Peer Pressure Starts Early - Discernment Required

Peer pressure starts young and the young see the world as everything important is right now. This part of our nature leads us to decisions that trip up our kids. This week I want to suggest the basic bible principles our kids need and where to find a multi dose of wisdom. 

Transcript

Ethan: 0:01

Raising joyful children in an angry world, a podcast dedicated to faithful parents navigating their families through a stormy culture

0:08

This is raising joyful children in an angry world. I'm your host, Paul Osborne. Well, I had the opportunity to spend quite a bit of time with my grandkids over the holidays and into January, and the thing that stood out to me was how early the need to fit in starts, how kids begin to monitor their behavior to fit in at various places. And it, and it occurred to me that self-esteem and encouraging words has limits. It means something, but man, that need to fit in and be liked and respected is so strong. Self-esteem isn't going to stop it. And so we join the teams and the bands and the clubs and we listen to what other people think of us. It's just, it's just part of our nature. Now my 2-year-old grandson has nothing to do with this. He runs into the house. He points at stuff declaring my cup, my swing, my turn. He's full of energy and he wants to explore everything he sees in what I call the king of the hill style. He is not bothered by peer pressure. He doesn't care. He's out trying to see what he wants to see. He's not aware of it. But the older kids who are starting elementary school, oh man, they're more aware. They want people to hold good opinions of them. They wanna be liked, they don't wanna be left out and you know, to join the team and the club and the band. And you can see the effect of peer pressure building and it grows stronger as they grow older into adolescents and teens. It's what Todd Rose called conformity in his book, why We Make Bad Decisions, and he says it's our need to conform to the group and then our complicitness. To make group decisions even when we know they're not good for us. And so how do we battle this? Because I wanna tell you, I don't think self esteem's gonna do it. Not, not certainly by itself, not to. We shouldn't encourage, but it's not enough. So the first point I want to say is, is that God's gotta understand that God created the world. He's in charge of it. In Genesis one, he created them. And how everything works in Psalm 1 39. And so God's point of view in his way of seeing me is what matters more than what other people see in me. And it's how, as I talked about last week or so, how our kids hear God's voice. That's point. We've gotta see a beginning and an end and an eternal God, and I'll get back to that. God also gave us Jesus. And despite my imperfections, he died for me. He saved me, and he's transforming me. In other words, Jesus Christ has my best interest in his hands. He's working all things in my life to transform me. See the message of the gospel and the epistles kids need to see is they're on a quest with the Holy Spirit. You know, it's not some proving your faith kind of quest, but it's transforming them with God in the kingdom of God and they're a sinner saved by grace. They have a, they're a new creation in the Kingdom of God and the Holy Spirit with the father and son is helping them understand their relationship with their king and who they're becoming in his kingship. And I stress the word becoming because peer pressure. When it's not given the proper scriptural boundary starts to disrupt this relationship because it focuses my attention on other people. And right now, see, see, the world doesn't have this view that God created the world, that God's gonna judge the world, the end that Jesus is here to save us. No, none of that exists in the secular world. The only thing that matters is right now, because that's all there is, is right now, it's where you get the bucket list. It's where you get, you know, you only go around once. If I don't do it today, I'll never get another turn. It's all that stuff. So we, we've gotta have a biblical worldview beginning to build it into our kids. It's not about everything as of now. It's what am I becoming with the Lord? And and thirdly, I want you to help our kids understand is that God directs the hearts and opinions of other people. Most of the time when people dislike me, reject me. It's because the Lord is working in my best interest in He is the one that has led them into those decisions. Now, I'm not saying there aren't times where I don't do something or you don't do something that offends someone that we need to reconcile and ask for forgiveness, but this principle is so hard for people to grasp that we're limited in our ability to persuade others. And what they think of us and that God is actually in charge of it. And that oftentimes when people sour on us with for what seems to be irrational or selfish reasons, that's because God led'em to do it, because God's looking and saying, Hey, that's not a good friendship for you. Jesus sends out the 70 disciples. It explains this so easily. Hey, if people welcome you stay, have a meal with them. Be friends. But if you're rejected, shake off the dust of your sandals and leave. And it is the Holy Spirit who opens the eyes and changes the heart of the people who say yes to the gospel and the people that say no. And this is, this just so flies in the face of a culture. The believes we can do everything and convince everybody. See, the greatest trap involving peer pressure is the belief that you can persuade people. God rules the hearts and minds of men. And you can't, you can't see that as some fatalistic worldview. Like we don't decide anything. No, that's not it. But you have to see it as a loving father who's looking out for your best interest, the best interest of your children. The realization, oh man, this helps us stop trying to change everybody to think we're so wonderful. We get on with what is Jesus calling me to do? Uh, last of all, I think our kids need to see in the Bible stories, what I might call a realistic view of people. You're gonna see people in the Bible stories. They're not some kind of superhero. They're fickle, they're selfish, they're deceptive, they're betray others, they're envious. I mean, we all come up short and we should expect some tension in life with other people. But we need discernment to know, hey, when to forgive, and then not set yourself up to get hurt again, or to actually reconcile when to overlook an offense and when to say, Hmm, that person's not good for my life, and we move on. And that comes that discernment, that wisdom comes from the Holy Spirit guiding our heart. And, and of course we have to, you know, adjust what we can expect from others and, and so forth. But this, this wisdom, this discernment is so critical. Now, where are you gonna find this discernment? Where are you gonna find this wisdom? Well, first you're gonna see it in the proverbs. It's like one line slogans that are so filled with wisdom, and there's 31 of them read half of a proverb a month. And you'll get through those proverbs about six times in a year, and that wisdom will get inside your soul, your heart, and your head. And then there's the psalms. Now there's a lot more of those and you're not gonna get through those in the same simple fashion, but you can certainly get through a lot of them. By doing one a week. And that's gonna deal with the emotions and, and understanding the disappointments and the sadness and the things I talked about, the fickle, selfish, deceptive betrayals and how we deal with them in our relationship to God. That's gonna all be found in the Psalms. The Bible is the one that's gonna give us this discern and wisdom. I say all this because I believe when we look at our society, we, we've got. Very few people we're, we're about 40% in church attendance, and I don't even know that 40% who actually believe that God created the world, that God's coming back to judge it, and that Jesus saves us. When you don't believe that and everything is right now, oh, it's everything matters. Is, is today. There is no tomorrow. Then conformity to the crowd becomes essential. And all the parental self-esteem and praise and encouragement, it, it, it won't battle that The only thing that's gonna do it is Christ and me and His wisdom and his Holy Spirit. So spend some time this year with your kids in the Proverbs as they get older and they'll understand something about humanity and how to value it, and the discernment to know what's a friend and what's a foe.

Paul: 9:43

The ultimate battle for the heart and soul is a fight for identity. Our king invites our kids to know who they are, what to believe, and where they belong.

Paul (2): 9:56

Until next time, let's remember the words for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven