I’m sorry to break it to you… Melissa and Susie have not written a real, available, parenting book but we kind of wish it was! In this episode, Melissa and Susie touch on the struggles of being an empty-nester, teaching children to make good decisions, letting them fail, and the challenges of having adult children living at home.
Trust us, the personal stories alone will make you laugh right off your chair. Just ask Susie, who does just that!
In this episode, Melissa and Susie talk about:
Don’t forget to shop April Cornell's new Modern Prairie collection! Use the code: HELLO20 at checkout. Click here to shop!
____________
Connect With Our Hosts
Melissa Gilbert on Instagram @melissagilbertofficial
Susie Shubert on Instagram @susie_shubert
This podcast is sponsored by Modern Prairie. Visit us at modernprairie.com or Instagram @officialmodernprairie
Download the new Modern Prairie App on National Prairie Day! Head to your App Store and search for “Modern Prairie” to join the conversation or click here.
I’m sorry to break it to you… Melissa and Susie have not written a real, available, parenting book but we kind of wish it was! In this episode, Melissa and Susie touch on the struggles of being an empty-nester, teaching children to make good decisions, letting them fail, and the challenges of having adult children living at home.
Trust us, the personal stories alone will make you laugh right off your chair. Just ask Susie, who does just that!
In this episode, Melissa and Susie talk about:
Don’t forget to shop April Cornell's new Modern Prairie collection! Use the code: HELLO20 at checkout. Click here to shop!
____________
Connect With Our Hosts
Melissa Gilbert on Instagram @melissagilbertofficial
Susie Shubert on Instagram @susie_shubert
This podcast is sponsored by Modern Prairie. Visit us at modernprairie.com or Instagram @officialmodernprairie
Download the new Modern Prairie App on National Prairie Day! Head to your App Store and search for “Modern Prairie” to join the conversation or click here.
Hi. Melissa Gilbert busfield here. Listen, I may have been a half pint, but I am a whole pint now. Aging like a fine wine, I must say. Why, thank you, Susie. As the creative force, partner, and inspiration behind modern prairie, I feel so fortunate to represent women who may be in a new phase of their lives, whether they like it or not. Age is just a number. Right. But as women, once we cross that age barrier where changes begin to happen, it can feel isolating and scary. Yeah. Especially when there aren't many resources out there to encourage conversation, understanding and discovery. We change all of that. It's why we created the brand and this podcast. Yes. And I'm Susie Schubert, graduate of the School of Rock and determined to make midlife magic. I think it's time we dig into the nitty gritty, don't you? Let's do it. Amen. Hi. Welcome to the Nitty Gritty. You sound like a robot. It was like gritty. I have no idea what episode this is. I feel like we've only done two, and at the same time I feel like we've done 734. I know, right? This is amazing. I know. It's just a blast. And I think it's just darn fun. It's a really fun way to connect with each other, actually. I know it's supposed to be for people to listen to, but it's like a regular friend check in. Speaking of, how's your week been? What have you been up to? What's new? What have I been up to? Boy, a lot. There's a lot going on. Well, the newest addition around here is my daughter. Just got a puppy. Puppy. This is her first puppy, and she is over the moon. There's all these wonderful things happening for her right now. She's been on her own since her sophomore year of college. She lived in an apartment as soon as she could get off the campus, got an apartment and she's never come back home. So she's always been very independent, but she's never lived alone, so she's getting her own apartment. So because of that, she can get a dog. And that's all she's ever wanted. In fact, she said to me, mom, I hope you're okay. That probably, as far as I'm concerned, not have grandkids. You'll just have grandpuppies. And we have just been over the moon about the sweet little Remy is his name. I know. Is she home with you right now? Until she gets into her apartment or. She'S where she she is going to be turning 27, which is crazy to me. I had to really think about that. Like what, 27? Yeah. So she graduated college, got her masters, working a great job, all that stuff, but lives in an area called Northeast Minneapolis, which is very close without traffic. It's maybe a ten minute drive where she is. But the amazing thing is this new apartment she's moving into is right down the street. It's actually a duplex that is owned by a dear friend of mine, and Vivian is going to move underneath, and. She'S I love it. Crazy deal. And it's all amazing, but that whole thing just brings up the idea of, wow, my daughter wants to live down the street from her parents, which is pretty cool because even Kara, my friend, is like, are you sure you want to live this close to your parents? Which I kind of love that about her. That's so fun. Like, Vivian's second mom, and Vivian's like, yeah, actually, my parents are really cool because Kara's, like, I wouldn't have wanted to at that age, but it's an interesting thing. So I just thought talking about this could be fun to talk about. Oh, 100%. Two things going on here, too. We got to talk about puppy, because you have a grandfather now, and you're going to be puppy sitting, and that's just a gleeful wonderful thing. And then, of course, raising adult children. But before we do that, you know what? I got to go back us up to I want to answer the two truths and a lie. The last one we did, we just. Went right past you. We just barrel right past it because we're yakin. We're yacking. And I also want to hear what's going on with you. I don't want to be like, I. Will gladly tell you my life very exciting. My life is very exciting right now, he said, dripping with sarcasm. But quickly, two truths and a lie. The last two truths and a lie. And we're not going to do these every week anymore. We're going to do these sporadically for now. This was the last one. Yes. The two truths and a lie. One, Rose Wilder Lane was the first female surgeon in the US. Two, Michael Landon hosted the Rose Parade every year and used the money to buy the cast and crew their Christmas gifts. Or three, Melissa went to prom with Michael Landon Jr. And the truth or the lie is that Rose Wilder Lane was the first female surgeon in the US. Michael Landon did do the Rose Parade every year, and he used that money to buy the cast and crew their Christmas presents. And I did go to prom with Michael Landon Jr. So those are true. Amazing. Do you remember the dress you wore? Yes, I do. Actually. I do. It was a white off the shoulder. What? I just said, do you remember what kind of bra you wore? Because, you know, probably no bra, because at that point, I didn't need one. Right? Yeah. Gosh darn it. Yeah. Don't tell me more about the dress I interrupted. I was just a white flounty off the shoulder. Kind of not a gown more. Very kind of 80s. Okay, gunny sacks. Gunny sacks. Not gunny sacks, because gunny sacks were always too close to the wardrobe on Little. That is so true. Oh, my God. So I wore those clothes to work. I didn't really need to wear them in my not work life. I wear stuff now that looks like. You must think that now whenever you go into Target or something, because, you. Know, the cottage cores, the Prairie dresses are everywhere. Cottage core and Prairie dresses are everywhere. But I do wear those, and I love the response. I wear a lot of april. Cornell. I didn't take those clothes, but thanks. I wear a lot of April Cornell stuff, and that's all kind of very prairie ish kind of boho prairie. You know what? That dress, my prom dress was more and this is harkening back was more Holly's Harp than it was. Holly's Harp was like a cool kind of dressy. You have to look it up in the in La. It was kind of flowy Discoe kind of fun. Holly Harp. I've never even heard of Holly's Harp of that. Oh, that sounds fun. I thought you say Holly Hobby. You know, not Holly Hobby either, because, again, I wore that kind of clothing at work all day, so that was the last thing I was going to wear to my freaking prom, let me tell you. Don't give me no Holly Hobby. I want the slut Barbie doll. Right, exactly. Why do I have to dress like I do at work? This is not work. This is fun. I want sexy Barbie. Sexy Barbie. Exactly. Actually, I was more skipper than Barbie. I was way more skipper. Yeah, well, Skipper had more of my body type. I was not a Barbie body type at all. I didn't have boobs until I was I didn't have boobs until after I had a kid, actually. So I didn't have boobs until I was in my 20s. Wow. And that was kind of a mistake. And if you want to hear more about Melissa's boobs, make sure and listen to our talk with Lori Kaplan from Bra Tenders, because that was an amazing interview. That was an amazing conversation. It's all out there and available to you. Yes. And it's all about bras and boobs and fitting your bras and taking care of your boobs and taking care of your bras, and that's important stuff. But more importantly, let's talk about these grown children of ours, because when you said Vivian was 27, almost 27 or just turned 27. Just turning 27. And, like just turning 27. Michael, my youngest, turned 27 last October. Oh, I didn't realize they were so close. They are. Any single oh, well, Vivian is not. Oh, okay, well, never mind. Yeah. Which is kind of a new development. But anyway, that's a whole nother story. That's a whole other getting into their kids and their relationships. That's a whole other conversation. Because I've married kids, I have michael just broke up with a girlfriend, and it was not a pretty experience. And he's back home, actually. Oh, okay. Yeah. He is in our apartment in the city. Because he works. He's a bartender, not a bartender. Well, probably also a bra tender, but he really want to tell you about that. Yeah, I don't need to know. He does like to tell me about his sexual life, and I sort of have to smile and go, thank you for sharing. That's great, honey. I'm so glad you're enjoying yourself. And then I run in the next room and go, oh, God, why did he tell me? That is amazing. Yeah. My other kids never felt like they needed to tell me any of that. But Michael is the one that shares all that stuff with me, and I'm so grateful because it makes me feel special and like he trusts me. Yes, I love it, but at the same time, I just don't want to. It'S the pictures you get in your head that you just don't want. Yeah. I just the mental images. So if I can have the conversation without imagining what it looks like, I'm okay. We're very visual people, so that's probably as difficult for you as it would be for me. Oh, boy. He's back home. He broke up with his girlfriend. And fortunately for us, because I have a lot of friends whose adult kids have moved home, sandy, Peck and Paul, my best friend's, got a son back home who unfortunately had a couple of terrible incidents, accidents and incidents. After that. He's sort of disabled and has to be home with her. And he's in his 30s, but doing great. Oh, good. But there's stuff there. Michael, fortunately, he's back home for a bit as he sort of gets his life back on track after sort of deviating for a year in this relationship that he was in. We have our house up in the Catskills, the cabbage, and then we have a little pietoter apartment in New York City. One bedroom, one bath. And that's where Michael is. And he's there kind of getting back on his feet and saving money until he can pay first, last, and deposit on a new place of his own or with roommates. And it's great because we can provide him that safety net and he has that space. It's not great when we're all in the city together. Don't get me wrong. I love being around him. He's one of my favorite people in the world. Tim's, too. And we all I mean, we get along like a house of fire. Love each other dearly. But in a one bedroom, one bathroom apartment, me with two men. Oh, yeah. Well, I have a son, another child who just went back from spring break to college, so he's finishing his last trimester and then he will be graduated. So same thing. We love him to pieces. And I love being around him. He's hilarious and one of the most kind people you could ever meet. So smart, so much fun, and really very self sufficient. But yet my husband and I are like, okay, we only have, like, three months left of empty nesting until he's back in the house again. And it's like you go to get in the shower and, oh, Solomon's already in there. Or every time I go to the kitchen, there he is, like, taking up the whole kitchen. The phrase is always, my life is not my own, and I love him to pieces. But it's like you reach a point in your life when your kids get older where you're just like, now you're ready to kind of have your space back again. Yeah. Even just little things. Like, I sleep naked. I'm a naked sleeper. I've slept naked pretty much naked girl, since I was old enough to not have my mom yell at me for not wearing a nightgown. Why aren't you wearing a nightgown? Because I don't like it. I'll put one on. Okay. Yeah. So I sleep naked. So when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, I walk to the bathroom naked. Yeah. Well, if Michael's in the house or the apartment. Certainly in the apartment. Sleeping on the couch in the living room. Yeah. Not a good idea. I have to get up and then fumble to find the robe to cover up to go to the bathroom. And it's really not a horrible inconvenience by any stretch of anyone's imagination, but after a while and then you top it off with the fact that he's sleeping on the couch and we have to put the blankets away, and it's like a perfect hotel suite in New York City, but not for three people and a dog. Yeah. Oh, I can only imagine. And Tim's there with him now, and the two guys are having a blast. There's, like, a couple of bachelors hanging out, batching it, ordering sushi, going to the movies, seeing action flicks without me having a great old time. And then I come in, and I'm like, go put that away. Could you put that why is the glass can you put the glass in this? Because they don't put the dishes in the dishwasher the way you want them either. They don't put the dishes in the dishwasher. They put them in the sink, period. That's it. Think it's one step further. Can't you? This is the sink. That's the dishwasher. And I will sometimes do the really horrible passive aggressive thing and go, is everything in the dishwasher dirty or clean? Oh, it's dirty. So these can go in there. My question is how and this goes for husbands, too. Sorry, honey, throwing you under the bus here. But how do they not see the counter full of crumbs after they make a sandwich? How do they not see that my question. Well, there's a dichotomy there. How do they not see the counter full of crumbs? And yet they will put down a coaster for a glass. Oh, there you go. Yes. What's that? I don't know. If you can put down the coaster because you don't want to see the ring, then why don't you? What about the crumbs? It's just something else they have to think of before they're on their way out of the kitchen to do something else. And I get that these are not terrible things. I mean, it's like, whatever. Exactly. And that's the whole thing is like, these don't keep me up at night. And it's kind of like when you're in a relationship with anybody, whether it's a husband, a wife, a long term partnership, you pick your battles. Those aren't the kind of things I'm going to be like, oh, my God, it's over. I see a crumb on the counter. But it's just another one of those things that when you have adult kids, those things kind of really start to get on your nerves because you're like, didn't I teach you not to do this? Well, also, there's an allowance made for a spouse. You have your rhythm. Spouses. Tim and I have our rhythm. Honestly, if there's crumbs on the counter, I just wipe the crumbs. I don't care. I really don't care. It's when we add a roommate. Now, he is our kid, but he's a grown up man, so he's more of a roommate. And would we have a roommate? No. We love him to death, but I'm looking forward to him getting up on his feet so that he can find a place of his own. And that's the thing. It's like, I am so happy. It can be a hard thing, right? Like, I'm so happy to help my son out for as long as he's going to need help. Because, again, he's so different than my daughter. My daughter, like I said, she was already out of the house her sophomore year of college while she was out in the dorm, but then she had her own apartment and it was bye bye. I am never moving in again. My son, on the other hand, he doesn't have a path that he knows he wants to do yet, so he will be back home for a while. And I'm really grateful that we have a home for him to come to, that he wants to be home with his mom and dad, and he enjoys being home with mom and dad. And all of that is wonderful, but it's that whole I think it's really hard sometimes to juggle. How long do you allow them to be under your roof and do that? And then when is the time to say, okay, it's really time to get your stuff together? Obviously, once they have a job and they're making money where they can afford to move out, that's pretty much a sign. Yeah. I can't tell you how I had this conversation with Michael where I actually had to say to him, because Tim and I had to discipline him about something. Not recently, but like four or five years ago. Just pull your head out of your butt and go get a job and go do this. You're slacking off and you got to do this. And I said to him, Michael, I don't want to parent you anymore. I'm done. You're cooked. I don't want to have these conversations. I want to hang out with you. Yes, you're one of my favorite people in the world to hang out with. I don't want to have to tell you how to brush your teeth in the morning or that you have to get a job to pay your rent or any of that stuff. I feel like that horrible. Shrew. Mom, when I have to be the one to tell you these things, can you just do them? That is such a great way of looking at it. It's so true. It's like we're always their parents, but we kind of stop being their caretakers. There's a time where they have to just be able to and you would hope that they would want to do that. And I do think I know my son wants to do that, but it's just one of those things. They're all so different. All of the kids are so different. And parenting each of them is a whole different ballgame, isn't it? Yeah, they're all completely different people. It's really interesting. And how involved do you get, too? I mean, period, in their lives, period. How involved do you get? But how involved do you get when they're under your roof, too? It's a fine line between overstepping and getting into their stuff and then maintaining your own rules and boundaries for your household. Michael and I love this kid
to death. Michael, when you come home from work at 03:00 in the morning, you got to lock the door behind you. Oh, gosh. Yeah. It's New York City. Bless his little sweet heart. And I shuddered to think that he would do that in his own apartment. But the fact that he does it when his stepdad and I are asleep in the next room wow. Yeah, exactly. It's not that just turn the thing. It's a lot. What a trusting soul. But the whole thing, too, about talking about their relationships and how much they want us to be involved in that stuff is so funny. Like, for a long time, my daughter, she's going to kill me when she hears this, by the way, she was hanging out with this guy, but neither of them wanted to give it a label. And it had been years, like, over two years. And I'm like you have to understand, I'm a Gen X. Like, you are either going with someone remember that. Oh, yeah. You go with me. Yes. And I know the world has changed in a fabulous way as far as how people are identifying and how relationships and what you call them don't have such a label anymore, which, again, I think is wonderful. But you also have to remember that my old mind has a hard time not having a specific label to call something that goes against all of my virgo sensibilities. So it's like, I don't care that he's not your boyfriend, but what do I call him? I feel like I need to call him something. This is my daughter's stuff. I know, it's just this funny. Again, I'm not going to go into details, but long story. They decided, okay, now they actually made it Facebook. What did I call it? There was FDA going on Facebook, display of affection pictures of the two of them saying that they're together on Facebook. So that's like the big deal because neither of them even do much on Facebook. You know how that is anymore, right? But I was like, okay, so now they've decided they are a couple. And I'm just so relieved because I can finally wrap my head around what is going on. But then I also sat back and thought, why do I care so much to give it a label? Why does that matter to me? And I sort of came to the conclusion that I think it's more knowing that my daughter can feel secure and whether she cared about that or not, or admitted that she cared about that or not. I think as a mother, when something is just kind of up in the air and you don't know what to call something or how they view it, when it's got a label, it's like, now we know what it is. Now there's no wondering. And even for her, you know what I mean? There is a security to that. And that doesn't mean they have to be together forever. But it's just like, okay, now we can just breathe and move on. I don't know. Maybe that's just me. I don't know. Melissa is not saying anything. No, I haven't been there yet because my guys have always had this is my girlfriend, this is my fiancee. This is my wife. So I haven't had to deal with I will say, though, as I'm listening to you, I'm hearing my sort of steadfastedness. Like the first time I heard someone use the term partner, my partner and I, blah, blah, blah. My assumption was that it was a homosexual relationship because when I was growing up, partners were what you exactly. That was a partnership. So that was wrong, entirely wrong. So I now had to learn because this is our experience up till now. So there's a learning curve here. You got to give us a second. Just like this is the way about identifying pronouns. They, them, I have no problem with. Whatever pronoun you want to use, you want me to use, I will use it. But I get confused with they, them. And it has nothing to do with identity. It has everything to do with grammar. Right. They and them is plural to me. And it's been that way now for almost 59 years for me. Exactly. You can't expect me to get it right immediately, right away. If those are your pronouns, I'm going to screw it up and I misgender. I have a nephew. I misgender all the time. Yeah, it's tough. It's so tough. And I give so much credit to my husband because when he's at work, he really has gotten good at calling everybody. They not saying, she does this, he does that. And I'm like, that is amazing that you do that. That's actually when it seems very obvious, even when and I just love that about him. That's really brilliant, actually. Especially because he's from northern Minnesota and is it a small town, as it could be, where he comes from. But he's so good about thinking of that, and it's really cool. Maybe it's just a conscious decision to I'm going to steal that and try that and just start calling people they and them all the time, regardless of whether they ask it or not, just to get accustomed to it. Let's see if that would do a little experiment. See how long Melissa can do. They. Them. I love that. And then obviously, as you get to know them, because he'll see people in meetings and he's like, I don't know how they identify. They may look like a woman, but they may want to be a they. And so he doesn't just want to assume that it's a she. Kind person your husband is. I know. That's so kind. Which is hilarious because he can oh, I know. Believe me, I know. I'm also married to one of the kindest people who can be an absolute asshole when he wants to. I know. Well, not an asshole, but he just is very opinionated, and we tease him and call him the delight where he won't smile in pictures and stuff. I'm like, there he is being the delight again. It's so funny. So definitely, I think with kids, especially now of this generation, it's such a different time than it was when we grew up. So, like, learning all of this stuff and being open to it. And I think, really, that's it, right? Just knowing them, knowing that we're open to stuff and we're going to make mistakes, but we can learn is just all we can do. Yeah, 100%. 100%. Listen, I'm sitting here. I'm looking at this document you sent me. No, I want to talk about this because actually, Susie, we should write this book together. Okay. We should write the Parenting Adults Handbook because parenting adults or adult parenting adult parents. Well, we're adults, so parenting adults. Parenting adults. Are we going to parent each other, you and me? No, but when we were kids I know what you're saying, susie, sit down. Is this some kind of kink that we need to know about? There is an adult baby thing, you know? No. What, you didn't know that? No. The depth of my kink knowledge goes as far as furries. That's kind of it like I stopped learning about kink after I learned what furries were, and I was like, that's more than I ever need. I don't need to know. Anything else. In your brain you can tuck away that there is actually a kink for adult babies. And I actually went to some I think it was a pride festival, and there was a booth for people that enjoy this kink and they literally were naked with giant diapers. No. Yeah, but is it a sexual thing which is gross, or is it just a lifestyle thing? I don't know. Because sexual some are, some aren't. I'm sure it's both. Like anything else. Maybe some people just like that real feel of feeling of being taken care of. I'm terrified of diapers. I'm terrified I'm going to end up in a diaper. Right. I don't want anyone we go full circle, right? Like, we start in diapers and we. End up in diapers and on wheels. We start yeah, same thing. And unable to communicate and like, not being able to eat something. Yeah, I don't want to rush it. I can't. Well, to each his own. I don't find that sexy at all. No, I don't. But you know what? To each their own. If there are people out there into it and they're not hurting anybody, yes. I'm going to be highly evolved and say, to each their own. But don't come up to me dressed as a furry. Just don't do it. Or in a diaper, for God's sake. I'm now picturing Tim Busfield in a diaper. Like a full on diaper with a bib and a little bonnet and a pacifier soothing on the floor, if you. Guys can't see this, but she actually. Is out of the chair and on. The floor, especially since he is going to kill you. Tim calls himself the Fuzzy Trout because he's got a freckled back and a white belly and who got lots of fuzzy trout. The fuzzy trout in a diaper is a good one. I can see the next Halloween costume. Yeah, I don't think so. Oh, my God. Okay. Anyway, back to the document. From the grandest editorial feature to the surprise benefits of a Butterbell, everything presented in our modern prairie universe has a story that explains why we believe it's worth treasuring. We curate products, experiences, and content that have their own unique heritage and history. Our goal is to help you rediscover the products that enrich and enhance your life and give visibility to those individuals who create them. Use code hello 20 on your next purchase and enjoy the beauty of our products in your home. Yeah. How do we get into this? We're going to have to do another episode about kinks and stuff, because I really do want to talk about I want to talk about some of that stuff. There was a television series. My strange attraction or. Was it my strange obsession yes. Where that woman had sex with a roller coaster. The woman who's in love with a roller coaster. I know we're not supposed to laugh, but that's just I know it's beyond the pale of anything I could possibly relate to. So I laugh because we can't imagine. But, yeah, obviously there's other stuff going on there. It takes all kinds. But I want to go back to this handbook because okay, it was the Adult Parent Handbook, which is now in a diaper. So thanks for that. How to be a parent to your adult children. How about that? Okay. The first thing you wrote down here is brilliant. These are, like, chapter headings, I think, for this handbook. Saying goodbye again and again and sometimes being happy about it. Think about it. Our lives, when we have a child, if we can, if we want to, we breastfeed them, and then they go away from that, and that's the first separation. And then they sleep in their crib, and that's another separation. And then they go off to school. So it's like a series of separations. And they're all hard. So hard in different ways. And then. They'Ll take all that romance away, though, when they move back in when they're adults. Because then when they leave you're like. That'S exactly right. You're so sad. When they go off to college. And then what? You want to move back? For how long? I already dealt with this shit. You're gone. How long? I just want to know how long. I love you, and I'm so glad you feel safe and that you want to be with me. How long? Yeah, but I really want to walk around the hall naked in the middle of god. All right. Okay. Goodbye again. These are chapter headings. I swear. We got to write this book. Don't expect to be involved unless it has to do with money, apartment, which I'm going to say rent or computer issues or emergencies. You can expect not to hear from them for giant chunks of time unless something goes wrong. Yes. Although I will say caveat. My kids actually do. And it sounds like yours, too. Mine check in on the regular. I'm lucky there is one of them, though. Who, for a few years there, I swear I should have just worn a T shirt that had ATM on it. Anytime the phone rang, I would turn to Tim and go, how much this time do you think he's asking for? Oh, my gosh. Oh, no. It happens. Don't even think about asking them about their girlfriends, boyfriends, partners, friends with benefits, whatever it is they want to call their romantic involvements. They'll tell you when they're ready. 100%. That's kind of just what we were talking about. Yeah, but also it's asking about it like when they don't have somebody are you seeing anybody? And you get the eye roll, mama. Oh, totally. It's not about being partnered. I can do things on my own. Those god, we're just nosy. We just want to relive our childhoods, okay? We just want to know everything that's going on with you because we own you and you can right? I made you tell me everything came. Out of my vagina. Yes, exactly. Or an incision somewhere that's vicinity. Or you were adopted. Or you were adopted. I raised you. I raised you. That's exactly right. Oh, that's even worse. That's what I used to get. No, you were special chosen. We chose you. Now better. We didn't have to, but we took. You in, so you better feel guilty about it. Exactly. Here's one of my favorites. Prepare to be frustrated with some of their life choices. Some. Really? Yeah. Some. No, seriously. Some. There are some moments where you go, what are you? No, I'm not going to say anything. You know what? I liken it to. When they were little, I used to have this thing that I had to do. When they would fall or hit a table or bang something or whatever, I would stop and count to ten, because oftentimes when you run at them and go, are you okay? Are you okay? They start crying. Yes. So you have to count to ten. And the same now applies with things that they do that are frustrating. If they do something that you don't approve of or that makes you nervous or that you don't like, you just got to count to ten and really assess. If you want to is it worth saying something? Oh, my gosh. I knew that that was such a big deal. When my son was little, he would get pissed if I asked him if he was okay, like angry about it. And one time we were at a friend's house, and we were having lunch, and we were sitting on these stools at the counter, and the mom was in the kitchen, and his friend fell backwards off his stool on the floor, and I'm sitting right next to him, and I'm just looking at him. I don't do anything. I don't say, Child's home, are you some kind of monster? But I was treating it like my child, because if I had said something, I was like, oh, my God, I better check it. Sees, okay. He's probably not like my child. I got to get mad. No. Good. But the other thing I was thinking of that I always tell my son, he's studying history, which is one of those things that what are they going to do with a history degree? And I'm like, I think you should be a teacher because you love nothing more than to share all these incredible facts. And he's so funny, and he's really good at finding random weird facts that make things really interesting and all of that. But he doesn't want to be a teacher. He's like, that would be too draining for me. I just don't want to deal with that. But it's killing me because I want him to be a damn teacher. I think that would be the perfect job for him. He'd have his summers off. He wouldn't make any money. But he doesn't need a lot of money, which don't even get me started on all of that, how much teachers should make. Yeah, I know, but he has a very simple he leads a simple life. He doesn't need a lot, so that would be okay for him. But again, I can't tell him that he needs to be a teacher. He has to come up with whatever it is that he's going to do. And I don't get to say I could suggest and I can suggest and suggest, but we don't get to pick. We got to love them for who they are and what they want to do and let them make their mistakes. Yes. Well, here you go. That comes your next chapter. Yes, exactly. You have to let them fail. It's the hardest thing to do, but you got to do it. And I absolutely hate it, because as a parent, when they're little, it's your job to bail them out of everything. It's your job to make everything better. It's your job to explain everything. It's your job to make things clearer. It's your job to teach, and it's your job to fix all the boo boos, no matter what they are. And then when they get to be older, reality, they're going to have to do some of these things for themselves. They're going to have to fail. And it's so hard, and it's so hard to watch. It's so hard to watch the breakups and the heartbreak and the crying and the frustration, and I'm not where I want to be. And you just they have to learn it for themselves. It's like anything else. When I would, like, life coach someone, it's like I could probably give you an answer that might help. But you have to come up with it on your own. Right, exactly. Because otherwise it's not going to stick. You're not really going to take it in unless you do it yourself. Yeah. I can tell you what to do, but you got to figure this one out. That's hard. That's a toughie this is so good. They still need tough lessons. Very true. And in parentheses. No, we don't want to watch your new untrained dog for three days so you can watch another dog. Thank you. Did that really happen? Oh, yeah, it just came up. So my daughter does a lot of house sitting and dog sitting, which she loves because she loves dogs. Well, she had this job you're going to laugh, but apparently one of the people that she's been watching, one of their dogs or a dog, has doggy autism. What? I did not know there was such a okay, apparently there are autistic dogs, and so you can imagine this dog doesn't like to be around a lot of people. It's very quirky. And my daughter is like a dog whisperer, and so she likes watching this dog, and the dog likes her. So she gets this new dog, this puppy, and the people are like, OOH, Susan, which is the name of this dog, which I love. Susan can't be around other dogs. Susan. So my daughter I know. So my daughter is like, well, now what do I do? So now she feels bad, so she wants to keep that job and then get someone else to watch her puppy, of course. I'm like, oh, I can't wait to be the grandma to this dog. I'll love to watch him, but I was like, I thought this was for an afternoon. Oh, no, I am not having that dog. She's still potty training it. I'm not getting up twice a night to let that dog out. Oh, God, no. I did that a long time ago. I'm done with that. Once he's trained, I'll take him as much as you want, but I'm not and I felt bad because I'm like, if this was a child, would I say the same thing? If this was an infant, would I be like, this thing's brand new. I ain't taking it well. No, but it's not. It's a dog. It's a dog. And she chose this, and so she's got to deal with the consequences of what happens when you do something kind of spur of the moment. And she did figure it out. She had a friend actually come stay at her place with her dog. I'm like, are you sure you can do that? Because she was like, it killed her to be with I just have to. Ask one question because I was paying attention to all of this, but something stuck in my head way in the beginning of this part of the conversation. How do you test a dog for autism? I knew I was going to come back about that. I have no idea. I should have done my homework. I don't know. I'm a little concerned that somebody might be ripping these people off a little bit. Oh, no. Your dog is autistic. He's severely autistic, and you're going to have to bring him in at least once a week for cognitive behavioral therapy and Adderall. Yes. And your dog also has ADHD, and your dog needs to go to private school. Exactly. So anyway, those are the tough lessons that you still have to teach your adult kids. And you still sometimes feel bad about saying no because they're your child and you want to do anything to help them. But guess what? You got to figure that stuff out. Yeah, you do. Well, you have to hold your breath and count to ten a lot more. I'll tell you a quick Michael story and then, wow, we just have the best time talking. We're 41 minutes. I know. We haven't even gotten through all the chapters. I know there's more chapters. There's more to talk about. I got to tell you this Michael story, though, really quick. Michael was in college in Michigan, and Tim and I were working in Wilmington, North Carolina. He was executive producing a series, and I was acting in it, and he was acting in it, too. And Michael called me and he said, mom, my friends and I are going to try acid. And my first thought was, why are you telling me this? And my second thought was, why are you going to do acid? But that's a whole other thing. He said, I just want you to know because we're doing it safely, and my friend Sally is not going to do it, and the rest of us are. We're not driving anywhere, we're not going anywhere. And I just want to make sure that you know, because Sally's going to have your number if there's a problem. Then I'm thinking, this is so responsible, ish, gosh, I was so conflicted. And all I could say was, well, great, thank you for sharing and could you please call me tomorrow morning because if I don't hear from you by noon, I'm going to have to fly there to make sure you're okay. I'll think that you, like, got on some alien ship that you thought was an alien, right? He called some strangers bad. He called me. He called me at 1130 the next morning and he was fine. He was a okay. And the first thing he said was, well, I never have to do that again. And I thought, okay, well, okay. I guess it's better than being sneaky and weird. It's kind of amazing. Yeah, it's pretty phenomenal. And it does say something about our relationship with him that he wanted to share that and that he felt safe and comfortable enough. So what was he going to do, lose my mind and go, you can't do that? You can't do acid? Are you crazy? Exactly. It's so funny because our kids are so alike. Like, I'm nodding through that whole story because my daughter is the same way. She's like the caretaker. And they actually carry around a lot of kids these days are amazingly smart when it comes to drug stuff. They go to festivals and there's all these drugs going around, and they have drug kits testing so they can check if there's ketamine or whatever this crap they're putting in this stuff now. Am I saying that right there's, ketamine? And then they put fentanyl and stuff. Now and fentanyl, that's the other thing. And so they test everything before they take it. And there's been a couple of times where they found stuff like that in mushrooms or whatever. And my daughter has tried all that stuff and been like, no, I don't like any of it. But she'll go and be the safe person for her friends and make sure everyone has tests, which is kind of like if they're going to try that stuff, at least they're doing it the right way. I remember. Still pretty darn. Yeah. I remember when I was a kid, there were some parents, like my mother, my parent I only had one, really had just a no drug policy. You don't do them, you don't talk about them. It's just bad, bad, bad. PS. Later in life she's smoking pot, but with her boyfriend when she's in her 50s. We like getting high. It's really fun. Sexually. I'm like, mom, like the kids talk about don't need to know. Don't need to know. What was I saying? Oh, no drugs before you were so like zero. Yeah, before I got freaked out by my mother. No drugs, just zero. Just don't even talk about it. You don't do it. It's not a thing. And that's just not realistic. And the conversation with my kids was completely different when they were growing up. And now that they're adults and they're making their own decisions, I just hope that they learned what the best decisions are and how to be safe. And they all seem okay. The oldest one is in his forty s and then with the rest are in their thirty s and the babies and 27 years old. And you just have to trust that I have faith in that. Just that they're the generation that gets in a car and puts on a seatbelt automatically and always has. So that's a start. I'd learned to use seatbelts. We didn't have seatbelts. I know. Isn't that weird? Yeah. We have helmets when we rode our bicycles, which explains a lot. That's like yeah. Why there's always those memes and jokes going around, like, how did we survive? The have no idea. Well, and here we are. And you know what? They're all right. The kids are all right. Mine are. We've got seven of them. Kids are all right. Yeah. You've got a lot of experience. And all joking aside, I love when my kids need me. I'm glad they need me. I'm so thankful for the real relationship that we have. If they're mad at me, they can say, Mom, I'm mad at you. And they know that I'm not going to not talk to them for two years because it's not conditional. Right, exactly. That's a real relationship when there is a problem. Like, I had a conflict with one of my kids last year and he said, I just need some space from you. This is just not I'll be back, I just can't talk to you. And it hurt. But I had faith that that's what he meant, that he meant what he said and it was and everything's fine. That's incredible. Like, for both of you, you to be able to take that and him to be able to just say that, wow. Yeah. But that goes to show that you have made your kids know that they are safe and they're able to tell you these things and know you will still be there when they need you. So that's pretty amazing. You know what the bottom line is? I just love my kids so much, too. I just think they're the most wonderful aren't our kids just the best people we know? They really, really are. And they're so fun to be around. They're like, yeah. People I would choose as my friends, which I feel so lucky about. Yes, I feel exactly the same shoe. Dodged a bullet. There's not one of them where I go. Moments, maybe moments. Giant chunks of time where I'm like, oh, that one's. No, that one's in the doghouse. Right? Which is reality. Right? Like, we're people, so wow. You want to do one? Hot topic. A naughty topic. That's a naughty topic. All right, let's end with that, because those are always yeah. Pulling the thing out of the bucket. Okay, so in case this is your first episode, you're listening to Naughty Topics are random questions that I pull out of a little house. Bucket pail, lunch pail. And it's spelled K-N-O-T-T-Y. Not N-A-U-G-H-T-Y. But that's the intention, sort of. That sounded like a burp, but it wasn't a burp. You ever have that where you have, like but it's not really a burp. It's a gurgle. It's a burp. A burp. So pardon me. Maybe Brittany will take that out. Maybe she won't. Actually, it's perfect for this question. Would you rather be gassy on a first date or your wedding night? Oh, it's easy for me. So easy. First date. You wish. I so much and more invested in a wedding night. A first date could go either way. I don't have an investment in that. On a wedding night. Who wants to be gassy on their wedding night? I mean, hopefully you know the person you're marrying well enough to if it happens to say, honey, I don't think we're going to let's try the morning because Mama got gas. Mama ate too many crab cakes at the reception. We should not have served the seven layer bean dip, babe. Oh, my gosh. It makes me think I remember Sex in the City in that episode where I can't remember her name. It's been so long since I've watched that show. But she lets a toot out with Carrie Big, and she's just mortified. I don't remember that, but I'm very excited that that episode exists. And she was mortified. Of course he's dying of laughter. And of course it was the most, like, ridiculous fart. Like some like, yeah, sorry, but that that's not what would happen. It would have been like a. You know, this is all aiming towards the we got to have a conversation about sex and sexuality and aging about farts. No, that's another conversation. But sex and sexuality and aging and all that stuff. At some point here. I mean, this is the nitty gritty podcast gas Happens. It is. And I actually would rather way rather be gassy on my wedding night really? Than a first date. Yes. I feel like it would be mortifying to let one slip. I wasn't even thinking about the embarrassment factor so much as I was thinking about the blowing of the mood factor on your wedding. And who wants to feel bloated and gassy blow? And then there's that. Like I said, we do have to do this episode, but as a wedding. Night, hopefully you're marrying someone that you feel very connected to, and you would both just start laughing if one of you let one fly. Well, sure, yeah, that's something. I actually was just thinking of being gassy's, being uncomfortable. And nobody wants to be uncomfortable on their wedding night. So that's where I was. And he was going to the embarrassing place. I was just like I just pictured, like, a bloated tummy and like, no, not tonight, sweet. Can we wait till morning? Because oh, no, honey, I'm talking about the full on wind, the Four Seasons just coming out and how embarrassing that would be. That is bad. It's a joke or a story, and I don't remember what it is, but I remember where it originated. But there is a story about a. Woman, and it's like in the 50s or sixty s, and she goes on a date, first date with a guy, and he picks her up at her house and she suddenly has to cut one. And she's walking around again in the car, and he opens the door, and she gets in the car and she farts. And as he's slamming the car door and he's walking around and she's kind of fanning and he opens the door and he gets in the car and he goes did you introduce yourself to John and Sally in the backseat? Ah. That'S especially funny because my mom has tried to time the car door thing quite often. Yes. I hear about it a lot. That's so funny. Okay, well, this podcast went in a number of directions that I had not anticipated, and I like it. I'm all about this. This is good. Yeah. Right? Just kind of again, we're getting in the nitty gritty. Yeah, we are really down to the nitty gritty. I think this podcast is going to require some hashtags. Hashtags drug talk, hashtag trigger warning, farts, sex furries, adult baby fetishes. Be sad if farts were triggered for somebody that could be triggered. Oh, merciful. Oh, my. Well, on that hat on that. Anything you want to share over at my Prairie? Right. You know what? Does April Cornell have any adult diapers. For the adult baby fetish people? No, but we could ask her. Beautiful embroideries. No, but we do have I mean well, no, you can't really use a table napkin. Well, a tablecloth depends on the size of the adult. And on that happy nap with a rooster. Okay, now I can't go to where my brain just went because it's not going to happen. No, I know. You know what I'm thinking, all right? I know exactly what you're yeah, it rhymes with yes, exactly. Another word for roosters. I'm not even going to say it because the connotation yeah, right. That would be the one for the boys. Anyway, I just looked over my shoulder really quickly and, you know, you asked what I was up to this week, and I never even told you. I made my first sourdough starter, and it's growing in the corner. Not like in the corner of my. Scary. Something from Stranger Things. It's in a jar. It's in a thing. But contain. See what happens. I'm very excited. Are you going to share that later on Modern Prairie? Like, what happens? We'll see if it works out. I was the only person, I think one of the only people in the world who did not make sourdough bread during lockdown. I'm raising my hand. I didn't make any bread. I literally was watching Jake Gyllenhaal make sourdough bread. That's kind of adorable. Really cute. Hugh Jackman also makes a mean sourdough. I know. That's so cute I could barely stand it. Teacher hall. That's what we call him. Teacher hall. Dick Jonah. Dick Jonah. Because it's so fun. Our friend Jake. All right, well, I guess for this particular podcast, we've been talking for almost an hour. I'm sure we boring the pants off of our beloved audience. Has it really been an hour? That's amazing. So, my friends, until next time, this has been a really interesting episode of The Nitty Gritty. I send you all oceans of love and stay well and healthy, and we'll talk soon. Yeah. I'm always sending you dozens of donuts. Just doesn't like, you know, when you can sit down and you eat one donut because you think that's polite, but you really want to eat two. You really want to, and you know you shouldn't. Well, the best way to do that is just walk by and break pieces off throughout the course of the day, and you'll get the second one in without it being so obvious. That is good. That is good. But dozens should last you until the next podcast. There you go. Oceans of love and dozens of donuts. Who could ask for more? That's what we wish for you until our next meeting. We are so glad you were here with us today. Tune in next time for another episode of The Nitty Gritty when we're not here chatting about midlife. marvelousness. We can be found on Facebook and Instagram at officialmodernprairie and over on the website modernprairry.com Podcast. We love hearing from you, so please send us your thoughts, questions, or topics you'd like us to address in future episodes by emailing us at podcast at modern prairie.com or heading to Modernprairry.com podcast. After all, you are the reason we're here today. Thank you for being a part of this journey with us. And feel free to share about our brand with your friends and family. Don't be a little bit it again.