Ep. 15: Into The Sewers

After vanquishing a ruthless gang in a skirmish behind the bakery, our fearless grunts stumble upon an unexpected ally—a mysterious figure eager to join their quest to track down the missing. Armed with fresh clues from the grateful baker, the party presses onward to the bustling emporium, where a crucial contact holds the next piece of the puzzle that could change everything. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_05 0:00

This phone's hot a bit. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something.

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Let me tell you something. Let me tell you

SPEAKER_05 0:07

something. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something.

UNKNOWN 0:20

Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something.

SPEAKER_08 0:28

Uh, wait, no. Do I do that? It's been so long since I've done an intro. We got myself. I'm Daniel in the Air Force. We got Eric in the Navy. We got Chappy, who's in the Marines. Alex in the Army. And we got Bail, who is a prior Army cadet. And we have a special guest, which is Jay, who is also in the Army. So to start things off... Hell

SPEAKER_04 1:05

yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:06

Yeah. So to start things off, I will do myself i am playing as something wong

SPEAKER_05 1:15

wait what no do yourself tell me more explain that to me

SPEAKER_08 1:22

oh you'll you'll know down the road in this episode actually if you sign up for dungeons and grunts only fans you will see something wong do some interesting stuff too

SPEAKER_00 1:33

hold up i didn't sign up a guest spot on that i did not know that we were

SPEAKER_05 1:36

doing that either it's happening now surprise yeah i guess i i guess that explains why you asked me to send, send you those booty hole picks.

SPEAKER_08 1:44

Yes. It was all a part of my plan. So anyway, I am something. I play as a changeling monk. I love my Proverbs. And also I do love my sake, sake drinks. However, there are some days where I like my go-to drinks or

SPEAKER_05 2:05

my favorites. Hold on, say it. And you're supposed to be in character now. I know. Oh, Okay. Well, okay. Now I see why directors hate being directors. See, this is

SPEAKER_08 2:17

why I start things off. I break the ice for you guys. I take one for the team. Okay. I am falling on my sword for you guys. So anyway, I am something wrong. I am a changeling monk. I like to drink a sake, but also I like to drink my favorite drink when I can. And do you all know what that drink is? Well, let me tell you. It is a Dragon Deez. I love that drink.

UNKNOWN 2:55

What?

SPEAKER_04 2:55

Dude, I'm

SPEAKER_05 3:07

going

SPEAKER_08 3:11

to make that joke throughout the rest of this episode, throughout the rest of this campaign. Anytime I say this to a bartender, they're going to be like, what? Dude, I'm going to destroy every bartender personality Hold

SPEAKER_00 3:28

on, Bale. I am

SPEAKER_08 3:33

going to cause plus two psychological damage every time I do that joke.

SPEAKER_05 3:39

Oh, we're going to do that? Okay. You know what? Every time I make that joke, everyone's going to roll for fucking damage. No, not everyone. It's the person I

SPEAKER_08 3:45

do the joke to. It's the person I do the joke to. You got to get that right. Just like the drink. Remember when it caused the poops? It's the same concept. The joke causes the psychological damage. Donk, please save me. That's me.

SPEAKER_05 4:06

Donk. Yeah, so, uh, yeah, I'm a firbolg cleric. I keep the team healthy. I, uh, I'm also a little bit of a dimwit, but mostly because I don't know the societal norms on this plane. You can catch me kicking back with a nice, tall, frothy glass of yum. That's what we call it.

SPEAKER_02 4:34

You

SPEAKER_05 4:36

know. Mead, I think, is what you would call it, but we do it the right way. Yeah, you got to throw the fermented apples in there. Eric, you're really getting into that. I am getting into that. You're getting me excited, Chapman. Tell me more. I, too, felt feeling. All right. We all know the lone wolf is up next. what else uh wolf elf rogue

SPEAKER_09 5:10

actually it's eric

SPEAKER_05 5:14

i go last

SPEAKER_01 5:18

oh yeah i am uh but jj i am playing as uh You know, the mercenary, dude. Oh, gosh. Oh, dude. Oh, no. Eric. No. Eric. Eric. Eric. Eric. No. Okay, hold on. Hold on. Let me... You need a hint? Yeah. What do you mean, a

SPEAKER_02 5:46

hint? You want to phone a friend? Bro.

SPEAKER_01 5:49

Help.

SPEAKER_02 5:51

Please. That's so funny. 15 sessions.

SPEAKER_01 5:55

Look, bro. It's been so long since we've last played this stupid game. Am I a mage? It's been

SPEAKER_05 6:00

like four fucking months. I am not a... You are a barbarian.

SPEAKER_01 6:05

I'm a barbarian. Thank you. There you go. I am Vajayjay, playing the barbarian, saving all these plebs, keeping them alive in the town

SPEAKER_05 6:15

of... Just explain yourself. Just explain yourself. You don't need to

SPEAKER_02 6:20

talk about anything else. Just explain yourself. Anyways,

SPEAKER_01 6:24

I'm here to rock with the boys, playing as... The Merc.

SPEAKER_03 6:33

Mom, buddy, you can do it. Where's

SPEAKER_05 6:35

the drink? It's been so long. Cheers? No, not the brand!

SPEAKER_04 6:43

No! Where's the drink? That's what JJ drinks!

SPEAKER_01 6:50

I got a keg behind me. I just can't lift it right now because...

SPEAKER_08 6:55

What drink? What is your favorite drink?

SPEAKER_01 6:57

What? The character doesn't want to lift it up right now. What does the JJ drink? I drink everything. I don't discriminate. I drink wet ass bitches and full blown kegs of dark or light beer. I don't care. Either way. I don't discriminate. So give it to me wet. Give it to me dry. I'll suck it all down. That's all I got. I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry. Give me a wob.

SPEAKER_04 7:35

Give me a wob now.

SPEAKER_08 7:40

What is

SPEAKER_02 7:41

a wob?

SPEAKER_05 7:47

I gotta think of what the fuck a wet-ass bitch drink is.

SPEAKER_01 7:53

Remember the prison time, okay? When we're locked

SPEAKER_05 7:56

up. That was a dude! That was not a dude.

SPEAKER_01 8:00

And if it was a dude, she was wet. He was wet. Oh my

SPEAKER_02 8:05

god. If she was a dude, she

SPEAKER_01 8:06

was wet. I don't judge, okay?

SPEAKER_08 8:09

You're on dudes, Eric. You hit on dudes before you hit on the girl.

SPEAKER_05 8:13

Context viewers and listeners know it was a dwarven female guard who you proceeded to do some pretty poor things to. And we got out of it, okay? It may

SPEAKER_01 8:24

have been slippery and wet, but we got out of that sticky situation because of me. and daniel's whiskey man what an intro

SPEAKER_08 8:35

man

SPEAKER_01 8:35

what

SPEAKER_05 8:36

a fucking jesus you picked it back up yeah it was

SPEAKER_08 8:40

like going down and then bam

SPEAKER_04 8:44

the stocks bro the stocks shut up but jj's up there

SPEAKER_01 8:50

i'm sorry anyways alex rogue introduce yourself it's your turn

SPEAKER_09 8:55

yeah um well i can't can't really top that but

SPEAKER_05 8:58

You know, Shaquille Oatmeal here, the Wood Elf Rogue, I can't really recall the last time Vajayjay saved anyone but himself. Excuse me? You know what I mean. What? After all the hard work and all of the dagger stabbing into people's eyeballs, saving this party as I should, because Vajayjay can't do it, I like to distress. The remedy is... A frostbite spirit with fire that gets twirled in there like a tornado. And then you just chug it all down. For those of you that don't know what that is, I guess you can translate it to what's called vodka with black pepper. And you just twirl it with a spoon and you just... As Vajayjay would say, suck it all down. All in one gulp. No homo. I'm going to screenshot that face you just made, Daniel, because you looked fucking hilarious.

SPEAKER_08 10:10

Honestly, Alex has been the most normal thing out of everything.

SPEAKER_05 10:16

The tame? Yeah. Yes. Holy fuck, my tits. Hi, everybody. I am Hebel. I am the dungeon. My favorite drink at the moment is nothing but water because fuck my life. I must lose weight. Um, so we are on, eat my dick. We are on session 15. Uh, thank you. Fuck me. We've been, it's sorry. It's been a while. We've had a lot of scheduling issues. We're back in it. Um, as you guys left off, you guys had spoken to the captain of the, uh, Western district of Eldoria. Um, You got some information about the missing people. once you guys got some information from him, he, uh, pointed you in the direction of the local bakery as his daughter was the most recently kidnapped, uh, or disappearance individual. Um, when you guys left and you were walking down the street, uh, there was a bit of a kerfuffle with what looked to be black talent agents, a rival guild, uh, to Alex's guild, or sorry, uh, Shaquille Oatmeal's guild. Um, yeah, Very, very brutally eviscerated them. The leader or the would-be leader-looking individual bamping off. Once that was taken care of, you threatened the ever-living fuck out of that shop owner who was definitely doing some illegal shit. And then upon doing that, you started walking towards the bakery where then we last left off. So you guys are standing in front of the, sorry, let me exit out of that. The Sweet Crumb Bakery. It is an interesting looking building amongst all the other buildings around it. It has a very like, you know, charming cottage kind of aesthetic to it. Stone walls, timber beams. Um... But one of the interesting things is around the decently sized double doors, you can see like cogs kind of like moving and some steam piling off of it. There is a little sign overhead the door that does have the Sweet Crumbs Bakery name on it with a image of a loaf of bread with swirls of magical sparkles. What do you four do? Hey, isn't this the place of the interest that we were looking for where the shop keeps a girl went missing? I should mention, just again for context, I'm pretty certain I named it. So the owner's name is Gwyn Stonecrusher and his daughter, Lila Stonecrusher, went missing. Okay. Yes, so you guys have the info. Right. Place of interest. That's

SPEAKER_04 13:26

why we killed everyone in here. I

SPEAKER_08 13:30

had some dementia, so I have no idea. I have no idea what's happening.

SPEAKER_05 13:37

All right. What did we just do? Okay. Again. It was a random shop that we annihilated. yes there was you guys were walking towards the bakery and as we were passing by there was a kerfuffle you guys got involved killed the people that were roughing up a shop owner as I should always threatened the shop owner and then proceeded on their merry day

SPEAKER_08 14:08

from what I remember we had two objectives we were going to I think the south if I'm visual

SPEAKER_05 14:16

so you're three objectives essentially You were tasked with by Seguent to find the assassin that attempted to frame you guys. And then, of course, you guys are infected with some form of... Magical disease. Yes, magic aids. Dang it. I knew I should have taken a shot. And you guys are going towards the marvelous magic emporium. Did I name that right off the top of my head? God, it's been so fucking long. I don't remember names for dick. I have a lot of notes. A Mystic Marvelous Emporium, that was the name, where you're going to be finding the contact to kind of like figure out what's going on because this guy is very well trained in dark arts and more hidden, obscure occult. And then you also guys picked up a contract for a guild, for a guild contract. That contract is to figure out what is causing people to disappear in the Western District. And hopefully, you know, if any of them are still alive, rescue them. So right now you're walking towards the bakery because this person was the most recent victim who has disappeared. You were told by the captain of the Western District. hey, guards have gone missing. There was a former adventurer group that did also go missing too. And he kind of warned you not to hang out at night and kind of avoid dark secluded areas because those people have gone missing as well. He was very hesitant due to the fact that even his guards have gone missing. So there was that. And so you guys were making your way towards the bakery. Disgust, I just need a peer real quick. Now he pees. Okay, so just to recap real quick, without all of the extra stuff that Bale said, when you figure out what is causing that magical chain link after the explosion that's keeping us all together, and then figure out the mission for the missing people for this town, as well as the information on the assassin that killed the baron in the original city we were in. So those are the three objectives that we have.

UNKNOWN 16:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 16:56

So that random shop that we slaughtered was completely random, but it was great. I loved it. Well, right now we've got a door with cocks.

SPEAKER_01 17:09

Wait, what? With cocks, you say? Oh, my JJ's on it. Don't worry.

SPEAKER_05 17:14

That's right, my JJ. Let me go ahead and work. See what happens.

SPEAKER_08 17:21

What are you going to do with all of these dildos? For some reason, they stick to the walls.

SPEAKER_05 17:33

With a G, fellas. Wow, that was

SPEAKER_08 17:39

fast. That's impressive.

SPEAKER_01 17:41

Damn, dude, how small is it? What do we do with these weird dildos on the wall? Ask... I am

SPEAKER_09 17:50

something.

SPEAKER_01 17:55

Something Wong. Ask something Wong. What do we do?

SPEAKER_08 18:00

What do you do? I go up to the dildos and I inspect it. And I just start...

SPEAKER_05 18:10

There are no dildos. Shit, I forgot one last thing. When you guys were about to go into the building, I had you all roll a wisdom save. Shaquille, you were the only one to fail it, and you had saw what looked to be an individual from your past who you know has been long since dead, but then they kind of just disappeared when you kind of blinked. I don't blink. Never. Is that just an elf thing? I sleep with my eyes closed. I'm going to look at this door and see if there's a way I know how to open it. Okay, so is

SPEAKER_08 18:47

there

SPEAKER_05 18:47

no dildos? We mentioned that. No dildos. I never mentioned dildos. I have low intelligence, okay? You can't be doing this to me. Donk, you walk up to the door and you study it very intently. What are you looking for?

SPEAKER_01 19:05

Is there a way to open this thing? There is a secret button on each of the doorknobs. Or weird handles. I don't understand. They

SPEAKER_05 19:18

vibrate. It's uncomfortable. Jesus Christ, I used my sleigh of hand.

SPEAKER_01 19:27

What did you do? It vibrated on his face. I don't know what

SPEAKER_09 19:32

happened. I just walked up and opened it. Okay, so the

SPEAKER_05 19:37

door opened wide open. Come on, ladies and gentlemen. I never expected that. What the fuck did I miss? I said cogs. And then they said cocks. And now there's dildos on the wall. I

SPEAKER_02 19:55

thought he said cocks. I legit thought he said that.

SPEAKER_05 20:00

Okay, anyways. So with that clear sign of interesting dialogue between you four, Donk, you stood there admiring the craftsmanship and attempting to discern how to open it as Shaquille just rushes past you and pushes the door open. Because it's a bakery. And you walk in and you hear a little bit of arguing um you hear two different voices kind of further into the shop um when you guys open it i'll first describe the place itself um the interior uh still somewhat like the you know exterior that nice cottage vibe um Motherfucker, where did my notes go? You cock. There we go. So there was cocks. Or did he say cocks? Gotcha. The inside of the bakery, it is a very nice, warm, inviting presence. There are a lot of wooden tables and chairs kind of scattered throughout the location. There is a stone hearth at the back that provides some warmth, has a nice crackling fire. The decor, the walls are lined with shell They have jars of spices, baskets of fresh produce, vintage baking tools, but you start noticing some interesting things with what looks to be enchanted lanterns. Um, there's also the ovens. There are a lot of ovens and there's like self opening and closing. And it looks like there are metal tools that are shifting fresh dough into the ovens. So there's definitely that, you know, um, What is it? Mickey Mouse? You guys remember that? Yes, thank you. That kind of vibe is going on right now. There's a couple of tools that are moving on their own. Some dough is actually getting self-kneaded by a tiny little automaton. And as you guys turn over, you see a larger man. He's a human, but he's pretty beef old kind of big beard he has some tattoos kind of all over him though um and he he's kind of dressed in a leather apron common kind of just you know white stained um shirt kind of leather pants and he's arguing with our guest today and depending seeing how slow this is going probably another episode um can you introduce yourself

SPEAKER_00 22:53

jay Hello, I'm Jay, as was previously mentioned, I'm Army, and today I am playing, name to be introduced later for the surprise and suspense, insert gasp here, but it is, what you're seeing is a Haparikoa Bard, right, so... For the most part, he's big rooster look. You know, the red feathers, purple feathers going down, pretty elegant plumage and everything going on. But the twist with the half and everything is instead of like getting the wings and everything, he still has Talon's feet, but like still more human hands, which makes him one of the best bards because he'll wake you up in the morning and he'll put you to sleep at night. Wink, wink. And now, however though that, as much as he likes to get balked up and everything,

SPEAKER_03 23:42

his

SPEAKER_00 23:42

favorite drink is a Dwarf's Mineshaft.

SPEAKER_03 23:47

And the Dwarf's Mineshaft is when you take the elven, the elven shine, and

SPEAKER_00 23:55

you drip it, drip it through the old beards of the best Dwarven

SPEAKER_03 24:00

Minecrafters, you know, to make it pure again. And you can get real, real hair on

SPEAKER_05 24:12

it. Tell me more. So speaking of cats, I happen to be the fattest one in the land. Christ. So you guys see this Aarakocra, half-Aarakocra-looking individual. He doesn't have wings, but he's a rooster. His feathers are slightly kind of poofed up because there's somewhat of an argument going on. And... Can I say your name? No. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 24:44

No, we'll surprise it in the introduction.

SPEAKER_05 24:47

Okay, okay. It's like, I didn't know if it would be appropriate. So he's kind of putting his kind of a beefier finger into your chest. And give me a second. I need to get into character. Scottish is hard. Oh,

SPEAKER_00 25:01

okay. So we're doing.

SPEAKER_05 25:03

I'm trying. Angry. Telegram of feathers is not the same weight as a kilogram of bricks. That's how I always get into that

SPEAKER_03 25:16

stupid... Hear me out.

SPEAKER_05 25:19

He's saying, you're not going to go and investigate, and I'm not going to be responsible for more fucking deaths. I was responsible for the four adventurers that died or, you know, disappeared. So I'm not going to send you out there. Or you hired the wrong guy. Me, me,

SPEAKER_00 25:39

me,

SPEAKER_05 25:39

me,

SPEAKER_00 25:39

me. No, look at the beat.

SPEAKER_03 25:40

Look at the beat.

SPEAKER_00 25:42

He reaches over, takes a sip of door of mine shaft, you know, trying to calm the nerves.

SPEAKER_05 25:50

Wait, they served that at the bakery? Oh, he brought it in. No, I brought it

SPEAKER_03 25:54

from home. He's in a flask. So, as much as your neck art tells me things, you're

SPEAKER_07 26:01

not that mean of a man. You run a bakery. Let me help find your daughter and my hatchmate.

SPEAKER_05 26:10

Listen, I... Kilogram of feathers. I know you lost your hatchmate. I've lost my daughter. I'm not going to be responsible for more deaths. You could not do it if four other adventurers could not do it.

SPEAKER_03 26:26

Or, again, hear me out... I'm doing it for me. You're not hiring me. I'm just asking for information here.

SPEAKER_05 26:36

As you say that, Gwen gets kind of distracted and he's looking at these four individuals that have just walked into the bakery.

SPEAKER_00 26:46

Okay. I want to ask a thing. Because you said dough, pastries, nice things all around. I have a perception of 13. Is there a nice

SPEAKER_03 26:57

little sweet treat around?

SPEAKER_05 26:59

Roll me an investigation.

SPEAKER_03 27:03

Okay. Plus three.

SPEAKER_00 27:17

Oh, I should just click the button, huh? Fifteen. Sixteen.

SPEAKER_05 27:23

Ah, fuck. When Gwen kind of gets distracted and he looks away from you, you do see a tiny little buzzing automaton carrying a very nice... We'll just say cherry-filled Danish.

SPEAKER_03 27:41

I would like to sneak and eat it real quick. I just want to peck at it real quick.

SPEAKER_05 27:49

Because he's distracted, I'm just going to say you don't even have to roll for it because he's now not really thinking about you and you just

SPEAKER_07 27:56

peck at it.

SPEAKER_05 27:58

Right on. So, you five... Well, you foresaw that argument. You, Jay, yet to be named, now see these four individuals who, looking at them, you have a two seven-foot, seven-foot? Eight-foot tall individuals. How tall are you two? yeah seven foot for me seven foot tall Goliath and Furbolg both beefy Furbolg more having like that beefy stocky dad bod style of body with a nice ass you have you have the Goliath being just an absolute fucking unit you have a roguish looking elf and a old decrepit looking Asian man who's Asian patience Can

SPEAKER_08 28:55

I say something?

SPEAKER_09 28:57

I'm

SPEAKER_08 28:57

going to say something. I'm going to say out loud because they notice us. Be not afraid of going slowly. Be afraid only of standing still.

SPEAKER_05 29:10

Wonderful as always, Mr. Wong. But who wants to talk to the storekeeper?

SPEAKER_01 29:20

me

SPEAKER_05 29:21

okay go ahead

SPEAKER_07 29:32

sorry

SPEAKER_05 29:36

we just killed a bunch of people we're feeling a little antisocial

SPEAKER_07 29:39

okay i don't need you to trauma dump right now i need i need uh what do we

SPEAKER_04 29:47

Fuck.

SPEAKER_05 29:48

Are those real feathers? Well, you got a little bit of a... Don't look at my plunge. You got a little bit of a thing going on over here. Is that a danish on there? Nope. No? I did investigation check. I'm pretty sure there's Danish around his fucking back. Sure, roll an investigation. 19. Yeah, there's Danish. Yeah, there's like that red kind of jelly. You

SPEAKER_00 30:30

don't eat clean with a beak, let me tell you.

SPEAKER_05 30:33

Yeah, a couple of flecks of on his feather plumage at the neck.

SPEAKER_09 30:40

Yeah, I'm pretty sure you got a little

SPEAKER_05 30:42

something. So... We overheard... We overheard your conversation. What's up? What's going on here?

SPEAKER_09 30:53

Yeah, well, JJ, aren't

SPEAKER_05 30:54

you asking questions? I thought he was going to, and then he didn't say anything. It's not your concern.

SPEAKER_07 31:04

Maybe, maybe, hear me out? Are these also adventurers?

SPEAKER_09 31:12

We'll like to adventure wherever. Don't we, Doc? Yeah, we can. We've been known to get around.

SPEAKER_05 31:21

I'm going to be honest. Do not see you four as adventurers. You four look like a merry band of circus goers. And then I, as something, I slap... I

SPEAKER_08 31:39

thought you were about

SPEAKER_05 31:46

to say you were going to smack another fucking shopkeeper. I'm like, I swear to God, Daniel. As

SPEAKER_08 31:54

tempting as that is, I saw the biggest butt next to me, which was the JJ's. I

SPEAKER_05 32:00

thought Donk's was the biggest ass. Well, I said next to me. Next

SPEAKER_08 32:04

to me. Next to me. Within reach. Yes, within reach. reach.

SPEAKER_05 32:08

Well, okay. You get a nice ass slap, and I'm assuming you kind of do it in like that roundabout push up, like a push ass slap to kind of push him

SPEAKER_08 32:19

forward. I do the baseball. Good game. Good game.

SPEAKER_05 32:25

I hop up

SPEAKER_01 32:27

in front of the shopkeeper, grab him by the neck. Can I do a animal handling check to Make sure to ask him through his mind what the fuck is going on right now. The

SPEAKER_05 32:46

shopkeeper? Let's back up. You can attempt this. Make me an athletics check. We're going to do an opposed check because I'm not letting that just happen.

SPEAKER_01 32:58

What? Why not? Okay, hold on. Athletics.

SPEAKER_05 33:01

How the fuck do you just go up to it?

SPEAKER_01 33:04

I got slapped in the ass to make the call. Okay. The shopkeeper

SPEAKER_03 33:11

or me? That's where I'm confused.

SPEAKER_01 33:13

The shopkeeper, right? Okay, okay. Unless you want to be grabbed in a very sexual-ish manner. This has spread really quick. I'm sorry. What did you want me to roll again? Athletics, please. I grab his neck, but

SPEAKER_08 33:33

not that

SPEAKER_01 33:33

hard. In

SPEAKER_08 33:34

a sexual way.

SPEAKER_01 33:37

Athletics. Okay, plus five. Are you ready? Yes. Okay, stand by. Athletics. Athletics. Tall rectangle.

SPEAKER_05 33:51

Skinny rectangle.

SPEAKER_01 33:53

I see the skinny rectangle, but it's not letting me roll. Are you

SPEAKER_08 33:57

clicking the plus five? You got to click the plus five or whatever the

SPEAKER_01 34:01

number. Oh, yeah, the number. Plus five, it opens up another window.

SPEAKER_05 34:04

Oh, you know what? It did sign me out.

SPEAKER_08 34:07

Oh,

SPEAKER_05 34:08

you might need to sign in. Yeah, you might need to sign back in.

SPEAKER_08 34:11

Oh, no. We might be here for a while. Oh, this is going to be a minute, guys. This is your perfect time for a break. All right, let's take a pee break, I guess.

SPEAKER_00 34:21

We're packed. We're going to have to edit

SPEAKER_08 34:23

this so hard.

SPEAKER_00 34:23

I'm

SPEAKER_01 34:31

choking his ass out. You're not. He got a 17.

SPEAKER_05 34:35

I slapped him with my dick. He got a 17. That's why I was like... Go ahead. I want to see my dick. Grant, you have a plus 5. No, you're not. You have a plus 5. I was kind of shocked. I thought you were going to beat the 17. It

SPEAKER_01 34:47

rubbed his lips. Okay. He's going to answer me truthfully. Or else.

SPEAKER_05 34:52

No. So you go in to like grab the shopkeeper's neck and now he's not as like big as you, but he's. big for a human and you go in to like grab his neck and he fucking pushes your hand away and pushes you back and let's just say now he's not very keen to you alright GG go next Dunk you wanna give it a shot here he's very forward please forgive him literally hold on is

SPEAKER_08 35:29

Eric blushing after that slap

SPEAKER_05 35:32

I didn't smack him. He didn't smack him. He pushed him. He smacked his hand. Like, smacked it away. Like, fuck off. What are you doing? What if he likes that? Yeah, I will warn you. He does see that as foreplay. Okay, so... Not giving me confidence that your law is not fucking circus goers. You're a bunch of fucking clowns. Hey, have you seen circus goers? Put some respect on the circus goers.

SPEAKER_07 36:01

Y'all are making me look pretty bad here i'm

SPEAKER_05 36:04

trying to get some help well i'm trying to i don't know how to be a diplomat in this situation you know how to be a donklamat

SPEAKER_07 36:12

though by the looks of it hey

SPEAKER_05 36:15

he gets

SPEAKER_09 36:15

it

SPEAKER_05 36:17

see listen to this uh oh i never did get your name

SPEAKER_07 36:23

oh me yeah you're donk

SPEAKER_06 36:27

i'm donk

SPEAKER_07 36:27

a lot of people call me suck but i'm secondus Secondus. Secondus Richard. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 36:38

Got you. All of you. I've been waiting months to pull this on you. Got all of you. I love it. I love it. I knew it was going to happen. Can you repeat it?

UNKNOWN 36:53

Secondus.

SPEAKER_07 36:55

Secondus Richard.

SPEAKER_09 36:58

Some

SPEAKER_07 37:00

people just

SPEAKER_05 37:01

call me kid. Well, man. I feel like... I don't know why my brain... Alex, how he just went... I feel like that is how Shaquille actually, in that moment, just goes... That's exactly... What did I tell you? What did I tell you for the guest name that I... Before we started the... When it was just you, me, and Daniel? I don't recall. Oh, fuck. What did I... I have a recording. Yeah. I'll have to go back to it. Anyways, so you guys introduced... Gwen is so far not impressed by any of you. Well, we haven't told him our accomplishments. I didn't realize we were going to have to apply for this job. Seems he doesn't want help. Seems he just wants people to keep dying. Are

SPEAKER_03 37:50

you saying this out loud?

SPEAKER_05 37:52

Are you saying this out loud? I'm just thinking out loud, but yes, out loud. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 37:58

Do you have a resume?

SPEAKER_05 38:01

Oh, I mean, we don't have a resume per se, but we've got testimonials, I guess you could say.

SPEAKER_09 38:07

Are they alive?

SPEAKER_05 38:10

You're the ones who took the job again. The one that I asked the guild to take down. You're the ones. What's the job? We're always looking for a job. You're here, are you not? Oh, yeah. You're still not giving me confidence. I came here for some bread. You want to look in the other room? Me too.

SPEAKER_00 38:33

Secondus just picking at the crumbs. Well, it looks

SPEAKER_05 38:35

like you got it. I think you got it wrong. We've had a discussion before, Secondus. What's your name again? Tweet Tart. Tweet Tart.

SPEAKER_09 38:47

Yeah, Tweet Tart. What's your name again? Not Tweet Tart. Tweet Tart. Tweet Tart.

SPEAKER_03 38:56

Tweet Tart. Tweet Tart. That's a spectrum and that's rude to use it in a derogatory term.

SPEAKER_09 39:04

My apologies.

SPEAKER_05 39:06

Anyway, you still got a little bit of Danish in your pecker or whatever.

SPEAKER_03 39:10

You forward young man. He goes into his ruffles and shirt and kind of cleans up.

SPEAKER_05 39:16

Eric, roll an insight check for me, or perception check for me. Or for JJ. Okay. Perception?

UNKNOWN 39:28

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 39:31

Hold up. Time out. Did we not just see Alex just slam a whole shot of whiskey right there? No. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. I just want to be sure we're aware. Okay. Um, yeah, you can't, you can't,

SPEAKER_05 39:42

um, Eric, you do know, I see roles, you know, you, you can't, this is why I have you do it. Cause I know you do this shit. What did you roll first? All right, I have 20. I have 20. Nope. Nice

SPEAKER_09 39:57

fucking three, shitter.

SPEAKER_05 40:03

You had a weird tingle and then, you know, just nothing happened. Donk, since you're a... Eric rolled a

SPEAKER_08 40:09

three. Eric rolled a three. Or no.

SPEAKER_05 40:11

Donk and... Hey,

SPEAKER_08 40:13

Gero's

SPEAKER_05 40:13

really fast. Okay. Donk and something. Since you guys are wise individuals, please roll me an insight check.

SPEAKER_00 40:21

Everybody or just

SPEAKER_05 40:24

me? Just Donkin. What's your wisdom? Insight. Do I need to roll? Well, mine's pretty good. I'm at a plus. No, just Donkin. Oh, baby. Good rolls for once. Yes. Let's go, baby. 21. Well, I was just... Just... Okay, so Donk and... Donk and... Fuck, something. Jesus. You got it right. You got it right. noticed that there is a very opposed and angered opposition or like just energy coming off of Gwen and it seems to be directed towards VJJ but it seems like it only just recently started happening almost seeming to hint that he knows something about VJJ in an extent but But you just don't know what.

SPEAKER_08 41:28

So let me talk to this guy. What was this guy's name again? Gwen. Mr. Gwen. I think we got off on the wrong foot. Let me introduce us here. So we are the party group that is trying to save all of these... to find out what is going on with all of the disappearances. We are here because one... We noticed that someone was getting beat up when we killed them all. Two, we

SPEAKER_05 42:04

are trying to... Oh, what a lot. You're going to need to explain that one. What the fuck do you mean you saw someone get beat up and killed them? Just outside

SPEAKER_00 42:12

the door. I see the shopkeeper and Secundus just looking at each other like...

SPEAKER_08 42:17

Yeah. The guy outside, he was getting beat up. So we took care of that, of course, for you. However, I just

SPEAKER_05 42:28

need you to... What were they wearing? Did they have anything in the kitchen that they had, like... Did they have... kilogram of feathers did they have anything indicating that they had like um like a raven's claw

SPEAKER_08 42:47

That's a great question. You know, I had dementia after the fight, so I have no idea what

SPEAKER_06 42:52

happened.

SPEAKER_08 42:54

Oh, I just

SPEAKER_07 42:55

remembered. You better

SPEAKER_08 43:00

respect your elder, sir. I was here when you were in diapers.

SPEAKER_06 43:07

You can respect this...

SPEAKER_08 43:09

Oh yeah? Well, why don't you present it and I may do something to it,

SPEAKER_05 43:14

huh? So you're telling me that you killed some black talons?

SPEAKER_08 43:18

Yes, that has jogged my memory. So yes, we have taken care of that for you. I've

SPEAKER_05 43:24

never heard of them before.

SPEAKER_08 43:27

So now we are here because we are trying to resolve the disappearances. He

SPEAKER_05 43:34

crosses his arms and looks at you guys and he goes, make your case I thought I just did, but... Can I step in? Yes.

SPEAKER_02 43:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 43:48

Alright. Listen. Clearly, we had a rough morning. Fuck, what time is it? I don't fucking know. Listen. It's about mid... It's a little past midday. Sure, whatever you say. Gwyn, right? Gwyn? Gwyn, um... Gwen, yeah. Yeah, okay. Get it together, Gwen. Where's your fucking... Anyway, so we were given this information from Tavern, okay? We were told to come over here, speak to you on behalf of issue that the city is having. Your daughter went missing, right? Was it Lila? Correct. Lila. Lila? I'm sorry. Lila? What missing? Well, we got this information from a tavern. Some friends told us, come over here, speak to you. I'm sorry on behalf of our party and the tweet tart over there on, you know... We talked about this. The funny thing, I could just get that picture of the fucking rooster head because I remember when I was in Hawaii and I... Rooster tried to square off against me, so I know that look.

SPEAKER_00 45:07

That's a lot of the inspiration behind this character, actually, too, is I lived in Hawaii for like five years, too, and I love the chickens, dude. They're my

SPEAKER_05 45:15

favorite. The wild chickens over there are

SPEAKER_00 45:18

crazy, though. They're my favorite, dude. I love them.

SPEAKER_05 45:20

Yeah, the rooster tried to square off against me, and I remember saying out loud in public, on a beach, fucking try it, and I'll punt you. But anyways, continue. Gwyn, we're simply here to try to like... We're trying to help you to find your daughter and... I'm sorry, was it... Seconda Richard?

UNKNOWN 45:48

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 45:50

Did you have somebody go missing as well? Yeah, my hatchmate. Oh, can you tell us a little bit more?

SPEAKER_07 45:59

Oh, yeah, my hatchmate, Buffettis. He's a little younger than me, a little taller. You can tell with the massive size. There's a book of... He's about 5'2", not as glorious as I am, but... Yeah, my hatchmate, I'm very interested in joining your endeavor in following this. Oh, we find... We need

SPEAKER_05 46:34

to find

SPEAKER_07 46:34

him.

SPEAKER_05 46:36

Well, clearly we can also go look for your halfling as well. Oh, hatchmate! So we need to

SPEAKER_08 46:42

find another cock?

SPEAKER_05 46:45

Well, we can find the cock and the Lila. That's a slur. I mean, Vajayjay's great at finding cocks. That's a slur. That's not a slur. That's a fact. Ask Vajayjay. Vajayjay, tell him about all the cocks that you found.

SPEAKER_07 46:59

We are proud Arakoas.

SPEAKER_03 47:01

And I will not stand here. He stretches his neck, proud and funny.

SPEAKER_07 47:05

Not have you call us cocks. He's a wreck.

SPEAKER_02 47:09

Not your

SPEAKER_05 47:10

cock. Before this weird tangent... Roll me a persuasion check. And it was decent, so I'll give you advantage on it, because that was pretty decent. That was before this fucking... Wait, me? Yeah, you. Persuasion? Oh, shit, I have a plus zero, boys.

SPEAKER_02 47:32

Fucking

SPEAKER_05 47:32

nosedive. Okay, 14. Not bad, not bad. Come on, boys. Give me some energy here. Some energy. I got the blanktons. second.

SPEAKER_04 47:51

Fuck yeah, 19, baby! Dude,

SPEAKER_08 47:54

why do you need the chakra? You always roll high. There's no reason to request this. That's true. I don't ever want to hear this because I roll low all the time, okay? That's disrespectful to my culture.

SPEAKER_04 48:05

Maybe it's because they're fucking

SPEAKER_08 48:06

dumb. It's disrespectful to me, okay? I roll that once all the time. I don't want to hear

SPEAKER_05 48:12

it. Anyways, Gwen kind of just looks at you guys. Kind of does this. All I'm trying to say here is... Are you going to... I need your word. Are you four able to protect this fucking idiot? This fucking idiot. And he points to his secondies. I do not want... I do not want him dying. Yeah, now that you mention it, I think he does have

SPEAKER_02 48:49

Tourette's. What was that? Was that a dog?

SPEAKER_05 48:56

Holy crap. What was that echo?

SPEAKER_01 49:00

I'll protect you.

SPEAKER_05 49:04

That's not a condom, you... Okay. Sorry, I got really distracted. Anyways, so he does... Alright.

UNKNOWN 49:15

Alright.

SPEAKER_05 49:20

Lila disappeared three days ago. Sorry. Yeah, three days ago. She had been acting weird as of late. Daydreaming a lot. All of a sudden, she started staring off into space. She started looking out the window like she was seeing somebody. Kilogram of feathers. Kilogram of feathers. Fuck, why is this accent hard? Bro, get it together. What are you doing? So, she was not a pushover. She was, you know, she was a half-Goliath. My late wife was a Goliath woman. She and my daughter was a sorcerer. Fledgling, but she had some capabilities. No, no, no, I'm a firbolg. You're thinking of a JJ, buddy.

SPEAKER_07 50:19

right so you're inherently racist

SPEAKER_05 50:24

okay she many people are going missing all of them have been after uh dusk um the captain's been very fucking you know paranoid he's telling people don't go outside even at daytime it's not correct it's you know night He even has told people to stop going by yourselves, and I'm saying don't do that. It's fear-mongering at this point, but we need somebody to take care of this. But this is all I got, apparently. She went missing when last she was out, and... She was at the Whispering Willows Park. It's not too far off of here. It's one of her favorite places. Her and her mother went there all the time. She loved the trees. She loved the flowers that grew there. And last I saw, she said she wanted to go there. She had somebody to meet. Whispering Willows Park. Correct. She went there and disappeared. Now, there was, of course, slight investigation. Those adventurers came through. They started, you know, asking questions. And they went to investigate the park. And when they got to, you know, the park, the park, all of a sudden, they never came back. Um... Can you tell us a little bit more about the park? How big is it? Maybe about an acre. It's kind of close to the city limits. There's slight sewage systems that kind of interlock underneath and kind of leads to the undercity. Sounds like a lovely park. So when he says that, Secundus and Something, you both know that the Undercity... It's what people call the sewers because Aldoria is a very ancient city and it used to belong to the fallen empire. So it has a very vast extensive network of tunnels and sewer systems and it's theorized that there's essentially a whole other civilization down there but nobody really goes too far because usually people don't get out if they go too far into the underbelly of the city. There are multiple places that lead into it but um most people only keep to just the sewage systems to make sure that people can you know get and not overflow the streets with feces um so he kind of stands he stands there and he just goes and he sighs steps back to his counter and he pulls out um just a woman's leather shoe it's pretty it's a big woman's leather shoe but it's a woman's leather shoe and he goes I found this when I was investigating.

SPEAKER_00 53:40

The condest wants to lean over and try to sniff it.

SPEAKER_05 53:45

When you smell it, it smells odd. You smell blood, you smell metal, and you smell dirty water.

SPEAKER_03 54:01

Can I roll a... Can I roll history about the city then?

SPEAKER_00 54:08

Sure.

SPEAKER_05 54:11

What are you wanting to find out?

SPEAKER_00 54:14

So with what you were saying about how it's insurized that there's a society under there and everything. And even with the sewer system, I'm assuming there may be some automaton or something may either maintaining it or in that lower city. So I want to see if that metallic smell is maybe some of that automaton.

SPEAKER_05 54:33

So I was going to, I guess I didn't explain that a little bit better. The city, like the nobles and the official staffs, they do make sure that people go down there to at least maintain the city. So it's people maintaining the city sewage system. No one's really found working automatons down there. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 54:56

Smells messy. During

SPEAKER_05 54:59

the investigation, did anybody ever go down to the sewers? Or was it only the Adventurers Guild that went out there?

UNKNOWN 55:10

No.

SPEAKER_05 55:13

believe the adventurers they went there they went to the sewers and not a lot came of it clearly there was two guards that went down there there was the sergeant kilogram of feathers there was the sergeant Thalia stone guard she went down there with oh sorry that's lieutenant sergeant medic iron shield went down with guard Alara and they never came back out If I may ask,

SPEAKER_08 55:44

have a lot of people who cleaned the sewer system, have they

SPEAKER_05 55:48

disappeared? When the disappearances started, everyone stayed out of the sewers. No one has gone back into our section of the sewers in a while.

SPEAKER_08 56:00

So I think, you know, just to share with you all, that is to give you some history. And I kind of just regurgitate what you told me, Bale, about the whole, you know, under colonies and the whole cities and it being ancient and all that.

SPEAKER_05 56:16

Yeah, so I was going to state also, when you got really close to it, Secundus, You didn't really understand why it was smelling that way. And then Gwen kind of really flips the shoe over and there is this weird viscous blood red slime on the underside of the shoe. And he hands it to you guys and he goes... giving this to y'all because clearly something is down there and it's taking out adventurers it's taking out guards it's clearly something that's more dangerous than you know average shit like a big rat take this to the Emporium, he might be able to know what it is and help.

SPEAKER_08 57:04

If I may ask, are there signs of struggle or blood in these disappearances?

SPEAKER_05 57:13

None. Every single person that has gone missing, not a single one has reported any signs of violence.

SPEAKER_08 57:20

And I kind of just talk to the group, you know what we could try doing is to kind of set up an ambush and make it seem like we are alone while the others uh prepare to uh attack so for example

SPEAKER_05 57:42

me and uh i wouldn't i wouldn't advise that one um that is what the lieutenant did with two other guards uh and yeah they went missing

SPEAKER_01 57:56

shall we reach out to the watch guard and get an army posse assembled

SPEAKER_06 58:05

they're too correct they don't

SPEAKER_01 58:08

nope hmm matter to our old hands our own hands I

SPEAKER_05 58:18

like the idea of an ambush you guys all look contemplative what are you guys thinking ambush

SPEAKER_08 58:23

I didn't think of ambush I thought it was just me

SPEAKER_01 58:26

Daniel, or I'm sorry. Something. You will be the bait. I

SPEAKER_08 58:31

could always feed them sake. I love sharing my sake.

SPEAKER_01 58:38

Exactly. If you're going to do this,

SPEAKER_05 58:41

if you're going to do this, at the very least, please just go to the Emporium so you can at least get some knowledge on whatever the fuck this is.

UNKNOWN 58:51

I vote that...

SPEAKER_05 58:53

Give me a second. Let me check on something real quick. Yeah. Yeah. Let's get over to the Emporium. Get some more information. Gwen definitely knows a little bit more than that. So I think Emporium might be a good place to look out. You think Gwen's hiding something? I don't think so. There's no reason for him to hide.

SPEAKER_01 59:14

Tweet Tart, do you want to

SPEAKER_04 59:15

come with us?

SPEAKER_03 59:18

We talked about this.

SPEAKER_01 59:20

I'll grab him by the shoulder and bring him with me.

SPEAKER_03 59:23

Talked about what? Nope, that's Spectrum.

SPEAKER_07 59:28

Can't be called it with that. Sakoda Richard, do you want to come with us? Yes, I want to find my hatchmate. I'm down, but I don't want to be baited. You're not trying to fry me and have my drumstick. Nobody's going to bait you. We

SPEAKER_05 59:40

have something wrong for that.

SPEAKER_01 59:43

It is okay. I grab a beer for you. You have a beer. Here you go. We'll sub right together. You will not be baited today.

SPEAKER_08 59:52

And I can tell you are stressed, Mr. Sakandis Richard. So I grab your shoulder. Sakandis... Enduring pain or enduring deepening pain is how a man ascends. So I will be the pain.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:08

Please don't push your kinks on me.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:11

It is not a kink. However, I do have a big friend here who may find that as such. Would you like some sake?

SPEAKER_07 1:00:24

Is this a polyamory thing? Because I don't know if

SPEAKER_05 1:00:26

I'm... Actually, now that you mention that, you should try some sake.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:32

If you are to be a part of our group, this is initiation process.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:37

That

SPEAKER_01 1:00:37

is true. Yeah, that's right. How

SPEAKER_07 1:00:40

much stock are we talking?

SPEAKER_08 1:00:42

Just a squirt. Just a little nip. Just a little bit, and then that's it. That's his initiation.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:55

All right, and then

SPEAKER_08 1:00:58

I shake up that sake bottle, and then I squirt it in his mouth. Be

SPEAKER_00 1:01:03

careful. Okay, I feel I need to roll constitution.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:06

And then I do sake, sake, sake, sake, sake.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:11

All right, constitution throw going on in. 13. Then

SPEAKER_05 1:01:17

I'll roll it. I think that is. Do I have to roll as well? The cutoff was 10. The cutoff was 10. He passed it, so he's not shitting his pants.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:29

But at the same time, because of how, like, close, because it was close, like, as soon as he does it, like, he's gonna, like, step up and, like, do, like, that weird, even with the human arms, like, sit down, like, first thing

SPEAKER_06 1:01:43

and go, let's

SPEAKER_00 1:01:43

do it! And just

SPEAKER_03 1:01:44

pull us out the door. Like, he's ready to go. Like,

SPEAKER_05 1:01:47

tuckering us.

UNKNOWN 1:01:49

Like,

SPEAKER_00 1:01:50

Like the liquid is blowing.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:52

So are you guys going to the Emporium first or just going

SPEAKER_00 1:01:55

to set up an arch?

SPEAKER_05 1:01:57

Okay. Okay. So you guys step out and Gwen. So as you guys are stepping out. The JJ, you kind of, you know, you're the last one to leave as the other four exit. And then the doors kind of shut in front of you. And Gwen goes, I know who you are. I know what you've done. I

SPEAKER_02 1:02:34

know.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:36

Do I grab one by the throat and say I know who you are too? Okay. No.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:42

Okay. He just goes, I know your past. I know who you served. I know the blood you've caused. Indeed. And he walks up to you and he goes like, you slaughtered my wife's family.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:06

as they deserved it yep I always suspected your garbage your mom's garbage

SPEAKER_03 1:03:21

the tea is hot girl

SPEAKER_05 1:03:23

but the one good thing in your fucking worthless life And save my daughter. And if you do that, I'll pay you well. And I'll help you. I'm an old artificer. I can help. Clearly something's wrong with your group. You clearly have something. And he points at your chest, pointing at the...

SPEAKER_01 1:03:46

Pause, pause, pause, pause, pause. I'm so sorry. What the fuck is going on? Who is Gwen? Who's

SPEAKER_00 1:03:52

this guy I'm talking with? I'm so sorry. Get back in the water. What are you doing?

SPEAKER_01 1:03:57

Who am I talking with?

SPEAKER_05 1:03:59

I don't understand a lot. Gwen is the guy that you just spoke with, dude. He knows that, but how does he tie in? How did I kill his

SPEAKER_08 1:04:10

family?

SPEAKER_05 1:04:10

You didn't kill his family. Do you not remember your backstory? Read your backstory.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:19

Fuck. Amnesia canon.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:25

Okay. Let's continue.

SPEAKER_08 1:04:27

To be fair, I don't remember my backstory too.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:31

Good lord. Anyways. So he points at your chest and he says, clearly something's wrong with all of you. I saw it.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:41

Aye, we've been in a mix of a mission.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:46

literally so do something worthwhile for once in your fucking life and save my fucking daughter

SPEAKER_00 1:04:54

that is our condos from like the way back just like

SPEAKER_05 1:04:59

well again the doors have shut you guys are not seeing or hearing this it's shut behind you guys

SPEAKER_00 1:05:04

um oh that's the talkie talkie

SPEAKER_05 1:05:08

yeah and he goes all right prove me wrong As he walks back, the doors open up. Well, JJ, you didn't try to diddle him

SPEAKER_09 1:05:24

again, did you?

SPEAKER_05 1:05:26

Were you choking him back there? Listen.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:36

Let's take this seriously, guys. There is... There is a bigger mission ahead

SPEAKER_08 1:05:50

we must focus on. Let's focus. I am immediately thrown back, and I take it seriously because I've never seen Vajayjay

SPEAKER_05 1:05:59

this serious. I've never seen Vajayjay serious. Oh, I go. Oh.

SPEAKER_08 1:06:03

Oh. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:04

Who is this guy? Who invited the Mr. Cool over here? I'm pushing you forward. Let's go. So you guys start making your way

SPEAKER_00 1:06:14

to me. All of that conversation after the contest is doing the, like, taking a head turn thing just everywhere. It's like no idea what the fuck is going on.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:21

What? Yeah. Are you just like following in line? Just like, okay, this is life now.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:30

Yeah. Like I'm just, I'm just telling a lot.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:37

So yeah. So you guys start walking. Luckily, um, Secundus and also something you both know where the Emporium is, and it's actually not too terribly far. It's about a 15-minute walk. You step out to your right when you step out of the shop or the bakery. So you guys are making your way there. You guys doing anything, saying anything on your walk?

SPEAKER_00 1:07:05

Yes, I would like to know if I am behind Donk.

UNKNOWN 1:07:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:11

I do like to lead the pack sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:13

Trust me, you'd notice if you're

SPEAKER_00 1:07:14

behind

SPEAKER_05 1:07:15

him.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:17

I just don't know what the order of march is right

SPEAKER_05 1:07:23

now. Yeah, you guys decide how you guys want to lead. I was going to say, I hadn't thought about this much, but I did wonder if it would make more sense if you led us to the Emporium, if you're more familiar with this area. But if not... Follow the ass. You would be more like you would be probably the most qualified secundus, so it's up to you.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:49

Okay, so let's say we're doing it as like, you know, when we like walk as like a group, maybe when somebody's ahead and we're all talking, so let's say Donk is ahead and we're like just in a gaggle. Does that make sense? Yeah. There's reasoning behind this, I promise. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:04

I love those.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:06

As we're walking King and our little gaggle, right?

SPEAKER_03 1:08:10

I want to use bardic inspiration actually on Donk. Let me

SPEAKER_00 1:08:19

find again where it is.

SPEAKER_08 1:08:21

You just saw that booty. He's like, I want to inspire this

SPEAKER_00 1:08:23

guy. Again, there's a whole reasoning behind this. I wrote this earlier today. I've never seen

SPEAKER_08 1:08:30

a booty like this in my life.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:34

Give me more. He just has a drum, right? And he's proficient in it. So do I need to do a performance check for this song?

SPEAKER_05 1:08:43

Yeah, let's, yeah, throw a performance. I just want, like, just to see how good you

SPEAKER_00 1:08:48

do. I'll let you do it. I'm just curious to see what happens. And I'm still using the Bardic Inspiration, yo. Yeah. Okay. Plus six. That's a ten.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:01

It's average. It's an average song. You missed some beats here and there.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:06

All right. Oh, okay. So a little gone off the Dwarven mineshaft. He's donking. He just has a little side drum there, and he's just like... Donk on a walkin', donk on a walkin'. Donk's the man, he's the Goliath all a-talkin'. Donk's on the man, he's the donk, donk a-donkin'. He's a walkin' and a jigglin'

SPEAKER_03 1:09:29

and I feel safe. And a donk, donk a-donkin', a donk, donk a-donkin'. And bring that donk and a jiggle, jiggle, donk.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:36

So I want to give bardic inspiration to Donk, because as I'm singing and everything, I would like to think Donk's feeling himself. Oh yeah. You know? Oh yeah. I'm like, you're feeling him

SPEAKER_05 1:09:46

too. I was feeling himself. you should have had you say what was going to be because then I would have I would have been in advantage because that's

SPEAKER_04 1:09:55

amazing

SPEAKER_05 1:09:57

damn it I'm jamming to the beat yeah and just so happens Donk subconsciously just always throws his Donk into the dancing so I mean oh so there's a lot of jiggle there's

SPEAKER_00 1:10:10

a lot of jiggle right now oh yeah

SPEAKER_05 1:10:16

so as we all witness the jiggling donk making his way to or as you

SPEAKER_00 1:10:21

all are making his way downtown you

SPEAKER_05 1:10:25

guys make it to the emporium okay give me a sec god damn it oh that was fucking funny where the fuck like hold

SPEAKER_08 1:10:37

on group there's a disturbance in the force

SPEAKER_05 1:10:41

oh good it's not me i promise camera alex he missed it Alex no so you guys make your way towards the Emporium Um, so it's a very large building. Um, it's definitely a more pronounced, more upscale type of shop. Uh, there are a lot of beautiful architecture, nicely carved mosaic glass on the sides, um, windowed color, uh, window colored windows, rainbow colored windows. Um, every once in a while you do see like a sparkle in the air of some magical flair. Um, There's a minor illusion of what looks to be like a amorphous person just flipping a sign saying, come visit the Marvelous Emporium. And you

SPEAKER_03 1:11:47

guys are standing there. Watch out for the door greeters. They're

SPEAKER_05 1:11:52

a little weird. They're just still flipping the sign because they're just illusions, so they're not reacting to you guys. Now, you, Secundus, would know from stories... Well, would Secundus have ever been inside this place? This is just a... This is just like a place where they sell a lot of magical

SPEAKER_00 1:12:13

items. Yes, actually, because I didn't mean to talk to you about this before. This is where he actually bought the drum from.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:20

Oh, perfect. Okay. So you do know. I

SPEAKER_00 1:12:24

may. I would actually. I forgot about it, but I would like to add plus two to the performance checks if I use the drum.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:32

Sure. Right on. Okay. That's fine. Yeah, so you would know of Malachi Thorne. He's a bit of an interesting figure. He's nice, but there's something. There's a reason he's good at occult shit.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:59

Really nutty professor vibe.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:03

Yeah. So, um, do you guys, uh, so you guys are at the entrance. Do you say anything secundus or do you guys just walk in?

SPEAKER_00 1:13:13

Hmm. I, I kind of turn around and like debrief kind of the same thing on like the dude we're about to talk to is a really nice dude, but mine,

SPEAKER_07 1:13:27

mine, somebody matters. And

SPEAKER_00 1:13:28

he looks right at me. He looks right at Shaquille O'Neal. He's like, you...

SPEAKER_06 1:13:38

Words. Maybe fucking don't.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:45

You know, like, maybe kind of to be rude. Maybe fucking don't.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:53

Watch him through the front door. Let's go in.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:56

What are you guys doing? Because I'm assuming they all pick me up and like, we're just doing this.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:04

I feel like Vijay is definitely leading that charge of picking you up. And again, he's a seven foot tall, fucking massive individual. So he kind of picks you up with some ease as you guys enter the door. So when you guys enter, you guys are greeted. First, it kind of starts off with a dimly lit space. But as you guys kind of keep pushing forward, it kind of begins to light up. There are a bunch of floating spheres kind of providing light, different colored lights. Very similar in appearance to Chinese lanterns almost, but they're all made of glass. And as you guys

SPEAKER_09 1:14:43

are

SPEAKER_05 1:14:45

pushing in, there are a bunch of bookshelves and shelving that just reach up into the sky. This place is way bigger on the inside than it is on the outside. And when you guys are looking up, it's almost as if there's like a hazy cloud that prevents you from seeing the top as it just kind of gives the appearance of just an infinite space above your heads. The floors are made out of this immaculate black Black marble with speckles of silver and gold to make it look similar to the stars. And there's a bunch of display shelves throughout the floor. At the end of the massively long hallway, there is a beautiful staircase that leads up and then splits off into two and then leads up into the second floor and also this hazy cloud section. What do you guys say or do? I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:51

Who's holding me right now?

SPEAKER_05 1:15:55

I would say the JJ. I'm holding you gently.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:00

Gently? I would like to do

SPEAKER_01 1:16:07

a pose.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:09

Okay, no,

SPEAKER_01 1:16:10

go ahead.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:11

I

SPEAKER_01 1:16:12

set him down gently. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:25

He's hot. Similar to a blush, he ruffles weird.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:30

What

SPEAKER_09 1:16:30

the fuck

SPEAKER_01 1:16:34

is going on there? Stand back a few steps. I'm not sure what's going on.

SPEAKER_09 1:16:40

Why for the investigation check? Not 20.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:47

I kind of just, uh, am looking at the magic ring. The magical trinkets along the edge. What was that for JJ? What?

SPEAKER_02 1:17:00

Nothing. What just happened? What did

SPEAKER_01 1:17:03

I miss? I just stepped back. That's all. I sat him down and I stepped back.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:08

I missed something. Just kind of along the edge. Yeah, you're seeing some pretty extensive artifacts. You've seen some in like some minor travels. They're pretty decently powerful, and then you also see a price tag of like 2,000 gold. Wow. So clearly this is a high rollers usually type of place. Anybody else doing anything?

SPEAKER_08 1:17:51

I start wandering off and I'm just like, oh, this is very interesting. And I just start looking around the area, investigating,

SPEAKER_00 1:18:02

just looking

SPEAKER_08 1:18:02

around.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:03

I would like to corral them and take them to where the individual we're supposed to talk to you.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:08

Malachi, yeah. So, you don't really have to worry about that, because you do hear crisp, healed footsteps walking down the stairs that echo amongst the place. And you hear clearly a thaumaturged voice booming out across the place. Ah, my friends! What wonderful surprises you all are. How are you all today?

SPEAKER_06 1:18:38

There he is! Madagascar!

SPEAKER_01 1:18:43

Hungary, how are you, sir?

SPEAKER_05 1:18:48

Been waiting your presence, my friends. Hello, Secondus.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:54

but don't do why why do that weird fucking like you knew we were coming thank your store owner like you know people are coming it's weird

SPEAKER_05 1:19:03

well oh no no no i know these four are coming

SPEAKER_07 1:19:08

what what do i don't know about them Are they part of your weird downstairs thing?

SPEAKER_05 1:19:15

You got a weird downstairs too. So as you guys are seeing Malachi walk down the steps, he is a tall, slender figure. He has dark brown skin that is almost also kind of gray. He has long silvered white hair, so you can't really see a lot of his features here. He wears... Very nice, kind of, oh, not a fedora. What are those pointed Robin Hood hats? me know the name of those that kind of

SPEAKER_00 1:19:52

stuff no I almost thought you said Scully for a second

SPEAKER_05 1:19:56

but oh no but no so he has that kind of a hat he's wearing a barely barely very finely tailored dark purple coat with gold embroidered he has a very nice high collared white shirt underneath his jacket a silk cravat by his emerald brooch brooch his trousers are black and he dons some polished leather boots that he um well clearly makes a statement of with walking down the steps healed first um when you got when he gets closer to you guys he does have very sharp angular features and he does have just this constant grin that kind of get in he's not giving off a menacing vibe but he definitely gives off the vibe of he knows some shit What's the smiles for, Chappie? The Robin Hood hat is called the Bicock. Nice cock. I say once again, Bicock it. Damn it.

SPEAKER_08 1:21:07

Are you just going to say that out loud, Donk? Just like, hey, nice

SPEAKER_00 1:21:10

Bicock. He just whips over to Shaquille and just...

SPEAKER_05 1:21:18

Does Donk just know that that's what that's called and says it?

SPEAKER_00 1:21:23

Ooh,

SPEAKER_05 1:21:23

make him roll history for it. I looked it up because I was genuinely curious. Make him roll history for it. No, fuck it. Yeah, roll an intelligence check. With advantage. What the fuck is that? Oh, intelligence check, you said. Investigation,

SPEAKER_04 1:21:42

fucking that one.

SPEAKER_05 1:21:44

Damn.

SPEAKER_09 1:21:45

Yikes. Oh, right. Okay. Let's start doing it. Yeah. With advantage, you said?

SPEAKER_02 1:21:52

Yeah, with

SPEAKER_09 1:21:52

advantage.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:54

There

SPEAKER_05 1:21:55

we

SPEAKER_04 1:21:56

go. Oh my god, bro. Yeah, you know what it is.

SPEAKER_05 1:22:00

Yeah, you know what it's called. Do you say it out loud? Oh, yeah. I want to hear Donk's voice say this. That's what

SPEAKER_03 1:22:14

I said earlier.

SPEAKER_07 1:22:18

I told both of you the word and everything and also don't leave me out of this. Don't worry about my college.

SPEAKER_05 1:22:24

His hat. Yeah, that's what I said. Nice cock.

SPEAKER_07 1:22:28

Oh, it's not about me. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:22:33

right everything is about you it

SPEAKER_07 1:22:36

is the world's the stage and i'm sorry

SPEAKER_05 1:22:42

not everyone wants a second this richard

SPEAKER_07 1:22:46

oh your mom would say

SPEAKER_05 1:22:47

otherwise was that a was that a uh vicious mockery

SPEAKER_00 1:22:57

yep we we yeah damn it do i even have

SPEAKER_05 1:23:02

that

SPEAKER_00 1:23:03

Is that a spell? I think it just

SPEAKER_05 1:23:05

comes natural to Bards, doesn't it? Yeah, kind of. I think it's a natural cantrip, I think.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:12

Yeah, he has to... Is there a save throw or does he just roll

SPEAKER_05 1:23:17

1d4? I think you roll 4 to see if

SPEAKER_00 1:23:23

you hit. Okay, what's your AC then? 16, brother. All right, let's see. I'm going to roll the flat. No. No. Flat D20. Yeah. 19.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:45

Damaging the party. Roll the

SPEAKER_06 1:23:48

damage.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:53

Robin's a wonderful person.

SPEAKER_06 1:23:57

Her burger casserole is cold in the middle.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:02

Jesus Christ. You know, I'm going to say, did you mean to actually harm it or did it just accidentally come out?

SPEAKER_00 1:24:11

That was legitimately in the character, but we still did it.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:16

Yeah, but do you think Secundus would have purposefully meant to harm it? Oh,

SPEAKER_00 1:24:21

absolutely. After all the other terms he said, Secundus actually thinks Shaquille is a little racist and ableist.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:34

When he says that, his voice kind of echoes up the space and it really pierces your mind and your heart kind of hurts a little from that. And you take how much damage does he take?

SPEAKER_00 1:24:43

It's a 1d4.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:45

Roll a 1d4. Actually, I'll just roll a 4d4. 1d4. You take 4 damage. Jesus, full fat. Gotcha. god anyways oh my god that scared me 28 health out of 32 my mom's a great person by the way you've never seen Shaquille break but this is the moment the party sees Shaquille he took it personal oh god anyways this is about a hat right Definitely. Anyways. So Malachi makes his way to you guys. And he looks all four of you up and down. Does like a little wave to you, Secundus, as he's looking at the other four. Just to let you know that you're

SPEAKER_06 1:25:53

still with

SPEAKER_05 1:25:57

me. My apologies. You four are the ones I've been waiting for. took you long enough nope you're gonna be rude yes you can find us yeah it's been about an hour and 50 minutes we're finally here

SPEAKER_02 1:26:19

took you very long

SPEAKER_05 1:26:21

well how should i say this i am malachi song the pleasure of meeting you is mine

SPEAKER_09 1:26:34

Oui, oui, monsieur.

SPEAKER_05 1:26:37

Now, I hear you for touched by the dark powers. Is that what just happened to Shaquille? LeBlanc told me that LeBlanc is also the one that tested you guys back in Rust Ham. LeBlanc told me that you would be here and you possess some interesting affliction.

SPEAKER_08 1:27:13

Every family

SPEAKER_05 1:27:14

has its problems. Why is no one talking? Eric, get off your phone. Can I reach

SPEAKER_01 1:27:27

out and shake his hand with a little bit of intimidation?

SPEAKER_05 1:27:34

So you're trying to, like, crush his hand and trying to, like,

SPEAKER_01 1:27:37

scare the guy? Not necessarily crush his hand, but, you

SPEAKER_05 1:27:40

know.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:41

Just that firm, like, dad-dating-daughter grip. A

SPEAKER_05 1:27:45

little

SPEAKER_00 1:27:47

idea of who's in charge

SPEAKER_05 1:27:50

here.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:51

We all know who's in charge

SPEAKER_05 1:27:54

here. Roll an intimidation for me.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:59

There we

SPEAKER_04 1:28:01

go. Bro!

SPEAKER_00 1:28:04

What is it? What is it? It's a nat 1. It's a

SPEAKER_04 1:28:06

nat 1 plus 1. He's got a 2.

SPEAKER_09 1:28:09

It's a nat 1. It's

SPEAKER_01 1:28:10

not my good day,

SPEAKER_09 1:28:11

okay? I'm

SPEAKER_01 1:28:12

rolling kind of

SPEAKER_05 1:28:13

shit-tay. Alright,

SPEAKER_01 1:28:18

so I give him... Yeah,

SPEAKER_05 1:28:21

you went to get his... I think I know what actually happened. Give him the gay wrist, bro. So that's... So Malachi is the one that gave the gay wrist, and JJ, with a sweaty palm, went for the dad grip, and he just kind of, like, smacked his hand away. And it's just like, oh. And Malachi's like, well, that was rude.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:48

Tell me more. He's a Frenchman, dude. Come on. Get it together. Tell me, where can I find some good French fries, dude? in this town

SPEAKER_05 1:29:02

there are french fries in town french fries what's a french fry

SPEAKER_00 1:29:07

my friend

SPEAKER_05 1:29:08

we miss you the french

SPEAKER_00 1:29:10

condos is gonna i would like to do a um check would that be an inside check to see what he's trying to say

SPEAKER_01 1:29:21

thank you

SPEAKER_00 1:29:23

we need a translator thank you 11.

SPEAKER_05 1:29:30

Uh, for, uh, I'm, I'm confused. What are we doing?

SPEAKER_00 1:29:32

He's asking about French fries. The condos may know what he's actually talking about at a food stand. So I did insight and then 11 to see if I understood what food item he was talking about.

SPEAKER_05 1:29:46

Small talk. So it's a low roll. Anyways. Uh, a French fry is from a local, uh, plant known as the, um, the French Elise, uh, The French Elise root. It's a fresh potato. It's a bulbous brown root vegetable. It's not bulbous. It's tiny. It's high in starch content, and the local populace grows it in abundance, and they fry it in... Cockroaches. Cockroaches. Lizard fat.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:20

Okay, french fries are canon. We're making fast food joints canon in this city. I am set on

SPEAKER_05 1:30:27

that. We've learned not to use word cock around here anymore.

SPEAKER_01 1:30:31

Sorry, man. Got excited. We were talking about small.

SPEAKER_05 1:30:38

Anyways. Again. So again, you guys are here for now two reasons. You have one where you all are affected with that weird energy And again, remember this weird energy when you saw what it did to the goblins, Goff and Bardoff.

SPEAKER_06 1:30:55

Was it

SPEAKER_05 1:30:57

Bardoff or Goff? One of the two died. And then the other literally popped out of his back like a pimp. This is the same place that can investigate that, right? Investigate that portion. Also, this is the same guy that might know something about the ooze on the slipper you were given. Well, I'll go ahead and step up, because obviously this is a mess with...

SPEAKER_01 1:31:21

Thank you, thank you, thank you,

SPEAKER_05 1:31:22

thank you. You know, weak wrist.

SPEAKER_01 1:31:26

Yep, continue on.

SPEAKER_05 1:31:27

I don't even know what that is with JJ, but...

SPEAKER_01 1:31:30

I don't know what I was doing. I was just hungry. I was looking for French fries.

SPEAKER_05 1:31:34

Malachi, right? At your service. And you are? Oui, oui, monsieur. Um... What are you saying to me? Oh.

SPEAKER_04 1:31:52

Are you talking about what?

SPEAKER_05 1:31:56

Well, Mr. Shaquille, are you feeling any different since you've been infected? Actually, yes. I feel much more connected party besides the, you know, You're saying that this energy seems to connect you four? Absolutely. Yeah, I feel like we are indestructible together. I have noticed that. He reaches out his hand and he says, May you place your hand on mine? That's weird. You can place yours on top of mine.

SPEAKER_07 1:32:45

Somebody thinks they're a cop.

SPEAKER_05 1:32:49

So he goes, of course. And he puts his hand over yours and then puts his other hand underneath your hand. And you feel... Like a weird tingling sensation as he touches you. Not in like a sexual way. Because I get your fucking mind out of your fucking gutters, you freaks. It's almost like the air is electric around him. And he's looking you up and down. He goes, can you turn your head?

SPEAKER_02 1:33:30

I

SPEAKER_00 1:33:34

hope the Spotify audience... I want to clarify this with the Spotify audience. He just switched cameras and has that most dramatic blue steel head turn. Just so you guys get that. I want to be very clear. You guys get the comedy of that.

SPEAKER_04 1:33:52

We'll just clip it for the fucking social clip, bro.

SPEAKER_00 1:33:55

Oh, please.

SPEAKER_05 1:33:58

Anyways, so you turn your head, I'm assuming. Okay. Alrighty then. And he's looking at this scarring, almost, that you've got on the side of your head. And he lets go and he goes... This is an interesting turn of events. And all four of you have this? That's

SPEAKER_09 1:34:31

right. Oui, monsieur. I'm

SPEAKER_07 1:34:35

not in this polycule, so I appreciate you recognizing that.

SPEAKER_05 1:34:41

Yes, secondess. He just works here now. Well, I get the sense that this is not the only reason you are here. Is there something else you wish to ask me?

SPEAKER_09 1:34:55

The rest. Actually, Dunk, why don't you fill him?

SPEAKER_05 1:34:59

Wait, you want me to get in on this?

SPEAKER_09 1:35:03

Yeah, man, get in on it. Tell him about the Gwen thing. Another thing. Are

SPEAKER_06 1:35:10

we forgetting about Buffettis?

SPEAKER_09 1:35:14

Buffettis?

SPEAKER_06 1:35:15

Buffettis Nathan.

SPEAKER_09 1:35:19

Buffettis Nathan?

SPEAKER_06 1:35:21

But he's a little nuts.

SPEAKER_02 1:35:32

God damn it. What are we doing?

SPEAKER_05 1:35:38

So I reach my hand out as well, just because Shaquille's kind of urging me in. So it's like, oh, okay. So I put my hand out as well. He looks at us like, you all confirmed that you are afflicted. I don't need to touch you too unless you want me to.

SPEAKER_09 1:35:57

No, you got to touch him. He's dumb. Yeah, you got to touch me. I need you to touch me. I'm going to need

SPEAKER_02 1:36:04

you to

SPEAKER_09 1:36:04

touch

SPEAKER_02 1:36:04

me. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:36:08

How are you holding your hand out? In the weirdest way possible to touch.

SPEAKER_00 1:36:13

Like that. Just like that.

SPEAKER_04 1:36:16

Take my strong hand! Take my strong hand! He

SPEAKER_05 1:36:23

goes like... He goes like... He kind of like slowly puts his hand like this. He's like... Okay. Weird. What am I supposed to get out of this? Oh no, that was all for me. So, we have this artifact here. From Gwen. You met Gwen over from the bakery. I love his cooking. Fortunately, Lila's disappeared. Well, funny you mention Lila. That's what brings us here. Anyway... Who's got the artifact? It was a shield, right? Covered with slime. It was a shoe. It's

SPEAKER_09 1:37:07

a shoe? I have it. I have it. I have it.

SPEAKER_00 1:37:11

And I hand it over. And

SPEAKER_05 1:37:15

he takes the shoe. He's like, thank you. And he takes off from behind his little... It's called a bicock, right? Yeah. He pulls from behind the bicock a pair of really large lenses that have multiple lenses in. And he puts it on and he kind of pulls some lenses over as he's looking at the shoe. And then he pulls from his pocket what looks like a very small wand. And he kind of pokes it and like a static kind of pops off of it. And the ooze seems to jiggle and react like it is alive.

SPEAKER_01 1:37:56

Um... I put my wiener away from it.

SPEAKER_09 1:38:01

Yeah. So you can confirm that these are Yeezys then.

SPEAKER_05 1:38:08

Yeah. Nice birth control glasses, nerd. That's not what your mother said to me last night. Hands

SPEAKER_00 1:38:20

up, all wings out.

SPEAKER_08 1:38:24

And I get a shot. I'm like...

SPEAKER_05 1:38:29

Anyways, so he goes, Fascinating. Where did Gwen said he get this? The park.

SPEAKER_03 1:38:45

Which one? Birdbrain Park.

SPEAKER_05 1:38:49

Whispering Willows Park. Yes. That's the donk. So he kind of walks over to one of the walls and he puts his hand on a wall, says... He starts talking in a language you guys don't understand, and it kind of hurts your ears. It's like grating, like scratching chalkboard. French. It's like scratching chalkboard, and then the shelf kind of disappears a little bit, and there is a table with a bunch of instruments. And he puts the shoe down, and he continues to start poking at it, looking at it, and he just goes... Oh, well, this is peculiar. Hmm. And this is what is believed to be responsible for the disappearances? Aye. Well, this is not good. We are dealing with an obelisk. Who? We are dealing with an obelisk. Yeah, yeah, what? That is a... Not the best case. That is a specimen designed from illithid means. By the fucking God. But this seems to be a little bit different. This is a young Obelix. It's not an ancient one. But... And this is the accent I was trying to get. I was trying to get a German doctor accent and I finally got it down. We can make it a French accent. So he gets... Yeah. I didn't want to go French. I was trying to get German. It's like, hmm, interesting. Southwest German. Das ist almost gut, ja? Das ist almost gut, ja. Ja. Well, this is mutated. Experimented, even. Um... It appears to also contain some form of elemental evil. It seems to have some water elemental

SPEAKER_02 1:41:04

in it,

SPEAKER_05 1:41:04

and that is an interesting predicament. Hmm. Well then, what do you want to know about this? Everything. Yeah, what size is it? That's all. Well, that I cannot tell. That is unfortunately a little hard to tell from a little bit of spec. Um... All that I can tell is that an Obelix is an insidious creature. It is born of very, very nasty things. It has a lot of eldritch horrors in it. But, looking at this, it seems to have been injected with a lot of magical bullshit. Um... See, this thing seems to have a little bit of an extra psychic ability. As he pokes the ooblecks, everybody make for me a wisdom saving throw. Wisdom. Wisdom saving. 23. What's up, baby? 7. No days off. 15. What did you get, Jay? 15. Eric got a 4. So, something and... No. Something and Vajayjay, you both failed. No, you did not. You failed that check. And... Something, you see your deceased mother standing there, and you hear her say in the back of your head... Come give me a hug. JJ, you see your lost lover dying on the ground in front of you. No. How do you two react? Is that really something?

SPEAKER_02 1:43:11

How do you

SPEAKER_05 1:43:13

two

SPEAKER_02 1:43:13

react?

SPEAKER_08 1:43:14

Like... But the weird thing is you really feel like

SPEAKER_05 1:43:34

that's your mother. There's something in the back of this. Yeah, no, because you failed this. There's something in the back of your mind that is wanting you to believe this is your mother. JJ, you feel like you're reliving that moment again as you're seeing your past lover dying in front of you.

UNKNOWN 1:44:07

Hmm. Hmm.

SPEAKER_05 1:44:08

I

SPEAKER_08 1:44:08

start drinking my sake more aggressively.

SPEAKER_05 1:44:12

And then he, the doctor, shocks that little specimen again. Wait, does he roll

SPEAKER_08 1:44:18

constitution to see if... It's not shaken. It's not a shaken sake bottle. But he just shook it earlier. Oh yeah, but it settles over time. That was so long ago.

SPEAKER_05 1:44:31

So anyways, so he shocks it again and the hallucinations go away. It was like, clearly it has some... Yes, it has some psychic

SPEAKER_02 1:44:49

capabilities.

SPEAKER_05 1:44:52

So, the slime? Yes. But, from what I can tell, it also seems to have some elemental injections of some kind. I wouldn't go as far to say that it also controls water to an extent. So that would be why it's in the sewage. Is it evil?

UNKNOWN 1:45:20

White.

SPEAKER_05 1:45:22

Your German, by the way, is much better now, I must say. Das ist gut, ja, because your French was not very good, oui

SPEAKER_07 1:45:30

oui. He switches languages all the time.

SPEAKER_04 1:45:32

I hate all of you.

SPEAKER_07 1:45:35

I'm not a

SPEAKER_04 1:45:35

professional voice actor, okay? Honestly,

SPEAKER_08 1:45:39

that is perfect. I feel like your character switching between accents is perfect. He's, like, bipolar.

SPEAKER_05 1:45:45

Bipolar. He tells you one story, and then he tells you the next.

SPEAKER_00 1:45:51

The con just, like, calls a huddle real quick. Right? With everybody. Like...

SPEAKER_07 1:46:02

He knows what he's talking about? You know what I mean? And

SPEAKER_05 1:46:08

then he's right behind. I'm going to say he is now right behind. He just goes like, I do like being feared.

SPEAKER_06 1:46:16

I'm not going to your basement parties. There's no fucking way I'm going. Can

SPEAKER_01 1:46:21

I include him in the huddle? Grab him by the shoulder and bring him in? What are we doing

SPEAKER_05 1:46:30

now? We're doing a huddle. Okay. Another intimidation check.

SPEAKER_08 1:46:37

He's in.

SPEAKER_05 1:46:39

So he's in the huddle now and he's like, oh, uh, what is happening?

SPEAKER_01 1:46:43

Tell us. Tell us more and Dale

SPEAKER_05 1:46:51

gives us a hug.

SPEAKER_01 1:46:54

Now he's drunk. Now he

SPEAKER_04 1:46:59

has

SPEAKER_01 1:47:08

to tell us everything he knows.

SPEAKER_05 1:47:10

The doctor was going to tell you his secrets anyways. He didn't

SPEAKER_04 1:47:15

want you to drug

SPEAKER_05 1:47:16

him. But anyways, so... I

SPEAKER_01 1:47:20

got excited and I got behind him

SPEAKER_05 1:47:23

I would say I would say that being entirely alone might not be the best option this creature can I mean from what I could see from you two and he points to you something and you clearly were affected

SPEAKER_00 1:47:51

For the first time, the higher pitch of Secondus' voice drops and everything just...

SPEAKER_05 1:48:02

Who said that? Yeah, who said that? Explain. So then he goes... Clearly... That was very much not the right accent. Nine. Nine. That's not good, yeah. Achtung. Judging by the magical signatures, I would appear this Obelix is, well, an opportunistic hunter. Clearly, it messes with your brain, lures you away to secluded areas, and takes you. But, from what I can tell... Most Obelixes do not, you know, kill immediately. They tend to psychically drain their victims. So I have to imagine this thing is wanting to elicit the most mental anguish it can to sustain itself. So your victims... I do history check. might be alive. What are you looking for? I want to see if Malachi knows about the bag from the Halloween special. You could just ask him. Okay. Malachi, have you heard of the bagman? And he grabs you by the shoulders and gets very serious. And like this dark undertone goes like, who's the fuck told you of the Batman?

SPEAKER_03 1:49:53

The condo still at the same time is going to roll constitution.

SPEAKER_00 1:49:59

Or not 20. You can tell he's standing there like. putting on a brave face, like when your tummy hurts and you're just like, I got

SPEAKER_05 1:50:12

this, I got

SPEAKER_00 1:50:12

this, I got this.

SPEAKER_05 1:50:13

Are you feeling the effect of the sake still?

SPEAKER_00 1:50:17

Yeah, it was between the sake and the reemergence of the bag man, just like...

SPEAKER_02 1:50:25

Who

SPEAKER_05 1:50:26

the fuck told you

SPEAKER_00 1:50:30

it was the bag

SPEAKER_01 1:50:31

man? Can I grab Malachi by the shoulder? I

SPEAKER_09 1:50:34

included

SPEAKER_01 1:50:48

him in the huddle.

SPEAKER_08 1:50:51

It only makes sense. I'm still behind him. You'll get used to it, trust me. i don't want to

SPEAKER_01 1:50:59

get used to it

SPEAKER_04 1:51:02

oh no oh intimidation work oh my god bro

SPEAKER_01 1:51:08

he's feeling something now behind him that he may not want to

SPEAKER_05 1:51:11

feel he goes one issue at a time we can talk about the bad man at another

SPEAKER_01 1:51:19

time

SPEAKER_05 1:51:21

You clearly have other things going on. You have the problem of whatever's affecting you, and it's, by the way, I should let you know, it is slowly killing you.

SPEAKER_09 1:51:33

Wait. Can I... Can I do something about that? I mean, I know how to heal.

SPEAKER_05 1:51:43

He looks you up and down, Donk, and he goes, What have you been seeing? Right

SPEAKER_09 1:51:52

now, I see you talking to me.

SPEAKER_05 1:51:54

Should I not be seeing that? In your head, what have you been seeing? And at this exact moment, you hear a dark voice in the back of your head say, Don't say anything.

SPEAKER_09 1:52:11

It wasn't me. I could tell you, but what if it told me not to say anything?

SPEAKER_02 1:52:20

something

SPEAKER_05 1:52:28

is telling you not to something is telling you not to tell me something I didn't say that I

SPEAKER_09 1:52:35

said what if

SPEAKER_05 1:52:38

well tell it I see it Oh, I'm just talking

SPEAKER_09 1:52:47

hypotheticals here, of course.

SPEAKER_05 1:52:49

Understood, of course. Oh, by the way, tell your... And he turns to you, Vijay. Tell your sword friend I said hi. You don't remember your... Do you not remember your sword? I

SPEAKER_01 1:53:07

remember my sword that glows. In

SPEAKER_05 1:53:08

the kitchen? Yep. He also talks in the kitchen, too. Yep.

SPEAKER_01 1:53:12

I don't remember it talking in the kitchen. What

SPEAKER_05 1:53:15

the fuck? Alex, you were the only one to hear. Alex and VJJ, you hear the... I like that

SPEAKER_02 1:53:30

voice.

SPEAKER_05 1:53:31

I'll let him know. I'm still trying to figure out Frostbeard's voice. So you guys now do know that this thing is an ooblex. It kidnaps people using some psychic bullshit. You also know you guys are currently dying. Fantastic news. Yeah, what else is new? We already knew we were dying. Anyway, we came here to figure out what's wrong with the shoe and what is in the sewer, but clearly you told us that it's some type of psychological warfare going on. But on top of that, that we're also dying from whatever is keeping us bonded together. So... I can assist with that. I just need... I will need a good amount of blood. Well, I know which sword would like a lot of blood, but JJ, why don't you draw it out? He goes... Which sword are we talking about here? Are we talking about his... And it sounds like you're going to be making... Just like everybody else. What do you want? Well, it does sound like we're going to be going there anyways. I just need some... A whisper willow. How much are

SPEAKER_08 1:55:30

you

SPEAKER_05 1:55:31

willing to give us? A whisper willow. Isn't that above the park? the park was named of course after the visper willow because it was the only place where it grew above ground however visper willow is it only grows in dark places on average and that is why i need it dearly because it is very good in making alchemical mixtures And we have to get it. You can't just, like, go on a stroll later and pick it up. Not if I'm going to be figuring

SPEAKER_07 1:55:59

out what... You're fucking kidding me? He just said it was dangerous. Like, what?

SPEAKER_05 1:56:04

Well, I mean, just go pick it up. Good point. There's also the fact that, oh, I can do it myself, of course, but I'm going to be aiding you in making sure to figure out how to not let you die. Heroes never die. Well, these heroes will die. No, but BTPs do.

SPEAKER_06 1:56:26

BTPs.

SPEAKER_05 1:56:26

What's a VTP?

SPEAKER_06 1:56:29

A victim, bitch. Oh.

SPEAKER_05 1:56:34

Oh. Oh, I see. I see. Well, would you do this for me? I take your blood samples. I figure out what is killing you and how to stop you from dying. Yeah,

SPEAKER_08 1:56:52

let him tap

SPEAKER_06 1:56:52

you.

SPEAKER_05 1:56:54

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 1:56:57

You mean Harvard? Why are

SPEAKER_06 1:57:02

you all so scared of a fucking little prick?

SPEAKER_05 1:57:08

Alright, fine. He can have my blood. That's fun. That's... That's two...

SPEAKER_01 1:57:19

that's

SPEAKER_05 1:57:20

three

SPEAKER_08 1:57:21

i uh i guess you can uh take

SPEAKER_05 1:57:24

mine as well perfect now just look for the just look for the nice glowing pink plants that grow underground that's that's all i

SPEAKER_06 1:57:36

need

SPEAKER_05 1:57:36

whispering willow correct

SPEAKER_06 1:57:39

got it not not to get confused with the

SPEAKER_07 1:57:41

whispering eye

SPEAKER_05 1:57:44

The whispering eye is a very not nice creature. It is essentially like an old angler fish. It lures you, making it look like an alchemical plant, and then it snatches you up with very large angry jaws. It does glow pink too as well, so be careful with that.

SPEAKER_07 1:58:09

And you get a black dot with a little dot at the front. That's the tell. People say it doesn't exist, but it's little dots there. It does.

SPEAKER_05 1:58:17

That's how I don't die. Granted, my lab assistants need to figure that out. They keep dying.

SPEAKER_06 1:58:24

Some people just don't know how to fucking find it.

SPEAKER_05 1:58:29

So who wants to get the first blood drawing? Me. Yes. Yeah, of course.

UNKNOWN 1:58:36

Me.

SPEAKER_05 1:58:37

I can only take one at a time. I don't think you want me to prick both of you at once. I mean, can you do both at once? Prick me. Prick me first. Prick me.

SPEAKER_08 1:58:48

Me, that's it. I mean, sir. The

SPEAKER_05 1:58:51

big one goes, where would you like to sit? And he pulls out a very large, scary needle. Oh, God. You can prick me right here. And I point at something while... You wanted your first something.

SPEAKER_08 1:59:08

Big swig of my sake to make sure it's flowing through the streams. And then I let him... Why would you like me to prick you? I smack my arm like...

SPEAKER_05 1:59:21

right there he goes perfect and he just fucking sinks it straight in

SPEAKER_08 1:59:26

and then as i close my eyes and as it happens i say my my proverb about my past love similar meaning to the english proverb love me love my dog wait no this is this is not the right one someone who is in love with you sees you as a truest form of beauty you will always be beauty to The person who loves you, beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.

SPEAKER_05 1:59:56

The beholder? No, no, no. The beholder should have known. Yeah, it cut out so hard. It's okay. All right, so he moves on. So he gets the blood from you, and then he pulls out the canister, sets it aside, pulls up, plugs in the canister. You said you're going next, drunk.

UNKNOWN 2:00:17

Are you?

SPEAKER_05 2:00:19

Why would you like it? So I didn't know. I turn around and lift my kilt like. Perfect. And he sinks the needle in your ass. Oh, God.

SPEAKER_02 2:00:35

He gets the blood drawn. He

SPEAKER_05 2:00:38

goes, Stegondis, would you like to join in on the party and get a blood drawn? I can tell if you're going to die in 10 years.

SPEAKER_06 2:00:47

It's okay, Mordecai.

SPEAKER_05 2:00:51

Mordecai? Rigby? Who's

SPEAKER_06 2:00:53

next?

SPEAKER_05 2:00:57

I am next. What would you like, big boy?

SPEAKER_01 2:01:01

I lift up my... Or I take down my pants. Slowly. And aim at my right thigh. Do you see

SPEAKER_09 2:01:09

why it's called a slur? It's not even there.

UNKNOWN 2:01:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 2:01:16

That's like he doesn't have a dick because we've unfortunately rolled for it.

SPEAKER_01 2:01:21

I already moved it to the left. You won't see it.

SPEAKER_05 2:01:25

He looks at it and he's like, oh my. And he just sinks it in your right thigh.

SPEAKER_01 2:01:32

Are you sure it was the middle thigh?

SPEAKER_05 2:01:34

Did you really want that in the middle thigh? I can make it the middle thigh. It

SPEAKER_01 2:01:39

won't matter.

SPEAKER_05 2:01:41

So he gets his blood draw and he goes like, it looks like just the last one, Elf. How would you like it? Elf? His name is Shaquille. Shaquille, where would you like this? Well, you know, I would like to play the Anvil Quill and Axe between me and the... the... It's a big one. Can you hold him down while I get his ass?

SPEAKER_04 2:02:20

I want to play between me and the green card. Give me a hug. I got

SPEAKER_05 2:02:27

you. I'm assuming you don't want to get hugged, Alex. No. Okay, both of you make a posed athletics check.

SPEAKER_08 2:02:39

While they're doing the posed athletics check, I pass out and collapse to the floor because I hate needles.

UNKNOWN 2:02:46

Oh. Fuck.

SPEAKER_02 2:02:47

Oh,

SPEAKER_08 2:02:48

fuck.

SPEAKER_05 2:02:48

A seven. Oh, no. Okay. Well, roll, Eric.

SPEAKER_01 2:02:57

Athletics. Athletics. Athletics. Oh, shit. Damn.

SPEAKER_05 2:03:04

Oh, my

SPEAKER_01 2:03:05

God. From my middle leg.

SPEAKER_05 2:03:08

Yeah, no, Alex, you very much have been just bear hugged. And he goes like, did this fall talk to me? Ready, is it yourself? let me tell you something let me tell

SPEAKER_00 2:03:18

you something he got them right in the snicker bin

SPEAKER_05 2:03:20

yeah you hear yeah it's like you hear this phone touch a bit fuck

SPEAKER_08 2:03:28

you know I wonder what if Alex thinks it's like an arm like holding him up but so he grabs it and then after a while he like looks down and realizes that he's held by two arms

SPEAKER_05 2:03:41

he's like not my arm so anyway So all the blood has been drawn. Something fainted. Has anybody going to react to something fainting?

SPEAKER_00 2:03:54

Um, I better wait. No, actually something what's in your inventory. Do you have like any rice or anything?

SPEAKER_08 2:04:02

No,

SPEAKER_05 2:04:03

that's pretty racist, man. Come on. Okay.

SPEAKER_08 2:04:09

Being

SPEAKER_00 2:04:09

that's where y'all got me.

SPEAKER_05 2:04:11

I kneel down beside him.

SPEAKER_00 2:04:13

Does any food fall out of your pocket? Okay.

SPEAKER_08 2:04:16

No, I don't carry food on me, just sake.

SPEAKER_00 2:04:20

Okay, so I'm going to try to nip at the cork of your sake bottle.

SPEAKER_08 2:04:24

Oh, gosh. So when I fall, it shakes the bottle. So a little bit oozes out and you peck at it. So you got to roll another. You

SPEAKER_05 2:04:33

got to roll. It's fine. So anyways. Oh, come on. He's got it. He's like, well, so what's your plan for the Oplex?

SPEAKER_09 2:04:50

Pretty much the usual, go in and fuck shit up.

SPEAKER_05 2:04:53

Oh, you're going to go straight in. Lubed or unlubed? Ask for JJ that. Big guy. Perfect. Collect the pink plants, the whisper willows, and of course, don't die. Because I would very much like to continue studying your... Say no more.

SPEAKER_08 2:05:21

Let's go.

SPEAKER_05 2:05:22

And you, Secundus, please don't die. I like you. You're fun. You live in a good place.

SPEAKER_00 2:05:28

He ruffles up his

SPEAKER_05 2:05:29

head. You too. Yes, we all do. You're a great addition to the community. Do find your hatchmate. He was very fun too.

SPEAKER_04 2:05:36

So what are you going to do with all the blood samples?

SPEAKER_05 2:05:39

I'm going to conduct very rigorous experiments to see what it is that makes you tick. I'm going to see... Alright, so anyway, you basically don't know if I can... Anyway, alright. Well, I mean, clearly no one knows anything about what's killing you. Yeah, we already knew that. Okay. Are you guys going to the

SPEAKER_09 2:05:59

sewers?

SPEAKER_05 2:06:00

Oh, do you need assistance to the sewers? I can aid in that endeavor. Or do you all have any other pressing matters to attend? I can teleport you to it. I'm still passed out.

SPEAKER_09 2:06:16

Let's go.

SPEAKER_07 2:06:19

Can we wake up the old man?

SPEAKER_09 2:06:23

I

SPEAKER_07 2:06:24

think your

SPEAKER_05 2:06:24

friend by the shoulders What do you do when you grab something by the shoulders

SPEAKER_01 2:06:34

I'm grabbing I first I step on top of them

SPEAKER_02 2:06:37

fuck

SPEAKER_01 2:06:38

and then I gently grab by the shoulders how heavy

SPEAKER_02 2:06:42

are you

SPEAKER_01 2:06:43

I'm not heavy I'm not stepping on him I step on both my feet around him

SPEAKER_05 2:06:49

oh okay okay

SPEAKER_01 2:06:51

So there's something dangling on his back, but that's not important at the moment. I'm grabbing him by the shoulders, trying to wake him up. Like a gentle shake. And then he turns around and accidentally... Oh

SPEAKER_08 2:07:04

gosh. Oh gosh, what's happening to me? I'm doing things that I'm not wanting to do right now.

SPEAKER_05 2:07:12

Something, how do you react to this? Are you still in something mode? What do you mean, something mode? Something. Are you still an accent?

SPEAKER_08 2:07:21

uh yeah so um i my my uh my asian senses are tingling because i sense a very large thing enter the presence of me

SPEAKER_00 2:07:32

that's a statement and so

SPEAKER_08 2:07:35

and so i wake up because i sense danger because i you know i've been in prison several times so i you know i know what's what i i sense things pleasure so i said something very big and i wake up i'm like oh oh thank you oh thank you and i push him away because

SPEAKER_05 2:07:53

i i'm very familiar with what he does welcome welcome to every episode jay yeah

SPEAKER_04 2:07:59

pretty much

SPEAKER_05 2:07:59

all right anyways so he was like so do you have any other pressing matters before attending the sewers or do you want to go then immediately what kind of assistance can you offer we'll take any help we can obviously previous adventures one over there and one missing i should mention because i i know kind of special you know I should mention that all of you guys have clearly forgotten. You can also go to the brothel before going into the sewers. Well, we're going to pick a bunch of bitches as a fucking clickbait? Nope. You remember there was the fact that the assassin, an individual fitting the description of the eye color and kind of general form, was spotted near that area. You can either go there now, or you can have him get you to the sewer squirter.

SPEAKER_08 2:09:02

Well, that would be starting another quest, though, so... I think we've

SPEAKER_05 2:09:08

got to find this hatchmate. Oh,

SPEAKER_06 2:09:12

thank you, Dunk.

SPEAKER_05 2:09:17

Yes, very sad. Anyway, I think we could use more muscle. At the brothel. It'll make it more likely to find the hatchmate successfully. I see what you're saying.

UNKNOWN 2:09:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:09:30

Like, Han just gets really bored and awkward. So I know that we're, like, kind of in the private library. He's just gonna start, like, tweaking his head at all the books and stuff, acting like he knows what he's

SPEAKER_08 2:09:40

looking at. All right, to the sewers,

SPEAKER_05 2:09:43

then? Or are

SPEAKER_08 2:09:43

we going to

SPEAKER_05 2:09:43

the brothel? Bye-bye! And he claps his hands, and all of a sudden, you guys feel every single cell in your body rip apart. It's excruciatingly painful. And then, all of a sudden, everything's gone dark, and you guys are standing in, uh, almost knee-high... Well... For Something and Alex, it's almost knee-high human filth. For you, Secundus, you are standing about hip height in human filth. And the JJ and Dunk, you are about shin, halfway shin deep in human filth.

SPEAKER_03 2:10:21

Okay, can I ask a

SPEAKER_05 2:10:23

question? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:10:25

Can I get the rest of the party to roll perception?

SPEAKER_05 2:10:29

Sure.

UNKNOWN 2:10:30

Sure.

SPEAKER_03 2:10:31

11.

SPEAKER_05 2:10:32

A

SPEAKER_01 2:10:33

lot of work here. Oh,

SPEAKER_05 2:10:38

Nat 20, baby. Perception? Nice. I got a 10. He gave me boots. 13. I

SPEAKER_01 2:10:46

got boots.

SPEAKER_05 2:10:48

So what does that get you?

SPEAKER_00 2:10:50

So as soon as we all teleport and we're all way side fields and everything, for some weird reasons, it's buoyant. Everybody turns and sees that like just a random egg pops up floating in the filth.

SPEAKER_09 2:11:04

Hey, is that your hatch mate?

UNKNOWN 2:11:07

Nope.

SPEAKER_07 2:11:09

I don't know what. Sometimes people flush weird things.

SPEAKER_01 2:11:13

Dinner's on the menu, boys.

SPEAKER_05 2:11:15

What the... Oh, boy. So, yeah, now you are all in the sewers. Everybody roll me a wisdom saving throw for me, please.

SPEAKER_09 2:11:31

All right. Can do. Easy.

SPEAKER_08 2:11:36

Oh, finally, good roll. 17. 30,

SPEAKER_05 2:11:37

20...

SPEAKER_00 2:11:42

What

SPEAKER_05 2:11:44

does your hatch mate sound like? Have

SPEAKER_00 2:12:03

y'all ever met somebody way in Kentucky that actually has a still in the river and everything? No. I

SPEAKER_05 2:12:10

met a guy from Alabama.

SPEAKER_00 2:12:12

Yeah, like real light, like not quite boom hammer, but almost worse.

SPEAKER_05 2:12:17

Oh, I see what you're saying. He said the N-word a lot in my case, so.

SPEAKER_00 2:12:21

Whoa.

SPEAKER_05 2:12:23

Yeah. Yeah. Welcome to working. Yeah. He made me pucker my butthole the first time he said it when I worked with him. I was like, brother.

SPEAKER_02 2:12:32

Anyway, so I know, I know.

SPEAKER_03 2:12:37

other than like yep yeah okay

SPEAKER_05 2:12:45

you hear you hear you hear you hear you hear him way down the distance and you start running you are you are almost not in your right mind something is compelling you to run

SPEAKER_00 2:13:05

Yeah, like I'm trying to do like that chicken hover thing, but as with the human arms, the feathers aren't catching the wind yet either. So it looks really awkward.

SPEAKER_05 2:13:14

So none of you hear anything, but then you hear Seconis go, that's him! And then book him down one of the tunnels. What do you guys do? Wait, hang on. And then clearly he's gone, I assume. I mean, you guys can still catch up to him. He's... Let's follow him. We can't let him go in alone.

SPEAKER_09 2:13:37

Nobody let a torture we die. You

SPEAKER_05 2:13:42

sure about that? He's not wrong. You are standing in human filth. A lot of methane gas is produced. Oh, right. So anyways, are you guys following? Yeah, I'm following. Alright, so...

SPEAKER_01 2:14:01

Okay,

SPEAKER_05 2:14:01

that's two.

SPEAKER_01 2:14:04

Yeah, I'm following behind. All right.

SPEAKER_05 2:14:06

All right. So you guys are running through the tunnels, running, running, running. It is disgusting, filthy. As you're running, you do see a pink flower without a black dot on it. Does anybody pick it up?

SPEAKER_01 2:14:21

Yep, I throw it in my backpack.

SPEAKER_05 2:14:24

So that's one Whisper Willow. So as you guys are making your way through downtown, walking fast, faces past, you are still hearing his voice, Secundus, leading you through. Everybody make another wisdom saving throw for me. Oh, shit. 20. Mine's a nat 20. 27. 14. 14. Hey,

SPEAKER_02 2:14:56

Eric. No, no, no, no, no. What was your first roll, friendo?

SPEAKER_01 2:15:02

I was like 20 initially. My first roll? Six. My second roll was six.

SPEAKER_05 2:15:10

So, what did you roll, Jay?

SPEAKER_01 2:15:13

Five.

SPEAKER_05 2:15:14

So yeah, his voice is louder and just leading you on like, help me, please. Help

SPEAKER_04 2:15:19

me, help me, play buddy. Help me, oh good lord. He's hurting me. I'm

SPEAKER_05 2:15:25

coming. I'm gonna come. Then Vajayjay, you hear your family. You hear your past family saying, hey, we're in danger. Please help us. And you go... in an offshoot tunnel. So now we have Secundus running forward and we have Vajayjay now going into another tunnel.

SPEAKER_08 2:15:52

I will follow Vajayjay because I'm in the back.

SPEAKER_01 2:15:56

I was in the back.

SPEAKER_05 2:15:58

Oh, I thought I was. Sorry. It doesn't matter. We'll just... It doesn't matter. Okay, something you're following, Vajayjay. I feel like Don can manage... Yes, also. With his heels and the... Badass. what do you two do you got yeah 10 seconds one uh i'm gonna go follow donk as well because i feel like uh donk is not donk is not running down a corridor it's the jj's running down one corridor an opposite from secundus and secundus is going down an opposite corridor

SPEAKER_09 2:16:41

okay

SPEAKER_05 2:16:44

oh

SPEAKER_09 2:16:44

fuck me

SPEAKER_05 2:16:46

I feel like Don can take care of Seconda, so I'm going to go with Vajayjay and something. All righty. So does me rolling a 20 do anything in this situation? Nat 20, I

SPEAKER_00 2:17:04

mean. Sure.

SPEAKER_05 2:17:08

Yeah, I mean... You hear a voice saying... Grab the bird in the back of your head.

SPEAKER_01 2:17:18

Not my bird.

SPEAKER_05 2:17:21

I instantly 100% buy into that instinct. And I just leap for him and try to kind of hackle him into shit. Make an athletics check. Jay, make an opposed athletics check. You're trying to get away from him and you're trying to get your hatch. Oh, I'm not good at it. Wait, hold on.

SPEAKER_08 2:17:43

Shouldn't Donk do it with advantage since he is taller?

SPEAKER_00 2:17:49

Don't you coach. Leading the witness. Nuh-uh. Hold on. Influencing the judge.

SPEAKER_05 2:17:57

See, every time I roll a nat 20, I then follow it with a nat 1. I think that's happened every time. What did you get? What did you get?

SPEAKER_00 2:18:10

I got a 19. Oh, incredible.

SPEAKER_02 2:18:14

Yeah, somebody got

SPEAKER_00 2:18:15

a nat

SPEAKER_02 2:18:16

1.

SPEAKER_05 2:18:18

So, uh, Yeah, so he's a rooster.

SPEAKER_03 2:18:22

Have you ever tried to catch a chicken?

SPEAKER_05 2:18:24

Yeah. I've tried to, bro. It's hard to catch, man.

SPEAKER_00 2:18:29

Yeah, that's what happened.

SPEAKER_05 2:18:31

So you leap. You said you leaped. You leap, and he slips around you, and you are face-first in human filth. And Secunda scuttles away into the darkness.

SPEAKER_00 2:18:46

All you hear is the theories of just balking.

SPEAKER_03 2:18:48

Bork, bork. gone

SPEAKER_05 2:18:54

so we'll cut to Secundus you are now in an empty room empty massive room and you kind of shake out of it you don't hear the voice anymore and you swear you can hear muffled whimpering off in the distance.

SPEAKER_00 2:19:22

My past perception is 13. Do you still want me to roll? Nope. Is there any other tunnels or anything, or is it just a cul-de-sac? I'm just in the room.

SPEAKER_05 2:19:33

It's like a massive antechamber, essentially. Okay. It kind of reverberates, but You can at least someone's detect that it's more in front of you. Off in the distance, you hear like a muffled kind of grunting, whimpering sound. But you do not notice there's nobody around you.

SPEAKER_00 2:19:57

What do you do? You might try something crazy here. Let me really look at my actions and spells list. Um. Do I know if there's any rats or any other like small sewer animals? I

SPEAKER_05 2:20:12

mean, there's definitely going to be some rats scuttling about your feet.

SPEAKER_00 2:20:16

Okay, then I want to do speak with animals to one of the rats. Sure. Okay, so I look at this

SPEAKER_03 2:20:25

rat and I'm like, what's the deal, bro? Is it chill here? Keep your voice down.

SPEAKER_05 2:20:34

Keep it. Your voice. Down. It's here. It's looking. Your friends are in danger. Whatever it is, there are people in the next room over. But please don't eat me, Mr. Bird. Please.

SPEAKER_00 2:20:56

Honestly, he was leaning real close. Like, kind of almost intimidation. He's not quite going to eat them. He's just trying to whisper in his ears, but it's going to come off weird.

SPEAKER_02 2:21:07

Please don't eat me,

SPEAKER_07 2:21:09

sister.

UNKNOWN 2:21:10

Please don't eat me.

SPEAKER_07 2:21:12

No, no, no. I'm not going to fucking eat you. It's just thank you for the fair warning and everything. Is anything here maybe a little magical, a little weird? Aesthetizing, you know?

SPEAKER_05 2:21:24

Waters move on their own. The thing controls

SPEAKER_06 2:21:28

it.

SPEAKER_00 2:21:31

you a china child he's gonna honestly go scoop the rat like kind of in his like bird wings and everything thinking he's being like nurturing and kind and everything he's like

SPEAKER_07 2:21:42

and now it's time for you to fly my friend no no i can't fly

SPEAKER_09 2:21:48

i can't

SPEAKER_00 2:21:55

fly please

SPEAKER_04 2:21:56

i can't fly i'm a rat

SPEAKER_05 2:21:59

and he kind of scuttled

SPEAKER_00 2:22:00

off And then I want to do detect magic in the room.

SPEAKER_05 2:22:05

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 2:22:07

What do I need to roll for that, or can I just cast

SPEAKER_05 2:22:09

it? I think detect magic just tells you anything in the vicinity, right?

SPEAKER_00 2:22:14

Within a 30-foot sphere.

SPEAKER_05 2:22:18

So you can't really detect anything innately magical, but there is definitely something wrong with the water. There's a presence. There's something on the water. And when you look at the sewage more closely, it's inlaid with that red viscous ooze. And you hear off in the distance and you hear in the distance a very loud splash. What do

SPEAKER_00 2:22:51

you do? do i know what direction that the sound splashed in uh

SPEAKER_05 2:22:56

it's coming from the tunnel entrance to your right

SPEAKER_00 2:23:00

okay so in that direction i kind of want to do a weird

SPEAKER_03 2:23:08

push like i'm trying to form like a wall so i don't know if i can do both or just one

SPEAKER_05 2:23:14

the tunnels are not too massive, but you could, so you could definitely block off that tunnel with the water.

SPEAKER_00 2:23:22

Yeah. So I just don't know if I want to freeze or like, yeah, actually. Yeah. I'm good at that block before. Cause it doesn't feel like this thing can really jump and everything. Cause it moves with the water. So I'm going to like, try to like make like a weird little wave and then freeze it.

UNKNOWN 2:23:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 2:23:39

Yeah, if I can allow it, whatever. I like the rule of cool anyways. Sure. We'll say, how do you cast your spells, by the way? Because you're a bark. You use the powers of the word, the weave.

SPEAKER_00 2:23:51

So he raises his hands up and everything. Starts tapping his drum a bit. Make the water icy cold, make it stop whatever falls. Make the water freeze in frame, make the water stop

SPEAKER_03 2:24:11

my demise. I started, I'm scared.

SPEAKER_05 2:24:15

I'm fucking scared, please! Um, sure, yeah, no, we'll say that kind of freezes the water. And then the sound stops. And you're alone in the quiet again. Um, we're gonna cut back to... You, Donk, you're now kind of just in human filth. What are you doing? Well, I'm gonna get up out of the human filth. Yeah. And, uh... I'm going to head down in the direction that I thought I last saw him going. All right, you start walking, or running down that aisle, and you find Secundus, and he's just there, poofed out, freaked out, and there's a wall that is in haste and ice. You feel a weird buzzing with your amulet.

SPEAKER_06 2:25:13

What is it, boy?

SPEAKER_05 2:25:15

Roll a religion check. Religion check? Religion check. I should have studied this better. You cannot tell what it is, but there is a thrumming from your amulet, and it kind of pulses against your head. Something is... Something here is not right. You just cannot place what? Okay. Let's see. Can I... I'm not sure what to do here. I want to see... Oh, and by the way... Is it perception when you go in to see why he's done this with the ice wall and all this kind of stuff? So perception is like your... So perception is like your natural senses. Investigation is you actively looking for something. Okay, I need to investigate. I want to see what's going on. I'm also like running in to join him. Yeah, because you're now there and you see Secundus is like... looking poofed out and like, what the fuck? And you heard his little, little drum song. Um, the splash and again, second is the splashing is stopped.

UNKNOWN 2:26:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 2:26:37

So how, how are you both kind of reacting to what's going on? Well, I, I finally catch up to him and I go, what's, what's going on here? What is this? A contest? What happened?

SPEAKER_03 2:26:47

I talked to a rat, rat and fly.

UNKNOWN 2:26:50

Hmm.

SPEAKER_03 2:26:50

What shit is happening here? It's weird.

SPEAKER_00 2:26:55

You just see feathers molting off out of stress. Easy. Easy.

SPEAKER_04 2:27:01

Now both of you.

SPEAKER_08 2:27:03

You just reach out and pet me. Sun's getting

SPEAKER_05 2:27:07

real low. Jesus. Both of you roll a wisdom saving throw for me. 17 plus 7 is 24. And that is... fucking Christ with that hyper role you both I'm gonna say from this point on are gonna have advantage on these wisdom saving throws from this point on you guys felt something trying to pierce into your mind and you felt a very strong headache and it kind of cleared it away because you and you started to hear splashing coming from another tunnel and then it seemed to recede and back off

SPEAKER_09 2:27:53

I wonder if we were drawn

SPEAKER_04 2:27:55

into this area because it can control what's going on in these tunnels.

SPEAKER_05 2:28:01

Feels like a trap. Feels like a trap. And with that, we're going to move over to the other three. So the JJ, you are fucking booketing. You can hear your deceased family's voices and they just keep leading you further and further and further into the tunnels. Something and... What are you guys saying and doing? What are you trying to do?

SPEAKER_08 2:28:28

Wait up! How far away is he compared to us?

SPEAKER_05 2:28:32

From you something, I would say he's like within arm's reach if you can push it.

SPEAKER_08 2:28:37

Okay, so I start scooping up some crap in my hands and I'm like throwing it at the back of his head or body. Whatever is easier to aim at. Just like, hey!

SPEAKER_05 2:28:52

Roll me a... Gross. Roll me a... Gross. I don't even know how to react. to that.

SPEAKER_04 2:29:02

That's so gross. You're not stopping me from my family.

SPEAKER_05 2:29:06

He's trying to help me, man. The feces of the water and throw to the back of Eric.

SPEAKER_00 2:29:11

What else do I do? Oh, that's Constitution. And that's two rules, actually. I would say Constitution and...

SPEAKER_05 2:29:18

I'm going to say, no, yeah, Eric's trying to roll Constitution, but I first want to see what am I... Yeah, fucking roll Athletics to see if you first hit him. Me? Yeah, you. Okay, athletics.

SPEAKER_03 2:29:31

The guest star is a professional GM, too.

SPEAKER_05 2:29:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 2:29:35

Deal with it. I'm

SPEAKER_05 2:29:37

not a

SPEAKER_08 2:29:37

professional. I got a

SPEAKER_05 2:29:38

13. You missed. Yeah, I'm definitely going to say you're going to miss. What? So you wouldn't look. A 13. The guy's AC is... He's 15. He missed.

SPEAKER_03 2:29:50

He just sees a turd.

SPEAKER_05 2:29:51

I'm not trying to do damage.

SPEAKER_03 2:29:53

I'm

SPEAKER_08 2:29:54

not trying to do damage. I'm just trying to get his attention.

SPEAKER_05 2:29:59

Yeah, and you've got to hit a moving target. I wouldn't have done damage, but you definitely would have.

SPEAKER_08 2:30:04

What if I use luck? I have three uses.

SPEAKER_05 2:30:10

You're going to get turd on your back today, brother. Okay, try it again, I guess.

SPEAKER_08 2:30:18

No, no, I'm not gonna use like I'm just gonna accept my focus

SPEAKER_05 2:30:23

So you guys don't what do you do? Shaquille because you're kind of like if five six feet away from them And you just saw you saw something trying to pelt the JJ with shit now. You got shit over your hands. Yeah, you got I mean what we're in a place of crap You're all getting syphilis

SPEAKER_01 2:30:46

Well, I got boots I'm up to my ankles right i'm so clean that's fair

SPEAKER_05 2:30:51

yeah i now don't have

SPEAKER_04 2:30:52

much

SPEAKER_05 2:30:54

of the you know the distance uh as much as the um something as he is behind so i'm just gonna reach into my little um Like, pelt behind me. I'm going to look and see if I can, like, grab my rope to see if I can just rope up Vajayjay. Like, at least catch something, like a glimpse of him. Same thing. Athletics roll. Athletics form me up for that one. All right. Here we go, baby. Big rolls. Just kidding. Nine. Wow. You almost... I'm going to say you do also almost rope something in front of you. You just don't throw it far enough. But luckily something was able to kind of dodge out of the way of the rope. It just didn't go far enough to get to the JJ. It was an impeccable shot, just not far enough. It's not looking good. As I continue shouting,

SPEAKER_04 2:32:03

wait up!

SPEAKER_05 2:32:06

Catch up. My family needs me. The JJ, make an athletics check for me. Are you sure? This is your one chance to roll low. I guess

SPEAKER_01 2:32:20

you guys are falling behind.

SPEAKER_05 2:32:23

Oh, it's night. It's not that you're going to fall behind. You felt something grab your foot and start dragging you. As you find a deeper... As something grabs you by the foot in front of you and starts dragging you towards it. You fell and are now getting pulled towards it.

UNKNOWN 2:32:42

Huh.

SPEAKER_01 2:32:43

Can I start

SPEAKER_05 2:32:44

paying on it? Something. You could. Yeah, you can start paying. Nothing happens. Something. You see this.

SPEAKER_08 2:32:51

So hold on. So I see something grab him and pull him

SPEAKER_05 2:32:55

further away. You see his foot whip out from underneath him and he starts getting dragged.

SPEAKER_08 2:33:00

Away from

SPEAKER_05 2:33:01

us.

UNKNOWN 2:33:02

Yep.

SPEAKER_08 2:33:03

Okay. Okay. Just real quick, because I'm not too familiar. I have a thing called Step of the Wind where I can take a dash action as a bonus

SPEAKER_05 2:33:14

action. Is that something? I'm perfectly fine saying that you use your key point to kind of push yourself. So you don't have to make a check. You'll use a focus point, but that allows you to use your key to get you there. You don't have to make the roll to get there, but you'll use your focus point to get to him assuredly.

SPEAKER_08 2:33:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 2:33:36

How do you use your... the abilities.

SPEAKER_08 2:33:38

Okay, so I'm like Naruto running, right? Like, full anime nerd.

SPEAKER_05 2:33:44

I'm seeing this fucking old bastard just arms.

SPEAKER_00 2:33:50

It's

SPEAKER_08 2:33:50

like

SPEAKER_00 2:33:50

full

SPEAKER_05 2:33:51

anime

SPEAKER_00 2:33:51

weed. It looks more badass in my head, though. I'm going to be honest. It's like Bruce Lee in his old age and Jackie Chan in their old age. Like, that's

SPEAKER_05 2:34:00

a problem. He's moving so fast, the shit is flying behind him. Oh, wait. You're covering

SPEAKER_02 2:34:07

Athletics.

SPEAKER_05 2:34:13

Athletics. Athletics. What?

SPEAKER_08 2:34:18

Let

SPEAKER_05 2:34:20

me tell you something.

SPEAKER_08 2:34:21

Like a wall of crap just starts

SPEAKER_05 2:34:24

hitting you. Make an acrobatics or a deck saving throw to see if you can quickly react to back the fuck off. How is this

SPEAKER_08 2:34:33

happening? Is he like Matrix

SPEAKER_05 2:34:34

dodging the crap? I'm Matrix dodging no he just instantly he sees like you arms go up or go back and like the shit starts flying back at him so he like presses the brakes real hard and like almost you know what fuck it you got a 17 I'll say you do something kind of cool he does like a kind of like a hand somersault backwards Alex you are now not covered in head to toe and feces but you are now really far back from them Daniel, you've gotten to Eric. What do you do?

SPEAKER_08 2:35:11

So I noticed something obviously has grabbed his leg. So I have ran to get ahead of him, and I jump, and I'm doing my cool little sidekick, little Bruce Lee, Chuck Norris, Jackie Chan little kick into the ground, into the crap, because I know there's something grabbing onto him. So I'm trying to... Separate that connection.

SPEAKER_05 2:35:43

Don't do that, Moe. Don't do

SPEAKER_02 2:35:44

that,

SPEAKER_05 2:35:45

Moe.

SPEAKER_08 2:35:46

I do it. I am separating the connection,

SPEAKER_05 2:35:52

okay?

SPEAKER_02 2:35:53

I

SPEAKER_05 2:35:53

bet you are. Make an unarmed strike.

SPEAKER_08 2:35:58

All right, so an attack, unarmed strike. Do I roll hit or damage?

SPEAKER_00 2:36:04

Hit first.

SPEAKER_08 2:36:05

Okay, hit first. Got it.

SPEAKER_00 2:36:07

Sorry, I don't mean to backseat you. Ten.

SPEAKER_05 2:36:09

No, it's fine. Ten. I need all the help I can get with these four. Ten. That misses. Make an athletics check for me as well. Athletics? Okay. 19. Oh, shit. So, yeah, this thing, you miss attacking it. It's just kind of hard to find it. Another tendril seems to have reached out to kind of grab you by the... You said your foot or your wrist? My foot. Okay, your foot. You tried to grab it by your foot again. Yeah, so try to grab your foot, but you were able to kind of kick it off, and it doesn't latch onto you. Um...

SPEAKER_08 2:36:49

But I also have Fury of Noose. I can attack twice,

SPEAKER_05 2:36:54

right? You're going to use another focus trick?

SPEAKER_00 2:36:58

Uh... Hold on. Are you actually going to have them roll initiative? Are we going to combat for that?

SPEAKER_05 2:37:04

Not yet, but I'm just going to have them... Do I have the ability

SPEAKER_08 2:37:08

to

SPEAKER_05 2:37:08

attack twice?

SPEAKER_08 2:37:08

Because I know that's a monk thing.

SPEAKER_05 2:37:13

I'm... This one's a tricky one. It's

SPEAKER_08 2:37:18

up to you. Your call,

SPEAKER_05 2:37:19

man. So he's moving very quickly. I can say you can do it, but you'll be doing this at disadvantage.

SPEAKER_08 2:37:25

Okay. How about I'm just going to grab Eric at this point, and I'm just trying to.

SPEAKER_05 2:37:31

Now make me another athletics check to see if you can oppose whatever's pulling.

SPEAKER_08 2:37:35

Okay. Athletics. Oh, mamacita. 12. Fudge. Yeah, you're going with him now, and

SPEAKER_05 2:37:42

you're getting dragged with him. Hiya. Help! Help me! So, Shaquille, you just watched something and Vijayja get dragged away. You're by yourself. Luckily, my inventory has Pitten. Has what?

SPEAKER_09 2:38:09

Pitten?

SPEAKER_05 2:38:10

Pitten? You know, the thing that you, like, anchor down when you climb down the mountain or hill? Oh! Okay. So, I have... I'm gonna say they're... They're too far away from you to get to them. They just got violently dragged off.

UNKNOWN 2:38:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 2:38:35

I just had to go this way, didn't I? You can run after them. You're just not going to be able to probably catch up to them. Can I try to use a rope again? Would it be... Yeah, I guess athletics. Oof. It's an 11. It definitely misses. And by this point, they're too far... By this time, they're too far gone.

UNKNOWN 2:39:04

Huh.

SPEAKER_05 2:39:05

So what do you do? You do know roughly the direction to get back to Dunk and...

SPEAKER_04 2:39:11

Dunk!

SPEAKER_05 2:39:18

Yeah. Secundus and Dunk, you both

SPEAKER_02 2:39:22

hear

SPEAKER_05 2:39:27

that.

SPEAKER_00 2:39:27

You both hear that. I feel like we both just, like, really, like, I do my, like, full neck push-up thing and Dunk, like... Can't speak for Donk, but I have it in my head and we just look at each other.

SPEAKER_05 2:39:39

Yeah,

SPEAKER_03 2:39:44

I think

SPEAKER_05 2:39:44

we should check that

SPEAKER_09 2:39:46

out.

SPEAKER_03 2:39:46

Did you just hit a twerk stance?

SPEAKER_09 2:39:52

I need you. I need you, baby. Let's

SPEAKER_05 2:40:00

go check that out. And you guys go run towards the direction. We will finish this adventure through the fucking sewer.