The UnlearnT Podcast
The UnlearnT Podcast is designed to help you gain the courage to change your mind about things you never thought you would change your mind about. Our hope is that you will begin to move towards a life of freedom after hearing stories from individuals who have chosen to unlearn some things in their lives.
The UnlearnT Podcast
Millennials In Crisis Pt. 2: What Do I do If I'm In A Storm Right Now?
The second part of our storm series focuses on what to do during moments of crisis, offering practical guidance for navigating through life's most challenging seasons. We share wisdom on how to maintain your sense of self and purpose when everything around you seems to be falling apart.
• Stop pretending about your situation and be honest about where you are
• Give yourself time and realize transformation is not a microwave process
• Embrace the Stockdale Principle - believe you'll win while facing current reality
• Avoid victim mentality as it kills creativity and blocks your progress
• Submit to the process of change and the transformation it brings
• Focus on serving others even in your struggle to gain perspective
• Understand that purpose is always tied to impact, not just personal growth
Like, share, and subscribe to join our community! Hit the notification bell so you can be part of the movement and receive updates when we drop new episodes. Let's keep unlearning together so we can experience more freedom.
hello everybody and welcome once again to the unlearned podcast. I'm your host, ruth abigail aka ra what's up, friends? It's your girl, jaquita and this is the podcast that is helping you gain the courage to change your mind so that you yes, you can experience more freedom all right now all right, hello, listen, we are out here rocking and rolling.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we are in these podcast streets. Okay Me and Ruth have had a great week really just enjoying all of the things, enjoying the studio.
Speaker 1:This has been great.
Speaker 2:Listen we out here. This is just so has been so much fun to be able to give a different experience, you know, and, and and to look beep into my best friend's eyes and and realize we, we are one, we are connected.
Speaker 1:We are unified. We are unified, we're in this together.
Speaker 2:We are Wait before I even forget cause. She said together and I thought about you and I thought about how you need to join this community. Okay, Become part of the movement. Okay, Like this podcast, share it, subscribe, become part of this family. Ok, because we are unlearning together. Ok so like, share and subscribe. Want to remind you all hit the notification bell Right so that you can receive notifications of when we drop in that next episode.
Speaker 1:OK, so you can be a part of this thing.
Speaker 2:So Queda what are we talking about today? Listen, all right. If you joined us for the last segment, okay, we discussed about what to do to prepare for the storm.
Speaker 2:If you have not watched that episode yet, make sure you go hit that you want to go do that Because we gave you an emergency toolkit, okay, with all of the things that you need to be in place before the storm. Okay. So today we're going to move from the before to the during. Okay, we need to talk about what do I do if I am now in a place where I am in a crisis moment, where something has shifted, something has pivoted, something has knocked me. You know what I heard somebody say one time with the old folks say you know, my cheese is sliding off my cracker. All right, your cheese. The first time I heard that I was like huh if you cheat right off that crib my baby.
Speaker 2:Oh wait, a little uneasy. Wow On the edge. You know we really want to talk about that today.
Speaker 1:I really don't know where to go from there, that is. I've never heard that before.
Speaker 2:You've never heard that before. Maybe it's a Greenville upstate thing, because I've definitely heard that my cheese is starting to slide off my cracker right. So, listen, but if you're in that moment and you know that you are in the, you know, because before we talked about what to do, how to anticipate the shift or the storm coming right, now we want to discuss yeah, what do you do once you're in the moment right, and you feel things shifting and changing and you're in the middle of it, all right. So, ruth Abigail, what's one of your first points? What do we need to do?
Speaker 1:So one of the things that we have to, I would say, one of the things we have to unlearn when we're in this moment is to not pretend about where you really are.
Speaker 2:My Lord Right.
Speaker 1:We got to unlearn that pretending is the way to go.
Speaker 1:We you can't uh sanitize your situation my lord okay, and so you want to recognize, you want to admit where you are, like it is okay, you have to be real about it. You, you don't want to try to color it up, and, especially for those of us who are people of faith, we like to use this Jesus language to color stuff up. Right, you know everything's going to be all right, the Lord. You know the Lord is my, you know I can do all things.
Speaker 1:Right, all of that is true and it's OK to admit it's tough right now and I need to say that out loud, without trying to quickly, trying to say but, but God, but God, but God.
Speaker 1:I mean, I mean like it's OK, because I think that God there's plenty of moments in Scripture you can point to where God is with people in storms yeah, and he doesn't. He doesn doesn't, he doesn't try, he doesn't. He's not expecting you to pretend like there isn't a storm there. Yeah, right, but there is one. So I think the first thing is stop pretending. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Be real about where you are. God is not. God is not thrown off by your storm. You know I okay. I have two examples and one. I have to give this because it's in my head. For those of you who saw, why did I get married? And it was when Janet Jackson's character, Patty, right and I think her name was Patricia, but she went by Patty sometimes and she was like perfect Patty.
Speaker 2:well, guess what? Perfect Patty messed up, right, but she had been living so long pretending like she wasn't in a storm. Yes, you know, she was pretending like she didn't feel all the things about her son passing away and pretending that her husband wasn't grieving.
Speaker 2:And pretending she had carried that pretend life so long that, when she finally got to her breaking point, y'all saw she had that little tendril. We were reminded that she Michael Jackson's sister, so she had that little tendril hanging in front of her face, you know. And so I think that it's so important that you are acknowledging like that this moment that I am is bigger than what I can handle right now. That's right. And you have to also remind yourself. I remember and I've said this in a previous episode that I knew I was in a big shift in my life and it wasn't necessarily a crisis moment, but it was a moment that was bigger than me.
Speaker 2:And I remember I was standing and I was getting some work done on my house to prepare for the big moment. And I remember I was in the Lowe's because I was buying like deck wood and all this stuff. I was in the mall in the lows and I told the Lord. I said, lord, I'm nervous. And the Lord said those are your feelings, they're not mine. And basically what he was saying was you're nervous about this moment, but I've already seen you through it, yeah, you know. And so I had to admit to myself yeah, that like, hey, this, this is kind of knocking me off my cracker a little bit. Right, this is knocking me off. This moment is huge and I'm not quite sure what all to do with it yet. But I also had to remind myself in that moment when I recognized where I was and was honest about where I was. That's when you can receive assurance. You can't be assured of nothing, of something you won't admit, that you won't admit Exactly. Yeah, people trying to comfort you and you're like I ain't got nothing.
Speaker 1:I'm good, I'm good Baby, yes, you do, yes, you do.
Speaker 2:Be up front and be real about it. Be real about it. Be real about it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay. So what else? Up front and be real about it, be real about it. Be real about it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay. So what else? Okay, listen, all right. And I think this is important because, as millennials, I think we've seen a lot. You know, middle adults, listen, the people, millennials, we have seen it all at this point. You know we had the young millennials out here doing the cinnamon challenge. Y, the cinnamon challenge. Y'all remember that. Y'all was out here. Y'all was out here eating cinnamon. Remember that, burning your tongues up and such right. We had a water bucket challenge. Yeah, one chip. You know, I just feel like we've we've seen so many extremes. We've also seen so many extremes in society.
Speaker 1:You know we've been through um depressions, recessions whatever you want to call it, we haven't been through depressions. We have been through a couple recessions. Whatever you want to call it, we haven't been through depressions.
Speaker 2:We have been through a couple of recessions. Y'all tell me, okay, y'all tell me, okay, y'all tell me. But yeah, you know, we've been. We've seen our country, our world, go through so many different changes that a lot of times, our advice to each other is okay, this is how you get out of this moment. All right, you just got an X, y and Z and then push through it and you're going to be all right.
Speaker 2:And we, we encourage and encourage and push and push, when really, what I love about the younger generation, like the generations up under us, is that they take their moments, yeah, right, and they realize sometimes too much. So it's going to take time. Yeah, it is going to take time. Your process is is not, uh, it's not going to be immediate, because what's being worked out is not the situation. What's being worked out is what's inside of you that is necessary to endure the next season.
Speaker 2:Correct, the crisis is not about the moment. The crisis is about the mission. Yeah, and when we make it about the moment and not about what inside of us needs to be perfected in order to get to the next stage, we will try to rush through it. Yeah, and I'm just going to be honest. You know there have been a couple of times in my life when I knew it was time for a new job. Right, I'm not a person, and I don't think most millennials are like we changed the game for my parents because I ain't standing on this job for 50 years you know my granddaddy retired from s-c-e-n-g, if you know.
Speaker 2:You know my metro people, right, he retired from s-c-e-n-g and he gave them people like 40, 45 years. Wow, you know they got the watch. You know they got the plaques with their names on it.
Speaker 1:We're not aiming for that, no more. Good, you know, we can make our own plaques with their names on it.
Speaker 2:We're not aiming for that no more.
Speaker 1:No, I'm good, we can make our own plaques on camera.
Speaker 2:What you talking about? What you talking about. I'll make my own certificate. There you go. Good job, jaquita. Yes, sir, you are appreciated, but what you're doing in your life is going to take a moment. It's going to take a process for you to be able to get from the point that you're at to the point that you're getting to, and there you don't know everything you need to know yet you haven't met all the people you need to meet, yet you have. You don't have all the skills you need to have yet you don't have all the resources that you need. Yet it is gone. We are not going to be able to microwave ourselves through a crisis. That's good, now, that's really good. You're gonna have to let it cook, yeah, right, and you're gonna have to if you want, if you want the best result from it, sorry, if you want the best result from it, right? Yeah, microwave food is never going to be as good as food that is prepared, food that is prepped and prepared and cooked and served. Yes, that's what's happening in your life, right?
Speaker 1:now, yeah, and I think that one thing that's hard to unlearn about time is that it's out of our control. Time is not something you control. You don't have that and you can't dictate how long something's going to be, and so that's why it's so important, like we were saying at the last episode, that, to be prepared with some things, because you're you might have to go the long haul with this. You may it may not be on your on the timetable. You, you would prefer.
Speaker 1:Yeah right um, we, we have our own timetables. We know it's like, hey, okay, this is going on, and then you know, and at this time, I expect this to be over, right, and or I believe, and we, again, we, we put I think we use faith in a irresponsible way A lot of times, right, right, Like, I believe this, therefore, and that's not always the case, and so I think I think we just have to be honest about that and know and trust that God's timing is the best timing, even when it's and particularly when it's not your timing. You just don't know because, like you said, you don't know what the future brings. You don't know how long you're going to need to marinate in certain things, and so we need to be aware that time is not in our control, and so, even in the middle of a crisis, when you are I'm struggling, it is and it is difficult, but it's but also know that it's not going to make it better.
Speaker 1:By rushing your, rushing the process, you won't't make it better. So you just have to lean in and lean into the best of your ability, understanding that time continues to move. It continues to progress. Um, one of the things that I like remembering about time it helps me is that, no matter what today won't won't, you won't ever experience today again, never. And so a lot of times on your worst days, that's helpful to know. I won't ever be here again. I don't know where I'll be tomorrow, but I know this ain't going to happen again because tomorrow's always different.
Speaker 1:That's good, right, and so, even if it means you're different, like you said so I think that there's that's that time thing is so important. You don't control it.
Speaker 2:You know, and I think, just one more point about time is that what, what giving it time allows it to do, it allows you to reset and reframe what you're hoping for and what your vision is, so that what you, what you envision for your life, matches what God has already planned for your life. At least, that's what it's been for me, and that's not something I did willingly, which is sometimes the point of the crisis. That was something that I had to come into the realization of is that a lot of times, our crisis moment is to shift and turn us to go a different way.
Speaker 2:Correct, you get what I'm saying and so I think, a lot of times when we're in that moment, you spend so much time I'm about to talk about a dream I had. You spend so much time trying to go the way that you had planned to go and you're fighting, you're kicking against the prick for my Bible readers, right? You're trying, you're still trying to live the life that you had before, when the Lord is simply trying to turn you and say but actually, what I had for you is greater than that. But you have to be able to house the vision, and so your crisis moment again feels like. It feels like a moment of conflict. It feels like it's deflating something in you, but that's that's most of the time, because there's something better that God is trying to get you to, and you have to allow him to show you the areas that he's trying to grow your capacity in. And that's what takes time. It takes time to change your mind.
Speaker 1:Man. It takes sometimes years to change your mind. Like that's real Cause we're stubborn and we like the things we like when we like them and the way we like them and we're used to certain things and we've got comfortable in certain ways.
Speaker 1:So, yes, it takes time, and I love that you said that, because changing your mind is the is the game changer. That's what then? That's when things begin to change. Yeah, right, um, so the next thing, uh, uh, that that is important. Um, I think we think, when, when there's a crisis and it's we have been we kind of been saying about, you know, recognizing, being honest about where you are and giving yourself time. There is an element, though, of of healthy faith. Right, you got to continue to honestly believe that you will win in the end. You just don't necessarily dictate that end, yeah right, but I I believe that this will be better.
Speaker 1:I just can't say win all the time yeah and I think, um, that's that is an important thing to to unlearn. You can be confident in your victory at the end and also admit I don't know when that's going to be those truths can happen at the same time, and so there's a book called Good to Great by Jim Collins. I do have it, do you?
Speaker 2:You told me to get it. I did. Did you read it Some of it?
Speaker 1:Okay, listen, right now I'm only halfway, but I did get through this chapter. Um, it's a book. It's a book about companies, yeah right, but this is a particular principle that I think um is. It can easily be applied to personal. He calls it the stockholm, the stockholm syndrome. Is it syndrome principle principle yeah, yeah, yeah stock, oh, stockdale. No, I'm wrong, it's stockdale, my fault. Stockholm principle is a thing that is not what I'm talking about. Okay, stockdale principle yes okay.
Speaker 1:And so um Stockdale, he was, uh, in the army, he was a prisoner of war. He was in a camp for eight years and when he got out, so Jim Collins, the author, he interviewed him and one of the things that he said was who were the ones that didn't make it out? And his answer was Stockdale's answer was the optimists. He said the optimists didn't make it out. And that really surprised Jim Collins. He said that's interesting. Why wouldn't an optimist make it out? He said because they were always the collins, as he was. He said that's interesting. Why wouldn't an optimist make it out?
Speaker 1:he said because they were always the ones that said we're going to be out by christmas wow and we never were oh so now your hope it just keeps getting shattered and shattered and shattered because you keep telling yourself something you can't guarantee all right. And so he said I, the reason he credits the reason is because I believed I would be out, but I was honest that I don't know when. Yeah, but, I, kept believing that I'm gonna be out, but that's gonna be.
Speaker 2:So you know I'm saying, but the ones, who, who, who, like.
Speaker 1:We're gonna be out for Christmas, y'all, it's gonna be okay. We're gonna be out by New Year's, it's gonna be okay. We're gonna be out by Easter, it's gonna be okay, and it wasn't okay and they crumbled but so many times you know.
Speaker 2:This reminds me of right how, every year, when you know, before you were married, you know every year, every year, ruth Abigail would tell us 2019 guys, this is our year right, and then we would get to the end of it and we'd be like disappointing again. I ain't gonna lie Right, disappointing and and I think what that causes you to do one, when you are focused more on more on the um deliverance out of a thing versus the deliverance out of a mindset.
Speaker 1:Yes, I think you have to set your mind on.
Speaker 2:The goal is not to get to the next place. The goal is to be whole, 100% Right. And I think that a lot of times we are pouring from cups that have holes in it. But because you're pouring, you think you're okay, yeah, right. And because God has allowed you to see the evidence of your poor, you believe that. Oh, the evidence, the production of my work makes me okay. But God is looking and saying there's some things that if I can get them to a moment to themselves, I can really begin to work on Right, and I know. For me, what's funny is is that that Stockdale paradox was actually one of the things that I had to, I had to, I had to work on because, I'm an optimist.
Speaker 2:Y'all know that. All right, I believe. All right I got the faith that a thing is going to work out in the way that I envisioned it. There you go, right.
Speaker 2:And I tell people like you know, to be an optimist sometimes is to uh, is to live a life of disappointment. Yeah, I see that, I say I. But if you continue down that path, you begin to expect disappointment instead of expecting change. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. And so, instead of embracing change, you start embracing disappointment, and that changes the way that you approach life. Yeah, when I expect, when I have hope, but I'm like this may not work out, so I'm just going to prepare for things to not work out Right, instead of preparing for what if it actually does work, exactly Right, like what if in the crisis, in the moment of crisis, because that's what happens a lot of times, especially as middle adults friends Hello, my 30s and 40s, ok, especially us A lot of times, what gets us stuck in a moment is when you feel like you've gotten to a point where things don't work anymore.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Right, things like what you did before is not sustaining you anymore. Right, what you did before doesn't work in the season that you shifted into or in the moment that you're trying to get into. Some of us, some of the crisis, is happening at the end of a thing and some of our crises are happening at the beginning of a thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah Right. And you're trying to apply old principles to a new situation, yeah Right. And so I think that one thing that we can be really aware of is that when we are in those moments, you have to surrender not just to the process. You have to surrender to being made new, and that's a. You know, I tell people. I used to think that this whole being made new thing I thought it was going to be a one-time thing, you know. Know, like I thought, hey, you know I'm old and I'm new. It's kind of like when you get saved, you're like I'm saved now. You know, I wish you were still talking about sin.
Speaker 1:For why y'all still talking about that? I moved?
Speaker 2:out my old house and moved to my new house.
Speaker 1:You know like yeah.
Speaker 2:I got a whole new way of life but, baby, that old man is still fighting you, and so you know. But again, the Stockdale principle. That was something that I had to unlearn yes. I had to unlearn this idea of of putting, of putting my vision on things yeah, and asking God to do what I envisioned yeah right.
Speaker 2:But when you have a winning mindset, you say I don't know how, I don't sorry, I was going to sing. But then Ruth Abigail is looking at me and y'all know how she do Listen. I was, I was going to let you, but anyways, the song goes. I don't know how, I don't know when. Okay, victory.
Speaker 1:I will say that I and we talk about this all the time I have an opposite issue in that I struggle to say that I'm going to win if I don't see it. So I lean in the opposite direction. Right, I'm not a pessimist, but I would say that I'm just more of a realist, I guess, but a realist leaning towards pessimism in her worst days, right, and so I don't. I really I it's like OK, and I've had to learn. I mean, I really have had to learn how to speak things that are going to be without me knowing how it's going to be. Yeah, because that's my thing is like, if I can see it, yeah, I'm good. I said it all day. Right, we just finished a pretty big project at angel street. I knew it was gonna happen because I could see the path. Yeah, I wasn't.
Speaker 1:I was like we got this. Other people didn't believe it. I believe it, we got it right. But when I don't see it, it's hard for me to say that we're gonna win, that I'm gonna win, and so I think that both of those we you know, we have to unlearn that because it is a marriage of both and I think that's what this paradox um is really teaching is you.
Speaker 1:You have to do both. You have to believe with everything in you that you're going to win and admit that the situation does not look like it right now my lord right, that's good, that's, that's.
Speaker 2:That's where that is so yeah, love it.
Speaker 1:So um, what's next, guido? What's the next thing?
Speaker 2:listen, okay, I want to talk to my friends. Okay, because I've been where you are. Okay, and you go, you get to these tough moments and the first thing you start doing is identifying everyone who put you there right, everyone who made you feel like a victim. You know, I understand, yeah, you know, and we get stuck in these victim mindsets because we begin thinking about, well, if they hadn't done this and if they hadn't done that, and if such and such and such and such hadn't did this, this and that, then I wouldn't be where I am.
Speaker 2:And you can get stuck being so hyper focused on what other people have or have not done that you miss the moment that God is trying to carry you to. Yes, and I promise you we're not going to. We can't name no name, sure, but I and in recent situations that I've been, I mean my friends can tell you. Ruth Abigail can tell you like I was hyper fixated on this person or on these people, like they are doing this, this and this to me and it is affecting the way that I interact and engage with this moment that I'm in Right, right, and when you get stuck in that victim mindset that takes away everything that you're trying to build out of this, out of this moment of conflict or out of this crisis moment, right, because you become fixated on on what they're, on, on being preyed upon. Instead of I'm sorry, I was going to try to do a pray, a pray and pray.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was like mine, get it get it, make this parallel, make this connection Right, but you, you get fixated on what they're doing to you instead of what God is doing in you, right? And so that victim mindset, it is not just about you feeling like you can't win, it is about you feeling like someone has done something yeah and maybe they that's real. Yeah, I'm not trying to take that away.
Speaker 1:That's good, you know yeah maybe people have done things that have been really detrimental and hurtful for you absolutely, but you will not get out of your crisis moment if if you're only fixated on what they need to change and you're, you're not going to, it's not going to while you're in your crisis moment, you can't, you're, it's, it's just gonna keep put putting putting you down right and pushing you down and keeping you down and like that is just, you don't want that right, like I think I. I love what you said as far as sometimes it's a person, sometimes it's people, society people will put it on society, people will put it on the economy. This is really interesting. You know, michelle Obama has a podcast right in my opinion which I've been enjoying, and they did a live show where they had somebody come up and ask a question and it was a young man, he was 28.
Speaker 1:And he had this whole prepared question but part of it was him saying you know how I'm paraphrasing okay, but like how do how do we, talking about our generation, kind of move forward in a way when the world that we were promised is not, uh, it's not, is not on the horizon, right, and talking about the economy and not being able to buy a house and things like this? And you can tell that he was very distraught by that and he was. It was a genuine question, um, and I think at the time they were. They were also interviewing a psychologist who taught a class on mental health, right. So, anyway, college course.
Speaker 1:When I heard that, it was really interesting because I'm sitting here and he's not this, you know, a lot of people in in, in our generation and maybe a little younger, feel like I've been gypped by society. Right, talk about it. Yeah, my thing is two things. I think you have to ask yourself who promised you anything just because you are here. Yeah, I mean, let's just be real about it, like that's a mindset we gotta kill, right yeah you aren't promised.
Speaker 1:Just because you're here doesn't mean you get something. Yeah, right it that. That is. That is the entitlement culture we gotta unlearn. And also, though, I think that this feeling like I am, I can't do, I can't do anything until something changes out there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, right again, that is something we have to unlearn. You can like, yeah, you like being, being, you know this. This young man was 28, but you know 30, 32, 40, whatever, whatever age you're at, it's like, yeah, maybe, maybe you're not getting the same economy your parents got Right. We're not getting that, and I think, first of all, that's just true. We got to live in that truth. We're not getting that but does that mean that we can't still go after things? We want that we can't still go after things we want.
Speaker 2:Listen, listen, can I hop in? I think being staying in a victim mindset will. It will kill your creativity, because you become hyper-focused on being rescued. You know I'm, you know I'm a victim and you're waiting on your hero. You're waiting on your boat to come that will come and take you out of this situation, and you become hyper-focused on I can't wait till I get out of this. I can't wait till I get out of this and you, you are looking for something external to change your circumstances instead of you learning how to thrive in the midst of the crisis, because that is what builds the necessary ingredients in you in order to really become the next thing that you're becoming.
Speaker 2:That's it Right, that's the cooking. Yeah, the cooking is the creativity that you gain from being in difficult circumstances. Yeah, but when you are constantly like this is wrong, this is wrong, why did they do this, why did they do this? And that's kind of like something that our generation is stuck on right now. When you look on uh, instagram, facebook, all of the places we're all talking about, you know how you know other generations were able to do this.
Speaker 2:They got this, remember when gas was a dollar, but no, remember when gas was a dollar.
Speaker 1:Wow, okay, because I actually do remember.
Speaker 2:When I remember, I remember when the three prices for gas was like 99 cent a99, $1, and $1.01. And my mama was like we're getting that $0.99 gas, you know, because that penny made a difference. Now they're like $0.50, $0.75 a part and you're like Lord, yeah, right. But you know, when we stay fixated on what we don't have, you miss your opportunity to have more. Guess what you can get a house in this economy.
Speaker 2:Yes you can Guess what, you can thrive in this economy, that's right. Guess what you can make moves. You can be successful, you can move to your next level of living, but not if you stay stuck believing that you are a victim. Come on, the victim will never get themselves out of a situation. Yeah, you have to move from being a victim to a victor. Yeah, and you only do that by sitting down, taking a moment, assessing what do I have in me, what is available, what is at my disposal to help me win. And I'm going to tell y'all right now the path towards your next level in life, towards your elevation, is not traditional. It's not going to be the way your parents did it.
Speaker 1:It's not going to be the way that you've seen it done before.
Speaker 2:You are going to have to allow God to carry you through a creative process to get to where he's taking you.
Speaker 1:You absolutely do. I love that. You said that it's not traditional and you're not going to, it's not going to be the way you've seen it before. And so to your point, that creativity piece is so crucial, right, like you need and we are some of the most creative, we have a high degree of creativity in our and and and entrepreneurship and innovation, like that's what we do. And so don't just innovate for business, innovate for your life, innovate you know what I'm saying? Innovate for your personal life, innovate for what you do, and I think innovation looks different for different people.
Speaker 2:Right, like you know, like you might not be the person that comes up with business ideas. Right, but you can. You might be the person that makes processes better. Yeah, you know you might be the person that makes processes better. You know you might be the person that can get in. You're great at assisting people. You might be the person that's really good at making things look great and making things better. Figure out what your thing is and maximize it. Yeah, right, and stop getting stuck on what you wish you had or what you wish was different, and allow yourself to say, okay, I'm in a difficult moment, but I don't have to stay here because the people even if, even if, even if because I know some of y'all y'all got the bosses, you got the family members, you got the people who you feel like put you in a little difficult spot. I understand, even if somebody else put me in the spot, I don't have to stay.
Speaker 2:Even if somebody else put me in the spot. I don't have to stay here. I don't have to stay here, and them changing is not what's going to deliver me out of my circumstance, 100%.
Speaker 1:That's it, because, first of all, that's not your decision for them to change.
Speaker 1:It's not your decision and are you trying to wait on them to change? I'm not trying to wait on them to change Like you, just you opting into a situation you don't have to be in for long. But if you just keep waiting on other people to change or on society to change or on the economy to change, then you are just opting into being where you are longer and and that's and. So, because you have no idea when that's going to happen, you don't have, you don't have control over that.
Speaker 1:I think that moves us to this, you know, to this next point of like yes, yes, feel, yes, do that yes, be, be in that for a time, but, like you said, don't be stuck after you have felt and have resolved. This is where I am. This is the real reality evaluate, evaluate what, okay, what, what does this really look like? Start to start to see, not just, not just, not again, not just feel it, but process it, evaluate it, um, and and really really, under, begin to try to understand some stuff. Right, it's a good time. It's a good time to pick up a new book. It's a good time to listen to a new podcast. It's a good time to listen to a new podcast. It's a good time to, um, you know, throw on a sermon you ain't heard in a minute, like, get your, get your mind going.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Start putting some things into your mind so you can have some understanding and look at, begin to really evaluate and look at all right, what am I? You know what you're feeling? Yeah, name it. And then evaluate the thing you just named. Right, if you're feeling disappointed, what made me disappointed? Okay, my, my boss, um, my, my, I didn't get the raise. I want it, which I, and so my plans, my financial plans, have been thwarted because I didn't get the raise I wanted to get.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, you're disappointed, you're upset, you're, you can't move forward in your life. You feel like, because X, y, z, cool, for sure, this is the issue. Now you know what it is, you felt it. Now let's look at it, let's evaluate it. What are my other options? Yeah, what are the other things I could do? How else can I get this money? And now you put yourself in a position to move forward and not just stay stuck, but, in order to move, actually pause, evaluate, look at your, look at it and start to start to iterate on different ways to move.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no for sure I think about. Uh, when you were talking, I thought about emotional intelligence, right, because emotional intelligence starts with self-awareness. You have to be aware of what is the emotion, what is the thing that I'm feeling in this moment? Right, that that that you have to be able to name it, right, right, and that was something that I really had to learn how to do, jaquita. You feel a big feeling right now. You have to be able to name it so that once you move from self-awareness, then you can move to self-management. Yes, Right, ok, I know I have. I have taken a moment with myself. I have identified the feeling how am I going to manage myself through this, through this moment? Right, because we talk about time management. It is not about managing the time that you're in the situation, it's about learning to manage yourself. That's it.
Speaker 2:Right, how am I going to manage feeling disappointed? How am I going to manage feeling angry? Yeah, how am I going to manage feeling disappointed? How am I going to manage feeling angry? How am I going to manage feeling anxious? How am I going to manage these big feelings so that I can get to the place of purpose. Emotional intelligence does not just lead to greater relationships, it leads to greater purpose, because once you have self-awareness and self-management, now you have societal awareness. Yeah, now you can take a step back, because it's not just about me, me and me, right, you can take a step back and evaluate the whole picture, right, and figure out okay, now I have societal awareness. Then the last stage of emotional intelligence is societal impact. Right, but you cannot get to a point, a place of impact, if you have not gotten to a place of self-management yeah, that's good.
Speaker 1:That's good. Thank you, you're welcome what's next, okay?
Speaker 2:so I think that it's going to be important that, as you are going through what we are going to call the process, yes and uh for all saved people, you've heard that word process before. The church loves it.
Speaker 1:They love that, they love that word. You're in a process.
Speaker 2:You know you're in a process. You know, I think that it's important that you realize that a process is something you have to submit to. Everything that we mentioned to you today, everything that we mentioned to you in this moment, it that we mentioned to you today. Everything that we mentioned to you in this moment.
Speaker 2:It is something that you are going to have to sign up for you are going to have to say I am willing to go through the process that's going to take me from good to great. I am willing for this. You have to allow the crisis, the moment of conflict, to do its work in you. You have to allow that. You know, I think when we look at any storyline, when we look at any uh, any story plot, right, you have the main character, who, who begins the story at a certain place, and we learn about their, their story, we learn about who they are, but they hit a moment of conflict. A moment, a moment of conflict, is simply a moment of decision. That's right. Right, it is a. Am I going to allow myself to go through the process in order to become who I need to become, or am I going to allow the situation to literally overtake me and keep me stuck where I am?
Speaker 1:You know what. You know what screenwriters call that. What's that? The dark night of the soul. So there's a book called Save the Cat yeah, and it's what screenwriters use to write movies and there's 15 beats in every story. Yeah right, I bought the book recently. I've looked at the 15 beats because I want to kind of use it as something we're doing in angel street. But like, I read through it and then I watched a couple of movies and I sat there and I and I looked at each beat and I tried to find it was really dope.
Speaker 1:But yeah, that, like what you're saying, it's like beat, like I don't know 13, yeah, something like that okay and it sounds like that would be the dark night of the soul it's.
Speaker 1:It's that. It's the moment where you make a decision on when am I going to? Am I like you said? Am I going to go through the process of the change that becomes a different me, and and, and you've, you've, you've hit all these points. The bad things have happened. It's gotten worse than you thought it was going to get, and now you're in this, you're in this moment, and you get to decide do I, do I, do I keep my? Do I go through the rest of this process or do I just stop here and get stuck? And that's that's the moment, right? And so I love that. It's. It's a part of everybody's story. It's a part of everybody's story.
Speaker 2:And that's because you don't get to the next level without getting to this moment of great decision. You, you know there. There are moments. You know middle adults, y'all know there are moments. You sometimes just got to sit with yourself. You do. You just got to sit with yourself and you got to decide am I going to allow my life to continue to stay in this place where I've gotten comfortable in? Yeah, because we've now lived long enough where we got comfortable, and a lot of times we got comfortable in a spot that wasn't our intended spot. You got comfortable, and that could be for a variety of reasons. It could be because of the structures that you built around yourself in childhood. It could be because of the things that you are trying to avoid.
Speaker 2:Are you trying to avoid rejection? Are you trying to avoid feeling unsafe or feeling less than what are you trying to avoid? Because the thing you're trying to avoid is the very thing that you need to surrender, the thing that you the thing, because the thing that you're trying to avoid is causing you to hold too tightly to something that God is saying if I don't loosen your grasp on this thing, I cannot your, your hands are full of what you're avoiding. It's full of it. You are full of avoiding, uh, avoiding big feelings or avoiding big moments.
Speaker 2:You are full of trying to avoid rejection. You're full of trying to avoid, uh, uh being being put out or cast out or being ignored or feeling less than, or feeling unworthy. You are, your hands are full right and you are living a life where you are juggling what you're trying to avoid with what you're trying to obtain. And until you put down right that thing, until you put down your, your care and your grasp on what you're trying to avoid and allow yourself to pick up Right, the allow yourself to surrender to the process. Surrendering to the process means rejection might happen, but I'm going to go on anyway.
Speaker 2:I'm going to do it anyway. Right, uh, uh, uh. I might get, uh, I might get in a situation that I feel like I'm not good enough for yep, but I'm gonna go in anyway. Yes, exactly, right, you have to get to the point of I'm gonna do it anyway and you know, and I, if you haven't, if you're curious at all, it's not expensive.
Speaker 1:I'm telling you, save the cat. This book is so interesting and even if you don't want to get the book, you can look it up online. What are the 15 beats of every story?
Speaker 1:because you, once you realize that not only you look at that, not only are those real stories, those are stories we love yeah, they're stories we gravitate to, those are stories we like to learn from, because that, right there, everything you just said, is we, you make a decision. You have to make a decision to say I'm either gonna stay here, I'm gonna keep going. Look, think about any movie, right? I mean, think about aladdin, think about lion king, think about, you know, all these movies, moana I don't know that, we just watched moana 2 in my house and so I got that in my head. But, like you know, think about watch mufasa. There you go, mufasa, right. There's all these moments where these were the main has to decide, and a lot of times it feels like you are likely going to lose, but I'm gonna try it anyway. Yeah, like I'm not gonna stay here, I'm probably we, you know.
Speaker 1:And in mufasa, at the very end, where the pride, you know, the all the people yeah, you know he had to bring all these people together he's like I don't think I can do that I'm sorry, yeah, yeah, spoiler alert, but you know it's fine, we're not giving away too much, it's on disney plus now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it'd be fine, you'll be good. It's a great movie. Once it hits the streaming services, yeah, it's good, we're good, okay, good so.
Speaker 1:So he's trying to get all these people together, these animals together that have never done anything before. He's like I don't, who am I, who am I? He was convinced to do it. He did it without knowing what the outcome was going to be yeah, against these, you know these predators. And so he decided to go and but there was a moment where he could have said I'm not going to do it and because and if he wouldn't have done it he would never become the king. But he did it. But he did it not knowing that kingship was coming Right. He did it because I'm just going to choose to move forward, and I think that this idea of the process, that's that's what's, that's what's so powerful.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think you know if you are a young person watching us today, because I know we talk a lot to middle adults, all right, but maybe one of our young adults snuck in on us, all right, I want you to know, because I've been talking to them. You know, because they're looking at the moment that we're in right now and they are trying to determine what role, what place they're going to have in history in this moment. They're the mufassas right now. Yeah, you know, they are the. They are the. I'm walking. I don't yet know that I'm a king, I don't yet know what I will be right, but I'm walking in this moment and I'm trying to figure out how am I going to use my gifts? How am I going to use, how am I going to use just my natural inclinations to get to my next spot? Right, he had a destination in mind. He didn't know what he was going to become at that destination. He just had it. He just knew he had to get there, right yeah.
Speaker 2:And so I think that is so important for y'all, especially as you are thinking through what am I going to do with this next season of my life, to to remember that when you look through history I know sometimes we look through history and history feels old, but the people who were history makers were young that's real when they were creating history you know I'm saying they were.
Speaker 2:You know the freedom writers were college, high school and college students. You know MLK was like in his late 20s, early 30s when he started. Yeah, you know, like these people, when we look back sometimes we see adults, but when they were in it they were young. They were young, and so you know a lot of what's happening that you guys want to respond to. We are it's. It's your boots on the ground that we're waiting for, and I don't want you to miss your moment to become a part of history right and so, so, don't be afraid, don't, don't let any man despise you because of your youth.
Speaker 2:Okay, you allow. Allow yourself to be great in the moment that you're in, and history will look kindly on you.
Speaker 1:That's bringing us to our last point here. So I think and I think it leans, it leans, it lids itself into this, because I think, when you're in a crisis, it's very the thing that feels the most natural is to focus on your crisis, oh, absolutely, and to focus on yourself and the crisis. Focus me, focus on. I need help, I need, you know, and you, and that's true, yeah, right, and you, you absolutely should do that. But I think that something I have, uh, had to unlearn in moments of crisis is that not just, it's if you think, if there's a point where thinking just about your crisis or your situation is no longer helpful or useful, because you do all these things that we're saying is good to do in our experience, and you know you're, you've admitted it, you are submitting yourself to the process, you are doing all the things you you're supposed to do. You're not pretending you're, you believe you're going to win, but you're not delusional on the timing. All those things, right, well, all right, I'm doing all that. So what do I do?
Speaker 1:And I think one of the things that is really beautiful and that can really be useful in that time is to focus on serving other people.
Speaker 1:Now let me be clear not serving other people to ignore your issue, but serving other people in the midst of your crisis, so that your energy isn't just on you and it's not just on your problem and it's not just on your disappointment.
Speaker 1:But now you can use energy to do something that is going to impact something bigger than you, and I think it does something for perspective and it does something for relationship, and oftentimes you will find contentment that you didn't know you could find, because now you're not just focused on the problem, you're focused on a solution for somebody else. So it reminds you that solutions are out there, and so, if I can focus on a solution for what? If somebody else is putting energy and focusing on a solution for me, right, I'm focusing on them. It makes me believe that somebody's got to be out there working on my behalf. So I'm just going to work on somebody else's right, and so I think that that has been something, and I think it's healthy for us to unlearn that focusing on yourself during a crisis at a certain point is no longer healthy.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Focus on somebody else, focus on serving and not just sulking and what you're doing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think that what you will find is that what will get you to your next level is not your ability, it's your service. Your next level is not your ability, it's your service, it is your ability to. Because, let me tell you something, regardless of what area in in industry, in life, in business, in community, in church that you have been called to serve, and regardless of it, there is a it will, one it will make you better right, serving increases your capacity.
Speaker 1:It does.
Speaker 2:You don't. There are some areas of your life that won't be made better until you are pouring it out somewhere, One hundred percent, you trying to keep it to yourself and say you know, you know, I used to. You know, when I first graduated from divinity school, I went to good schools. You know, not that all schools aren't good. Go to college I. You know I'll go to a trade school. You know, get your education. Have you got to get it? You know what I'm saying. But I went to these, you know, really recognizable, really, you know, high profile schools. So when I graduated from Divinity School I was like hello, who wants your girl? Yeah, all right, who trying to hire me? And everybody was like, first of all, you got a master of divinity. What even is that and how that? I mean, one of the first jobs I applied to was a law office and it was like ma'am, this, but I had worked at a law office during divinity school and I was like you know, they gonna see that, they gonna translate that.
Speaker 2:They was like man, we don't want this. You and I was like you know, they're going to see that, they're going to translate that. They was like man, we don't want this, you know. But I was so focused on what I thought was my capabilities I did not yet have enough work experience to say hey, I am a person that produces, I am a person that leads, I am a person that pours Right. You have got. What makes you prove positive is not what you're capable of doing, is who you're capable of influencing. It's where you're able to make impact and where you're able to lead teams, processes, ideas. You have to be able to show. I have served. Yes.
Speaker 1:In some capacity.
Speaker 2:Everybody's not people. Yeah, you know everybody's not leading teams and leading, but where in your life have you poured out? And I teach my students that purpose has to be tied to impact. If your purpose only impacts you, that's not a purpose, that's an aspiration. And there's difference, because purpose impacts, yeah, purpose. Pull something forward, what you are not designed to come into earth and serve yourself. No, you were designed to come in and have an impact that would be beneficial for community and not just individually, absolutely.
Speaker 1:I don't have anything to add to that. Hey, listen, because you know that was good.
Speaker 2:I can always tell when we come to a close because it's like all right, y'all feel good I think we're done.
Speaker 1:No, no, I think I think that's, I think that was good, um, and I hope you're encouraged, because the reality is a lot of people are in crisis right now yeah and, and so this is why we thought it was really, really important to talk about this, and so I think a lot of people who are listening just by sheer statistics are probably in a crisis in some way. Are you feeling like I'm not able to deal with X, Y, Z?
Speaker 2:For sure.
Speaker 1:And so I hope that this was encouraging to you, and I hope that you can take this and maybe, if you have to listen to it more than one time just to remind yourself what are some of the things that I need to be doing right now in order to come out on the other side of this for sure.
Speaker 2:So all right, all right, friends, one more time, if you made it to the end of this podcast. We so enjoyed hanging out with you. Be sure to like, share and subscribe. Tell a friend to tell a friend and we look forward to seeing you on the next one.
Speaker 1:So let's keep unlearning together so that we can experience more freedom. Thank you once again for listening to the Unlearned podcast. We would love to hear your comments and your feedback about the episode. Feel free to follow us on Facebook and Instagram and to let us know what you think. We're looking forward to the next time when we are able to unlearn together to move forward towards freedom. See you then.
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