The UnlearnT Podcast
The UnlearnT Podcast is designed to help you gain the courage to change your mind about things you never thought you would change your mind about. Our hope is that you will begin to move towards a life of freedom after hearing stories from individuals who have chosen to unlearn some things in their lives.
The UnlearnT Podcast
Millennials in Crisis: Navigating Life After The Storm
When emerging from crisis, we must reorient ourselves to new environments with new mindsets, as the habits and perspectives that sustained us during difficult times may not serve us in seasons of abundance.
• The storm truly ends when you change, not when your circumstances do
• True forgiveness is an ongoing practice, not a one-time event
• Crisis reveals what was truly rooted in your life versus what was surface-level
• Not everyone who was with you during your storm is meant to cross over with you
• After using resources from your "crisis preparedness kit," you must intentionally replenish them
• The purpose of your growth is to become a resource for others, not just for personal prosperity
• Physical health becomes increasingly important as millennials navigate major life transitions in their thirties
• Approaching your community from a place of service rather than need after they've supported you through difficulty
If this episode has been helpful to you in any way, please share it with someone who might be navigating their own post-crisis season. Let's keep unlearning together so we can experience more freedom.
hello everybody and welcome once again to the unlearned podcast. I'm your host, ruth abigail aka ra. What's up, friends? It's your girl, jaquita and this is the podcast that is helping you gain the courage to change your mind so that you can experience more for freedom.
Speaker 2:Yes, jaquita, freedom sorry it was off my nerves. Okay, get up. You know, ruth abigail. A couple of a couple of days ago, ruth abigail asked me, jaquita, if you was saying karaoke, what would you sing? And I gave a few songs and she was like you know, your voice isn't terrible enough to where you couldn't do karaoke.
Speaker 1:You might enjoy it, you know, like you can do well enough, because you are very entertaining and that's really what people want with karaoke. You see that she's like. Your personality will shine through your musicians. You would get all the applause. Everybody would love you. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:You know what? That's why, when we were in college gospel choir, you know, ty Tribbett was hot back then, oh yeah, and no Way was out.
Speaker 1:Remember no Way yeah Ruth was like Jaquita's leading. Absolutely.
Speaker 2:Because she's going to go through and dazzle the crowd. Yes, so she thought I was about to be bee-bopping around the room. I stayed in one spot. And said my little lines, whatever. Don't let the people use you like that.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to boost you up. I knew it was good. I heard the vibrato. Can't talk Vibrato. It was good.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the podcast, friends.
Speaker 1:We're back. As you know, we're in a series um of, uh, millennials and millennials in crisis just anyone in crisis right um, and I mean you know, okay, why do we call it millennials? I don't know.
Speaker 2:I mean we'd be like but you too, all right if you have to not be a millennial.
Speaker 1:This could be for you, yeah, for sure, but, um, we wanted to focus on millennials because this is a common felt issue right now among people in our generation, yeah, and those some that are younger. So that's why we decided to focus in there, and we've had a couple episodes. Look, I think if you haven't listened to those, feel free to go back and check those out. I think they're really good. I think that they give a lot of. And check those out. I think they're really good. I think that they give a lot of. In those we talk about what it is, how it is you want to really prepare right Before the crisis comes, and then we talk about what your posture should be during the crisis, and in this episode, we want to talk about what happens after the crisis. Because, hey, hey, because we won't always be here, right, come on, yes the crisis.
Speaker 1:Because, hey, hey, because we won't always be here right.
Speaker 2:Come on, yes, yes. A word of encouragement for the saints right?
Speaker 1:yeah, we won't always be here. Crisis you don't. Crisis is not permanent. Yeah, crisis is temporary, and so now we don't know how long it's gonna be, but we do know that at some point, crisis is no longer uh, crisis, you will get to a point where the storm you will end over every, every moment of crisis.
Speaker 2:Our conflict resolves it resolves right, there will be a resolve where you will be able to move forward past the thing, exactly past that time period, past that season. Right there there is an answer to the situation that you're going.
Speaker 1:There is and so that's what we want to lean into today is, if you are in the season where you just exited your crisis or exited a shift in a difficult season, what now? Oh right, what now? And that's kind of that. That's that's where we want to land today. So, quita, um, we got a few things we want to share with the people around that we've that. We've um, learned unlearned. So what is it? Uh, what are some things that we need to focus on after?
Speaker 2:listen. So I think that, because this is the moment of life that I'm actually in right now, oh, come on like, I feel like I can't ability yes, relevance okay relevance I like right.
Speaker 2:And so you know like you get through. You go through these moments where you're like lord, how are you gonna do it, lord? When are you gonna do it, lord? I'm waiting, I'm waiting, I'm waiting. And you know you go through all of the big feelings that we talked about in the in the second episode. You know, like you know, I'm scared, I'm angry. I'm scared, I'm angry, I'm anxious, I'm nervous. Right, you go through all of those feelings and emotions and everything feels big. And then, finally, your boat lands on shore, right, and you have to take a moment to reorient yourself in your new place, because if you treat the new place like you treated the old place right, you're going to find that the old systems don't work and the new?
Speaker 2:you know how they say when in Rome do as the Romans do when in success, do as the successful do, right. And there are some mindsets, there are some habits. There are some disciplines. There are some some understandings, right. There are even some assumptions. There are some disciplines. There are some, uh, some understandings, right. There are even some assumptions. There are some assumptions that you made about successful people that once you get to the point of, okay, my ship finally landed the things that you assumed about people who were in those positions, you find out that it's not exactly as you thought it was Right. And you also find that it's not your habits that are leading you that can lead you to a place of deficit again, it's your mindset. Yeah, right, because your mindset is feeding your habits.
Speaker 1:That's absolutely right.
Speaker 2:And so you start looking. You're like oh Lord Right. And so you start looking. You're like oh lord right, and so you need to take a moment. Yeah, you can take a moment and look around and say where am I?
Speaker 1:yes, where am I because you know, I think the the thing and I've shared this before 21, 2021, 22 was probably my most recent her keyboard hands, yeah my most recent crisis moment yeah um, and it was, it was in leadership. And um, man, I, I really did.
Speaker 1:I did not see how I was getting out of that and, and so I think something to acknowledge and like looking at this new place is actually allowing yourself to believe it's real yeah because I think that my, my, my issue, that I really took me so a while probably took me about a year, a year after that to work through it is believing that what was happening wasn't about to happen again. Right and so approaching, oh, this new place, like you said, with the same mindset that had to heal. Oh, and it took me a minute, right and but, but I realized it was different. But I didn't know how to operate there because I was still so jaded or just so broken from the last place. But I, I knew I didn't want to remain that way, like I did have that awareness right where I was. I said I know I can't treat this like it was, yeah, but I'm scared to treat it like it's different. Oh, because I don't want what happened to happen again.
Speaker 2:I could shed a little tear you know I'm saying oh, and I think you know just that. Like that, think of this as an example. If you come from a place of lack right, of not having enough, you are going to really be intentional. When you do get your abundance, your extra, how are you going to treat the abundance when you're used to not having enough, right? You landed in a new place and you have new resources. You have new landscape. You know God has enlarged your territory. All right, y'all have heard it. All right, increase your capacity. You're in new spaces of influence and leadership. You know you have all of these new opportunities that are abounding for you.
Speaker 2:But now the question is how do I shift my mindset? Because it's not about managing lack, it's about managing abundance. Because it's not about managing lack, it's about managing abundance, right, and that is a different skill set. It's a different skill set and it's a different mindset towards it, right? But again, I kind of want to point us back, and we're going to talk about this a little bit later.
Speaker 2:Point us back toward community, right, because your community may shift, right, but your community has to be built off of who went through, who came to the other side with me. Your community may shift right, but your community has to be built off of who, who went through, who came to the other side with me. Am I still trying to have community with where I left or am I allowing myself to be community? To build community with where I landed? Yeah, right, and you have to. You have to draw some differentiations and it's not that like again, the people, the people that were with you, the people, the people that were with you, you know, 20 years ago, are not still with you, you know. But you have to evaluate mindset wise, you have to evaluate habits, you have to evaluate what's in the other people. And did they land with me in this new place?
Speaker 1:So I think you know that idea of understanding what the new place looks like. Where did the storm get you? Where are you now, when everything has kind of settled down, right? But here's the thing. I think here's kind of our next thought here Unlearning that the storm settles down when the thing outside of you changes, because really the storm and I think you have to recognize, uh, sometimes it's deciding when the storm actually has ended that's good, right, so so, for for most of the time, the storm ends when you change.
Speaker 1:it doesn't necessarily end when the thing that that that caused it, if you will changes. Yeah, kind of carts back to some of the things we're talking about in the other episodes. But I think it's so important to mark the moment of a shift, not based on the external uh, external realities You've got to market, based on how you are.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And, and I think that's so. So in my how you are, yeah, and, and I think that's so, so in my, in my example, there was a, a situation. I was just my, I was. You know, I was very fragile as a leader. I felt like I failed in a lot of ways and I didn't know I was having a hard time recovering from that. One of the things that, um, I experienced a lot of transition with my team at a certain point right, and it was tough and it was. Some was expected, some was unexpected, and so this idea of people coming or going has has been sensitive yeah, you know, I'm saying like it's sensitive.
Speaker 1:It probably was a year and some change after that season where there was another transition and it was, I mean, literally this had to be gosh last year, I think, where, um, so it was a couple of years, uh, where it happened and I actually the the thing that happened happened and I remember telling people I may have even told you like I know I'm better because I know, like I don't have the anxiety I would have had six months before.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And, and so for me, even though the circumstances of some things within, within the environment of running a nonprofit, has not changed much, right, it's still hard. Yeah, we're not. I don't you know, there are some things I wish were different, as we all do, right, especially in this time. But I knew that I had changed because when the, when something that resembled a past issue came back, yeah, I did not, I didn't react the way I would have yeah that's how you know you're out of the storm yeah it's not that the issues don't come back yeah it's that you do not meet them as the same person.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that is where that's where your power lies, because you never know where the issue comes. You can't know and you can't control that, and so I think, understanding and naming it for that reason and not because something has changed yeah, I think you have to be intentional about knowing that the victory.
Speaker 2:If you make the victory the the fact that your situation changed oh man right, instead of the fact that you changed, you will miss, you will man, you will not have what you need to sustain the change okay because what sustains the change is not the circumstance.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's again and I use this word because it's kind of my word for the season it is your surrender. Yeah, it is your ability to recognize that the victory was my growth, my development, my new revelation, awareness, all of the things. Yeah, right, that's what's going to sustain your next season, right? So, if you are a person who you know you were fighting to get that raise, fighting to get that extra abundance and that extra money and you fought to get it it is not the money that will sustain you through your next season. Right, it is the mindset change it's the mindset right, it is your commitment to being a better you.
Speaker 1:Yes, and I think so. There's a therapist. I think I've sent you some of her reels.
Speaker 1:I only know her through Instagram, but I love her content because she talks about understanding healing in terms of not just healing and understanding where your trauma comes from and how to manage it yeah but what building capacity looks like, so that, as you are healing, you're also building capacity, understanding that the traumas that you, that that that different different types of traumas right, and I'm using that in a very general term different types of of things that don't mean us good, that something, a lot of which we don't control, can still happen. So the question is my healing process did it help me to avoid or did it help me to build capacity? That's so good and I think that, and she, that's a.
Speaker 1:you know, I don't think that's her whole message, but it's a lot of what I've been here and I love, I love that because she's she is, um, I think, regulating some of the mental health conversations, because it's we've swung so far uh, I think so far to the diagnosis, into the you know, this is who I am, because I have this thing. It's like that, you know, making that your identity. But it's really about, yeah, we go through stuff, yeah, yeah, we go, but at some point, what did that thing? How did that? What did that build in you? If you're not meeting the next thing with a higher capacity to handle it, did you really heal?
Speaker 1:And I think that's the question and I think it's a good like. Are you really out of the storm? I don't even say if we even flip it Right. So let's say you have an issue, let's just use money because it's something that's relevant, people get it. So you went from broke to abundance my Lord Right, and we celebrate that. And so the thing, the external thing, actually did change for you.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But what did?
Speaker 2:that process do inside?
Speaker 1:Yeah, because if it didn't change, when you get the abundance, you won't handle that well and you'll end up back where you are, where you'll end up back at the broke state. So it goes. I think it you have. At the end of the day, even if the outside world is better, if you aren't better, it doesn't matter, yeah. So the outside world can be, can can be worse, can be the same or be better. You gotta focus on your change, yeah, and don't assume that you've changed just because the situation has changed it. You might not have right, and so I think that you didn't change because of the situation.
Speaker 2:You changed because of the process right like yeah and the.
Speaker 2:The process is not about the process is not about changing your situation. The process is molding and shaping and forging you into something, into something brand new. And so, when you get to the new place, it is important that you evaluate what's new in the place that, in the place that I've entered into, but also what's new in me. What's new in me, what's new in the place that, in the place that I've entered into, but also what's new in me. What's new in me. What's new in me.
Speaker 2:I have a greater resilience. Right, I have a greater. I have a greater capacity. Right, I move quicker. I'm thinking through things in a way that is more God aligned. Right, what is new in you. And embrace that and and and. While you're embracing it, realize and I'm trying real hard not to skip to another point, but it's just real good to me yeah, but realize that what you're embracing, everybody else ain't embracing. Yeah, but, but. But. In order for you to stay new, you have to be committed to what's new and not allow anything to take you back to, to the, to the stormy waters that you just got out of.
Speaker 1:So, in that, what's the next thing you think we unlearned?
Speaker 2:Okay. So I think you know we talked in the last episode about not having that victim mentality. You know, I think once you get out of that place, once you get out of excuse me once you get out of that dark place where you're, you know, you were kind of bogged down in the situation and you get to this, you hit the shore of new. You have to go back through your mind and you really have to practice the art of forgiveness. You really have to practice the art of forgiveness.
Speaker 2:It is necessary, as you move from shore to shore, that you don't allow yourself to hold on Forgiveness. Unforgiveness keeps you tied to the past man. It keeps you tied to what happened. It keeps you tied to who you were when it happened. It keeps you tied to who you thought and what you thought you were supposed to have. That is now not what you end where you ended up at. If you do not practice forgiveness, you will ultimately recreate. You can be in a new place, but recreate the same scenarios and the same situations in your new place that you left.
Speaker 1:So how do you know you've really forgiven? Because I know a lot of people who say, yeah, I've forgiven them, like I don't, I don't, I've forgiven, I've forgiven the situation, I forgive. And sometimes it sometimes seems like I mean, have you like you know, you know what? What is the sign? And sometimes we feel like I know there have been moments in my life where I've been convinced that I have forgiven um certain people, but when their name comes back up, something happens inside of me and I get all mad again and so like what's this? How do you know that you're really forgiving somebody?
Speaker 2:I don't know.
Speaker 2:I think one of kind of the greatest impediments to people's healing journeys is this ideology that forgiveness is a one-time thing okay, yeah, that's right, like you know, like I have talked to people and and you know, like you're having conversations with them and it's so apparent to you, as you're talking to them, that, like you, are deeply affected by this thing that happened in your past. But then they will tell you I forgave them, I'm good, I let it go right. You know I moved on, yeah, you know. But forgiveness when, when? Uh, I can't remember which disciple it was I think it might have been Peter who said you know how many times I gotta forgive yeah and Jesus said 70 times 70 you know like it is.
Speaker 2:It is not a one time, all right, I just going to do this one big forgiveness tour, all right, and I forgave everybody and I moved on. It is a, it is a practice. Forgiveness is a lifestyle, because you're going to be triggered again.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know something, something's going to remind you of that old person, that old man, yes, of the old thoughts, thoughts of the old mentalities, of the old habits. Something is going to come to trigger you. Yeah, that is the enemy's job, in fact, is to bring something up that will trigger that person, that that thing that he wants inside of you, that identifies with him.
Speaker 2:That's his job yeah all right, and he does not slack on his job, he is. He got triggers right around the corner for you. Yeah Right, and that's why you have to be intentional that when things do come up, you take your moment, you feel your feelings, you surrender it and you forgive it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And you say, lord, I'm not going to hold this charge on their account. Yeah, because that's what's actually building up your account. Is you releasing the charges? Because the Bible says that if we don't forgive, god can't forgive. So the debts that your whole debt that are being held against you cannot be released if you don't release other people's debts. Forgive us, our debtors, as we forgive those who are indebted to us.
Speaker 1:And I think that, understanding that the same Christ who died for your debt died for theirs, and that when you don't forgive, you are, you are, um, holding on to debt that's already been paid for, yeah, and so it's like you, you, you can release it, because it's not Jesus didn't just, you know, he just he didn't just die for us, he died for all of it, even the things that affected us. So we can release it, knowing it's already been taken care of, the debt has been paid. Yeah, it is. And it is a hard concept to come to, uh, because you feel like you're owed something. It's like, no, but they does. I deserve this and I do. I deserve an apology, I deserve restitution. I deserve and that's real, and maybe you do, but the reality is you might not get it, and so are you going to continue to hold on to resentment because you're not getting something that is probably not coming to you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know what I'm saying? That's it, and it's hard.
Speaker 2:No, I think you're right. I think that is it's important to know again every person that you are, that you, when you feel entitled to receive what you feel like you're old, entitled to receive what you feel like you're old you are also saying I am willing to be stuck in my old thing until I get what they, what they were supposed to give me. But that was in the other place you can't get what God has for you.
Speaker 1:Yes, in the new place, because you're so fixated on getting what you feel like you were old from the last place and we got it's dangerous, yeah, and we gotta unlearn that, yeah yeah, what's the next point?
Speaker 1:okay, so we we alluded to this, uh, I think, a couple episodes ago, as this would be a reality, uh, but anytime you experience any type of extreme, whether it's positive or negative, um, what's real is going to be revealed, right? Oh yeah, so this is the moment where you start to see, where you will see, uh, what has actually stayed with you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, right um, when, when, when you you've gone through a storm, what you actually were deeply rooted to. This could be people, this could be circumstances, this could be mindsets. This could be a lot of different things. This could be your faith right, your spiritual walk, and whatever that looks like for you. When you come out of the storm, is it still with you? Do you find yourself in a period of deconstruction? I'm not against deconstruction. I'm against destructive deconstruction, that is, I don't think that that's healthy. But sometimes you got to unpack some stuff. I get that. But if you come out of a difficult situation and you find yourself throwing away things that before you would have said that you held tightly to, yeah, then it just it.
Speaker 1:It helps you understand what was real for you yeah right, and in that then you can take uh inventory to say what was real, what was really rooted, what was on the surface, what's been washed away, what's staying with me, and then, what do I do now with all that right? And so I think it's a just understand that that's going to happen when you, when you've come, things are going to, things are going to shift. Um, relationships will shift, which we'll talk about, uh, but other circumstances, mindsets will shift, uh, you know, all those different things will will be different, and you have to. You have to ask yourself what actually was, as sometimes things aren't as real as we thought they were. Sometimes the your career. I thought this is the case. Right, let's talk about from a, from a from a professional standpoint. Right, we have spent so much time um say, this is what my calling is, this is what I'm supposed to be doing. Xyz covid, hit my lord. You know. Global crisis, right, that's the best crisis that we could talk about, because everybody currently listening experienced that right, and we did.
Speaker 1:And so, when I, a lot of people made a career change after that, a lot, of, a lot of people who were in uh in these, in, in a lot of careers, they switched to entrepreneurship. Equally, a lot of people who had to do entrepreneurship because of COVID who said I'm running this business and I'm excited about it. When we came out of COVID, it didn't stick with them. They weren't as entrepreneurial as you thought. You really were just trying to survive because you were in a storm. But there were those that found that it's like I actually needed that storm to show me that this is the direction in my professional life I really wanted to go. So you have to take that and evaluate it. You know what I mean and really be honest about OK, because your storm changes you. Yeah, ok, cool. So what do I do? What am I gonna do now with the things that I have left?
Speaker 2:yeah, and I think that it's important to note that, when you're, one of the things that we come out of storms with is the, the knowing that, like I can create a better reality, like I, like, once you get to that next place, you're like, okay, there is a creative power on the inside of me that can, that can shift into a new season. Right, like, and so, like you have this mentality of everything doesn't have to be as it's always been, that's correct, right, and so when you get to that next place, like you know what you were saying Like, when we think about careers, I think as millennials, we went through school thinking, okay, my career is gonna, is, will be what will set me up for success.
Speaker 1:Right, right Right.
Speaker 2:Like I knew. When I went to college I was like, oh, I'm coming out of here making you know, like I had a number in mind. I think at the time I was like I'm going to graduate with this bachelor's degree and I'm going to make at least $45,000, $50,000, you know out the gate, out the gate.
Speaker 2:And then I was like, well, I went from bachelor's to grad school and I was like, oh, okay, I'm going to come out of Vandy making at least, you know, $60,000. You know, when I, as I continue to move and push through my career, I realize I can't be dependent on no job to get me to the place, the financial place that I'm hoping to be. Yeah, that is not going to be the source, not the only source. Yeah, I have got to be able to think outside of the box. Right, and going through a storm will help you. Let me tell you something Nothing, nothing brings out them creative juices, absolutely Like a, like a crisis moment, like a crisis. You know I, you know I actually think better under pressure.
Speaker 2:You know not that I'm inviting any storms into my life. Lord.
Speaker 1:Sure.
Speaker 2:I just want to say you know, you know where we are. We on the shore now. We ain't trying to go back into the sea, ok, on the shore now, we ain't trying to go back into the sea, okay. But you know, I I think that it's. It's really important that you realize that you gained more than than access or than resources. Or then you know, being in this new place, there is something inside of you that has opened up that will allow you to produce more right, and so the things that got rooted up, you know, you don't you can grieve some of those things, but allow, allow what stayed to remain, because that's the foundation that you're going to be building right, right, right, and I think I think it's important.
Speaker 1:Yes, and I I think you need to make sure that they that the things that are of high value and importance, if you find that they are more shaky after the storm. I wouldn't ignore that.
Speaker 2:Reinvest and we reinvest, right.
Speaker 1:I don't think those are things to throw away, which I don't think is what you were saying.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no for sure.
Speaker 1:Making sure that we are not throwing away things that truly are foundational, right, our, our spirit, our spirituality is foundational, that's, that's you have to deal with that somehow. However you deal with it, you've got to deal with that, right? Uh, your, your, your mental state is foundational.
Speaker 2:You have to deal with that. Your emotional is foundational. You gotta deal with that. Your physical being like you, you being healthy physically you gotta deal with that. Listen, I think we need to put a little pin there, okay, because millennials, we're having children. Yep, you know we're. I feel like, as a generation, we're having children later, we're getting married later and so all the things when people hit in their 20s, their bodies were at a different point right, you know, and so our bodies going through all of these changes.
Speaker 2:in our 30s it's different and you have to make sure that you are taking care of your physical body and not letting it get swept away in a storm.
Speaker 1:Yes, that's not one that we let go, and not even just the family stuff.
Speaker 2:You know, like the stressors of life, you know things that you have been carrying alone by yourself. Y'all know my earring. One thing it's going to do is fall out. One thing it's going to do is pop out on us, right, but? But you have to make sure that you are mindful that your millennial moment, yeah, Middle adult moment.
Speaker 1:Your what? What was I saying? Oh, wait, wait, wait your physical.
Speaker 2:Yes, you have to make sure that, because here's the truth of the matter and this to all my called people, to all the purpose driven people, to everybody who, who is, who is moving forward, being elevated, if you will, in a season of purpose, in a season of activating something new on the inside of you, your physical body has to be able to maintain all of that.
Speaker 2:You can have victory in all these different areas of your life, but your actual body, yes, has to carry the purpose that you're feeling called to you won't be able to sustain.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if you, if you physically are not healthy, yeah, and yeah, so figure out I'm not we're not here to prescribe.
Speaker 2:You know, we don't do that. That's not what we do we do have someone who can uh producer joy, but nevertheless it ain't us, yeah, it's not our lane and so I think that it's important that you know we're mindful that your body. You have to take care of it, and I and I feel like it's the perfect time for us as middle adults, as millennials. We got to be intentional about that.
Speaker 1:So while you put on your earring, we'll give you a second put on your earring. You want to put that back on? I?
Speaker 2:don't know where the back went.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, never mind then. Oh, it's here. Oh, look at that. Okay, so we're going to move on. But we are going to move is the next thing, and I and I think this is one that you wanted to you had said something earlier. Like you, you didn't want to move to this point. I kept wanting. I know this is a very key and crucial one that means a lot to both of us, like this is huge yeah, I think this is huge. So what's the next?
Speaker 2:thing. I think it is important that you realize that everybody didn't cross over with you. Yeah, right, that while you were in the boat and god was working on you and you were getting all these revelations and you were coming into all these understandings, and you came out and you're finally on the shore, on the other side of the storm, and you get there and you start trying to to re-establish those connections. You're and you want to tell everybody. You're like, hey, I made it over, I'm, I crossed over, like I'm here, like I'm come build with me, come work with me, come do this with me. You know, because I made it. And and you want to bring people with you.
Speaker 2:Abraham, right, all right. Story of abraham. God called him out of a land. He said, hey, you, abraham, you come right and leave your father's house. But abraham did not want to go to his new place without bringing his old connections. Yeah, right. So he brought lot.
Speaker 2:And what happens when you bring a lot right? Which is his nephew? What happens when you bring a lot into the new place with you? When you crossed over and you brought something that was in the past into your new place that did not go through the same process that you went through, has not been made new in the same way that you've been made new has not spent the time, has not submitted, surrendered, right, they are looking.
Speaker 2:When you walk in the new land, you're seeing purpose, you're seeing expansion, you're seeing increase. Right. When they walk in, all they see is unfamiliar. All they see is I don't know how to operate in this new place. So what they're going to do is bring the old system into the new place, and two cannot walk together unless they be agreed. And we spend so much time trying to walk with people who don't yet yet yet agree with who God has created us to be and what God has set us. Because God, when you landed on your new shore and your new land, god sent you there and set you with an intention, like he's pushing you in the back and saying go and be intentional about a thing, but if you got people around you who don't have the same intention, you're gonna get pulled backwards I think my mom used to tell me this when I was um little, that like little, like baby, like two, one, two, I didn't like saying goodbye to people.
Speaker 1:This has always been something, and I remember her telling me that a long time ago. And, um, I and, but I realized that that is just true. I actually don't like saying goodbye to people. I don't. I make really strong connections with people. I don't make a lot of strong connections, but the ones I do connect with I, it's strong.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and this principle has been difficult for me because I do recognize that, um, going through things changing it, will it? It will put you in a position to where you might have to say goodbye to people, yeah, and, and it might have to be you to do it. Sometimes they'll just go away and you won't have to do it, but it might have to be you to do it. Sometimes they'll just go away and you won't have to do it, but sometimes you have to be intentional about making the separation, about saying I am going to intentionally separate myself and say goodbye to this person because I have been brought into a different space and that person is not in that same place yeah and so if that is you and you find yourself there, uh, first of all, I do understand that is really tough.
Speaker 1:Um, I don't do it well, like I don't say goodbye, well, I don't, even when I know I'm supposed to. Uh, I have, I have had moments where I should have separated myself from certain people on my own and done it intentionally and instead just allow things to fester, and eventually it happened, but I, I, I, I was stuck for a minute, or I just wasn't, as I couldn't be as progressive, you know what I mean Like I couldn't, I couldn't go forward faster because I was too afraid to let go of of certain people, and so that is, I think that is a huge thing we have to unlearn. It might not, the storm might not separate you. You might have to do it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's good and that that is hard and and, but it's worth doing and it's worth not waiting. Don't wait, because you're just delaying your progress.
Speaker 2:And you are going to create avoidable turmoil. You know that is what happened between Abraham and his nephew.
Speaker 1:Yes, that's right.
Speaker 2:It was that, the turmoil, because what happened was his, the servants, abraham's servants and Lot's servants started becoming at odds. And that was when, it wasn't until the conflict arose, that Abraham was like hey bro, we both can't live here, right, this ain't going to work, yeah, right, and you don't want to have to get to the point of turmoil for you to realize we can't both stay here, because it doesn't just affect you it affects other people. Attached to you now.
Speaker 1:It's who you're leading it's affecting the people around you and the people attached to you, and now the stuck, stuck trickles yeah, and it just, it just impacts more because, to your point, you know, abraham uh, was uh going into, going towards abundance?
Speaker 1:yeah and so his, the people with him, were going towards it. But you can't move there with with that kind of um relationship, yeah, at odds, and now we're both in a situation, yeah, where now we have to. We have to stop and make the split. You know what I mean. So I think yeah, I think you're right Like that's really important and what we're not encouraging the Saints to do okay, just to be clear.
Speaker 2:We are not encouraging you to. You know, like when you get to your point of success, start cutting people off.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, cut poke go.
Speaker 2:I can't talk to you, no off, but go back. Go back as you are evaluating and as you are are, as you are observing what's happening in the new space you're in. Go back to the principle of what's rooted versus what's surface level, or what's just bonded.
Speaker 2:Right. There are some relationships. You know, ruth, abigail and I and Joy, and Joy and I and and just our whole friendship group we have been rooted in the same things and so, even even when we shift at different moments that's right we're able to sustain the shift because we're rooted because, because we have been through storms, yeah, and, and there are some storms that could have actually just taken us out. I mean, let me tell you, that's really real. Let me tell you that's really real.
Speaker 1:Let me tell you and it didn't- yeah, and it showed us what was important.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, but I think even in those storms, in the moments where we kind of like, created distance between each other, we took the time to figure out ourselves. Yes, and when we came back you know what, ruth, I don't even think I've ever acknowledged this Anytime that we came back, we both came back apologizing. We both came back because we became aware and we were at a point of revelation where it was no longer about what was deficient in you, it was what God revealed to me about me, and I was able to re-approach the relationship and be like okay, girl, I saw where I was tripping, yes, and I'm sorry. Yeah, and I'm able to communicate with you now where I was, and and we joined each other in the new place. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Because we surrendered. Because we surrendered, yeah, because we surrendered.
Speaker 1:Because we surrendered, yeah. So All right, all right. Quick review. So if you listen to the first one, we actually went through what we described as a preparedness kit. Right, much like you have a first aid kit or, you know, a emergency kit for a tornado or hurricane or anything like that there are some things in your crisis prepared.
Speaker 1:You know kit that you need, and so we went through it. These are the things we talked about having a community, yeah, a financial plan, spiritual grounding, my mama. You establish a safe place, yes, and you have self-awareness, especially of what it is you might be a little weak in. Okay, all right. So going back to that, yeah, one of the things that we have to make sure that we focus on after the storm is understanding that when there's a crisis, you've probably used your kit. Yeah, okay, you've probably used the things that are there. You have gone to community. This isn't the ideal situation. If you have prepared your kit. During a crisis, I'm making phone calls, I'm pulling on people that I need. Okay, I, I have. In the case of a financial thing which I have had to do, there's an emergency fund. I have used my fund.
Speaker 2:I don't have anything in the emergency fund.
Speaker 1:It's been used for what it was supposed to be used for.
Speaker 2:It doesn't just magically replenish. It's gone and now I have my spiritual.
Speaker 1:I may have to re-engage on some, you know, in my routine, but I have one, but I gotta re-engage it right. I've, somehow I found my safe place. I've done what. I have one, but I got to re-engage it Right. Um, I've, somehow I found my safe place. I've done what I was supposed to do. I become more aware.
Speaker 1:There are some things that you're going to use more than others, right, and so the question is of the things that you have hopefully prepared for, what things need to be replenished? What do I need to put back into my kit? Yeah, you know, um, again, going to the, it's a, it's simple, but I think the again the money thing is just easy to conceptualize. But you can, you can use this across the board if you, if you're, if you're, uh, if your emergency was financial, let's say, uh, in my case, perfect example, right, I had planned on buying a house after I, so I became debt free. So I prepared. Yeah, I became debt free. I moved into my parents' house to save money for six months to put a down payment on a house. Yes, you did, I was in that, I was and I was on it. Oh, about three, four months into that, my car broke down.
Speaker 1:And when I say broke down, I mean I remember yeah, broke, it was done, she needed a new one and I had to.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right, was that bullet? That was bullet. I loved bullet man, but it was good. It was good to me. I'd had it for a while.
Speaker 1:Car broke down. I had to use it, was I and I needed a car and I had to get a new car? That was not. That was not avoidable. Um, I had to use what I'd saved for my house, for the car, which then extended my time on my parents for another year and a half. You had your parents for two years, yeah, because I, I got there in 2017 and I moved down in 2019.
Speaker 1:Wow and so, but I wasn't supposed to do that. I was supposed to be there for six months, mm so, but what did I have to do? I had to replenish my emergency fund because I had to use it on something I didn't expect. Yeah, and so it was. It was a simple idea. It's a simple idea, but it's of different things. I think you know, if you have it, use it and then replenish it for the thing that you wanted before the crisis happened. Yeah, I knew that the house was where I was going. Yeah, the time was extended and I didn't like that. I had to end up being in an uncomfortable place for longer than I wanted to. But I had. I knew I saved the money before I could save it again. I knew I could do it, yeah Right. And so I think that was that for me, was a kind of a good way of understanding how that process happens.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:The prepared, the crisis and the after. And again I think like, okay, where are you replenishing? In that scenario? I had to replenish my bank account, right. For some of you, you might have to replenish relationships. You are withdrawing from people. Yeah, when you take, when you are in a in a really tough situation and you're pulling, you're pulling and you're pulling in your community and that's beautiful. Yeah, what is replenishing that?
Speaker 2:look like let me, let me okay, because I I have a thought. I think you have to the places that you approached from a place of need, you have to go back and approach them from a place of service and generosity. You have to give back to what you have taken from. There's no relationship that can be sustained. You cannot keep trying to draw from the well that you have. You have depleted Absolutely and you have to be. You have to be mindful of that.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Right, and that I think that that goes for anything regarding community, that goes for your safe places and that goes for your spiritual grounding. Yes, right. So the places, the places that helped you. Community, that goes for your safe places and that goes for your spiritual grounding yes, right. So the places, the places that helped you, yep, that established you, that founded you. Right, you need to go see those places. You don't get to just say to the church or to your place whatever it is, you don't get to say thank y'all thank you, I'm better now.
Speaker 1:I'm better now.
Speaker 2:Thank you, yeah, yeah, I'll be back when I need something yeah, right and you and you can't keep thinking that you're gonna come, keep coming to the well and pulling from it. And what do you think? What do you think if? What do you think it was all for? Yeah, you get what I'm saying. Like, what do you think all of the growing and all of the molding and all of the shaping and all of the pushing you forward was for? Exactly? You thought it was for your prosperity, right? You thought it was for you to win and for everybody to look and say, oh yeah, they winning. Right, go ahead, get it, get it, get it Right.
Speaker 2:No, it was for the very places that sustained you through a tough period. It was for you to be equipped to now be a vessel in that place, 100%. Now you're the one that's holding the water. Now you're the one that can be drawn from. Now you're the one and I mean, when you look at the disciples, you know they walked with Jesus for three years. You know they walked with Jesus for three years gaining and getting all this knowledge and experience and understanding, and being molded and shaped so that, when it was their turn, they could be the ones walking in the land and helping the people. Right, you have to know that in the next move of your life, once you get out of the storm, you have to be prepared to be in a place where you can now be a resource and not just be looking for resources. Well, amen, my, my, my, my my, my oh.
Speaker 2:OK, that's not the song. But nevertheless nevertheless, I think, I think, I think we've done what we came here to do listen. If you don't remember anything else, build your emergency kit yeah depend and rely on your emergency kit as you surrender to the process and then, when you get to the land called there, you need to replenish and you need to serve and you need to pour back into the people, the places and the things that got you to where you are so that you can live in the purpose of your new place.
Speaker 1:Amen, that's what we need to do.
Speaker 2:It's all about purpose.
Speaker 1:It's all about purpose. Yeah, it's all about purpose. Well, that felt good, that was good. We want to like, share and subscribe. We want to do that.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, we want to make sure to do that, we want to make sure to do that because, I mean, I believe that these can be really helpful for people, right, these conversations could be helpful, and so, if you think that, if it helped you, if it was valuable to you in any way, make sure to share with somebody, make sure that you pass it along Because, again, you know, this crisis is, crises happen all throughout life. Right now, we feel I know a lot of people feel like the crisis is at, is at their door or they're in it, right, and so you. It may not be you, but if you know somebody else and any part of this conversation, of this series, can help them, um, we we'd love for you to share it and we hope that it is encouraging for sure. Yeah, so all right, all right, friends, I think we're good all right, that was millennials in crisis part one two and three yep, make sure you check out all of them.
Speaker 1:Make sure you check them out, and until then, let's keep unlearning together so that we can experience more freedom. Thank you once again for listening to the Unlearned Podcast. We would love to hear your comments and your feedback about the episode. Feel free to follow us on Facebook and Instagram and to let us know what you think. We're looking forward to the next time when we are able to unlearn together to move forward towards freedom. See you then.
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