How Do We Govern Our Family
How Do We Govern Our Family
In the beginning of the 17th century, the belief of the divine right of kings came to full force in France and England, a belief the monarchy could hear the voice of God and therefore were not accountable to parliamentary forms of rule. By the end of the 17th century, France was in full revolution. And England had fought a civil war in the middle of it. Whether we are governing an empire or our family, we must have a clear understanding of God given authority, with God's mission and purpose defined. in God's laws.
Ethan:Raising joyful children in an angry world, a podcast dedicated to faithful parents navigating their families through a stormy culture.
Paul:Welcome to Raising Joyful Children in an Angry World. I'm your host, Paul Osborne. A few months ago, my grandson and granddaughter were in my vehicle, and my grandson said, Who's the boss? You or Mama T? That's a name they call my wife. And before I could reply, my granddaughter answered, Mama T. That morning, she had been in a resistance movement to brushing her teeth, and my wife had told her that in our home, she was the boss and that she had to brush her teeth. So she complied, but she couldn't wait to tell her brother who was the boss. My grandson wanted to verify the info. Is that true, he said. I said something like, Jesus is the boss. The problem, though, is the question. The family is not a business with bosses and managers. It's not an army with generals and lieutenants and captains or a sports team with coaches, but your family is a nation within the kingdom. And God has given divine authority to parents and a mission to parents to govern. The right understanding of this governing body is often misunderstood. It's not a dictatorship. It's not a democracy. It is a unique structure But let's skip the civics and see the big picture and mission. For parents, there is a divine right to raise their children. It comes with divine responsibility and blessing, and it is sent to us on the tablets that God gave to Moses. The commandment with a promise, honor your father and mother that it might go well with you and you live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you. The authority. is the office of parents, both parents. None of us govern perfectly. We're all going to make a lot of mistakes, but understanding how this commandment relates to the first commandment is what I believe will help us grasp authority. Purpose and mission. Now, first, as I've said, this commandment is to honor the office of parent. There is no need to get tangled up in these debates on the matriarchy, patriarchy, that often do nothing but distract. The commandment is honoring the office or the ministry. of the title parents, mother and father. It's later spelled out in the New Testament. Children obey your parents and the Lord so that it might go well with you. Connects right back to the commandment, So yes, the New Testament reminds us of the responsibility of fathers not to provoke their children to anger. And if there's anything regarding dads and mothers, it's the dad has some specific instructions about not exasperating their children during the training. But it's clear that there is one office with shared responsibility and that parents are to be honored. And it is an honoring to the office. And the key to this and why this is important is that if we were to lose one of the parents, The concept of authority of the office remains. The critical part is getting the mission right. There's an interesting book called Extreme Ownership. It is written by two Navy SEALs, Jocko Wilkins and Leif Babin. And they describe a three legged stool of leadership, but particularly leadership involving a mission. They say resistance to blame is one. We talked about that in the last episode. We discussed the wheats and the tares and not getting caught up in how did this happen with the tares and trying to arrange blame because blame gets in the way of mission. They talk about ownership in all and so we've already described. There is a divine authority and we must own it. But most importantly, they talk about passion for the mission. this then begs the question, what is the mission? first of all, that nobody raises kids to adulthood. without scars and battles and mistakes. But the passion for this is what gets us to persevere and complete the mission. The main mission, the big picture I want you to see, is in things going well and living long in the land that the Lord your God has given you. This statement about the Lord your God has given you is connected to the first commandment. I am the Lord your God who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. You shall have no other gods before me. Look into the other book and honor your mother and father that it may go well with you in the land of Lord your God has given you. The bookends are the Lord your God. Now one of my favorite podcasters is Dr. Stephen Paulson. His podcast and his book are called The Outlaw God. He was recently teaching on Luther's Shorter Catechism on the First Commandment in a way that I hadn't really thought of. And so I'm going to try and summarize some of this, but it helps us get clarity about the mission of parenting. The role of the commandment and the importance to the first commandment. The first commandment is to have no other gods. We tend to see this as some sort of negative of ancient paganistic tribes, you know, worshipping some statue or something. But what does God really ask? He's saying there is one God, He wants our exclusive trust, and our exclusive worship. What gets confusing is defining God, because we're told not to have any other gods before us. God's name is Yahweh. It's Jehovah. Jesus, Yeshua, the term God is actually a title. It's an office. In fact, it's an office similar to the office of parent. And this exclusive title, this one true God, there are no others, is that God is the true giver of all the good gifts that come from his ministry. but what happens to us? Well, our wills, which are contaminated by original sin, we tend to say, Oh, thank you for those good gifts as did those Israelites. But then we start to want to make choices of our own things that God hasn't given us. We think are good for us when indeed they are often harmful. What happens? Well, we start to make an appropriate. the title in the office of God to ourselves. And then those choices get us into trouble. And, and this is what we've referred to as the law being seen as a mirror. It shows us the corruption of our will and our need for the gospel. So then what does God do? Well, God uses his word to put some fear in us He confronts us with the truth so that we come to him in times of trouble and receive his redemptive grace to get us back to one God and one King and freeing us like he freed the Israelites from slavery Freeing us from the slavery of our contaminated will. That's the law and the gospel. What happens if we don't run to God? Well, we end up hiding these choices that are bad for us. We deflect and we deny the consequences and things get worse. And if parents participate in the deflection and the denial, things get much worse. Now Luther taught, and others have taught, that when we get the first commandment right, We then obey them all. What we are governing in our home is a version, a scaled down version, a severely scaled down version of this concept of office. Our kids need to trust us as the giver of good gifts. Our kids tend to choose what is not the best for them. You see this in the very early days. I don't want to go to bed. I see what you are serving me for lunch. I would like to choose something else. I see the toy you gave me. I want to choose the one you gave my sister. And these choices get them into trouble. We should expect it. It starts early because of the corruption of the will by sin. And parents can use the scripture to correct them, restore them, and teach them. That is your authority, responsibility, and blessing. So that as they grow, they transfer the trust from you as the good giver of gift. to the office of the only God. We are modeling for them and we are practicing how to eventually trust God for all that is good. Trust God to bring the right people at the right time in my life and surrender to God, even though at times they are prone to wonder, prone to leave the one they love, as the hymn writer says. And when they do that, They need to go to God in times of trouble to seek forgiveness and restoration. The commandment with the promise is captured when the concept of the Lord your God becomes the Lord their God. And when they see that, that they should have no other gods before them, that means mission accomplished. The main mission. J. C. Ryle says in his book that we teach our kids to trust us so that they can learn to trust God. We give good gifts. We give praise to God for those good gifts that we gave. And we show our kids the mirror of the law when they decide to make wrong choices and they get into trouble. And we lead them to the gospel of repentance and restoration as a way back to The Lord our God and having no other gods before him. That is what we have to be passionate for in the mission. Now I want to say, as you're on this mission, and this is why I like the book, by the two Navy SEALs, because there are going to be enemies. There's a book called Conservatism, a Rediscovery by Yoram Hazony. He's a Bible scholar and a philosopher, a BA from Princeton and a PhD from Rutgers. He points out the traditional model that we have been describing is being abandoned by our society. And some are focused on tearing down the structure. Your kids, to some degree, are even being fed propaganda to reject your parental authority and revolt. The seed of the enemy wants to get into the way of the mission, so he attacks the authority of the office. That's what's behind this, and we must be aware of it. We must also be unified. Parents have to have the monarchy. And it cannot be divided. If there's a disagreement, we've got to resolve that behind closed doors. Or the children will be tempted to leverage the divide to get their own way. And that will likely lead to problems. I don't want to get again into this matriarch patriarch debate. But we must recognize that moms and dads have different roles and gifts. And it should not cause us to miss the big picture by becoming divided. I'm skeptical regarding many of the writings regarding the rise and fall of the Mars Hill Church. But it does seem that there was an overemphasis on this matriarchy patriarchy, and it became divisive, and got them off the mission of bringing the gospel to Seattle. Thirdly, I want to say you're going to need wisdom and you've got to be prayerful for wisdom as you go through this mission because one of the biggest challenges in governing is distinguishing between rebellion that is baked in recalcitrant attitudes versus an adolescent argument that's trying to understand The truth. The line between obstinate rebellion and youthful curiosity requires wisdom from God. We've talked about the Bible story, the rebellion of Korah, the Levite priest who found flaws in Moses and Aaron, and then leveraged the flaws to accuse Moses of being a self serving leader, and demanded he resigned. They wanted Moses to step down and the Levite priest. of Korah and his followers to step into the leadership role. Moses wisely goes to God in prayer for wisdom regarding the accusation. And God sees this mutiny as rebellion against him. And God sees that Korah was filled with envy, and he and his followers were swallowed up in the earthquake, at least most of them. The entire family. has to understand the mission. The rebellions, the challenges, the hurts, and the wounds that every one of us is going to go through are survivable if we are passionate for the mission. Children trust parents, that trust transfers, the Lord your God becomes the Lord their God. Mission accomplished. The ultimate battle for the heart and soul is a fight for identity. Our king invites our kids to know who they are, what to believe, and where they belong. Until next time, let's remember the words for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.