It’s Not the First Impression, It’s the Lasting One That Builds a Legacy

Transitions are where leadership is most visible, and most vulnerable.

In this episode, Erin shares her most personal stories and leadership strategies for guiding families, residents, and teams through the emotional, unpredictable, and critical moments of change.

You’ll learn:

• The TRUE framework for leading transitions with compassion
• Why the last impression matters more than the first
• How unmet expectations—not clinical failures—drive most litigation
• What to say when you don’t have all the answers
• How to equip your team to respond with empathy, not avoidance

Whether it’s a move-out, a hospitalization, or a shift in care levels, this episode gives you the tools to lead through it with grace—and turn emotional moments into lasting loyalty.

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Transcript

squadcaster-aj30_1_10-23-2025_110017: 1:06

Thank you for being here. Today. We're gonna talk about one of my favorite topics, which is the transitions that we go through inside of our community. I think to me, the biggest time suck that you have as a leader inside of a community are the transitions. New associates coming in, old associates leaving, residents coming in, residents moving out, family members, not understanding the progression of diseases, dealing with the emotional, components of that. These are all transitions. They're taking a lot of your time, and hopefully at the end of this episode we're gonna understand how to work transitions proactively, compassionately, intentionally, so it doesn't have to be one of the hardest parts of your job, because if we just leave it alone. Ignore it, avoid it. Let it work itself out in its own. It's not always going to, work out in our favor. The moment a family decides to move their loved one out of your community and how they feel in that moment is one of the most powerful moments you need to be aware of because it's that moment. That is your legacy. and your net promoter score, the loyalty campaign to your community is built. So not only is it transitions, it's also when they walk out the door for the last time. This episode is going to shift the way you view leadership during transitions. My goal is that you walk away with tools to lead hard conversations with clarity, compassion, and confidence, and staying true to who you are. that's what I want. I want you to stay true to who you are, and I think that's important for you to know who you are as a leader. The goals that you have, the impact that you have inside of your communities, inside of people's lives, and during this times of transition is really important. your leadership, your mission, and your family's confidence can stay strong. Through these transitions. most communities, leaders don't train for managing and leading transitions. They react to it instead of leading through it. And when we react to the transitions that are happening inside of our community, we're gonna see overwhelmed families. We're gonna see declining residents who are overwhelmed, who're gonna see teams that are unsure of what to say, and then we're gonna be stuck between. Our own compassion, our own empathy, and with the policies and procedures that we have to follow. But I want you to see that if we see things before they happen, then you can start leading people and. Getting people aware, getting people prepared, validating them, preparing them, and then guiding them through the next phase of caregiving, which is really important. I believe that's where leaders make the difference. Their community stands out above the rest because you are validating, you are supporting, and you are preparing them for the next level. I am highly passionate about this subject because I'm really good in this area and really made it a priority and a commitment to grow in this area because of the mistakes that I've made in this area, which is really important to call out. I once had a family member moving out. call me back wanting a meeting after they moved everything out and had been a few weeks, and they just wanted to tell me how uncomfortable they felt as they were moving their mom's stuff out, because no one spoke to them. No one connected with them. No one asked them if they needed anything. I believe I got them the cart or and made sure they were okay. But no one on my team. The caregivers, no one connected with them in that moment. And I'll be honest with you, I thought I had a pretty good process for when people moved out, but it was in that moment that I realized I could improve. On that process. I never, ever wanted to feel the way I did in that moment. Now, there were circumstances that really led to the family feeling the way that they did. The resident fell the, she was younger, she had early onset dementia, so things were, a little bit more. Hectic and hard to manage for the family, throughout their caregiving journey and for her to fall and hit her head. And the circumstances around that were, there are just so many questions and there were not a lot of answers unfortunately. And then compounding that level. Of grief and uncertainty was the fact that none of our care team spoke to them as they were moving out. Now, was that discomfort? Was that busy day, was that because who was on the floor and their conversation ability? I don't know. All I know is that I had to do better as a leader to help people understand their value as an employee at my community to speak to them. To speak to family members who were leaving for the last time because how family members and residents feel the last time they leave your community is far more powerful and impactful than the first time they ever stepped foot into your community. We scream. About first impressions. We beat that into the heads of people about first impressions. And first impressions are important. Never gonna not be important, but it's that last impression when they leave and the experience of your community is over and they walk out the door. That's the most powerful impression that you will ever create for somebody. And so getting your team, whoever your team is. Aware of the power that they have to guide people through these transitions to ensure good customer service and good marketing power in your net promoter score is really important. And that's what we're gonna talk about today in this episode. So question for you. What is the biggest change that you've had recently inside of your community? It doesn't matter what it is, what is the biggest change that you've had and now that you have that in mind? Was the change, was the actual change Hard. Or was it the people navigating? The people gathering? The people motivating the people. Was that the hardest part of the change? Because change is situational and transitions are personal. Okay. Change is situational. Transitions are personal. That means that when I am asking a family member or a family member sees a change in a resident, in a loved one, in a change in location, higher levels of care, the diet has to change. the care level has to change, right? Dinner, different interventions that we have to do are changing. All of these moments are personal because it means we're one step closer to the inevitable, right? There's a level of sorrow and sadness that is happening to the family member, and if we're not aware of that, we can step on that. We can crush them even more. We think of transitions as change as being situational because we deal with them every day. Every day we deal with them, somebody's changing, somebody's progressing, somebody's moving, somebody's going to the hospital. These are changes that we deal with very consistently, but the family members on the other side are only dealing it with that one resident. And if we lose sight that the change. Is personal for them, then we won't support them the way that we need to in a very effective and impactful way. And that is important. That's what sets your community, your leadership apart from everyone else. So Rebecca Edelman is a very well known attorney inside senior living. she defends. communities and lawsuits. She has started Guide Path, which is a risk, assessment company. You should really check that out. She has made comments, on a webinar that we made together on a podcast, Matt Reiner's podcast about lawsuits inside senior living, and I think it's really powerful comment. The majority of lawsuits, litigation. Senior living where a family member has filed a complaint or a lawsuit against a company or community is not based on harm. It's based on unmet expectation. And I'm a person who does some expert witness work. I actually have a court experience, which was a really. Interesting and enlightening experience for me as an expert witness. And I have to say she's right. Obviously, some cases are so egregious that the harm done to the resident, warranted the litigation. But a lot of these lawsuits are based on unmet expectations. Family members thought something, thought. The associate, family members thought that the community. Should have handled things a different way. Should have been communicated with better, should have known about some changes that were coming. They're emotionally driven lawsuits because when you feel out of control, what's the first thing that you can do to gain control? Blame and defend. You get a lawyer, right? One of our goals as a leader. Should be trying to bring certainty into an uncertain situation, and that's why communication and understanding what the expectations are really important when you're talking about navigating the transitions inside senior living. So Rebecca gives us five areas to think about when risk is high. Okay, you're dealing with these types of families, these types of customers, these types of residents, and when you're, when you can see these five things, you know that your risk is high. And that understanding what their expectations are, what they want from you is critical and making sure that you meet them. And those five risks are communication. Do you have good communication from your community? To the people that you serve and do your customers, the people that you serve, have good communication back to you. If we're finding it hard to communicate, you're gonna have to find ways to communicate effectively to them, especially if they're not communicating back to you. That is a risk as well. Number two, aging. Do they, does the family know? What the disease process is, what the aging process is for their loved one, or are they assuming that they can live here forever, that nothing's gonna change, that we moved them into this community to stop the falls because we all know we can't stop the. We can certainly impact the falling in a positive way, but we cannot prevent all falls. Are they aware of your boundaries as a community with policies and procedures in the state regs? And are they aware of the capabilities of their loved one? That's really important. Number three, do they understand the goals? Of care. Do they understand what the resident, their loved one wants? Does the resident want to stay in their apartment and the family wants them to come to every activity? Because there's a disconnect there, right? Do they understand that the resident has the right to choose, the right to control certain parts of their life? This one's hard, the spiritual and emotional health. Of the family. That's number four. Are you aware, do you see red flags? Do you see green flags of the spiritual and emotional health of the family? Not, do they go to church every Sunday, or Saturday, whatever their religion is. It is more, are they constantly blaming the five to six other communities that they were lived in? Are they constantly expecting you to do things that are not within. The scope or that their loved one should be doing themselves? Do they live in reality that you are trying to tell them about what life is like inside of your community? And then number five, how dysregulated or regulated is the family dynamics. Are there seven kids and. All of them are fighting for power and control. Is there one kid and they're just so overwhelmed they don't know what to do, and are there family members coming from every different direction because now they smell opportunity. Is one family member trying to put you and the power of attorney against each other? Are there different ulterior motives for every family member? These things are important to be aware of. If you can be aware of those five things, especially the family dysregulation or regulation, you understand what your risks are and you become very clear about asking, what does success look like? Here's what we can do. Here's where we are. What do you need from us? Here's what we need from you. Those are the big points for you to understand, especially when we're talking about transitions, because they're gonna want you to guide them through this process. They're gonna want you to look to give them certainty and UNC situations. And that's important to note. They're wanting you to collaborate, to coach, and to support them through the process. And there's a lot of people who will do that. And then there's a lot of people who shy away from that, and I think that one of the biggest. Opportunities that we have, especially with people like professionals, nurses, social workers, executive directors, sales directors, who may be in a position to help guide family members through different types of transitions. they won't because they consider getting in trouble, being wrong with answers, not wanting to put their self out there in such a vulnerable way, and I think it's important. One of the things that I teach leaders, newcomers, is there's a phrase, and that phrase is based on my experience. Because based on my experience, the next step is this. That doesn't mean. That I'm right 100% of the time and have no chances of being wrong. It just means based on the experience I have, the next right step would be this. You have pre-framed the context of only to what I have seen, not universally right or universally wrong, and that is how you give a little certainty. Uncertain times because when people are uncertain and they're vulnerable and they're sad and they're grieving, whatever this next step is in the transition of their loved one. They just want support. They want something to hold onto. They wanna feel like they can be in control of something and giving them context of what to expect, validating the pain that they're in right now, supporting them through next step opportunities that they can choose from because they're in control, and then guiding them through the process is one of the best gifts that you can give somebody because you are the professional. You're the expert and based on your experience, this is what you can do to help make this a much better experience for you and your loved one. If you are willing to do that and to train your team to do that, you are going to find that there are going to be more people referring to you because you took the time to validate, support, and guide people. Th through the transitions, again, people tell you that the first impressions are the most important impressions, and they are very important. But it is the last impression that a family member or a resident will remember the most. They will remember how you treated them. When they were walking out during those transitions, during the final moments of their loved one's life. That's your community legacy to that family member. And I wanna ask you this question, do you track family and friend referrals? Yeah. So currently, do you have more residents that have lived in your community? Then you have currently living in your community. If as long as your community's not a new build, the answer is yes. So how those people felt or are feeling as they walk out of your community for the last time is going to be the high, the percentage of if they will refer back to you, it is not based on their first impression with you. That's why you need to understand that change is situational and transitions are personal. How you manage these and lead these transitions with these family members, support the family members is going to be your number one asset, and it's probably where most of your time is spent. If you keep a time audit, am I spending too much time with family members who are upset navigating this change? Do they not understand why they're navigating this change? If they are blaming someone, something, some place, it's because they are very vulnerable. They feel upset, they feel out of control. As a leader, what can I do? To give them certainty and to give them a sense of control back to them as long as you didn't do anything egregious and that what they're blaming is something that you couldn't avoided. You can give them something to feel like they are in control again, because blame is a discharge of pain. Blame is when I don't feel like I'm in control. And this is uncomfortable and it hurts, and so therefore, I'm gonna blame somebody else. I'm going to take this energy, this hurt, and I'm gonna put it on somebody else because I'm not happy, I'm not comfortable, and I'm sad. That's what blame is. As long as the community didn't do anything egregious, We can't. Protect against every decline, but we can't prepare families to see it. And that's important I love this Brene Brown quote. when we look away from the pain of any people, we diminish their humanity and our own, if we don't understand. People are hurting whenever they have to move from independent living to assisted living or assisted living to memory care or memory care to skilled nursing or coming in and out of the hospital. These are hard times. Family members are missing work. They're sad. They, their loved one needs more care. They don't know if they're going to get better. What am I going to do? There's so many emotions that are going through their minds that. They need that validation from you. This is hard. They need that support from you. We can do this together and here's how we're gonna do it. They need that leadership guidance from you, that experience guidance from you. If you can calm their emotions down, you have their attention and you have their loyalty, and if they feel that you've supported them till the end. Helps them along the way. Then they will refer to you. They will be fans of yours. They will say, they really took care of us, because that's important. That's the important piece. People move in to feel supported. People move in to feel hope. People move in to feel like I can take a breath because now I have help. And they don't, and they want you to be there in the end as well. I have an acronym called True. So if you think about transitions, think about true. You want to build trust with them. You need to get them to trust you because when they trust you. They will go along with you. Change happens at the speed of trust in every relationship. Change happens in the speed of trust. So how do I get them to trust me? You validate support and you guide them through the process and you talk to them. You communicate that with them. When you start seeing the patterns of decline, and then you do what you say you're going to do, that's how you build trust. They need to see you. They need to hear from you, and they need to watch you do what you say you're going to do. That's how you build trust and change happens at the speed of trust and then responsiveness. Okay? Think about this. Responsiveness equals respect. If somebody has a question. We respond back to them the answer in a timely manner. They perceive that you respect them. If you do not respond to them at all, you ignore them. They feel disrespected. I'm sure you feel the same way from a customer service standpoint, from being someone's customer sitting at the table at a restaurant if they're not quick to respond. You feel some kind of way about that and your family members do too. The speed of that responsiveness will communicate how much you care. So responsiveness is a priority because people feel respected, and when you trust somebody, you feel respected. When you feel disrespected, you don't feel like you trust them. All of a sudden we've got barriers to forward, progress happening and the speed of how much you. And the speed of your responsiveness is gonna show how much you care. Now I wanna make sure like you understand as you're listening to this, that you don't feel like it's, you have to respond quick or you have to do all the responding and be responsive. It is about the team. I used to be overwhelmed with certain things, but the one thing I understood is I can get my concierge to call them back. I can get somebody else I trust to call them back and give them a response. If I can't take the time to pick up the phone to do that, because I'm so busy. Again, communication is your biggest tool inside the community. The more you use it, the more trust you build, the more change happens in a positive way. The more loyalty is built, the more customer service is built, the more friends and family referrals you get, the less communication. The less unity you have, the less trust you have. The more opportunity for people to create their own stories as to why things happened happens, and you are overcoming mountains that you never even knew existed. Use communication as a tool. Make sure that you are building trust by over communicating and identifying patterns and talking about them and understanding that change happens at the speed of trust. That your responsiveness is communication to how much you res, how much you respect them, and how much you care about them, or the opposite. And that understanding which is the U and true is very Important. It is. It is the compassion. It's the validation that things are hard, right? When we lead with compassion, we create the space for trust. We validate them. You address the emotional part of this transitions. They're scared, they're grieving, and you're gonna come up with these trauma responses like fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, right? This fear. This grief, this anxiety, that they feel it's not only fear, it's not just resistance, it's heartbreak, it's vulnerability. And if they are not comfortable with those feelings, they're gonna protect it. And you're gonna see these fight, flight, freeze, or fawn reactions, and you just need to be prepared for'em. But the more you can understand with compassion, the more you can validate, the more you can support, and the more you can guide them through the process, the more trust you have and the more respect you have earned. And then final, the E is empathy. It is like building a little team of little empathy aware soldiers to collaborate with, right? You don't want to do this alone. You have us. That's why we're here. It's a collaborative effort. You want to empower your team, whether it's your sales, your nursing, your caregivers, whatever it is, whoever it is, you want them to know that we are in this together. And whatever role they play in the transition, whether it's saying hi, whether it's a caregiver going up to a family member and telling them what they learned and what they enjoyed and caring for their loved one, how much joy does that bring to somebody? A lot of joy. Empower your team members to be able to do that. And say, if you go back to my story at the very beginning, I. I thought I told caregivers to do that before, and for the most part we were pretty good at that. But afterwards I made a very deliberate effort to say, Hey, caregiver on the hall, no matter what shift, when a family member's in here packing up the belongings of a resident, please come in there and tell them how much you loved caring for their loved one. Please tell them a specific story that was so funny that you consistently think about. Because people want to know the impact that they, that their loved one had on our community. That is a gift that you can give somebody that is important. One of the tools that I always used was you were an amazing advocate for your loved one. You made sure that she was taken care of, that I was on my toes, that our team was prepared and ready. You asked the right questions, you responded appropriately. You visited more than anybody I could ever think of. You were here. And that's important because how many times do people just wanna know that they were a good daughter? in fact, my grandmother. Who lived in my community and passed away in my community was being signed up for hospice and not doing well. She was declining due to natural, just the natural progression of her life. And one of her last comments was, I hope I was a good mother. I did the best that I could do that has stuck with me. Family members want to feel the same way, because in that moment I wanted to say I hope that I was a good granddaughter. I did the best that I could do, and what a gift to give a family member to say to them, you were the best advocate for your loved one. You did the best. That you could do and I'm so proud to have been here to witness it cause it's true. That is a gift that you can give any family member leaving your community for the last time. The reason why the collaborative effort works is because it's reinforcing how much your team cares. A United team, a team who understands their worth, their roles, the worth they have in their roles, and the impact that the role has on people can calm a very anxious, potentially divided family or a very grieving family. They feel unity, which gives them a little bit of certainty and very uncertain times. Some of the, unique things that I did to ensure that family members knew how much I loved them, cared about them, and their loved one at my community is after all of the belongings were out, I would make a phone call to them, me personally, and I would ensure that they knew what I learned from their loved one, how much I valued them, and some funny stories. And I thank them for choosing our community and sharing their parent, their aunt, whoever it was they were taking care of with us and allowing them to be a part of our family. And I have to say, it was always something I cherished and looked forward to. I only had one family member that made that very difficult for me because she said, you do this for everybody. And the truth is, I did. I meant it every single time, and I meant it specifically to her as well, even though it was rather challenging because her loved one was in our community for seven years. Seven years. Imagine how much money was spent at our community. They deserved a thank you. So when you can do specific things like that. Intentional things, you're going to leave them with a positive experience about your community and it's gotta be true, and it's gotta be from the heart. And we all have that. We all have that opportunity to do that. And as long as we can remember, again, change is situational, transitions are personal, then you can give them something personal. To make them feel secure and certain, and that's really the point of what we do inside this industry. So when you think about the different types of transitions and how you can step foot into them, you think about, again, the progressiveness of a, of the A disease process. They need more care, they need higher levels of care. That is a conversation that's going to. Trigger vulnerability. It's going to trigger a little bit of grieving because there's been a change. There's been a change for you, but it's a transition for them, and that's important to note. Going to the hospital people, I know I work in Alabama, the regs are very different, but if a resident was in the hospital, I hear a lot of times, can I come back? Can I come back? I wanna come back. That is a lot. Of emotional grief that a family member or a resident doesn't need to feel while they're in the hospital. And so if I heard that phrase, I would make sure that I would call the hospital, I would call the family, and I would say, we want you back. You live here. you're very important to us. You are a part of our family inside of this community. We want you back. I don't want you to think that we don't. We have to make sure we can meet your needs. Maybe there's a rehab stay, We'll, keep assessing it, the situation as we go. But we want you back certainty and uncertain times. And it's a marketing call to the hospital to ensure that they know that we want the resident back and don't go referring them to anywhere else. because sometimes the hospital does things or assumes things because other communities act a certain way. If I'm sending a resident to the hospital, it is not necessarily for them to not be a resident in my communities. It's because they need help and we want them back when they get better. So just as a quick recap, the true acronym stay True. To your values, to understanding that transitions need you as a leader to be validated, supported, and le lead the family through the process. So trust, build, trust, speak with clarity. Keep everyone aligned to the process. Be responsive, be consistent. That builds confidence, which leads to trust, understand with compassion. Transitions are personal. It may be a change for us'cause we do it so much, but transitions are personal. So honor the human experience and then build, and then empathy, right? Collaborate with the family to guide them through the process. Your leadership is an amplifier to better customer service. Better human experience and long lasting loyalty to refer back to your community because you support people through some of the most challenging times of their caregiving journey, and that's really important. Again, I will say this, A good leader is what sets every community apart from the others. We all offer the same thing. Maybe the activities are different. Maybe the chandeliers are different, maybe the apartments are different. But the human experience can also be different. And it can be based on your leadership, your understanding that transitions are personal and you want to lead them that way. You wanna stay true to who they are, and you want to guide them through the process. That's how you build. A big loyalty with high net promoter scores, which means they're gonna refer people to you because you took care of them at the beginning and at the end. But most importantly, the end, the last time they walk out of your community is the most important impression that they will ever remember of you and your community. When we lead with clarity, we remove confusion. And when we lead with consistency, we can remove the fear, lessen the fear, and when we lead with compassion, we can create the space for trust. Don't wait for the next hard conversation to wish that you would have been more prepared. Choose one family this week. In a transition and lead them. Stay true. Build trust, be responsive. Make the follow up fast, okay? And see how the change happens. Take the time to make the phone call and thank somebody for sharing their loved one and choosing this community. And if this episode resonated. Share it with another leader, somebody in your team, a nurse, somebody who's responsible for the transitions. Because when we focus on the transitions, when we focus on the human experience, all the emotion wrapped in that, if we can really face that head on proactively, I bet you'll find more time. I bet you there'll be less energy pulled in a negative way. Because transitions are too important to leave, to chance and your time is so valuable, and the human experience is what we got in this industry in the first place. So don't forget to like and subscribe this podcast. Share if you, found this to be valuable and follow me on LinkedIn. And leave a comment on this episode, that would be great. Your engagement helps push this out into the world and, if it's valuable, send it to someone else. And as always, aspire for more knowing that you are already enough.