Home is Embracing the Culture That Magnifies Your Life

How do you define a home? Is it merely just four walls and a roof? Or can it represent something more? In today's episode we close out 2023 by talking story, connecting with my roots from Hawaii, being Filipino American, and keeping cultural traditions alive.

Thank you all for the support and I wish you all a Happy New Year filled with many more memories, opportunities for growth, and most of all, love notes to share with your family and friends.

A hui hou.

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Transcript

How’s it everyone, my name is Mike Cabuco, and welcome to another episode of the Love Notes for Life podcast, your creative space for amplifying greatness through gratitude.

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Finally. Where you been brother? Yea. I know. I know. So sorry, but life has been so busy with school and work and the holidays. Anyways, no excuses, yea, but I felt like it wouldn’t be right without squeezing in one more episode before we close out the year. So, by the time this podcast drops, I’ll be on Christmas break courtesy of my workplace, and I’ll also be on break from grad school. Speaking of grad school, talk about staying busy! Now, if you feel bored, just go back to school. Because seriously. I mean, it’s been crazy busy! I’ve been doing a lot of writing and researching and thankfully the coursework is actually pretty fun. And I guess there’s value in studying what you’re actually interested in so yea, it does make the coursework go fast and I’m not complaining.

But anyways, thank you all for tuning to the last Love Notes for Life podcast episode, for the year.  Of course, I’m not going anywhere, and I’ll continue to talk your ear off into 2024 and basically just do the same thing. Hopefully for the best. I’m kidding. Or maybe I’m not? I’m serious? Whatever it maybe. Okay. I’ll try again. Now hopefully for the best. Just talking story, sharing some love notes, and best of all, find more opportunities to learn about the world we live in and find growth throughout the process. And even though I run one small podcast, it’s my way of putting out good vibes and mana back into the world.

And there’s my dog. Howzit Winston?

Now, a few weeks back, I finally made it back to Hawaii, on the beautiful island of Oahu, which is also the first place I called home. But more of that later. So, my parents and I have made it a family tradition to try at least go back to Hawaii every year, but with the new job here in Seattle and me just trying to get settled in, we all thought it would be best to skip last year. But, man, I never realized how much I missed Oahu until I finally got off the plane and felt the heat kiss my skin while walking around Daniel K Inouye airport. Yea, you know! It’s definitely a unique characteristic of Hawaii and I tell you what. This particular trip definitely felt different. Like seriously, homesick vibes for days and I kept thinking why that was the case after I got back to the mainland. And, for someone like me, who only had limited memories as a baby in Hawaii, for whatever reason I always felt connected to the island, the first place I called home.

I guess, maybe it’s because of who I am. Not in like a Jackie Chan kind of way in his 1998 action movie Who Am I. Who am I!? You haven’t seen it? No? Well, you’re not missing anything. I’m just kidding! I loved that movie! But yea, it was more on the popcorn side of things, but I highly recommend it if you haven’t watched it.

Anyways. So, I was born in Wahiawa, Hawaii and it was purely by chance. At the time, my dad was stationed at Wheeler, serving in the Air Force, so my parents lived outside of the base in Wahiawa. Now for those of you unfamiliar with the place, but have been to Oahu, I usually tell people, it’s the little town you hit right before the Dole Plantation if you’re heading towards the North Shore. And it’s such a small town compared to the hustle and bustle of Honolulu.

Now, while my parents weren’t born and raised in Hawaii, they definitely had an easier time blending in with the locals. So, my dad and my mom are two first generation American, originally born in the Philippines with a mixture of Filipino, Chinese, and Spanish descent. And if you know one local in Hawaii, I can guarantee you, diversity and having a mixed ethnicity background is very common. And we all have the plantation days to thank for that.

It was in the 1880s, that the first Japanese immigrants migrated to Hawaii to work on the sugar and fruit plantations. Next thing you know, the Filipinos came over, then the Chinese, the Portuguese, and even people all the way from African came to the islands to work. All these immigrants would eventually become the first locals of Hawaii. And it’s important to remember that, even though these groups of people from all over the world began to call Hawaii their home, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are Hawaiian. And that’s because we can’t forget about paying respect to the true first locals, the Kanaka Maoli, or the indigenous people of Hawaii. So, with all these different backgrounds coming from all over the world, Hawaii became a place where diversity was bound to happen to ensure harmony on the island.

So here I was, a little baby boy, born on Hawaii by chance. And while I was wished I could say, yea I grew up in Hawaii and I remember getting manapua from the manapua man truck and I would spend my weekends surfing at Sandy’s, unfortunately, I can’t. Because I was first and foremost a military brat and I barely got a chance to ever settle in one place and create roots. So, a few years after I was born, we picked up and went back to the mainland and headed to California. From there, we ended up in New Jersey and then flew all the way across the world to northern Japan, and then eventually headed back to California. And that’s where I graduated from, good ol’ Wheatland Union High School, went to university at UC Davis, and then landed my first job at Beale AFB near Wheatland, CA.

And now I’m up here living in Seattle, and I’ve finally made it past my second Christmas and to be honest, it’s been kind of a struggle with settling down roots and actually calling this place home. I mean, I know. Technically, yea. I live here. And technically, yea, that means this is home. But, it’s still tough being far from my cousin, relatives, my parents, and basically my big family. And if you know Filipinos, we have big families and that includes people that are not even related to you. No! True story! I no lie. In the Filipino culture, anybody that’s close to you, even if you’re not related, is regarded as auntie or uncle. And close friends, we call them cousins. And if they’re older, we call them kuya for men and ate for women. And you see, there’s this deep respect for family, the idea of kapamilya, which is Tagalog for someone you recognize as family, blood related or not.

And I wish I could say that moving to a new place was easy, but it really wasn’t, and it has taken me a lot of time getting used to. And, for those of you who are bold enough leave home, a place that’s so familiar, and venture out to the unknown, like Elsa from Frozen, well it’s both a daunting task, but a rewarding adventure. Because, sure you know what home is. You know what comfort feels like. And ultimately, the place you call home isn’t going anywhere. But, when it comes to rapid growth and sustainable growth, the easiest way to grow is to do the hard things first early in life rather than waiting and waiting until you’re old and matanda and then you don’t even have the willpower to even try.

But there’s nothing wrong about wanting to stay comfortable. I mean it all comes down to personal choice. I mean, after living here in Seattle for a few years, I’ve gotten to know a few people that had zero ambition to leave Washington. I mean, they pretty much spent their entire life here in this one state and they seemed pretty content. And after getting to know them and asking them if they ever considered leaving, well their answer usually ended up being that this place, Seattle, the Puget sound, all of it is home to them.

I can empathize with them to certain extent. Because, yea, maybe I never stayed in one place for too long, but when my family did our final military move to California, that became the place I considered home. I mean I finished high school there, I finished college there, and I got a proper engineering job as well. So, yea, it was a place comfort and familiarity and to be honest, I thought I would’ve never leaved as well. I thought I would’ve worked at the same job until retirement. But there came a time when I didn’t want comfort anymore. I wanted growth and I took the risk, got the job, and ended up in a place, a new unfamiliar place that now became my home. Maybe not my forever home, but a home, nonetheless.

Which got me thinking. How do you define a home? Like, sure, I mean technically the definition of a home is a place of residence. You know, four walls and a roof. But, I’ve also thought of a home as more of an idea or feeling like a cozy place surrounded by familiarity. And to tell you what, on my recent trip back to Hawaii. I’m not going lie. It really felt like I was going back home. Sure, of course I didn’t technically grow up on the island, but being there, on the 'Āina surrounded by the sea, the gorgeous scenery, the local people, the Kamaʻāina, the food, the kau kau, and the culture itself, well my friends, it felt very comfortable. It felt exactly how I would define home. And I’ll say it again. It’s a crazy feeling and I’m still trying to wrap my head around it especially when I was just a baby when I used to live in Hawaii. But somehow, it felt like I’ve lived there my entire life.

And that’s when I realized. Home, in essence, isn’t just a place. Home is embracing the culture that magnifies your life.

You see even if I never grew up in Hawaii, I was still raised like I was on the island. As a second generation Filipino American, I was partly raised old country, deeply rooted in the Filipino culture, as my family managed to learn more about what it meant to be an American. I think, for many people in my situation, where you had parents that moved to the United States when they were teenagers, well there’s that stronger lingering cultural aspect of the old country that still finds its way nestled in their luggage. It’s not like a switch you know? Like, just because you left one cultural environment and entered the next, then you would immediately forget where you came from.

And I saw it first-hand when my grandparents also moved to the states to help raise me as a little kid. I was fortunate enough to experience what it meant to be island raised through the eyes of my parents and grandparents. My grandpa and grandma were definitely old school. And funny story, my earliest memories as a kid always involved them. I can still recall my grandma always making food. Cooking was her passion and making me a big overweight kid was another passion as well. I’m just kidding. But, no really, she loved to cook and in turn I enjoyed eating it so it was a win-win situation all around. But, I would learn to enjoy food, recipes from the old country. And if you have Filipino friends. You know what I’m talking about. Lumpia, sinigang, pork adobe, pancit, and lechon. And here’s for all the brave souls out there chocolate meat aka dinuguan. You name it and I’ve probably ate it. I could’ve probably skipped the dinuguan, but anyways these foods where far from your typical western food.

And that’s the funny thing. You ask one Filipino, no actually, you ask one local from Hawaii, “Hey bradduh what you think mainland kau kau is? He’s probably going to tell you what my grandparents, my parents, my cousins, and every person that wasn’t born in the States would’ve told me, which is one fast food, burgers, fries, steak, fried chicken, and maybe some sort of pasta dish, oh yea, and maybe some pizza. And sure, it’s a joke, but it’s mainly true. But at the same, it really makes for some weird conversations, especially in high school. Like, I remember when I was kid, I would bring food to school in my little lunch box and it would have my usual bento. Rice and some sort of meat dish. And sometimes the smell can be a little foreign, so one whiff of my dish, had some of my, let’s just say it, Caucasian friends with their eyebrows raised. It got to the point where I kind of got a little embarrassed and started replacing my meals with “American” substitutes. Like I would skip on the Filipino food and bring one bag of potato chips and a deli meat sandwich on the side. I know, I should’ve been proud, but when you’re young, the bullying gets old. So, I did what was easy.

And that wasn’t the only cultural difference. I grew up in a household where you took off your shoes before entering the house. It was a sign of respect and not bring your dirt into someone else’s home. So, we had all of our shoes and slippers right by the door as if it looked the shoe isle at one department store. And when friends came over to the house for the first time, without having that type of cultural experience, some of them would’ve been a bit oblivious, and would march into the house without consideration. Thankfully, my family wasn’t too aggressive, but eventually the unsaid things would be said, like, “Could you please take your shoes off?” And you could see it my friend’s eyes how they were taking in this weird awkward situation. And there I was in the background, getting embarrassed again, that my Filipino heritage struck again and made more of a foreigner of me in a country that I was technically born in.

So, little by little, as I got older, I tried to push away my heritage. I tried to be more American. Whatever that meant. I guess, to be completely honest, I was just trying to fit in with the home I landed into. And that price would lend itself to avoiding anything that would make me a target. I started distancing myself from the food I grew up with. I started eating more American or western style dishes. And I even avoided any type of cultural club with the words Filipino or Asian American. Hey, I even stopped eating rice for a year straight and I even broke the biggest rules of being one Filipino American: I started wearing shoes around the house. I became this cultural rebel because I thought it would make me blend in with the world I was living in.

But all that effort was an exercise in being a dummy. I was a fool for thinking that I could separate who I was with who I is, which is one Filipino American. Someone, that is born in the United States, but with deep cultural roots from the island. And it took me all these years and one special trip back to where I was born, to finally realize that.

And If you’ve ever visited Hawaii then you know that even though, Hawaii is the 50th state, it’s is technically its own country. It is the complete opposite of the mainland or North America. The culture of Hawaii is very similar, if not, pretty much the same thing as Filipino culture. And everything. I mean, everything that I was doing to try and fit in on the mainland, was everything that was totally accepted in Hawaii. Deep respect for family and the elders, the kupuna. Check. Local food made with shoyu, sugar, ginger, garlic, chili pepper, water (shoutout to Kaikena Scanlan) yea right on bradduh! Good song! Check. Not wearing shoes in the house. Taking care of the aina. Having big family parties or pāʻina and making sure you bring your best go to recipe to share. Oh, that’s another thing! Always lending a hand, sharing your knowledge, your tools, and helping out when you can. And not being so for yourself. Always being open to community. Being in a state of aloha. A mindset of love, peace, and compassion. I mean the list goes on and on and on.

And the more I got to know where I came from. The more I realized that Hawaii was always a place I could call home. A place I could come back to and know that I would find comfort in the people, the food, the land, and ultimately the culture. Because that’s how I was raised and it was so dumb that I even thought I could push away those feelings. Sure, it’s important learn to adapt to our environments. But before that. It’s more important to get to know your roots. To know your cultural roots and where you came from. And I believe this goes for everybody regardless race or skin color. Look, I now know the value of clubs, like the Filipino club or the Asian American club, and I think we as Americans need to acknowledge true diversity and not just one-sided diversity. I mean, like I want to see more European clubs or South American clubs, or even more events hosted by the indigenous people of North America. But I think the US could benefit greatly from showcasing culture. Showcasing cultural roots. Not to get so overly political, but I hope that one day, when I ask someone what American food is, I’d like to hear, you know, Filipino cuisine or Mexican cuisine or German cuisine. I mean, you name it. If there’s one thing that I learned from Hawaii is that home is embracing the culture that magnifies your life.

And that also means sharing your roots and sharing your culture with other regardless of where you came from. Whether it be Europe, Asia, Africa, South America, Mexico. Heck. Maybe you come from Antarctica for all I know. But yea, I think that’s what’s going to make our lives, our world a much brighter place.

So we’re heading into 2024. A new year. Obviously. Captain obvious. And I’m not going to chant new year. New me. But I do hope that we don’t forget where we came from regardless of where that is. Heck. You could’ve never had the same experiences that I’ve had. Like, being a military brat and traveling all over the world. I mean, you could’ve lived in the Midwest your entire life, but ultimately those are your roots. How you grew up and all those values you learned along the way are gifts that you can share with some local kid like me. And in turn, I can share my heritage and my gifts that I’ve learned from my parents, my grandparents, and my cultural background. To me, that’s the home I’m looking forward to living in. A place that embraces culture and magnifies the life we live.

So don’t be afraid of being yourself and sharing your culture. And on the flip side, don’t be afraid of trying new things or adopting new ideas. Because to me, that’s what it means to be Filipino and American. A little bit of this and little bit of that. And hopefully in the end a well-rounded person built on the foundation of love, trust, and the spirit of aloha.

So, to everyone out there. Once again, mahalo nui, maraming salamat, and thank you for joining me on this amazing journey of Love Notes for Life. It’s been a blast and I look forward to many more years to come. I wish you all a very Merry Christmas, maligayang pasko, happy holidays, and a happy new year.

And always remember, “There is beauty in knowing that there is only one of you.”

A hui hou.

Take care.