She's Brave Podcast - Kristina Driscoll

Breaking Free from Negative Self-Talk: Empowering Lessons with Social Media Influencer and Artist LaNia Roberts

September 19, 2023 Kristina Driscoll with LaNia Roberts Episode 52
She's Brave Podcast - Kristina Driscoll
Breaking Free from Negative Self-Talk: Empowering Lessons with Social Media Influencer and Artist LaNia Roberts
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

LaNia Roberts is a social media influencer and artist with over 270,000 followers (and rapidly growing). She is an unstoppable force who defied unrealistic beauty standards and embarked on a journey of self-discovery.  LaNia is determined to share her story, empower others, and break free from negative self-talk. From the heartlands of Kentucky to the global stage, she emerged as a social media star, spreading her message of self-expression self-acceptance, and debunking societal norms about beauty.

In this episode, you will be able to:

  • Identify the source of YOUR innate courage and...LEAN IN!!
  • Let the WINS of others be encouraging to you, light you up, allow you to see the kinship in what resonates with you from the WINS of others.
  • Have the tools to overcome social stigmas in order to believe in yourself NO MATTER WHAT!
  • Understand how vital it is to search within for the...YOUR...truth that you were meant to live despite conditioning impressed upon you.
  • Appreciate that loving yourself the way YOU need to be loved is paramount and it is that love that overflows onto others.
  • Discern between the truth and a lie and know that "truth will set you free"!

​​

About LaNia:

LaNia Roberts, born in 1996 and hailing from Louisville, KY, discovered a profound means of self-expression in visual art amidst her early struggle with identity. Supported by numerous scholarships as a first-generation college student, she obtained a degree in Painting at Syracuse University's Visual and Performing Arts School in 2019. During this time, LaNia also traveled to over 12 countries across three continents, furthering her already broadening horizons. Presently, she resides in Louisville, KY, fully engaged as a professional artist. Her practice has also expanded into an online-based social art practice, empowering millions worldwide to embody radical self-compassion, love, and acceptance, with over 270,000+ followers between Instagram and TikTok. Most notably, her artistic endeavors have garnered her the representation of the esteemed Claire Oliver Gallery in Harlem, New York City.


Connect with LaNia:

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Website

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Kristina:

Hey everyone, it's Christina Driscoll host of this she's brave Podcast. I'm so glad you're here with me. I did not start out brave at all. But I learned that we can do brave things, one small step at a time. After caregiving for my husband and son for 12 years, it was definitely time for my next chapter. I wanted to get brave women's voices out there in the world. And more importantly, I want all of you to have the courage and the resilience to live your best authentic life. So come along with me and learn how to live your best life. And I want you to hear the brave voices of women all around the world. Everyone, it's Christina with this brave podcast. You guys. Today I have such an amazing guest. She is a social media influencer. Her name is Lin nya Roberts. She has 190,000 followers on Instagram, and up to half a million views on certain posts. She is truly a light to this world. I feel like she's gonna be the next Oprah. She's just beginning. I happen to find her. I am beyond thrilled you guys, you have to have to have to listen to this podcast, you have to listen to this episode. It's so empowering. She is, I think the most empowering person I've ever encountered in my life. And guess what you guys, she grew up in very humble beginnings in Kentucky. She was a young black girl who struggled with her identity. But she discovered in visual art a creative outlet for self expression that would prove to be transformative. Oh, em, gee, she studied painting at Syracuse University in New York. So she's a painter in her own studio. Welcome, welcome, Len. Nyah, I can't believe you're here. I love you so much. It's just like, I mean, I cannot wait to unpack everything that we're going to unpack today. And I just want to start out with a little bit about your path. Because you went to Syracuse, I know you've got a lot of scholarships, and you were the first person in your family to go abroad. So let's just start right there.

Unknown:

I have been so blessed in my journey. First of all, I'm so excited to be here with you today. Thank you so much for having me on. This is your like, just the the whole being of your podcast of talking about bravery and courage in women is something that is so important to me, because there is nothing about my journey that has not taken just stupendous amounts of courage, mainly because I've been one of the first people that has looked like me to do and come from the place that I've come from to do the things that I've done. And speaking of, you know, yes, I went to Syracuse University, I was one of the first people in my family like I'm a first generation college student, one of the first people in my family to graduate from college. And I was the first person in my family to travel abroad without any like military connections or anything like that. I ended up like seeing a young black woman when I was a freshman in college, who was giving a speech to one of the classes that I was in about her time in Spain. And I had never met a black woman who had traveled before abroad. I had never met someone in real life. And I guess when I saw her, I was just like, wait a second, you mean to tell me that something like, you know, it was like I was going abroad by going to New York, you know? Yeah. Oh, right. That was my brand. The only abroad that I could think of, oh my gosh, I'm going 800 miles away from home. But when I saw that, I was just like, wow, you need to tell me I can have that be a goal for myself. And so I started to plan and I started to look into the possibilities and there happened to be a visual art program in Florence, Italy, with Syracuse University in Florence. And it was just perfect, perfect timing. I ended up studying abroad, and I lived in Florence, Italy for three and a half months. I traveled to seven countries in total while I was abroad, including Morocco. I took an art history course for 11 days all throughout Greece at the end of the semester, I went to Amsterdam and London and just all these different things that changed my life because I literally saw so much. And you know, it was such a particular beautiful time for me. Because in the act of just seeing things and discovering things, particularly discovering blackness abroad and you know, really experimental like diaspora abroad, which is basically how we're all connected through Africa, but we spread it out, you know, due to the slave trade and things like that, where there's blackness present everywhere. And that was something that was told to me before I went by an artist friend, who was just like, when I, the first thing you do when you get there, look for the black stuff, look for the black people, like they're there, like they might be underneath the surface, you know, they might be hidden, but they're there and look for it. And I did. And I actually ended up becoming an intern for an African American artists who have been living in Florence, Italy, for 20 years. He had studied abroad there 20 years before he met his wife moved there, been living there, and needed more community, and wanted to bring about more conversation about blackness and things like that in the black history. And so he literally started Black History Month in Florence. And oh, my gosh, that's so cool. Yes, it's now going on. It's like seventh year, I believe, our eighth year, this upcoming year. But anyways, I was an intern from that. And that literally opened up an opportunity for me to gain access to a community that I still work with to this day, since 2017. I have been back to Italy six times. To go back six times, my dad told me before I left, he said, Well, nya, do so well to where they want to invite you back again. And I don't know what how that actually manifested in my life. But I did so well in my art class. And my painting class, and my painting Professor invited me and a couple other students back to come and study with her again, later on that stuff summer with her mentors, who are master art historians, master painters. And I've been learning with them ever since. And so that was such a huge moment in my life, a transformative moment, I ended up also, you know, coming back to the United States, I had such a reverse culture shock, I did not know where I was, oh, my gosh. But um, I ended up doing not so well, in two courses, my first semester of my senior year, that following semester, because I was still traveling every weekend, like I was abroad, thinking that I'd be able to still write, like I said, reverse culture shock, I ended up doing so poorly in two classes. Because of this, I had to drop them had to withdrawal. And that left me with more classes to take, and I was already a little behind. But then I went to my advisor and realized, if I switch things around, I could get all of my requirements, done that next semester, and then have a full semester of academic electives, which I was like, I could take those anywhere in the world. And so I was just like, I had a teacher, you know, talk to me once. And he was just like, well, nyah, you're a black girl from the south, you know, don't go to Europe, again, look at programs in Africa, whereas we're in Africa, can you go. And so I'm like, you know, I have free electives. I could go anywhere. So I ended up applying and I got accepted. And I got scholarships to go and study abroad in Cape Town, South Africa. I lived in Cape Town, South Africa, back in 2018, fall 2018, for three and a half months, which was so life changing. And it was just the most incredible experience because I became so aware of my own culture, and who I was particularly as, like a black woman, not an African woman, a black woman, it really became, I really became aware of my Americanness and the privilege of being American while traveling, etc, etc. And so it was really eye opening. And later on, I came back home, and it was really challenging because I didn't really know how to exist where I grew up in this new facet of who I was as a world traveler, and it was hard, you know, coming back home after graduating and, you know, not really knowing who I was anymore, etc, etc. It was a very depressive period of my time, that I was so grateful God got me through, you know, in which I believe we'll talk more because that's where I really have, you know, came from in terms of the wisdom, knowledge.

Kristina:

Yeah, let's unpack that some more. Because, I mean, you're obviously a go getter. You're outgoing, you're joyful. You just emanate joyfulness and light. So I can see how all these amazing, beautiful things happen to you. And I can also see how you would come back to America and feel like, I don't fit anywhere. Right now.

Unknown:

And I'm gonna correct you a little bit right there because just America, it was a Louisville, Kentucky, where I was coming back to, I just say that specifically because Louisville, Kentucky is very, is a very challenging place for a woman like me to grow up in and live in just because there's not a lot of room made for people to be different. For people to be artistic to be creative. It's changing slowly but surely. But growing up here was really challenging just in and of the fact that you didn't see a lot of people stepping outside of the box, you know,

Kristina:

yeah, that's fascinating. That wow, you know, just the courage that you've had in almost every way of your life just kind of blows me away. That's why I wanted you on the podcast because there's so much to your story.

Unknown:

Man, I it's there's so much there was a moment in time where I left the United States. I left Louisville because I knew that I had more of a community and open loving community ready for me open arms in Florence, Italy. I left Louisville with no money to my name, claiming that I was going to move to Florence, Italy, which I actually ended up getting there. I called people I asked for help. I reached out on Instagram at that time of my life and asked for help people help and came to came to my help. And I actually ended up being able to go to Italy on February 19 2020. I arrived.

Kristina:

Oh, boy, ready for COVID? Oh, boy,

Unknown:

that following couple of days, I ended up learning that there was something called a pandemic happening, which I hadn't realized, because I have been so stressed trying to get there. I wasn't looking at the news. I wasn't looking, I was going to paradise. I was going to Italy, you know, everything's great in Italy. No, baby. No, it was. So I say that to say that, like, there's been a lot of courage, there's been a lot of jobs and even the act of following my heart in following God's voice to start posting on Instagram, it was scary, because, you know, I didn't want to necessarily be putting, you know, put myself out there to be seen for the possibility of people being mean to me, you know, that inner child was speaking, afraid of that bully coming out and, you know, harassing me for being different for being bigger for being big, and always for being happy. For having a big personality and a big body, you know, people look at that, they see that and they want to shrink you. They don't want you to be big. And always they want you to be you, they want to put you in that box. And I started to say that like growing up through those stigmas through society that I that didn't, you know, empower me growing up, you know, looking the way I am being the way I am. I'm making me feel lovable and desirable, like, not growing up with that kind of empowerment has, you know, led me to face depression and anxiety. And even though there is this part of me, that is such a bright light, because of everything I've had to go through and all the things I've had to be courageous through. It has caused me to have to really go within and find the strength to empower myself more than others may be empowering me around me, to love myself to be courageous to step out and believe that you know, nothing that I've experienced thus far in my life, the travel, even having a have over 190,000 followers on Instagram alone, you know, I have 70,000 over 70,000 on Tiktok. Like having these things no one ever looked at me and was just like, you're gonna be someone and you're there to make it. It was me, looking in the mirror and being like, I know, I'm somebody I know I can do more. And believing in myself and having the courage, the courage to believe in myself the courage to see beyond what other people saw for me, has been the number one beautiful aspect of my life that God has blessed me with the vision to see beyond what other people gave me to see. You know, that's just been such a wonderful gift but the courage to act on it even when I had no proof that was possible that faith that's what has like that, that's what I hope I can share with others and empower others to, to feel and be excited about and possibly have courage in their own lives even more.

Kristina:

Ah, yes, there's just a million things that you are helping the world, including me, helping women all over the world. It's just amazing through Instagram, and I love it. For those who don't know, you are a curvy black woman, young woman, and you are a painter, you're I've looked at your paintings, they're incredible, you're so gifted. And so you're painting and then you start recording on Instagram, and you start shaking that paintbrush, and, you know, all this incredible love and support and wisdom just comes out in these really, really short clips. And they are, I just love them so much like, I, you have one where you start saying, and you get right to the point, and you're no nonsense, and then you're really empowering. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's why I had to have you on my podcast, because you are the essence of courage and empowerment, and you empower others say one there was one clip, I mean, there's so many so but this is gonna have to be another conversation, but I'm gonna we're gonna cover some of it today. You said if you're ugly, that's okay. Society has all these standards based on terrible things, you can still be ugly and still get everything you ever dreamed of. You can be ugly, and still love yourself more than a pretty person. Life didn't create beauty standards society did. Holy crap. I've never heard that le nya. And it's incredible. And I'm telling you, I'm going to share that with my son because I just listened to that one this morning. And my son, my late husband, I'm a widow, he was shorter than me, he was five, five, and my son is now 19. And he's five, four. And for all throughout high school, he struggled so much with his height. But you know, kind of like you have all the hard times in your life really, really got you to go within. And it really was a gift. That's how it's happening with my son too. You know that he's having to learn to not rely on external standards, but you say it so beautifully. Like you just own it. And by the way, I still think you're beautiful. The beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I think you're stunning. Thank you. And you know, but but like when you said it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. And it's just like, I've never heard someone say, if you're ugly, it's okay. So just tell me more.

Unknown:

Oh, my gosh, you know, I really use my platform to speak on things that I know are important. Because I may be speaking to an audience yet, at the end of the day, I will never see a percentage of the people that see my videos. So who are impacted, right, who are impacted. So who am I really talking to? Right? I'm talking to my past self, my audience is my past self. And I pray to God. And I asked God, in particular, that video, which is my first viral video, that video got over 1.6 million views on Instagram, I remember I said, God, I have this message, I want to talk about beauty standards. And I want to talk about this really terrible word that we use on ourselves, which is called the word ugly, you know, because other people have used it on us or whatever it happens, you know, I wanted to talk about this word, because it's not right. It's not right, how we feel about ourselves, when it's truly wrong, the standards that we face every single day of beauty that not everybody fits in, and that is actually inaccurate in terms of what beauty really is all about. But yet the real, the standards are real. And I know they're real, because they've impacted my life so terribly, and so deeply to where I am treated less than just because of the fact of my body size, or how big or small My eyes are or like you know, my skin color, you know, like all of these things that really don't matter. They matter in the society in such weird, terrible, intricate ways that really do impact our lives. So I don't you know, I was just like there needs to be a message put out there. In a world where that part isn't ignored, you know, that part is ignored. You can't just look at someone who is actually considered ugly in this society, tell them that they're beautiful. And just believe that that's all that they need to hear. Because that's not the end all be all the message, we have to acknowledge the world we live in the standards we live in how real they are, and also simultaneously how you can face those standards, and still go within and learn what the real true standards of life are. Because yes, we do live in a society and money is, quote, unquote, real. And you have to pay your bills, and you have to do these things. And you have to be politically correct. And you have to, like, there's all of these rules in society. And they're very real, but at the end of the day, it's all made up simultaneously. So if you take society out what remains life, right? And, and some people would argue or not argue, but you know, spiritual people, like myself would say, it's God, it's spirit, right. But I think a beautiful translated word for that, for me is life, you know, and I use that word in particular, to reach as many people as possible, because I don't want those words, because to stop a message from getting through to someone in so many words, but I sent it to say that when you uncover the society, when you uncover the life that people have told you that you deserve, because of this is where you grew up. And this is what you look like, and this is what you're good at, you know what you're gonna get, you're never gonna get love, you're never going to see the world, you're never gonna have money, you're never going to do this, you're never going to do that, because of where you come from, when you find the strength, and the courage within yourself, to look further beyond the surface of what the society gives you for what you deserve in life. And you look within, and you find the truth in the matter of the fact that all of this was created. So therefore you can create, you know, I think the thing that we don't recognize is that not only what society made up and create, it was made up and created by humans, a light bulb was created by humans, these little things, these big things, these ideas, were all starting in someone's mind, and society, in the way politics and things like that disempower us strategically to think that we don't have a say, and that we can't create, as well, as the people at the top have created, you know, and their ancestors, and the people before them have created the world. They disempower us, they make us feel like we can't create, as well, we have the same powers. I was just thinking about that video the other day, right? The if you're ugly, that's okay. And I was planning on doing another video around that, because it's been something that's been on my mind and my heart. And that's how I decide what video suppose is that it's just something a message comes on my heart, I write it down, I do a little doodle. I'm just like, Okay, we're going to talk about this. This needs to be said, but I've been thinking about it. And I was just like, one of the things I wanted to say was Honey, don't you let somebody else's lack of desire of you make you think that you're undesirable? They are human just like you You better not let some other human make you think that you don't deserve love, that you can use we are on the same level baby. I don't care what other people look like, I don't care what other people what the skin color where you come from, how much money you have. We are on the same level, you are a human just like me. Don't you let these egos get in the way and make you think that somebody is greater than you know, we are on the same level. We are all when we walk on the ground, we are on the same ground we are on the same level. Everybody got to put on their pants just like you. Everybody got to go to that toilet just like you everybody is on the same level and when they go to the toilet, everybody stank. Nobody smells good. Okay, everybody's on the same level, everybody's human. And society makes you think that other people are better than others. And it's not true. Don't you let somebody tell you? Don't you let don't you do that? Don't you do that? And I talk to people like this, because this is how I've had to talk to myself, you know, because I believe the lies before and I've had to learn the truth. And what I'm speaking as a truth baby, it's at least my truth, you know, and I and it's so beautiful to see my truth and or the truth resonating with so many other people around the world. It's so incredible. I'm so grateful. But I've had to my life. My life depends on it. My life depends on the truth, and my life has depended dependent This ain't no play for me. My life has depended on me deciding, while no one else told me anything, deciding that I was worth more than the vision that society and the people surrounding me gave me for my life. And it's so incredible to see it actually happening. And it actually coming true that oh my gosh, the things you speak over yourself, the things that all of it is so important because it does impact you and impacts your life. And you can have a different life than what other people have decided for you. And above all, what you have decided for you. And I think that's just the most beautiful thing, the thing that gives me the most hope is seeing oh my gosh, we have a say in this. We get to create too. We get to create too. So yeah.

Kristina:

Yeah, beautifully, beautifully said. And now you guys all get it, just hearing a Naya talk. It's just incredible. Now you, you, you, those of you who are listening, you're just hooked because that's what happens. Okay. And I just wanted to share my personal connection, because I feel deeply connected to you and I. And, you know, because because you have the courage to talk about haters, you know, and you know that the standards of of the beauty standards people don't people are too afraid to go there. And let me tell you my personal story, white woman, now I'm 55 a few years back, people stopped calling me Miss, they started calling me ma'am. Now, there's such a thing as ageism people discriminate against you because I have wrinkles. And you know, and in our society, people think you can't start something new in your 50s. And I'm here to prove them wrong. And so, you know, it's people like you that like I resonate with, and then your message of love, it just, it just comes in, it empowers me. And, and I you know, it's okay to age, aging can be it's my decision to be beautiful. You know, yes, I guess there's going to be some people you know, yakking on about my wrinkles, but I don't care anymore like it. And it was a process that I went through to just like you, like, I was like, Okay, what am I? What am I going to do with this? And, and that's part of my message on my podcast, as well as, in my life. I had a pretty unconventional life. And I made some unconventional dissents. And it was all about me learning to be authentic. 100% be me and unapologetic, like, so. Yeah, I'm 55 and I have some wrinkles, and I'm okay with that. Like, I, I had to learn to be okay with it. Otherwise, I was going to be miserable, right? favorable?

Unknown:

miserable. Yeah. Because of something you can change. And that you can't change. You come with some some money and the right doctor? Sure. But at the end of the day, what does that do? Does that were that what is your authenticity go and not speaking bad on any surgery? Because that's your choice as your body but like, what does that when you look at yourself in the mirror it? Will you still see you? Will you still feel you? Do you still feel authentic? The challenge, you know, is beautiful, of being able to see something that is deemed ugly, and facing the truth. Right? That's correct that when people see my videos, the first thing they might see is my big arms. Because I'm turning to the side, you know, the first people might think is Ooh, you know, look at this black person. You know, what, I don't know what people think. But recognizing the truth and honesty of the fact that when people look at you, they might think about your wrinkles. They might see that because we are all trained to be so superficial. And it's so sad. But it's in recognizing that even if and even when someone has the audacity to look at me and see something and deem it as less worthy, and unlovable and not beautiful. Even when right I will still dare to see myself as beautiful, stunning. And and wait and be patient and excited for the people not person. The people because we abandoned over here baby the people that will come into my life, and will recognize me for more than just what the surface shows, and recognize and be able to see beauty and what other people might not be able to see beauty in. Because guess what, we there are so many different, I think, you know, you know, in my dating experiences recently, I'm just really recognizing, especially like having an anxious attachment style just like, oh my gosh, this person is so amazing. They're the only person in the world Oh, never meet another

Kristina:

laughing with you because I have the anxious attachment style. And and I read the book, it was a game changer for me when I was dating because I'm now remarried. And I went through the dating thing. And I think the biggest thing that I learned was my attachment style, and I was anxious attachment. And once you know that, it makes such a big difference. But all those things you're saying I'm like, oh, mg, I can totally relate to all that. And you know,

Unknown:

what are the cures because I recently read a book on attachment theory called attached. I don't know if that's

Kristina:

the one I read. It's called attached. Yep, that's the same one very good book,

Unknown:

one of those things that they say, is a healer for those with anxious attachment styles. Is serial dating, dating, seriously, like literally like dating as many people as possible to recognize and get it through your thick skull. Just so just how many people there are in the world, there are in the world, how there isn't just one person you can connect with you. With many. And yes, you choose, you choose that one person or you know you, you meet that one really special person that hits it off. That's so easy to be with. But before then, recognizing there are so many people and when we do have those insecure attachment styles, you know, when you have that anxious attachment styles, avoidant attachment don't have no problem. Knowing that there's more people in the world, they may not ever be satisfied with just one person or whatever have you. And that's their journey that they'll want. I don't necessarily have that issue. But that's been so healing to recognize. There are more people in the world, the people that surrounds us, that think that you're ugly to think that you're this or that think that you talk too much. You know, that was one of the biggest things that I would hear growing up, you talk too much. Now you talk too much. I realize that the things that hurt the most and impact us the most are the things that are most inherent to our purpose. And our most Oh I love that you are personally love that things that are attacked the most are the most important things to our purpose. I'll tell you two things that were attacked the most two to three things are attacked the most one, Lanai, you talk too much, that was something when I tell you even through my early 20s, I would go I would be in so my the closest friendships, the closest people in my life would look at me dead. And I'd be like, you take up too much space, you talk too much, you're too overwhelming. It's crazy, to look back on my life and the life that I had then, and to see my life now and to see how much my friends love how much I talk. And we'll sit down for hours and hear me talk about all the crazy stories I have. Because it's something that is beautiful in me, sometimes we attract the people in our lives, that are insecure about the things that we're most powerful in. Yep. And it's just a matter of getting up and out of that space. Because to be in relationship with someone who, whether it's friendship, whatever to be in relationship with someone who is in disagreement about the thing that you are most powerful in, there has to be an agreement with you and within you that also agrees that that thing that you are most powerful in does not deserve to be let out either you know, where you can make space energetic space for a relationship that is not giving to you, that is not loving to you, that is not appreciative to you, particularly in the things that you're the most powerful in is that there's a part of you that also doesn't feel deserving of that part of you being led out and seeing in the world. And that's what my experience was at the time. I thought that my words were unworthy. I thought that I was too much for the world. And to see now that I literally have over 200,000 followers in combination at this point from talking and actually get enough of the people just like you you can

Kristina:

get an After that,

Unknown:

you know, to see that, like engine look back and be like, Wow, that was attacked something in the world did not want me to know how powerful I was, it wanted me to shrink, and it wanted me not to get this out. Because when I did, and when I do, there are so many people that are helped by it. The second thing that was attacked in my life, obviously, was those beauty standards. Right? And, and being told that I wasn't beautiful. When people look at me, and they see a woman, they see a person who they know, is not supposed to be confident, they know how badly you know, people who look like me are treated in the world are told that they're not beautiful, they know this, when they see someone that looks like me free out here, living their best life, not necessarily with no care in the world, because I do have cares. And that's okay to have cares. Okay, I do care about what people say about me, I do still get hurt if I was to see something, but recognizing that my value is no longer in the things that are not truthful, or the full truth, or that just don't give me good vibes, you know, recognize that I can see something and I can be hurt by it. But that still doesn't mean I have to put my value in it, you know what I mean? But I said it the people that also deal with their own insecurities that could be completely different from mine, you know, whether it's a wrinkle, or whether it's, you know, a certain part of your body that I might not be, you know, have in relationship to you. But you see someone who has conquered those inner thoughts of beauty standards, and empowers you. And so to see that that's been something that was attacked in me that has, that I have, you know, overcome and the set people through. And then the last thing is the mother wound. Um, there are so many comments I get, I get comments from brown people that are just like, can you please be my mother, I don't know if they realize. But they'll be like, you're like a fairy godmother, or your voice or this and that, but just the mom mother figure keeps appearing and popping up in the comments of just people being like, I just feel like you're like a mom, you know. And it's so interesting, because, you know, I love my mom, she's amazing, beautiful woman. But there are scars in our relationship that I have, you know, from a young age where I really, I feel like to this day, there are certain things that I didn't get to really feel or experience in terms of that motherly love, you know, and she did her best she did amazing, actually, which is why I am gonna how I am today, because she did so darn good. And she did so darn great at her job. But there are certain things huge things that that were missing, in my experience that I could have either a gotten bitter, and really mad, which I was at a certain point about what I didn't receive, or I could start empowering myself to start giving it to myself what I didn't get. And I love this, in the act of giving what I didn't get to myself, a created a powerhouse of energy that now millions of people have had access to that has been healing for them because I worked to heal that part of myself. And to see how powerful it is to see that that power house was sitting right there within me within the struggle, mode of that part of my existence of that part of my story, that I went through that and I didn't have that I had that hole to feel in so many words. That hole that I feel within myself, um, is in that I'm feeling in myself, is now helping others and freeing others to feel that in themselves as well. So recognize that you guys, it's so hard life is so challenging, and it's so difficult when you're in it, the really rough patches and the really sad patches, but give yourself a little moment of creativity to look into your story and see what were the worst parts. What were the most hurtful things that you that has been said to you. In particular, ask yourself what it would look like for you to overcome that. And if you could overcome that, could that become your superpower? Could that be it? Could that be the way in which you're meant to heal others because I went to church this Sunday, and there was a powerful word that was said, the way you were healed, is the way you're meant to heal others. Right? Oh, I

Kristina:

love that. I don't think I've ever heard that either.

Unknown:

He was just like, the way you're healed is the way you're meant to heal others. And he says, people, the past was just like, people come up to me all the time was just like, I don't know what my purpose is. I don't know what my purpose is. And he was, the first thing he asked him is, how is God healed you? That's your purpose. And don't ask to be healed, unless you want to be a healer. Because when you get healed, that's now your superpower. And that's now the way that you're actually capable of healing others and I look at the powerful moments in my life where I've overcome courageously. And I see now so beautifully, so amazingly, how those things that I've overcome are helping other people overcome in the same exact ways. And it all starts with me having the courage to actually just open my mouth and share it and get straight to the point. Like you said, I think that that's, that's the most important thing. You know, if you want to make a difference out here, don't stall. Just say what you want. Say the thing. Boom, captivate them, grab it from the start, say your point. And don't be afraid of people not listening further along, because they, they got the jewel at the beginning, know, have faith that the right people will continue to listen and do who needs to hear and who needs to continue to hear will hear. But say it, see what you got to say be straightforward. Don't hold the tools, to the end, say the thing at the beginning. Give oh my gosh, anyways,

Kristina:

I love it. I love it so much. And I'm just going to quote you like, I mean, we're definitely going to have to do a part two, because I don't even know for a quarter through everything that I want to cover with you because you are so freakin powerful. So I think what we're gonna do is feature you once a month, and people can just basically, you know, until we love, it's awesome. I love this quote, at some point, you have said, You do not need to be perfect in order to share your light with the world. So you said that you said that it's in something that I read or heard from you.

Unknown:

I know the video I know what you're talking about. Yeah, you do. Okay. Yeah, perfect in order to share your life with the world? Um, yeah, no, I wish I was I wish if fit in my mental strategy, so to speak, in terms of because I'm a very strategic person, everything about my life is strategy, not in the manipulative way. But in the way in which I have certain goals, I have certain places that I want to get, and I have to be very clear on what I want, where I want to go, because that's how I get to where I want to go. It's being clear. Yeah, I don't feel like I'm at the place in my life where it's time to share all of my struggles with the world just yet. You know, in every Are you

Kristina:

sure because I have a way of drawing people out when I watch out?

Unknown:

No, no, excuse me. If you were to ask them my troubles right now, I would tell you, you know what I mean? Okay, okay, I'm very open about my struggles. Don't get me wrong. person at hearts. But yeah, when it comes to making content surrounding that, I technically am making content about my struggles, I'm making content about the things that I've overcome, and the things that I'm sharing with other people in terms of what I'm learning throughout it. And so I say that to say that I'm looking forward to the day where God tells me that it's time to start sharing more of, you know, the journey, so to speak to the videos that I share. Because it has been when I tell you, I'm learning as I'm going. And I know a lot of my videos, I point that paintbrush and it sounds like an expert speaking on what I'm speaking, and it's so many words. I love that in reality, thank you, thank you. I love it too. And my therapist has told me I'm just like, you know, she's just like what I you get to show up in a space and be an expert. You get to show up in a space and be the girl that knows what she's talking about in this and that. And I just think that that's such a beautiful experience for me. But I say all that to say that I am so imperfect, and I think it's so important to recognize that we're never going to have it all together. And so, like we were saying before I think we started recording, it is better to start messy and clean as you go. Start cleaned up, because the cleaning process may take forever. And it does take Yeah, I guess take it does take forever. And if you don't give yourself the opportunity to start when you're in the midst of it, you might miss out on an opportunity to learn some really beautiful, valuable lessons. And when I started speaking on Instagram, I first I'm starting to post art videos, you know, I thought that that was the way for me to go. And last year, a year ago, back in May 2022, I woke up from a dream, I don't know what the dream was, but I woke up with this, like, intense amount of clarity. I just felt so confident in like, I felt just like, all knowing in a sense about my life. And where I was, I was just like, I know, I'm where I am, like, I'm where I am, where I'm meant to be like it was just like very, like, just very, still very peaceful. And I sad to say that I heard a voice after this moment of recognizing wow, like, I feel so clear. In this moment. I heard a voice that said Stop trying to follow the trends, and just speak to the people. And I was just like what I was like, because I was looking through the word of the popular, you know?

Kristina:

Oh, so you were like trying to figure out the popular trends. Yeah, that was, that was something I got clarity on right away too. And it came to me really fast too, that I needed to do a podcast about getting women's voices in the world and powering them. It was really clear, but was also was really, really, really clear to me was to 100% be myself and not try to be trendy just be me. And that the people who are meant to connect with me will find me or I will find them. Right?

Unknown:

Absolutely, absolutely. There's a video a video idea. I also have I'm sharing all the little video feature videos I'm going to share. There's a video idea I had where I want to say you don't need everybody to like you, you just need the right people to like you like that. You know, and that's something I've also been thinking about in my dating life, you know, recently, as an overwhelmed with the idea of the amount of people the amount of wrong people, you have to sort through in life to get to the right one. Because there's only one right one, quote unquote, right? There's only one right one. So if there's only one, right one, then all the rest are wrong. And that means there's way more wrong experiences to go through, then there is the right. And I said to say that when it comes to the people, you know, or being popular or being liked by people. Not everybody that looks at my videos follow me. You know, not everybody that comes across me is happy when they see me. I bet some people might roll their eyes and be like, Oh, this girl with the paintbrush again, you know? Like, like, who knows, right? But it's not that those people don't matter because they still matter. They're human. They're beautiful, you know, they still matter. It's not that those people don't matter. It's just that those people aren't my people are not exactly it's so important to recognize that we are all so important on here with a set of people think god there's so many different people out there because it gives us hope and it gives us the reality that there's so many like I don't know when why does this come to my mind but I think of like email people quote unquote, the email people that listen to what's the word screamo music is that it screamo isn't it's not good.

Kristina:

I don't know what email stapler I don't know what screamo people you know, I don't wear the all

Unknown:

black and they listen to the music, the rock music that screams and stuff like that. Okay, that I'm just like, I could never like that kind of music or that kind of lifestyle. But I'm no shade to email people out there. I love you. But I'm just like, in my mind, I'm just like, I could never see myself on that side of the earth. You are now own that that part of the world. But guess what, there are millions of people who enjoy that and not only enjoy but that's their whole lives. You know? There's so many and guess what, and they might look To me and be like I could never write. But there are people that that could look at me and be like, I would love, right I could, I can't wait to. And so there's just so many different avenues, there's so many different people. And it's so important for us to recognize that and like I said, like we were talking about before about like that anxious attachment style. And recognizing that one of the flaws in our insecurity is thinking that there's only one person in the earth, you know, and there's only one best friend, there's only that one teacher or mentor, there's only that one opportunity. And the truth of the matter is that one of my favorite quotes that I've said in my video is that as long as you keep going, another opportunity is going to come around, because that's the way of life. Winter spring ball, if you are lucky enough to live in a place that experiences all the seasons, they keep coming back around, because the world keeps moving. And the world keeps spinning. And so if you keep on spinning, if you keep on moving, and if you keep in Hong Kong, and you don't give up, there is bound to be another opportunity just like another winter, just like another fall just like another spring, just like another summer, there is bound to be another opportunity, there is bound to be another lover, there is bound to be another friend, there is bound to be another mentor, there is bound to be something more something new. Because if you look at life, if you take a moment to look at life, every tree grows new leaves every year, the way of life is newness, it is transformation. And when you embrace that, when you learn to embrace that, when you learn to recognize that new things can come I just feel like so many people, you know, need to hear that. And they need to know that. And I think about my past self, there was a time where I thought the world would never see my smile again, genuinely, Christina genuinely, like wow, I was so down. And I was so depressed, I could barely get out of bed. And I was so mean to myself. And I was so hard on myself. And this compassionate voice that you hear now was only ever given to other people. I was so mean to myself. And I was so hard on myself. And there was a certain point where the right amount of people in my life turned on me. And were mean to me. Where I started to recognize that this heart and compassion that I give so freely to others, I really need to start giving it to myself. And I started to train my inner voice, I would start to see myself as a child, and the child that no one would come to her rescue when those bullies would bully her, I would start to become protective of her. And when I would hear a main voice in my head, talk to me and tell me that I haven't done enough and I'm not anything and I'm not worth this and no one's ever gonna love me. I would hear that voice. And I would imagine my little self being told that and I started protecting myself within myself. I would say Who What do you mean? Talking to? You better sit down somewhere. Don't you come to me like that? Oh, we don't have that in this space. Honey. Don't you talk to don't you talk to my mini me like that. She is loving. She is deserving. She is beautiful. Yeah, no, you ask that voice who sent you? Where do you come? Yes. I'm a truth teller. That's a lie. And I tell people and I made one video about this and I'm gonna remake it. The way you can tell the difference between a truth and a lie very simply, is that the truth will set you free. So imagine what a bird right? Feels like flying in the air. And that's it. You had wings for a second. What would you feel like? That's what the truth feels like? The lie makes you feel terrible. Yes. The lie makes you feel paged and trapped. Well, Nyah. Sometimes the truth hurts. Sometimes the truth hurts. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. When the truth is wrapped in a lie. For example. I talk too much. I don't talk too much. I talk a lot. There's a difference because I have a lot to say. I was put on your you do to say a lot of things

Kristina:

a man, sister and that being said, we are all Only a fraction through all the stuff that I want to discuss with you because you are such a gift and we need to get your voice out there as much as possible. Oh my god, I, you guys, if I have to go to Kentucky, I will fly there. If I if I will fly there and interview in person if I have to. There's there's going to be a part two to this. And actually, I have a feeling a lot more episodes because there's something very succinct and empowering about how you present things. And it's, I have to do this, I have to get your voice out there. More than more people need to know about you when I on. That being said, for today. Tell us tell my listeners I know how to find you. I'm coming to get you. But But can you share with my listeners where they can connect with you?

Unknown:

Yes, you can find me on Instagram and Tiktok for now. Hopefully in the near future, I'll be on YouTube at Lanai Roberts. So l a n i A Roberts R OB e RT s no punctuation, no nothing when I Roberts on Instagram and Tiktok. And that same those same that limit www that Lanai roberts.com That's where you can find my website. And yeah, that's how you can get in touch with me and how you can see my content if you want to follow. For more. I'm very excited for you to join my journey. Thank you, for anyone who's listening that wants to be in touch more like, thank you. Yeah,

Kristina:

we need to get you out there. And I only unpacked a fraction of what I wanted to unpack with you. So everybody stay tuned. linea is going to be on several more episodes. And it has just been you're such a light to the world. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you and I, I just feel so grateful for having met you. You are changing the world, you are literally changing the world girlfriend. Yeah.

Unknown:

Can I just say something to that? Yeah,

Kristina:

absolutely.

Unknown:

I may have a way of words. And God has blessed me with some beautiful gifts. And at the end of the day, I am a regular person who has so many doubts, so many thoughts, so many fears. For me to be able to get on the internet, and change the world, in any kind of way proves the fact that it's simply a matter of showing up. And being yourself and being authentic. And being brave enough to put yourself out there to the world. If I can make a difference seriously, anyone can because when I tell you for years, I was scrolling and just watching. Right. For years, I was scrolling in watching. So to become and seeing people speaking like to others and thinking to myself, I could do that. But I don't know, you know, and to see what has happened after I stopped thinking I don't know and I just did it and just did it and just do it and just did it with the little things that I had didn't get by no camera. I just had my phone you know and I got the little lamp stands that I had I am by no lamps, you know, I'm by no lights, no special ring lights. I had the little lamps that I had in my studio. I

Kristina:

started with nothing too. I had a computer I had a little tiny laptop and that's how I started my podcast. I had crappy internet.

Unknown:

Mic and headphones and you all professional. You got the pictures. You got all these things. It's just start baby. Just promise. Me you whoever's listening. Yeah, you're just gonna start and guess what you when it comes to consistency. The last thing I'll say, when it comes to consistency, don't think about numbers. Don't think three times a week. Okay. I think authenticity every time I show up, even if every time you show up is a month apart to two weeks apart whatever it is, but every time you show up the one thing you stay consistent on is authenticity. And being yourself and actually just trying. I hadn't posted for over a month over a month and a half. I had 129,000 followers on Instagram and I hadn't posted over a month and I posted one video and got 80,000 views, just with my followers. You know, the next video I posted get 6.4 million views. My most viral video today, it doesn't matter how often you show up. It simply matters. How authentically you show up every time you do. Okay, so So keep on pushing, keep on

Kristina:

keeping on. Keep on keep going. Yeah, so the great news is, if I literally have to go to Kentucky, whatever it takes, le nya is coming back. We're going to be doing I can see at least several more episodes. Who knows, maybe she'll become a regular. We're gonna see how this unfolds. But there's something so funny with his old white lady and this young black woman, and we just have this crazy friendship connection thing going on. It's awesome.

Unknown:

I'm grateful. I'm 100%. Great. Well, thank you so much for having me on. I appreciate you, girl.

Kristina:

Hey, everyone. Thanks so much for taking time out of your busy life to listen to today's episode. I love learning about what makes you brave. I'm here with you. I see you. I hear you and I want to hear from you. I want to know how you're showing up as being brave and authentic. Connect with me on Instagram at she's brave podcast, or come join our community in the she's brave podcast Facebook group. I'm sending you so much love. Until next time. Keep being brave.

(Cont.) Breaking Free from Negative Self-Talk: Empowering Lessons with Social Media Influencer and Artist LaNia Roberts