Belonging is an intrinsic need of our humanity deep in our soul. The theology of belonging and becoming.
Belonging is an intrinsic need of our humanity deep in our soul. The theology of belonging and becoming.
Raising joyful children in an angry world, a podcast dedicated to faithful parents navigating their families through a stormy culture.
I observe something this holiday season that I believe will be helpful to see how children devour delight in belonging and the connection between becoming and belonging and how that fits into family joy. Remember the triangle of joy, who you are, what you believe in, where you belong. Understanding the significance of belonging and how that fills the intrinsic need to belong is a critical part of joy.
Paul:This is Raising Joyful Children in an Angry World. I'm your host, Paul Osborne. The Gospel of John, the Apostle John, gives us some great connection and understanding in belonging and becoming. In chapter 8, verse 47, he says, Those that hear the voice of God. Have the spiritual acoustic turned on by the grace of God to the father. They belong there is belonging in John 10 verse 27. Jesus says my sheep hear my voice. I know them and they follow me. What we follow is what we become. And no one can take them from me. Here he describes our belonging and the permanence of belonging to God. And between these two verses of belonging, talks about following him and that's, that's a becoming issue. In the beginning of the gospel. John says that those who believe in his name, he gives the right to become the children of God. And so John's gospel connects belonging and becoming. The opportunity, this dress rehearsal of family. And this is what I feel I was observing. I saw this in the backyard games in decorating Christmas cookies. In this game. I'll describe called attack uno. Having a secure, rich, joyful sense of belonging. that comes from our God, our kids. need that and they need that confidence because that's what's going to allow them to survive in this ever fickle world that we live in. What I hope to explain, and though I'm certain I'm going to fall woefully short in in this description, is what belonging looks like, how our kids delight in it. And why the world will not provide it. I was watching an expert, Brené Brown, on her TED Talk on vulnerability. It speaks to the deep human need of belonging and being part of something greater than ourselves, as most behavioralists will tell you. She makes a very interesting observation, though. She says that Fitting in is the opposite of belonging because it requires us to betray our true selves. And she teaches then only people who have kind of a, are comfortable in their own skin. They've accepted their imperfections. They're comfortable with being vulnerable because they see themselves as being worthy. Have a deep sense of belonging and and those that don't those that are uncomfortable with vulnerability They don't see themselves as being worthy. Then they just numb the vulnerability Well, I think she's really on to something in one respect But we've got to answer some of these other questions that aren't answered in the TED talk and aren't answered in the schools of behavioralism first our desire to belong to something greater than ourselves Where does that come from? Well, if God made us who is infinitely greater than us, then it seems almost rational that we would aspire to be something beyond ourselves. Well, how do we know who we are? Well, we have to come to grips with the fact that God made us. And as we've talked about in other episodes. Because God made us, we can understand our talents and our gifts and who God has called us to be. How do we accept our imperfections? Well, there is the grace of God. He calls us not because we're lovable. He didn't call us because we were perfect or that we met some standard. He called us because He loves us because He does. How do we accept vulnerability in this shaky society? Well, that's because God tells us He will never leave us or forsake us. So I can deal with the fickleness of the world because my Father in Heaven is trustworthy. I don't abandon myself to fit into the world now because I belong to something greater. And as I mature and I realize, I can't really do that if I wanted to see, this is where we get the courage to live as ourselves because God has accepted us and God has filled our need to belong. Hopefully on our family is we try to practice this belonging so that in our family, we can help them transition our kids to the greater family of God. And it's really learning to surrender and just come to the kingdom as we are. This is what I saw in the backyard. This is what I saw at the cookie decorating table. And at Attack Uno. See, nobody was worrying about how well they played the game. The only thing that mattered is that each one was part of the game, part of the laughs. In fact, the three year olds weren't playing this hide and go seek, run back to base game perfectly, with any real deep knowledge of the game. But that wasn't what it was about. It was understanding of belonging. And we were doing it at a very young age. It was simply being accepted. And some amount of time, some slice of our activity has to include this just belonging. Just because we love you. Just because you're part of this family. Not because you meet some standard. Not because you did something right. It's just because who you are and because we love you. The gospel teaches us that we are loved, not because we're worthy. But we are worthy because we are loved. You could see the delight in these, in the kids. You could see this. I belong to something. I'm part of something. I get a turn. Now. You, you, I'm not going be part of the World Series of Uno. There's no national hide and go seek league, but it, but these games and this participation and this being part of something. I believe helps us grasp how we are called and accepted by God. It prepares us to be part of the family of God. See, the Lord speaks of, to children. He says, let the little children come unto me. It's an invitation. He calls his disciples, come and follow me. It's an invitation. And we have to understand that we are not called and invited because of our greatness, but we are valued because we were called. And you could see this delight in belonging to something within these children. I'm part of a family. This is my crew. I've even seen this on the playground between the two church buildings when I see children, you know, kind of racing around and playing these games, uh, during sometimes at church, there's something of, you just belong. Now where there disagreements, did there occasionally come up this, you know, tattletailing or somebody complaining? Yeah. But in the moments in which that had stopped, it was just the game being played. The meal was being eaten. The cookies were being decorated. The, the Attack UNO device in which you, you don't really have to know the game that well, but you push the lever and it randomly spits out cards depending on how the game is going. It just delighted everybody. See, ultimately this community and belonging to a community is satisfied. When we see our God as having invited us and we become part of his community of faith. It's by his grace, he's the one that has to turn on the spiritual acoustics to hear his voice. Are there disagreements? Once we get there, sure. Do people tell on each other? Is there complaining? Yes. But when we see ourselves and others as belonging to what God has created, this yearning, this intrinsic part of the soul is being satisfied. And when it happens well, especially in our family, it gives strength and joy to take on the world's rejections. Sadly, in Ms. Brown's video, she dismisses religion as having lost its mystery and become something of a I'm right, you're wrong, shut up mess of rejection. In some ways, she's probably right, and I'm sure she was fueled by a bad church experience. But we cannot let a bad experience at church caused by human failure result in our ignoring the belonging to the voice of God and the ultimate fulfillment of belonging to the family of God. Because it doesn't come from the person that upset you. The invitation is from God himself. He is the one who calls us. Despite our sins and why believe we can model this function of belonging in our family to work like the garden to condition our kids to see the way God works or we can model our family to work like the world with tryouts test and fickleness. Now look, we do ask our kids to be what they are and that means at the same time. It does not include unrepented sin, but finding these times and these activities that are not based on human perfection is not the same as accepting sinful behavior. For God calls sinners, but he calls us to repent because he loves us. Make belonging to the family important. Put out divisive fires. Place the value of the sum of your family as greater than the whole. This is the theme in Mary Poppins and the Paddington stories. It's a family being a place of belonging because ultimately we want to get to the psalmist in psalm 73 verse 23 and 24 yet. I still belong to you You hold my right hand you guide me with your counsel and you lead me to glorious destiny And look at communion. Look at the sacrament of Holy Communion In Corinthians, verse 16, it's not the, is not the cup of thanksgiving for which we give thanks, a participation that words actually koinonia, a deep, intimate fellowship with the blood of Christ. And the same thing about the body of Christ, we are included, we are invited into a fellowship. In which God did not spare his own son, and it includes his very body and blood. It's interesting, I'll close with this. If you look at the current state of college football. You hear this all the time. It's a brotherhood. It's a family. It's unity. Man, since this NIL that's really pulled back the curtain. And what we're seeing is the way the world has been injected into it. At best, it's a temporary communion. It's a short lived fellowship. Loyalty and belonging have been diminished. As money, fame, and self advancement have been elevated. Many people are upset by it, but it's the way the world works. It should teach us and remind us that our need to belong cannot be found in the world, no matter how great we are at something. Trying to belong outside the faith Is, is one temporary meal followed by the next, but once you have the perspective of eternal belonging to God's family, once you have that, it empowers you with the wisdom to enjoy the temporary meal for what it is and not try to rest the deepest, need in your soul to belong to such things. You don't trust that, that deep need of belonging to things that are outside the faith. You understand them for what they are. The reason is simple. The institutions of man and their leaders did not pay for our sins. They are not divine. They did not create us. They did not shed their blood on a cross. And that's why they can't fulfill it. But the family is the starting place in which this koinonia starts. It's the simplest things that allow our kids at the youngest of age to discover belonging. The ultimate battle for the heart and soul is a fight for identity. Our king invites our kids to know who they are, what to believe, and where they belong. Until next time, let's remember the words for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.