The UnlearnT Podcast
The UnlearnT Podcast is designed to help you gain the courage to change your mind about things you never thought you would change your mind about. Our hope is that you will begin to move towards a life of freedom after hearing stories from individuals who have chosen to unlearn some things in their lives.
The UnlearnT Podcast
Mulan And The Courage To Be Yourself
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We use Mulan as a lens for identity, leadership, and what it costs to grow into who we really are when the people closest to us expect someone else. We pull out the lessons hiding in the matchmaker scene, the training ground, and the palace to challenge old systems and build the courage to show up authentic.
• Mulan as a story for people who never “fit”
• the matchmaker scene as an identity and expectation trap
• choosing environments that match your purpose
• naming the tension between rebellion and reformation
• learning to navigate systems before trying to change them
• preparation seasons that make sense later
• the switch from training to real battle
• mentors who make mistakes and still matter
• risky decisions without guaranteed outcomes
• “buried but not killed” problems returning stronger
• rejection building confidence to keep showing up
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Summer Series Kickoff And Energy
SPEAKER_03Yo, yo, yo, what's up, everybody? And welcome once again to the Unlearned Podcast. I'm your host, Abigail, aka R A.
SPEAKER_01What's up, friends? It's your girl, Jaquita.
SPEAKER_03This is the podcast that is helping you gain the courage to change your mind so that you can experience more freedom.
SPEAKER_01Freedom. Listen, we we're free out here and free indeed. Welcome back to the summer series. Summer series. Listen, those of you who rocked with us last summer, we had a good time. Okay, and with this here summer series, we're going through some movies. We're gonna have us another good time.
SPEAKER_03We are we're excited about this because you know we're gonna we're you know, just keep up with it. You know what I'm saying? We're gonna end up uh we're gonna do some classics. Uh we're gonna we're gonna do some follow-ups.
SPEAKER_01Uh we're gonna we're gonna do some uh Yeah, because there's some follow-ups to some controversy that Ruth Abigail created last time.
SPEAKER_03That's fine, and we might have a little bit more controversy. And guess what? My Lord's gonna be okay. My Lord, you know, we're gonna we're gonna do some stuff. It's gonna be fun. We're gonna have a good time. So we're excited about this summer series. We got a lot of good feedback, so we figured we do it again.
SPEAKER_01Uh listen, I got I got people who are waiting on some of these episodes. They like, hey yo, let me know when it drops. Okay, let me know when it drops. I need to be, I need to get in on that.
SPEAKER_03You know, doing these, like it really does kind of you rem, you it puts you in this mood of nostalgia, you know what I'm saying? And it kind of puts you back in that mode, and it really, you, you know, you get real passionate about what you did when you was little. I feel like this is where you know, me and Queen, it's where the controversy comes in, because we be just passionate about certain things, but we ain't finna get it at today.
SPEAKER_01Oh no, the controversy comes in because Ruth Abigail, as okay, we're not gonna get it at today. Ruth Abigail had a different experience.
SPEAKER_03Hold on, wait a minute. Hold on now. Now hold on, Jaquita. Now hold on now. Don't do that, don't do that. Oh man, chill out with all of that. No, I'm just no, but I mean I did, but uh, but but it doesn't discount the experiences that I had.
SPEAKER_01My lord. And you know, the funny thing is, last last year the movie with the controversy wasn't even a black movie, it was it was the devil wears Prada, and Ruth Abigail just could not get it together.
SPEAKER_03No, I didn't agree, and I don't still don't agree. So we are today, we're gonna start off with a um a classic, a Disney classic that uh a lot of us uh watch when we were kids. This is uh this is like classic Disney. This is like before Pixar, you know what I'm saying? Disney. Before the before we were doing different things, okay. Yeah. This was so today we're gonna talk about Mulan. Yeah, Mulan.
Why Mulan Still Hits
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_01Enter in applause. Listen, arguably, top three Disney movies. I put a top three top three classic Disney movies.
SPEAKER_03I put them in the top three, but it is definitely. Then what is the top three?
SPEAKER_01Okay, we we okay, Lion King, Aladdin, Mulan. Meet me in the comments.
SPEAKER_03I'm putting beauty and meet me in the comments. I think Beauty and the Beast is higher than Mulan. Moving right along, absolutely not. That's fine. That's that's fine, that's fine.
SPEAKER_01Beauty and the Beast, I feel like I enjoyed the book better. Like I was like, the book was better. First of all, that's fine.
SPEAKER_03You would have read the book. I didn't read the book, but uh but I definitely like Beauty and the Beast better. But I love Mulan, like I think Mulan is fantastic. Um, and so we're gonna talk about Mulan today. Um, so let's just what we're gonna do is we're gonna just kind of go scene and just walk walk us through the movie and really talk through what what we've learned. We can unlearn from it, unlearn about ourselves, unlearn about leadership, unlearn about our you know, our community, um, and really just break it down because sometimes we forget that these things really do have meat in it. You know what I'm saying? Like it's got it's real meaty. And so that's what we're gonna do. So, Queda, why don't you start us off?
SPEAKER_01Okay, you know, I think one of the reasons why so many of us love Mulan and it's in so many of our top threes, okay, is because definitely top five, definitely top five. And I'm not I'm not backing down from that. Get out of here, get out of here. Definitely, definitely top five. But I think the reason why so many of us loved it is because if you ever felt like you didn't fit in, or if you ever felt like you couldn't really meet expectations, or that you weren't really, you know, stereotypical this or stereotypical that, right? Mulan was there for you. Good point. Right? Like it started off with her, like, all right, I gotta get this together. All right, I'm trying my best to do and become what everyone feels like I should be in this moment, which, you know, especially as young girls, teenage girls, like there was just this, there was this cloud around us called, you have to get married one day, right? And that's your and it it it really became like this is part of your purpose, right? Like this is it's it's not just this is something you're gonna do when you get older. It's this is part of why you exist. And we are going to frame who you are now and who you're becoming around this idea of marriage, right? And so it really starts off with this let's pigeonhole her into this, into this understanding of what being a woman is, what being a daughter is, right, into this idea of being a wife, right? And she doesn't quite fit yet, you know.
SPEAKER_03Well, she doesn't fit at all. Yeah, like
Expectations And The Matchmaker Trap
SPEAKER_03you know, I'm saying she's gonna be a few. Yes, she gets there, but yeah, no, no, no. She doesn't fit the tradition, the to the traditional um model of what a woman and you know their a wife is in their culture. Like she never fits that, like it she never gets there, and so what I really I love that you you kind of open it because I I definitely identify with that. Look, your girl, which if uh you can know you know the scene where she the matchmaker scene, right? Yeah, where they put all this makeup on her and she's just she looks like a whole different person, like and she she she has to wear this dress that she can't hardly walk in. I identify with that so much. Y'all see me, you know, on on on these podcast streets. How often do you see me with makeup? Like, never, like that is just not me, you know, it's just not me. I'm not, I'm I I did it at the beginning a little bit because I was like, you know, I'm on camera, da da da. But afterwards, like man, look, y'all go get who I really am, bro. That's this is who I am.
SPEAKER_01And so And I'd like to say, this is who I really am.
SPEAKER_03And this is who Core really is.
SPEAKER_01Um it was one episode where we recorded. I was like, you know what? I'm going bareface today. I just don't feel like it. And that was the one episode we didn't use. Like at the end, we were both just like, we can't, we can't do this. And we retape the whole thing. And I said, that was the Lord giving you some mercy because you would have been so mad. And not that I I don't wear makeup every day, like I'm not that person, but I enjoy it. It is it is fun.
SPEAKER_03You like it, like you like makeup. I don't, I do not, I only wear it on occasions I feel like it's appropriate to wear it, and but I'm I'm always gonna do it. I'm always gonna be me. And I think that this this scene really paints a picture of somebody who is forced out of themselves, yeah. And and and she's go, she's it's an identity issue, like, and it's and she's forced out of herself not because she wants it, but because her family wants it. Yeah, and and it and it's a reflection of her family. So it's like okay, yeah, where how do I like what is my true allegiance? Where's my allegiance? Yeah, is it to who I am authentically, or is it to who the people closest to me want me to be? And I think that she is that is a struggle that she ultimately rebelled against. Like it was it came to a point of rebellion because she wasn't gonna win with her family, but she also wasn't able to be something she isn't.
SPEAKER_01But you know, I don't think that she was really rebellious. Like, I think that she was no of one, I think her family knew who she was. They were all they were concerned too. They was, I don't know how to they wanted her to be married. I don't know if they wanted her to not be herself.
SPEAKER_03But I think I think that may that her in order for her to be married, she couldn't be herself, and that's what they were like.
SPEAKER_01And I but I I think that this was a family tension because I think when she went home, she was out there in the yard with a daddy, like, you know, playing around. Like, you know, uh listen, my daddy wanted a little boy so bad, and he got two girls, and he be like, my little sister is a little bit more tomboys than me. He's like, all right, you'll do. Come on. Like, you know, like I I just really feel like her family was aware that, like, okay, she and I, but here's the thing: people will encourage you to put on the front to get the thing.
SPEAKER_04Yes, right?
SPEAKER_01They will, they will, and they know good and well that this ain't really you. And what was she gonna get? She was gonna, if she had, if she had bit succeeded in this area where she was faking it, she would have came out with something that didn't match her because the man that she needed, she wasn't gonna find
Finding Your People In Rare Air
SPEAKER_01in the in the square, in the town. That's it. Her man was in the war, okay? He was on the field. Yes, he was. Right, but we've we've spent so much time putting ourselves in situations and environments that we don't fit in. You know, my dad tells me all the time, because you know, my dad be like, I don't understand why you're single. It don't make no sense to me. You know, you're this, you know, your whole family, you're a pretty young girl. You know, you you I don't understand. You know, and my dad be like, you need to go to the bars, you know, you need to go to the you don't go to the clubs. Well, you need to go out there and dance a little bit. And I'm like, why would I go somewhere and put myself, would I have a higher likelihood of meeting someone there? Absolutely. Would I have a higher likelihood of meeting somebody that matched me there?
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_01No, but we're oftentimes told, and not just in relationships, but in purpose. Yeah you know, you need to work here because this is the place where you can work and it'll really, you know, grow you and bloom you. You know, most people aren't gonna tell you to go work for the small nonprofit. No, they're not, they they're gonna say, uh, before you go do that, why don't you go get some experience with some with a big company? Like, why don't why don't you are, you know, they they might not encourage you to go to the small schools that, you know, your family, like, we don't know where to school at. We don't know what this is. You know, but I think in order to get what's really for you, you gotta go into the place that has the things that match you. And those things are rare. And so you're gonna have to go into rare air, right? You're gonna have to be in places where everybody is not like the people who got to sit on the couch instead of going to the war. Right? It's it's it's and I think there is a different, if you're going to the places where the people are doing what you are called to do, there will be a greater appreciation for who you are. But if you stay in the town square, those people are not gonna recognize you for who you really are. And you're that's not gonna be a good match.
SPEAKER_03And this is why I'm gonna go back to my my statement about rebellion. Because what felt like, but and and you can call, I mean, it's fine. I don't think it's bad. I think sometimes rebellion has to be, sometimes you have to rebel. When you have to, when you gotta go against this an interesting conversation, but go ahead. Like when you when you have to actively go against the grain on something that you know could potentially get you in trouble, that's rebellion. You're you're rebelling against something, you're going against your you are deciding I'm not going to follow this rule, no matter what, because I don't believe in it, it's not gonna serve me. Uh, and and I need to go a different way, even though everybody else will tell me, don't do this. So I just I think that that is how that's what she felt like she had to do. It's like I don't have I don't have the luxury of living in this space and figuring it out here. I've got to go to the extreme and say, I gotta do something different, and I gotta do something against rebellion.
SPEAKER_01I think it's I think that's the reason the reason why I'm hesitant is because she didn't, she didn't start. If she was rebellious, she never would have gone through the matchmaking process. She never would have done the things to try to make her family proud. I think when she did go against the rules and when she did, you know, leave out, it was it was to protect her family. But that's neither here nor there.
SPEAKER_03Like I I mean that's definitely a reason she did it too.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I still think she rebelled. I think rebellion comes with a connotation that like, I don't want to listen to y'all, I don't want to fool up with y'all, I want to do what I want to do. And I don't think that that was her, I don't think that was her mentality.
SPEAKER_03I I just um that's fine.
SPEAKER_01That's the story of our entire friendship. So whatever. Um, but you know, I I do think that there's something to be said about her. I I don't because she didn't go out there to find herself, but what she but the journey outside of familiarity led her to herself, right? Like she had to leave where she was. That wasn't her goal. Her goal was, I need to protect my father. He cannot go to this war. I'm not finna let my daddy go out here and die. He ain't got no son, but he got me. Okay, and I'm gonna do what I gotta do, right? And I think a lot of times there are situations that lead you outside of familiarity, but you have to figure out what it is that you're actually gaining in that new place that you may not you may not have been expecting, right? And a lot of times that comes with a guide, and she had a very, very funny, humorous guide, but he was wise in his own little way. In his own way, in his own little way, yeah.
SPEAKER_03He is now he was rebellious. He I mean, yes, but see, I think they had a very similar journey. So Mulan and Mushu had a very similar journey. To your point, I I'm not gonna, I'm not, I I'm I'm hanging on to my rebellious comment. However, I do agree that she didn't go out there to find herself. Well, you can call it what you want. Um, you know, I she she didn't go out there to find herself. I think she knew herself. I think she went out there. I think the rebel I think she knew who she was. She knew who she was. She knew, well, let me say that she knew she wasn't. Like, she knew I'm not that.
SPEAKER_01And I think that's such an important distinction. It's because you haven't you haven't met you yet. You haven't seen the frameworks for you yet. And she needed she would have never known she she was a soldier because there was no framework for a woman to be a soldier very true until she had to become one.
SPEAKER_03Very true. She didn't know who that that is that is very true. I agree with that. Um, I think that she was very she was clear on who she wasn't. She needed to really solidify who she was. Yes, and that is part of what the journey is. I also agree that she didn't go out there to find herself. Um, I she did go out there to protect her family in that in that though, she the the only way to do that was to rebel against some stuff. And so I don't, I think, I think those two ideas exist in the same space. Same with Mushu. The only way to do what he was going to do was to do it against what the ancestors said. So like he had to he had to join in that kind of rebellion in order to get her to where she wanted to go.
SPEAKER_01I'm so not here for this use of the word rebellion. But anywho, I don't know. Because I think it's I think it's reformation. I don't think it's rebellion. Like, and and does reformation come with some going against the rules? It yes, but it's not, it's more a reinterpretation by necessity. I think rebellion is I don't care what y'all think, and I don't care why you think it, I'm gonna rebellion would have been I'm rolling up in here as a woman, and who got something to say about it, right? No, she hid, she pretended to be a boy. I know. I think no, she was not like, hey y'all, what's up?
SPEAKER_03Mulan, what's up? I still think the spirit of I it's not in a bad way. I'm not saying it's a bad thing.
SPEAKER_01Well, then you need another word because rebellion does not have a positive connotation. I disagree with that. I don't agree with that. Nevertheless, I I like the word reformation. That's right, because when you when you talk about the the the ancestors and these spirits, all right, make sure y'all, you know, you gotta be careful. All right, because it was some spirits up in there, but that's neither here nor there. I mean, okay. That's neither here nor there. Move on. We got to go. Okay, we just go at all. And not all the spiritual connotations.
Rebellion Or Reformation In Leadership
SPEAKER_01But, you know, I do think that it was a really clear like indication of there's an old system and there's an old way that is not gonna work for the current iteration of this family, right? Like, even with Mushu, it was all right, go wake up the big dragon. All right, we need the great dragon for this one. And the great dragon, you go out there and you're like, you mean the stone?
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01The stone that's falling apart? Like, this is not going to work for where we are now. And if we keep dragging old systems into current situations, we are going to, we're gonna lose because, you know, Mulan, if if daddy passed away in the war, right, we have no man. We have no man, and now the pressure is back on Mulan to be somebody that she's not, that she's not called to be. Right? The pressure comes back on Mulan, you gotta marry, because in order for the family to continue, right, and you have to do it according to the old system. And so that's why I'm thinking that I see more reformation, right? Because it something new had to be birthed. But what I love about Mulan is that even though, you know, she was doing something new, she was doing something scary, and she was a young, a young person in the family, some might say the youngest, because I ain't see no cousins or nothing there. That was younger, right? But like she she is the start of the new era, right? And she can't do it the old way, but she does have to learn some traditional life leadership lessons. And I think that's where we often drop the balance, is that we want to, we want everything to be new and fresh in our way, especially as millennials, especially Gen Z, especially Gen Alpha. We out here like, we don't know what y'all was doing. Okay, but we're gonna do it this way. And that's fine. But you there are so many, there are just so many lessons that just come along with leadership, and so many lessons that come along with being a change maker, with setting a new path, with being a trailblazer, that anybody who has done it before can walk you through it, right? Because you're gonna hit some of the same obstacles along the way and learn and learn some of the same lessons as you are becoming this new person. Um, and so I I love that the movie emphasizes kind of both because even when she gets into her new place, she meets a very traditional leader, right? He's like, all right, this is the way I teach, all right, and I teach by the book, all right? We ain't doing a bunch of new stuff. But she has to learn how to be new in a place that still operates in both the old because reformation does not happen quickly, and reformation does not happen without resistance. And so you have to go through all of those changes in order to build something new and to become something new.
SPEAKER_03So um with with that, I I think the a good example of the tension between that is who she the fact that she's entering into a place that is all male, there's never been any female anything entered into this space of the army. So there's naturally gonna be something she brings that nobody's familiar with. Yeah. And then she is bucking up against uh this traditional system led by this new leader who is who is very attached to tradition, whereas she is not attached to tradition.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And so she doesn't even I mean, she she hasn't been raised in that. She was raised to be a wife.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, she this is not a tradition. She's even familiar with. She's never been taught. And so that, and so their tension uh through the training process was was was a very um it was a it was I think illustrative of what you're saying because you know Li Shang, the the the the commander of their army, okay, um, was you know, he was a nice looking Disney character. Let me tell you something. It did good.
SPEAKER_01Disney said, let's put a little something on him. They did. All right, let's give him a little song.
SPEAKER_03He had a little swag. Okay, he walked out that little tent. We was like, okay, very chiseled, you know. I see the little interest.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, chiseled jalk.
SPEAKER_03Very chiseled jalk. Yeah, um, yeah, yeah, yeah. But he he he showed up with a need to prove himself, and therefore he needed to do things the way he what was expected of him. Whereas Mulan was doing everything that was not expected
Training Inside Systems You Didn’t Build
SPEAKER_03of her. And so it it was it was attention. And so you saw this in these two people, like this old and new, but both of them had to learn a little bit of the other, and that's when you know, as we could as we continue down the line of the movie, that's when things really started to take off, when both of them began to respect the other person's understanding. Um I think what was beautiful about Mulan, she approached the old in a new way. You see this in the the training, and she she she because her body ain't built for this, yeah, her endurance ain't built for this. She done all this yelling and all that. That ain't what she this ain't what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_01I think Mulan, as she was pretending to be a man, really, really embraced being a woman. She was like, you know what?
SPEAKER_03Don't talk to me like this. And and like I am not, this is not inspiring to me. No sense to me. What are y'all doing? Like, you're nasty. And you're nasty. You're nasty. That's all it is. I think she and so she had to figure out her own new way in this old system, and she did is she stood out. So she didn't she didn't try to change the system, she found her own way.
SPEAKER_01She found her way in the system.
SPEAKER_03In the system, and then she stood out. And I think that is something um a lot of us are in systems we can't change yet. I ain't saying, because if you remember on a previous episode, and I do believe this because I've lived it, you can be a part of changing the system. It may not be overnight, um, but you can do it. But the first step to that is finding your way through the system.
SPEAKER_01But you know what? You can't, I think where we mess up is we go in to change the system when really you gotta figure out you in the system first. And I think, you know, I think there's a lot of people who are called to be change makers, but you're and but then later on they get caught because the system will find a way to snag you. Yeah. It'll be like, oh, okay, you came in here, but you got all this baggage and you got all this crap. And all we have to do is is shine the light on you. Let the system shine the light on you, and it will shut you down. And if you don't go through your process of becoming, right, by the time we got to the end of the movie, she knew who she was, right? She knew she knew what her special set of skills was and and how to operate in a system that wasn't necessarily built for her, but because she learned her, she knew how to navigate it. And that and I think that's what we're missing. And then because she went through her process, her homeboys, her homeboys, they got they got asked because they were different too, right? You had one skinny, you had one short, and then you had Poe, who was always eating. Okay, who was always eating. All right. He's like, Where the food at? Okay, but they but even even them, they were all men, right? And the system was supposedly built for them, right? But they weren't built like typical soldiers, right? They had her taking license to figure out what worked for her in the system and going the extra mile and doing the extra work, also paved the way for them to do the same, right? And that is how you build change in the system, is you figure out how to navigate it and then you teach other people the way. And not the way to become you, but the way to succeed and be victorious themselves in the system. And I think we spend a lot of time trying to teach people how to become us. Yeah, we we, you know, we've been giving out formulas and you know, if you do this and that and that and this, then you too, you know, if you wake up at four in the morning and just spend three hours journaling.
SPEAKER_03No, absolutely not. So I ain't not gonna do all of that no more time.
SPEAKER_01Absolutely not, you know. But I think I think that Mulan, even just being in her own struggle and learning how to navigate through it and persist, she gave a model for everyone else to do it, including her leader. Right? And because he he had to figure out because he he wanted to come in hard. All right, that's still today, to this day, one of my favorite Disney songs. Let's get down to business to defeat the hon. Okay, let me tell you, every time I get ready to write a paper, that's like I'm like, all right, let's get down to business, right? Like that is that is my song. It is such a good motivator, okay. Did they send me daughters when I asked for sons? Okay, that's how I motivate myself. The answer is yes, they didn't. Yeah, yes, they actually did send you daughters, um, you know, and and you had to learn how to work with them, and it worked out in your favor, didn't and it worked out. Okay, you better be glad you had some daughters.
SPEAKER_03That's correct, amen.
SPEAKER_01And amen. But I think I think he him, you know, him going through, you know, he thought he was gonna come in hot and heavy on these men. And he did for a while, and he taught them discipline, right? He taught them persistence, tenacity, right? He taught them those skill sets, but then he got to a place where the old structure has to allow the new methodologies and the new mindsets to innovate. We gotta innovate because we facing an enemy we ain't never faced before.
SPEAKER_03Because it stopped working. At some point, the old structures will stop working, and I think that this is where we have to be um discerning of the time that you're in. Because we we have to under, we have to remember, we have to be able to see preparation is so all right. I'm gonna try to make this make sense.
SPEAKER_00So, taking time.
SPEAKER_03Mulan, even though she didn't understand what she was being prepared for, by being a woman, by being a woman who's different, by being a woman who's who's like, I'm I'm geared towards different things. Yeah, uh she was doing different things that other women were doing at her house. Um, and so she she knew like this, like she she went out, she was able to learn anyway. She she was doing different things. When she got to this army, she didn't realize that the way she was moving in preparation, my lord, come on, was what about to be used in an innovative way. What's an old what's an old structure stopped working, she was ready to come in and do something new. That's not just because she just got it on the spot. She was preparing before she knew what she was preparing for. And so you what I think it's important that do do not discount. We've said this a million times. We gotta unlearn discounting our preparation season.
SPEAKER_01You just don't know. It is David in the cave.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it is. You get what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_01It is it is David playing the whatever you call it.
SPEAKER_03He's the harp. He's the harp. It's playing the harp for Saul.
SPEAKER_01It's David in the field, it's David. But the lion and the bear.
SPEAKER_03He don't don't nobody pay him no attention. Yeah, it's David being abandoned by his daddy, it's David being um absolutely. It's David being being shunned by his brothers, it's David being, you know, by like literally just the of not even counted in the in the number of children.
SPEAKER_01Like, can you imagine all somebody said, hey, call all your kids, and you left David in the field.
SPEAKER_03Do you know how bananas that is? You sure this everybody? Like, what you don't who don't know which are their kids? You think we needed the date? We need to bring it for real, it's crazy. But you but he didn't sit around being mad, he was abandoned.
SPEAKER_01That's true. David was not bitter, he prepared. But you know what? But that's because we have to reframe our journeys because David could have been sitting there the whole time thinking about his brothers and what his brothers got to do and where his brothers got to go. But David was in the field worshiping, David was in the field tending to the sheep, like he was so focused on what he did have that he didn't spend as much time missing what he didn't have. And this is why I think Mulan is such an inspiration for us all, right? Because as a, you know, non-typical woman, and especially in high school, right? Like I was 5'11, I'm and I had mostly male friends. I was so happy they hit their gross spurt. And I was so happy all my guy friends were taller than me, and I was grateful because I didn't know. In eighth grade, I was like, I don't know what's gonna happen. But then they all, you know, puberty did its thing, and we was all right. But I I remember just feeling like I didn't know how to be. Not not just how to be a woman, I didn't know how to be a black woman in majority white spaces that didn't look like I wasn't, I wasn't able to hide, right? And so, but it it pushed me to a point that was part of my preparation, right? That piece of looking different was part of my preparation and being okay with sounding different, with doing different things, with stepping
Preparation Seasons You Don’t Understand Yet
SPEAKER_01up in places that God called me to, right? Like your story, I spent a lot of time focused on what I didn't have. Wish I was five. You know, that song came out five, five with brown eyes. You know, I wanted that so bad. You could say I'm playing Jane, but it's not the same. Okay. That whole song by City High, okay, messed me up. Because I was like, oh, so is that what everybody out here looking for?
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_01Five, five with brown eyes? Okay, is it is that who I'm supposed to be? Because it's not. And so, but learning, learning that there is a reason why you are the way you are, right? Learning, learning for her that like the way she grew up, right? The way that her father took her aside and taught her things that other fathers were not teaching their daughters. Right? She spent way more time with her father than she did her mother. That was not typical, but it was purposed. Yep. Right? And everything in your life, right, like David, David could have been stuck on the dismissal of his father, and not that it didn't have an impact on him, because it did, right? But it didn't, it didn't leave him in a place where he missed what God was doing in the moment that he did have. And so, you know, I am a person whose story I've had to look back and see where God was walking with me through my story. And I think that that's so important as you grow to different levels of leadership. It is easy to tell the narrative of, you know, started from the bottom, you know, rags to riches. All right. We was pokay, couldn't get no power than we was. Okay, right. It is easy to tell the story of what you didn't have, but I think the victory comes when you realize what you did have that was atypical and that was a purpose plan to get you where you are, and that your preparation provided the moment that allowed you to launch off.
SPEAKER_03And I think we there's something that um to that point.
SPEAKER_01Uh hey, when Ruth does that little smile, like I'm about to say something.
SPEAKER_03My brain be going, and it's like I just gotta get it, you know, out my way.
SPEAKER_01Like she's amused by her own thoughts. Like, oh yeah. Oh, yeah, that's a good one.
SPEAKER_03You know what, Jaquita, you get on my nerve.
SPEAKER_01Um, so if y'all don't watch, y'all gotta go to YouTube sometimes and just watch the episodes because it is hilarious.
SPEAKER_03What they're being prepared for is war. And we are in this training season, and then they start walking and marching, and they start going towards the action, and they see what war really looks like, right? Um, they're they they're at this, they they see the village destroyed, people died. Yeah, and it's like, oh shoot, the little doll. We the doll, right? My lord. That was really sad, the little girl, right? So it's like training is over. We we ain't it, we ain't in training camp no more. And that that switch that goes off when it's like I'm in the real, I'm oh, this is real. This is real. And there's always gonna be a point in our journeys where there's a switch that goes off and say, oh no, this is real. I'm I'm I'm out of that tra I'm out of training. I don't hit I done hit the actual battle. And there's nothing worse than feeling like than knowing you've hit the battle and you're not ready.
SPEAKER_01Um and because it's a quick reality.
SPEAKER_03Because that battle is not, you don't get to choose when that happens. You know what I'm saying? Like you don't get to you, you, you don't get to time that out. You, you know, it's like, no, this is this is what has happened. Life is going to happen. Life is gonna happen to you, it's gonna happen to the people you love. Um, it's gonna, you know, it's gonna happen in in terms of society. You don't know, you don't get to pick. And so when they hit that, when they when they hit that village and they see all them folks destroyed, they see that doll, they see this little girl, but they they kill these children, it's like, oh shoot, it's time, it's time to go. And that's when you really see what you're made of.
SPEAKER_01My lord.
SPEAKER_03You see what you actually have. And the ones who are ready show up ready. The ones who aren't oftentimes don't show up. You and so you didn't it shows you didn't take your training seriously. And so we want to make sure to take our training seriously so that when the time comes for the war, which you don't get to choose, that you are ready to show up, and you have to show up as who you really are. And so, Mulan, she showed up. She was like, Okay, now the things it's and it was less about the training she had in the war, and we're gonna go back to the training she had at home because her mind and how she was wired started to show up different, and she's and she realized okay, we fighting a different kind of enemy here. Yeah, this enemy ain't got no honor, this enemy ain't got no no uh no chill. Yeah, this enemy is like he really out destroying folks. This ain't no regular war. Yeah, we can't be out here treating it like it's a regular war we done fought before. This guy, it means business. He's killing kids. No, he ain't just killing soldiers, he killing people, he's killing civilians, he's killing children, and he's leaving evidence so that we see how powerful he is. So we're gonna have to think different. And so she used what she how she was wired, which was different than everybody else, even though they didn't understand why at the time, to help to prepare those around her for a different type of war. And yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01And I think, you know, I recently uh went through a situation where it was it was being recalled, where I had to recall what I had learned, right, in order to see if I qualified for the next thing, right? And so, like what was being pulled out of me, and it's so funny because the questions that they were asking, right, to determine my qualification, right, were all surrounding some of my hardest moments in leadership, right? Have you ever fired somebody? Right? When have you had to lead somebody through a really hard moment or a moment where you didn't know if they were gonna make it? When did you have to, you know, like all the moments, you know, how did you handle conflict, right? How did you handle moments, uh, moments where your leadership was tested, right? How did you keep a team together during like a difficult transition, right? And I'm just sitting there and I'm like, you know, these are all the moments that while I was going through them, I hated it.
SPEAKER_04That's right. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Hated it. I remembered, man, that process of going through of having a team member that didn't respect me. I ain't and you know, again, I'm 5'11. I got this deep voice. I've never really had somebody, you know what I'm saying? I ain't really, you know, normally people come in with the respect, you know. They they you know what I'm saying? I ain't really ever had to fight for it and then still not get it, right? I've I've never had to ask for it. Usually I'm trying to like convince people, no, I'm a gentle giant. It's okay. Right. But with him, I'm over here like, look here, little boy. Look here, mister. All right. I'm not taking it. Right. But but it's it's pulling up all of these moments that in while I was going through it were painful. Right? It was painful for Milan to not be understood by her family. It was painful for her when she got to the training camp. And and they talking about, you know, you gotta throw these rocks and and climb this pole, right? That was painful. That was painful, but when you get to the point where what was painful has produced, you know, uh beauty from ashes, right? When the ashes have turned into something beautiful, right? And I think I have to look it up. I have to look it up. I was about to make an assumption, but I think that word beautiful probably has another meaning, but I'll get back to y'all on that, right? But when you but when you get to the place of purpose, the things that you thought were painful become the things that are beautiful in that moment because it helps to it helps to navigate how we are going to maneuver through these this next difficult moment. You've been prepared for it because of the difficult moments you endured before. Yeah, right. And so, even in that moment where I was being tested to see if I was qualified, and I was sitting here like, and in my mind, I'm like, why are they asking these questions? Like, of course. Yeah,
When Training Ends And War Is Real
SPEAKER_01you know, like because in my mind, I've already gotten to a point where those things have become a part of me and have become a part of my leadership. And so to be put on the spot and be asked to prove it, I'm like, everything about who I am is because of the moments I've been through. Not just the moments themselves, but my mindset, my understanding, uh, my ability to discern the times and to lead people came from those hard moments. And so for Mulan, the difficult moments is what made her a leader in a hard moment.
SPEAKER_03So as we continue down this war path, obviously, they are now they gotta go find the hun, the hun or the the army that's the enemy, right? They gotta go find them. And um they so so we haven't talked a lot uh about Mushu. We talked about it a little bit before, but Mushu, you know, he's everybody's favorite character, let's be honest. I mean, like he's just Eddie Murphy, man. Yeah, Eddie Murphy. You're not gonna get any better than Eddie. No, you really not. He is Eddie.
SPEAKER_01Let me tell you something. Eddie was killing it with the uh with the animated characters.
SPEAKER_03Eddie kills it.
SPEAKER_01Because between Mushu and Donkey, Eddie Eddie is brilliant.
SPEAKER_03Top tier. Like, he's just brilliant. And he he really brought he brought this character, you know, he really brought this character alive. And what's interesting, this is so Mushoo's her guide. But guides aren't perfect, and I think that's you. You know, he's her quote unquote mentor. I mean, he's the one who's supposed to be helping her through this whole thing. And one thing we need to unlearn is that our mentors are flawless. They are not. Um, mentors are human, just like you. Although in this case, he was a dragon. I know. I'm here with a little dragon. I heard it.
SPEAKER_00He was dragon.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Yeah. Uh, and so, you know, he, you know, but you in in our real life, you know, our mentors are the same as as we are. And Joy said a lizard.
SPEAKER_01That's so disrespectful.
SPEAKER_03Thank you. He had a little fire. He had a little fire too. He did.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_03Was he like a kimono dragon, maybe? I don't know. Anyway, um, no, not like that. I don't care. All right, we're we're moving on. Um, but we we have to realize that guides, mentors, people you look up to, they can make mistakes. And Mushu made a mistake. Mushu did something he wasn't supposed to do. And he he made a mistake and cost them their position as far as you know the army's concerned. And he gave away their position, and so he kind of uh pushed them into a situation that they weren't necessarily prepared for, where they had to do some more fighting and strategizing than they wanted to. Nobody knew was Mushu, but he did it. Nobody knew Mushu. Nobody knew Mushu, right? Um and so uh I think I think that's that's a really key thing. It's like, hey, your your um your mentors, the people that you that you are looking up to are capable of making mistakes. And uh like don't be surprised when that happens. Um and so in this case, they actually blame Mulan for it, right? So now Mulan's in this position where she feels like I gotta make up for this mistake, and now she's gotta do something, she's now she's she's gotta think through what I'm gonna do. And what she does, again, going back to this old versus new, she goes against the grain, she goes against what her commander said because she saw a different way. Um and I think that when there are gonna be moments, and this is you know, my my dad, um my father, you know, he's a pastor and a pastor of a multi-ethnic community, but we didn't grow up in that in that um in that kind of church community.
SPEAKER_01Wonderful pastor, wonderful past.
SPEAKER_03He is, I got it, he is amazing. Um we grew up in a traditional Black Baptist church community, and so all his mentors were from that tradition, but he was called to something very different. And one of his uh, one of his mentors, the one that probably had the most impact and influence on him, when he told him I'm going in this direction, he said, and I'm paraphrasing, but basically he said, Son, I can't help you. I don't know this world. Yeah, I can't, I don't know what to tell you.
SPEAKER_01That's real. That's a great mentor, actually.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, like I it's like I can't, I I I have no context for this. And so, and not only that, do you sure you want to do this? Because you could do it the you could be in this world we're in now and thrive. But you're about to go into a space where none of us can help you or do you want to do that? And he had to decide to go against what I know a lot of people, including some of his mentors, would have probably said, I don't think it's a good idea. I think you should go this way. And he went the other way. And because he knew this is within, this is who I am. And so with Mulan, she had to go another way. Now her her her commander was not as um humble and not as, you know, he he was upset that she did that and it happened to work, but she knew I have to go another way. Um, I can't go this way. I know this is better, and I know I can do this. Like I'm confident in my ability to do this and get it done this way. And so um that was that's that can be a hard thing to do. And if you ever find yourself in that predicament, there is a lot of that takes a lot of courage. Um, it takes boldness, it takes confidence that you probably didn't know you had. But I dare say that most of us, especially if you're leaders, you're going to come to that moment where you have to, you have to go against the people who know more, who've been through more, um, have seen more. You're gonna have to go against what they are telling you at some point because there's there's something that they don't know. There's a place that you're going they haven't
Painful Moments That Qualify Leaders
SPEAKER_03been.
SPEAKER_01My lord.
SPEAKER_03You have to be willing to step out and do something a little risky, um, not not sure of the outcome, because there's something in you that says, I know this is the way I'm supposed to go. David did the same thing. David did the same thing, yeah. Right when he said, I can't do this armor, but I got the I know I can use this because this is my thing. Then people looked at him like he was crazy with the slingshot in these rocks and this 10-foot giant. Hey, I can't fight you with no sword, but I could do this because this is my weapon. And I think um nobody would have agreed with him. Nobody. Like, what you doing, dog? Like, what is this? So just know, like, that is that is that is likely going to be a part of your journey.
SPEAKER_01You know, I'm sitting here because you know, these words Ruth Abigail have released, and if you would take it as, you know, sometimes Ruth, she she she will she will give that wisdom, right? And it'd be so packed. And she don't even realize what she's doing. She just moved right along like she didn't just impact your life. You know, but I I I really feel that because you get to a point where your life has to become yours, right? And and and you have to use what's inside of you to go the way that God is calling you to go. And it's not the popular way, it's not the prescribed way. Right? Like it's not the way everybody told you that you should go, right? And there have been so many moments in my life where everybody was telling me, you need to do this or you need to do that, you need to, and I literally had to take a step back and say, okay, Lord, I don't, I don't feel led to do what people are telling me to do. And I got labeled as you don't listen, you don't, da-da-da-da-da. Right. But I had to figure some stuff out for myself. And I had to, and some of my journey had to be created because it, you know, it was a way that that my family hasn't been before, that I haven't been before, that other people haven't been before. Right. And and I there are moments where you do need mentorship, and I'm one of the biggest proponents of mentorship. You you need that. And then there are moments where you have to realize my journey is mine, and I need to make sure that I'm going the way that the Lord would have me to go. Um, and those are really defining moments. And I feel myself coming to another one of those moments. And it's not necessarily, you get to a point where it's not about rebelling, right? As Ruth Abigail would say, right. It's not, it's not about it's it's it's not about, but it is about coming to another point of realization where you trust yourself, you trust God, and you trust the moment to know, right? Like I can't hit the leader, I gotta hit the mountain, right? Like I gotta send, I gotta send my arrow in a way that nobody else may understand, but I know internally this is the way that I have to go. That's right. And this is what I have to do, even when it's not popular, or even when it's not under when people don't understand.
SPEAKER_03That's right. Absolutely, man. That's right. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And I don't, and also, because I'm about to be 40, I don't have to make you understand. I spend a lot of time in my 30s trying to figure out how I can help people understand. Not my job.
SPEAKER_03Nope. Nope. Because you can't, because everybody, everybody's just not going to understand. I mean, there there are there's some decisions, big decisions right now, that I I like that, you know, we've we're making as an organization that I know there are people that are like, I mean, okay, are you sure? I don't know what you're saying. You know, and it's like, well, am I sure? Uh maybe, but I do I like I you you're not always, I don't know. Like, I can't, I can't with certainty say this is always going to work. Yeah. But I can say with certainty that I believe this is the direction we should go. I don't know that. I don't even always have the reasons. You don't know.
SPEAKER_01I have the call.
SPEAKER_03That's right.
SPEAKER_01Right. I I have I have the word of of of faith. Okay. I have the word of obedience. The Lord told me to go. You do. I don't, I don't know why. I can't make it make sense. I wish I could.
SPEAKER_03Well, and sometimes, and the thing is, even more than making sense, you can't predict the outcome. Because here's the thing. Like, like we we we can only we can only take the steps that are revealed to us. I don't know what the outcomes of those steps will be. And I can't spend, I can't, I can't be paralyzed trying to figure out the outcome because that's really not my call. Uh the outcome is not your call, the outcome is God's call. Yo, your job is to take the steps. And so other people aren't gonna necessarily understand that. Most of us don't understand the steps because we none of us determine the outcome. And it's only on it's only when you get to an outcome that you can look back in hindsight and say, okay, I see why we did that. There are certain steps that I've had to take over the last couple of years as an organizational leader that I could, I thought I knew what the outcome was going to be. It didn't lead to that outcome, it led to a different one. Or it led to this outcome, or it led to this outcome. Some I liked, some I didn't. Um, but they all were in service to the great, to a greater picture that I could not have, I could never have predicted. And that is the work of, you know, it's the work of leadership, it's the work of faith. And you have to, you have to understand that most people around you, especially if you're in a position of making those types of decisions, whether it's for your life personally, whether it's for other people, like other people around you are looking to you to make decisions to impact something bigger, you have to understand that most people will not understand your moves. That will not be the case. And so don't be paralyzed because you can't dictate the outcome to other people, even though they're gonna want to know. I can tell you what what I what we're going to do next. I can tell you sometimes why we're gonna do it, and I can't tell you what it's gonna lead to. Um, and and so that those are those are just realities we have to be okay with. So when she pointed her her the arrow to the mountain, not the leader, uh cannon, the cannon, thank you, Joy. When she was a big thing, the cannon to the mountain, not the leader, there there was a purpose behind that. She could not necessarily have known that it was going to cause the avalanche as big as it caused it to bury them all. She didn't necessarily know that. Um, but she did know this is what I think we need to do. And she did it, and she did it against the understanding of other people.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And um, I think that that is that is a uh that is a skill, that is a characteristic that too many of us uh ignore because of fear, it's understandable because it can be scary. Um but it's it's it's kind of overcoming that barrier of fear that will then um leap you into the next uh the next step that you should be in. So I'll when they when they when the avalanche happened, she was something happened where she uh saved the life of her leader. Now it didn't kill the hunt, which is what it was supposed to do. It didn't bury them. We find out later they came back. But what it did do was garner her favor in a way she could not have predicted. So now she she was able to do something for somebody else that saved his life, so that when she got in a position where her knife leaved to be saved, he saved it.
SPEAKER_01He said a life for a life, hun.
SPEAKER_03The avalanche was not about the hun, it was about their relationship.
SPEAKER_01Oh wait a minute.
SPEAKER_03And they she wouldn't have known that that outcome wasn't something she predicted.
SPEAKER_01My lord, I never even, I never even put that together. Yeah. I don't want to have to go through an avalanche to meet mine, though. But you know, I do think I as you were talking, things were over here clicking for me once again. I also marked these, uh, you know, make sure, you know, we use these clips because Ruth Abigail is, she on it today. Okay, and you gotta know who got the oil. Okay, and Ruth has the oil on today. All right. She doesn't want it, but she got it anyway.
SPEAKER_03Oh Lord.
SPEAKER_01Um, but you know, I think that there are just moments where um where it wasn't, you know, being in the field wasn't about her being a girl. It wasn't about her being different. It was about her working in her genius, you know, and working in, working in, it was her moment. And you get to that, you get to that point where you're really having your moment. And I just think this is such a such a relevant conversation for middle adults because we're getting to a point where leadership
Mentors Aren’t Perfect Or All-Knowing
SPEAKER_01is not just about leadership, but it's about reformation. I'm gonna stick with this word here. All right, I'm gonna ride with it. Okay, I'm rock with it. I'm rolling, rolling, rolling, okay, I'm rolling with it, right? Because I think, you know, there there is a season of our life where we are leading for results, right? We're leading for the stats, we're leading for the metrics, we're leading for the awards, right? We're leading for the recognition, right? We're leading so that the numbers on the paper look good, right? And we lead with that mentality in mind, but you get to a point where you are going to have to, you're gonna have to change a system, right? You're gonna have to bring something from an old way of thinking, and not just in a way that is so we can be more successful, but it's so that we can be current with what God wants to do in this organization so that we can be current when even if we have to go against the grain, right, we can push, we can push forward, right? It's things like, you know, hiring a more diverse staff, right? Like a lot of organizations had to do that, and now things have happened. But nevertheless, right, there was a time when organizations were like, we need there there needs to be reformation in this organization, right? And somebody, somebody had to be the first. Somebody, somebody had to lead that. Somebody had to be the difference, right? And so we get to these points as middle adults where it's no longer leadership for the sake of leadership, but it's leadership for the sake of legacy, it's leadership for the sake of transformation, it's leadership for the sake of I'm really called here to do something really important and really significant. Now, at the time, you know, because right after that great battle, and right after she saved his life, you know, and right after, you know, she also got a little hurt. Okay, and then they took her back, they took her back to the camp and she was in the tent, and you know, she was wrapped up. Yep. But when, when, when, when Lee, when when Boo Thang walked into the tent and saw her, because she ain't had the time to put to put back on her uniform and stuff, and he saw that she had different equipment. Yes. Okay, that she wasn't just different in the mind. Okay, now right, she was equipped with other things. Uh-huh. Okay, that only a woman could have.
SPEAKER_03That's correct.
SPEAKER_01All right, and that man said, wait a minute. I don't know. That was something about you. He said, and and at that time, according to to tradition, to law, she could have been killed. Yeah, yes, yes.
SPEAKER_03Oh, she should have been. I mean, that was definitely that was it. Should have been killed. She should have been exiled. But because she saved a life. Because she saved a life. Her life was spared. Because she did something against the grain that happened to save a life. My lord. Because she didn't save a life. She did what she thought she was supposed to do. She she she didn't save a life. She did save a life, but she didn't intend to save a life. And so she went back and grabbed him. No, no, no, no, no, no. What I'm saying is, oh, okay. I see how you're trying to connect it. But she saved his life. I know she saved his life. But the thing that caused him to be hurt was the fact that she, you know, caused the avalanche and then saved the man's life. So now, so like I just want to, I just I think it's important for us to connect, like his life was saved because she went against the grain. And she was a like, and his life was in danger because she went against the grain. And then she was equipped to save his life. And so he he saved her life.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03He paid it back. Now he ain't like her. He ain't like it. He was pissed. But he was very upset. Um, and then she had to go back home.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Which is wild, isn't it?
SPEAKER_01Man, I'm I'm sorry, because I'm still thinking about the journey of a leader. And that's one of the most humbling things. Yeah. When you done when you've learned so much and you've grown so much and you've done so much, and then you gotta go back home.
SPEAKER_03You gotta go back home.
SPEAKER_01When you gotta go back home.
SPEAKER_03Whoa, right. That's big.
SPEAKER_01But she didn't go back home the same person that she left. No, no, no. Um, and so I think as we as we get to the end of the movie, right? And so we get to this part where you know she realizes, hey, yo, we thought we killed them, we thought we buried them alive and that they was just gonna die in the snow. But these some different kinds of demons. These demons is persistent. If you don't cut off the head, it's gonna it's still with you. If you don't cut it at the root, it it's it's it's gonna walk with you. And and there are some things, sorry, this this is it going in a little different direction. There's some things, if you don't cut it off at the root, okay, it now it's in the palace. Now it now it's no longer in the field, it's no longer at the other villages. It done made it home. Now it's a direct threat. It used to be a distant threat, and we were trying to handle it when it was out here, but we buried it, we didn't kill it. Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh.
SPEAKER_03Uh-oh.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03All right.
SPEAKER_01We buried it and it popped back up out the ground. It said, oh great, thank you. Thank you for giving us a season to hide for a little bit. So now we can do a sneak attack. Yep. Thank you for giving us a season in the dark where you thought we was gone because you didn't you
Risky Calls And Unpredictable Outcomes
SPEAKER_01didn't really cut it off. And I I'm sorry, I feel led to say it because this it was my story too. Right? Some of us had some relationships that we buried, we didn't kill.
SPEAKER_03My lord.
SPEAKER_01All right, you ain't block it, you just stopped answering the calls for a season, but it's still there.
SPEAKER_03Yep. Ooh.
SPEAKER_01It's it's still there. Friends and countrymen. Okay. Listen, you buried it, but you didn't kill it, and now it's at your palace. That's good. You buried it, but you didn't kill it, and now it's threatening to kill everything close to you. I'm trying to tell you there are some things in your life that you need, we need to, and you know, I feel like I do this all the time, like at least once a quarter. I'm like, all right, you need to take the inventory. All right, and you need to print cleaning, okay, right, and you need to, you need. To go back through and look, what did I bury? What did I push away for a season? Right? What did I put out of my eyesight for a season? But I didn't kill it at the root.
SPEAKER_03Man.
SPEAKER_01Because that thing coming right back around. It's gonna cycle right back around. And every time it comes back, it comes back stronger. It comes back because now it's more familiar with you. Now the Han, now the Han come back, and they like, oh, oh, they got some little tricks. Okay, we didn't learn them tricks. Oh, oh, oh, they got some little innovation.
SPEAKER_03Oh, they think they're bad now. Okay, we're gonna show you who's bad. You know, they can this is this is I think this is a they came back at a time where they were having a good time. Man, they the fireworks was going off, the people were celebrating. They were celebrating. Yeah, and they came back when people were high on their own success.
SPEAKER_01Ruth Abigail get in there.
SPEAKER_03And you think it boyfriends.
SPEAKER_01And you stopped watching, baby.
SPEAKER_03We in it. We did it, man. We we we are it. Well, look at us. And they came back.
SPEAKER_01The Han I defeated. No negative. You ain't got not one head.
SPEAKER_03But you you not one, not no evidence. You have no evidence that the thing is gone. Yeah, you think it's gone, but there's no evidence that it's gone. And so then you start celebrating.
SPEAKER_01Man, go back and get your receipts, baby.
SPEAKER_03Please. Get your receipts. Now it's saying, oh, you vulnerable. You're vulnerable not because you're weak, because you you feel like you feel like you have done something you actually didn't do. Like you feel like you are as a success story when really you you really you haven't succeeded at the level you but you but you're being celebrated like you did, so you take it.
SPEAKER_01But you got it, you got the elevation, you got the promotion, but you did not kill the monster. You didn't kill it. Yeah, y'all out here about to get medals and awards, you getting raises and promotions, but that demon lurking on the side lap. And you right where I want you to be. I want to get you when you think you on top. I want to get you when you think you finished. I want to get you when you think you won. That's when I want to show up. That that's that's exactly where I want to show up. He they waited until they got to the palace.
SPEAKER_03They waited until they were, they waited until they started celebrating. They knew. They knew this is the this is the place to get them. When they are at their when they think they're at their best, is when they're at their weakest.
SPEAKER_01It's giving uh jail. JL? Okay. Um yeah, and and uh they thought they won the war, so he came in, took a nap with the woman, she didn't think she was a threat.
SPEAKER_03That's it.
SPEAKER_01She took that tent pick.
SPEAKER_03That's it. That's it.
SPEAKER_01I know that's right. Uh okay, Ruth.
SPEAKER_03I mean, you know, I mean, you know. All right. Yeah, anyway.
SPEAKER_01Ruth got a little Mulan in her.
SPEAKER_03Anyway, uh, so so we so then we see Mulan step back into the picture because she she realized, oh, okay, shoot, like they're coming back. She realized that they're back. And so what but this time she showed up as herself. Yeah, she didn't put that armor back on, booms and all everything. We out here. All right, it's a woman. Listen, I got my real armor on, okay?
SPEAKER_01All right, gird it up, girded up, ready to go.
SPEAKER_03I'm out here, boy. I ain't putting my hair up. I'm keeping it nah, nah, got me a little bob. Yeah. Yeah, man. We out here now. Now y'all can take it or leave it. But you know, they realize, but the thing is that this is and she she showed up, she was like, I need to help them. They don't see it, I need to help them, and they still wanted to reject her. Like, they were like, nah, like you a woman, what are you doing here? Um and so she had to do what? Rebel. I'm going back. She rebelled, she stuck into that palace, she did what she was supposed to do, and hey, because I got to I got to get this done. She's a revolutionary.
SPEAKER_01I am a revolutionary.
SPEAKER_03She was a revolutionary. She was. So that so the the the I think the I think the thing that is beautiful about that is that she she had to go back after this moment of embarrassment, of being found out, of like, you know, just it's it had to be a very defeating thing. I've done all of this, and y'all still don't want to see me for me. You sending me back home, but then number one, I care enough about the bigger picture to step back out, but I'm not gonna step out the same. I'm no longer gonna hide. I'm going to show up as who I am, and I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to live full and full authenticity, knowing that I still might be rejected. Because you've already been rejected. So that, so that, that, that feeling, I think that's the beautiful thing about you know these hard moments in leadership, is once it's happened one time, it happening again does not hurt you as much. It's like, okay, I've already been rejected. I know how that feels. I really understand, like, okay, it didn't kill me. All right, cool. Like, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't just it didn't kill me, it didn't stop me. Um, it didn't stop me from understanding who I am. Let me go out here again. If I could do it the first time, I could do it the second time. If I could do it the second time, I could do it the third time. And it just builds up this confidence. Rejection builds confidence that you didn't know you had before.
SPEAKER_01Man, that's actually really, really good.
SPEAKER_03It does.
SPEAKER_01That's really, really good. It'll set it'll set you free if you let it.
SPEAKER_03It'll set you free, man. It'll set you free. Because you it's not, you realize there's nothing that can really stop me. Yeah. Okay, so you said no. All right, cool, no problem. I'm going to the next. So you, you know, so you shut the door in my face. Okay, that's what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_01But you know, that's what that's what a lot of actors and people in Hollywood say. That like, heck yeah, you gotta get past the nose. Got to. Right,
Buried Problems Always Come Back
SPEAKER_01because everybody's not gonna want you. But then you get to the point where you can write your own ticket. That's it. Sterling Kate Brown right now is hot. Okay, that I feel like that man could do any movie he wanted to. He could. Right, because he has gotten to a place, he's pushed past the place of rejection to a place of not just acceptance, right, but a place of prominence. Right? Where Denzel Washington, Denzel ain't out here auditioning for movies. Nope. You know what I'm saying? Uh oh, well, I don't know what Will is doing right now. You know, he had that little controversy and everything like that.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean. Yeah, but you know, but he's still Will Smith. Eddie Murphy has never auditioned for anything. Yeah. Ever. He's the only actor that's that's ever been the case. And and and one of one. One of one. One of one. One of one. Um, you know, and so you you have to be the the I was thinking about this idea the other day because I was going, I was, you know, we're doing some recruitment for things, and I I went into a school um the other day that actually had had kind of rejected in the sense of like they didn't they didn't let me do what I wanted to do. So I knew I knew I wanted, I knew I was going into something, and I was like, you know, I'm gonna keep going. And I really thought about like, man, I they not, they probably not gonna do, they're probably not gonna do what I wanted anyway, blah, blah, blah, blah. But I said, you know what? Nope, I'm gonna keep going. I'm gonna keep showing up, I'm gonna keep showing up. The worst they can tell me is no, they've already done that two or two two or three times. So it can't, but what they're gonna see is your no won't stop me from showing up. And that is the that's the character that people oftentimes are looking for. If you're if the no stops you from showing up, the people clock that, they recognize that. But if the no don't stop you from showing up, show up to the same door over and over again. If it's a no 50 times, but they see that it didn't stop you. So that I think that principle of rejection, understanding the more I'm rejected, the less I feel rejected. And I can I can keep moving because the rejection just bounces off of me at some point. Yeah, that's fine. Like that that becomes until you hit, like you said, you hit that, hit that, hit that um opportunity. And in Mulan's case, you're reintroduced to the guy that you saved, who now come on here now, who knew it was right person, wrong time, man. You know what I'm saying? Listen, he's the son of the emperor. Come on here, and y'all big dog, okay. Not the son of the emperor, he's not the son. I'm blind.
SPEAKER_01No, no, no, he's the son of a general, he's the son of a general.
SPEAKER_03My bad. Yeah, my bad. Thank you, Joy. No, the son of the general, but the emperor, he played a little matchmaking role.
SPEAKER_01The emperor was like, let me tell you something, boy. Hey, okay, women like her don't come around every day. Don't be don't miss your blessing. Because I just want to take a moment to stare in the camera because all right, I listen. I believe that the Lord has shown you okay what you need to be shown. All right, don't ignore what he's telling you. All right. Come on, talk to him. Come on, all right. Talk to him to him. All right, all right, amen. Amen.
SPEAKER_03Okay, thank you for that. Um, yeah, uh, yeah, yeah. And simple, there's a little that's what I'm saying. You that they they ended up saving the emperor together, and they did it together.
SPEAKER_01The emperor sees this because the two were becoming one.
SPEAKER_03That's there you go. And they had to so they they so you you you you keep showing up, keep showing up. If she had never kept showing up, she'd have missed this opportunity to connect with the person she needs to connect to, to do the thing she needed to do because we looked at the do the thing that we started the movie off trying to get her to. That's correct. Won't the Lord Rapid brought it back around? Yes, yes, yes, with the the very thing that y'all was looking for at the beginning, she got a different way, and she had to put that makeup on to get that man, she ain't had to uh pour no tea.
SPEAKER_01He don't want no tea.
SPEAKER_03No, he don't want no tea.
SPEAKER_01She out here, they're out here trying to teach you how to pour tea, and your man drank juice, okay, out the jug, just chugging it, right?
SPEAKER_03You over here with teapots, right? You okay, listen. That that ain't that ain't what he that ain't what he wants. He ain't want that, and plus you over here pouring tea and your your whole your whole your whole country finna be taking over. What good is pouring tea and y'all finna be dead anyway?
SPEAKER_01That's what all the women the other women was doing because their potential probably was unlocked because they all had fallen into, sorry, my bad. I didn't mean it like that. I was just saying, you know, you gotta get sometimes
Rejection Builds Confidence To Show Up
SPEAKER_01you look at the system and it's it's almost like you see people who have broken out and people who haven't. Everybody wasn't going to be a Mulan, but everybody wasn't supposed to be out there pouring tea either.
SPEAKER_03That's it. That's right. You that that's right. You you have to find your lane. And all of us play a certain way. Now, some people love that tea. And they should do.
SPEAKER_01And that's where they're supposed to be. That's what it's like. But to tell everybody that this is the this is the system, actually, to tell women that this is all you you're you're supposed to be doing.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. No.
SPEAKER_01You're supposed to be pouring tea and making babies.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and that pouring tea and making babies. Yeah, good luck.
SPEAKER_01You ain't got no purpose, you ain't got no call, you ain't got no destiny.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, good luck with that. Because your village is gonna be burned down. You keep doing that. Um so so so they go to the in and they end up finding each other, and they found each other in the in the truth in the way that neither one of them, they found each other through their commitment to something bigger than both of themselves. Yeah. And and so that was their way of connecting, and they had they had to get to that point. And so obviously, we know in the end, you know, not only does, you know, not only do they get married, or that they get engaged, they don't get married yet. Um but they get there's a two, you know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_00Not as good.
SPEAKER_03Not as good.
SPEAKER_00But it's there.
SPEAKER_03Um, it's there, and you know, watch it. But uh they she ends up, she can, her voice is has more uh uh authority in what it is in the experience that she had. And so actually jumping to to one of the first scenes are these little girls that are like kind of like watching her practice um in her backyard, and they're so enamored, and she finds out that they're there, and like, oh my gosh, oops, we were just watching you, we just wanted we kind of want to be like you because they see that it's something's possible for them because she decided to step out. So now that's the beginning, that's the beginning of being able to change a system when you have impacted more people than yourself to infiltrate a system that was not meant for you to succeed in a certain way. You've got to go first, you've gotta inspire other people to follow you, and then when you have a critical mass of people that are that are going against the grain, then the system begins to have to say, we gotta do something about this. Um, and there is, and so you there is there be that's when you you really start to feel that tension in the system. Um, and so that is, I think that's where uh uh that that's that's where we end up going. All right, I'm getting a note from producer Joe, I'm wrong. They engage they don't get engaged at the end of the movie. They don't listen, they become a couple, they get engaged in the second movie. They're gonna take they take their time, they go through the process. My bad. Okay, they booed up, they go out for dinner, or he stays for dinner. Understood. My fault. Y'all understand. That's her boo, he her boo. Yeah, okay. Yeah, they is together, didn't take long, didn't take long, but anyway, that's Mulan.
SPEAKER_01Y'all, I think we went deeper than we thought we were.
SPEAKER_03We definitely did. Yeah, yeah, that that wasn't expected.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, that was a good time.
SPEAKER_03That was a good time.
SPEAKER_01Good ride.
SPEAKER_03We enjoyed that. All right, we hope y'all enjoyed that. Uh, Mulan, y'all. It's a good movie. Less to learn.
SPEAKER_01Top three. You know what? We're gonna put out a poll. Do you think is Mulan in your top three, your top five, your top ten, or not at all? Put out that poll. Yeah, I I want to know.
SPEAKER_03It's definitely top ten for me.
SPEAKER_01Okay, Ruth Abigail. It is I just don't it not being in your top five at the least, at the least, is crazy.
SPEAKER_03Uh I'm just not ready to say that. If I thought about it enough, I may get there, but to like in this moment, I'm not ready to say that.
Poll, Community Invitation, And Outro
SPEAKER_01Aladdin. Beauty and the beast.
SPEAKER_03Beauty and the beast is coming.
SPEAKER_01We'll see y'all in the poll. We'll see y'all in the comments. It's time to prove Ruth Abigail wrong again. Let's do it, friends. Whatever. Let's gather together. Whatever. Let's let's let's come together, let's unify. And look, this is an important mission.
SPEAKER_03I'm not even fighting for Beauty and the Beast. I'm just saying I like Beauty and the Beast more than Mulan, so it's gonna make it's gonna be Mulan for me.
unknownCrazy.
SPEAKER_01I don't even know that that's what what leadership lessons are in Beauty and the Beast?
SPEAKER_03That's nothing to do with it. I just like the movie more. Anyway, we're done, y'all. Um like, share, subscribe, be part of the community.
SPEAKER_01We love y'all.
SPEAKER_03We do.
SPEAKER_01Do your outro?
SPEAKER_03Thank you for that. Uh, yeah, y'all know how we do this. Let's keep unlearn it together so that we can experience more freedom. We'll see y'all next week.
SPEAKER_02Thank you once again for listening to the Unlearned Podcast. We would love to hear your comments and your feedback about the episode. Feel free to follow us on Facebook and Instagram and to let us know what you think. We're looking forward to the next time when we are able to unlearn together to move forward towards freedom. See you then.
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