The UnlearnT Podcast
The UnlearnT Podcast is designed to help you gain the courage to change your mind about things you never thought you would change your mind about. Our hope is that you will begin to move towards a life of freedom after hearing stories from individuals who have chosen to unlearn some things in their lives.
The UnlearnT Podcast
Talks With Middle Adults: Your Value Is Limitless...Even If Your Money Isn't!
RA and Jaquetta explore the intricate relationship we have with money and the importance of redefining value over wealth. They share personal anecdotes that reveal common misunderstandings about finances, emphasizing that true fulfillment stems from recognizing one’s intrinsic worth rather than merely chasing higher paychecks.
• Discussing how money was perceived in childhood
• The visibility and deception of wealth
• Navigating the conversation around debt and its implications
• Understanding the concept of value beyond money
• Building relationships that foster mutual support
• Emphasizing the importance of identifying personal worth
• Making conscious choices that align with values for financial growth
Thank you once again for listening to the Unlearned Podcast. We would love to hear your comments and your feedback about the episode. Feel free to follow us on Facebook and Instagram and to let us know what you think. We're looking forward to the next time when we are able to unlearn together to move forward towards freedom. See you then.
hello everybody and welcome once again to the unlearned podcast. I'm your host, ruth abigail aka ra. What up? Friends, it's your girl, jaquita and this is the podcast that's helping you gain the courage to change your mind so that we can all experience more freedom.
Speaker 2:Hey friends, folks, people, saints and friends. All right, we need you to like, share and subscribe. All right, become part of the community. Right, we're out here unlearning, we're out here burying our souls. That's it, for the sake of your growth and development. Okay, please, if you could, but please, all right, just hit that like button share it with a friend.
Speaker 2:If it helped you. All right, you know, be a good friend, let it help somebody else, y'all. And also hit that notification bell If you're like man. Every time I miss it, every single time. Hit the bell so that it will alert you when new episodes drop. We do drop them every Tuesdayuesday, all right, like clockwork, all right, unless it's a holiday, you know yeah, some holidays yeah you know listen or unless one of us.
Speaker 1:One of us might be sick, you know, or, yeah, may have lost our voice because we scream too much would make me record if I was sick.
Speaker 2:She'd be like hey, can you just get on? Maybe we just do a video. You know well, maybe we could just do it. Maybe you just get on. Maybe we just do a video. You know well, maybe we could just do it. Maybe, you know, we do 30 minutes instead of a night, you know like. But nah, for real, yo like share and subscribe y'all like, share and subscribe guys.
Speaker 1:um, so all right, so we're, we're, uh, we're in the series the kitchen table, uh, unlearning things from, from the kitchen table, and so far we've talked about unlearning, like, how to defeat your giant of normal, like what you grew up in it's what is normal. It was a good one. That was a good one. Guys Like, if you haven't checked this out, go back and check that out. Quinta, what was our last one?
Speaker 2:We talked about emotional vulnerability, unlearning, emotion unlearning like kind of suppressing your emotions.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and kind of like unlearning some of the maybe the habits of dealing with emotions that you you may have experienced in your younger years around your either your family, your community and what that what it looks like to do that now. That was a good one too. That was a lot that was a real good one.
Speaker 2:We was a lot. That was a real good one. We was unpacking the stuff in these streets.
Speaker 1:We really do be bearing souls. Yeah, we're about to do it again. We're about to do it one more time for y'all. So listen.
Speaker 2:Don't let my vulnerability and transparency go to waste.
Speaker 1:What you said. Don't do that.
Speaker 2:Y' go to waste what you say Y'all, make sure, like if this is helping you in any way. Please encourage my soul and leave a comment and be like thank you, ruth and Jaquita. Because of the sacrifice you made, you know, I changed my life. That's right.
Speaker 1:We need to hear that.
Speaker 2:We want to hear it. I'm going to be like listen, I'm going to start pulling some cookie cutter lessons off of Google. Okay, how to teach people about emotional vulnerability.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, use somebody else's story. We love what we do, we love it, we do Um and we have a good time doing it. We are about to dive into another um very relevant topic. You know can be touchy, for sure, um, and yeah, so I, I actually man, I had like a um, had a lead in and I forgot it. You know, I'm saying like I was gonna do a whole thing and now I don't forgot what it is okay, listen y'all, we're talking about them.
Speaker 2:Dollar, dollar bills today. Okay, we're talking about that corn. I had a cup, okay, that guap, all right. Wow, that cheddar. Okay, y'all remember that when that Beyonce the Destiny's Child song came out and everybody was like, ladies, leave your man at home. The club is full of ballers and they fucking full of. What was that word? What was that?
Speaker 1:word.
Speaker 2:What? What was that word we're talking about? It doesn't matter. Pockets full grown. That's what it was pockets full grown. We were, we were lost. We were lost on that verse. No, no, nobody around me knew that the verse. You know, back then, how many of y'all thought you knew the words to a song? And then, as you got older, what did you think they? They were Realized that that wasn't it. We all thought it was pockets full of groom and we was like we don't know what groom is but okay, I can't, that's hilarious.
Speaker 2:Jamming wrong words you know why?
Speaker 1:You know why Because I'm from Houston. That's why and that's where they from, and that's why I know.
Speaker 2:Okay, we're talking about money. We're talking about what we learned around the kitchen table about finances, and then what we then had to unlearn. Yep, what we, what we, what we then had to say that wasn't quite right. Let me get, let me reverse, back it up, put it in neutral, you know, and figure this thing out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:We're talking about unlearning, uh, from around that financial kitchen table.
Speaker 1:Yeah, man, and it's something we have to. Yes, it's something we have to. We really, really have to spend some time doing Money is one of those weird things that, like it's at least I know, growing up for me, it was one of those things that in our family we didn't talk about like that, like we didn't talk about money, like we didn't talk about money, like like not, we didn't talk about, but we didn't talk about how much money. We didn't talk about amounts of money. We talked about money as a topic, but we didn't get into the details.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying, and and and I was kind of taught like, hey, you don't, we don't, we don't discuss, you don't ask people how much they make. You don't, we're not discussing how much we make? None of that stuff. Um, you know and all so, like it was just so, there was a part of this idea that money, the idea of um, your, the your money business was to be, uh, undisclosed, but at the same time, um, it was important, it's important so it's on one hand, I'm not supposed to really talk about it, get into the details.
Speaker 1:On the other hand, it's supposed to be very important, something I really need to understand and so how did that happen in your house?
Speaker 2:I don't know. I think the thing about money is is that, even when you don't talk about it, is that, even when you don't talk about it, the money has images? Right, it's the house we lived in. It's the car we drove. Right, it's the clothes we wore. You know, I remember in high school, like realizing that I was not going to get a pair of Air Force Ones, you know, and it was give me two, like everybody had.
Speaker 1:Air Force Ones.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm saying, and I just knew not to even ask. Like, I knew that, like that wasn't going to be within the realm of possibility for my life, right, and I, and to me it was always like, even though you know we never specifically talked about money, I knew that my mom worked so hard because it wasn't a whole lot of money going around. You know, right, I knew that, like I looked at the difference between, like, single parent homes and two parent homes, and for me there was always this invisible balance that was letting me know okay, there's money over here, not as much over there. They might have a little money, he might have a little money, but it ain't money, ain't much money right here. And so I think money is both invisible but also very, very visible.
Speaker 1:I really think that's a great point. I think that you might think you make a great point. Money is visible. But here's what's interesting to me money is visible and, um, a lot of times that could be deceptive. Right, so it's like money is visible, but it could also that that visibility can be deceptive, because just because you see money doesn't mean people have it, and a lot of times it's not their money that you see, it's the banks and the credit cards. Listen, so you know. I mean I think that's something I did have to unlearn is like hey, all this stuff that people have, they probably are in debt because of it and have put themselves in a position to where they want to be seen like they have money. But if you look behind the curtain, ain't really much there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that that was something that I had to unlearn. If we want to, if we want to hop in Right and I'm going to do something that I it just kind of just came to mind, but I think one of the things that my mind was not really at all grasping was this idea of debt right.
Speaker 2:Like because money, oh, I'm sorry, no go, I'm sorry, this idea of debt because I, I don't. You know there were no credit cards. There were no. You know, I found out much later. My mom would tell me that, like there were a couple of loans that were taken. You know, I saw my mom and my family like, hey, let me borrow $20. Let me get a hundred dollars over here, like the, the exchange of money was happening on the level that we were at. Yeah right, like it was. Hey, you know, like my cousin gonna help out with this or my friend gonna help out with that, but it was all always on kind of like a level playing field.
Speaker 2:And when you think about things like debt, like what could be considered good debt sometimes, or what can be just considered like the ability to use money that you don't have, is actually like a middle class trait. Yeah Right, like this idea of I'm going to use debt to fund a lifestyle is not always as present or it wasn't present at my kitchen table, like I. I don't ever remember seeing a credit card being whipped out and being like hey, put it on, put it on the black card. You know I'm saying like, yeah, let me. Let me get my american express out. You know like it was.
Speaker 2:The idea of debt was frightening. Yeah, because it's. We already don't have everything we need. Why in the world would we want to go in debt? No, we don't do debt. We don't do debt. And so like this idea of being able to access a life by by kind of kicking the can down the road and putting and pulling from money that you don't have, that you're saying I will have it over the next 10 years I'll be able to pay for the life that I'm living now. I think that that is something that I like when I got access to it, like when I got a credit card.
Speaker 2:I was like oh, I'm about to. Y'all want to go on a trip, I can pay for the plane ticket, y'all want to. And I went overboard because it was a life that was completely unfamiliar to me.
Speaker 1:I think you're making a. That is an excellent point. It's interesting, I didn't grow up with debt around my table either. At my kitchen table we did not play with debt. Jacqueline Smith, that is my mother?
Speaker 2:Oh no, she ain't playing with that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like, like she had me. I mean, I currently have a credit card. I didn't get one until I got out of debt and the only reason I got one was to get um, rental cars because I was just I don't like the hold on my debit card and I but it took. It took me until I was good and good and in my 30s to even get one. I was scared of them.
Speaker 1:I wouldn't, I wouldn't fool with it, and so so we grew up with this constant story of my grandfather, whose father lost everything during the great depression and he saw how the banks messed up the money that you know, tried to get it out so he could survive, didn't get it and, um, that shaped my grandfather's you know uh, understanding of money and debt and banks. So when he got successful this is my mom's father when he got successful, he was an entrepreneur, um, very successful more, in a small town that they grew up in. He didn't fool with banks, everything he did was in cash, he paid for everything in cash, and that was how my mom grew up. So that's how we grew up.
Speaker 1:We don't do credit cards. We don't do debt. My father grew up a very different way. His family grew up. They didn't do credit cards. We don't do debt. My father grew up a very different way. His family grew up. They didn't have a lot and he tells a story of my mom would pay her bills months in advance.
Speaker 2:My father grew up understanding you pay the bill when they come ask for the bill. No, but, for real, though you know what I'm saying. Tell me y'all ain't had to avoid the credit card, the credit card people calling on the phone, what they call the bill collectors, calling your phone when they came out with caller ID.
Speaker 1:Let me tell you something caller ID changed the game. Okay.
Speaker 2:Changed the game. Okay, you look at that caller ID. I don't know that number. We ain't answering that. Okay, might be a bill collector.
Speaker 1:And you just so. So I, I grew up with very, I grew up with a pretty balanced understanding of money, but I grew up with with with parents from two very different perspectives and different habits that they had. You know what I mean. And so we, um, I I we'll talk about a little later but I think that there were a lot of things that I absolutely, uh, I had to unlearn because of my own immaturity and what I saw, um, growing up and made some just assumptions around things, you know, and it wasn't necessarily what I was taught, but it's what I thought, I saw and understood, and I really didn't it's like no, no, no, that's not really what we meant. And so I, as I got older, I started to understand some things, but the debt thing was was a very, very. I just you know you get away from it. Um, very, I just you know you get away from it. I think you're right.
Speaker 1:I love what you said about the. Uh, you're trying to fund a life that you don't currently have access to. It's like this idea of and there is a to some degree that that, uh, that attitude of entitlement right, that attitude of entitlement right that you see in a lot in America where you feel like I deserve that. So I'm going to go get it, even though I can't afford it. And to me, that is a mindset that we have to. We've all been there in some form or fashion. I deserve it. I'm going to go get it even though I can't afford it, and it's it. It has defined generations. It has defined.
Speaker 1:I would say you know, probably the our generation and the generation right above us, gen X that has really defined that like nope, I deserve it, I'm gonna go get it, even though I can't afford it. And then you look back and you have to continue to work for what you got when you couldn't afford it.
Speaker 2:But here's the thing. Here's the thing, and I'm sorry I'm jumping through these points, but I'm going to hit them as they come. Here's the thing the things that we're buying, that we can't afford, don't have any real value, right, they are not things that are going to be accruing value as you hold them. You know, like you're going out and getting nice bags and I, you know, I was saying for a long time I was like I'm not buying another bag until it's name brand, cause I've never had a name brand purse. I've never bought myself a name brand purse. One landed in my hands accidentally, which is a whole nother story but I have never sat down and went to a designer store and bought myself a purse and I had that set.
Speaker 2:But then after a while I said, jaquita, you just need something to hold your things, right, like there will be a time where you will be able to out of your abundance by that thing. But we're not buying something just so that we can have the name on us. Yeah, right, and we? But we get so consumed with this idea of I deserve because and a lot of times it's I deserve because I've had it so hard or because I had to work so hard or because I haven't had it for so long. Yeah, I should have it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and let me tell y'all something I lived in that treat yourself, treat yourself mentality. Ok, yeah, I was. I was out there in them streets, just not named brand, but I was like hair done, nails done, I'm gonna go where I want to go, I'm gonna do what I want to do and then it does. It will not. The appetite that you have for financial success and financial wealth will not be met by going out and buying things that don't have value.
Speaker 1:So I think a good question that is something for I mean we can answer it, and just for anyone listening to answer is how do you define value? What's that Like? What does that mean? How do you define it? How do you know it's valuable to you?
Speaker 2:So I think you have to sit down with something, and and I'm I'm trying not to get into the story, cause I'm about to in a minute, but you have to you have to something that is valuable, you know, uh, in the Bible, everybody says this prayer, like the prayer of Jabez. You know, enlarge my territory, right. And everybody starts praying like Lord, just give me more, enlarge it. I want to be able to have more and do more and have more impact, right. Whatever you get that is of value should be able to be used for a higher purpose in your life. This is how I define value, right, and I'll use this example before I get into my other example my car. All right, I had a wonderful car. Her name was Miracle. Okay, her name was Miracle because she was going to take me from one miracle to the next. All right, she was a Ford Escape. She was a 2014 Ford Escape. She was beautiful, okay, and for eight good years, miracle held me down. Okay, miracle, let me tell you something Miracle never had no real big breakdowns, just had to put up some brakes on her one time and Miracle, miracle was holding me down.
Speaker 2:I got to my new job in 2022. I started working, where I had a one-hour commute to work and a one-hour commute back. As I'm driving, I'm like Miracle is taking hits. I'm looking at that mileage and it's whipping around. It is whipping around and I had a choice, whipping around, and I had an. I had a choice I could either, uh, buy a new car right or I could, you know Miracle was starting to shut down. You know she wouldn't, she wouldn't crank up some days. Miracle, be like I'm tired, boss. I was tired, I did Miracle, and and I'd be like come on, baby, you got it. You over there pressing the gate. Come on, baby, no, miracle, miracle's like mama, this is it. This is it.
Speaker 2:This is the end of the road for us right, I went and I was looking for a new car and what I wanted in a new car was for her to do what Miracle did. Like hey, I just need you to take me from point A to point B. I ain't really looking for much else. I got a friend, took me to a car lot and we found this car. It was older but it had really low miles on it, but it was huge. It was huge. I was like what am I going to do with this eight seater car? It is a large. It is a large car and I but I knew I sat in that car drove that car around when we got to the lot. We drove that car around.
Speaker 2:That car is so nice. The seats are leathery and cushiony and you just sink into it and it's a beautiful atmosphere. But when we got back I was like, let me go find a car more like. Miracle Went found a smaller car. As soon as I got in that car I was like this is not where I'm at in my life anymore. Like I had moved from going from Miracle to Miracle to Glory to Glory that's the name of my new car. Alright, her name is Glory, okay, because she's going to take me, not just a Miracle.
Speaker 2:Oh Lord I tell you you can make anything spiritual bro she gonna take me from glory to glory y'all Okay, and it's a GMC Acadia. Guess what Acadia means? Oh boy, come on here, place of plenty, get with it All right, all right, plenty of room. Go ahead, but I had to. The value of the car was not just that the car was a little bit less expensive than some of the other newer models. The value of the car was everything I'm able to do in this car. You know what I'm saying. I drove up before your wedding.
Speaker 2:I was like hey, we whipping through the streets of Memphis around here to all your appointments. You know how much furniture I've carried in the back of this car. I believe that, like when I, when I went to Goodwill and they said, hey, you want this dresser for $40? Put it in the back. You hear what I'm saying? Somebody was like hey, you want this desk, put it in the back. I got, I got patio furniture in the back. I've now driven my family on at least three family vacations. Okay, everybody get in here, everybody got a seat, everybody's comfortable, you know, and all of that. So the value of it was not, was not even in what I was able to do with the car.
Speaker 1:The value of it was how it expanded my life.
Speaker 2:You know, as a single woman, I didn't have to go find somebody with a truck to get stuff when I needed to get it Right. I could take my family on family trips I could, you know, and I didn't see that at the time. But the value is, how is this feeding, how is this pushing me to the next level of my life? And that was a very long story.
Speaker 1:It's a great story, I think it's an excellent example and I think that I agree with that. I think the value like value is sometimes seasonal. Um, you know you don't, you can't, always it's like, but but how you define it, um, and I think that's what you just said there you know you define it by understanding what, how, what is it that you need that's going to take you to the next level, whatever those things are, is what's going to be valuable.
Speaker 2:Um.
Speaker 1:I remember when, uh, I was working uh at my previous uh uh job before I became uh became full-time at angel street. I became full-time at Angel Street and had a great relationship with my boss. He was a mentor of mine and so I remember we had a conversation. I was never one to ask about a raise. That's something I just never did. You just don't thug it out, well, yeah Well.
Speaker 2:I don't know if I've thugged it out, but I just didn't think about it honestly.
Speaker 1:I didn't thinkug it out well. Yeah, well, I don't know if I've thugged it out, but I was just like I just didn't think about it. Honestly, I didn't think about it. It's not something that crossed my mind. I never really thought I does, I should have more money for what I'm doing. It just never crossed my mind.
Speaker 1:But I also think because crosses my mind almost every day but and I'll get to this later because I actually think this is I'm as I'm talking, I'm like, oh, shoot, yeah, that's something I definitely had to unlearn, but I did have. I had a conversation and he was saying you know, we get a little bit of a raise this year. I was like, ok, cool. And I remember telling him I said I appreciate that and I would you know I appreciate it, but I want you to know I value the freedom that I have with this role more than I value the money.
Speaker 1:So if there's ever a discrepancy I would take, I would not take the, I would not take more money to continue to have the freedom that I have. And I remember saying that and I was like, I'm cool, like you had to give me no more money because at that time what was valuable to me was freedom, 100%. You can pay me the bare minimum as long as I'm able to have some autonomy over my time and my energy and where I put it, I'm cool, I'll figure the money part out. But I would much rather be in a position where I could be free with my movement than be tied down because you're paying me a lot of money. I don't want that.
Speaker 2:But see, I think that that's the level of freedom when you realize that there are things that are more important than money and you have to be able to name them. That's when you have real bargaining power 100%, 100%.
Speaker 1:And I think that that is something that I've had to unlearn. And I think that we have to unlearn is that you have more bargaining power when everything isn't tied to how much you make, because unless you're working for yourself, you'll never control that and that's just a reality. Somebody else is going to control how much you get, and so if your decisions are tied to how much you make and then you can't determine, you can't live into the reality of your values at the level you could if that wasn't the case.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I think that's so good because I think that we base a lot of decisions and I know that I feel like I was, even when you grow up and you're shout out to all my first gen college students, right, like all the hope was on you. It was like, ah, you know, they gonna make it out, and the idea was they gonna make it out and make more money. Yeah, like that was. That was kind of like the addendum that nobody was saying yeah, that's real, everybody was like our baby gonna make it to college, Right.
Speaker 2:Everybody was like our baby going to make it to college, right, and the idea was that college is going to come with some more money, that's right. And if you grew up financially insecure, meaning that there was some area of your financial wellness growing up that felt unsteady, unsure, we all know how it's going to work out this time around, right, everybody is banking on you being secure and they and they will feel like and you're all you're almost thinking like I got to get them a return on their investment. Right, like everybody poured into me. You know people picking me up from 5 million different clubs and you know sacrificing. My mom wouldn't let me work a job when I was in high school because she was like focus on them books. You know what I'm saying. Because you got to go to college, right. But then I realized you know one when you get to college, you know, especially when we went to college in the early 2000s okay, we came out of college. We was like, oh, this degree really don't guarantee a good check, do it?
Speaker 1:guarantee a bill. This degree really don't shoot a good check, do it.
Speaker 2:Guarantee a bill. This degree really don't Shoot this degree, you know, because we was thinking, hey, you go to college, you're going to come out and make about 50, 60. You know what I'm saying? I'm sorry that was loud. I went to college, man, look, I went to college. I went to undergrad, I went to grad school, got a master's. I had two degrees from two good colleges. Okay, you know you throw them names. I used to throw them names around. Don't play with me. Do you know where? I went to college?
Speaker 2:The first job I got I went, I was working at a nonprofit and they said we're going to offer you a salary of $33,000. And we know you young folk, like to negotiate. We don't do that here. And I said, yes, yes, ma'am, I'll take it, thank you, cause I had been without a job for a year. Okay, I had been sleeping on a good friend best friend's couch. I slept on Jhane's couch for a year, okay, and I tell you she's come on to a fresh cooked meal. Okay, fresh cooked. All right, can I fluff your pillows? Dang, you know. But we the idea that, like, success is tied to making money, which is tied to you got to do something we recognize. Right, my family did not recognize that when I changed my major to religion it was not oh, my baby done found the Lord. It was what you going to do with that.
Speaker 1:This is what all my sacrifice was for.
Speaker 2:This is what I worked three jobs for, so you can go and be a religion major baby.
Speaker 1:You can go to church for free.
Speaker 2:I can't. Why don't you become?
Speaker 1:a religion Because they have a point. I mean, let's be real, like that's, there's some, it's like you know what I understand. That makes a lot of sense. You make it good sense. At the time I was zealous. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You look back and you're like you know what?
Speaker 2:I look back and I when I tell you I should have been in them STEM programs. When I tell you I'm out here getting these humanities degrees, no one cares. Okay, I should have been out here dissecting frogs and insects.
Speaker 1:You can still preach. You can preach and have a scientific degree where you can step. They do that all the time. Girl, let me tell you something.
Speaker 2:They do that all the time. Girl, let me tell you something I wish every I do be thinking about that. I'm like, so you ain't want to double make you, you ain't want to add a little something to that. You know, like that's funny. But listen, the Lord provides, okay.
Speaker 2:But I do think that we, when we think about like especially me, what I grew up thinking about money was I'm supposed to be the one that that breaks us out of the cycle, yeah, and when you put that pressure on yourself but you don't realize, like baby, with what tools you have so much to unlearn about money, because when you grow up without a lot of money, you also don't know the boundaries and the rules of money, right? So when you get it, let me tell you the prayer I've been praying since probably about November last year. I said, lord, I have learned to be abased. Okay, you know how Paul says I have learned to both be abased and to be abound. I said, lord, I got the abased down, all right. I know how Paul says I have learned to both be abased and to be abound. I said, lord, I got the abased down, all right, I know how to be broke.
Speaker 1:All right, I know how to not have enough.
Speaker 2:All right, I'm very good at it. It's almost scary how good I am at it. Like when I get down to my last $20, I'd be like watch me work, baby, hold on Don't nobody. Even don't nobody. Even when Christmas time came around and I was like the money is the money a little short when I tell you, I got Christmas gifts, for everybody was out there hustling, using birthday coupons, making a thing shake. I said I'm too good at this. I'm too good. I'm, I'm way too good at being a bass Lord. I'm an expert. I'm at the expert level. I'm a master. I got my PhD. I've written my dissertation. All right, they quoting me in the research? All right, they're like you know, as Ross stated in her 2011 book, I'm telling you, I got it down pat.
Speaker 2:I said, laura, I don't want to, I don't need to learn this, no more. This lesson is learned. I now like to unlearn that as a matter of fact, because I need to learn this about this life of abundance and it is. It is literally. I don't think I realized that it really is. You have to take off one mindset and you have to adopt, you have to grow into learning how to live the way that God intended for us to live. That has to be learned. It's not just natural.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I do want to, though maybe and I, when you say the way God intended for us to live, because I feel like going back to the value piece of it you know the way God intended and even what abundance means, right, the way God intended for us to live I think we automatically equate abundance with money, like it's an automatic. That's what we think and I don't think that that's true. I don't think that that is the most complete way, I think, to interpret what God's abundance is, but that's what we do and I think so, like the, the idea of living in abundance and having an abundant life, uh, you know, how does, how could that, how could that possibly look? Because you, okay, think of it like this, right, you look, you look at people who, uh, have a lot, and this is something I had to unlearn because I grew up with people who had a lot of wealth I had. I went to a school with very, very wealthy people, um, and you know, we were not, we weren't that like we. I was very much in a, in an environment that was, um, where I didn't experience the same thing in my house that others did in theirs, and so, as far as, like you know the visible stuff right, like we were talking about earlier.
Speaker 1:But as I grew up and began to see some of my peers and their lives kind of unfolding in their adulthood that idea of abundance and what it really looked like to have an abundant life and how money played a role in that I began to shift.
Speaker 1:I had to unlearn what I thought. I really thought that money is what's going to make you abundant, because that's what I saw. Then, as people got older and they started really a lot of some people just unraveling, you start to see that it's like money does not, money did not give you the abundant life, um, and I saw the difference in people who were, who didn't have a lot, um, but their life was abundant, like for real, and then people that had a lot and their life was lacking. And so I think we do have to unlearn it. It's hard and it's one of those things I feel like it seems kind of obvious when you think about it, but it's been so ingrained in us. It's been ingrained in our theology let's just be real about it that a lot of our Western theology teaches, whether directly or indirectly, that God's biggest blessing for you will be in your pocketbook.
Speaker 2:My Lord. Okay, I have two strains of thoughts that I want to get in on that. The scripture that came to mind when you were talking and this is not to be down on anybody, but I do think that there are when we think about, kind of like, this idea of, like you know, money brings the sense of happiness, brings the sense of peace or brings the sense of like purpose, right. Happiness brings the sense of peace or brings the sense of like purpose, right. I think that you are absolutely right that there is an abundance of life that is not encapsulated by how much money you have. In fact, it is the people who have less of, who have less sometimes, who gain the more in other areas of their life, and I think that that is something that I've had to unlearn. That's right.
Speaker 2:Rich sense of family and community, the rich sense of an identity that is not built on how much you have or how much you can get, but how well you treat people, how well you treat yourself. You know, like I as a person who is, you know and and let me say this, I was also blessed by a mom that was very progressive. So I was, I wasn't just watching her struggle. I was also blessed by a mom that was very progressive, so I wasn't just watching her struggle.
Speaker 2:I was watching her grow and pull out of a circumstance and getting from one level to the next, and, because we were all young, I was literally watching as it happened and watching my mom become a homeowner, and watching my mom, you know, not have to work as many jobs, but find like that one that you know. I watched my mom prosper, but also prosper while maintaining the same virtues and values that made her rich to begin with. And so I do think that there is a sense where you have to redefine. When I think rich and wealthy are different, right. I think rich means that something is full of goodness, right. Like when you say, like, the soul is rich with nutrients, right. Or something is rich with a substance.
Speaker 2:You have to, you have to be able to look inside yourself and say, regardless of how much funds are in the bank, what do I have an abundance of?
Speaker 2:And then that abundance, whatever you have an abundance of, can continue to create abundance for you. What are the things that are abundant in your character, that are richly embedded in who you are and in what you do? Well, whatever you have an abundance of, that's where your abundance is going to come out of, right, and you have to learn to put value on what's valuable inside of you so that you can create the value you know I'm saying outside of you. And so I do think that there is there's something really meaningful. And I think, if you have money, money can be a distraction because you're like I don't have to build my integrity or build my values or build my virtues, because I can just pay for things and I can cover this, and then you keep going after the money. But, like you said in the beginning, chasing at the money does not build value, right? What are you rich in that nobody can take away from you?
Speaker 1:this is the what's the word I'm looking for Counter kind of intuitive nature of what this is. It's like people the most successful people understand the concept of value. The best businesses have tapped into what's valuable for you as a customer, and then they meet you with value, which is why some of the most lucrative businesses it's not about. They know that the price is not the problem and, as you, as the consumer, is going to pay for what's valuable, they don't set the price based on what you can afford. They set the price based on the value and then you, as the consumer, opt into it based on what's valuable to you. Ooh, come on here now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you have this. What? What ends up happening is you learn that, uh, exchange of value is what builds the cashflow right, oh, that is good.
Speaker 2:That's what builds it, that is good.
Speaker 1:You don't go after money. You don't go after people's pockets. You go after value, and that's what builds it. You don't go after money. You don't go after people's pockets. You go after value, and that's what builds the cash.
Speaker 2:Okay, that's just Wait a minute. That's good, that's true, that's good. That's a life changer for somebody, right? Because I know for me personally, even like I get irritated on jobs when I feel like I'm not making enough, I'd be like, irritated on jobs when I feel like I'm not making enough, I'd be like somebody need to give me more money, right, but am I increasing the?
Speaker 1:value that I add, that's it.
Speaker 2:Because the value, even if I outgrow that role, there is somebody else that will value the work that I've done internally and will give me an opportunity that will match, will match what I have on the inside. But if you're chasing, if you're chasing the coin, it's not, it's never going to work.
Speaker 1:You're under. You're undervaluing yourself because, at the end of the day, the the little two, three, five $10,000 that they're going to give you is actually not what you're worth. You're worth more because you have the ability to add more value than $10,000 to your check.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But when you just look for what can I do for the $10,000, you sell yourself short.
Speaker 2:And so I just and I understand this is why, and I'll. This is why I'm so passionate about young professionals focusing more on what they, what they add. Wait, no, no, no, no, no, we're just so connected because I was, I was there.
Speaker 1:I was there. I was there, go ahead, I was there. I was there, go ahead, go ahead.
Speaker 2:I'm so passionate about young professionals understanding how to add more value and not just searching for a larger paycheck.
Speaker 1:And so here's the thing, right, and here's the thing we have to unlearn. You got to unlearn, and what I had to unlearn again is that money the hardest thing about money is to get it. I had to unlearn that because that's not true. The hardest thing about money is to keep it. But if you learn how to keep it, you won't worry about getting it. That makes sense, right? Okay, that is the truth.
Speaker 2:Wait a minute, say that one more time because it just hit.
Speaker 1:If you learn how to keep money, you won't have to worry about going to get it.
Speaker 2:But no, if I, oh God, okay, First of all, can I, can I jump in real quick One thank you, I appreciate it, no problem. Before, while you were talking, I was just thinking I was like I gotta speak there. There are those of you who are in the audience right now and you are unsettled at the place. You are in that life right now, specifically financially. You are unsettled, you feel unsure, you feel underappreciated, you feel like you should have more, you feel that you need more Right. And what I want to tell you, oh Jesus, what I want to tell you is is that you are at, we are in a ripe season. Do not pay attention to what you are seeing happening. We are in a ripe season for your, for your purpose, to meet your destiny right. Your destiny is where you will end up. Your purpose is what you will accomplish, right. We are in the right season for a purpose to meet destiny Right, and you are on the right track. And just because you don't see it in front of you right now, I need you to know that your value just went up and that what is supposed to meet you is about to meet you at the level that you've been investing in yourself, and so don't get discouraged or dismayed because the opportunity hasn't come yet. You are sitting on a gold mine. There is a gold mine on the inside of you, and the opportunity is about to meet the potential, right?
Speaker 2:I think one of the most frustrating things I used to hear when I was a young adult was oh, you just have so much potential. Yeah, when is potential going to turn into something real? Yeah, when is potential going to pay off? Yeah, because what does potential mean? And I'm working my behind off trying to make potential a real thing, right, but it's not. It ain't coming. Yeah, and I'm still in the abased.
Speaker 2:Okay, and you, and I think you have to be patient, because if I had gotten then what I have now, I would have floundered it, I would have messed all over it, I would have threw it up in the air and said let the money fall where it want to fall. Who won't some? Right? But when you get it, you will get it at the appropriate time where you are ready to place the appropriate value on what you get, because you will know the value of you. And so I just think. I think that there's just so many people out there who feel like they're in an in-between spot, and what I want to tell you is patiently, wait on the Lord, patiently, patiently, patiently. Keep your feet planted until it's time to move, because there will come things. Things will come that will look like they are the thing. It's not the thing You're going to shortchange yourself.
Speaker 1:You are, I agree 100%. I was talking to. I was doing a. I was on a panel recently she's so smart Talking to a group of young professionals in youth ministry, and so the moderator asked at the end, like what is what's kind of one thing you want to leave with the group?
Speaker 1:And I told the group. I said, because we hadn't talked about this at all, right, the whole time. And I said, hey, this is going to seem out of left field and I asked the question. I said how many of you love what you do? I said how many of you love working here and love what you do? And I had them close their eyes because I wanted to be honest. Everybody in the room. They shot their hand up. Um, I said, okay, cool. And then I said here's what I want to leave with you. I said, um, don't, I'm going to, I don't.
Speaker 1:I don't know if I said exactly like this, but essentially, don't allow the fact that you don't make what you want stop you from doing what you love. How do you do that? You get good at managing what you have. You can maintain the job, the career path that you love, which for so many young people is helping other people, is serving, is doing something with purpose, and a lot of times that's not a lucrative. It's not a lucrative job. I've been in it for 15 years. It ain't you're not. You're not going to make hundreds and hundreds of thousands. Most of us aren't going to do that, doing this kind of work. But you can feel like you do because you understand how to keep it, but you have got to put time into understanding the discipline of managing money. And that's what I told them. And I was like I know it's going to come out of left field, but I don't want anybody in this room to feel like I need to quit because I'm not making enough money when you love what you do.
Speaker 1:Afterwards, a young lady came up to me. She said you were talking to me Cause I was just, I was literally looking up jobs this morning because I don't make enough and, um, but she loves what she does. And she was like you know, I'm gonna stick it out, I'm gonna stick it out. Now the thing to your point, queda, and I'm, I'm, I'm saying this cause I, um, I've lived it and now I, I lead, I lead it. Okay, so I'm, I'm on both, I've been on both sides. Uh, as a young professional, as a young professional, your career is just starting and just understand that.
Speaker 1:Don't get sucked into this false narrative of the leap into the next season of your finances. It is a step-by-step journey Most of you I'm not saying it's impossible, but most of you are going to step into and not leap into it. And so don't get sucked into this culture that you see, right, the visible culture of money. Don't get stuck in that and give yourself time to grow. You won't, but here's the thing, and I think this is kind of time to grow. You won't, but here's the thing, and I think this is kind of the. This sounds like the theme of the of the of the podcast.
Speaker 1:You have to understand the concept of value, if you're interested in making more money, if you don't understand that you won't ever make more, um, and not only that, but you will actually make other people rich because they do.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And they understand that. They understand because they understand what's valuable to you. And if you don't understand what's valuable to you, just I have to. I want to speak to those of you that are in spaces that you love but aren't paying you what you want to be paid. Wait and work and you will get there.
Speaker 2:You have to get to a space where you cannot be bought. You have to get to a space where, if somebody came to you and said, I'm off of you 10,000 more dollars to do this, and and but. But what you don't realize is that when you leave that space, you don't know what you're leaving behind and you get to a space where they will. They will uh, they will put a ceiling over you at that $10,000. They will. Where, if you had waited and built up the value? When people I want you to think of this when people say you have so much potential, I want you to think of yourself as limitless. Go, make your next move somewhere that feels limitless, even if it's not as much money as you want it to be. Where? What are the opportunities that are there? What are the freedoms that are there? Who's there? That could be your lifeline to your next thing? That's right, right. Who's the job that I have right now?
Speaker 2:You know, at first I was like you know it was. Of course it makes more money than the position I had before. Right, but it doesn't make as much money as some other people around me was moving into. And I was like, all right, all right. You know they got ten thousand twenty thousand more dollars than me. But I took this role because one I knew it was going to build a skill set in me that one wasn't as strong. Right. I knew that it was going to give me a level of exposure and a level of respect in academia that my other position wasn't going to give. Right. I knew that it was going to give me a level of access to people that normal people don't always get to have access to, and I'm around them every day.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And I get to. I knew it was going to be an opportunity to be mentored by somebody who is bombcom Shout out to my boss, right, I knew that it was going to be and mentored, without any type of like you know allegiance or ties. Yeah, but just because I'm in the vicinity right, I get to feed off of her greatness. Right, and I took the role and I could not be more pleased with the level of freedom that I have. Right, freedom for God to do other things in my life, like this podcast. Right, freedom for me to continue this PhD program right. And the freedom to grow, the freedom to be launched into my next level. It's a launching pad. May your next move be limitless.
Speaker 2:And if you are basing your next move only on the fact that it's going to pay you more money, you have put a limit on what your next opportunity can be. Man, right, you have to make moves that feel limitless. Yep, like this role. Like if I get on, if you put me on a launch pad and tell me I'm a rocket ship, right, as soon as that thing fires, I don't even know how high I can go. Right, because I've never been to that height before. That's what you want your next role to feel like. It is a rocket launch pad and I don't know how high this can go, but I know I'm going up and I promise you. Let me tell you something and I'm going to be 100% honest. God can bless you financially in many ways, in many, many, many ways. It does not just have to be a bigger paycheck, that's right. Your life can drastically change without you having to change position at all. Do not depend on a new job to be the answer to your financial problems. That's really good.
Speaker 2:That was something that we learned at the kitchen table that we need to let go of. Yeah Right, the generation before us, and you know they talk about us. They talk about millennials and Gen Z and Generation Alpha. We still watching y'all, we on y'all. Ok, we're trying to figure y'all out, right, but? But Gen Z and millennials, oh, they talk about us. They say they don't know how to work, right, they say they don't get out there and do the things. All they do is complain, complain, complain. But they are the ones who taught us that work equals money, that more work equals more money. And we watched them wear themselves out for these companies that did not value them. Yeah, right, that placed a high level of value on their work Right, but they didn't really get as much value out of it. And so we are a generation Sorry, I apologize for these AirPods all day. I'm going to figure it out one day. But we are a generation Sorry, I apologize for these airpods all day. I'm going to figure it out one day. But we are a generation that was destined to build.
Speaker 2:If you drive around your city right now, I want you to go. Drive to the city After the pandemic. Drive to all of the businesses that had to close. That's what I want you to do. I want you to go, look at the empty buildings. That's still even after the business closed. Nobody else said you know what I want to do Build another storefront, because a season has passed and we are a generation where there once was no land to build on, and now there's plenty. Now there's open real estate around, and now there's plenty. Now there's open real estate around, there's open space for us to come in and build new infrastructures, new ways of doing things, new ways of operating in the world, and our generation has the and when I say generation, I mean the generation of people that are present and of working age right now. Our generation has the opportunity right to build something brand new.
Speaker 2:But, you cannot do that if all you're focusing on is well, if I do this, I'm going to get five more dollars an hour, and that's going to change the game? It's not.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's not man and I you know this kind of tags. Back to the normal piece, because I understand what we're, what Quinn and I, are talking about. Let's just be very honest. It's not the normal conversation. You're going to get more people that are going to tell you not to think like this than you are to for people to tell you to think like it. You're getting more people to tell you no, you deserve more girl, you need to go for that raise. You're going to get more people to tell you, no, you deserve more girl, you need to go for that race. You're going to get more people to tell you that, like, just understand, you're going to hear that more often than you're going to hear what we're saying. And I understand why. Because that is normal, that that that is. That is a normal, that is a normal mindset. It's what we have been taught as normal Two things that you ought to fight for your and that your job right is your source.
Speaker 1:That is your source. That's how you get and in practicality, yeah, that's true for most of us, but when you live as if that is the limit, that is your ceiling. Your job is your ceiling. Your paycheck is your ceiling. Your ability to negotiate is your ceiling. If that's how you're living, then you have missed an opportunity to be limitless, like Queda was saying.
Speaker 1:But you have to choose to do that, Like you have to choose to do that, which means you're going to have to choose to limit yourself for a season. And people don't want to talk. Man, let me tell you, people don't want to talk about that. It drives me crazy. You have to be willing to limit yourself for a season. I'm grateful for my mom I'm going to shout her out real quick because she taught me what being frugal meant. She taught me what being very meticulous with my money meant. And I want to shout out my dad, because he taught me the principle of generosity. And those two things are not mutually exclusive. When you can learn how to be responsible and wise, what you have and at the same time, have an open hand to be generous.
Speaker 1:You don't worry about what's coming to you. I don't, you don't. It's just not something that is you know. And so when we talk about you know, in Matthew six it talks about like hey, don't worry about what you're, what you're going to eat and what you're going to wear, like people who don't fool with God worry about that. But if you fooling with God, you don't got to worry about none of that, right?
Speaker 1:Fooling with okay, all right, thank you. Uh, if you rock with god, is that better than you? No, it is. It is today. If you, if you rock, if you rock with god, you don't have to worry about none of that stuff like that's. It's not something you have to be overly concerned about, because it will be taken care of.
Speaker 1:And then it goes on to say you can't serve god and serve money you cannot just, you cannot, you can't bow down, you can't put God on your heart and money on your heart. It's gotta be one of the two. Um. And so most of us who grew up in America, who have grown up in Western society and who have grown up with Western theology, whether we want to believe it or not, have lived most of our lives with money on our throne, not God. Because we don't, we don't believe. We don't believe God when he says I'm going to take care of all your needs, because we don't, we don't. We want more than our needs. We, we want all this stuff too. Right.
Speaker 2:And listen. God wants you like this. This is not.
Speaker 1:We're not promoting the life of destitution Hold on, hold on, let me no no no, no, I'm yeah, no, we're not talking about that.
Speaker 1:However, I do think that again you have. You were not talking about life of destitution. It's not about being destitute, because, at the end of the day, you're not going to be destitute, and I think that's the, that's the thing. Like, we're not going to be, um, when it's a, when your mindset is not fixated, uh, on dollars and cents which I'm not saying that's hard to do and, again, this is not stuff you're going to hear from most people when it's not fixated on it, and you can learn how to manage your mindset and fixate it on God and his provision, then you will have all that you need. And all that you need isn't living a life of nothing, right? No, that's not the point, it's not.
Speaker 1:But we also can't put out this false understanding that living a life that God wants will also give you abundance of money.
Speaker 1:That is neither one of those is true, and it's not that it can't be true Absolutely.
Speaker 1:You can have an abundance of money and you can have a lack of money, but it doesn't mean that you have to lack what you need, and that is a hard thing, it's a hard concept, but I will say that I think generations before us have shown us that that's true, and they've shown us how we can, um, how we can move in seasons where the finances are lacking but our resources aren't lacking, and and, and that those two things don't have to be the same thing, um, but when we, when we have this mindset of I got to have a bigger paycheck, I got to have the right job, the right career move in order to have my needs met, and we start fixating on that, we sell ourselves short.
Speaker 1:You, actually, you undervalue yourself so you're not able to bring value to the place you're in, not at the level that you could, because we have put ourselves in a position financially to where I have to have the 5,000. I got to have that extra because I have to pay for the life that I went after before I was ready for it.
Speaker 2:My Lord.
Speaker 1:And so those are just realities that a lot of us have found ourselves in. And if you find yourself in that position, there is a way out of it, but you have to work your way out of it. And if you find yourself, in that position.
Speaker 1:There is a way out of it. But you have to work your way out of it and if you find yourself, like, headed in that position, you can stop and say, okay, I'm going to choose to uh, I'm going to choose to continue to, I'm going to choose to remain in the position. I may I am not necessarily look, necessarily look and seek for more. Right now I'm not going to seek for more. I'm going to seek to give more. I'm going to seek to give more value, because when you do that, the people who find the value that you put out will, I'm telling you, they're going to take care of you Because value sees value and that's the exchange you want.
Speaker 1:I don't want you to exchange the paycheck, I don't care about your paycheck. I want to get to a point and I'm grateful that I feel like, in some ways, I have worked way and it's a working thing. You have to work your way there. I'm grateful to have had the steps and to have opted into the steps to work my way to a point where it's a value exchange. I'm no longer exchanging dollar for dollar. It's a value thing and I'm not concerned about that. I'm willing to give value because I know that that eventually will pay off and they'll pay off in different ways.
Speaker 1:It's not just about a paycheck and I don't have to look for that. Not just about a paycheck and I don't have to look for that. So I just I want, I want people to understand that. I really want young people to get that your life will be so much more abundant if you can understand that and you're not going to find it around most of your community. They're not going to think that way, they're just not. And you're going to have to be. You're going to have to say I'm going to think that way, I'm going to be the lone person to do the thing that nobody else is doing and then be a blessing once you're out and um and, and you know do that, choose that path.
Speaker 1:Y'all choose, don't choose the normal path. Choose that one.
Speaker 2:Listen, I want to share something with y'all. Okay, so I have been working on a few things that God is helping me to get together, because, one of one I want to reiterate to all of you that the water is stirring. Ok, pay attention to what God is doing. Ok, god is writing his own things in the heavens. Ok, that's about to come down into the earth, so pay attention to what God is writing. And that's all I'm saying about that, right there.
Speaker 2:Um, but I have been being pushed by god. I'm in a season where god is like go now right. And so I was, uh, working on something. I needed to get my deck fixed. Um, because again, god is about to make moves. I was like the deck has to be fixed.
Speaker 2:And I was at Lowe's and I was buying a butt ton of like wood, deck wood and nails and paint, and I was like, lord, that's a lot of money. And I was just like, am I doing the right thing? And I was stressing in my mind over it and I was praying and I was like, lord, I don't know if this is what I should be doing, I'm nervous. I said.
Speaker 2:I told the Lord, I said I'm nervous and the Lord said that's your feeling. It's not mine. Yeah, that's your emotion. That's not how I'm processing this moment, and you have to know, in the moments where it feels like you're making the unpopular, scary decision, or it feels like you're out here on your own on a ledge doing something that doesn't make sense, but in your heart you know it's what you're supposed to be doing. The thing that you feel unsure about, god is very certain about, because he wrote it Right, because he authored your life and your destiny and your purpose and he's authoring the next move of your life, and where you feel uncertain because you can't see the end of the story, god is very sure.
Speaker 2:And so you will come to a point in your life whether it's financially, whether it's emotionally, whether it's spiritually, physically, relationally you will come to a point in your life where you will have to lean on the surety of God and realize that just because you feel like this time in your life is risky, because it feels like you're doing the unpopular thing, you have to say it may feel risky to me. That's not how God is seeing the situation right. It may feel like I don't have enough. That's not how God is seeing it right.
Speaker 2:God is not looking at your situation being like I don't know if she's going to make it, I don't know if she's going to have what she needs. You know he's not watching, saying I wonder what's going to happen? Right, the Lord is sure about who you are, what he put inside of you and what he has for you. And when you start tapping into your value, when you start tapping into the things of value that God wants to place in your life and the place, the position that God wants to put you in, when you start tapping into that, you have to stay in the flow of God, because it's going to feel scary, because it is unfamiliar, but just because you may feel nervous about it or you may feel unsure about it. I want to encourage you, in this season of faith, to tap into well God, how do you feel about where I am right now? And lean on that to.
Speaker 1:Well, god, how do you feel about where I am right now? And lean on that. So, um, a call back to our, our last season. If you aren't sure what kind of value you can add, try taking some of these personality assessments, okay.
Speaker 1:Um and, like you know, whether it's Strength Finders or the Six Geniuses or Myers-Briggs just give yourself some language as to what you can be tapping into and begin to lean into some of the things that feel the most relevant and authentic to you. Right, like you'll, you'll get a bunch of um results and that's fine, but there are going to be some that you really connect with and lean into that because, uh, that you're going to see, uh, the value that you add, not just at your job, but to other people, um, to their lives and like making, making who, how you show up about others more than about you, um is what is? That's where the that's where that value add is the most relevant, and it's going to be um, it's going to make the most difference, like, and I think that's also one of the uh, one of the beautiful things about approaching your finances, the way we're discussing it, is that it allows you to put your focus on somebody else and not sit here and worry about what it is you do and don't have. What it is you can and can't do. That's good. You don't want to live a life where you're constantly worried about the fact that you don't have, that you don't have enough.
Speaker 1:So and for let me say this because I don't want it to sound insensitive some of you it might be that way right now you may not have enough. That is real been there. That is real been there. Man, we both been there. When it's like I genuinely don't have enough, you know, like literally, and you and so, um, but if, when you, when you, when you pour it, when you pour yourself into others, I, I and I, I I don't know if I shared this story before, but I'm gonna share it and I know we're coming up on time and we're we're about to start, I want to share this because this is this was an example in my life where I think the um relationships, it, it helped me in my not enough time. You know, uh, me, quita and our friend ashley went on trip. I knew this was coming, you knew this was coming and I think I've told this before, but we went on trip and um, we, uh uh.
Speaker 1:We went on a. We got a group on went to flor Florida. We were all broke. None of us really could do this and I came back.
Speaker 2:Never should have happened.
Speaker 1:Never should have happened. But this was like a 40, that's like a 48 hour trip. It was just crazy. Came back, realized I didn't have my bank account was in the red. This is not the first time, I mean, this is after you know a few times with being in the red. And I just got to a point where I was like, yeah, I can't do this anymore.
Speaker 1:Like I and I told and I was living with Ashley and Quina was living in Nashville and me and Ashley were living in Memphis, we were roommates and I told her, I said I'm gonna have to move in with my parents because, um, I can't afford this life. Like I'm just, I'm going crazy. I got these, uh, student loans, I got to pay. I got this car payment, I got to pay and I'm making less than $30,000. Okay, I can't do it. And so I remember the next morning, or a couple of mornings, we went to Chick-fil-A and we sat. I remember the seat we were on, I remember where we were, I remember the seat we were in and she said, okay, I've been thinking. And Ashley was a teacher, and so she and I was working in youth ministry and she was making slightly more than I was. She wasn't like balling, but she was making more than I was. And she said I'll cover more of the rent so that you have enough to pay off your car before, so so that you don't have to move. Because the reality was like Ashley was like, hey, I don't, it's going to be harder for me. And so, um, let me say I mean, and I give, I give glory to God, I shout out Ashley for that moment, because it wasn't just about my bills being paid, it really wasn't like cause, really I could have moved in more, my parents had been fine, but, um, it was about God showing up in a, in a, in a relationship, um, that had we had added, we had had mutual value added, mutual value for years to where one of one of us was in a bind and the other one did not hesitate to be the answer to my problem. And when you are able to show up as a value add to other people's lives, there are answers to your problems in people. Yeah, you don't even realize it, and so that, like you, I know people that that are um, that that don't.
Speaker 1:Case in point, there is a, a, uh, a parent of one of my students. We had a conversation the other day and, uh, she's been having car trouble and I've been uh, trying to, you know, trying to understand, anyway, I've shot my car trouble. Um car's been having car trouble and I've been uh trying to, you know, trying to understand, anyway, I've shot my car trouble. Um car's been sitting in the thing for in the driveway for two months. She didn't have the money to pay for it. Uh, and I've been trying to, you know, trying to get some help. Finally, um, and quite frankly I have been kind of slack on it, to be honest, with you, christmas break came and I and I and I just kept getting behind. And finally I was reading the other morning and I woke and I and I I really reading and I said I can't, I can't keep reading. She's come to my mind. I need to figure this out.
Speaker 1:I made a few phone calls and able to get her car to a, to a shop to get looked at. So I called her and I walked her through the process and said this is what you need to do. And she was very appreciative and I just said you know what? I just want you to know like you have been such a blessing to us, this woman. She has supplied us with snacks for several times when she didn't have it. But she's bringing snacks to Angel Street because she's so appreciative of the value we add to her child.
Speaker 1:And even in that moment where she's looking at a situation with her car that she can't afford, she asked me do y'all need snacks? I'm sitting here like ma'am, this is not the priority, we're going to take care of this car. But her mind wasn't on hers, it was on other people and I said I I want you to know you have been such a blessing to us. We are. I'm gonna do everything I can and so that, like it's an exchange of value, we can buy snacks, but the value of a relationship where we can pour into her child and she has the opportunity to add value to Angel Street in the way that she can, creates a situation to where somebody, if one of us has a problem, the other one can be an answer. And I think that is I want you to know your relationships most of the time is going to be the answer to whatever financial problem you have. But if you spend too much time worrying about your paycheck and your dollars and not the people around you.
Speaker 1:You won't have answers when you need them and your only answer will be asking for a raise or getting a new job. That'll be your only answer, and that's not how you want to live your life, and so I'm just grateful for the relationships. I'm grateful for that because they have been answers to live your life, and so I'm just grateful for the relationships. I'm grateful for that because they have been answers to my financial problems, more more than my paychecks have.
Speaker 2:Honestly, Come on here.
Speaker 1:Like for real. So just add adding value. Remember that value y'all be like, be a value add to other people and thinking, think about value.
Speaker 2:Value accrues, yes, value multiplies.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Right, don't just keep trying to add money to your life. Get to a place where value can be multiplied in your life. Right, and that's what? That's what is happening in that mother's life. Yes, because she is sowing into the future of her daughter. The value that's being added in her daughter will multiply. That's right. Value multiplies. Stop thinking about, oh, I just need to add this and if I just had this, my life will change. No, continue to build value and one day you will walk into everything you've been asking God for.
Speaker 2:Yes, Because it's been accruing for you. That's right. You have an accrual, you have a bank account set up that is full of everything that God has for you, and when time and season align, you will meet everything you've been waiting for 100%. I believe that. Let me tell you something. You have to. I think one of the notes that I put in I just would feel bad if I didn't say it is you have to stop fighting for what's in front of you and allow God to start building for what's ahead of you. Amen. What you're fighting for is so much more than what you can imagine, so stop trying to build something that's in your mind and allow God to show you the picture he has for your life. Yeah, and you will start going after things that are valuable and not just things that are easy.
Speaker 1:There, it is, there, it is, clip that. All right, that was good, that was good, that was good, that was good.
Speaker 2:I think this was better than I thought it was going to be. Yeah, you know what. You know what. You know what. You know what. I ain't gonna lie. That was good that was good.
Speaker 1:I think this was better than I thought it was going to be. Yeah, you know what. You know what. You know what you know what. I ain't gonna lie, it was a slow burn. You know what I mean. It was a slow burn, slow burn. But we, we hit our stride.
Speaker 2:We're about 20 minutes in.
Speaker 1:So so if, um, so all right. Well, we're done y'all, uh. Like we said at the beginning, uh, like, share, subscribe, comment, let us know. Let's build up the community, uh, and let's keep unlearning together so that we can experience more freedom. We will see y'all next week. Peace, peace and love. Thank you once again for listening to the Unlearned Podcast. We would love to hear your comments and your feedback about the episode. Feel free to follow us on Facebook and Instagram and to let us know what you think. We're looking forward to the next time when we are able to unlearn together to move forward towards freedom. See you then.
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