Ep. 27 Money Tips For Single Moms

Money hits different when you’re a single mom. There’s no backup account, no one to split the mental math with, and no margin for “I’ll deal with it later.” If you’ve ever avoided your bank app because it felt like a hundred tiny steps, or found yourself impulse-buying at the end of a brutal day, this conversation is for you.

We sit down with Sherry Andrew of Money Mindset Financial Coaching and get real about relationships and divorce finances. Sherry explains the biggest mistake many women make by not being involved in household money, what financial independence can actually look like (even when you share a life with someone), and why having your own decision-making power can be protective and freeing. Then we move into practical, ADHD-friendly strategies like payday automation, separating spending money from bill money, and prioritizing essentials first when you’re rebuilding.

Key Topics

• Know Your Income and Expenses: Knowing where your money comes from and where it goes is the first step toward effective budgeting.
• Finances Pre and Post divorce: Strategizing for the future is key.
• Automation and scheduling apps to pay bills is one way to keep off your plate as a busy mom.

About Sherry

After being fired from a nearly 17-year career, Sherry took a leap of faith to pursue her passion for personal finance and launched Money Mindset Financial Coaching in 2018. After her job loss, she discovered her love for personal finance by learning everything she could to improve her household finances. Now, she helps others make significant shifts with their money. After learning that she has ADHD, she pivoted her business focus to assist individuals and entrepreneurs with ADHD in gaining confidence and clarity with their finances by building and implementing systems that simplify their lives. She enjoys working with ADHD entrepreneurs because the added complexity of self-employment presents extra challenges, while also providing greater opportunities for increased income!

Her clients save, pay off debt, and achieve their financial goals while still living their lives! She believes that the path to your financial goals doesn’t include a restrictive budget, but comes by focusing on what is important to you and building systems that align with how your brain works! She is an Accredited Financial Counsellor Canada® and a Certified Professional Financial Coach™ who helps clients feel confident about managing their money.

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Transcript

Why Money Feels So Personal

SPEAKER_01 0:17

Okay. Welcome to Mom is my emergency contact podcast, the podcast for single moms figuring out how the fuck to navigate life dating is starting over. I am Lisa, your host. All right, today we're talking about something that single moms think about a lot. Money. Because when you're a single mom, there's no backup account, no second opinion on big purchases, and no one else to blame when you accidentally order something online at 11:30 p.m. after a long day. I mean, I've been there a hundred times. And if you throw ADHD into the mix, now budgeting isn't just about numbers, it's about attention, overwhelm, impulse decisions, and sometimes avoiding your bank app like it personally offended you. Oh my God, yes. Single moms are already managing the house, the kids, the schedules, the emotions, the groceries, the bills, basically running a small corporation. So today I'm talking with a money mindset expert with a focus on those with ADHD to help us understand why managing money can feel so hard sometimes and how we can build systems that actually work for brains that are already juggling a lot. Because let's be honest, most financial advice was not written for single moms who are doing everything themselves. So let's get

Meet The ADHD Money Mindset Coach

SPEAKER_01 1:40

into it. Okay, so today we have Sherry Andrew with Money Mindset Financial Coaching and a little bit about her. After being fired from a nearly 17-year career, damn Sherry, Sherry took a leap of faith to pursue her passion for personal finance and launched Money Mindset Financial Coaching in 2018. After her job loss, she discovered her love for personal finance by learning everything she could to improve her household finances. Now she helps others make significant shifts with their money. After learning that she has ADHD, she pivoted her business focus to assist individuals and entrepreneurs with ADHD in gaining confidence and clarity with their finances by building and implementing systems that simplify their lives. Welcome, Sherry.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

Thank you. It's so exciting to be here. And I know money's a topic that not enough people are talking about. So the more people we can bring over to the side where we talk about it and we make it normal and we we build communities around it, I think it's really, really important.

SPEAKER_01 2:50

Yes. And you also have a podcast, and I've been listening to a podcast, and we'll talk more about that towards the end of the episode. But I was listening to some of your episodes. First of all, hilarious. And you do have a partner that does the podcast with you. And unfortunately, we we didn't have her here. Um, but let's just talk about what ADHD.

Avoidance And Overwhelm With Numbers

SPEAKER_01 3:10

I know you're not a clinical psychologist, but you know best what ADHD is, and how does that affect the way people manage money?

SPEAKER_00 3:17

A lot of it is, you hit on it earlier, like a lot of it is the avoidance mode, the overwhelm, and that really just creates the cycle. And for ADHD brains, we are really good at creating these horrible situations in our head that are so much worse than our reality. And then we continue to build on that, and then we avoid and we create an even bigger situation, and it just keeps us in that avoidance cycle. And one of the first things that can reduce that overwhelm and that fear is to look at our numbers, but it's so, so scary, and it also can require so much executive function. We have to find our bank logins, maybe we have to do two-factor authentication, and then it sends us a code, and maybe it has our wrong phone number or an old email address that we forgot the password to, and it just and then you add in okay, I need to check my student loans, and that that portal is a disaster. Just like there's so many things that create it's not it's not I need to go and check my money situation. It becomes 87 steps. And we just like not being able to do that is so normal because that's a that's so many steps and it can feel overwhelming and it just it leads to more overwhelm. So it's just oh, it's a cycle, and you've hit on it too the we we do more spending when we're burnt out and we're done, and we just find something and we add it to the cart, and we think it's gonna make our lives easier. And I talk to a lot of people with ADHD about their money, and they've got Etsy templates up to the wazoo and color-coded spreadsheets, and they've downloaded a year's worth of transactions and are categorizing them, and and then they don't know what's next. They do something and they can't continue to move because the what's next part is well, I know I know what I spent in 2025 because I color-coded all the things, but now now what? And it's a big it's a big barrier to actually uh making changes with your money. And so many people think too that having a budget and making changes with your money and wanting to work towards your financial goals, that it's going to mean everything's based on restrictions and not being able to spend money. But really, it's the opposite. When you have a plan and you know what's important to you, and then you build those systems around it, it gets it gets easier and it gets boring, which then requires those systems so that we don't have to go in and do all the things because it's boring, so we're not going to. There's just it's it's a ball of yarn that once we start to unravel it, it just can get away from us.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

Yeah. And you know, I can say that I am a victim of all of that you just said. I mean, it's so crazy how we avoid it. Well, I avoid it because it's like, oh, I don't want to see it, oh, it's too much, oh, it's gonna be bad. And then little do I know, I'm just like, it's making it worse by doing that. And then when I finally do get my shit together and look at it, I'm like, oh, oh, look, and I can fix it. And oh, okay, I I got a little bit of control now. And it was like, why didn't I do this like six months ago? So it's just crazy. Um,

The Cost Of Not Being Involved

SPEAKER_01 7:02

okay, so let's talk about one of the biggest money financial planning mistakes women make in general, and when leaving a relationship, because that's the other thing. We've got women listening that are single moms, or even women who are listening that are thinking, I don't want to really be in this relationship, but they have this mindset that they can't be on their own because of the finance. So let's start with what's one of the biggest money uh financial planning mistakes women make in general, and then we'll go into relationships.

SPEAKER_00 7:34

I think the biggest mistake is not knowing and not being involved and having somebody else do it. And when you're in a relationship, there's give and take, right? You find what works, and maybe that's one partner primarily managing, but like having that understanding of what's happening so that you know like what does it cost for the groceries and for the gas and all the bills. So just having an understanding of what do your household finances look like and where where is our money going? So it's important that both people are involved in that. And it's one of the biggest reasons that relationships end because of money and not having conversations about it. And when there are conversations, it comes from a heated spot of you did this, you did that, it's your fault, and it just it escalates and not like okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna add a second part here too. It's not having any independence from your spouse or partner, and every couple's gonna manage their money a little differently, but if if you are not the primary money manager, but your finances are fully combined, and you don't have any like separate funds where you can save up for something if you want it, it leaves you more of that parent-child relationship where like, can I buy X? And it's I think it's really important, no matter the situation, no matter how a couple chooses to manage their money, that there's some money that both of you have full power and decision making over, that it's not one person managing all of the things and then you having to ask for permission to buy something.

SPEAKER_01 9:32

Yeah. Oh God, I that's terrible. Yeah, that feeling that you have to ask permission to use the money. Um, but for women, uh, especially when they are in those relationships that they, you know, they don't want to be in, or they're in the midst of a divorce. What is the biggest, one of the biggest? I mean, I'm sure there's many, but what is one of the biggest money financial planning mistakes that women make when they are thinking of leaving a relationship or after they left a relationship? Because I could think about a lot of things that I wish I have done before we became separated and divorced, that I'm like, Jesus, why didn't I do that? So, what are some of the things from your um perspective that is a mistake that we make?

SPEAKER_00 10:22

Again, it comes down to not having any decision-making power over some money. So if you see the writing on the wall and you think this is not long-term, I need to start developing an exit strategy. The money part is an important piece of it. So having money that you're setting aside so that you can pay the deposit on an apartment, or you can buy your own vehicle if you need to. So kind of like trying to look at it from a how do I get prepared to leave? And what does that look like financially? And then just starting to, well, when that happens, where will I live? What will I do? What will my monthly monthly cost be? What are my income sources and how much is it? Just starting to get that clarity around what that shift is going to look like because when you're not looking at it from that perspective, it can keep you there much longer than you want to be. And it this day and age, I see so many people who are still cohabitating with an ex-spouse or ex-partner because that's the only option financially. And that's oh, I can't that's gotta be so stressful. Like you're you're still co-parenting, cohabitating, but the relationship has ended, and that's yeah, yikes, that's a lot.

SPEAKER_01 11:50

I can't, I've heard that. I've heard that so many times, and I can't even imagine. But I wonder if it's because you know, you've had such a way of living, right? The the house and the you know, you're keeping up with the Joneses, and now all of a sudden you might have to live in an apartment and not the best part of town, and ain't nobody want to do that. So, you know, I think that there's that fear of of that, but then it's like, how stressful is it? That's just added stress to be living with someone that you maybe even hate. Um it's just so crazy. So definitely the planning I'm hearing you that needs to happen for women who are planning to to leave. And again, I you're you hit it on the nail at the beginning. It's uh it's a daunting task because it's like on top of the fact that your relationship no longer is working, or maybe he there's some infidelity in there in between. I'm just I mean, imagine you're adding all of these things involved. And then now on top of that, you need to sit down and think about okay, where am I gonna live? How am I gonna save the money? How it and it becomes so overwhelming that you almost need to have a money coach to help them along the way. I mean, seriously, I I wish I have done that, like reach out to someone and say, hey, I am in the middle of leaving or I'm going through a divorce and I don't know what the fuck to do. I'm scared. I don't know. I need help. And I think back then we didn't have those things, but now we have uh a financial coach like you that can assist. Have you had those types of clients where they reached out asking for help in those situations?

SPEAKER_00 13:39

Yes, and it's it's interesting how different they all are from a relationship standpoint, but also from a money standpoint, like a couple that has independence, they're each managing their own finances. That separation is much easier. And then you can imagine when there's a joint account, everything's coming out of it, all the income's going into it, all the expenses are automatically coming out, like a mortgage. That's much more challenging to separate and to get that independence. So there's a lot of okay, there's I'm sure you've heard of Dave Ramsey. And one of the things that he pushes is for couples, you manage your money together. There's no if, ends, or buts about it. And if you're not, you're dysfunctional and you're doing it wrong. And that really he does so many things that are toxic, but that's one of them. And it's like if if it doesn't work for you, and especially for people that have been in relationships before and separated, and then there's new relationships and they're moving in together or getting married, having that independence can often be super important to you because if you had your finances merged before and that was an issue and delayed you leaving a relationship, maintaining your independence and having that separate finances in a new relationship, even if there's marriage, can help you keep that sense of independence and hold more of the power versus having somebody else again having that management of the finances. And what I see a lot too is I do primarily work with women and typically they are either managing their money separate if they're in a relationship, or they're the main managers of the household finances, which I both love and hate at the same time because I love seeing a woman being the lead, managing the household finances, but that's often just then like one more task that is hers to bear in addition to all of the other mental loads. So it's like I feel very like it's very two sides that I'm feeling on that around. Like, I love the woman having the power to manage, but is it because that the partner wants her to be empowered or because he just doesn't

What Financial Independence Can Look Like

SPEAKER_00 16:12

want?

unknown 16:12

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_01 16:13

Sherry, let me ask you a question because I think some people are like hearing you and and they're like, yeah, absolutely, independence, independence. But what does that even look like? Like if we were to say um you need to be independent with your money, does that mean I have my own bank account? I have my own, like, what does that look like?

SPEAKER_00 16:33

That with so many things, personal finance, it's going to look a little different for everyone. Some people are gonna want full independence, be able to manage their money on their own and contribute to uh like the household in a way that works for them. And some people are just are gonna want, we've got everything combined, but I have this silo over here that is separate. But like the key is having some type of independence that feels good to you and feels aligned so that you do have some ability to do things that are independent financial decisions. Like no matter how a couple chooses to manage their money, having individual pots of money that are just for them to decide with full independence what they want to do. And maybe that looks like you each have your incomes going into your own accounts and then you contribute to a joint household account. Or maybe everything goes into a joint household account and all the bills come out of it, but there's also a transfer once a month, once a week, every payday to your individual accounts. Like some independence is really essential. And just like, hey, I want to buy this thing that's $50, I can do that without having to specifically ask permission or have a conversation. I know some couples have that. We're just gonna do it unless it's over $100 or $250. But imagine if you didn't ever have to ask. Because when you have fully combined finances within a relationship, it sometimes comes up that, oh, I wanted to buy my wife flowers for her anniversary. And then if she's the one managing the finances, she's gonna know and see it. Maybe she gets a text notification from the flower shop. And it's just like it ruins some things as well within a relationship from that generosity and gifting perspective.

SPEAKER_01 18:36

Yeah. You know what? I'm thinking as you were talking that I don't even think we were taught or we're even being taught, hey, when you get married or you're in a relationship, this is how you should manage money. Because in my mind, I thought we had to all do it together, put everything in one pot. And it almost felt like if I had my own pot, that I felt a little shame and guilt. Like, are you is that insane?

SPEAKER_00 19:03

That's not insane because there can be so much pressure from society that we should quote unquote like do things in a certain way. And the problem within a relationship, but also within individuals with different brains that work differently, when you say I should do this, or when you feel that pressure from somebody that you should do something in a certain way, that often is feeding the fire of avoidance mode because, well, somebody said I should do it this way, and I have so much resistance to doing it that way that I feel like what I'm doing is wrong. So then there's more avoidance. And there's no one size fits all budgets. If you if you go online and you Google strategies to manage money, there are so many different things. Like you should do this, like 50%, 30%, 20%, so much on needs, 10% to savings. You can find hundreds and hundreds of financial experts out there that are saying there is one way to do it and it's this way. And especially for ADHD brands, where like I don't understand that way, that way doesn't align with my priorities, it creates that resistance to be like, you say I should do it this way, so I'm just not gonna do it. And the current state of the world also means that some of those rules don't work anymore, even if you really want them to. Housing costs have gone up. And if if you really value housing, having a home that you love, that's comfortable, that's a safe space, maybe that means you don't spend as much money in other areas of your life. And that's okay because it's what's important to you. And some people choose to rent in a lower cost of living area so that they can travel for a month every year. It's it's very individual to what's important to you. And when you find that alignment of what matters to you with your money, it really feels like an unlock.

SPEAKER_01 21:18

Yeah. Yeah, I agree. And I think that now, more than ever, there's so many there like you said, there's not one way is this is the way to do it. But you know, back in the day, that's how we were told it's this way, that's it, you know. Um, but I like the fact that you said that you got to look at all the different avenues and what aligns with you. What do you feel most comfortable about? But at least do the work, like do the research and see what's out there, um, because there's tons of stuff. But I think with the ADHD, it does, it is overwhelming.

SPEAKER_00 21:52

It is very overwhelming. And one of the big challenges, too, is we think you know, we have one challenge. Checking account, and maybe we have a savings account, and maybe we use a credit card, or maybe we don't. And we think that that's normal and that's what we should do. But what I see with my clients when we start working together, first it's the unlock of like this. I can visually see stress relieving from them when we're looking at their money. And no matter what the results of looking at it are, that looking at it is the first thing that starts to relieve their stress. And then it sounds weird, but when you have somebody that you're working with that you trust and is supporting you, it gets easier. But then sometimes that belief that they have in you inspires you to believe you can do it. And that creates the ball rolling. But working on that system partnered with the plan. So having a plan is great, and having a budget here, this is what comes in, this is what goes out, that's the first step. But then how can we do that as easily as possible and integrate that into our life? And one checking account is usually not the best way to do that because our income's going in, our expenses are going out, maybe we've got transfers going to savings, we've got stuff on auto pay. And not being able to quickly answer a question that we often ask ourselves is can I afford X? We look at our accounts and maybe we just got paid, and we're like, yeah, we can, we just got paid. But then our brain goes to, okay, mortgage payments got to come out. When does my cell phone bill come out? And the internet and my student loan payments. We start having to do all this mental math. And then that usually leads to for ADHD brains, either, well, of course I can't, I can't afford anything, I'm broke, and we beat ourselves up for that, or whatever, I'll figure it out later, and we buy it, and then later comes we're like, oh shit, what have I done?

SPEAKER_01 24:04

Right, right. I, you know, again, as you're talking, I was thinking about there's so much emotional aspect to money, you know, there's just that layer. And, you know, the fact that you have ADHD is probably so helpful for people because it's like, I get you, I see you, I know what you're thinking. And um, so with that being said, what does it look like to

Coaching That Turns Plans Into Action

SPEAKER_01 24:28

work with you? So someone reaches out to you and says, Hey, Sherry, I need I need help. Like, what's the first thing that you guys talk about?

SPEAKER_00 24:36

Well, the first step that we go through is a free consultation because I don't want to work with somebody who I don't have that connection with that we don't vibe with, and I don't want somebody to work with me who doesn't feel that connection and that trust with me. So we we hop on a call and we talk about what their challenges are, what they're hoping to achieve. And then if it's a good fit, then we just talk about the different options, which last year I this is very ADHD entrepreneur of me. I'm just like, oh, I used to offer like one session that was the planning and then options to continue. I'm like, that that doesn't work because I had a couple people circle back six months, 12 months later who invested in that two-hour session and then didn't do anything. So I like very impulsively scrapped that and started offering like exclusively those longer-term supports because that's what I know folks with ADHD need. They don't need a here's the plan, go forth and good luck. They need a here's the plan, here's the action steps to implement the plan, and then oh, we we're gonna meet in a month, we're gonna meet two weeks after that, we're gonna meet consistently to deal with the challenges. And what those coaching sessions look like are so different for every client, which is why I really love what I do. Not only do I inadvertently force some of them to be my friends, I also really like to be there when they have those challenges because they are going to happen no matter what. Your furnace is going to blow up, your car is going to blow up, you're going to impulsively book a vacation. And it's just creating those systems where, oh, we hadn't considered this. We do try and consider as much as possible in the plan, but we don't have a crystal ball. So it looks very different for each person from a what are we doing during our sessions? And some of it is we're talking to, we're talking through things, we're not taking action. And for some clients, they've said to me, I am not going to do things outside of the sessions. These need to be working sessions. So we cancel the subscriptions, we pay the credit card bills, we go through their spending and see what things we've missed. So it's very like, what do you need? And how can I best support those needs with the reality that is the situation? Because if I think somebody's going to spend two hours between sessions and that's not achievable for them, that's going to make them feel like crap, like they're not doing the things. But when we know they're going to be working sessions, we're going to talk through a challenge, we're going to look through things, we're going to actually do things. And sometimes the AHD brain, they'll get off and they'll be doing something, and I'll see their attention get pulled through an email notification or a text. It's like, okay, no, we like we were canceling, we were canceling prime. Let's let's go back to that. And sometimes there's such a rabbit hole to cancel things too. I had one client who this and things are designed like this, right? We sign up for a free trial and then we just get charged. And I had one client who this is a health and wellness type subscription, but it's like there was this main subscription and so many sub-subscriptions. And then to cancel it, we probably spent half an hour on Google, on Chat GPT, trying to figure out how to actually cancel it because she thought she had done it and then kept getting charged. It's like the systems are designed like this to create challenges. And I signed up for something recently, and I'm just gonna do the month. I don't want to continue. And I try when I do that to go in and immediately cancel so that I don't have to remember. But the only way to cancel was to email customer support. Thankfully, they at least just responded with, we're sorry to see you go, we've canceled your subscription. But I imagine a situation where there's like, oh, what can we do to keep you? Here's an offer, not like and I almost didn't send that email because I'm like, oh, that's 20 bucks. Maybe I'll just do that next month. So it's like we live in a world where everything is a subscription and it's $5 here, $20 here. And the steps to cancel often create so much of a barrier. Yeah, I definitely feel like I got off on a tangent there, but it's like it's meeting the client, meeting the client where they are, creating a safe space and coming at it from a way of what do you need and what do you need today, which sometimes will change. We plan out we're gonna talk about next time, and then life throws a curveball and it completely changes. And also, also sometimes I have to remember my clients to celebrate things. This morning I have had a session with a client who she paid off her car and two loans with like some bonuses and stuff like that. And I could see her just mind just immediately go to okay, next, what does my money look like now that I've done that? And it's like, wait, wait, wait, back it up. That's fucking huge. How are you going to celebrate this win? Which I know I need a reminder of all the time too, because our brains just like as soon as something's done, we're just like, okay, next. There's this backlog of things we need to focus on. But taking time to pause and reflect and figure out, well, how do I celebrate is really important too.

SPEAKER_01 30:35

Yeah. Yes, absolutely. We don't do that. I my brain goes to the next instead of saying, hey, I just paid that shit off. I should be proud of myself and celebrating because that's kind of like a motivator to keep on going, right? Um, well, I wanted to say that you're kind of like a money therapist.

SPEAKER_00 30:57

It is a profession of a financial therapist, but sometimes because you you hit the nail on the head. Like there is so much emotion attached to our money. When really, in the grand scheme of things, it was just something somebody made up a long time ago, and we assigned a specific value to it. And those emotions create a lot of the challenges for us. So when we can have the support of somebody who is not as attached emotionally to your money as you are. And the thing I love about my ADHD brain is that why she she takes me on some wild goose chases. But one of the things is like when I hear somebody talking about their money challenges, my brain automatically goes to, ooh, they could do this. What if they tried this? This could help, which I love, but it's also makes those free consultations so challenging sometimes. So I'm like, no, no, we're not solving the problems today. We have half an hour.

SPEAKER_01 31:58

Oh, that is so good. Um, the other thing you mentioned was systems. And I am such a believer of systems in so many different ways that you can put systems. And I feel like, and and I wonder if this is on the same um perspective with what you do with your clients. A system is meant to like work when you don't work, like it's foolproof. Like if you have that brain fart, it's still working. So is that the same thing with the money situation?

Automation And Separate Spending Accounts

SPEAKER_00 32:31

A hundred percent. Any way we can look for opportunities to automate things and get the money going where you want it to go without you having to do something, because there are going to be times when life is lifing and you just don't have the capacity to be like, oh, it was payday. I have to transfer this money here, transfer this money here. We can we live in a world where we have the technology where it's payday and I want my money to go here, here, here, and here, and we can just make it happen. And one of the challenges for folks with ADHD in life can be out of sight, out of mind. If my supplements and medication are not visible on a flat surface, I forget about them. And we can use that to our advantage when it comes to money. If we've got money automatically going into a savings account every payday, and then our car breaks down. Oh, wait, there's money in my car maintenance fund for this specific purpose. And one of the automations that I love implementing first when I start working with clients is to have separation for their money from for spending from their money for bills. So if we know we spend $250 a week or $500 every two weeks or whatever that is on things like gas and groceries and Amazon and little miscellaneous things, if we move that money right away to a designated spending account, not only does it help us know when we have that whole plan that the bills account is covered, but it helps us answer the question of can I afford that without having to do the mental math? Because can I afford this? Well, how much is in my spending account? And when do I get paid next? And like, yeah, there's $100 in there and I get paid tomorrow. So there's going to be more money. So YOLO, what do I want to buy for $100?

SPEAKER_01 34:29

That is a great idea. And you know, the other thing is I was thinking is that we don't use cash anymore because back in the day when you had cash, you knew what you had. It's so easy not to know what you have because everything is electronic and you think your card is just has a boundless pot of gold.

SPEAKER_00 34:50

That's well, and that's a key reason why the reality is for most folks with ADHD, using a credit card probably isn't something we want to include in the strategy, especially early on. Like maybe we bring it back in, but we're just kicking something down the road when we use a credit card, especially if we're not having a plan to pay it off regularly. And if we're carrying a balance on a credit card, that what's another $200? What's another $500? It's we dismiss it even though it's like not like it's not directly impacting our bank account today. So we tend to forget about it. So having strategies where unless we have a card that's got a zero balance that we're paying off consistently, it's probably not a good thing to include right away when you're trying to make changes with your money.

SPEAKER_01 35:49

Yeah, a hundred percent. Okay.

Bare-Bones Priorities After A Split

SPEAKER_01 35:52

So going back to the single mom, you know, juggling all of this, and then maybe even having the ADHD. And I know you said a lot about, well, you gotta have the planning, you gotta, you know, have know what you want, but let's just go bare bones here. Okay, like she is out of the house, okay? She has the apartment, she's got her kids now in the school system, they're going to school, she's got her jobs. What is like the top two? Well, maybe the top five, and without giving all your goodies, because obviously we want people to see you and reach out to you. But what are like the top five things that she should start thinking about or even planning to do moving forward?

SPEAKER_00 36:35

The first one would be to connect with any government like resources and update your marital status, because that can often change things when it comes to government like subsidies, reimbursements, any government plans. So just understand first what needs to happen for you to be able to officially update your marital status. Because some if you do it too soon and you have to wait six months, that can leave you having to pay money back. But as soon as you're able to, based on whatever the laws are in your country or state, that's important because for a lot of women, that can lead to more money coming their way from different government programs every month, every month, which can be a huge relief. And the second one is to figure out what your income and outcome or your income and your expenses look like. And if you have a shortage, which can feel overwhelming and can create that avoidance, if you have a shortage, figure out what things are the most important. And the things that are the most important are a roof over your head, your bills paid, and food in your stomachs, and then like gas to get back and forth to work or transportation. And while it can feel really shitty if you can't afford to pay a credit card or to pay back a student loan or other loans that are not secured, that is you taking care of yourself and your family. Because while they can make lots of scary phone calls and send you notices if you have debts that you're not paying on, if they're not secured by anything, they're not going to take something away from you. So if you stay in the house and you have a mortgage, if you don't pay your mortgage, that can impact your house and your whole home situation. So, like, what's the most important things and prioritizing putting the money there first? But then also like this is this is hard because as women, especially if somebody has recently left a relationship, it's okay to ask for help, whether that's through family, friends, loved ones, government programs, like assistance to have food on the table. Those programs are designed for people that need them. And if you need them, it's okay to ask for help. And if you've got, like if you're living and you get an apartment, you're with your kids, that's where you want to be, that's awesome. But if that's not achievable financially for you, especially when you're first leaving, if you've got a safe place to stay that's under somebody else's roof, like that's okay too. It's hard to not have that, like, I'm a proud woman, I can be independent, but at what cost to your mental health, right? Because when you do those things that you want to do, maybe that's getting your own apartment, but then you have that pressure of, well, I can't do anything else. All of my money is going to the necessities, especially if you're trying to pay that first and last. And maybe there's people there that want to help you. I guess there are people that want to help you. And just thinking about if you were put the shoe on the other foot, if you have a home that's got room for others in it, and you found out that somebody you loved was not asking for help and they were doing something that was like really leaving them in the difficult like financial or mental health space, you'd be like, What are you doing? Come stay in my spare room. Like, I'd rather have you here for as long as you need to be so that you're safe and you're you're able to build that runway so that when you do have your own apartment and you move out or whatever that looks like, you've done it from a place of taking time to prepare for it. So it's just like anytime I I feel myself or I see a client being like, well, I I could do this myself, yes, but but if somebody you loved was trying to do it themselves and you had the capability to help them, wouldn't it feel shitty that they didn't ask?

SPEAKER_01 41:14

Right. Right. Yeah, that's a big one. I I can I can resonate with that so badly. Um so before we go, I want to do a rapid fire session with you, okay? So

Rapid Fire Money Rules And Hot Takes

SPEAKER_01 41:27

I wonder how this is gonna get your ADHD mind going because this is rapid fire, okay? Not too much explanation. Um, okay, so here we go. Ready? All right, go for it. Okay, all right. So broke or bad money habits, which matters more? Bad money habits.

unknown 41:48

Oh god.

SPEAKER_01 41:49

Should you ever financially help a boyfriend? Sorry, I need to tell you, I need to ask this.

SPEAKER_00 41:54

Oh, oh, it's so hard to just answer the question. Yes or no's are so difficult for me. I want to put an asterisk beside this. My gut tells me if I have to pick one, it's no. But then also, I'm gonna interject a personal story here. Shocker. When I first started dating my now husband, when I was a single mom, and we like I was living with my parents at the time, and he had recently left a relationship, and he was living with his parents at the time. And no joke, he he came to pick me up for our first date, and I could see the road through the floor of the car. And and then he didn't have good credit because I'm probably oversharing on his behalf. That's okay. Because his ex was the one managing the money, but the money, the bills were all in his name. So when it wasn't managed well, that impacted him and his credit. So he had shit credit. And our I think it was our second date. We swung by the bankruptcy trustee's office to drop off a check. And like I can't even make this up. And then he was buying a new car, and because his credit wasn't good, he I don't I don't even remember this conversation. It's like a traumatic time, I'm sure that I blocked out of my mind. But he asked me to co-sign for his car loan. I'm like, sure, let's do that. What could possibly go wrong?

SPEAKER_01 43:36

And then I didn't expect this from you. I did not expect this from you, but there was a happy ending with this. She's an outlier. She's an outlier.

SPEAKER_00 43:44

So, like, would not recommend, would not recommend at all because so many things could have gone wrong. Because if you don't know, when you cosign for somebody, if they don't pay that, it's just like you not paying it, and then you're responsible to pay it, and if you don't pay It your credit can go to trash. So thankfully, we've been married for a long time now, and he's been a really good step parent to my kid and super supportive of me and my business through losing my job and all of that stuff. But really lending money in general, my rule is if you can't afford to think of it as giving, don't lend it. Because if you if you have that conversation around it's a loan, but if you think in your mind it's a gift, if they don't pay you back, you're not doing something from the place of I need them to pay me back, or I'm creating a difficult financial situation for myself. And it's and it's hard. And a lot of folks with ADHD were very generous because we feel other emotions. And if we think we can help, we want to help, and we don't think about it long term. We think, well, it's just a loan. But sometimes it's not a loan, and sometimes you never get that money back. So that was very not rapid fire.

SPEAKER_01 45:07

Well, thankfully for me, Sherry, I didn't have money, so ain't nobody gonna be asking me for money. Um, okay, so next one. Um, allowances or chores. So we're talking about kids, allowances or chores. What teaches money better?

SPEAKER_00 45:21

Oh, I think oh, it's so oh my god, it's so hard to give one answer.

SPEAKER_01 45:28

Well, give me your take on it.

SPEAKER_00 45:30

So I think allowances first, because it's that then they can plan for it, they can actively manage it, they can, and because like the allowance part of it or the chores part of it is also really good because it teaches them like I don't get anything for free. That's the way the world works. But then on the negative part, it also teaches them I always have to exchange my time for money. And if I don't do something, then I'm not worth having money. So it's like there's pluses and minuses to both. So I kind of like a combo where like, yes, you're gonna get $10 a week. And as part of that, as a functioning member of the household, you're expected to do these things. There, you're there, you're contributing to the household task. But then, like, if you wash my car or you break the leaves, maybe that's then the combination of, well, these are extra chores and they you can earn extra money by doing them.

SPEAKER_01 46:26

Yeah, that's good. I like that. Okay. Um, is the idea of financial independence realistic for most single moms?

SPEAKER_00 46:35

Yes. Yes. A hundred percent. It's just we can't get there if we don't look at the numbers and do the work and understand where we want to be. But I also believe combining it with a little bit of the woo in if you think you're always gonna be broke, you're probably always gonna be broke. But if you on the other side, you're just like, I'm gonna believe that the universe is gonna provide for me and you're not gonna do any of the work, the universe is gonna be like, yeah, fuck you. But like when you have those two things, when you have that, like, I'm doing the work, I believe in myself. And this is wild, and I see this especially for my clients who are entrepreneurs. When they do the work, they build a plan for their money. Very often in those first like two, three months, the universe is like, oh, here's a new client who wants to pay you $3,000 a month, and they're a perfect client. And I fully believe that it's the universe being like, I see you're you're you're doing the work. Let me help you make this easier.

SPEAKER_01 47:43

Yeah, I love that. Okay, what's the biggest lie women are told about money?

SPEAKER_00 47:50

Oh, that we suck at managing it, and sometimes that we tell that to ourselves the most.

SPEAKER_01 47:57

Oh, I just felt my body tingle a little bit, like you know, I felt that. Like that is so big. Oh, thank you, Sherry, for that. Um, Sherry, you failed the rapid fire session. So anyway. No, but you know what? You gave some good nuggets with all of this. And because, you know, we never think about as single moms teaching our kids about money as well. So, and we'll talk a little bit more about that in our after session here. Okay, so Sherry, thank you so much for being here.

Where To Find Sherry And Next Steps

SPEAKER_01 48:33

Where can we find you?

SPEAKER_00 48:34

Oh, it's been such a pleasure. So I I mainly am on Instagram. You can come check out my website. I'm sure you'll put the links in the show notes. So on Instagram, I'm money mindset, F as in financial, C as in coach. And then my website is also moneymindsetfc.com. So you can I've got some free resources there because I do genuinely want to. I love working with my one-on-one clients, but I want there to be accessible information for people that aren't there and don't have the wiggle room financially to be able to do it. So through the podcast, through blogs, and through free resources, there's lots of things on my website available to start that transformation on your own.

SPEAKER_01 49:17

And I love the way you have your website. It really reads like a handbook, like you have the blog, then you got the podcast episode. It's like, I need help with this. Boom, I got it. So check her out. Really good information, really great info uh information and resources. But before you go, make sure you're subscribed to Mama's My Emergency Contact Podcast wherever you listen to podcasts. We're on Apple, Spotify, and all major platforms. If you'd rather watch the conversation, head over to our YouTube channel. Just search Mama's My Emergency Contact and hit subscribe. And if you want bonus content, because Sherry and I are going to talk a little bit about my experiences with money and my divorce, um, there's the behind-the-scene notes and updates you won't always hear on the pod. Come hang out with us on Substack. After hours link is in the notes for you to subscribe to. And of course, as Sherry mentioned, all links are in the episode notes. So I want to say something to every single mom listening. If money feels stressful sometimes, that doesn't mean you're bad with money. It probably just means you're caring a lot. You're managing the bills, the planning, the decisions, the emergencies, the I forgot that was due today moments, all while trying to hold everything else together. So if today helped you understand your habits a little better or gave you one small shift in how do you how you think about money, that's a win. And to our guest, Sherry, thank you for helping us understand how ADHD, behavior, and money all intersect in ways that so many people experience but don't always talk about. And to the single moms listening, you're doing more than most people realize. Give yourself some credit, and we'll see you next time. Bye, but