She's Brave Podcast - Kristina Driscoll

How to Navigate Your Emotions for Success with Renowned Author and Peak Performance Coach Nubia Kamesha Sade

January 16, 2024 Kristina Driscoll Episode 69
She's Brave Podcast - Kristina Driscoll
How to Navigate Your Emotions for Success with Renowned Author and Peak Performance Coach Nubia Kamesha Sade
Show Notes Transcript

In this episode, I enjoyed speaking with Nubia Kamesha Sade, a renowned author and peak performance coach. Nubia's mission revolves around emotional intelligence and our shared humanity, empowering individuals to overcome self-doubt and imposter syndrome, unlocking their true potential. We delved into discussions on nurturing self-identity and the multifaceted role of emotional intelligence in various aspects of life and gained valuable insights into effective parenting. Nubia’s latest book, "Prime Before Presenting," is a powerful guide incorporating emotional regulation techniques to enhance individuals' confidence in public speaking, sales pitches, and everyday activities.

Nubia also shared an invaluable technique, the SSN formula, which aids in reparenting oneself fostering self-love and self-esteem. It was an enlightening conversation that left us inspired and motivated. 

In this episode, you will learn:

1. How to develop emotional intelligence and understand if emotions are in or out of one's control

2. Techniques like reparenting oneself to heal childhood wounds and build self-love

3. The importance of connecting with one's inner child to overcome insecurity

4. How the process of "priming" oneself with positive emotions before presentations or performances is beneficial


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Kristina:

Hey everyone, it's Christina Driscoll host of this she's brave Podcast. I'm so glad you're here with me. I did not start out brave at all.

Unknown:

But I learned that we can do brave things, one small step at a time. After caregiving for my husband and son for 12 years, it was definitely time for my next chapter. I wanted to get brave women's voices out there in the world. And more importantly, I want all of you to have the courage and the resilience to live your best authentic life. So come along with me and learn how to live your best life. And I want you to hear the brave voices of women all around the world.

Kristina:

Hey, everyone, it's Christina from the she's brave podcast. Today's guest is Nubia. camicia SHA de welcome Nebia. She's just waving and smiling. How are you today?

Nubia:

Oh, I feel so present and so grateful to be here. Oh, so

Kristina:

good. Well, Nubia is a best selling author. Her latest book is called prime before presenting. But she's also a peak performance coach. I'm gonna be reading her mission statement because it's so incredibly powerful. And we're going to be unpacking a lot of stuff today. You guys know, my life's purpose is deeply rooted in the profound realms of emotional intelligence and shared humanity. And I firmly believe that the key to unlocking success lies within our self identity. The truth is, in order to have something you must do something, and in order to do something, you must be something. Throughout life's journey we encounter moments of self doubt and self sabotage, often masked by the weight of imposter syndrome. These are the barriers that can halt our progression. My mission is to guide and inspire as many individuals as possible to recognize that their self identity holds the power to unleash a transformative impact they desire. This part I love Nubia. This is so beautiful. I'm committed to nurturing your self identity, and emotional intelligence, helping you break free from the confines of self sabotage and impostor syndrome. Together, we will navigate the triple a path to awareness, alignment and ascension. For it is within the embrace of our courage, clarity and confidence that we find the master key to unlocking our true potential with empathy, dedication, and unwavering belief and unlimited potential. Let us embark on this journey to inspire you to integrate the higher you and achieve the success you deserve. Through the power of emotional intelligence, we will upgrade the way we show up in the world and create the impact that we've always dreamed of. Okay? I have to say, Nubia, I think this is the most beautiful mission statement I have ever heard. And I have been getting to know you a little bit you and I have chatted previously. And you are so passionate about your mission. And you're passionate about everything in life, even the way you dress. It's like so beautifully colorful, and your face just lights up you just like a ray of light. So I want to start out with the emotional intelligence question because I think a lot of us don't really understand what that is. Absolutely,

Nubia:

thank you for your question in all of the amazing compliments, and so it's think about it when we were younger, and we were raised, the emotional intelligence part was missed on how to develop our character as an adult. And so what we find is typically in childhood between the ages from zero to seven, that's what we're really taught about our emotions. We're told to stop crying, we're told to fix your faces smile, even if we weren't happy. Some of us were told that our opinion didn't matter. So it was we're told that the only way that I'm going to know something is wrong with you if you're crying or if you're angry. So the introduction to what emotions were dependent on the Where you grew up shows a lot of how you deal with your emotions now. So I'm gonna give you a quick example of I have a five year old daughter. Her name is de Maria. I love her so much. And she is witty, little, beautiful young lady who, one day she was doing a temper tantrum, we would go into lunch, she she would just temper tantrum in everywhere. And she was trying so hard that she couldn't even really really. And so I said, Hey, Jane, Maya so you know, when are you going to be done? Because I often just let her do her thing. express herself. This Uh huh. What are you going to be done? And she huffed and puffed that she could barely talk. She says, Mom is just too much, I just can't take it. And at that moment, I realized she was talking about her emotions. Her emotions got so big that they took control of her body, and she couldn't even stop them. So that immediately triggered me to identify. That's what we do as humans, sometimes emotions, like self doubt, take over our body, leading us to procrastination, or feeling insecure. And so in that moment, I realize the easiest ways identified, if you are emotionally intelligent, is if you feel in control of your emotions, or you feel like your emotions are outside of your body. Wow, in control or out control, and this came from my five year old teacher with one daughter. Hey, Jay, Maya, are you in control right now? Where are you out of control and she's able to immediately identify, so that's like the simplest way I can put it. I love

Kristina:

that story. That's just like a beautiful example of parenting too. And even just honoring our children's emotions, like I've heard. Eckhart Tolle say that animals like when they get into conflict, they'll kind of bicker, and then they both like with two mallard ducks, like male ducks, they'll kind of bicker and then they they go separate ways, and they shake it off. And it's just such an interesting thing. And I think that with children, they start out with that natural ability to shake things off. And as adults, we tend to push that down in ourselves. Now, shaking it off doesn't mean having a temper tantrum in public, obviously. But it's just sort of another part of the equation. Would you agree with that?

Nubia:

Absolutely. Being able to be an observer, by being in the experience, but also being able to say, Okay, this feeling this energy doesn't serve me right now. I don't want it in my body, and it doesn't have permission to exist. So post shake grace. Yeah, yeah. And you can literally

Kristina:

shake it off to you can do a little shake, or you can even just shake your hands a bit. It's really such a beautiful thing. I know, one of the things that I'm sure you talk with your clients a lot about is, if you can't love yourself, and you really can't love others. And I know that's one thing that you really work with with people is you have to start at the bottom kind of like what you said previously about childhood. And if we told to be quiet, when we were upset, and all these things basically can lead to us not loving ourselves as an adult. How do we overcome that? What are some of the things that we can do? Absolutely.

Nubia:

So the first step is identifying that the inner child within you is still within you. So it's not because you grown up that you no longer have access, you have access. And because you do have access to your inner child, connect with them, write letters to them. Look at pictures of when you were a child and apologize to yourself. There's this method that's each called the SSN formula. We're number one, you supervise yourself, supervise your thoughts. What are you thinking right? Then number two, support yourself, support yourself with approval and validation that you are amazing that your words do matter, that your emotions are valid. And then the N stands for nurturing, giving yourself the love that you need. Sometimes I'll get a nice cozy blanket. Sometimes I watch my favorite cartoon as a kid which is SpongeBob. So that nurturing piece of it.

Kristina:

So Oh, I love that.

Nubia:

Oh my gosh, I love connecting with my inner child. But this is where you start to do something that's called RE parenting yourself. So when you repair yourself, you go to that source which is that beautiful little girl a beautiful little boy that's inside of you. You go inside of you, and then you pull up anything it is that is called the soxhlet in your adult lives if you're insecure and you have an amazing spouse or partner, but you just cannot love them fully and deeply because you don't have the capacity based on the love that you have for yourself. The key is to go deeper in the love for your inner trial. And that will then allow you to have more love in your heart to be able to extend that love, that genuine love that love without fear, that love without manipulation into another person.

Kristina:

beautifully, beautifully said something just popped in my head to my mother wasn't the best mother. And I had a lot of anger towards her for a long time because I had a lot of low self esteem issues for a long time. And I had to really work through those. And when my son was born, and then I raised my son, I really began to understand that there is no such thing as a perfect parent. And that I deeply understood that my mother did the best that she could with the resources that she had learned and the patterns that were in her past at the time, and I was able to really forgive her. And part of that was actually kind of all things that we think are so bad are actually for good. I had some postpartum anxiety. And she tremendously helped me through that, like I just spent weeks at a time with me and helped with my son. And I was able to really come to a place of 100% Forgiveness of her, we have this beautiful relationship. Now she's in her 80s and great health. But I just wanted to bring that up, because I think sometimes, I mean, what you said, I absolutely love. And there are actually tools that I'm going to try. And I'm going to use because I think no matter what we all are always going to need to be working on our inner child, and all of the little or big traumas that we had in childhood, because we all have them. But I just wanted to say like on the other side of it, don't get stuck in anger at your parent. And I'm not saying that you have to be BFFs with your parent, either. Sometimes we can't even have a relationship with that with a parent anymore. Because they don't respect our boundaries. And we can't, but to be able to actually forgive them as well. It just popped in my head when you were talking.

Nubia:

Absolutely. Wow. And what you're saying is so true about when we are kids, we have a perception of this parent, this guardian, which is really dispersed superhero that we saw. And so then you grow and you understand, like, wow, humans are always just trying to get their needs met. And every person is doing the best they can. Where he is yes, they have and it actually takes the anger down and it raises the level of compassion. And that compassion is just brings you back to your heart center, allowing you to just say, Well, I love you even more, I have the capacity to love you even more now. And it's a feeling that it's undescribable Mm hmm. Yeah, I

Kristina:

could even see where your work could be super, super valuable. For parents, when we're done with our chat today. My listeners are gonna get to hear this part too. But I'm gonna send you a few podcasters who specialize in parenting? Because I think that the way you are parenting is really a big key towards successful parenting of our children in today's modern world. I'm like, super impressed. Yeah, you

Nubia:

think Yeah. And yeah, you just set an amazing point, the modern world, because your children are more equipped, they have more equipment, they have way more opportunity, it's easier for kids to become millionaires now more than it's ever been. But because of the high levels of social media and consumption, their sensitivity level is higher on an emotional side. So this is where emotional intelligence matters the most, because they're developing their character. But they have more criticism, they have more insights from other people, they are a little bit more suicidal, like the idea of the concept of suicide is a little bit more, it's more awareness on it now. So it's more ideals, more different ways to do it. And so having that key core component of emotional intelligence and embedding it into our beautiful children now, we'll allow them to despite what's going on on the outside, hang on to their self identity and headquarter the fact that hey, this is an emotion and its value. And it it may go away in five minutes. It may go away in five hours. However, it's not bigger than and that can save our children's lives.

Kristina:

Yep. Yeah. And that's what she's brave is all about. It's about getting women's voices out heard out in the world. And what's interesting because you're an emotional intelligence expert, and you're also A public speaking expert, which I want to talk about next. But people like you have so much to give in the podcasting world, and so we got to get you out there, I'm gonna switch gears a little bit because I know you've just written a book called prime. before presenting, tell us more about your latest book. Absolutely.

Nubia:

So crying before presenting is a book that has my formula of emotional regulation inside of it. So typically, before we go stayed before we have on our podcast, before we go into the sales call, before we do a presentation, we have a peak of times where we prepare ourselves mentally. So some of us drink some coffee, some of us will eat lunch really quickly. Or most of the time, we don't even really prepare and prime ourselves. So the concept of priming before presenting is actually preparing yourself, setting your intention and placing the emotion that you want to feel that you want to carry throughout your presentation, your public speaking your proposal, your podcast, and putting it actually inside of your body. This is a guided meditation that's inside the book that walks you through that journey. So that way, you can have it as an actual tool to say, hey, you can get ready to public speak, I can put the emotion of bravery inside of my body. And not just think of bravery, but come from bravery, making your story and your speech more compelling, making your sale convert better, because I work with sales representatives, as well. And also making the overall point of what you're doing work charismatic. So that way, not only is everyone else enjoying it, but you're also enjoying it as well. And that translate. And so the book crime before presenting is exactly that. It's an emotional embodiment regulation formula to help you stay large and in charge.

Kristina:

I absolutely love this. And I've never heard someone talk about public speaking and focusing on enjoying it in the same sentence.

Nubia:

Sadly, because sometimes I've we're blessed with these gifts and the talents. And what I've noticed is that we'll be in it for years, and then we're showing up like, oh, I have to do this, I have to do that. And I said, Wait, you get to do this, you get to do that. And what are your life you dreamed of this day, I won't put in your dreams of being on a stage talking to 1000s of people. It should be enjoyable for you as well. Especially when you're doing God's work and you're using God's gift that God gave you. You should be able to enjoy it. And so yeah,

Kristina:

oh my gosh. Nubia. And the other cool thing in listening to you, as you also mentioned, hey, this doesn't have to just be used in large crowds. Because I know that you have done a lot of public speaking, found a big crowds, and you're so polished. And even today, like, I think you are probably the most calm. Yes, I've had grounded and just happy, like, truly happy to be here. And it's beautiful to see that. But I also loved how you pulled in sales people. And a sales pitch when I don't even like that term sales pitch really know what maybe we can reframe that. But basically, you're talking about like taking this whole emotional intelligence concept and regulating your emotions, preparing yourself, and then doing the inner work of re parenting yourself. All these things can be applied not just to public speaking, but to your everyday life. Because I've always said, we're all salespeople, we are selling ourselves every day in one way or another. Whenever we go to the grocery store, and we say, hey, to the produce guy. I don't see any bananas. Are there any more think you could look in the back for me? And if I say it really nicely, he'll go to the back and look for those bananas. But if I'm like, Hey, you're out of Bananas. Do you think he's gonna go to the back to get me bananas? I don't think so. So life is full of these things. And you know what Novia I don't know if you knew this, but I'm currently teaching. It wasn't publicly advertised. It was only advertised among podcasters podcasters but I'm teaching a class 70 people on how to get in the top two and a half percent in podcasting in six months. And I'm finishing it up within a month and I'm offering the class publicly for the first time come January. So I have various guest speakers and I'd really love it to have You as a guest speaker, on this whole emotional intelligence, read parenting, and emotional regulation and preparing for podcast interviews, I want to do a whole segment on that. If you would be willing to come on as a guest in my class, I would love it.

Nubia:

I would love that I accept. thing. Great, great. Yeah, you

Kristina:

have so much wisdom. I think we're going to leave it here. Because I feel like you gave us so much information in such a short amount of time. And now I want to read your book. Because because we just basically highlighted the things that you work on. And maybe we'll have to have another podcast episode as well to dig deeper. But I feel like it's been a great conversation. And is there anything else that you would like to share with my listeners today or suitable

Nubia:

be absolutely. So for those of you who really want to take the next step, and become very, very self aware, and increase your level of self mastery, emotional embodiment, is really the key to be optimal. And play offense. Instead of Ethan's oftentimes we are defending ourselves from the outside days. But when we do this prime before presenting technique, we are playing offense, right? We're already prepared, right? We're already thinking, walking, feeling, assuming best case scenario. So this book here is going to be available at www dot crime before presenting.com. There is a reflective journal inside as well. Where you will be able to from the siren today, right, oh, best case scenario, who do you have to be? What do you have to do? What do you want to heck, and so use it all of those things to help formulate your day in reference to the prime before presenting. And then at the end of the day, it allows you space to talk about your negative thoughts, your negative feelings, your negative energy, a place to really just don't write, and then go in and transmute the energy to say, Okay, how do I want to end the night I have the power, so you have the power, you are large and in charge. And please understand that the moment you give yourself permission to you can transform your reality. That's what I got. Yeah.

Kristina:

Wow. Yeah. And I think your information is just so important for new podcasters who can be struggling with their identity with their confidence, and I love the fact that you're using preparation and you have tools to overcome all of those things. Okay, so everyone's going to want to know how to connect with you what are the best ways what are your social media handles webpage at Sutter? How can we find you and I will also put them in my show notes so you guys can just click on the Show Note link and find new via that way too. Yeah, yeah,

Nubia:

we so on this update everything is a new via shot a so new will be a shout out on LinkedIn, newbie a che on YouTube. I've updated Instagram movie a shot a and also Nubia. shaadi.com Nubia. Just the way it sounds Saturday, like a singer. My mother just told me a couple of days ago that that's where she got the name wrong. So Nubian shaadi.com. That's my beautiful home where you'll be able to see everything that I offer. I'll be going on a speaking tour. 2024. And I wait, you are.

Kristina:

So what advice do you have? You probably don't have your cities mapped out yet. Because I would. I would love to. Man. I'm doing a lot of traveling this next year, because so many of my guests like we want to actually meet in person. I just interviewed Catherine Switzer, the first woman to run the Boston Marathon and they're making a movie, she wrote a book. They're making a movie now about her her life story. In 1967. She wants to meet me and a whole bunch of my podcast guests are like we have to meet we have to meet we have to meet. So what I tried to do is if you're just touring, like even if you're in like, say San Francisco, like that's a really quick flight for me, it would be so fun to connect up with you. So let's stay in touch. And let me know your speaking circuit schedule. And I can even put that up on my website to know where you're going to be. And let's connect and you are just a gym. You are an incredible person. Nubia. Thank you so much for your time today. Thank

Nubia:

you for having me. I receive all of that you have been amazing. So thank you.

Kristina:

Hey, everyone. Thanks so much for taking time out. your busy life to listen to today's episode. I love learning about what makes you brave.

Unknown:

I'm here with you.

Kristina:

I see you. I hear you and I want to hear from you. I want to know how you're showing up as being brave and authentic. Connect with me on Instagram at she's brave podcast or come join our community in the she's brave podcast Facebook group. I'm sending you so much love. Until next time, keep being brave.