Freedom Friday: One Good Reason To Stay Single!

This conversation urges listeners to unlearn the idea that relationships should be easy, focusing instead on the sanctifying power of vulnerability and sacrifice in intimate connections. We discuss compatibility, the importance of personal gaps, and the intricate dance of mutual growth required in meaningful relationships. 

• Challenging the notion of easy relationships 
• The significance of unity in marriage 
• Recognizing relationships as sanctifying experiences 
• Understanding compatibility as a mutual fit 
• Embracing vulnerability for personal and relational growth 
• Engaging the community for genuine connection

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:10

Hello everybody and welcome once again to the unlearned podcast. I am your host with Abigail aka Ra, and this is freedom Friday, where we come and share something we've unlearned recently and how it has made us just a little bit more free. So I usually forget to do this, but I'm not gonna forget today. First of all, thank you for listening to the Unlearned podcast. We are in our third year of existence and we are growing. Thank you for being a part of the Unlearned community. We are getting more free every single day and I hope that you are too. Um, and yeah, if this is valuable to you and uh, this has helped you, man, share it. Don't keep it to yourself. Share it like. Subscribe, uh, like the post, subscribe, comment, let us know. Engage, um, and uh, uh, we're going to be doing something here in a little bit. Um, that we're we're going to keep you updated on, so make sure you're following us on social media to keep up with all the things that we are doing. Uh, but yeah, man, keep unlearning with us. Um, and thank you, thank you, thank you. We love being a part of this community with you. Um, okay, so I love Dave Ramsey with you. Okay, so, I love Dave Ramsey. Those of you that know me know that.

Speaker 1: 1:31

So recently I saw a post that essentially was talking about how amazing it is to him that a lot of people hate the advice that he has for couples when he tells them to combine their money because you're operating as one household, like, apparently, a lot of people don't like that advice, and he was commenting on the fact that a lot of people hate that kind of advice, and so I thought it was interesting, and so I went to the comments, of course, and I wanted to see what the people were saying, and there was a great comment that I flagged, and her comment was best reason to stay single. I'm here for the comments, and it made me laugh because I was like I agree with her. That is an excellent reason to stay single. It's an excellent reason to stay single If you are uninterested in bringing together your finances, um, when you're married, if you're uninterested in bringing together your life and all the aspects of that which is money is part of it that come together, if you're uninterested in that, is a great reason to stay single because, um, I have, we're coming up on two years of marriage, my husband and I, and I'm here to tell you it ain't easy. It is not easy and it's not something that I would not advise, that marriage is something to get into if you are more interested in serving yourself than serving something bigger than yourself.

Speaker 1: 3:07

We have to unlearn that marriage should be easy. Let me take it a step further. We have to unlearn that community should be easy, that friendship should be easy, that intimate connections with human beings should be easy. We got to unlearn that. We got to unlearn that life is about serving me as opposed to serving something bigger than me. For those of us that are married, it's you know, that bigger than me can be marriage. For those of us that aren't, that bigger than me can be community. For those of us who are following Jesus, that bigger than me is the kingdom of God, right. So we got to unlearn that marriage should be easy, that life should serve me, because that's not the point, right?

Speaker 1: 4:00

One of the best things that I've heard about marriage before I got married was that heard about marriage when I before I got married was that marriage is meant to sanctify. Um, marriage is designed to make you better, and sometimes getting made better is not the most pleasant experience. Okay, um, I, I love how people describe the process of a skull, of somebody sculpting um, something out of like stone or marble or something like that. It starts off as this big block and you know the artist is not trying to, the artist is not going to shape the block, you can't move it, and it's like you have to be able to see what's in the block. So what do they do? They see what's in the block and then they start chipping away at it. They start chipping, they don't start moving the. You can't. You can't move marble right, like you can't shape marble, you have to, you have to chip at it. It's got to go away. And somehow you find what's in the block, you find what's in the marble.

Speaker 1: 5:17

Well, that's what beautiful, intimate relationships do, whether it's in a marriage or a friendship or community. That's what it's supposed to do. It's supposed to chip away at the, at the things in your life and your heart and your mind and your attitude, until you become a more beautiful version of yourself. It should be a sanctifying experience. We got to unlearn that. It's easy, it's not about serving you, and if that's what you're looking for, you shouldn't try To have intimate connections with people. I'll. I'll go a step further. You won't have intimate connections with people. I'll go a step further. You won't have intimate connections with people. They won't last. They won't last because it's not about you. And if we continue to make it about us, whether it's a marriage, friendship or community then we're going to quickly realize that it's only going to go so far. So, yeah, if that's, if that doesn't interest, you stay single, stay by yourself.

Speaker 1: 6:13

Um, I hope that that's not true, because it's beautiful, it's a beautiful opportunity, um, to not just be chipped at but to help do the chipping right. I mean it should be a mutual experience, but again, it's not easy. Being chipped at can be painful, um, and chipping can be painful. But when you enter into a mutual connection, when you enter into a mutual agreement to say we decide to make each other better. So we're going to pull, pull this thing together. I'm not going to. I'm not going to look to pull, pull this thing together. I'm not going to. I'm not going to look to be served but to serve. I'm not going to look to be the center but to look to serve and put others before myself. And when that becomes a mutual agreement between you and the other person, whoever that might be, then that's when the beauty happens.

Speaker 1: 7:12

Compatibility when you're compatible with somebody, it doesn't always mean that you're going to conform to that person. In fact, a lot of times it means that you won't look the same. Puzzle pieces that fit together don't look the same. They're not shaped the same way. There are gaps in one area that the other ones fill. So stop looking to be conformed to another person or for other person conformed to you in order to see if something's going to work. You're trying to find compatibility. That means you have to be willing to allow other people to fill your gaps and you can fill their gaps. We need to unlearn that. A lot of us I will talk to you know my single crowd Um, a lot, of, a lot of people want to be married, um, and are wishing for that and I. It's a beautiful thing and I and I and I want that for those who want it, um, I and I and I want that for those who want it, um, I. I cannot stress enough to allow yourself, uh, to be um, to be fit with there's. You know, there's not. There's no reason. Your gaps are what they are. That's okay, um, and and there and the other person's gaps are what they are, that's okay. And the other person's gaps are what they are, that's okay.

Speaker 1: 8:41

The goal is to come together, to come together, for two people to come together as one and then operate as something new Not operate as you or them, but operate as a new thing. And so sometimes we seek to smooth our own edges so we don't have gaps. Well, if you don't have gaps for somebody to fill, it's going to be real hard for them to be compatible with you. It's going to be very hard to fit. Your puzzle piece won't fit well without gaps. So you're looking for somebody who can fill your gaps. Gaps, so you're looking for somebody who can fill your gaps.

Speaker 1: 9:20

But if you present like you don't have gaps, then yeah, there's no reason for you to become one. You don't need any help. You don't need to be shaped because you've got it right. But that's not what an intimate relationship does. It shapes you, but you have to be in a position to be shaped. So your gaps are going to be exposed, it's okay. You don't have to hide them. Somebody will come and fit them, and I, you know so. In marriage that'll happen, but also in friendship. That'll happen in community, that'll happen.

Speaker 1: 9:52

So, again, we have to unlearn that those things are supposed to be easy. They're not supposed to be easy, they're supposed to be sanctifying. Don't cover up your gaps. Allow other, allow them to be filled with people who fit with you, to make a beautiful picture. All right, that's it, folks. Um, check out our series that we have right now. Uh, check out the archives and unlearned podcasts again. Uh, you know, share it with a friend. Um, you know, we're on YouTube and Spotify and Apple and all the podcast platforms. Uh, and yeah, we're, we're, we love our community. So let's continue to grow and let's continue to unlearn so that we can all experience more burrito.

Speaker 2: 10:52

Thank you once again for listening to the Unlearned Podcast. We would love to hear your comments and your feedback about the episode. Feel free to follow us on Facebook and Instagram and to let us know what you think. We're looking forward to the next time when we are able to unlearn together to move forward towards freedom. See you then.