Shakespeare & Drake On Love & Romance

The conversation in Christianity with our kids about romance is limited to rules on sex, and not much about what real love is and how we know it. This week we look to Shakespeare and Drake to learn about love. 

Transcript

Ethan: 0:00

Raising joyful children in an angry world, a podcast dedicated to faithful parents navigating their families through a stormy culture

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How do we get our kids ready for love? This is Raising Joyful Children in an Angry World. It's interesting conversation over the years, so much of the discussion I believe between parents and youth and church leadership, when it comes to dating and romance, it seems to be centered on rules and commitments involving sex. And in some ways, it's almost law without gospel. It's rules on what not to do. Without much wisdom on what real romance and real love is, there's not a lot of discussions and books on this topic of romantic relationships. What are the conventions for courting? What are the, how does this work? And you need this stuff if you're ever going to find a future spouse. I think this is an extremely difficult topic because as the dating age starts, parents are likely to be in the busiest peak of their career. It could be in their mid forties, mid fifties when they've been promoted and a lot more responsibility at the same time, the kids are involved more so on outside the home activities than inside and your influence as a parent is diminishing leaves us with this question is, Yeah. Well, how will we gain this needed wisdom? How in a culture so messed up on the concept of romance that the Congress of this country had to post a law prohibiting the posting of lewd photos. There are almost always the result of revenge because of a bad breakup. I mean, even this week I listened to a particular radio show and on this show, they take you to this live audience event in Nashville and you meet some new artists and some old artists and it's a fun little show. And they usually celebrate at least with one member of the audience. It's usually somebody's birthday or engagement. This week, it was a woman's divorce. What should have been a sad moment in her life was presented as a personal triumph of freedom and the host and the audience all applauding. And I mentioned this because, man, it's just another thing that you look at and you say, this, this culture is really messed up on this idea of romance and, and what commitment looks like and how it's supposed to work. It's fascinating. And he was reflecting on the merchant of Venice, Shakespeare. I know this is kind of some old school stuff, but there's a line in it that says, where is fancy bread in the heart or in the head? And what it means by fancy is what do I fancy? What do I like? And the answer is it's gendered in the eye. The playwright distinguishes between sensual attraction from the eye and what real love is. He says lust or infatuation fades because it's only a desire for what's outside. It's a one way thing. But love involves the inside and it takes commitment and it takes grace. And I believe one of the reasons we watch these old Elizabethan era shows like Doubt and Abbey is because the reality of love and romance, the reality of it, the truth of it is explored often in greater wit and wisdom in those shows. Even in those old kind of silly romantic comedies of the past, right? Girl meets boy, boy meets girl. And there's that initial attraction of the eye. And then there seems to be kind of this fun love relationship. But is it infatuation or is it real love? And the couple begins to discover some flaws, some secrets, some selfishness about the other person. And it looks like the relationship is about to end. And then usually if it's a happy ending, the leading man overcomes his ego, surrenders his need to have his own way, and the woman learns to trust him, and they begin together to forgive the shortcomings of one another. And the attraction moves to love via commitment, and it's all wrapped up in a very mystery of life. The challenge for parents is how we equip our kids beyond slogans, beyond rules, beyond conventions of digital dating in this country and give our kids some wisdom to know what love is and the willing to trust the mystery of it that is described in Proverbs. I think first of all, Very young, we've got to teach our kids that love is defined by God. God is love and it's right out of the scripture and the stories of the Bible teach us about God's love for us and even in relationship love. Uh, such as the story of Ruth. And then we need to start also in those young ages with stories of princesses and princes, but one that I think is also in this is the mouse and the frog, which is a story about a mouse and frog that tie their legs together. They're such great friends. And it all ends when the frog jumps into the pond and drowns the mouse. It's all about not being unequally yoked. And I think at some point. You're going to need a film, a story to show what love is and challenge, what reality of love is despite our flawed humanity. We're going to need to see that it's not going to be found as we observe it. If we don't see grace and forgiveness and commitment in the love story, I think that's something that we have to take time to include in what we're discussing. There's, there's a point, I'll say this one as well, that we need some conventions, requirements of dating our sons or daughters, meet the family, the hours that are kept, some accountability to parental and biblical authority. And then I would suggest just inviting you to explore the kinds of music, film, literature, entertainment that are filling their heads and have discussions about, do those themes Do they work on what true love is or are they merely lustful? Are they merely building, selfishness? One of the interesting, songwriters and artists that I propose to you is Drake. And you're probably thinking, Oh my gosh, what, uh, you know, where does a rap artist get it? But he has a song called keep the family close and he refers to shallow people in his life. That's let's be friends people. He says, they're not like the family. He was raised in that loved him no matter what. And he talks about in this song. The need for trust. Where's the commitment? He talks about how people take sides and they let their pride um, go against him instead of being for there for another person when they need it and putting their pride aside. He speaks about the fickleness of these fair weather relationships and he even speculates as to what is happening in the spiritual world. What am I supposed to be learning from this? See, even in this world of rap, which is often dominated by every wrong understanding of romance and sexuality, even in this sometimes demented genre, the writer is asking the profound questions. These are the questions that I think we have to help answer. Where is unconditional love found? It's found in Jesus. Where will you find someone to love you no matter what? Well, God has to give it. How do you know the difference between infatuation and love? Well, it comes down to when your needs and their needs and reaction to when someone needs to help the other person and go the extra mile. How does that reaction work? And then I think we have to teach them to ask the question as they're in these dating relationships, are you in an if you relationship or are you in an I'm committed? If you relationships are, if you please me, then I'm in, this is a relationship and it's almost always self centered. I'm committed is a relationship when some grace has to be extended with wisdom. You got to watch because grace could be wasted. Grace can be thrown away and not reciprocated. That's not what we're talking about, but a committed relationship where grace is mutually extended, forgiveness is mutually extended, and people are actually committed where there's more than just what the eye sees, but it's what the heart sees. I believe all of life comes down to what we trust. Two people that have a great relationship have to first trust God, and then they have to trust each other in a full surrender of the heart. And there's a limit to what we can teach and learn in this topic, so all of it has to be bathed in prayer. When parents give the talk to the son and the daughter about sexuality, it won't be complete without providing them direction and wisdom as to what true love looks like, how to know when it is real, and how to know when it's counterfeit. There is yet another reason why your kids need Jesus and they need a church. They need to have this revelation delivered to them as real love is described. They need to be in a community where other young adults also have this wisdom and who are filled with the Holy Spirit. We start young with the stories about romance, about the love of God, and as they grow older, we have to take the time to discuss what real romance is. Use the film, use the music of the day, and in that point, you're really equipping a young person to find the spouse that God has given them. The ultimate battle for the heart and soul is a fight for identity. Our king invites our kids to know who they are, what to believe, and where they belong. Until next time, let's remember the words for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.