She's Brave Podcast - Kristina Driscoll

STRIVE TO THRIVE with Ruthie Silver

October 31, 2023 Kristina Driscoll Episode 58
She's Brave Podcast - Kristina Driscoll
STRIVE TO THRIVE with Ruthie Silver
Show Notes Transcript

Meet Ruthie Silver, host of the podcast, Moms Have More Fun, mom, wife, and health and fitness expert. When her life took a traumatic turn at age 19, she found herself facing the unknown but with the grit to survive no matter what. Today, she uses the strength and understanding of her life and experiences to continue to take care of herself and let that flow out onto her family and other mothers. She motivates moms to strive to thrive, seek balance and prioritize themselves, nurture themselves and others, and move to show up as their best selves everyday. 


In this episode, you will be able to:

  • Appreciate someone else’s journey from trauma to thriving!
  • Learn how to get back on track after “big T” trauma.
  • Learn to see the silver lining in all things.
  • Learn how trauma can unveil grit, strength and tenacity.
  • Understand how important it is to be of support for others and have support for yourself.
  • See the value in celebrating your own growth.
  • Understand the vitality of balance and learn how to prioritize and nurture yourself to be a better parent and spouse.
  • Strive to show up with a positive attitude everyday.


About Ruthie:

Ruthie is a military wife, mom bursting with love for her two young boys, health and fitness expert, and online marketer.  Her mission is to help others stop settling for survival mode, find more joy and lightness in motherhood, and step into the most vibrant versions of themselves.  She is host of the podcast, Moms Have More Fun, where she dispels the notion of the “hot mess mama” and empowers moms to be happy, healthy, and fulfilled - while holding space for raw moments in motherhood and life. She wants moms to remember that they are a priority and in being that priority, to elevate their mindset, health, and fitness to thrive. She works to remind mothers to find balance, feel confident and radiate their own joy. Listen up!


Connect with Ruthie:

https://podcasts.apple.com/nl/podcast/moms-have-more-fun/id1665329847
https://www.instagram.com/ruthie.silver/?hl=en
https://www.instagram.com/moms.have.morefun/?hl=en


Connect with Kristina:
Instagram
Facebook
Join our Podcasters Facebook Group
Website

Loved this episode? Leave us a review and rating here: https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/id1660488233

Kristina:

Hey, everyone, it's Christina Driscoll host of this she's brave Podcast. I'm so glad you're here with me. I did not start out brave at all. But I learned that we can do brave things, one small step at a time. After caregiving for my husband and son for 12 years, it was definitely time for my next chapter. I wanted to get brave women's voices out there in the world. And more importantly, I want all of you to have the courage and the resilience to live your best authentic life. So come along with me and learn how to live your best life. And I want you to hear the brave voices of women all around the world. Hey, everyone, it's Christina with the she's brave podcast today I have a very special guest. Her name is Ruthie Silva. She's the host of the talk mommy to me podcast, which I've been interviewed on. I had so much fun going on your podcast. Ruthie. Hello. It's so great to see you.

Unknown:

Hi, I had so much fun when you were on to and I'm just so glad to be here on your show. So thank you for having me. Yeah. So

Kristina:

I know you were a former middle school teacher. But now you're a communication specialist for a digital and nutrition program. And you're a mom to two small boys. And how old are they now?

Unknown:

My oldest is four and my youngest is two,

Kristina:

yeah, four and two. Okay, and you work full time, I do have the podcast of you and your mom, and I love what you're doing with your podcast, you help moms get away from the hot mess and become their best. So you're helping get really real about what moms need today. And I also just found out some interesting facts about you that you are a victim of a violent crime. And when you were 19. And I want to start with that, because you are not just surviving you are thriving girlfriend, you are like the epitome of a brave woman. And I want to hear more about that and how you got through it and what you are just really thriving. Let's hear about it.

Unknown:

Thank you so much. And I really do appreciate your kind words and your support, I feel so lifted up by you. And this is such a great space for women to share their stories. So yes, I am all of those things. I am a mom, I am a full time employee for a really successful online fitness and nutrition company. And I am all about positive vibes. However, I don't have such a sunny outlook because things have always been hunky dory, things have not always been butterflies and rainbows. When I was 19. I was brutally sexually assaulted in my own home by a stranger who came into my home and assaulted me multiple times and left me tied up in my basement alone.

Kristina:

Unbelievable. I had no idea about any of this with you. And I would guess that about you.

Unknown:

You know, it's not something that I've talked about a lot. I'm actually just starting to talk about it. You never know someone's story and what they've been through and what got them to where they are today. That experience really rocked me. And it was a very public case, it went to trial. Thankfully, in my case, the justice system did its job, and that person will never be doing that to anybody else again. So I'm very grateful for that. But when you're 19, you're really just starting to get a taste of what womanhood is really all about. Right. Like, at home after my first year of college. I met new college friends, I had been in college in the city and I'm from a small little town, and you're just starting to like figure it out. You're out of that high school bubble. You're exploring your interests, you're exploring who you are as a woman and what that means. And so that really, in a way at that pivotal time, put everything to a screeching halt. And I feel like some of that growth opportunity was stunted because all of my energy was focused on like being okay and processing this and dealing with this. But the one thing that I really carry with me as I remember somehow I I don't know how I was have the frame of mind to be thinking in this way. But lying in my basement with my hands tied up and my arms tied up, I didn't want victimhood to be my story. I said, if I make it out of this basement, because I didn't know if I was going to or not, you know, I thought my life was over my parents, were gonna find me down there. And that would be the newspaper story. And that would be the end. I said, if I make it out of this basement, I am not going to live in victimhood.

Kristina:

That is fascinating. I mean, you just really had this fight in you like this incredible courage. Where do you think that came from? Do you have any idea?

Unknown:

Thank you. Where did that come from? That's such an interesting question. I think sometimes when we're faced with things that feel impossible, it either brings things to light, like your will to survive, or it can destroy you. And I just didn't want my story to be Ruthie was such a happy, strong girl. And then this happened. And that was the end of her, that all went downhill. I just didn't want that to be my story. I didn't know how it was gonna go on. I didn't know how it was going to process. I didn't know what the future would hold. But I just knew something about being faced with that sort of danger, rather than make me kind of wither away. In that moment. I wanted to rise. And it wasn't always easy. And it wasn't pretty. And I've had my moments. But that has been a common thread that has shaped how I deal with things and my perspective on life.

Kristina:

Yeah, and I mean, not only getting assaulted in your own home and tied up and not knowing if you were going to survive, that's all traumatic. And you handled that extremely well. Sometimes you hear about people who went through situation like you, and where they will fall apart is in the courts, because they're having to relive it over and over and tell their story. And, you know, all the press and the media. And that's where people can really break down as well. How did you cope with that

Unknown:

I had a really strong support system. My family was really in my corner. That helped a lot. I really trusted the legal team. On my side, I had a great victims advocate, there was a great state's attorney, I think I said this in court, I said, I will not continue to be a victim after that situation ended. And so that was part of showing my strength part of trying to feel victorious and not feel like this person. Not only were you in control of me for that time that you were in my house assaulting me, but you were not in control of me thereafter. And that really got me through I was in and out of therapy, I didn't have great success with therapy. I never like found someone that really clicked. But I was in therapy. So it certainly didn't do any harm. I was talking about it, it wasn't brushed, swept under the rug or anything like that. So I think a variety of factors allowed me to get through it. And some of it honestly, was just preparation and coaching by the legal team. You know, this is what they're going to ask you. Yeah, this is what it's gonna be like, these are kind of best practices. When they're cross examining you. They really set me up to feel prepared. As strange as that sounds. No, no, no, I've heard that. That's what they do. But it sounds like they were particularly even more, you know, very, very prepared and very helpful. Yeah, they were and I had family come out from all over the trial, taking care of us at home cooking meals, like doing all the things I ended up back to school and I took on five classes, and I slowly that was not happening. Yeah. And so I ended up transferring back home and living closer to home. So I was near family for that and kind of made preparing myself for the trial. You know, my big priority.

Kristina:

Yeah. And I would think it's also hard when it's so public like that, that basically, everybody knows. And so you become even a college or whatever you become somewhat of a public figure, and that's difficult as

Unknown:

well. Yeah, you know, at this time, I think Facebook was just getting started. Like maybe at Facebook like my freshman year of college, but it wasn't like how it is today. Everything wasn't plastered all over social media. So if my friends weren't necessary really reading the newspaper didn't have quite the same scope. But it was, you know, it was a small town people knew there was no

Kristina:

high new crime it. Yeah, yeah, that takes a lot of strength.

Unknown:

Thank you. Yeah. So

Kristina:

you, I just as I said, I would never have guessed that about you, you are a very vibrant, happy, confident took the world by the tail kind of person. So how did you cope with that after all the circus media and all that dies down? And that's yet another phase after you've been through what you've been through? And where are you today? Do you think about that very often? Or is it just something that pops up occasionally?

Unknown:

I do think about it, I would say to be honest, probably weekly. Not every day. It's not something that like haunts me on the daily, but there are certain things that will come up. Like if I hear a knock on the door. I mean, it's game over if I'm not expecting it. And I think about it, in the sense that it's kind of like a reference point. For me. It's kind of like, look how far you've come kind of a Yeah. But yeah, it does come up. And there was a time in my life where I wished that I was more emotive, like, I wished that I could force myself to have a complete breakdown. I mean, I developed not healthy coping behaviors. I had eating issues. I really kind of disconnected like, my eyes were, like, empty, like anybody homes rookie there. But I never like had this full on breakdown. And I almost wish that I did. Because then someone could say, wow, look at her. She's really hurting.

Kristina:

I know what you're saying.

Unknown:

And, but I didn't, I didn't my own ways. Like I said, have my, my issues. But I really like Dr. Ahn, I really, there is not much in the day to day that can ruffle my feathers. Like, yeah, and I think that when you've been through something so traumatic, something so serious, like horror movie serious, the little stuff, it's like, oh, man ain't got nothing on me. Like, I'm good a toddler tantrum, like, I can keep my cool through this. My husband dealing, you know, with whatever army thing he's got going on, and I can deal with this, him being like, we got this, we're good. No. So it does kind of give you like, well, when you compare it to what happened to you, then everything's, everything's gravy, you know, compared to that. And so I really just try and seek out the good in life, wherever I can. And I love that. Yeah, I seek it out. I'm on the hunt for anything that I can make into a beautiful moment into a happy moment. joyful moment. That's where I'm at today. Like, I just yeah,

Kristina:

you're completely thriving. I mean, I keep saying it, but you're not just surviving, you're thriving, and you really are working hard to help moms. And you do not like the idea of moms being a hot mess, if you want to help them to be their best. And you get really real about what moms need today. What do you think moms need today? How are you helping them?

Unknown:

So here's the thing, I think it's great that moms have this outlet where we can vent, right where we can say it can be hard, like we are doing a lot, it is not a cakewalk here like there are things about motherhood that we are struggling with that are difficult for us that make us feel guilt or shame or burnt out or invisible. You know all those things, it's healthy to be able to express those things. But I think we've almost over compensated to where now the expectation is that those things are the new normal for motherhood and we should almost expect them because that's just what motherhood is. And so I don't subscribe to this hot mess. version of motherhood that's portrayed on social media, right? I don't have any time for myself. I'm in like dirty leggings every day. My toddlers are terrorizing me until my husband gets home and then you know, I'm no longer captive to them. Those sorts of things. And don't get me wrong. There's a funny real here and there about moms like yeah, being on the toilet as their only break in the day. Like I get it. I've been there. I have two two little ones, you know, that's not lost on me. But I just think that we as moms can lift each other up to like A higher branch of saying, hey, motherhood doesn't need to be a survival mode sentence. Motherhood doesn't need to mean that I'm a watered down stale version of myself. And then I'm just the village vending machine for my family. Like you can be a happy loving mom. And you can take care of yourself, you can laugh, you can set healthy boundaries, you can be present and loving, but also like feel confident, and you know, tell people what you need and ask for help. You know, it doesn't have to be in the trenches all the time for the next 18 years of your life. And it just bought worries me and bothers me that this is such a common image that I'm seeing motherhood on social media, that it's being masked as this version of motherhood that I think we can change.

Kristina:

Yeah, and this all makes so much sense, because you're very, very passionate about the fact that you survived and thrived through assault when you were 19. And you feel that way about motherhood now to like, that's basically I think your message, don't just allow yourself to sink into being a victim. And yeah, take all the good out of it. And I love how you say that. Your goal is to show up with a positive attitude every day. And that is true bravery.

Unknown:

Thank you. Yeah, I do consider that bravery. Because there are a lot of things that could try and take you down. Or that you could perceive as trying to take you down. I think a lot of it is perception and expectation.

Kristina:

Definitely. What do you think is the main quality that makes a great parent, maybe I'll say great mom, a great mom.

Unknown:

I think that a great mom is someone who nurtures themselves and their kids, I think nurturing is really important. And that starts with us, right? So if we're nurturing ourselves and our needs, then we can nurture our kids. And so I think that that's kind of like a layered answer. Nurturing to me involves like being in tune with your needs, and the needs of people around you. Nurturing to me means like fostering a spirit of being content and seeking out things that make you feel happy and bright. And that transfers to our kids. So I think if moms are nurturing themselves, they can nurture their kids. Oh, I love them much more.

Kristina:

Yeah. And we serve as a role model for them to be nurturing to themselves as well. Yeah,

Unknown:

I think that's really important. I mean, there are a lot of qualities that I think, make a great parent, but it's not something that you can like put on the checklist, like check it off, and you'll be a great mom, like, say this do this kind of approach. I think it's kind of like a soul thing.

Kristina:

Yeah. Yeah. Well said. So you are a very, very busy mom, I really did want to emphasize that because you do work full time. You don't have family close by. So it's not like you've got your mom coming in to help out. And even your husband is in the army. So he is away one weekend, a month. He's busy too. So it's not like you have it easy in any way. named something on your to do list that never gets done. I really want to know. Something on

Unknown:

my to do list that never gets done. Yeah. Oh, my goodness. So the first thing that came to mind is, I feel like this is a kind of cop out answer. So you can call me out on if it is. And I'm very lucky to be able to say this answer. But I personally, like never clean. Like I never do it. I always say I'm going to like clean the floor or vacuum the floor. But I never do it. And here's why. It's because I married a man in the military who is obsessed. And so who's lets me off the hook, and will do it for me. Cleaning?

Kristina:

I think that's a very honest answer.

Unknown:

It's a very honest answer. But you know, it speaks to the fact that as a busy mom and as a military spouse, my husband's active duty on the army, we have to kind of divide and conquer sometimes. Like I am not doing it on my own. We have to have kind of a very clear cut system for who's doing what so that's part of how I manage it all. I do the cooking. He does the cleaning. And I love it for us.

Kristina:

Yeah, I think it's fantastic.

Unknown:

But I will say one other thing I was just talking to my sister in law about this is the post office like why is going to the post office. The thing that is the hardest thing about adulting Like if I have something to physically go to the post office that never gets done, like I never go to the post office. So that would be my second response. It's not happening. Yeah.

Kristina:

It's because there's always a line, it takes a lot longer than you think it will you have to drive there. And it's usually a drive. And then you have to wait in line. There's always a line. Yeah, what time of day? Oh,

Unknown:

I think it's something about it's like, do I have the right stamp? Or do I have the right box? Like, what? It's just, that never gets done? You're waiting for me to tell you something. Sorry.

Kristina:

Not gonna happen. Okay, well, I won't expect anything from you. So when you wake up in the morning, as a mom, what's your number one priority.

Unknown:

So I am in that like phase of motherhood, where sometimes I'm waking up on my own terms. And sometimes I'm waking up to like, Mommy, mommy, mommy. And so I kind of have two answers to that. So my goal is to set my alarm and wake up before my kids, because I like to kind of take charge of my day, and have a little me time in the morning. But my overall goal is to greet the day with the best version of me possible and to support those that need me most. Love that. That's beautiful. So if it's my kid needing me to go in and like snuggle with him in the morning, or need me to get him water, then I'm like, I'm up for it. If it's me, and I have time to drink my coffee, read my book, get my workout in the morning. I'm up for it.

Kristina:

Yeah. All right. Well, I like to play a game. I don't always do it. But it's really fun. I'm just gonna give you a word, and come back with another word that pops into your head or a phrase or a sentence, or we can have a whole discussion about it. Oh, so we're gonna play the word game. And it's really fun. So first word is resilience,

Unknown:

resilience? I would say, being the water, not the rock.

Kristina:

Wow, I've never heard that answer before.

Unknown:

But it's a good one. Thanks. I think resilience is being able to go with the flow, it's being able to wear down on things that are holding you back. Maybe that rock is in your way. Resilience is being able to fit yourself into different shapes, depending on what life is demanding of you. So to me, resilience is being in the water and not being that rock stuck there.

Kristina:

Yeah, great answer. That is a beautiful, beautiful answer. I absolutely love that perspective. So your second word is optimism.

Unknown:

The world is a comedy, not a tragedy. Okay, let's

Kristina:

expand on that. Where did that come from?

Unknown:

My grandfather always used to say the world is a comedy or a tragedy you pick.

Kristina:

So it's your choice. Yeah. That's great. That's so beautiful. Yeah,

Unknown:

I choose comedy. And doesn't mean I'm laughing at everything. You know, my story. I haven't been laughing through it all. But I think if you look for something to laugh about, you'll find it. And if you expect to laugh, you will.

Kristina:

Yeah, your next word is parenting.

Unknown:

The biggest blessing ever.

Kristina:

Ah, that's so beautiful. It's so true, isn't it? Yeah, I'm

Unknown:

obsessed. Yeah, I find motherhood to be so expansive, and to so wonderful.

Kristina:

Me too. I was actually really listening to the interview that you did of me. So I listened to your podcast earlier today. And you were expanding on about how being a parent is just really a total spiritual journey. And I just loved that. It was just like, oh, this is so great. You know, it's what a great attitude like it's just a big spiritual journey where we're learning as parents and what a blessing it is. Yeah, I

Unknown:

think so. I think you know, if you feel like I've lost myself in motherhood, I don't know who I am. I encourage you to try and view it as a very expansive experience and see what new things you can discover about yourself. Rather than viewing it as a limiting one. See what I can open up for you and stretch yourself a little bit.

Kristina:

Love that. Love that so much. Your last word is brave. Let's see.

Unknown:

I love this game, isn't it,

Kristina:

it brings out another dimension and people

Unknown:

it really does. I'm trying not to like have to think of the perfect thing. And just think of what comes to my mind because I couldn't have the tendency to get up in my head. So bravery, to me means expecting and facilitating the most open, strong version of yourself.

Kristina:

That's beautiful. I've never heard that either. Beautiful. I

Unknown:

just made it up. I think it's like expecting it like I can do this. I will do this and also like facilitating it like cultivating the skills, the mindset things needed to get to that place and connect have you to do that like over and over and over again? Yeah,

Kristina:

yeah. That's beautiful. Ruthie, you are such a beautiful soul. Thank you, thank you for coming on and being like 100% wide open and just telling all of my listeners, not just the good stuff. But some of the bad stuff to that I didn't know about either before we jumped on today, and for just being open and honest and being willing to share your brave journey because it's incredibly brave. It's incredibly brave.

Unknown:

Oh, thank you so much. Thank you for making this such a safe space for women to come together and share those moments, the highs, the lows, and we can learn from one another and we can kind of feed off of each other's bravery and take bits and pieces from each other and use it to bolster our own brave selves. So thank you so much for giving us this opportunity. Yeah,

Kristina:

you're welcome. And I want to find out how my listeners can get in touch with you.

Unknown:

Amazing, that would be great. I love to connect with new friends, new women. There are a couple places you can find me the podcast is talk mommy to me. It is on all podcast platforms. I also hang out a lot on Instagram. My personal one is Ruthie dot Silva. And then I have a podcast account. Talk mommy to me pod. Okay, awesome.

Kristina:

Thank you so much, Ruthie for sharing your journey with us today.

Unknown:

Oh, thank you so much.

Kristina:

Hey, everyone. Thanks so much for taking time out of your busy life to listen to today's episode. I love learning about what makes you brave. I'm here with you. I see you. I hear you and I want to hear from you. I want to know how you're showing up as being brave and authentic. Connect with me on Instagram at she's brave podcast or come join our community in the she's brave podcast Facebook group. I'm sending you so much love. Until next time. Keep being brave.