Ep. 14 After Hours Episode: Are We Dating The Same Man? Women Are Missing The Point

We respond to Lori and Stephanie’s story of dating the same man and unpack how online vetting groups can help or harm women seeking safety. We push for compassion, better rules, and practical habits that protect women without shaming them.

• why women use vetting groups to feel safe
• when warning posts become revenge posts
• how language shames women and silences truth
• setting facts-based standards for credible posts
• practical safety habits and gut checks
• rejection versus real red flags
• building support instead of mockery
• resources, education, and better group rules

Join our After Hours conversations on Substack so we can continue the conversation, ask questions, get clarity, and move the needle. Click HERE to join! 

Host:
Lisa

Watch us on YouTube
Visit us at our website

And FOLLOW us on

Instagram 

Facebook

TikTok

🚨Send us your Too Crazy To Be True Story. This is that crazy story about that crazy friend, or terrible date, that is too crazy to believe.
momismyemergencycontact@gmail.com

🔥🔥AFTER HOURS Come join me behind the scenes ...where the mic is off and the conversation continues! 

Subscribe for FREE HERE

Transcript

Setting Up After Dark

SPEAKER_00 0:16

You're listening to Mom is my emergency contact podcast, Real Conversations, No Filter, No BS. This is Lisa, your host. And today we're going to do something different. Okay. I know you're like, again. All right. So the last two weeks we introduced our too crazy to be true segment. So this is where you have a story that you're like, this is too crazy to be true. Nobody's going to believe this. And it's true. Okay. So we have Lori and Stephanie share their story about dating the same man. And it is quite a story. And they tell it so damn well. It's a two-parter, um, but it's worth it. So please check it out prior to this episode. Um, after listening to their episode and recording it and editing it, I was feeling a certain way about it. And not in a bad way um towards them, but just feeling like, my God, here we go again. We got women that are getting duped by these men, bamboozled and lied to, and I can resonate with a lot of the things that they were saying. In fact, at one point I'm like, is this the same playbook they're all going by? I mean, a lot of their stories that they were sharing was very similar to my experience. So, with that being said, I felt like it was my duty to provide some sort of thoughts, like Lisa's thoughts, kind of like after dark thoughts. Not dark thoughts, but it could be dark thoughts. But like, what are the things that I'm thinking about? What are the uh topics of discussions that we should be talking about after these episodes? So I'm calling this the Mom is My Emergency Contact Podcast After Dark. Now, I'm going to show this and put this on the podcasting platform, but moving forward, these after dark uh episodes will be living on Substack. So I would love for you all to join me on Substack so that we can continue the conversation. It's not a recap of the episode. It's to continue the conversation, it's to ask questions, it's to get clarity, it's to it's to move the needle, it's to change the narrative, it's to think differently. So, Substack, it is a free app, it's a free site for you all. Um, the the link to join is going to be in the show notes. And I'm gonna provide kind of my my thoughts of the episode. So, this is what this is. All right, so back to Lori and Stephanie talking about dating the same man. And I gotta say, after I recorded, besides the fact that there was a lot of experiences that I had similar to theirs, um, the way they went about it is by going on a website or a Facebook group, or can I just say a platform, a group, a social media group. Let's just leave it at that, where you can vet men. And if you are listening to this and you're like, what the hell are you talking about, Lisa? More than likely it's because you're married or you have no suspicion of your uh significant other potentially cheating on you or having three different wives. So there is a free group where women can vet other men, other men, and uh say, hey, you know, I'm dating this guy. I was wondering what you you think of him. Um has anyone dated him? Is anyone dating him? And the attention, the intention of the group is spot on. However, with everything, there is going to be a level of toxicity that's gonna make its way in there. Why? Because we are still not working on ourselves, and this is for both men and women. We're not working on ourselves, we have unresolved trauma. And what do we do? If we get rejected, we're gonna make that other person pay. We're gonna make them hurt, we're gonna get and seek revenge. And that is what has been happening. Um, so there's that that's been happening on this in this group. And with that, of course, there's still some goodness to it. You know, people are finding out that so-and-so is married and they have kids, and you know, they have a girlfriend, or they are, you know, abusers, or they have a criminal record, or there's actual, you know, potential um accusations of rape. I mean, these are real situations that are happening. So let's move forward to the now and me scrolling on social media and finding tons of women coming out of the woodwork and talking about how terrible this group is, how women are quote unquote lunatics, um, they're liars, it's becoming uh bullying, etc., etc. I'm not gonna lie, that fucking pissed me off. And I had to sit with this. I had to sit with why was this angering me that there were so many women that were pretty much demeaning the group, but also demeaning the women in the group. And I had to take a step back and say, why am I so triggered by this? I'm triggered by this because we already live in a society that is that we have a disadvantage. Okay. So we already have that. We already have people calling us liars. We already have women who have had really bad experiences, uh, rape, uh, sexual abuse, where we are told we're liars. We have to provide the proof so that you believe what we're saying is true. This is from years, years on end. This is not anything new. So here we are now again calling women a certain name, demeaning them, and assuming that it is false information. We don't know if it's false information. We don't. We really don't. But if there are women that are commenting and saying, you know, there's nothing wrong with this guy, he's a nice guy, et cetera, et cetera. You know, he is a he's a good brother, or he's he's a good employee. Uh, I can't say anything bad about him, then it's kind of like the consensus is it's like maybe you just had a bad situation, which I've seen those comments before. But what I don't like is so many women dogging other women. I get triggered by this, okay, because it's already happening. We are we already live in a society that that happens on a daily basis. You're just joining the masses of bringing women down. So if you say to me, but Lisa, it is happening, it is true. Okay, let's switch, let's switch it up here. Let's call it for what it is. We still have women who have unresolved trauma. We still have women that do not love themselves, we still have women who are hurting, who are in pain. Let's call it for what it is. They're not lunatics, they're not crazy, they're hurting and they're in pain. So let's come up with a way to resolve that, provide education and awareness. Maybe before you post, here's a tip. You get rejected and you're pissed and you're mad and you want that person to hurt. And by the way, men and women do this, humans do this. Okay. So before you post, give yourself 30 minutes and sit with it and think about it. Your name is gonna be attached to this. How does that feel? Is this from is this being emotionally charged? Is this coming from a place of emotion or a place of I want to protect other women so that it doesn't happen to them? Ask yourself those questions. So these are the things that I was hoping a lot of women who have huge platforms who supposedly are coaches and therapists and whatnot. I was hoping that they would come in and say, hey, listen, we know it's happening. Let's educate you all so that you don't do it. So you stop it, so that we can have this group and vet other people. I get triggered when other women are just joining in the masses of bringing other women down. Instead of educating, instead of empowering through education and awareness, you or we bringing women down, it does nothing positive at all. Now, everyone in that group that is vetting somebody is now going to be called a liar, or or they're going to be perceived as being liars. Now you took away that from someone like Lori and Stephanie who, you know, they had a real situation. This man was dating not only the two of them, but tons of other women. Who knows how many other women he's been dating at the same time, bamboozling women? I heard a lot of women saying how, you know, a lot of these women come on and they just met the guy and they're like, hey, I just met him. Does anyone got anything on him? And there's people are saying, girl, you're it's too early. You gotta just go with it. There's a reason why we're doing what we're doing because historically women want to feel one thing and one thing only when they're dating, is to be safe, is to feel safe. And I don't know, uh, for the younger generations, um, honey, we are in a time that it ain't fucking safe for women. And it ain't getting better. Okay, it's getting worse. And for women who have no fucking idea, have their eyes closed, telling other women, hey, you know what, YOLO, just you know, go with it. Go, go travel with that guy. Go don't go travel with that guy out of the country on date two. What? We're not doing enough. We're not doing enough to be safe, and we're definitely not supporting each other and providing a supportive community for that. Now we have to question every time a woman says, I'm not feeling, you know, I'm feeling something's off. Then listen to your gut. Then listen to your gut. Do not tell another woman they're overthinking it. Again, you're just being part of the masses, you're overthinking it, you're dramatic. Uh how many times are women thought we're over dramatic when we really have true concerns? That's why this is so triggering to me. Okay. So, what's the resolution? I don't know if I have a resolution, but maybe there is there needs to be more awareness. Maybe there needs to be more rules, maybe there needs to be um more education that, hey, you know, if you got rejected and um that's all he did was reject you, then that's not a red flag. If he didn't choose you, not a red flag. If you decided to spend the night with him on the first date and he decided not to be with you, not a fucking red flag. How about you not do that? How about you not rush into giving up your body and then assuming that he's gonna want you? Again, I don't want to come on here and blame and put shame on other women, but I'm hoping that we get smarter and learn how to keep ourselves safe. But going back to my original trigger, it just is upsetting to see so many women mock other women, bring down other women when I just think you're doing what we have to deal with every day. So that is why so many women feel alone. That is why so many women have had sexual abuse or attacks or rape, and they keep it to themselves. Because what are they gonna be asked? Well, why did you do that? Why did you why did you hang out with him? Why did you questioning everything? Questioning the validity of what they know is true. And there's some women that are keeping that to the day they die and nobody ever knowing in secret because we are not supportive and we're not creating a safe space. Again, I think I feel like I went all over the place with this topic, but it just, it just angered me because I think about the story of Lori and Stephanie, and again, you got to listen to the episode. And this was, you know, there was some good having a place to vet someone. There was some good where they were like, you know, I'm feeling a certain way with this guy. And I heard another influencer say, you know, there, yes, there are good stories that come out of it, but they're too, they're too small. It's it's there's more bad than good. So let's bring women down because of that. I I don't get it. I don't get it. I think we're in this place where I see a lot of this, you know, man, there's just a lot of mean women out there. And there's already mean people. Let's not be mean women towards each other. I don't know what your thoughts are on this. I wanted to share my my thoughts on um the story of Stephanie and uh and Lori and also this vetting process. I I I think that it's it has good intentions and good comes out of it. But I do think that there needs to be an education piece, a maybe a rule piece where, hey, you know, if you've been rejected by a guy, that's not a red flag. And if you feel like a certain way, then you know, even bring in the idea of maybe you got some unresolved trauma, but hey, maybe you want to talk to a therapist. Here's a link. Maybe there needs to be just better protocols to ensure that what people are posting is true. Um, but you know, I I can honestly say there has been a lot in my what I've seen, a lot more of deviant behavior from men towards women. Um, whether they're dating while they're married, um, dating multiple women, or having a criminal past. And I will say that there's different types of women depending on where you live. I happen to see a certain city where they uh provide way more support than my own city. Um, you know, women have come on there to say, I can't stop, you know, I can't let this guy go. I know he's horrible for me. I I can't let him go. And they are screaming for that support. They want that support. They they are craving, they they feel that alone, that they're going on a platform asking strangers advice. Does that not say anything? We need to be better, women. We need to look for ways to empower each other and educate and make things make them aware that there's a possibility that this is more about their shit that they haven't dealt with in a long time than anything else. It's okay to be rejected. You know, I always tell my daughter, rejection is protection. They rejected you, you know. Thank you. Say thank you to the universe. It wasn't your person. Stop grasping. So that's what I wanted to share for this episode. Want to know what your thoughts are on that. Um, it's very upsetting to see this uh bullying because that because, you know, when people are saying that they're seeing the side, they're calling a cyberbully in these groups. Well, as they're talking, they're bullying themselves. They're bullying the women that are in this group. You're no better. You know, you're not bringing anything positive to women or anything empowering to women by you even talking on social media. But then again, you know, hey, maybe they're doing it to get more views and more followers. And maybe that's the intention, which is that's this is the generation that we're in. Get more views, get more followers, make more money. Anyways, I'm gonna leave you guys with that. Let me know your thoughts. DM me, um, email me at mom is my emergency contact at gmail.com, all one word. And don't forget, we still have our too good to be true story. Um, I already have one coming through and it's gonna blow your mind. Again, this doesn't need to be a story about dating. It could be about work, it could be about a relative, it could be about anything. Just a story that you think, man, there's no way people are gonna believe this because it's just too crazy to be true. Come to me. We want you on. Um, I think that sometimes these stories need to be said so that other women who may be experiencing the same thing can be like, damn, I thought I was the only one. And they feel that there is some sort of it's gonna be okay feeling. Okay. Um, I think that's it. Next week, we're going to have another amazing guest, as usual, another amazing woman sharing her side of life, her perspective of life. Um, remember, mom is my emergency contact podcast is a podcast for women. We're having real conversations, unfiltered, no BS. You don't need to agree with me. And if you don't, please send me your comments so that I can share them on air for next week. Okay, everyone. Until next time. Bye.