Thriving After a New Born

Thriving after a newborn. How do you do this?

In this episode, we will talk about getting more sleep, how to quiet crying babies, supporting your wife or partner, and how to know what your wife wants from you. You heard that right; after this episode, you will know what women want. Some kidding, and there is some truth to this. You will have to listen to find out.

I will also cover some legal stuff and talk about how you can love your newborn and why that is important as a father.

Also, If there is a topic you are interested in me talking about or have questions, please send it to knightbri@gmail.com. You can also check out my website at brianjknight.com. I am on Facebook and have a private group called Thriving Fatherhood. I would love to connect with you there. 

Also, if you would be interested in working with me or having me mentor you on your journey back from surviving to thriving in fatherhood, then send me an email or reach out to me through my website, and we can set up a call to see if I can help you to thrive more in your fatherhood journey. 

Transcript

Welcome to the Thriving Fatherhood Podcast, where we are living and working in the trenches to go from surviving to thriving in this mission field called fatherhood. 

My name is Brian Knight and I am so glad to be here with you guys. I hope you are having a great week so far. You know I was just telling my wife Bethany the other day that this week seems like the first normal week in the past six weeks. Of course, you know my third child, Wesley, was born on February 24th.  Seems like our routine has been tossed upside down and we are now just starting to find our rhythm again and get back to a normal life.

So, that is what I want to talk with you about today, how to start thriving again after having a child. I will be honest having a child with other little ones is more challenging than if this is your first child, but we are more experienced and this is not our first rodeo. If you are having your first there is a steep learning curve and some things you may be nervous about that you will not take as seriously when you have already been through this a time or two. 

I want to talk about some things Bethany and I have been doing to thrive as a family. At certain times it sure did not feel like we were thriving much, but my wife and I work great as a team. She has her strengths and I have mine. So, lets get started. 

This may be controversial and I know some of you will disagree with me on this, but I suggest you sleep in different rooms for the first month after the baby is born. There is no reason both of you should be sleep deprived together, that is not going to do your family any good. Our situation currently is Bethany sleeps in the nursery with the baby and I sleep in our regular bed. Now you may be saying what does that do for your love life, well we are not allowed to do that thing until six weeks after birth anyways. We still have our date nights, alone time and kissing. We are way too deep into this marriage thing for a little lack of sex to keep our spirits down. 

We both agree sleeping in different rooms has been a great improvement. For one, I am able to fully function and wake up on time so that I can get my oldest ready for school and drive him there by 0715am. Bethany on the other hand says it has been great for her because she does not have to worry about waking me up because she is doing something with the baby or reading her kindle because she is having trouble falling asleep. So, it is not just one sided, both Bethany and I agree this has been a good change from how we previously did things where the baby would sleep in a basinet in our master bedroom.

Next, since I am at home and my wife is still struggling to get a good night’s sleep. I take my children to school as often as I can and about eighty percent of the time. This has off loaded a huge responsibility off Bethany so she can take it a little easier in the morning and is not trying to care for the baby who can be unpredictable with when he needs something. Mostly he sleeps, but usually when you are not trying to sleep. I take my son to kindergarten at 655am and my daughter to church school at 0845am. I pick up my daughter at 1pm and my son at 215pm. This is almost three hours of your day since a lot of it is spent waiting in car rider lines.

Also, I have helped with taking the older kids to the doctor so Bethany could stay home and not have to take a healthy baby in the car with a sick older kid. We recently went through a round of colds and my son got a bad ear infection because he seems prone to them and does not like to blow his nose. So, all that mucus stays in him and backs up into his sinus and ears. My daughter got the sniffles and tends to rub her eyes a lot and ended up getting pink eye. Bethany was so worried she was going to get it and then give it to the baby. We are not the biggest fan of antibiotics, but both the kids had to take Cefdinir. Make sure which ever pharmacy you use has the full strength version, otherwise your kids will be taking more liquid than is necessary. They usually do not tell you theses things until you go to pick up the medication. I have learned my lesson to call ahead of time and make sure they have the full strength, what it will cost since I am on a high-deductible plan so I can have an HSA, more on that later. Also, ask them when it will be ready for pick up. And who ever is on the phone with you, get their name so if something does not go right you can tell them who talked to you on the phone. 

I wanted to talk briefly about the needs of a newborn.   Honestly, it can be very simple, but not always straight forward. You can do everything for a newborn and they may still be crying. A little word of advice, it is ok if they cry for a brief time, sometimes you can not get to them right away. The only thing I will say about that is don’t let the baby cry so hard where they sound like they are gasping for air. They can really stress themselves out if they cry too hard. 

I talked with my wife, and according to her the top three things for a baby crying are they either need to be changed, fed, or burped. So, they need to be burped over your shoulder after each feed with a cloth for your shoulder. They will not always burp, but most of the time. Some other minor reasons for crying would be they need to be repositioned. My son Wesley does not like to stay in the car seat for a long period of time and sometimes he just needs to be taken out of there and held. One thing we learned about recently is something called a Shusher, you can buy it on Amazon, but it makes the sound of shushing and does it over and over and comforts the baby believe it or not. Wesley can be starting to cry and you put this in with him and he will quiet down. Now, how much is that worth to you if you are busy and away from home. The last thing you need on a busy afternoon is traffic and listening to a baby cry the whole way home.  Been there, done that. 

Next, I want to briefly mention that you should take time to love on your newborn. At least a couple of times a day hold him in your arms to feed him, comfort him, or change him. This is important not only for you bonding with your newborn, but with your wife. I can just see Bethany lighting up when I am caring for the baby, especially if she is exhausted and needs some relief.

This leads me into my next thought which is support your wife emotionally. You may be wondering; how do I do that. Well, if you have not heard it before, let me be the first to tell you. You do not need to fix everything, sometimes your wife or partner just wants to feel heard and appreciated. That is all you have to do is listen, acknowledge her and reflect back what you heard. Give an example. 

This has been really hard for me.  Caring for a new born has been tough on you. 

You do not need to say, what can I do for you. Or, worse make it mean you are a failure or that she disapproves of you as a father. If you listen and reflect, she will go deeper and open up to you about her feelings and that is where the true gold is and she will let you know what she really wants. 

Some last-minute legal stuff, they will send you a social security card a couple weeks after the birth. I think you could opt out of this if you want, but we didn’t. You may need to send your employer a copy of the crib card which they will give you at the hospital. About three weeks after the birth, you can apply for the birth certificate. I got mine through a site called GoCertificates. Pay some fees and they send you your certificates. I keep mine in the safe when I get them. One final one, is once you have the birth certificate you can get a vaccine exemption at the county office if that is your belief. Oh, one other thing, you will need/want to have a pediatrician examine the baby a week after birth. To me, this is not so much to make sure he is ok, but if he is not ok, you will have someone you can call to see him. Also, make sure you have called your insurance company and let them know you have had another child and to add them to your policy.  The basic goal with baby for the first few weeks is for him to eat enough and poop it out. He needs to be steadily gaining weight or thriving. That is the main reason you are seeing the pediatrician. 

That is what I have for you today, if you feel this show has been valuable to you, I encourage you to share it with three other fathers who could gain some insight from it and want more thriving in their lives.