Bully Proof Kids -

Christian children have access to the knowledge for dealing with bullies long before it reaches critical significance. Let the Bible provide understanding to deal with conflict, as a  preemptive means to bully-proof your kids. 

Transcript

Ethan: 0:01

Raising joyful children in an angry world, a podcast dedicated to faithful parents navigating their families through a stormy culture

0:08

Well, today I want to talk about the topic, one of the most popular topics regarding raising kids and that's the issue of bullying. This is Raising Joyful Children in an Angry World. I'm your host, Paul Osborne. I'd like to explore how we can try and bully proof our kids as they go through school and growing up. This topic, as it's discussed, typically, whether it's some anecdotal stories with friends or you're reading about it in the news, it's generally when Things have escalated to the place where maybe someone's been injured. Something's happened and there are no good options left. We're sitting in the administrator's office, right? Accusations are being made and all that kind of stuff. I want to talk about how do we avoid that in the first place. So I want to start with how bullying is defined and it is an aggressive form of intentional behavior causing someone injury, discomfort, and it's on a repeated basis. And so this is what I think we're going to try and deal with on how we bully proof that and I believe it comes down to how we prepare our kids for the fact that bullies exist and then how to deal with conflict and then how to see yourself as a person that is, you know, more than a conqueror, more than strong because most bullies are going to focus on children who they deem are weak or they think are vulnerable. I think it's important that we understand in our faith, one, the conflicts are going to happen that you're in a fallen, sinful world that produces bullies. We have to understand that not every conflict is bullying and the situations that are conflict or bullying require some wisdom and some strength, but they're dealt with in very similar ways. I want to get one thing off the table. First and foremost, we have to teach, obviously, our kids to be kind. None of us wants to raise a bully, and that shouldn't be the case if we are raising them in a church and teaching them the Bible and teaching them basic, Christian virtues. But also I think it's important to get off the table that kids today need to learn some degree of self defense. It's probably essential. And that doesn't mean that your children need to be the miniature Navy seal, but some basic self defense, maybe some wrestling, some jujitsu, some of these, these defense practices are probably important so that they can defend themselves should they find themselves in a violent situation. those that who might argue against this, I would say, look at Luke chapter 22, verse 36, Jesus says to his disciples. Take your money and your cloak and your traveler's bag. And if you don't have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one. In other words, simple self defense is, scriptural I want to start with kind of expectations first, right? So we got to teach our kids that Jesus tells us that we should expect a confrontation. We should expect people to react to us and, and even curse us. some people are going to, um, They're going to betray us. Some are going to harass us. Some people are going to argue with us. Some people are going to avoid us. And hopefully some will seek Jesus because of us. but those that treat us badly because of our faith, Jesus tells us, well, we're blessed when that happens, when we're mocked because of him, it's actually a blessing. So not all mocking is necessary a curse, but I do think bullying when it reaches the place where it's repeated and it's a threat to harm, we've moved from mocking to something else. And that's where we've got to have. So first and foremost, to, to not be the kid that looks vulnerable, our kids need to know their identity. Talk about this all the time, because this is really where the battle is. So regardless of how strong your child is, or how small they are, whatever it is that they are, they need to know that this is where the battle is. They're a child of the king. They need to do that. They have God who was with them. He's on their side. He will fight for them. He will fight with them. Children need the confidence that they're in an elite kingdom. They have a real king who controls the world and they should not fear other people. And this identity has to be taught and caught with the reality that it will be tested. And that's why we memorize the Bible verses and we learn the Bible stories and we go to church and we see how Jesus and those who are in the scriptures, the prophets and the teachers and the apostles, how they deal with this conflict that can lead to bullying. And so it usually involves three things, right? One is the use questions and we're going to talk about the power of learning to use questions. They will often escalate that then to warnings if the questions aren't working. And then lastly, self defense. So again, assuming your child has been taught some self defense, assuming you have taken the time to learn some scriptures like we are more than conquerors. When I'm weak, I'm strong. We need to teach them what I think is the power of the question. You see, Jesus is always using questions when he's engaged in conflicts and people are trying to intimidate or insult him. Questions tend to disarm people. They aren't expecting them. And, and if you think about it, it actually puts you in a position of strength when you become the person asking the question of the person that's trying to intimidate you. Think of some of his questions. Why do you call me good? Why do you tithe the mints and ignore the elderly? It, it questions do something. And so some questions I like generally involve the law. So I might ask someone, well, does your God teach you to speak or act this way? Is this approved by your God? Or is it lawful in the school for you to act this way? Do you understand how the school works? See, you're, you're not threatening someone, but you're just simply asking them a question and believe it or not, people and kids fear the law. Asking someone a law question works better than threatening them to use the law. And then you can personalize it, right? Why do you think you treat people this way? You ask the question, you disarm them. Or do you think acting this way or doing this kind of thing, that you're going to get friends, that people are going to like you for the stuff that you're doing? See, questions put you in the position of power. Now they're having to answer you. And when you learn to do that effectively in, in, in the right kind of way, you're going to find yourself in a position of, of the first line of defense. Now, as you know, questions don't always work. People can get, get, just get angry by questions and they can intensify. And that's then where you have to go to what I call the warning. I must warn you that my God said that anyone causing harm to me or children of God, you'll be under his wrath. This isn't just a curse on your head. You'll be under the wrath of God. When you, you respond to people that way, I, I think your kids need to know that. And, and sometimes they may need to use that. Remember John the Baptist, repent, you brood of vipers. And Jesus often warns people of the wrath of God in Capernaum. He says, it's going to be, it'd be better for the days of Sodom and Gomorrah than it is for you. He talks about where the worm doesn't die. there, there is a, there is a use of warning and it's one we need to teach. And the reason we use the warning of the wrath of God and the punishment of God coming to you is because we have to also teach and understand that inside the bully is something demonic. The Bible teaches us in conflicts wars, we don't war against flesh and blood, but against principalities and powers. In other words, Paul tells us in that scripture that we're dealing with something that's outside of what is immediately in front of our face. And bullies in many cases are under the control of a demonic influence and the word of God the Holy Spirit battle against what is controlling the bully. So once we've moved past the rationality of asking questions, we then have to move to the warning. This isn't a warning that what I'm going to do to you, if you do this to me, no, I'm warning you that if you continue in this, God is going to unleash a power on you that you won't be prepared to deal with. I'm telling you, if your kids learn to do that effectively, believe it will have an impact on people. There is still, in the deadest of souls, a place that understands and the demons understand this. You remember when the disciples came back to Jesus and they said, Oh my even the Demons obey us. And he's like, of course, I saw Satan fall from heaven, like lightning. In other words, God knows he has the power to destroy whatever demonic influences are out there. And your kids have to have confidence in that force. Now, lastly, lastly, sometimes we get past this. We get past the rational questions. We get past warning people about what they're dealing with and we have to fight and we have to defend ourselves and we have to protect ourselves. And so how we do this is knowing. A good Psalm like 91 that God is fighting with us, that God is in charge, that God is with us and God will work this out. And that when we defend ourselves, we don't fear what other people think. We don't fear what might happen to us. We know that God's in charge and we know our family. Our family will not hold us in some sort of punishment for self defense. And once you have kind of bundled this together, I think you've got as, as much as possible, a child that walks confidently, a child that knows how to deal with conflict, and a child that knows spiritual warfare, and lastly, how to defend themselves. So often I hear parents in casual conversations, Well, I'm going to put my kid and they're going to learn to play football, or they're going to learn to do this. They're going to go to the boxing match and, and those things are, I'm not saying they're not important, but fights and violence should be the last thing that we have to imply. Learn to use questions, learn to fire the warnings that the scripture tells us we have the right to warn people about, and then lastly, defending ourselves physically should be the third and final option. So to just say this in summary, our kids have to understand their identity. Never let anyone tell you differently and don't give any value to the opinions of people care more about what God says to expect confrontation. We have to teach our kids that humanity's fallen. It's a sinful world. We have to expect it. The best way to deal with conflict is to begin with questions. Ask people questions, don't threaten them back. Then, if the questions fail, inform them. Inform them that they are messing with the potential of being in the wrath of God. Inform them of spiritual warfare. Invoke God's name into the conversation. And then lastly, You know walk knowing that the Lord is in charge of the situation Do not fear any outcome have confidence in God and when all else fails When it cannot be avoided then we must fight back like Psalm 91 tells us Though a thousand may fall up my left and to my right God is with me and I will remain standing I think these are concepts that are preemptive to ever having to get to the place where we're really concerned about bullying. And I believe the Bible and Christian education prepares us for this better than anything else we can know. The ultimate battle for the heart and soul is a fight for identity. Our king invites our kids to know who they are, what to believe, and where they belong. Until next time, let's remember the words for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.