Ep. 18 The Third Person In The Relationship......Social Media

What happens when love turns into a brand and your audience becomes your boss? We sit down with therapist, author, and toxic relationship specialist Matt Phifer to unpack how influencer culture reshapes romance, dating, parenting, and mental health. From performative authenticity to the economics of engagement, we explore why perfectly curated couples and “effortless” motherhood get rewarded online and the quiet ways that reward system erodes trust and self-worth offline.

Takeaways

• Social media has transformed relationships into content and performance.
• Influencers face immense pressure to maintain a perfect image.
• The audience's expectations can create a toxic environment for influencers.
• Relationships can become transactional when tied to social media engagement.
• Influencer culture can lead to unrealistic standards for parenting and family life.
• The psychological impact of social media can lead to feelings of inadequacy and depression.
• Taking breaks from social media is essential for mental health.
• Authenticity is crucial in navigating the influencer landscape.
• Influencer moms often feel pressured to present an idealized version of motherhood.
• Comparison to curated lives can distort personal realities. 

About Matt:
Matt is a therapist, an author, toxic relationship specialist, and podcaster. He is a social media influencer that has recently put his focus on "Criminal Motives". This is where he dives into true crime stories and provides his perspective.

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Lisa

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Transcript

Setting The Stage: Love As Content

SPEAKER_00 0:17

Hi, I'm Lisa. I am the host of the Mom is my emergency contact podcast. So, social media has turned relationships into content, intimacy into engagement, and love into a performance. So today we're going to talk about the real impact of influencer culture on relationships, what it's like to maintain a perfect couple image, how that pressure affects real connection, and what happens to the people watching, like us, who assumes that perfection, that that's normal, right? So we're also going to unpack the unique role of influencer moms and the emotional way of presenting a flawless family life that simply doesn't exist in reality. So today's guest is Matt Pfeiffer. Matt is a therapist, an author, a toxic relationship specialist, a podcaster, and he is from Dallas, Texas. And Matt, welcome. We've known each other for a while at this point.

SPEAKER_02 1:27

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 1:28

So I'm excited to see you again and have you on. Matt, how long have you been on social media?

SPEAKER_02 1:36

So altogether, it's been a it's been a decade, but I would say like really actual actively and consistently, I would say five or six years at this point.

SPEAKER_00 1:47

Okay. And if you can remember when you first got on, like have what's the difference between then and today?

SPEAKER_02 1:57

There's a big, big difference. Um, and some of it I'm gonna get into here in a second, especially when it comes to relationships. Um the the pressure to be A, authentic, B also the right type of authenticity, C, the like if you even if you are authentic, um you know, there's still pressure to like keep up with whatever whatever brand that you've established. Now, when I say brand, that doesn't necessarily mean like your niche or anything like that. Um if you have a good guy, we're gonna talk about this here in a second, but good guy image, or if you are in a relationship to keep up with like the the perfect narrative, like whatever it is, whatever box that people have placed you in, you know, to stay within. You're seeing it actually as we speak. I don't know if you've noticed, there's a lot of people that are really pressuring people to speak out on, you know, different things, whether it, you know, whether it be political, whether it be the things that are happening in Minnesota, whether it be, and um, a lot of people are like, that's not even my niche. That's not my topic. That's not my that's not my lane. I try to stay in my lane. Well, people don't want people to stay in anyone's lane anymore. People want to know the like what's going on and what you think. And and it really, there's a reason why they call them influencers. It influences the way that other people think. Um, and so people are really pressuring people to really put themselves out there.

SPEAKER_00 3:29

Yeah. Oh God, you you touched upon a lot of things here. But why don't we get to some of the questions that I wanted to ask you? Because I know you're gonna start talking about these things that you just mentioned. Um, how does, well, before I even ask this question, what is an influencer? Because I don't think a lot of like the normal people, I don't think they know what that is.

SPEAKER_02 3:50

So when we talk about influencer, there there's we have different categories. This is something that's actually, in my opinion, has changed in social media too. So when I first started, when I first got on social media, I would I would say I used to say that in that it's the Wild West, right? There's not, you know, I knew I got in social media intentionally, knowing that it was an emerging um an emerging like vertical, that it was becoming its own thing, right? That it was eventually going to become like its own um unique thing where it was as respected as like any other career. Um well, we're pretty much there now. However, it still kind of has some elements of the of the Wild West where so when we talk about influencers, we you know, we have people that are there specifically for their business, right? That they're promoting, you know, their burger shop or their therapy, therapy practice, those sorts of things. And then we also have so that's one category. We also have some that are just kind of entertainers that they just hop on. That's kind of so I used to be in one in more of the therapy category. These days, I'm I consider myself more of like a content creator, entertainer. You know, I just go on, I tell stories, uh, you know, people who might do a podcast that might do like a true crime podcast, where it's not necessarily about them, it's about whatever story or whatever entertainment value that they're providing, whether the comedian or whatever the case is. Um, so you kind of have those two categories where you have more of an entrepreneurial lane and then you have a content creator lane. And those kind of in the middle of those, you have influencer, where um where sometimes people kind of break out where they people value that person's thoughts and opinion. And it can come from the entrepreneurial lane, it can come from the content creator lane. And honestly, I don't know how that gets started. I kind of saw that I was becoming more of an influencer and I didn't like it. I don't mind pressure, but it's not it's not the pressure that that get that gets to me. I didn't like the the thought that people were running their lives based off of what I what I think and what I say. So so I think it's one thing to to take in other people's opinions, but you know, and in a lot of in a lot of ways, influencers can become very cultish. Where, you know, I think that because it's not, you know, in a church and you know, not like in some backwoods, people don't think of it as a cult, but people also on the back end, when people talk about how to build these platforms, they talk about how to build a cult-like following, right? Where you have one person who is um very charismatic a lot, a lot of times, who has a lot of influence over people, over people's lives. People want to live by vicariously through that person. And it's not always bad, right? Sometimes people are influencing people. I mean, you look at Keith Lee, we talk about the Keith Lee effect. He's doing a lot of great things, you know. Um, there's a lot of people who are doing a lot of great things as influencers, but we also have some that it becomes it can become very toxic either for the following or sometimes for the influencer themselves.

SPEAKER_00 7:01

Right. So, what if people don't know this and they don't recognize your face, shame on them. Um, you're you're pretty big in the TikTok world, in the social media world. In fact, that's how I found you. And you had a huge following with talking about toxic relationship and women, probably mostly women that were following you, and you were educating them on how to you know acknowledge the red flags and why were you picking these types of people? And you know, you really exploded with that. So I can see how that may feel a little bit more like this responsibility um with that very sensitive uh topic. So, with that being said, in regards to relationships, how does being an influencer change the dynamics of a relationship once it becomes part of that brand?

Brand Pressure And Performative Authenticity

SPEAKER_02 8:02

Well, I think there's two ways that we can look at it and we can talk about it because we have the relationship side, then we also have the dating side. So the relationship side, if you're already in a relationship and you've built a platform where I'm just gonna use Christine Desmond as an example, um, they, you know, that's how they built they started out. That's that's what they did, right? Doing uh doing comedy, but there was an image that they had the perfect relationship. Both of them were very good looking. They, you know, they grew to a point where they were on the red carpets and just living a very lavish lifestyle. Um, but what happens, and just like I mentioned before with people living vicariously through people, people aspire to be like that. But then also the problem is that people place pressure on you to maintain that because you become their life. And so when there becomes like they've placed you on a pedestal, so when things start to fall apart in your life, that means that things are also falling apart in their life, too. So when Christy and so people who may not know, um, these this couple, this influencer couple, um they desmond cheated on Christy, they ended up going through a divorce, and so now you have this major platform that people have split. You have people saying, like, you know, Team Desmond, Team Christy, people, and and this, this one has been really interesting because a lot of women uh actually relate more to Desmond in this situation. Not everyone, but a lot of them do, because of the way that, and this come this goes back to their videos. A lot of people relate to him because in a lot of the videos, he was the butt of the joke. He was kind of always put down, those sorts of things. And a lot of women are like, you know, I don't agree with him cheating, but I also understand how that happens, right? And because that's a lot of times when a woman is the person who cheats, a lot of times that's the role and that's the dynamic, right? Where there's a man in power and he's kind of put put her down, she's the butt of the jokes, being disrespected, and then someone kind of you know sweeps in, like, hey, you know, you really shouldn't be treated that way, blah, blah, blah, blah. And next thing you know, I don't think anyone is okay with a with a um with with infidelity, but we all understand how that can lead to something like that. And um, and that seems like, at least from the videos, what what possibly happened, but we're also only taking snippets of you know, one minute to three minute snippets of people's lives. So we really don't know what happened, but this is the this is the problem um that that we have with social media is that we we get three-minute clips and then we think that like this is like their entire life.

SPEAKER_00 10:50

Yeah. It's so hard not to think that though. Yeah, it's so hard, especially for the kids and the young. I mean, that's a whole nother topic, you know, with the young girls seeing these girls dressed in certain ways and having all this wealth, and you know, then my daughter's like, how come we can't live like that? So, anyways, um, all right, what about the pressure? And you touched upon this, that exists when relationship success is tied to the engagement, the views, the money. I mean, how crazy is that?

When The Couple Is The Product

SPEAKER_02 11:23

It's very crazy. So um uh so it people have to understand that when you're an influencer, when you're a content creator, when you've got when you've established a platform, it's now a job. It's just the same way that you know, people need to go to go to work in insurance or whatever, whatever it is, you have now have a job. And you have to show up to that job, right? Whether it be well dressed or whatever, the same, you know, the same way that you show up to that job like in a certain certain way, right? You couldn't just show up to your job like undressed, unkept, those sorts of things. Um, and if your relationship is your brand, now if you're not showing up on camera the way that people perceive for you to be, right, now it can become problematic. And you get paid on not only views, but you also get paid on engagement, you also depending on the platform, you know, so that uh you get paid by the brands, like there's different ways that people get paid. And if those, you know, so ultimately the audience and the brands become your boss. And if they're not pleased with what it is that you're presenting, now we have an issue. Now all of a sudden we, you know, we have an issue at work and not just a relationship. So the problem where the problem comes in is that, I mean, we're we're all old enough that we understand what we should, I say, because a lot of people don't understand these dynamics, that relationships aren't perfect, right? That you're gonna have arguments, and not only that, but guess what? Sometimes one person is ready to work, the other person isn't, right? When we have two people like that, you you you know, you've done enough social media that sometimes I'm just not ready to, I don't want to record today, right? I don't, I just kind of want to relax. This is what people assume was the issue with Desmond and Christy was that Christy was always ready to record and always ready for comedy and to do flips and those sorts of things. And Desmond was like, I just kind of want to hang out today, right? And, you know, um, it also becomes a problem when like, you know, obviously in the relationship connection is very important. And this is a conversation I had with uh with my now wife when we were dating. Are we on a date today or are we creating content? Right? Are we are we create is are we working right now or like are we just are we just hanging out? You know, and especially for some some couples, like they I mean they get really extensive with the pranks and hidden cameras. And so, you know, it can it can get to a point where it has an effect and impact on trust, right? Is there hidden cameras somewhere? Is this like, you know, are you about to jump out and scream at me? Is you know, I mean, people are waking people up people up in the middle of the night. I mean, it could get really extensive. And and on one end, it can be very lucrative, right? So the the flip side of that is that a person's like, you know, hey, look at all the money that we've made, you know. But on the other side, it's like I want some personal time and I I want to spend time with my husband or wife.

SPEAKER_00 14:18

Wow, Matt, man, you trust some gems there. Um, the boss, like that is that not the truth? Like, do people realize that? Like that that's your boss, yeah, you know, and if you ain't happy and ready to, you know, get back to hey, come on, make us happy again. You're screwed and you're gonna lose some followers, right? Um, damn, that is some good shit. Okay. Uh, you know, the other thing you were talking about is um, you know, are we on a date or are we doing the content thing? And I gotta say, for me, I'm actually kind of glad that my daughter doesn't want to be on camera because that would definitely have that that would have been very detrimental to the relationship and even, you know, potential bullying. I'm sure you've heard of that with the well, I experienced I experienced it.

Work, Engagement, And Relationship Strain

SPEAKER_02 15:07

So um before I met my wife when I was on the dating scene, one of the things that happened to me, and this was something that I just genuinely didn't know because my like you said, my platform grew so quickly. So I just talked about relationships. The dating side of it is that oftentimes like people know you before you know them. And so there's always this assumption, and and just like I mentioned before, like people start to live vicariously through you and those sorts of things. And so you might be like their ideal partner, but they know nothing about you. And the other part is that, you know, we're you know, we're also old enough to to understand, like in dating, like you might go on on on one, two, three, four dates and realize, mm, this isn't it, right? And so the problem is that a lot of times when people, when you're on social media, people think that like you're on all the time. It just like I mentioned. And so I remember I would go out and people like literally first date would want to start posting stuff on social media. And I and I'm like, wait a minute, like, you know, not this is just like I mentioned before, this is my job. This isn't just my you know, my personal life or you know, I mean, and of course that's a part of it. But so you can imagine, you know, the problem there, just like you mentioned with having like a large female audience, right? If there were, if you know, you can imagine like if I posted every single date that I've been on that didn't work, right? That, you know, that two days later, a week later, or whatever, you know, you're out with somebody else or or whatever the case is. And um now all of a sudden that that the image of a therapist is now a player, right? And now all of a sudden, you know, uh you can see how that that could have an impact and that can have an influence. And, you know, and I've and the problem also comes in is that uh what I didn't know was that it also leaves you very vulnerable when you have a platform too. People can go on and say anything they want. There was I remember there was someone who I went out with and just genuinely, like I just saw that it wasn't gonna work, right? We went went out on two or three dates. Next thing I know, there's videos, Matt's a narcissist. I saw the red flags and this and that, and like it was horrible, right? And so the and there wasn't anything there, we didn't we weren't even in a relationship. Even if like the you don't know me well enough to be able to establish like anything like that, right? Uh we only had a handful of conversations and went out a couple of times. Um, and so um so the you know, the potential of people damaging reputation, you know, just because you turned them down or because things didn't work out is is there as well. And that's something I don't think a lot of people talk about. It got to a point where, you know, I've had had to sit down with a with a couple of attorneys, like, and I this is the part that I didn't know. So, um, and I'm gonna shout out to Apollonia Plenty. She's the one that told me, like, Matt, like, you have a platform now, like you need to like, you need to carry yourself very, very differently. It's not that I was carrying myself bad, but I needed to carry myself more like an influencer and someone who had had something to protect. And she this as crazy as it sounds, brought up to me that I needed to have people sign an NDA. And I like I was in complete shock. Like, you mean I have to sign and have people sign an NDA just to go out on dates now? Like, this is you know, and it actually started to make sense to me because, you know, you literally, you know, you literally can say anything, right? And and put my put my job, put my reputation at at risk and at jeopardy. And you have access to text messages, and and so you can imagine, like, let's say that things get a little sexy and you're sending out text messages. And I mean, you can imagine the type of things that someone could possibly say just with screenshots that people do and those sorts of things. And so it leaves people extremely, extremely vulnerable. You know, and so it got to a point where I was like, you know what, screw it. I don't, you know, there's a reason why I married the person that married someone who like I know very well, because I was like, that that's not something that like I I don't I don't like the thought of living like that, you know, and so um so dating, dating in relationships as an influencer, whether you're growing it or or have an established brand can be very difficult. I think you mentioned uh you connected with me about this podcast initially because of a woman who she blew up, but her husband was kind of in the background. And that also can have a negative impact as well. Um, where one person now is this big superstar, right, making all this money and you know, the glitz and glam, and um, and the other person, like, I just want to be a mechanic, right? And the and and sometimes people begin to put pressure on this other person because they're not successful. And it's like, no, I'm a successful mechanic, I'm a successful insurance salesperson. I enjoy what I do, right? Go do what you want to do, right? But I don't I don't necessarily want to be a part of that life. And um, but the you know, people get social media brain that they feel like that that their partner has to be a part of this life, and it doesn't necessarily have to be that way. So sometimes people, it can also cause people to grow apart.

SPEAKER_00 20:28

Man, you unpacked a lot there. Wow. Um, I never saw it that way. That is crazy, but it's the honest truth, and it's almost like you're a celebrity. You're you're literally a celebrity. You have to have somebody not take your shit and then blow it up because you're right. We're in the world where people can take anything and everything and call you this horrible person. And if they have a big platform, people are gonna believe them and you're screwed.

SPEAKER_02 20:54

If you know, if you pay attention to news, if you pay attention to TMZ, like they're not covering celebrities anymore, they're covering influencers. Like, if you think about like the if you think about the the whole Desmond and Christie thing, the reason why that's so big right now is because TMZ caught it. Right? They're not they don't care, they couldn't care less about you know Jay-Z and Beyonce and all the you know, all that kind of stuff. Like people are kind of sick of like the you know, movie stars, and movie stars are actually trying to connect with influencers to get their attention because social media has, you know, it's it's just gotten to that point.

SPEAKER_00 21:31

That's kind of scary, Matt. Now I'm like rethinking everything.

unknown 21:34

Right.

SPEAKER_00 21:35

Oh my God, that is really scary.

SPEAKER_02 21:37

I say all this, and I, you know, I love having a platform, I love what I do, but I've also had to make a lot of adjustments to learn to love what I do because there was a point in time where I I was like, did I make a mistake? You know, did I, you know, um, because things had grown so quickly, I didn't know how to I didn't know how to set new boundaries with you know with the people and with the audience and I didn't know because people who meet me in person this also this was my personal issue you know on camera I can be very charismatic and things like that in person like I'm very very private I'm very like I I'm very low key you know I I don't like I like being in the center of attention with people that I know I don't necessarily like being the center of attention especially like if it's negative attention definitely don't like that and um you know uh or like confrontational type of intention and those sorts of things and so um so you know it took me a long time to like re rebrand and regrow because it does become a part of who you are but you also kind of want to make sure that you you know as an influencer have those boundaries of like where like where does this start and where do I where do I start and where does where does this begin?

SPEAKER_00 22:54

Yeah. Wow that's some good stuff. I mean that's definitely a game changer um but you know I can see what you're saying you know I I know even like a business owner and people meeting you and they're you know I'll never forget one person there was one or two times I know people are listening to this and they're like Lisa please but I mean when Clubhouse was like hopping and popping and I was just talking to another woman that we met through Clubhouse I mean people knew who I was in Clubhouse and got excited when I came on stage and like oh my God Lisa like I was a celebrity I'm like what the fuck I'm not what is this you know I didn't sign up for this and this is uncomfortable. And then you feeling like can I even be vulnerable with these people because they put me on such a big ass pedestal um I mean that's no longer here that's no longer a big um influence but back in the day it was so I could see how that puts you in this position that you didn't ask to be in the first place. All right let's switch gears to moms okay influencer moms and I'm bringing this up because um the former first lady Michelle Obama was uh I think she was getting interviewed by someone I can't remember exactly who and she was talking about how women you know you got all these influencer moms who all have little kids and she's like these are not the people you should be taking advice from and her comment section was blown up by a lot of of course the younger moms and being like well excuse me blah blah blah um but let's talk a lot a little bit about those influencer moms and let's begin with this. Why do influencer moms feel pressure to present motherhood as organized joyful and effortless because that's what you see and that's not the reality.

Dating While Influential: Risks And NDAs

SPEAKER_02 24:53

Right. So you do have to be careful and you do have to be careful with and with any any influencer as an influencer you are selling people on something right um especially so going back to those boxes if you if your career right if your pitch is you know for them to become a part of your coaching program or to um you know join some sort of group there's typically a problem that you need to solve and oftentimes if you've identified that moms feel disorganized if they feel which they oftentimes do. And so on the surface and most of the time even problematic mom influencers start out well with good intentions right to help out other moms and to help you might get your aesthetic well you might get your background the lighting done well and those sorts of things because you know you're you're that's what you're doing you're there to sell something right that's not even a social media thing even if you were someone if you're in the trades and you were fixing people's cabinets if you had the presentation the the presentation would be like the perfect cabinet trees you know same thing with with anything else and so the problem is is that a lot of times with this this we're talking about life and so kids aren't perfect the mom isn't perfect the dad isn't perfect and so nothing is ever going to be as curated as what you see on social media it's like we talked about before but this is what people are aspiring to because people have unrealistic expectations and not only do they have unrealistic expectations but oftentimes that can get projected onto the the mom where they now for the influencer mom where they now feel pressure to maintain that perfect image it's a difficult balance that some of them have to have to carry of maintaining this perfect image to try to maintain a living you know um and especially if they have their kids on camera they've they've in Utah they have different laws and things like that because of Ruby Frankie now. But they um you know so if your kids like talk back and things like that on camera now there's this pressure of like well what am I going to do and you know what if the what if the technique that you're showing people doesn't work as quickly as what you would like or as or immediately that's difficult for a lot of people some and some of the influencers that people see come from nothing right this is what has gotten them out of poverty. And so sometimes the pressure of maintaining the image so they don't go back to the what the life that they used to to live can become very problematic.

SPEAKER_00 27:35

And so you know you Ruby Frankie is a great example with the whole Jody Jody Hillebrand situation people can become abusive because of that people can become very harsh towards their kids to their towards their spouse sometimes towards themselves you know um to try to maintain that to try to maintain the image because just like we'd mentioned before your paycheck is is tied to this image so as far as and I think you touched upon this the the psychological impact of us you know regular folk watching these women in their perfectly curated lives and I said that at the beginning like you know we know that's not reality but in our brains it's like the calculation in our heads are like wait this is the way I need to be she's happy she's doing it all she's got it all together why am I not getting it together but you know that's not reality but yet you get sucked into that sinkhole how could we as the normal people watching this how do we get to that point where like okay this is not real this is just entertainment or do we just stop scrolling?

SPEAKER_02 28:44

We do need to stop scrolling as much we need to take breaks from social media um I tell people and I don't mean this in like a religious or spiritual sense but we need to take fast from social media um and because it's not just the it's not just sometimes the one influencer it's also the the feeds that we're getting the the algorithm that is continuously feeding us the things that um things that it believes that we know based on the things that we that that we scroll so it's not just the one influencer that you're following it's it's multiple right so we do need to take breaks from it um and you know understand and you know I know people talk about going out and touch grass and you know um being present like with where you're where with where you're at, right? Because even if let's even pretend for a second that their life is great um that may not be your life. And you know I think that it's important to like you know if you see some elements that they that they might have you know to say like you know I you know I wish that I had their tabletop or whatever, right? You might to might inspire to to do some things that they do or dress better or whatever. But understand that there's no such thing as perfection right and um you know we we need to learn and uh maintain our maintain our life but also kind of question how much screen time are we actually having so Gen not Gen Z Gen Alpha is actually pulling away from social media because of because of a lot of these things.

SPEAKER_00 30:16

What's Gen Alpha?

Fame Spillover And Tabloid Attention

SPEAKER_02 30:16

That's what's coming after Gen Z. So so young young Gen Z Gen Z and the younger generation they're actually going back to getting they don't want smartphones anymore. They're they're that sick of it. They don't want smartphones anymore they're actually picking up hobbies like hiking um like modeling like the old old school um like type of hobbies like going back outside um because they're so tired of and they they kind of see the impact that's having on the older generations and so I so I would say instead of taking inspiration from the influencer start taking inspiration from them um you know get off the phone maybe even um get just a regular flip phone the way that we used to have you know if you feel like it's really bad I mean you that won't take away from your ability to connect to the internet because we have internet connection you know any and everywhere else um you know take a break go for a walk um multiple walks right find other things to do that aren't influencer phone or uh and really kind of you know kind of look at and document how much time that you're actually spending on spending on the internet even if you're not someone who's influenced by all this um it's still having an impact on you and so you know take a look at it and see how a break might be beneficial for you.

SPEAKER_00 31:37

Yeah um wow I didn't know that that's pretty cool. Uh as far as the you know you touched upon the psychological impacts you know the comp you know the comparison feeling like you're not worthy of a mom and why can't I be a better mom and being really hard on yourself. But then there's this the the really serious side of it where you definitely start feeling very low depression even suicidal because of you not you know fitting in with keeping up with the Joneses as we used to say why and or if they uh as far as social media platforms should they be held responsible for any of this?

SPEAKER_02 32:22

I think it's difficult to hold them responsible because people um you know they're like we said they're a the audience is the boss and the algorithm the algorithm doesn't care because they're it's getting what it wants views and attention. Um and you know it they're if it they're not doing anything necessarily illegal by by um entertaining people right so it's difficult to hold them accountable. You know you might be able to hold some of the coaches a little bit more accountable um by you know if they're presenting but also are they are they doing anything wrong by presenting something in the moment? They're a lot of them aren't saying aren't saying necessarily like this is my life, right? My life is so perfect. A lot of times on on our end we have this unrealistic expectation that we see an image and we assume that the life is so perfect. So it's really difficult to you know where where do we where does that accountability lie right um you know if someone was saying something that's just f just not true that's a that's a very that's a different different subject. Now China um just recently like people can't like in the finance industry and things like that can't present like finance type of stuff um or like relationship type of stuff unless they have a um like unless they have like credentials to be able to do so but um but I still even then I think it's difficult to because a lot of the influencers they're not they don't claim to be like a certain type of influencer.

SPEAKER_00 34:07

They're just kind of logging their life right right wow Matt you got me thinking this conversation I mean there's good there's good obviously you know you and I met and we've been on each other's podcasts again you know before um and I've met amazing people through social media but then there's I mean I could tell you some bad things too but I mean there's that bad part um but where can we find you if anyone wanted to connect with you or watch your your content.

SPEAKER_02 34:41

So my YouTube channel is called criminal motives and um talk about um different topics in the news over there and then um Instagram Matt Phi pretty much everywhere else Matt5 for coaching.

Boundary-Setting And Reclaiming Privacy

SPEAKER_00 34:56

Okay all right well Matt thank you so much I want to just close out with you know talking about social media doesn't show these real relationships it shows edited moments and love isn't always aesthetic parenting isn't always peaceful and families are meant they're not meant to be brands so if watching someone else's life makes you feel like yours isn't enough it's not because you're failing it's because you're comparing your reality to someone else's performance so thank you for this honest conversation and reminding us what matters most happens off the camera. I appreciate this Matt again if you're interested in seeing more of me and Matt, subscribe to our YouTube channel at Mom is my emergency contact and make sure you're subscribed to the podcast on all platforms where you listen to podcasts just search for Mom is my emergency contact podcast. Please uh subscribe leave a review so that the word can get out and we can reach out to more uh women out there and if you feel like you have a story that belongs to our too crazy to be true series we want to hear from you so please email us at mom is my emergency contact at gmail dot com all one word all links mentioned in today's episode can be found in the episode notes. Again thank you for being a part of this community and until next time bye