WOMEN AND CONFIDENCE with Founder/CEO Lydia Fenet

Women are dynamic! Women are powerhouses! Lydia Fenet has single-handedly raised over $1 BILLION dollars for more than 800 organizations. After being interviewed on The Today Show, she sits down with Kristina and discusses her extraordinary self-confidence journey from being a charity auctioneer for Christie’s, to being an entrepreneur, 2-time best-selling author, motivational speaker and host of the podcast, Claim Your Confidence, and how she now uses her journey to aid other women in their confidence journey as well. At the young age of 24, Lydia got the rare opportunity to become an auctioneer in an industry that was almost completely male-dominated.   Lydia continued to go after what she wanted with the understanding that “no doesn’t mean forever”! Today, she is the Founder and CEO of the Lydia Fenet Agency, a boutique agency representing top tier charity auctioneers. Lydia has broken down countless barriers for women in the auction industry. This is motivation! This is confidence!

In this episode, you will be able to:

• Cheer yourself on! This conversation is so motivational that you can’t help but see yourself in Lydia’s story!
• Understand that “no doesn’t mean forever” and to embolden yourself to go after what you want no matter what!
• Expect your journey to be imperfect and know that’s half the fun of it!
• Realize that confidence doesn’t come when you’re at the top of the mountain!
• BE AUTHENTIC! Understand that success is absolutely dependent upon you being yourself!
• Determine YOUR Strike Method!

About Lydia

Lydia Fenet is the founder and CEO of the Lydia Fenet Agency, a boutique agency representing best in class charity auctioneers. Over her two-decade long career, Lydia served as the Global Managing Director of Strategic Partnerships for Christie’s and reshaped the fundraising landscape as the world’s leading charity auctioneer. Widely recognized for her poise and power onstage, she has stood alongside celebrities including Bruce Springsteen, Hugh Jackman, Elton John, Matt Damon and Jerry Seinfeld to raise record-breaking donations for the most notable charities across the globe. Lydia is the author of two best-selling books, The Most Powerful Woman in the Room is You & Claim Your Confidence, as well as the podcast host of, Claim Your Confidence in collaboration with Rockefeller Center.  Her first book was optioned by Netflix in 2022 for a series that will be produced by Chernin Entertainment starring Kiernan Shipka as the lead. Lydia is represented by CAA and travels internationally to speak to companies about unlocking their sales potential, empowering people in the workplace and the art of public speaking. 

https://lydiafenet.com/
https://www.instagram.com/lydiafenet/
https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/e4152970-9b4d-4f9d-b219-8bbfa48c6f3d/claim-your-confidence-with-lydia-fenet
https://www.instagram.com/claimyourconfidencepodcast/

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Transcript

Kristina: 0:05

Hey everyone, it's Christina Driscoll host of this she's brave Podcast. I'm so glad you're here with me. I did not start out brave at all. But I learned that we can do brave things, one small step at a time. After caregiving for my husband and son for 12 years, it was definitely time for my next chapter. I wanted to get brave women's voices out there in the world. And more importantly, I want all of you to have the courage and the resilience to live your best authentic life. So come along with me and learn how to live your best life. And I want you to hear the brave voices of women all around the world. Hey, everyone, it's Christina with the she's brave podcast, you guys. I'm like, overly excited today. Because today, we have a woman who was really groundbreaking in her own way she has accomplished so much. It's crazy. But I do want to just start it out with saying that she was really one of the first women who was a female auctioneer, when she started, they were probably 1% of the people that were auctioneers were women. But she's done so much more, including writing two incredible books that you're definitely going to want to read. Okay, here we go there. This is a very long intro because Lydia Bennett has done so much. Hi, Lydia. Hi, I'm

Unknown: 1:55

so excited to be on here. I love your enthusiasm. Oh

Kristina: 1:58

yeah. I just love your whole story and your books and your message and everything. So, Lydia is the founder and CEO of the Lydia fenit agency, a boutique agency representing best in class charity auctioneers. Now keep in mind, ladies that even today, only less than 24% of all auctioneers are women, it's still a heavily male dominated industry. Over her two decade long career, Lydia served as the global Managing Director of Strategic Partnerships for Christie's and reshaped the fundraising landscape as the world's leading charity. auctioneer. Talk about an incredible career where you feel like you're just giving back to everyone in the world. I think it's incredible. Lydia, you have single handedly raised over $1 billion for more than 800 organizations and broken down countless barriers for women in the auction industry. Okay, Lydia, also is the author of two best selling books. The most powerful woman in the room is you OMG. The minute I saw that title, I was like, I'm reading this book, like the title is just incredible. The most powerful woman in the room is you. Let's own it, ladies, we're going to talk about it. And the second book is called claim your confidence. And Lydia and I were chatting right before I hit record about this topic is needed more than ever for women. And we're going to talk more about that later. So the book is actually claim your confidence, unlock your superpower and create the life you want. Okay, and I still have to add on that you're the podcast host of claim your confidence. I like what bessac And I absolutely loved your interview on The Today Show. It was awesome.

Unknown: 4:04

Thank you so much. I know. There are a lot of things going on at all times. But that's who I am at the core I fire on all cylinders. No question.

Kristina: 4:14

You do and I want to go back because your whole life is a she's brave story. This is just like so awesome. And I want to go back to the beginning. How did you even go into the field of being an auctioneer? This pretty much all male dominated industry that took brick and a lot of guts.

Unknown: 4:35

It took a lot of guts. Yeah. It started with a career at Christie's which I think even if you look at my journey, it's just a curious thing. I always ever since I was little been the kind of person who read something or see something that captures my imagination. And then once I see it or hear it, I can't stop thinking about it. And I read about Christie's Auction House when I was in College in Vanity Fair, I read an article about Princess Diana's dresses being sold at this place called Christie's Auction House in New York City. And article talks about the people who work in the auction world and they were glamorous. They were well traveled. This was the world full, rich playground of the elite. And everything in it was something that I wanted desperately to know more about, and to see firsthand and to, frankly be part of. And so I applied for an internship at Christie's, which I did not get because the internship had been full for about six months. At that point, I was calling I think about two months before the internship program started in June. And this was over 20 years ago, internships were handed out to family, friends and people who collected art whose kids wanted a job. And it wasn't really taken seriously. It was just sort of something that people did. And I had no idea. So I called the internship coordinator. And she was like, oh, yeah, that's been full since January. You know, I grew up in Louisiana, that it wasn't a place where people were doing internships at companies because they were thinking about their college or their after school activities being what allowed them to get that job after college. That's just wasn't the way we were thinking when I was young. And so I ended up basically stalking this internship coordinator for two weeks. I just did not I love it lent the answer. No, I wanted the answer. Yes, because I was meant to work there. And I knew it after reading that article. And sure enough, two weeks in, I wore her down, I asked enough questions until I asked the right question, which was, why does the internship program only have 30 people to which she replied, museums can only take two groups of 15. So we only have 32, which I replied, Well, I don't need to go to museums. And it wasn't in why I was going overseas. I wanted to be there. And I said, Listen to all the interns are going in the afternoon, why can't I just stay and you pinch it. And then I can go with one of the interns isn't there. And the funniest part about it is, as you can imagine, with a bunch of college students, when it wasn't something that people were taking seriously, people missed their internships every day. And so I ended up going on those museums tours anyway. And that was really how it started for me. So I started as an intern, I went back after college and got a job and stayed there. And about three years in, they offered the entire company the opportunity to try out to be auctioneers. And the curious part about that. And one thing that I am always talking about to people about timing is how if we're open to things when they come our way. And we understand that sometimes even when we want it, it's not going to line up at that exact time. But if we're open, we can always go back to things. I had wanted to be an auctioneer since the first time I saw them on the rostrum. No, no question. I wanted to be up there. But the only allowed officers in the company to try out. And so for years in a lot of officers of the company who had families or who had a huge travel commitments, ended up missing auctions, they missed flights. Frankly, they didn't take it seriously. So they were a little hung over, they didn't want to go. And I remember this one NASA client had an auction. And our auctioneer didn't show up. And the auctioneer is, listen, we need a deeper bench. So they opened it up, we'll company and I went down with my boss and my boss's boss. And it was a four day tryout. And people got cut every day like Survivor. And the first day my boss got caught the second day, my boss's boss got cut. And third day, I was still there with a group of guys. And the fourth day, I was the only woman who was still there. And I was there with three guys, two of whom were British, and they were all a lot older than me. And that was it. That was the beginning. And I think because I was so young, it was 24. At the time, I didn't have a family, I didn't really have that many friends in New York, I really worked all the time. And so my friends were at work. This was the first opportunity to go on a business trip to Kansas City or to do anything where I got to take a taxi and I didn't have to be in a subway and the company would pay for the taxi. You know, they're like, these little things that were so exciting to me at 24. And I just took every opportunity I could to get on the stage. And that was really how it started. For me.

Kristina: 9:02

I absolutely love this story. Because I feel like there's so many lessons in just this five minute monologue that you did. And it all started with you contacting Christie's and saying, I want to be an intern and them saying no. And you had the grit and the perseverance, to just say I'm gonna keep trying different angles. You were thinking outside of the box, basically, when you said, Oh, but I don't have to go to the museums. And I interviewed another woman Sara Hammond recently. She's like, I think the top recruiter in New York City and she said no, doesn't mean No, forever. And that seems like that was already ingrained in you at such a young age that you knew that just because somebody says no. That doesn't mean it's over. Yeah, at all. Like I think so many of us in particular women, that's a thing for us, like we say, Oh, we get the courage that we finally get the courage to make That phone call and then the answer is no. And then we're like, Well, okay, on to the next thing.

Unknown: 10:06

What do you also see as the person who hears the word? No. And then they never try again? And they never try again. Yeah. And that's inlife biggest mistake you can make. Because as the recruiter who you interviewed said, No, doesn't mean No, always. It just means no right then, but also in sales. If you really think about it, when someone says no. Why are they saying no? Is it the timing? Is it the product? Like what is it that's making them say No, at that point, and if you can figure out what the root of that is, a lot of times you can change that no to a yes. Or you can figure out when the timing will be right. Maybe the answer is because of fiscal years ending in the next month, but in two months, they're gonna have the budget for it like, you just never know. So it's not about being scared of the word. No, it's about digging a little more. Okay, so I understand that. You just have to understand that you will be in a place over the course of your life where you will hear the word no, or you'll hear something that doesn't seem great. It's not going to feel great. But if you let it stop you there, then you're doing yourself a huge disservice. Because at the end of the day, the more you learn to just thrown out the window, Oh, it didn't work out like whatever, I'll just try something else. That is where confidence comes from, because you're embolden yourself to keep going after things no matter what the answer is, what the outcome is. And that's a really freeing place to live wise.

Kristina: 11:26

Ah, yes, yes, yes. Lydia, it's like your books, I'm so grateful that you have written your books that the word is getting out, because your message is the kind of message that I want women all around the world to hear. And by the way, I don't generally check my statistics, but I did this morning, and you know, after months, and I was like, Oh, I'm in 50. Countries. Yeah. I literally can say, women around the world are listening. And it's so cool. I want to this next topic again, is is so I love the story about you. Because I think right now, my listeners, I want to say everybody, hang on, some of you are saying oh my gosh, this woman is perfect. I'm not like her, I can never be like her. This is not me. I can't relate. Ladies, you can relate. Trust me, because I love this next part, which is, Lydia, you are working as an auctioneer with all older men. Right? And you were not authentic to yourself. You were like OMG I have to be like them. So tell us more about that journey. And how that changed for you. Yeah,

Unknown: 12:46

and I do hope if you're listening to this podcast that I am far from perfect. No one is perfect. And that is not the title I'm trying to live up to in my life. I meant just trying to live the life that I want to live. And it is far from perfect. And actually, I think it's more fun because it is imperfect. Because make you Yes. I mean, the part of the fun is just not getting things right all the time. Yes. I like the amount of yourself. Yeah, I opened my second book. And I'll go back to your question that I want to just say this too. I opened my second book, claim your confidence, talking about being on book tour for my first book. And I'd had two weeks in New York City that were everything I've ever wanted. I went on today's show, Christie's launched the book with a dinner for 100 women. I mean, it was the best two weeks of my life. And this was 2019. So we hadn't even had COVID yet he was really lightened was great. And I flew out to San Francisco for my first book event. And I'll make a very long story short, that after like the most perfect first day in San Francisco, I walked into my first book event, and there was one person there.

Kristina: 13:49

Oh, my goodness. So you went kind of like from one extreme to the other, which as we both know, being podcast furs, and being, you know, like business people like entrepreneurs. That's the reality of entrepreneurship is all that one day you're on top of the world. And the next one person shows

Unknown: 14:10

up, and the story doesn't get better from there. I decided to open my second book with it because I do think that I remember posting an Instagram post that morning before I got to the book event in San Francisco on top of this the Golden Gate Bridge saying something like here I come San Francisco like watch out. The most powerful woman in the room is here. Well wall that was probably one of the bridesmaids giving a speech for one person with a moderator by the way. So actually, there was more than one person because there was someone interviewing me. But my point in telling people that was and I said this in the book many times, that confidence doesn't come when you're at the top of the mountain and competence comes when you have a book signing for one person and you end up not even a book sending a book talk where I had to give a speech. It was recruiting people in the bookstore who said that they did not want to come even when I was asking them point blank. That is where confidence comes from. But if you don't put yourself out there, you're never going to have opportunity. So do it. Okay, so back to the auctioneering.

Kristina: 15:04

I love that story. By the way, thank you for sharing. I think that was the perfect place to share that. Yeah,

Unknown: 15:09

I feel like the beauty of podcasting, you know, and as you said, are no rules, which is the best part, like throw in your stories when you can. So as I said, I became an auctioneer when I was 24. And I was trained by guys who just had a very different style. They were art auctioneer, so they would go on stage. And they would pretend that they were selling a Picasso when in fact, they were selling a puppy. So what does that mean? Art auctioneering is what you see in the movies. It's 500 people seated in a room and chairs, very orderly, they have their paddles, there's a man in black tie who's standing up there, and he's like, I'm gonna sell this Picasso for $1 million. And that is what an art auctioneer looks like. And charity auctions are where you go into a party, basically, anywhere in the country. any night of the week, someone has decided to raise money by throwing a themed Gala. Everybody's dressed up, everyone's drinking, they sit down at their tables, their speeches, and the auctioneer gets up there, and tries to sell something that let's be honest, nobody really wants 1030 At night, everybody's been drinking. And what I've seen time and time again, we're the guys who were at auctioneer's, were taking that same style, to the stage to the charity auction. And so people are sitting there watching them sell a puppy with the same sort of grandeur in the same language that you would use when you were trying to sell something for$100 million to a dog that's like literally biting the leg of their pants. You know, while it's happening, there was no humor, there was nothing about it that was making it exciting for the people who were out there. And I got up on stage thinking to myself, like, I'm gonna change things, and I defaulted into exactly what I had been taught to do, which was sell a puppy, like I was selling a Picasso 11 o'clock at night. And I did it for many, many years, and nobody paid attention. People talked over me, it is one of the most soul crushing jobs you can ever imagine. Because especially in New York City, people don't care if you're up there talking, they just talk right over you. Nobody even tries. Now, there is no interest in listening, a couple of people will give. But what I realized over almost a decade of doing this at this point, was the problem was that I wasn't being authentic. I was a young woman doing a job I wasn't supposed to be doing in the eyes of the people there. So why was I acting the way I'd seen all these people acting? So I write in my first book, under the chapter sell is yourself. There was this aha moment one morning when I was really, really, I say in the book, I was sick, but I was actually just really hungover. I'll just tell your listeners. That is another moment moment of humanity, I'm sure. Absolutely. Yeah, I was so hungover. And I woke up on a Saturday morning, and I was dying. I was like, There's no way I can take this. But what did I say earlier, everybody else had families. Everybody else was older. So I was calling around on the Saturday begging people to take this auction for me. And they were like, Sorry, no can do like we got tickets to my kids play or it was just like, No, you're at no one else is taking it. So I crawled to the Central Park boathouse, which is the most beautiful place in New York City. I mean, I could barely sit I was like shaking. That's how sick I was. And I remember getting up at the podium. And usually, especially at that point in my career, if I got up I would get that full adrenaline that you get right before you go on stage. It's almost like you've passed a cop going on around an hour. So I got up on stage, but that adrenaline didn't take me into my like sort of false, British male persona. It just took me back into kind of my dry sarcastic sense of humor. So as a 29 year old woman, the first lot I would have sold by saying Ladies and gentlemen, that number one is a cocktail party and a dinner at the home of Jennifer was a top client and blah blah blah like boring boring boring. Instead, I realized right for a sofa lock at the woman I was about to sell the dinner at her home was a woman who had been seated next to probably five years prior when the guy thought it was gonna marry had dumped me the night before. Oh my gosh, shutting down. I mean, it was like such Kismet. I sat down next to her. I mean, she had an art collection worth over 100 Maybe $200 million. And this was like in the early aughts. So I just remember I sat next to her and she doesn't How are you doing? And I said, Well, I'm not doing so well. And then I started to sob like, not like, Oh, I'm gently crying. I'm like, absolutely hysterical. I was devastated. I was telling her all about it. She could not have been nicer. I mean, she dried my tears. She gave me wine. She gave me chocolate. She dried more tears. We use the tablecloth at one point because the tears were coming so quickly, loud and the first lot was a cocktail party to dinner at her house. So instead of going on and blathering on about the specifics of this event, I said a cocktail party in a dinner at home at the home of Jennifer pretend people with Daniel blue cooking there is no doubt this is going to be world class but I sat next to Jennifer when the man I thought I was gonna marry dumped me and she nursed me back to health over the course of one hour. So if you're seeing a therapist, save your money, go to Jennifer. Love it, but no time and it was So funny, Christina because the audience started to laugh. Yeah, I'd never had a laugh because I've been so serious and taking a seriously. It's so I remember thinking, what if I dig in and do a little more of that. And so the second lot, I really kind of went to town on a joke about Mexico. And all of a sudden, I remember there was a man who turned his chair towards me. And after a decade, so let's call it like 700 auctions where people just ignored me to watch a crowd actually react, I was like, Wait a second, this is what I need to do. Like, this is how I need to show up as someone who shouldn't be doing this job. Because they're already in on the joke. They're looking at someone who doesn't look like the person who should be doing this job. And that's really kind of how it all started for me. And so if that had been the only time that had happened, and maybe I did one more like that, and had gotten semi Well, great. But it became one of those things that all of a sudden, the word started getting out there. And I remember the chairman of Christie's called, he's like, Lydia, I just call from a major client. And I'm just wondering, what exactly are you doing on stage that's going, you know, and he was just like, all of a sudden, I was getting calls from our top clients. And then our lead auctioneer, this guy, Christopher bird, she was at that time, probably in his mid 60s. And I mean, it always he did charity auctions because he was one of the top art auctioneers in the world. He called me and he's like, Listen, I don't know what's going on. But I'm hearing all this great stuff about you. Would you want to take this for one of our biggest clients, and I remember being like, I can't believe this is happening. Like, I can't leave, I get to take that. And that was kind of how it started for me. And it's been since that time, it's been like, over 12 years that I've had this style, I taught pretty much every charity auctioneer out of Christie's for almost a decade. And it really became this passion of mine. And the performance element of it has helped so many nonprofits around the world, because I know how to control a stage. I know what to do when things aren't going well. And I know how to engage people, which is what it takes to be a really good charity auctioneer. So it's been fun. And then I left Christie's in May to start my own auctioneering agency. So now I source talent for people, which

Kristina: 22:02

is wow. Such a great story. And I just love that, you know, you said you did it that not a very good way for about 10 years when

Unknown: 22:13

the painful time. The 10,000 hours of pain, I did it. And I learned from it. And I like to say now I just said this on the meeting this morning. There's literally nothing that can go wrong on stage that I haven't seen before. Like no microphone for 500 people that's happened to me multiple times, like I know exactly what to do. I know what to do. If somebody like passes out in the middle of the auction, like all of these things that sound like they could never happen, actually do happen. And time and experience and practice and not afraid to go back even when they've gone really badly, which happens a lot to get back on that stage.

Kristina: 22:49

I love that story of Jennifer consoling you and then you turning it around and selling the dinner and personalizing it and making it relatable. I think that's a really big key to

Unknown: 23:05

notice. That's what sales is about. It's about authenticity, right? It's about selling sell as yourself. Because by the way, people know when they look at you who you are no matter if you're a 29 year old using language of an older British gentleman, they get that. And they don't think that it isn't true. They just think that not being yourself. Yeah. Fraud. Really. When you come into your own and you feel comfortable being yourself and using your language. That's when you'll really start to unlock things.

Kristina: 23:34

Yeah, I definitely want to dive deep into more about women and confidence. But before we go there, I kinda want to talk about a really fun topic. Yes, the gavel? Yeah. Tell us about the gavel.

Unknown: 23:51

Well, the gavel and the strike method is really kind of what I talk a lot about. And it's frankly, how I opened my first book, if you've ever written a book, if you've ever wanted to write a book, one thing that actually my literary agent told me when I was writing was you need to find your angle, what differentiates your story from everybody else? What makes it unique. And so I decided to start off my first book, writing about the moments right before I walk on stage. And so I started with Lydia, you're on in 10 seconds. And I tell the audience, what I see from my perspective, as I stand backstage looking at 1000 pairs of eyes watching a carefully edited video right before I go out there, trying to get everybody's emotions ready and tug at the heartstrings before I go out there to ask them for money. And to get my nerves in check and to make myself feel powerful. I realized very early on, I would bring my gavel and I would slam it down three times, every single time. And so a friend of mine once said, he's like you should patent that move, because every time that we hear that gavel slammed on three times, we no longer like there's Lydia she's getting on stage. And I realized that it had become something that was so intuitive to me that it allowed me to in many ways and was Take the fear and push it aside completely, because I knew no gavel went down. I knew exactly what was coming out of my mouth. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, my name is Lydia fernet. I'm here from Christie's Auction House, I could not be more delighted to see you this evening or something like that. And then after I left Christie's I dropped the Christie's part. And then now it's just one continuous sentence, that motion that strike method, as I call it allows me to go out on that stage with confidence. I don't need to think about what I'm going to do. I don't need to think about what I'm going to say. And as a result of that, I never have fear. When I walk on stage, I have adrenaline energy, but I'm not nervous. And I realized that I started doing that when I went to meetings. If I did that, when I had difficult conversations, instead of walking in and being like, what am I going to do, if I would just find something that felt like that felt like that moment of power and strength, I would be set up for any conversation or difficult moment or presentation that I gave from that moment on. And so I say to people, think of your strike method, line up your sentence, come up with your mantra for me, it's the gavel strike, I have a friend who every time she has a Zoom meeting, she said that she literally hits the bottom of the table. Because if to say, here we go. And when she went back to work, she does the same thing. I have a client who found a red pebble on the beach after she read the book. And like, she brings that red pebble with her. anytime she has a presentation, she puts it in her pocket. She's like, I reach in and I touch it. And there's something about it. That just makes me feel powerful. It's almost like your feather, your dumbass feather. And so the strike method for me became this kind of mantra for people to not walk in feeling like they were reacting or on their back foot, but to walk in feeling strong and confident. And I actually did an entire line of little gold gavel term necklaces, which I call the strike method necklace, so that if you don't feel like you have one, you have one that you can borrow

Kristina: 26:47

I love that. Just been that it's fun to,

Unknown: 26:51

like, hold it to the to they're just like, twist. Yeah. Yeah.

Kristina: 26:55

Because maybe they don't know what to use. And then they can use that necklace. And it's just such a beautiful, basic concept. And yet, I have never really heard it that way. You know, just to really gather up your strength and not like as in aggressiveness. Not that at all. But to be able to just gather and focus your strength and go into that room with that positive sense of confidence. It's so beautiful. Yeah,

Unknown: 27:26

to really own your power to feel like you're stepping into this moment where you're in control, as opposed to being like, Oh, I feel nervous. I feel like no, you don't you're there show up, come in it from a point of strength? Because if you do, then that's gonna set the tone for everything. I mean, how many times have you been in a meeting where you watch someone's face go read as they talk, it's like starts here. And all of a sudden, their voices wobbling, and they don't know what to do. Like, if you had really thought about what you were going to say before you walked in here, and you knew coming in here that like you were going to be strong. And this was your opening sentence. A lot of those nerves go away the minute you start talking. So it was just getting out of your mouth to a great start. It's, you're ready to go?

Kristina: 28:06

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm gonna confess something. Speaking of vulnerability, I have interviewed a lot of people as you know, different levels of this and that, but I was so blown away by you that I was nervous when I hit record first, maybe for the first time in like, I don't know, at least six months. I'm like, Well, you should. I also knew that the minute I begin talking, and the confidence will come and it's okay, but I'm loving like your techniques. So let's talk a little bit more about your second book, because it's all about confidence. And I'm so with you on this that. I think as women, in some situations, we're going backwards, I worry about that I have a son. And it's somewhat with the boys too. But it's more with the young women. I feel like the social media and just the world in general, we're telling them, You need to be dropped a gorgeous, you need to be put together at all times. You need to have it together all the time. You have to be successful. And I think that there's a huge amount of confidence issues out there in the world. Would you agree with that?

Unknown: 29:21

Yeah, I definitely agree with that. And I think statistically, we're seeing that, you know, social media doesn't help social media is a really, really hard thing to figure out. I mean, I have two daughters. I have a daughter who's 11. And I have a daughter who's six. And I have a son who's nine and my 11 year olds on the cusp of that social media thing. We don't let her have a phone, but her friends have phone. So I know that she sees things and I'm not a lot. I don't want her to not know. But at this point, I mean, give me a study that tells me that social media is good for kids. I know that it's not good for anyone because I see it even in my own friends when they're like, Yeah, my gosh, did you see that this person was doing this and I'm like, No, you don't think Have a good day like, why do you? Yeah, yeah. And I think one of my favorite phrases, and I use this on myself, anytime I find that I'm feeling jealous, or I see something that makes that feeling that we all know that when that doesn't feel so good. I repeat to myself and I will share this with your listeners, because I think it's just the most pure phrase, Comparison is the thief of joy. Think about that. Comparison is the thief of joy. Yeah, if you're happy, and you're going along, and everything's going well, and you look on social media, and you see that someone's having a party and you're not invited what happens? It makes you feel terrible, right? So I say to people, a lot of times Instagram for me, I'm very active on Instagram, I post every day because I sell things through Instagram. But I do not spend time scrolling on Instagram. That's exactly me too. I have to post every day but I don't scroll don't scroll. It don't scroll think it serves us. I don't think it serves us and I've had friends say to me like you never watch my stories. And like I don't watch anyone stories because I don't want to feel that way. Now I know that if I spend too much time on there, I don't mind it every once in a while. If I'm on the subway, sometime. I'm also really busy living the life I want to live and creating. Me too. Yeah, me to work to be an entrepreneur, you gotta, you gotta be using that creativity in that time to build things for your own company and for your own brand. Because another thing we talked about success is not linear. Success has a lot of curves, and the only person who can make you successful as you said, All that time I spend scrolling on Instagram, instead, I'm creating a retreat, making necklaces that may or may not sell, writing another book that ultimately is what's going to serve me. So I repeat to myself Comparison is the thief of joy. Get off this. You don't need to see this right now. What are you doing? If you are feeling jealous, like what are you doing? That's gonna fill that void? Yeah, it's action. Yep,

Kristina: 31:56

yep, I'm the same way. If I do have a twinge of jealousy, I say, Hmm, like, what can I do to not feel jealous, I want to be happy for all my friends, and all the people out there that are having a great day or a great life, I want to be happy for them. And I don't want to be jealous, and I don't need to be. And it happens less and less and less. Because I am living my best life. I have a mission, getting women's voices heard in the world, and also teaching women to be authentic to themselves. It's like the biggest passion I have. Because I think if we can't be authentic, we're living in a cage. We really are. If we're not being ourselves, we're a prisoner inside our own body. I know that sounds so dramatic, but really like you literally are living somebody else's life. And then when you actually start living your life, you know, my whole life story was marrying a man 24 years older than me six months after I met him because we met hiking on Mount Rainier, and talk about unconventional, but just knowing that we just instantly hit it off, we looked at the world the same way. And I learned sometimes I'm going to live an unconventional life. If I'm going to be authentic to me, it's going to be unconventional for everybody, right? Like, there's just going to be times and I able to just tune it out. And I've just been on this journey of authenticity ever since. And I think that's why I'm so happy. Because I live with authenticity.

Unknown: 33:32

And I think the other part of that too, and I'd be interested to know if you feel this way is the people you surround yourself with, you know, I surround myself with people who are living their lives going after what they want. And the times when I'm faltering. I reach out to them because I know they're not going to be like you should wallow in that for days on end and really dig it. They're like, yeah, go cry, but then I'm waiting for you. Because I know there's more to come so absolutely not because that is an emotion just like happy and you only know the ones with the 10s. But make sure that you're not there too long, because I'm here for you in the lows, but more importantly, like we got a lot of ways to go to so get ready. Let's go. Yeah,

Kristina: 34:14

I actually posted a couple of months ago, something like you are the product of the five people you spend the most time with. So choose wisely. I think that's how I said it. And I'm with you. It's very important. And that doesn't happen overnight either. And it's not like you have to necessarily eliminate people entirely from your life or anything but when you start observing, Hmm, how do I feel after spending time with this person? Am I feeling uplifted? Or am I feeling really drained? Those are all like really important cues to and if the company we keep does really help us with our success, you know if we can be around those people who are also striving to live there Best Life. I think it just does nothing but help strengthen us.

Unknown: 35:05

I could not agree more.

Kristina: 35:07

I could not Yeah, yeah, totally 100%. Wow. So I think this whole conversation has been incredible. What I'm curious to know what's happening next.

Unknown: 35:20

Well, I actually just launched a retreat, which, again, it's something that I'd been thinking about for a long time, and never quite found the right partner and amazing property out in the Hamptons. I live in New York City, reached out to me last summer and said, Have you ever thought about doing a kind of retreat where you just think

Kristina: 35:43

I need to know more about this, because you have so much wisdom to share. Thank you

Unknown: 35:49

so much, Christina. Well, I feel like I do. And I also, I feel like I look around at people especially as you go into a new year. And I watch as they're flailing because they're sevens goals that are completely unattainable, and not even frankly, something that they're interested in doing. And I think it's so much less about setting these immediate failsafe goals, like I'm going to do all of this by the beginning of 2024. And rather, thinking about what you're doing with your life, and thinking about what you can do to improve that journey today, and move things forward. And so I've designed 11 workshops that we're going to be doing over four days, three nights, and it's unbelievable property called the shou sugi. Ban, which is a five star wellness facility. And so as I like to say like, I'm going to take care of you from the inside, and they're going to take care of you from the outside. And I think we're going to end up with probably around 25 people in total. So it'll feel really intimate, a lot of one on one session a lot of time to get everyone's roadmap ready for 2024. So they're really ready to set course for the year and go after it. And that's really what I was looking for when they came to me. And they were looking for the same thing and the partner that they were looking to do this for the first time for them. And obviously the first time for me as well. So I'm really excited about that. And then as we move into next year, it's just going to be kind of an expansion of what I'm doing. As I said, I launched the auctioneering agency. But from that I've had a lot of feedback about people wanting more help on public speaking. And that's such a high line. Yeah, as an entrepreneur, I truly believe you just keep following the whitespace. And when you put things out there, people come back to you with things you didn't even think

Kristina: 37:24

about. Okay, so define the white space,

Unknown: 37:28

the white space? Yeah, so the white space for me is always where I'm seeing a lot of questions or thing. I'll put this in context for my second book, when I was on book tour for my first book, and was every single q&a that I went to, somebody would ask me about confidence. And I kept hearing it. And I was writing down the questions from the book tour q&a, just to sort of get content for if I decided to write a next book. And I realized that confidence was going to be something that was interesting. And that was something people were interested in. And then during COVID, I created a master class, because I basically had these four topics, and I would drop a different class a week, and I would send a survey out before and 92 out of the 100 surveys that I sent, because there were 25 people in each class for classes. 92 of the surveys mentioned confidence. Well, I had eyes, that was a whitespace. And I needed to write to that whitespace. So I say that anytime in business or in your personal life, frankly, that you're seeing something you're hearing something over and over again. Love it. That usually means there's a need and a person to fill it, you just step into it. So when I talk about public speaking, I've had more than one person say to me, yeah, I love the idea of being an auctioneer. But that's not really what I want. What I want to do is be a really incredible public speaker, not like I want to be a Toastmasters. I already give presentations. But I feel like I'm not that good. But like, I want to be a unbelievable public speaker. And that is a skill I have having been on stage for Yes, years. Yes.

Kristina: 39:03

And so be able to hold the audience's attention. That's a major skill. Yeah, absolutely.

Unknown: 39:10

A lot of tricks and tips. And there are things you can do with your voice. And then there are things that you can do in your body language, there's ways to ask questions at specific times. But there are a lot of people who want that boost. And that for me is I don't want to teach people how to go from zero to one, I want to teach people how to go from eight to 20. And really be the kind of person who gets off stage and people are like, I feel moved. I feel seen. Yeah, couldn't take my eyes off of that person. And that's what I want to help people do. So I think I'll launch that at some point in 2024 after the retreat, and then I've already been writing my third book, so Oh,

Kristina: 39:47

my goodness, you are very, very busy.

Unknown: 39:50

I know but you would all these things layer.

Kristina: 39:52

I am finding that too. That one thing kind of leads to another and for me there was just this pattern of people saying how Did you get in the top two and a half percent within six months? Yes, it was just like a pattern that kept coming back. And I finally said, I'm going to do a class on this. And I'm going to start doing repeat classes on this because it's something that's needed. I'll tell

Unknown: 40:13

you one thing I learned from when I was doing the master classes, so I set out as a group of four, where I would launch different class every week on a Sunday, and this was during COVID. So people were at home, and I would launch it Sunday night, first 25 people who signed up and it would be Thursday at four. That was it, period, end of sentence. But what I found as we talk about the weight stays, so I launched the first class, every single one of them sold out that first month, it was amazing. I was so excited. I did it again, the second month. And unlike in the first month, they sold but it took longer for me to sell classes. So I was like, that's kind of interesting. By the third month, I think one of the classes was basically half full. And I remember thinking, Hmm, that's really interesting. And also, that's not great, because obviously, my husband lost his job. And I'd taken a 40% pay cut during COVID. So I was like, I gotta make cash, like, how do we make some cash? And all these things this is on my wheels are turning on like, okay, if I'm making up that money, how does that look? What am I doing? And so one thing I noticed was that people started reaching out because they couldn't make the Thursday at four o'clock, because all of a sudden woke up again. Yep, so as it were in August, it's not more, more people are able to do more, and they wanted the video. And so I started saying to people, I can, yes, I could send you the video, or I could do the video and a half hour consult. And then you could pay full freight. And we would have like a half hour as well as video, same price as before. And then I started doing coaching as a result of that as if those clients would want to stay. So what I was you as you launch your classes, you're going to find people coming to you with all sorts of ideas. And in my opinion, the answer is always yes. And if you don't want to do it again, you don't have to do it again. And more. And that's whitespaces. It's like finding, like, I never thought about it. It never occurred to me, but now that you say it, and I am passionate about it, and I want to do it. I'm gonna try it.

Kristina: 42:00

Yeah, yeah. So good. So good. Okay, when is the retreat? What are the retreat?

Unknown: 42:06

Okay, so the retreat is in January, it's January 18, through the 21st in Bridgehampton. And it's great. I honestly can't even tell you how excited I am, I really, the one thing I've been focusing on, I've been doing all the materials for it. And I've been doing these workshops for I'm a keynote speaker. So I've been doing these workshops around the country, sort of like one at a time, but I've never done it all together. So it's gonna be great. I'm really

Kristina: 42:31

excited. It sounds absolutely amazing. I write down the dates because I want to I really do I really want to ever, and I have a podcasting conference. And as long as it doesn't conflict with that, then we're good. But I mean, I just think about how much we've packed in in less than an hour, I tend to have four days with you and other people would be just would just be so incredible. It's my favorite

Unknown: 43:03

type of thing to do. I mean, there's nothing I love more than just getting people together to meet each other to dive in to unpack, to put it all back together and feeling like they have an entire toolkit of tools that they didn't even know they had inside them. Wow. That's where I like to really go. So, so excited about it. Yeah.

Kristina: 43:25

Awesome. Okay, well, with that, please let my listeners know where they can find you. Because they are going to want to find you. Also, we need to know the titles of your books, and the retreat and the dates and where to find you on social media and all of that. And then we will put all of that in the show notes.

Unknown: 43:43

Oh, thank you so much. First of all, thank you for this opportunity. It's been so great to speak with you. And I feel so inspired by you. So I'm you do,

Kristina: 43:51

I'm so happy to hear that.

Unknown: 43:53

It's so amazing, and what you've created and what you even just said about being in a top podcast, I mean, it is a crowded field. And it's amazing that you're doing that. And I love that you're sharing your wisdom with so many other people. So thank you for giving me some of your spotlight and I really appreciate the time and the conversation. So thank you, Christy. And then you can find me pretty much everything is on my website, which is Lydia finet.com. Okay, books are the most powerful woman in the room is you. And I truly believe that so go get it. It's hot pink and red. And it comb edits well with the second book, which is called claim your confidence, which is orange and yellow. So they look nice side by side bar. Oh, yeah. My podcast is claim your confidence and it's basically just interviewing women at the top of their game about their competence journey because as I said, I think it's all about like the the hits that nobody knows that you take that get you to where

Kristina: 44:48

I totally agree the hits that you take, I think before I started podcasting, yeah, you have the vision in your mind that it's linear and that you just slowly gain momentum. and everything goes smoothly but it's not it's so the journey is so different. And the you have a lot of doubt. And I think that's why a lot of people quit as they have the doubt. And then they say, well, then I must not be meant to do this. But those of us who say I have a lot of doubts today. Let's see about tomorrow next day. Feeling pretty good. Let's keep going. I love it. Thank you so so much, Lydia. And I just wanted to say for my listeners benefit also Alinea, you spell your last name? Name F and E T? Yeah, it's just so that when people look you up, they're not trying to do a Ph or something weird like that. You never know. Right? No, I

Unknown: 45:47

can say when people say the wrong name. When I get on stage. I'll be like, well, if it doesn't go well it stick with them.

Kristina: 46:00

It's just, oh my gosh. Oh my gosh, this has been so much fun. I cannot believe how much I learned today. And I can't wait to connect with you more. Lydia. I

Unknown: 46:14

know. It's the same way like I have guys.

Kristina: 46:18

Like I have a new friend. And to be continued. Thank you again for sharing all your wisdom. Hey, everyone. Thanks so much for taking time out of your busy life to listen to today's episode. I love learning about what makes you brave. I'm here with you. I see you. I hear you and I want to hear from you. I want to know how you're showing up as being brave and authentic. Connect with me on Instagram at she's brave podcast or come join our community in the she's brave podcast Facebook group. I'm sending you so much love. Until next time. Keep being brave.