021: YOLO and the Gift of Experiencing a Flexible Life With a Dynamic Identity

YOLO. You only live once. It’s a phrase that gets thrown around too commonly and sometimes can get quite out of hand. It’s an important part of the American culture and for some, it’s the motivation to chase the American dream. However, what if YOLO actually stood for something else? What if it wasn’t necessarily about trying to attack life at full throttle, but rather living a dynamic life without expectations? Sometimes, how we start out in life doesn’t necessarily dictate where we end up. In today’s episode, I discuss the value of wearing many hats, becoming a jack of all trades, and living with a dynamic identity.

We all have the power to harness our dynamic identities. Become the unexpected gift that you choose to be.

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Transcript

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” – Carl Jung

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How’s it everyone, my name is Michael Cabuco, and welcome to another episode of the Love Notes for Life podcast, your creative space for amplifying greatness through gratitude.

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YOLO. You only live once.

Sounds familiar? You've probably heard this term get thrown around casually among friends, family, or even when someone’s about to do a massive PR at the gym. YOLO. Or as “I” like to refer to it: The American way of life.

This is the way. A Mandalorian creed for my Star Wars fans out there.

It’s a way of life, a culture for the fanatics, that embodies the idea that because our time on Earth is limited and, quite unpredictable, that we need to live life to the max at all cost. All gas. Punch it towards the redline. And who needs brakes?

Want that Mercedes AMG GT Coupe? Not a problem. Make a generous salary, have a decent down payment, and take out a 6-year loan. Why not? And how about this one. Fancy a nice Omega Speedmaster Moonwatch Professional? That's even easier. Just throw it on the credit card. It’s only money! I mean, you’ll make it back eventually! And for my thrill seekers out there, what's the quickest way to get an adrenaline rush and dance with death you may ask? Well, why not spend a beautiful day sky diving from a sketchy plane that’s hanging in there from the late 80s. Yea, I’m not 100% committed to that last one. I do love a good fight with death once in awhile, but I rather not volunteer myself to the duel uninvited. No thank you.

While the term YOLO is relatively new, the concept of “keeping up with the joneses” or trying to emulate wealth through perception, has always been a dominant mark of success in the United States of America. And not trying to brag, but here in the States, we rank number one in teaching our youth that winners run this world and that YOLO is built on the consistent need to chase the triumphant American dream.

So when I was a little kid, I had two good things going for me: I was pretty good at drawing art and I enjoyed performing music. And music took the lead.

I grew up in a very musical environments as my parents were natural musicians. My mom was a singer, top of her class, and could sing everything and anything with vocal prowess and clarity. On the other hand, my father played saxophone and he knew how to play all of them. He could play the big boy baritone sax to the standard alto or tenor, and occasionally he would play that soprano sax that Kenny G would always bust out during New Year’s Eve celebrations. And it was inevitable, that being in that environment at an early age would develop my ear for music, and it would nurture my interests in performing music into my existence.

Also, my parents didn’t restrict themselves to one genre of music. They consumed everything and when I say everything, I really mean everything. I grew up listening to a wide variety of music including the power ballads and soft hits of the 60s, 70s, and 80s, to the big band music of the swing era during the early 30s and 40s, and of course the Disney musical classics of the early 90s. There was never a day, where music wasn’t playing through the hallways of my home or even blasting through the speakers of our maroon 91 dodge caravan. Music was indeed running through my blood, and I just couldn’t get enough of it.

So throughout elementary and high school, I was heavily involved with playing music. I started my musical journey playing alto sax for the concert band and eventually I got into jazz band during my junior and senior year of high school. Outside of school, I took piano lessons weekly and when I wasn’t playing sax or piano, I learned how to teach myself how to play guitar and jam out on the drums. I was a jack of all trades type of musician and I loved it.

Music was my creative outlet and it led to some pretty cool opportunities as well. I had the chance to perform with my rock band at this cultural festival called American Day at Misawa, Japan and if there was a local talent show going on, you could bet that I would be the first to sign up! I enjoyed performing and it’s funny to say that because I considered myself a super shy kid. But music really did help me break out of my comfort zone.

And, it became a standard way of life and a way for me to give back to the community. On the weekends, I would volunteer to play guitar and sing at church with my parents and friends. And the best part of it all was that I was exposed to different flavors of Christian music because of military travel. Every 4 years we’d say our goodbyes to one choir and say hello to a new Catholic parish.

And some churches leaned more traditional, but as I got older, we ended up performing at churches that were more accepting of the modern-day style of musical hymns. And to be honest, this was really where the fun was at. My parents and I would jam out every Sunday and we made mass fun, we got people excited to be there, while still keeping it respectful, but with a kiss of rock and roll. It was such a great feeling to have people come up to us after mass and thank us for our service, but really, I was just thankful that they enjoyed it.

So, after being surrounded by music 24/7 and experiencing all these wonderful memories from it, obviously, I would've pursued a career in music. Right? I mean, that sounds feasible right? Like, isn’t that the point of the American dream? Pursue a job that you're passionate about because even the great Mark Twain said it himself, "Find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life."

But you see, back then, good ol’ Mark Twain didn't have to deal with the YOLO lifestyle. I think if Mark Twain was still around, he would’ve rephrased his statement. He probably would’ve said:

"Find a job that you’re really good at, something that you enjoy doing, and most importantly, don't forget to get paid a decent salary."

I had every opportunity to pursue music right after high school. I had the knack for it, but there was one moment during high school that kind of shifted my behavior. I remember attending a workshop at the Reno Jazz Festival during my senior year in high school. During our time there, we met up with the old school Jazz cat that taught at the University of Nevada in Reno. And after we performed one of our songs, he got up, went to the front of the classroom, and offered us some feedback. However, we didn’t expect what he was about to say.

He said,

Music is great. It has taught me many lessons in life. Yet, if you choose to do music for a living, know that it’s a job first before a passion. There will be days, when music will feel like work, and you won’t have any motivation to do it. That’s the associated cost. That’s the price to pay. Right now, you are all young and in love with music. Enjoy this moment because it doesn’t last forever. That love you feel. That passion you get after every performance. One day, it will turn into something else, and it may not be what you expect. As you get further into this career, this job will require you take on new perspectives. If you want this, it’s here for the taking. I’ve heard you all. You all have the chops. You all have the potential to keep going further. But recognize, that music will need to be a job first and you’ll need to perform even on your off days. You’ll need to re-learn how to love music over and over and over again. And remember, this isn’t the end of the road. Just because you’re great at music doesn’t mean you have to create a career out of it. For some of you, it’s okay just to play music for the fun of it. So, when you leave this classroom remember this:

"Find a job that you’re really good at, something that you enjoy doing, and most importantly, don't forget to get paid a decent salary."

His words felt personal. It really resonated through me and at that time, I wasn’t ready to take the risk. So I didn’t take the obvious path. I shelved my dreams of becoming a professional musician and took a complete 180 on my life. I went to college for electrical engineering.

In high school, I was taught that the only way to be successful was to be a doctor, a lawyer, or an engineer. It was a very naïve way of thinking, but back then STEM seemed to be the go-to buzzword. I was convinced, that becoming an engineer would be a profitable endeavor and my chances of getting a job after college would be significantly higher. I was sold the American dream that was far from what my childhood perception of the American dream was. So I paid my dues, went to college for four years, and assumed that there would be jobs lined up, ready to accept me with my nicely framed bachelor’s degree.

But boy oh boy. Man. I was so wrong.

I had the degree. Check. I had that piece of paper, you know, that was supposedly the holy grail of grails. Check. Yet, after submitting a handful of resumes, I was ghosted. I had zero callbacks until 6 months later, I would receive my first callback and it wasn’t the best experience.

My first engineering job interview ended the minute it started. It was a phone interview and the guy on the other end, well, he was super impatient. He asked me a few questions, and the minute I said, “Well, I don’t have extensive experience in this subject, but I’m willing to learn.” He came back at me and said, “You know what kid. I don’t have time to teach you. Clearly, you’re NOT a good fit for this job.” And just like that, it was over before it started.

My belief system was challenged, and I finally realized that my bachelor’s degree gave me no guarantees. It wasn’t enough that I went to some fancy university with a notable faculty. It wasn’t enough that I graduated on time within 4 years and managed to score a decent GPA. It wasn’t enough to be burdened by the aching issue that I needed to pay off my school loans soon and time was running out. But in hindsight, the way that whole interview played out, well, it was meant to be.

There’s always going to be someone out there that is much hungrier for success. And that person is willing to go above and beyond and give up their entire life to get their dream job. That was their version of the YOLO lifestyle, and their competitive nature would drive them towards what they needed be.

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And me? Well, I was just an artist trying to be an engineer. But just because I got shot down, didn’t mean that I was ready to give up. One year later, I’d soon finally get that chance, and I wasn’t going to take it for granted regardless of how I got it.

I got my first job through the help of my uncle and a series of circumstances. He knew my character, my work ethics, and was willing to help me get a job. At that time, my uncle was working for a big defense contractor and while he tried to get me a job at his workplace, they just weren’t hiring at the time. However, his manager forwarded my resume to my soon-to-be boss and then one night, I get this cold call out of nowhere. I had no clue who this person was, but he left a voicemail, asking for me, and wondered if I was still looking for work. Of course, I was, and I couldn’t contain my excitement! I was desperate and I had no time to be picky. This was my chance to finally course correct my life after one year of looking for work. I was ready to finally move on to the next chapter of my life.

A week later, I went in for the job interview with no expectations, but a willingness to learn. There you go again with that “willingness to learn” but it felt different this time. Unlike the previous companies I tried to apply for, this place was a small company and it favored individuals with a dynamic identity. My boss was a fairly reasonable man, and he knew my circumstances. However, he knew that I didn’t have experience. So offered me a job through a handshake style of agreement. All he wanted was a bit of loyalty, commitment, and for me to keep an open mind. It was a reasonable request and I said yes and that was my first day as a professional electrical engineer.

However, that label, that job title would define a small part of my responsibilities and I would learn to act fast and become comfortable with wearing many hats.

The place was built on a budget, literally, but the work experience I gained was priceless. I did it all. Electrical, mechanical design, software programming, and I even dabbled with chemical engineering. I had a lot on my plate, but I didn’t complain because I enjoyed the challenges of the job. Every day was like going back to school and like I said, time and time again, I was willing to learn, and I wanted to learn everything.

I became a dynamic individual, and I embraced my dynamic identity.

Today, aside from running the Love Notes for Life brand, I work full time as a mechanical design engineer for the aerospace industry in Seattle, Washington. And it’s another identity that I’ve acquired in life, which I’m proud of.

Where you start in life doesn’t necessarily dictate where you end up. I think when I was younger, I was so focused on having one single identity, one overarching purpose, that if I became this person then my life would fall into place. However, my life just didn’t unravel like that. I found purpose through my dynamic identity, and I enjoyed the variety.

Now, it would be dishonest of me, if I didn’t admit that I do wonder what my life would’ve looked like if I did pursue a career in music over engineering. I mean, who knows. Maybe I could’ve been a touring jazz artist or maybe I could’ve taken the acoustic route and played different coffeehouses across the United States. Or maybe, I could’ve been one of those sound engineers playing on the EQ dials and mastering the next big hit. I really do wonder.

But you know what? After all the experiences that I’ve had up to this point. The adventures of working overseas, meeting interesting people, working on cool engineering projects, and just always being in a constant state of curiosity. All of it adds up and it painted a life that I did not expect in the first place. All those significant moments in my life. My life. It was so worth and I’m really happy how everything worked out. I’m grateful for the life I have today and it really feels meant to be. 

“To become what one is, one must not have the faintest idea what one is.” - Friedrich Nietzsche

YOLO. You only live once and now I get it. It isn’t necessarily about keeping up with the joneses anymore. No, it’s about finding ways to fill your life with many experiences with the limited time we have. It’s about being open to new adventures and the thirst for personal growth. It’s about taking on new challenges and doing your best in unexpected roles. And at the same time, it’s living without question, without the need for validation or resolution, and just finding ways to make life fun. 

We all have the power to harness our dynamic identities. Become the unexpected gift that you choose to be.

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Thanks, y’all for tuning in to another episode of the Love Notes for Life podcast. I look forward to continuing this conversation of awareness and amplifying greatness through gratitude. If you’re enjoying the Love Notes for Life podcast, please subscribe and leave a 5-star rating on Spotify, Apple, and other major podcast platforms. The Love Note for Life lifestyle collection is now available at lovenotesforlife.com. Thanks for supporting the Love Notes movement and be sure to track the mindset by following me @mikecabuco on Instagram or Twitter.

Thanks, y’all for the support and always remember, “There is beauty in knowing that there is only one of you.” Take care.