Reconnecting With My Six Year Old Son

How do you reconnect with your young children? 

In this episode, I will share with you a time recently when I chose to spend time intentionally to reconnect with my son, and it worked. Despite the many excuses my mind was telling me. 

We talk about how and why to be intentional with your time with your kids.

How to schedule time to engage with them? 

What are some examples of activities you, as a dad, can do to reconnect with your young child?

I would love to hear what you have found that helps you thrive in your relationships with your children. Please share that with me in the comments below. 

Also, If there is a topic you are interested in me talking about or have questions about, please check out my website at brianjknight.com and contact me there. Or, I would love to connect with you on Facebook, and feel free to join our group, Thriving Fatherhood, where I offer more on how to thrive in fatherhood. 
 

Transcript

Welcome to the Thriving Fatherhood Podcast, where we are living and working in the trenches to go from surviving to thriving in this mission field called fatherhood. 

My name is Brian Knight. I am a father of three, and married for eight years now. How are you fathers doing out there? I hope you are having a good week and ready for some great insights on how you can thrive as a busy father and reconnect with your son or daughter.

I was not planning to do this topic, but I have been thinking about my relationship with my son a lot. I am not the most free-spirited dad and when he randomly says Daddy lets fight, or chase me, or play I am usually involved in accomplishing something, or I am tired, and the other day I had just finished a big meal and he asked me. Come on daddy, lets play chase around the yard which is 95 degrees. 

Let say I miss a lot of opportunities to play with my son because they are so random, and I am not spontaneous. I am working on my flexibility on that because I want the best relationship possible with my son. 

Just a little back ground, my son has sensory processing disorder and can be sensitive at times or overly loud. None of that really bothers me or gets in the way of me interacting with him. Other than that, he is a normal six-year-old. 

I have recently been trying to be very intentional when I get home from work to do family devotions with the kids. More on this in a future podcast. Also, playing with them and tucking them in the bed, scratching them, and praying with them. Honestly, my lovely bride handles the rest of the bedtime routine otherwise my evenings after work would be nonexistent. 

So yesterday I was intentional about spending time with my son by taking him to the baseball game here locally. I had a lot of reasons I did not want to go, hmm, like I do not have time, that is date night, I got to drive all the way downtown after work, the tickets and parking are expensive, it is going to be hot and muggy, they will not let you bring any food or drink into the stadium, and I could go on.  It was through our church and I wanted to spend time with the other younger families in the church. Long story short, I said to myself, I need to do this with me and my son. I tried to get my dad to go, but he has a new girlfriend.

So, we get to the stadium downtown and walk into the ball park. Long lines, too many people, you name it. It is not a place that energizes me. Took us awhile to finally find our seats. I sat down and had a phone call I needed to take which I tried to take care of before the game. Anyways I came back after five minutes and sat next to my son and noticed he was not that engaged in the game. He did ask me who was winning and I said Well the score board over there says the River Dogs are leading by one point. He said, ohhh.  He saw some mascots and that caught his interest for a few minutes. They had these bouncy houses at the park and he was very interested in those, but I do not think they are free. One thing I do not like about the ball park is it seems everyone there is trying to make a buck. Just me personal preference. Honestly, I would rather be out in nature hiking a mountain trail with my son instead of being is loud and noisy ball parks.

After a few minutes, my son said he wanted to leave and do something else. I was a little surprised by this, but honestly, I was kind of excited. In the back of my mind, I was saying I just paid 70 bucks and we did not even get through the first inning. I wanted to make this outing about him and honestly, I was glad to leave and go do something else. 

I had a back up plan and that was to go over to the Mount Pleasant Pier which was seven minutes away. He was saying he would like to go to a playground, so I aimed to please. We got to the Pier and played on the playground for about 45 minutes. I was up on the playground equipment and running after him, it was truly and great time for just father and son. Way more fun than the ball park in my opinion and I believe for him as well. After that we made our way over to the pier and he got to see all the fisherman and people crabbing. I could just see his little eyes so engaged in his surroundings and the beauty of the sunset and water around us. He loved how the bridge was going over the top of us. 

The last third of the walk out to the end of the pier I carried him on my back. He enjoys that and it gave me a little extra challenge carrying a sixty-pound kid on my back for a few hundred feet. So, we sat at the end of the pier on one of the benches for about five or ten minutes. We went to the side and looked at the water and then we decided to head back. 

I think it was the time walking back that I enjoyed the most just seeing my son walking beside me and enjoying our time together. Sometimes I say to myself, “Wow, that is my son.” It still amazes me sometimes. It is such a great sound when I hear him say, “Hey daddy, look over here, what about this. It is that Hey Daddy part that is honestly music to my ears. 

We made it back to the car around 845 pm, and he drank some of his water and we headed back about 45 minutes to our home in Summers Corner. I let Bethany know we were on our way back and she said she would be ready for him. He fell asleep for a little bit near the end of our drive. 

We had him take a bath when we got home because I know he had sweated a bunch and we do not let our kids go to bed dirty as most of you probably do as well. It is not so much the dirty part, but feeling smooth and clean helps you to sleep better. So, it is worth the five minutes to clean him up and get him ready for bed so he can rest well. 

After Bethany got him washed and in the bed. I went in to scratch his head, arms, legs, whatever he wanted. My parents did this when I was a kid, so I passed it on to my family. Now, they all like to be scratched and it is just a way to bond through touch in my opinion which is a good thing.

Overall, this experienced strengthened my relationship with my son, I also felt more comfortable taking him somewhere just me and him. I learned what he likes and does not like for entertainment. It is very similar to my interest in many ways. As a busy father, I know I have to be intentional with my time and making time for him so that we build this relationship over time. I want him to feel safe and comfortable coming to me when he is in a time of need or has questions about life. 

Older men tell me often as they reflect back on the messy middle and this season of life. “The days are long, but the years are short” And, I do not want to look back one day many years from now and say the fact that I always had something to be doing kept me from building my relationship with my son and spending time with him regularly.

I have almost cried a few times while preparing my show notes for this podcast. I guess it boils down to being intentional with your time. Honestly, I would have schedule and use google calendar if it floats your boat. Schedule in time with your children, reading or devotion time where everyone comes together, date nights with your wife, trips away with your wife alone and trips away with your family. Also, I would look for opportunities to spend time with each kid separately if you have multiple kids. It does not have to be every day or even ever week, but just like I did with Asher, looking for those opportunities where it is just the two of you. Mommy is not around, nor are the siblings. I have noticed when I am with one of my kids it is much easier to connect with them than when the rest of the family is around. 

That is what I have for you today; if you feel this show has been valuable to you, I encourage you to share it with one other father who could gain some insight from it and wants more thriving in their lives. 

Also, I would love to hear what you have found that helps you as a father reconnect and thrive with your young children. Please share that with me in the comments below.