90. THE BiPOLAR ECLiPSE OF MY MANiC HEART - 999/666

WE'RE BACK BABY 🌒✨🌀🔥💫

This week, Al is in her cosmic chaos era — unpacking energy shifts, eclipses, and why 999 feels like the universe’s soft launch for transformation. She’s spilling about overthinking (hi, ADHD), chasing balance, and accidentally manifesting half-baked goals while still side-eyeing material “success.”

It’s candid, it’s messy, it’s funny — and it’s very Mid Mom: a mix of personal updates, spiritual portals, and the kind of raw honesty you only get from someone who’s been through it, laughed at it, and still believes in the extraordinary.

Come for the hot takes, stay for the reminder that new beginnings don’t need to be perfect — they just need you. 🌒✨

Transcript

 



What's up you guys and welcome back to the Mid Mom Podcast. What's up you guys and what? Welcome back to the Mid Mom Podcast. Thank you for being here. I am your host, Allison Hudson. A k ala AKA Al, uh, surprise. Okay. Did you think I'd be back? Mm. I don't know. Some of you might have some of you, some of you maybe the rest of you. Surprise, surprise, surprise, surprise. Here's my new fit, here's my new getup.

I don't really know. Um, I, I don't know. I don't know where this is headed. Okay. But, um, welcome. Thank you for being here. Please enjoy the show.

 Okay, so let's get into today's show. Uh, it's gonna be all about the eclipse and portals and energy and manifesting. 'cause you know what we got to, there's no other way around it. I, I am here to be your guide. But also not that I'm a guide in, like I know what I'm doing. I'm just a guide in the way that I will try literally anything once.

That's what I always say. I'll try it once and maybe not everything unless I get like diagnosed with terminally ill cancer, I don't know, something like that. Then I will try anything and everything and probably more than once if that's the case. Probably also somewhere on a beach, but whatever. Okay. So I, I am here today to guide you in what I did and what I found out and, uh, just sort of.

What's happened because this is, this is Tuesday, September 9th. This is the 9, 9 9 baby. This is the day that the portals are open and the energy is there and ready to be exchanged and all we have to do is open the goddamn door. You know, just like that picture of Jesus that we were shown in Sunday school and he's on the other side of the door and he is like there waiting.

There's no knob. Okay, but I'm here to tell you that there is a knob and we just have to like ring and go in. That's all we have to do. Just wr the knob. Okay? So trust the process. We're doing it for the plot. I am literally here just to like. Be the experiment within the experiment because you know that like whatever's going on in the world right now, like whatever life actually is, because I actually don't fucking know.

Like I, I truly don't know what the point of everything is. Um, I don't know why we're here. It mostly feels like torture some days, but then other days I'm like, oh, fuck it. Everything's hilarious. Like if, if you. If you can look at the world, like if, if you can take a step back and if you can look at the world and you just look at everything as being like hilarious and for the plot and for the script, like, there's no script, there's, there's no, I, I have no notes.

So hopefully I, um, will leave you with some notes. Or maybe not. I don't know. I, I don't know. But I'm in my 1950s or sixties trad wife get up. I got red, Mary Jane High heels on with strawberry socks. Okay. And I have a yellow rotary phone because I ordered. An entire personality off Amazon about two or three weeks ago.

I can't really remember when it was probably about three weeks ago. But, uh, yeah, I had, I had sort of like this weird manic episode and I was like, okay, well I'm gonna become this new person and I'm going to dress like her and I'm gonna make videos doing like trad wife shit around the house and I'm gonna have like.

You know, 20 to 30 to 40 seconds, maybe 40, 40 tops is what Cha GPT said. It said, don't go over 40 seconds for your clips. And I was just gonna like, rant about things or create some sort of dialogue with, um, my fake neighbor across the street named Carol. Carol, right? Like. Carol, and then I was like, okay, well, what's my name gonna be?

I, I went through a whole character development. I have months worth of content if that is the direction I actually choose to go with this whole situation. And I could, because it just took me like about 30 minutes to set up this room to have like the light reset. Or restart my laptop, get the mics going.

It's chill. Okay? Like this is, this is not, this is not a big deal. And I think that's the thing I need to remember about everything in life is like, it's not a big deal, like most things. Most things can be a big deal if you let them be, but like they don't have to be. And so that is the stance I am taking moving forward.

That is the energy I'm bringing into the end of 2025, because what the fuck, there's like three more months and then we're gonna carry that and roll it right into 2026. Because I just have this feeling that 26 is, or 2026 is gonna be everyone's year. Okay.

And also, I don't know if it's the peptides, I don't know if it's the Vyvanse. I don't know if it's a combination of the two, but I have like full fucking pasty like

vagina mouth. Every day, and I don't like it. So anyways, I will be taking water breaks throughout the recording of this. I, I will be sharing my notes from the other night. Um, let's just get right into it, okay? Uh, I don't know if I should work backwards and tell you about my day to day because it's been fucking crazy.

But like in the most weirdest, hilarious way, or if I should start back, let's go back. Let's go back to karaoke night. Let's go back to when I started doing some, uh. Um, reminiscing of sorts when it came to the Freemasons, an episode 49, the episode that literally took me out, um, I, I was pulling clips from my laptop to repost.

I was doing all this shit on Friday, and I then. Uh, sort of got weird. Like I was kind of like paralyzed. I couldn't do anything. I just like laid on this bed that I'm sitting on right now, and I just was like frozen. My teeth were chattering. My spine was like vibrating and tingling. Like I had a physical reaction to what I was, um, brought back to because recording that episode, episode 49, the Lodge of Lies.

Really, really put me through it. And at the time I was like, holy shit, I'm not like, I am not okay. This shit's crazy. And now at this point I'm like, this shit's fucking crazy. But it's funny. Okay, because I, I had to change the little, like narrative in my brain that it's not. It's like, whatever, what am I gonna do?

What am I gonna do with the Freemasons? Am I gonna go take 'em all out? Like they're everywhere. They're in so many different pieces of culture. They're in religious groups, they, oh, they're symbols and they're, um, rituals carry through in so many different types of things like, uh. A lot of things that are demonic or controlling or whatever are stemmed from the Freemasons.

So, um, Ew. I'm not talking about it. I'm not talking about it. My throat's getting tight and my voice is getting higher and let me just take a minute. Okay, you guys, let me just take a minute so that that happened and then I swore that that was the day I was gonna make banana muffins. And also this stupid rosemary salt because I love it and I bought all the ingredients for it.

Like two days before I'd washed everything, didn't get around to it. So I was like, okay, well the last shit I bought to make this rosemary salt that it's on TikTok. Okay. It's delicious. I just sort of follow it loosely too. Like I don't put as much salt in it as I think I'm supposed to, but mine's better.

Um, the last. Batch of ingredients I bought for that though I threw them all away because I let them sit on the counter for like four days while I debated. If today was the right day to do it, like I was overthinking, literally fucking any ev, everything, anything and everything. And that was like sometime in the summer and then just this last Friday, I was like, okay, I'm gonna do those two things.

I have to make the muffins today and I have to do this today and I have to, whatever. I was trying not to be a useless piece of shit, and turns out that I turned into a useless piece of shit and then I was like. Crying and upset and like mad about people's Amazon links on their Instagram. And I was like going off in my kitchen.

And then when my kid came downstairs, I made my way to the basement, to the laundry room. And just kept venting on my Instagram stories. And I then Ben was like, well, let's go out. Like do you actually wanna make this stuff? And I was like, no, I swore I would make it so like I have to make it. And then I just felt like a loser.

But he is like, okay, looking up some restaurants. He's like, I think you need to get out of the house. I think you need to get out of the house. I think. I think you're stuck in your head right now, so. I was like, okay, fine. I agreed. I was like, let's go. Let's go get a drink from Maya's bar 'cause our daughter's a bartender and then let's go get some tacos or something.

Like, we'll just figure it out. And I looked gross. I didn't have any makeup on. I wasn't in cute shoes. Like, you know how the shoes kind of make the entire outfit. Pull it all together. Uh, I was in some Adidas gazelle that were kind of boring and make my feet look fat. Like I like a platform, but why, why does my feet also have to be fat if I have a platform?

Like, I don't, I don't like that combination of things. So we go out, we're sitting. In the parking lot of the restaurant, and I couldn't stop crying. And Ben's like, what? Like, what is going on? And I was like, well, I feel really stupid. I feel useless. Like it, it's the same thing. Like it's, hi, why are you home?

Why are you home? Okay. Okay.



Okay. So, you know, you know how it's always like the same, it's, it's literally always the same narrative. Like I always have the same issues. My husband always has the same issues. Like everyone just sort of like repeats and gets trapped and stuck in this kind of hamster wheel of emotion. And then. You go through, you have like a few good days.

Actually, no. I've had a lot of good days lately, but like you go through this time period and you're like, fine. And then you start thinking about things a little bit too much and then it just kind of sends you on this downward spiral. And that's just basically what happened. So I said, um, I said, I feel really stupid and I feel like I'm wasting your.

Money and my time, like I could be doing so much more around the house, but it's just so boring. It's so unfulfilling. Like if, if you were to add up probably what I would be worth to a household every day or any mom. Okay. For example, any, any stay at home mom, if you take into consideration the food. Like the, not only the groceries being bought, but the prep, the actual cooking of it, or baking of it, as well as the cleanup.

Then you're running through the dishwasher, then you're unloading that a million times. Uh, you're vacuuming, you're changing sheets, you're taking out the garbage. You are doing like. Projects around the house. Like I used to think I was gonna be some sort of DIY queen, but I'm a little bit too sloppy for that.

Like I, I, I never actually finished anything, so I just was like having this little pity party for myself. Okay. And it was mostly inside my head, but also I needed. To get over it. Like, I just was like, why does this keep happening? Why am I still like stuck in the same state? You know what I'm saying? So we like talked and, and he was like, you're not wasting my money.

Like, I feel bad that this is how you feel. And he's always great. He's, I mean, there's a few times that if I really wanna tell you. Just kidding. No, he's great. Even when we fight, it's like hilarious and we always laugh about it after, but. He is like, no, like don't worry about the money that's gonna come.

And I was like, well, I, I just feel bad. Like I feel like I'm not contributing and I just want more, like my, I don't know if you know, but the house that I imprinted on like two years ago, sold in January and I'm. I not over it. And then yesterday realized I don't have to be over it. I can still go buy that house.

Like just because it's not on the market doesn't mean I cannot have that house. And if I can't have that house, I can get some land and I can build a better version of it. Except I do love that house and I do think I'm gonna live there one day. And I don't know what gives me the audacity to believe in that stuff.

But I do like, I think when it sold in January, um, I had to mourn the idea of it. 'cause it was for sale on and off for about four years. And I just thought it would be ours. Like I actually in my nightstand have a drawing of the land, like the lay of the land. It's on five acres. I have a drawing of. What I would do to it, like where the trees would go, that I would plant, where the garden would go, where the pool house and pool would go.

The which is also a workout area, which is also like a wedding venue that you can rent. And then the sport courts over here, and then that can be flooded in the winter to be an ice skating rink. And then Ben thought of the idea of making like a little cute path all the way around the yard. As an ice skating rink.

Also, like we got big goals, we got big dreams for this house. And, um, I, I think in my sadness of it selling and it, and it is being renovated currently, oh my God. I have a different story about that. Um, because I do drive past it. Sometimes I drive past it. Anytime I'm like, sort of in the vicinity, I'm like, oh.

I'm right by the compound. I'm just gonna, just gonna do a little cruise by, see how it's going. One time I saw an owl last year and I felt like that was a sign, the first official showing I went to, some old man showed up with the brightest, clearest, bluest eyes, and I was convinced that that was a sign from Ben's dead dad telling me to, you know, maybe, maybe help Ben get his ass in gear and be a little bit more.

Um, of a go-getter. I need him to be a little bit more persistent when it comes to getting the things he wants in life. 'cause sometimes I think we all, I'm so guilty of this, like we get a little comfortable and we get kind of complacent. So anyways, I, I swear like I even did a podcast on this house and that experience of going to the showing.

When the man showed up and I never released it. Like I came home and I recorded it. 'cause I was like, that was fucking crazy. Some dude showed up while we were upstairs, so there's like two wings of this house, right? And this man knocked on the door. And so my realtor went downstairs and was like, hi. Like, how can we help you?

Or we're just gonna be. Oh, a little bit longer. Like we hadn't even been to half the house yet. Like, this house is huge. Okay. Ugh. It's so cool. Um, so he starts talking to him and the guy's like, well, I'm lost. I don't have, i's like, I'm doing a dry run. Okay. Also, this man, sorry, sorry, I just got a little bit scattered.

This man. Um, I would say he's like in his eighties. Very old, no cell phone, no GPS shows up at this house that's kind of in the middle of nowhere like it was, it was a very bizarre set of circumstances, or it was a sign.

Okay, so I took it as a sign because you can take. Anything is a sign like it. It doesn't matter what it is. If you wanna believe something, you're gonna believe it and you're gonna spin it a certain way in order to make yourself believe it or to make yourself not believe it. Like you can. You can do, like, your brain is so powerful and it's so smart, and so I was like, oh, so.

This is, this is Ben's dead dad coming to tell me that this is the house we're gonna be in because he, he sat at the door with me for about 20 minutes while my realtor drew him a map because he was there. He was out in the middle of nowhere because he got lost. He made a wrong turn, or he missed a turn while he was doing a dry run for her.

Sorry. His wife's like x-ray or something that she was having done at the south. Hospital in Calgary. No. Take that out. And so my guy, my realtor's drawing him a map and I'm just visiting him or with him at the front door. And he was like, I used to have a lot of land. I used to have a big house. We had a farm.

All this stuff. And I was like, oh my God. Like, hi Bruce, you're here. Thank you so much for being here, for confirming to me that this is where I need to live and that this is the place in quotes, hashtag Brigham Young. That was his famous quote. I think I'm gonna get, this is the place as a tramp stamp.

Actually, that's one of my many ideas that are floating around. So I, I was sure you guys, that this house was gonna be mine. I, in fact, I was so sure that I have a stack of about four or five green tiles in my kitchen that are going to go on the fireplace. The 20 foot fireplace, it's four sides and it's 20 feet high, and I have the tile picked out on my kitchen counter.

To make that happen. But, um, unfortunately we were a little late to the party and someone bought it and they're currently renovating it. And from what I can tell, they're doing a good job. 'cause it, it needed some changes, it needed some work. So I have a million befores. Um, and the only thing that makes me sad is, well, a few things.

Like, I'm not in it yet. And I thought for sure, I thought for sure this last spring, like a few months ago, we would've been moving in. Like that is how certain I was about this whole situation. And then I'm also sad that I am not the one doing the renovations, but um, that doesn't mean that I will never live there.

So my. My goal and what I realized yesterday in my, I wouldn't call it a manic state. I just was like, I, I, I felt really good yesterday on, on the eighth, which eight is like the infinity number. And that was between the seven of the eclipse and the nine of the 9, 9 9, and the portal being open and all of this like energy exchange and um.

I lost my train of thought. One second. Oh, I felt really good yesterday. Like that felt like the first day of school to me. Um, Ben left early, went to the gym, so I didn't see him because I don't like to see him in the morning. I don't need to see him in the morning. I don't need to watch him get ready. He doesn't need to watch me get ready.

I like all the lights off. He likes them all on. He likes to chit chat, and I am like, no, I, uh, no. It takes me a while to emerge. Okay. I need silence. I need the blinds cracked for just like the sunrise, the natural light coming in, and probably also no playlist going like, unless it's. Mid-morning or like in the afternoon when I'm getting ready, that's when I'll turn on a playlist.

But first thing in the morning. Mm-hmm. No, and that was another beautiful thing about this, the compound. It's called the compound because David Re's compound kind of looked like this house that is literally my dream house. So apparently I am starting a cult. But the compound had two different wings, like it had stairways up to the primary suite.

Which would be mine. And then it had separate stairs up to like the office wing that I had big, big plans for. And maybe one day, no, not maybe one day I will get to do them. Okay. I just have to be a little bit more patient and that's fine. Maybe, maybe. Maybe I'll win the lottery. Maybe this. A little podcast gig will take me somewhere.

Maybe TikTok will make me some or take me somewhere. Maybe one day we'll start to get paid for our tiktoks in Canada like America does, because I mean, I'd be, I'd be pulling in some money with those. I was pretty into TikTok the last six months. Um, mostly 'cause Instagram got weird, but now I'm having way more fun on Instagram than TikTok.

And I just kind of float back and forth and I actually thought I was going to become some sort of TikTok star.

TikTok star. I just needed to put that in the phone. The phone is the manifestation. Okay. Maybe I should just do the whole podcast holding the phone. Anyways, um, I truly thought that that was like. The avenue, but then it's like so much work and no, no actual physical compensation. Like there's the rush and the adrenaline and the like, uh, fun of being some sort of opinionated bitch.

Online, but then there's also all of the hate you get from all these random strangers and they don't know you, and they don't even want to know you. They don't fucking care. They just kind of thin slice you in about two seconds, size you up as a, you know, whatever. They, whatever they're projecting like it.

It has nothing to do with me, but the comments. Can be real mean and real cutting. And sometimes I would thrive off those. And other times I was like, oh, I'm just gonna tone it down for a little while. So anyways, I, I truly, I'm just like trusting the process during this total eclipse of the heart. Like, what else can you do?

So. During, during this weird little time, I got rid of things that I no longer need. Like I did the full, I wrote things out. I have my cards with me right here. Ah, shit. Should I tell you what they are? Where are they? I thought I, oh no. I burned them all. Oh my gosh. Yeah. I burned them all. Hi, um, I wrote out.

I think I started with four or five cards, like just little tiny recipe cards. Wrote it all out on Sharpie and then I took it to the fire. I took it to the fire pit out back in the rain, probably around 10 or 11 on Sunday, September 7th, and I left that shit burn. I lit each one one by one with like the extended.

Vic lighter that you use for birthday candles. You know, every mom, every mom has one and every dad has one for when the barbecue doesn't light itself and the igniter's broken.

Excuse me. Pardon me. I just needed a little sip of that bubbly lime water. Anyways, I, I, I took out, I took those things out that no longer serve me. And I lit them up. Um, one of the, one of the papers, one of the little recipe cards had someone's name on it who completely cut me out of their lives Life, lives life.

Last December, um. So that was also something I was going through in January, like January was fucking weird, man. Oh, her name was on the card and I, I put the fire to it, I burned it, and I felt really good doing that along with all of the other things I was burning down. Um, the weirdest thing this morning.

Is that she texted me outta nowhere and was like, Hey, did you move into the compound? Like it was, it was so bizarre. Like I could redo the full text thing. But those were basically the first few bubbles from her side. And I was like, what did she mean to send this to me? And then I was like, no, she's pretty specific about some of the things she's saying, like, um.

So I was like, okay, no, this is for me, but why now? Like the last time we texted it was on my birthday and that was in March, and she wished me a happy birthday. And then I just said, thank you so much, and sent her a shamrock and that was it. Um, so it's been, it's been a while, but here she is. She's popping back up.

She's. Yeah, she's sending a bunch of texts and so I kind of just like went along with it. Like I, I wasn't super bitchy. I wasn't super open. I just was like, I was pretty skeptical. Okay, let's just say that. And so I was just letting her talk mostly and I asked her a couple questions and, um. I then I sent a screenshot to my friend and I said, I wonder if she knows that I burned her name.

In the fire the other night, like, not that I was doing voodoo, but I was just like releasing shit, right? And she was like, what? Oh my gosh, that's crazy. And then the fact that she was talking about the compound, like, I'm like, okay, it's a sign. It's a sign. I'm going with it. So who knows what's gonna come of this?

Who really knows? She did say that people are talking about me and I have to just. Not care about that because she's like, no, you are, you are. Like, because I said, do you, do you still think I'm dangerous? 'cause I was her, um, children's emergency contact for a while, like for a couple years at school and sports and stuff.

I was like, yeah, for sure. Put me down. Um. So one of the things I asked her, 'cause I was like, Hey, like what's going on? I was like, it's so, do you still think I'm dangerous? And she said, well no. But I never thought that just some of the things you're posting is very harmful. And I'm like, yeah. Like, we're okay, whatever.

Um, so I was like, okay, I don't know. I don't know how into this I wanna be, I don't know how open to this I wanna be, but I just thought it was very, very weird timing. Very weird timing. And if you have any insights on that, please DM me because I don't fucking know you guys. Like I said before, I don't know what I'm doing and I'm, I'm assuming that 9, 9 9 is good vibes because upside down, that's 6, 6, 6 was, which is supposedly the devil's number, but I actually looked that up this morning on my, on my dog walk.

I asked Chad GPT, um, and it said.

Numerology Angel Number interpretation 9, 9, 9 often symbolizes completion, transform, transformation, sorry, and New Beginnings. It's seen as a cue from the universe urging you to close one chapter and get ready for the next journey. So yeah, 9, 9, 9 is like, let's fucking move on. We're done. Like we're done.

Feeling sorry for ourselves. We're done like reminiscing on weird shit. We're done being stuck in the past. Okay. Um, and then it said 6, 6, 6. 'cause I was like, does this, is this a good thing? Like, is this a good sign? It said 6, 6, 6. Although wildly misunderstood as sinister can instead point to balance self-care and realigning your life with deeper values.

And I said, so putting it together, 9, 9, 9. Then the universe saying you're at a crossroads. Time to close something out and step into a new cycle. Flipped into 6, 6, 6. A reminder to restore your balance. Focus on your inner life and center, what's truly meaningful. And then it said a broader me metaphorical insight, a philosophical take as discussed on platforms like medium.

I don't know what that is. Frames the inversion as a prophetic reversal. Its critique of labels and fear-based narratives. And then it says. Truth has not disappeared. It has been obscured by fear. The one you feared was the one sent to help I, you guys, that seems really deep. I don't totally know what that means, but then it goes on to say, so turning 6, 6, 6 into 9 9 9 encourages us to see beyond surface level fears, rediscover the good beneath and rediscover the good beneath.

Misunderstood. Symbols. So 9, 9, 9. Completion transformation, new beginnings, rising above struggles. 6, 6, 6. Balance self-care, realigning life with meaningful values, even in a face of fear or stigma and, and the act of flipping evil into something hopeful and guiding. Okay, so that's what this's what cha UPT says you guys.

And that's literally my bible. Uh, it goes on to say what it might mean for you today. And I don't know if this means me personally or all y, but I'm gonna give it to all y'all because. It's probably all of us, like for sure, depending on where you're at. This could be a potent symbol of personal transformation.

Are you wrapping up a project phase or challenge? Are you seeking to step into something new but wanna stay grounded and aligned with what matters? Seeing or thinking about the flip from 9, 9, 9 to 6, 6, 6 might be an invitation to let go of, no. Sorry. Let go of what no longer serves you. Reorient yourself towards balance and inner truth.

Embrace new beginnings with grounded confidence and clarity. Like, hi, this all sounds really good. This all sounds really good. So I, I'm gonna take it as a sign. I'm gonna take it as she's having visions of me living in the compound. She's reaching out on the 9, 9 9, seeing how I'm doing, asking about my kids, like just chatting like it's normal when she cut me out so long ago, but like, I do miss her, like it's the weirdest thing.

It's, it's like, hang on, I need a drink.

It's almost like, okay, so Ben and I were talking about this the other day too, because I am always like, trust me, trust me. And he's like, yeah, okay, I trust you. And then I tell him all the weird. Visions and thoughts and prophecies I have when it comes to like his dad being my spirit guide. And I know that sounds crazy, but it's true.

So I don't even care anymore. And I'm gonna talk more about it, but I said it's almost I, I said, well, what I do, like what I've taught myself to do is to walk into any room, or even if I'm just like. At Costco or it doesn't matter where I am. Okay. Like the mall kids' sports. Like I walk into every room and I assume that every single person, and don't get this twisted, like I, I'm not trying to be a perv, but like every person in that room wants to fuck me.

And now I regret saying that out loud, but I'm not gonna delete it because it's the truth that is, that is how I live my life lately. And maybe that's a good way to live your life. Maybe that's a bad way. But when I told Ben, he's like, are you serious? I was like, yeah. Like I just, like I, that's how I kind of channel confidence is when I get there.

I'm like, all you bitches belong to me. Like. Shut the fuck up. Sit down, go away. I like the queen has arrived. Okay. Like, not exactly, but sort of like that is the mental feeling that you have to have in order to like. Do whatever you feel like doing in life and like actually pursue it and just be fucking weird and crazy.

I'm cr I know, I know. I'm crazy. You don't have to tell me I'm crazy. I already know. Okay. And I like it. 'cause a couple years ago when I was diagnosed as actually fucking crazy on like every single scale, on every single level, I felt so sorry for myself. I was devastated. I. Thought I missed out on every opportunity.

I was like, nobody understands me. Nobody sees me. Nobody gets the shit that like I've been through. But also, what if I didn't even need to go through all that shit? Like if this had been discovered sooner? All this stuff. Okay, so I was having some real, real. Pity for myself, like it was lame and I didn't like it, but it's something I had to go through in order to now walk into every room and be like, oh yeah, keep dreaming.

Okay. Like it's not gonna happen, but you I know. I know. All y'all want it ladies too. Well, ladies too. Okay. You should have seen those hoes all over me at karaoke the other night. I think we were sitting next to Swingers, actually, and I think they were wanting me to be a little open to going home with them and no, like, I, I don't want that.

I just want you to want me, you know? Okay. And then Ben was like, oh, it's like how George Clooney used to show up for auditions and like at the beginning of his career he would be, um. Like desperate, right? Like he's putting out this desperate energy and I need this gig, I need this job, I need to book this kind of a thing.

And then one day he kind of just flipped a switch and was like, you bitches actually need me. So like, it just does something different. It's, it's, I was gonna say, it's weird, but it's actually fucking awesome. How It just like your brain, just like. Switches like a, like a light switch, Charlie po. Okay. Like that's all it is.

And then it takes some practice and then maybe some people are gonna wanna send you dick pics and you're gonna have to be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We don't want that. But you wanting to. Send me those means it's working. Okay. That's, that's where we're at. Um, let me, let me just, do you wanna know the things I burned down?

Because I'll tell you, hang on one second. I just have to pull up my 90,000 photos and scroll back a little bit. And while I do that, I'm gonna take another sip of my Stanley.

Because hashtag a China mouth never sounds good in a mic.

That would be like the longest hashtag. Okay, one second. Oh God. The Epstein files email today. What a crazy fucking day. Nine. Nine, nine, baby. Maybe not the files. His like birthday book. I don't know. It's weird. Um, lemme just find it. Whew. You guys have taken so many pictures and videos since Sunday night. I just don't wanna get it wrong.

Okay, so Sunday was the eclipse, right? Sunday, September 7th was the eclipse. And I'm sitting in my kitchen and I'm like, okay, I'm doing this. Somebody, somebody, a listener. Sent me a text and said, have you lit your white candle yet? And I was like, fuck, I haven't. So then I did. I went and did it right then and I was glad Ben was like upstairs, no idea where my kid was.

Actually, I think two kids were here at the time. No idea. Didn't care. It was at 10 43 on Sunday night. And, hang on, let me just zoom in.

Okay. And I know I showed a couple on Instagram. One was fear of failing and then I have some stars around that one. I think that's the biggest, I think that's the biggest one. Or at the time at least, I thought that was the biggest one. And then I have laptop, website, podcast, all in smaller writing on that same card.

Like I think for so long I had this weird, um. Relationship with the podcast, like, uh, I love, I, I love doing it.

I, I truly love doing it. Like I could sit in my room all day and talk to myself on this little yellow phone all day and record it. And then let's see if anyone agrees with me or see if anyone thinks. It's funny or fun or informative or just like, what the fuck? Who is this bitch? Like, I don't know, but like fear of failing.

Fear of failing. Failing is huge when it comes to those things just because it is something I truly love and enjoy doing, and I wanna be good at it. I wanna be better at it, and I want like better equipment, a better studio, a better everything, but. I need to keep working at it in order to get those things is kind of what I've been thinking.

Um, another one I think I showed you was, fuck the Freemasons and, yeah, just, I mean, that speaks for itself. I, I loved lighting that one on fire. Um, then I said, stop overthinking and stop, stop overthinking and overexplaining myself. And I feel like I do that every single time. I get a new wave of like Instagram followers, or even if I meet someone in person and they're like, oh, what's your Instagram?

I'm like, oh, hmm.

Like I could give them a five hour backstory of why you're gonna hate me. It's like, don't, don't actually follow me. Like you can, I've said this, I have said this to moms of my kids volleyball teammates. Like, I'm like, uh, okay. So just to warn you, like I used to be Mormon. I get a little political, I'm kind of a bitch, but like a hundred percent a cunt.

I. I have too many opinions. I don't have a filter. I didn't speak up for 40 years of my fucking life, and in that time became an alcoholic and left the Mormon church. I have so many issues. I was married a virgin in the Mormon temple. I know all the secret handshakes and chants and shit that they do. As weird as fuck, like fuck the fucking in Freemasons.

Okay? That is how I feel. About them. Oh wait, yeah. Stop, stop over explaining myself. Okay. And then I also, like, I was scrolling back last night through, through my highlights, trying to find this one clip and I, I was like, shit, there is so much work that I've put into Instagram and the podcast, like it's actually really good.

I just don't know how to like, put it out there where everyone can see it. But then at the same time, I'm like. Maybe people don't need to see everything. Maybe they don't need to hear the whole backstory. Maybe them finding me now is like the perfect time for them to be finding the mid mom and the podcast and Instagram stories that are maybe a little bit chaotic at times, but also very real, very honest, very raw and very funny.

Also, let's not forget that somebody told me I was funny the other day. She's like, you're actually hilarious. And you like, don't really try to be. I'm like, oh, well thank you. I've been practicing and I've been telling people for years that I am funny. I'm always like, that was funny. And people just like roll their eyes at me.

But mostly it's my family and they're, they. They will not be listening to this. Okay. My other one was Stop being afraid of Money. Like, why am I so afraid of money? Why am I so afraid to have money to spend in order to get what I want? Like, does that make me feel like a horrible person? Yes, it does. And I think that's a lot of the upbringing in the church.

Like there was like, be humble, be patient, be like, like sacrifice fucking everything. And you look around and it's a huge contradiction because. Like a third of the people there, they all have like cabins and fancy cars and houses and just like, like that is what I want. But I think they're all assholes.

Maybe not all of 'em, but a lot of 'em, a lot of 'em are assholes. And I'm like, you're a fucking douche bag. Like why do you get that? You know? So there's, there's some jealousy. There's some. Obviously I gotta work through some shit. Okay, you guys. But I'm trying my best to no longer be afraid of money. And to add to that, I'm going to be making money and I'm also going to be making American money.

And I don't know if I'm manifesting Alberta becoming some sort of. Like independent state and we use the US dollar because it's actually valuable. Like the Canadian dollar, shit, you go book a trip to Mexico, boom, there's 30 or 40% gone. Uh, you bring home a paycheck in Canada, boom, 60% of your income just goes straight to fucking taxes.

So like what the fuck is the point? So I'm manifesting all of this shit. Okay. Um. My next thing is let go of lazy, get up and get shit done. Okay. That is, that is something I'm letting go, like every day is not something that you need to dread, okay? You just need to get up, you need to find something you're excited about and you need to do that thing until you're good at it or until, um, you figure out something else that you wanna do.

But like ride. Ride the manic wave is what I've also kind of learned in the last little while. Like if I'm having some sort of spell,

I, you just gotta go with it. There's no point in fighting it 'cause it's just gonna get worse. Okay. Um. Then I have my friend, my ex-friend, who did text me today. So I don't know, she did say she loves me again. She always says, I love you, I miss you. Like stuff like that. And I'm like, well, what the fuck? Like, okay.

I, I don't know. I don't know. Um, and last but certainly not least, I am letting go of my obsession with celebrities because I. I, I do love making fun of 'em. Like, and I will probably keep that up, but like the choke hold that they have on me, they don't anymore. Like, I'm just like, you're gross. You, you've been like, you're not even real anymore, basically.

And you've been bought by whoever paid you the most money? I don't know if it's Pfizer. I don't know if it's American Eagle. I don't know. Okay. Um. But like, I can't stand you. I, I just wanna know more like normal people who are actually cool and doing cool stuff that aren't on a red carpet every other month to show off some demonic outfit or to show off their new giant boobs or face or body transformation with the crazy skinny knuckling.

Bony gross hands. Like I don't wanna see that anymore. I'm not interested. Like I turned off the MTV VMAs the other night. I turned it off. I was like, I actually can't watch this. Like I have, I am graduating. Okay. And I think this is all just part of it. And then I also had on that same card, like get over your obsession with celebs and, and plastic surgery.

Like, I can't control what people do. All I can do is be, be a good example of, you know, a 45-year-old woman who's aging but isn't dead, isn't ugly. I'm still having fun, I think. I think life is one big fucking joke. Um, obviously there are horrible people here on this earth that I. Have a lot of issues with, but in the general sense, if you can just look at life like, like live, laugh, love.

Okay. We're gonna, should I put that in my stew? You guys like right above the door or Right above my, the bed in here. I don't plan on sleeping in here. I just. It, it's a bed for when my, all my kids are home. I'm treating it like a day bed. Okay. I've got pillows everywhere. And um, yeah, I think the more we look at life as just like, okay, like, fuck that, or that's crazy or that's hilarious.

The better off we're all gonna be, you know? So I went outside, I lit all this shit up on fire. And I did that before midnight. And then right before midnight I was like, well, fuck, I need to see the, the moon right now. But it was raining and it had also been smoky for the last, like three or four days here.

So I knew, I knew my chances were slim, but I still went out. I still like parked on Makeout Hill, um, in the rain. Couldn't see anything.

But it was fun. I did it for the plot. You guys made some funny vlogs, like, whatever. I, I don't even care. Like if people think it's funny, great. If people don't think it's funny, great. It's just like something I need to do creatively, um, to get it out of my body, to get it out of my mind and to get it outta my system.

Like I just. Have this craving and this need to just talk. I, I can talk and honestly, the day before when I was at my sister-in-law's house and her sister-in-law was there. I was just down by the water minding my own business when she came and visited with me and we had the funniest fucking conversation.

'cause she is like, what? Taylor Swift's had plastic surgery. I'm like, oh my gosh. And then she's like, what? Who's Mark Carney's wife? And I said, uh, I think you mean husband and here. And I was like showing her a picture. I was like, let me just pull it up for you because whatever I explained to you is not gonna do what Jess does.

And she's like, well I don't think I've ever seen the lady. I'm like. No, because they keep her hidden, because it's actually a, in my opinion, a 2.0 version of Macron and whatever's going on in France, like this same shit is happening here in Canada. Okay. And, ugh, I don't even wanna get political, but I, I just was like, I, yeah, you need to know this.

And then we were just talking about like literally every conspiracy theory. And her husband came down and like we discussed the moon landing. I was like, is the moon even real you guys? It's literally right there. Like, what, what is it? Is it actually, is it just round? Is it an actual sphere? Is it controlling us?

Like it? Uh, I don't know. Like I feel like I am this new little baby that just got dropped off onto Earth, or like an alien. I feel like an alien sometimes to people. Look at me, people stare at me, don't look at me. All weird. And that's just, that's just showbiz baby. That's showbiz.

 Up. We've got other things to do.

Okay? And I'm gonna get used to it.

And I'm gonna use it, and I'm gonna channel it, and I'm going to be

moving into the compound. All right? And then I'm gonna have a party. I'm gonna have a million parties. I can't even wait. So anyways, uh, the portal's open. It's 9, 9, 9, and let's just, let's fucking go. All right, let's fucking go.

Thank you for being here. I, I hope you liked the show. I hope you share it with your friends. I hope you post or repost things about it. If you put it in your stories, make sure you tag me so I can see it. I'll repost it. Okay? Especially if it's funny. I will repost it. You guys, the mid mom needs your help.

We can't do it alone. All right, you guys are, you guys are on my side now. You have no choice but to help me fulfill my dreams. Okay? Also there is, you can support the Mid Mom podcast. There is a little spot somewhere in the link to the show, or I don't even know. I don't even know where you can find it. Um, but you can, you can support the mid mom so that I can get fancier equipment and not feel guilty about it.

But I actually think what I would prefer or not prefer, but like, I'm like, I'm not gonna turn down your five or 10 bucks. But I think that word of mouth and just like getting, getting my name out there, um, sharing a funny clip with your friends. Anything like that. Like I suck at social media, but I'm good in Instagram stories and I'm good on the pod.

And, um, if people can see through the disaster that I'm not gonna over explain to anyone, then um, I think we can really make something of whatever this is. Like I have, I have no idea, but I am having fun. So eat price like Queen Caleb, you. Bye.