Mom Is My Emergency Contact Podcast

EP. 16 Did I Miss My Exit? Rethinking the Narrative as a Single Woman With Christine Souza

• Lisa

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We challenge the myth of being “behind” and share how to build a life that fits, not a timeline that traps. Christine Souza opens up about singlehood, boundaries, and the resets that move us forward with courage and humor.

Key Takeaways:

  • Societal pressures can create unrealistic expectations for women, particularly around marriage and motherhood.
  • Embracing your unique journey and reframing your narrative can lead to personal fulfillment.
  • Real-life stories and shared experiences can provide comfort and validation for those feeling lost.
  • Approaching dating with intention can alleviate pressure and improve mental health.


About Christine:
Christine Souza is an author and storyteller who took the road less traditional—and never bothered asking for directions. Through her writing, she explores life’s unexpected turns, the richness of solo journeys, and the quiet magic found in everyday moments. By day, she works in sales planning and operations in the media and tech world; by passion, she encourages women to trust themselves, live boldly, and build energized, intentional lives. Christine lives in New York’s Capital Region with her rescue turtle, Cuff, who would be her emergency contact, if Cuff could use the phone.

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Rethinking Life’s Timeline

SPEAKER_01

Welcome to Mom is my emergency contact podcast. My name is Lisa and I am your host. Have you ever looked at your life and thought, what the fuck? Like, did I miss my exit? And why am I so behind in life? Okay. Because I see that shit to myself every damn day. So, like, everyone else has this life roadmap, the marriage, the kids, the career, the house, the habling and laughter. And you're over here wondering if you accidentally took the scenic route or straight up missed the turn. So let's be real. For women, especially single women and single moms, there is this non-stop pressure to be on a timeline that we never actually agreed to. I think we were born, and that just, you know, we were born into it. Um, and when life doesn't follow that script, it can lead us questioning everything. So today we're blowing that whole narrative up.

Introducing Christine And Her Book

SPEAKER_01

So I'm sitting down with Christine Suzash, who is the author of the book Did I Miss My Exit? Uh, this is such um God, such a deeply vulnerable, honest look at what it means to live outside of the expectations and rewrite your story and stop measuring your life against someone else's highlight reel. So we're talking about identity, singlehood, societal pressure, mindset shifts, and why maybe just maybe you didn't miss the exit and maybe you took the route that was meant to wake you the fuck up. So, Christine, welcome to the Mom is my emergency contact podcast.

SPEAKER_00

Hello. Thank you for having me. That was like the greatest intro. Oh, I'm so glad.

SPEAKER_01

So, Christine, uh we're gonna ask you questions about the the book. Um, I have to say there are so many things that I resonated with, and I'll get into it as we, you know, as I ask you the questions. Um, but it's like almost generational, and honestly, um, we need to go out more because you and I have so much in common.

SPEAKER_00

When you put in the true blood, that's the resolution for this year. We're going out more. The true blood, I was like, girl, what? No.

SPEAKER_01

I'm like, that's so awesome.

Road Trip Metaphor For Life

SPEAKER_01

Um, okay, the title, Did I Miss My Exit? That you know, that's such a powerful question. And like, how did you come up with that title? Uh I mean, did you ask yourself those things? Like, you know, damn, did I miss it? How did how did that come about and and did it show up in your life?

SPEAKER_03

So I often talk about my life as like a road trip. Um, I have a a great friend, Katie, who um she actually wrote the the forward of my book. And we used to just, you know, when you're when you're in that in-between, you have a driver's license, but you can't actually do anything yet because you you know, you can't go out. You have that like, you know, you drive around, you listen to music, and you talk about life. And um so I always said, you know, like, I'm like, I'm gonna just like, you know, drive and I'm gonna get on the road and it's just gonna happen. Like, you know, things are just gonna come up and you know, you could have a destination unknown, and you're you know, you're still gonna end up somewhere where, you know, you're intended to be. Um, I I I am a woman of faith, and I do believe that there is a plan for me, but my plan looks very different than a lot of other people's. Um, you know, and it's it's not for like lack of trying. It's it just I didn't I didn't take the same roads everybody else did. I tried. It's not like I didn't go out and try to date, try to meet a husband or partner or whatever, and didn't, you know, like it just didn't happen. I'm not a brave enough woman to have you know children by myself. I see um, you know, my sister has two small children and they are amazing and they are like they make my Grinch heart so much bigger every time I see them. But I see you know, she has a a husband, my my parents are here, I live here, she has um, you know, her husband's parents, like she has a community that helps her read raise her child. I can't do it by myself. There would be no way. So I look at my life and I say, okay, why I I was doing all the things everyone else is doing, but why didn't I get to the same outcome? Not that I'm complaining about my outcome. I have a wonderful life, I have a blessed life, I am a very fortunate woman, but it just didn't go the same way everybody else's did. And it's not over. I mean, I God willing, I still have another, you know, 50, maybe it may be with technology, 100 years, who knows? But yeah, it's it's sometimes when you're in that that little bit of a like a pity party, a little bit of a funk, a little bit of a, you know, oh, why why is why is it the way it is? You you start to question that. You start to question, did I miss my exit? But I do think that when we have that moment of doubt, I'm gonna use that word. I don't really think it's a doubt, but it's a just kind of like a a a moment of reflection. You take that time and you're like, well, wait, what what did I do quote unquote wrong? You didn't do anything wrong. You're exactly where you need to be to get to the place that you want to go. I don't I don't necessarily believe wrong, but I do think that sometimes choices come up or doors close that are actually protecting us from something that isn't intended for us or may make us suffer even longer the in on the road.

SPEAKER_01

I'm a single mom, so I didn't uh I missed the exit, the highway exit. And I I sometimes think the same, you know, I think the same way too. You know, how come what happened? Like, where did I go wrong? Um, that doubting.

Family Scripts And Independence

SPEAKER_01

But I, you know, I will say that at the beginning, you know, this is like the societal pressures, like that there was there was that roadmap that everyone was following. And I don't know about you, but for me, I didn't want to follow that roadmap. I never wanted to get married. I never thought I was gonna have kids. I was like, no, that's not for me. I mean, I didn't think I was gonna ever go that that route. And I remember like all the girls in high school um would be like, oh, I can't wait. You know, I'm gonna get married. And I was like, I'm traveling the world. What are they talking about? You know, and I think that for me, I had that societal pressure from my family that this is what it looks like. So, like for you, what shaped the what shaped the this is what it's supposed to look like when you were growing up?

SPEAKER_03

Really funny, I actually I didn't have that pressure from my family. My mom, um, she went from living in my grandparents' house to living with my dad. Like they got, you know, married right after she was out of college. And my dad wanted her to be a stay-at-home mom. He wanted to, you know, my dad was very much um old school in his mentality of, you know, the man is the provider and he's the head of the household and all that. And he wanted my mom to be able to stay home and to raise my me and my sister. And um uh my mom always said, because you know, later on they they eventually did get divorced and um they both remarried to other partners who they I always say, like my parents actually had better marriages after their divorce than they did when they were together. My dad, um, my dad passed away last year, and he was with my stepmom for almost 25 years. They were just shy of 25 years, and my mom and my stepdad have been together for um, it'll be 27 this year. So, I mean, they they're they were much happier people after they got divorced. I think that part of that, like their seeing their challenges their divorced kind of turned me off of marriage. Um and I never really wanted to have kids because like I helped raise my sister. My sister's eight years younger than me. And, you know, my mom was a stay-at-home mom for about 14 years before she had to go back in the workplace, and she got like, you know, a data entry role to, you know, put food on the table. And um, you know, I I saw her struggle and saw her have challenges. And I think that, you know, helping with my sister, helping with those family roles so young in life, I was kind of like, all right, well, I've done that now, so now I can go do other things. Um, and it's not a like it's not a knock to either of my parents. They did their best. My parents got married very young, you know. They my mom just graduated. I think my my mom my mom had me at 24 and my I think my dad was 28, you know, and like when you think about that now, it's like when I was 24, I'm like, I barely like, you know, remember to get dressed in the morning some days, you know. But like I was like, I don't know what I was doing at 24. Um, but I think that, you know, so I I I was born in 1979 back in the 1900s, you know, I remember playing Oregon Trail and everyone died of dysentery. Um, but you know, I think that women were just coming into their independence in that time. Like they could have credit cards and mortgages and like do all the things that they weren't allowed to do. They had to have a husband to do those things. And so I think that that change in society, along with changes in technology, like puts, you know, women who are like in our age group in a different, a different set. Like you didn't have to be married. You could be, and I and I actually had a conversation with someone the other day where it's like we have these men

Dating Friction And Standards

SPEAKER_03

now who are trying to date women who don't need them. And so it was starting to create this friction between men and women where it's like, listen, I rather sit home, get some DoorDash, watch, you know, binge binge watch Netflix than have to like bust my ass to impress you over like mozzarella sticks down the block. Like, you know, like, you know what I mean? Like, I, and I'm not, I, you know, I say I'm a little bit of a snob, you know, like, and you know this about me. So like I'm I'm a downstater who moved to Albany. All right. We can't get pizza, we can't get bagels, you know, it's it's a little rough. But um, you know, like I I want I want someone who's gonna put in effort, you know? And some of these guys, like, I don't know if they've just they're just like, oh, well, I've done it once. I are, you know, I'm already like on my second marriage or whatever, like I want to put in the effort anymore, or whether they just like are like, oh, well, you know, she like I don't need to do it, she's just gonna like me. Like, it doesn't work that way any longer, you know. Like you gotta put in the energy. You gotta put in the if I'm putting on lipstick, you know, you know, button up your shirt, you know, like comb comb the comb over. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02

I'm sorry, I'm sure.

SPEAKER_01

No, that's uh no, that's good. Um, you know, yes, and that and I was gonna say that's another podcast episode. We could talk about that on another episode. But it's funny that you mentioned that uh about dating.

Essays, Humor, And Honesty

SPEAKER_01

But before I say that, I want everyone to know that this is not like a book where it's like a story, like, you know, there's the main characters. I mean the main character is Christine. Um, but I love it where it's Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, you are, because some of this stuff is hilarious. Um, so it's like a bunch of essays, her thoughts, and I just love the way it reads so it reads from a very vulnerable space. So it's I almost want to say that if you read this, you're gonna say to yourself, shit, I think that all the time. I never told anybody, but I think that, and it's in this book. Um, but speaking of all the funny shit that you put on here, I mean, there's a lot of funny shit on here. I was reading this at work during my lunch break and I was laughing. I was like, oh my God, no way. So I want to mention the the dating. Um, I'm not gonna say like what it is. I want you to my one of my favorite chapters or essays is the dating season. And it's funny because I read it. Um, and then then you mentioned, I don't know if we were talking on the phone, but you mentioned about the whole, or even before I read it, you mentioned about the whole uh you have a plan or goal. Like if you don't find somebody at this moment, then I'm gonna let you share a little bit on that.

Dating Season: St. Patrick’s To Halloween

SPEAKER_03

So dating season is my mental, my mental health, basically, when it comes to dating. Um, it is very simple and everyone thinks it's insane, but then when I explain it, they're like, dude, like you, like you're so right, right? So basically I say dating season in my world runs between St. Patrick's Day and Halloween. All right. The reason being there's it's totally rational. So St. Patrick's Day, right? It's like right before the official spring, right? Because spring is is March 21st, St. Patrick's Day is March 17th, right? And and it's your birthday, right? Is that right? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So um, so basically we go out and like everyone, you know, like St. Patrick's Day, like, so keep in mind my mental state, right? I used to work in the city. All right. I worked in the city, this parade would go be everyone, like you'd get out of work and everyone would be at the bars, we'd be packed, and people would already be like drinking since four in the morning. Like, no joke, four in the morning. Um they're on the bender. And so you'd go in and everyone would be like, yeah, like everyone's Irish on St. Patrick's Day, and this is great. I am not Irish, but you know, like, hey, you know what? You I'll drink a green beer, I'll have a shot, whatever. You go, you have one, and so you start like everyone's feeling good and the liquor's flowing, and it's like, yeah, great. And you know, there might be like, you know, talking to him, bantering, you're like, you get the vibes going, you're like, hey, uh, he's kind of cute because you got the beer goggles on, and you know, you just you you might do a little, little, little bar makeout, little kiss in the bar. All right. And what happens? Like your pheromones start going, you're like, hey, you know, like this is fun. I remember, like, I remember dating, and dating used to be fun, and it was like you got to know somebody and it was exciting, and you're like, ooh, maybe I could kiss him again, and you get all those like good vibes going, right? The sun's starting to come out again. So you want to get out a little bit more, you want to like, you know, it's starting to get warmer, you're feeling the vibes, and you're like, yeah, you know what? Maybe I'll maybe I'll I'll go out with my girlfriends and go and have a drink after work. And you start you start to have things to do after work. You start to have things to do on the weekends because the weather's better, and you're out and you're meeting people, and it's like friends of friends, and you're going to barbecues and you're going to concerts. And then you get to like, you know, Memorial Day, you get the summer, you have you have all your sunshine, you got your stack concerts, and then Labor Day comes. And you start to see this the you get the apple picking and the pumpkin picking, you start to get the leaves falling and everything. And then you're like, it's getting cold again. If I don't have somebody I'm just gonna go sit on the couch for the winter, it's fine. I'm cool, you know. So you go you go to your hot last Halloween party, you don't know who's behind the mask. Right? You have no idea who you're who you're talking to at the party. He's got the mask on, and you're just like, you know, he's got the he's got the puffed up Superman abs, and you know those aren't really his abs. It's like the puffy stuff underneath and whatever. So you're like, all right, you know what? I've had all this I've had March to October that I've had all this fun, but nothing really came out of it. So, you know, I'm just gonna take a step back. Because you know what happens is immediately after Halloween. The turkeys come out, the, you know, and everyone rushes into Christmas. And you're going Thanksgiving, you don't want a new partner sitting at your Thanksgiving dinner table, right? You don't want to be like, you know, pulling the wishbone with your crazy uncle with the new boyfriend. You don't want that, right? You got Christmas, Hanukkah, you know, whatever, whatever holiday you're celebrating, you gotta worry about the gift. You gotta worry about whose family you're spending Christmas at. Are you are you a Christmas Eve present opener or Christmas Day a present? I mean, these are huge things, right? Then you're going into New Year's. Do you want to kiss this guy during New Year's? You don't know him, you're not sure. You know, do I want to start my new year with this one? I don't know. I have a birthday in January. It's a lot of pressure to have a birthday in January. No one wants to go out. Does this guy want to, is he gonna be the I'm doing dry January? I can't celebrate with you. No, like no. Yeah. Or does he buy you a crisp, a birthday gift? Oh my goodness. That's it's a lot of again, a lot of pressure. We go into Valentine's Day, you know. Do I want to give I do I love him? I don't know. So we start St. Patrick's Day again. That's the calendar. St. Patrick's Day to Halloween. We're we're in the we're in the groove. We meet someone, we're doing things, ready, we're out, you got that partner to go and like explore the world with. And then if they don't have anything by Halloween, well, you know, you call it in.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, that's it. I love that. I love that. So it's great. It's been working for me.

SPEAKER_01

I'm single forever, but you know, it's okay. I'm gonna try that. I'm gonna try it. Um, I love it when you said it's the month of uh transition and transformation. And I just love that you said that. And it's kind of like a, hey, I'm ready, let's do it, and um, and then see what happens, right? It's giving you that opportunity to do it. But I think even though it's it's funny, right? But it's also good because then you take a time off. It's not like you're out on apps and dating 24-7. You get to regroup and reset and be on your own, enjoy your family. And then if you then March comes along and it's like, okay, let's do this. Super important though.

Rest, Reflection, And Reset

SPEAKER_03

I'm I want to touch on that for a second, Lisa. It's super important because I think that we're in a constant flood of information, a constant, and even when you're dating someone, it's like learning about them and going. And then if it doesn't work out, you know, it's really important. Like everyone's like, oh, you know, the the phrase is, you know, it's the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. But that's not a good thing, ladies. It's real, real fun, don't get me wrong, but it's not a good thing. Because you really want to sit back and say, okay, what did I learn from this? Who, like, what qualities does this person have that I want to bring into my next relationship? What are the things that triggered me that didn't work for me that I don't want to bring into a relationship? And I think that, you know, especially like in my quote, dating season, you know, time out, you know, those are also times of year where like I'm spending time with my family. I'm reflecting on things that like I want to do. Like I see what what how they, their dynamic and how they work and how I want to find someone who fits into that dynamic, who wants to be part of my because my family is very important to me. And so I want them to be someone who will want to spend time with my family. And I know my family's a little crazy, everyone's family's a little crazy, but you know, someone who wants to fit into that. And then it also is a time where I know me personally, like I like the Christmas cookies, I like the cakes, you know. So I, you know, I do my little indulgence, and then, you know, like we come around after my birthday, because you know I like a birthday cake too. But then I I have a little time to myself to reflect on, okay, how do I need to show up? How do I need to be better for the next partner that I meet? You know, because it's not all about how they are, it's also how you are. And that's the most important. What who are you bringing to the relationship? How are you gonna show up as the best version of yourself? And sometimes we need to kind of reset to make it like, hey, you know what? I was being really, you know, not my best self in this last relationship. And here are the things I know I need to be aware of and I need to work on to bring the best forward.

SPEAKER_01

So you answered the question I was gonna ask you because that's okay. Um, no, that's good because I was like, okay, this is exactly what I was looking for. Because it's not like it's a book about it's not a book about being single. There she touches upon it, you know, here and there. And it's not like, oh, this is the whole chapter of being single. You know, you you touch upon it throughout the entire book. Um, and I was gonna ask you, you know, what did singlehood teach you about yourself that you may never have learned inside a relationship? And you pretty much answered it, unless there's something else, because it is really like I have to work on myself, work on me, you know. I can't just like say, okay, you need to come to me all um put together, and I just gotta sit here and wait, like most men do. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

And definitely it's that.

SPEAKER_01

No.

SPEAKER_03

I always so I am I am not a sex in the city person. Like I'm that's like

Singlehood, Self-Trust, And Boundaries

SPEAKER_03

I watched it. I think Carrie Bradshaw's a psychopath, but I do. She's like, I mean, you see, she's like stalking big for like, you know, what sixth season? Like no, they're crazy. But the one thing that they do she says is that the best relationship is a relationship you have with yourself. And I think that's so important because if you can't be alone, how are you ever going to be in a relationship? You have to be comfortable with yourself. You have to be, you know, okay being alone. You have to be able like your partner isn't there to entertain you. Your partner isn't there to save you. That's the that's the thing that drives me as in. Like, we as women, like, we don't need saving. We're fine. We we can figure this out on our own, right? I think that it's super important to not have a like that mindset of the partner is going to like make everything better. It needs to be better to begin with. That partner is gonna come in and compliment you. That partner is gonna be someone who like, if you enjoy traveling, they're gonna wanna travel with you, not take over, plan all your vacations, you know, occupy all your like, no, they are there to compliment you. And I think it's really important too that you also have individual hobbies, right? Because you know, people are like, oh, I like to ski, you like to ski, let's go ski together. That's all great. That's great. But I don't like to ski. I don't like to be outside in the cold. I don't like the cold. I don't know why I moved to Albany. I know why I moved to Albany, but you know, Albany, it's oh, it's cold, it's cold all the time. You know, I'm not I'm the girl with the hot chocolate. I am not the girl who's out, you know, snowshoeing or you know, you know, running out with the dogs at Capitol Hills in the freezing cold. I'm not that girl. But if I have a partner who likes to ski, I'm not gonna stop go have fun. I'm gonna go read a book. I'm gonna go, you know, organize my my Star Wars collector's things. Um, you know, I'm gonna go be a nerd. And you know, and that's fine. And then they and then when he's done, we come back and you know, we you know, we drink hot chocolate, you know.

SPEAKER_01

Um I can have two cups, it's fine. You hit it on the nail. There's so much to be learned about being on your own, and um, but I think a lot of people are afraid to be on their own or l alone. Doesn't mean you're lonely, you're alone. Um, okay, so let's move from the dating season because I know we can talk about that for hours.

SPEAKER_03

And I'm not romanticizing being alone, by the way. Like it's hard. There are days that suck, but you know, there are also days where I'm just like, oh, I'm glad I don't have anyone here because I can just sit around in my pajamas all day, you know?

SPEAKER_01

The mindset and personal growth. There's a lot of that in here. A lot of the, oh, you know, I was thinking of this, and then I realized. I mean, it like I said, you you write it as if I'm thinking about it myself as I'm sitting before I go to bed and things like the thoughts that crosses my mind. What were some of the biggest like mental shifts that helped you move from did I miss my exit to maybe I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be?

SPEAKER_03

It can be really hard. Again, I'm I'm not gonna

Age, Authenticity, And Letting Go

SPEAKER_03

lie, like I'm I'm probably like the bluntest tool in the box there, but like it is it is not easy to be a single woman, you know, and then you get the uh my favorite, oh well, what's wrong with you? Well, nothing. I'm actually gritty effing awesome, thank you. I am a delight. What are you talking about? But you know, like because you know, I perpetually single. Um, you know, I I when I moved here, I actually was dating someone for a while. And I'm like, okay, is this what it's like? Is this good? Is this bad? I don't know, like yeah, but you the thing is is that no matter what, time is gonna move forward. So you can either sit, dwell, and be like, oh, look at all the things that are wrong, or you can focus on the things that are right, focus on the things that you're you you're good at that bring you joy, that bring you peace, that that connect you with others. And that's really the difference. It um there is this like thought process that you know we have to be good at everything. Like we're we should strengthen the things that we suck at. No, we shouldn't. I I I like I am terrible at something. Should I work towards making myself better? Why don't I focus on the things that I'm good at and keep strengthening those things? Because those are the things that are gonna light me up and drive me and make me wanna like there are things, yeah, like I would like to learn to do, you know, certain skills, but maybe I'll get there, maybe I won't. Focusing on the things that I'm better at and that bring me joy and that connect me other people, those are the things that are gonna keep me moving forward. I am a very big believer, if you are happy with yourself, you are gonna attract the right people into your circle. So, like I will give you a perfect example. I went to your daughter's wonderful quintenera. It was fabulous. First off, if you guys haven't, you know, seen any pictures, Bella was absolutely gorgeous. I came in and I was looking, I was on like a level above, and I had to come down the stairs and I looked over and she was in the dress and she like spun around, and it was like one of those shots in like a princess movie. Like she just looked wonderful. And it was such a great party, and we had such a good time. But I went out and I'm like, come on. I'm like, everyone needs to come dance. Like, we need to dance, we need to get low, we need to have fun, we need to like, you know, break out the 90s hip-hop and embarrass her because that's what you know, like old people do at parties. I danced with your mom. Your mom and I were spinning on the dance floor. Like, that's stuff that brings me joy. I love, I like to dance for a very long time. I was the girl who sat at the bar and didn't dance because I didn't think I was good at it and I was embarrassed and I like was very self-conscious. And then when I finally said, you know, the hell with it, and you went and danced, I found I have so much joy in that that I'm just like, I don't care. I this is me, and I am like the Elaine Bennis with the like terrible, you know, convulsing dance moves. But I have fun. And because I'm having fun and I'm laughing, other people are out there having fun. And that's the kind of ripple effect that we want to make in the world.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. So you, you know, the comparison can steal so much joy, right? Especially you are so right. Yeah. And, you know, you said that I I want to dance, you know. One time I I used to sit by the bar and not do anything because I didn't think I was good at it. Do you think that the the whole sense of, you know what, fuck this. I want to have fun. Do you think that came with age or do you think it came with because of experiences? Yeah, talk a little bit about it.

SPEAKER_03

I think it does come with age. I think I I know this is so cliche, but like I feel like if I could talk to the person I was 20 years ago, you know, I I I I was so like afraid to be me. And and not that I'm so far off from the person I was, I just don't think I was as loud about it. I think that um, you know, I I felt very unworthy. I felt like I needed to be um perfect, what in whatever version of of perfect, you know, like you know,

COVID As A Hard Reset

SPEAKER_03

that whatever that other person's expectation of is me, whether it was, you know, parents, friends, siblings, whatever, you need you have that image of, you know, oh well that this is how they expect me to behave. So I need to keep up with that. And then I just kind of got tired. I got really tired. It is exhausting trying to please other people. And I feel like we as women are very much people pleasers. And like I see my nieces. My nieces, they're they're four and three. The little one, oh my god, she's like a spitfire. And I'll be like, all right, Ansteine's going, give me a hug. And she's like, no. I'm like, all right, cool. And I tell and I and it it it does break my heart a little bit, but I'm also like, you know what, that's okay. You don't have to hug me. If that's not what you want to do and you're not comfortable with that, you don't have to hug me. It's okay. I go to it. I'm like, you better hug me next time I give you ice cream, though, you know.

SPEAKER_02

Always briving them of the ice cream.

SPEAKER_03

You know, I feel like we're so conditioned, you know, to do what our parents say, to do what our uh our jobs say, all these things like that it takes time to break out of that. I feel like, you know, in my teens, like you still live under the you know the the parental uh bubble, you know, school and and all that, and then you go into college and you're kind of like trying to figure it out. And then in your 20s, you're kind of like, okay, this is it's fun, it's party, you're free, you don't have like the the rules. And then in your 30s, you kind of are like, okay, this is how the world works, this is how things are gonna go. All right, I'm I'm picking up. And then I think you hit like 40, and you're just like, I don't I don't care anymore. Like it just is like, you know what? I've played by the rules, I haven't gotten to where I want to be, so I'm just gonna go do it the way I want to do it, and that's that. And you and then you're just like, whatever, I don't care. You know, even like I think my hair, right? I have uh I have gray hair. I don't know if you guys can watch it on the thing. I used to color my hair like really dark. And finally one day I was just like, why am I doing this? Why am I paying all this money to look this way when like in three weeks I'm gonna have like you know the white coming out again? I'm like, that's not who I am. This is who I am. I have gray hair, and it's you know, it's actually pretty nice. I'm not gonna lie. I I do have good hair. And does it make me look older? I'm not really sure. Some people are like, oh yeah, you I wouldn't know how old you are, you know, because you you know you're gray, but like I went gray at 21. Like I've been gray for a really long time, but I I colored it for so long, then I was just like, you know what? This is who I am. This is who I am now, and she's great, she's wonderful, she's happy.

SPEAKER_01

You know, when you were talking about um how you were and afraid to be you, and I thought to myself, that's probably 99.9% of most women. And if you remember, if you always had you had that one girl who didn't give a shit, and you would say to yourself, Oh, she's too much. Well, she didn't give a shit. She knew that she was not gonna care and she was gonna be who she was or who she wanted to be. And you know, when you said the part about, you know, you got to the point where you're tired. Well, you got you got sick and tired because it wasn't bringing you joy doing what you were supposed to do. Um, and I think that a lot of women, I I hope, you know, it changes earlier on than later, because you know, we see those interviews with older women, much, much older women, and they always, you know, they always have that, you know, what was one thing you want to tell your younger self? And it's like, don't give a fuck. Like, don't give a fuck about people think, you know, because at the end of the day, you didn't lose anything. If you did it earlier on, 10, 20 years, the ri you didn't lose anything. You know, if in doing it now, it's it's the same, but you're happier, right? That's that was the the trade-off is to be happier, right? Um, okay, so let's talk about you know the road trip, because it kind of does feel that way as you're reading it, and it's full of all these unexpected turns. Um, and you kind of talked a little bit about this just now, saying that you got tired,

You’re Not Behind: Mindset Reframes

SPEAKER_01

because I was gonna ask you, like what detour in your life, if there was anything specific, although you said I got tired of it, but did something specifically happen that became very transformative in your life where you were just like, you know what, fuck this.

SPEAKER_02

COVID. I honestly I hate that.

SPEAKER_03

I hate that. I hate when people say that. I but I think COVID really did a big reset for a lot of people. Um, and it it like it wasn't that long ago. But like I think about what my life was like before COVID. So I lived in Westchester, I commuted about 90 minutes every day, to 90 minutes to and 90 minutes from the office. I worked in the Empire State Building. I would get to work about 20 to 9, check my email, whatever, grab coffee. I'd be in meetings until, you know, end of day, which would be six o'clock. I'd like rush to get like the 620 train on an early day, which would get me home at 7. So basically from like 7 to 7, I was like commuting. Um and I'd come home and that was if I left on time. And most of the time I didn't leave on time because there was always more work to be done. Um I went home and like uh my brain would be mush because I'd go, go, go, go, go all day. And so I'd like sleep and then get up and do it again the next day. And like maybe if I had was lucky, I'd you know, could get a workout in here and there or you know, a yoga class or whatever. Um, you know, but it like it was a go, go, go, go, go all the time. And I had a job that was very um the work I do is very um underappreciated. I say I have the second hardest job in a in a company. First being payroll. If you everyone gets paycheck, no one no one ever thanks payroll, never ever thanks the payroll team. They're great, they're wonderful. They put the money in the in your checking account. No one ever thanks them, right? Something goes wrong, you better believe they are the first person to get an email. I pay commissions. So I work with a sales organization, I pay commissions to a sales organization. I'm not gonna name the company I used to work for, but I was working for a company where on payday I was getting messages on my personal social media from my salespeople telling me that their payments weren't correct. And I'm like, this is unacceptable. Please email my me at work. Like that, so yeah. So it was like a constant, and so um when COVID hit, I was kind of like, I wasn't in the office, which is great because I could like work out before I like, you know, like my commuting time became my workout time. I actually lost I was like one of the only people who lost weight during COVID. Um but um I, you know, I didn't have people like stopping me like in between meetings to, you know, complain about we're not getting credit for something. I would have people like waiting outside the bathroom stalls, like to talk to me about their commission. And I'll be like, this is not the space to be talking about commission. Like, please just let me wash my hands. And you know, like it like it was like really bad. And I was the only person, like I didn't even have a team. It was like me. Like it was just me. And so like it was great to have that that time back to myself to kind of be like, this is the work I do, this is how I make a living, this is like what like what how how do I survive

Rapid Fire And Final Reflections

SPEAKER_03

like this? Like it it just stopped everything to really, again, that reset, like dating season, that reset of, oh, stop, let me look around. What the heck is going on? How did it get so out of control? You know, like if you talk to anyone who's like ever been um has had to dealt deal with addiction, they hit their rock bottom. And I feel like COVID was a rock bottom for a lot of people, where it was like, oh my gosh, this is like I mean, even my apartment, like I lived in this little basement apartment that had like two windows. And I'm like, I don't get sunshine in here. I don't like, how do I live like this? So I think that was my, you know, make a U-turn in the GPS. Like we gotta, we gotta change the direction of this. Oh, thankfully, I I was so blessed my job went remote. So I was able to move to Albany. Now, granted, I live in Albany and it snows all the time, but um, at the same time, a lot of wonderful things have happened by moving to Albany. Like I have a have a house and like a new community. I get to see my my nieces every day if I want to. I've I've met new women, I've met new men. Um, you know, I I've trying to embrace the area I live in. I have a better sense of like my mindset, my my mental health, my uh overall, like I'm not rushing all the time, I'm not angry all the time. It's stressful, it's a lot.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, you know, um the whole idea of that pause, and people don't do that, they're afraid to be in that pause because even if you remember during COVID, people are going out of their minds because they couldn't, they had to be doing something. Oh my god, I gotta sit with my thoughts. And that is when you do get to reset. That is when you get to look at your life and say, Is this what I want? Like, this is not life, you know, and we don't do enough of that, and we're always on the go, especially us women. I love that you shared that because that makes a lot of sense. COVID was very transformative positively. I'm talking about for a lot of people. Okay, so we have a woman that's listening right now, and she's thinking, I feel stuck, I'm behind, I miss my moment, I'm too old.

SPEAKER_02

What would you want her to hear? You're not.

SPEAKER_03

All the things are lies. You're just where you're supposed to be. It may not be where you want to be right now, but we're only like, you know, three feet from success, right? There's that the there's that old story of the guy in the mine, and he was like chipping away, chipping away, chipping away, chipping away, chipping away, and he just he never found the diamonds. And he sold the mine for like, you know, three bucks to somebody else, and the guy goes in, two clinks, and he's got the diamonds. He's you're right there. You're right there. I think that we need to pause. I really do. Um, you know, I I said like I go to church every Sunday, and um uh, you know, it I don't want I don't I'm not I'm not trying to get religious or anything like that, but I I want to mention this. On the seventh day, God rested. You read the Bible, seventh day God rested, right? We need to bring that rest back into our our daily. Whether that rest it looks different for everybody. Maybe that's you know, waking up an hour early to do some mindset work, to do some, you know, journaling or meditating or praying or whatever it looks like for you. Maybe it's just going off for a walk outside. Um, but you're you're not failing. It may feel like if you're not failing, you're doing your best. My mom always says to me, she goes, Christine Marie, did you do your best today? And I'll be like, Yeah, you know, I I tried, mom, I really did. And she's like, that's only thing you can do. No one can take that away from you. Don't don't compare your your best on a random Tuesday to my best on like, you know, my shining day, you know. It's it's not a competition. Life's hard, guys. Like it is, and it's hard. Single woman, it's hard, you know. People are judgmental, people are mean, people, but you know what? They don't pay my bills. They don't, they're not responsible for me. They're not taking care of my house, they're not doing the things I need to do, right? You know, like uh we I we have this joke that my I have a my sister is um she has very small feet, just like size for feet. And so I'm always like, Karen, we should just sell pictures of your feet. And and you know, I'm on a and uh she's like, oh, she's like, I can't do that. She's like, you know, someone will find out. And I'm like, whatever. They they're not paying our bills. I'm like, let's sell your feet. And so like it's it's this like running joke. Who like who's gonna you're gonna judge us for that? Like, you know what? Don't. You don't know. You don't know what goes on behind closed doors. One of the things I do, and and you know, again, my mom, she always says, she's like, You're so good at doing it. And I'm like, because I would want someone to do it for me. But like, if I see some, like if I'm checking out, you know, the grocery store or whatever, I I will always give the the checkout person a compliment. And I think that, you know, with social media and technology, we are way more connected than we used to be, but we're also really isolated at the same time. And so smiling, making that connection, um, just being kind to each other is so much more important these days. So if you're like listening to this and you're like, oh, like I I don't think I can go another day, you can. You can. And if you can't, you know, reach out to Lisa, reach out to me, like I'll tell you why you can. Because it may not feel that way, but we've all been in that dirt. You just gotta keep going 'cause that that those diamonds are right there. They're on that other side. You just gotta keep pressing through.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. No, that that's some good nuggets right there. I mean Yeah. Okay, so we're gonna do a rapid fire run, okay? So you only got one minute. One minute.

SPEAKER_03

You see I talked about a lot. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00

I um one minute. Oh my gosh, okay.

SPEAKER_01

One minute, girl. I got it right here. Okay? All right. Feel the pressure. Ready? And one belief you had to unlearn that I am worthy, that I am I I am not unworthy.

SPEAKER_03

I am worthy. I worth every single good accolade that comes to me, I've earned it and I deserve it.

SPEAKER_02

Okay. One joy of singlehood. I can shower as long as I want. Ooh. Okay, one thing you no longer rush. Um my expectations.

SPEAKER_03

I don't I don't try to force people to fit into what I want from them.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, 14 seconds here. One thing you say yes to more. Opportunity. Opportunity? Okay. Like you asked me, do you want to come to Kinsnare?

SPEAKER_01

And I said yes. That's opportunity. Thank you again, Christine. Okay, so everyone, maybe you didn't miss your exit. Maybe you refused to take the one every everyone else was blindly chasing, and chose the one that makes you bold, different, and unapologetically, you because fitting in is easy. Standing out,

Where To Find Christine + Subscribe

SPEAKER_01

that takes a lot of courage. So, Christine, thank you again so much. Again, the book showing you the book. I'm gonna give you the links to this. Where can everyone find you and connect with you?

SPEAKER_03

Uh, you can follow me on Instagram at ChristineSusa79 Facebook too. Uh you can email me, Christine at ChristineSouza.com. Uh, I am in between websites right now, unfortunately. But uh but you can also follow me on Amazon as an author um because I am working on another book, different format, but I think you'll all enjoy it if you like this. This is my this is my bedside table book, I tell everybody. You want to read something quick before bed, yeah. You just grab read a few pages and drift off to sleep. Perfect.

SPEAKER_01

I love it. It it definitely is. It definitely is that. Okay. So we're gonna have all the links that uh to get to Christine and um reach out to her and connect. So if this episode resonates with you, please don't forget to subscribe to our YouTube channel at Mom Is My Emergency Contact Podcast. And make sure you're subscribed to the podcast on all platforms where you listen to podcasts. Just search for Mom is My Emergency Contact Podcast. Reviews really help the show reach more women. So if you have a moment, please consider leaving a review on the YouTube channel or on any of the podcast platforms. Again, thank you, Christine and everyone. Thank you for being a part of this community. And until next time, bye.