we are part of an entrepreneurial community together, but I'm just so intrigued by just when I first met you, and I'd like to always start with some type of a light-hearted icebreaker question, simply to get us

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Alethea Felton: started. And, Yessi, my question for you is, thinking about childhood all the way through your teenage years.

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Alethea Felton: What is one favorable

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Alethea Felton: Or happy memory at any point in childhood that you look back on and it makes you smile.

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Yosi Kossowsky: That's… that's a good one.

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Yosi Kossowsky: well, two… two showed up in my head, two very different ones.

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Yosi Kossowsky: One, one, so I'm one of four boys. My dad remarried, so in the first marriage, one of four, and from the second, one of seven.

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Alethea Felton: Wow.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And the three brothers that were from the first marriage.

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Yosi Kossowsky: we're very close in age. We're four of us born within 5 years, and so…

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Alethea Felton: We rely.

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Yosi Kossowsky: Like, a little bundle of,

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Yosi Kossowsky: you know, if you've ever seen that Charlie Brown cartoon, you know, with Linus, like, always being, like, that's kind of how we were.

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Yosi Kossowsky: So, we had a lot of adventures. For a while, we lived in Florida, and we had a pool in the backyard, and we used to go diving for, like, you know, my mom or dad would throw something in the pool, and we would go diving for it. That was one memory that showed up.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And then, the second memory, we…

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Yosi Kossowsky: most of my… my growing up, we lived in Denver, Colorado, and the first time I went skiing was amazing.

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Alethea Felton: Wow. How old were you when you went skiing?

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Alethea Felton: I was… I was a teenager already. Oh, dear!

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Yosi Kossowsky: that I remember, meaning the memory that I have is when I was a teenager, a young teenager.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And, you know, just that feeling of going down a hill, at speed.

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Alethea Felton: Huh.

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Yosi Kossowsky: It's just… Yeah, I mean, it was better than a roller coaster.

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Alethea Felton: Yeah, I can imagine. I've never gone skiing, but I've heard people who have gone, and they talk about the rush.

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Yosi Kossowsky: Yeah.

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Alethea Felton: get from it, and just the excitement and the thrill of it. And, you know, your life can definitely be likened to skiing, with all of the rushes you've had, and the.

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Yosi Kossowsky: slopes you've had, and the excitement, and just all of that in between. And we'll definitely talk about that.

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Alethea Felton: But I want to transition into this. That gave us a very good picture of some of those happier times in childhood, and just that, you know, joy of being amongst people that you love. And it leads me to ask this question, and you can answer it any way that you want.

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Alethea Felton: Who? Yeah, so this question is, who is Yessi Kosowski?

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Yosi Kossowsky: Wow. Small question.

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Yosi Kossowsky: Yeah, like, yeah, the…

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Alethea Felton: Wow. Answer it anyway, any way that resonates with you.

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Alethea Felton: It is no right or wrong.

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Yosi Kossowsky: So…

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Yosi Kossowsky: You know, they're, I don't remember…

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Yosi Kossowsky: who has a natural practice to do this? There is this question that… it's like a mantra of, who am I, who am I, who am I really?

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Alethea Felton: That.

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Yosi Kossowsky: I learned when I was doing spiritual retreats, they would have us just do this for hours at a time.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And the idea would be you would, you know, you would be sitting with somebody, and they would ask you, who are you, and then

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Yosi Kossowsky: Whatever came to mind, you would answer, and it was this idea of unraveling sense of self.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And seeing what happens when all of these senses of self

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Yosi Kossowsky: get named, and then maybe fall away. What's left?

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Yosi Kossowsky: And so, when you ask me that question, that's… that's really what comes to mind.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And, and I'm gonna be straight with you, which is, I don't really know.

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Alethea Felton: Yes. Who I am.

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Yosi Kossowsky: In a sense, Am I the culmination of my experiences?

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Yosi Kossowsky: am I… the soul that… is within.

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Yosi Kossowsky: or am I… who I feel in the moment? And… I often… find that I…

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Yosi Kossowsky: am needing to choose who I want to be versus having an immediate answer of who am I.

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Alethea Felton: Mmm… Yeah, yeah.

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Yosi Kossowsky: I'm not really sure that I have any strong sense of who am I.

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Alethea Felton: That is powerful, and it reminds me of an interview I heard

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Alethea Felton: Of a woman who gained a lot of…

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Alethea Felton: notoriety here in the States named Betty Reed Soskin, and when she was 85, she became a U.S. park ranger in her older years, and she retired at practically 100.

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Alethea Felton: And there's an interview of her, she's actually still alive, I believe she's 104 now.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And she was interviewed at 100…

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Alethea Felton: 3, I think.

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Alethea Felton: And one of the questions, they asked her, who are you? And she said something so powerful.

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Alethea Felton: She said, I am who people…

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Alethea Felton: want me to be, or think I am.

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Alethea Felton: But… I don't really know who I am. And she's over 100.

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Alethea Felton: And it's still saying, I don't know who I am. And it's not a judgment against her, or you, or anyone. I think that's a courageous answer, because we are ever-evolving, and constantly growing, and shifting, and shaping, and who we might have been 5 years ago.

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Alethea Felton: may not be, and more than likely isn't, who we are now. And we find that often on leadership journeys.

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Alethea Felton: when we're leading others, leading ourselves. And so, this question is much more simple, so to speak. I'm not gonna just go into the deep end with every question, but if you were to

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Alethea Felton: share with a person what it is that you do professionally at this point in life. What would you say that you do in terms of a job title or how you serve?

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Yosi Kossowsky: So, you asked me how I would sell it to somebody else versus how I think about it myself.

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Yosi Kossowsky: So…

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Alethea Felton: Yes, exactly.

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Yosi Kossowsky: Right.

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Yosi Kossowsky: So… I… in my simplest way, would say, I am…

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Yosi Kossowsky: An executive or leadership development coach.

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Yosi Kossowsky: With a focus of helping people learn… how to…

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Yosi Kossowsky: Understand their strengths, and really utilize them, and equally understand their derailleurs, or their stumbling blocks.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And how to maneuver around them.

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Alethea Felton: Mmm…

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Alethea Felton: I like that.

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Alethea Felton: I, I really do, and it's clear.

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Alethea Felton: Now, you've piqued my curiosity.

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Alethea Felton: That's how you would explain it to others. How would you… Define it for yourself.

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Yosi Kossowsky: I try to be a candle in the darkness.

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Alethea Felton: Mmm.

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Yosi Kossowsky: is what I wake up and pray that I can do every day.

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Yosi Kossowsky: Honestly.

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Alethea Felton: And we need more candles, that is for sure. And the fact that you are being that.

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Alethea Felton: is absolutely tremendous. When you think about your…

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Alethea Felton: desire, or even calling. I won't call it a desire, but your assignment and your calling to be this candle in the darkness

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Alethea Felton: Yes, see, take us back briefly to a time in your childhood

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Alethea Felton: that you actually shared with me, that I think is quite powerful.

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Alethea Felton: Where you were navigating your schooling.

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Alethea Felton: And… something happened along the way, where here you are now, as this candle in the darkness, but…

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Alethea Felton: Take us back to a time in childhood where there were some challenges that were happening, and how those challenges were not only identified, but resolved in a sense, and how they've shaped who you are today.

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Yosi Kossowsky: So, I get finicky about words, and you say resolved, I'm not sure it's still resolved, and I'm happy to share the experience.

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Alethea Felton: And I asked… so look, I'm glad that you said that. Sometimes I'm a big wordsmith person, too.

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Alethea Felton: There are times in audience, you may notice this from how I interview, I intentionally use certain words so that they are challenged, because in my mind, too, especially as a former educator and a person myself with certain diagnoses.

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Alethea Felton: I actually agree with you. So, counter that and answer it any way that you want. Thank you for calling it out, because it is purposeful.

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Yosi Kossowsky: Oh, yeah, absolutely.

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Alethea Felton: It creates dialogue.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And it also speaks to my own personality.

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Alethea Felton: There's nothing wrong with that, yeah.

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Yosi Kossowsky: when I… when I was entering third grade, and so, you know, there's… what's always a challenge is I'm in my 50s, and as I recall the past, it's a mixture of

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Yosi Kossowsky: what I think I remember at the moment of, and… You know, what's…

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Yosi Kossowsky: What's been built up over the years about my memory of that time.

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Yosi Kossowsky: So… what I remember in its purest sense, meaning, like, from the… from the eyes of the 8-year-old, was…

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Yosi Kossowsky: In the summer before school, my mother started taking me to doctors, And they started doing these…

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Yosi Kossowsky: Questions, and have me, you know, Draw things, and…

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Yosi Kossowsky: And I was really confused, like, what am I… what was this process? Like, what, what, what, what's happening? And…

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Yosi Kossowsky: I didn't get a clear answer from anybody, not from the doctors, and not from my mom.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And,

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Yosi Kossowsky: And at that point, my parents were already divorced, so… luckily it was an amicable divorce, but it was really my mom who was taking me to these things, and my dad… I saw him, like, every other weekend or something, so…

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Yosi Kossowsky: When I say my mom, I'm literally my mom, not just my parents.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And, my… my 8-year-old brain…

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Yosi Kossowsky: caught on to, you know, I guess, things that I had heard, and the understanding I got was that I was retarded.

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Alethea Felton: And…

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Yosi Kossowsky: I…

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Yosi Kossowsky: And I couldn't learn. I didn't know how to learn. And I didn't understand specifically what I didn't know, but I did understand that there was something wrong.

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Yosi Kossowsky: The real impact came… a little bit later, when school started, and I…

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Yosi Kossowsky: my mom told me I'm not going back to the day school that I had been in with all the kids in my neighborhood. I'm going to this other school, and, you know, it's… it's…

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Yosi Kossowsky: there was no bus, they… my mom had to drive me every day, and so I… I grew up,

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Yosi Kossowsky: in an Orthodox Jewish family.

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Yosi Kossowsky: You know, with all of the rituals that go along with that.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And… I'm coming up to this new school.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And it's got a huge cross on the outside, and I'm like…

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Alethea Felton: Oh, wow. What's going on? Yeah.

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Yosi Kossowsky: I don't remember if she explained it or not, but, you know, then… then we walk in, and there are…

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Yosi Kossowsky: nuns in frocks and fathers in garb, and I'm like.

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Yosi Kossowsky: what is going on? And,

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Yosi Kossowsky: And it was a Catholic school.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And I don't know if it was…

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Yosi Kossowsky: a school specially for children who were with learning disabilities, or whatever.

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Yosi Kossowsky: They were very warm, they were very welcoming.

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Alethea Felton: Wow.

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Yosi Kossowsky: They were not challenging to my religion. They didn't ask me to do anything that

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Yosi Kossowsky: would be uncomfortable for me, in that sense. Like, go to Mass every day.

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Yosi Kossowsky: So they were… they were super respectful. It was an amazing place. I only have the warmest memories of… of the 3 years or 4 years that I was there, and…

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Yosi Kossowsky: what I… what I learned later on was that I got…

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Yosi Kossowsky: finished with second grade, and I still didn't know how to read at all.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And the day school I was in, like, didn't know what to do with me.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And so, hence all the testing.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And so…

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Yosi Kossowsky: the experience that I grew up with was… was a few things. One was that I was broken and retarded.

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Yosi Kossowsky: The second one was that my other three brothers I mentioned to you didn't have these challenges.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And the third is that…

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Yosi Kossowsky: the school I was in was essentially attended by the kids in my neighborhood, and when they noticed that I didn't come back to school.

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Yosi Kossowsky: As kids may do, we're not kind about it.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And, and so… what I do remember is an incessant amount of

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Yosi Kossowsky: teasing, being excluded, you know, like on the weekends, you know, you want to go to play with friends, there was no one for me to play with.

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Alethea Felton: Oh my goodness.

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Yosi Kossowsky: So, I mean, luckily my brothers are, you know, as I said, we're all pretty close in age, and so I did hang out with them.

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Yosi Kossowsky: But it was a very exclusionary feeling, and… and I remember, you know.

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Yosi Kossowsky: My mother's spending a lot of time trying to help me with my homework that my brothers didn't need help with.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And… Ed… there was so often… and, you know, I didn't… I didn't wish for death.

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Yosi Kossowsky: But I… I did… I did feel anger at God and the universe for… for…

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Yosi Kossowsky: you know, there was a joke that we had as kids that, when God said brains, I thought He said trains, and I went and took the train and missed the brain.

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Alethea Felton: Oh… hmm…

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Yosi Kossowsky: And, and that's how I felt. I felt that, I'm here by accident.

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Alethea Felton: That was cool.

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Yosi Kossowsky: joke.

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Alethea Felton: Wow, and that's a lot of a load for a kid to carry.

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Alethea Felton: That's a lot in those very, very formative years, you know, especially since you went to the school for about 3 or 4 years, so about from the ages of 8 until 12, those are crucial and critical years for you. When did the shift happen inside of you, Yossi, where

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Alethea Felton: You began to navigate through those…

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Alethea Felton: feelings of not being welcomed, or excluded, or just some of those feelings that can affect self-esteem in a negative way. When did you begin to see a shift in that, where you started to feel better?

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Alethea Felton: about yourself and your situation. Did that change happen in junior high or high school?

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Yosi Kossowsky: It happened when I was about 40.

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Alethea Felton: Wow.

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Alethea Felton: Yeah.

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Yosi Kossowsky: So I had 2… I had two experiences… three, three experiences that…

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Yosi Kossowsky: Kind of, like, showed me what things could be.

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Yosi Kossowsky: I didn't have the… the tools…

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Yosi Kossowsky: Or the awareness to know how to process them in a healing way.

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Yosi Kossowsky: My dad…

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Yosi Kossowsky: was a rabbi, and he grew up in South Africa, and so, after the divorce, he got remarried, and he went to South Africa to be a rabbi, and when I was

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Yosi Kossowsky: 12, I went there for the year.

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Alethea Felton: Oh!

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Yosi Kossowsky: And as I mentioned that,

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Yosi Kossowsky: you know, in my neighborhood, I was… I had no friends. So…

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Yosi Kossowsky: This was the experience of going to a place, there was no backstory, nobody knew me, and…

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Yosi Kossowsky: the kids that were around were so welcoming and so friendly. It was the first time that I could remember

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Yosi Kossowsky: Of being welcomed, of having friends.

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Yosi Kossowsky: That was… that memory… Has always been a significant memory for me.

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Yosi Kossowsky: Then, you know, I went back to Denver, and I went through school, and Alethea, I think I mentioned this to you, but I never passed a class.

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Alethea Felton: All the way through high school. Like, I saw that I was failing.

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Yosi Kossowsky: But the school system just, like, kind of moved me through. I don't think.

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Alethea Felton: You know.

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Yosi Kossowsky: Maybe it was negligence, you know, I just kind of felt like no one knew what to do with me, I didn't know what to do with me, and so you kind of just moved me through.

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Yosi Kossowsky: So… I finished high school, in a sense.

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Alethea Felton: Yeah.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And, as a post-high school experience, It, it, it is…

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Yosi Kossowsky: let's say, relatively common in the Jewish religious world for kids to go to Israel for the first year after high school as a…

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Alethea Felton: I didn't know that.

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Yosi Kossowsky: here.

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Alethea Felton: Oh, I didn't know that, wow.

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Yosi Kossowsky: Yeah, of going to, like, a seminary, to a full-time learning experience.

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Alethea Felton: Huh.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And so, I… I did that, and again, I met a group of people who didn't know me beforehand, and again, found a really tight group of friends who are still my friends till today. And and so again, that was, like, the second time where I all of a sudden had this experience.

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Yosi Kossowsky: of… Acceptance.

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Yosi Kossowsky: So…

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Yosi Kossowsky: when I returned from South Africa and I went back to school, I went back to the exact same situation, right? Where, back in Denver, back with the same people, back to the exclusion.

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Yosi Kossowsky: The only difference was we were older, and it was harsher, and there was more awareness of the exclusion, and the…

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Yosi Kossowsky: and the emotional… Jibes that were happening.

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Alethea Felton: Yeah.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And so that was the second significant event.

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Yosi Kossowsky: the third significant event was… My… this group of friends…

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Yosi Kossowsky: I had never had plans to go to university or college because I was stupid, and there was no way. And members of my family had convinced me that I would best be served by doing something with my hands, being a mechanic, or a plumber, or something, you know, that I didn't have to.

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Alethea Felton: Trade, so to speak. Yeah,

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Yosi Kossowsky: And so

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Yosi Kossowsky: I, you know, I had no… I had been learning how to repair cars since the age of 15 and stuff, and that's what I thought I was gonna do.

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Yosi Kossowsky: But this group of friends, they said, no, no, no, you gotta go to college, and they, they, they literally, like, walked me through taking my SATs.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And helped me get accepted to City College in New York.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And,

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Yosi Kossowsky: because I had no idea what to study, I started off with psychology, thinking that that was…

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Yosi Kossowsky: Kind of like what a lot of people in my family were therapists, and so I'm like, okay, that's the thing to go into. I had no idea, I had no plan.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And, I remember in my first semester, I started getting passing grades, like Bs, and I'm like.

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Alethea Felton: Wow.

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Yosi Kossowsky: what… what's going on?

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Alethea Felton: It shocked you! Yeah.

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Yosi Kossowsky: How is that possible? But I never had confidence that I would do well.

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Yosi Kossowsky: even though, in the end, I did graduate, I graduated with honors.

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Alethea Felton: what…

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Yosi Kossowsky: But… but at no point…

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Yosi Kossowsky: even till today, when I say not resolved, do I ever walk in with the assumption that I'm smart.

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Yosi Kossowsky: I know what I'm doing.

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Yosi Kossowsky: I'm gonna do well. It's just not a thought that I ever have, and…

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Yosi Kossowsky: I am definitely more pessimistic than optimistic by outlook.

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Yosi Kossowsky: I ended up not becoming a psychologist or anything. I… in my last years of university, I switched into technology, into computers.

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Yosi Kossowsky: Which I found very… Just…

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Yosi Kossowsky: easy to understand and connect to.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And, and so… it… Being in technology was, was, was a…

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Yosi Kossowsky: a great match, it felt good, I did well, but I, again, never, never assumed that I would… would do well, and I'm pretty much always surprised when

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Yosi Kossowsky: I figure something out.

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Alethea Felton: Mmm.

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Yosi Kossowsky: Like, that's not my default that I will. Like, I remember coaching somebody earlier, yesterday or yesterday, who said to me.

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Yosi Kossowsky: I know that I'll always get it done. I know I'll always figure it out. And I'm looking, I'm like, great. But in my mind, I'm thinking, wow, I have never had that experience.

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Alethea Felton: Hmm… And… thank you for going that in-depth with it, because

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Alethea Felton: on paper or on the surface. That's why I love people's stories. We never really know.

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Alethea Felton: what it has cost a person to be who they are today, and to get where they are today. Because on paper, and with your level of achievement, some would make the assumption, oh.

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Alethea Felton: he just skated through school, or he's always done well, and that's not necessarily the case. And even when it comes to this leadership journey.

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Alethea Felton: You'd, had shared with me

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Alethea Felton: You worked for a major corporation, and you left in 2020, and…

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Alethea Felton: I don't know all of the ins and outs, but the reason why I ask those specific questions, going back from your early childhood, and thank you for sharing that with us.

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Alethea Felton: Is the fact that you, being in this role now of coaching

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Alethea Felton: Of showing people the ropes to leadership.

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Alethea Felton: You had all of these situations that I can see.

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Alethea Felton: Have… have contributed and built and led to where you are now.

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Alethea Felton: But, some people say leaders are born, others say, no, leaders are made.

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Alethea Felton: Yasi, take us on your journey, and how in the world would you pivot and transform your life from this tech world industry into this world of leadership? It's obvious, Yossi, hear the sarcasm, it's obvious that you were always

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Alethea Felton: Destined and wanted to be a leadership coach.

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Yosi Kossowsky: You know, absolutely, destined, and always.

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Yosi Kossowsky: No, I never even thought about it at all. Matter of fact.

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Yosi Kossowsky: I think that the first time I even heard about what coaching is as a job, other than as a sports…

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Alethea Felton: Yeah.

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Yosi Kossowsky: Coach, was in 2010.

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Alethea Felton: Okay.

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Yosi Kossowsky: So… in…

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Yosi Kossowsky: So, I, I was an I… I was, my, my primary role was IT until about 2002.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And then, I moved into an engineering role.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And in a few years into that role.

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Yosi Kossowsky: I started to get feedback that my people skills were subpar.

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Alethea Felton: Mmm.

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Yosi Kossowsky: and… It really kind of struck me not…

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Yosi Kossowsky: like I thought I would do well, but…

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Yosi Kossowsky: I had been studying, like, it was something I wanted to attain, a leadership role, and so I had taken some leadership workshops, I had read a couple of books, and the ideas of being a good listener, I thought I was a great listener, I thought I was very empathetic, I thought I was,

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Yosi Kossowsky: patient, I thought I, understood people, and I started getting feedback that none of that was true.

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Alethea Felton: Mmm.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And then I'm like.

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Yosi Kossowsky: stuck, because that was never a challenge I had in technology. I could watch somebody do something, I could read about it, and I could

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Yosi Kossowsky: mimic it, and often I could just tinker around and figure it out.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And so, the people thing really, really baffled me.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And I think I mentioned to you that, in addition to being retarded, which I don't think I am, really, but that label, I also have

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Yosi Kossowsky: For all of my memory of life, been dealing with different autoimmune issues.

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Yosi Kossowsky: such as psoriasis, etc. And… My wife had convinced me in about 2001,

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Yosi Kossowsky: when the autoimmune started building, arthritis, thyroid disease, etc, that I should seek out alternative Medicine.

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Yosi Kossowsky: Because Western medicine just didn't have anything

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Yosi Kossowsky: To… to address it, other than trying to deal with the symptoms.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And so, as I was…

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Yosi Kossowsky: that gave me access to a whole other world that I had never accessed before. And so, when I started having this challenge with people.

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Yosi Kossowsky: one of my colleagues in that space said, why don't you take this workshop on emotional wellness? And I'm like, sure. Like, at that point, I was all into learning anything that I could, and I remember it was a 3-day intensive experience, and I remember the first day.

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Yosi Kossowsky: The first half of the day, there is this person who's teaching about self-awareness and how you can deepen your awareness, and then in the second half of the day.

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Yosi Kossowsky: We would pair up with other people who went to this workshop, and we'd have these set of questions to kind of ask each other.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And I'm noticing that people are starting to…

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Yosi Kossowsky: Cry and be emotional around me.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And I'm like… This is weird.

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Yosi Kossowsky: Like, none of these questions are, are, are, are… Bringing up emotion for me.

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Alethea Felton: Oh… and…

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Yosi Kossowsky: It was only at the end of the day, Alicia, that

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Yosi Kossowsky: you know, hearing people talk, then I realized.

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Yosi Kossowsky: I was the odd one by not feeling it.

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Alethea Felton: Oh, interesting.

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Alethea Felton: It doesn't.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And…

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Alethea Felton: Ding.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And that really was, like, a light bulb moment for me, Wait a second.

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Yosi Kossowsky: Maybe this is my problem. Maybe this is the root of my problem that I'm not feeling, or accessing feeling, or something.

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Yosi Kossowsky: that is why I'm not understanding how to translate these behaviors These actions of listening, patience, Empathy into practice.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And that kind of was, I don't know, enough leverage for me to go all-in on that. And I spent the next 5 years, using all my vacation

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Yosi Kossowsky: To… to learn about…

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Alethea Felton: Emotional wellness.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And then it bridged into behavioral neuroscience. It also…

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Yosi Kossowsky: a number of other, naturopathic and what they would call Eastern medicine practices. I just started gobbling them up and learning them, and my life

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Yosi Kossowsky: Changed dramatically.

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Alethea Felton: Wow!

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Alethea Felton: Wow. What do you think was the spark that caused you to say, instead of

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Alethea Felton: retreating from what the feedback was people were giving you, you decided to embrace it. And I ask that because

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Alethea Felton: sometimes a person can say, you're really not a people person, or you don't really interact well with people. And someone could say, oh, okay, and just go on about their business.

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Alethea Felton: But you, on the other hand.

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Alethea Felton: didn't want to remain in that space. What do you think Sparked that in you.

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Yosi Kossowsky: So…

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Yosi Kossowsky: My experience of growing up, And as you mentioned, formative. And so… Still… not fully resolved.

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Yosi Kossowsky: was… Every day was painful.

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Alethea Felton: Mmm.

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Yosi Kossowsky: Every day, was waking up to feeling, why am I still here?

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Yosi Kossowsky: Why did God do this to me?

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Yosi Kossowsky: and… The opposite of that also remained true, which is…

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Yosi Kossowsky: The desperation to find a way out of that daily experience.

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Yosi Kossowsky: So… I mentioned to you that I don't… I don't natively assume

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Yosi Kossowsky: that I'm gonna figure it out, I'm gonna get it right, or I'm gonna know it.

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Alethea Felton: That's right.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And therefore, whenever I get feedback, I never assume that the other person is wrong, I always assume they're right.

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Alethea Felton: Hmm.

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Yosi Kossowsky: Then, of course I don't know how to do it.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And therefore, I have no… real…

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Yosi Kossowsky: rejection of feedback. Now, it's not that it doesn't hurt, like, when I started getting feedback that I wasn't good with the people thing, it hurt, it stung.

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Yosi Kossowsky: But it… it wasn't… it was more of a validation that, of course, I suck, versus… a…

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Yosi Kossowsky: A disruption of my self-image. It wasn't.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And so… When I started recognizing that there's doorways to change my experience.

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Yosi Kossowsky: That might be able to help me stop feeling pain every day.

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Yosi Kossowsky: I would always leap at those.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And… and the idea of… Here is something… that… I don't understand about emotion.

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Yosi Kossowsky: was very appealing, even though in the moment I didn't realize that that was the appeal.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And… and it was, it was… it was tremendous. I remember…

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Yosi Kossowsky: Reflecting to my wife, at the end of the first year of the training.

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Yosi Kossowsky: that I couldn't remember the last time I was depressed that year.

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Alethea Felton: Oh, wow.

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Yosi Kossowsky: In such a year of discovery.

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Yosi Kossowsky: that I didn't even recognize that I was on a high from that constant self-discovery. And… the… the… the…

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Yosi Kossowsky: The part that was a little troubling or challenging was, you know, change… Is change, and,

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Yosi Kossowsky: There's… there's goodness and change, and then there's, you know, whatever, there's another side to that.

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Yosi Kossowsky: As I started becoming more self-aware, I started becoming nicer.

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Alethea Felton: Oh…

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Yosi Kossowsky: But I didn't realize I wasn't nice to begin with.

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Yosi Kossowsky: But then I realized that I had been a jerk to my wife and my kids.

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Yosi Kossowsky: Not intentionally, But…

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Yosi Kossowsky: still not excusably. And while my wife was very aware of what I was going through, she was very supportive, my children

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Yosi Kossowsky: thought that, like, I had been taken over by aliens.

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Alethea Felton: Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Yeah.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And they were, like, they didn't really know what to do with…

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Alethea Felton: Weirdo dad.

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Yosi Kossowsky: Yeah. Initially.

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Yosi Kossowsky: Oh.

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Alethea Felton: Wow.

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Yosi Kossowsky: It was an interesting experience.

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Alethea Felton: That speaks volumes, and just listening to you, and we didn't talk about this prior, and I don't want to go off in the deep end, but…

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Alethea Felton: I'm not a doctor, of course, but I'm just talking about with my experience, in knowing certain aspects, but to me, although they labeled you as intellectually disabled.

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Alethea Felton: it almost sounds like a form of neurodivergency, in a sense, which is really a superpower in a lot of ways. Just the way that you're describing it, I'm sitting here like, meh, I think Yussie may be neurodivergent, because with that tech background.

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Alethea Felton: with just your response to the feedback, just with some of your interactions, that's what it sounds like to me, and it's really a superpower in a lot of different ways. And so…

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Alethea Felton: We could go on and on and on about this, and we don't have much time left, and so it begs the question to me, is how has this journey of self-discovery while also navigating autoimmune.

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Alethea Felton: Conditions and alternative healing of that, which is also a journey and a process.

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Alethea Felton: How has that… Enhanced your ability to lead others as a leadership coach.

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Yosi Kossowsky: So, thank you for the question.

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Yosi Kossowsky: what I… what I… am discovering, mostly based on feedback from people who I'm coaching.

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Yosi Kossowsky: as they reflect what is different about the way I coach them than they've received in other coaching or other leadership development, is I make no assumptions

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Yosi Kossowsky: About the baseline of humanity. How our brain works, how our emotions work.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And…

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Yosi Kossowsky: to me, it all comes down to the things that I learned in the emotional wellness therapy and in the behavioral neuroscience of how our systems work. Now.

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Yosi Kossowsky: If we think about it like a computer, so there's the computer, and then there's the software that's running on it.

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Yosi Kossowsky: and so…

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Yosi Kossowsky: But the computer can run many versions of software, many languages of software, you can put lots of different

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Yosi Kossowsky: You know, coverings and screensavers and all of that.

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Yosi Kossowsky: But our overall, not in any way 100%,

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Yosi Kossowsky: But there are certain things that seem to be true. For one… for example, one of them is that we all live with subjective perception.

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Alethea Felton: Hmm.

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Alethea Felton: That's a fact, yeah. I agree.

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Yosi Kossowsky: For me, as an engineer, all of these things translate very quickly from an idea to practicality.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And that's what I do with all of my clients, which is, if Subjective perception is true.

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Yosi Kossowsky: Okay?

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Yosi Kossowsky: then… Do you think that the way…

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Yosi Kossowsky: We hear each other is the same, or also different?

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Alethea Felton: That can also be different.

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Yosi Kossowsky: Right?

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Alethea Felton: Yes.

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Yosi Kossowsky: Now just think about our general conversation style, which is I'm talking and you're talking. But at what point have we validated with each other that what I'm saying, you're hearing.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And what you're saying, I'm hearing.

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Alethea Felton: throughout our conversation, even if through body language.

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Yosi Kossowsky: So, but we're operating on a bit of soft assumption.

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Alethea Felton: Exactly.

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Yosi Kossowsky: Okay?

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Alethea Felton: I understand.

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Yosi Kossowsky: When we're in the work world, and we are relying on other people to

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Yosi Kossowsky: Deliver to execute in the way that we understand, and we start to find that what we get back isn't what we expected.

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Yosi Kossowsky: When we start to find that that happens at least 20, 30, 40, 50% of the time, it becomes very disruptive to our work.

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Yosi Kossowsky: If we want to fix that.

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Yosi Kossowsky: There is actually some pretty simple ways to do it.

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Yosi Kossowsky: The hard part is not learning what to do.

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Yosi Kossowsky: The hard part is putting it into action.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And what I'm understanding more and more about myself is

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Yosi Kossowsky: All of these trials and tribulations have taught me How to do that work.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And how to share what it takes to do that work.

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Yosi Kossowsky: with others.

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Yosi Kossowsky: So, it's not like I'm bringing… Unheard of ideas to anybody.

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Yosi Kossowsky: what I am bringing is… practiced…

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Yosi Kossowsky: Tried and true ways of enduring and persisting?

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Yosi Kossowsky: in growth.

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Alethea Felton: Mmm.

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Alethea Felton: Enduring, persisting, and growth.

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Alethea Felton: I like that.

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Alethea Felton: Yeah, enduring, persisting, and growth.

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Alethea Felton: How do you continue to persist in your daily life as you continue to transform even more…

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Alethea Felton: And grow and evolve into more… versions of yourself.

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Yosi Kossowsky: So… in the beginning, when I say the beginning, when I…

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Alethea Felton: Started to really work through all of the childhood.

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Yosi Kossowsky: buildup.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And this idea first appeared about being a light in the darkness.

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Yosi Kossowsky: My… my focus was… making sure that I felt like I had My candle lit every day.

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Yosi Kossowsky: Over the last few years, There has been a great gift that life has brought, which is more candles.

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Yosi Kossowsky: you… And other people that I've met.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And… what's slowly been happening over the last year is I've realized that I have a new Dream.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And my dream is not just to be a light in the darkness, but my light… my dream is to…

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Yosi Kossowsky: Light other candles, and help other candles shine brighter, too.

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Alethea Felton: Mmm.

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Yosi Kossowsky: and… That's what gets me up every day, is the belief that

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Yosi Kossowsky: I think I can do that.

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Alethea Felton: Yes.

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Yosi Kossowsky: I want to believe that I can do that.

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Alethea Felton: And…

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Yosi Kossowsky: what I imagine is… More lights.

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Yosi Kossowsky: Less darkness.

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Alethea Felton: More lights.

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Alethea Felton: Less darkness. What a wonderful mantra to have.

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Alethea Felton: And you are living that example, and if someone is more curious about the work you do, Yasi, what's the best way that they can connect with you?

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Yosi Kossowsky: The best way currently, Alethea, is on my LinkedIn.

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Alethea Felton: Okay.

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Yosi Kossowsky: I went and I bought a domain name with my name, but I haven't had a chance to go… I'm not a web developer, I haven't gotten a chance to build that out.

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Yosi Kossowsky: So, LinkedIn is right now the place, the best place. And there's even a booking link there, anyone can book time with me.

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Yosi Kossowsky: So…

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Alethea Felton: Perfect, and I'll have that in the show notes. And I understand about the website thing, because I have updated my website so many times, because I'm constantly shifting and evolving and growing. So even now, I have a website, it's active, but I'm not impressed with it myself, so I'm going through.

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Yosi Kossowsky: Right.

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Alethea Felton: an update very soon with that as well, by the end of the year. As we come to a close, Yossi.

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Alethea Felton: Your journey and your transformation of the power within yourself, and also

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Alethea Felton: Just so many people along the way.

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Alethea Felton: Despite the challenging times, there were people that were candles in the darkness for you that have led you to be who you are today, and how you continue to still maneuver through life day by day.

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Alethea Felton: As a closing question, Yossi, it would be this.

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Alethea Felton: When you reflect back on that 8-year-old boy, And now this 50-something-year-old man What?

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Alethea Felton: Are you most… And I use this word in a positive sense, not negative.

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Alethea Felton: But what are you most proud of?

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Alethea Felton: in terms of who you have become today, when you look back on where you were at 8 until now, what brings you, maybe not even pride, but what brings you the most joy about your journey?

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Yosi Kossowsky: And I'm still here.

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Alethea Felton: Mmm…

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Yosi Kossowsky: I, I, I remember when I first learned about how a butterfly becomes a butterfly.

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Yosi Kossowsky: You know, so Caterpillar… Stops.

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Yosi Kossowsky: Comes a cocoon.

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Yosi Kossowsky: Butterfly morphosizes And then the butterfly spins The majority of his life.

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Yosi Kossowsky: Fighting its way out of the cocoon.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And most butterflies, I'm told, live for a very short period of time after they're freed from the cocoon.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And one of their main tasks is to lay eggs.

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Yosi Kossowsky: For the next cycle.

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Yosi Kossowsky: if somebody Were to come along and try to help the butterfly escape the cocoon earlier.

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00:47:03.080 --> 00:47:05.430
Yosi Kossowsky: The butterfly actually dies.

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00:47:05.760 --> 00:47:08.600
Yosi Kossowsky: The only way a butterfly learns to fly

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Yosi Kossowsky: Is that the experience of breaking out of the cocoon strengthens its wings so that it can take flight.

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Yosi Kossowsky: If we were to help it.

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00:47:19.790 --> 00:47:23.450
Yosi Kossowsky: It would not gain the strength it needs to fly.

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00:47:24.500 --> 00:47:27.070
Yosi Kossowsky: And… I'm not a butterfly.

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00:47:27.990 --> 00:47:38.450
Yosi Kossowsky: Yet… I do feel that… My journey has been one of… strengthening Rather than being trapped.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And that has taken a while to see, and to feel.

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Yosi Kossowsky: And so, my answer is that I'm still here.

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Alethea Felton: Yes.

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Yosi Kossowsky: I'm still…

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00:47:49.040 --> 00:47:49.770
Alethea Felton: Yeah.

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Yosi Kossowsky: fly.