Ep. 07 - From Trauma to Shamanism: Rewriting Pain as Power with Kerry Blaser

In this raw and eye-opening conversation, Pratyush sits down with Kerry Blaser who a shaman, mother, and author of My Inner Heroine: Exploring Feminine Pain.

From a suicide attempt to spiritual awakening, Kerry opens up about her radical journey of healing, her connection to Red Pill figures like Justin Waller and Andrew Tate, and how six men in her life mirrored her wounds back to her for deeper transformation.

She shares how she bridges shamanism with neuroscience, and how physics explains the invisible systems behind emotional trauma.

Topics we explore:

• Healing through confrontation, not avoidance
• Why pain isn’t the end, it’s a portal
• What “Red Pill Shaman” really means
• Writing from the wound vs. writing for others
• Reclaiming the feminine identity, without losing logic

This episode is for:
Anyone who’s carried pain for too long, women healing in private, men who want to support deeper, and creatives who need to know your story isn’t over.

Kerry’s book My Inner Heroine is out now.

Connect with Kerry:
Website | Instagram | YouTube


Connect with Pk: LinkedIn | X | YouTube

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Transcript

For anyone going through trauma, mental health issues, depression or any of those negative stuff and it's very difficult to bounce back even though you have that momentum of coming down, it's difficult to muster up courage, you know, to bounce back. So, do you have any words or any message, any tips for these kind of people who want to shift from pain to power and use that momentum of going down to eventually bounce back up and lead others in it? There's two techniques. One is called appreciate, learn, forgive and one is called the love hierarchy.

So, first is accept that the valleys are necessary to have the hills. Like, we don't know what tall is until we know what short is. We have to accept the dual nature of reality.

You know what a valley is, you know what a hill is. You know what a man is, you know what a woman is. Like, you know, all of these exist together and can't exist without the other.

So, how was that experience for you? Like, how did their presence, you know, activate your growth? You have briefly spoken about and you did in the solitary confinement but don't know that aspect as a whole. You know, their masculinity helped me see my femininity and this is the value of relationships is our opposites are best mirror. So, one main lesson that Justin showed me is how much I need to admire my man.

So, we're in this together. If you have a need to be admired, then I must have a need to do the admiring. You're balancing your spiritual gifts, right? Like, shamanic insight, the scientific structure in your life, in your coaching, even parts of your book.

How is this really working out together through this? Wholeness is not created by cutting off a portion of one's being but by the integration of the contraries. Science, left brain logic, spirituality, emotion, you know, creativity. And now is a time that we understand that the science and the spirituality are saying the same exact thing.

So, for some people say, well, I got the spirituality, so I don't care about the science. It was out of the science, so I care about spirituality. Okay, hang on.

The physicists have proven that we all have energy bodies and we all communicate through our heart space. The shamans have always been saying that, that we all have souls and we communicate through our heart. And so, our heart, the nervous system around our heart is way more complex and sends way more signals from the heart to the brain than the other way around.

Hello, everyone. I'm Pratyush and welcome back to a fresh episode of The 100% Protagonist. Today's guest is Keri Blazer, a mother, shaman, and author who turned emotional trauma into personal wisdom.

From suicide attempt to spiritual awakening, she shares how pain, physics, and unexpected people shaped her healing. This one's deep and it might just shift something in you. So, without any further ado, let's welcome our guest Keri Blazer to the podcast.

Hi, Keri. Welcome to The 100% Protagonist podcast. How are you? I'm great.

How are you? I'm doing great as well. It's glad to, you know, do this podcast session with you because the topic and the, you know, the things that you bring on the table is worth said out loud. A lot of people hesitate.

A lot of people don't really open up about it and it's very brave for you to please speak about all these things. But I believe the listeners don't have context yet what I'm talking about. So, just for them to have some bit more context, please tell a bit about you.

What are you best known for and who are you? I'm a mother, first and foremost. I have three grown children, a boy and two girls. I'm a shaman and a recently published author of My Inner Heroine, Exploring Feminine Pain.

I also have a master's degree in East Asian religious studies. I met my children's father while traveling in Tibet and he's from Israel. So, I've lived in Asia.

I've lived in Israel. When I was young, I lived in Europe. My stepfather, who has since passed, was the personal doctor to the sister of the Shah of Iran, which is, you know, a timely connection right now.

So, I would say, you know, I got connections in the Middle East, in Asia, in America. So, that's me and in my story, in my book, is I share how I went from my darkest moment to my most illuminating experience and all the trials, the tribulations, the epiphanies, the breakthrough, you know, everything. It's raw, it's unfiltered.

I just share what it took for me to heal from my childhood trauma. Let's talk about the past. Let's go back in time and let's throw some light on what was the events happening that shaped you today right now.

Yeah. So, I was, my parents had a lot of trauma in their homes, you know. And so, they had generational trauma that passed down to me and I was born in 1970.

And in 1975, we moved to an affluent town in Southern California, which was like 15 minutes from the Bachelor Mansion. If, you know, just to give people like some context, like, you know, that kind of level of affluence, you know. And my mom was an alcoholic and my dad a workaholic.

And so, my mom decided to take it first when I was two years old and my brother was seven. So, we stayed in the same town and we eventually, I was raised in an apartment and even though my dad was, you know, quite affluent. So, yeah, my mom rejected me with the alcoholism.

My dad was super busy. So, like, when I was 11 years old, he met my stepmom and he would start, he started sleeping at her house every night that my brother and I were there. So, we would just get left alone at home.

So, like, you know, abandonment wounds, lack of self-belief, and he would lie and say he was there and even though he wasn't, all the gaslighting. And so, basically, I guess, you know, I can share a piece of art that really kind of shows how I felt about myself. And it's, and I saw it a few weeks ago.

And it's a sculpture where they have a head, a man's head, but it's just, it's just very, you know, just, you can see it's a man, but there's just a lot of detail and the arms and legs, but the whole center of the body was missing. And I would say that's how much I rejected myself. But you can see right through him to the landscape of the ocean behind the sculpture.

And that's, you know, what the impact that had on, from my childhood and how I felt about myself. And so, I'd say that's, that's what I was recovering from, like, just rejected, like, all the parts of me, you know. And so, we always try to escape from all these things, because we, there's a capacity of how much pain to the world anyone can take, right? But it takes a lot of realization, it takes a lot of awareness, it takes, you know, that courage to really step out of your, that environment and build something for your own or try to heal yourself.

So, what was that moment, you know, when everything cracked open for you, or at least it felt like you have a ray of light over there? Yeah, so, Wednesday was my birthday. I turned 55. 10 years ago, my 45th birthday, my mom passed away.

And our souls plan our lives to show us ourselves for self-improvement opportunities. And so, it's based on our bones, but we pick certain days and certain synchronicities to communicate meaning. So, my mom and I had my birthday together, and then we had her death day together, which are two of the most important days of our lives.

So, it's, you know, she, her soul was showing me how important I am to her. And that was the day my intuition told me I needed to heal from my childhood trauma, and I had to accept my psychic gifts. So, that was the beginning.

And so, yeah, have you ever had a moment like that, where you knew just things needed to change? Yeah, I think so. I mean, I won't say I lived through trauma, but I have lived through, you know, all these boundaries set by my parents. Coming from a, you know, sophisticated Indian family, they don't let you go out of your way, or they'll give you a lot of freedom to explore your potential.

So, I'm always born within these parameters. I did not know what I am, unless I took courage and set my balance like I want to know about. I can't say anymore.

It's partly because I want to apply for a job, I want to grow my skills or whatever. But it was a time when I have to take, you know, summon up all the courage I have to say this to my parents that I need some money from you, because I'm not earning yet. But I have this promise.

I can make this promise to you that for the next two months, pay me what I barely need to survive. After that, I'm all on my own. That's my commitment that I'll only take two months to stand on my feet.

And that's exactly what I did. That keeps, you know, brings me immense pleasure. But I'm also a bit regretful that if I had, you know, the means to explore a few years back, then I would have landed somewhere else as I am right now.

But it's all in that, you know, mindset and optimistic approach. So, I believe all for good and nothing unfulfilled. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I'm really happy for you that you're able to stand up and because that's like my story is a story of, you know, how did I find self-belief, you know? And so, six years ago, my youngest daughter blamed me for her eating disorder. And I went home and my brain told me that my children would be better off with a dead mother than a live one.

So, I took all the medications that I had and I attempted suicide. And the next morning, my oldest daughter found me because we were supposed to go together to visit my youngest daughter. So, then after that, I, when I got out of the hospital on the sideboard, I told my oldest daughter, I said, you know, I'm bringing healing to the whole family and we're not leaving your dad behind.

And even in the sideboard, I found self-belief. And so, it's like the story is just how I believed in myself and believed in myself. It's like baby steps, but it's kind of like the snowball effect where you take one step of self-belief, like you're moving out.

I'm going to do it in two months. And then, okay, yeah, I did it in two months. Okay, what's next, you know? And this is how we've learned to surf the waves of life, you know? And so, I take a very much a multidisciplinary approach to healing and which helps me understand, like I have very much an engineering left brain and a highly intuitive right brain, like all the men in my family, all engineers, like, you know, Swiss German, like I said, like they got to build stuff and it's got to be perfect.

So, like two requirements. I have to do it myself. That's thing one for the men.

And then two, it has to be perfect. Okay, but, you know, but I'm like that. So, anyway, oh, the self-belief.

And so, it just keeps building and building. And so, one physics experiment I found to help me understand myself is, well, first, we all have energy bodies or souls, you know? And, you know, I know Western cultures, I don't have, you know, what? Okay, we all know now, you know, we stop arguing about it. We all have souls and we're all communicating through our heart space and our souls express themselves through emotions which vibrate at different frequencies.

So, like shame is 20 hertz where love is 2000 hertz and enlightenment, which is an emotion, is 700 to 1000 hertz. So, you have two balls. Here's the experiment.

You have two balls. They're identical on two traps through the same distance. One is slightly downhill and one has hills and valleys.

So, technically, the distance traveled on that track is longer. Which ball reaches the first line first? The hills and valleys. And I have the video in my book, so you can see.

And they do it like four different times. Like, hey, that's two hills, three hills, four hills. It always wins.

Why? Because the momentum and propulsion gained from that downhill sends the ball up to the next mountaintop. Like, if you want to get to the top of Mount Everest, how much of a valley do you have to go into to unearth that self-belief and that self-confidence and get strong enough, you know, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, you know, every single way? You need to go down before you can be catapulted up. This is how reality is built.

Reality is built by some laws of physics. Like, we're not over here arguing that the table of elements is right or wrong, right? That's the way it is. Okay.

Those are the elements. Same thing with, you know, the laws of physics. Like, one plus one will always equal two.

One plus one will never equal three. So, it's like, I kind of take that approach, you know, as hard as it is to my healing because we're like onions. And so, it's like peeling back the layers.

So, every layer needs to integrate the two-ball experiment. And that's a lot of layers. So, yeah.

So, what do you think about that analogy? Yeah. I mean, I agree with that. I have this, you know, question that is popping in my brain.

Is that, okay, let's take a scenario first. A human who is suffering, who is feeling like they are bound somewhere, they can't escape and they're just digging and they keep on digging and for an escape. But in reality, what they're actually doing to themselves is they're deep or towards the bottom of the rock.

They're actually increasing the level of their pain. As you told, they're going down in the valley and as they go down, the pain level increases exponentially for them and they hit rock bottom where there's no hope, no light and no power. Right? It's all pain as a and it must feel like that for anyone going through trauma, mental health issues, depression or any of those negative stuff.

And it's very difficult to bounce back even though you have that momentum of coming down. It's difficult to muster up courage, you know, to bounce back. So, do you have any words or any message, any tips for these kind of people who want to shift from pain to power and use that momentum of going down to eventually bounce back up and lead a healthy race? Yeah, so there's two techniques or just I realized what I was doing, so then I explained it in as simple as terms as possible.

One is called appreciate, learn, forgive and one is called the love hierarchy. So, if you accept, first is accept that the valleys are necessary to have the hills. Like we don't know what tall is until we know what short is.

You have to accept the dual nature of reality, right? We know what a valley is, we know what a hill is, we know what a man is because we know what a woman is. Like, you know, all of these exist together and can't exist without the other. So, if you're in a valley, one, there's a hill coming, okay? And in me, like I had 35 years of debilitating lower back pain, that's a long valley.

But after that valley, I experienced enlightenment several times. So, the deeper the valley you go into, the higher the vibration it can propel you into. If you only go in a little, you're only going to come out a little.

That's not enlightenment. So, one, you know, I had to learn that my mental health challenges were a necessary prerequisite to experiencing enlightenment, which is part of our healthy emotional range. So, one is you have to open your body up to healing.

Your soul, your body, all of it because your soul is informing your body. And your soul talks to you through your body, through life events, through all, it's so many different means. So, and then when you appreciate your challenges in life because now you know you have an opportunity to grow, to learn something new, to unearth more self-belief, more self-confidence, and that's a heart opener.

And that's how you heal. If you don't open your heart and you're still like in fight or flight, there's no healing happening here because you're so busy protecting yourself. You have to surrender to an open heart, okay? And then, and that's learning how to surf the waves in life.

Surrender to that pain and then you'll have the, the, if you don't surrender the pain, you're fighting the pain. How do you have energy to climb to the next mountain, right? So, you have to learn how to, you know, how to move with the energy, move with the laws of physics. So, appreciate your challenges to self-reflect.

And self-reflect means ask yourself, why was it necessary, like for me, why was it necessary for me to attempt suicide? You know, why was it necessary for me to, you know, have a, a, a mother who's an alcoholic and a father who's a workaholic? What wounds did I need to heal? You know, inside of myself, what did I need to see about myself? And so, our souls are planning our lives in every moment. So, it's not, was it necessary? Because that's not acknowledging that our souls plan our lives, which now physicists have proven. So, acknowledging, accepting reality is, okay, why did my soul plan my life, plan that event in my life? Why was it necessary, you know, for that event to happen? And then, what I found is, and then I asked myself, what's the wisdom? Because the wound is, is, is the subconscious, is the shadow.

Bringing that shadow into the light, making your darkness conscious, is how you download more wisdom into your soul, and then you'll be able to climb higher and higher mountains energetically, and then actually reach enlightenment. So, appreciate, learn, forgive. There's no regret, no remorse, because, you know, our souls plan every moment.

So, nothing's wrong. Hard, painful, yes. Challenging, yes.

But not wrong, like there should be regret or remorse, no. And then, the love hierarchy. So, what I realized is that, when I act from my wounds in the subconscious, I put other people before myself, and that's the codependency, right? The people-pleasing, the coddling, the, the, the, like, oh, well, if I give you all this, maybe you'll like me, because obviously, you know, I'm a bad person, if you can't tell, like, you know, I believed I was a problem in my life up until a few years ago, and that's one way of showing that I believe I'm the problem, is like, oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry for existing, I'm so terrible, can I just, like, overgive to you, and kill myself, and then maybe you'll like me? You know what I mean? So, so that when we act from the wounds, we act from inverted wisdom.

So, we put other people first, and ourselves last, so we don't get any self-care. But love hierarchy, from the wisdom, means I love myself first, I fill my own cup of love first, so when I pour onto other people, I pour from health and happiness. Like, the guy that goes into Starbucks and screams over a blueberry muffin not being hot enough, that guy had problems before Starbucks ever existed, you know? And so, that is him not having a healthy cup of love to pour on other people.

And so, you know, engaging, you know, I call self-love, is, you know, are you exercising well? Are you eating well? Are you, you know, walking in nature? Are you journaling? Are you doing self-reflection? It doesn't mean I'm always right, and you're always wrong, and that's selfish. No, is it? Do I, do I have a secure attachment to myself, so I can process my emotional pain, and not take it out on everybody else? So, there's self-love, and then the partner love, and then child love, family love, and then community love. But most people start with community, and end with self-love, and so by the time they get back to self-love, there's no energy left.

Right. I get, what do you think about those two? People are carrying a lot of weight. There's a lot of shackles binding them.

Once you let go of that weight, try to look within yourself. Try to forgive yourself. Try to not judge yourself so much for anything that has happened so far.

Because, yeah, there's some, some sort of peace in, you know, taking accountability, but taking accountability for something that you're not on the reason of, a part of, that is purely wrong. And that is what the shackles are, you know. You're taking the accountability which you're not meant to take, and you're adding all this burdens on yourself, adding all the weight, and it's becoming heavier and heavier.

And once it gets heavy, it always looks for a way to escape. As you said, the analogy of a person asking for coffee and getting this muffin that is half cold, half hot. They had something that is so, you know, cramped up in their mind, in their body, that it was screaming to escape.

Once they found a way, that short loophole, that escaped rapidly. And that is how the outbursts, you know, we see around us really light up and really take place within any human. And this alignment of, you know, forgetting ourselves, letting go of the past, take a healing journey that is very much from your soul, from the within, and ask the right questions to yourself.

And then always, as you said, make hierarchy a priority. Once you do that, I think healing is something that is, it won't be a, you know, structure, but it will be a process. Yeah, no, I really like how you said that.

And I think one thing that I, a challenge that I'm, I constantly face in my own family is, you know, when my children get in their wounds, and I did it too, then we went, well, why isn't the other person healed? And because the universe is a mirror, what they're really saying is, why aren't I healed? You know, but of course, they can't really hear that when they're in their wounds, they're not healed. So just, you know, when we're, you know, acting from wisdom, just, I think it's important to remind ourselves that every soul has a plan. And so the timeline it takes for my youngest, who has an eating disorder to heal is different than the timeline it takes for her older sister to heal, or her brother to heal, because they're all individual souls.

And all of our souls are holding space for each other to face our wounds, to face our fears, and overcome them. And so when I got to that point, and I was like, okay, I just, and that's, you know, a lot of gratitude. I'm like, wow, all these other souls are holding, you know, when I was had a lot of anxiety and depression, and I was taking my crap out on everyone, you know, no one killed me.

So I gotta be grateful that I'm still here and having an opportunity to process my wounds and share my wisdom and, but that's something that I think a lot of people get caught up on is that, one, I don't understand what the universe is a mirror really means at every level. And our brains have mirror neurons, you know, so that's how we learn. That's how we learn from others.

And that's how we see ourselves is the universe is a mirror. So what I resonate with and what I pick up on in every situation is specific to me. Now, granted, you know, you and I could be in Starbucks the same time, and you might not even barely notice the guy yelling over the blueberry muffin, where maybe because of my wounds, that really triggers me, and there's something I need to learn from that.

So I really see that. And then I could spend, you know, days talking about that, and you never mentioned it again. But that event didn't happen.

It's just how it impacts me is different than how it impacts you. So, so that's, you know, and the more compassion I have for myself, then the more compassion I have for others, but that's something I really had to learn. And I learned about compassion with Andrew Tate.

That was, you know, I never saw that coming in my life. And this is, you know, our souls have a plan to, to show us our wounds so we can have self-improvement opportunities. And, and so he, you know, that kind of that grief picture, and our external reality is a mirror of our internal reality.

And he went to solitary confinement, right? And I resonated with him in solitary confinement. But that grief, you know, image really shows why, like, I just rejected myself so completely that I just felt that alone everywhere I went. You know, personally, and I was talking to him in my garage in the dark in a recliner, his soul, but that, um, I had to do a lot of self-reflection.

And then also I was giving him a ton of compassion. I'm like, oh, well, maybe I should give myself a little amount of compassion, maybe, you know, but all the different things I learned from self-reflecting on these, all these relationships in the book. And, and we have so many women saying, well, they, you know, I don't want kids, it's too much work.

Okay. Well, yeah, that's why you're here to do the work. And, and I think people, you know, want that slightly downhill track that that is how reality is created.

And I think it's because of our childhood trauma, and no one taught us that life is hard. You know, if you were born 200 years ago, and there was a lot of infant mortality rate and, and wars, and the maternal mortality rate was so high, it's kind of you just, it was just in your face that life is so hard, right? People now, it's such a bad time to have kids. I'm like, oh yeah, because 200 years ago, when half the kids were dying, that was a good time to have kids.

Like, what are you talking about? Like, you know, but it's, it's this, we have not teaching people what is reality, how is reality created, and that reality is really hard. And, and I use a lot of Carl Jung quotes in my book, I just love Carl Jung. And, and one quote that has helped me understand enlightenment and life so much, he says that one does not become enlightened by imagining beings of light, like imagining the slightly downhill track, but by making the darkness conscious.

The hill, the back of the tree, and then the hilltop, or the two wall experiment again, you know, or like the Winston Churchill quote that I found that says, he said, it is said that famous men are often the product of an unhappy childhood. I'm like, two wall experiment? Yeah, exactly. I mean, I can resonate with that because a lot of men who hide, I mean, still true to this day, that a lot of men try to hide their feelings, I don't know for what reason, but it feels masculine, and it has, society has somehow taught them that can't be so much expressive.

Even though we try to be expressive in our own ways, we don't, we fail to, you know, be or get to that level where anyone can understand like what you're trying to say. Because we have been conditioned to hide our true feelings, hide our true facial expressions that we fail to express, we fail to communicate when it comes to, you know, telling about you, your life, your well-being, your health, and all those things. And this is interesting for me, because in your book, you kind of blend both of these, you know, intersection, there's an intersection of these two things, is that these famous people who you look up to, whom you have learned from, Andrew Tate, Justin Waller, all those famous people, you have intersected their masculine archetypes, and you have mixed with your healing and your feminine touch to it, and you have kind of blended it together to, you know, project that out, bring that out in the form of your book.

So how was that experience for you? Like, how did their presence, you know, activate your growth? You have briefly spoken about Andrew Tate in The Solidary Confinement, but don't know that aspect as a whole.

Yeah, so I would say like thank you for bringing that up because you know their masculinity Helped me see my femininity and this is the value of relationships is is our opposites our best mirror And so if i'm not being successful with men, then I got something, you know, I got something going on in me um, so one main lesson that justin Showed me is how much I need to admire my man And how you know men have a need to be admired so women have a corresponding need to do the admiring I think this is one thing you hear so many, you know people talking about relationships and what do you deserve? It's like they're just approaching the whole conversation wrong. It's like okay, so we're in this together If if you have a need to be admired then I must have a need to do the admiring Right if I have a need to be respected and heard then you must have a need to listen and and uh and hold space right like like something you brought up is is um You know men expressing themselves, right? I think you know women express and not that men can't talk Of course men talk but women talk men act and i'm, you know, i'm generalizing right? So and and then express compassion is different from how women express compassion, you know men express compassion by being chivalrous By opening the door by carrying bags, but women in general in the western society have taken that away from them And now they're wondering why they don't express themselves like women, which is basically You know and sure men. Yes, they need to be able to communicate, of course But it's the acting where men really communicate how they feel about someone Because like if I go out in public and i'm dressed like, you know, low-cut short, you know I'm not gonna get the respect and the doors open the chivalry But if I go out modest beautiful and i'm and I put out that I respect men energy I admire men energy that i'm going to get the chivalry out of men So what women don't women forget I think men forget is that femininity fuels masculinity So if we want men to express themselves in their beautiful masculine ways that they do which is mostly through acting You know then women, you know the energy starts with the woman, you know That the woman submits the man decides if you see if you're at a bar, right? I say you're at a bar.

You're a good looking guy You know if you're at a bar and a cute girl is looking at you and then you know When do you know that you have an opening with her to talk to her? When do you know? I don't know. I mean when she gets some signs. Yeah eye contacts, maybe Calling me here maybe asking you a question or maybe offering a drink You know just from a waiter like it just stays on me something like that.

I think the gesture Right. Yeah, but you act right and so she's looking at you and then she looks down, right? If she's looking at you and then she's looking sideways after that. She didn't submit right, but if she's looking at you You know and then she looks down Then you know you have an opening now you have a decision to make do you want to send her a drink? Or to ignore her so but that it's with the feminine like, you know, easy women create lazy men you know and look at MGTOW we have Half of men in the west are walking away from dating because of all the women then you look at the laws of physics Okay, so me and all these men that we call players, right? I haven't been I haven't been on a date in six years.

Hang on. I need some water In six years, I didn't want to date with any of these guys So i'm sexually underexpressed So the laws of physics, you know, who do I attract in my opposite? sexually Overexpressed right so We have to remember this that that attraction is based on the laws of physics You know, we attract other people into our lives actually romantically based on our wounds and they're equal Like I used to think and a lot of women, you know see this way Why and why are there any good men like all I see are all the bad men and like in my book the first guy He had a special relationship with a yoga instructor And um She's a dominatrix Okay, who kind of you know jokingly but would kind of flaunt it at yoga because I only saw him at yoga. So We're flirting before class one day sitting on our mats and then she starts stomping Dominatrix style around his mat and he lays down like this like he like like, you know Protecting himself from the invisible whip.

I'm like He fucked up and then i'm like oh shit We're attracted to each other I had to accept that we were equally messed up like I I can't be that I'm not messed up, you know like Uh That was really hard for me Have you ever had a situation like that where you had to like accept that you are as messed up as the person That you thought was more messed up than you I don't know if I had any situations like that maybe because uh, I have been very Exposed on all these things. I mean, I don't do clubbings. I don't go out.

I don't socially, you know get along with a lot of people I consider myself as an introvert and As I've said partly because I have been kept inside a cocoon for the whole for my whole life And it's it was very difficult for me to kind of open up, you know, accept anything at all So the dynamics are very different in my case scenario over here And I think I have a fair share where I have felt like okay, we have we are shedding a sense of connection Maybe there's a hint that i'm not getting or maybe I should act but I have always Afraid of committing to anything and uh, yeah, I just shy away from all sorts of you know Relationships or anything I thought Maybe there's a deeper reason behind it. Maybe there's deeper psychology. I don't know but that's how I've been conditioned Yeah, so you were more coddled because of your more affluent family and you know kept away and and so and so I would say Was that more your mom did that or your dad did that I think uh They have equal roles for that.

I mean my dad is someone who is very strict uh, he He has no patience for anything. He does not like to be wronged even though He is sometimes wrong, you know want to be accused of anything and my mom on the other side sometimes try to takes take the side of their children and What she has to be that Pretty in nature or someone who's who has some sort of control over you so that you obey her You will listen to her and that's how I think they have somehow started putting these doors or gates in front of them that just started to feel solid and solid as day went by but even though my father had a very solid door my mom had some like shown me a way of Being transparent or soft Uh, that's why I was able to muster courage because I told my mom first that hey I want to do something of my own. I want to try this out.

I've been trying this For a couple of years. It's not working in this household. I'm just in my room all day I just want to go out and see what I can do.

I convinced my mom first then she helped me Go to my father. She was like I won't say you say first I'll back you up and then we'll see how it goes. My father was quite hesitant at first but later you know, he also submitted and Well, i'm happy for you that you got out because your I was more like your mom And so I attracted men that are more like your dad.

So your dad You know is more and is feminine because he hasn't healed yet. Hence He's so emotional and doesn't have patience He can't bring the stoicism and your mom is super is controlling because she's controlling her emotions And he doesn't hold space for her to process her emotions So she represses so well done you on one getting out of the house So the second thing is like what are you doing to build testosterone? so that You will gain more self-confidence Um, like do you do you exercise? Do you lift weights? Do you eat a diet that builds testosterone? Yeah, I think so. I uh try to go to the gym Uh regularly like for now due to the workload.

I have stopped going. I think it's been a few weeks But I try to exercise regularly I try to have a good diet a good balance of protein carbs and fibers Uh, and yeah, try trying to reduce caffeine as of now. I think that is taking over my body But yeah, I try to eat a healthy life cutting down sugar and electric Yeah, yeah, just I would google a testosterone producing diet because I think you need to add more greens Because um, you need to keep building your testosterone because that's really gonna help you break out of your shell You know in the way that's appropriate for you You know, whatever is you know out of your shell, you know, and however that plays out for you But more confidence with women getting out of the house more and you know in developing your career and things like that So for sure, you know that that will really help you.

Um Yeah, it's not like I I can't interact with women. It's uh, it's just that I prefer not to I try to keep a sense of a boundary on my side because i'm not so much Keen on you know building a sexual relationship. I had not Overly, you know into those stuff.

I try to purchase for a meaningful relationship where we contribute for equal parts of a healthy living Where I have a few goals of mine, which I want to achieve. I don't want to be distracted I don't want to be swayed away from all these, you know things that will Chew away and give you this negative dopamine boost and eventually will you know, take you out of your Path where you're at to hit the higher purpose So, yeah, I mean fair share of balancing the purpose and trying to uh attain the Persuasions that would happen on the background Yeah, and it's hard right now because so many women have been taught that sexual promiscuity is you know What they're supposed to be doing in their early 20s and then men are like you know, so um Well, I think you know, we've turned the tide like that. Um That that women are really opening up because like, you know, my daughters were taught that and they both hated it.

It's like you know and and so so thinking that women are enjoying this no women lie left right and center they do it to you know, To kind of look like they know what they're doing, but they really don't know what they're doing. It's it's insecurity and um now we have all the scientific data showing that uh Casual sex hurts women and if men are lead, you know And men are leading women through the casual if it's hurting the women it hurts the men because we're in it together It's this idea that men and women can do something together that hurts one and benefits the other that just doesn't exist It's like, you know, I I finally with justin who has his own steel construction company He's the youngest member of american steel board like, you know has so much success and came from, you know trailer park in louisiana, you know, like go justin right and A huge heart he has like he's a beautiful man. Is he a perfect man? No, he's not a man but who's perfect, you know, that's the thing that we get ourselves into but when I felt admiration for justin I was like Oh, wow i'm 52 years old and I finally Can like figure out what a healthy feminine woman is and but we're not teaching women that like my mom, you know She used to talk to me how she was saving her calories for the wine that night like that was her eating disorder, right? I'm, like, oh, you know when I was a kid like that.

Those are the conversations I have with my mom So I um, so but now that I know what it is to be healthy in my femininity And I can share the book and teach other women and what it is to be healthy in their femininity It also gives men a chance. Okay. Well, what is healthy masculinity, you know, and and so I I hope to you know continue to have opportunities to Talk about what is healthy femininity and because it destroyed my relationships.

I didn't know how to be healthy in my feminine lane So I attracted men who didn't know how to be healthy in their masculine lane and I also like I had a wound that I um, i'm replaceable That I only found with the fifth hero And so if I you know but then So that's one reason I attracted in so many players into my life is they were showing me that wound and and so many women Like they just think well, where are all the good men? Okay. Well girlfriend The reason you're not seeing the good man is because you're not a good woman You know Or a good, you know, we call a good healthy woman healthier femininity then you would be attracting lots of healthy masculine men, but Um You know, I would say, you know, a lot of women have a hard time taking accountability for their end of it and a lot of Societal conditioning and stuff, but you know, I think we're In progress on on helping people see the see reality absolutely She is it Yeah, I don't Okay, and I want to shift gears, you know I want to talk about this intersection that you have you spoke briefly about how you might act You know half of this is about engineering half of it about healing and it's there's a weird intersection But it really works for you, right and i'm fascinated on how this, you know physics is playing around this scientific languages and how both of them even though it's like Very uncarry to be existing together. It's if it is working then that's there must be some reason behind it, right? you are balancing your Spiritually of the slide like shamanic insight with Scientific structure in your life in your coaching even parts of your book and how is this really working out together curious? Okay, so i'm gonna quote carl young Wholeness is not created by cutting off a portion of one's being but by the integration of the contraries science left brain logic Spirituality emotion, you know creativity and so That's the masculine the feminine and I think That's what we've been waiting for.

So in 2012 We hit a new timeline. We saw the movie come out. We always knew okay Oh, there's do you remember that in 2012 like a movie came out and it was like the time cycle So it was the time cycle what it was is that now is the time for everyone to heal themselves And you see right after 2012 there was a huge uptick in medicine journeys like psilocybin ayahuasca You know say i'm praying to like all that coming out therapies all over youtube self-help because now is the time to heal ourselves and Now is the time that we understand that the science and the spirituality Are saying the same exact thing.

So for some people say well, I got the spirituality So I don't care about the science and it was out of the science so I care about spirituality, okay, hang on Hang on We're all on the same page. Let's just you know, let's analyze this for a second, right? And so the physicists have proven that we all have energy bodies and we all communicate through our heart space Well shamans have always been saying that that we all have souls and we communicate through our heart And so our heart the nervous system around our heart is way more complex and sends way more Signals from the heart to the brain than the other way around and the soul communicates like heart and soul, right? So it communicates to the heart to the nervous system. So the soul is actually in charge and not the brain right, but no lack of understanding brain Men and men have power and force so men took over But now is the time for you know, women came out of the house, right? And and and then we're like, oh And we worked we can't you want you want me to work and have kids and okay, so everybody's mentally ill now Okay, we don't want that.

But what do we want right? We want healthy femininity and that's when you know what i'm here My purpose is is to help women see as healthy femininity is but we needed both sides of the aisle to like Sit down the table and say we're saying the same thing and now we have all this proof that we're saying the same thing like The electromagnetic field around the heart is 5 000 times stronger than the brain When you hear the word stem that you want to change the world you have to change yourself Well, that's how you change other people is the more you open your heart and the more wisdom you download The more influential you are over the other souls whether they like it whether you're talking or not so The reason I was able to on the same day That fresh and fit, you know, the the red hot center of red pill on on youtube right was demonetized in 2023 That morning. I downloaded monogamy is the path to enlightenment And because i'm more in alignment with the laws of the universe Then Polygamy was moved out of alignment And granted we had a lot of before but all hedonistic cultures always Have always failed Why because it you know, there's half the men aren't getting laid then things got to change And that's what red pills basically do and they take all the women to the top Which is what we see right now and a lot of men aren't getting laid and aren't having families. Okay.

Well, that's social revolution right there you know so I would say that like We have neuroscientists like dr. Joe Dispenza You know saying this is exact same things So we have all the and then like neuroscience proving how female bodies work and how masculine bodies work there's just So much science behind it now that I think it's time for us to sit down and and have a larger conversation about How is reality really created? What is healthy femininity? What is healthy masculinity? What balances our hormones because I had so many people say well carrie You just need to get with the times i'm like well hormones don't get with the times girlfriend You know if i'm acting like a man then I build too much testosterone I can't have kids and i'm unhealthy and you know multiple ways on multiple medications. What if i'm healthy in my femininity? No, I can't go be the ceo because that doesn't build healthy femininity But i'm a great mother and and my kids are healthy and my ex-husband's mentally healthy and my friends are all mentally healthy so, you know You want to be a man and be unhealthy or you want to be a woman and be healthy? It's like We can't have we can't just do whatever the fuck we want which I think is what women want I think your book has a healthy mix of all of these things.

Let's talk about your book. Okay, uh the The my inner heroine is the title remember it Okay, uh you You have written the book through the wound even though some wounds were healed maybe a few were in the progression of Getting to that completely healing or healed stage, but you still took out Your pen you wrote the book and you completed that This journey of writing a book especially a book of uh titles as such and which Deeply, you know talks about how you felt as a child or how you have been feeling throughout your life is Something that is very toxic and is something that not many people try to do for themselves, you know, because they are being vulnerable They are trying they're saying their own story through a piece of article that will stay for eternity They will that can be read by multiple people. So even though it's something that is very courageous The soul Belief that it takes a lot out of our energy is something that not many people try to go for Right So I'm I want to know that what this book really holds who is it for? What can it do to a people who is trying to you know, search for answers or maybe Who is the ideal reader for this book and lastly? which uh chapter in the book was Most emotionally acting for you.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay.

So I say who's this book for this book? Yes, i'm a woman. So of course it's for women you know, it's for any woman who has had a traumatic childhood who Is is kind of at her wits end about how to find self-belief how to self-reflect how to get out of the valley of darkness That she's in if you're drawn to the book you're drawn to healing Uh, it's for men, you know I think the important point in the men is that Well, a lot of people are triggered by andrew tate and say that they hate andrew tate and that he's the problem All these other men in my book have similar wounds Are similar to andrew tate. We have the fire department.

We have fbi You know and we all got to open our eyes that andrew tate is not just You know one he's an example Of the challenge of the problem. He's not the problem so to speak um, so So if andrew tate triggers you and you're a woman Then probably you have a fear of men wound and you have a fear of being sexually assaulted So my book will teach you how to address those wounds because that is what I did so, okay, so That I would say is you know, who's the book for? most challenging chapter Okay, my original hero jared so I first wrote my first edition Last year in the summer and then I published it and it ended after the the fire captain I didn't know that I was about to reach out to my guy from heights from my childhood And that I would like go in and out of enlightenment almost like 10 times in november and december. I I mean it was gnarly like Gnarly like, you know, he was his avoided attachment to self was like 10 times that jared's was Then jim the fire captain.

I was like, oh I see because like I remember I put in the book like before I even reached out to jared's like I felt like it's like a shamanic final exam and you know, I was like, okay, but now i'm ready but then It was ready for the the most challenging one Which you know on the day that I was guide to reach out to him. I put a few. Um Posts on instagram as a feminine calling in her masculine You know and like he was asb president super good-looking over six feet tall like varsity letterman like league champion and wrestling, you know went to uh military academy for college mba like fbi super successful current career International company super successful, but I had no idea he was all that like I didn't remember But then that and then i'm like, okay, so it always felt like I Was working in lockstep with someone on andrew tate Like he made it just life too much for andrew tate andrew's takedown started and jared got his current job One month before I reached out to justin Was like and then like he was in hawaii for his mba at the same time.

I was in china and south korea And then we came back in time like then 2019 why attempted suicide he left the fbi and his father passed away like you know, so But this is again. All of our souls are communicating all of our souls have a plan to bring out our best selves like You know when I actually in high school I wouldn't even let the asb president talk to me of a high school like 2 000 kids You know Like I don't care like you don't even talk to me like no And here we are like 40 years later now i'm finally ready to talk about it, you know, but that's the soul we have a soul contract for all this to happen for us to see ourselves and learn our lessons and You know bring this all to light and um, yeah awesome, I mean, it's such an interesting journey that you have I mean, it's a journey of courage of resilience of inspiration and Very motivating at the same time i'd love to keep on with the conversation, but sadly we are short on time We have to wrap this episode But before we do that, we have this segment that we have it. Every one of our guests is a rapid fire segment Okay, i'll ask you five questions for the catch is you have to be fast You can't take time to think and you have to be brief with the answers.

Are you ready? Okay, the first one. How do you define legacy? No Legacy is I work as hard to be the best version of myself every day and that's my legacy Okay, what's your relationship with purpose in this phase of life? Purpose is i'm on my matriarch's journey So as a maiden that was self-love as a mother as family love as a matriarch as community love So i'm focused on sharing my wisdom with the community. Hey the third one What's one truth you want women in pain women in pain and the men who love them to understand? Oh, the universe is a mirror Okay So what you see outside of yourself if you see selfishness then ask yourself How am I being selfish if you're seeing hatred ask yourself how you're being hateful? If you're seeing racism ask yourself how you're being racist and um So I would say that kind of self-reflection Is women need the universe is a mirror our emotions are about ourselves when you make ad honor and attacks like shameful You're a misogynist.

You're you know, you're you're a racist those people are actually talking about themselves Just say number four. What did writing my inner heroine teach you that healing alone? Oh, um This taught me to I can only speak for myself The universe is a mirror these men were my mirrors. I don't speak for them.

They are not wrong They showed up in my life and gave me energy. So I call them my heroes because they helped me so much awesome The last one and this one's deep How do you find peace? No, uh in my recliner resting on edibles Awesome that slaps up this segment of rapid fire. Thank you so much carrie for appearing on this podcast I'm, really grateful and thank you so much for you know, mustering up courage For sharing your story out to the world.

Thank you so much for tuning in I hope this episode made you feel inspired and encouraged you to push through boundaries Make sure you check out carrie's book my inner heroine and feel even more empowered I'll give links to that down the description or show notes for you to go and check it out I'll catch in the next one. But until then take care.