When my feet finally took a stand on the rocky grounds of sobriety, I didn't realize I'd be climbing a mountain with such an incredible view. I'm Sean Michael Crane, and alongside my friend and head coach Matt Fleming, we pull back the curtain on the raw, gritty paths that led us out of the shadows of addiction. We're not just talking about quitting a habit; we're mapping out the mental and emotional transformations essential for anyone daring to reclaim their life. This episode isn't just our stories—it's a beacon for those who feel lost in the haze of substance misuse, offering a clear view of what's possible on the other side.
Embark on a journey with us as we tackle the loneliness that accompanies true change and the profound impact of engaging with those who inspire and challenge us to grow. Witness how writing can be more than putting words on a page—it can be the spark that ignites a fire within, driving us toward untapped potential and exhilaration for life. With Matt's deeply personal tales and my insights from a decade-plus of sobriety, we invite you to harness your power to transform. This conversation is a call to action: rise with us, connect, and step into the best version of yourself. Join a community where growth is celebrated, where every step forward radiates hope, and where together, we become unstoppable.
When my feet finally took a stand on the rocky grounds of sobriety, I didn't realize I'd be climbing a mountain with such an incredible view. I'm Sean Michael Crane, and alongside my friend and head coach Matt Fleming, we pull back the curtain on the raw, gritty paths that led us out of the shadows of addiction. We're not just talking about quitting a habit; we're mapping out the mental and emotional transformations essential for anyone daring to reclaim their life. This episode isn't just our stories—it's a beacon for those who feel lost in the haze of substance misuse, offering a clear view of what's possible on the other side.
Embark on a journey with us as we tackle the loneliness that accompanies true change and the profound impact of engaging with those who inspire and challenge us to grow. Witness how writing can be more than putting words on a page—it can be the spark that ignites a fire within, driving us toward untapped potential and exhilaration for life. With Matt's deeply personal tales and my insights from a decade-plus of sobriety, we invite you to harness your power to transform. This conversation is a call to action: rise with us, connect, and step into the best version of yourself. Join a community where growth is celebrated, where every step forward radiates hope, and where together, we become unstoppable.
The man who refuses to quit cannot be stopped. My name's Shawn Michael Crane. Welcome to the Unstoppable Mindset Podcast. Welcome to the Unstoppable Mindset Podcast. I'm your host, shawn Michael Crane. In studio today in the Santa Barbara HQ, I got Matt Fleming. Matt Fleming is a good friend of mine. He's also the head coach in the Unstoppable Coaching Program, which helps them with their mindset, their fitness, their nutrition. We take average Joe's and turn them into fucking superheroes, right, super dads, super husbands. Our goal is to take individuals and help them become their best self mind, body and spirit. So we have an app, we have a community, we do weekly coaching calls and Matt facilitates all of that.
Speaker 1:Matt Fleming has a really cool story. You've heard it before overcoming the odds addiction, depression, feeling lost in life very similar to my journey. Right, he didn't go to prison like I did, but he's been in handcuffs spoiler alert. But today we just want to talk about sobriety because it's been so life changing for both of us. I brought Matt on the podcast because I want him to share about his struggles with addiction and what his life is like now that he's been sober. Matt, how long have you been sober for?
Speaker 2:I'm on two and a half years.
Speaker 1:So two and a half years, which is life changing. I have 12 years of sobriety. Honestly, I don't even feel like an addict when you go to AA and they say, yeah, I'm an alcoholic, I won't say that shit. Or when you go to NA and they say, yeah, my name's Sean, I'm an addict. No, I'm not. That was the past version of myself. I've evolved to such a point where I don't identify with that person and I'm so careful with the words that I choose to identify with, I'm so careful with my own vocabulary and my self-talk, and I think that that's something that they should look into in those different programs. Anyway, that's a different topic.
Speaker 1:Today we're going to talk about sobriety. So if you guys are watching this right now and you know somebody who's struggling with addiction whether it's food, alcohol, porn, drugs, pills I want you to share this episode with them. Okay, we're going to dive really deep into addiction, why people use those substances and how to overcome them, how to eradicate that addictive tendency or that way to cope from your life forever. I'm a guy who literally got sober in a jail cell while I was facing life in prison and I made a decision to never use drugs or an alcohol ever again and I haven't touched them since. How is that possible?
Speaker 1:Like so many people struggle to get sober, so many people relapse. In fact, when you go to meetings for NA and AA, they say relapse is a part of recovery. No-transcript, I'm all about personal development and personal growth to the point where I feel, like you know, I'm not untouchable, but I feel like a lot of the things that they teach in a and a no longer apply to me. That's for like a guy who just needs to figure out how to get sober for a day or two or three or two years, like Matt. But there comes a point in your life where you have to realize you can elevate beyond that way of living to the point where it no longer exists in your life. And you know, I know that's a pretty profound statement to make. Anyway, I want to talk about why people use drugs and alcohol, why people are now using food and their phones and porn the same way Matt and I abuse drugs and alcohol in our adolescent and early Adulthood. So, matt, why do you think people become addicted to drugs and alcohol?
Speaker 2:I think a lot of people. The main reason is they just don't feel comfortable in their own skin. Like that was my experience growing up. I always felt less than never, felt the part of I could never I go to a party and feel comfortable. I can never, you know, just converse with people and feel comfortable. And whenever I discovered alcohol I finally felt like I could do all those things right. It just took away that feeling of just uncomfortableness and I was able to be outgoing and be outspoken like I always wanted to be sober but yeah, I mean, they call it liquid courage for a reason yeah and I can relate to that.
Speaker 1:But let's dive deeper. Why do you think you were unable to feel the way you want to feel, or be the way you want in those social settings? I Mean just or people in general. So if you're saying people use to fit in or just to like you know, you hear people say take the edge off. Yeah like why do they need something to do that? Why can't they just do it on their own?
Speaker 2:say lack confidence.
Speaker 1:But like why?
Speaker 2:I Mean I. I would imagine it could be a number of reasons. You know, for me it was more about how I grew up, like never having a dad around, not knowing my real dad and I Other things like that right. It just made me feel less than I guess is just the best way to put it. I can't say that's the same case for everybody, but in my case that's what it was.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean that's, that's the answer I was looking for. Like you have to go deeper with these, these questions or these answers, right, like People abuse drugs and alcohol or food or other stuff in life to try to cover up a feeling they're having and a lot of times this is unconscious to people, like they just know when they get high they feel good, or when they eat that food, or when they watch that porn, like suddenly they feel okay. But you know, there's a root cause behind that desire to numb out a feeling or escape reality. Right, like you're literally trying to change how you feel in your life. This is your fucking life. So for me, the same thing.
Speaker 1:I went through a lot of tough times growing up as a kid, saw a lot of bad things at home. It scarred me, it caused a lot of pain and my life just fell apart. And I remember when I started using Marijuana, alcohol and then pills, cocaine I used everything. I did it because it helped me to forget about my life. It helped me to forget about my problems. It kept me in denial that that stuff actually happened.
Speaker 1:So a lot of times, you know, we have to dig to the root cause of why do we turn to this substance? Why do we need to use that thing? And this is what this is when personal development comes into play, like learning about yourself, and understanding yourself is key to understanding why you do what you do. So you know, I was that same kid in high school who needed to drink to talk to girls or just to fit in, have a good time. You know a lot of that too is you're still learning about yourself and she'll. You're still growing as a person.
Speaker 1:So a lot of people drink socially, but the ones that become addicted to drugs and alcohol, addicted to certain Adaptive coping mechanisms, it's because there's something deeper, deeply rooted in them, probably from childhood, probably from their parents, probably from their upbringing, that they haven't resolved. So, matt, like, if that's the case, what do people have to do to go about Healing? Like what? What do you think healing is? How do you think someone listening needs to first identify why they use, why they abuse drugs now call, and then what to do to start the healing process so they no longer Need to do that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, I think the first step obviously is like Getting rid of all the vices. You know that's step one For me. I realized like I thought getting sober would solve my problems, but it just made it possible to start being able to solve my problems. Right, I realized I had a lot, of, a lot more deeper issues that I had to deal with, and I've never gone to therapy but I've. I feel like that could be a good thing for people. But, you know, just recognizing certain things, getting around people that are going to help you grow, and then just Getting the underlying cause, you know like Recognizing what those issues are, like what we just talked about, and then go about fixing them. Can you restate your question?
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I want to jump in there because this is a good thing to talk about. So the first step and I did this, and I kind of just did this intuitively and out of survival, like I was facing life in prison, you guys, and I remember the challenge in front of me seemed insurmountable and I knew I couldn't go into that challenge with any baggage, like I was going to have to overcome this massive, monumental obstacle in my path and I couldn't climb that thing and overcome it if I was carrying all this baggage from the past. Like that's the way I thought about it and I remember very quickly I made the decision that I was going to make peace with my past, forgive my parents and accept what had happened to me. It took me 10 years to make that decision, 10 years of using drugs and alcohol to now mount my pain, 10 years of living in denial, 10 years of never talking about it, never acknowledging it. When people at school or friends, parents, would ask me or my own family members would try to talk to me, I would shut down. I would shut down because I didn't want to acknowledge what had happened in my life. So that's the first step Whatever happened in your life in the past. You have to acknowledge it and you have to work to make peace with the past or forgive those people.
Speaker 1:Now, one of the lessons I teach coaching clients who come into my coaching program who are still afflicted by the past, they have trauma they haven't healed is literally writing out all the memories and people that stand out in a negative way and then make it an amends, just like they do in AA and NA, writing them letters of forgiveness, and you don't even have to give them the letters. But what you'll find is, by writing those letters of forgiveness, it's forcing you to acknowledge what happened. It's forcing you to feel the emotion behind those events. Oftentimes people will cry, will have all this emotional response because all that stuff you bottled up for so long is surfacing and the last thing they'll realize is forgiving that person wasn't about the individual, it was for themselves and so that you can let go of all that hate, all that anger, all that resentment, all that pain that you've bottled up for so long. That's the first step. What that does is it almost gives you a clean slate. You're no longer afflicted by those things when you do it the right way, and some people go to therapy for years to facilitate this process. For me it happened in a matter of days, and I think it's because of my environment. I was in prison. The odds were so high, the severity was so intense that I was in a life or death situation.
Speaker 1:And the second thing I started doing paying attention. The first thing is you have to identify, accept and let go or forgive people and situations from the past. Now the next thing you have to do is, every day this has to be your sole purpose. You have to do things that make you feel proud of who you are, because the root cause of people becoming addicted to drugs and alcohol is shame, it's not feeling good enough self-worth. Right Memories, toxic relationships, all this negative stuff. Once you release that and you accept it and you let go, the next thing you have to focus on is building up this new positive state, this new positive perspective, this new positive mentality, this memory, or this history of memories that are positive, right?
Speaker 1:The way I did that was literally working out, reading, writing every day. That's all I could do at that time, but I started doing those things every day as if my life depended on it, and in a very short period of time, a matter of months, I felt a shift taking in place. I felt a shift taking place within me. Right, it was like feeling proud of myself, feeling good about myself. This was the first time I experienced that since childhood. A lot of people that are abusing drugs and alcohol are still wounded from the past and they're not doing anything in the present to make them feel good about who they are, so they stay stuck. So you know, matt, let's talk about Prolonged periods of sobriety, like even sober, two years now. Why do you think people end up relapsing? Like I think it kind of goes hand-in-hand with what I was just describing, but I want to hear from you why do you think people relapse and why are you not gonna relapse?
Speaker 2:I mean I think there's a number of reasons people relapse. You know it could be surrounding themselves with the wrong people Again, like you were just talking about not doing things that make you proud of who you are Not sticking around because things aren't taken like their life's not getting better quick enough, like it doesn't happen overnight. You know what I mean. I'm still very early on this journey. Like my life is far from where I want it to be right now, but I know that if I just keep sticking around and keep showing up that, things will just continue to get better. You know I surround myself with positive people today. Like I don't hang around with people that are gonna bring me down, that talk negatively About themselves, about other people.
Speaker 2:Like I want to talk, I want to hang out with people that think bigger than me, that are further ahead along in the journey, that have some value to teach me, like that are doing things that I want to do. You know you, they tell you in recovery to to find people that have what you want and then figure out how they got it. And so that's been my experience, you know, and sometimes in the beginning, like those people, you don't fit in with those people yet Right. So you kind of just got to work on yourself and go down this little bit of a lonely path Until you attract those people into your life.
Speaker 2:Yeah start working on yourself and you'll find that those people and opportunities will find their way into your life. But again, it doesn't happen overnight. You got to be willing to stick it out and do it on your own for a little bit, you know yeah, I mean that's a good point your environment, your friend circle, the people you're surrounding yourself with.
Speaker 1:And then there's one other thing you said there that was really important. Oh, like progression, so progression. Tony Robbins said this progression creates fulfillment. Life progressions what creates happiness? Like if you're just idle and stagnant, eventually you're gonna backslide or you're just gonna feel discouraged. Yeah, that's why you see successful people who are always striving for more. It's not because they're greedy, it's not because they need more, just to like be happy, like more money, more cars, more stuff. It's the progression of who you're becoming. It's an evolution of yourself. Like I want to reach my full potential. I'll never get there because it's limitless, but I'm gonna die trying.
Speaker 1:So what saved my life was making a commitment to get sober. Number two, finding something that I loved personal development, personal growth, exercise, reading, learning new things. Like I fell in love with that process. Eventually I forgot about drugs, alcohol, I forgot about that person. Like that person didn't even exist anymore. You know what I mean. I evolved at such a rapid pace that I really became and felt like this new version of myself, the person I always wanted to be like. I felt like I was when I was nine years old before I ever knew about drugs and alcohol, before I saw that bad shit at home and had those scars. Like I felt back to that kid, you know. And so, like you guys, you need to constantly strive for stuff. It's so important, like why would you ever just want to be idle and stagnant? That's why retirement is such a stupid concept. Like people that retire, if they don't find stuff that is fun and enjoyable, they fucking die. Like why do you think that happens? Because they don't have something to focus on or aim for every day. Right, that's why people who retire still you know the ones that live a long time they're going out and fishing, hiking, you know, doing their little crosswords. Like it's life, right, you're still alive. So, um, but that's really important.
Speaker 1:And check this out Matt was talking about like it's a lonely journey. It is. I was so fucking lonely in prison. I was so lonely, you know, I would cry all the time. I didn't always have tears, but my heart was aching. I miss my family, I miss the beach, you know. I miss feeling like love and connection with people. I just missed having conversations. Maybe this is one of the reasons I love to create content so much and talk. I didn't talk to anybody for five years, like I didn't have any conversations of substance and I missed that so much. I just want to have positive people around me who I could have real conversations about. You know, interesting conversations. I want to meet intriguing people, I want to get out in the world and I want to do all the stuff that I didn't do in my past.
Speaker 1:So it's true, man, if you want to change your life and you're really committed to making change, whether it's sobriety, whether it's in your career and your relationships, whatever it is your health, your fitness two things Matt Fleming just said that are key your environment, where are you, who are you around?
Speaker 1:And number two, be prepared to go on that lonely path for a while where you're really finding yourself and you're proving yourself that you want to change, because you got to do that, you got to remove yourself from that old way of living and kind of go on this journey and embark on it on your own for a while before you really discover, like, who you are and then you arrive as that person you know. So we're going to, we're going to cap this podcast with one more thing, and this is really important. Like Matt, what would you tell somebody who's currently literally addicted to drugs and alcohol? They want to change, they want to quit, but they can't. And not just drugs and alcohol, but any facet of life. You want to change your behavior, but you can't. You feel like a slave, a victim to whatever that thing is in your life. What would you tell them, matt?
Speaker 2:I mean it has to get bad enough. You know, they say rock bottom is wherever you decide to stop digging. Some people's rock bottom is different than others. You know, I've talked to people that, like, once they became homeless, that was their rock bottom. For me I fuck dude, I couldn't dig deep enough. You know what I mean. Like I didn't care about being homeless, like I didn't like it, but I did it anyway. It didn't stop me. I didn't care about going to jail for the you know 20th time. Like I didn't like it, but it didn't stop me. And really what? The moment of clarity came for me. I got intervened in my life, man, because you know, I'll just tell you the gory details I woke up at whatever time it was, got a hold of a pill that I thought was a certain pill and it was fentanyl.
Speaker 2:You know fentanyl is killing a lot of people. I woke up with that needle in my arm in a parking lot, all by myself, in the dollar store, and it was just like the most lonely, depressing, degrading time I've ever experienced and I just decided that enough was enough and it didn't happen right then. It took me a lot of, you know, going through hoops. I had to go. I didn't have any money, I didn't have any resources, I didn't have anyone to like send me to some passages of Malibu detox center. You know what I mean. I had to do it myself. So I went talk to the county court system and you know it took me a couple months and they finally sent me to some detox facility in King City which is like the middle of nowhere and I was just sharing with you before this podcast, like that. That place was three hours away and it took me three days to get there because I was fighting it with everything in me. You know what I mean. I was like it just scared me to think of life sober. I thought it was going to be boring and have no meaning, which really the life I was living at the time was boring and had no meaning. I was just basically living to die.
Speaker 2:And so I guess my best suggestion for you know, going back to what you asked of what would I tell someone is, just like you, gotta, make sure it's bad enough, because make sure this time that you go to make that change it's gonna stick, because if it's not bad enough, you're not ready yet. Keep on digging and Pray to God that you make it. You know, because a lot of people don't. I could probably. If I sat here for a minute, I could probably think of at least 15 people that passed away last year either that I used to hang out with or get high with, or Newer in some way. One way or another. You know what I mean and it's just like it's. It's crazy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let me jump in too, because I have a thought too. Yeah, it's not just about the people who are heavily addicted as well. Like we were both at rock bottom. Yeah, thank God right, because so many people don't get to that point and they just have, like, this little habit that corrupts their life over time, but it's never severe enough to compel them to change. Yeah, like the guy who secretly drinks at night when his kids go to sleep, but he's a functioning alcoholic. The guy who looks at porn and it affects his intimacy with his wife. Like we have all these scenarios right now in society. I know all these guys.
Speaker 1:I talked to so many people all the time and people are they're fucked up man, they're battling all these different things behind closed doors. So if you're a functioning addict or you have these vices and you have these things that you're doing that are Harming you and affecting the quality of your life, you better wake the fuck up. Yeah, like that can easily turn into a full-blown addiction. Not just that, but what's that stake for you? Like your marriage, your children, your career, your livelihood? Like don't, don't play with fire, man, don't play with the devil, you know? And so what I tell individuals like that is you need to be in an environment around people who want to win at the highest level, like the reason Matt and I created the coaching program we have is because we want to win at the highest level and we want to show men how to do it.
Speaker 1:I got sober in a jail cell. I haven't used in 12 years. Not only did I get sober, I rebuilt my entire fucking life. You think we could teach you something about personal development. We think you think this is just about abs and following a nutrition plan. It goes so much deeper than that. It's about who you really want to be in this life and helping you to live out that potential for your family and your business, for a Society like there's such a bigger calling here than just this basic shit that most people focus on. You got to get sober Because that's the only way that you can tap into God's message. So bright is a superpower, because if you're not sober, if you're not a hundred percent sober, you will never get the clarity that you need To tap into your truth. You will never feel that calling from above. You will never feel that conviction and that urgency inside you the way you do when you're sober.
Speaker 1:If you could be sober and talk to girls, if you could be sober and crush it in business or go out to Meetings and you know these cocktail hours and still be social and likable and confident, you could do anything in your life right? Most people have this fear of you know being liked by other people. Most people get awkward in social settings. Most people don't feel comfortable in their own skin. That has nothing to do with sobriety, it's your personal development. So you guys got to recognize this.
Speaker 1:If you have a drink every once in a while, you're not at your best. If you need a pill to go to sleep, you need to smoke every once in a while to reduce the stress. You're not at your best. Imagine the person that doesn't need that shit how they show up in their life. Imagine how they show up for their families amount. Imagine how they show up for their wives. Imagine how they show up in their business. I don't need any of that. I could be confident. I've developed myself. I don't need any of that. I can manage stress without a pill. I don't need any of that.
Speaker 1:Okay, and so when you get to that point in your life, it'll change everything. I don't want to just be okay. I don't want to do good in life. I want to do exceptionally fucking great. I want to be part of the zero point zero, zero, zero, one percent who exists in this planet. In order to do that, I gotta be sober. And if you disagree with that or you don't think it's possible, show me your life and guess what? I'm gonna tell you that you can do better, because I don't care what you have in life or what you've achieved, I know if you were sober you'd get that much better right. And if you really care about the impact that you have and the legacy that you leave behind, you'll recognize that it's not about you, and you're here to be an example for other people, and they need you. So any last words, matt, before we wrap this one up. That was my final spiel on it. So writing is a superpower. You'll never persuade me to believe otherwise.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean no, you nailed it Like I have a fire lit inside of me. That it's just. I can't even explain it, man. Ever since I got sober I just started challenging myself, right, kind of like how we got reconnected by when I did the marathon and all that stuff. And it's just, I have this feeling inside of me that I know everything's gonna work out and just I want to see how far I can go. I have so much untapped potential and it's just a crazy feeling, man. I've never had this excitement about life before and so I'm super grateful that we've crossed paths and we've been able to do this whole coaching program thing and you know I love doing things that make myself feel better. But it also like fires me up whenever I see other guys get that fire lit inside of them and you know you get to change their lives and the ripple effect it has on them and their family and their kids and just the limitless possibilities that come with it. You know.
Speaker 1:Limitless possibilities man. This is the Unstoppable Mindset podcast. Hey, check it out. This isn't just me and Matt trying to tell you guys how to live and how to be. We fucking need you. I can't do this alone. I can't change the world by myself. I need millions of people who think the same way and who want to live the same way. Who got my back? I got your guys' back, but I need you. Iron sharpens iron. So we're gonna change the world together, but I need you guys to rise to the occasion. I need you sober, mentally strong, physically fit, spiritually tapped in, Best fathers, best husbands, best leaders. I fucking need you guys. Okay, Follow me at Sean creating official on Instagram. Shoot me a DM if this message resonated with you. I want to connect with you. I need you guys. Right, let's change the world together. Let's go.