Mom Is My Emergency Contact Podcast

Ep. 4 I Am Alpha, Hear Me Purr Part 2

• Lisa

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Coach Lisa and Coach Bridget discuss the previous episode with Lisa the Love Coach and weigh in on their perspectives and experiences on the topic of Alpha Energy. 

We also discuss emotional intelligence and whether such a person exists. Check out another hilarious and yet informative episode. 

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Speaker 1

Hi, we're back. So how do you want to do this? First of all, what did you think about the episode? Be honest.

Speaker 2

Okay, I was fucking triggered Because I'm like alpha males, I'm like I think I am an alpha female, you know when you're about it, but then the alpha male, I'm like oh, do I really?

Speaker 1

want an alpha male.

Speaker 2

Like it kind of like gave me, like you know, the skin crawlies. And then the more I listened to it I've listened to the episode three times, okay, three times, yeah the more I listened to it, the more I was like, oh, you have like the healed and then the unhealed alpha male type of thing. So it was kind of like enlightening, like you want, we want strong, confident men, and I think that's kind of yeah, strong, confident and independent.

Speaker 1

You know it's funny. You say that because after you sent me that post, that post about like I can see why you got triggered, like I, okay. So transparency here. I've never been with a man who was that I mean, I shouldn't say I've never been with If he was boisterous like that. I don't. I can't deal with shit like that. Like if they're like, oh hi, do it. Well, you better do it. Like that.

Speaker 1

And like I told you when I was dating certain people and they said, well, it's the way I do it. And like one time this one guy said to me, well, that's just the way it is and it's the way I want it to be done. And I said, excuse me, and he goes. Well, I said, why is that? He goes because it is. I said, no, it's not. And he goes, yes, it is. I said who said he goes, I do. And I'm like who the fuck you think you are so like that doesn't work with me. Like I, you will start, I will start taking you. I would slowly start like moving away because that shit doesn't work for me. And I could see where that post that you sent me, where someone who's narcissistic, abusive, has that type of alpha energy or alpha energy but I think that what you just said, like she said, the healed and unhealed, like those people, are unhealed alphas.

Speaker 1

Those are unhealed alphas, those are, those are unhealed alphas. That's not an alpha, you know it's a wannabe.

Speaker 2

It's a wannabe, yes, with mirroring behaviors of otherwise strong and healthy alpha males. Yeah.

Speaker 1

Oh, my God, girl, you just hit it on the nail. So that's funny. You say that because I remember where I wanted to date an alpha and I thought I was dating an alpha. And I remember talking to my friend who's a therapist and he goes now, lisa, you're an alpha female. You got to keep in mind that this is an alpha male like he. You know he's giving me pointers on how to handle him. What nine? I said, okay, you know. But then I remember going back to him. I said, dude, this ain't an alpha male, this guy is toxic, he's an alpha wannabe, you do. He puts in this. Yeah, he put in this like, face this front that I'm confident, I got my shit together and I'm a man, and really he's in. Once you start telling, showing me your insecurities, and that'll mean like everyone has insecurities. But if you're going to start like saying things like, oh, I don't want you commenting on people's posts or why do you have to do that? Why are you on social media, that's insecurity.

Speaker 2

Yes, that is insecurity, you know. It's interesting that you said that, because I've talked to, I've been at a talking stage with someone at one point, that's you know.

Speaker 2

And it was interesting. I really I don't think I would call it necessarily unhealthy the person and you know we're still friends but he had mentioned to me that he noticed that he was getting triggered by things on my social media and I was like, okay, well, I can help you with that and I can remove you from my social media, right, wow, I did so. I did, I removed him from my social media and ever since, like he was not like triggered, he wasn't getting upset or anything, and we're still friends, like that's the thing. Like he checks in, like hey, how are you, How's life, how's kids? Just yeah.

Speaker 1

But okay, why was he getting triggered by what you were saying?

Speaker 2

He was believing that to some degree he was internalizing it. I think he was internalizing it that things that I was saying were not generalized, they were like more towards him, they were a direct attack on him. And I was like but that's not true, so let's talk about this Right. So he recognized that he had to work through some shit on his own, so you work on that.

Speaker 1

Wow, well, I'll give him credit that. He said that instead of like coming at you with this, like no, I don't want you talking about that and no, that's why do you have to be talking about that with for him, do you? So not to get into too deep with it, but did you find out like this? Did he have like a parent? That was like that, did he?

Speaker 2

I think I think someone in his family, I think maybe the mother, might be like narcissistic. Maybe I think that females that he's previously like encountered in dating have been kind of like emotionally manipulative and have used social media in an indirect way of like these little petty hits. That's a whole other like. Let's not be petty.

Speaker 1

Okay.

Speaker 2

Let's just use the social media as being a bitter Betty. Let's not do that, yeah, and so I think that you know, the more we talked about it, the more it was kind of like trying to recognize, but you know, just a friend. But it did not involve much more from that.

Speaker 1

Well, I'll be honest.

Speaker 1

Okay, so you said you got triggered. I got a little triggered because the okay. So when she said that you, I'm going to be straight up, honest. Okay, so she was saying things like you know, you have feminine energy mass, she was talking more about energy. You know, alpha energy, masculine energy, feminine energy she didn't really say she really.

Speaker 1

I mean, maybe I brought the word alpha, but it was more like masculine energy and feminine energy, because she has an article, a blog, where it talked about how does a woman who has a lot more masculine energy attract a man who has masculine energy? Like, how do you do that? And she said you know, men are not. Some the men who have masculine energy is not going to want a woman that has masculine energy. And in my mind I was like, why not? Like, why not? And then when she said you know, you got to not say and she didn't say not say I don't want to say it like that, but it was more like implied that you know, I'm not going to go in here and be like well, you know, talking about here, this is how I want things and I'm standing up for myself that that I'm still, I'm not going to not stand up for myself, like that's not, that's not, I'm not going to back down.

Speaker 1

But when she said the healed and unhealed, like I've seen women and I see that as a woman, she has unhealed masculine energy, or alpha, if you want to use that word, alpha where they're alike and I did this in the post he better and he better pay for it. And oh, no, he doesn't do, no, he better not be talking to another and you know he better pay, you know he, you know what I'm saying. Like walking around, like their shit don't stink, and then if you ever, if a man says, well, can I help you, I don't need your help, like that's unhealed. And I've met, I've met many women who are independent and are masculine, have a lot of masculine energy, and I even have said to them like, hey, you know it'll be okay. Oh, I know it's going to be okay.

Speaker 1

I'm like okay, bitch, okay, like I don't even want to be in your circle. And she said it like that. Then I was like okay, but still I am a. I'm conflicted, bridget. I'm still conflicted because, like I understand that men like even my mom will say this. My mom will say you know, lisa, I know you don't like help, but that's what men like they want to help. I said well, what if I don't want your fucking?

Speaker 2

right, right, what if I want it? I'm in the same boat. I think it's for me and I'm mindful of it. Like I tell men this, and it's not that I, I don't need you, and I use that word I said I don't need you in my life If I choose to allow you to be a part of my life and this is, you know, talking about more of like, reciprocity. This is a mutual decision. It's because I, I want you here, not because I have a need that I need for you to fill.

Speaker 2

And I think, from my experience at least, because you know, I'm still saying I think that that's not the energy that is being met, like it's. It's maybe something that turns men off to some degree and I'm a huge feminist, but I think there's, there's certain degrees and by saying that it pushes them away, because men just naturally want to be providers, they want to be the strong ones, they want to be the protectors. And if we give that vibe of like I don't need you, and it's kind of the thin line, like was this something we were conditioned from the patriarchy for, or you know, and that I don't know, I'm just, but that's, I'm like, oh, maybe I should tone it down a little bit, may I? I got to tone it down maybe a bit, I don't know. Am I too much?

Navigating Changing Gender Roles in Relationships

Speaker 1

No, and that and that's why for me, that's why narcissists don't really like me at the end. They don't like me. Towards the end, they're like damn nothing, I can't do. What do I do? What do I give her? I don't know what to give her. She don't need money, she don't need this, she don't. Well, she wants my heart, she wants my emotion. I can't compute, Can't compute Like. That's why they're like no, this isn't, this isn't going to work.

Speaker 2

I can't really that that be like what I can't?

Speaker 1

Yeah, I can't control her with her money. I can't control her with anything. How do I then? They got to sit back and like how can I control this bitch? Damn, I can't control her, I can't get rid of her.

Speaker 2

And then we're discarded and replaced Boom Help a favor, thank you, thank you, I know.

Speaker 1

It's kind of crazy. So, okay, what was I going to say with that? So you, so the toning down thing, okay, so here's the other thing. Okay, right, so I'm going to tone down, but that is so, she's, but. But okay, so I'll say this but she's right, there is a huge shift. There are a lot more single people out there than there are married people, and most of the women who are single are working full time. They're independent, they're educated, they got their own money, their own house. All of them owns, you know I mean, I own my own place, and those women are a majority, are single and there is an issue here. And but then I guess, in my, my point of view, is that, well, yes, there's an issue. Well, let's start educating men that, hey, this is the type of woman that's starting to evolve. You guys are going to have to be a little flexible here, because the old 1955 of you know, a shut your piehole, honey is over. I say that because that piece of shit used to say that to me.

Speaker 2

Oh, my God. You know, my grandpa told me he said Bridget, one day your mouth will get you into trouble young lady.

Speaker 1

That's exactly what he said to that's old people thinking, that's old time thinking Like he didn't. He didn't say shut, he goes. You know you might want to shut your piehole. I said, excuse me, the 1950s called and they want you fucking back. Like how did I say that to him? Anyways, shut your piehole. What you notice? I've been saying that a lot because I know he's listening that piece of shit.

Speaker 2

Enjoy the show.

Speaker 1

Enjoy it. Um yeah, so why can't we educate man to say look, this is, there's a shift with the women and we need to, like, take a step back and we still want your masculine energy, but you're going to have to be flexible with this masculine energy from a lot of these women.

Speaker 2

Right. We don't need rescuing anymore. Women are not looking to be. We're not looking for a savior.

Speaker 1

I mean, I'm not looking for a savior. However, if we are upstairs in the bedroom and someone's coming to the house, you're going down there, I'm not going to the baseball bat, and I guess, and I guess right, and I think that's the, that's the issue here, because then men are going to say, well, if you don't need us or you don't want us, then you go down there. Or when there's war, you go out there and it's like, first of all, you men are bigger, you got more upper body strength than we do. We're made differently. I think there's got to be a meeting in the middle thing. But for me to not be who I want to be is I don't know, I don't know how to. I'm very conflicted with this because my mom's way of thinking is Lisa, let people help you, and I have a hard time with that. But then I have that's my own trauma, right, because I have a hard time with people helping me.

Speaker 2

Yeah, I'm in the same scenario. I have the same feelings. I don't like to ask for help. I Would rather suffer in silence and, you know, telling someone or sharing with somebody that you know, hey, I might be struggling. Can you give me a hand with this? I would rather go on YouTube and try to figure out how to fix or do whatever it is Right and solve the problems. I think part of it it definitely is trauma and it's feeling sometimes at the end of it that you owe them something you know when you are growing up and even in your relationships and you're around a bunch of narcissist.

Speaker 2

Oh, they will never let you forget the things that they've done for you. So that was like most of my life, and I think a lot of people can relate to that of oh, I don't want to ask for help, I don't like, I'd rather be alone, I'd rather do this alone. But for me it's been. It's all been thrown in my face, it's been used against me, it's been this you know, bullet, something I know, I'm aware of. I'm I'm healing from it, but I don't know if the feeling really ever completely goes away. You know, it's more of like a, a self-defense mechanism nowadays for me, because I don't let them do this to me then. Therefore, they cannot Hurt me in that way.

Speaker 1

Wow, yeah, so, yeah, that's so. That makes sense. Like you know, like I'm going back to that post that you sent me, because that was some heated shit right there, like that was some real deep stuff and I didn't even like when you sent that to me, I it opened my eyes. I didn't even realize the extent that that could be taken. You know using that, you know word alpha and all that and, like you said, you're right, you know those types of people will not let you forget that. They helped you. I mean, like I said with the one relationship I had, I said to myself you know what? I'm not gonna fucking ask you for anything. And then he said, oh, why don't you ask me? I said, because you throw it in my face, I'm not gonna ask you. Oh, I don't do that. Yes, you do. Every time I ask you, you say, oh, look what I did for you. Why would I want to ask you again?

Speaker 2

It's like beating a dead horse.

Emotional Intelligence and Gender Expectations

Speaker 1

I'm not asking you for shit, and that's where I'm like okay, if I can't ask him for that, then why am I in this relationship? Um, so, yeah, that's. I don't really know what the answer is, bridget, but I do know that there needs to be a consensus, there needs to be a discussion. You know, if not alpha, let's like just take that word away. You know, yes, I want someone confident, and, and what man wouldn't want a woman who's confident? You know, with confidence is confidence is sexy, yes, and but but it's okay to have some insecurities, like I'm okay to say, look, I'm a little insecure that you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, and I wouldn't mind him doing that too, but not to use it to control me, you know.

Speaker 1

I mean, um, but let's, let's talk about this, okay. So let's, let's switch the the topic here, not the topic, but let's go into this. So we're talking about that interview that I did and how we feel about that whole alpha, masculine energy, feminine energy. Yeah, when we talk about what we want in a partner, I'm gonna ask you first. So let's forget about, forget about the question. I'm gonna ask you first.

Speaker 1

So let's get about forget about the word alpha, masculine, feminine, pull, put that ball of that aside. Like so, when you think about what kind of a man do you want? Like, what is it that you want? What does that look like?

Speaker 2

The hot sink Emotional intelligence. That is number one on my list, emotional intelligence.

Speaker 1

Okay, I'm gonna stop you there, because everyone's not gonna think oh, did you see that?

Speaker 2

Yeah, I did.

Speaker 1

I don't know what that means, but Did you see? Did you see that? Oh, is that what that is? A little hand raising. Wow, ai, they're watching us. Um.

Speaker 2

We Are the government.

Speaker 1

There's the government watching, I know. Um, now what was I gonna say? Oh, explain emotional intelligence, because we posted that. Remember? We posted that on our tick tock and some guy went crazy over that freaking word and said that's bullshit, and blah, blah, blah. What is emotional intelligence? Can you explain that to everybody?

Speaker 2

Yes, it goes. It goes hand in hand with, like, emotional maturity. And you know, are you self-aware, are you mindful, are you able to regulate your own emotions, are you able to be vulnerable? You know.

Speaker 2

I think all of these things go kind of. They all mesh together Into what is emotional intelligence and emotional IQ. Are you also aware of you? Know other people and how they might at one point lack a moment of self-awareness. You know how do you approach them, do you communicate with you? Know Sentences starting like well, I feel a certain way that's showing that you have emotional intelligence. Not only that you have good communication skills, but it shows a deeper level of just where you're at and your level of life and your stage of life, and that's emotional IQ. That, for me, it states. I mean, it shows that the person's done a lot of work on themselves. They've probably gone to therapy.

Speaker 2

And I always ask that question Do you want a therapy? When was the last time you cried? And not all men want to answer that question right of like when was the last time that they cried. But, like I, I honestly don't care of. Like, what is your five-year goal? Like, do you have billions? I don't care. Like, I don't care. Do you have a job? Okay, check. Do you not live in your car? Check, check, okay. Um, I want you to. I know you have. I want you to.

Speaker 1

I want you to continue, but let's just stop with the emotional Intelligence, okay. So, like I wanted to ask you, does he exist? I'm still looking.

Speaker 2

But not actively looking.

Speaker 1

I can't even like I'm thinking, do I even know anybody?

Speaker 2

I, I, I get the person that I know I mean I know Like he's a business partner of ours yes, like oh.

Speaker 1

I can think that he definitely has emotional intelligence. I can't does anybody else.

Speaker 2

Um, I don't know. I mean to some degree neat, but then there's like always that little side comment. I'm like they think that they want to like psychoanalyze you. Then they're gonna. They're gonna like psychoanalyze you and you know, for you and I who have like studied you know mental health and all of these things I don't know about you, but I have to catch myself. So I'm not psychoanalyzing somebody.

Speaker 1

I'm like, yeah, I actually you know what I lied there is, there was one man that did have emotional intelligence. In fact, he worked at it. Actually, there's two men. Oh god, now I'm gonna get slack, uh, flack for this.

Speaker 2

Um one of.

Speaker 1

One of them is my friend and he even said to me. He said to me, um, he's, he's a really good friend of mine, I've known him for years and he said that he's never had emotional intelligence. He had to learn how to have emergence and, uh, emergency intelligence, emotional. So he said he had to work at it. He goes, alisa, he goes. You think I was born like this. He goes, I had to work at it. He goes, I read books about it and you know now I'm, I was never like this and and and he's right. So, and then the one guy I did date, he was Read about it, he worked at it, like he really wanted to work at his um, his ability to be open with his emotions, and I would say, of all the men I've been with, he was the only one that had emotional intelligence. I can't even you know it's sad, because I was joking and saying are they out there? And Since the one person that I was involved with, I've not seen another.

Speaker 2

Yeah, I have some guys that are friends, but they're just friends, yeah, and they are emotionally intelligent and they're continuing to work on it. I think, and you know they're one is divorced and the other one Just recognized that, um, he's got like an anxious attachment style and he's working through it. He's got a lot of anxiety and he's working through it. Um, yeah, they're both my age but, um, they're both single, but we're just friends. We're just friends, okay. So all right.

Speaker 1

Now that the more you're talking, the more thinking. Okay, I know I have a lot of male friends who do have emotional intelligence Um, they're not all single, um. But then you also said something about the crying part, so I got a lot of flak. Uh, in my other tiktok page, when I talked about Men showing their emotions, there were men that came on and attacked me and said, oh, what do you want? A guy that cries all the time. You want to cry, baby?

Speaker 2

That's what this I mean no, but it's. It's okay to feel your feelings. Feel your feelings, yeah.

Speaker 1

I mean I don't need you to cry at the drop of a hat like I don't want. I mean I have been in presence, in the presence of men who did that, who cried for a lot of things, and I was just like Same and think about a bridge it. And some. Some might say, oh Lisa, that's not right, all right, would a man want that? A girl crying all the time.

Speaker 2

You're not gonna like it.

Speaker 1

Either either way, a man or a woman, you're crying all the time. No one's gonna like that shit, just be average Okay. Lisa, I mean, you know what I'm saying. Like that's overly Emotional it is.

Speaker 2

It is overly emotional, like we don't need that level. But, um, yeah, I think you know being Example, like if somebody close to you, you lose someone close to you and you're not showing any emotion and you just like have the stoic front, I would be like, okay, or like it, maybe not even somebody, but let's say your dog, right, like a lot of people have pets and they love their pets. I have pets, you have pets, and you show no emotion. I would be like, hmm, red flag, yeah, that is a red flag to me. That's that's like you Were and you know.

Speaker 2

Again, I want to say this I don't want to, I don't want to fault men for this completely, but it's something that they were conditioned for from childhood. Right, and don't cry, men, don't cry. Boys, don't cry. Well, they do, right. I'm the mom of two sons and I tell them it's okay to cry, it's okay to let your feelings out, it's okay to feel your feelings, but I'm probably one of few people in their world that tells them these things.

Speaker 2

Versus, don't cry, don't cry. Tough boys, don't cry. Toughen up, be tougher, you know. So I think that's Largely what we're seeing Now with men. You know, between, like in our age group of the. They've grown up this way and they don't know how to feel safe, maybe to show those emotions or to show those feelings, and I find myself kind of being telling them hey, I'm not safe space for you, like you know, you can be safe with me and and I mean it wholeheartedly, but I have to be cautious and maintain my boundaries of like I'm not killer, it is not my job. I am not a rehab center for broken people now, and that's all right.

Exploring Emotional Intelligence in Relationships

Speaker 1

That's yeah, yeah, um, I. So I will say this um, there was a group, these two guys that I interviewed for a podcast, and, um, because I want to shout them out, because they're gonna be like bitch, you don't remember the fuck we are. Um, it's called the wolf, the wolf and the, the wolf, the wolf and Shit, it's a podcast and the Hold on, hold, on. God, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna find it. Oh, let me go my the end Instagram, so, like, see if we were to do like a live. You know, matt wants us to be time. Hey, I don't remember their name. Was me to do this shit? I mean.

Speaker 2

Yeah, I will say we need a live that we haven't done okay, it's called.

Speaker 1

So there's this podcast called the warrior and the wolf podcast. Okay, and I'm not gonna lie. So every Every, every week or so, I get emails from, like this podcast connection on how to connect with other other Podcasters. And I saw this and I was like, oh, what is this? How the fuck shit was this guy? Shit happen.

Speaker 1

I'm like reading and I'm like mmm, I said, oh, I'm gonna reach out to them, I want them on my podcast. Look, I'm already like cuz I thought it was gonna be that typical and you see them all over the place nowadays the mail, whatever, mmm, whatever podcast that I can't remember the name of it anyways. So I reach out to them, right, and I I reach out to them. But then I actually listened to a couple their episodes and I was like, oh, wait a second, that's not how they are there. Wow, they're very emotionally intelligent, they're talking about their shit and they're being very Extremely, extremely vulnerable.

Speaker 1

So he one of the guys talked about, because of the way men are taught not to cry, that they take that emotion and internalize it and it becomes anger. So that it's not. That's how they show the emotion. So instead of the crying and the being upset, it's more of the anger. That's because they're suppressing that emotion. And when he said that I was like, oh shit, he is. That's Absolutely what's happening right that day. You're, you're not. I can't imagine, I can't cry, I can't show emotion. That would be weak, and you're feeling frustrated. And then what does it turn into anger and rage.

Speaker 2

Everything just clicked for me right now. It's just like light bulb.

Speaker 1

Really.

Speaker 2

Yeah, it's it, it, wow, I've, because I am. I've dated men that are not. You know they're not. I wouldn't say that they're all toxic right, they're not all toxic, but instead of having, you know, an emotional response that I thought would be appropriate, it was anger.

Speaker 1

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2

I said to some of them like you've got an anger issue, you're angry right and again my background I'm coming from a place of an abusive relationship, you know way back when all of that, and so I've got that boundary and I'm kind of like super self-protecting here. Well, no, I understand it. Now they were upset some other reason and that's, I mean, that's hard to navigate and again, like what are men taught? Talking about their emotions and feelings is a weakness. So we got a lot of men that don't go to therapy.

Speaker 1

Yeah, yeah, and just to, I don't know if you know this about me I used to do the. So when I was doing therapy I was when I was a therapist a former therapist I was doing a lot, a lot of mandated anger management groups with men, oh yeah oh my god yeah.

Speaker 1

Uh-huh, and I actually enjoyed it. It was, I was up for the challenge because you know, he, I think you know, when they see me and they think, oh, this girl, this, look, this little girl, they think that they're gonna like try to run me over when I'm pretty tough. I'm, I was really tough with these guys and Some of them were. So the majority of it was mandated talking about your feelings, talking about emotions, but I had to be very careful also because I didn't want to trigger any of them either with the. You know, you got to give them the respect of the boundaries as well and it's group, it's group, it's not one-on-one.

Speaker 1

And I will say, when you're in the group, you know, all these men have their armors on. They're not gonna shed their damn armors. Now, when I did it one-on-one and I did have counseling with men one-on-one, flood gates were open. Yeah, flood gates were open, armor was off and they said things to me that I didn't even. They shared a lot of things and they would say and then I'll never forget, one of them went oh god, I've been holding that for so long, I feel so good and he was I, he was me.

Speaker 2

I Was not ready for that.

Speaker 1

I felt terrible cuz he was so relieved and he was like, oh, that he was holding this secret for years. And I was just like, oh my god, and and you know, these guys were burly, burly men, like Lumberjacks, like a man's man, vikings, okay, yes, the stereotypical labor construction type man, and they're sharing. And then the floodgates would fall down, you know, floodgates would open and sharing these things with me, and I was just like, and I remember like my face, and he even said are you okay? And I'm like, oh shit, cuz you're not supposed to show Like you are impacted by what they just said.

Speaker 1

And I said oh yeah, I just got some my eyes. I'm sorry they shared so much and but as a group it was harder to do the anger management, because they're not gonna show their feelings in front of each other. So, yeah, I think you're right that when we talk about motion intelligence, I'm gonna try to bring it back here. Emotional Intelligence yes, I want emotional intelligence. I want a man who is okay with here's the thing, though, bridget it's not just like they're okay with their feelings, because I feel that if they're okay with their emotions, they're gonna be okay with your emotions.

Speaker 2

Oh yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, 1,000 percent.

Speaker 1

Mm-hmm 1%.

Speaker 2

They have to feel comfortable themselves first, because we are a Mirror.

Speaker 2

You know, we, that's what we believe and what we are of ourselves, and they're attracting that same energy and we're also attracting that energy. We're not repelling energy, we're attracting energy and it's wow. They have to be in a place and in a mindset where they can understand, have empathy, not a fake one. I'm talking about the genuine, authentic, you know, not this facade that they put on. And If they're not in that place of you know just all out mindfulness, I don't think they'd be able to.

Speaker 1

No, no, they're not ready for this jelly.

Speaker 2

So with that.

Speaker 1

Okay, so emotion, emotional intelligence, we both agreed emotionally emotional intelligent. Okay, go on. Sorry, move on.

Speaker 2

I have to be physically attracted to the guy. If I'm not physically attracted to him Because I've tried, I'm like you know it doesn't work. It doesn't work, no.

Speaker 1

I really Like you're a false. Well, let me ask you a question. So okay, what if you were not? Like? If okay, I always say if I saw him down the street I would never take a second look. But you got to know them and you would you get started getting attracted to, like their personality. I'm for a jim. I'm not judging.

Speaker 2

Hey, it's okay, like maybe this is part of my problem, but I do have. I do have a guy friend who you know, the more that we hang out and things like that, like I feel just really safe with him and yeah, I Not. I'm not like it's not the guy that I would be like on the street. I'm like, oh my god, can I like have your number? Can we like go get coffee later? No, not the type, but the more that we like hang out and talking things, I'm like hmm, hmm, yeah, but but Overall I am like drawn in the other direction. I also have a disorganized attachment style.

Speaker 1

Oh, Then there's that oh my god, really you okay, wow.

Speaker 2

Uh-huh yeah, like I like what I like and I've tried, I've tried to get out of what I like. I've tried to, I've tried to date outside of what I like and no, it doesn't work, doesn't work.

Speaker 1

Okay, all right, so I'm gonna let me stop you there. So for me, please, well being well going for someone who's not track it didn't work for me either. I guess for me it's more than just the physical. Um, I can't believe I'm saying this because it's true. It listen, it's true now, it's true, it's true. But I will say, you know, it's more than just a physical. But if they have the personality and the physical, then then bingo.

Speaker 1

But I have tried to get to know somebody and there's something about their personality that attracts me. Now If, like I said, if I was walking down the street and I saw them walking towards me, I was like hey, hey, oh no, hey, oh no. And if someone said to me, oh, he wants you, I'd be like hell, like I would probably do that. But because I went in knowing their personality, I got, I, you know, I became attracted to, to who they were. Now, obviously, if they were toxic, that that shit didn't last very long, because I'm like you're not, that, you're not that good looking, and now your personality is ugly too. So there you go.

Speaker 1

But I will say, the one individual, he I wouldn't say he was the most, he's not a pretty boy, but he was very Masculine, extremely masculine, tall Bodybuilder, long hair. Oh that very I mean very rough looking, almost rough looking. Now, if I saw him down the street I probably like you know, but he was such, this, he was just such. He exude a Confident, strong man Physically, and yet he had the emotional intelligence I know right well.

Speaker 1

It was a long distance relationship. It didn't work. That's why so I've had those two. Yeah, so but, yeah, girl, man, I, I, yeah, I mean, I've been, I have been physically attracted to men who I would not be fit. Well, I shouldn't say physically I've been attracted to men that I normally would not be physical Because of their personalities. So, but it is what it is. That's why I'm attracted to men. It is what it is. Everyone to each his own, okay. Physical attraction.

Speaker 2

Physical attraction. It's big, you know. If you get beyond that and you like actually are getting to a deeper level, let's say you like the person you know, like they've got these things, they've got, you know, a sense of emotional intelligence. They're vulnerable, you're attracted to them. If you get beyond that and they're a terrible kisser, I Can't do it because for me that means the rest is bad. Okay, I can't say a terrible kisser has been good in bed.

Speaker 1

I'm trying to think of all the terrible kisses that I've been. You know why I think you're right. I think you're right about that.

Speaker 2

They're bad, they need direction they don't know what they're doing, they lack. I think maybe it's also like they lack confidence, perhaps in the bedroom, but oh yeah, the sex is not good.

Speaker 1

Okay, so we're talking about being a good kisser. Being a good kisser definitely is my number one. That's something that's very important, like when people are like oh, I don't kiss on the first day. I was like fuck that we kiss on the first day. Hold on, hi, I don't wanna waste my time here.

Speaker 2

Yes, exactly exactly. You're so dumb like let's not waste time because if you're a bad kisser, it's just not.

Exploring Dating Preferences and Toxicity

Speaker 1

Bridget, let's talk a little bit more about that. When you say bad kisser, what does that look like for you?

Speaker 2

Oh God, I will show you. So there was this one person. I swear the way he kissed me. It was like his tongue was doing this never in my mouth, Like I can't believe it. I don't know if my tongue looked like that, I was like, well, what the actual is going on right now? So, yeah, that's exactly what was happening. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1

Wow, okay, so the bad kisses that I had are the ones that, like they're starting. They're trying to search for a treasure chest behind my tonsils and it's like there's nothing back there bro.

Speaker 2

Be there, stop choking me. I mean, I hear like that guy, I'm like there's that, and then there's these. Oh God yeah. It's like open your mouth open, that damn mouth. What's in there? Come on, you're not attacking it, buddy. Did they sleep in half those? What am I kissing a wall? What is this? No, it's like a salamander.

Speaker 1

Oh my God, it's like you know, I think porn just ruined a lot for these guys. Okay, good kisser. Yes, that's definitely a plus being physically attracted. Emotional intelligence Okay. What else is like the whole?

Speaker 2

They have to be like. They have to be intelligent, Just overall intelligent. They have to be able to hold an intellectual conversation with me. If they cannot, they won't lose me quickly. I look at board.

Speaker 1

Okay, let me ask you this. So Bridget, hot guy, very physically attracted, but dumber than a bag of bricks, what do you do?

Speaker 2

Mark one in the relationships. I don't know. I don't know, I mean, if all the other things were good.

Speaker 1

You'd go for a test drive.

Speaker 2

Oh Don Fonix.

Speaker 1

Don Fonix, I'll never forget. There was this one guy I went on a date with and this was, like my God, years after my divorce, and he was hot, I mean hot.

Speaker 1

And he, I mean like model hot, like I was just like I mean I was getting insecure because I was like he wants me, is this for real? Because he was that hot. And I said to him when he sat and we were having you know we're talking stuff I said so what do you think? You know, you feel you're feeling this? And he goes oh, yeah, I said you're attracted to me. He goes yeah, I'm like wow, I just couldn't believe it because he was that hot. But then I realized what the problem was.

Speaker 2

Oh, god oh.

Speaker 1

God, he was not smart, he wasn't, it was. It was like, oh God, and I'm thinking you know some of the words he was using and I was just like, is this? Like, like he was very immature you know, this is a man who's in his 30s and he was talking like like the kids, like the 20 year olds, and like I couldn't do it and I just said, oh man, so good to look at, but that's that's it. There's nothing there. And it's funny because can't you just okay, I don't know about you, but if you see someone hot and you not feeling it, like you're, just like I'm feeling it.

Speaker 2

Yeah, oh yeah. They can be arrogant, like they can be super hot, but if they're like arrogant, immediate ick, as the kids say, yeah Right, it's just like I'm not attracted to that energy, it's the energy that they let off and you know, looks are not everything.

Speaker 1

That's what I guess I'm trying to say that looks are not everything, as much as people think it is. If your personality sucks ass or you're dumber than a bag of bricks, no, no no. It's a no for me, dog Okay. So, yeah, all right. So that's pretty much you thinking that it's the emotional intelligence. You know physical attractiveness, good, kisser and intelligent. To be honest with you, bridget, you're saying the say, you're saying a lot. What other probably what other women want in a man as well. So what's the problem?

Speaker 2

I don't think you have all of it in one man, it's like John.

Speaker 1

can you guys just come together? John, you got the looks, okay. Now John, go behind Mike, because he's the one that has the emotional intelligence, and Jeff.

Speaker 2

Like I was so close, I've been so close, Right, and then it just yeah, it's like the yeah, there's those, there's those, but but you learn a lot. You learn a lot from dating, and my therapist once told me dating is more about learning about yourself than anything else. That huh, because I was really hesitant about dating for a while and when I got back out there I was like she's right, I am learning so much more about myself and what it is that I don't want to make somebody and I mean I had a lot of fun. She's like well, that's supposed to happen, Like you're supposed to have fun dating. It's like I don't think I want a relationship. She's like that's okay, too, Right, that's okay, and right now I don't. Frankly, I don't really know what I want.

Speaker 1

You know, it's like relationship eventually.

Speaker 2

If it comes, great right. But if not, like you've got to be like. Yeah, I'm not trying to be one of those petty beddies, whatever, but I don't know you, I think it's just. I want something to kind of build organically.

Speaker 1

Wow, okay, so that word build organically. So it's funny. You said that because I think you and I talked about it, or maybe I talked about it with other people, because I've been talking about it a lot is that I don't think I'm going to do online dating again.

Speaker 2

Like I'm not.

Speaker 1

The apps I'm off of them all.

Speaker 2

Yeah, I'm not.

Speaker 1

I will not do it, and I think I think it was you that I said that you don't have a reference Like these are strangers, these are people literally off the streets. You have no idea who the fuck they are. They're presenting in a way that you think it's who they are and you, you're bamboozled. So that's number one. I am not going on the dating apps, like ever again done, organic is the way to be. But then I thought about this project because my first, my first narcissist was, organically. It's someone that I used to know and I never knew that they were a narcissist. So you know, it's not just the dating apps where there's toxicity. Toxicity is everywhere.

Speaker 2

It's, it's around us, it's it's every day. You're meeting somebody that's toxic. You were around toxic people every single day and that's why your own self-awareness is so important, because if you don't have self-awareness and you lack boundaries, you will be eaten alive by the toxicity and other. And you know, I don't think that there's ever any magic recipe or you know, key to how is it that you can not attract toxic men or female ever again? Like you're going to, you're going to people Because, just naturally, who you are, you're a great catch.

Speaker 2

Who wouldn't want us? Right, like we're a great catch. Like I mean, you're a great catch, you know so. But that's the thing. We're going to attract them. It's just okay. Can we pick up on the behaviors? Are we noticing the behaviors? And, girl, I'll tell you, the more, the more that you're out there and like amongst people and socializing, you're like, oh, I don't like that, I don't like that, I don't like that. Oh, you know what that's. Look at that they're having fun, like that's really cool. You just watch and I've become a big observer of just human behavior. I take myself out on dates all the time by myself.

Speaker 1

I know I love that. So the other thing you said the last time we did a podcast episode was that you talked about the three month rule, and we didn't really get into that. What's the three month rule?

Speaker 2

The three month rule is no intimacy Like no kissing or kiss. That's what they say no kissing, no, nothing. I can't do that, I don't even think so. Then Wow. Yeah, but that's the rule and I'm like huh, but apparently it helps to weed out people's intentions and weed out the non-authentic individuals.

Speaker 1

I don't know if I could do the three month rule. I could.

Navigating Relationships With Intention and Clarity

Speaker 2

I don't know. 30 days, three dates, five dates. I don't know right, but I think the point behind it, the intentionality, is to just slow down. To slow down to not rush into anything and take your time to get to know somebody. Because obviously, even if you're dating somebody, you can be dating somebody for 90 days. Let's say you've been intimate with that person during the 90 day period, but after the three months or so you're going to start to see them for who they really are and that's when you've got to really pay attention. Don't move in with somebody after three months, ok, or before the three months, like don't do that, don't do that, that's not a good idea.

Speaker 2

Apparently it's working for my toxic ex-boyfriends, but Nobody falls in love faster than a narcissist who needs a place to live.

Speaker 1

How's the horrors Anyways, that's what I call it Wow, OK, so for me I don't think I could do the three months, the three months, but you're right, OK, you're right.

Speaker 1

I like what you said about to slow it down. In fact, this other person that I interviewed will be putting on the podcast. She said that you should not go exclusive so quickly, and I'm going to say that's probably my biggest regret is that you are still dating other people and as much as these guys they see you and they're like well, you know I mean, based on my experience, it's more like well, are you dating other people? And I'm like well, of course, that's what we're doing here. And then they were like well, then they want to be exclusive very quickly, and I feel that what that does is you get then invested very quickly and you're not seeing them for who they really are. So, like I always say to myself when I think about my toxic relationships, I say to myself, if I have been dating other men at the time that they show their true colors, I would have been like fuck you, goodbye, Like goodbye.

Speaker 2

Yeah, exactly there's, and I think that's important. I've been, I've been sucked into a talking stage of a situation ship.

Speaker 1

Another one.

Speaker 2

And like, okay, I've been for a while, okay, so, but there was this individual. He didn't want to give us a title, didn't want to give us a title, but treated me like his girlfriend, like was calling me, like you know, treated me like I was his girlfriend, but didn't want to give us a title. And it's like why do we have to give it a title when we're just like we know what it is? I'm like, um, um, but do we what? What is it? What is it then? Right, can you please help me understand?

Speaker 2

And then I'm like well, I think you're trying to keep your options open, right? Well, you know, I think you're always going to be special for me. I've been here, like during these rough parts of my life, and blah, blah, blah, and I think you'll always be a special friend. So I want your opinion on this. But this is what he said to me I think you'll always be a special friend. You've helped me through these times, you know, and if I get into a relationship or whatever, you're always going to like I'm always going to think that you're special. I'm always going to get this. Yes, he said no, yes, no, yes, what? Uh-huh, oh, no. So so give me your take on that. Like tell me that's not confusing, cause I was fucking confused. I'm like I don't. I think I'm going to just pull away now. I'm like this is not working for me.

Speaker 1

That is crazy shit. So, okay, you're talking and I hate to say, god, I really shouldn't be saying this so often I found myself. Apparently I do have a lot of male, well, toxic male energy, I guess. Um no, I remember when I was dating at the beginning of after I was divorced and I did not want a relationship.

Speaker 1

I definitely did not want I was. I just got out of a marriage. The last thing I want to do which I don't get, why men do this, but the last thing I want to do is go into another relationship. I'm trying, I want to be free, free, yeah. So here I am, being free, and that was one of the things that would come up is that they would say um, they would ask me out a lot, which is fine, I like their company, but I, I wasn't looking for anything crazy. And they said, um, what is? And then they would be the ones that said, well, what is this? I said well, and then I, I said the same thing that that guy said, because they said can we what? What is it? I said, well, we're dating. And he goes well, what would you call it? I'm like dating, right, right, and I did it because I was keeping my options open, because I wasn't looking for a relationship.

Speaker 2

Yeah, yeah, and that's exactly how I felt from this person. I was like I think you're keeping your options open and I'm one that is very mindful of I have to look out for my own mental and emotional well being and I that's not what I'm looking for Right, Like I don't need a title, but when I'm getting like just mixed signals, that's mixed.

Speaker 1

Yeah, and that's one thing I never did, though, like I don't. Like, if I want you and I want to be with you, I will say, like I said to people that I dated, I said, look, I I'm really enjoying our time together, I'm really liking you and I'm liking this, so I'm letting you know. Okay, now, you don't want it? Then okay, I told you, and then you ghost me or whatever. Okay, you know, not mature. If you ghost me and, by the way, god, we got to talk about this too If you're going to go, don't ghost people that you're eventually going to see again.

Speaker 1

I mean, I live in a very small town. I mean, in comparison to, like New York City, like it's a small town. Don't be ghosting people. You're going to see them again. You're going to see them again. The ghost is going to come back haunting you. But if you, if they ghost me, but if you ghost me, then it's like okay, but if you, you're right, I like to know where I stand, like I want to know you, do you like this? What do you think about this? And don't fucking lie, how many men have said to me I would even go in and I remember I was dating. I went on a date with God, not attracted to him. A minute I saw him I was like no no, and then he started talking.

Speaker 1

I'm like, oh God, no, no, no, no, no, no. And he had, we had a great time. And then I said so what do you think about this? Oh, it's great. Oh, it's great. That's what he said. I'm like, oh, okay, I was shocked. Now, at that moment should I vice? Then said, um, really, because I'm not feeling a connection here, I'm not feeling any chemistry, and maybe I should have said that, see, there, there's something I need to practice. Because I felt like I was shocked when he said it's great, because I'm like, where the fuck were you? Who's who you dating? Which date is this? So then, after the date was over, I text him again and said so what did you think? And he said I got friend vibes, me too, dude, like why couldn't you just fucking tell me that?

Speaker 2

Why Are they scared?

Speaker 1

I don't know, but it is awkward and it does take me putting my big girl panties on to say did you not feel that I only I mean I only got friend vibes too, like I was shocked. I think what caught me off, caught me off is that. Is it caught me off?

Speaker 2

Caught me off guard.

Speaker 1

Caught me off guard was that he said that he, um, he enjoyed the time and, yeah, that we should do it again. I'm like I was flabbergasted. But going back to what you said, you want to know where you stand, yeah.

Speaker 2

I think it's important and just don't don't give them mixed signals. You know, if you're treating somebody as if you're exclusive, and I mean this person called me often, often by like daily, not just like regular calls, but like what? Even FaceTime me, yeah, uh huh, right, right, weird, I know.

Speaker 2

Um and so was he bored, I don't know. I don't know, and I've had that with another guy that I dated. I went for like I don't know. We had like maybe dates on and off for like three months, I mean three months total, but I think it was like maybe eight dates or something like that Great guy. I was like I really like this guy. He was checking all my boxes physical attractiveness, good kisser, the, the whole nine. And then I started to like get breadcrumbs.

Speaker 1

So what can I say? There's nothing else to say about this. I hate men.

Speaker 2

Oh my God, All right. How do we close this out?

Speaker 1

Well, hey, you know what I'm thinking. Also, as we were doing all these talks, I don't think this is going to be just one podcast. So I'm almost thinking it's true. Yeah, because I think that the mat I think I like, so I don't remember I told you this that we don't always have to be like doing 30 minutes, like there was a podcast that does like bits yeah, 1520 minutes. So I think, like the first one where we talked about the masculine energy, feminine energy I like to close that out, though I like to talk a little bit more about that. Yeah, so I can add that in. And then the second part about what do we look for in a guy.

Speaker 1

That's another episode, and I'm totally going to clip some of this shit and put in our tick tock.

Speaker 1

Oh, and I think this weekend I, besides my content, let me at least open up the YouTube page, because that I know how to do so, because so Matt said that that that the way to go about the, the way to go about things these days, is through YouTube. He said that pod, that the YouTube is pushing more podcasts forward and other content, and he said that the reason why he and this is why I like working with him because he tells me what didn't, what he fucked up like, what he fucked up with and what didn't work the last time. And he said what I wish I knew was that I wish I put more emphasis on my YouTube, because YouTube you can control. And I said oh shit, you're right, he goes when you're on a social media platform. Is that your dog or your kid? That was my daughter knocking. Oh, I'm like I hear you doing this and I give the finger like yeah, well, we're going to finish up real quick.

Speaker 1

So he said to that you can control it, because with algorithms you can't. You have no control. And the fact he says he doesn't give a shit about his TikToks anymore, he gives more shit about his YouTube and he goes. You can always. Yeah, he says I don't really, he goes, take a talk of. Fine. I'm like, yeah, Matt, you have a gazillion followers. Of course you could say that he goes, but seriously goes. I can't control the algorithm. I don't understand it. Sometimes it goes up and down, whatever. But YouTube I can control and you can totally monetize on YouTube it's easy to monetize and if you don't get traction because it's on, it's through SEO. If you don't get traction with your YouTube, you can change it. You have more control than TikTok and Instagram, and he's right. So I'm going to take these, clip it that we have and I'm going to put it on our Instagram page and see what happens and I'm going to see if people will subscribe.

Speaker 1

Yeah let's do it.

Speaker 2

Okay.

Speaker 1

All right. So let's go back to the um, let's close out the male alpha, male energy. So here's what I think at the end of the day, bridget, is that I think you know, yes, there's this energy, Um, but maybe let's do away with the masculine and feminine energy and maybe just call it energy. And you know, just like when you were talking about what are the things that you are attracted to. The energy that's being put forth is this confidence, it's this emotional intelligence which is loving, it's a loving energy, it's a kind energy, it's a caring energy, it's a respectful energy, and maybe put it that way, put it in, put it in that context, instead of saying masculine alpha, cause you know, like we talked about, people could get triggered by those words.

Speaker 2

I think that's beautiful. I really I think that's beautiful, Lisa.

Speaker 1

I came up with that all on my own too.

Speaker 2

I love it. I think, if we just give it that same name and just keep it neutral, oh no division of genders and just that neutral space.

Speaker 1

Yeah, I definitely think that men and women need to come together and have these discussions, as we're seeing more women being independent, you know, owning their own houses, having their own jobs, taking care of shit whether you own a house or not. Taking care of shit on their own, you know and some of them have to do it on their own. Some of them, some women, have no choice but to do it on their own. So respect that woman and see her as this strong queen, Instead of thinking, oh, she's, oh, she's not going to let me help her. Or, you know, thinking all these things are trying to overcome her. How about you work with her?

Speaker 2

I agree with the percent. That's good. That's good.

Speaker 1

Chopping gems. Chopping gems Um, yeah, right, like that's. That's really what needs to happen, men, and then, I think, going back with the women on healed women, if you're independent but you are putting your you know, your nose down and nose up in the air and looking at men like they need to grovel to you, that's not. That's not a confident woman.

Speaker 2

No, that is a woman that lacks, I think, self-esteem to some degree, um, lots of self-esteem, and it's like a she's, she's a pick me, she's like give me, give me, give me, pick me, pick me, pick me type of woman and that is not attractive to a lot of men and I've heard that from a lot of men and I think too, on that same note of the unhealed, just women in general, as understanding what you've already said, lisa, of men from the interviews that you had done and the episode that you would listen to, the other podcast of that, that anger that they're showing at times it's because they were not shown how to express, you know, sadness and cry. They've were basically told that they couldn't and understanding that because the minute you said it to me clicked, so they can. I think if all of our women can just take that away and be like, okay, give people some grace, like we give ourselves some grace, everybody deserves a little bit of grace, even men.

Love Is Blind

Speaker 1

Yeah, I agree. Um, I wanted to say one thing about the the show Love is blind, Is that it?

Speaker 2

Oh, yes, okay, that's one.

Speaker 1

That I mean we're going to talk more about than other episodes. So love is blind. So I don't know if you've seen the last season it's not over yet but the one woman and I'm bringing this up because we're talking about independent women the one woman who's extremely attractive. She's a single mother and I respect that she's a single mom, but she's what I would call unhealed alpha, or unhealed, because she spoke. She knows she's beautiful and when she said to that one guy about you're going to choke when you see me and all that shit, oh God, yes, I mean that was some good shit that she said to him. But in my mind I thought and I laughed and I was like, damn, that's good. But then she goes with her. Her looks, she goes with her look. So she expects, because of the way she looks, that she that you are going to want her.

Speaker 1

But her personality wasn't the best. It was not a nice personality. You were pressuring the man, you were bulldozing him and then you got mad at him because he didn't feel the same way about you. Why is that bad?

Speaker 2

Right, right, not alpha. We're going to jump into that of like pressuring, pressuring the facts, yeah we're going to talk about that.

Speaker 1

We're going to talk about that.

Speaker 2

We are.

Speaker 1

So we'll wrap this up. Yes, check out the episode before this one with Lisa the love coach. You know lots of things that she brings up, but I love that you, bridget, you listen to it a couple of times, and listen to that part where she says and I'm going to, I'm with you on that one when she talks about the difference between healed and unhealed energy. I think that was that was like the mind blowing moment, because you know that's a huge difference.

Speaker 2

It all makes sense, then it all makes sense, mm hmm, yeah.

Speaker 1

So, with that being said, make sure that you check out our podcast on you to our. So, with that being said, make sure you check our podcast on all podcasts. So, with that being said, please check out. Okay, with that being said, please make sure to subscribe to our podcast so that you will be notified when an episode is dropped. Our episodes are dropped every Thursday and soon we're going to be having a YouTube channel so that you guys can see more of us, more of Bridget and I laughing and having a fun old time, because we have a fun time every time we're talking. And again, don't forget to send us your stories. I haven't even checked our emails to see if we got any stories, so remember the.

Speaker 1

Lifetime Movie Special.

Speaker 2

Oh yes.

Speaker 1

Lifetime Movie Special Go ahead, Bridget. What is it again, Please?

Speaker 2

we want your stories. We want the baby daddy drama, the toxic relationships. We want all. We want the wildest story that you think, that you have, that you have lived through and you're like ain't nobody going to believe this shit. This belongs on Lifetime. We want it. We want it, send it to us and Lisa and I are going to share it. Lifetime Movie.

Speaker 1

Special Lifetime Movie Special segment. We're going to have that. You might even if we get a lot, we might have our own little segment of the Lifetime Movie Special podcast, like a little 15, 20 minute blip. Okay, yes, yes, please send us your stories. All the links are on the show notes the email to send us your stories, and that's pretty much it, bridget, that's it. I think that's a wrap. Until next time, bye. Okay, all right, how do I stop this and